#mentally. not physically. im not into that. ....probably
hehe scenario. jupeter coming out the other side of All That with a bit of 'wow you're just straight up a bit codependent but maybe that's actually the best-case scenario for you right now carry on fellas'
oh they've Had Their Talk in the aftermath, and, okay, it's agreed that they are Not Doing Romance because Nureyev needs Time To Grieve and it would be better to Take The Pressure Off Of Being In A Relationship and they will Reevaluate when Nureyev's had a chance to be a guy who doesn't have to worry about where his next meal is coming from. but also Like Hell is Juno just going to Leave Him Alone after all this. and the result is that they spend the Big Crash just. completely unhinged about each other. Nureyev's shot past 'feeling vulnerable around Juno scares the shit out of him' and well into 'raw nerves and gaping wounds and compound trauma and feeling vulnerable about literally anything and everything all the time and being around Juno is integral to not spiraling into the abandonment hell vortex'. meanwhile Juno's like 'holy shit Nureyev is letting me be there for him. this is already incredible progress'
u think they were insufferable on the Carte Blanche well. on the Carte Blanche Nureyev was still working on things like trusting Juno enough to let him back in at all and he Had An Image To Maintain and lots of Private Stuff to Deal With and Juno was still figuring out how not to be a prickly ass all the time and 'when is it appropriate to give your bf his space when your default mode is to Investigate Shit' and none of that is a going concern right now
'sometimes you gotta be a little bit mentally ill to handle the mental illness' they have so much separation anxiety and they are clipping their carabiners together. hooking pinky fingers and following each other when one needs to do something in the next room. where's Nureyev? sitting in Juno's lap again. his ass is experiencing 'nervous system doesn't know how to respond to the sudden removal of constant crushing dread and just goes fucking haywire at unpredictable intervals'. he gets random-ass panic attacks and there's only so much the breathing exercises and the grounding exercises and self-soothing techniques can do compared to 'Juno is here and he's fine and he's safe and he is more than happily providing prolonged physical contact' to get him to calm down on a physiological level
meanwhile Juno's like 'i chased this idiot across half the galaxy because he wouldn't ask for help and had to deal with him being all stone-faced and cold about it, do I look like i mind that he's clingy now? a lady does not need his personal space at this time. a lady is living for this. a lady is also maybe feeling clingy have u considered that'
everyone who isn't rita (idek who. melee? the other vivopolis refugees??) is assuming they are just getting a very bad grade in taking it slow and are barely humoring them about it. and neither bothers with denying the boyfriend allegations but it's not bc it's true it's they're just. too exhausted to get defensive about it
rita: and i mean they ain't actually smooching too loud in the kitchen or whatever
melee probably: he just came out of Juno's room wearing Juno's shirt
juno: he's a thief that's his shirt now
(12 hours earlier:)
nureyev: (shows up to juno's room at 3am) im sorry for waking you i had nightmares about [the bomb/the carte blanche raid/dokana capturing you] i just needed to see that you were alive and make sure im in the reality timeline and then i will go back to-
juno: get in loser we're watching bad cops
rita: hi mista' n do you want some of this blanket
nureyev: that's very kind but im afraid im
juno: yeah hold up he's like really sweaty im gonna get him a clean shirt
nureyev: you really don't need to-
juno: how are you even still standing up when you're shaking like that
nureyev: that is. an excellent question
juno: anyway welcome to the club i fired rita like an hour ago bc i had nightmares about her dying on the asteroid
rita: i had one where i was gettin chased by this big stompy plant monster with lotsa teeth and i had to distract it by throwing all my snacks behind me and then i was outta snacks and then i was up getting more snacks when mista' steel fired me
rita: you know i think only reason i ain't got separation anxiety about mista' steel is because we spent all that time in the ruby together while we were chasin' after you and that gets a gal over it real fast
juno: thanks rita :P
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thing thats been plaguing my mind today: lukes hair getting lighter the more he spirals into the kronos-cyclone-of-kronosism (pitched by charlie bushnell to some pjo design people)
i think its really fun because- if you know me you know i LOVE physical changes that match a characters mental state, ESPECIALLY when freaky magic stuff is involved. and while i sit here and ponder logistics, it brings me back to things like the grey streaks from holding up the sky and ways to show the aftermath of taking a dip in the styx for invulnerability.
both are the result of "curses", and it makes sense the curse of achilles would have some physical changes other than the obvious. i've been wanting to find a "grey streak equivalent" for the curse of achillies for a while, and the wider discussion of intense stress bringing physical design changes just brings that right back- because the styx would have a similar (if not worse) effect with stress-induced-makeover. my first thought was "oh just turn their whole head grey/white", but obviously that would mess up a lot of design stuff. second thought was add more streaks, which is probably the route i'll go with for styx stuff, because its an obvious change while still keeping recognizability (+ some minor traits im still thinking over)
very excited to mess around with "luke off the deep end" designs with new ideas. luke castellan goes grey at age 22 from triple threat stress (held up the sky + curse of achilles + kronos takeover). that or he just has the worlds most botched highlights
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update:
(if this cuts off suddenly, its cause my mom walked in. better to give yall something than nothing) some of this information wont be relevant to everyone but im tagging my irl friend that needs it for reasons ill explain below
if you are poet, read all of this please its very important. anyone else feel free to skip its pretty distressing lol.
reblog if you can so the other moots see this. (also so they can find this account, only 19 of yall have found it and should be over a hundred)
tw for parental abuse and self harm
we're still lying low. i cant afford to get caught on tumblr rn
love yall so much, im glad so many people have found this blog
my mom is fucking pissed. ive lost my phone completely, and i might be losing the ipad too. im hoping that because i use the ipad for school she wont take that. my computer is safe for now, she doesnt know the password and knows that people would ask questions if she took it
my texts have been comprimised. im not allowed to text anymore, and shes reading everything. already got texting from my ipad once, fortunatly i dont think that she knows it was from my ipad so she hasnt taken it (yet)
poet we need to figure out a way to comunicate from my computer that isnt tumblr.
my mental state is stable-ish currently, but it wasnt 2 hours ago.
she has threatened physical abuse.
she has also said "I wish i had the luxury of kicking you out"
due to number 8, im working on a go bag.
number 9 is probably an over reaction but im not getting caught unawares
the only sh ive done so far is head banging, which is bad but not the worst form. i think i left a bruise tho. no signs of brain damage
i got my grades back and theyre all pretty high, so im not in trouble for that. but i think she is pissed that im doing my work in school and not at home? idfk
she promised thursday to put me back in therapy. she has taken that back
apparently the reason she thinks im not disabled is because she thinks im faking all these injurys. her reasoning for this is "last time we saw [dr name] he said that nothing was wrong" (he said that there was nothing wrong other than the previously diagnosed severe generalized hypermobility syndrome) i think its fucking hysterical that she thinks i would fake not being able to do fucking anything because of my pain
i did absoluletly have a full full full mental breakdown from about 10:30 this morning to about 3:45 in the afternoon
if i get anymore "injuries out of nowhere" shes gonna cancel all my summer plans. (translation: no medical care for the rest of the year)
@poettheythem
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every night i wake up and say "this is the night i respond to my friends' messages" and every morning i say "i swear i'll do it when i wake up"
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Tw for weight loss mention
The whole exercise will cure your disability thing is a fucking joke. Yes exercise is beneficial for your health, but only if you aren't already on shaky foundations. You need to be on a treatment plan that WORKS before going into the maintenance phase. You wouldn't do regular maintenance on a broken item, you'd work on getting it up and running first. And maybe it would even need specialized maintenance afterwards if it's especially fragile.
I have fibromyalgia and acute degenerative disc disease. My immune system attacks my nerves and discs in my spine are slowly calcifying and causing the bones to constrict and damage my nerves (i think thats how it works). I have days where it feels like my body is on fire from nerve pain and days where it feels like my spine is about to rip from my back. And days where I have both (like today!). I get numbness in my hands and feet. I have horrible migraines. I can no longer walk unaided more than maybe 5 minutes without severe pain. I have something wrong with my knees and hips but the doctors don't know what yet.
You'd think I live an obviously seditary lifestyle correct?
Hell no.
I walk aided on average 6 miles a day over difficult terrain OUTSIDE of regular activity almost everyday. My legs are muscular and strong. I get my heart rate up and a good sweat, like all the gym rats swear on. I am often doing physical labor such as weeding, digging, sample collecting, pruning trees etc.
I'm not saying this to make other disabled people feel bad or prove that they can do anything if they just tried harder. This is an extremely painful lifestyle I've chosen that takes a lot of lifestyle management AND BOUNDARIES to keep up with the work. I also have an extremely forgiving boss who is also physically disabled and knows what I'm going through (deciding between your passion and your health and having to do so each and every day) No one should ever be expected to do what I do. I'm not even sure if I should be doing this myself.
This is to prove that exercise? Has not cured me. My muscles are strong but still hurt as if they're broken and I have to take more breaks than my coworker. I am constantly getting out of breath and I flare up regularly if I'm not careful. I am in excellent physical condition outside of my disabilities. I go to different doctors several times a month to get checked out.
I previously went through a diet program and lost a lot of weight (basically starving myself and got off my depression meds which cause weight gain but are also the only ones that work) and guess what? That didn't do shit either!!! I still felt horrible!!! I've since gained back the weight anyway after switching to focusing on adding more nutrient dense foods than taking stuff away from my diet (also muscle weighs more than fat, and fat helps cushion my aching joints and spine).
The muscle doesn't do shit for my disabilities outside of maybe some stability. Exercising everyday doesn't make the pain go away. Without my medications and aids and nutrition plans and steroid injections and spinal adjustments and physical therapy (that takes my fibro and spine into account) and alternative work methods I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO WHAT I DO. Exercise alone is like trying to make a car run with no oil. Yes it'll go but it'll get more and more damaged till it can't and will need its entire engine replaced!
And yet I see new doctors and they look at me and the first thing out of their mouths is do I exercise? I should try doing a little every day :) and then i fucking blow their minds when I tell them about my job. No longer can they use that fucking cop out on me. I've been through this rodeo. Ive tried their suggestions. If you are in pain and nothing is helping? Exercise ain't going to do SHIT. You need to get to a point where you can move without severe pain first (if that's even possible). Then and only then should you consider implementing regular exercise if you can. Also weight loss talk is a red flag and a cop out. They made me lose 50+ lbs before they would look into the reasons behind my pain. Weight loss did nothing for me and exacerbated my pain.
I am living proof that all that shit is a lie and a cop out. That is the point of this post. I cannot believe people with serious medical conditions are being forced to put their bodies through extreme duress just to be believed. You are not disabled because of laziness or because you sit a lot. Plenty of people live seditary lifestyles and do not live in constant excruciating pain (they may develop disabilities later in life due to this however, and should be doing preventative exercises to maintain their health)
Please, share my story with doctors. Use me as an example. I am proof that "exercise first treat later" does not work. I should not have had to wait years to have my pain validated. I'd rather hundreds of fakers get (what? A blood test? An MRI?) than one chronically ill person get told to try yoga and go away by a doctor.
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by the lighthouse.
dividers
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dying like a man and drawing the cullens :)
(list of fun little details below the cut)
they all have matching friendship bracelets! (something something the stars on them represent how they sparkle and how abnormal and dangerous they are and thats what brought them together)
jasper and rosalie matching spiky bracelets!!
edwards sweater is loosely based on a painting I vaguely remember him mentioning in midnight sun
emmet and roaslie wedding rings <3
jasper and alice have matching necklaces and braids !!
emmets crocs and edwards sensible loafers.
jasper, alice, and rosalie have matching nailpolish
jasper's eyes are slightly darker than the rest, since he's been in the group the shortest amount of time
silly gold lines in their hair to match the eyes!!
emmett eggs...
little heart in edwards hair because hes a special little loverboy <3
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sometimes i forget that im a ghostkin and im like "hm yknow it feels like i dont quite fit my body very well" and then i remember that im supposed to be a spirit with a non-corporeal, ever shifting, mist-like form
"i never feel well rested" im literally being stopped from resting in peace. im supposed to constantly be half asleep in the branches of a willow tree with a book I loved to read when i was alive
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forget me not
Stray Gods || Grace/Persephone
She can’t bear to face anyone since she dropped out of college. She had to talk to her parents, obviously, but it’s been almost a year since they spoke. She was expecting them to yell at her, tell her she was wasting her life, tell her she’d never get anywhere without a college degree, that she was almost done, so why couldn’t she just wait it out another couple of years and then at least she’d have finished something?
But they didn’t yell. They both just seemed…sad. Tired. And that was so much worse.
It was like they had given up on her.
Grace doesn’t know how to explain. She still hasn’t quite managed to explain it even to herself. Would anyone understand? Freddie never demanded an explanation—she loved Grace no matter what—but Grace was sure she wouldn’t get it. Freddie was passionate about so many things. Freddie was the sort of person who would probably go on to get a Master’s and a Doctorate or maybe two or three, because she just couldn’t decide what she loved the most.
And Grace?
Grace barely even felt like a person in college. She tried to do all kinds of things, join clubs, meet people, take classes she thought might be interesting. She tried to distance herself from Freddie, even, and she was not gentle. She tried to destroy herself over and over again, and make something entirely new. She tried to forge herself into someone interesting, someone worthwhile.
But in the end, the truth always came crashing back to her. She can’t escape herself. She can’t escape how utterly unremarkable she is.
Read More (AO3)
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i saw a post (that was part of a larger thing) that said “anger feels good” and no it doesn’t! I hate how anger makes me feel i hate how it sinks into you and sticks and makes everything and everyone an enemy, everything and everyone someone to hurt and to blame. Anger doesn’t feel good it feels easy and its so easy to sit in it and let it control you and having to claw at your own ribcage to get it out it is so hard, its so fucking hard, and sometimes you’re so tired and you just want it to be easy, just once, just let that anger sit and let it be easy
I don’t have a point here, i just. Anger is easy. Easy doesn’t get shit done around here.
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new coil ch tonight.btw if you even care
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honestly wally is stronger than atlas. if i had to constantly calibrate to the nature of my reality w/ full consciousness i would simply lose my fucking mind
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How old is Lucas really? I saw someone say that he is actually 17 years old because he fell asleep at that age and I am pretty sure that is not true 💀
I've been meaning to write a post about this but never got around to doing it. TL;DR: We don't know! So any specific answer anyone gives is only speculation and not canon.
In the novel, Lucas goes to live with the old Wizard of the Black Tower when he was a teenager (I believe around 15 years old), but in the manhwa he was clearly way, way younger. After an unspecified period of time, his teacher gets married and has a child, his wife and child die (presumably) from old age, and then he kills himself in front of Lucas (as he was depressed because he didn't age with them because of his mana). Lucas tells Athy that his teacher lived for 1.200 years, but we don't know at which point Lucas met the man, so that information is irrelevant for our purposes. The novel also states that Lucas lived long enough for his younger brother to get old (while Lucas didn't, again, because of the mana) and have a daughter (fun fact: Lucas saved her as she was very sick and his brother asked him to do so). There's also the fact that Lucas tells the World Tree that he has known him for "several hundred years" when he was looking for its fruits.
We don't know how much time passed between the death of Lucas' teacher and him meeting Aeternitas, but it was long enough for Lucas to become a very respected figure as the new Wizard of the Black Tower. Not long after refusing to take Aeternitas as his student, he decided to take a depression nap that would last for literal centuries. It was never stated how old Lucas was at this point, but I think he was definitely not 17.
We also don't know how much time passed between Aeternitas' rule and the events of WMMAP (and just for how long did Lucas sleep). Athy does say he is an old emperor, and there are history books written about him, but that doesn't give us any concrete answer.
Lastly, the royal wizards in the novel call Lucas "a couple of hundred years old".
How old is Lucas? We have no way to tell. I also want to address that this is the nature of all magic users in WMMAP's canon, as Lucas himself tells Athy that she will live for hundreds of years too, so while obviously uncommon, powerful magicians in the canon setting are supposed to live that long. Should we also count the years Lucas slept as being part of his age? Physically, yes, but not unlike Athy, Lucas' physical and mental ages are very different matters. There's also the fact that the manhwa clearly has a different timeline than the novel: In the manhwa, Lucas met his teacher as a child, and he killed himself while Lucas was still a child (or at least looked like one). So how much of the novel's canon information we can apply to the manhwa's setting is also debatable.
So, the only answer I can give is: Lucas canonically is "a couple of hundred years old". There are way too many unclear variables to consider, so anything more specific than that isn't supported by canon information.
That been said, Lucas told Athy he made himself look "around the same age as her", so from a physical point of view, and for anyone that doesn't know his true identity, he is "the same age" as Athy.
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ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it
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Hey so if anyone got any suggestions on what to do when you're stuck to liquid food only when liquid food is super tricky with eating disorder (and soup is THE hardest food to eat ever), I'm all ears cause I got two of my wisdom teeth extracted and I wasn't prepared for how hellish this would be <3
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