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astrozones · 4 years

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Gay Eyes - Prinxiety

@idkwhyimhere0o0 , @slitherynchiken bc yall wanted to see this uwu

Original Post here!

Summary: "Gay eyes" was a stupid concept. Virgil could hardly believe his ears when Roman suggested it earlier that day- when they were trying to pursue Nico. And of course, it didn't work. Because it was stupid. Idiotic. So why couldn't he stop thinking about it- or the boy who had suggested it?

Discord: Astro’s Zone

Ship: Prinxiety

Read on AO3

Spoiler warning for Flirting With Social Anxiety!!

Gay eyes, right?

That’s what he called them?

It was stupid. A stupid name, a stupid concept, a stupid- ugh, everything!

So why couldn’t he stop thinking about it-!

Virgil groaned, turning himself around so he could shove his face onto the pillow. Ughhhhhhhh.

Maybe it was because Roman looked so damn pretty doing it and- nope! Not going down that train of thought. At least, not for the fifth time tonight.

‘Gay eyes’. Ugh. Something about that was familiar. Did someone do them to Thomas? No, no, he would’ve heard Roman prattling on about it in a lovestruck monologue if someone did. That much was certain.

Ah- maybe- well, Thomas had to have done it sometime, right? He seemed so familiar with the concept. That must be why he was understood it. It was the only logical reason, at least. Heh, maybe Logan would be proud of him for coming up with an understandable conclusion.

But- that wasn’t it, was it? Something in his nonexistent heart told him so. And while he made a point to not listen to his heart- it could get them in so many dangerous situations, after all- he spent a few more minutes thinking about it. Just in case.

He couldn’t think of anything else though. No matter how many paths he went through, nothing made sense, except for if another Side had done them while he was watching or something and-!

Oh.

God, he remembered it- about 3 weeks ago, Roman was acting weird. And not his normal type of fantastical-focused weirdness either. He hadn’t thought much of it- that was a lie, he spent too much time thinking about it- but Roman kept looking over at Virgil, both of them sitting at opposite ends of the couch.

When Virgil finally chanced looking over and meeting his eyes, Roman simply raised an eyebrow at him. A second later, he switched his expression to an innocent one, looking away, and back, where he lifted his eyebrow again with a smirk.

What the fuck, he had thought. Huh? Ugh- whatever. Ro’ was just messing around. Virgil let out a scoff, lightly pushing Roman with a small laugh as he stood up and walked to the kitchen- Patton was starting to look longingly at the stove again, and Virgil decided he would supervise. They didn’t want a repeat of last time.

Looking back on it, though… Was Roman… flirting with him? With Virgil? None of the others had been in the room, except for Patton, who was on the opposite side. So it must have been Virgil.

But- why?

Why Virgil? Was he pranking him? No, Roman wouldn’t do that, he was too serious about romance.

That meant… that he was serious. That he was trying to flirt… with Virgil.

The chances of Roman pranking him seemed far higher than the chances of Roman actually liking Virgil back, but- well, all the signs said he was genuine.

Wait.

Oh God.

If he was flirting with him, that means- that means that Virgil just brushed off his flirting without a second thought. That he- did he accidentally reject Roman? Shit, shit, shitshitshit- FUCK! He must hate Virgil now and his chances were ruined and he’d be single forever and-

Breathe. He- he had to breathe.

In, out.

Okay. Okay, he just had to think about it logically. Logically, Roman’s feelings for him wouldn’t go away just because Virgil rejected him (he rejected him! FUCK! FUCK!). Logically, he still had a chance.

But what if he didn’t- what if Roman already convinced himself out of it, or what if he realized he wasn’t that interested after all and now he’s grateful I didn’t understand, or what if he- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Okay- okay- he just… he had to make a plan to tell Roman. Easy. Yeah, that was a good idea.

This was a horrible idea. By far the worst of his ideas. Why was he doing this idea?!?

Well, he supposed, this is why I’m not Creativity.

He sat down on the couch, opposite of Roman. Step one, done.

Roman glanced up at him, flashing a radiant smile before turning back to his book- something fantasy related, most likely. Fuck I’m gay.

Could anyone blame him, though? Roman was just so pretty! Kind, too, he just wanted the best for everyone. He had a pretty straightforward set of right and wrong, but he was learning, and trying his best to make things right. Fuck, he was so passionate too. Virgil could sit there listening for hours as he ranted on about all his new ideas. He wanted to do that, he wanted to be there for Roman, to trust him enough to share thoughts he wasn’t entirely comfortable with.

Oh shit, he had been staring at him for too long. Roman was looking at him with concern and curiosity. Enact step two, enact step two!

Quickly, before he had a chance to feel scared about it- he let an eyebrow rise up, silently staring at Roman with a smile. He let the expression fall, looking away, then looking back, before switching back with a smirk.

Fuck, Roman just looked confused. What were the steps again? What did he miss?!? I knew this was a bad idea-

Roman softly gasped. Virgil’s gaze shot to him as a brilliantly bright blush adorned Roman’s face.

Good reaction?

“Was that- did you-?” Roman giggled, quickly covering his head with his hands.

This is good-? No! No, this is bad! A bad reaction! You fucked up Virgil, ABORT, ABORT-

“Roman, Virgil! It’s time to eat breakfast!” Patton called from the dining room. Shit. Now he couldn’t run away.

Roman kept trying to catch his gaze while they were eating. He saw it in the corner of his eye. But Virgil’s gaze stayed diligently on his food, eating quickly so he could run get away faster.

“I’m going to my room- BYE!” he rushed out, disposing of the dishes before sprinting back to his room. He didn’t want to see the pitying glance Roman sent him.

He face-planted straight onto his bed. He felt like crying, and he desperately fought back the tears that would tell everyone just what he was feeling.

Fuck, why couldn’t he have just kept his mouth shut. Or, rather, repressed his feelings and lived with the fact that Roman would never like him back? Of course Roman wouldn’t feel the same- why would he? When Virgil was so much worse than him?

Fuck.

He froze as a knock sounded at the door.

Fucking shit- this was Roman coming to officially reject him, wasn’t it. Shit, not right now! Not when he was still processing it! He was gonna burst into tears!

Biting his lip, he slowly made his way over to the door, opening it ever so cautiously.

There stood Roman, bouncing on his heels with a grin. Virgil frowned, why is he so ecstatic about rejecting me? I thought he considered me a friend now…

Roman opened his mouth to speak. Deny it! Deny it!

“It was a joke.” Virgil blurted out. Roman’s stopped in place, staring at him.

“What?”

“I didn’t mean it. Me doing the whole ‘gay eyes’ thing? It was a joke.” he murmured, fiddling with his sleeves. Roman made a strained noise.

“I- um- I see. That, uh, that makes sense. Thanks for clarifying, Virgil. If you’ll excuse me, I really must be going now. Ideas to explore, and all. Toodle-oo!”

And with that, Roman left.

“Of course it was too good to be true,” Roman moaned, falling back onto his thousands of pillows strewn over the floor. His body shook as he tried to hold back sobs.

He had been trying to show hints to Virgil for ages, y’know. Roman was brave, but not brave enough to say it outright. He’d hoped- well, he’d hoped that after he showed a few hints, maybe, just maybe, Virgil would show some signs back. Just enough that Roman could be sure that his feelings were returned.

And he thought… that this was it. That Virgil’s sudden understanding of ‘gay eyes’ was the sign that he was looking for!

He always knew his endless optimism would come to bite him some day.

“FUCK!” he shouted to no one. Thankfully he had soundproofed his room ages ago, after enough noise complaints from Logan about his singing. He wiped his tears away, scoffing as new ones just took their place.

He should have known Virgil was too perfect for him.

With his endearingly sarcastic attitude, his wonderfully precious giggles, and of course his smile- it was a wonder he hadn’t fallen for him sooner.

He silently cursed his past self. Why couldn’t he have just let it go and accepted him into the group? Maybe this wouldn’t have happened in the first place- maybe Virgil would be able to like him romantically.

God, what he would give to be able to cuddle with Virgil… to hug him, to hold hands, maybe even kiss him…

But he couldn’t.

Because Virgil had rejected him.

Dumbass, Virgil’s brain told him. He huffed. What, he asked, am I not suffering enough already?

His mind didn’t respond. Virgil groaned. This usually meant that he had to actually figure something out instead of just wallowing in his sorrow.

Rude.

He rubbed at his eyes, debating whether he should actually follow directions and think over things.

Nah, he decided, switching onto his side as he elected to just sleep and forget about today.

He likes you back!

Psh, yeah right. The only way Roman could like him back is if he had been coming over to confirm his feelings or some shit. That was impossible.

…

Wait, he thought, sitting up. Wait. Maybe I am a dumbass.

Because the more he thought about it, the more it became apparent that it actually wasn’t impossible. In fact, it might just be… plausible.

Holy shit.

He stood up, frantically searching for his hoodie. He had to tell Roman, he had to. Before it was too late.

Picking it up, he hurried over to the mirror. Fuck, he looked like a disaster. Hair askew, makeup nonexistent, eyes wide in panic. At least he hadn’t cried- crying, Virgil, he could be crying. Go, hurry!

Whipping open the door, he hurried down the hallway. Passing Patton in the kitchen, he gave him a nod as he ran.

“What are you doing up?” Patton asked, a cup of water in his hand. “You should be going to sleep.”

“Can’t-” Virgil huffed out, stopping for only a few seconds. “I have to go- gotta- clear something up.”

He left before Patton could come up with a response.

“Roman,” he whisper-shouted, frantically knocking on the door. “Roman!”

The door opened, revealing a tired Roman. Virgil noticed with a pain in his chest that his eyes were red from crying.

“What?”

“I meant it,” he rushed out. “I meant it- the whole ‘gay eyes’ thing. As stupid as it is, I meant it.” Roman’s eyes widened.

“I did- but I thought you were gonna reject me- so I said it was a joke and I know, I know, I’m so, so stupid, but say you like me back and I might just kiss you.”

For seconds that felt like eons, Roman stayed silent.

“Oh God, please do. I like you back, I have for a long time actua- mmf-!”

Before he was even done talking, Virgil had grabbed the collar of his pyjamas- a red t-shirt, with a crown placed in the center because this boy just cannot stop getting more adorable- and pulled him forward.

Their lips met, and Virgil’s heart melted. He moved his hands to caress Roman’s face. He felt warm- content, even, which couldn’t be true because he was Anxiety and Anxiety never felt content without a thousand other thoughts harassing him- but he was free from negative feelings, head empty as all he processed was Roman’s lips on his and that he was feeling loved.

He slowly separated from the boy, gasping for air and fighting the urge to dive back in and kiss him again- because holy fuck he had kissed Roman!

“I thought- I thought you didn’t like me back.” Roman whispered, voice cracking in the middle. Virgil shook his head vehemently.

“I- fuck no, Ro’, that’s impossible. I- fuck- you’re great, Ro’, I adore you.”

Roman broke out into a grin, leaning his forehead against Virgil’s.

“I adore you, too.”

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curiosity-killed · 3 years

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hua cheng, the accidental person

okay this is for @bodhimcbodeface because i can’t shut up and make this concise enough for discord. spoilers ahead yeehaw

this is...not comprehensive. i’ve written 11 tgcf fics and am generally a bit fixated on Hua Cheng as a character so. there’s definitely things missing but i tried to hit the main points that i thought of while writing? also obviously this is just my interpretation! i do not expect anyone else to be like “ah yes curio the sage is so correct i have changed my thinking on this” like go live your life with your own versions of hua cheng! this is just the hill upon which i have firmly planted myself and from which i refuse to be budged. as u do.

anyway, LONG explanation of my very niche and very uh self-indulgent, not-necessarily-support-by-canon hua cheng apologism LMAO

tl;dr: (this is really Too Long i’m sorry) I think Hua Cheng reluctantly becomes a person during his 800 years of searching, starting from a point where he views Xie Lian not as a person but as an immutable god and focus of devotion and developing into a person who doesn’t really acknowledge that he’s a person because realizing that you want to live and do things for yourself is scary and overwhelming at times, and he ultimately falls in love with Xie Lian during the novel itself as he recognizes and is in wonder of the humanity of Xie Lian instead of his divinity or absolute judgment.

POINT 1: Hua Cheng doesn’t actually fall in love with Xie Lian till the ox cart

but curio! you say, “my beloved!” he calls him his beloved! and the land of tender!!

shhh. IMO Hua Cheng is more Wuming than Hua Cheng for those 800 years. By which I mean, for most of that time he’s, at his heart, a nameless soldier trying to find and serve his crown prince/general/god. He still views Xie Lian as this perfect and immaculate figure—a sculpture, a painting, a work of art that is untouchable and immutable. And he’s utterly and wholly devoted to that figure but devotion is not the same as love

So Hua Cheng is searching and trying to serve Dianxia all these years and then His Royal Highness finally ascends and is a god again and Hua Cheng shows up in all his glory to give this power and strength and wealth to serve him and—

and he’s met not by a powerful and reckless martial god or an unstoppable calamity but by a young man dressed in bridal robes who lets Hua Cheng lead him up a darkened mountain, who doesn’t lash out with spiritual energy or a sword but instead, only eventually, with the cursed bandage he was carrying back in the darkest part of his life.

and i think that throws hua cheng. like he’s had this image of his god all these years, this divine painting made over and over and over again—and he carries that belief and devotion with him, but there’s a crack in the sculpture and the stone is starting to flake off to reveal a human underneath it

so he puts on an approachable, malleable, unassuming skin and finds xie lian collecting scraps and being a lil awkward, a lil bumbling, generous and kind — and i think hua cheng, after 800 years of knowing everything, having everything — I think he looks at this discovery with wonder

Bc tbc this does not mean Hua Cheng views them as equals. For him it’s like, dianxia has even more to him, is even more than I knew. He’s seen Xie Lian as the flower crowned martial god in all his glory and as the white-clothed calamity in all his horror — and now here he is, wonderful, multitudinous, and human

Meanwhile I don’t think Hua Cheng even views himself as a person really, much less a human.

also i mean. the internet & allo ppl prove time and time again that you don’t need love for horniness so. land of tender’s right out as proof on that

POINT 2: The Live For Me thing

so obviously and undeniably, using one person as a reason for living is....not healthy. Not going to argue that. but my take on it personally is that, when Hua Cheng’s a kid who really, actively wants to die and sees no reason for living, Xie Lian gives him a reason to keep going. he doesn’t have to live for himself—that’s too much, that’s too big of an ask—but he’s been given a command and purpose by the one person who’s been kind to him/whom he respects. it’s a little like... “My life has no meaning but my cat needs me to feed him and clean his litterbox and so I need to keep getting up and taking care of him even if I don’t see a larger intrinsic purpose to my life.”

and i think like...it’s easy to forget that for all of books 2 & 4, Hua Cheng is young. He doesn’t live past 18—he’s still like...a kid. And that’s not to say that teenagers/young adults can’t make moral and rational decisions but I’m going to be honest, when I was that age I contemplated joining the Air Force because of tuition assistance and the snazzy uniform despite the fact that I was a vocal pacifist and repeatedly got into arguments with teachers about school rules and conservative politics. It’s not like. The Most Rational and Mature Age, lbr.

so Wuming is absolutely capable of looking at what Xie Lian is doing and being like “hey maybe war crimes aren’t a great idea” but he is young and traumatized and the one person he believes in, the one person who gave him a reason to keep going, is deadset on this task which tbh I don’t think either of them (or...necessarily...the society in which they live) views as war crimes in the modern sense (which isn’t to say that we as readers should view it any more lightly bc i think the narrative directly and firmly contradicts that idea) but as revenge, as an eye-for-an-eye. so, bad, but character-wise, I think it’s more nuanced than we sometimes consider

anyway back to the fixation on xie lian. i stand by the assertion that in those 800 years, hua cheng wasn’t exclusively focused on xie lian. like was finding and serving him his top priority? oh god yes. undeniably. there is no other version of this story. BUT eight hundred years is like....a lot of time. and i think in that time he started doing things for himself, even if under the guise of serving xie lian. hua cheng is curious and adventurous—he clearly likes to learn even if he plays it off as nbd—and i think he starts to realize that about himself in those centuries even if he doesn’t allow himself to acknowledge or consider it.

POINT 3: Mt. Tong’lu in General

“okay, sure but what about the thousands of sculptures and murals of xie lian, curio. what the fuck about them.”

Yeah. FINE. okay we will DEAL with this. dealing with this is the entire reason i wrote “(like i do) in the tall grass.”

disclaimer: this is probably not supported by canon! i also. Do Not care. My Ghost King Now.

so I have two general avenues I take with this:

going back to the devotion > love — when Hua Cheng reaches MTL, he’s seen xie lian beaten and cast down. what do gods need to survive? worship! we see throughout how important divine statues/portraits/etc. are throughout canon. in this interpretation, the cave is a concentration of all that worship in an effort to support and serve xie lian and hua cheng doesn’t view himself like...as part of it. the sculptures could have been carved by any hand so long as they are xie lian and the worship and devotion that goes into their making can support and bolster him.

my personal favorite version: amNESIA IN THE CAVES —okay i don’t have the text pulled up rn but y’know how Guoshi says Hua Cheng was almost dispersed, in terrible condition, etc., when he reached Mt. Tong’lu. so if baby boy is in terrible condition, barely hanging on, etc., then my immediate favorite option is that he doesn’t, at that time, have even the...uh threadbare sense of self he did in life/as Wuming and is running on only a vague and urgent sense of Something driving him—something he has to do, someone he has to serve—and in that case, the paintings and sculptures are part of his trying to piece together and process his memories as he can grasp them and figuring out who he is/what his purpose is. Is this canonical? PROBABLY NOT. and yet here i am. firmly planted on this hill

Also w/ MTL I think a thing that’s often skated over is the mortals, creation of E’ming, and his ascension. Which is important from a meta lens of Hua Cheng and Xie Lian vs Jun Wu but that’s not the point of this rambling monstrosity and i’m trying not to get too distracted. ANYWAY I think this is one of those times when Hua Cheng does something that he would probably excuse as like “well His Highness would’ve wanted me to” or “His Highness wouldn’t have been willing to sacrifice the mortals” because Xie Lian is still largely his moral compass—but it also is a peek at the complexity Hua Cheng doesn’t acknowledge within himself.

uh i got distracted anyway and no longer know what point i was making here. Hua Cheng Ascension Important....maybe i will remember this at some other point...

POINT 4: Live For Me (Revisited)

I sort of got distracted writing that point but anyway coming back to it now: I maintain that although Hua Cheng’s primary pursuit is protecting and serving Xie Lian he also does develop/realize his Accidental Personhood throughout his 800 years. this includes a lot of things, as previously stated, that are under the guise of serving Xie Lian (I’d put learning the Banyue tongue, finding out about the Gilded Banquet, collecting swords, beating the 33 officials etc., in this category) and things that maybe could be but...are not really (e.g., his friendship alliance with He Xuan, Paradise Manor* in general, the Gambling Den, learning the Wuyong tongue, bullying Qi Rong*, bullying FengQing*, playing with gold foil palaces, etc.)

(*these are ones that like...could be said to be for Xie Lian and I think he might say are for Xie Lian but also have a personal element that is just for him.

Like yes Paradise Manor is a lavish and well-stocked residence fit for a god or crown prince...but it’s also a luxurious and extravagant collection of all the things he couldn’t have in life. it’s like giving a kid a credit card with no limit and letting them run wild through uh. Fuck. A Fancy Department Store.

And sure Qi Rong was awful and turned on Xie Lian in pretty damning ways, but I also genuinely think part of Hua Cheng’s grudge with him is from the childhood abuse and from just...hatred that Qi Rong is around and looks like Xie Lian and gets to be there when Hua Cheng can’t find Xie Lian (which is about Xie Lian but for Hua Cheng).

Similarly with FengQing, sure a lot of his hate is for them abandoning Xie Lian—but he doesn’t even know till Book 3 when they abandoned him, and consider how much more he hates Mu Qing, the guy he blames for kicking him out of the army, etc. Some of it is totally “in service” to Xie Lian but some of it is because Hua Cheng carries a grudge like a goddamn pro and finds catharsis in beating the shit out of immortals who bounce back and can’t stop tripping over themselves and onto his blade.)

#hua cheng #tgcf #tgcf meta #long post #i'm sorry i cannot be concise or clear with my thoughts :<#this is why i write fic #bc i can just mash these interpretations through prose and then they turn out more clearly #....i think #i hope anyway bc this sure as fuck isn't that clear

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fmdrohan · 3 years

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hello, hi ! 👋🏽 i hope this introduction post finds everyone well. ♡ i’m no one new to these parts, but for those of you who don’t know me, you can call me alé. i’m 21+, use he/him pronouns, and i’m the current typist for aria’s main vocalist, nina seo, & now, i’m bringing you all yet another muse. so, without further delay, i’d love to introduce you to brand-new creation of mine called 𝖞𝖔𝖔 𝖗𝖔𝖍𝖆𝖓. he is knight’s main dancer, sub vocalist, and rapper, as well as their currently marketed “sexy” member. outside of his career, he’s honestly just one big douche-bag skater kid that seeks cheap thrills, and who wants to do nothing more than put a smile on your face... even if causes him trouble sometimes. more info about him is below the cut, so please like this to plot ! ♡ tumblr im’s or discord by request.✨

𝖍𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖞.

born in seoul, south korea, to a working class, christian family.

mom was a manager at a local restaurant, dad worked at a law firm.

both of them were busy all the time; they lived paycheck-to-paycheck.

he didn’t get much attention at home, so he sought it out at school.

there, he was known as a a huge “class clown” or “class daredevil.”

all he wanted was to put smiles on people’s faces and push limits.

did he end up in the principal’s office a lot? YES, that was his “brand.”

as he got older, his class clownery turned to pranks and thrill-seeking.

he also became HELLA interested in skateboarding and parkour lmao.

rohan felt as if he wasn’t living if he wasn’t on constantly on the edge.

he’s broken a few bones, endured tons of scrapes, but never gives in

this, obviously, didn’t please his mother and father... they were just busy.

too busy to reprimand him and care—rohan got away with a loooot of shit.

he didn’t start receiving discipline until he was scouted by bc entertainment.

despite his messy hair, distinct style, and overall vibe, he fit the bill somehow.

the two years he spent in practice changed him a little as a person; for better.

he found a new love in dancing, and he was naturally pretty great at it tbh.

his background made him extremely coordinated, flexible, and really strong.

his fearlessness made him bold enough to try out new moves or stunts.

two years later, he débuted as a main dancer and kept his impulses at bay.

this isn’t exactly what he saw himself doing in life, but he wasn’t mad at it.

over time, his image began to shift into sexier and “stud-lier” territory.

his outfits became more revealing and he was treated differently in public.

this... fucks him up a lot because it’s the exact opposite of how he is.

he’s just some skater / parkour punk that gives off dumb big bro vibes.

how on earth do they expect him to be portray and convey sexy 24/7?

as this is more of a “job” to him than passion, he does what they tell him to.

so long as his checks get signed and he accumulates wealth, he’s good.

𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞.

as mentioned above, rohan gives off very douchey “big brother” vibes.

he’ll pick on you, tease you, pull pranks on you, etc. all in the name of fun.

he’ll go too far sometimes, and he’ll feel bad, but has “no regrets.” 😎 lol.

lowkey loooves anime and draws his own bad sketches; also into sci-fi.

underneath the dumb, douchebag exterior is just a big ol’ nerd, that’s all.

if you’re a cute guy, he’ll DEFINITELY flirt with you—taken or not taken lol.

he’s someone that hasn’t really let being an idol ruin his personal life tbh??

he still does whatever the fuck he wants within the constraints of his contract.

though, whenever he gets “bored,” he does things he’s not supposed to.

bc entertainment’s warned him of being careful not to injure himself, but...

i don’t really think he cares at this point in his career; he likes more freedom.

little random, but he loooves underground / indie rock music and rap, too.

one of those assholes that doesn’t really listen to any other idol music lmao.

to be fair though, he’s not really a massive fan of knight’s music either. 😁

he just sings or raps whatever they tell him to and rolls with the punches.

lowkey wants to take up tattooing and graffiti at some point, he’s that guy.

loooves to talk and meet new people, even if they find him a li’l annoying.

whenever he’s stressed, angry, upset, hungry... he shows it with aggression.

it’s never gotten intense much, but he’s not much of a sensitive “crier” yk.

there’s more of him for me to discover as time goes on, so that’s it for rn!

𝖕𝖑𝖔𝖙-𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘.

no plots page yet, sry :/// i’ve been a little busy this week rip.

some ideas will be below though so lmk if they appeal to you!

one, he’s definitely known to ghost people, so... maybe your muse is one of ‘em? like, this would be locked to males in the lgbt community, but you know. give him some really awkward encounters to make him feel like shit for ditching you after tons of sweet talk. sad thing is, he’s aware of it, and it’s mostly because of his schedule, but also ??? he’s just having fun, you know. he doesn’t wanna get tied down to anything right now.

two, maybe that ONE GIRL he tried to fuck with at the beginning of his career. while he knows he’s always been attracted to men, i think he would’ve convinced himself to at least try it out with a woman to make sure he wasn’t also interested in them, too. he’s a MASSIVE flirt and sweet talker, definitely made her feel special, but like... it never really went anywhere because... he just wasn’t into it, but didn’t wanna make her mad lmao. clearly ended up in a break-up and it could be both an ugly or pretty ending imo idk.

three, i’d DIE if other muses in famed were super into skating, or anime, or really any of his interests, too, and they’ve formed a “club” of sorts? just your local band o’ dirtbags who get together and fuck shit up a little bit here and there. i feel like this could be open to anyone who shares any of his interests tbh ??? maybe closer to his age is preferred, but honestly, i’m here to discuss whatever! i’m all for compromises and shit tbh.

four, maybe someone’s he’s lowkey seeing ( male, male-presenting lock ) that he’s really vibing with, but he just can’t... feasibly reason why he should have a bf right now. he’s got a lot going on, so he’s kind of a flake, but at the same time, he doesn’t intend to be an asshole to them. they’re maybe one of the only people he’s “softer” with. can end up romantic or platonic depending on how they handle it together, me thinks!

five, a dance partner or two would be pretty cool tbh! he’s not a dancer first, so he likes to dance with other people who are passionate about it to learn from ‘em. he can handle his own with choreography, but doesn’t have his own distinct style, so he’d really appreciate all the help he can get in becoming better ig? all in the name of work!

six, maybe a person who fucking HAAAATES him because they find him really annoying and super douchey, so they just... avoid him at all costs. however, he kinda picks up on the fact that they avoid him, so he pesters them even worse, which doesn’t end well... ever. this is definitely more open to anyone tbh and we can plan as we go!

seven, flipside where it’s someone that he CAN’T stand because he finds them really persnickety, snobby, and rude as fuck. if there’s one thing he hates A LOT, it’s bratty rich kids with silver spoons in their mouths. like, if this was a “the outsiders” verse, he’d be a greaser 1000000%, not a soc. lmao. he’d butt-heads with this person a fuck-ton.

eight, however many guys wanna piece of him, he’s happy to have a catalogue of fwb’s he calls on. he’s definitely not someone who says no to a good time, and he can act like a perfect boyfriend if that’s what you want. sadly, this’ll always be a temporary game. any of these fwb’s can go in many directions and can be plotted out individually!

nine, the age old question... “who’s your ideal type?” under pressure, he said you as a joke ( because of this, it could be male or female ) and now, fans of your respective groups ship you two together all the time. it’s a little awkward, and you two haven’t really talked about it much, but here you are... at a shared event sitting next to each other. how do you handle it? what do you do? is it awkward or all in good fun?

ten, someone who kinda hates that he doesn’t really take being an “idol” all the serious. he’s got a lot of shit on his bucket list he wants to do and he doesn’t let fame fuck with that, so he’s careless. he didn’t go into this business because of passion, it’s just where he ended up. your muse doesn’t like that, and thinks people like him are lazy as fuck.

#‏‏‎ ‎* ( 유로한 ) ╱ intro.#‏‏‎ ‎* ( 유로한 ) ╱ plot call.

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001jsngprk · 3 years

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━♡ guess the 20 YEAR OLD MAY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because PARK JAE-SUNG is just as SUNNY as the month of MAY. wait, why do they remind me of LEE WOO-JIN ( TARGET ) ? beyond that, they seemed SPIRITED and PATIENT upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of HAREBRAINED and WISHY-WASHY though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX # 2 / APARTMENT # 5 / FLOOR # 3 ; HE seems to have a lot going on with HIS job as STUDENT. ( qiu, 18+, they/he/she, est. )

hello hello everyone !! i’m qiu and any pronouns are cool w me !!! this is my first krp (tbh first rp in a solid bit) so i might get confused here and there but the admins here are sososo helpful so hopefully nothing will throw me off too bad !! im happy to be here and my dms are always open !! though tbh i do prefer to use discord bc sometimes tumblr likes to commit crimes and eat messages </3 just hmu and ill give you it or add you!! if i dont reply to an im in like a day pls send an ask !!

i have an about pg that ill work on a little more but ill just write out a short little thing here to get the blog going !

! SUMMARY/TRIVIA ! [⤍ park jae-sung ● 20 yrs old ● uni student ]

- likes to be occupied ;; fully the type to be cooking a full course meal at four am just because he was studying and just needed to do anything else. also the type to let anyone in to eat it ! - non-native ;; from the u.s.! it’s actually his first year in korea ever so his korean can be odd-sounding a lot as even though it’s his native language, it’s not actually the one(english) he knows best !! when speaking in english, he has a southern accent - money-saver ;; buys things in sets exclusively to save money!! he’s more of the frugal type tbh when it comes to things other than bills !! if he recognizes you pls expect him to have random things on him that he’ll offer you like a grandpa offering his grandchild twenty dollars - skillfully independent ;; after living majority of his life mainly on his own, jae-sung can do housework fairly well as well as cook !! not super well, but it tastes better than worse most of the time !!! - hug-bug ;; if you give him the go-ahead, he’s incredibly physically affectionate !! it’s to the point sometimes he doesn’t even notice, like placing a hand on someone’s back or their own hand ! though, since he’s in korea now, courtesy of his parents’ advice, he’s been trying to rein it in a little ! but no matter w who, he likes to hold hands or hug or link arms or give a bro kiss or anything similar !! - romance averted ;; it’s not that he’s trying to avoid thinking or anything about it, it’s that it honestly doesn’t have much place in his life at all, so it’s never the first thing to come to mind. unfortunately, he’ll gal-pal everyone, assuming everyone are just friends up until people tell him explicitly otherwise - indecisive ;; there really is no choice he feels 100% on. as soon as anyone suggests anything else, he’s quick to switch over, even if he already had a position. the things he can’t change on are things he’s always been mulling over - reckless ;; jae-sung loves to do whatever to distract himself, and it’s pretty obvious in how he literally leaps from building to building away from home. he has a deep love for freerunning, and he’s good at it too (even has a yt channel where he posts a lot of it!), though it doesn’t look it; he always has some bruises or cuts on him. he also loves to try out any sort of trick w any sport such as skateboarding or iceskating!! falling is just part of the fun to him - responsible ;; yeah, it’s a little weird to follow w this, but he really is !! he’s responsible in the ohhhhh crap i have to start on this essay now if i want to be done in time pls learn from me everyone :pensive: type of way. he more so encourages and helps other people to be able to manage themselves, however, sometimes he should really follow his own advice when it comes to self-care.

! WANTED CONNECTIONS ! [ heres the pg for it but it’s all the same prompts word for word tbh ]

- family first ;; you’re family ! it tbh doesn’t matter what branch of the family you are or anything else, you’re family that maybe met jae-sung over a whatsapp or fb messenger videocall when y’all were young once ! or they can be super close, tbh i dont mind whatever !! - lending a hand ;; jae-sung has a habit of taking care of others first before anything else. whether or not your muse is consciously taking advantage of that, to your muse, jae-sung helps out by giving food or doing chores w you or letting you stay over or any other small job !! this can also work the other way around ! - opposites attract ;; yeah <3 maybe your muse is cold or the rebellious type or anything !! - guide ;; jae-sung is new to the city and your chara helps jae-sung go out and learn the areas around !! - buddies ;; i am already running out of ideas </3 but !! this is just someone (or multiple people!!) who jae-sung is constantly over at their place or they’re constantly over at jae-sung’s !! while they don’t have to enjoy every death-defying stunt jae-sung attempts, they still come along ! y’all are just buds who hang out !! - internet friend ;; the two of you have a history that’s mostly written !! we can work out details !! - lost and found ;; he dropped a notebook and when you saw it on the ground, maybe you picked it up, maybe not, you saw a bad drawing. the highlighter is not even in the pencil lines. he’s sort of embarrassed about it at first, but offers to draw a portrait of you anyways just to find anything to move onto - brother figure ;; to jae-sung, you’re a sibling figure. what that entails is up to you !! - wait what? ;; jae-sung learned something he wasn’t supposed to and is now paying the price genuinely :pensive: major f but it rly just be like that sometimes - anything !! ;; we can come up w anything or combine these or whatever !! im open to anything !! ^^ everything above is open to all genders !! [04:13AM EDIT] omg this is so embarazzing but i completely forgot to add if youre more comfortable being dmed than dming, just like the post !! i’ll hit you up !!

#ooc #dallyeog:intro #the way this was not a short little thing </3 #if something looks weird feel free to tell me !!

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vapcrwaves · 3 years

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━♡ guess the 24 YEAR OLD JULY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because AOKI IMOJEN is just as BLAZING as the month of JULY. wait, why do they remind me of HIRAI MOMO? beyond that, they seemed SELF-RELIANT & BUOYANT upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of INSURGENT & RECKLESS though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX # 3 / APARTMENT # 2 / FLOOR # 2 ; they seem to have a lot going on with HER job as TATTOO ARTIST / BASSIST.

bonjour , y’all !! my name’s jade ( she/her , twenty-one , gmt+8 ) !! and i’m super excited to meet and write with everyone !! this is my spunky kid , imojen , and i hope you’ll come to enjoy her as much as i did writing everything about her :D if you wanna plot , do not fret because i’ll be dropping in everyone’s IMs hehe , but if you prefer to plot over at discord , don’t hesitate to tell me !! <3

* 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖌𝖚𝖊 ╱ ʙᴀꜱɪᴄꜱ .

name : aoki imojen nicknames : yoki , jen . age : twenty - four . birthday : july 27 , 1996 . zodiac : leo sun , aquarius moon , sagittarius rising . place of birth : tokyo , japan . currently living : seoul , south korea . occupation : tattoo artist , bassist . pronouns : she / her . orientation : bisexual biromantic . ethnicity : japanese . spoken languages : japanese , korean , english . character insp. : kat stratford from 10 things i hate about you , bridget vreeland from sisterhood of traveling pants , effy stonem from skins uk , young carol rhodes from gossip girl tv series , rhonda smith , mia’s backstory from if i stay . label / tropes : hoyden , icarian , insurgent , reveller , the rebellious spirit . pinterest : here . aesthetics : scared of commitment , but has 7 tattoos. a habit of endlessly lighting a lighter. platform boots to boost your height. but then again, sneakers for comfort while running from the cops. forgetting to discard empty cigarette packets from your bomber jacket. spilling your fifth espresso onto your drawings and designs , maybe it’s time to sleep. a frightening look on your face which millennials like to call a resting bitch face. the heat ruining your collection of leather jackets. finding comfort in your friends who seem to understand your mood swings. having a pet cat who’s as feisty as you. spontaneous adventures live inside your head and your friends fall victim to those ideas. liking the rays of the sun more than the moon despite being a night owl. oversleeps anyway. trimming your bangs yourself because you couldn’t be bothered to go to the salon. overcooking your sunny side up eggs. sleeping to forget problems. drinking to forget problems. epitome of a ride or die.

* 𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 ╱ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ .

aoki imojen was born to understand what it was to live a life with no structure. her father was part of a rising band in the 90s, toured all over small venues in japan that they slowly rose to a known local name, and imojen has seen all the chaos unfold from backstage in the arms of her mom. however, slowly transitioning into the year of 2000s, the economy was still struggling from the lost decade and the income from touring never sufficed for a growing family. imojen’s father was forced to leave the music scene with the help of her mother’s influence: “it’s time to be serious”; and work multiple jobs in order to fully provide for his first child and the another growing one inside his wife’s womb.

growing up, imojen’s no stranger to music and her father loved to introduce rock music and bands to imojen’s upbringing. she adored b’z and the gazette, and it leaves no doubt that imojen’s father had been her greatest influence in life. as she grew older, not only did they share identical music preferences and influences, but imojen’s learned to play various instruments— the bass being her favorite. imojen’s also stemmed from that infamous reckless behavior his father’s known for back in the day, and when the teenage years came, so did the impetuous reputation begin.

imojen and her mother aren’t exactly as close as she was with her father. in fact, their relationship was a toe out of the civil line. it got worse when imojen started to focus on the band she created with friends instead of school and late night practices turned to never returning home for a few days and having the audacity to blatantly lie when asked where she was when asked. it’s hard not to blame her mother when she assumed things for the worst. imojen’s gone quite defiant especially when she discovered that her and her father’s relationship had began to run askew. imojen blames her mother’s interference with her father’s music career as much as her father did, she loved him so much that she was completely blindsided to always take his side. and when the divorce papers came and went, imojen chose her father as she always would.

her father got a job as a musician locally and eventually overseas, however, money didn’t come by so fast and easy initially. instead of going to university, imojen invested in learning the arts in tattoo design and worked as a tattoo artist to help with the bills. the pair finally thought to settle in korea when imojen’s father got a permanent job. and at this time, imojen has decided to try pursue a career as a musician as well, hoping that the thrill in her early band days are still well stored in her system.

* 𝖘𝖊𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖉 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 ╱ ᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛ .

imojen can never be satisfied of living in the same area for so long, or at least under the roof with the watchful eye of her father. work’s payed well and imojen decided to move out and get an apartment of her own. hence, she found dallyeog, parties almost every single day, drags everyone into spontaneous adventures, comes home terribly drunk and wakes up with a huge hangover—well, still pretty normal. aside from the norm, imojen working at the tattoo parlor and taking gigs at bars as a bassist, imojen’s investing in writing music as well. she hopes one day to finally finish at least one song she’s been procrastinating for far too long and convince her father to make them a rock duo instead, but a band of her own would fantastic too.

* 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 ╱ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ .

imojen looks quite mean at first glance, and it doesn’t help that she’s indifferent towards anyone who isn’t part of already her friend. she doesn’t hate, hate is such a strong word, she simply doesn’t have the attention span for people that don’t interest her or she doesn’t know fully well to enjoy a conversation with.

honestly has the gina linetti energy “how was i supposed to know there’d be consequences for my actions” as she literally does anything she wants before her brain can even weigh the pros and cons to it.

imojen enjoys taking risks despite the relaxed attitude and seemingly nonchalant view in life. it might be a surprise to learn that she’s quite ambitious, but underneath, she does aim for the highs (both meanings) in life, except there isn’t exactly a time frame for those and would much rather pursue them steadily.

everyone can depend on imojen to have a good time, or if someone needed a friend to vent to, she can surprisingly be all ears, but never follow her words of advice. she does mean well, it’s just that she doesn’t know what she’s saying half the time and is quite reckless,, like ask her to pick between two choices and she’ll advice you to take the riskier one bc “it’s fun don’t be a prude”.

she is more sympathetic than she let on. imojen’s not very vocal especially with her emotions and on what she exactly feels about other people’s situation. serious conversations? catch her yeet away from those. they render her uncomfortable, most especially if it is about her. however, seeing her friends gloomy doesn’t sit right with her that she does anything to make them crack a smile.

believes that people should be left to roam free and that authority is useless and ruins the fun— hence why she’d always be caught defying them. yes, she uses her brain, but acts more towards intuition and what she felt like doing that day. so yes, she might loves setting her life on the line.

* 𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖙𝖍 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 ╱ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ .

plastic hearts ╱ someone whom imojen shares a passion for music with. the both of you are like peas in a pod as you both are in the same wavelengths as each other. they may not have the same types of music, but open enough to share a plethora of music playlists.

angels like you ╱ the typical bad-good influence trope wherein imojen’s reckless behavior and liberated thoughts on legalities have gotten your muse in various dangerous but fun adventures. on a flip, your muse may be the reason why imojen’s woken up at 8 in the morning, bright, well, and not hungover.

prisoner �� ╱ an angsty and toxic relationship that imojen could not get enough of. everyone sees this partnership (romantic or platonic) of destructive nature, both of you may or may not know, but regardless it can never be broke off no matter how hard both try.

gimme what i want ╱ the typical fwb relationship, we can add spice to it, but on the base that’s the idea.

night crawling ╱ imojen’s ride or die, the person she would instantly run to for an adventure, midnight strolls, alcohol escapades, and vandalism. but as things you both do burst into haywire, you’re both aren’t afraid to be open to each other too and spill secrets or bodies hidden in the closet.

midnight sky ╱ perhaps a new acquaintance?? friend?? that doesn’t exactly have a first good impression of imojen?? maybe vomited on your muse the first time they met, or jen was really mean for no reason under the influence of alcohol?? she’s chaotic so perhaps it wasn’t a good first meeting.

bad karma ╱ imojen hasn’t been exactly an angel all her life, and perhaps karma has run around to bite her in her ass. your muse might’ve been somebody who hurt imojen; either a terrible break up or severing trust, let’s explore :D

golden g string ╱ a band :D maybe nothing too serious, just a group of pals playing and making music together :D or maybe the group's been playing gigs for awhile now and wants to head into the big leagues :D

honestly im so down with anything so !!!!!!

#[ PINNED POST ]#dallyeog:intro #this has gotten too long SORRYsdfsdf #but thanks for reading <3

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spirit-of-helimire · 3 years

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Copy pasting some Christopher stuff from a discord convo I had because I like them so much. Ever so slightly edited.

Me: he does do a lot of experiments on himself bc he's just Like That, if I do anything canon compliant. He is a little based on Jekyll and Hyde (post me reworking him from is original cringy state) in a 'You all are looking down on me for the things I do, so I'm just gonna experiment on myself' way.

L: Oooh, interesting! Why do they all look down on him?

Me: It's in a 'you're supposed to be a professional' and while necromancy/blood magic isn't illegal it's still in that time range where it's like. Frowned upon because some people do it in very unethical manners. But he very much has done all his ethically and with permission back when he used other people who helped him.

But for those who don't know he's immortal it's like "Christopher we need you and you might kill yourself doing this" And he's like "Oh if you all only knew" But even those who do know he's immortal are like. "We can't stop you. but please." And he's constantly like. "I'm doing this because the research on it needs to be done, so of all people, why not I?"

Christopher also isn't the most professional unless he has to be like. He does illegal things. An example (cw drugs) an old dnd campaign I did with mod squad and some others, he was straight up smoking something akin to opium in a private suite

L: Pffft he sounds like a great character! Why is he researching blood magic and necromancy? What's he working towards with his research?

Me: It's a specialty for him! One because he just finds it all very interesting and two (albeit he doesn't know this part) it's just... a thing for him. Because his ~mother~/other creator is the deity of death, birth, and renewal. So it's just a thing he's interested in anyways. Plus he just thinks there are things that need research because there's not a lot known about it, and with his immortality, he can spend a long time researching things like this! If effects his health sometimes, in multiple ways, but he looooves working (which, isn't always a good thing) It's for the betterment of things.

L: So he's doing it for himself, and maybe for the greater good?

Me: Yup! That's usually always his idea for the things he does. He wants to stigmatize the idea that these things are bad and should be feared. And over the years, it does work out.

Christopher can be selfish, and that's what a lot of peoples first thoughts on him are. But he's really not. He's just a bit... jaded and cynical due to how long he's been around

L: He sounds like he'd be a Fandom Controversial Character. Absolutely piques the interest

Me: Oh he really does, love that for him bc he's the protagonist. Very much a character who is the ~hero~ but god he could have easily also been the antagonist if things went very different

L: That's the most exciting kind of protagonist, what's his endgame? What does he achieve with his magic?

Me: Honestly? That's more of a side thing than a full front thing. The main thing is he and his sister achieving their mortality they want so bad. But with this stuff, he writes it all down in multiple journals and gets them copied/published, and has the originals in the library that are protected (with magic) so others can look through them and learn. Is that a bit of a thing that could be dangerous? He realizes that. But also, bad things would happen with that sort of thing anyways, best people... be as safe as possible

L: Mmhm, he's trying to further research so that people can continue it, that's what it sounds like, he's trying to revive a whole field of research to keep it from dying. And the journals, you say?

Me: Pretty much! And, he writes a lot, and pretty much all his personal journals end up in the Library after he dies (at his request) because... he was an important figure, even if he wasn't visible much. From just personal journals that are him talking about things in his day to day life, to journals that have important info in them like the necromancy ones.

Not all of them get converted into mass produced ones, but a good handful do. It also brings more traffic to the Library (which Christopher is always trying to get more people to go to, even if it is already the most popular/biggest library in the world)

L: Ooh, good for him! And good for the library too, that's a good sidequest next to his seeking mortality!

Me: He loves that place, but granted, he loves the entire city state of Helimire so much because he was there through it's entire creation

#writeblr #original character #writing #writers on tumblr #fantasy #character discussion #this isn't super long but still putting it under a readmore bc it's still something #god i just love christopher so much and i think people can tell #christopher things #helimire

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lucifer-kane · 4 years

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Finally my side of this whole KFAM debacle

I’ve never had to write something like this before, so here we go. I know that there have been other people who have said things on this topic, people who I’m very grateful towards in all of this, who have come forward in this… strange time. I feel like I finally can say something after freaking out for a few days and talking with others as well online who are on this side of it all. But I feel like I finally need to say something as…. Probably the person who really started it all, I guess? As the one who made the post saying “Me casting death of the author onto kfam” Because I was finally fed up with just everything I had learned over the last year + of talking about criticisms in the show and of the creators/writers. I spent months talking to others on at least two different servers about all of this, from learning it myself, to being here in this position of what’s currently going on.

A lot started a few months ago in the Official Server, when a graphic artist posted an edit of a character of the show in BDSM gear, which, automatically, is NSFW. Some had issues and said that it got taken down, then a few hours later uploaded it once more with a spoiler cover over it. Friday morning, it happened again, this time with a group shot, but he was still there. Now. I don’t think I would have issues with this if it was posted on a server with specific channels for 18+ members of it only. But it wasn’t, and this server is a SFW only, but apparently “canon compliant” NSFW is a-okay. Which, I think is utterly ridiculous, because minors are still in there, and that should not be allowed. If you’re going to allow that stuff, at least have designated channels where only 18+ members can opt in to see that sort of thing. You can’t have both.

Two people called this out, one directly sending an @ to the mods in said server, and it was a little bit before a response happened, then two other messages were taken down, the message with the @ left in it. Kyle had also retweeted the art on twitter, and while I don’t think that was such a bad thing, his response to at least adding a warning that it was NSFW, was pretty unprofessional. The person who asked Kyle to say as such, was bullied by both Kyle and Trent on twitter as well.

Now, onto my DotA post once more. After posting that I had a few hours of chillness, up until in the middle of a call with friends, I looked over to my discord list of servers I was in, and the Official was no longer there. I panicked, left the call, and cried for a long time about it, because despite my criticism, I loved being there! I told my friends on this server, where the criticism was most of the time, and there was a few hour period of questioning what the hell was going on. It was late at night, and everyone was confused. No one would give reasoning to what was going on. Until I was vagued to have been a problem for a long time.

Now, it may have been my bluntness when it comes to text, bc you know, autism! But I don't think I've ever done anything that would warrant people to be uncomfortable, other than criticize the show (and the server at times) on my personal tumblr (twitter on occasion). Which I can see as being upset about that, but I was way too damn scared to PM a mod to talk about what was going on, because at this point, it was very obvious they hated me. I didn’t like that they never came to talk, like a civilized person, about all this. I don't want to make people uncomfortable, that's the last goddamn thing I wanna do in this world.

Now, we’re here. A few days after everything went down, to what I feel like was a simple miscommunication, I would never wish death on someone at all, that’s disgusting behavior and I don’t like that Kyle even vagued that I did such a thing. I have never interacted with him at all, even when he would come and talk on the server. I actively tried to avoid interactions with the creators because I’m not a fan of creators being this close to their fanbase, where people have actively said it makes them uncomfortable.

I love this podcast a lot, for the first year I praised it like others did as well, but then, I read some things about Kyle, and then some of the things in the show. We all know those things, the Hellen Keller episode, how Lily is written, Jacob in his whole character, and the racism in Walt. But I started being critical on main, voicing my thoughts and concerns. Because criticism is an okay thing, it helps artists grow in the things they do. And I understand not liking criticism, I don’t like it sometimes, but sometimes it’s needed, to move your art forward. Kyle’s reaction to criticism is that of a man who doesn’t have thick skin and doesn’t wanna be proven wrong in the things he does.

As of now, because of all this, I’ve been blocked from the KFAM twitter, Kyle himself, and I think the tumblr as well (Or at least they’ve unfollowed me, I don’t care enough to check on there). And I’ve seen my friends get bullied by the creator of this show, and even members of the community. While at a lesser scale than Kyle, it’s still gross to see the fanbase act like this, especially acting like my friends and I are actively bullying them, when we just wanted one piece of art to be taken down from a space that, in all reality, has a lot of minors in it.

And finally, I just wanna talk about the server in general. I joined maybe six months after getting into the show, we were pretty far into the first hiatus at this point and I wanted more content, so, I finally beat my discord anxiety down and joined. And I had so much fun! I talked to people who I still think about, posted art, fics, did headcanons all the time. I talked in there quite a bit up until I got kicked. But the overall vibe of the discord after being there longer than a month, was not the greatest. And it took me longer than average to notice, shortly before posting public criticisms. This was when I started getting ignored more often than not, and not that everyone did that, I still had people talk to me, which was nice. But as time went on, this happened more and more, to more and more people.

People who saw my criticisms, and came to me, mostly anonymously, to say they felt the exact same way. And that’s… not a good thing. The whole “Only happy things, no negativity about the show!” attitude that is in there, is bad. You can’t criticize something you love, and if you do, you’re dogpiled onto until you shut up. This has happened to many people, not just me. There’s times where queer members of this community, will talk about themseles as some lgbt+/queer fans do. Saying things along the line of “___ is gay culture!” or “I think [x] is trans!!” and they’ll either get ignored (in the latter case) or just someone won't get the first one is a joke and get upset. Which, I can see if you’re new to a place where people say that, but don’t outright shut someone down like that, ask what it means. That goes for anything.

I enjoyed my time there, and I was super upset when I found myself kicked, distraught even. Then they started kicking more people without even a word which isn’t how you run a server, no one should get an instant ban without being talked to, and I think I would be less upset if I had been talked to, to at least tell my side. But no, I got this, and here we are. With multiple testimonies that aren’t my own, telling how horrible that server is towards some people who they don’t like, who speak out, who say “Hey maybe we should do [x].” And that’s… Not the safe environment they say they have, because I, among many others. Was also super uncomfortable when it came to some things in there.

As a queer member of this community, I, and others like me, felt ignored. Ignored in the criticism of their queer characters who were written by non-queer men, and then, as stated above. Upset at literally everything else that wasn’t good in their show. But now, we’re being painted as the villains in a way, being bullied by the creator, and others acting like nothing is going wrong. But that’s all I have to say, if prompted, I will talk more on any subject here.

I’m not angry, I never once was. At this point I find more saddened amusement in all of this, rather than anger. But. That is all, thank you for your time on this subject.

#I may have missed some things but this is so much of it #king falls am #kfam #kfam critical

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gettin-bi-bi-bi · 4 years

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I don't know how to stop being so insecure when it comes to talking to boys or being with boys. I just don't trust them enough, and they make me feel so self conscious. I've been talking to this guy that I like everyday and stuff like that (he apparently likes me too) but sometimes I can't stop thinking that perhaps he's talking to other girls too, or his ex, or just isn't that into me (and I mean how can he if we can't see each other right now literally). +

I mean, even I get bored of the constant texting and phone calls. And tbh I was raised thinking that you can't be too available or easy with boys bc then they loose interest (which happened to me twice, confirming that theory) so now whenever I feel like I'm being too vulnerable or available I shut down (mostly when he leaves me on seen for a couple of hours, which I know seems childish but it makes me feel so insecure. I tend to overthinking every single thing). +

And I also don't know how other girls/boys do it, always finding something different to talk about bc I literally blank out and don't know what else to say. I've never been in a relationship so perhaps that's also it. I'm terrified of being the one to fall for the other person first, of being the one more vulnerable; the one who feels the most for the other person. I've never been in that situation and I don't want to. +

I’ve been waiting a while now but I think the last part didn’t get through. Feel free to send it again for clarification if there was some more important info in it. But I’ll try to give you some thoughts and advice based on those three messages.

If you want to get less insecure I guess it’s important to figure out where that insecurity comes from in the first place. And obviously that can be many little things that add up. From what I read in your messages you seem to be struggling with your self-esteem and almost can’t believe/trust that someone really likes you when they say they do. You can only get over that by working on your self-esteem and learning to believe people when they say they like you or are interested in you. And that can be a long process that does involve vulnerability as well as moving towards the edges of your comfort zone. Maybe it could even involve therapy if you want to give that a try.

Rejection is part of life, unfortunately, but that also means you have to learn how to deal with it in a healthy way. It’s also a little bit of a desensitisation thing where experiencing a negative thing will (ideally!) show you that you can get over it and survive it - so next time a similar thing happens your brain goes back to the previous experience and goes “I survived that before, I can do it again”. But sometimes for people who struggle with mental health and/or self-esteem that mechanism doesn’t work.

And you mentioned some bad experiences in the past where people lost interest in you but it seems that made you even more insecure instead of leaving you with a valuable lesson. But that’s really not your fault. Either those guys were assholes who didn’t like a woman who is more open about sexual desires? Or they just sensed an incompatibility. And in that sense they really did you a favour because someone who’d drop you after you are “““easy”““ is really not someone you’d want to be with anyway. If you’re a woman then this sort of behaviour from men (and being taught that stuff from your family and friends) is pure misogyny and slut-shaming which is where maybe some sex-positive and queerfeminist environment could help you to feel better about yourself. Hurtful as the rejection may be you shouldn’t react to it by trying to change yourself and make you into a different person. Be yourself and eventually you’ll meet people who like you the way you are. Someone who only wants to play games and loses interest as soon as you show you want more isn’t worth your time.

As you work on your self-esteem that should also trickle down on that jealousy problem. You say you worry that boy you’re talking to might also “talking to other girls” and that made me pause a bit. Maybe because I have a bit of a different look on relationship things, I don’t know. But what really is the problem about him talking to other girls? Does “talking to” mean something much more committed these days than I think it does? I assume you mean you and he are being a bit flirty via text/phone? As long as you haven’t agreed to be in a monogamous relationship and as long as he didn’t tell you you’re the only girl for him or whatever - then he has every right to talk to other people. Not to mention that “talking to” doesn’t have to mean anything flirty or sexual or romantic. Even if he’s in contact with other girls he might just be friends with them. And he should be allowed to do that even in a committed monogamous relationship. (In fact I am highly suspicious of men who cannot be friends with women.) So though I understand that those jealous feelings are born out of a fear of rejection and low self-esteem that is something you will have to get over or at least learn how to deal with in a way that doesn’t sabotage your relationships. Trust your partner (or potential partner) when they say they like you or love you.

Entering any type of relationship involves trust. You cannot have a healthy relationship without trusting the other person and making yourself vulnerable. And if you’re not at a place in your life right now where you can do that then maybe you’re just not ready for a relationship and have to work on yourself for a while. I don’t know your age but since you talk about “boys and girls” instead of “men and women” I’d assume you are rather young. And I am not that old to not remember what teenage angst (or the leftovers of it that can stretch into one’s early/mid 20s, especially for queer people) can do to someone in terms of sexuality and romance. It sucks feeling like you don’t know ~how to relationship~ and some negative experiences can have a big impact if you don’t have the tools yet to handle it emotionally. So I want to also let you know that there is no rush. If you don’t feel like your mental health is in the right place for a relationship right now then you don’t have to force one into your life. Relationships can be a great thing but do consider them a bonus to life, not a must-have. I wasn’t emotionally stable enough to genuinely enter a relationship until I was 27 and looking back I am absolutely not feeling like I was missing out on anything in the ~10 years before because any relationship I could have entered during that time would’ve been a catastrophy.

One more thing which might seem a bit trivial at this point in my reply but whatever lol you say you don’t know how others keep finding new topics to talk about... first of all: it’s not just your job to find new topics. If that boy is interested in keeping a steady contact then he should also ~say something~. But really you would just talk about things that interest you. Maybe you can watch a movie “together” via discord/zoom. Something like that. But the burden of keeping the conversation flowing shouldn’t just be on you and if someone doesn’t put the work in then maybe they aren’t worth your time either. Which again, doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It means you know the value of your time and energy and feelings and if someone wastes any one of those then you better be moving on.

Maddie

#Anonymous

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ruleroflimbo-a · 3 years

Text

Magic Mentor || Discord

Events: Illyana struggles to control her magic on earth and meets Zatanna who helps her Date: 10 years ago Involved: Illyana Rasputin and Zatanna Zatara @mistressofmagic Mentioned: Kitty Pryde Trigger warnings: child abuse mention tw (bc Belasco), fire tw Word count: 3,606

ZATANNA: It was like a pulse in magic when someone used it erratically. The well-versed magicians could keep those ripples so small that they went undetected. But ones that were finding their way into magic and struggling to manipulate it — their ripples became waves. Stirring the magic around them and creating a sort of beacon that someone like Zatanna (or the Sorcerer Supreme) could track. And what Zatanna was picking up on, was someone teleporting wildly across the world (and off of it, it seemed). The frequency was alarming and Zatanna had a bad feeling that if it went unchecked, it would get worse — whoever it was, was simply along for the ride, their powers were in control. And that was very dangerous.

So, she meditated. Focused on the energy and waited until the next wave came crashing through. Zatanna whispered the location she had felt it from backwards, and only opened her eyes once the spell had transported her. In front of her was a young woman, a teenager. Zee reached out, placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder, hoping to keep her firmly planted in her spot, or at least, be able to go with her if she teleported again. “How long has it been like this?” Zee backtracked quickly, putting a hand on her chest. “I’m Zatanna. I can help.”

ILLYANA: In Limbo Illyana had been able to use magic with ease but on earth the only thing she was able to do was astral projection and summon her soulsword. After some time she'd been able to also do simple magic like a warding spell but it was nothing like what she could do in Limbo. It happened suddenly, the witchfire summoned in her hand in the Danger Room, she'd been so shocked about it she almost hit another student with it. Things hadn't gotten much better after that, blowing up pillows in the common room of the institute, the worst was the shockwave of mystical energy she unleashed on the lawn outside of Xavier's, she didn't think anyone was seriously hurt... she didn't stick around to find out.

She teleported away quickly, her magic still going haywire so she didn't stop teleporting. Teleporting was also something she didn't have full control over which resulted in her teleporting all over, even to other planets. She knew her magic could make it easier for Belasco to find her if he was still looking for her, he'd already sent S'ym after her and she didn't want to risk him sending anyone else after her, at least not when she was around people she cared about She'd keep teleporting until she could get this under control.

Once again she'd blown something up, she wasn't sure what as it happened the second she teleported in. She was about the teleport once more when she felt a hand on her shoulder, she turned quickly, her sword summoned as she spun around to face whoever it was. She held her sword out against the stranger. Zatanna she introduced herself, Illyana didn't budge, keeping her sword levelled at her. "How did you find me?" She already knew how, but that meant this stranger must be familiar with magic too, was that what she meant when she said she could help? "I don't... I don't need help."

ZATANNA: It wasn’t the first time that a sword had been pointed at her, and it surely wouldn’t be the last. But it was the first that she felt a hum in the air around the sword. It was… something else. Zatanna raised her hands in surrender. There was no reason to push this young girl further into a position where she felt the need to fight for her life. At first glance, Zee was sure that magic must have been something new for her. Accessing it and not being able to stop herself after she opened that valve.

“When you use magic as much as you have in quick succession, it gives off a ripple. Other magic users, if they’re good, they can find you. I’ve been feeling your movements for a while, and at first I thought it was a one-off.” It wasn’t uncommon for people like Zatanna to end up in a conflict where they had to use absorbent amounts of magic. “But then you did it again, and again. And I realized that either there was a bigger war going on that I hadn’t picked up on… or someone wasn’t fully in control of how much they were using.” Zatanna had a similar issue when she was first starting out too, not realizing how much power she had until she was summoning monsters out of hats on accident.

“Then you’re doing this on purpose?” Zatanna asked, a brow arched, knowing full well that this girl wasn’t transporting herself throughout the world for fun. “You need training. You know how to access it but you don’t know how to control it. We all start somewhere, but you can’t do it alone. Or you shouldn’t. Not if you don’t have to, and you don’t have to.” She paused before putting a finger on the blade and gently pushing it, hoping the girl would put it down. ‘What’s your name?”

ILLYANA: The stranger spoke, answering her question about how she found her, Illyana had asked but she'd already known. She tried to focus on the woman's words but she was tired, her magic use along with using her teleportation powers over long distances was exhausting her. Illyana couldn't let her guard down though, not when Belasco might still be after her. "How do I know he didn't send you?" She did know though, if this woman was sent by Belasco she would have felt it, but with how tired she was she didn't trust herself to know for sure.

Illyana lowered her sword, not because she trusted the stranger, she didn't, far from it actually, but even just holding up her sword was too hard for her right now, instead she used it to make sure her legs wouldn't give out from under her. "I can control it" she could, she'd been doing this since she was six years old, she had used magic a lot of times, she should be in control, this shouldn't be happening "just... just not on earth" she sighed. She asked for her name which was another indicator that Belasco hadn't sent her, or maybe it was to trick her into thinking that, she didn't know, she couldn't be sure and she was tired, she just wanted to close her eyes and fall asleep right then. "Illyana."

ZATANNA: Things were coming to light quickly. This young girl was being followed by someone or something and Zatanna wasn’t sure which. “You don’t know that. And I doubt there is anything I can say that would convince you otherwise. But… maybe a spell could?” Zatanna wasn’t a fan of the force that it would show, but Zatanna could tell even in this short time that she wasn’t going to gain her trust simply by explaining herself. “I could cast a truth spell, temporary — it’d last a few minutes — but you could ask me that again?”

Not on Earth. That made sense why she was so tired and why she kept teleporting from place to place. “Then you can’t,” Zatanna clarified. “It’s okay that you don’t. But you need to learn how to at least stop teleporting so quickly — your body has limits.” She was sure that Illyana could feel it already. Magic came with a price. And it was often exhausting. Like draining a battery. “Illyana,” Zee said her name gently. “How many times have you teleported today?”

ILLYANA: A truth spell, Illyana wasn't a fan, Belasco had used one when he thought she was lying to him and if she was... well, it didn't matter anymore. She wasn't a fan but maybe, in this case, it would be best, she could know for certain if Belasco had sent her or not and if he hadn't... she could help Illyana control her magic on earth, help her so whenever she tried to use magic here her Darkchylde side wouldn't manifest, it was worth a shot. "Okay" she nodded "cast the spell," she kept a tight grip on her sword, just in case.

"Teleporting is my mutant power" though that was always done with stepping disks and if she was using her mutant power she was sure she would have ended up in a different time period by now, had she really used magic to teleport instead? It would explain why she was so tired, using her mutant power many times in a row was draining too but not like this. "I- I don't know" she replied as she tried to remember just how many times it was, "ten, maybe... at least."

ZATANNA: There was a flicker on Illyana’s face, and Zatanna found herself nodding her head. It wasn’t the kind of magic that Zatanna would have encouraged to be used regularly. (It bordered on mind control, in her opinion.) But she had offered — and she wasn’t about to back down now. “I lliw yas gnihton tub eht hturt rof eht txen evif setunim.” And now, the truth was a compulsion. At least for the next five minutes. “My magic relies on me saying what I want backwards. You have five minutes to ask your questions.”

Ten times. Ten times and it was supposed to be her mutant power — which didn’t necessarily mean it couldn’t tax her body, but generally, mutants got more use out of their abilities before they experienced this much fatigue. Normally, at least. But nothing about this encounter was normal so far. “I don’t think I would have been able to track you so easily if it were just your mutant power. You’re boosting it with something else, intentionally or not.”

ILLYANA: She wasn't familiar with magic users who had say their spell backwards, then again she hadn't met many magic users outside of Belasco and Ororo. Illyana tried to think of a way to phrase the question so there was no way to give a half truth, some people were very good at technically telling the truth so even with the spell she wanted to make sure she asked the right question. "Did Belasco, the former demon Lord of Limbo, send you?" She asked eventually, there was no doubt about who she was talking about now so if Zatanna said no then Illy would trust she had no connection to him.

"I don't know" she said, though Zatanna was probably right, something was different now when she teleported than when she did with her mutant power, for one she hadn't gone through Limbo once which she always had to go through when using her stepping disks. "I just... I needed to get away fast before someone got hurt."

ZATANNA: She recognized the name. It was an immediate realization that took Zatanna by surprise. She had heard of him multiple times, but she had never encountered him. Not personally, at least. There was no reason to doubt that this was the man Illyana was running from though, and her question gave even more information to Zee. She must have learned how to control her magic in Limbo. And the rules there were different. “Belasco didn’t send me. I’ve never had the misfortune to have actually meet him in person.” It was more information than Illyana needed, but it was the truth.

“If you keep getting away the way you are, you’re going to exhaust yourself until you pass out.” Which was only one fragment of Zatanna’s worry. “And that might not be concerning, but how are you controlling where you land?” That was the major concern. From what Zatanna had seen, Illyana was landing without any direction. And if she weren’t careful, she’d end up stuck someplace. Zatanna inhaled, thinking it over for a moment. “What are you thinking about when you teleport?”

ILLYANA: Belasco hadn't sent her but she had heard of him, Illyana wondered what she had heard of him but she doubted any of it would come close to what she had experienced as his apprentice. "Do you- do you know what these are?" She asked as she pulled the bloodstone amulet out from under her shirt and opened it, three of the bloodstones were in place but there were two missing from the pentagram.

"I've been teleporting for a few years now" Illyana replied, though that was with her mutant power, which she still had some trouble controlling, mostly when it came to what time she ended up in. "My team, Katya, my brother... that I need to keep them safe from- from me."

ZATANNA: Her gaze fell to the amulet that Illyana revealed. “Oh.” The sound slipping from her lips before she could stop it. “Bloodstones,” Zatanna supplied, her gaze snapping back towards Illyana’s face. “They’re like… physical manifestations of souls. Shards of them, really.” Which meant Illyana had pieces of a person or some people hanging around her neck.

ILLYANA: "Yeah" she nodded "they were created from my soul by Belasco" two of them anyway, Illyana had created one of them herself under his guidance. "He wanted to use me to release the Elder Gods of Limbo" if she had heard of Belasco she might have heard of them too and she would know how serious and important it was that the Elder Gods remained in their prison.

She almost had hurt them, if she hadn't teleported away she would have, she had to get away before she hurt someone. "I did lose control" though really she'd never had control of her magic on earth, only in Limbo. "I-I don't know" ever since she came back from Limbo the one thing she feared was her demon side, that she would lose control over it and her friends would suffer for it.

ZATANNA: She could feel the heat in her veins. Anger, as Illyana described who she was to Belasco. She was nothing more than a sacrifice. Something to be used so that he could gain more power. But she wasn’t surprised either. He was a bastard, this was just a different level of bullshit, even for him. Bloodstones hadn’t been something she had been trained in, perhaps Constantine would know. Elsa definably would but tracking her down was always difficult. Like Zee, she traveled too much between dimensions.

“Illyana,” Zee said her name again, reaching out to touch the young woman’s shoulders. “You’re losing control because you’re afraid. It’s a vicious cycle that feeds itself because each time you make a mistake, that fear comes back up and it happens again.” The only thing that would help, in Zee’s opinion, was more training. On the surface rather than in Limbo. “Take a deep breath, and focus.” She paused briefly before looking Illyana in the eyes. “If anything happens, I can stop you. You and your friends are safe. I promise.”

ILLYANA: "It's only missing two in order to release the Elder Gods" Illyana said as she closed it and put it back under her shirt. She'd managed to beat Belasco before he could complete the amulet but that didn't mean he had given up, one day he would be back and try to claim the bloodstone amulet and Illyana. "Have you ever seen the bloodstone spell in action?" Not many had, even fewer had been subjected to it, least of all three times and still lived. "The process is... painful" honestly that was an understatement but she wasn't sure how to describe how it felt.

Normally she would have moved away from the physical contact, especially from someone she had just met but this time she didn't, maybe it was enough she knew Belasco hadn't sent her, maybe it was because she was just so tired. You and your friends are safe. She wanted to say as long as they were around her they would never be safe, even if the danger didn't come from Illyana then it would come from whoever Belasco decided to eventually send after her, she kept it to herself.

She took a deep breath and tried to focus like Zatanna told her, but all she could focus on was her brother's dead body in Limbo, Cat's neck snapping in her hands, Ororo's blood staining her hands as she plunged the knife into her heart. Her eyes started glowing, flickering back and forth between orange and white energy.

ZATANNA: It got worse. They were shards of Illyana’s soul. Belasco had taken a child and robbed her of pieces of herself so that he could release the Elder Gods. He wanted power and control, and he was willing to do anything to make sure that he had that. “I haven’t,” Zatanna confessed. She had read up them briefly and had some vague knowledge of them, but that sort of magic was left in the hands of John. Someone who had spent the better part of his life chasing down magic like that.

Illyana was focusing but she wasn’t focusing on anything good. It was clear by the color in her eyes that flickered as her magic flared up again. “Stop,” Zatanna said softly. “Don’t focus on memories or people, focus on what is around you. The ground beneath your feet. The way the rocks move when they brush against your shoes, the wind on your face. Focus on the here.” Zee knew that if Illyana spiraled too far into this, Zee would have to chase her again, follow her to wherever she might accidentally end up this time and it could take her another few weeks to actually catch up with her. “Plant yourself here, Illyana. You can do it.”

ILLYANA: "Lucky you" Illyana had only been six the first time the bloodstone spell had been used on her and around eleven the last time. She wasn't the first child Belasco had tried to use to release the Elder Gods but Illyana had made sure she was the last. He'd fled Limbo after their fight but had still sent S'ym after her and endangered the other New Mutants and she was sure eventually he would send someone else.

"I-I can't" she tried to focus on what Zatanna told her to but she couldn't, her glowing eyes continued to flicker between white and orange while her hand not holding her sword had summoned the green witchfire. She needed to go to Limbo, where she could control her magic, it was the only way to keep her friends safe from herself and her magic.

ZATANNA: Frowning, Zatanna shook her head. “This isn’t the time for sarcasm. I’m trying to help but the only thing I have to use here is the information that you give me.” The training she was offering was the same way, if Illyana wanted it — it would work. But if she shoved it away as readily as she was pushing now? It wouldn’t work. No matter how much time they put in.

“Stop saying you can’t. I don’t want to hear that again.” Training started now for Illyana. And it wouldn’t be easy. (Being magic in any sense of the word wasn’t easy.) “You can do this, you need to focus.”

ILLYANA: "I'm trying" Illyana said, she was just so tired, she'd exhausted herself with the rapid teleportations she had done earlier. Focus it was what Ororo told her, it was what Belasco told her but everything seemed so much easier in Limbo than it did here on earth. The witch fire continued to grow, the green flames crawling up Illyana's arm. She closed her eyes, trying to focus before she lost control of her magic completely. She focused on what Zatanna had told her, the wind, the ground, anything that was here and the flames stopped growing, retreating back to the palm of her hand.

ZATANNA: There was a moment where Zatanna wasn’t sure if her words were able to reach Illyana. Where the fire started tracking up Illyana’s arm and Zee was thinking about what kind of spell she could use to make it stop before she ended up in the line of fire. But then Illyana’s breathing slowed down, and the flames started to retreat. The moment of danger finally passing. “You did it,” Zee told her, a faint smile on her face. “You can control it. You just need a little help.” And with that, Zee extended her hand, all Illyana had to do was take it.

ILLYANA: She wasn’t sure she would be able to control it but she did, the flames retreating to her palm and eventually extinguished when Illyana closed her hand into a fist. She wasn’t good at asking for help or accepting it, but if she wanted to keep herself from hurting her friends with her magic she would need help to control it and Zatanna had already proven she could help her with it. Illyana looked at the extended hand for a moment, it should be an easy decision but still it took her a minute before she finally took Zatanna’s hand and accepted her offer of helping her control her magic on earth.

#c: zatanna #discord: magic mentor

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ofmenoetius · 4 years

Text

✖ ▒ OH, WHAT A COINCIDENCE! i was just thinking of [ PATROCLUS SON OF MENOETIUS ]. most swear their resemblance to [ SEAN TEALE ] is unmistakable, but he has / they have been around since the [ BRONZE AGE ]. it is rumoured that the [ DEMIBOY ] was born in [ OPUS ] in the year [ 1205 BC ], even though they don’t look a day over [ THIRTY ]. what a shame, though: they were once famed for being [ HONEST ] and [ PASSIONATE ] ; yet now, they seem more and more [ RESERVED ] and [ MERCURIAL ]. but while [ PATROCLUS ] spends their days working as a [ HARPIST FOR THE LONDINIUM SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA ], they are already notorious around town for [ UNSENT LOVE LETTERS ADDRESSED TO NO ONE ; BANDAGED FINGERS AND CALLOUSED HANDS ; A BEAT UP OLD FLIP PHONE ; THE FAINT SCENT OF COFFEE AND CARDAMOM ]. when you live forever, you might as well make the most of it.

hi, hello –– i’m bella + also the worst !! this is my baby patroclus who’s one part powerpuff girl, two parts physical embodiment of the eyeroll, and generally just has really bad frown lines from being in a Bad Mood for like thousands of years or whatever. ( will not get botox sadly, someone convince him ) anyway –– i am here for every single plot of every single kind !! just like this and / or hmu on discord @ halaldaddy#3725 !!

TASK ONE : THE RUNDOWN

▼ STATISTICS.

full name: patroclus, son of menoetius.

moniker / nickname: officially goes by patrick in 2020, and he has the fake ids to prove it. generally isn’t the biggest fan of nicknames.

titles: tbd.

gender && pronouns: demi-boy && he / him + they / them.

dob && age: april 24th, 1205 BC && really old –– about 3224 years old, give or take, but he’s been thirty for a really long time.

place of birth: opus, greece.

previous residences: opus, athens, larissa, cape town, cardiff, inverness, paris, milan, caracas, && londinium –– in that order.

zodiac sign: taurus.

ethnicity: white && venezuelan.

sexual orientation: demisexual.

romantic orientation: homoromantic.

occupational history: perpetual soldier, squire, orange farmer, lutist, revolutionary, boxer, harpist. among others.

▼ PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

face claim: sean teale.

height: 185 cm && 6′2.

physical build: mesomorph && visibly muscular && painfully straight back from years of his father’s voice still stuck in his head. ( it’s 2020, maybe he really should go to therapy for his daddy issues, but how do you tell a therapist your dad died before the trojan war ?? asking for a friend. )

eye colour and shape: dark brown && hooded, really long lashes which he does oil at night && also lines his eyes with kohl. it’s habit.

hair colour and style: dark, cropped, usually trimmed neatly.

usual expression: bored, reluctant smile.

accent and speech style: heavily accented english, but it’s impossible to pin down where he might be from. speaks spanish and greek with more ease than he does english.

distinguishing marks / characteristics: both ear lobes pierced, gold studs in both. a shield tattooed on his left flank. plenty of scars –– one across his right eyebrow, scarred && calloused hands, a very large scar that refused to heal right on his left shoulder.

clothing style: anything he can find, really ; athletic for the most part, but smart button-downs ( always button-downs, never button ups ) for work.

jewellery and accessories: a thin, gold chain around his neck ; his an engraved ring hangs from it, tucked away. a deliberate collection of rings on his fingers: a curved edge, yellow gold signet ring from a third-generation foundry in greece ; a classic medusa ring picked up in florence during the renaissance ; a turquoise inlaid silver signet ring ; a silver plated band, worn on his left thumb.

▼ FAMILY.

father: menoetius, deceased ( thank fuck ).

mother: philomela, deceased.

siblings, if any: myrto, his sister.

extended relations: none that he knows.

significant other(s): achilles && only achilles. it could only ever be achilles.

children: none, except his ––

household pet(s): he has two tabby cats named menelaus and ajax ( just a little fun joke for himself, okay –– don’t @ him. )

▼ FAVOURITES.

colour: gold ; every shade.

weather: storms –– it reminds him of mornings spent inside, the air sticky and humid, sweat on his upper lip and a laugh on his tongue.

food item: he’s a vegetarian –– he always has been, especially since he didn’t always have food, especially during the 1100s. so yeah, patroclus isn’t exactly picky –– anything veg and vaguely edible’s fine –– but he does love a vegan burger ( normal cheese, please ). the perks of the 21st century. okay, and he loves green olives.

beverage: he’s a stereotype, he loves red wine. ( fine, he hates wine –– he likes tequila. )

time of day: late at night, late enough that the streets are quiet and the air feels thin and he can breathe deeply.

television genre: not that patroclus has time to watch tv –– plus he’s got one of those old picture tube tvs from the dinosaur era –– but he loves a good underwater documentary. and shark week. and the history channel –– he likes to catch what they got wrong.

favourite era lived: he’d do anything to go back to the day before he died –– anything. to say a proper goodbye, to say all the very many things he’d never said because he thought he had all the time in the world. but also, he really loved the ‘70s in londinium.

▼ PERSONALITY.

hobbies: boxing && reading && falling asleep in the sun.

pet peeves: people talking in circles && liars.

phobias: patroclus doesn’t like drowning. he’s died of drowning once && come back from it, but he absolutely hated it. he’ll take anything over it.

allergies: coffee. which is fine, because patroclus likes green tea anyway. ( well, green tea with like three whole spoonfuls of honey. )

mbti type: isfj – t.

enneagram type:

35% the challenger.

48% the skeptic.

22% the peacemaker.

positive traits: passionate && honest && loyal && dependable.

negative traits: reserved && mercurial && blunt && pessimistic && headstrong && forlorn.

morning routine: goes for a run every morning before dawn, goes to a boxing class, has breakfast at the bookshop on the way home, and gets to work at least an hour early. it’s boring and it’s too familiar and patroclus wouldn’t change it –– he’d rather have predictable than the alternative. he’s tired of losing people and places and old routines, so he’s holding on to this one until he has to move again in another twenty years.

beauty routine: nothing really ; patroclus keeps his beard neat and his hair trimmed. he oils and curls his lashes, oils his beard. he misses baths –– big baths that you could sit in and just stay in until you pruned. but he only has a shower in his apartment now.

sleeping habits: patroclus hasn’t slept through the night since before his first death ; nowadays, it’s a few hours of sleep at a time, and plenty of nightmares to keep him company. the good thing is, he’s very used to waking up early –– rather than tossing and turning or watching his ceiling until dawn, he’s up and out of bed.

oldest belonging: he doesn’t have anything –– nothing. patroclus always leaves things behind, always. it’s easier that way. and sure, he regrets it sometimes. but there’s no use crying over the past, right? not when he has an endless future.

living space && home: it’s small –– it’s really small. but it has bay windows, a shitty little terrace with doors that the wind knocks open, and plants everywhere. there’s a kingsize mattress on the ground, one set of sheets total and they’re made of cotton-silk. orange, of course.

INTRODUCTION : tw death ; tw war .

his childhood wasn’t pretty. patroclus was born too skinny, too weak –– maybe not sickly, but he wasn’t wanted. he wasn’t loved. he was born into a war, and his war was his father. his war was his father’s shame. so when he killed another by accident –– in anger, in frustration, by mistake –– his father was more than happy to ship him off ; and somehow, that was the greatest gift his father could have ever given him. thanks, dad.

it’s been so long, everything feels like a dream. it feels too sunlit and too warm to the touch. it feels too easy. and sure, he can’t remember all that much about it. but he remembers achilles. he remembers being so happy that he felt sick to his stomach. but he doesn’t remember hector’s knife in his stomach or dying that very first time. but he remembers waking up to hades in the underworld, and he remembers the sickening realisation that he could never go back ever again –– he was here, and he was alive, and he still had to leave everything he once knew behind.

patroclus didn’t want money or fame ; he’d only ever wanted a love to call his own and a place to call his home. and since he’d lost both already, he was tired. so he went off to work on an orange farm, right at the edge of the world –– or well, the edge of his world. he was still in greece, news travelling to them every few months or years, and it was alright. he was away from the rest of the world, labouring under the cruel sun and sleeping into the cool night, and waking up to do it all over again. he smiled at the kids on his way into town and gave them an armful of oranges each. and then when people began to wonder whywhywhy he wasn’t aging, patroclus moved on to the next village –– and then the next, and then the next.

it was 1465 + he was in florence when he saw a lute again –– a laugh escaping him before he could start to remember when he last laughed out loud. it reminded him of home, of a long time ago. so he began to play for money and food and a place to stay. and it took him all over the world –– meeting people who’d die before he’d reach his next destination and learning things he’d never be able to forget.

going to war became a habit. the crusades, the gallic wars, the jacobite rising, the war of the roses, the french revolution, the seven weeks war, world war i, the russian revolution, world war ii, and so very many more –– patroclus wasn’t really fighting, but he was trying. he was trying to make sure some good came out of them, that there was some death that he could stop, some blows he could take if it meant another lived. but at some point, he just couldn’t keep doing it anymore. his heart hurt and his nightmares followed him in the daylight.

now, well –– he’s a harpist for the londinium symphony. patroclus has been her for all of about 12 years now ; he doesn’t want to move, not yet. but throughout his many, many lifetimes, he’s perfected and loved the harp –– it’s the only thing he recognises in this brave new world, and he’s going to hang onto it for as long as he can.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

survival of the stubborn: a mentor, someone patroclus met after a long, long time of being immortal, but someone who taught him to stop being completely miserable and enjoy the time they have. if it wasn’t for this person, patroclus probably wouldn’t have lasted all that long.

death becomes you: immortal friends ; the gang, the squad. the ride or dies –– so to speak. they can go decades without talking or meeting, but they get together again every fifty years and know they can rely on each other. plus, they can literally whatsapp each other now –– like, what.

orange you glad to see me: he worked on an orange farm in greece after their first death in about 1200 BC, and met this person there. maybe this person owned the farm, maybe this person was just a guest of the owners, maybe they also worked on the farm, or maybe they just met each other in the village nearby –– but they met again years and years and years later and it was a lowkey lightbulb moment of oh, so i’m not alone out here for patroclus !!

please turn the music off: musician friends + members of the orchestra ( mortal or immortal ) + anyone who’s into music and they might have met each other over the years !! perhaps a mentor or maybe they even totally hate each other, but just about any type of music relation !!

encore, encore: patroclus worked / played in a few different courts over the years –– always the lute or harp –– so this might be someone he might have played for !!

tequila’s my best friend: drinking buddies !! what it says on the tin. patroclus is a miserable drinker, usually ends up spilling all of his secrets, sometimes ends up breaking things.

the war followed me back home: patroclus served in plenty of wars until 1950 –– far too many, with new names and new titles and new ranks every time. to do some good in the world. or maybe they were just chasing their first death at hector’s hands. either way –– this is someone they might have served with !! could be a commanding officer ; a fellow soldier ; or even a doctor / nurse !!

old enemies, new friends: people he just doesn’t get along with. at all. ever. they’re always hated each other, maybe they even killed each other a few times, but just some sort of enemies !!

more to be added !!

#this is so long i hate myself #im so sorry #qismat.intro #qismat.task #qismat.taskone

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arrenkae · 5 years

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Hello my name is tumblr user arrenkae I’m back and right now I’m going to tell you about my descent into d&d hell that occurred in the past several months

Basically yeah I found a group to play with and holy shit let me tell you about this group

First, it consisted entirely of Russian LARPers, which honestly should have given me the hint to stay the hell away bc in my experience Russian LARPers tend to be SUPER INTENSE and waaay more serious about their games than I’m personally comfortable with but then I was like, well, we’re in Israel and not actually LARPing so it should be different, right?

Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Now, to be honest, it wasn’t all bad either. We had some fun sessions, the DM was nice and chill and, aside from the game, they all seem to be perfectly nice people I wouldn’t mind hanging out with. But holy shit. EVERY TIME. EVERY FUCKING TIME our party needed to make some sort of decision they didn’t instantly 100% agree on, the following happened:

1. Every player makes a decision for themselves, being 100% certain that it’s the only 1 possible course of action in this situation and that if we don’t do exactly that we will literally die in real life

2. EVERYONE FUCKING SCREAMS AT EACH OTHER FOR 2 HOURS STRAIGHT, possibly more

Add people randomly flipping the fuck out every now and then because of the most minor inconsequential shit like someone putting their wall of fire in the wrong place (I shit you not) and yeah it’s no surprise that I ended up leaving this group

(also there was another English-speaking group that was perfectly chill but it just naturally stopped gathering after a while which is apparently a thing with d&d groups)

But hey, at least I got some experience with d&d! Turns out I’m pretty good at it plus I ended up running a couple of one-shots for my unsuspecting friends and everybody loved it so now I’m doing the next logical step and preparing to DM the perfect game of my dreams with blackjack and no Russian LARPers

(at this point through discord bc I don’t have enough willing people available locally)

And if there’s one thing I learned from this whole experience, it’s that the overall atmosphere at the table is like. THE most important thing. Honestly no shade to this group - they are all good friends with each other and have been going like this for a while, so maybe that’s how they roll. Maybe deep down they enjoy all the drama and screaming matches and being on the edge all the time. Me, I just want to have fun, and want all my players to have fun as well. And let’s face it, some people are just not good team players. Some people get over-invested in their characters (in a bad way) and then crumble under pressure when something doesn’t go their way. They can be good people otherwise, my friends, even. But I want to curate my game in a way that creates a nice positive experience for my players and me personally, even if it means saying no to some otherwise good people. Like, not that I’m going to kick players out left and right, but it’s really important for me to gather a group of people who are chill and good team players and work well together on a personal level.

SOOOOO WISH ME LUCK I GUESS

#personal #txt #dming #ttrpg #d&d

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yiulee999 · 6 years

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opm time traveler au (spoilers)

genos goes back in time and tries to disguise himself and befriending sai as a bookworm lol and they become good friends until sai is fooling around and playfully steals genos’ glasses one day and the you know 💘 💘 💘 💘

what started out as a random doodle turned into a multi-chapter length fic draft out on discord!! *o*

the full convo/story is posted below bUT its heavy angst!! be warned!! sorry about the casual lingo, i was posting in chat format XD

so time traveler au picks up from when sai was getting picked on back in middle school chapter in the manga

and when genos goes back in time he thinks the only way he can get close to saitama if he was an ‘outcast’ too

so he purposefully nerdifies himself more? lOL how is possible,,,

Originally genos got sent back by dr. Genus as way to figure out the key to sai’s strength

Bc in the ‘future’ genos, they had just met and genos just wanted to know what made sai powerful

And initially when they meet genos is very forward about wanting to know all about saitama who finds it kinda creepy and stalkerish when he finds genos tailing him in the hallways and after school haha

And other classmates notice how the new kid (genos) follows/takes an interest in the class loser (sai) so predictably they start making fun of and bullying genos too

Genos, true to form, doesnt give a fuck xD

But sai has mixed feelings about it bc it was the first time someone took an actual interest in him and even though he’s so forward, genos never overstepped boundaries with him and was an okay guy overallBut alot of the story has to do with sai trying to figure out what its like to have a friend

And what to do because hes never had one

But he does know that he doesnt like seeing genos getting pushed around or made fun of so there are moments where he’ll try to stick up for him by telling them to knock it off or pulling genos aside to a differnt hallway when he sees the bullies coming

At the same time hes so confused on like what to do right, so he’ll also try to push genos away, ‘maybe if he didn’t hang around me so much, he’ll won’t get picked on…’

There was one scene i knew i wanted to do

Where after sai stands up for genos, the bullies treat sai worse

So it was an after school thing, behind one of the school buildings where sai is beat up pretty bad (like barely standing) and the bully has him by the front of his shirt and had his fist pulled back

When genos arrives

Before, sai had managed to ditch genos so he wouldnt see sai when he’s ‘weak’And always made up some excuse when he bruises or other injuries

So genos interrupts the scene by straight up grabbing the bullies wrist

And seething in all toasty righteous fury ‘dont touch him!’

and sai cant see it cus he had two black eyes at this point

but this was some dialogue i had written:

S:’What’s he doing? Why is he helping me?‘ "Hey–“

Bully pulls back fist "Look, kid. You’re new so I’ll give you a free pass this time if you walk away right now. You wouldn’t want us to mess up that pretty face of yours, would you?"

G: "How generous of you. Unfortunately, I won’t be extending the same courtesy to anyone who treats this person disrespectfully. Especially not ugly trash like you. "

Bully: "Why you–!! ”

And when the bully tries to redirect the hit to genos, genos instinctively throws out his palm and says ‘incin—‘ before he realizes he doesnt have his cannons

And genos is about to get b e a t

When sai wrenches himself from the bullies grip and takes the hit for him

They like tumble down and genos is confused to what happened before he sees sai lying motionless beside him, bleeding from his head and unresponsive

And i was gonna end a chapter there with genos screaming saitama’s name…

Next chapter was gonna be sai waking up slowly and in a world of hurt

He realizes he’s in the nurses office

It was night time

And when could finally see, he hallucinates seeing like 8 mini genos (remember the genosbots :3)‘Why…whys there eight of you/??’

So basically genos is worry over him so much whereas sai says its fine but genos is like feeling really bad so sai shakily reaches over and gently taps him on the forehead

And grins weakly, ‘there, now we’re even.’

Genos is crying openly bc he’s remembering when future saitama playfully hit his head after a spar and he thinks that saitama-sensei is strong no matter how old he is

And he’s just…overwhelmed by how kind and strong saitama is, even when he has no strength at all (Cus hes like 14 rn haha)

I think a couple days pass, and genos and saitama are eating lunch on the roof (cue bento box scene lol)

Sai is healing nicely, genos is still feeling bad whenever he looks over an sees the bandage on sais head

Some dialogue:

Eating lunch on the roof. G: How’s your wound? S: Hm? Oh, it’s fine. Don’t worry, my teachers say I have a hard head. G: I’m sorry. S: ? Why are you sorry? Not like you’re the one who punched me. G: I made things worse. If I hadn’t antagonized him, then–!! S: Then he woulda beat me up anyway. Seriously, man, it’s not your fault, okay? So you can stop doing all those things for me. G: Like what? S: You know! Like being nice to me and buying lunch and stuff. You don’t need to feel guilty about it anymore.

Sai is still kinda insecure abt having a genuine friend, so he still thinks genos is being nice to him out of pity or smtg, (and genos had been particularly nice to him after he got injured so he figured it was out of guilt)

And i mean….it was,, genos feels terribly guilty…but i think watching sai, who was powerless, attempt to protect him just made him more intrigued (and unbeknownst to him fall a lot deeper in love XD)

But genos says thats not why he does those things

That saitama reminded him of ‘someone’ he knew whom he admired greatly

At his ‘old’ school

He tells sai about his ‘sensei’ and how amazing this person was and all of his great qualities

And sai was feeling a little more depressed at each praise genos was singing about this person (coughjealouscough)

And i have another piece of dialogue here…

S: if you like him so much, why did you leave? G: …I wanted to see the kind of person sensei was before he became strong. this is where he grew up. S: …seems like a lot of effort just for one person. G:.that person (sai thoughts: he’s still talking?)…no matter what i did..I couldn’t reach him. I’d do anything to close the distance between us..I thought that if I came here, I would be able to understand him. I thought I could help him. G: touches saitama’s wound But instead, I’m still the one being saved. I never learn.

And genos gives sai this painfully heartfelt smile and its full of regret, frustration, self-loathing, admiration, and some other unidentified emotion that just floors saitama

Saitama sees genos’ smile and his eyes and is just...stunned by the level of vulnerability he sees (he’s never gotten close enough to anyone before to see it)

So he reaches out, hestitantly at first, before wiping away genos’ tears carefully because if he touches any harder he’s afraid genos would crumble

S: “i dont really get it...but if you feel that strongly, then i’m sure some part of your feelings reached him.”

And they share their first hug then :3

////

((When i wrote this, genos didnt have glasses haha so i guess that scene where sai realizes how pretty genos is would go before this one))

I guess if the glasses were involved, sai would be torn between wanting genos to take them off (so he can see his eyes which oddly finds that he likes them...alot.) and keep them on so other ppl wont see how pretty he is

Bc sure if they saw, genos would no longer be his friend

He would have so many ppl vying for his attn, he would be surrounded by girls and guys and would be approachableAnd saitama would get left behind

But i think even tho sai wants to be selfish and keep genos to himself, he also realizes that genos wouldnt be bullied if he were more accepted

So he would encourage genos to ditch the glasses and genos would end up getting accepted by everyone but he would still stay with saitama and nothing would change between them other than saitama getting really red at random times and avoiding eye contact more

It would just be one of the many things that strengthen their relationship as friends. And i think i had planned some stuff where they do a bunch of typical friend / kid stuff

Like genos tutoring saitama on math, genos running circles around sai in track/field (‘wtf...huff are...huff you?! huff some...kinda...rOBOT!?). Them going to the arcade, saitama taking genos around to explore his hometown, they go on hiking trips and stuff.

genos finding out saitama lived alone and that’s why he always buys lunch (or doesnt eat if he got bullied out of it that day) and talking out their issues and genos reaching out and saying yeah, he knew what it felt like to be alone

but that saitama should never feel that way because he wasn’t alone anymore, and saitama joking affectionately ‘yeah i have you to stick annoyingly close.’

and also heavy scenes like when you have to fill out future goals sheets in school where sai shyly admits that he’s always thought it’d be nice to be a hero and was shocked when genos was oVERWHELMINGLY supportive bc he’s never had anyone cheer for him like this, believe in him like genos does. And he calls genos crazy for agreeing with him, but he thinks he must also be crazy because when genos looks at him like that, he feels like he could do it

and its one of the first moments we see sai really open up to genos

bc being a hero was something he truly cared about

but his teachers, his classmates, heck the world, didn’t think he could do, they thought it was a hopeless dream for someone, and he’s so used to facing this kind of rejection that he’s started to believe it really would be impossible for someone like him....

but all it took was this one person, this one friend to tell him he could...and it made him feel invincible

and its probably the scene where saitama realizes how important genos is to him.

So of fucking course its when saitama realizes genos is important to him that drama bomb hits Basically, Dr. genus comes and pays genos a surprise visit. And hes like “did you forget the reason I sent you back here? Any updates?”

And genos is like “i have nothing of interest to report”

genus: "This isn’t some children’s game, you know. "

genos: "I must be careful not to expose myself. Saitama-sensei is more observant than I had initially planned--"

genus: "You’re stalling. I have an idea: Fight him. "

genos: !!! dr : "You’ll have a disguise. I will re-install your blasters. Perhaps a stressful situation will trigger a transformatio--. "

((so it was gonna be hinted at that even though genos appeared like a normal human, he was just redesigned by genus and was actually still a cyborg) genos: "I refuse to put Saitama-sensei in danger!!"

dr: "What danger? He is more than capable of--"

genos: "Right now, he is powerless. An attack could kill him--!"

dr: " And doing nothing will kill us!! Your mission is to find out the secret to his strength! Something we both wanted to discover and the entire reason why I chose you as my test subject! I will not sit here idly while you indulge in your childish fantasies that will get us both erased from the timestream. Look. " //he shows genos a pic of the hero registery from their time//

genos: " !!! Sensei’s name is missing!”

dr: " Your name is gone too. I dont know what you did but your actions are interfering with the future. Here. Collect your belongings and leave no evidence behind. We depart in 1 hour. "

genos: " !! Wait! Give me more time!! I understand now..!"

//genos has a bunch of flashbacks of when he does fun stuff with saitama. When sai tries to make him something in cooking class (and fails badly lol). When saitama shares his manga with genos. When they watch anime together.//

Genos: “I understand now..what type of person sensei was...his strength (when sai was protecting him from bullies)...his kindness (sai wiping his tears away)...his warmth (sai hugging him*)...!!”

“I finally understand...!!”

sai holding his hand, sai smiling and eating with him..

“...what its like to feel human again!!!”

He’s suddenly lifted off the ground and pushed roughly against the wall. Dr. Genus has him by the collar.

“Reality check, little shit!! You. Do. Not. Belong. Here! You’ve been playing pretend for far too long! And guess what demon cyborg?”

He tosses genos to the ground

“Time’s run out”

So chapter was gonna end with genos’ hand slowly fading in and out

next chapter would begin with genos being given 2 hours by dr. Genus to basically pack his shit and go. bc they cant leave any trace of the future stuff when they leave So genos ends up back in the classroom Packing his cute stationary and shit xD

(That sai bought him o b v i o u s l y )

And he’s startled by the door sliding open

And saitama walks in

He’s suprised to see genos there (and looking guilty?) “did ya forget smtg?”

And genos just kinda..looks away

And sai sees him packing up and taking everything and hes quiet for a bit ...

“You’re leaving?” He asks softly

“Saitama-kun, I—!”

“Why?” He keeps talking in that soft tone, but it silences genos more effectively than a shout

“I..I can’t...”

S: “...Is it because of that person?”

(Sai remembers the shine in genos eyes when he talks about his ‘sensei’, his special person, and his heart kinda just falls to his feet)

(i never had a chance, did i...)

Genos cant answer because yeah it was because of saitama in the future. So what if genos disappeared? Genos didn’t care. But the world needed saitama. It needed Saitama The Hero. He had to leave now so saitama can exist in the future

But since he cant say anything, for fear or changing the future even more, genos just doesnt say anything

So sai assumes that yeah, it was because of someone else, someone better than him, someone who deserved genos’ admiration and loyalty

He doesnt say anything, just approaches genos slowly, trying not to startle genos who has like deer in head lights ready-to-b o l t

And saitama rests his forehead on genos’ shoulder, barely touching him but close enough that genos cant ignore him, genos can feel his presence and his warmth

And theres a moment where genos is t o r n

Bc this saitama acknowledges him in a way that future sai wouldnt. This saitama looks at him and sees him whereas his sensei’s gaze passes over him to focus on the sale sign

And genos has been in school again, and he realizes he missed it. He missed having his worries be about being late for class, missing a school assignment, whether he could sit next saitama next class, what to pack for his and sai’s lunch tomorrow

And he knew in the back of his mind, that his real self, was in surgery at this time, trading warmth for fire and destruction, shedding his humanity while his future self was regaining it in the past,Thanks to saitama

He inhales sharply, ‘sai—‘ S: “don’t go.”

G: !

(Sai thought genos was going to say he was going to leave and he didn’t think he could hear him say it) S: “I know..he’s precious to you...” He reaches for genos, and after hesitating over touching genos’ hand, he settles for gripping genos’ sleeve of his school uniform tightly S: “but you’re precious to me “

And genos has tears streaming down his face. Because he wanted to stay, he had never wanted anything so much before than to just stay with saitama before he became sensei, to cheer for him when no one else would, to stop him from reaching the point he had trade his emotions for his strength, to stop the emptiness before it could touch him

But he also knew...that in order for his sensei to become strong...saitama needed to have these struggles that pushed him to change

That success without sacrifice was impossible, and he knew, genos KNEW it in his soul that if he stayed...if HE was the factor that caused saitama to limit himself, to fall back on a regular life when genos had seen it with his own eyes that this was a man destined for greater things...he would never be able to forgive himself

Genos throws his arms around saitama and hugs him tightly. He feels like he’s floating with nothing to ground him than the feeling of saitama returning his embrace equally tightly with his still lanky arms

G: “Saitama-kun....Thank you.”

G: “...goodbye.”

So next chapter begins ...With genos ending up back in genus’ lab

G: “Are we back?”

dr: “It appears so. We should—hey!! Where are you going?”

And genos is running off to look for saitama/his SENSEI because he had to exist, he had to still be a hero, right?!

He bumps into a monster

But not just any monster...Its the mosquito girl XD

Genos fights MG because its what he’s supposed to do, but he’s not scared for the fight...he’s scared for what’s to come AFTER...

And saitama shows up and finishes off MG with wan punch!!!

Genos is thankfully, not in disrepair bc he managed to dodge her attacks and was basically stalling for time

Saitama kinda sees him and looks at him blandly but to genos, that garrish, eye-burning yellow hero suit was the best thing he had ever seen

S: “Oh. A civilian? Are you oka—“

And he freezes all of a sudden.

And genos also freezes bc he doesn’t know what to do Its saitama-sensei...he should know the script, he’s done it all before

But now saitama-sensei was the stranger and he longed for the comfort that came with saitama-kun’s toothy smile

But he too had changed....he was a cyborg now, weaponized arms and black sclera on full display. His core spun dangerously. Would saitama even recognize him? Would he remember that day in the classroom when they parted ways, that was only a few hours ago for genos but more than a decade for saitama?

Genos froze. Would saitama even want to remember? After all the heartbreak genos had caused him?

Lost in his thoughts, genos almost didn’t notice saitama approach until the soft crunch of asphalt right in front of him jarred him to reality

Genos held his breath

Saitama didnt say anything. Only let that sharp gaze pierce genos in ways no monster could.

Genos couldnt read what he was thinking, he never could on his sensei’s bland face but this time, there was something tightly guarded in those brown eyes.

Saitama muttered something so low that genos had to use his advanced hearing to pickup

S: “It cant be...”

Louder and taking an aggressive step forward, saitama clenched his hand into a fist. He narrowed his eyes. “...If you’re some kinda shape-shifting monster...this won’t end well for you.”

G: “It’s genos!! I’m...I’m genos.”

Saitama freezes and his eyes grow wide. Genos almost instinctively lurches foward when saitama falls back on his heels, appearing shaken.

S: ...genos?

Genos nods tentatively.

For a moment, saitama doesnt say anything. But genos finds he doesnt need to. Those brown eyes had opened and genos could see, could feel some far-flung emotions creep back into that achingly familiar face as saitama let his gaze trail from his new eyes down his circuited arms and linger on the glowing blue that peeked through his shirt

After what felt like years, genos saw a corner of saitama’s lips twitch.

S: “It really is you....Heh. You haven’t changed a bit.”

G: “Sai—“

S: "I tried to forget you. I tried to go back to life before you. I finished school .... somehow got a job as a shitty salesman..."

S: "...I really tried."

Genos looked down, ashamed. He had been the one to injure saitama so unforgivably. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like if saitama had done the same to him, if he had turned genos away from being his disciple. Kicked him out. How could you forgive someone who changed your world for the better, only to leave it behind?

More than anything, he needed to beg for forgiveness, not that he deserved it—but saitama did.

G: “Saitama, I—“

Sai shook his head, like he didn’t want to hear it.

Genos thought his core would crack.

S: “I thought...If I were strong, things would get better. If I were stronger than that person..maybe you would have picked me instead.”

S: “Maybe you would have stayed “

S: “I trained and trained until I became strong...but it wasn’t enough. To capture your attention, I had to be the strongest.” Saitama pauses and shoots him a small, cheeky grin that had echoes of the same toothy smile Genos cherished.

S: “I would have to be, to take care of someone as high maintenance as you.”

Then the smile faded. S: “But even after I became strong..what did it matter? You had left and I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. And if for some crazy reason i Did meet you again...I didn’t know if i had it in me to ask you to choose again..”

G: (full on oil tears, the whole shebang)

G: S-Saitama..!!

Saitama grinned helplessly at him.

S: “So hurry up and choose me, genos!”

G: “Sensei!!!” [ because I had already chosen you a long time ago ]

They hug.

THE END!!!!!!!!!!! :’D

There’s a small epilogue where sai’s like..you called me teacher again. Im still not a teacher you know (in reference to this original post: http://yiulee.tumblr.com/post/139194391025/time-travel-au ) .

And genos is like: dont worry sensei, ill explain it to you

And sai is like ah, okay? But first. surprise smooch! S: been waiting 12 years to do that :D

/////

endless thanks to @konorai @batneko @egg-in-the-basket for bearing with me while i unloaded this beast into the discord chat..yall the real mvps!!! ;3;

#saigenos #opm #saitama #genos #time travel au #my writing #opm time travel au #i was right #im never finishing this LOL OTL #but!!#i hope you guys still enjoy the story outline! :D #the key scenes i wanted to write/draw are still included so im sated :>#yiulee art #opm art

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toldentops · 6 years

Text

so uh

there’s this dude that i’ve been talking to for a bit and he was a nice guy and all but he keeps being whiny on deviantart about getting rejected by girls and he calls girls “females” and I honestly feel uncomfortable about him?? he made a journal abt how he’s been miserable and nobody likes him and the girl he liked rejected him. deadass this was the second time he asked this same girl and she rejected him again like dude can’t you take a hint?? This dude asked a girl out, she rejected him, he made a journal about “hmm maybe I should take a break” the writes another journal about how miserableh e is because he asked the same girl out and gets rejected. Honestly what the fuck man, you expect me to feel sorry for you?? then he writes a journal about how he got a girlfriend after he talked about “getting one” like he told me he was just in a rush to have a girlfriend and that honestly bothers me bc he actually confessed to me once about liking me. It was flattering, yes, but it felt so unreal and made up. He just. acts so desperate and yknow I was skeptical about him getting a girlfriend and he told me yesterday “yeah I just want one in the future” like man I get it but that’s all it seems like you’re focused on. dude, like let love come to you don’t go asking for it.

deadass he mentions everyone in the discord group “hey im single now” and it’s like bitch????/ it hasnt even been a week and he’s just BEGGING for attention.... and I told him “buddy why am I not surprised” like judging by the was he acts in his journals and when he talks to me, he just wants a girlfriend for the sake of having one

he just makes me uncomfortable in general because every time I get onto discord he messages me like “hewwo” or smthn and sometimes I just don’t feel like talking to him but it’s like he messages me the moment he knows I’m online...

I don’t feel sorry for him one bit. First of all, he’s got to get over rejection and not be whiny about it. He’s got to learn when to just stop. I’ll say that he’s admitted to his mistakes before about rejection but the moment he said that he had a girlfriend I just kinda was disappointed.

deadass his deviantart page says single:looking like buddy. come ON did you not learn anything at all??

More gripes down below, I just really wanna say everything

See the first time I ever talked to him was him asking for an art trade. He wanted an anthro milotic(which I said in my commission page that I did not do) and he asked if I did fetish art. I don’t know why I took it in, I just felt kind of uncomfortable about it. I asked him for a mlm scrafty and eelektross couple and he OK but in the description he said male scrafty and ambiguously gendered eelektross. Now, it wasn’t much of a problem but still. I had learned later from him that he doesn’t care for mlm porn, even though he was fine with gay. Here’s the thing, I wasn’t asking for porn, and if he was ok with gay ships, then he should have been fine putting “hey look here’s some gay pokemon” in the description.

He’s also said to me multiple times about how hot lesbian porn is and I’m like “OK” but it’s so clear that he’s fetishizing them. He’s got mostly female pokemon anthro ocs in skimpy outfits and to me, that’s a red signal right there. it literally says in his deviantart “i like to slap tits on pokemon” and I’m like, OOF....

it’s just so obvious that he fetishizes women., it’s gross.

he’s also got a foot fetish and yknow at the beginning of our conversation I was like well ok, and we both shared what turned us on and there was that mutual trust but one day he asked me to share photos of my feet and just the thought of him jacking off to my feet made me really uncomfortable. Every time I draw his characters he asks if I can show their feet. he’s also asked me to draw nsfw of his characters multiple times, Although I admit I never explicitly said “no” I always said that I was busy or whatever. I was never really against it but he’d always say u don’t have to if u don’t want to” and I’d say “yeah no i dont want to” but he’d ask again at some point like bro dont’ you know how to take a hint

there was always this uncomfortable tension in the conversation, it was always something along the lines of “hey (insert sexual thing here), and then Id be like “nah man im not up to it” and then hed be like oof ok sorry if u don’t wanna do it then u don’t have to but i’d love if you did” and it always felt like guit tripping of some sort. I don’t feel comfortable talking to him and I’d never know how to directly tell him “look I don’t wanna talk to you right now” and I didn’t want to make him feel like I hated him or didn’t care about him. but the more I interacted with him the more I began to feel skeptical of his character despite the many journals about how thankful he is about the people in his life and the apologies

idk if those apologies are good intentioned or just a tactic to guilt other people into feeling sorry for him or whatever.

So, jump to yesterday where he announces that he was single. all trust in him and his relationship just. dropped. He DID say that the girl just wan’t ready to have a relationship so based on what he told me it’s not really his fault, but just based on the way he acted he acted more liek “hhhhhH she dumped me lemme make everyone feel bad for me Hey guys i don’t wanna talk rn but i feel horrible and lemme just disappear” instead of “well she just wasnt ready and I understood that so we broke up”

Buddy if you were really sad and you really loved her you wouldn’t put “single and looking” on your fucking deviantart page. That’s honestly the last straw and I’ve given up on trying to deal with him. I told him straightforward “hey buddy you need to take a break” and he said something like “now’s not the time to tell me this u made me feel worse now” tell me that’s not guilt tripping. THis event is what made me tell you this, I felt the need to address this to you, listen here buddy you need to take a break. That is the point I was trying to get to him. I told him he comes of as desperate, straight and to the point. He told me that other people have told him that too. Buddy can’t you take a hint, like, at all??

To be fair, he does make journals saying “oh im sorry about the way I acted and I need yalls help for recovery” and my only thought is “hey maybe if you changed the way you act then maybe this wouldn’t happen again, hence me getting pissed at his “single and looking” status.

also, he kinda just turned 18 so he’s pretty much an adult. I just feel like he shouldn’t feel inclined to have a girlfriend, and the fact that we talked about nsfw stuff at all makes me feel uncomfortable.

the time when we talked were nice, but I just don’t want to talk to him or deal with him, but I also don’t want to regret it.

If anyone wants to see him journals or our conversations, PM me because I honestly don’t know what to do rn and yknow he seems to be completely over it now

the least I can do is protect his name

#al speaks #idk if I should block him or nah #but I seriously don't want to deal with him anymore #this is really personal oof sorry

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