#mental illness and recovery in bell jar

[penrosereads]

“I kept shooting impatient glances at the closed boardroom door. My stocking seams were straight, my black shoes cracked, but polished, and my red wool suit flamboyant as my plans. Something old, something new. . . . But I wasn’t getting married. There ought, I thought, to be a ritual for being born twice—patched, retreaded and approved for the road…”

#the bell jar #sylvia plath #book quotes #bookblr #novel #fiction but not #mental health #mental illness #recovery #something old #something new #ritual #rebirth

[rumoursfromines]

Sylvia Plath, born 1932, was an American poet, novelist, and diarist. She was extremely prolific writer and throughout her short life produced over 400 poems, a novel, several short stories, and many journals and letters. A lot of her work, especially her more famous works, deal with mental illness and what it was like to be an ambitious woman in an age where women couldn't even have their own credit cards.

Her biographical background, I think, is one of the things that make her relatable to modern audiences. Sylvia Plath had a complicated childhood. She lost her father at eight years old to illness and was raised by a chronically ill single mother who struggled financially. This pushed Plath to outperform all of her classmates and to start earning her own money by sending her poetry out to magazines from a young age. At the same time she lived a very fulfilled social life with plenty of friends and dates. She was also very upfront about not wanting to be reduced to a mother and housewife in her future, defying expectations for women in her day and age.

By all accounts, Sylvia Plath was an extremely interesting writer. However, with such a large selection of texts to choose from, it can be difficult to pick a place to start. Which is why I've decided to compile all of my Plath knowledge into this (hopefully somewhat complete) post. Below the cut you will find brief summaries of her important works sorted into different categories. Happy reading :)

Disclaimer: I've seen many people on social media be taken aback by some of the themes in Plath's work, especially the racism and the holocaust imagery present throughout her work. I feel like for some people this might be useful to know before they start to read. Plath was a white American writing in the 1950s, so common social attitudes will be reflected in her work. It's important not to internalise her own bigotry as you read. Keeping this in mind, I still think her work is worth your time and attention.

the basics:

Ariel is probably Plath's most famous poetry collection. It centers around the themes of gender, death, and rebirth. The first edition of this collection was published posthumously and edited by Plath's husband. The collection was restored to the order Plath originally intended poems to be in in 2005 and published with a preface written by Plath's daughter, Frieda Hughes.

The Bell Jar is Sylvia Plath's only published novel. It is a semi-autobiographical account of her 1953 New York internship with Mademoiselle, a lady's magazine. The main character, Esther Greenwood, is meant to be having the time of her life working for a fashion magazine in New York until things get too much for Esther to handle. A large chunk of the novel is dedicated to Esther's complicated recovery from depression.

the niche:

Three Women is both a poem and a radio play. It tells the stories of three women in a maternity ward, all handling their motherhood differently. It is included in the poetry collection Winter Trees.

The Colossus is the only poetry collection Plath published in her lifetime (so automatically the only one where she had full artistic control over the content of the book). The poems here discuss topics such as about death, trauma, belonging, and womanhood.

Crossing The Water is a poetry collection that was published posthumously, along with Winter Trees, by Plath's husband Ted Hughes. These collections contain the poetry Plath wrote in her last creative spurt before her death. CTW centers around the themes of womanhood, depression, and endings (do you sense a recurring theme?), whereas WT deals with family dynamics and motherhood.

the extra reading:

The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath edited by Karen V. Kukil were published in the year 2000 and provide insight into Plath's inner life and context for a lot of her work, since much of it was inspired by events, be they important or insignificant, of her life. These journals range from 1953 up until 1959. The time between the last surviving journal until her death is covered by fragments, as Plath's very last journal was destroyed.

Red Comet by Heather Clark might be the single most detailed biography of Sylvia Plath on the market right now. It covers everything from her ancestors' immigration to the state, her parents' experiences in school, and the aftermath of Plath's death. It is definitely not a casual read (1000+ pages) but definitely worth it if you find yourself fascinated by Plath's work.

Pain, Parties, Work by Elizabeth Winder is a partial biography of Plath's time spent interning for Mademoiselle 1953. It paints an interesting picture of the writer, portraying her as a motivated young woman with a fulfilled social life who struggled with her mental health nonetheless. It's much shorter than Red Comet (<300 pages) and provides interesting an background for The Bell Jar.

Obviously there will always be more things by and about Sylvia Plath to read. Her letters, for example, have been released in two different editions: a two volume collection of the letters written throughout her life and another collection of letters written from England to America, edited by Plath's own mother, Aurelia Plath. I hope my little selection can help you find your way around Plath's bibliography. Happy reading :)

#sylvia plath #poetry #american poetry #ted hughes #sylvia plath journals #red comet #the bell jar #ariel #the colossus #pain parties work #the unabridged journals of sylvia plath #crossing the water #winter trees

[maggotbroth]

the bell jar <3

Remember that you don't need to be diminished to fit into the world. Put on a killer outfit and take yourself to a bar or cafe for a drink, just because you deserve it. If money's tight or you're in quarantine then make yourself the fanciest drink you can think of and drink it on your stoop. Take a picture if you want. You deserve to take up space!

Send Me Your Favorite Sad Book and If I’ve Read It I’ll Give You Personalized Self Care Advice Based on It

#how could I forget the bell jar? #time to read it again i think #the bell jar #sylvia plath #dark academia #self care #recovery #mental illness #booklr #crazy girl reads #self care based on your favorite book

[ceslatoil]

5-7 5. In hurt/comfort, which do you like best—the hurt or the comfort?6. Which do you prefer in a fic, illness or injury? Type of illness/injury you prefer?7. Do you like reading/writing fics that depict mental illness in any way (such as depression, anxiety)?

5. DEFINITELY COMFORT. As someone who does struggle with depression and trauma, I do love to see a healthy and safe recovery for characters who are going through the same. After all, the hard times are merely the set up to pay off into good times. Wallowing in pain and suffering forever with no hope in sight is just draining.

6. Tough call, but I’ll take injury over illness. Who doesn’t love a good post-battle patch up scene between lovers?

7. This ties into number five a little bit, but as someone who struggles with depression and anxiety, it really depends on the context and how it’s portrayed in the story. For example, one of my favorite books is in fact Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, which is absolutely unflinching and brutal when it comes to depicting Esther’s mental illness, but I found it to be equally compassionate as well as harrowing, so I’m able to pull through it and emphasize with the story in a way that relates to me.

On the other hand, in The Fic That Shall Not Be Named, the main character’s PTSD and Anxiety are treated as a consequence free voucher to cope however they want, no matter how toxic it may be, whether it’s getting black out drunk or pulling a gun out on their family during an episode. That sort of thing I find intolerable; as bad as trauma can get, it never justifies treating your loved ones in a way that makes them feel unsafe or unhappy.

[shareabookindia]

Of the mind, its weaknesses and related books…

Mental Health is an issue that I am happy to say, is not a taboo any longer. Our generation is no longer afraid to speak out and address this issue that has never been treated like any bodily disease might have been. But today, we see more and more people being conscious about it and even reading about it. It also helps that so many books on mental health are released every day.

A few weeks back, I personally faced this issue. I was doing a lot – had a lot on my plat, to be honest – and it took a toll on me because I couldn’t balance it all. On top, I panicked. And that, my dear readers, is the reason why I haven’t been posting these past couple weeks. But now, I am back and I intend to go on doing this thing – writing is a beautiful activity and I intend never to give that up again. Nonetheless, moving on with the article, here are a few books that deal with mental illnesses. Trigger warning: some talk about self-harm, suicides, etc. in a very realistic and raw manner and if that is something you cannot handle, kindly pay heed to this. But, these are some very wonderful books that I think people who wish to know more about this issue, should give a read.

 1.      The Astonishing Colour of After – In this dazzling debut, author Emily X.R. Pan has created a spellbinding narrative about love, family, and what it means to grieve. A sweet and poignant story about loss and letting go, this book is a great introduction for young readers who are trying to understand mental illness and its potential consequences. There are also elements of magical realism in this book.

 2.      Life is What You Make It – One of the best fiction books by an Indian author, Preeti Shenoy’s Life is what you make it, is a favourite book of mine. The protagonist deals with bipolar disorder and we see how damaging and harrowing the experience can be. It is also a very inspirational story overall. I still go back to it, time and time again.

 3.      First, We Make the Beast Beautiful: A New Journey Through Anxiety - Inspiring and insightful, this part-memoir, part-guidebook is the perfect read for anyone struggling with their own mental health. In First, We Make the Beast Beautiful, the author draws from her personal experiences with chronic anxiety and the years she devoted to researching her illness to create a completely new outlook on living life with the disease, one that believes in embracing, not running scared from, the condition.

 4.      All the Bright Places – Jenifer Niven’s book is a personal favourite of mine and it deals with bipolar disorder, depression, suicide attempts and the aftermath of recovery. Truly touching and raw, this is a must-read contemporary book for not only literature students like myself but everyone in general.

 5.      The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath’s classic is a wonderful and emotionally crippling text that is taught in schools and colleges today as well. This semi-autobiographical novel has become a classic for its brutally honest portrayal of the writer’s own depression. Through the use of the hypnotic stream of consciousness technique, she describes the emotional and psychological breakdown of Esther Greenwood, a woman struggling against self-destructive thoughts and overwhelming darkness.

Tell me about your reading experience when it comes to this category of books. Any book you would like to recommend?

Love,

 Nika

#sabia #shareabookindia #shareabookindiaassociation #readers #mental health #mental illness #mental awareness #awareness #book recommendation #reading habit #education #literacy #indian authors #american authors #book lovers

[blueberryborderline]

Good books about mental illness

I've read quite a few books, either fiction or biographies, about mental illness and I thought I'd share my favourites! The Buddha and The Borderline by Keira Van Gelder. I've almost finished this book and it's amazingly well written. It's about a woman's recovery from BPD through DBT, online dating and Buddhism. The Quiet Room: A Journey out of the Torment of Madness by Lori Schiller. This is a memoir of schizophrenia and a story of recovery. It's an amazing book and I devoured it in a day! The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness by Elyn Saks. This is another great book about schizophrenia and recovery from it. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. This is a semi-autobiographical novel by Sylvia Plath, meaning Plath based the main character in her story on herself, and many of the events she writes about happened to her (for example, her hospitalisation for depression). Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen. Yet another famous one, but many people don't know that Girl, Interrupted is a book and that Susanna Kaysen is a real person. In this book, Kaysen writes about her time in hospital being treated for borderline personality disorder. The Unlikely Hero of Room 13B by Teresa Toten. This is a fictional novel about a boy with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and the friends he makes in his group and his self discovery. It sounds cheesy but it gave me a real insight into OCD and I enjoyed the plot immensely. Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig. This book is possibly one of the most famous books about mental illness there is, and for good reason. In this book, Haig talks about his depression and creates positive ways to move forward. This book is really inspiring and helped me, a sufferer of recurrent depression.

#borderline #bpd problems #bpd books #schizophrenia books #schizophrenia #schizoid #bpd stuff #bpd tag #bpd relatable #actually bpd #bpd struggles #bpd mood #depression #depressive #depression books #books about recovery #books about mental health #books about mental illness #books about OCD #ocd problems #OCD books #actually neurodivergent

[pitz182]

Microdosing Marijuana at 9 Years Sober

Microdosing. All the cool kids in Silicon Valley are doing it, and anyone who got sober before 2015 has been left out of the fun. At least, anyone with an all-or-nothing recovery plan, which is most people, but definitely not yours truly. Anecdotally, it looks like it’s better to have Silicon Valley hooked on low doses of LSD and psilocybin than abusing Adderall, but more empirical data on the therapeutic benefits of this trend is needed. Though I’m not going near psychedelics without a doctor’s note, I have dabbled in some microdosing on weed, and I still consider myself 100% sober.Alcohol was my problem. It was a gnarly problem. I put the kibosh on that problem in 2009 and haven’t looked back.Google piqued my interest in microdosing on weed by feeding me a headline that claimed one puff of it could blast away depression. I double-clicked. Since I deal with bipolar disorder and have benefited from using CBD (the non-psychoactive component in marijuana), the article seemed relevant.According to the study, one drag of low-THC and high-CBD dose of weed can knock out depression immediately, unlike traditional antidepressants that often take a few weeks to kick in. But, there’s a catch: Continual use of THC could worsen depression, so this had to be an every-now-and-again smoke. I stored that information in my brain for future reference, noting that if I ever experienced an intense depression that didn’t abate I could give it a try since I’m fortunate enough to live in Los Angeles (pot shops on nearly every major street).About two months after I read about the study, I got stuck in a morass of negativity and self-deprecation and self-doubt for about a week. Everything was out of alignment, and no matter how much meditation I did, I just couldn’t snap out of it. Sure, I have bipolar II, but because I take meds, 90% of the time the symptoms are manageable. Still, there are those days when stress or neurochemistry or hormones or a bad fight with a boyfriend can throw me off.Sometimes I find relief in jogging or dancing, calling my therapist or going to a meeting, but there are times where I don’t have the energy or ability to do the very things I know will help (Depression 101). Since I’ve dealt with the condition for so long, I know when I’m dealing with a chemical imbalance and when I’m dealing with a psychological imbalance.This time it felt like both.I was curious to see how the weed would work, especially since I’d heard so much about the benefits of microdosing on psychedelics from friends. Because the CBD succeeded in quieting my anxiety and smoothing out my thoughts, I figured why not try something with a bit of THC.Anyone who smokes pot can tell you that it triggers euphoria, thereby alleviating depression; you don’t need a study to tell you that. But I’ve never been a huge fan of weed, for several reasons.For starters, my sister smoked way too much of it when she was 18, and she wound up with a permanent case of acute paranoid schizophrenia right after a three-month-long binge. Her doctor said the weed probably triggered a dormant case of the illness inherited from my schizophrenic grandfather, one that would have emerged with or without the pot, it was just a matter of time. So, that instilled in me a well-warranted dose of fear.After staying far away from weed until my early 20s, I started smoking it every now and then, but not very often, and I certainly never purchased any or had it around. You’re probably wondering why I’d even risk smoking pot at all given my sister’s condition. Well, the doc also pointed out that she displayed many early signs of the disorder from childhood, and that my emotional and expressive--albeit mood-disordered--personality was opposite of what you’d typically see in a child predisposed for schizophrenia.I also had passed adolescence by the time I started smoking, and the science says adolescents are the ones most at risk. Strength and frequency also play a huge role, and my sister admitted that she holed herself up in her dorm room smoking bowl after bowl after bowl all day long for months until she literally couldn’t think anymore. I had no intention of smoking more than a hit or two off a blunt.My highs were a total mixed bag: Sometimes they relaxed me, sometimes they brought on unstoppable fits of giggles; one time I had waking dreams about dancing tortilla chips, and a few times I found myself in the midst of very uncomfortable paranoia. The one and only time I smoked way more than two hits, I wound up with full-blown psychosis that ruined an entire Halloween for multiple people. Even when smoking did bring on an enjoyable high, I still had to endure those moments of not remembering the last word I spoke, which I found, and still find, utterly horrifying. Plus my head felt like it weighed 100 pounds and my face felt like it was going to burn off.Pot just didn’t provide an alluring buzz. I never developed a craving for or addiction to it.If the weed I smoked had had even a small percentage of CBD, those episodes of paranoia would likely have not occurred since CBD actually curbs the anxiety-inducing effects of THC. In fact, in a bizarre twist of irony, studies have shown CBD effectively treats schizophrenia.Sadly, whoever bred weed in the 90s and early 2000s grew strains that had little or no CBD because it decreases the psychoactive effect. (Remember chronic?) Now, CBD is making a comeback among health-conscious, microdosing millennials who are sensible enough to want a more balanced high. This is good news for a paranoid Gen Xer.Now, you can walk into the local dispensary and see a smorgasbord of pot goodies that include CBD, from all-CBD vanilla bean cookies to 1:1 taffies to 100% CBD oil cartridges. There are salves and gums and pre-rolls and mints and a white CBD dust that looks just like cocaine, and all of them are labeled with the milligrams and the percentages of THC and CBD. This is heaven for someone like me who might want to try some pot without getting paranoid or stoned.I have to say, I love budtenders. Mitch, who manned the shop by my house, was extremely sympathetic to my terror of coming down with pot-induced paranoia. He emphasized that dosing, strain, and CBD content made a world of difference when trying to avoid it and pointed me in the direction of 1:1 taffies. Each taffy had 5 mg of CBD and THC, which sounds low, but it’s no microdose for someone like me. According to Mitch, 5 mg of CBD and THC can lead to a strong high for someone with zero pot tolerance, and I wasn’t looking to get stoned — I just wanted that mild euphoria, for the bell jar to lift.I ended up buying the taffies and slicing them into thirds, which Mitch suggested. In the end, I was ingesting about 1.5 mg of THC and 1.5 mg of CBD, which a lot of doctors would consider an ineffective dose, but not for me! My brain is super sensitive. After two hours, I ended up feeling a very small effect, but of course it grew.Ultimately, the high — if you’d call it that — was a powerful feeling of ease and positivity. My thoughts quieted, and yes, a mild euphoria fell over me. It was, without a doubt, a nice buzz, but a buzz no more intense than a glass of wine sipped slowly and on a reasonably full stomach. Despite this buzz, I had no craving for more pot. I was so pleased to not be paranoid or forgetting my thoughts as they spilled out of my head, the last thing I wanted was more. More might have induced those adverse effects. (Oh, the benefits of legalization!)I am not ashamed of that pot buzz nor do I think it nulls my sobriety in any way. My sobriety is just that — my sobriety, and it’s not some stringent moral code that demands I never feel any psychoactive pleasure whatsoever just because I used to drink myself into rages, sobs, and blackouts. If the pot buzz was harmless and actually beneficial for my mental health, why not embrace it? One of the main reasons I got off the booze is because how seriously destabilizing it is for my mood given my bipolar diagnosis. When I drank too much, it sent me crashing down into suicidal depressions.Normal drinkers get a slight buzz — if not a big buzz — from their drinks, and they’ll admit it. It’s a social lubricant and a relaxant that well-adjusted and healthy folks leverage all the time to take the edge off and have fun. When they manage to leverage these positive aspects of alcohol without destroying their lives, we tip our hats to them.Being out of AA for nearly three years no doubt helped me take the microdosing plunge with zero guilt.Now, if I wanted to gorge myself on those taffies after this experience, that would be problematic, at least for me. Someone else might not care if they engage that behavior, but I’m not in the mood to pick up any new addictions.I’m still very wary of using weed on the regular given my familial history of schizophrenia, though at this age my chances of developing the illness are low. Some studies have shown that heavy and regular use can fry your short-term memory, and I’m not down for that either: I need all the synapses I can get as I push 40. So, I don’t plan on using it very often.After having the weed, the positive mood lasted for a few days without ingesting any more taffies. I basically just returned to baseline. I didn’t eat any for weeks after that episode. Since then, I’ve probably had two or three, each time cutting them in thirds or halves. After a while, the package just sat there in the fridge, and eventually I ended up tossing them when I moved out of the apartment.So, now I have no taffies, and I could frankly care less. If I feel like one might help me in the future, I’ll take it. If I go out to the desert, maybe I’ll take some for recreational use. Either way, I know my limitations, and I know I don’t want to do it often. Because I don’t experience a craving, I doubt this will be a problem. I experienced a craving for alcohol from Day One. From the very beginning, I needed more.“Marijuana maintenance,” or smoking pot in recovery, is generally frowned upon by your standard AA member. Historically referred to (incorrectly) as “the gateway drug,” 12-step philosophy looks at it in the same way, cautioning that if you start smoking it in recovery it will open up the floodgates toward drinking again.The problem with this thinking is that it doesn’t take into account the vast differences that exist between all of us, be they physiological or psychological, or, hell, even spiritual. After reading much about recovery, from Lance Dodes to Marc Lewis to Gabrielle Glaser to Bill Wilson and all the stories in the rest of the Big Book, I feel that it's unconscionable to argue that we are not unique, as so many people do in 12-step programs. We are highly unique, and observing this and tailoring treatment plans for each individual will increase success at recovery. One-size-fits-all recovery modalities are, according to my research, quite dangerous.Imagine if a woman with breast cancer walked into a doctor’s office and the doctor said, “Well, there’s no reason to take any additional imaging because all breast cancer patients are the same. You’re not unique. Mastectomy it is!”Even in the dark ages medicine was probably more sophisticated than this. So why are we in the dark ages when it comes to addiction treatment? If our bodies are this unique, then so are our minds. The field of psychiatry also takes our differences into account, with medication and other treatment prescribed according to individual circumstances.I am not encouraging anyone to microdose, but I am trying to encourage the sober community to keep an open mind about new psychotherapeutic treatments and to accept the fact that some people can stay away from their drug of choice while indulging in a substance that wasn’t and isn’t problematic. Studies have shown that marijuana can benefit our mental health; let’s continue to study this promising medicine instead of closing ourselves off to it out of fear.Microdosing on anything while in recovery is a very nuanced topic, and drawing blanket conclusions won’t do anyone a bit of good. But in order to make room for these conversations, we have to be open and accepting. We have to be willing to say, “Okay, she can take a little THC every now and then and enjoy it. I know it’s not a good idea for me since I smoked too much pot in the past, so I won’t do it.” We all need to be in touch with our own limits and accept them while not imposing them on others; otherwise, we resort to reductive fear-mongering that has no basis in reality.

[alexdmorgan30]

Microdosing Marijuana at 9 Years Sober

Microdosing. All the cool kids in Silicon Valley are doing it, and anyone who got sober before 2015 has been left out of the fun. At least, anyone with an all-or-nothing recovery plan, which is most people, but definitely not yours truly. Anecdotally, it looks like it’s better to have Silicon Valley hooked on low doses of LSD and psilocybin than abusing Adderall, but more empirical data on the therapeutic benefits of this trend is needed. Though I’m not going near psychedelics without a doctor’s note, I have dabbled in some microdosing on weed, and I still consider myself 100% sober.Alcohol was my problem. It was a gnarly problem. I put the kibosh on that problem in 2009 and haven’t looked back.Google piqued my interest in microdosing on weed by feeding me a headline that claimed one puff of it could blast away depression. I double-clicked. Since I deal with bipolar disorder and have benefited from using CBD (the non-psychoactive component in marijuana), the article seemed relevant.According to the study, one drag of low-THC and high-CBD dose of weed can knock out depression immediately, unlike traditional antidepressants that often take a few weeks to kick in. But, there’s a catch: Continual use of THC could worsen depression, so this had to be an every-now-and-again smoke. I stored that information in my brain for future reference, noting that if I ever experienced an intense depression that didn’t abate I could give it a try since I’m fortunate enough to live in Los Angeles (pot shops on nearly every major street).About two months after I read about the study, I got stuck in a morass of negativity and self-deprecation and self-doubt for about a week. Everything was out of alignment, and no matter how much meditation I did, I just couldn’t snap out of it. Sure, I have bipolar II, but because I take meds, 90% of the time the symptoms are manageable. Still, there are those days when stress or neurochemistry or hormones or a bad fight with a boyfriend can throw me off.Sometimes I find relief in jogging or dancing, calling my therapist or going to a meeting, but there are times where I don’t have the energy or ability to do the very things I know will help (Depression 101). Since I’ve dealt with the condition for so long, I know when I’m dealing with a chemical imbalance and when I’m dealing with a psychological imbalance.This time it felt like both.I was curious to see how the weed would work, especially since I’d heard so much about the benefits of microdosing on psychedelics from friends. Because the CBD succeeded in quieting my anxiety and smoothing out my thoughts, I figured why not try something with a bit of THC.Anyone who smokes pot can tell you that it triggers euphoria, thereby alleviating depression; you don’t need a study to tell you that. But I’ve never been a huge fan of weed, for several reasons.For starters, my sister smoked way too much of it when she was 18, and she wound up with a permanent case of acute paranoid schizophrenia right after a three-month-long binge. Her doctor said the weed probably triggered a dormant case of the illness inherited from my schizophrenic grandfather, one that would have emerged with or without the pot, it was just a matter of time. So, that instilled in me a well-warranted dose of fear.After staying far away from weed until my early 20s, I started smoking it every now and then, but not very often, and I certainly never purchased any or had it around. You’re probably wondering why I’d even risk smoking pot at all given my sister’s condition. Well, the doc also pointed out that she displayed many early signs of the disorder from childhood, and that my emotional and expressive--albeit mood-disordered--personality was opposite of what you’d typically see in a child predisposed for schizophrenia.I also had passed adolescence by the time I started smoking, and the science says adolescents are the ones most at risk. Strength and frequency also play a huge role, and my sister admitted that she holed herself up in her dorm room smoking bowl after bowl after bowl all day long for months until she literally couldn’t think anymore. I had no intention of smoking more than a hit or two off a blunt.My highs were a total mixed bag: Sometimes they relaxed me, sometimes they brought on unstoppable fits of giggles; one time I had waking dreams about dancing tortilla chips, and a few times I found myself in the midst of very uncomfortable paranoia. The one and only time I smoked way more than two hits, I wound up with full-blown psychosis that ruined an entire Halloween for multiple people. Even when smoking did bring on an enjoyable high, I still had to endure those moments of not remembering the last word I spoke, which I found, and still find, utterly horrifying. Plus my head felt like it weighed 100 pounds and my face felt like it was going to burn off.Pot just didn’t provide an alluring buzz. I never developed a craving for or addiction to it.If the weed I smoked had had even a small percentage of CBD, those episodes of paranoia would likely have not occurred since CBD actually curbs the anxiety-inducing effects of THC. In fact, in a bizarre twist of irony, studies have shown CBD effectively treats schizophrenia.Sadly, whoever bred weed in the 90s and early 2000s grew strains that had little or no CBD because it decreases the psychoactive effect. (Remember chronic?) Now, CBD is making a comeback among health-conscious, microdosing millennials who are sensible enough to want a more balanced high. This is good news for a paranoid Gen Xer.Now, you can walk into the local dispensary and see a smorgasbord of pot goodies that include CBD, from all-CBD vanilla bean cookies to 1:1 taffies to 100% CBD oil cartridges. There are salves and gums and pre-rolls and mints and a white CBD dust that looks just like cocaine, and all of them are labeled with the milligrams and the percentages of THC and CBD. This is heaven for someone like me who might want to try some pot without getting paranoid or stoned.I have to say, I love budtenders. Mitch, who manned the shop by my house, was extremely sympathetic to my terror of coming down with pot-induced paranoia. He emphasized that dosing, strain, and CBD content made a world of difference when trying to avoid it and pointed me in the direction of 1:1 taffies. Each taffy had 5 mg of CBD and THC, which sounds low, but it’s no microdose for someone like me. According to Mitch, 5 mg of CBD and THC can lead to a strong high for someone with zero pot tolerance, and I wasn’t looking to get stoned — I just wanted that mild euphoria, for the bell jar to lift.I ended up buying the taffies and slicing them into thirds, which Mitch suggested. In the end, I was ingesting about 1.5 mg of THC and 1.5 mg of CBD, which a lot of doctors would consider an ineffective dose, but not for me! My brain is super sensitive. After two hours, I ended up feeling a very small effect, but of course it grew.Ultimately, the high — if you’d call it that — was a powerful feeling of ease and positivity. My thoughts quieted, and yes, a mild euphoria fell over me. It was, without a doubt, a nice buzz, but a buzz no more intense than a glass of wine sipped slowly and on a reasonably full stomach. Despite this buzz, I had no craving for more pot. I was so pleased to not be paranoid or forgetting my thoughts as they spilled out of my head, the last thing I wanted was more. More might have induced those adverse effects. (Oh, the benefits of legalization!)I am not ashamed of that pot buzz nor do I think it nulls my sobriety in any way. My sobriety is just that — my sobriety, and it’s not some stringent moral code that demands I never feel any psychoactive pleasure whatsoever just because I used to drink myself into rages, sobs, and blackouts. If the pot buzz was harmless and actually beneficial for my mental health, why not embrace it? One of the main reasons I got off the booze is because how seriously destabilizing it is for my mood given my bipolar diagnosis. When I drank too much, it sent me crashing down into suicidal depressions.Normal drinkers get a slight buzz — if not a big buzz — from their drinks, and they’ll admit it. It’s a social lubricant and a relaxant that well-adjusted and healthy folks leverage all the time to take the edge off and have fun. When they manage to leverage these positive aspects of alcohol without destroying their lives, we tip our hats to them.Being out of AA for nearly three years no doubt helped me take the microdosing plunge with zero guilt.Now, if I wanted to gorge myself on those taffies after this experience, that would be problematic, at least for me. Someone else might not care if they engage that behavior, but I’m not in the mood to pick up any new addictions.I’m still very wary of using weed on the regular given my familial history of schizophrenia, though at this age my chances of developing the illness are low. Some studies have shown that heavy and regular use can fry your short-term memory, and I’m not down for that either: I need all the synapses I can get as I push 40. So, I don’t plan on using it very often.After having the weed, the positive mood lasted for a few days without ingesting any more taffies. I basically just returned to baseline. I didn’t eat any for weeks after that episode. Since then, I’ve probably had two or three, each time cutting them in thirds or halves. After a while, the package just sat there in the fridge, and eventually I ended up tossing them when I moved out of the apartment.So, now I have no taffies, and I could frankly care less. If I feel like one might help me in the future, I’ll take it. If I go out to the desert, maybe I’ll take some for recreational use. Either way, I know my limitations, and I know I don’t want to do it often. Because I don’t experience a craving, I doubt this will be a problem. I experienced a craving for alcohol from Day One. From the very beginning, I needed more.“Marijuana maintenance,” or smoking pot in recovery, is generally frowned upon by your standard AA member. Historically referred to (incorrectly) as “the gateway drug,” 12-step philosophy looks at it in the same way, cautioning that if you start smoking it in recovery it will open up the floodgates toward drinking again.The problem with this thinking is that it doesn’t take into account the vast differences that exist between all of us, be they physiological or psychological, or, hell, even spiritual. After reading much about recovery, from Lance Dodes to Marc Lewis to Gabrielle Glaser to Bill Wilson and all the stories in the rest of the Big Book, I feel that it's unconscionable to argue that we are not unique, as so many people do in 12-step programs. We are highly unique, and observing this and tailoring treatment plans for each individual will increase success at recovery. One-size-fits-all recovery modalities are, according to my research, quite dangerous.Imagine if a woman with breast cancer walked into a doctor’s office and the doctor said, “Well, there’s no reason to take any additional imaging because all breast cancer patients are the same. You’re not unique. Mastectomy it is!”Even in the dark ages medicine was probably more sophisticated than this. So why are we in the dark ages when it comes to addiction treatment? If our bodies are this unique, then so are our minds. The field of psychiatry also takes our differences into account, with medication and other treatment prescribed according to individual circumstances.I am not encouraging anyone to microdose, but I am trying to encourage the sober community to keep an open mind about new psychotherapeutic treatments and to accept the fact that some people can stay away from their drug of choice while indulging in a substance that wasn’t and isn’t problematic. Studies have shown that marijuana can benefit our mental health; let’s continue to study this promising medicine instead of closing ourselves off to it out of fear.Microdosing on anything while in recovery is a very nuanced topic, and drawing blanket conclusions won’t do anyone a bit of good. But in order to make room for these conversations, we have to be open and accepting. We have to be willing to say, “Okay, she can take a little THC every now and then and enjoy it. I know it’s not a good idea for me since I smoked too much pot in the past, so I won’t do it.” We all need to be in touch with our own limits and accept them while not imposing them on others; otherwise, we resort to reductive fear-mongering that has no basis in reality.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 http://bit.ly/2AF1Qjc

[emlydunstan]

Microdosing Marijuana at 9 Years Sober

Microdosing. All the cool kids in Silicon Valley are doing it, and anyone who got sober before 2015 has been left out of the fun. At least, anyone with an all-or-nothing recovery plan, which is most people, but definitely not yours truly. Anecdotally, it looks like it’s better to have Silicon Valley hooked on low doses of LSD and psilocybin than abusing Adderall, but more empirical data on the therapeutic benefits of this trend is needed. Though I’m not going near psychedelics without a doctor’s note, I have dabbled in some microdosing on weed, and I still consider myself 100% sober.Alcohol was my problem. It was a gnarly problem. I put the kibosh on that problem in 2009 and haven’t looked back.Google piqued my interest in microdosing on weed by feeding me a headline that claimed one puff of it could blast away depression. I double-clicked. Since I deal with bipolar disorder and have benefited from using CBD (the non-psychoactive component in marijuana), the article seemed relevant.According to the study, one drag of low-THC and high-CBD dose of weed can knock out depression immediately, unlike traditional antidepressants that often take a few weeks to kick in. But, there’s a catch: Continual use of THC could worsen depression, so this had to be an every-now-and-again smoke. I stored that information in my brain for future reference, noting that if I ever experienced an intense depression that didn’t abate I could give it a try since I’m fortunate enough to live in Los Angeles (pot shops on nearly every major street).About two months after I read about the study, I got stuck in a morass of negativity and self-deprecation and self-doubt for about a week. Everything was out of alignment, and no matter how much meditation I did, I just couldn’t snap out of it. Sure, I have bipolar II, but because I take meds, 90% of the time the symptoms are manageable. Still, there are those days when stress or neurochemistry or hormones or a bad fight with a boyfriend can throw me off.Sometimes I find relief in jogging or dancing, calling my therapist or going to a meeting, but there are times where I don’t have the energy or ability to do the very things I know will help (Depression 101). Since I’ve dealt with the condition for so long, I know when I’m dealing with a chemical imbalance and when I’m dealing with a psychological imbalance.This time it felt like both.I was curious to see how the weed would work, especially since I’d heard so much about the benefits of microdosing on psychedelics from friends. Because the CBD succeeded in quieting my anxiety and smoothing out my thoughts, I figured why not try something with a bit of THC.Anyone who smokes pot can tell you that it triggers euphoria, thereby alleviating depression; you don’t need a study to tell you that. But I’ve never been a huge fan of weed, for several reasons.For starters, my sister smoked way too much of it when she was 18, and she wound up with a permanent case of acute paranoid schizophrenia right after a three-month-long binge. Her doctor said the weed probably triggered a dormant case of the illness inherited from my schizophrenic grandfather, one that would have emerged with or without the pot, it was just a matter of time. So, that instilled in me a well-warranted dose of fear.After staying far away from weed until my early 20s, I started smoking it every now and then, but not very often, and I certainly never purchased any or had it around. You’re probably wondering why I’d even risk smoking pot at all given my sister’s condition. Well, the doc also pointed out that she displayed many early signs of the disorder from childhood, and that my emotional and expressive--albeit mood-disordered--personality was opposite of what you’d typically see in a child predisposed for schizophrenia.I also had passed adolescence by the time I started smoking, and the science says adolescents are the ones most at risk. Strength and frequency also play a huge role, and my sister admitted that she holed herself up in her dorm room smoking bowl after bowl after bowl all day long for months until she literally couldn’t think anymore. I had no intention of smoking more than a hit or two off a blunt.My highs were a total mixed bag: Sometimes they relaxed me, sometimes they brought on unstoppable fits of giggles; one time I had waking dreams about dancing tortilla chips, and a few times I found myself in the midst of very uncomfortable paranoia. The one and only time I smoked way more than two hits, I wound up with full-blown psychosis that ruined an entire Halloween for multiple people. Even when smoking did bring on an enjoyable high, I still had to endure those moments of not remembering the last word I spoke, which I found, and still find, utterly horrifying. Plus my head felt like it weighed 100 pounds and my face felt like it was going to burn off.Pot just didn’t provide an alluring buzz. I never developed a craving for or addiction to it.If the weed I smoked had had even a small percentage of CBD, those episodes of paranoia would likely have not occurred since CBD actually curbs the anxiety-inducing effects of THC. In fact, in a bizarre twist of irony, studies have shown CBD effectively treats schizophrenia.Sadly, whoever bred weed in the 90s and early 2000s grew strains that had little or no CBD because it decreases the psychoactive effect. (Remember chronic?) Now, CBD is making a comeback among health-conscious, microdosing millennials who are sensible enough to want a more balanced high. This is good news for a paranoid Gen Xer.Now, you can walk into the local dispensary and see a smorgasbord of pot goodies that include CBD, from all-CBD vanilla bean cookies to 1:1 taffies to 100% CBD oil cartridges. There are salves and gums and pre-rolls and mints and a white CBD dust that looks just like cocaine, and all of them are labeled with the milligrams and the percentages of THC and CBD. This is heaven for someone like me who might want to try some pot without getting paranoid or stoned.I have to say, I love budtenders. Mitch, who manned the shop by my house, was extremely sympathetic to my terror of coming down with pot-induced paranoia. He emphasized that dosing, strain, and CBD content made a world of difference when trying to avoid it and pointed me in the direction of 1:1 taffies. Each taffy had 5 mg of CBD and THC, which sounds low, but it’s no microdose for someone like me. According to Mitch, 5 mg of CBD and THC can lead to a strong high for someone with zero pot tolerance, and I wasn’t looking to get stoned — I just wanted that mild euphoria, for the bell jar to lift.I ended up buying the taffies and slicing them into thirds, which Mitch suggested. In the end, I was ingesting about 1.5 mg of THC and 1.5 mg of CBD, which a lot of doctors would consider an ineffective dose, but not for me! My brain is super sensitive. After two hours, I ended up feeling a very small effect, but of course it grew.Ultimately, the high — if you’d call it that — was a powerful feeling of ease and positivity. My thoughts quieted, and yes, a mild euphoria fell over me. It was, without a doubt, a nice buzz, but a buzz no more intense than a glass of wine sipped slowly and on a reasonably full stomach. Despite this buzz, I had no craving for more pot. I was so pleased to not be paranoid or forgetting my thoughts as they spilled out of my head, the last thing I wanted was more. More might have induced those adverse effects. (Oh, the benefits of legalization!)I am not ashamed of that pot buzz nor do I think it nulls my sobriety in any way. My sobriety is just that — my sobriety, and it’s not some stringent moral code that demands I never feel any psychoactive pleasure whatsoever just because I used to drink myself into rages, sobs, and blackouts. If the pot buzz was harmless and actually beneficial for my mental health, why not embrace it? One of the main reasons I got off the booze is because how seriously destabilizing it is for my mood given my bipolar diagnosis. When I drank too much, it sent me crashing down into suicidal depressions.Normal drinkers get a slight buzz — if not a big buzz — from their drinks, and they’ll admit it. It’s a social lubricant and a relaxant that well-adjusted and healthy folks leverage all the time to take the edge off and have fun. When they manage to leverage these positive aspects of alcohol without destroying their lives, we tip our hats to them.Being out of AA for nearly three years no doubt helped me take the microdosing plunge with zero guilt.Now, if I wanted to gorge myself on those taffies after this experience, that would be problematic, at least for me. Someone else might not care if they engage that behavior, but I’m not in the mood to pick up any new addictions.I’m still very wary of using weed on the regular given my familial history of schizophrenia, though at this age my chances of developing the illness are low. Some studies have shown that heavy and regular use can fry your short-term memory, and I’m not down for that either: I need all the synapses I can get as I push 40. So, I don’t plan on using it very often.After having the weed, the positive mood lasted for a few days without ingesting any more taffies. I basically just returned to baseline. I didn’t eat any for weeks after that episode. Since then, I’ve probably had two or three, each time cutting them in thirds or halves. After a while, the package just sat there in the fridge, and eventually I ended up tossing them when I moved out of the apartment.So, now I have no taffies, and I could frankly care less. If I feel like one might help me in the future, I’ll take it. If I go out to the desert, maybe I’ll take some for recreational use. Either way, I know my limitations, and I know I don’t want to do it often. Because I don’t experience a craving, I doubt this will be a problem. I experienced a craving for alcohol from Day One. From the very beginning, I needed more.“Marijuana maintenance,” or smoking pot in recovery, is generally frowned upon by your standard AA member. Historically referred to (incorrectly) as “the gateway drug,” 12-step philosophy looks at it in the same way, cautioning that if you start smoking it in recovery it will open up the floodgates toward drinking again.The problem with this thinking is that it doesn’t take into account the vast differences that exist between all of us, be they physiological or psychological, or, hell, even spiritual. After reading much about recovery, from Lance Dodes to Marc Lewis to Gabrielle Glaser to Bill Wilson and all the stories in the rest of the Big Book, I feel that it's unconscionable to argue that we are not unique, as so many people do in 12-step programs. We are highly unique, and observing this and tailoring treatment plans for each individual will increase success at recovery. One-size-fits-all recovery modalities are, according to my research, quite dangerous.Imagine if a woman with breast cancer walked into a doctor’s office and the doctor said, “Well, there’s no reason to take any additional imaging because all breast cancer patients are the same. You’re not unique. Mastectomy it is!”Even in the dark ages medicine was probably more sophisticated than this. So why are we in the dark ages when it comes to addiction treatment? If our bodies are this unique, then so are our minds. The field of psychiatry also takes our differences into account, with medication and other treatment prescribed according to individual circumstances.I am not encouraging anyone to microdose, but I am trying to encourage the sober community to keep an open mind about new psychotherapeutic treatments and to accept the fact that some people can stay away from their drug of choice while indulging in a substance that wasn’t and isn’t problematic. Studies have shown that marijuana can benefit our mental health; let’s continue to study this promising medicine instead of closing ourselves off to it out of fear.Microdosing on anything while in recovery is a very nuanced topic, and drawing blanket conclusions won’t do anyone a bit of good. But in order to make room for these conversations, we have to be open and accepting. We have to be willing to say, “Okay, she can take a little THC every now and then and enjoy it. I know it’s not a good idea for me since I smoked too much pot in the past, so I won’t do it.” We all need to be in touch with our own limits and accept them while not imposing them on others; otherwise, we resort to reductive fear-mongering that has no basis in reality.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 https://www.thefix.com/microdosing-marijuana-9-years-sober

[chloemetz]

  Seeing as it’s Thursday I decided that instead of my usual review, I would share with you my current top 10 books about or featuring mental health. I was really hard to decide on the final 10 but I think I have a pretty good selection.

The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath This is one of my favourites books of all time. I read this when I was a student and it just connected on a level I haven’t before with any other book. The plot focuses on Esther a young woman in her early 20s and her descent into mental ill health.

Am I Normal Yet – Holly Bourne I love Holly Bourne’s YA work and Am I Normal Yet was a great start to her spinster trilogy. Looking at OCD, how to open up to the people around you and the process of recovery. Full review right here.

Reasons to Stay Alive – Matt Haig Matt Haig was on the verge of committing suicide, now he’s a best selling author. To get from one to the other he needed reasons to stay alive. This is a beautiful and brilliant book which changes lives. I wrote all about it here.

My Lovely Wife – Mark Luckach There are very few books I’ve read from the perspective of a partner who has to watch their loved ones go through mental illness. A truly lovely and honest book. You can read my review here.

How Not To Be A Boy – Robert Webb I’m so in love with this autobiography. This isn’t just about Webb’s life, it looks at death, gender stereotypes, sexuality and toxic masculinity. I raved about it here.

Mad Girl – Bryony Gordon I listened to this as an audiobook and fell in love. Not only does Bryony talk about serious topics such as depression, alopecia and OCD but she also makes you laugh. I’m a huge believer in laughter being a great healer. You can read my full thoughts here. Nina is Not Ok – Shappi Khorsandi This is the first YA novel I’ve read looking at alcoholism in a young person. I went through so many emotions reading it. A tough but important read.

Ariel – Sylvia Plath I know, I know Plath again BUT her poetry is incredible. This is a beautiful collection and Plath’s last before her suicide. The imagery, the emotion. I can’t get enough. It’s All in Your Head – Rae Earl Confession, I’d never read anything by Rae Earl before and this was a great place to start. This is part manual, part memoir and wholly excellent. I loved this and it would benefit anyone and I highly recommend it.

When We Collided – Emery Lord This is a wonderful YA novel which isn’t obvious it is about mental illness at the beginning. This is mostly about friendship, love and healing. Two teenagers, a summer and a beautiful novel. Full review here.

  What would you add? Let me know in the comments below!

It's Thursday, which means books! For todays #MHAW18 1My Top 10 Mental Health Reads! What you you add? #blogger #books Seeing as it's Thursday I decided that instead of my usual review, I would share with you my current top 10 books about or featuring mental health.

#Bryony Gordon #Emery Lord #Holly Bourne #Mark Lukach #matt haig #Mental Health #Mental health awareness week #mental illness #Rae Earl #Robert Webb #Shappi Khorsandi #Sylvia Plath

[thedigital-witnesses]

Lipstick as War Paint: The Bell Jar & the Containment of Women in Cold War America

By: Alyssa E. Logie 

Sylvia Plath’s 1963 novel, The Bell Jar provides a harsh critique of American Cold War culture. In particular, the novel’s protagonist Esther Greenwood mirrors the struggles faced by American women during the Cold War. Esther demonstrates the negative impacts of the containment of American women created by “Occupation Housewife”—a dominant ideology of Cold War America that contained women within the role of the housewife. Occupation Housewife requires women to uphold the appearance of a perfect wife and mother: a performance of femininity that functions to protect American capitalism from the threat of the Soviet and communist ‘other’. As such, this containment positions women on the front-line of national defence, rendering housewives as “soldiers” during the Cold War. The Bell Jar explores the damaging effects this containment ideology had, and continues to have on women today, through the mental deterioration of Esther Greenwood. Esther’s breakdown is caused by her internal dilemma: she can neither accept the role of the housewife, nor become an intellectual woman. Faced with the impossibility of this decision, Esther Greenwood decides she must kill herself.

After the Second World War and the fight against fascism, Soviet communism began to be seen as another “radical ideology which would ultimately become a similar threat” (Fejer and Talif 2). There was a strong push in America to differentiate the capitalist economic system from the communist system of the Soviet Union. There were efforts put in place to build a strong sense of national community, and the fear for the threat of communism was publicized; both of these tactics would help to distinguish communism as capitalism’s “other” (1). If capitalism was seen as the economic system of the ‘Land of the Free’, then communism was the economic system of an oppressive nation. Capitalism and consumerism were positioned as the source of freedom within the United States—a freedom that communism would surely eradicate if it expanded into American borders. Following this logic, capitalism was seen as something that needed to be protected and contained from the oppressive communism of the Soviet Union. These sentiments of the threat of communism and the importance of the containment of capitalism were evident in a letter written in 1946 by George Kennan, a known advocate of containment policy, in which he states:

The internal harmony of our society [will] be disrupted, our traditional way of life be destroyed, the international authority of our state be broken, if Soviet power is to be secure (1).

Similar sentiments can be found in a 1967 document entitled “A Statement on Communism”, written by the then director of the FBI, John Edgar Hoover:

We must recognize the communist effort for what it is – an effort to inject poison into the bloodstream of America, to confuse, obscure, and distort America’s vision of itself (Pollard 10).

Building a sense of national community in the U.S. was key in distinguishing Americans and capitalism from Soviets and communism. In order to help build a distinct national community in America, the relationship between people and their country had to be made “naturalized”, whereby citizens would feel required to “fulfil their responsibilities of civic membership and participation” in order to protect the freedom that capitalism provided (2). The nation was now referred to as a ‘home’ that citizens were responsible for protecting from the pending threat of communism. The infamous Nixon-Khrushchev ‘kitchen debate’ of 1959—which took place on the “recreation of an iconic American kitchen at the U.S. exhibition in Sokolini Park”—emphasized these notions of the nation as a home (Pollard 11). During the meeting, Nixon continually referenced the modern American kitchen as a “symbol of his country’s superiority” according to the argument that freedom in the marketplace and modern commodities under capitalism “enabled individuals to have better lives” (11). More importantly, capitalism provided a better life than whatever communism could provide.  These beliefs were apparent in Nixon’s rhetorical statements, such as:

“You [Soviets] may be ahead of us in the thrust of your rockets... We [Americans] may be ahead of you... in colour television.” Later, pointing at a panel-controlled washing machine, he observed: “In America, these things are designed to make things easier for our women” (11).

Consequently, the suburban home and the commodities within it came to be represented as “part of the fight against the nightmare of communism” (10). The ideology of the “nation as home” influenced all members of society; however, women seemed to feel these pressures in far heavier ways (Fejer and Talif 2). Nixon’s continual slippage between the terms “women” and “housewife”, and his repeated emphasis on the importance of commodities that were to be used by women in the home, solidified the idea that American women—inside of their suburban homes—were now positioned on the front-line of national security, protecting the United States from the looming threat of Soviet communism. As stated by Paul Virilio, people—in this case, women—had become “civilian soldiers without even knowing it” (Virilio 34).

After World War II, there was a significant push to remove women from their new found positions within the workforce, returning them to their traditional roles as wives and mothers within the private realm of the household. Despite feminist movements of the 1950s, “political and social ideologies of the time were encouraging young women to seek a husband, take care of children, and maintain biological roles” (Fejer and Talif 2). Women were told that in order to “save themselves, their children, and indeed, the very fabric of America, [they] needed to return the workplace to its rightful inhabitants, men” (Straughen 31).  This revival of domesticity had a “politically radicalizing effect”, as many women felt it was now their responsibility to defend America during the Cold War from inside the confines of their homes (Nickerson 17). Karen Anderson sums up the new found place for women within Cold War America quite eloquently:

Anti-Communism was a cultural package that was very appealing to many Americans… Advocates of conventional gender roles advanced the idea that women who were subordinated and domestic produced happy and patriotic husbands and sons who would have the masculine strength to fight against the enemies of capitalism at home and abroad… Women who worked for pay or who were sexually active outside of marriage threatened the domestic foundations of America’s international and economic strength (Anderson 31).

Women had become enlisted as anti-communist soldiers within the home, looking up to public figures such as J. Edgar Hoover, who “believed women could support FBI efforts to find communists in American society” and helped to fuel suburban women’s anti-communism “activism” (Nickerson 18). Women were now invited to become “political” in their own homes in order to protect the nation, as the “threat of ‘Godless’ communism gave women a mandate to become more assertive in their roles as the upholders of spiritual and civic virtues” (19). Amy Kaplan refers to this phenomenon as “manifest domesticity”, stating:

If domesticity plays a key role in imagining the nation as home, then women, positioned at the center of the home, play a major role in defining the contours of the nation and its shifting borders with the foreign (Baldwin 28).

Under this rationale, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the family became seen as legitimate actions women could take to protect their country from the threat of communism. Betty Friedan also describes this new duty of the American woman within the confines of her home in her book, The Feminine Mystique—she calls it “Occupation Housewife” (Friedan 19).

Occupation Housewife not only describes how women were to protect their country by returning to their ‘traditional’ positions as wives and mothers, but also how consumerism was intrinsically tied to the woman’s role within the home. Within the suburban home, women were “subject to the massive influence of the media that reinforced the interest of the market” (Fejer and Talif 2). Friedan describes how the housewife was the ideal embodiment of femininity, and apparently had “everything that women ever dreamed of”—she was surrounded by magnificent new commodities that eased their household work and motherly duties, she was “freed by science and labor-saving appliances from the drudgery, the dangers of childbirth and the illnesses of her grandmother” (Friedan18). A woman’s identity became tied up with household objects and commodities of the beauty and fashion industries. However, Friedan exposes how these images of the perfect and happy housewife were entirely false, as “lot of women who had accepted their prescribed role, ironically, found themselves quite discontented, excessively tired, and with no enthusiasm” (Fejer and Talif 2). Women bound to the role of the housewife were typically “doomed to suffer ultimately that bored, diffuse feeling of purposelessness, nonexistence, non-involvement with the world that can be called anomie, or lack of identity” (Friedan 181). The household became a “comfortable concentration camp” for women (18). Such feelings of womanly despair and entrapment are articulated and explored within Sylvia Plath’s novel, The Bell Jar.

Sylvia Plath explores this “uncanny sense of perpetual female entrapment” caused by Occupation Housewife within her novel The Bell Jar, which was first published under a pseudonym in 1963, two weeks before the author’s suicide (Baldwin 21). The novel follows Esther’s descent into madness instigated by the stifling culture and ideologies of Cold War America, as well as her so-called recovery. Esther’s journey mirrors the struggles of women during first wave feminism; “their entrapment between their own desires on one side and political and societal commitments on the other” (Fejer and Talif 4). Esther struggles between not wanting to abide by the dominant ideologies of femininity, such as becoming a picture perfect housewife, and wanting to become her own person. She wants to be a working woman, a writer and an individual, but she does not want to be ostracised from society in the way working women typically were. Ultimately, her problem is “how to combine between being a woman” according to societal guidelines, “and a writer at the same time” (4). Many women during this time tried to balance both fulfilling their female roles housewives, and having their own individuality and career aspirations. However, they typically “lost one for the sake of the other, and in both cases, women were miserable.” (3). The specific ways in which Esther Greenwood reflects the reality of women in Post War America will be analyzed in more detail.

To be a proper woman during this time was to “be an attractive object of the male gaze” (Ferretter 138). More specifically, a woman was to be the picture perfect image of femininity in order to make her husband happy. Popular magazines during the Cold War continually told women that if they were to get a husband or a job, they must be attractive to men. For example, an article in Woman’s Guide to Better Living said that “a wife who is habitually slovenly and dowdy is neither a happy thought for a husband nor a pleasant sight to meet. The desire to come home to it, the courage to face it, gradually and slowly weakens” (139). If a woman was not attractive, her family would suffer because of it. Ultimately, it was the upholding of the nuclear family that would protect Americans from the threat of the Soviet other. So, if a woman could not maintain the ideal image of femininity, she was not only letting her family down—she was threatening the security of the entire nation. Esther is fascinated by commodities of the beauty and fashion industries, as well as her own appearance and the appearance of other women. She continually describes the appearance of other women in great detail, alluding to how embedded she has become into the ideology of upholding the image of femininity. After her suicide attempt, Esther looks at herself in a mirror. Her nurse does not want Esther to look into the mirror because she does not “look very pretty” (Plath 183). However, Esther insists and sees her incredibly disfigured reflection. To not abide by the dominant ideologies of femininity is to become extremely unattractive in the eyes of society—to the point where Esther cannot “tell whether the person in the picture was a man or a woman” (183). It is notable that Esther refers to the image in the mirror as a picture, and not a reflection. She cannot accept that this ugly reflection is her own. Esther smashes the mirror, as she knows that if she wants to become integrated back into society again, she will have to abide by the expectations of beautiful feminine appearance.

One of the main reasons why Esther Greenwood is conflicted with society’s dominant ideology of women as housewives, is that she wants to be a working woman. Throughout the novel, Esther struggles with the idea of not being able to make something of herself other than a wife and mother. However, Esther also does not want to become ostracized by society, as she is obsessed with maintaining her appearance and cares greatly about the appearance of others. Esther’s desire to become a working woman, yet hesitance towards not appearing as feminine enough, is made evident when she is looking at the Russian interpreter. Esther describes the woman as a “stern muscular Russian girl with no make-up who was a simultaneous interpreter like Constantin” (Plath 79). She then goes on to say that she wishes with all her heart that she could “crawl into her” (79). In these statements, Esther points out how the Russian woman is able work just like a man. However, Esther’s statements also allude to how the working woman is perceived by American society. Esther describes the woman as masculine in appearance, specifically noting that she does not wear any make-up. As such, in the eyes of American society, working women are not feminine. If a woman works, she cannot fit into the role of the housewife, and she is not a protector of American “freedom”. It is no coincidence that the working woman is Russian: she is the communist ‘other’. To be a working woman in America is to be ‘othered’ as someone who does not stand for American freedom and capitalism; it is to become an enemy of the nation. This sequence points to how “U.S. Cold War femininity is caught up in the weird performance…of the Soviet other” (Baldwin 31).

Esther knows that she will be ostracized by society if she chooses a career in writing over becoming a housewife. She tries to think about how life would be if she could just become a mother and wife like other women. Esther continually fantasizes about becoming like Dado Conway, a mother of six children who lives on her street. However, these fantasies typically end in frustration, as Esther simply cannot envision herself “devoting [herself] to a baby after fat puling baby like Dado Conway” (Plath 212). However, Esther has difficulty envisioning herself as a professional writer and working woman too. This is evident when Esther is talking to the famous woman poet at her university. While the poet encourages Esther to consider other options besides becoming a mother, “but what about your career?” she asks, Esther continues to reject this possibility despite the famous woman poet standing right in front of her (232). As such, Esther cannot envision herself abiding by the dominant notions of femininity, but she can also not envision herself subverting these expectations. Esther’s inability to choose a future life for herself because of these conflicting possibilities is exemplified in her reverie about the fig tree:

One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and the other fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor . . . and beyond and above these figs were many figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet (Plath 81).

Because Esther is so conflicted about her life options, knowing that she must choose between what is expected of her or becoming non-feminine in the eyes of society, she instead becomes like one of the figs—she rots and decays.

Women during this time were considered successful if they could find a proper husband whom they could serve and make happy. Many magazines of the time frequented advice for young women on how to attract a man; one of the most popular pieces of advice was to “never appear more intelligent than [a man]” (Plath 141). To be a desirable woman is to be passive. Not only does Esther want to be a working woman, she wants to be a writer and poet—a profession which is almost always cast-off as irrelevant in society. A woman who wanted to be an intellectual and a writer would have an even harder time finding a husband.  In her relationship with Buddy Willard, Esther’s intelligence is continually dismissed; her interests in creative writing and poetry are seen as inferior as compared to Buddy’s interests in medical science. This is evident in a conversation between Buddy and Esther, when Buddy refers to a poem as “a piece of dust” (59). Esther does not defend herself, but a year later realizes what she wished she could have said. She wishes she had told Buddy that his cadavers were dust too:

People were made of nothing so much as dust, and I couldn't see that doctoring all that dust was a bit better than writing poems people would remember and repeat to themselves when they were unhappy or sick or couldn't sleep” (59).

This quote emphasizes how Esther’s art could not be taken seriously by men during this time, as it did not contribute to her role as a housewife. Esther’s passions and desires are disregarded as frivolous and unimportant. Being an intellectual woman would alienate her from finding a husband, and consequently, from society as a whole. To be an intellectual woman, or to become “the arrow” instead of “the place an arrow shoots off from” is to “cease to exist as a woman in the way that the concept of woman is publically defined” (Plath 88, Ferretter 148). To be an intellectual woman is to become an enemy of the state; to become completely ostracized. Esther comes to realize that there is “no way in the American society of the 1950s, that a talented woman could successfully combine a career with homemaking” (Smith 2). Plath herself wrote of this conflict in one of her journals from 1951:

My greatest trouble, arising from my basic and egoistic self-love, is jealousy. I am jealous of men . . . it is an envy born of the desire to be active and doing, not passive and listening. I envy the man his physical freedom to lead a double life—his career, and his sexual and family life. I can pretend to forget my envy; no matter, it is there, insidious, malignant, latent (Fejer and Talif 5).

Esther and Plath are both conflicted due to being women in “a society whose guidelines for women she can neither accept nor reject” (5).

Plath’s novel provides a deep criticism of how the institution of psychiatry functioned to punish women for not abiding by the expectations of femininity, and how the institution rehabilitates women so they can re-enter society as “proper” women. Psychiatry was a highly patriarchal practice during this time and was an institution that “posits certain misogynist views of women and sex-role stereotypes as ‘scientific’ or ‘curative’” (133). In 1960, 85% of clinical psychiatrists were men (129). Esther is deemed mentally ill because she “was failing to conform to cultural norms of femininity” (Ferretter 133). She feels great anger towards her male doctor, Dr. Gordon—especially the picture of his nuclear family on his desk. Dr. Gordon holds the nuclear family with a perfect housewife as the solution to Esther’s problem; however, it is actually the cause of her mental deterioration.

The novel opens with Esther pondering the electrocution of the Rosenburgs, saying that “the idea of being electrocuted makes [her] sick” (Plath 1). Esther correlates the electrocution of the Rosenburgs with her electroshock therapy; she sees ECT as a patriarchal punishment for rejecting her feminine role in society. Before her first shock treatment, Esther wonders “what terrible thing… [she] had done”, emphasizing how she equates the therapy with punishment for a crime (Plath 138). Ethel Rosenberg’s “status as a bad mother—an image the press went to great pains to construct—stays with Esther as a reminder that she must conform to the era’s dictates and be a good mother” (Baldwin 25). In the words of Paul Virilio, “the anti-militarist is… someone who attacks man” (Virilio 33). To be a bad mother and to not uphold the ideal image of femininity is to become the Soviet ‘other’, and to become a threat to America’s security.

The end of Plath’s novel is quite ambiguous. However, a passage at the very beginning provides some important insights. Esther describes how she had hidden away the makeup products the magazine company had given her while she was sick. But later, when she was “all right again”, she brought them back out—she even uses the lipsticks every “now and then” (Plath 3). It is clear that Esther decides to conform to society’s ideal image of femininity to prevent from being ostracized and seen as an ‘other’ in her nation. Esther is still concerned with her appearance, and it is her performance of proper femininity that leads to her release from the asylum:

My stocking seams were straight, my black shoes were cracked, but polished, and my red wool suit as flamboyant as my plans. Something old, something new… (Plath 257).

Esther “could neither make change nor adjust the situation, so she finally reaches a dead-end” in which she must abide by the contained version of femininity in order to become reintegrated into society (Fejer and Talif 10). While Esther does wish to reject the domestic containment of the housewife role, she still must perform dominant notions of femininity in order to be accepted by society. As a woman, to not wake up every morning and put on your lipstick is to become an ‘other’—to become an enemy of the nation, and a threat to national security.

“Little boxes on the hillside,

Little boxes made of ticky tacky,

Little boxes on the hillside,

Little boxes all the same…

And they all play on the golf course

And drink their martinis dry,

And they all have pretty children

And the children go to school…

And then to the university,

Where they are put in boxes

And they come out all the same.”

                         —Malvina Reynolds, Little Boxes (1962)

 Works Cited

Anderson, Karen. “Engendering Post-1945 U.S. History.” American Historical Association Perspectives, 1998. Print.  

Baldwin, Kate A. “The Radical Imaginary of ‘The Bell Jar’.” NOVEL: A Forum on Fiction, vol. 38, no. 1, 2004, pp. 21-40. Print.

Fejer, Azhar N., and Rosli Talif. “Individual Mobility and the Sense of “Deadlock.” SAGE Open, vol. 4, no. 3, 2014. Print.

Ferretter, Luke. Sylvia Plath's Fiction: A Critical Study. Edinburgh University Press, Edinburgh, 2010. Print.

Friedan, Betty. The Feminine Mystique. New York: W.W. Norton, 2013. Print.

Nickerson, Michelle. “Women, Domesticity, and Postwar Conservatism.” OAH Magazine of History, vol. 17, no. 2, 2003, pp. 17–21. Print.

Plath, Sylvia. The Bell Jar. London: Faber and Faber Limited, 1999. Print.

Pollard, Claire. “Her Kind: Anne Sexton, the Cold War and the Idea of the Housewife.” Critical Quarterly, vol. 48, no. 3, 2006, pp. 1-24. Print.

Malvina Reynolds. Little Boxes. 1962. Audio.

Smith, Caroline J. “'The Feeding of Young Women': Sylvia Plath's the Bell Jar, Mademoiselle Magazine, and the Domestic Ideal.” College Literature (West Chester Univ., PA), vol. 37, no. 4, 2010, pp. 1. Print.

Virilio, Paul. Pure War. New York: Semiotexte, 1983. Print.

#Sylvia Plath #The Bell Jar #Feminism #Cold War #America #Housewife #Depression #Mental Health #Communism #Capitalism #Media Studies #The Feminine Mystique #Pure War #Femininity #Digital Witness #Alyssa Logie

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I bought all the bright places today after seeing you enjoyed it. I've been wanting to read it but was unsure with it being about teenagers but your right about it. I'm only 30 pages into it and am already addicted and ready to devour the whole book! Please let me know what you think of the other books on that list you bought and what ones you would recommend. (:

It is SO ADDICTING. I finished the entire thing in 10 hours lol. And didn't stop. I relate so much to Finch, and the parts with Violets phobia of driving - omg. I am forever changed after reading that book. Since then I have finished Wintergirls (I'm glad I waited this long after recovery to read it though.. very triggering, but holy shit. Amazing) Started Wasted by Mayra Hornbacher (another slightly triggering book) And am about to start Paperweight & 13 Reasons Why (on the list) & The Bell Jar (not on the list, & definitely not about teenagers if you want a real life view of mental illness from an adult)