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glass--beach · 4 months

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hi !!!! :3 so, pd seems, in my reading like its a decent part about the kinda mass surveillance and commodification of personhood shit the world has got going on rn, in a kinda (yes, its cliche, but the radiohead influence makes it a bit more palatable) modern ok computer-esque way. anyways, i wanted to ask u, what motivated u to write about these subjects especially ??

i am transgender and so so scared

near every single person in the world carries a camera on them at all times with the capability of broadcasting its view to all of the internet. we have a culture of emotional armor and swords built to slip between its plates, to be angry or afraid or upset or even the wrong kind of happy is cringe. those who believe in some shadow government in some hidden room somewhere spying on us at all times are delusional - this is wrong - where labor can be outsourced for cheaper it will be. taxis are expensive to run, making people drive their own cars and find customers on an app for measly pay is much more cost effective. giving a music writer a salary is too pricey compared to hiring freelancers on a per article basis. and now surveillance has been, like so many other things, outsourced to civilians and their cameras and smartphone apps. a man sitting oddly on a couch is cheating on his girlfriend, a fold in a woman’s clothing is a hidden penis, we are the panopticon and the prisoner… this is the “society of control” - freedom as tyranny.

the nature of reality is at stake in our culture - “what is a woman?” “a woman” - those who refuse to understand transgender people are helplessly tied to some “deep reality” - “i know what you are!!” - which is ultimately an enforcement of the status quo socially constructed reality. transgender people recognize reality as something socially constructed and seek to bend it to their liking… pronouns and chosen names are after all meant for others to use rather than ourselves, they are third person terms, gender never worms its way into the terms “I” and “We”. our personhood is defined by other people, and can be invalidated or revoked by others… the insecurity created by this tension is ripe for advertising. take this boner pill, it will make you more of a man. take this injection, it will make you a woman. we are defined by our outside, our house, our car, our clothes, our skin, our bodies.

this is where the “family nexus” concept comes in - groups of people create their own pockets of reality. to christians, god is real and to deny this is insanity. to hardcore atheists, believing in god is insanity. to many psychiatrists years ago and some still today, to believe to be a different gender is insanity… and the insane deserve less rights than the sane, they don’t even know what is best for themselves. queer people seek to create a new sane. or rather to go “insane” in our own way the same way anyone who believes in anything does. create our own nexus where our experience of reality is simply true.

hope that helps at all and makes any amount of sense

oh yeah ok computer… maybe i’ll go off about that another time… much of the themes and sound of that record were a jumping off point for us. written in the 1990s, the end of history, time has marched on and yet we are still here stuck in capitalist reality. “did you lie to us tony” as if labour could ever do something about the fact that post 1991 “there is no alternative”… deeply tragic record but love runs through all of it undeniably… maybe i’ll go off about that in another post…

#asks #go read mark fisher if youre normal and deleuze if youre crazy btw

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unloneliest · 7 months

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im so fucking good at making sexy little leverage aus and then never writing them. this is my ma spencer au, which has been lifted directly from my twitter with minimal editing, & which i am haunted by always.

ok so the au. this is going to be very long. every time i listen to spent gladiator 2 by tmg i think abt the leverage team/eliot specifically.

lyrics for context:

so i was thinking abt an au where eliot was never on the team, bc like. eliot fully got Out of the game, but interacts w them on an early case and ends up falling in with them anyways? BUT i also think a lot about how hard it'd be for any of them to retire bc there's people who hate them who know their faces, yknow? so how WOULD eliot be able to have retired &what has to change for eliot to be that comfortable getting out?

so i figure he maybe got out of the moreau situation earlier. maybe he broke up with the horse girl but they stayed on good terms, and maybe he never did the worst things he ever did for moreau because he had his Getting Out Of There chef connection moment sooner.

but that doesn't undo how recognizable eliot would be to various parties and i was like. well then. what if the chef who was that pivotal person for eliot was a trans woman and was as pivotal with eliot being gendery as she was with eliot retiring?

so like. early 2000s nonbinary/transfeminine he/she eliot spencer finding a few small towns to live in pretty at random but having a home in each one and cycling through them with no discernable pattern?? and being a loved part of the local queer community in all of them?

it's similar to my "eliot never left home and is luke gilmore girls but also co-created a queer bar in his town" au (aside: thank you @lycanqueer for pointing out that connection ages ago, i have been unwell about it ever since).

like . eliot!!!!! eliot probably first connecting with the team bc of the two horse job and slowly begrudgingly helping, joining in on the tap out job, etc.

eliot being like a parent figure to various queer kids in the different towns and they call him "ma spencer" and she wears his practical boots with flannels still but maybe they're with a more feminine tank top and maybe you're as likely to see ma spencer in a no nonsense knee length skirt as a sturdy pair of jeans. and maybe sometimes he braids her hair . and she's mr. spencer too and well respected by the folks of whatever town he's staying in, too stubborn and helpful and intimidating not to be!

eliot being openly down for a casual relationship both with parker and hardison from when she first gets to know them onward—and him keeping his past quiet still, but it getting harder to keep the parts of her life seperate as he finds herself getting closer with the team & with more serious feelings for parker and hardison.

maybe the team's hitter is Tara? i feel like she's capable of that? but she has to be the grifter when sophie goes on her break and eliot joins in "Just Once" but it ends up being more than that.

eliot would have a lot of complicated feelings abt joining in—like, both being happy with the peace she found & not wanting to risk that but still feeling like he needs to pay penance and that this is a way to do that.

and then season 3 hits completely different. i think this eliot would talk about his past once she found out they were targeting moreau, but i think team dynamics would overall be super different in general. the team would be way less of a unit with nate than when you see things from his perspective—espeicially without eliot always there to insulate the team from the worst of him.

anyways im gonna be thinking about this for the next 800 years. will i ever write this fic? probably no. but ma spencer is so real to me

#leverage #eliot spencer #eliot #leverage ot3 #jam posts #leverage posting #shoutout to skip and rowan for probably having seen this on twitter #writing this up i realized my eliot's queer bar au only lives there also #ma spencer au #ma spencer

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bluerasbunny · 2 months

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ok, i've seen a lot of debate on this and i just want to put in my two cents real quick!

explaining my reasoning for why i think sun is seeing us as a child and not an adult in help wanted 2

(aka. world's most incoherent sun analysis)

to preface; no hate at all to people that want to think of this differently! everyone will have different perceptions of help wanted 2 and that is fine!! i understand the upset about the changes to suns character and i hold no grudge against people that dislike the ruder portrayals of sun!

this is just my personal beliefs and analysis i've made!

hello hello! i apologize if this is incoherent, this was originally written on discord and i'm just pasting it in and formatting it for tumblr!

i am open to discussion on this, but PLEASE be nice (and use tone tags!!)

"Bad kid, bad kid! I'm putting you in timeout!" "You stay in timeout until your parents arrive!" - sun, help wanted 2

these two lines. are INCREDIBLY significant to this and why i think there is just literally no way he's seeing us as an adult at all!

why on EARTH would sun pull the time-out line if we're an adult? why in the world would he refer to 'your parents', why would he call us 'bad kid'? sun has the capability and sense to recognize an adult when he sees one, and honestly i feel like sun would be more polite to staff than this! not out of genuine respect, no- out of genuine fear. a common argument i see is 'maybe he's being mean because it's a training thing with a staff member playing the role of a child', but this circles right back to the point that sun would not be a bitch in front of staff. he is smarter than that, that is a fast track to a whole world of hell for him and i DOUBT he'd want that. keep in mind sun is an actor, he knows how to throw on a little show and pretend for the eyes of someone he'd need to pretend for i think what we see in help wanted 2 isn't a VR version of sun, it's not him being a bitch to staff- i don't think sun ever had the balls to be rude to staff, knowing his life is in their hands- i think this is just. who he REALLY is. like that is sun, at his core, before it all went horribly HORRIBLY wrong. keep in mind the first time we saw sun was at his worst. his worst point mentally, the most scared he's been in his life (barring RUIN, he was also pretty fucking scared in that- but in some way he had hope. he knew how to fix this, he just needed someone to help him. there was NO hope for him in SB, he was totally at moon's mercy), paranoid out of his mind and desperately fighting against moon. we CANNOT take that as a representation of who sun is, who he REALLY is when he's not out of his mind scared. sun in HW2 is casual, he is calm- only a little afraid, when nap time draws near, but not 'standing on the desk losing his fucking mind clawing his face yelling about lights on and why would we, a small child, do that' afraid which is a significant difference! he even THREATENS us with nap time, showing that he's clearly a lot calmer and in his right mind- he is lax and well. i think this is, again, evidence that this is just who sun really is i understand why people don't want that to be true!! i understand why people want to believe that maybe sun isn't as rude as this- and honestly, i don't think he always is that rude!! i think we're still missing vital pieces to who sun really is beyond the mortal terror, we have not seen him in his theatre days still but help wanted 2 is the first time we have EVER seen sun calm and not acting like the world will explode if moon exists for even a second. and that is so incredibly significant in the portrayal and discussion of his character and personality and with the context that sun is an actor and designed for theatre- there's also reasonable proof to theorize that maybe his daycare persona, the way he acts in security breach before you go behind the counter, is a performance. he overblows it and goes WAY over the top. y'know. like a stage persona. i think part of it is being conditioned to act that way by his environment, yes!! but i also think that a lot of it is acting. note how he starts on what resembles a stage in SB, making a grand entrance as if walking out as a performer. note his dialogue in help wanted 2 (and listen closely!! pay attention to what he says, the circumstances of it all!!). note his mental state in security breach and parallel that to HW2. note the details. you might notice something new about our beloved jesters!

tldr; sun isn't being an ass because we're an adult, that's just how he is, even WITH the kids!! HW2 is the truest, closest representation to who sun is that we have ever had and we cannot use SB or RUIN as a representation of sun's genuine personality due to the circumstances he's in at the time and his behavior likely being incited by paranoia and it may potentially be a performance sun is putting on.

i don't think sun is a sweet sunshine boy (i do not have any issues with people that do want to see him this way though! love everyone's interpretations!!), i think sun is a multi-faceted and flawed person, and that is so incredibly interesting!

#bun talks #dca fandom #fnaf #fnaf sun #dca analysis #fnaf analysis #long post #again i am not trying to be mean to people that see sun differently!! love and respect to everyones povs!!#this is just my own take and i wanted to get it out there!! maybe it'll bring more perspective on sun for people!!

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sarcastic--metaphor · 8 months

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So I kinda have problems with how Fionna is written…

I saw a post somewhere online that said that Fionna’s not even really the protag of her own show and that Simon is more prominent than she is and high key that person was right (and I’m both ok and not ok w/ this)

Fionna starts off as a super relatable and compelling character who also teaches us that her world is (suspiciously) not magical. She’s a great jumping off point and her episode being the first is a perfect fit narratively.

But the fact that she had her previous heroic abilities stripped away is both narratively compelling and the greatest flaw to her rn. Which sounds a little obvious but like… at first I assumed we’d see a hopeful and ultimately very determined fionna try and fail to be a hero when her back’s against the wall (like in the Farmworld ep). But with each episode she’d gradually learn to be a hero, albeit and amateurish and still struggling one. And she’d end the series by saving the day, maybe not as the Fionna from the original AT episodes we saw, but as someone who grew from episode one of F&C

It sounds simple enough but that really really hasn’t been happening and it’s kinda worrying me now

In Destiny, we see Fionna lose fights against characters and even sees the farmworld version of herself kick ass (doing what she couldn’t do herself) before being defeated by Scarab. The episode ends with her screaming at Simon to hit the button. Which I get- she’s been humbled multiple times this episode and just saw a much more capable version of herself go down and possibly die. She must’ve been terrified.

Then everything in the Winter King happens and that becomes a focal point for Fionna’s doubts and sadness in the following episodes. Which makes me wonder… why was she not cut up about being unable to do more for Farmworld Finn and his (maybe now orphaned) family?

This is a group problem I had with Simon and Cake too, as a whole they’re collectively hopping into universe after universe and are completely unconcerned with the fate of every abandoned inhabitant they leave behind (cough baby Finn cough).

So I was a little weirded out when Fionna and Simon wanted to just bail and leave apocalypse!bubblegum to probably die at the hands of a horde of vampires. Like I get it, this isn’t their world and they never should’ve been there to begin with, so that Bubblegum’s fate really isn’t their responsibility.

But Fionna is a mirror to Finn, and our Finn never would’ve abandoned his Farmworld counterpart when he was in trouble. He never would’ve abandoned Butchblegum. Even if he was outmanned and outpowered he never would’ve gone down without putting up a fight first.

Finn has always wanted to help everyone he could. Fionna throughout her own show is really only ever concerned with getting back to her world and making it magic again so she doesn’t have to think about getting a job or paying rent. (That is, until the end of Jerry.)

What I was expecting from episode 1 and onward was that Fionna would have had the same compassion and heart that Finn has- but that her struggle would be from the fact that due to circumstances beyond her control, she’s not experienced enough to help at all. That she’d stop seeing the people around her in each universe as akin to video game or anime characters and realize they’re as real as she is. And that the survivor’s guilt/guilt in general from being unable to help them would be devastating for her.

Maybe this is on me tho and I was just expecting soemthing completely different out of this show

(Again tho Jerry kinda shakes things up. But it’s 4 am for me and I can’t think critically anymore)

But Fionna couldn’t defend herself or her friends from the Destiny gang, got Martin killed, but really only feels bad about the events from episode 6 for killing all those candy people. Simon and Cake are also only concerned with their own goals tho- I’m not pinning this all on Fionna or the way she alone is written. But it’s more glaringly obvious when it comes to her

I guess what I’m saying is that Fionna is a complete and total girl failure, which humbles her and keeps her relatable, but in 8 out of 10 episodes she hasn’t been able to change this fact at all. It leaves me a little worried that the finale of F&C will either magically (or conveniently) give her the ability to be a hero… or just kinda flounder bc they’ve so well established that one of their titular characters is effectively useless in almost all circumstances. To the point that in the Star, Butchblegum straight up said she didn’t care about Fionna and only wanted Cake’s help.

((Even Simon who was woefully out of his depth adventuring with Finn reconfigured the remote, insisted he wanted to help the Candy Queen, instantly started making stakes for vampires in ep 7, also offered to help repair Bubblegum’s tank, and rightfully recognized that the huge decrepit man with horns and exposed bones and empty eye sockets sitting on a pile of skulls in a creepy dark cave was a horrifying dangerous figure and not just a guy named Jerry.))

In all honesty I just have absolutely zero idea where they can take Fionna at this point but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the F&C crew know what they’re doing

#fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #fionna campbell #spoilers #ramblings #I’m so tired rn #but I love this show #but I’m so tired #I’m going to bed now #I love fionna tho I want her to succeed #I’m just worried for her

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that-ari-blogger · 3 days

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A Weird Finale

Catharsis is a weirdly complex emotion. Weird in the sense of how it operates. Catharsis isn’t an emotion, that’s kind of the whole point, but it acts like one. Catharsis makes you feel better, it makes you laugh or cry or maybe both, and there are very few literary tools as powerful as the ability to make your audience emote.

Catharsis is the releasing of strong emotions. If I tell a joke, the catharsis is the punch line. If I tell a sad story about a friend getting badly injured, the catharsis is the conclusion where I tell you that they are ok.

Case and point, For Good is the final song of Wicked. Kind of. It isn’t really, the story continues afterwards, and a song called Finale follows that. But For Good feels like the conclusion a story. It certainly reflects on the events of the musical as a whole, and makes a conclusion going forward.

It is also one of the two songs in all of musical theatre that I cannot make it through without crying, and this post is my defence of that inability.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (Wicked, Hazbin Hotel, Andor)

“I'm limited Just look at me I'm limited And just look at you You can do all I couldn't do Glinda So now it's up to you For both of us Now it's up to you”

Elphaba has failed in her journey. She wanted total freedom, and she couldn’t achieve it. She wanted the ability to make a change in the world, but she was just one person. She failed.

The reuse of the Unlimited Lite Motif shows the other side of the coin that is Glinda and Elphaba’s relationship. It brought them both what they wanted. Together, they were unlimited, but alone… there’s this.

The limit actually corresponds to more than just physical freedom. They both wanted to be free, to be unshackled by their own capabilities. They wanted unlimited power, and Elphaba couldn’t achieve that, but she believes Glinda could. Although Glinda would disagree.

“I've heard it said That people come into our lives For a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led to those Who help us most to grow if we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you”

I had a whole thing planned to write about fate here, but I don’t think it’s the point. Because if you focus too much on what might be, you miss what actually is.

Wicked is a story about dreams and reality colliding, and the answer to which will come out on top, is “neither”. Elphaba chased her dreams to the end and found them unobtainable. Glinda, meanwhile, saw her friend achieve great things in real time.

Don’t stop chasing a better tomorrow. That isn’t what I’m saying here. But don’t think that the change will be sudden and one day you will reach that eutopia. Change is slow, and it happens as you go. Elphaba, for example, has been saving people, and inspiring people. Oz hasn’t been saved, but she’s made progress.

The first chorus, as is usual for a song in this musical, is understated, and building to something bigger. It's laying the groundwork for later events.

The fact that Glinda’s phrases are offset is a continuation of something that began in I’m Not That Girl (Reprise), her casualness.

When Galinda was introduced, she spoke with a practiced poise, that was evenly metred so that it was impossible to notice when a song started for her. She had, in a very real sense, always been singing and never actually spoken.

This is the opposite of that, Glinda’s words feel more real, because the timing creates a casual vibe that I take to be more genuine.

Wicked has been playing around with time signatures since the beginning, usually to represent indecision or an inconsistency reminiscent of how fae realms are represented in mythology and literature. It feels whimsical.

Here the awkward bar is used to emphasise Glinda’s words. “I have been changed.”

I have found myself recommending covers of these songs, so to continue that streak, Voiceplay's Wicked medley is phenomenal, and the For Good section is especially memorable.

Glinda doesn’t know or even care about fate or what was meant to be. She is astonishingly real and pragmatic, and she can see Elphaba’s success in a way that her friend can’t.

Elphaba has become the Wizard, in a sense. She has inspired people to take their lives into their own hands. She has promised people a better world, but instead of the Wizard’s false hope, Elphaba delivered, and showed people that if they try, they can improve the lives of generations to come.

Glinda can see that Elphaba changed at least one person and made them want better, and she can carry on that legacy.

In other words:

“You've already done so much So many lives you've changed So many souls you've touched And in the end, if it's only me you've saved There's something that I've been dying to say”

Hazbin Hotel is satirical musical that deals with seeking freedom. It’s most definitely not Wicked, it’s theming is different and when I do a series on it, I will talk about that at length. But it does have a song that links to For Good.

There’s a difference between having done enough, and being done. If you only save one person, you are a hero. If you make life better for one person, and inspire them to pay that favour forwards, you have made your mark. You have your legacy.

But Elphaba has done far more than just save one person. Again, if she has inspired Glinda, she must have inspired someone else as well. And when Glinda drives away the Wizard, and presumably does more to help the citizens of Oz who are oppressed, that’s because of Elphaba.

This song in Hazbin Hotel is also a love song. I wonder if that is relevant.

“I burn my decency for someone else’s future. I burn my life to make a sunrise that I’ll never see.”

Andor is a surprisingly well-made series. As in, the Star-Wars fandom has been starved for a while for stories that say anything. So, when Andor began exploring some complex philosophy, people missed that the show was also just genuinely good craft.

But it is the messaging that I want to talk about here, briefly. Andor discusses the cost of rebellion, and in one of the several incredible monologues of the series, Luthen Rael explains that, among other things, he is making a better world for future generations. One that he will probably never receive. Like Moses delivering people to a promised land that he, himself, would never reach.

Legacy is important to both Luthen and Elphaba. Their futures are marked by conflict, but they exist so that later generations will live without that.

I would also recommend this cover by Jacob Daniel Cummings and Peter Gibbons. They are both talented vocalists, but the simplicity of the music video and set design are really cool, and the fading from monochrome to colour is a nice touch.

This song precedes Elphaba’s “death”, and it centres around Glinda telling her and the audience that it was all worth it. That’s the catharsis, whatever happens next, Elphaba has succeeded.

“You'll be with me Like a handprint on my heart And now whatever way our stories end I know you have rewritten mine By being my friend”

The romance of this musical has been implied. Evidence through subtext, rather than what is actually being shown. It got pretty strong, but an entirely aromantic reading of their relationship was possible, if you squinted.

However, I would argue that this isn’t subtext. I would suggest that “you’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart” is innately romantic in nature.

“Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes the sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood”

At this point, the song spits out a ton of metaphors, and I’m not going to go over each one. So as a whole, these stand in for that catharsis. This is Elphaba and Glinda finally letting out their emotions and stopping limiting themselves.

Defying Gravity reflected the first half of Wicked by displaying Elphaba’s freedom from external forces. But the second half featured the battle with herself and her own abilities and emotions. So, letting go of all of that and saying “I love you” in every way imaginable except the obvious certainly counts as releasing emotions.

This is the other part of the catharsis that I talked about. Half of the drama of this musical has been the development of the relationship; however you see that, between Glinda and Elphaba. That relationship fell apart, hence the tragic nature of this musical, but it did so quickly and without much closure.

So now, the two can look back on it and say, with definite confidence, that it was, in fact, a relationship.

Again, I will claim that this is romantic because friendship isn’t that powerful, usually. Friendship can change people, but romance can change a person’s story, and their life. A friendship doesn’t leave “a handprint on my heart”, for example.

I am actually having trouble articulating why this is romantic. It just is, look at it. You have to prove that it isn’t at this point.

The acting here sells the romance as well. The blinking back of tears, the faltering in each word. Emotions are running high through this song.

That is why I love this song. That is why this is my favourite song in all of musical theatre. That is why this song makes me cry.

This song is the resolution of a complex, and heavy story. It looks at the future to talk about legacy, but it also looks at the past to say “see what Elphaba has achieved”.

The song itself isn’t even the thing that makes me cry here. The emotional element of this is the story that got you here. Wicked is emotional, but it makes you hold all of that in, until For Good releases that.

Essentially, I like For Good because I like Wicked, and when I listen to the song, I listen to an entire story.

Final Thoughts

This was really difficult to analyse because the song isn’t complicated on its own right. Like I said, it’s the fact that it is the conclusion to Wicked that gives it the emotional gravitas.

But I do want to clarify something. This post should have gone out on Wednesday, but it will probably go live on Sunday instead, and there is a reason for this.

Partly, I am disorganised as hell. But partly, I have been struggling to explain why this song is queer or even romantic in nature. It is, and I will defend my opinion on that, but my excuse for it being that is… look at it, it’s so obviously romantic.

I think my answer is linked to my conclusion about this song as a whole. This is a romantic song because the entire musical has been about the romance between Elphaba and Glinda, so it carries over that weight. This song is queer because that relationship was queer. All this song does is amplify what you take into it, and that’s a weirdly empty description for something so powerful.

But I guess, in a way, that’s how stories operate as a whole. You only get out of them what you are willing to put in. If you engage with a character, and you pour your heart into that character, you will probably be rewarded tenfold. But that takes a mixture of good craft, the right story (because no story is for everyone), and a great deal of vulnerability on the part of you. Emotions can hurt, and to engage with a story, you have to be willing to let yourself feel that. But the risk is well worth the reward, at least with Wicked.

Next week, I will be giving my final thoughts on the musical as a whole, and trying to make a coherent point out of my own, incomprehensible ramblings.

So stick around if that interests you.

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#rants #literary analysis #literature analysis #what's so special about...?#wicked #wicked the musical #elphaba #glinda #wicked musical #gelphie #wicked is a queer story #hazbin hotel #star wars andor

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dross-the-fish · 8 months

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I saw your LO post and something stuck out to me. Most people focus on Hades as a love interest but you made the case that Persephone isn't wife material and I wondered if you could elaborate on that.

I presume you're talking about this post.

I stand by what I said.

This pink teenager isn't wife material, no adult over the age of 25 should look twice at her. This is because this character is functionally a child.

She's technically the physical equivalent of 19 but feels alarmingly younger than that because of her background and upbringing. Hades is supposedly in his 40's and has a full time job and his own assets. At my age and current life stage I'm actually a lot closer to where he's at than I am where she is and I cannot fathom what her appeal would be to anyone outside of her age group.

What is the allure? Is it the way adding her as a household driver would skyrocket someone's car insurance? Is it the way they'd pretty much be guaranteed to have to finish raising her? Instead of coming home after busting your ass at work and having another grown-up to talk to, you'd have to go through the emotional labor of having to play parent/teacher to this child who probably doesn't know how to write a resume and has never had to experience the mental, physical and financial burden of running a household. If you were to date someone like Persephone you'd have to be ok with never getting any kind of mental, emotional, or financial reciprocity because she's not equipped to function in an adult relationship as an equal partner.

That's a HUGE thing and when you get to be my age you will care about these things a lot more than you care about the frivolous "dating" elements that tend to be the focus of younger people's relationships.

Persephone would be incapable of relating to a character like Hades in any meaningful way and while it's cute, I guess, that she's "nice", nice isn't enough of a foundation to build a long term relationship. Due to her lack of age and experience she's not capable of giving advice or even actual comfort if someone had to come to her with typical adult concerns. At best she'd maybe be able to give empty sympathy and, I'll tell you right now, empty sympathy gets old fast.

A very long time ago I dated someone who was my age but at a totally different phase of life and it was a huge mistake. I'd try to talk to her about my job or an apartment I was considering renting and she'd just give me this glazed look like I was speaking another language. The only things I could talk to her about were media or college so when I needed to talk to another grown-up about the very real things I was going through (feelings of inadequacy at my job, concern over financial stability, finding affordable housing) I had NO ONE, because she had never had to worry about any of those things and couldn't comprehend how serious these concerns were. I think the last straw was when I wanted to go do something and she had to ask her parents for money and permission first.

We were both 22 and I had already had a job and my own car for 3 years and the idea of asking my parents for money or permission to do anything seemed ludicrous.

To be clear I don't blame her for that, everyone grows at a different rate and some people get to certain stages later than others, but it did really highlight that this wasn't a person I should continue to date and not someone I could ever feel like I was on equal footing with because she still lived and behaved like a teenager. We were the same age, but sometimes I felt like I was taking on a role that should have been filled by her parents and nothing kills a romantic mood like feeling like the only adult in the room is you.

So yeah, someone like Persephone shouldn't even be trying to start serious relationships, she should be learning how to navigate through life with her peers, people who are also still learning crucial life lessons. But that's not what's going to happen. There's something incredibly gross about the fact that the one who's going to have to teach her how to be a functional adult is the 40 year old man who's eventually going to marry her.

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myothertardisisonthemun · 6 months

Text

I just watched the first Doctor Who 60th special. Here are my immediate, unprocessed thoughts:

I am still a little sceptical, but it is starting to feel like a return to form, one can definitely feel the RTD touches coming back. It's a little older, and of this age, but there's a familiarity there.

Anyway spoilers, here are some detailed thoughts:

Things I really liked:

- The opening landing of the Tardis, an alleyway somwhere in London, the spaceship crash very much 2005 era vibes.

-Donna missing all that. Of course she does.

- New tardis interior, it's nice, it's the very cutting edge minimalist feel to it, which is a different flavour from what we've had for a long time, (usually not what I like, but its) refreshing, yet it still very much echoes the past, and the first Davies era - I am reminded of the bit where he or the designer of the 2005 tardis said it was imagined as the top half of a sphere, here it's basically a full sphere.

And they just had to flex how much of it was a real large set, and its pyrotechnic capabilities. Also, it's got RBG.

- I thought the pacing was good. Was a little worried they would dwell on the regeneration mystery a bit at the start but instead they moved straight on, and the doctor started doing stuff

- they did the 13th's era "the aliens you think are the baddies aren't" but they did it well, rather than just ok.

- It was brave of them to include a transgender character - I am not from the UK, but from what I hear, there's controversy and fuss going on over there.

The was a bit near the end was a little clumsy (see next section), but this reminds me of RTD era one's deliberate casual inclusion of gay and bi characters during the 00s, which was a different era. This feels like that.

Many of this feels like RTD finding either unfinished business, or new bits to add to old themes, and it was nice to see. But now, on to the

Did not likes

- I didn't like that they fake outed on Donna's death. Remeber that era of the show where they were afraid to end things? The solution of the metachrisis being having a daughter and splitting is ok. I could sorta see where they were going, and why they did it...

But then, personally, I didn't like that sort of stuff that much in RTD, like the "doctor who space Jesus moment", or Donna magically gaining all that timelord knowledge from seemingly nowhere in the first place.

-the "male presenting timelord wouldn't think of this" bit seemed like a sexist jibe, come on, that's not really that feminist or progressive. Tbh, the whole bit where gender somehow mattered in an unclear way felt kinda clumsy to me. Maybe if it had been better set up earlier, without ruining the casualness if earlier character scences... idk.

-the sonic makes force fields now. They made it clear that it's not that instant or convenient, but will this get overused? Forgotten in future when it could be useful? Ruin future plots? Idk, it's always a risk adding a new power to the sonic.

Undecided:

The only thing I am uncertain about is we never saw Wilfred Mott again, bit he's apparently alive somewhere? The actor died, apparently they chose to make it that the character did not, but we still don't get to see him?

But for the first time in a while, this feels like an episode I would actually rewatch. In fact I'm looking forward to when I watch it again with my mum.

I'm actually feeling a little bit excited for doctor who again. I love that. I missed that.

#doctor who #doctor who 60th anniversary #doctor who 60th #donna noble #rose temple noble #my phone keeps correcting this to 'doctors who'

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myjunkisyuzuruhanyu · 3 months

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The "humbleness is a psychological obstacle" anon reminds me of old fandom talk in the 2018-2019 about Shoma not having a winning mentality and/or mental strength to win, therefore, he's not winning the gold medals (this goes hand in hand with the "he doesn't want to improve" talk). I guess Shoma's personality is consistent enough that the assumptions about his drive tends to revolve around the same thing. But at the end of the day, Shoma eventually got his accolades in a manner that befits him, so all those assumptions (that I think was a bit uncalled for) are for naught. I think what we need to consider is that... Shoma has been in this sport for a long time and has a lot more mileage than the current active skaters, because he competed so much and at the highest levels. It makes sense that Shoma's perspective is influenced by that experience. It's exhausting both physically and mentally to be at the top for so long without any real break, not even a long injury break. And let's be real, Ilia is going to be the technical benchmark for the men now provided he's not injured. Even Yuma after 4CC SP was already thinking his really high score is still lower than Ilia's. And I think Shoma respects his competitors to know that this technical benchmark won't be just for one or two competitions, it's going to be for years and seasons (he had experience going against Nathan). And so I think Shoma, knowing what his body has went through, wanting to skate in a way that allows him a future, know where his limits are. I remember at NHK this season, when Stephane asked him to do a 4S in the official practice, Shoma managed to land it but he admitted he was thinking "I hope I don't get injured" when he did it, because 4S was the jump that injured him the last time. So I think... maybe it's because I have been a fan of Shoma since 2018 but at this point I don't think his personality is an obstacle. He will get the results that is the best for him because he is facing skating in a manner that is true to himself. It's always been this way for his career.

💯 % agreed.

I think fans who haven't been around long enough can't know that Shoma's mentality was brought up a lot through his career. Ppl even badmouthed his mentality into him being "too lazy" and "uncaring for the sport", which could not have been more wrong. The "winning mentality" doesn't work for Shoma, he tried it, it didn't suit him and he grew past that "simple" approach. Shoma was and is much aware about what is in his capabilities and what not. He doesn't underestimate his competition, he's realistic.

And actually I think Shoma's growth in mentality over the years of his career brought him to where he is now, to those two world titles. He worked hard for his achievements. If it would have been only about winning he would have quit last season with a winning streak or he would not even come until this point now after the disasters of the 2019 GP series.

Shoma said it often enough, in this sport it's mostly about winning against yourself. And that's what Shoma did throughout his career even when he did not win every competition.

There are couple skaters who won every title possible and retired and that's ok if that's what was important to the person, but that never seemed to have been Shoma's goal. That's also why I think the prospect of an Olympic Gold is not what will keep him in competitions.

I am actually a bit annoyed that there is always talk about the missing Olympic Gold as if that's the only title that would make him a worthy champion, as if he hadn't proofed time and time again that he is a worthy champion just simply by staying among the top competitors for 9 consecutive years, even 10 years if you count 4CC2015! His worst place at Worlds was 7th and that was his debut. You can count at one hand how many times Shoma was off podium in his entire senior career. Shoma currently is the most decorated skater competing among all disciplines! He's a legend with or without Olympic Gold.

Shoma has a heart of a champion. What Shoma brings to this sport cannot be measured in titles and we can be very happy that he has such a long lasting career without any big injury breaks. I am just happy he still skates. I dunno maybe because I followed Shoma his entire senior career I am more than happy for what he achieved in his career and it's much more that seemed possible a few years ago. I remember very well the ppl who said Shoma won't last with his flawed jumping technique and look who got through his career without serious injury breaks and who is still here!!!

I may sound like a broken record, but everything that Shoma achieves now is a bonus. 😊

#shoma uno #figure skating #replies

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dearweirdme · 5 months

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Re the jikook anon who wrote a novel while trying to pretend they don’t hate Tae…

I have a question for you...what will your reaction be if you realise one day that jikook have always been just friends & nothing more?

How will you view Jimin as a person when you come to find out he’s dated other people?

Will you judge him because he has ‘honestly done & said things which could imply that he’s in a romantic relationship with Jungkook’? Will you say he did it just because most of his fans are jikookers?

What will you do when you realise Taekook are the real couple?

Will you blame Jimin as a bad friend to Tae? What kind of a person will you think Jimin is for doing these things ‘even though he knew exactly what it looked like’?

Would you honestly hold him accountable for misleading millions of fans with his words & actions or would you find ways to continue making excuses for him?

All you jikookers that hate Tae because you think he’s a bad friend & home wrecker, will you redirect your hate to Jimin? Will you still think Jimin is a good person? How would you explain his behaviour?

Ok, I’m going to stop here - I could go on paraphrasing all the ridiculous things you said, but I am rolling my eyes so badly that I’m getting a headache.

I HOPE it’s obvious that I don’t think any of these things about Jimin, but I fear you actually need that spelt out.

Unless you jikook anon are completely stupid, you’re going to realise that I’m quoting your words back to you, but putting Jimin’s name instead of Tae.

Can you see how completely unjust & ridiculous this is? How you are hating on Tae in a way he & of course Jimin do not deserve?

I & the vast majority of of Taekookers don’t hate or even dislike Jimin because we have no reason to - the fact that you hate Tae the way you do is very sad.

And it’s interesting that you aren’t ‘accusing’ Jk of trying to fool fans by talking about Tae, going out with Tae - both alone & with Wogga - of showing that Tae is very important in his life… are you going to blame Jk when you don’t get what you want, or is all the bile reserved for Tae?

We don’t need Jimin to be the villain for us to know Tae & Jk love each other & if you really believe Jikook are a romantic couple, you need to ask yourself why you NEED Tae to be the villain.

Perhaps YOU should think about the parts of the puzzle that you are clearly missing. Your insecurities are leaking through in every word - are you going to hate Jimin & Jk when perhaps in a not so distant future, things take a completely different turn to what you’re hoping?

I feel like maybe you’re very young or don’t have much real life experience (or both) & perhaps you need to take a step back - the Bts members are all close in different ways & they know what’s going on in their lives.

Your hate is unjustified & ultimately, only damaging to you.

Hi anon!

Exactly! That anon isn’t even capable of doing what they ask of me/us themselves. They have put themselves in such a ridiculous position, and so have many other Jkkrs. You see some wiggle around a bit uncomfortably when they get asked about Tae, not really wanting to be too negative because ‘oh the wrath of ot7’ and ‘we don’t want to be like Tkkrs’ but they have no other choice than to think poorly of him and they let it shine through in the way they word their responses. In Jkk-land Tae being truthful isn’t even possible.

#straws #taekook

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lemonflowercat · 2 months

Text

de-catastrophizing

breathe in, breathe out

body

i want to step back and accept: i am 88 kilos at this moment, i have fat rolls that i try to conceal. i do not fit into the conventional standards of beauty. BUT i'm blessed to have a strong and healthy body - it's a real privilege, and i am so grateful for it. and i'm beautiful! i have lots of clothes i feel pretty in - and feeling it myself, irrespective of what anyone else says, is precious.

also, my best friend ♡ T-T is my favourite person in the whole world

i do have some goals for my body - these are majorly rooted in vanity - and that's okay. it's Dora Milaje looking out for me, protecting me from years of being fat shamed by my mother and society. this is why losing weight makes me feel more confident - and that's okay. my weight loss goals are also rooted in nurturing it so it can do the best of all the magic it is capable of. i want to lose fat to

have a healthy metabolism,

balanced hormones,

and healthy skin and nails.

keep my joints healthy

reduce the risk of CVDs

i want to lift heavy, jump, run, climb, be flexible.

i am not my ideal self now - but i am on my journey to it. it feels like it'll never end, on some days it's the hardest thing i do, i fail more often than i'm comfortable with - and it's ok. this is my character arc - and what's a good character arc without some struggle? besides, life is bigger than calories in-calories out, of course it's a struggle.

things i can do to support myself through this struggle:

stay kind when things don't go as planned

make the tough choices easier to make

plan ahead

look deeper, understand more of what drives me and what breaks me

have a little talk with myself before jumping on the indulgence train: be mindful, check in with my emotions, negotiate alternatives that are better for me

show up every day - can't be my best self every day, but i can be more like my best self

academics

//tummy flip

my anxiety is inversely proportional to the no. of days left to the exam. this means, freezing through the day and panic attacks at night.

to support myself through this, i can

make space for things that calm me down: meditating, staying mindful through little activities like doing the dishes and cooking, walks, working out, sleeping well, avoiding parent-interaction

prioritise studying: this means letting other people know that i don't have time for some things, making conscious decisions about how i spend my time, showing up at my study table and sitting through the first 20m even when it seems impossible

set concrete goals, track progress, actively monitor emotions

eliminate distractions: when studying, focus only on that.

no scrolling during study breaks: breaks aren't to load up more information on the brain, but to step back and relax. like really relax - stretch, walk, drink water, snack, gaze out the window, pet my babies

consume less than 2 hours of media per day: like, seriously! i know how much of a game changer this is

tap into how much i enjoy studying

75 soft reval - to make it align with changing life season. i want to ease off the stress too, because the next 56 days are already super stressful for me. i'm going to cut down on the no. of goals i set out for myself.

body

[] yoga every morning x20m: outdoors if i'm up early

movement first thing in the morning is the goal here. to save on time, i'm going to do yoga (my walks end up taking an hour). morning sun, or even just watching the sun come up makes me feel really good, so i want to practice outdoors.

to make this choice easier, i'll keep my mat and water bottle ready to go by my door the previous night.

[] midday wxo

summer is here - the afternoons are unbearably hot and it's v hard to focus while i'm a sweltering mess. i want to capitalise on evening study hours, so i'm reserving 11 am to 3 pm for working out, chores and cooking. this is also why i'm cutting down yoga to 20m - to make more of the cooler mornings.

can switch up here, like maybe go for a walk in the morning and yoga in the evening.

[] 1400 kcal/day x6/week

sad to see my raw veg/fruit goal go - i put it in to make myself come up with more ways to consume them, and i think i've established a good enough menu to tap into for now. i'll incorporate these into my meals, and maybe bring this goal back later when i have the headspace for it.

mind

[] meditate once/d

[] study 6h/d x6d + 4h on break day = 40h/w

well, that's down to 5 goals from the 10 i was going for earlier! i have some ground rules like

prioritize getting 7h of sleep but if i do sleep late, wake up before 6.30 am irrespective of what i went to bed (sounds inhuman but this is honestly best for me: a day or 2 of less sleep can be made up for with afternoon naps and i really do function best when i wake up early)

have social time once/week

do not consume media for more than 2h per day: includes little things like not using my phone until i'm done with morning yoga, not scrolling in between study sessions and not using my phone to deal with a freeze mode T-T

goddd, if not for 75 days, i really hope to see this through for the 56 days to my exam at least. //stress surge// ok, i've got this. everything is ok, i am enough and i am capable of way more than my stressed out self feels rn. i'm not doing anything i don't want to - all of these things are exactly what i want for myself, and it's just my surface brain that's feeling so apprehensive and stressed. once i get into it, it's all going to be fine amazing because let's be honest ok: i love eating healthy and putting thought into my food, i love working out, i fkn love yoga and how good it makes my body feel, i love the deep stillness of meditation, and studying is that exact perfect blend of challenge+something i'm good at that gets me flowing.

lots of love to me teehee and every person out there life-ing ♡ ☆

#75 soft #self soothing #self parenting #self care #self love #studyspo #study motivation #body image

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is-the-owl-video-cute · 2 years

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I think what gets me with a lot of shipping stuff is like... ok if you want to right about _ dark topic in a fetishistic/glorified manner I aint gonna stop you, do what you want. But maybe ask yourself why you're doing this? If you're doing it to help you cope why are you posting it publicly in particular. Even if unintentional, you are creating content that caters toward unsavoury people. I don't think every person who writes, for example, pedophilic stuff is pedophilic themselves but the moment you post that shit online its unforgivable imo because you're catering to those people now, like it or not. And I don't get why people can't wrap their heads around this.

They refuse to acknowledge that these kind of fics and fan content in general are also used as grooming tools by actual real world predators, because yeah those are the sort of people this draws in.

Additionally, it is not at all a healthy coping mechanism to post these, particularly because it is putting you in a position where you are likely to garner interaction between yourself and predators because, ONCE AGAIN, that is who is most drawn to that sort of content.

Beyond that, if you are writing or consuming erotica depicting a minor and do not consider yourself a pedophile, really look within yourself introspectively and consider why you find yourself drawn to that if you are not in fact a pedophile.

I feel as though, despite the frequency of internet figures being outed as predators, a lot of fandom spaces seem in denial that this sort of thing exists as a real problem.

So, no, I do not see the life of a cartoon character as equal to the life of a human, but I am also a normal person capable of understanding the fact that you absolutely can use fictional media to impact the lives of real people.

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payservewomen · 3 months

Text

I’m tempted to say “I’ve hit a new low”😔 but in reality, I’ve been at rock bottom for…a very long time. Years I suppose.

But at least a few years ago, I interacted with women outside of work. But now? I don’t even leave my bedroom on my days off from work.

I sit on my bed, watching humiliation clips; calling ignore phone lines; taking embarrassing photos of myself; edging myself, oftentimes for many hours(almost never less than 4hrs. up to 12hrs)

The one newer development is- I’ll edge for a while, but then the sadness/anxiety makes me go limp….or i’ll be semi hard but my loser penis only grows slightly larger.

It’s like i’m trying to keep in as small as possible, because I know it should be teeny tiny. It CAN grow to 7in but considering how pathetic I am, part of me wishes I had a microdick. Then I could forget these thoughts i have of becoming a normal person again.

Then I could search 24/7 for a superior woman who wants to use and abuse me.

I fantasize about meeting a woman and dating….Getting comfortable with her to the point that I’m able to do the best I’m capable of in making her orgasm…. But then we open up and share kinks etc….and i know as time goes on, there will be many times my dick doesn’t work.

Slowly over time, she realizes just how much of a beta i am, and begins flirting with real, confident men.

By this time, we’re living together; Maybe one month she asks me to cover all the rent, then bills and spends her money on going out….Then a “friend” of hers(maybe with a unisex name that’s usually a woman’s name)is coming into town; she offers our place to stay….Tells me to make dinner etc saying “ali loves lobster tails and filet mignon! I know ur low on money, but it’s ok! I’ll still have enough left until ur next paycheck! Thanks sweetie! Maybe we’ll meet at the airport, then I’ll let you know when we’re on our way, flight gets in i think about 5pm but who knows if it’ll be on time”

I get off work, begin prepping everything….texting her asking if ali’s plane arrived at 5:30….”it did but we’re tryna find the luggage etc. With traffic it’ll take quite a while, plan for a late dinner!”

By 6:30, still nothing, so i text then call to find her phones off.

I figure she’ll probably be walking in any minute….So i check the “find my iphone” tryna be extra sweet and have everything timed perfectly. I see it moved from the airport towards home and begin making dinner….Until i realize another hour has passed. I check it again to see it’s been somewhere between home and the airport for 2 hours now!

Next thing i know, it’s 10, then 11, then 12 midnight!

I’m dozing off and finally see a text “Omg babe i’m sorry! I lost track of time! Ali said getting a hotel room would be easier, and we’ve just been catching up but ugh it got so late and you know how i don’t like to drive at night anyway, so I’m just gonna stay here tonight, see ya tomorrow!”

I just fall asleep, and wake in the AM to see several weird video texts from a number i don’t know….I hear giggling and a man’s voice….almost seeming like someone’s trying to record something and my gf saying “no stop don’t! that’s mean ali!” There’s at least 4-5 clips like that, the last one ending with my girlfriends sexy belly on the screen. I figure ohhh they’re just having fun i guess? But it did give me a bad feeling in my stomach….

Those vids were sent at about 1am. Then at 2am, just a close up of what i’m sure is my gf’s skin, but i can’t tell what part of her body…..but the audio on it was simply my gfs voice sounding like she’s whining or moaning or something? and saying “mmmmm ohhhhk fuck it”

Then 30mins later the clip begins blacked out, but with clear audio…just sounds like licking and slurping….Then a man’s voice “yeah worship it bitch. Now, say it” then the phone moves, showing an arrogant looking man smiling, then it slowly pans down over his entire perfectly fit muscular body….very slowly, stopping on each part of his stunningly perfect body….i mean this guy had an 8pack! Absolutely chiseled in every way. Then it stops to show his abs and v-lines, and then slowly shows his balls…I didn’t know balls could actually be that big!

Then slowly as possible, the camera moves to show the thickest cock i’ve ever seen!

Then the vids stop…but there’s a text at 4am with only an address….my gf knows i wake up for work at 4am…

i call and text her but her phones off ofc. I go to work, and finally around noon, my gf calls saying she’s going shopping with Ali, saying she didn’t bring any of her credit cards asking if i’ve got any money left…i tell her i’m not sure how much, but i’ve got $500 in a sportsbook app from winning the night before…”omg babe that’s perfect! Don’t worry i can move it from there, is it your normal password?” I answer yes, and ask her just to leave at least $100 or so….

And ask if theyre gonna be having dinner tonight…”yeah sweetie we are! I’ll let you know when we’re on the way”

I ask her wtf all those vids were. and who that guy was and she replies “huh? Wait what? You’re telling me you got videos from a random number?! And it had a perfect man’s body with a horse cock?! Lol babe i dunno what websites you’ve been visiting but i’d imagine it’s something to do with that!🤣 What?! u think i’m cheating on you with an old friend or something?! jk! Love u babe”

I hang up the phone and immediately get the same text with the same address, i look up the address to find a really really nice hotel is there. Then another text comes through simply saying “penthouse suite, beta cuck”

Then another text….just a screenshot of a receipt from stub hub for tickets to the nuggets game that night, 5:10pm. 2 tickets, $250 each, wow, better than i’ve ever had for sure.

Then one more text again with the hotels address, saying “ur welcome to stop by whenever, but i suggest you either wait for us to get there or something. not getting up to open the door if we busy fuckin. Can’t wait to see your bitch ass cry🤣”

This one hits me like a ton of bricks and it’s feeling more n more that it’s gotta be exactly what it seems….but no way she’d do this to me!

The great part of our relationship is complete and total honesty and openness! My gf, allison is kinky and loves to be a dirty slut, and we have talked about her fucking others, maybe even a gangbang!

But we’d only done a handful of super kinky things….we’re both submissive so it’s kinda hard to push it and try really crazy n kinky things….we both need that more aggressive attitude!

But i know she loves me deeply. We’ve such an intensely strong emotional connection, more than either of us ever have!

Still no word from my gf and it’s 8pm. At 9pm she finally texts me but it’s the exact same as from the other phone number and it’s just the hotel address and room number…..I call her back, and it rings and rings until going to voicemail. Maybe she didn’t hear it, i call again…it rings 3-4times, less than the last time, then goes to voicemail. I try again and it rings twice then voicemail….Again, same thing. I call yet AGAIN, prob the 6th time and it goes straight to voicemail!

I check the phone locator app and see her phone was at ball arena(nuggets play there)the length of the game….and moved to exactly where the hotel is.

I get dressed, now fearing the worst, but thinking “ok this makes no sense! Either she’s playing some joke on me; something weird like that or some surprise for me?”But i do realize that the most likely thing is…maybe she’s been partying with her friend, she cheated and isn’t sure how to deal with me…..But what’s up with the pics etc? ofc she’s aware of my pervy kinks etc, and she’s prob making it seem like she’s cheating on me, i’m hoping!

I walk to the light rail station, and get on the train….Ugh yeh don’t have the money to get an uber…i checked my bet365 account to see its at zero!

Wtf?! I had some futures bets….ones i could cash out for about $250 total, but they were all just cashed out! i’ve not one bet at all and no money here!

I see that $800 was withdrawn and my bank account was credited $800! But $500 used for the tickets, and $300 spent at some weird fancy store downtown.

Ok that’s it i’ve gotta see what’s up as i’m sitting on the train, mind running wild. Fuck, i gotta get off and walk 20mins, then get a bus!

I get off the train, walking to the bus stop…..Bus finally comes and oh fuck, as i’m tryna buy a bus ticket on the app(for $2.75) It dawns on me “fuck i don’t have enough money in my account” i look at the driver and say “i’m not sure why it’s not working” he looks at it and says “yeah cuz you’re card is being declined, sorry” and closes the doors.

I’m defeated and want to cry. Looking at google, i see it’ll take 2.5 hours to walk there….

It’s now almost 10pm and i consider going back home, but then wtf?! I can’t just sit at home wondering wtf is going on!

So i walk and walk…i watch the clip again and again of the perfect man’s body, fantasizing that the woman i’m in love with is cheating on me in the meanest way possible….Finally, it’s after midnight and I arrive at the hotel….I ask the front desk how to get to the penthouse, and she tells me “the elevator is right over there, but Sir, there isn’t anyone staying there right now”

I thank her and walk away tryna figure out what to do.

I text my gf asking why she texted me that address. she texts back right away with another address! I lose it and call a few times, each time it’s sent to voicemail. I text her back yelling “OK WTF is going on?! What’s your problem? Tell me what’s happening right fucking now!”

She texts back “i’m sorry sweetie, i didn’t mean to upset you! Just having fun with my friend, sorry guess i didn’t realize….I’ll be home tonight, but we’re out, omg babe i’m so drunk! I’ll see you at home, probably late!”

So i begin to walk back home…and remember the light rail isn’t running anymore….Now, I’ve got a 3.5 hour walk!

Finally i arrive home, it rained a little and i’m soaked, socks wet, and miserable and exhausted….

I open the door and hear slurping sounds and my gf giggling. My heart sinks and i already know what’s happening….I yell “wtf are you laughing about?! The fuck is wrong with you, ur being a fucking bitch!”

And i see the same man from the clips emerge from my bedroom, butt naked….he’s holding my favorite shirt, sweat dripping off his immaculate body and he wipes it off, then wipes his asshole with it, now it has skidmarks and throws it at me, saying “wtf did you say bitch?”

I ask who he is and what he’s doing at my place he replies “whatever tf i feel like doing faggot!” I say no it’s my place, and no i’m not gay” i emphasize gay, since i’m not a fan of bigotry and homophobia…”yeh didn’t say your gay, but you ARE a bitch ass faggot! Wtf you gonna do about it, huh? that’s wtf i thought, now, on your knees…obey or i’m gonna beat you up so badly….maybe you’ll get outta the hospital by the time i get out of jail, but it’s your choice” while making his pecs bounce in a very intimidating way. he walks up to me cracking his knuckles saying “ya know, i really DO hope you put up a fight; nobody ever wants to fight me” I look him up and down, knowing he’d kill me quickly….He’s gotta be a foot taller than me….im 5’9 and he’s gotta be at least 6’6!

I ask if i can take my shoes and wet socks off first and he laughs then slaps me in the face, open handed but hard, immediately followed by a left handed slap, i lose my balance and stumble to my knees, then i say “ok ok” on my knees looking up at him.

“Thank me for bullying you. Do it bitch” i thank him, he laughs, spits on me and gives me a wedgie….i make noise indicating it’s hurting, and he proceeds to give me an atomic wedgie…laughs then demands i take my clothes off but keep my wet socks on….

He laughs hysterically at my dick and shouts “baby, how tf were you actually fucking THIS?! omfg, ok come on slut”

And i see my love…she’s crawling on all fours..crawls up to this greek god and begins kissing his feet. She works her way up his legs, as she kisses and licks literally every inch of his perfect body.

Ali then says “ok now, don’t make me tell you again”

She looks me directly in my eyes “Bobby, keep looking in my eyes, ali says we must keep eye contact and he’s in charge here, ok? Please listen to what he says, i don’t want you to get hurt, i really don’t…not physically anyway. I say that because i i i DO want you to get emotionally hurt. I am sorry but when Ali told me he wanted to fuck me, i told him about you. Over months he kept teasing me for fucking such a loser; i love you but you are a loser. He’s been sending me pics of him, and the girls he fucks and omg babe, they cum so hard, and I fondly remembered being fucked by ali. I broke up with him cuz he cheated constantly and i thought that wasn’t ok, Now i realize how superior he is. It’s a small price to pay to be allowed to touch a superior man, im sure you understand. After i admitted how badly i wanted him he began insulting you and making fun of you. He made me take pics and record our sex, and that’s why i haven’t cum in so long, he said i wasn’t allowed with a loser like you. Ali is a sadist, he loves to make women worship him and loves nothing more than breaking beta men like you. That’s not an insult; you’re a beta, he’s an alpha, ya know?

He’s been planning for months to do this….it’s his masterpiece of destroying a loser!”

By this time i’m crying, tears streaming down my face…

“now bobby, we’re recording all of this and you’re now going to thank ali for making your fantasies come true. I know it hurts; the goal is to break you. Ali and i will marry, and you will work for us and live in a tiny room in the basement. U will be used and abused. I know it hurts but this is your new life now. Sure you can run away or something, but then ali will send all the vids and clips to your entire contact list.

But right now you’re going to beg ali to let you eat his sweaty asshole, do it you fucking piece of shit!” By this time ali is rubbing her pussy with his foot and it’s making her horny af….mmm fuck, i fucking hate you loser!” And she spits on me, confusing and hurting me.

I begin to beg to eat his asshole….

And wow, I began this planning on just whining about being so sad and pathetic but then wrote all this…wow i’ve got issues

#findom humiliation #beta bitch #loser abuse #loser humiliation #self humiliation #degrade and humiliate me #findom addiction #beta #verbal humiliation #pathetic loser #alpha man #beta loser #pathetic men #pathetic sissy #beta slave #pussy free loser #gross loser #humiliation task

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tinyfiramonglarches · 8 months

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K Dramas: mirror of feminity

Kdramas surprisingly are my gate to discover many faces of feminity through the popular culture. I was in shock after watching The Glory, Mr. Sunshine, This is my first life, My liberation notes, Hyena, Little women and many others, that the storytelling with female main characters (and also side characters) can be so real. Like that most of them what I watched can passed Bechdel test without any problems. When I was younger (around 16 y.o.) I found my passion in the anime and Japanese culture. Idk why maybe Japan is in the other side of the world and I was attracted to difference of the Japanese culture. Nevertheless I always missed something. Especially, my imagination and my inner world always missed the potential of female characters. Except for a few exceptions they were always same, they didn´t have personality which I would sympathize with. Most of them were subordinated to the behavior of the male characters. They just existed for love and support of the others. How years passes, this fact started to bother me more and more. Of course, I have my favourites, and most of them based of quality of female characters (for example Psycho-pass, Another, some Ghibli movies), but mostly male storytelling about women is something sick all around the world. I suppose that I am included (with my age and level of education and place where I live) into the targed audience of k-dramas. And it´s ok, cause media work in that way. One of my first kdrama which I ever watched was title Strong woman Do Bong Soon, in that time I was in my early twenties, and still I wasn´t into kdrama like in nowadays. But I was suprised. In last years I watched many kdramas with better storytelling, but Do Bong Soon, however she had a crush, sometimes she was naive, she was really strong. She has strong moral statements, she was so brave. And however the end is little bit cheesy and there is a tons of cheap female gaze, I really enjoyed the story. And personality of Do Bong Soon. Then, after few years, when I passed some relationships, almost finished my studies and moved for several times (in my homecountry and also in abroad and back), I felt little, little bit mature than before. And I realized, when I open the Netflix or other platform, that I want to watch something where I can put my shoes and say something like "Oh, I know how they feel." or "I like how she is independent, strong and at the same time so natural". In the other words, I wanted to watch female believable storytelling. And accidentaly I found kdramas again. My experience with Because this is my first Life was stunning, I loved everything (almost everything) about the story. Than I realized how the stories show females. Like individual human beings. Another milestone in my journey of discovering of beauty of womanhood in pop culture, was experience with The Glory and Little women. For the first time I watched story about broken INTJ female (I am also INTJ female and know how it´s f**king hard to find something like that, trust me), then The Glory was my little pleasure. And Little Women was my big pleasure. It´s a great example how women are able to be dangerous, powerfull, many faced and cold blooded. And maybe for the first first time I watched how the male characters are "just" puppets in this complicated, crazy, cold blooded and rational tricky games. It doesn´t matter how powerfull or capable they were, they couldn´t do almost anything. I don´t like the "fact" that rationality and thinking is some man´s thing. And the women are sooo emotional and they are not able to control their emotions. Nonsense, women have to control just more things in their lifes. Men can focus for only one thing (for example career) and the society passed them without note. If woman want to do same thing she has to deal with many obstacles, so she has control more emotions and feeling, and still, women are able to be rational human beings (I personally belive more than men). In kdramas I noticed one thing. It is admitted here that being a woman is hard (in many cases)

to be female lawyer without rich family and traumatic backround is hard (Hyena)

to be single female in her 30s´ without money or family who will help you and looking for a accomodiation is hard (Because this is my first life)

to be unmarried 27yo woman is hard (Strong woman Do Bong Soon)

to be a young woman who does not conform to beauty standards is hard (The Mask girl)

to be young woman who has traumatic experience with se*ual abuse is hard (Mad for Each other)

For the first time, in k-dramas I saw many faces of women. Women are humans. Women deal many things. Women doesn´t live just for male pleasure. Women have debts, siblings, healthy problems, traumas, pets and hobbies. I still realize that kdramas are fictions. There is a lot of female gaze (I know and honestly I don´t care *smirk*), many cheesy endings with love and weddings, the good, supported and handsome male characters don´t have copies in real world (sad) and amount of drunk bottles of soju in reality should by alarming (thanks for My Liberation notes where it´s focused of alcoholism). Also South Korea is not feministic paradise, it´s just the opposite. But the kdramas which are aviable to North America and Europe audience is something what sees female in real life more than most of titles of western production of film industry.

#kdrama #bechdel test #korean #female #feminism #female gaze #the glory #strong woman do bong soon #little women #this is my life #anime and manga #japanese

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eternally--mortal · 2 years

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So I’ve seen a couple comments lately specifically associated with the ever-growing comment chains of @buggachat’s bakery enemies au where some fellow readers are claiming that a lot of us are hating on Marinette.

It’s not a lot of comments, but it’s enough that I wanted to say something. You don’t have to listen. That’s ok. You can scroll if you want to, but the thoughts are here if you wanted or needed them.

Here’s the thing:

When you write a realistic character, or adapt a character realistically from a tv show, there are going to be moments of pain and frustration on all sides. Yes, Marinette is allowed to feel her own pain and frustration, but We as an audience are Also allowed to have second-hand frustration based on her actions.

I’m allowed to like Marinette and acknowledge and validate her frustration while still Also Being Frustrated at her. That being said, I understand that We can see the whole story and She can’t. Even apart from that knowledge, I am allowed to have compassion for her and Still Disagree with the way that she handles things. That is not me being a Marinette salter or me hating on Marinette. That is me recognizing that this very human response of Marinette’s is placing Adrien — and herself — into unhealthy situations.

People aren’t good and bad all the time. You don’t have to love them all the time. And even if you Do still love them, you don’t have to agree with them.

I’m not trying to start a fight, but I wanted to put all of this out there because . . . I’ve read through the comments. And I haven’t really seen a great deal of people genuinely trashing Marinette. They’re just responding to the direct situation with their very-normal emotional reactions. Which is sort of part of the point, isn’t it?

And I’m sorry @buggachat . I know I tagged you. It’s mostly to give context to this post. I’m not trying to pull you into the discussion or force you to comment on it or pick a side. Please continue on with your beautiful life and enjoy torturing us every 24 hours. You’re doing great, sweetie. This post isn’t really for you unless you want it to be. I don’t know. You might not even agree with me. And that is your right as a human being.

To everyone who feels this Does apply to them, I just wanted to say, here are some general facts of life that the world continues to beat into us, whether we like it or not:

Good people can do terrible things. In fact, some of the worst things are Genuinely Awful to that degree because they were done by good people. Just look at Adrien’s situation. He’s seen how Marinette has So many friends who love her. He’s seen that she’s capable of being an absolutely wonderful person. To him it looks like she’s choosing to be a terrible person to him specifically. Real people go through this in the real world, too. When a good person does something horrible, it doesn’t change the fact that they’re still a good person to Someone out there — maybe to multiple someone’s. They’ve just chosen not to be a good person to You. Or chosen to be a Bad person to you. And that Hurts. And it’s Worth acknowledging and talking about. (This is the real tragedy of evil, in my opinion. It’s why children of abusive and negligent parents often struggle so deeply with the question of why they still feel a need to earn love from their parents and whether they should leave them behind.)

People are constantly experiencing growth and change. There’s something great called the Theory of Positive Disintegration that describes the process. It’s super cool. Look it up. It’s healthy to acknowledge that we all make varied choices as our worldviews change and as we experience new things. People we see as ‘bad’ don’t have to stay that way and likely aren’t what we expect. People we see as ‘good’ are not always strictly good. (Besides this, How many people do we call “Good” because of whom they decided to be evil to? Who gets to decide who the enemy is anyway?)

Literature is designed with complexity in mind. Stories are often made with fleshed out human beings. Sometimes stories are written Specifically to show us questionable behavior so we can see the world through a new lens and decide for ourselves whether we agree with that person. Just take a look at Restoration Drama if you have any doubts. Old white men debated for ages about whether or not their audiences were smart enough to notice questionable behavior in cases of, for instance, rape or cheating or manipulation. Did they ever ask the audience? Not really. But the point is that we Do sometimes get suckered into blindly supporting characters without really watching what they’re Doing. It doesn’t mean we’re not smart enough to notice or talk about it. The danger comes when we try to shut that conversation down by Never showing evil or Never acknowledging it when it’s there. —No one is perfect. So we have flaws. So what? That’s normal. It’s human. It’s normal to empathize with a character. It’s ok to openly express second-hand embarrassment or frustration for their actions. If you don’t want strangers on the internet to point out Marinette’s flaws, then maybe You shouldn’t be pointing out the flaws of strangers on the internet.

I’m not trying to attack anyone in particular. Or anyone at all. I just wanted to put some of this into perspective. Some of you making these comments might be joking! I can’t really read emotional subtext on the internet. Some of us are bad at reading it in real life, too. This is just me putting some thoughts out there to remind you that we all have complex emotional lives, and that discussing a person’s flaws isn’t the same thing as hating them or rejecting them or making them out to be the enemy. If no one ever talked about the bad parts of good people, we wouldn’t have compelling stories.

#marinette dupen chang #bakery enemies au #just some thoughts #mlb #miraculous ladybug #people are complex #let us acknowledge their complexities

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