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natasha-in-space · 10 months

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The Beginning of the End

Chapter 1 of A Wilted Daffodil.

Rika/cmc Chaewon Lee;

Grief is felt differently by everyone. It can be debilitating and overwhelming, to the point where you have no idea how you're supposed to keep on living without the one you lost. Chaewon is no stranger to grieving families and loved ones. Unfortunately, working as a nurse comes with responsibility of bearing witness to some very tragic events. But, she never thought she'd have to see her own dear friend crushed by a sudden loss nobody has ever seen coming.

TW for: pet loss, grieving.

A Wilted Daffodil: Ch. 1 (you are here!), Ch. 2

Can be read over on AO3

"She got run over, Chaewon, she's dead, and it's all my fault. I knew it. I knew I should've listened to Jumin! Why did I ever think that I knew better what she truly needed? She must've suffered so much... I couldn't do anything, I couldn't save her-!"

A horrible chill ran down Chaewon's spine as she held the phone up to her ear. Rika's voice sounded so utterly broken and anguished that she could feel her breath getting caught in her throat, a heavy lump of dread obstructing her airways and stealing her voice away from her. She felt her entire body freezing up completely as all that she could do in the moment was just stand there, not knowing what to do or what to say. Sally meant everything to Rika. She was so much more than just a beloved dog, and Chaewon didn't need to know her friend for long to understand that. Sally was Rika's loyal companion, her first source of comfort when she needed it most, someone who was by her side long before Chaewon, RFA, or even Jihyun first found their way into her life. To lose someone like that... in such a horrendous and abrupt way nonetheless... Oh, God, she was starting to get really scared for her dear friend now. Who knew what she would do in such a vulnerable state of mind?

She curled her free hand into a tight fist, her fingernails digging into the skin of her palm, until she had to hold herself back from wincing. At the very least, this helped her keep her head above water and not freeze up completely. Swallowing down the lump in her throat, she pushed through the paralyzing unease and spoke up, sounding uncharacteristically stuttery and high-pitched for her usual tone of voice. She would feel embarrassed about it, if not for the horrible situation at hand.

"Rika, listen, just- stay on the phone with me, alright? You're at home currently, correct? I'm coming right over. Just- Hold on for me, okay? I- I'll be right there. It'll be okay. I promise" She muttered hurriedly as she sprinted off from the supply closet she tucked herself into to take this call as fast as her legs could carry her, her heart pounding in her chest with so much force, she was afraid it might just stop beating all together. And, she couldn't allow that. Not right now. Her own words sounded so incredibly stupid. Of course it won't be okay. It won't ever be okay. But, she didn't know what else to say. She needed time to think, and she didn't have that luxury right now. So, she ran.

Everything else was lost in the haze of panic, confusion and frustration. It was probably incredibly reckless and irresponsible of her to just abandon her post at the hospital like this, especially right at the beginning of her night shift, but she barely gave a single damn about any of that right now, however selfish it was on her part. Nothing was more important than getting to Rika's side as fast as humanely possible. Before something bad could happen. Before she would get even more hurt than she already was, in one way or another. Chaewon was always a selfish person, deep down, after all. She accepted that. But Rika... Rika gave so much of herself away to help others, to make others smile, to give them hope for a better future.

Rika was nothing like Chaewon, and that's exactly why she didn't deserve to suffer such a loss alone.

Frankly, it was a miracle she didn't get run over on her way there. Her driving was horribly jerky and borderline dangerous. She won't be at all surprised to find a notification about a fine or two for exceeding the speed limit once this all blows over. Even if she knew, deep down, that it won't. And that was scary to think about. She told herself that she was just panicking, and that's why this harrowing feeling was scratching at her insides like a caged wild animal. The feeling of something going horribly wrong. The feeling of things falling apart and never being the same again.

She ignored it.

Somehow, thanks to pure luck, she made it to Jihyun's secluded place safely and with her car intact. She didn't have time to feel relieved, though. None of it truly mattered once she saw Rika's small trembling frame sitting all alone at the front porch, her head tucked tightly into her knees, almost like she was trying to curl herself up into the tiniest human ball imaginable. It looked painful. Chaewon was sure her back must have hurt from staying in such an unnatural position - how long had she even stayed like that? It broke her heart to see Rika like this. Usually, she'd get greeted by cheerful barking and her friend's soft giggling as she stepped through the front gate to usher her inside for a cup of pomegranate tea. Now, she heard nothing but the heartbreaking sounds of hoarse sobs and labored breathing. It all felt like one big horrible nightmare she would wake up from any minute now. She wished she would wake up. Oh, how she wished for this to he nothing but a cruel trick of the mind.

However, this was reality. And she had no choice but to face it head on.

She rushed to Rika's side, clumsily slumping onto her knees in front of her onto the pavement, her hands stopping just inches from touching her. It didn't matter that her pants were now sullied from damp ground from the rain. It didn't matter that she accidentally grazed her hand against the edge of the wooden door that hung right open - another thing that was horribly out of place. It was as if the entire world has faded from existence, leaving only her suffering friend and the deafening sound of her blood pumping in her head, making it very hard to focus. She was honestly starting to suspect that she was on the verge of a panic attack herself, and she wanted to curse at that realization. Of all the times for her to lose her cool, her mind just had to pick this one.

But... She was scared.

She was always terrible at comforting people. She could treat a nasty-looking physical wound and not bat an eye at the blood and gore, fight off a bully just fine or come to someone's defense with a strong word or two without a second thought, but... such fragile and emotionally driven ordeals? They were always Rika's forte. Or Jihyun's, as much as she hated to admit that. Yet another reason why that man would always be better than her in one way or another. But, this was not the time for her pity party. Rika she needed her right now. And any comfort would still be better than no comfort at all. At least, she hoped so. She didn't rush here for nothing.

Don't overthink it, just do it.

"...Rika? We should-"

She didn't get to finish her sentence.

"She's gone forever now, Chaewon, and it's all my fault! I'm never going to see her again. I didn't even... I didn't even get to give her any proper goodbye! She must have died in so much pain, so scared, feeling so hurt and alone... I can't... I can't handle this. Not without her. Oh, Sally... My Sally..." Rika sobbed, choking on every single painful word crawling up from her raw throat, almost like it was her own words tearing at her trachea, and not the globus sensation that appears during emotionally vexing situations. Some part of Chaewon felt gross that she was applying her medical knowledge even in such in an emotional situation. She felt like it was wrong of her. Still, Rika's breathing was growing more and more ragged with every passing second, and she needed to try and fix that. Or, at least mitigate. She knew this was bad. This was very bad. She never saw Rika like this before. So vulnerable, so... so hurt.

She swallowed shakily, trying to make her voice sound softer. This won't do. She needed to ask. "Does V-"

Once again, she was interrupted. She was starting to think that she won't get anywhere at this rate.

"I thought she would be fine on her own. I thought I was doing the right thing! I swear I- I took my eyes off of her for just a moment... I never imagined- Oh, God, I couldn't do anything! Not a single thing!"

"Rika, please, you need to listen to-"

"I wish- I wish it was me who got hit by that car instead! She was so much more deserving of a chance to live! She was good! Not me! I killed her! I- I hate myself! I hate myself for letting her die-!"

"Rika! Stop it!"

On pure impulse, she darted close and gripped Rika's shoulders tight, as her heart dropped all the way into her stomach at such horrible words. She was panicking. Her hands were trembling. Her hands never trembled like this before. What is she supposed to do? What is she supposed to say? Her voice was breaking, every word slipping off her tongue before she could even process them. She couldn't think straight. This was bad. She never acted rationally when she got like this. She would just make everything worse. "Don't you ever say such things! This is not your fault! These sorts of things happen all the time! Please, you had no play in any of this!"

"How can you even say that!? You weren't there!" Rika shouted back, but it sounded more like a broken wail than an angered scream. It still made Chaewon's heart ache all the same. "You don't know how much she suffered, you don't know what pain she was in! If I had just given her that surgery, none of this would have happened!"

Chaewon tried to calm her racing mind by running a hand through her messy black locks that have gotten damp now from the light rain trickling down on them from above. This wasn't good, she was handling this terribly, as expected. She needed to get herself together, think of something, anything. Screaming and arguing won't get her anywhere. This isn't some debate.

"...Sally wouldn't have wanted to see you blaming yourself like this." She murmured in a more hushed tone, letting out a soft sigh to try and calm her nerves before continuing. "She was loved by you. More than I've ever seen anyone love their pet. And you were loved by her, too. You are still loved by her."

Rika whimpered at that, a tiny little sound that almost made Chaewon start crying herself. Her friend looked like a small helpless child: scared, lost, and confused about losing something she never thought she'd lose. It was heartwrenching to see.

"I don't deserve her love... It all feels so empty. Like a part of me was ripped away, and it hurts. It hurts so much, Chaewon. I thought I was used to the pain, but... but it's too much."

There was a part of her that desired to have a separate conversation with Rika about that. Some part of her that had always known there was so much more to the lighthearted beautiful woman she fell head over heels for a year ago. Some part of her that felt concerned about all the tiny signs she pretended not to notice since Rika never brought them up. Some part of her that longed to be the one to ease Rika's wounded heart. But... Wouldn't that be selfish of her? She just wanted to feel wanted by someone who only ever viewed her as a close friend. It wasn't right of her to be greedy. Especially right now. Rika had Jihyun. She was happy with Jihyun. She was supposed to be happy with Jihyun.

Otherwise... what point was there in her just standing by all this time?

Without even thinking, her fingers gently brushed up against the side of Rika's face, finding her skin to be damp and cold. Like the misery she was suffering from on the inside was slowly twisting and transforming what was on the outside to match its cruel image. It hurt her heart to see.

"Please don't say that..." What else could she possibly say? She couldn't bring Sally back. She couldn't ask her not to cry. She couldn't make it all okay. She felt so frustratingly helpless. If only she could take away even the smallest portion of this pain Rika was feeling and experience it instead, she would've done so without a second thought.

"I hate this... Why did she have to suffer? Why couldn't she just live a peaceful and happy life...? What did she ever do to deserve such a horrible death? Why does God always hurt those that are innocent in such cruel ways!?"

Chaewon was unsure of what to say to that. It didn't even seem like Rika was listening to her at this point. She just breathed out shakily, pulling herself up to sit beside her and carefully rest her chin atop of Rika's head once she knew she wouldn't push her away. If only her embrace could protect her from all the pain in this world.

"She's not in pain anymore... I promise." That was all she could muster up, however clumsy it was. She gently pulled Rika's small trembling frame close in a somewhat awkward embrace. She didn't force her to let go of her knees or lift her head. She just wanted to make her feel that she wasn't alone right now. A small sigh escaped her as she could feel a damp spot slowly forming in her shirt where Rika buried her face in, her entire body wracking with painful sobs. She wished their first embrace wasn't under such heartbreaking circumstances.

"...It wasn't your fault." She whispered.

Perhaps it would be better to just be honest instead of trying to wing it. She carefully caressed Rika's head, finding her usually soft and beautiful golden locks to be tangled and rough to the touch. It made her purse her lips tightly in displeasure.

"Rika... I want to help you. In any way I can. Please... tell me what should I do. I... I don't know. I need you to tell me."

"J-Just stay. Please." Rika's voice was barely audible, but she managed to make out what she was saying nonetheless. She could feel her fingers digging into her shoulders, almost to the point where it became painful. She didn't care. "I'm scared..."

"Don't be. I'm here. I'm right here." She mumbled, pulling her friend close, and just letting her cry. Maybe, there wasn't any need for words right now. She didn't know. She just knew that she wouldn't leave her alone in such a state. "I'll be here for as long as you need me to be."

About an hour had passed before Chaewon could hear the sound of a car screeching to a stop near the entrance to the front of the house, with hurried footsteps following soon after. She wasn't at all surprised to see the tall man with messy mint locks once she lifted her head up from where it loyally remained atop of Rika's for the past hour. A silent moment of sorrow passed between the two, nothing but the sound of Jihyun's ragged breaths and the quiet pitter-patter if rain filling the air.

Looks like she's not the only one who dropped everything to come as soon as possible.

"Is she...?"

"I think she fell asleep." She replied quietly, not even needing to hear the whole question. Rika was probably exhausted, both physically and mentally from the immense stress she had to go through in the past few hours. No wonder she eventually just drifted off to sleep. Perhaps, it was better for her to just not think about anything for a while and sleep.

Jihyun sighed, his hands shaking as he fumbled with the corners of his jacket. In some ironic sense, Chaewon found it comforting to know that she wasn't the only one overwhelmed by this situation. Finally, he spoke up again, carefully sitting down on the same porch she and Rika were nestled upon, his hand carefully brushing a strand of his fiance's hair behind her ear. There was genuine heartache in his eyes, and she had to look away from the scene dejectedly. "I came as soon as I heard. I... Is she okay?"

Chaewon had a feeling that his question had more to it than just expressing concern about his lover's well-being. She tried to brush that bizarre thought away, but it remained there, in the back of her mind, like a parasite slowly digging its claws into her mind.

He seemed to be asking if Rika has done anything. To herself or someone else, she had no idea. But, it alarmed her nonetheless.

She shook her head slightly to avoid disturbing her unconscious friend. "I think so. Aside from... possible raw throat, tense back and possible headache, she should be fine. Physically."

She would have noticed any wounds right away, she was sure of it.

Jihyun breathed a sigh of relief, but without any joy accompanying it. She couldn't blame him for it. "Thank you, Chaewon... I am... ever so grateful she had you by her side when I couldn't be there."

The small grateful smile he gave her made her want to scream. He was being genuine, and that was the most unfair part of it all. Jihyun was a good and caring man. Although, she had more in common with his friend Jumin, rather than the photographer himself. She couldn't possibly hate him even if she tried. And, having these ugly feelings of jealousy and envy gnawing at her from the inside made her feel disgusted with herself. Jihyun considered her a friend, and here she is, getting all worked up over him rightfully caring and worrying over his partner.

Damn it, she's selfish.

In a mix of frustration and hurt, Chaewon bit the inside of her cheek, feeling the light taste of copper on her tongue. Right. She was just a friend. To Jihyun and Rika all the same. A close friend. Nothing more. Jihyun was the one Rika truly relied on. He knew sides of her she was never allowed to see.

The worst part of it all? She was aware that Jihyun was a better match for Rika. He was kind, gentle, artistic, loving. He was everything that Rika valued in a person. Meanwhile, Chaewon was blunt, forceful, and practical. She couldn't ever compete with this man for her heart. Did she even want to do that? It's not like she tried. She just stood back, without doing or saying a thing.

This seemed to be a pattern in her life.

Agh, just look at yourself. Your friend just lost her beloved companion, and you're too busy feeling sorry for yourself over some stupid crush. Get a grip. Chaewon quickly chastised herself as she tried to redirect her attention back to what was truly important right now, rather than her pitiful lovesickness.

"We should... probably carry her in. You should have her take a warm bath once she wakes up. Or give her a warm beverage. She might get sick after staying out in the rain like this." She mumbled quietly while untangling a few of Rika's golden locks to keep her mind on something else. She certainly did not want to picture Jihyun taking care of Rika like that. But... She wasn't one to be petty. At least not outwardly. She could be petty, angry and upset all she wanted once she gets home, where her selfish outbursts won't harm anyone.

Jihyun nodded as he carefully stood up from his spot. "Yes, you're right. I'll keep in contact with you. She might need her friend once she wakes up."

"...Right."

Her friend. She sure hoped that didn't sound too bitter. She didn't want to come off as an asshole. Chaewon made sure to help Jihyun carry Rika back into the house, offering a few more tips out of what little she knew. Of course, those were all health-related. Not much she could advise in when it came to emotions.

That night, after a miserable few hours of drinking her stress away, she slumped onto her bed with a bad feeling that kept her up until early morning. A horrible, nasty, chilling feeling. The same one that she felt back in her car. It never left. It just faded onto the bacround. But, it was there. Demanding to be listened to. The feeling of things would never being the same again. The feeling of something horrible awaiting just around the corner. Something that would change everything forever.

A point of no return. The beginning of the end.

And, just like she did before, she ignored it. She always did.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #rika kim #kim rika #rika x cmc #rika x oc #oc chaewon lee #rika x chaewon #tw grieving #tw pet loss #gonna start posting my cmc stories in a more or less chronological order #aside from aus of course #chaewon and rika specifically bc their relationship is very complicated and i am excited to share its many sides #they unfortunately do not get a very happy ending bc i love to keep things realistic #but that doesn't mean they do not care for each other #also this helps get myself writing again jftjftht #i feel like sally's death is one of the most important parts in rika's downfall #after the twins' mother death and mika's manipulation #she blamed herself so much for sally's unfortunate passing #she didn't save her #she COULDN'T save her #because she didn't have control #please let me know if i should add any more warnings!#i swear more cute stuff coming soon #especially with the new wedding cg

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you-are-forever-special · 9 months

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Here ya go!

Your OC accidentally helped a mob boss change a flat while transporting a corpse and was rewarded with a "favor." They then find themselves in a position where they need to make that call. -Is it a successful mission or does it require a few steps to complete?

(Thank you~! I got super into this one, lol - kinda dark warning. And sorry if it's confusing; read the chapter 'The Best Years Of Our Lives' for some more context)

---

She thought she had escaped this life.

But deep down, Taiga knew all along that that was most likely just wishful thinking.

It had been years, but she would have preferred if it had been a lifetime if she never had to be involved with another gang in any way again.

Yet here Taiga was.

'How do I get myself into these situations...?' She thought; bemused.

She just had to have been outside the woods at this moment to see the near accident caused by an almost blown tire. Just HAD to be so friendly. Unassuming. Nonchalant, and helpful...

To a mob boss.

Better than acting erratic, she supposed, and kept trying to just act normal.

Not that this situation was normal in the first place.

If anyone even glanced at these two, eyebrows would be raised at the very least.

Thankfully it wasn't someone from who she used to run with...

Unfortunately though, this mob boss knew who she attacked the day that her old crew was killed.

Taiga didn't want to kill that man.

But that panicked voice in her head stated that maybe she should have.

Either way...

This explained more on why there wasn't really any freak out or question regarding her appearance.

The only reason Taiga even found out this person is a mob boss, is because they flat-out said it.

They decided to continue their quest in oversharing, because now Taiga was aware that there was a BODY inside their vehicle.

Why her. Why now.

Why EVER.

On the outside, Taiga seemed calm, cool, collected.

And she surprisingly continued to keep it together as her clustered thoughts of 'godthisisitthedayidie-' and resurfacing flashbacks of that night were temporarily interrupted.

Instead of anger, what she was met with was a snide, yet impressed tone after they were done laughing.

But Taiga found nothing humorous about this.

"Ain't life downright ironic...?

Surprised a little thing like you could pull that off. But I think this works out in our favor. We can help each other out here..."

Taiga barely swallowed; her mouth having gone dry.

There it was.

But she knew by the boss' tone that it wasn't a request.

She held back from following any instincts to book it, and chose to hear them out for now.

"...How?"

Taiga's voice came out soft, yet firm.

"Well... I may or may not have come into new power lately.

Been working my ass off to get there, but then I was thrown under the bus after everything I've done...

So, you know what I said?"

Their tone was borderline manic and chilled Taiga to the core. Even after dealing with Séthyan, some things she still could just never get used to.

Yet she continued staying unflinching as the body's identity was revealed to her.

Physically.

The previous mob boss that was splayed out before her, still had that chunk of his ear missing from when Taiga bit it clean off back then...

She felt herself slipping into that familiar pit of suffocation; slowly spacing out some after witnessing the state his body was in.

He sure wouldn't be recognized. This crime was enacted with clear hatred.

The only reason Taiga did was because she could never get his face, body type... Right down to his damn voice, to leave her fragile psyche.

It came flooding back once again. Even after all this time, she could tell it was him. But she was slightly brought back to this harsh reality as the mob boss giggled, saying they answered their own question in a mocking manner:

"Screw "loyalty!!!""

Especially as they spat that last word with such vemon; like remembering part of an oath that was once taken and became tarnished.

Taiga felt nauseous, but just blankly stared off at nothing as her eyes glazed over.

It's all she could do right now.

"I'm willing to forgive your own egregious debt, since this-"

They continued, grabbing onto the deceased man's hair; yanking up and jerking his head around violently before throwing it back down against the vehicle's door.

"-PUTZ decided to be smart and fuck around with me too.

No one seriously cared about you anyways!!! You don't have anything smart to say now, do ya!?

DO YOU!?!"

They took a moment to "collect" themselves after yelling at the corpse like it could hear, but Taiga could still see the truth inside those eyes...

"But only if you keep your mouth shut and don't leave any open ends...

Then maybe I'll be nice and do ya a solid in return~

I really need this to go off without a hitch. But I'm sure the rest of the boys will listen to reason..."

As the fractured soul rambled off to the point of incoherence, Taiga's own fragmented self could see they were antsy and in a bit of a rush, but she honestly couldn't bring herself to care if their plan worked or not.

It most likely wouldn't. Especially with their attitude.

They seemed to react on impulse over rationality, and were hanging by a taut thread at this point.

But Taiga wouldn't dare test its strength.

Even if they seemed sloppy and blabbed about things they probably shouldn't...

People can surprise you.

She didn't feel bad for the dead man, or whoever this self-proclaimed newest mob boss was, though.

Did not feel an ounce of sadness for any of them.

Taiga could understand deep down. Really, she could.

But she was tired.

And she'd never excuse any of this shit.

She just wanted to be done with it all and go back to her happy life that she FINALLY achieved.

Even if Taiga was scared, she would fight tooth and nail each time that she needed to, to keep her life that way.

She didn't want to go against her morals, buy what else could she do here without getting murdered as well?

A voice inside her barely stuck in the thought of 'Maybe that would be for the best' before she smothered it back down inside of her.

As Taiga refocused enough, she agreed, much to the "mob boss'" delight.

And Taiga figured that she might as well try and go for it since they seemed serious in their own way.

If they were, and could somehow pull it off, then...

"Please... If it's not to much to ask..."

She forced herself to go on, despite feeling like she was choking on the vowels of her words.

"I would just want my identity, along with my friends', to be protected.

I know you know enough about me, and I'm done being used by others, and running.

I just want to live in peace.

That's all I ask of you."

She couldn't take it if some ignorant person called the government to run even more tests on her, etc.

She was lucky enough to escape all that, along with any other form of publicity really.

Taiga knew the "cosplay" and makeup excuses, along with any others, could potentially run its course but...

Couldn't she **please** at least just have a somewhat "regular" life for just a little longer?

"I'll take this to the grave."

Taiga looked up into those **icy** irises as they stared right back without a beat; her own now a slight shine of red to them at the intense emotions simultaneously flowing throughout her core.

"Done."

The churl raised a brow as they simply said that with a smirk.

Overall they seemed pleased it wasn't anything to do with money.

That was one thing.

But life isn't always so easy.

"Glad to see someone has a head on their shoulders."

Taiga heard but wasn't paying as much attention anymore. Not by choice, really. She was just losing even more of her nerve as the seconds ticked by.

She also had a feeling she'd be taken advantage of if they were given the chance, despite the words that were so slyly spoken.

Especially if their plan failed.

They didn't really even hide the slimy tone that made things obvious from the start...

Taiga usually preferred honesty without games beforehand, but she wasn't ready for this.

Then again, could she have ever been "ready?"

...

For now, she just shook their hand as her own was firmly grasped.

Taiga could've sworn she was shaking by now, but everything...

Even the air itself was too numbing against her skin.

It was all too much.

...Who cared...

It didn't take long for them to get situated and back in their driver's seat.

"I'll see you around, then...

Taiga."

As they gave a wave, they didn't bother to look back, but grinned wide before revving their engine and speeding off; dirt spraying from underneath the now perfect looking tires and almost hitting Taiga.

For once, her own nickname being spoken gave her more dread than her real name that she could barely ever stomach to hear.

As the crushing weight of paranoia fully engulfed her...

Taiga just started to head back to her cottage afterwards, before she had a meltdown outside; her movement akin to a zombie's.

The questions and doubts flowed free, like a dam was destroyed in her brain.

She couldn't bring herself to try and be positive anymore.

Taiga was currently alone, and too deep into this pit to climb out of on her own.

And as soon as she got into her bed and underneath the covers...

She sobbed.

#Well #that was sad #I'll leave it up to y'all on if she has a happy ending or not after all #Mika “Taiga” Taira #“Taiga”#Mika Taira #Taiga #Mika #Taira #OC #oc #writing #prompt #writing prompt #writing prompts #prompts

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