Day 88/100: 04/20
The Art of Doing Absolutely F#$%!ing Nothing
I think this is definitely one of my favourite posts yet.
About 2016/2017, I was in tenth grade. I think I was in the same boat as I was in this year: super burnt out, tired, not wanting to do anything AT ALL. It was horrible and I just wanted high school to just end already. It felt SO LONG. It also didn't help that, every morning to make sure I felt prepared for the day, I woke up at 5 o'clock in the morning everyday to go to school at 7am, then stay at school until 5pm at the latest two days a week, and sometimes go to bed at the most ungodliest of hours. It was the worst routine of my life, needless to say.
One day though, I found an app called Headspace. Now I was a super quirky teenager, listening to Dodie Clark and watching Dan Howell back when he was still in the closet, still danisnotonfire and Phil Lester and going through a very late, very unfortunate emo phase. I never really thought of meditation as something worthwhile, and every time in my grade 9 fitness class we had guided meditation, I either A) fell asleep or B) cried for the entire hour and a half. (But softly because I didn't want anyone to hear me WAIL) TLDR; meditation to Grade 10 Caitlyn: not worth her time.
But, on the 6am bus ride to my school, I tried the app out. It wasn't anything special to me at the time, it was just an app that guided me through breathing exercises with a guy who had a nice voice. But then it wasn't until maybe halfway through it where I closed my eyes and just did and thought nothing where it gave me the biggest impact. Doing the meditation told me to do nothing. No music, no fiddling with my phone or fidgeting with my bag. Just doing nothing but listening to the meditation, and helping me master the art of doing absolutely nothing.
I ended up losing this skill for a while since it is a paid subscription, but I recently took it up this year again and paid the subscription. It's an AWESOME tool to have and it's something I know that makes my life better by having at least 10 minutes in a day where I do nothing. And those are the most thrilling. (This meditation thing is also on Netflix!)
So if you have the chance, try it! if you can't get it, all it is is to focus on your breathing, feel the sensations of the body where you are at that moment and let your mind focus on letting go. this will change your life.
Have a great day friends!
- Your favourite Asian
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『 Meet Dami 』
aka my (belated) studyblr introduction post
Hi everybody! Sincere apologies on my side — I’m new to this and I didn’t know what an introduction post was! I really want to thank @myhoneststudyblr for the guide🥺 Now, let’s get down to business
The name’s Damien, at least I think. I mean, it kind of is now! I don’t actually have a set nickname — I range from Dam, Dami, Damis, and my personal favorite, Dexth.
My pronouns are he/them and I am nonbinary. To refer to me, just try to avoid queen, princess, girl,... My faves are dude, mate, Your Highness The Crown Prince if you will...
I am From Northern Italy, so please feel free to correct my mistakes! This would help me improve myself and I would be just so happy!
I am turning 18 in 4 days, which is really exciting. I won’t be throwing a party but I’ll have fun anyways, as I did last year. I just wish it weren’t on a Wednesday… but no big deal. Maybe I’ll have fun with mu classmates at school!
Currently, I am studying languages (English, Spanish, Chinese) in high-school. I got many things up in the air — choosing on which Uni to go to, carry out my ICE and IGCSEs, learn how to play the guitar,... I tend to chew off more than I can bite but it’s okay, I usually get out of intricate situations on my own two feet.
I really really enjoy writing, reading, music and Formula One. My fave series are The Umbrella Academy, The Untamed, 天官赐福 and Hermitcraft on YY. Movies, I like the MCU and my mind is blank right now. Books, I am trying to read 墨香铜臭’s danmei 魔道祖师 in chinese, I read the English translation and also the one of 天官赐福 which I loved, and many others like The Lord of the Rings, Call Me By Your Name,... I used to be a Potterhead but following Rowling’s hatred I just dissociated from her and her works, which was pretty sad. On a lighter note, if we can say so, let’s turn to music! Here what I like ranges from lo-fi to heavy metal. I am obsessed with Cavetown, Motionless In White, Twenty One Pilots, Greenday, My Chemical Romance, System Of a Down,... Hope you’ll vibe with me! My favorite animals are wolf, chameleon and… others I don’t remember. As of colors, I really like yellow, blue and black, and also purple and green, sometimes red too.
I made this Studyblr because… I am insecure. And I get distracted easily. I aim high, maybe too high. What I wish I could find here is passion and motivation. Plus… friends, maybe. Somebody to turn to and ask for help and advice. Meeting my goals would be nice too, mainly the ICE related ones.
Thank you for your time and please bear with me… I’ll try my best! And thanks again to @myhoneststudyblr for all the suggestions! If you want, feel free to check my other Tumblr @smellslikestalejam
Here’s a couple of songs I’m obsessed with rn:
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What Even Is My Life At This Point
TW/ ED/ ADHD/ Depression/ C-PTSD / Panic Disorder / Neurodivergent. I AM NOT PROMOTING ANYTHING / I am Struggling / Relapsing and need to just let it all out in this post. If I lose followers so be it.
Holy shit it’s 1 o’clock.
But I’m proud of myself.
I only had three cups of black coffee and I’m not even hungry! Because of the crippling sadness, anxiety, and guilt that comes with studying for my exams. Fuck me sideways because math is hard- chemistry math is the worst and my prof didn’t even have good resources or knew how to properly teach us. Like I could tell it didn’t occur to him that some people cannot put together basic mathematics without a through step by step guide with pictures.
I mean, I’ve been studying my ass off over here, I’m doing more than my fair share of being my own advocate, being tough & no nonsense. Ugh it’s stupid and pathetic to cry over this shit. But all I know is that I derealized/disassociated from 8:30 in the morning.
Hello mental illness breakdown, long time no see! Time to play a bunch of acnh and burn my inscense I ordered and try to ignore the screaming in my head.
Like what the fuck is:
C x V = C1 x V1 which somehow is equal to (C2) x (V2) = C1 x V1 which also equals (ca x va) + (cb x vb) = C2 x V2
What the fuck is that what- even:
128 ounces equals a gallon which is the total volumes but each bottle has a 16oz and it’s ideal sterilization is 2-3% strength?
Oh BuT OnLy aDdInG oN ThE ArTerIAL FlUiD iS AllOWeD tO bE AdDed tO thE OVeRaLL EqUATiOn
Seriously my ADHD is bad. It is so severe I was diagnosed at age 6 because all the nursery staff and my step mother went over to my mom and said: you need to get your daughter checked out she might be autistic.
Because I a) have a fear of loud noises, I will cry and scream at the drop of a hat. b) sometimes my brain goes quicker than my head and the voices get loud so I don’t understand what’s going on thus I need to clean, listen to music, or distract myself. c) I have the comorbidity jackpot of c-ptsd, panic disorder, major depressive disorder, anorexia, and worst of all when it comes to learning and school I have Dyscalculia. Even the simplest of adding equations, or counting backwards has me stumbling- make fun of me all you want but I couldn’t count backwards from 30 until I reached the end of second grade going into third. Not to mention I had a stutter due to my confusion on how to pronounce words (growing up with my grandparents and their French and my mom with her English I was lost) and also I have developed this facial/neck twitch when I get overstimulated.
I’m trying so hard to be normal.
But it feels like I can’t be, because I do something the same as others but I always get something mixed up or wrong. I feel like life is just dangling my hopes and dreams in front me while laughing their ass off because they know how much I desire to have happiness and a good job and stability but they won’t let me have it AFTER ALL THE HOOPS I JUMPED THROUGH GOD DAMN!
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