#maybe it’s me projecting my own frustrations tbh lol

[hiccupbutpurple]

Snotlout’s Sexuality

Okay I’ve been thinking about this for a while but I feel like, my personal headcanon for Snotlout switches between him being fully Bi and him being homoromantic bisexual. I’ve been going back and forth on it for a long time so hopefully putting it out into the world will let my mind rest - or people can sway my opinion lol.

What makes me think the latter is that he definitely experiences some attraction to women but I can’t see him really wanting a long term relationship with one if that makes sense? Like most, if not all women, that we see him interact with in a flirty way, makes it seem like not necessarily wanting a romantic relationship with them.

Like with both Astrid and Heather it seems to be more a pride thing. I think he does genuinely feel attraction to them but he wouldn’t want to date them. He also wants them to want him, more so then he wants them. Because that would give him more confidence and he wants people’s attention and affection. Plus a lot of internalised expectations on him and all that would really complicate his feelings. I know it’s more a joke about demonstrating the stereotypical immature teenage boy ‘ew girls have cooties’ while still wanting girls to like them kinda thing in Free Scauldy, but i think it kinda shows my point at least a little bit too (as in that scene with him and Astrid when she starts flirting back and he gets grossed out - it seems deeper then him just not knowing how to react/being caught off guard as well). I still think he does feel attraction towards both of them though.

Mala is literally just him chasing power. Like there’s no romantic or sexual feelings of any sort there.

Minden is the one who really makes my decision hard. One one hand, he doesn’t really react to the kiss outside of surprise, he moves on pretty quickly and, while they are friendly, they don’t really have the romance vibe later on in my opinion. Even the ‘that’s my girl’ comment feels more like a ‘that’s my bestie’ kinda thing to me. On the other hand, they are really cute and just because he didn’t have a stronger reaction to the kiss, doesn’t mean he doesn’t like her romantically. To me, they have good chemistry, but the kind that starts as a relationship and then turns to close friends. I feel like, Minden could possibly be the one that makes him realise he isn’t really romantically attracted to women.

But yeah I go back and forth on what his sexuality is all the time, i think he has complicated emotions when it comes to who he’s attracted to and a lot of things play into it like societal expectations and his own mentality - obviously those things would for all of them but I think it’s especially hard for Snotlout. Like this in itself is is pretty brief analysis, and that’s just the straight side (but I think his romantic attraction to men is a lot clearer). I feel like his feelings for for all of the women (expect Mala, that’s cut and dry) could be pretty complicated.

#snotlout jorgenson #snotlout snotlout oi oi oi #httyd #rtte #analysis #character analysis #also just being clear this is only my interpretation and everyone else’s is totally chill too! #a character’s sexuality is whatever you want it to be honestly #maybe it’s me projecting my own frustrations tbh lol

[write-tama]

I need more of Francis Mosses x reader fluff tbh and I enjoy reading some of your works with him so here's my request: Reader is stressed about life, college or something of your choice and needed some comfort from him 🥺🤎 thank you in advance aaahshqhs 😭 (tbh I don't see much sfw works of Francis on this app, maybe I'm not searching enough?)

"rest a little-- for me at least.."

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ francis mosses x student!stressed!reader

sypnosis ; reader and francis have been hard at work trying to achieve their ultimate goals for the future. but lately, reader has been burning themselves out, and its up to francis to help realize how tired reader is.

containing ; exhaustion, reader is a college student, francis works double shifts, francis and reader are high school sweethearts (in this au anastacha is not his daughter), francis is worried about reader, TOOTH ACHING FLUFF RAGH

author’s note ; eee thank u anon! also dw, i also experienced the same problem trying to find sfw for francis 😭😭 its lowkey the reason why i had to crawl out of my hiatus hole LOL but ya really hope u enjoy :]

04.15.24 | 1.4k words

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

Five shots of espresso from the cafe across the block could not fix how fucking exhausted you were.

You and Francis have been together since your highschool days. You have always dreamed of going to college to become a forensic scientist to work in the police force for super interesting crimes— but holy shit— were you tired from the projects and the essays.

You haven’t seen Francis in a few days either, despite living in the same apartment. He’s been working shifts in the morning and night just to make ends meet while also saving up for a house that you two could buy together. It was exhausting, but it was all a part of the plan. You worked a little side job as well delivering papers early in the morning just as a quick cash grab, but that also meant you barely spent mornings with your boyfriend. It’s not like you guys had the time anyway. He had to work in the morning too, which made it all the more frustrating.

After finally reaching your apartment, you immediately kicked off your shoes and threw your bag to the nearest corner before flopping down on the couch. A loud groan rumbled from your throat, finally giving your exhaustion a voice. You looked up from the couch, too tired to even turn on the TV. From the corner of your eye though, you saw in the kitchen a pot on the stove with a bright yellow sticky note on the top of it. Out of curiosity, you lifted yourself from the cushions with all your strength before heading towards the kitchen.

You waddled over to the pot with a curious tilt to your head as read the sticky note:

You left for work before I could tell you, but I’m coming off my shift early today and I’m not working tonight. Here’s some lunch I prepared this morning. Love you honey, get some rest. -Fran

Your grin stretched from ear-to-ear as you opened the lid to be welcomed with the smell of fresh spaghetti and meatballs. You turned on the gas stove to heat up the food, and used a clean wooden spoon to stir the food gradually. As you did, you couldn’t help as yawns escaped your mouth. You thought about taking a nap after your meal, seeing as how later today you needed to take some notes for an upcoming exam.

Your need for success never gave you the permission to give yourself a break every once in a while. In fact, the only times you did take a break was when Francis was sick and he needed someone by his side to take care of him. Other than that, you were always academically focused. Every once in a while, Francis would voice his opinion, telling you that you shouldn’t be burning yourself out so fast, but it was your determination and your vision of a perfect future with him that fueled you. Was this safe for your own mental health? Absolutely not. But you were aware of the consequences, and you pushed yourself anyway.

You felt your body grow increasingly heavy. You quickly jolted your head up, not even realizing that your eyes were fluttered close and you had stopping moving your spoon for a few seconds. You shook yourself awake, quickly grabbing a plate and helping yourself to a serving. You made sure to turn off the stove as well before throwing the spoon in the sink and grabbing a clean metal fork to enjoy your meal. It was best to hurry on and sit down before you became a danger to yourself.

You placed your food down on the coffee table before curling up on the couch. Maybe some TV would wake me up, you thought to yourself. You picked up the TV remote and browsed through the channels, eventually settling on a random game show that was airing live. Feeling a bit more energized, you placed a pillow in your lap before resting your food on top of it.

After each bite you felt your eyelids getting heavy. Your body started slowly giving in, despite your protests. The host’s voice soon turned into muffles as you felt your head nod a little. Each time you felt yourself falling, you immediately jolted up, not wanting to succumb to your body’s need for rest. What you really needed to do was to finish those essays and projects, and to also greet your loving boyfriend once he comes back from work. Your mind started dragging along little plans on how you would be able to accomplish everything before sleeping, but without realizing, your eyes had fallen closed as you leaned back in the couch.

Francis came back home about an hour later, tired from his work. As he placed his work bag down, he barely realized that your bag was set in the corner as well. “(y/n)?” He began to call out, but as soon as he turned around, he noticed your sleeping figure on the couch curled up with your pillow and food next to you. “Oh, (y/n)..” he mumbled, smiling a little in amusement. Francis walked over you, noticing the running TV and the half-eaten food. He first turned off the TV, making sure to not make too much noise to wake you up. He took your plate as well and covered it with a napkin before storing it in the fridge. Once Francis made it back to the living room, he sighed in relief, noticing that you still haven’t woken up. He rolled up his sleeves before carefully sliding his arms under your body, being as gentle as possible as he carried you to the bedroom.

“Mm..” You mumbled, half asleep. “Franci..?” You croaked out, burying yourself into his chest.

“Mhm..” He hummed. “I found you asleep on the couch.. I’m just moving you to the bedroom if you don’t mind..” He chuckled a little. You groaned a little in response, tugging a little at his button-down uniform.

“No..” you protested. “I have work to do.. I have projects due soon..”

Francis laid you gently down onto the soft mattress. You sat up a bit, realizing that you were still in your casual formal clothes you wore for school. You looked over to Francis, who had changed out of his work clothes, but kept his undershirt on and threw on some pajama pants. “Franci, can you—”

“Here you go.” You looked up, not even realizing that he was already handing you your midnight clothes. His tired eyes gazed upon you, but even then, his eyes were dilated with genuine care. You smiled up at him before taking the clothes and changing on the bed, throwing your clothes in a corner.

You sighed a little as you straightened out your shorts, looking down with a wearied face. “You know I need to get back to work.” You quietly muttered. Francis looked at you with a frown as he stood over the bed.

“You can’t just keep working day and night.” He lectured softly. You scoffed a little before looking at him, only to immediately falter to his puppy-eyed look. “Just rest with me this evening, please, dear?” He asked, folding his arms behind his back as he leaned down.

Your face heated up, flustered at how desperate Francis seemed to be just wanting to have a few minutes ago. You smiled softly before reaching up and caressing his face with your hand. “You know I hate it when you look at me like that..” You whispered.

“Well, it's the only way to get you to agree.” He mumbled back, sinking into your embrace. The two of you were locked in eye contact as Francis slowly climbed into the bed. His hands straddled either side of you as you leaned back against the headboard. Gradually, his lips pressed against yours, and immediately you melted. Your hands snaked around his neck, holding him as close as you could. His touch filled you with the warmth you longed for so long after drawn-out lectures and pressure-inducing assignments. All you wanted was him.

He wrapped your arms around your waist before resting himself on your chest— a sigh escaping his nostrils. “I miss this.” he muttered. “When was the last time we got to hold each other like this?”

You ran fingers through his hair, carefully tugging out knots. “Only heaven knows..” You whispered back. The two of you enjoyed the comfortable silence. Only the faint hum of the lamp filled your ears as well as the occasional vehicle rushing down the road in front of your apartment complex. Your chest rose and fell as you breathed as Francis buried himself deeper into your embrace. “I-I’m sorry I’ve been a little difficult lately.” you apologized, feeling the guilt prick at your skin. “I’ve just been so stressed with school lately.. All I could think about is work and it's ruining us—”

“Please don’t apologize for that.” Francis was quick to cut you off. He lifted his head up and now sat up properly in front of you. His eyebrows furrowed a little as he looked at your gentle figure. “Please.. Just don’t. I understand you’ve been working so hard lately. I have been to. But this is all for our future, remember?” He grabbed your hand, holding it with both of his hands before kissing your knuckles. “Mmm.. I miss our evenings together too, I truly do, but what I’m concerned about is your wellbeing. You need to give yourself a breather every once in a while. At least promise me that.”

Your body felt weak with each work he uttered. Your head rushed with stars, remembering that its moments like these that make you want to work so hard. You want nothing but blessings for this man, because if anything, he was your savior. Tears pricked at your eyes, sniffling a little as you nodded your head.

“I promise..” You said in a shaky voice. A sincere smile curled Francis lips as he reached down to kiss your forehead.

Everything is going to be okay, you thought to yourself.

Everything is okay.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

thats it! hope you enjoyed :3 sorry i procrastinated on this for a while im def gonna clutch on up writing after school ends (which is end of april). lowk so glad this bc ive been stressed w college work as well so rereading honestly felt SO comforting 😭😭 but anyway ya--

reblogs, likes, even replies are soso appreciated and i hope you enjoyed this story :]

#thats not my neighbor #tnmn #that's not my neighbor #milkman #francis mosses #thats not my neighbour milkman #francis mosses x reader #francis mosses x you #francis mosses thats not my neighbor #milkman x reader #tnmn milkman

[incorrectcoldflashblog]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

Thank you so much to @kitkatt0430 for tagging me <3

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

Well, I got back into Coldflash in a big way a couple years ago, and kind of got frustrated not really seeing anything new in the tag, lol. Desperation is usually my biggest motivator to do anything. If I had unlimited new Coldflash fics coming out, I probably would never have written my own tbh.

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

Just the one. I used to do translations for a different fandom, though, so maybe two depending on if translating counts.

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

My own? Only a year and a half. Translating, maybe roughly ten years.

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

I probably write more now, but you wouldn’t know it because I’m such a slow writer!

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

Oh, I feel like my English has definitely gotten better since I started writing regularly. I always felt obligated to put a little disclaimer at the bottom, like please be nice to me, this isn’t my first language, lol. I feel a little bit more confident about it now (although I still obsessively google every sentence and word).

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I mean, thanks to Chapter 4 of What Happens in Vegas I know now way more than I ever needed to know about tornado sirens, considering we don’t have them in my country, lol. I also ended up doing extensive (and totally pointless) research about the ancient Sumerian city-state of Ur (located in the South of what is now modern-day Iraq), which is where Len/Cold was supposed to be from in my AU where he was a genie. For those who are unaware, Ur fell in about 2000 BC and had a very famous poem written about it. Here is the cheery opening of 11 stanzas of misery:

For the gods have abandoned us

like migrating birds they have gone

Ur is destroyed, bitter is its lament

The country's blood now fills its holes like hot bronze in a mould

Bodies dissolve like fat in the sun. Our temple is destroyed

Smoke lies on our city like a shroud.

blood flows as the river does

the lamenting of men and women

sadness abounds

Ur is no more

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

I always appreciate when people point out the parts they liked. But honestly I’m happy for people to comment at all, especially on older fics :)

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I don’t know that anything I’ve written can be considered fringe, lol. I do have a Lisa/Iris WIP, which I assume would be more of a rarepair, but I only have one scene written for it so who knows if I’ll ever finish it. I guess the Genie AU was kind of strange.

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Longfics ;-; God, I’ve gained so much respect for people who can do that consistently for 60+ chapters, or over multiple fics in a series. My longfic isn’t even that long, comparatively, and I still feel like I will never get it done.

10. What is the easiest type?

One-shots, my beloved.

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

On my laptop. I just use Word and I prefer to write in the morning, which isn’t super ideal because it only leaves me the weekend to really get into it.

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

I’m too nervous to start more longfics at the moment because I feel like two is my absolute limit but I’d love to be able to write both the TATBILB-inspired fic I had in mind and the Future Fic that I sometimes play around with. I’d have to finish at least one of my longer projects first, or maybe try to get the whole thing written before posting it but I’m usually too impatient to do that!

13. What made you choose your username?

My username is captainicecube and I picked it because it’s roughly how Captain Cold was translated in the French dub. They translated it as Captain Glaçons (Captain Icecubes), which always makes me laugh whenever I think about it because it’s so stupid XD

Tagging @crestfallercanyon @joanthangroff @tiger-in-the-flightdeck @softboydepot and @moriavis

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

Fandom: DC Titans

Title: Over And Over Again

Pairings/Relationships: Dickkory, Graysonfam

Summary:

"Ah, damn it." Frustrated, Dick tugged at his tie and let the messy loop he made fall apart. It was getting ridiculous. At this point, he was sure he had already spent like ten minutes standing in front of his mirror like a complete moron, trying to tie this damn thing. Keyword: trying. It was his, what, sixth failed attempt? He was really starting to get annoyed, and he had to get it done soon; otherwise, he's gonna end up late. And your own wedding is not something you want to be late to. Today, Kory becomes his wife. He was the luckiest man in the whole damn world. In other words, Dickkory's beach wedding.

Yes, it's me. Coming back from hybernation. Missed me? I want to believe you did.

Part 2 is serving us some good stuff and it finally - FINALLY - brought me some Titans-related inspiration.

Now, I don't really do the lovey-dovey stuff. Pure romance isn't really my thing. But the idea was in my head for quite some time - I just had to build a whole wedding around it lol. And full disclaimer, I've never been to an american wedding (tbh I get bored af at weddings) so whatever's happening here probably isn't too accurate but what the hell. It's cute.

This might be my last Dickkory-centered fic - maybe it won't be, we'll see what the future holds, but for now I'm saying it is - and I decided, if this is it, I gotta let this one last idea out of my brain.

So, this one is dedicated to my girls.

@escapism-through-imagination @ambeauty @meetmeunderthestarrynight @wonderbatwayne

My fam. This is me saying thank you for sticking with me through a hard time. For letting me rant and vent until I got it all out and felt better. For hyping me up when I was down and never letting me lose hope. This is me celebrating you and the two characters you all love so much finally getting the things they deserve.

The title, and the song that inspired the fic: "Over and Over Again" by Nathan Sykes & Ariana Grande. I really recommend listening to it before reading, it will help out your imagination!

ENJOY!

#dc titans #tv: titans #titans #dcu titans #titans fic #dick grayson #kory anders #rachel roth #garfield logan #donna troy #tim drake #conner kent #dickkory #graysonfam #Spotify

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

I'm writing this to you because I sort of don't have anyone else to talk about this. I hope you don't mind. I kind of got into a spat over the internet with the lqbtq people. Do you identify with that group? (you don't have to mention it if you're not comfortable disclosing it). The thing is I'm straight but I have considered myself to be an ally all this time but maybe not a very loud one you can say. I don't have any issues with them and I'm in no way homophobic (to each their own, do whatever the fuck you wanna) but they were making fun about straight people being lame or whatever which I found a little uncalled for. To me it feels like how can you expect to find an ally in me if you keep being so hostile towards me. Like they literally don't know anything about me yet I'm being bombarded with messages about how 'queer people will rule the world and the days of my freedom are numbered' (someone said this word to word) and stuff like that. I'm sorry if I'm trauma dumping but I feel quite embarrassed and upset about this and I can't help but hide in the anonymity of the internet.

I don't like labels but for the purpose of this discussion, I'm bread.

(pansexual)

As an ally (tbh, of any minority group), mostly they ask for respect. Just to be treated like normal human beings and seen as equals to those in more privileged positions. For a long time these groups of people have been unfairly treated as lesser than simply because of their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. I don't necessarily agree with the mentality of "an eye for an eye" - ex: heedlessly make fun of of heteros simply since there's little to no social repercussions in this current social climate - and yet I see where they're coming from. it is frustrating that cis-passing heterosexuals are so easily socially accepted and they have no idea how easy it is, how their identity is not seen as some kind of circus performance, how affirming that you are on the spectrum leads to a sudden interrogation, and how you abruptly become representative / role model / pinnacle of all people on the spectrum (which some people are accepting of and some aren't).

I think speaking poorly of people (even in a general sense) is unsavory and rarely does any good except in extreme situations. But, anyway, basing your perception of an entire group on a clustering of shitty individuals isn't fair either. Assumptions and conclusions of an entire group should not be made off a small sample size that is mostly likely not representative. Making general statements from a loud minority leads to misunderstandings. Plus, you can't change the minds of toxic individuals. Can't be a martyr to those that don't think they need saving. Most people wouldn't want to associate / surround themselves with shitty people regardless of their sexual and/or gender identity. Personal identity does not dictate behavior and shouldn't be treated as such.

tl;dr: If someone is acting like an asshole, they're probably just an asshole lol.

Being outside of the norm / nonconventional does not mean that you exempt from being narrow-minded or ignorant - by choice and/or lack of experiences. Being inside the norm / conventional doesn't excuse you from that either. Also, a lot of the time this type of aggressive behavior is simply projection from past traumas, not necessarily an attack on your person. I don't think you should take it that way, especially since this is online and behind a keyboard. Block and move on. Better to not engage. It will show them that this type of behavior is not acceptable and they won't be getting the satisfaction of a reaction from you as such reactions will only enforce their behavior.

[henrioo]

Hiii, since i’ve nothing to do and I love rambling, I’ll ramble abt how much I appreciate your writing.

When i first installed tumblr, i was already attacked by she/hers in fanfics (😥😥). Tbh i was tired of fem blogs, thinking everyone is fem or idk . You’re the first one piece blog i actually like. Whenever i want, i can just re-read your blog’s fics and others. I really like your account !! ^_^ finally a good one piece blog, the others aren’t really safe tbh. Like those who wrotes ‘gn!reader’ but hit you with ‘good girl, wife etc..’ or those who feminized ftm!reader.. like tf… anyway live laugh love your account (its really entertaining !!)

— SOSO’S

YES I LOVE RAMBLING TOO THIS BLOG HAVE MORE ME RUMBLING THAN STORIES PLEASE RUMBLE WITH ME

Yeah ik, honestly i know Tumblr before I even think about myself like a trans person, so having fem content didn't bother me at all at that time

But when I got back here last year I realized how much fem content exists, but I was like "nha it's fine, we still have some gn content I will be fine"

Spoilers, I didn't get fine

It's so rare to have real neutral content in gn content that this makes me so frustrated that when I started my blog, I always got this on writing "if you can't find or it's not good enough for you, then make yourself"

And I did and I went pretty fine I guess, at least my gn are really neutral I hope hahaha

But day by day got me more and more frustrated and my dysphoria was getting worse because I was missing having some real valid male content

I need my favorite look at me and say "I love you like a man, like a boyfriend, I want you to be my husband, the father of my children"

I need to read that they also see me like a man.

And then I went to look for male content and well, things can really be worse the deeper you go

And then I realized that male content here is a totally red flag and basically a big NO

Amab or afab doesn't matter, they all gonna treat you like a super shy delicate boy

You're always gonna be the bottom, and if you are the top then the bottom will be a FTM reader (why can't you top a cis man?)

You're always gonna be feminized and like panties and pink and nicknames to shame you like princess and whatever

The worst for me was seeing that most of that stuff was writing of male writers

Like, you are hating your own identity?

I'm sorry if you like to be some weird femboy that likes to be treated like a woman and a slave

But I'm sure most masc people (cis, trans, NB etc) genuinely don't like that

It's totally fine you wanting someone to validate your gender, regardless of the gender okay? That's why cis women like to be called princess and stuff

But seriously, this just makes my dysphoria really bad because omg can't nobody write just a normal male reader? It's not an alien, we are human like everyone, it's like they write about male like they never interacted with a man in their whole life?

Do you guys know that romantic and platonic relationship between gays are basically the same as a couple of lesbian or straight people? Right? We are not different from anyone

Ofc gays have their own fights but like??? Are you getting? Idk how to explain better

Then again the hit "make yourself" and that's what I'm making lol, I have a lot of hiatus due my mental condition, I'm not gonna lie about that

But I'm always doing my best to have more stories here, maybe I won't give you guys new stories every week, maybe I will take some good months on the ask, maybe I will disappear and get back

But I'm not planning on giving up on this project so soon

Writing male stories is healing not only you guys, but me, really healing me

And that's why I won't stop, I want to write about a lot of things, some stories I will talk about more serious things like dysphoria or homophobia because I think it is fair we have good stories talking about this

I want to write about comfort, about angst, about grief, about transitions, I want to write about children readers and happy families

I want to write for FTM boys, NB boys, cis boys

I want platonic, romantic, nsfw, angst, long, short

I want all

Because I think we deserve that, and if I have the power to do then I will do

And see that not only me is being healed by my blog is always what give more determination to continue

Like I said, maybe not as fast as we all wanted, but I'm promise I'm here and I'm not leaving soon

Okay I talked a lot lol hahahah well thanks for that

I'm always happy to see you guys enjoying here, it really makes me happy, so make yourself welcome and enjoy!

#henri talk

[naumin]

2022 in review

in an effort to blog about art on my art blog more i will be writing a post covering my work in 2022 and maybe some aspirations going forward into 2023

2022 was the year of learning to paint! at the beginning i was really frustrated, a lot of my pieces were very hit or miss and i couldnt tell why some sucked and some fuckd. i nibbled at some online courses for fundamentals, James Gurney’s Color & Light book and Marco Bucci’s painting videos, and was looking for a mentor at one point but i think i stopped cuz i broke my thumb briefly lol

a piece from december 2021 that is just a bit random and i think representative of my stabbing in the dark

studying...

in June i split a schoolism sub with emma and it was an amazing decision. i think if you have limited time to practice drawing or dont know where to go the best thing is to take a course, and ive taken cheap or free courses online but the tutors on schoolism are top of the industry and the quality of their teaching is stellar imo. literally felt my brain explode with knowledge they are the best of the best. i finished the painting workout course with wouter tulp and ive dipped in and out of numerous others since then. its cool bcus u can study at your own pace.

July was artfight, i did talk about it here so not gonna repeat myself heh

then i was really busy with my MA, its been so fun and so exhausting. a year is so short and i want to try all the printing techniques and ceramics and everything cry. but hey now i know indesign and can make my own zines and stuff which is amazing. i also tabled at my first market :) i did really like it and would love to do more, dont want to put pressure on myself to do that this year but at least wanna visit them and scope out the audiences and stuff.

school really is making me appreciate traditional art again, tbh it is nothing like digital. you just cant get that chaos or physical resistance from your materials in digital, everything is very deliberate and constructed and almost predictable. ive started to incorporate more traditional work into my pieces where i can, especially photobashing. i can use photos i offhandedly took years ago and it feels really nice to get to repurpose them.

a spread from my school project, a book about one of my passions (i chose the story of how i got into elden ring!!!) i made it from paper cutting, photobashing, and digital. (im going to sell pdf and physical copies in the new year)

so circling back to the start of the year, i think you can see marked progress in my illustrations that ive posted here. i think i learned a lot about techniques within a painting but i want to learn more about pictorial composition bcus my default tends to be 3:4, portrait, charas centre, and i want to break that habit and tell more effective stories :)

over the past 2 years ive been incorporating more realism into the characters i draw and trying to be really deliberate with what features, proportions etc they have.

a 2021 isa and a 2022 isa

i think i want to maintain this level of detail because its descriptive enough for my needs but i want to push it to be more dynamic and stylised. i really admire the way disney animators like jin kim do it. its because im not confident enough with structure and anatomy to really play with it.

on the other hand with life drawing i really want to do more realism and capture exactly whats in front of me because i think i rely on style as a crutch too much hahaha.

from december. proud of these!!!

thats whats on my mind really. again really dont want to put any undue pressure on myself and i am going to be really busy until october at least. i am seriously proud of my progress in 2022. and im really looking forward to playing bloodborne x

#diary

[padfootastic]

Do you think fandom can be sexist towards female characters?

I see the Jegulus fandom wanting to write Lily completely out of the picture and wolfstar people generally hate Tonks.

oof. i have…a very rambly, very long answer to this bc i don’t think it’s a simple yes/no so i’ll put this under a cut for people to skip if they wanna, yeah?

so, straight off the bat, im not a fan of using pejorative labels for writers in general but particularly for fanfic authors. for one, we don’t know who’s writing behind the screen + what their motivations/inspirations/intentions are. two, everyone writes for a different reason. perhaps someone is venting, or projecting, or using it as a therapeutic release; often it’s lifted straight out of their own life. so i try not to judge the text in front of me based on stuff like that. (this leeway could also be because i used to read a lot of bashing fics where the majority of them are women, i think, and often with the flimsiest, most irrelevant reasons that are straight out of the Sexism Handbook of Traditional Patriarchy too so maybe i just started rationalising it for myself? idk)

second, i think it’s pretty well known that the majority of fandom is some combination of women/queer/neurodivergent/POC etc etc. so applying the lens of ‘critiquing mainstream media produced by cishet men’ doesn’t…really work here, i don’t think. the way we would analyse sexism in say, marvel or disney won’t (shouldn’t?) be the same as how we do it for fandom imo.

that being said, it’s still entirely possible for certain ‘problematic’ tropes/ideas to be prolific, right? this is where the sexism u mentioned comes in. i prefer to use symptomatic language here so saying ‘xyz has sexist/x-phobic elements’ instead of an absolute ‘the work/author is sexist/x-phobic’ because i don’t think the latter is either useful or accurate. when it comes to this, there’s one really important thing i look for here. is the author aware of what they’re writing? (which is a whole other issue tbh, complete w why i feel more comfortable around darkfic authors but let’s not go there rn lol) because a lot of the authors who write out lily or tonks in these ships do so knowingly bc it’s the only way for their plot to exist/evolve. sure, you can have an amicable resolution but will it provide the conflict u need? will it make for good entertainment? will it lead to 3D characters?

stories often need an antagonist and is it unfortunate that women often end up filling the role? sure. absolutely. i’d argue that one of the reasons we have so many mlm ships compared to wlw is because of mainstream media giving us better written men more often than not. and i think it’s totally fine to feel angry/frustrated/upset about that, especially when it carries over into fandom which is supposed to be a fun, inclusive, safe space. i get really frustrated at a lot of wolfstar discourse that entirely ignores the possibility of bisexuality. the vehement insistence that that a certain character can’t be with a woman bc they’re queer, for example, rubs me the wrong way and i think what you’re mentioning is something similar too. but, i always stop myself from assuming malicious intent on the author/fic’s part bc just because they write/believe something in fiction doesn’t make it true, ykno? and i can always step back and go look for something else that’s more to my liking.

and i think every creator would have something like this in their works tbh. i certainly do. i know for a fact that the way i’ve written lily in shovel talk and the patronus fic isn’t exactly favourable to her—even though i’ve tried to be neutral, she has definitely come out looking worse than the others and i admit that that’s on me. i wanted a certain dynamic & characterisation for james & sirius and this was the way to achieve it. people are allowed to dislike that. but they must also acknowledge that i’m allowed to write her that way.

i think, more often than not, we end up looking at this in simplistic binaries. ‘i like this -> good -> allowed to exist’ or ‘i don’t like this -> bad -> shouldn’t exist.’ i’m…not a fan of that. my opinion is we should advocate for more mindfulness within our writing but allowing writers to craft their stories the way they want (bc ultimately fic is supposed to simple and fun and not something you agonise over). and this is all interlinked, right? because the moment we say ‘ok. this might be portraying women in an icky manner, i don’t like it but the author can do that bc it’s a piece of fiction’ then u open the gates for more responsible reading & writing. authors would feel comfortable tagging their works with this, they can discuss it openly w/o being worried about reproach or ‘being cancelled’ and readers can make a more informed decision. but if you go in guns blazing with ‘ugh this fandom is so sexist, look at how it’s treating its women’ then you’ve pretty much killed all possibility for dialogue and improvement and that’s not helping anyone.

this kind of also ties in with my previous point about having differing standards for mainstream vs niche mediums of art. fanfiction authors are often, ironically enough, held to higher standards than published/paid creators which is interesting bc u can argue that their work doesn’t even have the kind of social impact that mainstream media does.

anyway. i’ve gone off on enough tangents here lol but i think i’ll end it with this: yes, women definitely come off worse in certain spaces, especially when they have to compete with mlm ships but i think that’s a conscious decision that authors take within the bounds of the material they have. as long as they are conscious of the fact/acknowledge it, i think likening it to sexism isn’t fair because u can’t have a story without plot devices, uncomfortable as they might be. if you see a pattern in someone’s stories of women being constantly shunted aside negatively, then i think u can take note of it and avoid it. maybe have a conversation with the author if they’re willing to talk about their creative choices. i feel like that’s the most u can do when it comes to online writing where u have no idea who’s on the other side of the screen.

#fandom wank #just in case #i’ve actually thought about this a lot tbh #partly bc of my own reading habits (present + past) #partly bc it crops up as ‘discourse’ far too often for my peace of mind #and i tend to stay out of it bc i don’t like the way in which unfolds #it feels too cult-like for me most of the time #and everything is always taken in bad faith #but yeah. it doesn’t mean i don’t have Thoughts™️ on it #(when do i not lol) #i hope ive managed to explain things decently here? #if there’s anything that’s…off then hey dialogue is always welcome #as long as everyone treats it in good faith and doesn’t attack anyone personally #i edited this 3 times to cut down on useless stuff and i still feel like i’m just rambling aimlessly here smh #not having an absolute answer was a deliberate choice and not me waffling about #bc i don’t think u can just narrow it down to a yes or no #but that’s just me #i know some people have stronger opinions on either side #which is totally valid tbh #it’s everyone’s individual experience that forms their view #and mine caused me to arrive at this #i can also acknowledge i’m often in a headspace to be able to take this sort of neutral/good faith approach #bc i don’t rly have triggers or squicks #that’s not the case for everyone so some would feel more strongly about this #so having a variety of opinions comes in handy here #pen’s asks

[desertsfic]

Oh you dont have to worry i definetly didnt mean anything bad by saying she's mean! Its just a trait a lot of people portray her with and i was curious about how you personally went about building up that portrayal since you write the mean streak in your characters so (imo) lovingly and well thought out

Oh well! Thank you, I was so worried for a second there, like "oh no she's too mean oh noooo"

So! I am glad that it comes across. I think Rose has a lot of anger and frustration in relation to her circumstances and the box she is expected to fit in and I think she's a really neat character! (Edit: I had more thots so unfortunately for us I did go on a ramble and I am embarrassed so I'm putting it under a read more do not feel pressure to read... more lol)

I probably said a bunch of weird stuff in my post but I guess a lot of it relates back to like, Dirk and Rose and that desire to control a situation, and the desire to lash out when you lose that control, and simply saying "that's just how she is" feels like a cop out LOL but you know to a point I guess it is just that biting sarcasm mixed with the weird circumstances and such

I never meant for them to spend so long at the Lalondes lol can u even imagine

But Rose's situation is weird, now, and her life is weird (my fault), and I think to a point her meanness comes from that defensive edge you get when you are raised in a way that you have a hard time discerning other people's intentions towards you, the way Rose really thought everything Mom did was some kind of passive-aggressive joke, and only "forgafe" her when she started drinking as an attempt to get closer to her, and it is just. You know, tough i guess. Maybe I am projecting my frustrations for Rose and the way she is trapped by the narrative to always be the Voice of Reason and nothing more, but it is also genuinely enjoyable exploring the fact that she is like Dirk, and therefore capable of being like bro!

And of course with the alpha guardians it's a little easier to build them out using their kid counterparts as a baseline. So Alpha Rose is Rose but meaner, older, more bitter, the way adults can tend to be, sometimes without meaning to.

I think my friend asked me why she was evil and I laughed lol! She's not evil she's just. Been alone for as long as D has, and is needling and curious in the way Rose is, with that little edge of tendency to push at people's discomfort the way Dirk does with his friends, and the way Rose does too just, turned up to 11. There is a fierce protectiveness to her one and only friend, and a tendency to point out things without really caring, perhaps, if the other person's feelings get hurt because of it. She falls into the tendency to treat the Daves like her own, with no regards for their feelings, and tbh she probably enjoys it, which isn't very nice. There are several people in the run and go who are similar to bro strider in many ways, and while most of them are uncomfortable with it, I think she not only knows, but is at peace with that. In a previous life, her tendency towards calculation and separating her feelings from her goal would have been not just handy, but also necessary for survival so! That is something I like to think of while writing her and stuff.

I think if I had more time it would be interesting to explore her relationship with Roxy, but it's so odd to think about I hardly know where to start.

Anyway so sorry for the misunderstanding and also sorry-er that I went on a ramble about all that.

#i just think she's neat etc #i probably did not say anything just uh #yeah some rose pinions i suppose lol! #and such ahhh anon sorry for the miscommunication! that's on me haha #i guess short answer would have been ''i think every character in homesuck is an asshole '' #they are all mean in different ways #yeah! but i love them sigh

[bibblelevi]

Hiya! Which ST4 ep was your favorite? And also, which plotline did you find the most interesting? ( All my friends who watch ST have been busy (so they haven’t watched yet) so I have nobody to talk to about it :| )

Okay so if I’m being honesty, I did kinda fast forward through some parts because 1) I don’t do well with gore/horror, and I was watching it at night 😭 and 2) I was just kinda… bored with some of the storylines!! I was mostly invested in Max and like Dustin, Steve, Robin, Lucas, Nancy, and Eddie. That whole storyline was my favorite. As for eps, probably the last one? I can’t remember what happened in which one tbh

ST4 SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT (a very messy, convoluted review that warning: has opinions you may disagree with)

I was just really frustrated with El’s storyline because like, she just keeps suffering and I cannot take it LOL it’s just way too unfair. Will deserve’s better friends. I don’t know what’s going on with Mike? I know he grew up with an emotionally stunted father, so the way he expresses feelings is a reflection of that, but I just get irritated.

I didn’t really care much for Mike, Will, Jonathan, and Argyle’s storyline. Joyce and Murray was fine. Hopper was also not bad, but again, the torture scenes were just too much for me tbh. I just want him and El back together again honestly it’s what they both deserve. But maybe it’s just my daddy issues projecting.

Lowkey I did not know much about what was going on in the last episode because I fast forwarded through so much of El’s storyline in the lab again. It was cool how Vecna and 001 were connected/the same, and that it all connected back the gate being opened. I just wished I got to see El more with her friends. I’m assuming the writers wanted to try to give her more character development on her own and that’s why they did which in a technical sense, that’s valid. But I was just borrrreeeed.

As for Nancy and Jonathan… I have never really cared about Jonathan, and I always like seeing Nancy kick ass. Jancy’s chemistry undeniable, but I honestly would not be disappointed if she ended up with Steve because STEVE IS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE ENTIRE SERIES!!!!!!

One thing that I hate though is how the writers literally ignore the “show, don’t tell” aspect of storytelling. Like why is everyone commenting on Stancy it makes it so forced, and in my opinion, I could feel the tension without the other characters giving their side comments.

I feel like I’ve been hating so here’s some of my favorite parts:

- anything with the clock was so… AGGHHH I WAS SCARED BUT IT WAS A GOOD SCARED YKNOW?

- I love the background tracks and the editing of the whole show when flashbacks are combined, it’s switching back and forth between storylines, etc. Super underrated part of the show

- Any scene with Max made it to the top. She’s one of my favs right up their with Steve. She deserves the world. My favorite scene in the whole vol was the cemetery scene

- Nancy “falling” into the Upside Down? And Steve trying to shake her awake. It was such a good way to leave off on a cliffhanger

Overall, it wasn’t my favorite, but it was fine

#stranger things spoilers #st spoilers #st4 spoilers

[vivelarevolution13]

Hi! For the ask game: 🕯️🌿🏜️

Hi nonnie, thanks for the ask! Sorry it took me a hot second. 🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

A good 7, I'd say! It can be awkward as all hell rereading my own work, but in the end it's always fun to come back to things with a fresh(er) pair of eyes than when I was writing them. I either cool off from my attachment to certain bits enough to notice they're pretty bad, or I see things I thought were bad and get to go "oh, that's kinda banger actually". It's a weird mix of frustration and satisfaction every time - there are moments editing sucks because I just can't find a way to make something work and I have to kill it, but there are also times that the challenge of it makes a new angle or a different way to connect things click for a completely different segment/project altogether.

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

Oh man, that's always a tough one because even for a single person I don't think the same thing always works. I think there's some merit to sitting with an empty page every day just to see what comes out, but that only works 50% of the time tbh. What I try to do (especially if I can't get myself to do anything creative whatsover) is put down any random observations I have during the week to paper - things I saw on the street that I thought were interesting, lyrics from songs I was listening to, movie scenes and why I loved/hated them, conversations I overheard or stories people told me or shitty little sketches or just the same word over and over or whatever. It doesn't have to look nice and it doesn't have to make any sense. It's just a dumping ground. But usually it does end up feeling good when you can't get anything else out, and if I'm in a particularly bad block it just gets my brain to a) ease up on the pressure to Make Something Coherent and GoodTM and stop feeling bad about it but also b) unwittingly start thinking about things from that creative perspective again. And then when you have some time and a bit more energy, you can see if you can't find anything from your little Notes from Life that spurs your writing on or comes together. It's also just nice to look back on.

Also maybe finding other media that's inspiring to you - visuals, films, books, music - and immersing yourself in those for a while. Trying to figure out what you like about them from a storytelling perspective. Making moodboards and playlists even if they don't get me to a good place for writing straight away is also always really helpful to me, and just plain fun.

And if you're still running into a wall, making peace with that and finding something else to do for a while. Meeting your basic needs (I forget this one quite a lot lol), going for a walk, doing mundane chores or finding some company (maybe even someone to talk to about your ideas).

That's a lot of words to essentially say my brilliant advice is journal, listen to some music and go for a lil walk. I should write a self-help book.

🏜️ ⇢ Answered this little guy here! Thanks again :)

#ask game #asks #anon

[babyboibucky]

The Match - Part 8

Pairing: CEO!Bucky x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Summary: You get a preview of what it’s like to be working with Mackenzie.

Warnings: I apologize as there is no smut in here lmfao but there is a stubborn Bucky lols

A/N: The jitters just never go away whenever I post a new part for this ajkcnjasncakjcnakj I find this part boring tbh but uhh things will start picking up again in the next part I promise

The Match Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST

Bucky decided to push through with his partnership with Wilson Enterprises. It was a big one, so it definitely required the entire team's effort and perseverance. Apparently, this is the company's biggest, most major project yet so this was going to look really good in your resume. It would also provide you with more credibility to further excel in your career.

Except that Bucky actually hired a marketing consultant to take over the entire project as his revenge.

"Any questions? About the project or about Kenzie?" Bucky asked, standing in front of the conference room, next to Mackenzie.

You confidently raised your hand when no one else did. Bucky tilted his head, a tiny smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. He knew you were affected, of fucking course you were!

"Yes?" he called out.

You stood up and sighed softly, "I mean this in the most respectful way, Mister Barnes." you said, emphasizing his name. "But as the head of marketing, what exactly is my role here? Given that Mackenzie was hired to spearhead the marketing aspect of this project." you said, giving Mackenzie a passive aggressive smile.

"I don't want to overstep on some boundaries here, that's why I'm asking. I just want clarity, that's all." you said.

Bucky was about to respond when Mackenzie stopped him, grabbing his arm and squeezing it before taking over the floor. You narrowed your eyes at how her slender fingers were wrapped around Bucky's arm.

"Honey..." Mackenzie started. "There's nothing to worry about, this is a collaborative work between you and I. So think of yourself as my assistant, someone to help me out with the project." she responded.

Bitch.

"I'm not an assistant, Mackenzie." you said, smiling at her.

Mackenzie laughed, "I'm sorry, my bad. I shouldn't have used that term. Oops." she said. "Although, I believe I have more experience in this area so maybe consider me a mentor?" she suggested.

Bitch!

Bucky cleared his throat, "If you have certain ideas, you can discuss it with her. She is a consultant after all. Given her impressive experience in the field, I'm sure you'll learn a thing or two from her."

The meeting was wrapped up by noon and you simply couldn't wait to get yourself out of the conference room. You didn't feel like talking to Bucky anymore in all honesty, not after what he was doing. You knew this was just to spite you, get you to cave in first and give in to him.

All the more that you wouldn't, especially not when he actually used your job against you.

Everyone started rushing out of the conference room, ready to head out for lunch. As soon as you reached the doorway, you overheard the short conversation between Bucky and Mackenzie.

"Hey Bucky, we still up for lunch?"

-

The bathroom was empty when you stepped inside and thank god for that because you couldn't hold back your emotions any further. Tears gathered in the corner of your eyes, not because you were hurt. Fuck no, you were angry and frustrated. So fucking angry at yourself for getting into this mess, at Bucky for being such an entitled prick, at the entire world for plotting against you.

You groaned in irritation as you wiped away your tears, sniffing as you looked at yourself in the mirror.

You worked your ass off for this job, for your position. You risked your dignity when you let Bucky fuck you. You weren't going to let someone take that away from you.

You quickly fixed yourself when the door opened, followed by the loud clacking of someone's heels.

"Omg, are you crying?" Beverly gasped, rushing over to you.

You snickered, "No." you lied, "My eyes are itchy." you huffed out before noticing that Beverly was holding a sandwich in her hand.

"Why did you bring your sandwich here?" you curiously asked.

Beverly shrugged, "The pantry's full and the other girls don't exactly seem to like me...so..."

You shook your head and sighed, "Come with me, let's have lunch out. I need to get out of this fucking place anyway."

"Yay, omg! I knew you were nice! You're like, the only girl who actually talked to me nicely." Beverly said, tagging behind you as you exited the bathroom.

"Oh, there you are!" Mark called out. "I was looking for you. Wanna grab lunch? Oh...who's this?" he asked, noticing the blonde girl trailing behind you.

"I'm Beverly! I'm Sir James' new secretary." she introduced excitedly.

You sighed, "Don't ask me why." you said when Mark turned to you with a confused look, still not sure what happened to Bucky's previous secretary.

"So, lunch out? With Bev?" you asked.

-

You were completely zoning out during lunch despite the ongoing conversation between Mark and Bev, something about yoga? You honestly couldn't care less, not when you were feeling so conflicted about your current situation.

Would Bucky actually go that far just to get you back? Or does he actually hate you for saying no to him and is basically using his authority to make your life a living hell?

"So I heard about the new girl." Mark said, that snapped you out of your trance.

"Huh?" you asked.

"I find it weird for Mister Barnes to hire someone when you're here." Mark pointed out. "I mean, are you okay with that or..."

You snorted, "Fuck no. Look, I'm not gonna be the bigger person here. I was offended as fuck." you admitted.

"Yeah, it's super weird because she was hired through Tinder or something. Is that even legal?" Beverly pointed out as she scrolled through her phone.

You and Mark turned to her abruptly, "Tinder? Wait, what?" you asked.

Beverly chuckled, "I heard them talking this morning and Kenzie was like, 'It's so funny that we matched on Tinder and ended up doing business there you know' and I'm like omg Sir James has Tinder and I have one too but I never saw him there, bummer."

"Motherfucker." you hissed out.

Mark made a face, "Are you okay?" he carefully asked. "You've been really tensed since last week."

Apparently, Bucky never deleted his Tinder and have been swiping right on women. And that's how he met Mackenzie who just happened to be a marketing consultant. Now you were just furious, was he fucking her too? Has he been fucking other women this entire time?

"Hey, Bev..." you said, a plan hatching inside your mind. "Can I ask you a favor?" you asked nicely.

Beverly nodded, "Um duh, you're basically my office BFF now."

"If you ever hear Mister Barnes and Mackenzie talk about hmm, I don't know...something interesting. Maybe about the project...me 'cause you know, I'm the head of marketing and Mackenzie’s in the same field...let me know, will ya?" you asked.

Mark chuckled nervously, "I don't know what's going on but isn't that an invasion of privacy?"

"She's not going to eavesdrop, Mark. She'll just...listen closely." you explained.

"Bev might get in trouble if Mister Barnes finds out." Mark warned.

You waved a hand, "She'll be fine, Mark. She's his secretary, she has to know everything. Besides, I'm not going to let her get in trouble, if she does then I'll take care of it."

Beverly squealed in delight, "Omg, you are not my office BFF. You're like my office mom! You and Mark are literally my office parents." she said, lifting her phone up in the air.

"Selfie! This one goes to the 'gram." she said, taking a quick photo of the three of you.

She then proceeded to edit the photo while you and Mark continued eating lunch.

"Bev, you should really put your phone away and eat first. We have less than half an hour left for lunch break." Mark called out.

Beverly groaned and rolled her eyes, "Way to get into the role, Mark. You're such a dad."

You snorted, "Yeah. Loosen up, daddy." you teased.

"Playing family after just one date, huh."

Bucky's presence in the same restaurant should've really intimidated you, most especially that he just witnessed you tease Mark like that. But you were too mad at him to even care, what was the point even? He didn't believe you even when you told him the truth that Mark was just a friend.

Why even try now?

"Hi Sir James." Beverly greeted happily.

"Mister Barnes." Mark acknowledged.

Bucky ignored them and kept his eyes on you. You didn't falter under his gaze and simply stared back at him with blank eyes. It's as if a staring competition took place when the both of you merely looked at each other, neither of you looking away nor attempting to do so.

"How was that date last Friday, Jim?" Bucky asked, his eyes still trained on yours.

Mark made a funny face at the name that Bucky called him but shrugged anyway. Before he could even respond, you decided to answer on his behalf. If Bucky wanted to spite you, you'd give him a taste of his own medicine.

"It was actually great. We might go on another one this Friday." you said.

"We are?" Mark asked in a whisper.

Bucky's hand landed on Mark's shoulder, "Don't count on it, Andrew. She's going to be doing a lot of work on Friday due to the project." he said through gritted teeth.

You shrugged, "Oh, but I thought Mackenzie's doing all my work?"

"I'm ready to head back, Buck."

Speak of the devil herself. Mackenzie weaved through the tables and approached Bucky, her face brightening up when she saw you, Mark and Beverly.

"Oh, hey you." she greeted you. "Look, I think we may have started off on the wrong foot earlier. I'm not here to take your job, just here to spice things up a bit. Improve your ideas, give Bucky some assistance." she chuckled, holding onto Bucky's arm yet again.

You fought back the urge to grab your glass of water and throw it at her face. As the saying goes, kill them with kindness. So you merely shrugged and extended an arm for a handshake.

"Of course. I would love to improve your ideas as well, you know. Just a healthy discourse between two marketing professionals. We good?" you said.

Mackenzie forced out a chuckle and reached for your hand, "We’re good. I look forward to working with you." she said before turning back to Bucky who was still gazing at you.

"Let's go?" she asked sweetly.

Bucky smirked at you before wrapping an arm around Mackenzie's waist, guiding her out of the restaurant the same way he did to you. You were too focused on Bucky's body language around Mackenzie that you failed to notice that Mark was watching you closely, your expressions and how you reacted towards Bucky.

"I think I know what's happening."

-

"You what?!"

"Shhh!" you hushed Mark and peeked out of the empty pantry to make sure the coast was clear.

Mark noticed the tension between you and Bucky and he came to a conclusion that the both of you dated at one point. He wasn't really wrong but he wasn't right either. So you decided to tell him everything, from the moment you matched with Bucky on Tinder until your last conversation with him last Saturday.

"I honestly thought you were dating, I didn't know there was sex involved. No wonder he had been calling me weird names." he said incredulously. "Was that you and Mister Barnes that Janet reported to the HR?" he asked, stifling his laughter.

You groaned, "Yes. Ugh, gave me a panic attack when I found out about that incident report." you said.

"Hey..." Mark called out. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this. Your secret is safe with me." he reassured.

You nodded, "I think it was about time that I told someone about us anyway. This whole situation is driving me crazy and I don't know what to do next. And I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess, I shouldn't have said that we were going out again. I don't want you or your job getting compromised because of our petty fight." you exhaled.

You had to admit, you felt so much better now after confiding with Mark. It somewhat alleviated the weight on your shoulders, knowing that there was someone aware of what you were going through. Who would've thought that this person would end up being Mark? You did have friends outside of work of course, but you felt like they all wouldn't really understand the situation.

Half would hate you for rejecting Bucky and the other half would hate you for even swiping right on him.

"Do you mind an unsolicited advice?" Mark asked.

"Not at all." you said.

"Ignore him. Don't let him or Mackenzie get to you. Do what you do best, you're great at your job and you'll be fine. That might get him to realize that you're not a prize to be won. And if he still doesn't see that, then that's his loss. You're more than just that hot marketing girl at work." Mark said.

You laughed at his last statement, "Hot marketing girl at work?" you asked, shaking your head.

"It's true. So if in any case you decide to ditch the CEO and move on, you know where to find me." he joked, throwing a wink your way.

-

You wanted to finish all your reports so you could focus on the huge project so you decided to work until around nine in the evening. The floor was already empty by the time you were done. Bucky seemed to be working too, given that he was still replying to e-mails at this hour. Wanting to get all the reports over with, you decided to submit it to him before going home.

During the elevator ride to Bucky’s floor, you couldn’t help but wonder whether he was alone in the office. Would Mackenzie be there with him? Even at this hour? Your grip on the folder tightened at the thought of catching them in the act.

But did you have any right to feel this way though?

Brushing off the thoughts, you exhaled loudly and prepared yourself for whatever it was you were to witness. Upon reaching the door to Bucky’s office, you slightly turned your head to listen to anything. It was quiet. No hushed whispers nor strained grunts-- they weren’t fucking, thank goodness for that.

You decided not to knock and just walk inside like you used to, reminding yourself of Mark’s advice.

Don’t let Bucky get to you.

When you saw Bucky hunched over his desk, typing away on his e-mails instead of bending a certain brunette somewhere in his office, you had to admit that you were relieved. He looked up and his eyes looked dead tired, you almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

“You should really learn how to knock.” Bucky called out, slamming his laptop shut.

“Look, Bucky. I was just rushing to submit these reports so I can go home.” you explained and placed the folder on top of his desk.

Bucky frowned, “I said to call me Mister Barnes.”

You huffed out, “I honestly don’t care, Bucky. I’m not playing your damn games anymore.” you said and turned around.

A hand on your arm pulled you back, harshly turning you around to face Bucky. He was fuming, as usual. At this point, you were no longer fazed.

“You think I don’t know what you’re trying to do?” he asked.

You clenched your jaw and pulled your arm back, “I’m not doing anything. You bring in Beverly or Mackenzie or whoever it is that you have up your sleeve. I don’t fucking care. I just want to focus on work.” you said and stepped away.

“And you should too, Bucky.” you added.

“I don’t believe you.” he said.

You sighed, your shoulders dropping from exhaustion at this whole shenanigan. “I’m done, Bucky.”

And with that you turned around to exit his office, leaving Bucky unsure whether you truly meant what you said. A victorious smirk graced your lips as you walked back to the elevator.

You were far from done.

-

The Match Special Tags:

@marvelslag​​ @weird-mumbling​​ @propertyofpoeandbucky​​ @lostinthoughtsandfeelings​​ @mostly-marvel-musings​​ @squishybabies​​ @megzdoodle​​ @suchababie​​ @annathesillyfriend​​ @xhollycowx​​ @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​​ @5-seconds-of-mendes​​ @gogolucky13​​ @countonthesun​​ @iloveshawnieboi​​ @learisa​​ @borikenlove​​ @scarlet-natasha89​​

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii​​ @jessou893​​ @stealapizzamyheart​​ @bagelofthelord​​ @mxnt​​ @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky​​ @ohladymacbeth​​ @wildflowergubler​​ @supraveng​​ @twinerd14​​ @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3​​ @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm​​ @charminivy​​ @amelia-song-pond​​ @iamvalentinaconstanza​​ @mcubqrnes @im-squished​​ @tcc-gizmachine​​ @sipsteacasually​​ @prettyintopeerpressure​​ @weloveyasmin​ @est19xxshit​ @bloodhon3yx​ @dressed-in-prada​ @lizette50​ @thatfangirl42​ @sunflowerbunny2​ @unmagically​ @okiegirl24​ @sugarpunch-princess​ @enlyume​ @vvipgotbb @slimeyderp​ @lyoongx​ @just-deka​ @nobody-will​ @jaziona92 @elisebuitron​ @dpaccione​ @suvikamahes98blr​ @buckybarneshairpullingkink​ @earthtonav @x-judyjude-x​ @nani-kenobi @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @belladonnabarnes​ @iloveangstposts​ @weenersoldierr​ @asemistablehundredyearoldman​ @reidbuck​ @lizzarooni​ @girlfriday007​ @bonkywobble​ @lost-in-the-stars03​ @its-yasbxtch​ @whoth3hellisbucky​

#bbb writes #the match #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes smut #bucky smut #fem!reader #sebastian stan

[rexscyarika]

Di’kutla Mando’ad

⚠️18+ MINORS DNI⚠️

Wolffe x afab gender neutral reader. Reader is a Mandalorian bounty hunter that now works for the GAR.

Warnings and such: Establishment bdsm (dom/sub) relationship (up to you to decide if that extends to romantic too as it’s never stated either way), orgasm denial, spanking, vaginal fingering, semi public sex, sex in a gunship, public flirting, flirting with Sinker, mention of mlm Boost cause there are no cishet characters in Star Wars, degrading/name calling, use of military titles during sex, manhandling, teasing, praise, pet names including sweetheart and little one, hair pulling, use of the color system, aftercare, begging, dirty talk, brat taming but not really good brat taming cause you got exactly what you wanted by being a brat tbh, implied past threesomes, implied possible future threesome with Sinker (a sequal anyone 👀), hint of an armour kink, military title kink, mention of knives and I think that’s all I hope *edited to add* piv sex

Mando’a translations (I hope there’s not so much it gets confusing to read, if there is lmk, but I love this language sm and writing with it helps me learn it lol)

Cyare/cyar’ika: Darling/beloved/sweetheart

Gedet’ye: Please

Elek/‘lek: Yes

Ad’ika: Little one/sweetie/darling

Al’verde: Commander

Mando’ad/Mando’ade: Mandalorian/Mandalorians

Ori’jate: Very good

Beroya: Bounty hunter

Ruus’alor: Sergeant

Haar’chak: Damn it

Shabuir: Fucker

Di’kut: Idiot/fool

Ner: My

She’cu: Nine

Gar: You

Title means “Foolish Mandalorian”

Ps idk what toilet paper is called in the Star Wars universe so I went with “‘fresher rolls” don’t @ me.

You glanced past the holo projection of the Kel Dor to your frustrated Commander. His hands were flexing by his side and his body was rigid. He shifted impatiently on his feet as he nodded along to whatever the General was saying. The way his muscles rippled under his plastoid armour made your mouth water and you couldn’t wait to feel yourself underneath him. Submitted and begging for release. You knew he’d pounce soon, you knew how to play him. Sure you could just ask him to rearrange your guts but where was the fun in that? You’d been extra flirty with him all morning, an extra touch there, a lingering hand here, a breathy and sweet tone to your voice as you followed his orders.

“Yes, Commander.”

“Anything for you, sir.”

“You’re armour looks extra good on you today, Al’verde.”

An “I’d sure love to cyar’ika.” After you heard a hissed “fuck me.” under his breath after he had spilled hot caf on himself.

He had given you a couple warnings. Ones you responded with by a flutter of eyelashes and a mockingly sweet “Sir, yes, sir.”

What really wound him up though was what you were doing as he spoke to the General. You were sat beside Sinker on a nearby crate, your knees touching and a hand on his thigh. You had removed your helmet and sat it beside you so Wolffe could see every bite of your lip and flutter of your lashes you gave his vod.

You turned your attention back to the silver haired trooper, leaning in closer than necessary to hear his story.

“So Boost goes up to him and the di’kut says: Hey are you a lightsaber cause I’d like to impale myself on you.”

The poor man barely gets that sentence out before he’s wheezing, you joining him promptly after. Wolffe’s head snaps up to you guys and you can feel his gaze burn through you, you just know his lips are pulled into a tight line under his helmet. He turns his attention briefly back to Plo before he is dismissed and you hear footsteps coming your way.

You tried to stifle a smirk as you ignored him.

“How many times do I have to tell him to stop with the pickup lines, he’s never gonna get laid.” You rolled your eyes and huffed in mock exasperation.

“Or maybe a haircut.” You added with a snort.

“I keep telling him that! But he-“ Sinker immediately stiffens and removes the hand that had travelled to your waist as he noticed Wolffe. He stands up and gives his C.O. a small salute. Not really necessary or protocol but he was afraid he had crossed a line and didn’t want to take any chances.

“Commander.” you purred, lifting her head and blinking up at him with hooded eyes. “How’d the meeting go, anything new we need to know?”

He ignored your question but continued staring daggers into your soul as he spoke to Sinker.

“A new shipment of supplies is due to be dropped off anytime. Go and make sure the shinies don’t spill them again.” His voice was gruff and commanding, trying his best not to snap at his vod. After all, it wasn’t his fault you were being a needy little slut.

“Yes sir, right away, sir.” You heard him reply, his shoulders relaxing and a relieved sigh leaving him as he walked away.

You stood up and looked towards Sinker, huffing in mock disappointment.

“Rude. I was having a nice conversation with him.”

You turned to grab your helmet, settling it onto your head before turning back to your Commander.

“He was telling me embarrassing stories about Boost, it was quite entertaining.”

“Uh uh.” He replied, taking a few steps towards you. His voice, deep with irritation and lust, sent a wave of arousal straight to your core. “Entertaining.” The word was laced with sarcasm and a touch of a snarl. He stepped closer, you could hear his breathing through the modulator now. A hand came up to run along the top of your belt, sending shivers through your spine. His other hand came up to rest under your helmet, pulling your head up to look at him. “You’re quite the needy little thing aren’t you, sweetheart?” It was more of a statement than a question and you just scoffed at him and shifted to hide the arousal that was building between your legs. “I asked you a question, beroya.” He growled, his grip on your helmet increasing. You responded by stepping back, your hand moving up to flick his away.

“I’m going to help Sinker.”

You huffed, turning to walk away. His hand hadn’t left your belt, however, and he tightened his grip and pulled you towards him.

“Foolish Mandalorian.” He snarled as he snaked his other hand around to land on your lower back and pull you flush against him, causing a small gasp to travel through your modulator.

“Shabuir.” You fired back, your hands coming up to push at his chest, not that you really wanted to get away mind you. But you knew the more resisting you did the rougher he would get. And the rougher he got the more heat gathered between your legs. And the names, oh the names. Coming from anyone else you probably would’ve pulled your blade on them, but the way he said them in that voice of his, especially modulated through his helmet, turned your limbs to jelly. They were like a condescending prayer falling from his lips and travelling straight to your cunt. He knew this of course, this wasn’t your first time and you had discussed your limits to avoid well, you pulling your blades on him.

He growled your name, a low sinful warning as his hand left your belt to grasp your throat, not hard enough to bruise but certainly not light.

You light out a low whimper at that, the sound, along with it being enhanced by your modulator, sent a shiver down the Commander’s spine.

“Color?” He murmured, somehow flipping his voice to be soft and gentle, his hand moving to gently rest against the back of your neck.

“Green!” You nearly gasped out. You were starting to lose your composure and you knew he could tell that to.

He immediately straightened up, his voice becoming hard and commanding again.

“Then I think it’s time to teach you a lesson in following orders, little one.”

He turned and started walking towards the nearest gunship, his hand pulled tight around your waist.

You stumbled alongside him, his words having weakened your legs even more.

“Easy there.” He chuckled. The sound a low and deep rumble in his chest.

It made you stumble again. The bastard. He knew exactly what he was doing to you.

Despite your weak legs you managed to make it to the gunship where Wolffe hastily opened the door and ushered you in. The door hadn’t fully closed by the time he had pushed up against the wall. His hands came up to remove your helmet and discard it alongside his own and he wasted no time in claiming your mouth, only pausing to order you to keep your hands clasped behind your back. His tongue found no resistance through your lips and he pulled moans deep from your throat as he explored your mouth. While his mouth was busy his hands came to grope and grab at your ass before moving to remove first your belt, then your codpiece. He teased his fingers just inside your waistband, enjoying the way your moans turned to whines.

Just as you were about to pull away and spit a snarky comment at him for taking his time he finally moved his hands down to slide a calloused finger through your folds. A surprised whimper left your lips at that.

He hummed approvingly at the wetness he found there, slowly sliding his finger in before he moved to nip and suck at your neck. His finger didn’t move, not until he slid another to join, at which they both stilled inside you again.

You tried to roll your hips against him, desperate for any kind of friction, but you were met with his other hand roughly shoving your hips back against the wall.

“Ah ah, you take what I give you, cyar’ika.”

You whined into his ear, trying to think of something snarky to say but you were at a loss for words.

“Aw, all tongue tied are we?”

You opened your eyes to meet his as he pulled his mouth from your neck.

You opened your mouth to disagree but it turned into a surprised gasp as he rutted his fingers up inside you, fingers curled expertly to find that spongy spot.

You saw a sly smirk form on his lips before your eyes closed in bliss. He still wasn’t moving quite enough for your liking but at least he was moving you thought.

He brought his mouth back to yours to swallow your moans as his thumb came up to gently circle your throbbing clot.

His hand moved from your hip to grab a handful of your hair. He didn’t pull at first, just kept a gentle pressure pulling at the roots.

“Wolffe.” you moaned out, his hands sending waves of pleasure through your body.

His fingers stilled inside you, making you let out a small whine. He used his grip on your hair to turn you to face him.

“Excuse me?” He growled, meeting your gaze with darkening eyes.

Your own eyes widened at the realization of what you said. “Commander! Sorry, sir.”

He gave a hum of approval and started pumping his fingers inside you again, only this time it was faster and harder. Every push inwards had his fingers brush against that sweet spot and you could feel your orgasm approaching.

You could feel his gaze travelling over your face as you twisted and groaned beneath him.

His thumb came to swirl around your clit again, causing you to cry out. You let your head fall back against the wall as you prepared for the wave of pleasure to wash over you. You could feel it building and building, burning hot, deep within your core. However, instead of the sweet release you had been craving you got a sudden emptiness as he pulled his hand away. You clenched around nothing and let out a whine, snapping your eyes open to look at the culprit. You shivered at the sight. He brought his fingers into his mouth, sucking and licking off the taste of you. His eyes were closed in bliss and he let out a groan around his fingers. A long, deep, sinful sound that shot straight to your soaking cunt.

You watched him with hunger, trying desperately to keep your hands to yourself.

He removed his fingers with a pop and let his eyes fall to your exasperated state. Which he let out a chuckle at.

“You didn’t think you were going to get away with being a brat, did you?”

The venom in the way he said brat and the way his lips turned into a snarl made your pussy throb even more than it already was.

Your eyes widened and you shook your head.

His grip on your hair tightened slightly and he raised his eyebrow in a silent warning.

“No, sir.”

“Thought so.” He let his hand fall from your head and he walked over to some stacked crates, gesturing for you to follow him.

He ordered you to turn around once you had came to face him. The break from him touching you and the brief walk was enough for you to gain back some control of your thoughts so you opted to have a little fun.

“No.”

“Pardon that sweetheart?”

“I said no.” You crossed your arms over your chest and popped your hip out, meeting his gaze with one of defiance. “You didn’t let me cum so I’m not going to listen.”

His jaw tightened and before you knew it you were bent over the crates, face pushed against the cold medal and hands held tightly behind your back. You gasped as you felt yourself being pushed even harder down onto the rough surface as he bent over to bring his lips against your year.

“Watch it, Ruus’alor.” He practically spat, giving your neck a hard nip to prove his point. The use of your title send a shock of arousal through your body and you shivered against the feeling of his breath on your neck.

He straightened up and roughly pulled down your pants, your underwear going with them. The Commander waisted no time in bringing his hands to grope your ass, and his mouth to bite at the soft flesh. Your groaned and leaned into his touch, encouraging him to move his mouth lower.

You were met with a harsh slap to the sensitive skin.

You let out a surprised yelp and your hands moved to grip on the edges of the crate.

You received another slap, this one slightly harsher. You felt him straighten up again as he spoke. “Did you forget how to count, sweetheart? That was two.”

“Sorry, Sir.” You mumbled into the table and were met with another slap.

“Three.” You gasped

“Four.”

“Five.”

“Six.”

“Seven.”

“Eight.”

“She’cu.” You choked out. That was one of your tells it was becoming to much when it came to impact play, slipping back into your native tongue. You two had been quick to figure that out when you started. It wasn’t always negative when you started speaking Mando’a however. Most of the time it meant you were on the verge of an orgasm or you were just so lost in the pleasure you forgot how to speak basic.

His hand moved to rub soothing circles over the reddening skin as his other trailed up and down your waist.

“Ori’jate ner Mando’ad.”

You relaxed under his touch, your breathing coming deep and easy again. Your cunt ached from neglect, you needed him inside you, now.

“Gedet’ye Al’verde.”

“What do you need Cyar’ika?” He leaned his body slightly over yours. You sighed under the weight, it was comforting.

“Gar, Al’verde.” You whined, trying to wiggle your hips against his codpiece. “Need to feel you inside me. Please.”

He brought his lips to the back of your neck and kissed you softly before answering. “Only because you took your punishment so well.”

You managed a breathy thank you before he pulled away to remove his codpiece. You shivered in anticipation as you watched him expertly remove the armour. Your tongue darted out to lick your lips when he removed his cock from the confines of his blacks. He was rock hard and slick with precum.

His gaze met yours and his lips turned up into a grin. “What you’ve never seen a cock before?” He teased taking himself in hand and giving himself a couple pumps.

You managed to roll your eyes and mumble a “Just fuck me already.” as you turned your head from him.

“With pleasure.” He cooed, lining himself up with your aching hole and placing a hand on the small of your back to press you further into the cold surface of the crate.

You both groaned in tandem as he began to push himself into you. He slowly moved deeper until he couldn’t go any further, stopping to take a minute to make sure you were well adjusted before he started moving. As he stilled inside you he moved his body over yours again, taking a hand to gently pull your chin towards him. He kissed you, it was slow and gentle, and you returned it eagerly, clenching around him when he gave your lower lip a little nip. He released a curse into your mouth at that.

“Ready?”

“‘Lek.”

He attached his lips back to yours as he slowly started pulling out of you, eagerly drinking down every sound you made. You thought he was going to pull out of you completely before he buried his hips against yours in one swift motion. His cock hitting deep inside you caused you to cry out and push back against him, seeking more.

“So eager.” He breathed against your lips before pulling out and snapping his hips in again, faster this time.

This caused you to roll your head away from his, resting your forehead on the crate, hands clinging desperately to the sides as your Commander’s movements quickened with every thrust. His breathy groans left your ear as he stood up, placing his hands on your hips in a tight grip.

“Fuck you feel so good.”

You only groaned in response, the praise sending a wave of pleasure down your body and causing you to clench around him. He hissed at that before speeding up his thrusts and somehow managing to hit even deeper inside you.

Your words were coming in garbled mix of basic and Mando’a now, the pressure in your core steadily growing.

“Are you going to cum, sweetheart?”

You managed to nod in response before crying out in frustration as his movements slowed.

“Do you think you deserve to?”

“Elek, Al’verde gedet’ye!”

“Hmm. I don’t know about that.”

His head lowered to your ear again.

“Good Mando’ade listen when their Commander tells them to behave.”

He brought a hand to your ass in a light slap, making you jump slightly forward in surprise, well as far as you could being pinned against a metal crate.

“They don’t continue to be brats and flirt with my vode.” He added, moving his hand to grip at your hair. “Maybe I should call Sinker in here so he can see what he’s missing.”

Your breath hitched at that.

“Or maybe I should just pull out and let him take care of you. After all sweetheart, you seemed mighty eager to let him fuck you.”

You buried your head against the cold metal as a whine escaped your hips and you clenched around his barely moving cock.

“Hmm what a filthy little thing, you’d like that wouldn’t you?” He chuckled, suddenly snapping his hips back towards you in a deep thrust.

You let out a choked cry. “Haar’chak Al’verde, gedet’ye!” The pressure in your core was overwhelming, you felt like you could burst at any second but his movements were to slow too let you. Tears pricked your eyes as the pleads fell from your lips. His cock inside you was too much yet not enough at the same time. Your body was heated with pleasure but also a small amount of smugness. You had him exactly where you wanted him, pushing all his buttons to get what you wanted.

You hadn’t realized you had been whining apologies to him until his movements sped up again.

“There you go, cyar’ika.” He breathed out as he set an unforgiving pace, hips angled to hit your g-spot and his hand leaving your hair to rub circles on your clit. You couldn’t form words at this point, just moans and gasps as you chased your release. You could tell he was close too. His thrusts had become more erratic, and the hand at your hip had tightened its grip. Your mouth fell open in a shout of his name as his next words pushed you over the edge.

“Cum for me, ad’ika. Make a mess on my cock.”

And you did, your orgasm rippling through you in it’s unforgiving intensity. You felt yourself clench hard around him, the action causing him to spill inside you with a sputter of his hips and curse of your name from his lips. You became slightly numb as you came down from your high, barely registering that Wolffe was pulling you into his lap. Soft praises fell from his lips as he gently held your head against his chest. You wrapped your arms around his waist, trying to get as close as you could despite the armour you both still wore above your waists. Your breathing came slow and deep, synching to his. Once you had gained some semblance of control you looked up at him to find him studying you intently.

You raised an eyebrow at the question that was pulling at his lips.

“Would you actually wanna fuck Sinker?”

You giggled at the disbelief in his voice before you moved your head into his chest to hide the red that was creeping up your face. “Maybe.” You mumbled, partly hoping he didn’t hear you.

“But it’s Sinker!” He groaned in confusion.

You popped your head back up that.

“I happen to like Sinker quite a bit thank you very much.” You huffed in defence. Not that it had any real heat to it you as you knew he was teasing. He really was quite fond of the trooper but he liked it give him a hard time.

He chuckled at you, more moving of his chest than actual sound. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve shared you, cyar’ika. As long as you remember the rules.”

You rolled your eyes at him, of course you’d remember the rules.

“Not without you and you’re in charge.” You sealed your words with a boop to his nose, causing him to return your eye roll.

“That’s my good little beroya.”

His words made you flush again, but it turned into a grimace as you felt the mess between your legs.

“You made a mess Wolffe!” You tutted in mock annoyance as you stood up in search of something to clean you up. You couldn’t see his face but you’re sure he rolled his eyes at you again. You let out a small cheer as you opened one of the crates to find it filled with ‘fresher rolls. Grabbing one you turned back to find your Commander walking up to you with your discarded pieces of armour. You put them back on after cleaning yourself up as best you could. Once you were done you looked up to find Wolffe staring at you with a smirk on his face.

“What?!”

“Your armour’s sexy.”

“No your armour’s sexy.” You replied tapping a finger on his chest as you leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek.

He let out a snort before handing your helmet to you.

“Why thank you, cyar’ika.” You purred, lifting it from his hand. Before you could put it on however, he grasped your chin between two fingers and pulled you up to kiss him. It was deep and passionate and made you melt into his touch. He pulled away with a smirk, leaving you out of breath and on slightly shaky legs as he put his helmet on.

“Why don’t we go and check on your darling Sinker? Make sure he hasn’t knocked out any shinies.” He sighed in slight exasperated at the second sentence as he turned to open the door out of the gunship.

You scoffed at his words but also put on your helmet to follow him. Sinker has been know to get a little... snippy at shinies here and there. You’ve had to step between him and a terrified trooper more than once. Not that you haven’t had to do that with Wolffe mind you, he was just as bad if not worse. You grinned as you stepped out of the gunship, a small limp finding it’s way into your step. You couldn’t wait to see Sinker’s response to your little proposition you had prepared for him.

#commander wolffe #commander Wolffe x reader #commander wolffe x you #commander Wolffe smut #I hope sinker isn’t to ooc but he didn’t have much screen time so I made up things

[dmclemblems]

#but then when it can't justify her her retorts devolve into no u and while it's basically a meme it's also totally spot on?

Hahaha i laughed because it's totally that. During the "parley" with Dimitri? She doesn't know how to answer so she talks about something else.

I think her silver medal is with Rhea though, in the same "no u" map. Earlier she told Billy Rhea manipulated humans to put dragons on top, and then in their battle quote Rhea is all "your ancestor saved and protected me. I'm so sad I have to fight his descendant" but Edel, instead of reconsidering all of her "sekrit" knowledge and how maybe if Wilhelm had just be a pawn Rhea wouldn't be so sad, answers with "lol i'm not going to die to you".

CF is the beast route because it's peak comedy.

Localization/translation discussion... 👀

Yeah, I noticed that as well in AM. The only times she directly responded to him, he always had a comeback and she didn't really justify herself so much as explain what she was doing. When she tried, like I said, he had a proper comeback and it got to the point that he gave up because she just wasn't listening.

The thing that frustrates me most about that conversation is precisely that though - she doesn't listen when faced with the truth. She can't accept that what she's doing isn't good and that she's hurting people. She could easily admit she messed up and made mistakes but that it's too late to go back now, yadda yadda, but when she's cornered in a conversation she changes the topic or talks about something else that sounds similar.

A way of telling if someone is like this and the true villain of a story (not to say TWS aren't also the true villains, hence why I also wish CF had you working with them as playable characters and whatnot) is the way they never admit their wrongs. All the lords (again, including Yuri bc I do count him as one) and Rhea admit when they fucked up and apologize for it. Claude's wrongs are on a lesser scale, but he does admit to using and manipulating people for his own ends. It IS for a better world but of course he isn't using that as an excuse when it comes to admitting he's been pulling some strings. Sometimes he's pushy and rude (very much mainly pre-ts), but he isn't blind to or refusing to see that he's doing that. Dimitri is a more obvious one via his arc and same with Rhea in SS/VW, and Yuri admits he does what he does to protect his own people and he has no shame in that. He's willing to get his hands dirty, he knows he's doing that, and he doesn't shy away from it, and I appreciate that he's up front about it and that he knows he can use questionable tactics (same with Claude - he knows he's questionable sometimes).

I think for me at least personally, it's frustrating that people argue morals when they technically weren't supposed to be there. As you know, as someone who has been involved in translation/manga scanlation for a long time now, it hits heavy for me when context is lost or warped. That's part of why I don't like Edelgard even as a character (versus liking her as a person, because while I don't, I also find that her writing - mainly her localization - is a contradictory issue). When working on the projects I do, my aim is to keep context as close as possible and not lose the original meaning even if we have to alter text to make it sound right in English or because something had to be changed due to it being that it just wouldn't make sense in translation.

Things like this, all the confusion surrounding her character and real intentions, is exactly why I don't like translation alterations. It also pulls me out of the game when a character can't really back themselves up due to the writing being confusing and just... bad. Not to say the entire localization is bad, because sometimes it's really good, but for CF I found that a lot of the time I didn't like the route because something about it always felt off to me... come to find out later that it was a translation issue.

Tbh I'd love to play the game in JP and I really should honestly. The voice acting in English is what's kept from doing that because the voice acting is so good. I much prefer it over the JP for this game, and of course it helps that the voice actors (many of them, honestly) interact with the fandom and do streams of various games and are so welcoming.

I'm not sure if you're familiar with the Tales franchise, but Tales of Hearts R had a similar issue with localization, though the fans actually recognized the slip ups and problems with it because the audio is JP only and there's no English audio and only English text. Hearing the audio and seeing the text was... something else, ngl lol. The localization is pretty infamous for being too much of an attempt at being quirky and goofy, and it came out sounding really dumb most of the time. There were instances where they'd have entire lines of dialogue for a very small comment or vice versa. I LOVE Hearts R no question, but dealing with the localized text is pretty painful. I'm at least grateful I can hear the real story through audio, though of course I'm not fluent in JP and I can always stand to learn more so sometimes there are instances where I can't make out a whole piece of dialogue and have to rely on the awkward goofy localization.

There were definitely some instances where I found Rhea's localization to be okay, like the part you mention here. Sometimes her actual character does shine through, but then of course Edelgard's responses are off topic. I'm not sure how many times that was the localization doing that and how many times it was actually like that since I haven't looked particularly deeply into CF's localization (mainly because as we're discussing, it just doesn't sit right with me), but it's still causing a lot to be desired. I don't really have that issue with other routes in terms of context.

Tl;dr translation is very important to how a story is consumed by people who aren't playing in the original language and it can completely change perceptions and opinions. Me no likey bad changes. Me likey understandable, reasonable changes that don't try to glorify characters that were not glorified in the original context.

Imagine if we glorified Ashnard. Oh wait, we did... through Edelgard. Because they're basically the same person LUL. Except Ashnard is a way cooler villain and he owns it like a boss.

Like no, literally, Edelgard is just female Ashnard written really badly and that's all there is to it. Ashnard out here like no dragons in power pls, just want to use their power for myself (re: Edelgard hates Crests but has no problem using Aymr) and make an empire where the strong dominate the weak and the strong rule everything, gaining power and climbing the ranks for being strong.

Like damn, at least ya boi knows he ain't righteous (and look, he's not a hot woman so he's not as popular!). also he's racist to laguz and edelgard is the same way with dragons so uh. yeah.

also yes the tags devolve into me hollering about zelgius so that's where we at

#JD Ask Replies #randomnameless #also yes I still have the other part of your last ask LOL I just like #always want to actually be ready to sit down and type bc I know I end up doing things like #THAT LAST POST'S TAGS and I end up typing forever LOL #tl;dr I'm just really disappointed with how the localization handled CF #bc having Edelgard as a full on villain would've made CF more... understandable? #I mean as it is the BEs in that route are just like... awful people #Dorothea is really the only one who isn't #CF's localization just makes me an old tired soul #at least we have Ashnard #I feel like Zelgius is kind of an instance of Edelgard too in which they made him all villainy #and then backtracked like WAIT NO HE JUST HAD A SAD PAST #and to this day I've never just simply forgiven him because he had a boo hoo sad past #also that one time he pulled the line that if he could choose not to kill that's the path he'd choose #I WAS LIVID AND HOLLERIN' LIKE YOU RLY GONNA DROP THAT ON US AFTER POR #AFTER THAT WHOLE ASS OH GOOD I CAN GET RID OF THE WHOLE FAMILY FROM THE ROOTS COMMENT AT NADOS #see now he was a good villain in PoR... until RD was like BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE #and to this day I am still unamused face at that and hate how they pulled that

[oodlyenough]

psychonauts 2 review!

I played the first few-ish (not many... I'd guesstimate under 4) hours of the original Psychonauts years ago, but found it unruly to control and never progressed further. I remember thinking the concept was neat, though, and when I heard a sequel was coming I figured I'd check it out, since it'd presumably be more polished.

The sequel is very very good. I think it is the best game I've played this year. It's also maybe the most creative game I've played... ever.

When Rift Apart came out, a lot of reviews said it was "like a playable Pixar game". Having played (and enjoyed!) Rift Apart as well, I gotta say while that may be true in image fidelity, in basically every other respect I think Psychonauts 2 comes closer. I would absolutely recommend it to anyone who's ever enjoyed this kind of platformer.

More detail and possible spoilers:

I'll start with the cons, because there aren't very many:

I posted early on that I found jumping kind of unwieldy/frustrating, which is bad for a platformer. Although I got better at it as I got used to the controls, I still did run into scenarios where I was creating a thought bubble while trying to wall jump, or rolling off the edge of a platform I'd just landed on, or otherwise just finding jumping clumsy. I turned off fall damage pretty early for this reason; it was infuriating to just keep dying because I couldn't make a clumsy jump, and then respawn with increasingly limited health.

(Also, fwiw, because I know gamers were losing their damn minds about this when it was announced, turning off fall damage doesn't allow you to skip out on executing all the platforming. You just don't respawn with a health penalty if you fail. You still have to eventually time it right.)

A few hours after turning off fall damage, I turned off combat damage too. So I guess I can't really evaluate the smoothness or difficulty of combat fairly, because uh... I was immortal. This is just me as a player though -- I played large chunks of Spiderman & Miles Morales & Rift Apart on immortality mode. Boss fights simply do not spark joy for me; I want to progress a story without repeating a segment several times. I will say, in this mode, combat was fairly repetitive, mainly just psi blasting and meleeing everything. I kept thinking about turning it off, to maybe appreciate the challenge or figure out other techniques.... but I really just wanted to keep progressing the story, so I never did.

HOWEVER... there's a ton of extremely profitable games where combat is literally just "shoot", so, even then I wouldn't hold it against Psychonauts much.

I'm an idiot I guess and didn't realize levelling up skills was a separate thing from buying pins to augment the skills. So I played like a good chunk of the game with every skill at level 0 lmfao.

Easily my least favourite level is the first one, which I think is a bit unfortunate... I don't have, like, a dental phobia and I was still not really enjoying that part, and compared to how colourful and cool and imaginative the other worlds are it just seems like it starts the game off on a weird foot.

I know some purists are reading this like SO YOU PLAYED A GAME WITH NO DAMAGE AT ALL? Yep and I appreciate DoubleFine allowing me to do so. ✌🏻

And then onto the pros:

Like... everything else?

Playing Rift Apart this summer made me feel like a kid again, as a someone who grew up on cartoony platformers like Spyro and who still craves the satisfaction of first discovering you can charge that cracked wall and find an orb behind it. Psychonauts 2 had all that fun of exploring maps and finding secret, hidden locations and collectibles... on top of having the most creative and varied level design I've ever seen.

Seriously the levels were gorgeous. I was constantly spinning the camera around to take in all the little details, and there were SO MANY different levels where the gimmick would surprise and delight me. Almost every level for me was like "omg how did they think of that". Even when I was getting irritated by (for eg) the unruliness of trying to steer a giant bowling ball down a precise ramp, I was at least marvelling at the ingenuity involved.

The script was wonderful. Funny, charming, clever in its use of metaphor, and genuinely touching at times. If ever anything felt a little bit simplified, well, it's a kid-friendly game... I can't be too mad about that.

Raz is so endearing! It's very easy for the plucky young kid character to uh, become grating, but I always found Raz charming and I was rooting for him. Richard Horvitz is so good.

TBH all the characters were super lovable and funny. In a giant cast of cartoons I don't think there was a single one where I'd be like "ugh, this guy again" which is quite a feat honestly. They were all charming and well-acted and bursting with dialogue.

Even the random NPCs around the motherlobe who have their own progressing storylines via conversations... I love that detail! It was one of my favourite parts of Life is Strange: True Colours and I was delighted when I realized it was happening in this game too. It was fun to check in on some of your faves as the game progressed.

I'm pretty thorough, and I love exploring maps, and boy do these maps have a lot to explore, especially the hub areas. I STILL haven't figured out how to get everywhere in the Questionable Area, lol, or gotten every psy card, etc.

I like the music, especially the music in the quarry area that absolutely makes me feel like I am walking around Epcot. Perfect vibe. (And the Small World knock-off music in Nick's brain lmao...)

As soon as the projection started talking I was like, "this is GIR, right? This is intentionally a Zim and Gir thing?" So I felt validated by checking IMDB after lmao.

Ummm... I think that's about it. Honestly great game. I might give Psychonauts 1 another go... although I'd say there's a high chance I instead watch it on YouTube, lol.

#psychonauts 2 #psychonauts

[trashlie]

I'm loving all your ILY posts! I've also seen your comments on reddit and I enjoy reading your insightful analysis there, too. I would like to know your thoughts on Kousuke and Alyssa. Do you think they will become narrative foils? I noticed they were acting awkwardly around each other too (it kind of reminds me of how annoyed Soushi reacts around Maya) and she seems to have a crush on him 👀 I think she'll be used to contrast how he's still capable of redemption. 1/?

I mean Yui groomed them both successfully. They have shown to emulate her behavior, value their reputation over other people's feelings, and refuse to take accountability for their actions against Shin Ae and Nol. But unlike Kousuke, Alyssa has shown no hint of remorse or even guilt. 2/?

Waaahh thank you so much, anon! Isn't it silly that I still go :O when I realize people actually enjoy what I have to say? I started yelling into the void on tumblr because I got worried I was too active on reddit and I was possibly annoying people lmaooooo so I'm actually really glad you're able to find me on both platforms! It means a lot that I'm not just yelling into a total void.

If you don't mind, I'm breaking your ask down into two parts, because I might leave somethin off/this will get too long if I keep it all in one lol. BUT you bring up things I love to think about!!!!! So!!!!!

I think we are deliberately kept in the dark about Alyssa - whether it's to subvert the scheming girl trope, I'm not sure, but there's a lot of things we don't know about her and that's definitely on purpose. She's a character who probably won't be revealed more to us for a while yet, too, which is frustrating if only because I want to know everything NOW, but it does serve to make her more interesting.

Alyssa's interest in Kousuke is so obvious I can't believe I never noticed it in my original reads. I've seen this brushed off as "She just admires him" and I'm just like... she actually sulked for a moment about Kousuke leaving! Meanwhile she was straight up all but telling Nol she'll help him pack his bags lmao.

I feel like the cast of her shadow is deliberate, too, but look at that face. Sulking.

Compare with

There's room to argue that we can't see Alyssa's face when she first tells him she won't stop him, but she kind of makes it abundantly clear that Nol being away doesn't really affect her. And, I mean, look at how their relationship is conducted. She's bragged to Meg that she and Nol are so casual and cool and easy breezy.

(I guess that means there ALSO is room to argue that Alyssa is putting on a front and just saying this to make sure people think her relationship is great, but the only People who know is Meg. And as a people pleaser, if Alyssa felt uncomfortable with the casual nature of her relationship with Nol, wouldn't she actually do more to make the relationship more of what she wants? Notably during the conversation on the balcony, she basically tells Nol this isn't really her dream relationship, which leads to the admission that they are together not for each other but for the benefits they each get so......)

Kousuke is the one who confuses me the most, because it strikes me as really weird that Yui has used Alyssa as leverage before against Kousuke. "You should bring a date, Kousuke, Alyssa will be there." What does this mean? What does it have to do with him and why would it entice him to bring anyone, anyway? I'm still really baffled on this one, tbh. Something that really stood out to me was during the dinner when Nol finally revealed he was planning to attend Oxford, Kousuke was distracted by his own news that the CFO position would be opening. In fact, when Nol mentions attending Oxford later, Kousuke seems to act like this is his first time hearing it.

Nol takes note of Kousuke's state of distraction before he finally starts talking about his plan.

The way quim does the dialogue and suddenly Kousuke's interest returning is.... interesting isn't it? From the moment Nol notes Kousuke's disinterest, we don't see his face again until Rand brings up Alyssa. Quim doesn't do anything without reason - in a movie, you wouldn't waste film on Kousuke's interesting returning at the mention of Alysa unless it meant anything, right?

There's so many little moments that make me go what the heck is going on here, too.

What the heck is up with THIS? Why does Kousuke deliberate SO LONG before he calls Alyssa? Like, do I think he's really so weirded out about calling his younger brother's girlfriend, considering he has one of his younger brother's own friends reporting on him and at his beck and call? You can't convince me that he's hesitant only because Alyssa is the sister of Meg. It just seems too wary.

And yes, this moment here?

It really does have the same tone as Soushi's wariness of Maya, except is Kousuke wary of Alyssa in the same way? Is he wary of her intentions? This one is so hard for me to read, because frankly, at this point it's hard to tell if Kousuke even cares about Nol as a brother or because he was forced to and he feels deep-buried remorse for the way he treated him and doesn't know how to handle it. Is he just aware of Alyssa's keen interest in him and that puts him on edge? Would he even care about Alyssa's keen interest unless she starts to get pushy?

I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA and frankly, it drives me nuts, so I love to discuss this and see what other people have to say. I'd never even noticed how long he deliberates before finally calling her until someone on reddit pointed that out.

lmao this so much preamble to get to the point but anyway YES they are absolutely parallels and I do wonder if they would become foils. Again, it's hard to know with Alyssa because we've been deliberately shielded so much of her personality right now and it's hard to tell what's real and what's not with her. The way that she worries about Shinae telling Nol what she did absolutely reads to me as a lack of remorse, but maybe I'm just projecting because we haven't been given much reason to like her lol. Shinae definitely makes it seem like Alyssa never actually apologized and the way Shinae just brushes it off makes me feel like there was never actual, proper closure. What Alyssa did is worse than just causing her injury: it was why she did it and how she reacted like Shinae was something dirty and how dare she even talk to her even though Shinae probably just wanted to know why Alyssa stopped being friends with her. Maybe she was even seeking closure at the time.

In the same way that Nol and Shinae are mirrors, Kousuke and Alyssa are their parallel abusers, grooming victims of Yui, those who care more about their image and reputation than anything else and have hurt others (Nol and Shinae) in their quest to fill the role. We still don't know if Alyssa dated Nol because she genuinely had a crush (doubtful so far) or because she figured out the family he's from and wanted to get closer. I try so hard to give her the benefit of the doubt but narratively we aren't privy to that yet. Also, have you noticed that Nol and Shinae both have a relationship of some kind with each others' abuser? This mirror and their parallel abusers thing is INTRICATELY woven.

That's what makes it so difficult to tell if she'll become a foil or merely a parallel that highlights what Nol and Shinae have been through. We know Kousuke will receive a redemption arc, because he's a main character, and also because I think part of subverting his trope is that he has to take responsibility for his past actions, rather than being loved in spite of the things he's done or whatever. In order for Kousuke to proper and develop further, he has to be held accountable and he has to break free of his family. Can we trust the same for Alyssa? At this point, she doesn't want to lose Nol because she knows if she loses him, she can just as easily lose her career and access to the world she's only just gained access to (and if she were to lose it all right now, it would be worse for her because she'd have all those trainee fees to pay back).

I think both Kousuke and Alyssa are likely in for a very public airing of their sins; for Kousuke it may come in the form of the expose YuJing is working on, collateral damage in the quest to take down Yui. I also think the only way to nudge Kousuke to change is that his image has to take a hit in some form. Is it that Rand isn't his father? Is it a reveal that he abused his brother? Is it whatever happened in the past that Nol got in trouble for was caused by Kousuke and he let Nol take the blame? Likewise, I think the fact that people knew Alyssa in middle school means she's not so safe, either; what if one of the girls from after school duty reveals what happened? Surely there were rumors going around school about what happened - Shinae is out of school, Alyssa is pulled from school, kids talk. Frankly, a scandal like that could ruin her career, and worse, if Nol knew what she had done, would he be able to remain shackled to her?

While I know Kousuke won't immediately take responsibility for his actions, I've always believed that such a catalyst would at least make him start thinking about it and force him to admit it. It wouldn't happen over night, but in time it will. But will Alyssa? Would she deny the allegations? Would she just shift blame, insist that it was all an accident, that it wasn't bullying like you think? (Cos look, I do believe it was an accident, but there's a way to call it an accident and still admit fault and blame; but just as easily you can call it an accident and try to shirk responsibility.)

I do love the idea of her being a foil for Kousuke, an Aesop's fable, if you will, of what happens when you barter with the devil (Yui). I'm not opposed to the scheming female character type, but I do oppose it when they take down others to raise themselves up, and if that's the way Alyssa will end up doing it, then I'll be happy to watch her fall. If she can scheme and use her connections without hurting people then hey power to ya. Unlike Alyssa, Kousuke never had a chance to evade Yui, and being able to walk away from her as an adult will be a choice he can make. Alyssa loses... so much if she breaks her deal.

I guess that's the thing about where she and Nol are in their relationship now - it's been made clear he's hanging in here because he's forced to and as a sort of act of self-sabotage, full well knowing she's here because she's taking advantage of the opportunities that "dating" him brings so... if they're in an agreement, is it okay to watch her climb right now? She leaves me conflicted and I know it's largely because she's one of the characters we know just enough to hate but so little to justify. Could it be that it all just got out of hand for her? At first she just wanted friends, was trying to find a place to belong, something good in a life that deprived her of social connections. And then comes along Yui, seducing her with ideas of fame and fortune? Was the desire to be loved and admired so strong it powered over the need to fit in with friends and she readily cast them off? Did she not anticipate what it would actually mean, thought she could have her cake and eat it, too? The way she responds to Nol's texts, and the fact that Dieter and Soushi ask him about her, means she probably isn't even in touch with them at all anymore. Idk, I really look forward to seeing their dynamic pre-idol Alyssa, because I want to know how she fit with them, what was it like?

And then, because this was supposed to be about foils lmao you have the fact that Shinae basically foils both Alyssa and Kousuke in regard to Nol, both as a person who cares about him and also as "a good friend" vs "the person I'm currently seeing" lmao like, everyone is literally set to juxtapose each other and man, I'll never get over how well this has been done lmao. Compared to Kousuke and Alyssa, Shinae is the one who accepts responsibility even when it's difficult, who knows when and how to swallow her pride (even if she's not the one who should) and I think it's why she is the one seen a the champion at Nol's side - they are the ones who care little for their images and who know how to apologize (even when they aren't the ones who should be) and that's why they are at each other's sides.

So yes, this is a very long essay response lol to essentially say: I'm still undecided if I think Alyssa will become a foil or merely remain a parallel. I would love to see her redeem herself but something tells me not all characters in this story will be redeeamable. Maybe one day we'll understand her motivation, even if we don't agree with it. I hope at the very least she makes peace with Shinae, but I get the feeling she'll be forced into it (as in, her secret gets ousted) and that's not as satisfying, but hey, if it helps Shinae then I'm for it.

A friend of mine has mused that maybe Alyssa will be the one to oust the secret herself and I'm ngl, I like that idea though it does feel kind of vindictive towards her character. Maybe accidentally spilling it to Nol would be the segue to a couple episodes from her POV though!

Gosh this was so long I'm so sorry lmao but please follow up with your thoughts and feelings, too, or if this made you think of anything or what! I think at this point in the story we've been given a lot of information but we just don't have enough of it to totally piece together what we're supposed to be seeing. I think Kousuke and Alyssa's weirdness around each other is very deliberate, though, and I'm not sure "She's Meg's sister" is enough to warrant so many panels of Kou being SO WEIRD about her, you know? Am I missing thing? Is there more to be revealed? Are we just blind? lmao Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Alyssa Cho #Kousuke Hirahara #at this point always anticipate a read more cos whew i can't shut up! #BUT I'VE BEEN FIXATED ON THIS FOR A WHILE NOW AND I STILL HAVEN'T COME TO A CONCLUSION I LIKE #AND I'VE BEEN DYING TO TALK A LITTLE ABOUT ALYSSA AND KOUSUKE AS UNREPENTENT PARALLELS AND YUI PUPPETS #the way that Nol and Shinae are mirrors and they each have their own version of Kousuke/Alyssa #and conveniently they each have a relationship of some sort with each others abusers does not escape me #what will Shinae think when she finds out how Kousuke has treated Nol? #What will Nol think when he finds out who Alyssa was during her brief stint at public school #I'm dying for flashbacks with Alyssa because I JUST! WANT! TO UNDERSTAND!!!!!!! #so far it's so easy to villify her because we don't know otherwise #we've been given no reason to justify or forgive her #and you know what i am okay with villifying a character like her in a story with some pretty dimensional female characters #Maya is one such character who was easy for readers to hate but redeemed herself by being mature and honest with Shinae #do I trust Alyssa to be mature and honest? #only if she ever becomes okay with the idea of losing her image #i think that's a big thing for Kousuke and Alyssa? #at some point Kousuke will realize his image is a fraud #something he was manipulated into despite what he likes to believe #and once he comes to that realization after he breaks down and crumbles and rebuilds he will find a new path and build his own image #one of his own making #but Alyssa....? Who or what would she be if she lost her image? #if she couldn't control the narrative? #AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH