#might have to anyways cause fucking hell i'm freaked out over this!!!
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Okay, I just got here. Sorry for intruding and I'm kind of freaking out about part 4 of Star Swap.
Because there are two Jotaros. Why is nobody talking about the fact that there are two Jotaros? Am I missing something???
Unless I am completely failing in Star Swap lore, in order to not become super convoluted and insane, a universe is localized to a Swap… probably? Anyway from what I understand three universes have an event happening in them and Star Swap is a series… except there's also an OLDER Jotaro here in Part 4! which would be the same Jotaro that experienced part 4 as Josuke! Which is causing problems in my brain.
… I was thinking it's either Joseph and Giono is the exception -Thanks to Hermit Purple Rrequiem- and swaps actually jumps across universes making Older Part 4 Jotaro have that Canon backstory.
…Or… hear me out..
JoJo
Specifically, Jotaro gets some of that Time Jumpy Amnesia and has not a single fucking clue what happened to himself.
JUST HIM
No one else
He is the sole one that gets bonk with a forgot stick
For all Jotaro knows: he blacked out, got possessed, and went to Egypt. Everything went well. His mom got cured and people survived, but STILL. said person that possessed him made a bunch of friends and now Jotaro has to deal with them. HE has to rely on other people's information to figure out what the hell HAPPENED.
Jotaro still gets that Battle Experience in and gets those cryptic forgotten fog of memories from the trip But Yeah
Jotaro has no idea what happened to him when that guy was possessing him. Jotaro doesn't know! he doesn't remember shit!!! All people got is theories.
I have a lot of thoughts and this is probably not even an issue.ARGGGG
.. I'm here thinking that for The Star Swap parts 3 and 4 to connect in an interesting way is Memory Blockage or else Part 4 Older Jotaro would have to walk on fucking eggshells if something wasn't blocking his memories because if he talks or says anything that doesn't link up then he breaks time. Jotaro's fault for actively getting involved!
Probably. I don't know!!! I'm just thinking!!!
you're correct, Parts 3 and 4 have been criminally neglected amongst all this chaos, so this is p e r f e c t
to clarify the universe shenanigans of everything: I've always been thinking that each "set" exists in its own universe. 1 and 6, 2 and 5, and then 3 and 4 all exist in their own sort of "pocket universe" just so we don't need to keep track of of all the inevitable changes and how they influence each other
that being said, funnily enough what you've brought up with Jotaro is REALLY close to what I've been imagining too!
Jotaro is So Fucking Lost when he wakes up back home. He feels like complete and utter shit and is covered in more bandages than he's ever had before. The last thing he remembers is his mom leaving after visiting him in the prison cell after he tried to shoot himself with Star Platinum
only...... when did Star Platinum have a name? When had it stopped being an evil spirit?
when had he stopped being scared of it?
Kakyoin and Joseph are of course INCREDIBLY worried by Jotaro's apparent and very sudden shift in personality. And of course, this panic only multiplies when they find they think Jotaro's stand has been changed as well. They immediately think it's a Stand attack......
but then Holly steps forward and denies this. That this is how Jotaro normally acts and more importantly, that she remembers seeing Star in the jail
now, technically this might be bending the rules a little bit, but I think it would be interesting to give Holly some..... memory weirdness. Maybe we can tie it into her Stand somehow, or maybe it's just For The Plot, but Holly has two distinct sets of memories before she collapsed from her illness
One where Jotaro comes home with her, quiet and awkward and open in a way he hadn't been since he was a child. And another where he refused to leave and shot himself in an attempt to goad a spirit hovering over his shoulder
this then raises the incredibly uncomfortable idea that the Jotaro they'd gone to Egypt with was the imposter. That there had been a fake in their midst the entire time and they never knew. Was he working with Dio? Another group? What was his goal? Why had he done it? And of course, the biggest question of all, where was Jotaro the entire time and why doesn't he remember?
because it's obvious Jotaro was somewhere. He has skills and knowledge he hadn't before. He's different, he's grown in some ways, but has receded in others
Electricity and loud sounds terrify him in a way that can't be described as simple fear
they do what they can to help and figure things out, but they can never find any leads. It actually during these investigations that Jotaro decides to start working with the Speedwagon Foundation on the side and "rekindles" his friendships with the Crusaders
(he finds himself drawn to Kakyoin at times. Or to be more specific, he's drawn to his Stand. The colors and shapes and eyes all feel so tantalizingly familiar, and sometimes he finds himself talking to the being as if expecting a response)
years go by, and the fog around his memories stays. It bothers him less as more time passes and he makes new memories with people who had a headstart on their relationship, but there's always a quiet niggling in the back of his mind about what could've happened
and then a decade later he finds a boy with a different face but identical Stand and temperament to match
#star swap#jjba#jojo’s bizarre adventure#stardust crusaders#jjba part 3#jjba jotaro#jotaro kujo#star platinum#jjba kakyoin#noriaki kakyoin#jjba holly#holly kujo#sb answers#angstaceanon
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Oh my god I realised I never told about the funniest glitch I ran into in bg3 hang on let me steal it from the discord channel
"Okay so after finally obtaining the absolute unit of a man that is Halsin, his storyline is not over. You're more like, dead in the middle of it. Anyway for the next part we have to fetch the other half of Thaniels being because through some shenanigans in this universe's variety of the Yugioh Shadow Realm Thaniels soul was split in half or something?
Anyway we're off to grab this other half of Thaniel, known as Oliver. Corrupted by the shadowcurse, he poofs off when you first meet him cause he's a kid and being a Bratty Bitch TM about having to do responsible shit like fix nature around this place. Following him, I'm yeeted into combat. Now, props to BG3 for finally conditioning me into recognizing that while I need to be wary of the shadow friends, they're not the big problem here because at one hit point they're easily dealt with by spells and Astarion picking off any stragglers.
No, the Problem TM is two Ringwraith looking buggers labelled "Daddy" and "Mommy" because this kid traumatized yo. I focus my attention on those, dealing damage and taking quite some damage in return. And then Oliver summons his pet, a shadow-y full grown owl bear. Augh, fuck.
More augh, fuck!; Willow's down. "Daddy" and "Mommy" are brought down due to the tank efforts of Karlach and Halsin, but I *need* to get rid of this owlbear before it starts doing serious damage. I need something that hits hard, and preferably multiple times in a row- Halsin! Turn into a cave bear real quick, plz and thanks! As a cavebear, he gets the final blow on the owlbear, which ends the fight and sends us into a cutscene. Halsin starts talking- and then, in rapid succession:
- Halsin is a cavebear, currently. As far as I know Druids can't speak normally while in Wildshape, but that's the least of our problems.
- Resident Bard is down. Considering she usually handles persuasion talks, that might be a bit of a problem if we're going to try and convince this kid to re-merge with his other self.
- No problem, we have Astarion, he has high persuasio- yeah he's on the opposite side of the battlefield, he's nowhere near this conversation.
- Halsin. is a cavebear. This is also his storyline, and he's technically in last place in the character portraits.
- So the only viable option for this conversation, according to the game, is Karlach. Oh brother.
- Karlach pulls it off really well, actually! There's thankfully no persuasion rolls, and if you gentle parent Oliver, you should be fine. Everything is fine, except for one little, tiny, small visual detail.
- Halsin. The cavebear. Has decided that the best place to be, the best place to parallel park his furry cavebear ass, is dead center in the middle of this somewhat emotional confrontation. Hell, at some point Oliver is like "you're a grown man y u crying" which, first of all, rude, but secondly; he's not. He's a CAVEBEAR
- Furthermore, because he's right in the middle, the camera freaks the fuck out trying to film over, under, and eventually through this cavebear model.
So. I am holding this damn conversation like
#bg3#bg3 spoilers#karlach#halsin#yOU DONT UNDERSTAND I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD I WAS FACEPLANTED ONTO MY PC DESK
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Faerun!Alisaie vs the House of Grief
But before that (which surprises Controller Person who's used to not getting virtual nookie until AFTER doing a LI's companion quest...
Shadowheart: So ... Alisaie... You've been practicing your stealth lately, haven't you?
Alisaie: Yes--
Astarion: I am still hurt, by the way. In case you were at all curious.
Alisaie: Look, let the lovely lady finish her thought and plan me a plan about how to rob a very powerful wizard.
Astarion: Oooh. That is more of a challenge than some old printing press...
Alisaie: Also there were no people in the basement. Just those Steel Watch things. Even if it had come to a fight, no snacks.
Astarion: ...All right, I suppose I forgive you.
Shadowheart: Anyway... I wondered if you might want to sneak out a bit tonight. I have ... plans, of a sort. You brought me night orchids, and ... well ... now maybe you can help teach me how to swim...?
Alisaie: I could definitely do that. There is ... all kinds of incentive for that.
Mizora: I find myself rather tempted to say "Just fuck already" ... but I do recognise that you're working on it.
Alisaie: And why the fuck are you still here, again?
Mizora: I want these Absolutist assholes to pay for nabbing me ... and frankly I'm bored. Oh, hell-drama is fiery and convoluted, but this is just ... cute. A change is as good as a rest, as they say, and I deserve a vacation!
Karlach: Shut your fucking face, you obnoxious--
Wyll: Karlach, don't taunt the literal devil...
Karlach: I WILL HAVE HER SPINE AS A BACK-SCRATCHER!
Shadowheart: ...You knew this was going to cause an argument, didn't you.
Alisaie: Astarion wasn't going to let us leave without making a big thing of it unless I gave him something more entertaining to watch. Now c'mon. Let's teach you to swim.
Shadowheart: So if I ask you to turn around while I get undressed, will you peek?
Alisaie: You'd be very offended if I didn't. And if I asked you to turn around...?
Shadowheart: I wouldn't do it at all. But I'm a little more direct about these things than you are. That's half the fun.
Alisaie: I will warn you right now - sand will get everywhere.
Wyll: *tosses his cloak Alisaie's way while still restraining Karlach from ripping Mizora's tail from her ass*
Alisaie: We've both got one but a little extra never hurts. *tips a salute of thanks to Wyll, exits stage beach-nookie*
And, to kill the afterglow somewhat, the House of Grief
Shadowheart: Thank you. For doing this. They're going to be...
Griefmaiden At The Door: I thought you were too much of a coward to come back. So I suppose it's just that you have no shame--
Alisaie: Can I punch her in the mouth? I really want to punch her in the mouth.
Shadowheart: Save the punching for the Mother Superior.
On being led to the Mother Superior
Viconia: Well. What do you have to say for yourself? After all the work I put into you, what do you have to say for yourself?
Shadowheart: WHERE ARE MY PARENTS, YOU BITCH?!?
Viconia: Well. I thought I did a better job with you. Stubborn wench.
Alisaie: Um ... okay, Sharrans only get this bitter over anything to do with Selune, and Aylin was really quick to hand over Selune's blessing and this smug bitch is talking about... Did you steal a potential Selune favourite for yourself?
Viconia: Oh, no. You. Blondie. Hand her over and you can leave with Shar's blessing. We need to strip a few lessons from this one.
Alisaie: ...*steps over to Viconia*
Shadowheart: ...Alisaie...?
Alisaie: *takes Viconia by the shoulders* Elfsong Tavern says hello, you vindictive ghoul. *HEADBUTT*
Wyll; Gale: *exchange looks*
Gale: I'll go left; you go right.
Wyll: Got it. *Cloud of Daggers on one choke point*
Gale: *Wall of Fire on another choke point*
Shadowheart: Use fire and radiant! Poison, not so much! Also they can see in even magical dark!
Viconia: You're giving up all our secrets now?!?
Shadowheart: .........ELFSONG TAVERN SAYS HELLO, YOU SLAVE-DRIVING FREAK OF NATURE!
Alisaie: Thaaaaaat's the spirit! *Slashing Flourish on a couple of incoming mooks*
Stabnation: *significantly ensues*
And, after all that...
Gale: Yet again, Astarion's going to be disappointed about you losing loot.
Alisaie: He's going to be helping us rob a wizard's sanctum, Gale. He'll cope. Besides, I wanted her to have to live with being beaten by a bunch of adventurers for the rest of her life.
Wyll: You have your moments of cruelty, and they're always so appropriate!
Shadowheart: ...They don't blame me! My parents, I mean! For ... for what I did when I didn't remember they were my parents! But ... but now I either hurt forever, or I ... I... Alisaie?!?
Alisaie: I'm sorry, Shadowsweets. I could do it for Wyll, but not you. Not after everything you've already done because someone else told you it was the right thing. Ask them what they want. It's their lives.
Shadowheart: ...You already know what their answer will be, don't you. But ... Wyll needs to hear it as much as I do. ...Stay with me?
Alisaie: Your pace. Always.
One bittersweet pyrrhic victory and minor mourning later
Wyll: What is it with evil fuckers and parents, hmm? What is that about?
Alisaie: Wouldn't know. Mine were shitlords. I'm really pissed we couldn't smash that stupid fucking mirror. It would have been so cathartic.
Shadowheart: So ... I was meant to be a faithful of Selune ... someone important there ... and the Sharrans stole me and ... it was just to piss Selune off, and... I ... need to process this ... but I'm not sure I'm in a space where I can ... just sit down and actually process it, all at once, you know?
Alisaie: I get it; it'd be like trying to swallow a ham hock whole. But! I can find us a nice little sublimation activity where you can vent some of that, maybe break it down into some metaphorical bite-sized chunks.
Wyll: Please don't tell Astarion about that whole deal. I really want to avoid the grumbling that ensued after he found out about the Oskar thing. Not that we're not swimming in gold at this point, but he gets ... intense. Also he's a little grumpy about how we didn't get a whole lot of treasure out of any of it.
Alisaie: NOT A WHOLE LOT OF--?!? Do you see this rapier that Lora gave me? Do you see it?
Wyll: Yes, but all Astarion knows is that he can't wield it.
Alisaie: Eh, he'll change his tune when I'm shoving it through Cazador's face. Anyway... Hands up who wants to make some assholes pay for trying to blow up refugee children?
Shadowheart; Wyll; Gale: *raise hands*
Gale: But ... then book?
Alisaie: Yes; then we pick up Astarion, get book, and then shove a rapier through Cazador's face.
Shadowheart: I ... meant to ask. Shadowsweets?
Alisaie: Riffing a bit on "sweetheart" there. I wanted to be a little imaginative in terms of endearments. No good? Do I need to workshop it some more?
Shadowheart: *bluuuuuush* No, no ... I ... I like it.
Alisaie: Good, because if we were going to sweet parts of your anatomy that it wouldn't be completely grotesque to have had my hands on ... or in...
Shadowheart: *blushing into near apoplexy* Alisaie!
Alisaie: Don't worry. *leans; whispers* But ... for private consumption?
Shadowheart: *somehow blushing even more, but a little smirk too* Just about everything of mine is for your ... private consumption.
Alisaie: *chuckles* Gods, I love you. Right. C'mon. We're being heroes, so... Wait. What are you two doing?
Gale: *having conjured popcorn and offering the bag to Wyll* ...nothing?
Wyll: *holding a piece of popcorn maybe an inch from his mouth* We ... just finished a really nasty fight and snacks help?
Alisaie: Look, if you want an actual performance, I'll do the ballad I wrote for Shadowheart at the first tavern we come to.
Shadowheart: You ... you wrote a...?!?
Alisaie: Yes, and I can't wait for you to hear it, so let's--
Other House of Grief Personages: *are way less chill about the fight than Nocturne was*
Alisaie: ...In fact, I so much can't wait for you to hear it that we're going to hit the Basilisk Gate, like ... nowish. I want to save some oomph for the anti-refugee assholes. ...Oh; unless you think any of these shitlords need to die, Shadowheart. Your call.
Shadowheart: Honestly, I'm over it. Don't care what happens to them. I want an ale to hide behind while you sing about ... well, me ... and then I want to kill people who are being shitty to refugees.
Alisaie: *to the world in general* Gods, I love this woman.
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You wake up feeling off.
You're dizzy.
Your throat is raw.
Your head is pounding.
You struggle to make yourself sit up in bed, having to slowly haul your body up step by step. Raise your head, push yourself up onto your elbow, push yourself up with your arms...
And then, you freeze at the sensation of weight shifting in your stomach.
"What..?" You mutter under your breath. You've never felt anything like it in your life.
You wait a moment for something else to happen. One beat, two beats, three. Nothing.
But, just as you decide you imagined it...
"You sure slept in." A voice says.
Your instinct to look around the room to find who's speaking is overridden by the fact that you can tell the voice is coming from inside you.
You want to say something, anything, but you can't. Your mouth hangs open, but your tongue refuses to move. What the hell WOULD you say if you could speak, anyhow?
"Hello?" The voice says steadily, "What's the matter? Not gonna say anything?"
You only manage a pitiful squeak and look down at yourself in sheer dread. You realize your middle is slightly distended, as if you're bloated.
"Use your words!" The voice demands.
You take the deepest breath you can and stammer, "Who the hell are you?"
Your voice comes out gruff and hoarse.
"You can call me Tobias. Not Toby, Tobias." The voice says sternly.
"Okay... Tobias... Are you..?" You can't even finish.
They give a strange snort-growl that startles you a bit. "Yeah, I'm in your stomach."
You had already put this together, but hearing them say it still makes your entire body shudder. "How did you get in there?"
"Same way everything does, through your mouth." They say.
"Why?" You ask, feeling absolutely crazy.
They make the growling sound again, slower now. "I... Made a bad decision, I guess." Tobias says, "Did you know your window was unlocked?"
"...No." You say.
Tobias clears their throat. "I already knew I was doing something I'd regret the second I got my claws underneath it. Don't worry, I locked it after me."
You frankly don't know what the hell they're talking about. "Could you explain what the hell is going on before I really start freaking out?"
"Something you couldn't possibly understand. I guess I need to apologize, anyway. I'm sorry." Tobias says.
You're getting a little mad now. "You aren't even gonna try to explain?"
They groan and shift around within you. "I almost did this without saying a word. I could have just sat in here and sapped your energy and lived my life... But the way you're moving, the sounds you're making... You're really in pain, aren't you? I hurt you."
Your hand goes to your neck. "Yeah. You must have."
Tobias growls again, louder, causing their body to palpably shake. The growl gives way to a sniffle, and they let out a pitiful sob. "Fuck, why did I do this? How could I?"
You've come back around to being at a loss for words. You can only sit and listen to them cry.
They quiet back down. "Give me a minute. Let me catch my breath, and then I'll help you get me out of here the easy way."
You sigh and try not to overthink the potential ways you might do that. "Alright."
You wait as they gather themselves.
"Okay... Put one hand on your middle, right over where you can feel my paw. Hold your other hand palm up in front of you. I'm gonna count down from three. When I get to one, snap the fingers of the hand you're holding out." Tobias explains.
You feel their paw pressing forward, and awkwardly assume the position. "Ready."
Tobias counts down, and as you were asked, you snap your fingers.
In a small puff of smoke, the weight disappears from your belly and instead moves to your hand.
A rabbit-like creature stares back at you, draped across your palm and weighing your arm down. They're bigger and heavier than you would've thought. They hop across your lap and down into the floor. You stare at each other for a moment.
"I'm sorry, again." They say, averting their large eyes.
"I honestly don't know whether to be upset or tell you it's okay. I'm kinda wondering if I'm still asleep and this is a really weird dream." You say.
Tobias shakes their head. "You're definitely wide awake. I... I should go now. I've taken enough of your time and energy."
"No, wait... Do you need help, or something?" You ask, "I can't imagine you'd do what you did for the hell of it."
Tears well up in their eyes. "Don't tell me you're gonna try and help me after what I did to you."
You stand shakily from the bed. "I will if you explain all of this to me so I actually understand it."
Tobias sniffles, covers their mouth, and nods.
"Come with me into the kitchen. I need some tea for whatever you did to my throat." You say, walking out of your bedroom on slightly unstable legs.
"Okay..." Tobias says, hopping along after you.
...
#spoopy-but-safe#safe noms#nonfatal noms#clean noms#unwilling#So I wrote this in a tired headachey blur#my sinuses are killing me and I'm aching#So I just kinda let mt brain go with the keyboard and this came out#maybe I can fix it or continue it IDK#I don't know if anythinf happens on y'all's side when I edit posts#I keep finding and fixing typos and formatting errors
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Ocean's 8 ANALYSIS [1/?] : MET GALA DRESS RANKING
I have watched Ocean's 8 and I have THOUGHTS so letss gooooo
This is going to be in a number of parts becuse ahhhh this is gonna be long probably
Let's start with my ranking of the Met Gala looks because AHHHHH i need to get this out of my braiiinnnn (and it's also proabbaly the lightest topic, so!)
(pics taken from here btw which is another dress ranking post lol)
The important thing to remember about our O8 ladies is that a. they slay b. they are pulling a heist, so why they need to be glamerous enough to fit in, they also need to avoid standing out. My ranking will be based upon the very subjective scale of "how pretty i think it is" with notes about how this relates to the heist etc
Going from best to worst, first up ---
1
I mean. Comon.
9Ball aka Rihanna wearing TF out of this simple yet elegetn dress. It's very no nonsense, luxurious but simple.
When I tell you I GASPED when she got out of the van wearing this... Bro. Unmatched. The silluate and fit are perfect and this red was MADE for her, I swear.
Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.
You can be a party pooper and say that despite its simplicity it's still to fancy and tight for a character like 9Ball who, tbh, didn't need to go to the gala anyway (being the hacker and off site by design). To that I say that we deserve to see Rihanna kill it going down the stairs like she owns the place which, if we're honest, she proabbaly does.
I love this dress so fucking much it's so simple yet such a perfect freaking fit. Love it.
2
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss hell yes.
Lou kills it with a suit that perfectly encapsulate her 'muscline' and edgy look throughout the film, just all glammed up. The color, the sparkle, that cheeky cleavage showing the jewl, omg. I want the entire wardrobe of Kate Blanche in this movie and her look was no dissapointment.
The thing that trips me a little bit, though, is that she wasn't filmed in the gala like the rest of the squad, and we only get to see her wearing this on the street, walking to Debbie, and I stg I thoguht she litterally wore this on the street and was like ???? But that was O K. and you know why? Cause she did it for the vibs and the WLWs and that's ok by meee.
3
The woman of the hour, Daphn Klueger aka Anne Hathaway.
It's lovely - I'm actually a little bit obssssed because I love a good cape and this is a GREAT cape, and whil striking it's not overbaring and works weell with th straplss dress to showcase th neckless.
This one is interesting bcausee it was designed, in univrse, to stand out and follow the gala theme (european royalty) and I actually feel that in universe she was proabably one of the 'adaquate, but not wow' persons of the night and the interenet probabaly chewed her off for not going all the way with the theme butttt
This is a movie, not real life, and the purpose of this outfit was to highlight the Necklace aka the target aka the focus point for the movie, which it did (as I say, it frames it perfectly) and it is a decent enough nod to the theme for me to belive this is a legit met gala outfit someone would wear.
My only issue is this color. I DON'T like it, not for this. A rich (royal) blue would have looked much better imo (and might have been a node to princess Diana famous ring if we go all big brain about it). I think the color was chosen to make Daphne stick out over the viewers and grab our focus (which was her role in the plot, tbh), so I get it - even if I don't like it.
4
Ok, love this. Amita - aka Mindy Kaling - suntring down the stairs in a look that is, literally, pure gold.
Love. Love. LOVE the sleeves, the ornament heavy on top, and the way the fabric drapes. She looks fantastic and this is definetally her kind of gold. The golden dress also gets extra points because I think that its good for hiest reasons - if you see her in passing and don't know who she is, you will rememebr the dress more than the person becasue it's so sparkly. I also like her hair in this, It feels nicely done but reasonable, considering she had to move from her kitchen worker costum to this in very short time.
5
A stong yet not overwheleming look from our woman on the inside, Tammy aka Sarah Pualson. She is the event orgnizers and therefore went with the (releteively) modest black on black look which fits in with the servers outfits and I personally really like.
I think it also works for Tammy as a person - it's not revealing, the puff sleeves make gives her broad sholders (cause she's a strong woman, lol) and It does look practicle for a woman who will probabaly be up on her feet all night, making sure things run smoothly - both in the heist and the actual gala.
My only issue? It looks CRUNCHY. It's one of those fabric that would either crumble or cut my hands if I try to squeeze it. Pretty spooky.
6
Debbi Ocean aka Sandra Bullock in this look that I'd call sufficiant - mfancy enough for the gala but underwhelming overall --- which is exactly the point of a heist disguise. She doesn't stand out and most people will probabaly forget she was even there.
The reason it's so low on the list is because I just.... don't like it very much. I think it's the gold-on-black color scheme, which I'm not a huge fan of, personally.
I WILL SAY that it works well with her wig which is practically the color of the embelishments and thus kinda mix the entire look togther in a fitting yet unimpressiv blob, a perfect costume for the heist.
Also I get a kick out of her being the only one wearing a wig, an extra con for our head conwoman.
7
It's not that I don't like this dress - I HATE it. I get that Rose is a once-legendary-now-flop in universe but comon, Helena Boham Carter deserved better than this.
It's doing so much, gives so little, and is just MESSY. The tacky print. THe flower embelishment. The unclear folds (?) around the chest UNDER the tacky print. WHY.
Though the biggest offendrs are the accessories. What in the mid 2010's is those stupid sunglasses - which, now that I look at them, might have been decent if not for that stupid giant hairpeice of mounted crap.
Rose Wile consisently gets the worst costumes in this movie and I just. Don't. Get it. This is the worse one though, by far.
8
Ok, but why do this to my girl Constanse (aka Awkwafina).
I have a personal hatred to those hotdog looking dresses with the nude mesh and those applique looking embelishment. Why not give her a suit, as well? She was wearing shirt+pants street style the entire movie, why torture hr lik this?
I hate it, but I do love the way she's wearing it, with he heels (who gave her HEELS?) in her hands and the IM DONE look on her face.
I do wonder how they glammed up her hair so fast, though. Weren't they on a tight heist schedual? Is this some secret thief trick? If so, where I can I learn it???
And that's it for the MET GALA looks of Ocean 8. It's a fun movie and I have lots more to talk about (good and bad) but it'll have to wait. So, for now, gorgeous gorgous dresses. HAHAH.
#Oceans 8#oceans eight#ocean 8#ocean eight#ocean trilogy#can i tag it as ocean trilogy?#or#ocean franchise#?#IDK
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Brothers vs self-moving vacuum cleaner, fight!
So in the hard mode lessons, there's a scene where most of them were freaking out over a... what is it even called? English isn't my first language, so I'm not too sure of some words, but it's that disk thingy that goes vrrr. I wanted to try writing what i thought their reactions would be. This was self-indulgent, enjoy.
Lesson 40+ hard mode spoilers
Lucifer
Freaking out internally
Avatar of Pride never shows it
But in reality
"what the fuck is that thing and why is it moving?"
He knew the human world was technologically more advanced than the Devildom but holy shit that doesn't mean they should make moving disks!
Observes it and quickly finds out that it's... cleaning the house?
Just lets it do it's thing.
It's unsettling but at least it's useful.
*Cue Mammon screaming in the background*
Later consults you on what it is and what it does, just to double-check that it's not going to cause any harm
"So MC, do you know what this little machine is? A vacuum? The human world truly has its surprises."
Mammon
Panicked
"HOLYSHITWHATTHEHELLISTHATWHYISITMOVINGTOWARDSMEHELP"
Normally the others would laugh at him but they're also freaking out.
Vacuum go brrr
Mammon go AAAAAAAAAAA
And it moved towards him.
Oh no.
He sprinted out of the room faster than when Lucifer tries to tie him up
Hell no, he's not going close to that- that- thing!
After you come along and explain everything, he acts like he wasn't afraid
But he can never look at it without feeling chills down his spine.
"Pfft, I knew it was a- uh... what was it?" "Vacuum cleaner" "Yeah! That! Ya should've seen my brothers' faces, they were freaked out!"
ok Mammon, ok
Leviathan
Either he knows what it is from anime or he's as freaked out as Mammon
If he knows what it is, he's going to fanboy over it and mention some long anime name
"WAIT I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!! THERE WAS THAT ONE SCENE FROM *insert a long anime title here* AND THE MAIN CHARACTER HAD THAT IN THEIR HOUSE AND THEN-"
If he doesn't, oh boy.
With his, Mammon's and Asmo's screaming, you probably would've known they were in the human world by then.
He might summon Lotan if the thing starts going too close to him for his liking
Fortunately for him, it went towards Mammon.
After you explain, he calms down a little, then whines about how weird the human world technology is.
Then he realizes it could do his chores for him
"Huh? A vacuum cleaner? That's a weird looking vacuum cleaner. The human world normies are super weird. Who would want this type of thing anyway? Convenience? Oh, that's right! We don't have to vacuum anymore!"
Satan
Ok so it was mentioned that he watches videos with cats on the vacuum
So he definitely knows what it is
But instead of helping the other 6
He whips out his D.D.D and starts searching for that video.
"I know I have it somewhere..." "AAAAA IT'S MOVING TOWARDS MEEEE" "Shut up Mammon."
Some of his brothers are panicking and he's just trying to find a cat video
what the hell man
thinks it's transportation device for cats
not wrong though
Might just get a cat to put it on the vacuum
When you explain, he gets a little disappointed that it's intended use isn't to entertain cats, but is more or less still pretty excited.
"A vacuum you say? I saw videos of cats riding this type of vacuum, so I assumed it was some sort of transportation device... well, no matter. Do you know where I can get a cat?"
Asmodeus
Screams
Screams very loudly
Screams as loud as Mammon
Climbs up on a chair to avoid getting chased by it
Ever hear the Avatar of Lust swear like a sailor?
Well, you're about to
His attempts to charm the vacuum are also in vain, since the vacuum, is a vacuum
He grabs a chair and points it at the machine threateningly
Spoiler alert, it does nothing.
When it chases Mammon, he takes the opportunity to ask Satan what it is
After failing to recieve any useful feedback from Satan, he goes to you
Once he learns, he complains about how weird humans are
"A vacuum!? What an ugly little thing. It's been chasing us and making these weird humming noises! Why would humans make such a weird vacuum?"
Beelzebub
We all know what he would do
He tries to eat the vacuum and gets pulled back by Belphie
"Beel, we don't know what that is. Don't eat that, it could give you a tummy ache."
After watching his older brothers scream, he glares menacingly at the vacuum.
Would've tried to attack it but again, Belphie holds him back.
"We don't know what it is, it would be safer to watch it first."
When it goes towards Mammon, he lunges at it
Oh no... our vacuum... it's broken.
He doesn't eat it, but breaks it and throws it out
He forgets about it for a while until the situation is brought up by his brothers.
He has two questions:
Why would anyone make a machine like that?
Why is it so loud?
He finds it useful for cleaning up food crumbs (after it's been repaired by Barbatos)
"A vacuum? That's weird... who thought of this? Why does it make that sound? The human world has strange things..."
Belphegor
He was taking a nap, but suddenly he heard screams
He looks at the cause and
It's unsettling
It makes him uncomfortable
He doesn't know what it is
He just loses interest in humans for 2000 years and they make things like this?
Unbelievable.
He stops Beel from eating it out of concern for his twin.
He also stops Beel from attacking it since he doesn't know if it'll attack back
He's sharp enough to understand that it has a use
Well, other than scaring his brothers, of course.
He observes it for a little while
And then goes back to his nap.
Wasn't really worth all of the screaming
He was curious, but he'll save that for after the whole fiasco
Then he forgets about it when he wakes up
Eventually, he learns that it's a vacuum.
With his curiosity satisfied, he... honestly doesn't do much.
He doesn't really care about it anymore.
"Oh, a vacuum. I guess that makes sense. I'm going back to bed."
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me lucifer#lucifer obey me#lucifer#obey me mammon#mammon obey me#mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me levi#leviathan obey me#levi obey me#leviathan#obey me satan#satan obey me#satan#obey me asmo#obey me asmodeus#asmodeus obey me#asmo obey me#asmodeus#obey me beel#obey me beelzebub#beel obey me#beelzebub obey me#beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me belphie#belphegor obey me#belphie obey me
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Trigger Happy Havoc Girls with an S/O who is like Mikan
Warnings: Mikan's personality/actions
Mod Ibuki: Hey hey hey!! Sorry for the long wait on this :/ I hope it was worth it, though!
Kyoko:
Kyoko was immediately worried for your safety
She had a lot of questions
Why were you so shy? Had you been through something?
She kept those questions to herself though
If someone ever made fun of you, she’d glare
Literally just walk up to you, wrap on arm around your waist and the other on your arm
And glare
If you ever took a fall in front of her she’d carefully lean down and help you up, suggestive or not
Although she might blush a bit if it was a suggestive position
“There, you’re alright. It was just a small trip, thankfully.”
If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she would be appalled
“Love, I don’t want you to take your clothes off because I’m not in a particularly good mood. Bad moods are normal, that doesn’t mean you take your clothes off every time it happens. Don’t offer that to me unless you personally want to do it.”
Kyoko is not someone you can look at and feel as if she’s mad at you, because she makes it clear if she is
But if you did think she was, she’d be pretty upset
“No, love. I’m not mad. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing at all. I honestly don’t think I can be mad at you. You just seem to make everything better.”
Kyoko’s heart skips a beat whenever you’re around <3
Hina:
Hina LOVED YOU
The minute you two met she did not let you out of her sight for long periods of time
She was just worried someone would hurt you or take advantage of you
If someone ever made fun of you, she’d be so mad
No one wants to deal with mad swimmy baby
“That is so rude, you know!? That was completely uncalled for! There was absolutely no reason to say that! Now apologize!”
If you ever took a fall in front of her, she would honestly fall too just to make you feel less embarrassed
She’d cover you if need be, though
Either with clothing or with herself when she “falls”
If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d be in shock
Mainly because you offered it to her because you thought she was upset
“What!? Please, S/O, no! Don’t say that! Taking your clothes off won’t make me feel better, cuddles will! Get over here! Because of that statement, I demand you let me cuddle you!”
If you ever thought Hina was mad, which is rare, she’d he so upset
“Baby! No! Not at all! I could never be mad at you! I swear! Your face is just too adorable to be mad at!”
Swimmer baby just wants your happiness above all
Celestia:
Celeste would never admit it if anyone asked
But she loved you the minute she laid eyes on you
Your personality only made her want to be with you more
Not many people dared to bother you, but if an unlucky soul did try to do such a thing…
Celeste would give them a run for their money
“Are you fucking kidding me!? How dare you!? Why don’t you crawl back into whatever ditch you crawled out of and leave my significant other alone! Do I make myself clear!?” She’d turn to you and give you a soft smile. “Come on, dear. Let’s go get some tea to cheer you up, yes?”
If you fell in front of her, she wouldn’t be able to catch you without falling herself, but she’d immediately take your hands and help you up
“Come now, darling. Don’t cry, it was an accident. Everything is alright.”
If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, it would take a second to click
But once it did her reaction was similar to Kyoko’s
“Darling, I don’t wish for you to take off your clothes merely because Yamada put me in a foul mood. I would much rather you keep said clothes on and have a cup of tea with me, maybe some conversation as well. Please don’t offer yourself to me out of pity.”
If you ever thought she was made at you, she honestly thought she was gonna cry
“W-What? Dear, no. Not one bit. Not one ounce of me is angered by you. I love you far too much to be mad at you. Now, come here and let me hug you.”
Celeste truly does care about you, more than she has cared for anyone before <3
Sakura:
Protective
That’s it
Sakura wants your safety above all, because she knows how shy people can be taken advantage of easily
If anyone dared to make fun of you, oh boy
Sakura is fucking terrifying
“I suggest you run before I snap you in half.”
That’s all it takes to send them on their way
If you fell in front of her, she would definitely be able to catch you
And she would!
But if you did manage to miss her arms, she’d pick you right back up and hold you
“See? I got you. Everything is okay.”
If you offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d be calmer, but nonetheless upset
“Hey, don’t do that. I don’t want you because of your body. I want you because of your personality. That’s what I fell in love with. Don’t offer yourself to me, or anyone else. Ever. It’s your body, you can most certainly choose what to do with it.”
If you thought she was angry with you, she’d be so quick to tell you otherwise
“No, not at all. I am not mad in the slightest. Even if I was, I’d never take my anger out on you. That’s wrong, and I love you too much to even think about doing that.”
With Sakura as your girlfriend, you will always be protected. And that’s a promise
Mukuro:
Mukuro is shy, but definitely not as shy as you
Like Sakura, she wanted your safety above all
Let it be from others or her cruel sister
If someone ever made fun of you, she’d be pretty angry
Hell, she may put those skills of hers to good use
“Hey. Don’t let me hear you say something like that again. Ever. That’s just plain disgusting.”
If you ever took a fall in front of her, her reflexes are extremely fast, so she’d try her absolute best to catch you
More often she does, but on the off chance she’s unsuccessful, she’d apologize with a bright blush
“I-I’m sorry, love. I tried to catch you, uh, I’m sorry. Here, grab my hands.”
If you offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d immediately say no
“S-S/O! No! No, I-I don’t want you to do that! I-I’m not in a bad mood, and even if I was I wouldn’t want you to take your clothes off just to try to improve my mood! Please don’t offer that to me, that’s practically violating you! And I don’t want to do that!”
If you ever thought she was mad at you, poor girl might cry
“L-Love, I’m not mad at all. I-I promise. Even if I was mad, I don’t think it could be caused by you in all honesty. I love you, okay?”
Soldier baby’s heart go brrr
Sayaka:
Shy or not, Sayaka’s a cute blushy mess around you
She still teases you in a friendly manner, but always makes sure you know she’s only playing
If anyone over bothered you, she’d be incredibly salty
Like, pettiness and all
“Oh, so that’s how you’re gonna be? Well, I’ll have you know that my significant other is NOT gonna do that. You’re a rude person and I hope karma hits you hard.”
If you took a fall in front of her, she’d screech so sound and try to catch you, but would most likely fail
When she saw that you were embarrassed, like Hina she would trip to make you feel better
“See, S/O? It’s fine! Now we both tripped, hehe! Isn’t that funny!”
If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d hug you immediately and try to make you happy
“Nope! I don’t want that, okay? I want to kiss your cute face! Not rub up on you because you want to make me happy! Now c’mere, so I can kiss your cute face!”
If you ever thought she was mad at you, though, she’d be really sad
“What? No, I’m not mad at all! Let alone at you! I promise, S/O. Even if I was mad, I’d have a peaceful conversation. Not a screaming match about it! Now, give me a hug!”
Sayaka will hug you as much as you please, as long as it makes you happy <3
Toko:
Toko thought you were annoying at first
But then she realized how similar you two were
Not long after, she fell in love with you
Just like in those cheesy novels she writes
If someone ever bothered you, she’d get pretty mad
Lowkey considers letting Syo out
“H-Hey, asshole! T-That’s a r-real d-dick t-thing to say! S-So w-why d-don’t you just g-go back to w-whatever ditch y-you crawled o-out of a-and d-die!”
If Syo was around when someone bothered you, well I think we know how that'll go
They aren't around anymore, especially if they were a pretty boy
If you ever fell in front of her, she’d lowkey get second-hand embarrassment, but would help you up anyways
“Hey, l-look, you’re fine. N-Not a scrape or anything. Y-You’re okay.”
Syo would leap into action immediately and pull you to your feet
"See!? It's like you never even fell! You're okay! No tears, I hate seeing you cry!"
If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d freak the fuck out
“W-What!? N-No! D-Don’t do t-that! K-Keep your clothes o-on! I-I’m n-not mad! E-Even if I w-was, I w-wouldn’t w-want you to s-strip! Y-You’re t-too p-pretty for t-that!”
If Syo was around, she would as well
"What!? Oh no no no, this just won't do! You're body is far to marvelous to be shown so willingly, y'know that? Don't let others see it so easy! Even if it is just me! Doesn't matter!"
If you thought she was mad at you, she’d scoff at first, but then realize you were being serious
“What? I’m not m-mad at you. W-Why would I b-be mad at y-you? I-I have no reason to b-be. D-Don’t say that, I-I’d tell you if I-I was mad at you...S-Speaking as if I-I c-could g-get mad at y-you.”
Syo would latch onto you and hug you, giving you a little spin
"No, dollface! I'm not angry at all! See? I'm happy! So happy! Especially because my baby-cakes is here! Now, c'mon! Gimme a smooch!"
Even though she’d deny it at first, Toko really does love you
#danganronpa#danganronpa x reader#thh#dr1#kyoko kirigiri#kyoko kirigiri x reader#aoi asahina#aoi asahina x reader#celestia ludenberg#celestia ludenburg x reader#sakura ogami#sakura ogami x reader#mukuro ibukasa#mukuro ikusaba x reader#sayaka maizono#sayaka maizono x reader#toko fukawa#toko fukawa x reader#genocider syo#mod ibuki writes!
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About revived (by Derivakat)
(Disclaimer: Nothing against Derivakat, I think her songs are amazing in general and she's very talented, I simply have a bone to pick with these lyrics and characterization)
So um, here's my counter to some of the lyrics because fuck it, I'm tired and fueled by spite, let's go:
Let's start with the chorus:
"White streak in my hair but no stress now" - Funnily incorrect, cc!Wilbur confirmed that the white hair is from stress itself, it's not about the revival process alone. Also just by reasoning, I cannot imagine what might have been stressful about spiralling and believing that the world is out to crush you, believing that you're the scum of the Earth as well, only to die, spend 13 and half years in dark isolation and then being jolted back up to life missing huge chunks of information, really cannot fathom how that might be stressful /s
"I've seen hell, but this is a bit more my style" - True you know? It's awesome that he's said that he's over the moon about being alive again after spending 13 and a half years of pure isolation in the dark, screming until his throat was hoarse. But coming from the tone of it, I'd like to point out that Wilbur's also still passively suicidal and self harms (check out the part under "He doesn't love TNT, he self-harms with it" in this post)
"A decade of time to make everything mine" (also counts for "This is my sunrise, this is my dawn, this is what I've waited for all along. All of this time, all this is mine. MINE. MINE. MINE!")- Honestly, based on what he's been doing, no prejudices, forget everything fandom's said: he doesn't really seem to want to "make everything his", does he? This perception mostly comes from him saying "This is my sunrise, this is mine!" in the original revival stream, however, if you forget about common fandom perception, what's so evilly framed about a guy who spent 13 and a half years of isolation in the dark saying "this is my sunrise!" after watching the sun coming up again for the first time since his death, in which he was extremely emotionally unstable? Like for real?
Now onto the verses:
"Am I the bad guy? I'll be the bad guy again" and "I've come back hell-bent" - Now, he has said that: “Here’s the thing, Tommy. I, I, I, I know I was bad, and I know I can redeem myself, but like, you know, there’s a little bit of fun in being bad, you know, we’ve spoken about this.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 11:31, 5th May), BUT, since then he's also expressed genuine remorse for his worse actions during Pogtopia (check out the parts under "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" and "Wilbur cares. A LOT" in this post), a wanting to redeem himself and truly become better and... uh... OH! He's also admitted that he's afraid he scares people and cried when Ranboo said that he was "an alright person". For real, just watch the Healthy Competition stream and read this reddit post by cc!Wilbur
The reddit post in question, just in case:
"You think I cared? It was always a means to an end" - So false. Just... so false. Ok, so quick one, let's review the actual lines said originally about him "not caring for L'manburg" in full:
“Uh, one thing, I didn’t actually really care about L'Manberg, I just cared about, you know, sticking it to the man. Actually, I cared about L'Manberg for the sole reason that I could use it to stick it to the man.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 24:18, 5th May)
“Look, I- Okay, I said it wrong. Look, I did care about- I did care about L'Manberg, but I cared about it for- You would call it the wrong reasons, but I, I- Just don’t think about it, don’t think about it too hard. Look, L'Manberg’s gone now, we’ve got that, you know- That, that wart on my side is gone, you know. I salute it, I salute it, you know, it was a great- It was a great place.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 25:18, 5th May)
“Look, Tommy, I’m gonna reiterate for you once more because I don’t think you quite understood, and that’s okay, you know, you don’t need to understand everything. I did care about L'Manberg. I did, I did. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, Tommy. L'Manberg would have been as loved by me had it been called Bimbum and was built in the middle of the desert.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:05, 5th May)
“The actual location, and the actual things it was, it were, were not important to me. It’s the thing it stood for. Which was freedom, liberty, and sticking it to the man, Tommy!” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:26, 5th May)
“We were a family, Tommy. We were…” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 27:26, 5th May)
So as you may see, he retracts himself immediately and explains his feelings with more nuance
Then, let's look at the more recent confession to Ranboo:
“I told Tommy that I didn’t actually care about L'Manberg, and that it was just like a tool for me to use to gain like, you know, power and stuff. But it’s not, it’s not true.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:36, 3rd Aug)
“L'Manberg is- was really important to me. And it is still to this day.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)
“I want it to, em, I want its history to live on not as a stain caused by me, you know. I basically just took a big shit on the history books, it feels like. I wanna, I wanna make it, I wanna make it feel like it was, you know, it was something that happened. You know, it was a great thing, you know, think of the good times. The- The years of safety. Well, not years, but you know.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)
If this got more explicit I'd be literally hitting you over the head with it. Anyway, check out the parts under "Wilbur cared. A LOT" and "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with" in this post
"So who cares? So what? I'm not calming down" and "Shut up! And listen" - “Tommy, shut up! I mean, Tommy, come over here. Tommy, come over here, come over here, man. It’s cool, it’s cool, it’s cool. Sorry, I, I-” (Alivebur)
– (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 26:08, 31st May)
That line's totality gets often cut down, erasing the immediate apology after the loss of cool. Furthermore, I'd argue that him "not calming down" in general is mainly due to his euphoria and overexcitement during certain scenes where it makes complete sense for him to be feeling like that, and in a broader sense, he has a tendency to say things in the heat of the moment and out of impulsivity that he turns to later regret from all the way back at Pogtopia. Him not calming down now is either out of impulsivity or outright euphoria to be out of limbo, not necessarily an evil thing. And when he percieves he should calm down, he tries his best to do it, or apologizes for snapping
“I’m sorry I wasn’t, you know, entirely on the same page. But, man, I promise you, I’ve calmed down, you know, I’m all, I’m all settled in. I understand, you know, what’s changed, what hasn’t, who’s new, who’s old, you know, who’s still about, you know, who… Who, uh… uh… Who trusts me and stuff.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 15:04, 3rd Aug)
“I relived that explosion in my head so many times man. And, and, and I- I get that you don’t, you don’t trust me, I do, but like, man, look at me, bro, I’m not gonna do it again. I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna hurt you again.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 21:21, 3rd Aug)
(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times" and "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized" in this post)
"There's nothing wrong with me" - BUDDY. Wilbur drowns in self-hatred, what are you talking about? The man got caught off guard and cried when someone said "you're an alright person"... He's worried that he scares people, he knows how others see him on top of his own self-hatred
“TommyInnit, as you know, is just, he thinks I’m insane. I’m not insane, chat, I’m not insane.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 4:30, 16th Oct)
“See, I’m not so crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 16:40, 16th Oct)
“I’ve told you, I’m not crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing, and this is genuinely the best thing we could do right now.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 17:18, 16th Oct)
“I’m not crazy! How am I crazy?!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 43:18, 17th Oct)
“Everyone I seem to meet has this deep intrisnic feeling of disgust towards me. Jack Manifold seemed to be quite nice to me, but I reckon he, I could feel it, you know, in his stare. But like, you don’t have that. I can tell you’re a good guy.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 30:24, 5th May)
“Quackity, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ll be honest you with you, I’ve lost everything, man. I, um. I’ve lost decades of my life. I’ve lost my- most of the people who cared about me. Some people don’t even know I’m back yet, and I, and I think that’s probably for the best. So I feel like that does humble a man. That really humbles a man, you know?” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 1:00:52, 31st May)
“Listen, Phil, I met, I met Quackity. After you very kindly lent me your house. I went and met him. Yeah! I met up with him, and I hadn’t seen him in ages. It was, I’m gonna say it, it was nice. It was a nice time. I- I- It felt good, it felt, uh, you know, he didn’t, he didn’t seem afraid of me, which is cool.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 7:38, 25th July)
“Not many people do. I mean, Phil, you don’t seem afraid of me, you’re not afraid of me, are you, Phil?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:03, 25th July)
“Good, good. 'Cause I’m not afraid of you.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:10, 25th July)
“Why? Why? … No, no, no, no, no, not the, not the bit about the, not the bit about the right foot, the why don’t you think I’m a bad person?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 35:13, 25th July)
“Can I be real with you, man? I think I scare people.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:30, 25th July)
“I mean, like I, I, I, I don’t think I, I- I think a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them, you know? Like they’ve seen what I can do, and they don’t want me to do it again, so they adopt your emotion in order to do it.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:46, 25th July)
“Dream is- He’s had his comeuppance, and I have not! My comeuppance was apparently not good enough for this people. They’re just waiting, they’re waiting for the next thing for me to slip up on, and, Ranboo, I’m not gonna fucking slip up, Ranboo. I’m different.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:07, 25th July)
“I’m living in eternal limbo, again. I’ve been through limbo, I’m out of limbo, and socially, I’m still in this limbo.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:36, 25th July)
(Check out the parts under "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character" and "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character" in this post)
"Oh yes, I blew up the nation!" (said with glee) - I make a point of the tone in this specific line, because I could make a point of the tone in the whole song, but this line is a good example. He didn't blow up L'manburg just with glee like "hell yeah! I did it!". Of course he talks about it with pride sometimes, but it's usually either said in the middle of the same impulsive moments in which he'd claim he doesn't care, said with relief of him having control over at least that situation (like him sighing right after doing it just to ask Phil to finish it off by killing him), or said with the same deflection with which he'd claim that not having a grave didn't affect him and was badass actually since he only wanted it for the hateful obituaries anyway (which was a lie, and he admitted it on the third of august stream when saying "I was so pressed about not having a grave" in case you had doubts)
Finally, I want to make emphasis on the fact that: The explosion on the 16th had two main drives behind it and they often get glossed over. The first objectivee was blowing it up and causing just enough destruction to get L'manburg back (You know, when Wilbur still had some kind of hope). After his spiral went further and his paranoia and self-loathing worsened, his two drives become apparent: First was blowing it up to rid the world of the twisted thing L'manburg became, ridding the world of what the twisted version of his ideals became with Schlatt in control of them. Secondly, he wanted to end L'manburg as a part of himself and rid the world of himself completely (by this I'm referencing his suicide), he decided he wanted to die and expected that as a result since a lot of time before the 16th. The explosion was effectively a bigger projection of his suicide, rid the world of both himself and his creation, mixed with his constant desire to protect, it also becomes "rid the world of the corrupted version of L'manburg that became Manburg", because for all intents and purposes, since the important thing about L'manburg was its founding ideals, L'manburg had been dead for a long time at that point.
“Yesterday I had the perfect opportunity to blow everything up and finally end it, you know. I had the perfect opportunity to finally blow up everything and end it and just completely save everyone, right, from the tyranny of Schlatt and the tyranny of the existence of Manberg and L’Manberg, right.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 25:17, 17th Oct)
“Explain it to me! Give me a reason! Give me a reason!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:50, 17th Oct)
“Who else is it gonna hurt?! It’s gonna hurt Schlatt, Manberg, and-” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:55, 17th Oct)
“Why did I bring- I should have just done it. I’m such a fucking showman. I should have just done it.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:18, 17th Oct)
“No you two can escape, I’ll be the… I’ll- I’ll- I’ll be… I’ll be trapped in here…” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:27, 17th Oct)
“I just- I just want to f… I just wanna end it, I wanna end it. I wanna press that button, man.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 28:08, 17th Oct)
(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times", "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with", and "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" in this post)
#tw self harm mention#tw suicide mention#wilbur#wilbur soot#c!wilbur#wilbur dsmp#revived#revivedbur#alivebur#revived wilbur#derivakat revived#fandom critical#dsmp#dream smp#analysis#c!wilbur analysis
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Human!Freddy Krueger x Fem!Reader || Oneshot
Title: What The Fuck Now, Freddy!?
Notes:
This is not inherently romantic, at all. Or sexual. Just... Freddy being a bastard, and you are caught in the crosshairs- and are forever linked with him because of it.
I've been listening to Lizzie, a lot lately- and this is inspired by 'What The Fuck Now, Lizzie!?'
Also- I'm thinking this will have a part 2. Due to the ending not being quite enough. Maybe a part for the court proceedings!
Plot: Many will know the story of that terrible day Krueger essentially snapped- killing his wife, Loretta Krueger. She saw the basement, they say, and he didn't like that. Their daughter saw the whole thing and suffered a traumatic response to seeing the sight of her mother, strangled to death, by her father- and forgot the whole thing.
But if she were to remember something, one day.
She may remember something no one knows about that day, aside from Freddy himself.
She may remember, that someone else was there.
She may remember you.
//
Alternatively- you're being blackmailed by Freddy who found out you, another supposedly Plain Jane in Loretta's 'mothers club', is cheating on your husband and calls you up to help deal with the mess he made. Because who else did he have?
Warnings: Okay lemme see, its basically a potluck of triggers. Hm. Murder, swearing, cheating (You, on your husband. Not with Freddy), getting rid of a body, a child gets traumatised (Obviously, Kathy/Maggie), Freddy himself, mention of the basement and all that entails, reader with a very questionable moral compass. Look, I think if you can watch Freddy's Dead, you're good here.
I'm just heading out the door, to go grocery shopping - or, at least, that's the story I tell my husband. When really I don't do the grocery shop until the day after tomorrow. He never notices... - when the phone rings. By very nearly tripping over my feet in my endeavour to catch it before the ringing stops, I manage pick up the phone with very little injury besides an achy, slightly twisted ankle. "Hi! Hi, sorry, I'm here. Hello?"
Pouting, I sit down at the kitchen table; Rubbing my poor ankle to sooth the pain, which would soon diminish anyway. Still- I'm sorry, ankle. I'll try to chill.
When the voice on the other end reveals who it is who's called the house, I lose all need to be pleasant. Damn. I really need to memorise this goddamn number... so I can not answer it. "Whatcha wearin'?"
"Thank god Harrison didn't answer this, you fuck." I deeply roll my eyes. Thank god Har's out. No, this is not my mister, not the man I was going to meet just now- but its bad, enough. In an entirely different way. Its stupid, blackmailing, son of a... hundred maniacs. "What do you want?"
"What a way to answer the phone, Y/N. Gee, seems like every time I we talk, I'm learning how you really aren't in the right place, are you? Cheating on your poor husband, swearing... These aren't really signs of the perfect suburban house wife, is it?" Gritting my teeth, I keep from lashing out. I've learned, if you stay real quiet, Freddy wont have anything to pull from and will get bored quick. "Why so silent, hm?"
"... " Oh, fuck me. I cant help it. "Wondering where you get off judging me on being 'suburban', actually."
"Anywhere I like, thanks."
Oh... oh. Gross?
He doesn't see the disgust tearing my face into two perfect halves right now, but my silence must be enough as he laughs. The sound is directly into the phone, and harsh on my poor eardrums. Ugh... "Oh for gods sake... What are we? Fourteen years old?? Come on- why'd you call?"
"Uhhhh... " Quickly, midway through that drawn out 'um' sound, Freddy's voice transitions, and gets a whole lot darker. Something deep in his chest dislodging, to make it so. Perhaps, his heart. "Well... you might wanna come and see for yourself."
"Uh, I don't think so. I have somewhere to be right now- "
"Oh well you don't, anymore." And its clear what he isn't saying- or else I'll tell Harrison about Carter and set your life on fire. "Tell your boy toy you're takin' a reign check for the day. I think you'll last. In fact... after you come over here, you might be out of the game for a couple a hours at least- maybe days."
Hold on, hold on Freddy what the fuck- "What!?"
"... Believe it or not, I didn't actually mean for that one."
Moron.
~
Nevertheless, no matter how just... off setting, Freddy is, I had to when he asked. I had to jump when he said so.
Because if not, then he would tear my life apart.
So here I am, about to knock on that big red door he lives behind, wondering what I'm walking into. Where's Loretta? Where's Kathy? How long will the visit be? I told Carter I'd be an hour or two late- any longer and I wont see him at all today. Which would absolutely suck.
Just after my knuckles come down on the wood the first time, a hand comes down on my shoulder and I immediately jump out of my skin... then slowly look around.
There's Freddy, a cheeky grin on his face. It does nothing to set my nerves at ease. "Ugh... Why are you out here?"
"We're going to the backyard. Lets go." Taking me by the shoulders, he marches me around the side of the house, instead of through it for some reason, and into the familiar backyard. I've been here numerous times, as Loretta likes to hold our club meetings here - Barbecue's, tea's... that sort of thing. Just to let the kids play together and so the adults can enjoy some adult conversation. Its a nice yard... but depending on what her horrid husband is about to show me, it may not be considered as such anymore... - , but I'm now starting to develop a sick feeling in my stomach.
Honestly- I don't know much about Freddy at all. Yes, I went to school with him, but that doesn't mean much when he was a freaky loner kid the whole time. I remember he killed the class hamster once- that's about the only splash he ever made in the news pool; But it definitely stuck.
Yes, Loretta cleaned up his image a fair bit since getting married, but now he's blackmailing me, and as far as I know I'm now alone with him.
Suspicious of him suddenly, I slip out of his grip with a dirty look flashed his way. Don't touch me.
He just rolls his eyes, leading me around some hedges.
And then everything stops.
Him, me, the air; The air around me, the breeze, the breath in my throat.
There lays Loretta, on the ground. If I was really really naïve, I could imagine she were sleeping... or passed out, at least, due to the way she's sprawled out. No one would lay down like that willingly.
But... her eyes are open.
For a moment I'm tempted to kneel down; Take a closer look. Find out how, myself. Is she bleeding anywhere that I cant see now? Are her lips turning blue? If I moved some short red hair out of the way- would their be marks on her neck yet?
But then I come to my senses...
And freak. The fuck. O u t.
"What, the fuck, did you do!?" I whip around, looking at Freddy now which entirely new eyes. I mean, before I sure wasn't fond- but now I'm filled with something new, looking at him. Something a lot worse, something that makes me want to run. Run, and hide, and stay there.
And all these, even though he hasn't really changed. He still wears a mischievous smirk, stony blue eyes eating up my reactions... like always. But this time its just so so much worse. "Made some dead weight- now you're gonna help me get rid of it. So!" Finally, though its been only a matter of seconds, he turns his gaze off of me and I'm glad. That gaze is far too heavy. "Ideas?"
Only for a moment am I lost for words, struggling to push anything out. "I... I'm sorry??"
His gaze returns to mine, but this time my eyes are hard as his are dark. "Help. Me. Get rid of her. Fucking. Body. Or do you want your dirty laundry aired for the whole community to hear?"
Before I can help myself, I let out a sharp laugh, only succeeding in making Freddy's scowl deeper. "Freddy- this secret's a lot bigger, then mine. Sure, I might get divorced- but you're going to prison!" Does he get that? He's g o i n g to j a i l. Crossing my arms, I try to avoid looking at my ex-friend's body. I cant. "I'm sure as hell not gonna be in there with you, for being an accomplice."
I really cant look at her... I can only focus on Freddy. And that takes a lot of energy- its taking everything in me, in fact. Everything I have. But I have to. If its him or her, there's no choice.
But... then a creepy smile spreads across his face- a vast polarity to the frustrated glower of before. It makes my blood run cold.
"Ohhhh..." He looks almost ferocious, even in his composed state. Like a monster. Like any moment a fanged, inhuman creature is going to burst out of him and I'm going to wake up, and this will have been a nightmare. A horrible nightmare. The kind where that creature haunts me for a long time, after its over. After this over.
He's going to haunt me.
"You must think this is my first time... " My heart turns to ice, mouth hanging a little open... what the fuck have I found myself a part of!? Suddenly all the children's disappearances on the news lately come to the forefront of my brain... "Sweetheart, give a man his dues. I'm a hard working kinda guy... " I watch his gaze flicker to a door - the back door? No... The basement door, - and when a filthy smirk pulls at his mouth, my heart flies up into my throat. God, it makes me feel sick. I want to be violently ill. "My first was my adoptive Dad... pretty sick, huh?"
The fact that he didn't say anything about the basement, makes my imagination go wild. I swallow it down, though.
I just need to get out of here, and never think about this again.
And to do that I need to help Freddy get rid of this goddamn body- and... probably... testify at court... As the panic starts to finally rise up in my, right up to fill my throat, I immediately take in a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Okay... " No time to freak out. Now's the time for action.
Gaze flickering to Loretta again, I try to acclimatise to the sight. I think its a lost cause, though. "How did you get rid of him? Your Dad?"
"No, that's not gonna work. He was a drunk dead beat, and I just had to tell the police some guy's he owed money to came over to the house." Freddy grins happily at the memory, but then just as quickly, scowls at his poor deceased wife's body- that certainly cant fight back. I just tack this onto the long list of reasons I hate him. "Lore's such a goddamn goody goody- we cant do the same thing. You don't think I woulda thought of that??"
"Hey." I snap, hands braced on my hips as I flash a glare his way. "This is not the time to get defensive!"
"Whatever... "
Then- suddenly, something occurs to me. Confused, I look around; A deeply horrified feeling disturbing my stomach. "Hold on... Where's your daughter?" Seeing no sign of her anywhere, I definitely start to panic again- especially when I look to Freddy and just see a pert look in his eyes as he looks back at me, a smile that strikes something horrid inside me. My eyes narrow. "You sick fuck- where the fuck is she!??"
"Under the bed."
"What the fuck does that mean!?" I exclaim, frustrated and freaking out. He did not- he did not! Killing your spouse is one thing, but the kid?? Your own kid??
I don't wait around for him to be cryptic some more, and rush right into the house to look for her. Under the bed, under the bed, under the fucking bed...? Which fucking bed!? Forcing ferocity out of my voice, I carefully call out to Kathy. Hoping to god she answers. I try to sound normal. Maybe a little bit cheerful; Excited.
But my voice wobbles.
"Kathy?? Sweetheart, its Y/N! Are you hiding? I have something for you... " ?? You have something for her, Y/N?? God... now you have to figure out some kind of treat.
You know what? Whatever. We'll figure that out later.
Lets just hope we aren't searching for a corpse. I'd definitely be sick, seeing a child... the way Loretta is...
Shaking my head and clenching my fists, I try to focus on Kathy.
I check under the bed in the guest room because it comes into view first and she isn't there, then her bedroom and she isn't there either... and get a sick feeling as soon as I enter the last bedroom. Freddy's and Loretta's.
God, I've never been in here before but its like a museum peace now. A horrible one. Like if you would walk into the Titanic... or the Borden house.
"Kathy? You in here?" Flicking on the light I kneel down on the ground, and check under the bed.
And something immediately crashes over me, as the sight of her covering her eyes down there. It isn't exactly relief, because this whole situation is still phenomenally fucked up for her, but I am selfishly glad to not have to see her body... crumpled, just like her mother.
"Hey sweetheart," My voice quivers slightly now, but I quickly swallow. No. No. Now, you must be strong Y/N. "Its just me. Your Daddy was looking for you, and couldn't find you! It got him worried!"
"I... I don't wanna see Daddy. He hurt Mommy." Kathy doesn't remove her hands from her face, and stays firmly by the wall- too far away for anyone to grab. My heart sinks.
Slowly straightening up again, I try to take that piece of information in. Turning to the doorway, I see Freddy there. he must have followed me. I didn't even notice. Slowly, and quietly ferociously, I say; "She saw?!"
He has the good sense to look embarrassed, even if it is just to make fun of me. "It was spur of the moment... " He shrugs. "I didn't have time to get a babysitter!"
What a fucking excuse. For gods sake.
I'm definitely dealing with a psycho- if that was even a question before now.
Swiftly, I look down under the bed again, because I'm afraid that if I continue to engage with him- I'll scream, and I'll lose my breath, and I'll scare Kathy even more. She's at the forefront of my mind; That's all I can think about.
But what to do with her after I get her out from under this bed, I don't know. I cant give her back to her father... but I cant hand her over to the police either because that would involve telling them about Loretta, and... Freddy will definitely kill me, for that.
This is a nightmare of a situation.
I'm just opening my mouth to say something - what, I don't know yet, - when she speaks, instead. "Is he there?"
"... Yes." I wont lie to her; That would be treating her with not nearly as much respect as she deserves.
When she takes a deep breath and rubs her eyes, as if just trying to keep herself together, my heart clenches. God... and to think I might not have picks up Freddy's call today. I would have been leaving her with this. For the first time today, I'm morbidly glad I came.
She speaks in that loud, hissy way that kids think is a whisper. "Can he... can you please make him go away?"
Immediately I straighten back up and look to Freddy again, my eyebrows raised halfway up my forehead. Like well? "Get out."
"I don't think you're in a position to make demands here, bi- "
"Do you want Kathy to live down there now!??" I snap, trying not to be scared. Not really feeling scared, actually. Just happy to have a reason to tell him to get the hell away from me.
A deep frown creases his mouth, deeply unhappy about the situation, but steps back. I only hear him step out of the way of the door, but its good enough. Quickly, I get up and close the door - fighting with myself not to slam it, - and lock it.
Then I return to the floor, and see this time Kathy has uncovered her eyes. She looks so small, smaller then she actually is, and she looks like she's shaking. Little red bows and piggy tails in her hair are messy from crawling under the bed. "He's gone, sweetheart. And I locked the door."
She just nods, so I take the silence as a chance to offer my hand to her. "Take my hand, sweetie? Come on out from under the bed. Its cold down there, and no one wants you getting sick." I need to upkeep the family friend bit, I need to sound caring and collected. I need her to trust me.
Her big eyes, not Loretta's colour or Freddy's, look nervous as hell. And she shakes her head.
Taking a deep breath, and I conjure all the sincerity as I can. And mean it. My eyes soften and I try really hard, to resent myself as someone trustworthy- which is hard, seeing as I've never really been that. I mean, I'm cheating on my husband. I told Carter today the same lie I told Harrison when i knew I was going to be late. The only person I think who knows the truth behind all my lies is Freddy. That says something about a person, that the only person who knows them is a psychopath.
But I want to, I need to, be good for this little girl. And there's no time for me turn my life around so it has to start with this. How fucked is that?
"... I promise, I'll take care of you. He wont hurt you."
After a few whole minutes, in which I stay silent because yes she's a child, but she's still thinking, she crawls over and takes my hand, letting me lead her out. Crawling into my lap as I cross my legs under her, she buries her face in my shirt- hiding. "You promise?"
Taking a deep breath, because I've really done it now, I offer my pinky for her to see if she turned her head. I know Freddy's listening to all of this through the wall, but I try not to freak out. "Pinky swear?"
"Pinky swear." She peaks out from my shirt, and curls her little finger around mine. Okay... "Y/N... I'm scared."
"Yeah... Me too, sweetie."
What am I going to do?
#Freddy Krueger x Fem!Reader#Freddy Krueger x Reader#Slashers#Slashers x Reader#Fem Reader#Freddy Krueger#Loretta Krueger#Katherine Krueger#Kathrine Krueger#Maggie Burroughs#Oneshot#Freddy Krueger x Reader Oneshot
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Pink Lace - Chapter 5
Characters: Baekhyun x Reader
Genre: College AU, stripper AU, fluff, smut, slow burn
Summary: Baekhyun, a philosophy professor with mysterious wealth, got himself completely fucked over a girl who can’t let him into her life.
Word count: 4k
Warnings: sex work, mentions of sexual assault, adult themes/situations, eventual smut
Tag list: @smolbeanmika @leave-me-in-the-summertime @totallynerdstuff @bbhmystar @nana-banana @kimyhappy @thegreatandi @geniusloey @deligxt @baekswifey @bbhyun506 @lovebuginlove @bellamendoza @baekyeonoreo @bobohumyonlyboo
Masterlist
After your conversation with Baekhyun Monday evening Tuesday was spent desperately trying to get Baekhyun off your mind, with little success. He’d asked you if you liked him like that, and you couldn’t tell him no. Hell, you knew in the back of your mind that the answer was definitely yes, you just couldn’t bring yourself to say it to his face.
As much as you did like him, the prospect of starting something with a customer who was also your professor was still terrifying. What if you two got together and people found out? Or what if things started to go south and you were still stuck with him as your teacher?
Despite your other schoolwork, and cleaning basically everything you possibly could, your mind just kept racing with every different possible scenario for if you did tell Baekhyun how you felt. And most of them were quite unpleasant. He could lose his job, you could make class absolute hell for yourself if things didn’t go well, and so on. Different possibilities played themselves out in your mind over and over, and there was little you could do to stop it.
However the thoughts that stuck with you the most were the ones where things didn’t end badly. Thoughts of his arms around you, his comforting words whispered in your ear, and the gentle touches of his pretty hands on your skin. As much as you fought it, the attraction was there.
The way your mind bounced between thoughts was stressful to no end. Every time you tried reasoning with yourself, you just thought about how good he made you feel when you were alone together.
Baekhyun was always so willing to be vulnerable with you, it made you feel appreciated. He was so open about his feelings, and honest with his intentions towards you that it made it difficult to push him away. You wanted to be able to show him the same kind of vulnerability as well, but the possibilities if you did still frightened you too much.
You knew you wouldn’t be able to go on like this forever, sooner or later you had to figure out what to say to him.
Your essay was plaguing you as well. You’d tried to start it on several occasions, but Plato’s writing was so old timey and incomprehensible you didn’t even know where to start. It also didn’t help that every time you tried to start writing, all you could think about was what Baekhyun would think. The idea of turning a shitty paper in for him to read and grade made you feel sick. You knew you were shooting yourself in the foot putting it off but you just couldn’t bring yourself to start it either.
“You’ve cleaned everything in the apartment. Twice. What’s with you today y/n?” Mia asked as she walked out of her bedroom and into the common area, finding you once again wiping down all the surfaces in the kitchen.
“I’m trying to distract myself, was that not obvious?” You knew what was coming next.
“Baekhyun still on your mind?”
Yes. He was. In every possible way, good and bad, and you couldn’t stop it.
“I think I do like him.”
“See! I knew it!” You rolled your eyes at her. “Anything exciting happen yesterday? Did you decide to keep the money?” She asked, sitting down at the dining room table, you sitting down across from her.
“I’m keeping it, I tried giving it back but he told me some stuff and turns out he doesn’t need it after all.”
“So he IS rich?!”
“Yeah... although not from anything cool or fun. His rich parents died recently.”
“Oh shit, that sucks. That must’ve been an awkward conversation.”
“Not really. I don’t know why but talking to him is getting easier and easier. I even stayed after he told me I could go.”
“You really must like him then, damn. Can’t blame you though, he is hot.” You shot her an angry look but you both knew she was right. “So what are you gonna do about it?”
“Do about what?”
“You liking him. He obviously likes you a lot too, so what happens next?”
“Nothing. He’s my professor.”
The look she shot you next said something reminiscent of ‘are you fucking serious’.
“Oh come on y/n this guy is hot, and rich, and super into you. Even if he is your professor you can’t pass up a fling at least.”
“And when it ends? What then? Or if someone finds out he’s fucking a student? He’d lose his job and it would be my fault.”
“No, it would be his fault, and he’s rich anyway so it wouldn’t even matter.”
You thought back to your last conversation with Baekhyun, and what he said about his parents. Even if he did choose to risk it for you, the thought of him losing a job that meant so much to him still didn’t sit right with you.
“It would matter to me. Either way I don’t want other students shit talking me either. If my classmates found out there was something between us it would be hell.”
“All I'm hearing right now, is that you just need to not get caught. The semester is only 16 weeks, as long as nothing gets out while you’re in his class nothing too bad can happen. You just have to be careful.”
You thought about it, and she wasn’t exactly wrong. As long as nothing got out while you were his student, nothing too bad could happen.
“He won’t lose his job if people find out we’re together later on when I’m not his student anymore, right?”
Mia shrugged. “He doesn’t hold any power over you anymore then so I don’t see why he’d get in any trouble. People might just think it’s weird since he’s older. How old is he anyway? He looks young.”
“I’m not exactly sure... Somewhere around 30? Late 20s maybe? I should ask him.”
“Yeah you should. I still have homework I need to do, I should get back to that.” She said before getting herself a glass of water and retreating back to her bedroom.
~
The next morning you were exhausted. You hadn’t gotten much sleep because of everything that was going through your head. You wanted Baekhyun, and he wanted you, but there was still too much risk involved. But part of you kept thinking about what Mia had said as well. Could a fling really be that bad?
You were nervous to see him too. You still hadn’t given him an answer to his question, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to dodge it forever. Lying seemed like a decent option, but you knew with how honest and vulnerable Baekhyun always was with you, you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to lie to him. Especially when you did want something more with him, you were just scared.
As philosophy class drew closer and closer you felt uneasy. You felt bad seeing Baekhyun again without giving him an answer, but you didn’t know how or what to say. You only hoped he wouldn’t press you for it.
Class went by and you didn’t speak to him. He didn’t keep you after either, which was a relief. You had been hoping he’d at least go over some stuff that would help you on your essay, but you had no such luck, and you needed it done by midnight if you wanted any credit.
When you got home you cursed yourself for procrastinating so much, but you had other homework too and you knew you’d be able to focus on that better, so you started it first.
Eventually your mind got sucked into your physics assignment, and you forgot about Baekhyun and the essay, too focused on the task at hand.
By the time you were done with your other assignments it was 8pm. Four hours until you had to submit your essay. One hour went by just reading and rereading the text you were supposed to write about. Another was wasted on an intro paragraph you kept deleting, because you still couldn’t understand the text. When 10pm hit, and you started to panic.
You realized that you weren’t going to be able to do it. Your mind was now in freak out mode and you couldn’t concentrate anyway. Either the paper wasn’t getting turned in at all, or you needed to do something fast. In any other class you would’ve BS-ed your way through it to turn at least something in, but you just couldn’t do that knowing Baekhyun was going to read it. You weren’t going to be able to submit it that night, but you needed to at least contact him and explain so he wouldn’t think you were stupid.
By 10:30 you found yourself scrolling through your contacts, staring at his name. You’d thought about emailing him, but he probably wouldn’t see until morning and you didn’t have that much time.
In hindsight you probably would’ve been fine to just send an email and try to get an extension, but the combination of anxiety over your grade and wanting to talk to him had his name in your phone looking better and better.
So you called.
Your nerves were on fire as you waited for him to hopefully pick up. Was this stupid? Would he even answer? Worst of all, what if he was disappointed in you for not being able to do the assignment?
After a few rings, he picked up. “Hello?”
“Hi Baekhyun, it’s y/n.”
“Y/n? Are you alright what’s going on?” You could hear the concern in his voice even over the phone, and you remembered why he gave you his number in the first place.
“I- I can’t do the essay.” You felt your voice shake, before unloading all your grievances in one breath “I read the thing a million times and I still have no idea what it’s about and I put it off until tonight cause it was making me so anxious but I still can’t focus and now it’s too late and I don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out.”
You heard him sigh. “Slow down, It’s okay, I know it’s a difficult assignment. Have you at least started?”
“No..” You felt tears swelling in your eyes, threatening to spill and you’re sure he can hear it in your voice even over the phone. “Can I just skip this one? I tried to start it so many times but I don’t know how to analyze something I can’t even understand.” You choked out.
“Y/n...” You could tell he was thinking of what to do. He probably shouldn’t give you special treatment, and you knew that but right now you hoped he would just give in. Unfortunately you had no such luck. “I’m sorry but I can’t let you just not do it. It would make it too obvious that I’m treating you differently than other students.”
“Then can you at least help me? Or give me more time? Please?” You begged.
“I’m still in my office. I can help you if you meet me here.”
You felt your palms get sweaty and your heart beat faster at the idea of going to his office again after what had happened last time, especially this late at night and in such a fragile state.
“O-okay. I’ll be there in 10. Bye.” You said, hanging up before he could respond.
Quickly you got on some shoes and drove yourself to the building his office was located in. Last time you’d been in there he’d asked you about your feelings for him, and now you had to go back. You told yourself to just focus on getting the essay done, but the thought still hung around in the back of your mind as you walked down the hall towards Baekhyun’s office. You felt jittery and embarrassed, but you needed to do this for your grade.
After taking a few deep breaths to ready yourself, you knocked on the door, and heard a muffled “Come in” from the other side, so you let yourself in. Baekhyun was sitting at his desk, which was covered in papers you assumed he’d been grading. Instead of the nicer clothes he would usually wear during lecture, he was just wearing a black t shirt and sweats now.
“You know you scared the shit out of me when you called. I thought you were in danger or something.” He said to you as you sat down in front of him. “I really didn’t think you’d call me over school work.”
“I’m sorry..”
“It’s okay! I’m not mad or anything, just surprised. What part of the text are you having trouble with?”
“All of it...” You felt your lip starting to quiver. “I’m sorry I know this sounds so stupid and you probably think I’m just trying to take advantage of how you like me but I promise it’s not like that.” You said, looking down and fidgeting with your hands, trying to hide the frustration on your face.
Baekhyun crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, smiling. “I never said I thought that. I told you it’s not an easy assignment, it’s ok if you’re having trouble. Plato can be difficult especially for people who aren’t used to reading things that old.”
“I should’ve at least started earlier...”
“Probably, but it’s too late to dwell on that now. Let’s just try to go over the reading together, yeah?” You nodded.
He moved his chair to your side of the desk before opening your textbook to the reading for the essay.
“So the first thing that makes The Ring of Gyges so confusing is that you don’t really know who’s talking. Basically it’s a conversation between Plato and his brother Glaucon where they’re discussing justice, and it’s actually Glaucon speaking for most of it, not Plato.”
You were listening to what he was saying of course, but you were still distracted by the proximity. Baekhyun was sitting right next to you now, arms almost touching. The only other time the two of you got that close was at the club. And you did not need to be thinking about that while he was explaining your assignment to you.
“Are you following me so far?”
Your eyes immediately shot up from the book to meet his, and you quickly nodded. Having him look you in the eyes again like that made your face feel hot.
“Glaucon argues that people only peruse justice for the benefits of it, and not because they actually want to be good people. He uses the example of a ring that grants it’s user invisibility, therefore allowing them to do unjust things like steal without being caught. He tells Plato a story about a man who finds such a ring and uses it do overthrow the king.”
You groaned. “It still doesn’t make sense though, what does some story about a stupid ring have to do with justice?”
“Well, if you were given the ability to steal and deceive people for your own benefit, without ever having to worry about getting caught, wouldn’t you do it too?” You stayed silent. “Basically, what you need to understand is what Glaucon is arguing. He’s saying that doing good deeds isn’t a part of human nature, and everyone would behave unjustly if they knew they would never get caught. Therefore, justice is something people pursue not out of want, but out of fear of the consequences if they don’t.”
All you could do was stare at him. It was infuriating how attractive he sounded while explaining it to you.
“Do you have a bit of a better idea what to write about now? Remember it’s only two pages, so don’t stress too much.”
You snapped yourself out of your thoughts. “Yeah, it makes a bit more sense now... do I still need to finish it tonight or?”
“Friday. Just email it to me by midnight on Friday and I won’t count it late.” He said, smiling again.
“Thank you for doing this, I’m sorry it was so late and everything.”
Baekhyun just chucked, “You know if it’s you I don’t mind. You could keep me here all night with questions and I wouldn’t stop you. But you understand now, right?”
The way he was smiling at you now along with the closeness was making you slightly dizzy.
“I think so, Glaucon is basically saying that injustice is better than justice then right? Because everyone would do unjust things if they’d always get away with it.”
Baekhyun nodded.
“So according to him the best way to live life would be to do things you know are wrong, but without being caught.”
“Exactly. See, I knew you were smart, y/n.” A smirk had made its way onto his face as he spoke.
You couldn’t help connecting what he was saying to what you were feeling inside towards him. You wanted him, and you knew it was wrong, but how could you deny it to yourself when it felt so right?
“Baekhyun...” You asked, hesitantly. “D-do you think it’s okay to do things you know are wrong, as long as no one finds out?”
“I think it depends what you’re talking about.” He answered, now looking you in the eyes again with intensity. “I would never kill anyone, for any reason, even if I knew I could get away with it. But, if I really wanted something, I think I would take it.”
You were hyperaware of how his eyes were now scanning your face, lingering on your lips. “Take what?”
A hand made contact with your thigh, slowly moving up until he stopped, right below the hem of your shorts. His thumb drew soft circles on the sensitive inner flesh, giving you goosebumps.
“I know you feel it too, you want this, don’t you?” Baekhyun asked, now moving a stand of hair out of your face. He let his hand rest on the back of your neck, keeping you facing towards him.
Your heart felt like it was about to short circuit from how fast it was beating. Your palms were sweaty and you could feel yourself shaking slightly. The way his thumb stroked your neck beneath your ear made you shiver, and you knew he saw. All you could do was stare back at him, dumbfounded. Any words you tried to get out stuck in your throat. He was right, you did want it. Now more than ever.
“Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t want me to kiss you right now. I dare you.” He said, running his thumb over your bottom lip, eyes fixed on how it trembled beneath his touch. He was slowly moving your face closer his, but you didn’t stop him.
Your silence told Baekhyun all he needed to know, and his lips quickly found yours. Immediately you let yourself melt into the kiss. You felt your whole body buzzing, finally getting what it had wanted for so long. His lips felt unbelievably soft against yours, moving in a slow rhythm as his other hand came up from your thigh to cup your face as well. You wrapped your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, letting it become messier and more desperate.
“I like you” you pulled away just enough to whisper “so fucking much.” You felt him grin into the kiss as your lips met again.
He tasted like strawberries, and you felt high as your lips kept crashing together with more and more need. Your whole body felt like it was set on fire and simultaneously dunked in an ice bath, every nerve vibrating with want.
When Baekhyun pulled your bottom lip gently between his teeth you let out a soft moan, and he started to lose it. He broke the kiss, standing up and pulling with him, before backing you up against the wall, a hand on either side of your head.
“Sweetheart, don’t push me” He breathed, and started peppering kisses along the side of your neck, from under your ear down to your collarbone, sucking and biting on the way.
Trapped between him and the wall, you felt weak and breathless. Your brain was in overdrive and you gasped at his ministrations, hands burying themselves in his soft hair. His hands had traveled down to your waist, holding you against him tightly.
“Baekhyun” You breathed out, rubbing your thighs together as he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot.
“Fuck, y/n. Don’t say that.” He forced the words out through gritted teeth.
His body pressed you into the wall, and your arms wrapped around him pulling him into you even tighter. He was completely consuming your senses and your knees felt wobbly from the intensity of it all. He was already smothering your entire front, but you tried to pull him even closer regardless.
You felt something hard press into your hip as his mouth covered yours again, and this time you shamelessly moaned his name into his open mouth.
Much to your disappointment, Baekhyun immediately detatched himself from you, backing up until his back hit the opposite wall of the office. You could see how turned on he was by the outline of his dick through his pants and the pained look in his face.
“Fucking christ...” He said, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes. You just watched from the other side of the room. He kept his eyes closed and you observed as his jaw clenched and unclenched before you heard him continue. “You have to go. If you don’t I’m gonna fuck you on my desk and I won’t be gentle.”
Your throat went dry at his crude words, but you couldn’t deny your own arousal. You walked back towards him, reaching out to touch his chest which was now rising and falling rapidly, but he grabbed you before you could make contact. His grip on your wrist was so tight it was almost painful. His knuckles were white, and you could see a drop of sweat trickle down the side of his face.
His eyes bore into your own with a stare that warned you not to try anything more.
“I’m sorry y/n but you have to leave. Not tonight. Not like this.” With his free hand he grabbed your belongings off his desk, shoving them into your arms.
Still speechless, he opened the door and pulled you outside before going back in and closing the door behind him. You stood and stared at his office door for a minute, recollecting yourself and processing what the hell had just happened.
Eventually your shaky legs began making their way down the hallway, back towards your car. You were pretty sure a janitor saw you as you turned the corner just down the hall from Baekhyun’s office. You kept your head down, trying to hide your face best you could while hurrying past.
Once you were sitting in your car, you slumped into the seat, mind still in a daze after what happened in Baekhyun’s office. You waited for your breathing and heartrate to slow down before you drove away.
Baekhyun left shorty after you as well, unable to concentrate on anything but the sound of you moaning his name. He felt terrible for throwing you out of his office but he’d meant what he said. He didn’t want his first time to have you to be in his office, purely fueled by pent up lust. He wanted to give you more than that.
More than anything, he just couldn’t believe he’d gotten what he’d wanted for the entire summer. It didn’t seem possible, but now it had happened. And you actually kissed him back. It felt too good to be true. He felt himself once again struggling to sleep, but this time because he was too excited. This time, he didn’t have to keep himself up wondering, he knew he had you. He just couldn’t wait to see what would happed now.
You on the other hand couldn’t stop worrying about that exact thing as you stared at the ceiling above your bed. What would happen now? The thoughts weren’t fearful anymore, there was just too many of them to shut your mind down enough to sleep.
You’d finally allowed yourself to give into him, and there was no more turning back.
Next Chapter
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hey
i wanna be a proud radical feminist but i feel like that would force me to reject trans ppl and that would essentially make my life hell bc ive seen the shit they do ppl they disagree with
ive read all this shit about how terfs are a hate group and think men bad women good and are racist and colonialist and shit and it makes me think twice bc i don’t wanna be part of a legit hate group but i also dont wanna be part of a group of ppl who say “thats so gender” when they see a haircut they like and i definitely dont want to be part of the right like at all
am i a nazi for believing elliott page is still a woman? am i fucking crazy? like ive been having legit mental breakdowns over this and secretly reading terf groups at night for weeks now and now whenever i see a trans person i freak the fuck out on the inside and sometimes i start hyperventilating and i see them fucking everywhere bc i live on a college campus
i tried to bring it up with my counselor like “i don’t really get trans ppl and i dunno what to do about it” and shes like “me neither” but thats all it has ever been bc im scared im gonna be wrong and bad if i say more
i was a huge fucking hp fan as a kid and my mom gave me a hogwarts mug for christmas and i cant even look at it bc i just think of jkr and what happened to her
pls help me im so sorry for dumping on u
My first question is: what do you mean by proud? Do you envision yourself wearing tshirts with phrases like "The y chromosome is a defect" out in public? Because while such shirts might be funny (and fun to wear among friends), that's not what it is to be a radical feminist. Neither is posting radfem quotes to your public facebook or instagram, or anything else publicly confrontational. Instead, being a proud radical feminist is spending your time helping women. I like volunteering for food pantries/food banks/food rescues. Women and children are the most likely to be food insecure, so helping with food distribution fits well for me. But maybe something else is closer to your heart - like domestic violence shelters, rape crisis hotlines, mentoring female children, etc. Alternatively you could go into a job that helps women, like social work or medicine. Or you could become a foster parent who takes in girls, become a child advocate or doula.
None of direct action really requires anything to do with trans anything. The number of trans people you'll run into is relatively small, and you're helping women and girls no matter how they feel (and people deserve to be helped anyway). I don't care if a trans woman comes for a food pantry volunteer position, or to pick up food at a distribution event. I'm not there to decide who is 'worthy' of giving their time or receiving help. And none of that is publicly confrontational like pins, shirts, and social media is.
You do have a problem with trans people, clearly, since you're having psychological distress just at seeing someone who is or reads to you as trans. You've got to work on that. You cannot dictate the actions of others. And it's straight unhealthy to freak out at just seeing someone walking around minding their own business on campus. Students trying to get a speaker banned for transphobia is a problem, your dormmate from another floor walking to class is not a problem.
You aren't a bad person for recognizing that Page and other trans people remain their biological sex, or believing that trans identity is a harmful backlash against feminism, or that porn is driving a lot of male transition, or that homophobia (for lesbians/bi women) is a driving force of transition. This is just recognizing the immutable fact of biological sex. Feeling bad for this recognition is something to work on - it's tied to women feeling guilt for every little thing. Let go of your guilt.
My advice: LOG OFF. Reading radfem posts online is causing you real problems, and making you distressed about random people. Not good. Take a break. Realizing something is harmful for you, or that you have a limit that you've crossed is an important aspect of growing up and coming of age. Part of being mature is realizing what your limits are. And congrats, you've found a limit. You need to spend time reconnecting with the real world. Treat this like a good thing, something you've discovered about yourself that you now know going forward. Working on healing from this internet overload is a sign of maturity. Log off.
Second: Do something directly useful that is meaningful to you. Ask other students for volunteer opportunities. Ask your counselor. Google for your area. See if there's an office for volunteering that can help you. This is related to logging off in that it reduces that amount of time you can spend online, and also introduces you to more people in real life. This helps develop nuance in your actions with others. Expands your understanding of where other people are coming from. And hopefully you can make some more friends. Be proud to be a feminist by helping women.
Third: This is the hardest thing for many women: let go of your guilt and strengthen your backbone. Don't be afraid to be disliked. You aren't going to be able to please everybody. Enjoy your HP mug and if someone says something snide just say that the books were important to you and still are. Don't apologize for yourself. Don't feel guilt that you aren't living up to someone else's idea of what you should think about something.
And work on not imagining that everyone is watching you and trying to monitor your thoughts. That way lies serious paranoia. If no one says something to you, no one cares. Imagining the anger/disappointment/etc of others towards you is harmful behavior - you can't read minds.
When you've healed, you can set boundaries and re-engage with some radical feminist literature. But I'd say give yourself AT LEAST 6 months away. And then really consider if it's going to be healthy for you to return or not. And if you do decide to return, engage not with twitter/tumblr/facebook/instagram, but with actual texts. Read Woman Hating. Read Invisible Women. Read a book about women in your field of interest. Texts that aren't just concerned with trans identity. You would have to build an understanding of radical feminism outside of transness, because no only is radical feminism about far more than trans identity, but without a foundational understanding of where radical feminism is coming from you can more easily once again fall down the rabbit hole into thinking that trans identity is the only thing that matters, etc.
Delete your tumblr, your twitter. Lose your login info for your social media. As condescending as it can sound, it's nonetheless good advice: Go outside.
#don't take don't be afraid to be disliked as 'pick fights with as many people as you can'#it means don't bend yourself into knots to please people
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Weird Secret Friends *Chapter 3*
I fixed it!!!! Huzzah!!!
If you didn't see it earlier, it was crap-tastic on my phone.
I'm glad so far people love this. <3
Part 2
Part 4
Tag List
@madamsnape921
@lolliepopsicle
@chasingeverybreakingwave
@milkshqke
@wanniiieeee
@word-scribbless
@gibbs274
@sassyada
@aprildecker-blog
@bookishfanfic
@stars-in-the-skies-world
@stars-trash-18
@omgsuperstarg
@objection-argumentative
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When you returned everyone was laughing at chatting, except for Sonny who was drinking vodka and soda while on his phone. He looked up and saw you both returning, he jumped up to meet you.
“Hey, counselor. I hope Y/N wasn’t too hard on you,” He half laughed.
“Are you kidding me, Sonny?” You scoffed.
“She’s fine, Sonny,” He smirked. “I like a little fire in a woman,”
“Oh?” Sonny’s eyebrows suddenly raised, causing you to give Barba a look. He was blowing your cover!
“I mean, I expect it from Jersey girls anyway,” He flipped his compliment quickly.
“God…” You muttered, looking at the floor. Pick a side, counselor.
“Anyway, um,” Sonny cleared his throat, trying not to think about Rafael and you together. “So when do we do presents and cake? I’ve kind of got an early--”
“I’m sorry, what?” Rafael furrowed his brows at Sonny. “Did you-- Carisi did you really just say that?”
“Do you see a present table? Do you see a giant rat mascot running around?”
“...What? Did I say something--?” Sonny became flustered.
“What do you think this is, a fucking Chuck E Cheese?” He suddenly snapped, causing shocked looks from both you and Sonny.
“I’m sorry Barba, I--”
“Alright that’s it,” You stepped in between the two of them, glaring at Rafael.
“Excuse you?” Rafael crossed his arms.
“Y/N, knock it off,” Sonny hit you softly.
“You have been nothing but rude to my cousin since we got here, Mr. Barba,” You pointed a finger to his chest.
“He was just trying to be nice, getting you a gift out of the goodness of his heart, something you would know nothing about!” Maybe now you were overcompensating.
“Y/N!” Sonny said through gritted teeth.
“What?!” You turned to see everyone at the party staring at the three of you in shocked silence. “Oh…” Your voice turned soft, your face turned red.
“Well,” Rafael straightened his suit and tie, recovering from your little rant. “I guess I should be a gracious host and open it then, shouldn’t I?” He gave you a look.
“...Holy shit,” You heard one of the guests gasp. “That thing is over $1,000! My wife wouldn’t even get me that for Christmas,”
“NO!” Sonny objected rather loudly,. “I mean, that’s not necessary Barba. It’s just a little something, it’s fine,”
“No no, your cousin is right,” He shook his head as he walked over next to Sonny’s chair and retrieved the large gift bag and placed it on the table. Sonny bolted over, you trailed behind quickly.
“No, seriously Barba, don’t,” Sonny began to panic. You suddenly realized how this was going to look, maybe you shouldn’t have pushed.
“Carisi why are you being like--” Rafael was questioning him but was silenced mid-speech when he pulled out the briefcase. His eyes went wide, you swore you heard a few people audibly gasp, You looked around completely lost, finally noticing the absolute horror on Sonny’s face.
“....Is this a Louis Voutton Robusto 2 in Taiga leather, Carisi?” Rafael whispered, running his fingers over the fine leather.
“Oh my god,” You couldn't watch this. Sonny had such a big heart, too big of a heart. He tried so hard...why didn’t you step in sooner?
“Uh y-yeah, sure Barba whatever you want,”
“Carisi, can I speak with you a moment outside?” Rafael blinked rapidly, trying to wrap his head around what was happening right now.
“Do you guys need somewhere to make out?!” An obnoxious man laughed, making the other guests snicker.
“Oh shove it Buchanan,” Rita hit him. “Sonny’s just his puppy,”
“Oh god,” Sonny muttered under his breath as he followed Barba outside. He didn’t know which was worse for people to think right now.
“This is totally inappropriate, why would you even--” He threw his hands over his head. God it was one thing knowing Sonny had a thing for him, but for him to finally make a move like this-- in front of his peers? His colleagues? The audacity.
You wondered if you should follow them. You were the one to cause this mess, after all. Also you really didn’t like the looks you were getting from the rest of the party-goers. You quickly began to follow after them, you could hear Rafael yelling from a mile away.
“What the hell is WRONG with you, Carisi?!”
“I-I’m sorry, Barba I--”
“WHAT?!” Sonny’s eyes instantly went to you. “W-Why would you…? Why would you say that?”
“I’m sorry, counselor I just thought--”
“You just thought what, Carisi?” He growled. “That if you bought some ridiculously expensive gift I’d suddenly realized you were ‘the one’?”
“What?!” Sonny suddenly snapped. “What the-- what the fuck are you talking about, Barba?”
“Uh I don’t know Carisi, maybe the fact that you have feelings for me?”
“What?” Rafael suddenly realized either you were wrong, or he was sticking to denial. Either way, he was probably busted.
“I bought you that briefcase because I want you to like me as a COLLEAGUE, Barba. Do you know what kind of clout you get in our field by being friends with the ADA? And-- And nothing I do ever seems to be good enough, I was afraid you’d never...accept me, unless I…”
“Bribed me?” Rafael asked softly.
“I--I don’t know, I--”
“Well,” Sonny shrugged uncomfortably. “When you say it like that it sounds dirty,”
“Right,” Rafael rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
“....But why, in the fuck--” Sonny crossed his arms now. “Would you ever accuse me of--- of that?!”
“Is it because you have feelings for me and you were hoping I felt the same way but it freaked you out when I made some ‘declaration of love’ in front of all of your work buddies?”
“WHAT?!” Rafael practically screamed. “Absolutely not--”
“I’m just gonna ask you one time, straight out,” Sonny approached Rafael, his stature over him becoming more obvious the closer he got to the ADA.
“Then why? Have I seriously given you an impression that I-- want your cannoli?” He tried to find an appropriate word. And he was genuinely asking, he had made damn sure not to act that way for so long, there was no way he had fucked that up.
“Uh...yes, yes you have,” Rafael tried to bluff. He had no idea how this situation had flipped, or if it was better for Sonny to think he had feelings for him, and not his baby cousin.
“That’s bullshit,” Sonny shook his head with a sarcastic laugh. “I have made damn sure--” He glanced at you again, he knew that look. That was the same look you had when you had broken his mom’s favorite vase and had blamed it on the dog.
“Damn sure what?” Rafael quickly tried to distract him.
“Damn sure you didn’t think that,” He answered hazily, thoughts filling his mind.
“Because you do,” Rafael tried to keep defensive.
“....This isn’t about me, this is about you,” Sonny’s eyes suddenly narrowed as he was quickly becoming aware of the glances you at Rafael were sharing.
“Ohh no I think it’s about--”
“WHY would you accuse me of trying to...seduce you?!” Sonny cut him off.
“Does that sound like something I would do, whether it was true or not?”
“So it IS--”
“DAMMIT, Rafael!” Sonny stomped his foot. He was getting bold now as the wheels started turning.
“What?” Rafael laughed like it was ridiculous, looking everywhere but Sonny’s eyes. “When would she even--”
“...Did my cousin say something to you?” His eyes were narrow, he was scowling between the two of you. Fuck. FUCK. Don’t panic. Keep your cool. Don’t move.
“When you followed her just now?” He crossed his arms again.
Whew. Well, thank God. At least that bullet was dodged.
"Was she? Because it seems like telling you was the worst thing she could do!!!" Sonny snapped.
“....She might have said something along those lines,” Rafael glanced at you with apologetic eyes as he threw you under the bus.
“Wha-- are you kidding me?!” You hissed at him, but Sonny was already fuming at you.
“Y/N!!! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He started to stomp over to you. “You can’t just throw your assumptions at people, because you think your ‘emotionally stunted’ cousin can’t deal with some confusing feelings he has,”
“Uh…”
“Ya can’t just SHOVE someone out of a closet!” He kept yelling, oblivious to the stares he was now getting. “Especially not to my boss!!!”
“Sonny, I--”
“See I knew it!” Rafael clapped his hands together, trying to rescue you after he threw you to the sharks. “I knew you had feelings for me, I didn’t need her to tell me,”
“FINE,” Sonny threw his hands up. “Fine, Rafael. You win, okay?” He struggled with tears forming in his throat. “Yeah, I’ve had some-- weird, feelings about you. For a while,”
You and Rafael just stared at him while he “came out” to an entire restaurant.
“And alright, maybe I went a little overboard with the gift, my bad,” He shrugged. "But that doesn't excuse Y/N for telling you her conspiracy theories!"
"Carisi…" Barba sighed. "She was just trying to help."
"Y'know what YN, would you mind finding somewhere else to crash tonight, i can't really look at you right now," he sighed as he turned and walked awkwardly out of the restaurant.
"Sonny I am so--" you tried to apologize.
"Well you heard the man," He grinned, totally unphased by what just happened.
"I'm sure he'll--" his face went from a soft smile into a horrified expression.
"Are you fucking kidding me Rafael?" You scoffed at him in disbelief.
"Well at least he doesn't suspect anything between us!" He pointed out.
"Yeah just that I'm a horrible outing twat," you rolled your eyes.
"Aw carino," He pulled you into a soft comforting kiss.
"What's wrong?" You asked softly, afraid to turn around.
"How fucking DARE you say that, Barba. I'm not some fucking jealous teenager, although clearly that's your type,"
"Oh my god..." you heard Sonny's voice behind you. "Oh my God!"
You definitely didn't want to turn around now.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Sonny now stormed over to the two of you.
I can't fucking believe you Y/N! What the fuck is this? How did this happen?"
"Sonny I--" You tried to explain,
"And YOU--" He glared at Rafael. "You had the fucking audacity to sit there and start yelling at me for "inappropriate feelings'," he growled.
"Carisi…." Rafael put a hand up.
"What the fuck do you call seducing my baby cousin??" He snarled.
'Look Carisi I know you might be jealous, but--" Before Rafael could finish his sentence, Sonny's fist was hitting his face and he fell to the ground.
"Hey!" You exclaimed.
"This isn't about my feelings, jackass," he went to punch him again but you ran over and tried to pull him off Rafael as a crowd of spectators was forming.
"Which by the way, you have zero worry of those anymore, I'm not into perverts," he spat.
"Sonny!" You gasped. "...the hell is wrong with you?!"
"We're leaving," he instructed you.
"Like hell we are," you went to help Rafael up.
"Sonny, even if you were my dad, I'm a grown woman," you snapped. "You can't drag me out of here like a child,"
"YN," Sonny had that soft, scary, angry tone. "I practically raised you. I'm the closest thing you have to a dad. So when I say we're leaving, we're leaving."
"Either you come with me right now, or I'm disowning you," he threatened.
"Are you fucking kidding me Son?" You laughed at the absurdity of the threat.
"I'll stop paying for your classes at the community college," he threatened.
Well not only did he just threaten your academics but he embarrassed the hell out of you revealing you weren't even in a real college.
"So?" You stood your ground. "Go for it,"
"I'll stop paying your rent," He kept going.
"Well that's--" You started getting nervous.
"I'll stop payments on your car,"
"OKAY," You finally caved. You just wanted to stop revealing what a fucking sad sack you were having him pay for everything, just like a dad.
You looked at Rafael who was standing now, winding his bloody mouth with a handkerchief from a pocket in his suit.
"I'm sorry," you barely whispered with tears in your eyes and throat. The last thing You wanted to do was leave him there but as Sonny so blatantly pointed out, he basically owned you.
You gave him one last long kiss goodbye, to which Sonny made a disgusted scoff.
Rafael gave you a look of pleading, begging you to stay with him while he held onto your hand. You pulled your hand away from him and turned to Sunny
"Alright let's go Son," you said softly trying not to glance back at Rafael.
Sonny nodded triumphantly and walked out of the restaurant with you close behind, leaving Rafael alone.
#rafael barba#rafael barba imagine#rafael barba x reader#rafael barba x you#law and order svu#rafael barba fanficton#law and order svu fanfiction#weird secret friends
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as i'm currently obsessed with your shared space au, I was wondering how doc would react to sam's less moral actions? because despite doc's intimidating feeling, he is a hermit and cares greatly about others.
When Doc and Sam first realized the situation they were in, it didn’t go well. Sam immediately thought the worst and panicked. Doc did his best to help the warden, but it still took a while. Sam was convinced that this was because of someone named Dream, or some plot to help the guy. The thing to finally convince the man was when Doc gave his name and it was something Sam recognized.
“Alright, now that you’re finally calm, can you actually answer some things for me?”
Sam looked around. There wasn’t anyone around of course. No one could get in unless he let them, save for maybe Ghostbur, but he wasn’t likely to visit. “I’ve got a few questions of my own.”
“Yeah, I expected that. I probably can’t answer a lot of them though. I’ve got no clue why I’m here or how, and obviously you don’t either since you were freaking out. This also definitely is your world and body because you’ve got all your limbs and this definitely isn’t a place I’ve built, though the redstone looks good.”
“Uh, thanks. This is Pandora’s Vault.”
Doc would have nodded if he could. “Sounds like a name Joe would pick. Based on your panic before, you're keeping someone named Dream here?”
“Yeah. In the highest security cell.”
“Ah, you’ve got more cells here? Good use of space. If you ever want me to, we can look at the redstone and I can see if I can help with any upgrades. Of course, might not be the best idea with him already locked up.”
“I can still get some notes from you. Right now we’ve got a box of obsidian and crying obsidian covered in lava. Netherite blocks make up a gate for visitors as well as the main door. Respawn bed that the prisoner can’t get to that doubles as an emergency escape. We’ve also got an elder guardian for mining fatigue.”
Doc thought it over. It seemed pretty good, but it seemed like there were a few issues. “You said the respawn point is an emergency exit?”
“Yeah. There’s redstone around the bed so as soon as he respawns, he’s away from the bed so it can’t be broken and thrown back in the cell. There’s also some dispensers for potions to be thrown down, so if someone needs an emergency exit, they stand in the drop puddle and they get sent back out of the cell.”
“Alright, so even if he tried using the exit, it would put him back in the cell.” Doc said, mentally rubbing his chin in thought, then noticed Sam was doing the same. “Are you doing that or am I?”
“Uh, I think you.”
“Good to know. Sorry about that. Could be useful later, but I know someone else messing with your limbs is not the most fun.”
“You nearly died to a god, didn’t you? Stole half your body?”
Doc chuckled. “Nah man. Basically we had a bit of a fight of sorts and I won. He got a bit upset and just sort of made my right arm disappear. Not like I hadn’t already made my own prosthetics. And he wasn’t the worst I’ve met.”
“Notch?” Sam asked, and he could feel the way Doc reacted to the name.
“Yeah. Him. Some people wonder if it was all that worshiping that got to his head, but I’m pretty sure he was always like that and just hid it well. I’m guessing that’s part of how you know me.”
Sam nodded. “I may have found out about all that when figuring out how to build this prison.”
“Based on how you’re acting, I can see why. This Dream guy sounds like a mess. And if you’re admin won’t deal with him…”
“That’s the thing.” Sam cut in. “He sort of is the admin. A sort of shit one at that since he can’t get himself out without anything in place to stop his admin powers. He just doesn’t seem to have them or something.”
“Ah. And obviously you can’t kill him since he could just respawn.” Doc said, but then there was an uncomfortable silence. “You have respawn mechanics. You just said you’re using them with this whole setup.”
“It’s a bit different here. It’s some sort of bastardized form of the way respawning works in minigame worlds. We’ve all got three lives theoretically, but when we lose them depends on how they’re lost. And then we don’t get thrown into a spectator like reality. You’re either dead dead, or an actual ghost.”
“Yeah, I can really see why this guy is a problem now. Can kill him because it would destabilize the world then? Or he’s told you it would?”
There was silence for a few moments. Doc could tell there was something else, but he wasn’t pushing. Just when the hybrid thought that there wouldn’t be an answer, Sam spoke again. “We’ve had a few people die so far. There’s one person here named Tommy, and he was really close to someone who died. Dream really fucked with Tommy but the bastard finally got his comeuppance. Tommy nearly took all of his lives, but one thing he can manage to do as admin is revive people who were killed.”
Doc took a moment to process all that. “So, you’re keeping him alive because this guy misses someone who died?”
“Well Tommy was the one to get screwed over by this guy the most. We all let him decide what would happen and he wanted Dream alive.”
“Not sure if that’s crazy or brave.”
“Might be both.” Sam replied. “Might just be the kid has some hope. And you don’t get much of that around here.”
Doc paused. Sam didn’t seem all that old, but he was calling this other person a kid. Sure, sometimes the hermits joked about Mumbo being ‘the kid’ but he was a lot younger than the ones who actually did that. “How old is Tommy?”
“Sixteen.”
If Doc had been in his own body, he knew he would be hissing. “Sam. What’s a minor doing in a world like this?”
“He joined and can’t really get out. It wasn’t this bad when everything started. The respawn hadn’t been messed with back then.”
Doc accepted the answer, but wasn’t happy about it. “So, this kid is letting some horrible guy stay alive because he can maybe revive people?”
“There’s… no maybe about it anymore.”
“Did he revive the guy you wanted?” There wasn’t an answer from Sam. “Have other people died here other than this one guy people want alive?” Sam nodded. “So he revived one of those people?” Hesitantly, Sam shook his head, but then nodded.
“What’s the name of the person he revived?” Doc asked, but Sam wouldn’t answer. “Sam, who did he revive? The only people I know about here are-” Doc paused. Right now, he only knew three people here. Dream obviously couldn’t revive himself. And Doc is pretty sure he would be able to tell if he was in a body that got revived. “Tommy died. Didn’t he?”
“Yeah…” Sam replied, voice barely over a whisper. Doc only heard what the warden had said because they were sharing a body. He could also tell there was more to it. Compared to everything Doc had heard from Sam, or felt from the guy, there had to be something else that made him feel so bad about it.
“You don’t have to answer this, but it looks like Tommy’s death really got to you. You said he’s a minor, so maybe it’s that, but it seems like more. Like you two are close. Maybe related.”
“No. Not related.” Sam replied. “It’s my fault he died. He wanted some closure and it ended with his death. I could have done something, but…”
Doc knew the feeling. He preferred worlds like Hermitcraft because he knew people would respawn. They would come back. “I’m sure there was nothing you could actually do.”
“No. There was. But if I did that, well, Dream wouldn’t be locked up anymore.”
Doc mentally frowned. Something was definitely up now. Dream could only revive people. And obviously he revived Tommy. But what could he have possibly done to prevent the kid’s death that would involve him getting out? Doc tried to think of what it could be, and then it was like he could see what happened. “Dream killed him.”
“What did you just-”
“You could have stopped it and instead the kid got killed. Look, I don’t care if you guys want your admin to revive someone or not. If the one person who wants him alive is going to die unless you do something about this admin, you don’t take the option to let him out. You kill him instead. If this kid really wants Dream alive, he’s some sort of saint.”
“Well-”
“But at this point, I don’t care. This is too far. If we could have killed Notch instead of locking him up, we would have. You need to do the same or this might just happen again.”
“There are procedures-”
“You’re in charge of this goddamn place. You choose the procedures and rules. Just get rid of him.”
“Not unless Tommy wants it.”
“He’s a kid. A kid with a heart of gold, but still a kid. If he gets angry, fine, but you need to get rid of this guy. Especially since he’s an admin. If you lose him, someone’s going to show up to fix whatever the hell he caused and probably revive people anyway.”
“That’s not how this works.”
Doc took control of their one hand and slammed it down on the desk. It was hard enough that there was a crack, both from the desk and from their hand. “You’re going to get more people killed like this! And they might not be revived like Tommy was! Are you really okay with that?!”
Sam didn’t answer. He just took control again to check his hand over. It was going to need some healing. And he’d have to do that himself.
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Warnings DARK CONTENT: Contains minor and some major spoilers for American Horror Story: Murder House,attempted suicide, language, smoking, implied sex, murder, blood, drug abuse, mentions of social (specifically school related) violence, horror, hostage situations, manipulation, infidelity, pregnancy, miscarriage, and grief...lots of it
A/n: This is the first fic I have written in 4 years, and I know it's not the best, but I worked really hard and I hope you guys enjoy this. This also takes place after the events of the first season of American Horror Story.
"If you're trying to kill yourself, cut vertically. They can't stitch that up." he said making you jump a little. "How the hell did you get in here?" you ask slightly frightened as your blood dripped down your arm. "Another tip, if you're trying to kill yourself, you might also try locking the door." he said with a slight smirk on his face.
Recently you moved into a house that was home to a lot of murders, hence the house has been dubbed, the "Murder House." Your father was a psychiatrist, and your mother, was a stay at home mom. Your father worked at home, so he could stay close to the family after his infidelity, and your mother's miscarriage. It was strangely similar to the story of the Harmon family, the last family that lived and died in the house before you. You recently started school at Westfield High where you were bullied for simply being the new kid, as well as the fact that you smoked. All of the overwhelming grief caused you to have suicidal thoughts about it all. Then he started showing up. The boy who frightened you had messy indigo hair, and tired purple eyes, as well as a smug expression on his face.
"How did you get into the house?" you asked covering up your arms with your sweater, still a little spooked by the strange boy. "I was in a therapy session with your father, and I decided to wander a bit. You know this used to be my room, before I moved." he said with a slight grin. "That's pretty cool I guess." you say hesitant to trust him. You had heard rumors that every person who lived in this house died in this house except for an old woman named Constance, who died a while back, and Vivien Harmon's son, Michael who had disappeared. However, you didn't believe in ghosts or spirits of any sort.
"I'm Hitoshi." he said introducing himself. You could tell he was trying to make a good impression, "Y/n." you said softly introducing yourself. You quickly came to realize there was something special about this boy, something you couldn't quite explain. He smiled before hearing some rattling upstairs, "I've got to go." he said. You turned away from the mirror to say goodbye, then he was gone.
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"I fucking hate school so much!" you yelled in anguish. You just got home from a huge fight at school, because of a girl teasing you for smoking and being the new kid. "If you're having issues with a bully just kill her." Shinsou said nonchalantly. You looked at him in disbelief, "Are you insane? I can't kill someone." you said. "Then just scare her. Get her to come here and go to the basement, then we can scare her." he said with a smirk.
You look at him again this time with confusion, "And how do you expect me to do that genius?" you ask. He chuckled a little, "You underestimate me, Y/n. Does she do drugs or something?" he asked. You remember her saying something about doing coke. "I think she does coke, but I don't do drugs, so I don't have any here." you say. "Don't worry, you don't need to have it. That's just how you get her here and into the basement. Then I'll take over from there." he said holding your hand, comforting you in a way.
You approached the girl who hurt you the next day, and told her that you had coke for her, and surprisingly after school she came over to get it.
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"Well where are they?" she asked walking down to the basement with you. "I have to keep it down here, you know, so my parents don't find it." you said trying to keep a straight face. When the two of you get down there you see Shinsou in a rocking chair, "Why, hello." he said with a smirk, then all of the sudden the lights went out and he was gone. There were a lot of flashing lights and screaming going on, but you couldn't make out what you saw exactly what you saw in the darkness until it came at you. It was a small pale white creature with sharp teeth, and claws. The girl was on the floor crying in her own blood, though she definitely wasn't dead. Shinsou grabbed you and yelled, "Go away!" at the creature until it was gone and the lights were back on, then Shinsou was gone as well.
The girl quickly got up clutching her cheek, which had deep claw marks in it, "You fucking freak!" she cried as she ran out of the house. When she was gone Shinsou came up behind you who was also spooked from the thing you saw, "Hey, are you okay." he said trying to calm you down. You turned to him, "What the hell was that thing?" you asked. He looked at you confused, "What do you mean y/n? That was just me." he said pretending like he didn't see the creature. You backed away out of his arms, "Don't play with me, what was that thing?" you asked. He held you, "I don't know what you're talking about." he said before taking you back upstairs convincing you that you saw nothing that night.
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Soon Halloween rolled around, and you were ready for your date with Shinsou, despite your father's instant disapproval of his patient dating his only daughter. You got yourself ready for your Halloween date and went out the door with Shinsou. The two of you walked to the beach, and picked out a spot where you could see hundreds of stars, "I used to come here to get away from it all." he said holding your hand, "My mom was constantly cheating on my dad, and my dad was cheating on my mom. One day he just up and left, and it was just me and my mom." he said. You looked at him, over the past couple of months you had grown to fall for him. You cautiously leaned into him and kissed his lips. He was so gentle, and his lips were so soft that you could to this forever. You moved your hand to his crotch, "I wanna do it, please." you said softly. He froze, he knew what would happen if he continued, but he did it anyway. He moved himself on top of you, "Okay."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He huffed as he pulled out of you, and laid on his back for a moment letting his mind process what the two of you did. You smile at him, "I love you Shinsou." you say softly. He smiled and looked at you, "I love you too, y/n." he said before getting his clothes back on and taking you home.
During the walk back you looked at him, "It was your first time wasn't it?" you asked. He looked at you, "As much as I would like to say yes, it wasn't my first. You?" he asked, and you nodded. He sighed, "Sorry." he said. You looked at him again, "Don't be, I'm glad you were my first." you said.
You got back home and most of the lights were out so you assumed your parents were asleep. He held your hands, "Y/n I want to show you something." he said gently. You nod, "Of course you can show me." you say trusting him. He took you inside into a small crawlspace in the basement. You both soon arrived to an area with a large drop. He shined the flashlight into the hole to reveal something truly horrifying, your dead mangled corpse. You scream loudly and pass out.
#my hero academia#american horror story#murder house#hitoshi shinsou#tate langdon#tw spoilers#tw attempted suicide#tw suicide#tw depression#tw language#tw smoking#tw implied sex#tw murder#tw blood#tw drug abuse#tw mentions of social violence#tw social violence#tw violence#tw horror#tw hostage situations#tw manipulation#tw infidelity#tw pregnancy#tw miscarriage#tw grief#tw death
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Stay High
Karube Daikichi × Reader
Based off this song
No, because It's a three am sad thought that should have been kept in my head. This is totally not based off of my deepest darkest feeling and fears. Anyways, ignore that. Um... yeah.
Warnings: Episode 3 spoilers, Manga spoilers, weed, smoking, suicide (this went darker than I intended, ok?), and another terrible attempt at angst :)
"Karu! For the last time, we're not getting a freaking parrot!" You scolded. "Aww, why not babe? They're cute," he said, pouting. You smiled kissing him quickly. "... I'll think about it," you said, before heading out. "I think that means we will have a-" "Don't push your luck babe. I'll see you after work."
_______________________________________
"And here is my attempt at trying to be nice. Happy anniversary!" You chirped, sliding a rather large gift his way. It had a draped cover over it, so he couldn't see inside. He looked at you suspiciously, slowly taking it in his hands. You had a camera in your hands, and we're smirking. He didn't trust that smirk. "Why do you have that camera?" He asked, nodding to it. "Just filming. It's a special day babe," you said, hiding your smile. "Can i-" "Don't you dare shake it-" He raised his hands in mock surrender, before slowly lifting the sheet.
You saw the smile that spread across his face. "I said I'd think about it," you said. He stood up, pulling your waist into him. He kissed you softly, making you smile in your head. "I'm guessing this means you like your gift?" You asked, a smirk on your face. "It's a fucking parrot, hell yeah I like it," he said. You laughed, pressing a kiss to his temple.
Tears blurred your vision, falling onto the screen of the camera. Had it really been a year since then?
"Ok, now I get to film you! Welcome to day 1 of our roadtrip, I don't know where we're going, but we'll find out soon enough," Karube said, turning the camera to face him. He then turned it to face you. You were putting your luggage into the trunk of your car, and looked up with a smile, giving the camera a peace sign. The parrot, who you two decided to name Nijiko after much deliberation due to its coloring, squawked on your shoulder. You smiled. "Yes, you'll be going to day care for a while Nijiko," you spoke to the bird, petting it's beak softly. The bird shivered. "Day care? Nijiko day care?" It squawked, tilting it's head to the side. You nodded. "Yes, smart bird. Nijiko is going to daycare," you praised. "I sometimes wonder if she loves the bird more than me. The answer is yes. Yes she does," Karube said, laughing as you spoke to the bird.
"Update, it's been 4 hours, and we are in the middle of no where. The child(the bird) has been dropped off at day care... well boarding? For the week. The music's pretty good though, and this angel next to me is still here, so we're all good," he said. He was really serious about filming this. "Babe, why are you filming this again?" You asked, reaching to grab his hand on the center console. "Because memories baby girl," he responded, kissing the back of your hand as it was intertwined with his. You laughed, blowing him a kiss, turning your attention back to the road.
"Day 3 of our roadtrip, (Y/N) is deciding on what to wear, but as I've told her, she looks great in everything," he stated. You flipped him off, picking out something to wear finally. "Wowwwww, I can really feel the love," he said sarcastically, holding a hand to his chest dramatically. "Shut up, you know I love you," you said, rolling your eyes. "I know you do. Who wouldn't love me?" he joked. "I don't know babe. Watch it though, 'cause you're mine~!"
"Ok, it's a few hours later, (Y/N) is getting snacks, and I'm super nervous, because of this," he said, talking to camera. He pulled out a small box, showing the ring to the camera. "I've been documenting this whole thing like a maniac, because I didn't want her to be suspicious. But anyways, yeah... I've been thinking about it for a while, seeing as we've been together since high school. I am terrified, in all honesty," he rambled, running a hand through his hair. He put the small box back to where you wouldn't find it, but he wouldn't lose it. He saw you walking back to the car, and smiled. You opened the door, giving him a weird look. "You're filming again?" You questioned. He nodded. "You love the sound of your voice don't you?" You asked with a smile. He laughed, "Not as much as I love yours."
_______________________________________
He placed the camera was on a nearby fence post, facing you two, close enough to see and hear both of you. He started recording, and gave a thumbs up to the camera. You looked out to the water, admiring the hues of blue. The water crashed into the shore, spraying you with water. "You know when we get married, I'm definitely going to take you here again," he said. You kept looking out at the water, not noticing him. "When we get married? You already have this planed?" You laughed. You turned to face him, not seeing him at eye level. You looked down, and your eyes widened. "As I was saying, when we get married-" he started, getting interrupted when you jumped onto him, throwing your arms around his neck. You both fell to the sand, and you two couldn't help but laugh. "Are you serious? Like, really?" You asked, tears in your eyes. "Yeah, I'm serious. (Y/N), you've been with me for what seems like forever. I love you so much, and I want to be yours forever. Just as much as you'll be mine. So... would you do me the honor, and marry me?" He asked. He might have sounded confident, but he was shaking on the inside. The tears in your eyes fell, and you laughed nodding. "Yes, a million times yes," you said. He laughed, letting out a sigh of relief. You hugged him tightly, your head in the crook of his neck. "Forever and ever?" You whispered. "Forever and ever."
You looked down at the ring on your finger, crying even harder. His side of the bed stayed empty, no one would ever be able to sleep there. Not even you. His side of the room stayed untouched. The same way it had been left that morning. Before the accident.
"(Y/N)... I know you're sad, but this isn't healthy for you... just... call me back once you get this," Arisu sighed. "No answer again?" Usagi asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He shook his head. "She's been with our group as long as I can remember. And she's been... she had been... with Karube even longer. If it's hard on me, I can't believe how hard it must be on her," Arisu explained. Usagi pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm sure she's fine. All people cope with things differently. Just give her space."
You were most definitely not fine. The grief that filled you everytime you saw Arisu's name on your phone, when you looked at anything that once belonged to Karube. For the first time in the past few weeks, you wandered into the kitchen, and saw the binder filled with the ideas you two had for the wedding. You looked away, tears filling your eyes once more. You couldn't escape the sorrow that had filled your life. It seemed like he was everywhere. Even when you turned on the damn TV the news was talking about the incident. The names of the victims would pop up with pictures, and you would quickly turn it off. You grabbed the folder, ripping up all the papers in there, shredding them to bits in a fit of sadness. You dropped to your knees, holding the final piece of paper. You sniffled, wiping your eyes, looking down. It was in Karube's hand writing, and you took a deep breath. Eventually, you would have to read these things. Eventually, you would have to clean up his side of the room. You decided to start off small. By reading whatever this was.
'I may not be good at expressing my feelings, and this is not going to be the first time you've all heard me tell you how wonderful this woman is, and how much I love her. It certainly won't be the last, if I have any say in it. To which I do. If I could go back to the day we met, and you told me I would be marrying her, I would believe it. Because I've loved you from day one (Y/N). And now, I'll have you. Forever and ever.'
- Karube (rough draft, don't let (Y/N) find this)
You whimpered, holding the piece of paper to your chest. This was too much for you. You needed a distraction.
"Eh, just give me the money, no one will ever know," the woman said. You gave her the money, and she passed you a bag. "I promise it gets better dear. And be careful with that," she said sweetly. You nodded, your face so devoid of any emotion, it was hard to tell if you were still alive. Your world felt so numb to any emotion but hurt.
The burn of the smoke in your throat was satisfying. For the first time since his death, you felt something. Your eyes lazily looked up, staring at the ceiling. The smell of the weed filled up the room and you rolled your eyes. For once the pain was gone. You couldn't think of anything in the moment other than being hungry. The first time in weeks that had happened.
That was your new routine. Wake up, lounge around, look through the videos and pictures of both of you, get high of your mind. It was the only way you'd forget. Was it healthy? No. Did you care? Also no. You started ignoring Arisu's calls, messages, and voice mails. Leaving them unseen, and unheard. He was worried, and Usagi had gotten worried as well, even though she'd only met you once at the hospital. You seemed like a pleasant person, and according to Arisu, you never left someone in the dark that long. You would usually respond quickly if you weren't at work. But, do to the incident, there wasn't work for a few weeks. That made him worry.
When he found out why you weren't answering, he was shocked. Your apartment wasn't exactly a mess. There were a few papers scattered in the kitchen, and uncollected mail, but other than that, your apartment was clean. He was so confused, hearing you giggling and talking to yourself in your room.
He knocked on the door, opening it slowly. "(Y-y/N)?" He asked hesitantly. You looked up, your eyes lazy and red. The smell of weed in your room was strong, the smoke going out of the window. How long had you been doing this? Had it become self destructive? These were questions he asked himself before seeing you doze off to sleep.
"What the hell were you thinking (Y/N)! You can't- you can't destroy your life over it! I- I was so worried! I've already lost two friends, I can't lose you too!" He scolded. It was a few hours later, and your high had passed. "Why do you care?" You snapped, the conversation being boring to you. The hurt you hadn't felt in weeks came back. He was back in your mind, not as your wonderful fiancé, but as the man you had lost. The man who you had to bury in the ground. It was horrible. Your mind hated the images of his body, lifeless and devoid of his usual smile. You hated it. Absolutely despised it.
"Because you're my friend! You've been my friend since high school! I know it hurts (Y/N), believe me I know, but you can't destroy your fucking life and mental health!" He scolded. It was so unfair to you, in your head. That he was saying something like that. "You want to know what's really destroying my mental health?! Not having him anymore! The fact that he's dead, and I can't- I can't-" you couldn't finish your sentence. Arisu felt bad, but this was an intervention. He had to be a bit forceful for you to stop. "Karube wouldn't want you to do this," he said softly. You felt more tears fall. But you didn't know how to deal with this. "How do you know what he wants?! He's dead!" You screamed. "H-hes dead," you whispered, your voice breaking. Arisu hugged you tightly as you cried. "Can I just know why?" He asked. "He's gone, and I have to stay high all the time to keep him off my mind. Gotta stay high... all my life to forget I'm missing him," you whispered. It was true. It was the only way you could feel something other than pain. The smoke made your mind hazy, and your sadness drifted away. But it wasn't healthy. And it would never be. "It gets better (Y/N)... please, just... stay with me for a week. So I can have peace of mind?"
2 years later
You sat on the sand of the beach, the waves crashed onto the rocks nearby, and a breeze blew the salt water into your face. You looked down at the ring on your finger, sighing at the sight of the shiny gem. You smiled sadly, pressing a kiss to it. "Soon my darling... soon we'll be together again. Forever and ever."
Because the high kept him off your mind, you didn't learn how to cope any other way. The only way was to feel any other pain. You had tried to meet other people, but no one was ever as good. You couldn't even talk to other guys without feeling guilt. It felt wrong. It was like whatever you did, you couldn't get over it. At all. In fact, it had gotten worse over the years. Especially on the yearly anniversary of the incident. Reporters would go to your home and ask you questions, seeing as people had asked you while you were in the hospital. How we're you supposed to get over it when you were reminded constantly?
So there was no thoughts in your head as you walked into the water. It was cold, shocking you. If you didn't drown, you'd die of hypothermia. And that was fine with you.
Forever and ever, no?
Ok, ok, ok.... wow, wowowowowow, this was a three am sad thought that did not have to be written, ok, um wow... that was darker than I intended, holy shit-
I promise I'm done with the terrible attempts at angst, and I promise I'm working on the my other oneshots/books. It's just that when I have an idea, I need to write it before I forget.
Remember that people love you, even if you think no one does, I promise you they do. If you really need help, please find it, and if you would like, I'm always glad to talk to people if they need my help.
#alice in borderland#×reader#spotify#Karube Daikichi#angst?#three am thoughts are hard to deal with#im honestly proud of this one
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A (very long) list of all of my favorite AJJ lyrics because why not
Candy Cigarettes and Cap Guns (2005)
“Well my great grand-dad he died of cancer, from smoking too many cigarettes. But I must confess that he did quite profess to being the coolest motherfucker I ever met.”
“And cocaine is essentially vegan and they don't give a fuck anyway.”
“And I can't help but miss him even though he hit me everyday.”
“So fuck white people! (fuck white people!)”
“Heaven is a special place in hell where you can watch the people you hate get hurt.”
“You find me quite charming and I find it quite alarming ‘cause I'm gonna take your life. You find me quite charming and I find it quite alarming and I'm sad you won't be my wife.”
“What makes you think you can be so pretty? And what makes you think you can be so great? And what makes you think you can be so intelligent? And what makes you think you can be so far away?”
“What makes you think you can be so wonderful? And what makes you think you can be so keen? And what makes me think I can be so hurtful? And what makes me think I can be so mean?”
“Sometimes I feel like a cigarette, I'm wrapped in paper and I'm suffocating to death.”
“I don't want to be a cigarette anymore. I'll go to hell in my self death all day and night, so please just put me out.”
People Who Can Eat People Are The Luckiest People In The World (2007)
“Rejoice despite the fact this world will hurt you. Rejoice despite the fact this world will kill you. Rejoice despite the fact this world will tear you to shreds. Rejoice because you’re trying your best”
“I'm afraid to leave the house. I'm as timid as a mouse. I'm afraid if I go out I'll outwear my welcome. I'm not a courageous man. I don't have any big lasting plans. I'm too cowardly to take a stand, I want to keep my nose clean. And it's sad to know that we're not alone in this and it's sad to know that there's no honest way out. In this life we lead, we could conquer everything if we could just get the brave to get out of bed in the morning.”
“And I give a thank-you to my father for not raising me, and I give a finger to my step-father for beating me, and I give props to myself for achieving, and god damn I’m glad that I survived, and god damn I’m surprised that I survived.”
“So I looked into your eyes and I saw the reflection of a coward you and I both hate very much and then I grabbed the knife and I let the blood out of your throat and I smashed those tiny mirrors inside of your skull.”
“If I don’t go to hell when I die I might go to heaven, might go to heaven. But probably not.”
“Just happy times and half assed rhymes and mimes because mimes are dears, but most of all I want no more tears.”
“No more racism. No more discrimination. No more fat dumb fucks keeping people out of our nation.”
“We’re all one big band across this land and we should sing in tune. Let us grow the balls to break the walls, we’ve got to do it soon.”
“And I hope our candles flicker and die so that our hearts don’t burn to the ground.”
“First we were babies, we're birthing and dying. Then we were children, we're playing and crying. And then we're teenagers and smoking and fucking. But now we're all grown up and we're sadly sighing.”
“And your manic depression, it comes and it goes. Your parasympathetic nervous system reacts and you're in fight or flight mode.”
“How's the world so small when the world is so large? And what made the world? Could I please speak to who's in charge? Everything is real but it's also just as fake. From your daughter's birthday party to your grandmother's wake.”
“I've tried to know which words to sing so many times. I tried to know which chord to play and I tried to make it rhyme. And I tried to find the key that all good songs are in. And I tried to find that notes to make that great, resounding din.”
“There's someone in your head waiting to fucking strangle you.”
“I've got essays, I've got finals due. I have got lots and lots of problems.”
“Welcome to this world, have as much fun as you would like while helping others have as much fun as you're having. Be kind to those you love and be kind to those you don't but for God's sake you gotta be kind.”
Can’t Maintain (2009)
“I wanna pick up the pieces and plant them in the ground. When a tree grows there I want to chop that tree down. Build it into a boat and float it in a lake. And with dynamite I will explode the thing that makes me make mistakes.”
“Sometimes I get so lonesome I can't breathe. Sometimes I get so scared that I can't speak. Sometimes I get so worried I can't hear my heartbeat. Anyway…”
“I wanna tear out my heart and give it away to a person more deserving one day. If all I see is the worst in everything that's all I'm gonna get, that's all I'm gonna get, that's all I'm gonna get.”
“And people freak me out. People make me scared. People make me so damn self-aware.”
“I get bronchitis twice a year at least. My lungs aren't the way they should be. And I smoke more than a mother fuckin chimney. I declare war on my body.”
“You will cough up crows that peck my eyes and I will do nothing but go blind.”
“We could live there together or I'll live alone, less happy but I'll live... unfortunately.”
“And no one will know how I truly feel ‘cause I can no longer differentiate between what is fake and what is real. I don't know how I feel.”
“And I will always appreciate bad days like this because they grant me a point of reference in regards to my happiness.”
“If the bridge that I was driving over collapsed while I was driving over it that may not be such a bad thing. I would finally meet my maker, I could meet the great creator, and I'd punch him for teaching me how to sing.”
“Don't know if I believe in god but sometimes I pray because the way I was raised keeps me afraid.”
“I hope I can forgive me for having the nerve to exist. I hope someone can help me make some sense of this.”
“Sense and sensibility and peaceful productivity, a pretty girl with broken wings is all that I desire. But there's so much hostility in all the things surrounding me. The awful glow of enmity is trying to stop my shine. So I try to look inwardly at all the things inside of me but sodomy and buggery keep bubbling to the top.”
“I met you once over the phone, you sounded sad and you seemed alone. You left me but I never left you. I never had the chance to.”
“If you spend all your heart on something that has died you are not alive and that can't be your life.”
Knife Man (2011)
“There's no one to blame. People are just fucking mean.”
“So if I see a penny on the ground, I leave it alone or fucking flip it. I'm a straight white male in America. I've got all the luck I need.”
“I've got a pile of broken mirrors and I'm walking under ladders and I'll spill a ton of salt because to me that doesn't matter.”
“You were dead by the time that I had found you. Your blood was spilled on the couch where we had first kissed. So I carried you west to the sea so I could wash you. Your body felt just like a back pack.”
“I hate whiny, fucking songs like this but I can't afford a therapist. Sorry guys, here's a solo.”
“Some days I feel like I'm the weakest and others the strongest. These days are the longest and I've got the weirdest feeling about this and I wanna go away for a while.”
“I wish I had a bullet big enough to fucking kill the sun. I'm sick of songs about the summer.”
“When you have no one, you are no one. Like I said, I used to work at the people pound. All these no ones clumped together, just like a human lost and found. If they left them all be someones there wouldn't be enough to go around. It's better for us all us if there are no ones. And I knew a lot of no ones round that time. They used to all be someones until something took their life and all their someones disappeared while they're stuck there waiting in a line. And for them now, no one seems to have the time.”
“They say ambition is an enemy of weakness and greatness is an enemy of fame.When I pick up my guitar and I try to write a song, I think of what my mentor used to say… “Who fucking gives a rat's ass Steve, just write a love song. Cus they'll keep your belly full and your wallet lined. Don't bother these nice people with your sad sack songs. If you ask me I think they're just a waste of time.””
“Inspiration is the best friend of my sorrow and sorrow is the best friend of my drink. Well I want to look myself in the eye tomorrow but I'm too worried of what other folk's will think.”
“And the troubles in my heart need to get let out. And the troubles in my heart need to escape. And I never liked writing poetry and I never liked doing pottery and God knows that I never learned to paint. So every now and then, I'll sing sad songs. Cus it keeps my spirit light and my conscience clean. And if you don't care to hear I don't mind if you go out for some air. Cus I'm happy that you're happier than me.”
“So I wish I had a cigarette for every time a perfect stranger asked me for a cigarette but I wonder what a cigarette will really do to help that person out. I wish to God I had some spare change for every time a perfect stranger asked me for some spare change but there's not enough spare change in the world to make such an empty gesture count.”
“You can hope it gets better and you can follow your dreams but hope is for presidents and dreams are for people who are sleeping.”
“You don't have it any better and you don't have it any worse. You're an irreplaceable human soul with your own understanding of what it means to suffer and that’s a huge bummer.”
“I'm afraid of the way I live my life. I'm afraid of the way I don't. I'm afraid of the things that I want to do but I won't. I'm afraid of God. I'm afraid to believe and I'm afraid of all the loved ones that I've made leave. I'm afraid that my dog doesn't love me anymore. I'm afraid of the social laziness that let Kitty Genovese die. And I'm afraid of the mob mentality that makes otherwise normal people go blind. I'm afraid of the way that the world works and I'm afraid of the words in my notebooks. I'm afraid that you all know that I am a pervert.”
“It's harder to be yourself than it is to be anybody else. I wish I were a little less of a coward but the big red bird that lives under the city doesn't give a damn about me and it dies every night. So I bought a knife. I am a knife.”
Rompilation (2012)
“I used to be a spiderman, I used to be a cowboy from hell, but not anymore. Now I'm just a clam and I live inside this shell inside this shell I am. God damn I hate my brain.”
“I'll dip my brain in medicine so that you can stand to be with me.”
“Give me your tired, give me your tired, give me your poor. When our government acts like this, I wonder what World War II was for and the rest of the country hates us more and more. Lady Liberty is not a whore.”
“This is not a protest, it's a tortoise slowly pushing through a race. I hope the tortoise keeps its patience while the hare continues to pepper-spray its face.”
“There is no enemy, there's only people that also love their families and they're scared that they won't have enough long after they are deceased. But how much money do they need? Love turns into fear, and fear turns into greed. There is no enemy, there's only dummies that also love their families.”
“And this is not a phase, it's just a matter of time, with diligence and peacefulness, you will reach them and you will change their minds. If you stay there long enough, they'll start to see you.”
“And when you pushed my face in shit how could that have made you feel like a man or like a monster. It's your fault that I can't tell the difference.”
“In the evening I try songwriting. I'm self loathing, but I love singing. I'll try escaping these evil feelings but they keep coming, they keep coming…”
“So the baby's gonna have a daddy, that's wonderful news. He won't be the greatest parent but neither will you! Gotta get out while you can, otherwise you're screwed. Your legs are broken and your eyes are black and blue.”
“And smoking is like hiring a hitman for five dollars a day, and as cool as that is, I don't wanna keep dying this way.”
Christmas Island (2014)
“Shoot him again ‘cause I can see his soul dancing.”
“If you give it to me I’ll give it back much harder. If you treat me like a son, then I’ll treat you like a daughter. Everyone has a future, everyone has a soul, everyone has a heart, they have a mind, they have control.”
“The Coffin Dancer dances like he has something the prove because he does. He sleeps a couple hours in the morning, hates the morning when he wakes up.”
“The Coffin Dancer dances like he wants to make a friend, but he does not.”
“Getting naked and playing with guns. There's a gerbil in the microwave, a baseball bat in everyone. Sharing kisses and building a bomb. We'll set it off like Microsoft in '94.”
“McDonald's PlayPlace before the Xbox, cake frosting, sweet talking, bedroom wall, covered in knives, touching God, burning shit. We'll make a wish and take a trip to Future Town like our daddy did.”
“Have you ever wanted to be, have you ever wanted to see someone better in the mirror? Have you ever wanted to go, have you ever wanted to know somewhere greener, somewhere cleaner. I bet you got something beautiful in mind.”
“I can’t handle astounding works of beauty. I think I like my pretty pretty ugly but the beautiful soul I witnessed in that movie was an entirely different kind of overwhelming. It was a dog that won’t stop barking. Like a cut that never stops bleeding. Arizona sunsets in the early evening. Or a grown man inconsolably weeping.”
“I am the Kool-Aid stains on the mouth of a kid whose name is most likely Cody. He had a juice box for breakfast and he carries a stick that he most likely found in the alley. Cody doesn't have friends and his parents hate each other and he wants to find a better way to love his family and after school he hangs out in the abandoned house behind the Arby's.”
The Bible 2 (2016)
“Oh, I love you cause I love you cause I can.”
“On your last night at Saint Mary's you were way too intoxicated to breathe. So I used your ribs as ladders and I climbed up on your chest and I jumped up and down just like a trampoline.”
“Confused and rude. Such a special kind of way to be cruel.”
“If I were one of the things, I'd be american garbage. The most beautiful thing. The most beautiful american garbage you have ever seen.”
“No more shame, no more fear, no more dread.”
“And if you don't want to feel the feeling, no one should ever make you feel the feeling.”
“I thought I saw you before I knew who you were.”
“I just wanted to rage but all I got was tired”
“I showed him all the books that I was raised on. Your Madeleine L'Engle(s) and D'Aulaires' Mythologies.”
“And his eyes became a beacon, an LCD projector, broadcasting all my memories in a clear and vivid picture. His tongue became a staircase, his uvula - The knocker of an ornate wooden door that lead me straight into my future. His throat became a hallway with a thousand baby pictures and I became forgiveness, I transformed into the closure that I lost when I learned about the tragedy of all of us. I lost it when I learned about the tragedy of all of us.”
Good Luck Everybody (2019)
“If you don't give it to them they'll starve to death and that's alright.”
“I've got the normalization blues, this isn't normal, this isn't good.”
“I'm detached and I'm distracted, all keyed up but unproductive, vacillating between being all excited and disgusted and then dozing lackadaisically in this bubble where I've made my mental home. Connection's more important now than it ever was, but I'd rather be alone.”
“And when we talk about the president, we're either pissed off or we're giggling about an atrocity he's committing or some stupid shit he's tweeting. He's a symptom and a weapon of the evil men who really run the show. The ones who melt down human beings into money like a cruel Sorcerer's Stone.”
“This is the golden age of dickotry, probably the last golden age of anything, and the ugliest word in the English language is anthropocene. Good luck, everybody. Good luck.”
“But before that, you'll be a doormat, for every vicious narcissist in the world. Oh how they'll screw you, all up and over, then feed you silence for dessert.”
“I'm sorry that you have to have a body, filled with infection, one hundred scabs singing in unison, eyes and hands, sometimes bullets, uninvited, passing through us.”
“Oh to be awake for such a shitty dream. A bullet in the head of every decent thing.”
“The lake of dead black children that America created is getting fuller than the founding Fathers even wanted. The ghost of great America was underestimated and now it rages like a cold sore on the lip of this dumb nation. Again we've slipped inside a pit of absolute despair. That's where we live.”
“Rewarding our worst cruelty, they destroyed our shared reality, and now they upsell us our dignity like some fucked VIP package.”
“There is no absolute, these days there's no such thing as truth and you don't need to be a dick about it.”
“I'm a burnout and a fool, oblivious to all I do. I move my lips when I read and breathe with my mouth open, wide open. Timid, meek, and cruel, this is the best that I can do. I need to speak my truth, yet here I'm broken wide, wide open. My resentment, big and strong, and all the things that I can't change. They'll buckle me beneath the weight. I will drive myself insane with all the things that I can't change. I hate all the things that I can't change.”
“You're a loudmouth and a tool, and as it turns out I am too, and you don't need to be a dick about it.”
“Because I know that you know what I need more than me and I know that you need me more than that.”
“For all the pussies you grab and the children you lock up in prison, for all the rights you roll back and your constant stream of racism, for all the poison you drip in my ear, for all your ugly American fear. I wrote you this beautiful song called Psychic Warfare.”
“I hate you with all of my heart. I hate you with all of my art.”
“I went back to the desert, little Midwest in me, and now I am colder than I used to be. I live in a fortress the shape of my body, and now there's a coldness, and it's shaped like me. Now I don't suffer any more bullshit gladly. Even though everything's bullshit now, here in 2019 and you can bet it's gonna be a bunch of bullshit too out in sweet 2020 or whenever this album's released.”
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