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cafedanslanuit · 3 years

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✖ — chapter summary: Now that Zeke has explained what truly happened with Yelena, all your troubles have finally ended. Except that now you need to start avoiding Porco. However, things change once you overhear a conversation in the woman's bathroom.

✖ — pairing: porco/reader & zeke/reader

✖ — chapter tags/warnings: college au, descriptions of panic attacks, lots of self-doubt, gaslighting, hurt/comfort, fluff, referenced cheating.

✖ — a/n: i have posted the playlist that goes with this series! click here to check this post <3

chapter three: me and my husband

Porco looked at his cellphone, an ill sensation filling up his stomach as he read over and over your last messages. For the past few days, he had been trying to reach out to you but he had been rejected every time.

He knew something wrong was going on the moment you said you couldn’t make it to his lacrosse game. Ever since you became friends, you hadn’t missed a single game. He had once seen you finishing an essay on your phone and sending it while you were sitting on the bleachers, excited for the game to begin. He had seen you falling asleep on his shoulder during a party after a game, too tired from studying for a test that you took earlier.

Porco sighed. He wished he could find any other reason to explain your behaviour but the only one that came to his mind was his late night confession to you. He shouldn’t have told you he loved you. Now you were avoiding him and his feelings and he was scared he had lost your friendship completely.

He put the phone on his back pocket and grabbed his keys, heading to the parking lot. After getting into his car, he turned on the radio and drove out of the campus, entering the main highway of the city. He wasn’t sure where he was heading to, but all he knew is that he wanted to stop thinking about you, the moment he thought you had shared and the dry messages that followed.

He had really fucked it up.

…

Sitting on your faculty’s corridor floor, you looked over at the texts Porco had been sending you the past week. It physically pained you to be so curt with someone that meant so much to you. Porco had always been there for you, even in the times you had told him you really didn’t need him. He cared when you got sick, when you were sad and also when you wanted company to crash a party on campus. You two had been inseparable since the day you met and he was already acquaintances with Annie and Armin due to all the time he had spent at your place.

This was the right thing to do, you told yourself one more time, closing your Instagram. You were taking the right decision. Porco had fallen in love with you and then had tried to make you think your boyfriend had cheated on you. If Zeke hadn’t pointed that out for you, you probably wouldn’t have noticed until it was too late. Truly, you were lucky Zeke had been understanding about the whole situation and had forgiven you for not trusting in him.

Porco wasn’t a bad person. You knew in your heart he wasn’t. But you had been wrong to trust he had your best interest in his mind.

That’s what didn’t make sense. Why had Porco, sweet and caring Porco had suddenly decided to put you against Zeke only just because he had caught feelings for you? The Porco you knew wouldn’t have done that. If he truly only wanted to drive you away from Zeke, he would have let you kiss him the night he spent with you. He would have taken the opportunity, right? So, why didn’t he?

Your head started hurting.

Your thumb ghosted over Porco’s contact on your phone, wondering whether to call him or not. You missed him dearly and knew that if you asked him to be honest, he would. There were countless moments in the past where he had been honest with you, from the time he confessed to accidentally stepping on your foundation powder and the time he opened up about his father’s death.

He’ll say anything to make you doubt your relationship with me.

Zeke’s voice resonated in your ears and you bit your tongue. He was right. You needed to remember Porco was trying to put you against your boyfriend.

Before you could think of a counterargument, you shot a quick text to Zeke. Yes. A day with your boyfriend would help you keep your mind busy.

“wanna hang out later? <3”

You watched intently, a small smile on your face as the three dots twinkled on your screen. Zeke’s answer came a few seconds later.

“Can’t. Exam tomorrow :(“

He then sent you a picture of a couple of books over a table that you recognized as the university’s library. He also had the tumbler you had given him a couple of months ago, filled with straight black coffee if you had to take a guess.

“:(( okaaaay, good luck on your exam, love u!”

“<3”

You put your phone away and sighed. You missed Zeke too. The few days after you had confronted him about the time you thought you saw Yelena and him kissing, he had showered you with love. You had spent the weekend at his place wearing nothing but an old t-shirt of his and making love several times a day. You snuggled to him on the couch as he watched an old documentary and playfully took the cigar from his lips and took a puff yourself. ‘Ladies like you shouldn’t smoke,’ he had said playfully as he took it back from your lips and then pressed a kiss on your temple.

Nevertheless, the short honeymoon phase after you made up had come to an end. You knew it was going to happen, but now your body and heart were craving more of him and his classes were taking all his time. If it wasn’t an exam it was a group project or a study session and even if you knew seniors had it way harder than you, you missed him. Missed his beard scratching your neck, his strong cologne and his deep chuckle whenever you managed to make him smile.

Maybe you could walk around the mall. You still had some birthday money and you could treat yourself a little. Maybe a new body cream or a pair of cute underwear from Victoria Secret to surprise your boyfriend after he was done with his classes. Yes, a shopping trip was exactly what you needed to stop thinking so much. Smiling, you walked to the bathroom of your faculty, just a quick detour to freshen up before you got into your car.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and took out your lipstick, fixing it carefully.

“I fucking hate her.”

You turned around as you saw three girls entering the bathroom. They stood by your side, none of them seeming to notice your presence. One of them fixing her hair, another was looking down at her phone, eyebrows knitted together and mumbling more and more curses and the last one just leaned against the bathroom stalls, arms crossed against her chest as she watched the other two.

“We did tell you she wasn’t meant to be trusted,” she reminded the girl with the phone. When she raised her head, you recognized her as Pieck, one of Porco’s close friends, who you had seen around at a lot of parties and on many of his Instagram photos.

“How is that helping me?” Pieck asked icily.

“I’m just saying, Yelena is shady. Telling you all that crap about only being able to open up with you— and for what? For her to post photo after photo of her fuckboy?” the girl in front of the mirror said. “Like, nobody needs to know you’re getting it at the library, why post about it? Literally, nobody cares.”

“She’s not worth it,” the other girl interjected.

“She really isn’t, babe. And Zeke isn’t even that hot,” her friend continued with a mocking laugh. “The one that looks like a clown is her, not you. Just let it go.”

“He truly is a bad case of the monkey face,” Pieck agreed with a snort. “Men like that are what keep me a lesbian.”

“Hi Pieck,” you greeted her. For the first time, Pieck looked your way and widened her eyes, recognizing you in an instant.

“Hey,” she said in an apologetic voice. “I— I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have said that.”

You faked a chuckle. “It’s okay. I just wanted to say you shouldn’t worry about them, Yelena is—”

“Yeah, yeah, we both shouldn’t worry. You’re probably trying to move on and ignore them too,” Pieck sighed and then pursed her lips in discomfort. “But I know you were Zeke’s girlfriend for a while, it’s normal you don’t want to hear about who he’s fucking now—”

“Zeke and I are still together,” you interrupted her.

Pieck’s face fell at your words. She looked at her friends, who were also looking at each other with an indecipherable expression. Your furrowed your eyebrows, confused as to why they were sharing those glances. Why would they think you weren’t with Zeke? Sure, you hadn’t posted photos with him lately but that didn’t mean you weren’t together anymore.

“I’ll catch up with you in a bit,” Pieck said softly to her friends. They nodded and said they would be by the cafeteria before leaving. Once they went away, Pieck closed the bathroom door and walked to you again.

“Why— why would you think we’re not together?” you insisted, your voice trembling more than you would have wanted.

“Yelena and Zeke are fucking,” she sentenced in a soft voice. You shook your head.

“I know that’s what it looks like but Yelena likes women,” you said. “You— I mean you guys were dating or something, right? You know she’s a lesbian, she’s just pretending to have something with Zeke so her parents back off for a while.”

Pieck’s silence was deafening.

“Right?” you pushed. “It’s cool because she’s a lesbian and—”

“Yelena is bisexual.”

You paused, blinking as you tried to understand. After a few seconds, you shook your head.

“She’s not.”

“The reason we’re not dating anymore is because I saw her fucking Zeke at a party,” she explained.

“No,” you said, and shook your head once more. “No, because if it happened at a party then someone would have seen them. Someone would have noticed, there would have been rumours, I would have known . Pieck, someone would have told me, Reiner, Marcel, Porco—”

“They weren’t there. Almost everyone was a senior.”

“Then you! You would have told me,” you cried. “You’re telling me you saw my boyfriend fucking someone else and didn’t tell me!? Pieck—!”

“I thought you weren’t together anymore!” she defended herself. “What was I supposed to think when every single one of his friends at that shitty apartment knew he was fucking her in the bedroom and they all acted like it was a normal thing to do? I see all these photos of both of them and…” she continued, shaking her phone. “Of course I think he’s not with you anymore! Yelena is uploading pictures as she rests her legs on his lap, about their movie dates at his place and you want me to think she has a girlfriend!?”

Tears started falling from your eyes as she spoke. You sniffled, trying to compose yourself but you could feel every muscle of your body shaking.

“Does Porco know?” you asked in a whisper.

“Porco?”

“I know you two are best friends since high school. You— you had to tell him. If this was real, if this happened, you had to tell Porco,” you reasoned. “So tell me, Pieck, does Porco know?” you insisted, raising your voice, hating the way it cracked at the end.

Pieck shook her head. “I told him Yelena cheated on me, didn’t tell him with who.”

“Why?”

“Because he told me not to date Yelena, said she wasn’t a good person. I didn’t want to prove Porco right, you know him,” Pieck said with a small shrug.

You nodded idly, your eyes lost. No. It didn’t make sense, it didn’t— even if it did. It did make sense but it couldn’t make sense. Because if Pieck was right, if Yelena and Zeke were—

No.

“Give me a date,” you whispered.

“What?”

“When was this?”

“I don’t— Two weeks ago?”

“I need to know the exact date, Pieck.”

“Girl, I don’t remember exactly, I—”

“Give me a date, Pieck!” you sobbed, raising your voice. She sighed and nodded, taking out her phone.

You watched as Pieck went through her messages with Yelena, scrolling up as she tried to remember the date. Your breath was hitching, inhaling more than you were exhaling but you didn’t care. You wanted to know when it was. Pieck was going to tell you it happened on a date where he was with you. She was going to say it happened one of the nights you and Zeke stayed the weekend at his place and then you would know she’s lying. Yes, that was going to happen. She would tumble over her own lie and this nightmare would be over.

“March 31st,” Pieck murmured. “I kept texting her, asking where she was before I went to look for her,” she reminisced, before showing you her phone.

00:36

lena where are u

?????

why are my friends saying you’re with zeke rn

yelena answer me

fuck u i’m going there

01:19

FUCK YOU YELENA YOURE THE WORST

PIECE OF SHIT IVE EVER MET

REALLY???? ZEKE?????

HOPE YOU GET HERPES

I FUCKING HATE YOU

babe, i’m sorry

can we talk?

A bitter taste crept inside your mouth as you took out your phone and went through yours and Zeke’s messages, looking desperately for the date. It was the weekend you spent together. It had to be. The memories of Zeke’s kitchen calendar that said April were lying to you. It had to be March. Or maybe he changed the calendar because he was with you on March 31st.

You scrolled up until March and went to read the messages exchanged on that day.

07:23

Good morning! I know it’s really early

But I want to see you today <3

Meet me at the tennis court?

sure, i’ll take an uber :)

Silent sobs escaped your mouth as your phone started shaking in your trembling hands. Pieck whispered apologies and you wanted nothing more than to tell her to shut up, that it wasn’t her fault, that she wasn’t the one that swore she wanted to marry you and then went to fuck someone else at a party, not caring if he was seen or not.

But it wasn’t true. Zeke said it was just a ruse, that Yelena just wanted to hide her queerness, that they were just good friends. He said so. Pieck had to be lying, she had to be. She was just messing with you, lying to see how much you could believe her. Because Zeke wouldn’t do that, you were the one he trusted, you were the one he was going to marry, you—

Pieck was still holding her phone in front of you.

With the very same date.

And Yelena admitting her crime.

But it couldn't be right. There had to be a mistake because Zeke loved you. He loved you and he had told you about his family, he had taken you to meet his grandparents, he promised he hadn’t kissed Yelena that night, he—

Had he not kissed her?

Was it only a movie night?

…

No, it hadn’t.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Pieck’s voice sounded far, your lips parted as you tried to gasp for air. You lifted your head and saw her lips moving but you couldn’t hear any sound but your heart beating out of your chest. Tingles started creeping on your fingers and without you being able to do anything to prevent it, you dropped your phone on the bathroom floor.

Why didn’t it make a sound?

Why were your fingers numb?

You lifted your head and Pieck was gone. Dismissing her sudden disappearance, you crouched down and picked your phone. You winced at the huge crack on your screen and slid your finger several times over it until you could press on Zeke’s contact and call him.

As his phone rang, you pressed your back on the wall, slowly sinking until you were sitting on the floor.

“Baby, I told you I was studying for this test, I can’t—”

“I know about you and Yelena,” you said in a broken voice. You heard him let out an annoyed sigh on the other line.

“Didn’t we talk about this already? I told you she’s not—”

“I know about the party. The day we played baseball and— that same night you went to a party and fucked her,” you sobbed. You wiped the tears on your face with the back of your hand. “Zeke, tell me it’s a lie, tell me you didn’t do this, please, please tell me you didn’t really fuck Yelena,” you begged. “Please.”

“You know what? Get some help. Like, psychological help. This isn’t normal.”

The silence after Zeke hung up choked you. Your chest rose up and down as you sobbed uncontrollably. Your brain was screaming. Loudly. ‘Make it stop,’ you told yourself. ‘Get it together. Make it stop.’

Make it stop.

It’s a lie.

Make it stop.

He lied to you.

Stop.

He fucked her.

Please, stop.

He lied.

I can’t breathe.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

…

When you woke up, Porco was there.

Your head felt heavy as you tried to sit up, rubbing your eyes. A quick look around let you know you were in your apartment but you weren’t sure as to how , or why your friend was there, his phone on his lap and his eyes looking at you filled with worry.

He whispered your name as if his voice could hurt you. “How are you feeling?”

“What are you doing here?” you asked groggily. You noticed your throat was hurting as well. “What hour is it?” you mumbled as you palmed your jean pockets looking for your phone. You found it hidden between two pillows and pressed the power button, trying to see if you had any unread messages.

None.

“Pieck called me,” Porco explained. “And it’s eight and a half.”

Pieck. Pieck with her friends in the bathroom, Pieck with the text messages. Everything came back to you in a second and you couldn’t help but wince at the way your head hurt.

“How are you feeling?” he insisted. You took a deep breath. The small movement made you realize how much the muscles of your back were hurting along with your arms. You licked your lips, hating how dry they felt against your tongue.

“I broke my phone.”

Porco furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“I— I dropped it. There’s a crack on the screen.”

He nodded slowly and looked down at his shoes, his forearms resting on his knees. You could almost listen to his loud thoughts, one coming after another inside his head. Porco sighed and turned his head back to you.

“Want me to get it fixed? Marcel knows a guy, I’m sure he can get it done by tomorrow.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s working just fine,” you said, passing your thumb over the crack. “No need to change it.”

Porco watched your eyes get lost on the dark screen and tightened his lips. He had the urge to throw your phone out of your window, make you understand you had to leave it, that it wasn’t good for you, that you didn’t need it, that you didn’t need him —

Instead, he nodded.

“What happened?” you asked.

Porco paused, deliberating his words before speaking. “Pieck called and told me what you guys talked about and that… you didn’t take it well. She said you were crying and— that you had a panic attack, so she left the bathroom to look for help. She found Armin and he was the one that helped you regain your breath. Once you settle down, he called Annie to tell her what happened and she picked you up. When I got here you were already asleep on the couch, Annie said it was okay if I waited here.”

“I… don’t remember much,” you confessed with a grimace. “I don’t remember Armin helping me out. I— I do remember what Pieck and I talked about, though. Wish I could forget it instead,” you snorted.

“Wanna talk about it?”

You shook your head. Ouch . Why did every muscle of your body hurt so much?

“Wanna watch some shitty reality TV?” he offered. He didn’t miss the way a small smile appeared on your face.

In a matter of minutes, Porco had gone into your room and brought your laptop, and started looking for the show on Netflix. He put your laptop on his thighs and let you crawl by his side, your head resting against his shoulder.

“Wish they had Ink Master,” you sighed, as the intro of Netflix’s newest reality show played on your screen.

“We both know Netflix doesn’t have good shows.”

You snorted. “Black Mirror is good.”

“And yet we’re watching The Circle,” Porco teased you.

“Weren’t you the one that binged Season 1 on one night and then asked me to do the same so you could rant?” you reminded him with a playful tone.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied nonchalantly, making you chuckle.

What followed next was a comfortable silence. One episode went by and Porco made no attempts to stop it from automatically playing the second episode. You snuggled closer, the fabric of his green jacket feeling nice against your cheek. How long had it been since you felt so much peace with someone else by your side?

In any other situation, you would be commenting on it, pressing pause just to bitch and rant about the contestants or make quick runs to the kitchen. But Porco was sitting still, his eyes fixed on the screen and his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was trying to comfort you the best way he could, knowing any words would fail, he aimed to create a safe space for you and not force you to behave normally when you both knew better than to completely ignore what had happened earlier.

Right. Zeke.

You felt your eyes watering and bit the inside of your cheek to prevent them from falling down. Focusing on your breath, you inhaled and exhaled rhythmically until the knot in your throat seemed to loosen up. Your feelings towards Zeke were confusing, a part of you wanting to run, look for him and demand an explanation. Another part of you wanted to face with, punch his stupid little face until you got tired and leave him on the floor. And another, maybe a bigger part of you wanted him to cradle you in his strong arms, kiss your temple and scratch your skin with his beard as he whispered sweet nothings to you.

You swallowed. Maybe Zeke was right. Maybe you did need psychological help.

Could you trust his words if he were to provide another explanation? Could you ever trust in him again? Most of all, could you trust yourself? Many voices had different opinions inside your head, yet they all agreed on something.

You were miserable.

“Every time I’m not with him, I’m anxious,” you mumbled, the words leaving your mouth before you thought them over. Porco moved his hand to pause the show, but you gestured to him not to. “And when he’s with me…” you continued, “I feel like I’m drowning.”

Your voice cracked at the end. Porco’s hand twitched, not sure what to do next. Should he hold you, put an arm around your shoulder to comfort you? Should he not move a muscle until you were done? Should he offer a word of comfort? He turned his head to you and noticed tears were silently streaming down your face.

“If Zeke was in front of me right now and told me Pieck lied her ass off, even after all the proof she showed me today… I would believe him. I would,” you sobbed. “And I hate myself so much for it. I’m so tired of this, I’m so tired of loving him, Pock.”

Porco’s hand cupped your head, his fingers gently caressing your hair. You snuggled closer to him, his perfume soothing the pain inside your heart and his gentle gesture comforting you. That was the magic Porco had. You knew he wasn’t always good with his words and most of the time he preferred to show rather than tell and boy, did he do a spectacular good job at showing you how much he cared.

He was there. Even after you had been ignoring him for over two weeks, he was here with his green jacket and his earthy-scented perfume ready to hold you if you needed him. And you did. You could never think of a moment where you wouldn’t want him to be there with you.

You wiped your face with the back of your hand and reluctantly pulled away from his touch, turning on your seat so you were facing him. You paused your show and put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Thank you,” you said, biting down your bottom lip. “For being here and waiting until I woke up. I— I’ve been such a bad friend to you,” you sighed. “I’m so sorry, I just—”

Porco shook his head. “No. I’m sorry for what I said the night I stayed here.”

“No, you don’t need to— I mean— I wasn’t mad about it,” you fumbled with your words, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“I don’t know,” Porco shrugged. “Felt like I made you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t,” you assured him. “Thank you for staying with me that night. I really didn’t want to be alone.”

“I just— Can I say something else? Promise this is the last time I talk about it.” You nodded. “I didn’t love you the first time I met you,” he blurted, shrugging. “I mean, it’s not like I saw you and caught feelings— first time I saw you you were drunk off your ass at Reiner’s party. I was your friend first. Still am, nothing will change that. And honestly? I wouldn’t be surprised if my feelings went away,” he chuckled. “Who knows. Might finally meet someone else and fall for them.”

“Yeah, maybe you’ll meet someone,” you agreed with a strained smile.

“Whatever happens, know that before anything else, I’m your friend,” Porco said, golden eyes setting on yours. “And that will never change. You’re stuck with me.”

“And you’re stuck with me.”

“See any other reason why I’m watching a shitty reality show on a Tuesday night?”

At this, you hit Porco with one of the pillows, square on his face. You couldn’t help but laugh at his stunned face.

“You’re so fucked,” he said, putting the laptop on the coffee table in front of him.

You took this as a sign to run, the ache in your muscles forgotten at the back of your head as you tried to dodge the pillows Porco was throwing at you. Your legs weren’t weak anymore, as you quickly jumped to avoid the furniture and picked up one of the pillows to throw it back at him. Your heart was no longer aching, but jumping as you cackled when Porco tripped and fell. Even if your eyes were watering again, this time was due to the excessive laughter. And yes, your breath was hitching but it was thanks to Porco chasing you around the living room.

You let yourself fall on the floor next to Porco, the coldness of the floor soothing your skin as he dramatically held his knee against his chest like an injured soccer player. You turned your head to him, smiling at his antics as he filled your heart with happiness once more.

Maybe that had been his power all along.

#porco x reader #snk x reader #aot x reader #porco galliard #porco galliard x reader #porco x you #porco galliard x you #porco galliard angst #porco galliard fluff #porco angst #porco fluff #zeke x reader #zeke jaeger x reade #zeke x you #zeke jaeger x you #zeke jaeger #zeke angst

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bluescluelessly · 3 years

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Okay my brain is fried but I must type something out so here have a transgender Obi-Wan codywan au that nobody asked for-

So like, disclaimer, I don't hate Satine but she is painted in a negative light in this au idea so please know that I don't actually think she's a shitty person or character, but I am using her as like the asshole in this AU and I apologize in advance, please don't hate me.

But I was thinking about that "I don't like your beard" line but in the context that Obi-Wan is ftm trans, and, when he had a thing with Satine, it was pre-transition.

And in this, Satine is a lesbian and she's not over [I'm gonna go with Obiaania as his dead name, Obi for short] when he shows back up to help her with Concordia/Death Watch.

And like, she heard Jedi Master Kenobi is coming to investigate, and was expecting someone very different. Which is why she's very passive-aggressive flirting-but-not with him the whole time. She calls him Master Kenobi, or Obi, but not Obi-Wan, because she misses her girlfriend who she isn't over, and though she doesn't want to be openly antagonistic, she feels betrayed.

And Obi-Wan is just. Sad because he still likes Satine a lot, and was hoping they could reconnect as friends, seeing as they can't be lovers anyways. But she's pushing his buttons, and making sly digs at who he used to be, and it gets on his nerves really fast.

Enter Anakin, Rex, and Cody after the investigation, as they prepare to ship out to Coruscant to prevent republic forces from being sent to handle the Death Watch and Separatist threat. Anakin is oblivious, because he is, Ahsoka and Padmé have all his brain cells. He misses the underlying issues and teases Obi-Wan about his "girlfriend" which makes Obi-Wan uncomfortable for obvious reasons. (I'm thinking Obi-Wan has never brought up his gender identity to Anakin, because it's not important, and not his business, and doesn't affect their training at all. And Anakin has seen him shirtless at some point obviously but his first thought at seeing scars on Obi-Wan's chest isn't "top surgery", it's probably more like "mission gone wrong", so Anakin is just, clueless.)

Cody however, files Obi-Wan’s medical reports and IS aware of the situation, and immediately dislikes Satine, and maybe at some point drags Anakin aside to tell him to back off about the girlfriend jokes without outing Obi-Wan to him.

And like, the last straw for Cody is when Satine is walking off the ship with Obi-Wan and goes "I don't like your beard, it hides too much of your pretty face". Like obviously Obi-Wan and Cody aren't going to fight her there in broad daylight but Cody is thinking about it.

Idk I just want Cody to step in and go "Lucky for you, you won't have to see his handsome face again. I have to look at his mug everyday, and I happen to like the beard," or something.

Anyways she leaves, and Obi-Wan looks at Cody like "So you think I'm handsome, hm?" And Cody's just "only a blind fool wouldn't."

And more mushy soft flirting and hugs and comfort because they deserve it.

Sorry this post is a whole mess and a half but I just couldn't stop thinking about this ahah. I'm not gonna write it but if anyone wants to add on or adopt it please feel free to ♡♡♡

#codywan #obi wan #obi wan kenobi #cody x obi wan #obi wan x cody #commander cody #a little anti-satine #not satine positive #I'm sorry #au #codywan au #ftm trans #trans Obi-Wan #ftm trans Obi-Wan

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somanysigns-13 · 3 years

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Part 3: Snuggle in and buckle up for a long read. 😬

Reputation 2017 - her final required album with BMR (2014-2017 3 years after 1989)

…Ready For It? (also see cowboy like me on evermore)

* Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted...Knew the beard (maybe Joe?) was gay; wondered how many girls he had to pretend with?

* But if he’s a ghost then I can be a phantom holdin him for ransom...She can use him to cover her relationship with Karlie (also see New Romantics)

* Some boys are tryin too hard he don’t try at all though younger than my exes but he act like such a man so I see nothing better keep him forever like a vendetta...Some of her beards actually tried to make the relationship legit but he doesn’t try at all, maybe because he is also gay, so she can see staying with him until it’s over

* In the middle of the night, in my dreams you should see the things we do. In the middle of the night in my dreams I know I’m gonna be with you, so I’ll take my time...She knows in the end she will be with Karlie so she’s just going to ride this out

* Knew I was a robber first time that he saw me stealing hearts and runnin off and never saying sorry but if I’m a thief then he can join the heist and we’ll move to an island.... Possible reference to Karlie’s bearding with Josh and him knowing they are together and being part of the whole plan?

* He can be my jailer Burton to this Taylor...Nod to Elizabeth Taylor and her relationship with Richard Burton * Karlie’s middle name is Elizabeth * Burton to this Taylor - Josh will marry Karlie to quiet the rumors of her and Karlie’s relationship therefore he is Taylor’s “jailer” keeping the “cage” in place. Back to that recurring theme..cages..(see so it goes, this is me trying, and cowboy like me)

* Baby let the games begin...Here we go...start of the end game by playing more games

End Game

* I wanna be your endgame I wanna be your first string I wanna be your A-Team... She wants to be able to be public with Karlie and not the “secret”

Could the End Game be them getting through the final years of the BMR contract and possible other contracts (Karlie with Scooter and Josh). Did Taylor possibly sign a 3 album obligation to UMG which is why she busted out 3 albums in 1 year (Lover/folklore/evermore) to make “End Game” “New Year’s Day” 2021? There seems to be a countdown between the years of album releases...1989-reputation (3) rep-lover (2) and lover-folklore/evermore (1)

* Big reputation, big reputation ooh you and me would be a big conversation... If they came out now everyone would really be talking about it even though there are currently rumors

What kind of big conversation would really come of her and Joe Alwyn? Why would being in a heterosexual relationship need to be kept such a secret? What’s so taboo about it? And why would it need to be a secret when the public narrative is that you are in a relationship with him already?

* I hit you like bang we tried to forget it but we just couldn’t...Karlie and Taylor’s chemistry is too much to disregard or act like it was just a temporary thing, they are each other’s lobsters and they couldn’t quit each other.

* And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put them... She’s going to go along with the plan but she won’t forget who made her have to do it

* And I can’t let you go your handprints on my soul It’s like your eyes are liquor like your body is gold...again Karlie’s astrological sign is Leo and the Leo color is Gold…she’s love drunk on her eyes and she’s left a mark on her forever (see This Love and Dress)

* You’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks so here’s the truth from my red lips...Taylor tries to push Karlie away or talk herself out of her feelings but Karlie calls her on her bullshit

I Did Something Bad

* I never trust a playboy but they love me so I fly ‘em all around the world and I let them think they saved me...Playboy as in boy she uses as her beard (play things for her to use- Don’t Blame Me) they think they can be the one to change/save Taylor (make her straight?) or possibly that by them going along with the plan she owes them something more since they “save” her reputation/career, she pays for all their expenses as her beard

* They never see it comin’ what I do next ...New Romantics; poker ref...she fills them in on the situation?

* This is how the world works you gotta leave before you get left...Foreshadowing her leaving BMR so she doesn’t lose Karlie?

* If he drops my name then I owe him nothin’ and if he spends my change then he had it comin... Did a beard say something he wasn’t supposed to in an interview that went against the NDA contract... Was he taking advantage of Taylor and her money?

* They’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one they got their pitchforks and proof their receipts and reasons... “Witches” historically were thought to be lesbians (see Salem witch trials - see Willow) Even if you aren’t one - Some of the rumors of her being with her friends other than Karlie (Martha Hunt)...The proof is obviously in the rumors of her and Karlie and possibly Kissgate..and lots of witch references in evermore

* So light me up go ahead and light me up...Acknowledging she’s gay?

Don’t Blame Me

* Don’t blame me, love made me crazy if it doesn’t you ain’t doin’ it right lord save me my drug is my baby I’ll be using for the rest of my life... Don’t blame her for all the crazy things she’s had to do to keep her relationship with Karlie Lord save me - “pray the gay away” type ref

* I’ve been breaking hearts a long time and toying with them older guys just playthings for me to use (see “I Did Something Bad”)...Boys = beards

* For you, I would cross the line I would waste my time I would lose my mind they say she’s gone to far this time... She would give it all up to be with Karlie (see lyrics of evermore)

* My name is whatever you decide and I’m just gonna call you mine I’m insane, but I’m your baby...Reference to Karlie writing her name in the sand wrong or maybe using “James” or another pseudonym like maybe Kayda?

* Echoes of your name inside my mind halo, hiding my obsession I once was poison ivy but now I’m your daisy...

Alleration of Karlie’s name? (Echoes of your name) Halo = Victoria’s Secret Angel.. Poison ivy (see Ivy) Daisy - all the pictures of them with daisies during the Big Sur trip and other

* And baby for you I would fall from grace just to touch your face if you walk away I’d beg you on my knees to stay... She would give it all up and come out if she could ....If Karlie wanted to leave (Victoria secret fashion show “walk away” ref) she would do whatever she had to do to make her stay

Delicate - there’s more lyrics here but you’ll get the point with just a few

* Is it cool that Taylor told Karlie how she felt? She knows their relationship/situation they’re in is delicate

* Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs stay here honey I don’t want to share...She hates that Karlie has to leave and pretend to be with Josh, she gets jealous

* I pretend you’re mine all the damn time...She hates the bearding

So It Goes - all Victoria Secret fashion show refs

* See you in the dark all eyes on you my magician all eyes on us you make everyone disappear ...From Taylor’s perspective - Victoria secret fashion show interactions - usually all eyes are on Taylor but not now, it’s all eyes on her and Karlie and Taylor see’s only her and her “shiny abs” when they’re out there together on the stage

* Cut me into pieces gold cage hostage to my feelings back against the wall trippin when you’re gone...it kills Taylor to have to hold her love for Karlie inside and not share it with the world as much as she hates when Karlie has to leave after their time spent together

* Cause we break down a little but when you get me alone it’s so simple cause baby I know what you know we can feel it... When they have to be apart it’s hard but when they’re together it’s all worth it...They both know what they have and what they have to do to keep it

* And all the pieces fall right into place getting caught up in the moment lipstick on your face so it goes...Everything so far is going to plan but sometimes they forget and have to deal with a revelation (lipstick on Karlie’s face as they walk out of the apartment and get papped)

* I’m yours to keep and I’m yours to lose you know I’m not a bad girl but I do bad things with you so it goes...Seems like Taylor is saying the ball’s in Karlie’s court so to speak? The bad things = lesbian things 😂

* Met you in a bar all eyes on me your illusionist all eyes on us I make all your grey days clear and wear you like a necklace I’m so chill but you make me jealous but I got your heart skipping when I’m gone... From Karlie’s perspective - usually everyone is looking at Taylor but not at the VS Fashion show. She’s the sunshine in Taylor’s life but she does get jealous sometimes...But she knows she has Taylor’s heart and that Taylor misses her when she’s gone

* Come here dressed in black now scratches down your back now so it goes...Victoria’s Secret fashion show when they’re in black dresses holding hands walking down the runway and likely what happened after the show 😉

* You did a number on me but honestly baby who’s counting I did a number on you but honestly baby who’s counting 1, 2, 3...They really can’t help themselves with each other and their feelings * 3 years has gone by (2014-2017) (see invisible string - bold was the waitress on our 3 year trip. * 3 album contract with UMG?

Gorgeous - the rest of the lyrics speak for themselves I think, so here’s a couple.

* You make me so happy it turns back to sad ...When they’re together vs when they’re apart (Karlie w/Josh)

* There’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have Due to the management teams keeping them apart?

Getaway Car

King of My Heart - Karlie is a Leo (Lion - king of the jungle)

* Salute to me, I’m your American Queen - Karlie referred to Taylor as the Princess because she has blue eyes, red lips, is beautiful and wears a crown in the Best Best Friend Vogue video

* Cause all the boys and their expensive cars, with their range rovers and their Jaguars never took me quite where you do...She feels nothing with any of her expensive beards like she does with Karlie

* Late in the night, the city's asleep Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep... They have to sneak around to avoid being seen together in intimate situations

* Change my priorities The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury... She’s making all the effort to make the relationship work. I’m sure some guys have tasty lips but typically the ladies win that one

* Is the end of all the endings? End Game

* My broken bones are mending She uses breaking bones metaphors often (sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me refs?)

* Up on the roof with a school girl crush

* She’s got a girl crush

* Drinking beer out of plastic cups

* Karlie and Taylor at the Knicks game

* Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

* Taylor wants to know that Karlie wants her for her, not what she has

Dancing With Our Hands Tied - a lot to unpack here so I’ll try to do it briefly

* I, I loved you in secret First sight, yeah, we love without reason...Depending on when they first met, Taylor saw Karlie either irl or modeling or through mutual friends and had a crush instantly

* Deep blue, but you painted me golden

* Karlie is Leo...astrologically represented by 1 color...Gold

* I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us...If they came out what would it do to their relationship and their careers?

* So, baby, can we dance Oh, through an avalanche?... Is it possible to do it? Maybe not now, but can they weather the storm until they can make it public?

* I'd kiss you as the lights went out Swaying as the room burned down Possible Kissgate ref?

* I'd hold you as the water rushes in...They’re both fire signs...a water sign beard (Joe is a Pisces) could be the extinguisher to squash the rumors of Kaylor

* If I could dance with you again...She’ll do what she needs to do to keep this relationship

Dress - another big one

* Our secret moments in your crowded room They've got no idea about me and you...Victoria Secret fashion show moments

* There is an indentation in the shape of you Made your mark on me, a golden tattoo Again with gold and the tattoo...permanent mark (see End Game)

* Say my name and everything just stops I don't want you like a best friend...Not really sure if it could be any more obvious..Karlie and Taylor were each other’s “Best Friend” and Taylor is letting it be known that she wants her more than that

* Only bought this dress so you could take it off Take it off (ha, ha, ha) Carve your name into my bedpost 'Cause I don't want you like a best friend...She wants to “do bad things” with Karlie (see “so it goes”)

Call It What You Want

* Possible start of the bearding ref?

* Sounds an awful like “So Karlie would you want to?”

* Windows boarded up after the storm ...They have to be apart, possible arguments over what the plan should be? Also see Death by a thousand cuts on Lover

New Year’s Day=End Game?

* Last song with BMR..Taylor’s contract is over

* Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor...Candles are a recurring prop in her music videos, assumed to represent the passing of time of their respective contract periods * Polaroids - Karlie was asked in an interview what she collects, she said Polaroids...They took lots of Polaroid pictures on their trip to Big Sur * Taylor used the image of a Polaroid as her album cover in 1989

*You and me forevermore...direct link to the evermore album and song...she said in the MAATHP documentary that her life is planned out at least 2 years in advance...looks like maybe some of the folklore/evermore songs were already in the works or at the very least she went back and drew inspiration from other albums.

* You squeezed my hand three times in the back of the taxi

* could 3 years be the length of Karlie’s contract with Josh? (See So It Goes)

* 3 album contract with UMG?

* I can tell it’s gonna be a long road They’re going to have to suffer through at least 3 years of not being seen together in order to avoid speculation

* I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town, babe Or if you strike out and you’re crawling home Whatever Karlie’s reason is for going along with the Josh stunts, Taylor will be there to support her no matter what...Strike out is a baseball metaphor and Karlie is a big St Louis Cardinals fan (baseball ref also used in peace on folklore...”swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenches”)

Crawling home…opposite of what Karlie used to do as a Victoria Secret model and “walking” the runway

* Don’t read the last page But I stay When it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes... Try not to look too far ahead, things can go wrong and it can make the time longer or seem longer

* I want your midnights But I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day Taylor wants to be with her now, but she knows in the end she’ll be with her forever after the charade and games are over.

* Hold on to the memories they will hold on to you Just keep remembering the good times..they’ll get “us” through until the games are over

#taylor swift #kaylor #karlie kloss #gaylor swift #part 3 #reputation #lyric analysis

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weirdthoughtsandideas · 3 years

Text

Ludmila and Naty are both closeted lesbians

Aka: I’m gonna make another essay about a TV show for middle schoolers that like 3 people who follow me has seen.

Naty was definitely in love with Ludmila, and I think Ludmila liked Naty back, but she didn’t know how to process it and therefore was really toxic towards her. I think a part of her also envies how Naty can be more... open than her, and due to her own comphet, she tries to force that behaviour at Naty, too. You know, the first line in “Peligrosamente bellas” is “Natalia, find a boy!”

I think it was episode 72 in season 2, where Naty called out Ludmila. She said she wants to hate her, but she can’t, because she likes her too much. She also calls out Ludmila on her obsession with Violetta - because, yeah, why is Ludmila so obsessed with Violetta? Was it originally because she didn’t want her to date Tomás? Well, after rewatching season 1, I got the feeling Violetta always was more into Leon anyways. Did Ludmila perhaps go after Tomás just to make Vilu jealous in some way? And after he left, she still went after Vilu. What’s with this obsession?

Now, what about Maxi and Federico? They really seemed to like them? Maybe they are bi/pan. Yes, that could absolutely be the case! However, I think they may have liked the idea of having a boyfriend more than actually wanting one. Naty for example: Maxi was nice to her, he supported her, he gave her confidence. She knew he was better for her than if she was with Ludmila. I think he was definitely both a beard and an escape from Ludmila for Naty. Though, she always got back to Ludmila again, because she just couldn’t escape how she felt. She liked Maxi, he made her feel good - but not like that. I recall Maxi once telling her “I see things in you that you might not realise about yourself” and Naty kind of just lowkey panics. Also in season 1, when Maxi picks her up from the floor, this happens. I think the reason Ludmila disapproved of their relationship is because she really wanted Naty for herself, too. Even if she wouldn’t admit it. Now, for Federico. It’s interesting, because Ludmila didn’t care much about him in season 1. It wasn’t until season 2 she suddenly got extremely interested in him. What changed? Well, when Federico came back, he was now super famous. Hmmmm?? Now again, Ludmila has a lot of comphet. I think this is due to her psychopath of a mother who has drilled into her head how she is supposed to be. She is supposed to be the best and also, most likely, date only the best of boys. Federico? Won a contest, is super famous now. He is “one of the best”. Federico wants to help her, too - he, like Naty, sees she is something more than what she acts like.

I definitely think Ludmila had a crush on Violetta, I mean, like Naty said, Ludmila had this BIG obsession with her. And the whole “Si es por amor”?? “Ludmila wrote that song about Federico” YEAH OKAY BUT SHE ALWAYS SINGS IT WITH VIOLETTA AND HAVE THIS STRANGE IMAGINARY MUSIC VIDEO WHERE VIOLETTA CHASES HER AROUND BUENOS AIRES WHILE SHE TRIES TO GET AWAY FROM HER. However, due to season 3, she either got over the crush, or just realised it wouldn’t work and just accepted it. I remember there was a scene where Violetta said she liked the “real” Ludmila, to which Ludmila replies “the real Ludmila doesn’t exist”. Violetta smiles and says “Yes, she exists, and I’d like to meet her every day”.

I think both Naty and Ludmila have a long way to go. Maybe this little essay won’t make any sense. Maybe i’m just seeing things that aren’t there. I don’t know.

#ludmila ferro #naty vidal #Natalia vidal #wlw #lesbian headcanons #violetta

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arceneades · 3 years

Text

Why I Love She-Ra (2018)

I watched She-Ra after my YouTube feed had been inundated with She-Ra for a couple of years. I just sort of wanted to know what it was all about. People were talking. I was curious.

I think the first time I felt like crying was during the theme song the first time I saw it.

“We’re Gonna Win In The End!”

This was a queer show. I knew that. And... well, I grew up in the 1980s. And people, we are winning. We are winning this fucking fight with the forces of fucking darkness, some of which were in my own mind and heart, and it has been a long god damn slog but we are winning.

In the late 1990s and early 2000s, I worked for a company that published a phone book (yes, a printed book, with phone numbers in it that you could call. It was a different time, okay?) that was targeted to the gay community. Specifically, it was a yellow page directory with advertisements for restaurants, and florists, and plumbers, and towing services, and any other business that you could think of that were paying money to let gay customers know that they would be treated like fucking human beings by that business.

That book doubled in size every year for 4 years. Because we were winning.

It took decades to go from the Defense of (straight) Marriage Act to nationwide acknowledgement of marriage rights. But we got there. Because we are winning. And I care about this fight.

So, yeah. I’m in. Let’s go. We’re gonna win in the end.

The feels did not stop. I cried during “Promise”. Well, I mean, of course I did, I’m not an inhuman monster. I cried during the battle of Bright Moon. I cried for Catra when Shadow Weaver left her, when she hurt her friends, when her pain and rage tore the world apart. She just kept breaking my heart. I wanted her to make just one good decision.

She did, of course, and I cried about that too. I knew what was coming with “Corridors” but it killed me anyway, Adora’s “no, no, no” just bruised my soul.

And “Save the Cat”? Adora’s righteous fury and the power of her love for Catra... again. Tears.

Maybe it was just 2020. Maybe my emotions were just close to the surface. I don’t know. I HURT for those kids. I wanted them to be okay. I still want them to be okay.

But I also felt seen. Seen in a way that... was different.

I was a middle aged, cis-gendered, straight white male. And this show was hitting me, and hitting me hard, and I didn’t know why. I was invested in this love story. I was invested in the war. I knew they were the same thing.

Not unusual, I suppose. I’m a Jane Austen fan. I like love stories. I like it when main characters get together. I’ve read Pride & Prejudice more than twice. But I don’t feel seen when I do.

Part of it was Catra. We all probably have some Catra in us. I might have more than most. It’s taken a long time to get some of my more extreme behaviors under control, although my rage and trauma tends to direct inward, not outward.

Part of it was Adora. I love characters that reflect fierce protectiveness, a part of us that wants to stand between the universe and the people we love and say “No, You can’t hurt them. You can’t have them. They. Are. Mine.”

But hey, you know, Tony Stark has that vibe in “Avengers: Endgame” and even dies to protect what he loves and while that speaks to me, I don’t feel... seen.

Tony Stark is played by Robert Downey Jr, an actor I grew up watching. Avengers is essentially built for me to watch. Literally, I am the target market, me and the kids I’m going to bring to the theater. I don’t feel seen. Marketed to, maybe. But not seen.

Which led me to wonder why a love story about two lesbians who are too young to drink, set in a world where it is not only okay to be a teenage lesbian but it isn’t even worth commenting on, meant so very much to me.

And thinking about that reminded me of something. Which is that when I was super into Second Life, a decade or so ago, I always used a female avatar. Always.

And it felt right. Perfectly right. And I had a lot of conversations with trans people who were also using female avatars because it helped them get along with their dysphoria. A feeling I don’t have. Of course.

I mean, sure. I prefer playing female avatars in games. That’s totally a cis-het thing to do, right? You know the joke, “If I’m going to be staring at an ass, it might as well be a nice ass.”

Okay, so maybe, just maybe, I did sort of decide that I wasn’t a man during that time. I wasn’t sleeping. I was depressed. I hated my job. Totally understandable. My friends straightened me out, shamed me out of that. Maybe that wasn’t the nicest way they could have approached that but I got shamed out of it, didn’t I? If I were actually trans, that wouldn’t happen. Right?

And I like being male. Well, I like the privileges that come with being male. I like having the upper body strength, and I find other men to be sufficiently terrifying that I wouldn’t want to... take off the armor. Not around them.

Yes, maybe, just maybe, I would prefer to have sex as a woman, given the option. That doesn’t make me trans, it just means that I really feel at home around lesbians and want to be a part of their world. Totally normal cis-het feelings there. It’s not like I would actually transform into a woman if I had a magic wand. I mean, not permanently. Not all the time. Just, you know, sometimes. When I wanted to take the armor off. Just when it felt safe.

Totally. Normal. Cis-Het. Feelings.

I mean, obviously I don’t want to be a woman. I don’t want to carry breasts around, for one thing. Looks uncomfortable. I like having just muscle up there instead, thank you very much. And I’m super comfortable with short hair and a beard. It’s a good look for me. I wouldn’t want to look different. I’m happy with my hormone mix. So, there you go. I’m a boy.

So why don’t I want to be one?

This argument has been raging in my skull forever. Am I a boy? I’m not a girl. I like being able to grow a beard. I’m as Dad a Dad as any Dad on the face of the planet. I don’t want breasts. But... I sort of do want hips.

When I first started questioning my gender, as far as I knew, there were two options. And neither of them fit. Because what I am is non-binary. A fact I would not know if Noelle had not made SPOP, and I don’t know how I can possibly thank her enough for that.

And according to the kids on the enby lesbians server, I’m a non-binary lesbian, which explains the fact that I’m on my fifth Subaru, but doesn’t explain why I don’t currently share my life with a mixed breed Labrador.

I am queer. I felt seen watching She-Ra because I was seen. On Etheria, everyone would use my pronouns. On Etheria, my friends would have helped me through my gender crisis. On Etheria, even in a war, we love and accept each other for who we are. We see each other.

We’re not on Etheria. But I believe we’ll get there.

We’re gonna win in the end.

#spop fandom #gender #queer is beautiful #nonbinary #she ra and the princesses of power #she-ra

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zamoimagines · 4 years

Text

Words: 2393

Pairing: Ally Mayfair Richards x Reader

A/N: this has been in my drafts for quite some time, so enjoy!

“Last order of the night folks!” one of the line cooks called back. Other employees hooted as the night came to a close.

“Thank god, I’m ready to call it a night!” Carla, your coworker, said with a wide grin.

“Me the hell too!” you added.

The evening had gone by relatively slow at the restaurant. Perhaps that was the benefit of working a closing shift on a Sunday night. For the most part, you loved your job. Ally, your boss, was a well established business woman and you respected the hell out of her. She really cared about the restaurant and it truly showed through her work. Not to mention you loved all of your coworkers and genuinely enjoyed making carefully crafted dishes. You had to admit, this restaurant had become a part of you.

Though things changed when Ivy disappeared. Without a culinary manager, Ally couldn’t keep up with all of the work on top of her campaign. The only thing she really could do was hire a new manager to help alongside her.

You could hear a faint whistling sound coming from around the corner. Carla groaned to herself at hearing the familiar tune.

“Ugh, what is he still doing here?” she muttered.

You knew exactly who she was talking about.

Chris took over the culinary manager position months ago in place of Ally’s former spouse. Everyone could agree that he changed the vibe of the restaurant, and it wasn’t in a good way. When Ally wasn’t around, he acted as if the restaurant was his. He treated everyone here like shit and it was obvious that he didn’t care about this place like the rest of you did. Everyone hated him.

“Hiya, ladies! How are we doing back here?” a weasley voice called out. You could feel a chill run down your spine.

Luckily for you, Chris had taken a liking to you. A very extreme liking.

You did your best to keep your eyes on your work as he appeared. It wasn’t that he was ugly. He always kept his reddish brown hair tidy and made sure his beard was well trimmed. He always dressed professionally and had a deceivingly beautiful smile. You’d admitted that he was alright looking. Though he seemed to completely disregard the fact that you were a lesbian.

“We’re fine, Chris. List’s almost done.” Carla piped up.

Chris completely ignored her statement and walked over to where you were standing.

“Miss Y/N? How’s the list coming?” he asked, standing so close that you could feel his breath against your cheek. You tried hard not to choke on the smell of his cologne.

“We’re nearly finished. The only thing left is getting the soup ready for tomorrow morning.” you replied reluctantly.

“Oh, that’s nothing!” He exclaimed. “You can handle that, can’t you?”

Carla rolled her eyes. “Of course we can. Now, can we please finish up?”

Chris turned to Carla, flashing her a passive look.

“Actually, Miss Williams, I won’t be needing you any longer. Why don’t you clock out and take off early tonight, hm?”

“But Ally scheduled me to close-”

“I understand that, but I think Y/N can handle taking your closing shift. Besides, I need to get you off of the clock anyway so you don’t run overtime.”

Carla’s brows furrowed as your blood began to boil. You had been scheduled to open, then asked to stay an extra five hours. Now he wanted you to close by yourself?

“Chris, I’d really prefer it if Carla stayed.”

“You’ll be fine! I know you’re capable. Carla, I’ll clock you out.”

As he walked away, your coworker growled under her breath.

“What the hell is his problem? I’m not even close to over time!”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault.” you muttered. “I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?”

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay? I can call Ally,”

“It’s fine… Really. Go get some sleep.”

Carla nodded before getting her things.

The rest of the night went painfully slow. Chris continued to keep adding items to your list, while others left. One by one, employees were leaving for the evening. The last dishwasher waved to you right before he went out the back door.

“Night, Y/N!”

“Night.” you mumbled. You were so tired. You were the last one in the kitchen but you had finally finished your list. Beginning to clean, you made sure to rush so that you could leave as soon as possible.

Just as you were taking off your apron, you heard the faint whistling begin once again. Your heart was racing. Chris was still fucking here.

He came around the corner and gave you a sly grin.

“Done?”

“Yeah… Is it good enough for tonight? I was supposed to leave hours ago.”

Chris raised one of his brows. “Did you put the lids on the sink?”

Shit.

“No, I forgot. Let me take care of that…”

You quickly rushed over to the sinks and placed the lids over them. As you placed the last one, you felt firm hands upon your shoulders.

“Woah, woah, woah… Why don’t you slow down? You can take your time, you know.”

Chris was standing directly behind you, his mouth inches away from your ear. His thumbs began to gently rub into your skin. Your body was completely paralyzed.

“I-I’m just trying to get home, that’s all.”

“It’s okay, Y/N. I see how jumpy you get whenever I’m around.” One of his hands brushed your hair back gently. “I know you want me.”

Your eyes widened as you wriggled out of his grasp. You took a step away from him.

“Chris, look, I think maybe you’re reading things wrong-”

In an instant, he cornered you so that his body was pressed against your own. The edge of the counter hit the middle of your back.

“You don’t have to play hard to get, sunshine. We can keep it a secret…” His arm wrapped around your waist and gripped you tight. You tried to push him off of you, but his hold on you was too strong.

“Chris, get off of me!”

“Come on, sweetheart, just one kiss. I promise you won’t regret it.”

“Get the fuck off of me!”

He leaned his face close to yours. You could smell liquor on his breath. His lips barely touched your own as he gazed deep into your eyes.

“Naughty girl… Give Daddy a kiss.”

From behind you, someone cleared their throat rather loudly. You weren’t the only two here. You couldn’t see who it was, but you could see a wave of panic sweep over Chris. He immediately stood up straight. You turned your head to see the person standing there.

“Christopher Martin, do you care to tell me what’s going on here?” Ally said in a rather stern tone.

You had never been so happy to see your boss in your life. She must have come from her campaign, for she was still dressed in her pantsuit. You didn’t think she would be in tonight though you were completely grateful that she’d come when she did.

“I… I was just trying to help Miss Y/L/N close-”

“That’s not what it looked like.” She folded her arms in front of her chest as she slowly made her way closer to Chris.

“It seems like you were trying to sexually assault one of my employees.”

“N-No,” he began, “It’s not like that at all-”

“Where in the fuck do you get off?” Ally shouted.

You bit your lower lip. Chris was absolutely speechless.

“I trust you with my restaurant while I leave to give my speech to the press, and I come back to see you pinning one of my female prep cooks down and asking her to call you Daddy.” The corners of her lips twitched in anger.

“Honestly, Ally, she brought it on. She’s been leading me on for weeks, she was begging me to do something-”

“I do not give a flying fuck about what you have to say. Y/N has never once tried to lead you on, she’s a fucking lesbian for christ’s sake. Did that ever occur to you?”

“I… I..”

“Of course it didn’t, because you’re a fucking prick.” She towered over Chris as her eyes filled with rage.

“If I EVER see you so much as glance at one of my female employees again, I will fucking DESTROY you. Is that clear?”

Your hand was covering your mouth. You had never seen Ally so heated like this. All Chris could do was nod his head, he couldn’t even speak.

“Get the fuck out of my restaurant. You’re fired.”

Chris’s mouth dropped open.

“You can’t do that! I’m the culinary manager!”

“Not anymore. If you don’t leave now, I’ll call the cops and we can make this a bigger deal than it should be. I’ve beat a whole fucking cult before, I won’t hesitate to ruin your life.”

Chris angrily looked at you, then at Ally. She stood close to you, almost shielding you from him. You couldn’t believe what was happening right now.

Without saying anything, he got his coat and stormed out the back door. Ally turned to you before taking your hands into her own.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you at all?”

Her skin was warm against your own. This touch was much more welcome, more genuine. She made you feel so safe.

“No, I’m okay.” you replied. “Thank you… It would’ve been so much worse if you hadn’t been there.”

Ally cupped one of your cheeks in her hand. “You don’t have to see him ever again, okay? I’ll make sure he never steps foot in here.”

You nodded but you were a little flustered. Ally had never been this close to you before. You got the occasional pat on the back and she would always come back to talk to you in a friendly way, but this was much different. Her eyes were gazing deep into your own as if she was putting you in a trance. You hadn’t even noticed the bright pink blush that had rushed to your face.

Ally was lingering much longer than she had planned to. Her heart was racing. She wasn’t entirely sure why seeing Chris trying to hit on you filled her with so much rage. If it had been any other female employee, he still would’ve gotten fired and she would’ve been just as angry at him. Though seeing him touch you in such a disgusting manner gave her nothing but the desire to slit his throat. Holding you close like this was the only thing keeping her calm.

“Uh… Why don’t you go get your things,” She muttered as she pulled away from you slightly. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

You didn’t question her. Immediately, you went to the back to grab your purse and your jacket. You took a moment to inhale slowly. Tonight had been an absolute rollercoaster.

When you came back out, Ally placed her hand on your upper back and began to guide you out of the restaurant.

“What about the closing work?” You asked.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of it.” The politician replied.

The parking lot was dark so you were thankful that Ally insisted on coming with you. Chris’s car appeared to be gone, but you could never be too sure. Ally didn’t leave your side once. As you pressed the unlock button on your keys, she opened the driver door for you.

“Now, I want you to take the week off. Regroup. Take some time to recover from everything.”

“But I have a shift tomorrow morning-”

“I’m aware of that.” She glanced at her surroundings to make sure you were completely safe. “I’m going to cover for you, so don’t worry about it.”

“Ally, seriously I can come to work.”

“After what you went through tonight, I feel personally responsible. I cannot believe I hired such a creep.”

“You couldn’t have known he was going to do that.”

“Either way, I want you to stay home this week. You’ll still be paid and I’ll make sure of that. No one should’ve had to go through something like that.”

You were so shocked at her generosity. She was a great boss, but she was more than that. She saved your life tonight. You owed so much to her.

“Um… Thank you. For being there…. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if he had actually done something.”

“Anything for you.” Ally said with a small smile.

“Is there any way I could make it up to you?”

Ally wasn’t one for others repaying simple favors. Instead, she saw this as an opportunity. There was a short silence as she pulled out a business card from her pocket.

“You can let me cook you dinner. Tomorrow night, eight o’clock sharp. Are you free?”

“Yeah, I should be. Are you sure I shouldn’t be the one cooking?”

“Positive. You can repay me by giving me some company, does that sound fair to you?”

A wide grin was plastered across your face. You sat down in your car and turned the key in the ignition.

“Sounds pretty fair to me.”

“Good. Get home safe, okay?” Ally closed your car door carefully before moving to walk away.

You held the wheel tightly. Tonight had been horrendous, that was for damn certain. But now the Ally Mayfair Richards had offered to dinner at her house. Were you stuck inside a fever dream?

A loud knocking sound rattled your window. The sound caused you to jump as you turned to look out. Ally was waving from outside as if to ask you to roll your window down. As you rolled it down, she stuck her head in the frame.

“Sorry to scare you! I was gonna say, make sure to text me when you make it home safe, okay? I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if something else happened to you.”

“Of course. Good night, Ally.”

“Good night, honey.” She squeezed your hand tight before making her way back into the restaurant.

This wasn’t a fever dream whatsoever. You swore you could kiss Chris right on his disgusting lips for he’d scored you a date with the most influential lesbian in town.

REQUEST MORE IMAGINES HERE!

#ally mayfair richards #ally mayfair richards x reader #ally x reader #ahs cult #ahs cult imagine #american horror story #american horror story imagine #american horror story cult imagine #american horror story cult #sarah paulson x reader #hope ya'll like it!

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furubabes · 4 years

Text

Okay. Somebody Asked. @shoujobell and @cryptidaicat, y’all encouraged this. I’m gonna tag this #long post if you wanna filter.

So here. I got the urge to write and so I ranked the Fruits Basket couples from my favorite to least favorite. These aren’t my complete thoughts because I could honestly do multiple full meta posts on each pairing, but I tried to justify and explain all my choices. Standard disclaimer, this is subjective and we can agree to disagree.

Part 1: Just the reasonably popular ones

1. Kyoru: Someone’s gonna call me unoriginal for this but it’s fine. Kyoru is the main romance of Fruits Basket! They bring out the best in each other and build each other up as characters. Kyoru is basically my gold standard take on Sunshine Girl x Grouchy Dude, and I’m not even usually into that trope otherwise. Their romance is one of the few that feels so genuinely necessary to the story. They love each other and like each other. Kyo understands Tohru in a way no one else in the narrative does, and vice versa. They’re in love like soulmates and also like awkward teenagers. Kyoru invented romance. If it’s boring to like healthy romances with realistic development, I’ll be boring.

2. Tohrin: If Tohru didn’t end up with Kyo I would only want her to be with Rin. I guess they have some of the same appeal as Kyoru for me - Rin reads Tohru in a way a lot of people don’t. I also like how honest and raw they are with each other. They yell! They fight! Rin is down to just straight up knock Tohru over to keep her from rushing off. Also, they’re both absolute fashion icons. Goth x Prep rights. I firmly believe Tohru Honda is bisexual.

3. Yukeru: This is my favorite Yuki pairing. I followed @yunsoh way back when the reboot first started and her blog has got me absolutely hooked on Yukeru. I think Yuki’s arc would have just made a ridiculous amount of sense if he was gay. It screams comphet. Kakeru is an excellent complement to Yuki, and their bond feels incredibly natural. Honestly I feel like it’s the most organic romantic development outside of Kyoru. I think realistically they wouldn’t have gotten together until post-canon and frankly Yuki shines in his friendships much more than romances, so I’m not absolutely dying for them to be together, but if Yuki’s going to date anyone Kakeru is my pick.

4. Arisaki: Man... I just like them. They strike me as less of an epic love and more of a comfortable partnership. I also read them both as lesbians anyway lol. Honestly I think they both had feelings for Tohru at one point and bonded over it. The way I picture them happening is honestly just Arisa at 25 frantically googling “is it gay to hold hands with my girl roommate who I spend all my time with and also we never date men“ because Saki bought them rings that look like wedding bands but they could just be super close friendship rings and oh god she’s in too deep. They’re dating for four years before they notice.

5. AyaMine: But Jessie! You literally never post about this pairing! Yeah, you’re right. I never think about them actively. But when ranking the canon ships I realized that I like the two of them together because they’re chill and understated. They’re huge loud personalities on their own but as a couple, they just feel like two people who are happy together and like spending time with one another. No drama, no mess, very understated. No plot contrivances driving their relationship. Good for them.

6. YukiKyo: Okay, so I can be convinced to put on my YukiKyo goggles more often than not. It feels iffy because there’s debate about how closely related all the Sohmas are and these two are called “cousins” a lot in school, but since half of the Sohmas are dating each other anyway, I err on the side of them being more of a clan than a proper blood family. Anyway, YukiKyo is my designated angst fuel. I think it would realistically be pretty one-sided from Yuki’s side, since we see him wanting Kyo’s approval from a very young age, but I like exploring the what-ifs of their lives if they’d been friends instead of rivals. In canon, I like to think that after high school they’re not best friends in the traditional sense, but either one could show up with a dead body and the other would help them bury it, no questions asked.

7. Yuchi: Really? Yuki’s wife is my third favorite pairing for him? Look, I adore Machi, and I still like Yuchi. But as I’ve been watching the reboot and reading others’ metas, I think I agree that their relationship could have been very powerful as a platonic one, sort of running parallel to Yuki and Tohru. I like them together but I think there wasn’t quite time for a complete character arc for Machi and her growth sort of begins and ends with Yuki. I don’t object to them being a couple in canon and I think they’re genuinely very sweet, but once again, I think Yuki stands out in his friendships more than anything. I would have liked to see Machi strike out on her own a little more.

8. Haru x Yuki: I don’t have any particular feelings towards them but I love their dynamic already and I think as a couple they’d both be really easygoing and comfortable with each other. I think a childhood crush turned close friendship is honestly the narrative that works best for them so I have no need for the two to date canonically, but every time they interact in the anime it gets a laugh out of me. They’re cool. They’d make a very pretty pair.

9. Mayutori: I’m Mayutori-neutral. I think they suffer from Fruits Basket’s pair the spare syndrome, but out of the side pairings that don’t have too much impact, they’re one I enjoy. Mayu’s fun as a character, and painfully relatable, and I like that Hatori’s eventual romance isn’t with someone who reminds him of Kana or something like that. I also want good things for Hatori. Mayutori has serious heterosexual energy though. I’m not saying this as a pro or con, they’re just very straight.

10. Hatsuzu: Okay, Haru and Rin aren’t this far down because I hate them. I’m perfectly fine with them being together in canon. But I think their romance almost... functions better as individual motivation for their character arcs than it does as an actual relationship, if that makes sense? Rin’s backstory episode is heartbreaking and her motivation to protect Haru is compelling and sympathetic, but their actual scenes together just don’t move me that much. Their romance is the least interesting part of either character for me.

11. Hiro x Kisa: Yeah I never got into it that much. It’s cute, it’s a sweet depiction of childhood crushes, but I’m not a fan of the idea of them ending up together. Kisa’s a cutie and Hiro is entertaining but the two of them together don’t actually do much for me. The dynamic between them is almost like if someone did Kyoru with none of the nuance. Ultimately though, they’re kids. I don’t expect them to have a deep and complex romance.

12. Yukiru: I think it would be a disservice to their characters if they were a couple. People far more eloquent than me have already written plenty of meta on why Yuki and Tohru aren’t what the other needs romantically, so I won’t get into it, but basically I just think their canon friendship is so beautiful and meaningful that I wouldn’t want to change it. Yuki and Tohru support my thesis that not all soulmates are romantic.

13. Tohru x Momiji: Welcome to the subjective dislike corner! This pairing is reasonably popular among people theorizing who Tohru would be with if not Kyo, but for some reason it just sits poorly with me. I can’t rank it any lower because there’s nothing evil or morally wrong about it! I just really don’t like it. I’ve quit a few fics because this pairing came up and I just can’t enjoy it.

14. Kakeru x Komaki: Idk, I just think Kakeru latching onto the one girl who was nice to him and put up with his bullshit and then being with her forever isn’t compelling. Komaki’s also probably his beard. She’s likable as an individual though.

15. Akigure: There’s plenty to say about the age gap, Shigure being in love with Akito since she was a fetus because of The Dream, the implications of a 15-18 year old knowing he’d one day want to be with a then-10-year-old... yeah, you get it. But even if I was able to put all that aside because Soulmate Destiny Logic, I still don’t think I’d like Akigure. I think they’re interesting as bitter, codependent exes, but I don’t like the idea of Akito ending up with anyone who she abused or who abused her. I think she has so much growing to do as a character and staying in a relationship within the Sohma family to do it can’t be healthy for her. I can’t see them living happily ever after, nor do I really want to.

16. Kurisa: I think what frustrates me the most here is that I want to like Kureno and everything about this romance is written to dull his most interesting traits. First of all, the age gap. Yeah, it’s gross, I don’t like it. But even past that, the love at first sight, instant fixation with each other, and lack of actual chemistry just kills me. Arisa’s stated reason to like Kureno is that he reminds her of Tohru, basically piggybacking off the chemistry she and Tohru already have, and his total lack of agency means the plot just sort of carries him along. It frustrates me that Takaya could have done something pretty cool by making them simply friends who have a chance encounter and then build a friendship from there that parallels Kureno’s abusive dynamic with Akito. It would be neat if a stranger’s kindness was the push Kureno needed to get himself out of the Sohmas’ grasp, without all the nonsensical drama about them being in love. It would also be less of a disservice to Arisa, who basically just spends the whole series pining for Kureno after they meet and I hate it. I could write a whole post about this. Maybe I will sometime.

17. Kyoko x Katsuya: I don’t think their story is romantic. I think it’s tragic for Kyoko, and if it were framed that way within the narrative, I wouldn’t object so much to its existence. But... Takaya just really likes age gaps with a younger woman and an older man, so the narrative romanticizes this man marrying his student. Katsuya can be depicted as well-meaning as you want, but he’s still got a ridiculous amount of power over Kyoko. She was also still pretty young when she had Tohru, which doesn’t make things any better because it’s clear that the relationship turned physical when Kyoko was a teen, thus dashing the idea of Katsuya legally marrying her to save her but not actually doing anything creepy. I wish Fruits Basket framed this as a story of Kyoko escaping one dangerous situation by entering a relationship with a huge power imbalance, because that happens to girls all the time and it’s tragic and compelling. The events of the story could stay the exact same and if the framing changed I would be fine with it. But this is not that. This is just a really romanticized teacher/student age gap. I’m not into it.

Part 2: Rarepairs, weird shit, and others (oh my!)

1. Yuki x Kakeru x Kimi: OT3. I’m enamored with the idea of this hot mess polycule.

2. Momiji x Kimi: Chaos meets chaos. This couple would say uwu without any irony and also steal your car keys. They’re both perceptive and smart hidden under a layer of cute and I’d wanna watch them play 4D chess with each other.

3. Kazuma x Kunimitsu: Idk how old Kunimitsu is so if he’s like 20, strike this one from the record. But I saw one post once that was like Kyo slowly realizing Kazuma and Kunimitsu were gay and had been dating for years and it was funny as hell.

4. AyaTori: It’s cute. Opposites attract, black and white hair, and Aya only listens to Hatori anyway. It’s just fun to think about.

5. Megumi x Hiro: They don’t interact in canon I just think Goth x Punk-Ass Bitch is a great concept.

6. Motoko x Nao: They’re both loud as hell and Nao having a gf that towers over him is funny. Maybe Yuki would finally get some peace.

7. Machi x Kimi: I don’t see them actually being compatible in canon but I think they could have a really homoerotic college friendship.

8. Hajime x Mutsuki: This is just YukiKyo, the non angst version.

9. Akito x Hanajima: I’m so wary of shipping Akito with anyone but this is kind of fun. The two are friends in canon and Hana isn’t remotely afraid of Akito. Plus Akito never abused Hana. I can sort of see it.

10. Hiroshi x Yusuke: Makes no sense, wouldn’t be relevant, but if those two just never spent any time apart and continued being a pair for life it would be a really good bit.

11. Akitohru: I don’t think it’s healthy to date anyone who’s previously stabbed you.

12. Kazuma x Hanajima: Stop. Go to jail. Hana’s one-sided crush is funny though.

#fruits basket #fruits basket spoilers #long post #my posts.txt

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bisluthq · 3 years

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"Then why get pressed?" I assume they think she needs defending. Not necessarily from suggestions that she's gay, but from allegations that she's lying. Or protecting from what can happen once a group decides everything's a stunt (offensive remarks about the 'beards', harassment of the couple's friends and family, hacking emails and the catfishing to find 'proof' etc.) That they cannot make their point without being homophobic just shows how toxic the whole fandom is.

“Not necessarily from suggestions that she's gay” - naaaahhhh. I’d maybe have agreed with you historically but as someone who has been a VERY CHILL to pick me to clowning Gaylor blog with a platform for a good few months now it’s absolutely from the suggestions that she’s gay. When I felt disappointed in Taylor and Joe AS A UNIT post Grammygate the INSTANTANEOUS response was “well it’s just because you want her to be a lesbian” or “it’s just because you hate Joe” (as tho this isn’t in part a fucking Joe fan blog lmfao). I have been called a delusional conspiracist multiple times. Yesterday someone called me crazy for saying “here’s what I personally picture when I hear the FICTIONAL SONG Champagne Problems”.

This fandom is toxic af you’re right and HOMOPHOBIC TO ITS CORE.

I’m not excusing crazy ass shit Kaylors pulled and I never have excused it. Like this blog has always in part been about anti tinhattery and discussing conspiracies and the dangers thereof. I also think the catfishing, harassment, hacking, and spamming people’s comments with disgusting and often homophobic remarks needs to be unreservedly condemned.

But Taylor does fucking weird shit like puts a bi pride flag on her head, and a bi pride bracelet on her grid, and wears a bi flag dress, and fucking SAYS “gay pride makes me me”, and calls seeing models in their underwear an “actual fantasy”, and does a bi disaster freakout where she’s talking about a hot model and her hot boyfriend and she goes “AND THEY ARE BOTH SO HOT!” and offers convoluted wordy statements about communities she’s not a part of while the interviewer is made to feel like she’s giving her a root canal (like what the fuck does that even mean? Imagine you’re asked to speak on allyship after inserting yourself into the narrative and then you make the interviewer feel BAD for asking!?) and so GIVEN SHE HAS REPEATEDLY SIGNALED TO BEING SOMEWHAT QUEER or at least open to be speculated about, when Taylor listens to girl in red, it is PERFECTLY FAIR TO MAKE TAYLOR LISTENS TO GIRL IN RED JOKES.

It’s just NOT. THAT. FUCKING. DEEP.

Taylor doesn’t need rescuing from the mean nasty gays. If she wanted to shut this down, she could. At this point yeah it’s possible she’s just straight and in too deep. It’s also possible she just... genuinely doesn’t care what people think on this issue. And it’s possible she’s some kind of fluid. It doesn’t really matter. Hard truthering either position is nutty but it’s ESPECIALLY sick to hard truther hetlorism because if she is hetty then who fucking cares what some bitch says? Like I can understand the gold star truthers because they want it to be true. They want that representation. What the fuck are hard hetlors getting? Why do you care?

Again - harassment, stalking, etc are all fucking wrong. But that’s not limited to her cracked out Gaylor fans and they’ve never been the primary culprits so it’s weird to default to that as the drawcard for it when... mostly it’s just weird gay women wanting to vibe.

And I’m tired of “it’s disrespecting Joe” takes because I want that energy for Haylors and I’m tired of “so she can’t have friends?” takes because I want that energy for Sweeran truthers.

#nat talks gaylor #nat talks swiftdom #Anonymous

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inmyarmswrappedin · 4 years

Note

Now that Nora's season is coming to end, what are somethings that you want for amira's season

Hi 😁 I bet you thought I’d never reply to this ask! Well, after you sent this in MARCH, I am finally posting an answer.

Btw, I did the same for Nora’s season, and as a note, I’m a white European and an atheist. If any of this is offensive or not my place to say, I preemptively apologize.

1) I would like for Amira's arc not to be about being Muslim. That is, Cris' arc isn't about being bi, it's about learning (and accepting) that she's more than the fun friend. That she has and can offer more to the people in her life. Nora's arc isn't about being a feminist, it's about not being so set in your first impression of someone that you don't notice red flags or don't notice them trying to be better people. Same with Eva and not being defined by her mistakes, or about Viri and her financial situation. And I would like the same for Amira.

2) I think one common denominator of all Sana seasons so far is that they've shown the mains doing something that people assume hijabi can't do when it's more like they're systematically excluded from participating. For Sana, it was basketball. For Imane, it was dancing. For Amira M, it was boxing. I joked on twitter that Amira N's thing should be binging TV shows and eating junk, proving that hijabi are really like anyone else, but on a serious note, I'd like for Amira's thing to be photography (and maybe modeling? since Amira's friend was taking pics of her).

3) A scene where Amira explains how she can be a feminist and a hijabi both, just so we as a society have that scene to point to when the question inevitably comes up again. Seriously, I feel like that's one of the questions I most often see people asking Hajar.

4) I want the association girls to have their own youtube channel. Or at the very least, their own instagram and/or twitter account. I would love for them to post memes punching up about their experiences.

5) I feel like, much like with trans narratives, there's this "acceptable" narrative for hijabi in mainstream society, which is: the character made the decision to cover after coming up with solid reasons to do so. I.e. she made the decision early and can defend it with inarguable rebuttals. It's like women can't be trusted unless they know 150% what they're doing, be it covering, or dating a girl, or going vegan, or any number of things. I really appreciate that Amira started covering just because it felt right, and she's finding meaning in it after the fact. I would like for this to be a thing in her season, that she's still figuring herself out, that she's not already an Islamic scholar.

6) I also think that's what makes her stand apart from the other Sanas. I feel like (maybe with Zoya's exception), none of the other Sanas would entertain a crush on a white guy. They'd have never drunk or flirted (like we know Amira used to do). It's like they're not allowed to fuck up, or can only fuck up in acceptable ways, like engaging in a flirtation with a non Muslim only because they didn't know he wasn't a Muslim, or had booze at home, but it wasn't theirs, etc. I'm hoping that they've made Dani a love interest specifically to explore this idea (and not because they wanted to whitewash a character or give less time to an actor of color).

7) On that note, SKAM Hajar brought up an idea that, because the hijab makes them super visible, hijabi are perceived as ambassadors of Islam, expected to be able to answer any question about Islam, but also that people will judge all Muslims based on whatever mistake they individually make. I would like for a potential bench scene to allow Amira to say that it puts major pressure on her to feel like she can't make any mistake, because every Muslim will be judged based on her making a mistake, having a shitty day, being in a bad mood, not wanting to be Muslim wikipedia that day, etc. That sometimes she just wants to be Amira, not Islam personified.

8) I would like for Dani's character to represent not just white society, but also childhood, the safe choice, the choice her parents would love, and for Sofian's character to represent not just Moroccan culture, but also like... SEXY risk, independence, novelty... Because I feel like when I see Muslim girl/Muslim boy/white guy love triangles in fiction, the Muslim guy is positioned as the boring choice (but still incredibly wrong because he's abusive or maybe even secretly gay and forced to beard by his parents), the safety, the guy you'd bring home to your parents, whereas the white guy represents independence and carving your own path away from your parents.

9) Just once, I would like for a Muslim character to say, "what do you think of Catholic priests abusing kids?" to someone asking them what they think of such-and-such Muslim majority country doing such-and-such to its citizens. Bonus points if it's Sofian's character.

10) I would like for Dilan to get an insta and a storyline. And for that storyline to connect to Amira's.

11) In general, I would prefer that parents be kept to a minimum (not to get rid of them entirely, of course, but to be kept at the level they've been in other Sana seasons). I just have never thought the point of Skam was the parents. And I get why they have a larger presence in a second gen kid, but I, personally, am more interested in what they represent in the main's life, rather than in giving them a lot of face time.

12) And, on that note, if they do with Amira what I've outlined above, I don't think there's a necessity for Amira to have siblings. Particularly if eskam isn't going to continue after this season. I think it'd be far more interesting if Amira's character contained the elements of figuring her identity as a Muslim living in a Western country that Elias, Idriss and Essam had. (And maybe that way Dani is both Yousef and Elias, stealing not just one role for an actor of color, but two! lmao)

13) I really hope that the obligatory evak s4 side plot be kept at a minimum tbh. I'm really not interested in a) Eloy coming back to cause drama, b) Amira's friend causing croana drama because she's Joana ex or whatever, c) a physical fight breaking out because of (perceived) homophobia.

14) I want Amira to tell Cris that amiris es lo más real que hay. 😭 I would love it if, as a parallel to Cris' season, Amira doesn't tell Cris about her interest in Sofian's character at first because she's afraid of her reaction, only for Cris to be supportive of whatever she chooses to do.

15) I would be so fucking happy if eskam adapted the "is your faith stronger than your lust?" scene in this season. I have always wanted to love that scene, because how often do you get a scene where two girls get to talk that long and that much (even in Skam most of the iconic dialogue scenes between just two people aren't between two girls in the squad), but I just haaaated the purpose of the scene in Skam.

16) I would cry buckets if we got a scene like Det Beste fra Islam where Amira and Sofian's character both talk about what Islam means for them. Particularly if Sofian is introduced as not the Perfect Muslim Man, but it turns out he has THOUGHTS about religion.

17) And, finally, I would love for the unquestionable villain of the season to be a white guy. If the villain is going to be a woman, then I would want her to be Cris' mom, not a high school aged character. Not because of white feminism yayyy! but because I think the major issue Sana seasons have run into before is that the showrunners want to touch on white girls being the problem, but they also don't want to villainize white girls. So we have stuff like Sana inviting Sara and Ingrid (of all people!!) to Eid, Imane apologizing to Ingrid (of all people!!), random one clip white women attacking Amira M (and the Kiki/Amira friendship of course), etc. I'd just rather they didn't have girls doing shitty stuff to Amira N, if they're going to go back on it. Which they inevitably would, because eskam's overall message is sisterhood.

Bonus clips

18) I would love it if Skam España was like, "you thought we were dropping storylines left and right? Nope!" and resolved long standing mysteries like who was behind Eva's hate ig, who had the pills, who outed Cris to the school, who's the owner of the keys that were left behind at GSC, and so on. Will die if it turns out to be Ramón!

19) I want Joana to get that job she wanted so bad last season!

20) I would love for Emma to show up and come out as a lesbian, just as a last hurrah lol.

21) I don't feel strongly about which couples should be endgame and not (other than not Dani/Amira hghvvh please), BUT in my most embarrassing fantasies, I want Skam España to hire Alejandro Reina's irl boyfriend to play Lucas' boyfriend for the finale. Not because I can't separate fiction from reality or anything, but because when I thought Lucas would be getting a season, I wanted his boyfriend to be a poc, and I was highkey buttmad that they hired random white bread when they could just as easily have hired a poc.

22) I think it would be really cool if Inés got a clip on her POV, but I don't think we're going to get it. I think all bonus clips will be from the squad's POV, i.e. Eva, Cris, Nora and Viri. Not even Joana.

23) I want a Mallorca special or episode so bad, and I will be so FUCKING ANNOYED if we don't get it. Seriously, I can't imagine the team didn't feel betrayed when they watched Skam for writing purposes, and didn't get their russetide. So they should know how angry we would be if we didn't get even a little bit of Mallorca time.

#ask #skam españa #I am literally unable to be concise it's just not in my blood #long post #comicluke #I used to always say that I wanted them to feature the m-30 mosque in amira's season #and they're doing that!! so yay!

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werevulvi · 3 years

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I kinda just wanted to make a rant, to lay out why I feel so iffy about trans women and hopefully get a better understanding of my own feelings and what the fuck is brewing under that surface. There has to be a reason. This post is analytical drivel, not a debate, but by all means, feel free to respond or otherwise talk to me about this. Let's take it from the beginning and then go from there.

Part 1 Detransition:

So, I began detransitioning roughly 2 years ago. That's where my feelings about the trans community as a whole began to shift, and with that my feelings about trans women. At that time, I was still active in a truscum group and came out as detrans there, after having been known and looked up to as a trans man there for over a year. At first I was accepted, but when I started having doubts about wanting to get rid of my beard, and felt like I wanted to embrace my body hair and deep voice... people there started acting like shit towards me. They told me that my biological sex still being female did not matter, that I was essentially a man and had to detrans medically to be considered a woman again. That hurt badly.

Shortly after that, I was also told that because I was medically transitioned, trans women were "more female" than me. That was like the last drop that made the goblet pour over. Fuming, I started saying that I'm more of a woman than trans women can ever be, even if I keep a full beard, because they'll never be truly biologically female, no matter how much surgery they got. I was hurting by their cruel words, so I stuck it where it would hurt them the same. (I’ve always an “eye for an eye” sorta person.) That's when people started telling me that I hate trans women, but I felt like that was a misunderstanding. That I was just acting out, out of sadness, grief, anger, panic, and having my gender denied for the sake of validating trans women's genders.

But were they right?

Part 2 Gender critical thought:

Over time, I got exceedingly gender critical and fell into radblr. I also read/watched content that "exposed" transgenderism as a scam, most of which was articles and youtube videos from conservative right wing people, and Christians. I had joined an fb group for detransitioners, and the creator, a "born again" Christian detrans man, happily shared all the many sources he had on how transgender was all a scam from the start of its movement. I felt somewhat sick consuming those links, but probably equally intrigued. But at the same time, I kept a foot in the trans community, starving for attention, even though I was never good enough for them anymore, unless I lied and said I'm not a woman. What a sick twist of fate, I felt.

Part 3a Sexuality, from a lesbian view:

Sometime around that, I struggled with my sexuality and after a lot on inner search, I came to the conclusion I was a lesbian. I felt as though I was only attracted to the same sex as myself, including trans men, but felt nothing worth praising towards males, including trans women. That led to yet another rabbit hole that I tumbled down into. I became convinced that majority of trans women were lesbophobic predators, and I had some shit luck on dating apps. Most people who approached me there were gnc males; transvestites and trans women. I almost went on a date with a good-looking trans woman whom I had mistaken for female, because I felt guilty for having lost attraction to her the moment she told me she's trans and post-op. Luckily she canceled our date for unrelated reasons. I felt like because she was attractive to me before I knew she's trans, but felt completely uninterested in her after the fact, I couldn't possibly be attracted to trans women.

Part 3b Sexuality, from a bisexual view:

That, of course, is not necessarily a bad thing. But I kept asking myself why. Especially since I realised my error in my sexuality calculations, and upon correction discovered I'm actually bisexual after all. I still find women and transitioned females attractive, and in addition to that also men in general, and some vaguely transitioned males. Except from trans women. That odd little inconvenience stood out as a sore thumb which I couldn't stop scratching. Why? I kept asking myself. Why not trans women?

My question dug deeper than just to attraction. I don't think I feel iffy about trans women because I'm not attracted to them. I think it's the other way around.

I never had to convince myself to be attracted to trans men. I discovered early on in my own transition that some other trans men were really hot. That was it. I later on dated a trans man whom I was head over heals in love with. That confirmed it. I've been questioning my attraction to standard men and women far more than I ever questioned my attraction to trans men. It was that obvious, that clear. However, when it comes to trans women I was always the complete opposite. That no matter how I twisted and turned it, I only ever felt revulsion at the thought of being sexual or romantic with a trans woman. No matter how well or badly they passed, no matter how aesthetically pleasing or how charming their personalities.

I wanna clarify that I'm not at all forcing myself to be into trans women. I'm just trying to understand why, so that I'll no longer feel bad about my lack of attraction to them. Because I cannot accept things which I do not understand.

Part 3c Sexuality, digging for answers:

At first I thought, maybe I'm just not all that attracted to femininity. It's not like I typically get super into hyper-feminine natal women either, and fake tits and faces with a ton of plastic surgery has always made me queezy. No, I seem to have a strong preference for masculinity in partners, regardless if they're butches, other masc bi women, trans men or kinda standard masc natal men. So then it just kinda makes sense that trans women, whom are often hyper-feminine, just don't fit that image. Except... that one trans woman I almost went on a date with... she looked like a butch. I mistook her for a natal woman partly because she had short hair, no makeup and wore what looked like men's clothing, but I could see she had hips and tits, and her face looked naturally female. But I still wasn't into her, because she's trans.

Then I thought... okay, that one checks out, but maybe I'm just creeped out neo-vaginas? Yeah, that must be it! I'm almost equally creeped out by neo-penises too, but most trans men don't get bottom surgery anyway, so it hasn't been much on my mind. But then I thought: okay, but what about trans women who choose to not get bottom surgery then? I am attracted to dick. Nope, still uneasy at that thought. I started comparing men who are just very feminine, to trans women, and noticed yeah I don't actually feel half as iffy about men who are just feminine. A man in a dress and makeup can actually be very hot, to me. And I've always preferred long hair on men. But I prefer them still looking clearly male underneath that, although I don't mind a few androgynous features here and there. But I’m only into it if they don’t act like their affinity for femininity makes them women or non-binary, or if they’re feminine in a way that mocks or sexualises womanhood. So I’m not into tacky transvestites in over-sexualised lingerie. At least try to be tactful and elegant, please. So, it’s not male femininity per se that puts me off. If there’s any femininity I’m actually into, it’s male femininity. Because gender non-conformity is attractive to me. And I love the idea of being a strong female protector and girlboss of a gentle, delicate, feminine man. At least I like fantasising about that. (But enough about my daydreams.)

Part 4a Womanhood, biology and identity:

Somewhere after having gotten that far in my digging, I started getting close to finding my sore spot: trans women's view on womanhood.

As for myself, my own view of womanhood is completely detached from femininity. I'm just like... I can even have a full beard and bass voice, a flat and hairy chest, and still be a woman. Because I'm simply bio female. Trans women tend to very often think that they need to "pass" and with that comes a certain look: high voice, no facial hair, no body hair, big breasts, curvy hips, etc. All of which are features that I'm dysphoric about having on my own body, but admire in other natal women. But on trans women, it's like I feel uncomfortable about those kinda features on them. Like to me being a woman is just dealing with having developed that way, or not dealing with having developed that way. Where as for them it seems to be actually striving for developing that way, and I guess that causes my brain to short circuit. Cannot comprehend.

Part 4b Womanhood, fragility and validation:

My womanhood is kinda fragile. I admit that. I'm quite insecure as a woman, because of my transition and masculinity. I feel like most of my womanhood has been lost, which although I'm fine with, I still grieve. I grieve it because I was a bit of an idiot when I first transitioned and had not yet processed my trauma - not because I regret looking like a man. It's complicated, but basically... I feel as though my womanhood is hanging by a thread, which is my genitals, reproductive system and chromosomes; all of which are either mostly hidden or always invisible.

I'm often met with disbelief and disagreement. People either saying "You're not a woman because you can't possibly be female. You look too male." or "You're not a woman because you medically transitioned. You having a uterus is not enough to make you a woman." and it gets to me. And then there are trans women... some of whom do not even need to put on a wig to be instantly validated as women by just identifying as such. Others thinking that because I look like a man, they refuse to think of me as a woman. And that... pisses me off.

There have been a few trans women who in some utterly failed attempt at being supportive of me have said I'm like a nonbinary person who is half male and half female. That's not a lot better, but thanks for trying... I guess.

Part 4c Womanhood, dysphoria and misogyny:

I think that might be what gets to me about trans women. All of it. This entire list of things. That some of them are lesbophobic predators and have absurd claims of what being female is, that others mock womanhood, and yet others view themselves as somehow more female than I am. The genital factor and the slight creepiness of plastic surgery. Their view of womanhood as an identity and my view of it as a biological sex. I keep ending up in fights with trans women about these sorta things. I can't keep a lid on my frustrations no matter how hard I try to just see them as people with dysphoria and opinions that are different from mine. I cannot find any fucking solidarity between myself, as a dysphoric natal woman, and trans women. I feel like they're making mockery of my sex, my dysphoria and my struggles with misogyny, as well as making me feel like shit about something that I love about my body: my transition. I have no common grounds with them, and whenever they try to find solidarity in stuff like misogyny, I feel like they don't even know what the fuck they're talking about. I have a huge bone to pick with them, on multiple levels, and I don't even know where to start or where it ends.

Part 4d Womanhood, jealousy:

But a lot of it comes from jealousy. And I think it's mutual. I'm jealous of their ability to access female only spaces despite being male, which I cannot access despite being female. I'm jealous of their ability to be accepted as women. And on the other side, I think they're jealous of my reproductive ability, and my female socialisation, which I'm not like super hyped about myself, although I do love my pussy (she gives me great orgasms.) I'm jealous of their ability to claim womanhood without even trying to pass as female, because people are quicker to accept the woman-gender-identity than the woman-bio-sex. But likewise, ironically, I sense that they're jealous of that I can claim the "woman lane" despite looking convincingly male, because I'll always be biologically female, no matter how insible my sex is.

They cannot see me as a woman, because of my transition, without looking at themselves as men, no matter how far they transition. And I cannot see them as women, no matter how far they transition, without labeling myself as a man, because of my own transition. I think that about nails it.

Part 5 Conclusions:

I don't think it's true hatred, but rather insecurities both from myself and from them. Because we cannot both exist as women under the same ideology. One of us has to be considered a man, and neither of us is willing to fold on that. Ultimately... I am a threat to their womanhood, as much as they are a threat to my womanhood. And that tension is so thick... not even a knife could cut it. I guess the sad thing is though, that I think that tension is unnecessary. I am so unlike trans women that we could potentially bond based on how different we are. Because there is a lot of similarity in those differences, if you really think about it.

But no, I do not wish them harm in any way. Despite the vast array of insults I sometimes hurl their way. That is really just in response to them insulting me. I do not think they're doing anything wrong by transitioning, or even necessarily by identifying as women. I think, if they had just been more like "I can see you as a woman despite having transitioned, because deep down you like being female and having a pussy... kinda like I'm a woman because I wanna have a pussy, despite having been born male" I would have been much quicker to embrace them. Because that, I could get behind; but they can't.

So, there is no solidarity. It remains an endless fight. But I feel like it's not just on my part. I have tried. I do try. But they're not willing to meet me halfway, and that makes me go to attack in self-defense, which makes then go to attack in self-defense.

#my stick up my arse about trans women #its hurt not hate #rant #analytical drivel #gender critical #radfem safe #detransition

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inspector2ndclass · 4 years

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The Mechanisms as Random Birds I Found on the Internet

Did anyone want this? No. Do I know anything about birds? Also no. Anyways, here’s a shitpost I spent way too long on.

Jonny d’Ville: Northern Mockingbird

First and foremost, here’s Jonny! An asshole! A bastard! An all around terrible person! He shall be a northern mockingbird. This fucking bird has no redeemable qualities other than that it is pretty and a GREAT singer. This is a very aggressive bird. Very territorial. If it had opposable thumbs, it would probably shoot you in like the foot or something. I don’t think these birds are very smart. Just like a certain “captain” that we know. The state bird of Texas, among all places. Never trust a texas. In true Texas fashion, the 1927 legislation declaring the Northern Mockingbird the state’s official bird stated that the species is “a fighter for the protection of his home, falling, if need be, in its defence, like any true texan.” Now Jonny burned down a Texas - maybe not this Texas but whatever. I read somewhere that a mockingbird could peck someone’s dick off, and honestly? Valid.

Gunpowder Tim: Southern Cassowary

Okay, hear me out. This bird is a little bitch - or rather a b i g bitch. In a good way. Look at this fucking bird. It’s majestic. Doesn’t it look just SO trustworthy. What a trustworthy man. And very pretty. Pretty, pretty bird. Who could squash you like a fucking ant. This is one Violent bird. Tim is one Violent person. The cassowary makes a low roaring sound like a fucking dinosaur. I love dinosaurs. DID I MENTION IT LAYS GREEN EGGS. Now you might say, well Tim is a human and humans don’t lay green eggs. Fuck you. It’s never explicitly stated that our very own Gunpowder Tim doesn’t lay green eggs. Also comes with a built-in helmet. As everyone except Tim and the southern cassowary says, safety first! Strikes me as a very egotistical bird. If the cassowary weren’t a bird, I don’t think it would wear a seatbelt.

Ashes O’Reilly: California Condor

Okay, so. This is a cool fucking bird. Just look at it. M a j e s t i c. Do you know who else is really fucking cool? Ashes. They have so much power. Also condors are beautiful birds. Oh my god. California condors are very graceful fliers. For Ashes, I almost went with the brown falcon - one of “Nature’s arsonists”, but other than arson, it’s a rather boring bird. Just brown. And a falcon. BUT THE CALIFORNIA CONDOR. Now that’s a cool bird. The god of the sky. Actually, in the “research” for this post I found a blog post in 2011 from someone who has genuinely worshipped condors as gods since they were a teenager and honestly? Valid. (disclaimer; I am aware that many native cultures worship animals and nature, however I don’t feel qualified to talk about that. I don’t mean any harm by this post.)

DrumBot Brian: Shoebill Stork

Well. I did have a rather difficult time finding a bird that has a complex set of moral values. Who would’ve thought?? I did almost use a praying mantis, just for a little variety. I’ve never met someone who wouldn’t rip off the head of their lover. BUT ANYWAYS. Here we have Brian the Shoebill Stork. He looks so nice. But he will not hesitate to decapitate your baby crocodile. Also very patient!! Like a dinosaur! This bird has the most complex set of moral values of any bird I could find in about thirty seconds. If Brian didn’t decapitate so many young crocodiles there would be much too many! Too many crocodiles! The horror! I’ve also seen a gif of Boring Brian delicately picking up a duckling and placing it back down. Dunno what happened after, though. Don’t ask. Apparently the shoebill stork makes “machine-gun noises” which I think Jonny would enjoy fucking around with. A place that I forgot to write down reportedly called the bird “Abu-Markhub” meaning “father of the slipper” which,,,, yeah.

Raphaella la Cognizi: Kea

Also known as the “clown of the alps”, the Kea resides in the mountains, as the only alpine parrot. Pretty cool. I want to be a clown. But like, a cool clown - not one that hides in a sewer and eats children… Anyways, I’m getting off topic. The kea is the smartest bird I could find. Raphaella is the science officer of the Aurora so it seemed fitting. Look at this photo. That’s science at work! Kea can use basic tools! And reportedly have the intelligence of a four-year-old child! That’s pretty smart! Also it has wings! Raph has wings! Apparently kea enjoy attacking sheep, dogs, horses, etc. and just generally fuck around with people. Imagine what this bird could do with opposable thumbs…

Marius von Raum: Victoria Crowned Pigeon

My criteria for Bird Marius was essentially a stupid looking bird with a ridiculously long name. I was originally going to go with the King of Saxony Bird of Paradise solely for the name (just look at it! It’s so dumb! Who the fuck is the king of saxony!) however it bored me. So! Here we have Doctor Baron Marius von Raum as the Victoria Crowned Pigeon (also sometimes referred to as the Blue Crowned Pigeon). Genuinely, this was my favourite bird as a child. I fucking love this funky little bastard. Apparently, it’s the largest pigeon species in the world and can grow to be the size of a turkey. A turkey! What the fuck! This bird thinks it’s all that. (I mean, it’s not wrong). It was named after Queen Victoria but like,,,,, Fuck The Monarchy. Also eats a lot of figs. The bird - not the queen. Or maybe the queen I dunno. Marius seems like the kind of person who hates figs but eats them anyways so he doesn’t feel inferior to the Fig Lord. How the fuck is this bird not extinct yet.

Ivy Alexandria: Common Raven

Ivy Alexandria, the Common Raven. Ravens are extremely smart! Like seriously - near where I live, there’s an animal shelter with a raven and you can hold a conversation with it. It’s amazing! They also have great memories and hold grudges - so don’t mess with them. Oh! They can also use hand gestures, which for birds is insanely cool! They are the literal “birdbrain”. Sometimes they collect little trinkets, which I think is really sweet. Now, I don’t believe ravens can read but like,,,,, I dunno. I read an article recently about ravens doing “weird things with ants”. Apparently they like to play with them. Ravens have been known to sit in an anthill and let ants crawl all over their feathers for no apparent reason. Now, while nothing has been canonically stated involving Ivy and ants, you can’t prove Ivy doesn’t go sit and hang out with a bunch of ants.

Nastya Rasputina: Andean Potoo

The Andean Potoo is the most mysterious breed of the seven or so potoo species; almost nothing is known other than their vague appearance and their stomach contents (large insects like beetles and grasshoppers, if you were interested). While we do know quite a bit about Nastya, I thought this bird fit her pretty well. In answer to the question “Are potoos friendly?” a website said: “The short answer is ‘no’. The slightly longer answer is ‘it depends’.” This sounds like Nastya and her lesbian spaceship girlfriend. Potoos are VERY good at camouflage; like Nastya in Aurora’s veins?? I dunno, might be a bit of a stretch. They are shy, secretive birds. Sounds fun. Potoos are also VERY good at catching insects and shit. This point might not be relevant, but whatever. Andean potoos might mate for life; scientists don’t know. Let’s say that they do. If Nastya were this bird, she could be eaten by a weasel. Weasels said fuck Nastya rights. Fuck weasels.

The Toy Soldier: Atlantic Puffin

OH MY GOD. I love the Toy Soldier. The Atlantic Puffin. I don’t have many reasons for this one other that IT’S ADORABLE. This is my favourite bird. Just look at it!!! Hnnnnnnn. Baby puffins are called pufflingssssss. Oh my god. Also look up the bird call of the atlantic puffin; it is the best thing ever. Puffins are very sociable birds and live in like giant flocks or something. They’re very neat birds and also waterproof! Like wood! They shed the outer layer of their beaks once a year! Like wood! They live in burrows! Like wood! They can hold a fuck ton of fish in their beaks! Like wood! They have a really fucking wierd tongue! Like wood!

BONUS: Dr. Carmilla: Lammergier (Bearded Vulture)

Do I know anything about Dr. Carmilla? Nope! I think she’s a vampire but like???? Anyways, just look at this bird. It’s pretty self-explanatory. The Lammergeier is one Badass Bird. It is one of the largest old-world vultures. I don’t know what that means. It can grow up to four feet tall, though! And has a wingspan between seven and nine feet. That’s a big fucking bird! They have no natural predators, much like a certain immortal vampire (maybe???). It eats primarily bone and bone marrow and has a nasty habit of carrying off lambs, calves, and dead children. Remind you of the Good Doctor and her Band? Probably not. I bet Jonny has eaten at least one dead child, though. The lammergeier can also live up to the ripe old age of 45 (old in bird years?). Supposedly a lammergeier killed the greek playwright Aeschelus by mistaking his large bald head for a rock and dropping a turtle on it. Sounds very Carmilla. BUT WAIT I HAVEN’T GOTTEN TO THE BEST PART. This bird dies it’s fur the colour of blood to look more intimidating! Supposedly this is a mark of status, as well. That’s one badass bird!!!

WELL THAT WAS AN ADVENTURE. A useless adventure, sure. Fuck you. I had fun.

#the mechanisms #jonny d'ville #gunpowder tim #ashes o'rielly #drumbot brian #raphaella la cognizi #ivy alexandria #marius von raum #nastya rasputina #the toy soldier #dr carmilla??#birds???#i dont know what the Fuck this is

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angelsknife · 4 years

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a different look into exile

what if exile is taylor talking to her fans, who she is afraid will leave her if she lived her truth, in this case, if she came out?

exile brings out a similar sound heard in a previous taylor swift collaboration the last time where there is a conversation being had between two people however one take on it that i haven’t seen yet (though correct me if i’m wrong) is that maybe exile is another song, similar to mirrorball, where she is talking to her fans (and her lover). i believe exile has more similar themes to the archer, another song where taylor brings up the idea of having something to tell us... but not being able to.

lets take this verse by verse

I can see you standing, honey With his arms around your body Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all And it took you five whole minutes To pack us up and leave me with it Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

I think this verse is definitely her lover (or ex lover) talking to her. There were clear signs that Taylor was going to come out during the Lover era, only to have to quickly pivot due to her masters issue (which is understandable). However, we all remember the build-up: Taylor was nervous the whole era, we all knew something was coming, the “friday calmness” selfie and then... nothing. Just like that the era ended. i feel this is her lover seeing taylor being forced to go back to the bearding and the lies. In a weekend, Taylor would have been free but instead she went back to “him” (her beard) and her coming out was cancelled.

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defending now? You were my town, now I'm in exile, seein' you out I think I've seen this film before

Once the coming out plan had been cancelled, Taylor’s lover is now in exile. It is why I believe this song is about Karlie(whereas other songs may be about previous gfs). We see the way a good amount of swifties treat Karlie: they drag her through the mud, comment hate on her posts, and are often just downright mean. Taylor cancelling her coming out plans is the final nail in the coffin for Karlie (for now). Whereas if Taylor had come out, her connection to Karlie would be out in the open. Even if people believe they broke up, the connection to Taylor as someone who she clearly loved, would hopefully lessen the hate Karlie receives. Right now, we are still unsure if Taylor will ever come out. Maybe the lover era confirmed to Taylor that coming out will never be an option for her until she decides to slow down her music career. in that sense, “Karlie” is saying that she’s seen how this ends. she knows that this is a position she may always be in.

I can see you starin', honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me Second, third, and hundredth chances Balancin' on breaking branches Those eyes add insult to injury

It’s here where I believe the shift happens. No longer is this a conversation between Taylor and Karlie (who she left behind) but now it is a conversation with Taylor and her fans. Swifties are fiercely loyal to Taylor and would get their “knuckles bloody” for Taylor. Taylor did this through creating a bond of trust between her and her fans. However, if she comes out, she ultimately lied to her fans... something that may break this bond of trust.

I think if Taylor comes out swifties will accept her, and they will support her, but i think they will wonder why it took so long or why Taylor was so afraid of their reaction. We know a lot of swifties see Taylor like a friend that they know in real life (even though they don’t). When Taylor refers to “second third and hundredth chances” she’s talking about how many times she debated coming out. This is similar to the theme in the archer that we see in the line I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you.

She has wrestled with the idea of coming out for a long time, however she just couldn’t bring herself to do it because her career is in the balance. Seeing her fans trust her and be so loyal to her, hurts her, because in the end she cannot be truthful about something that truly makes her, her. It’s the eyes of her young fans who look up to her and the older fans who trust her adding insult to injury.

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending

Like I said before, if Taylor comes out, I think overall swifties will be accepting even if they were against the idea before. While some swifties will decide to leave, I think Taylor will receive an overall warm reaction to her coming out.

However, this is a big decision and it is completely understandable that she is afraid. The film she is referring to, is similar to the “heroes” she refers to in the archer. She has seen what happens to people when they come out.

She has seen the effects it has on their career and on their lives. She has seen others who can never come out (like she is afraid will happen to her) and must accept being alone forever. It’s why I think Ellen had a large role in the Lover era. Whatever your opinion of Ellen, many forget that she lost her career when she first came out as a lesbian. This is the “ending” Taylor doesn’t like. She doesn’t want to remain alone, but she doesn’t want to lose everything she worked for.

I'm not your problem anymore So who am I offending now?

I think this might be referring to Big Machine and maybe her old fanbase? We all know Big Machine most likely pushed her into hiding her sexuality in order to make it big. I’m sure she must have heard something along the lines that her coming out might “offend” people. Here she is talking to Big Machine telling them she is not their problem and therefore she can’t “offend” anyone anymore. Her old fanbase before she shifted to “pop” is often reported as feeling left behind by her.

You were my crown, now I'm in exile, seein' you out I think I've seen this film before So I'm leaving out the side door

Taylor is extremely grateful to her fans as she always lets us know. But she is also grateful to her old fans. They are what put her here, and they are her “crown” so to speak. But if she comes out, there is still the chance that her career will take a hit and there is still the chance that people feel betrayed by her. Additionally she will once again be joining her lover that she left behind in exile. However, she’s “seen this film before” and takes the easy way out (the side door) and puts her coming out plans on hold.

So step right out, there is no amount Of crying I can do for you

I’ve skipped ahead here, since I don’t want to go over things too much more than once. But here is where the “conversation” happens. I think these lines are Taylor’s lover again because you do not hear Taylor’s voice at all in the background. She’s urging Taylor to come out. To step into the daylight and let it go. It’s not that she can’t sympathize with Taylor but she’s tired of being in the dark too. The time for crying has passed, it’s time to take action.

All this time We always walked a very thin line

If you listen closely, you hear Taylor’s voice again here, which is why I believe that this is addressed to the fans again. Taylor is referring to how fickle fans of any artist can be in general. She learned the hard way during reputation, when she felt that so many of her supporters dropped her. She knows success is fleeting, and that her relationship with her fans (especially her less hardcore fans that listen to her from time to time) can be lost in an instant.

You didn't even hear me out (Didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

I think this is mostly self-explanatory, but I think this is referring to how there is a clear disconnect between some of her fans and Taylor. While there are people who believe Taylor isn’t straight (I’m here right now aren’t I?) the majority of her fans do not really think about these things (which is fine.) Maybe we as fans, aren’t really listening to her. But maybe we also feel that she isn’t listening to us.

When she comes out, the first question everyone will ask is how “no one” knew. How was she able to hide this for so long considering she is known for “writing songs about her boyfriends”? Her fans are going to be surprised and she is saying that she gave so many signs we just chose not to see them.

All this time I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind)

I personally love this line because of the amount of layers it has. Taylor shares so much of herself in her music, that it is unsurprising that her fans feel a sense of kinship to her to the point that they feel they know her inner most thoughts. Taylor even released her diaries during the Lover era, furthering this idea that swifties know everything about her. However, despite the fact that Taylor revealed so much in her music, her fans never learned to read her mind or properly analyze her music. They never were able to crack the true meaning and muses behind her music.

I couldn't turn things around (You never turned things around) 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs so many times)

Once again, he is emphasizing the point that she gave so many signs. She dropped so many hints, especially in the Lover era. The delicate speeches, rainbow dresses, You Need to Calm Down, Me! Out Now, the rainbow theme throughout Lover. Then there were the more “secretive” signs: the secret moments, dancing with her hands tied, the original gorgeous lyrics, and the fact that A Portrait of a Lady on Fire seems to be her inspiration for much of folklore. A movie about a woman being able to be free and honest about her love for another woman through.... her art, and her “muse” being “free” through her art as well.

You never gave a warning sign (All this time) I never learned to read your mind (So many signs) I couldn't turn things around (I couldn't turn things around) 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (You never gave a warning sign) You never gave a warning sign Ah, ah

I think it’s interesting here how she changes from “you never turned things around” to “I couldn’t turn things around.” Maybe she blames herself somewhat for the way this secret kind of balled up and became so big over time. Maybe she is answering the question of whether or not she can just stay closeted forever. She’s saying no. She can’t turn things around and she can’t make things different. This is who she is.

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