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joyfulsongbird · 4 years

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Bruises And All- Chapter 6

Eurydice is still out of her depth in this new place, and especially overwhelmed in Orpheus’ presence. Not that she wants to get away from him, the exact opposite, actually.

here’s the link to Chapter 5!

EURYDICE doesn’t like the dark. She decided that long ago, but here, where the rain pelts against the window not too far away from her head and the moon covered by storm clouds, she is more than worried about what it contains. there are no stars, there is no moon, it’s pitch black in this room that smells of that boy. it smells like Orpheus, like old wood and the faint metallic smell of guitar strings. she can hear the wind blowing through each crack of the house, she curls up against herself in this twin bed, pulling her knees to her chest.

she trembles, shivers go up her spine as she tries to contain all of her body heat under these thin covers. her body does not want to cooperate with her, so finally, finally, she convinces herself that sleep is not happening and gets up, dragging a quilt with her along the way and wrapping it about her shoulders.

she doesn’t know exactly where she’s going or why but anything is better than lying stagnant at the mercy of the dark. she’ll just wander this building until her legs are so tired she can’t stand on her own two feet anymore. It's an old technique she’s used for a long time: no bad dreams if you don’t sleep, no being afraid of the dark if you’re sitting at candle light. no, she’s not afraid of the dark, she just doesn’t like it. she just always likes to be able to see her fingers when her hand is held out in front of her, she likes that assurency. that she’ll always be able to be covered in light.

her feet drag on the floor as well as the blanket as she carries with her. her feet are blocks of ice, numb against the scrape of the wood. she has calluses even on the bottoms of her feet, where do those come from?

Eurydice expects it to be dark when she gets downstairs but there’s a faint golden glow flowing out from behind the bar, as she turns the corner, her eyes catch a candle. with wax dripping down onto the saucer it sits on, not even a proper candle holder. they are poor, she can see that, with candles in teacup saucers because they don’t need teacups in a bar.

he’s leaning against the bar, a drink in his hand.

oh my god oh my god what’s he holding he’s holding it over my head my head hurts my clothes smell like whiskey mom’s gonna be able to tell she’s gonna know she’s gonna know she's gonna know she's gonna-

The clink of the glass wakes her from the breath revere. and when she glances towards it, she sees that the liquid is clearly not whiskey or alcohol of any kind. it’s white and thick, more opaque than any cocktail. He drinks warm milk when he can’t sleep... of course. of course he’s innocent like that.

“good morning.” the side of lip quirks up to the side nervously, an attempt at a joke. She gives a small courtesy smile.

“I didn’t think anyone would be awake.” she says under her breath.

“me neither.” he replies, taking another small swig of milk. “mister Hermes usually lets me spend the night down here when I can’t-”

“I can leave.”

“no! no- no, that’s totally ok!” he stumbles to reassure her, taking two steps towards her and one step back. Still one step forward, she acknowledges that in her mind. she waits for her body to move backwards away from him, but she doesn’t. she lets it be like that. one step forward. “it’s lonely, anyways. it’s nice to have company... for once.”

“don’t you have you have your-your- mister Hermes and your aunt and uncle and everyone.” she says, trying to point to how lucky he is. with this family at fingertips length, with people just up the street who would throw themselves in front of a train for him.

“yes. yes, of course, I just mean... it’s different... with you.” the tips of his ears are turning pink, and she feels the urge to back away rising in her again. “sorry. sorry, I was just about to make some tea when you came down? do you want any?”

“uh- yeah, I’d like that.” she itches the back of her neck, feeling strangely warm. tea would be nice, to give her something to do with her body while she stands there in front of this boy. who looks at her... just looks at her. He fills a kettle with water from a sink over against the wall and puts lights on a stove quickly with a match before putting the kettle over the fire.

“Here, let me-” he goes all the way around the bar and picks up two of the stools under his arms and carries them over to the other side. He sets it down, brushing it off quickly even though there’s no dust to be seen. “there, um, have a seat.”

she’s never known a gentle man that she can remember. “how old are you, Orpheus?”

Hermes already told her but she asks anyway. “I’m 19.” he says absently.

“did you go to school?”

“for awhile, I dropped out when I was 15.”

“why?”

It's the first time she’s seen him tense around her. He shifts from foot to foot, nerves rattle through his entire body. He reads like an open book but she can’t quite figure out the meaning under the words. “I- I wasn’t a very good student.”

He's an awful liar.

she scratches the top of the bar with her black nail polish fingernails. the silence falls around them like blankets of snow, covering her body in a fuzzy cold that infiltrates her entire body and soul.

“did... did you go to school?”

“no,” she murmurs. “no, I didn’t.”

he turns around then, concern etched across his every feature. “never?”

something in her rises up. “I’m not stupid, I-I know things, okay? I know math and all that, I can read, and all that, I just never went to... to a building. I’m not stupid.”

“I never said that, I didn’t mean that.” he rushes to say right away. the water starts to steam on the stovetop, he turns back to that as he continues speaking. “Who taught you, then? if... if you still learned.”

she doesn’t want to answer, so she doesn't. He slides a steaming cup of tea to her. He nods and says what she couldn’t get out. “you taught yourself?”

Eurydice nods. shame is laced through her entire body, from the hands that cold the hot mug, to the tips of her hair that brush just in front of her eyes, to feet that are linked behind the bars of the stool. this shame always sits under her skin, always bubbling under the surface, she hates when it overflows into the visible eye. she doesn’t cry when she feels shame, but she sinks into herself. she falls back into habits she hates. she doesn’t speak, she doesn’t make eye contact.

“that’s alright, that’s fine,” he sits across from her, also holding a mug of steaming hot water. “you’re probably smarter than me, I never... I don’t know anything past the eighth grade.”

she wants to drink something stronger but knows he’d never let her.

“at least you have the arts to fall back on,” she says, as if they were discussing their careers. “at least you have some skill.”

“I bet you have a lot of skill,” he replies. “I bet you’re good at a lot of things.”

“depends on how you define ‘good” I guess,” she mutters. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“okay.” he says, stopping himself immediately. “what do you want to talk about? or... we don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to.”

she grips the mug harder in her grip, she won’t let her muscles relax because then she’ll start shaking.

he’s getting too close.

if she scooted her chair forward about a foot and a half, their knees would touch. Just the thought of that sends panic signals up her spine, creeping into her skull like spiders. tentative thoughts of just getting up and going. going, until she’s out the door. going until she’s lost herself in a sea of tranquility and she never- if she goes she will never have to worry about touch anymore.

if she goes, she won’t need touch anymore. That's what she wants. That's what she’s always wished for. for her fingertips to not feel what is underneath them. for her eyes to never water. for her body to numb and dull and lose all feeling. she doesn’t want to die, she just wants to live in a world without color. without texture. in a play doh, pillow soft, smooth world where nothing hurts... and there’s no one to hurt. she can’t possibly remain here where this boy resides, knowing full well she will hurt him.

“I-I don’t...” she doesn’t know what she wants anymore. she doesn’t know why she’s here.

“I’m cold.” she admits.

“oh!” he jumps out of his chair. “it’s super warm down in the basement, where the furnace is. we keep a sofa down there, if you’d want to go. it’s really cozy.”

“I- um, alright.” she slips off of the stool, quilt still wrapped around her shoulders. He's so eager. something in her tells her to stop, to not go down there with him, but the other part, the part that watched him drink goddamn warm milk in a bar follows him willingly. with his open palms and warm eyes, she follows him. with a swift look over his shoulder to make sure she’s following, he leads across the bar to a sidedoor.

“watch your head when you reach the bottom.” he warns, before descending into darkness.

it’s pitch black down there. no way.

“Orpheus!” she calls, hugging herself close. “Orpheus, there’s a light down there, right?”

A pause. “Orpheus?”

silence for a brief moment, a moment that lasts too long. where her heart stutters and she’s quite sure something has happened to him.

“the electricity is out, I’m just lighting some candles. one second! you can come down, it’s not as dark as it looks!” his unaccompanied voice floats up the stairs.

it’s not as dark as it looks, that’s what he said. she reminds herself as she takes the first step, the quilt drags at her feet and she lifts it, careful not to trip. Each step is easier than the last, as she slowly walks into the warm darkness below. and as she reaches the bottom, her body quivering slightly in what she might call fear, she realizes that he’s right. that when she looks to her right, she sees him, standing there, all tall and gangly; leaning over a small table lighting a candle. not far from him is a navy blue couch, only big enough to fit maybe three people, if they squeezed together. and in the far corner to her right, the large furnace emits warmth through this whole room.

he smiles at her and waves her over. she does. her body feels much warmer now, with the furnace and the quilt wrapped about her and the fact that the floor here is covered in this semi-soft carpeting. she could stay down here for a long time, this is a different world than up there. with it’s soft lighting and thicker atmosphere. She highly prefers this to reality.

“you can sit, if you want.” he says, gesturing to the couch. “I left your tea up there by accident, I’m just gonna get it.”

“oh-” but he’s gone before she can even say that she doesn’t need her tea. she hesitates for a moment before meandering over to the couch and sinking into it. The cushions are large and soft and allow her to just sink into it, making her feel very small and fragile. like she’s surrounded by soft, pillow-y clouds.

He runs down the stairs, or walks as fast as he can down the stairs while holding a still steaming mug of tea.

“here you go!” he says, handing it to her. She holds it gingerly for a moment and takes a small sip.

“thank you.” she allows a small, tight lipped smile to slip through. and he beams back at her, as if he just competed in a world class competition for being the sweetest boy alive and came back with 1st place. She leans forward and places the mug on the small coffee table in front of the sofa.

she leans back, tucking her legs underneath her, trying to get comfortable. she can’t seem to. everything feels too- too big. every single movement is multiplied by ten in this small space, every word she utters seems to have some meaning underneath. maybe it does. maybe it doesn’t. but looking up at Orpheus, she can’t help a warm feeling pool in her chest. she recognizes it, a want, a part of her wants to pull him close. it’s only an animal attraction, there’s nothing really real about it.

“are you going to sit? or just stand there the entire night?” he blinks at her, as if he really had been going to do just that.

“I- uh- okay.” he lowers himself to sit beside her, discomfort laced through every single one of his movements. she feels guilty almost immediately.

“Orpheus, if you don’t want to sit that’s fine, I-”

“no, no,” he begins, twisting the hem of his shirt around his fingers. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

This gives her a pause. “hurt me?”

“not... not physically hurt you. you just seem... I don’t know, scared, and I don’t want to intrude on your space or anything.” It's touching, even if a little over cautious, that he’s thinking this deeply about her needs and feelings. the thought buzzes in the back of her head: no one had ever done that before.

“you aren’t.” she promises and reaches towards him to cover his hand with hers, or partially cover it. “see? totally fine.”

he gives her that goofy grin again and that feeling bubbles up again, a dozen observations flood her mind. how warm and calloused his skin is, how such a kind boy could be so hard worked. It was always her experience that the men who bragged of all of their hard work and calluses were the cruelest. it surprises her that she can even touch this boy, because when she looks him right in the eyes, she can’t help but think of a different boy. a boy with different eyes, who had no hope but war brewing in his chest. but touching him... being this close... She can acknowledge their differences. Orpheus is leaner, his eyebrows aren’t as prominent on his face, and when he smiles, his lips don’t curl back on his teeth like an angry dog’s. In five years, Eurydice imagines he will already have smile lines.

just a few minutes ago, she was inside her head about how close they were becoming while seated at the bar but down here it is a different realm. down here, they exist in a space without time or movement or touch. there is just them and the warmth and the couch beneath them. she doesn’t feel angry or sad or reckless or skittish, she feels... It's almost safe. almost. she feels as if she could spend hours down here and never want to leave but it’s what exists up those stairs that makes her feel uneasy. it’s what is outside that she fears. the outside where she’ll have to go to soon, the outside she’ll flee to once this storm has blown over. no matter how many offers are made, no matter how sweet this boy is, no matter how much she wants to stay, she is leaving.

That's the thought that makes her place her hand gingerly back in her lap, already missing the warmth it gave. but it isn’t a matter of “don’t get attached” it is “don’t get too close, it’ll hurt him when you go”.

it’s him.

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darkhymns-fic · 5 years

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My heart is full when you are by my side

Colette was grateful to Lloyd for giving her more years to wander the earth, no matter how long or unending the journey was.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairings: Lloyd Irving/Colette Brunel Rating: G Mirror Links: AO3 Notes: For @colloydweek Day 2: Traveling. Shorter and hopefully still sweet.

She would only finally get to travel through the world at sixteen, they had said. The journey would be dangerous, continually test her endurance, be full of hardship and rife with danger. And at the end of it all, she would give herself away, so that those same roads she walked on would be safe for other, future travelers.

Colette had been distracted, eyes drawn to the night skies, the two moons hanging overhead. It seemed there were more stars than before. She had counted so many back then, but the expanse was filled with far away lights, some so dim they could barely be seen, while others shined and pulsed within the black. A sound to her right caught her attention, bringing her back to the earth. “Lloyd? Are you sure you don’t need…”

“Y-yeah! I got it, don’t worry!” Lloyd was carrying a wooden crate, slowly edging toward an open maw of a cavern. The Fooji Mountains were so out of the way of most towns, and barely made a dent in a few maps, despite its size. Its jagged ridges made it difficult for most people to climb, and here at the lower expanse of it, it was still precarious enough, the cliffs steep, and the distance long. Lloyd had carefully parked his Rheiard to the side, amidst a grove of thin, scraggly trees so that it wouldn’t just tip over.

But Colette had only stood on these precarious edges, silent as she watched the skies. She knew she needed to start paying attention better.

“I can carry that though.” She rushed over to Lloyd, deeper into the cavern within the mountain, the stars soon shut out, the remembered warnings from before fading away as she focused on Lloyd’s labored breathing. “I’m still not tired from before.”

“Well… you already carried the rest of them down! I should manage like one…” Though he wasn’t facing her, she could hear the pout in his voice, and it couldn’t stop her from smiling. Following him in, she saw the flicker of the lantern within the dark, its flame still wavering brightly.

“But I really didn’t mind! I did say I would come to help you, anyway.”

“Yeah..” Lloyd conceded, but it didn’t make him put down the crate. Instead, he hefted it higher into his arms, high enough to nearly cover his face, and thus his vision. Luckily, the way through was already cleared earlier of rocks and debris that would have been in the way.

This deep inside, it was impossible to hear the night breeze, or the soft sounds of insects. There was only Lloyd’s footsteps, his tiny grumbles, and then a relieved sigh when he finally put the crate down among numerous others.

Colette had seen it many times already, with all the crates she had carried down herself. The light from the lantern bounced off those dark spheres, but barely. They mostly remained dark, as black as the few empty spaces between the stars in the night sky. Perhaps they were too deep in sleep.

After putting down the latest Exspheres they collected, Lloyd then fell backwards, the rock dust flying into the air from the force of his fall. It had been so sudden that Colette jumped from the sound.

“Lloyd!” She rushed over to him, grateful that she didn’t trip herself, and knelt next to him. One hand reached for his, clasping it gently. “Are you alright?”

Lloyd had his eyes closed, his face red with exhaustion. At her touch, he opened them, looking at her quietly before saying, “My back hurts.”

Confused at first, Colette had to smile again. “Well, you did just fall on your back!”

“And my arms feel so weak…” He demonstrated by trying to raise one arm, trembling and barely able to clench his fist before it dropped back to the ground. “Should have gotten Noishe to carry it.”

“I still could have carried it for you!” Colette admonished. She helped Lloyd sit up against the wall, the lantern right next to them both. Its light cast dancing shadows all around them, silhouetting the front lock of Lloyd’s hair against his face. She kept down the urge to brush it to the side. “I really wouldn’t have minded…”

Another sigh, Lloyd gratefully gripping back her hand. “I know… Just, well…” He raised his head to her, hands still a little shaky. Now Colette worried Lloyd really would have hurt his back much worse. Carrying that many Exspheres for him would have been too much, and she knew that. Next time she’d be more adamant about it.

“We can even share carrying a box, if you wanted to?” That was more like compromising then being adamant, but it was the closest Colette could do.

Lloyd didn’t reject it, but he still looked really tired. Eyes were shut again, his hand still held hers, his large palm dwarfing her own. “Hey, Colette,” he said. “How long have we been traveling?”

The question had been unexpected, but Colette tried to do the math in her head. Raine’s birthday had been a week ago, which they had gone to Iselia for that… then the visit to the Toize Valley Mines about two months before… “About a year?” she finally answered. “Hm, or a year and a half…”

Lloyd opened his eyes, resting the back of his head against the wall. “All that time, we’ve just been getting the Exspheres, haven’t we?”

Colette was unsure where Lloyd was going with this, but she nodded, seating herself more comfortably next to him on the cavern wall. “Yep. That’s what this journey’s been about, right?”

“Mm, yeah.” His gaze shifted to the Exspheres within the dark, just out of the ring of the lantern’s light. “That’s not fair to you though.”

She didn’t understand, but she remained quiet, remembering the stars from outside.

“I wanted to make this still kind of fun, you know? But we’ve been doing this day in and out except for small breaks… and they’re barely breaks anyway.” He went quiet again, looking down at his hand, still so large against her own. “I didn’t want it to be like… before, or something.”

They had told her that her journey would be dangerous, that it would be full of hardships and rife with danger. They had also told her that it would be the one and only journey she would ever embark on.

“I guess I do miss sleeping on a bed,” she admitted. “Iselia reminded me!” Because every inn now turned them away, wary about the banning of Exspheres, about this new world that had suddenly appeared next to them.

Lloyd didn’t respond, looking away from her. “If you… wanted to go home, Colette… that’s okay.”

“But then I wouldn’t get to be with you,” came her ready answer.

A flush appeared on Lloyd’s cheeks, knowing. “Well…”

“Besides, you went on my journey to help me. And now I get to return the favor! That makes sense, doesn’t it?”

Lloyd considered for a moment. “Is that why you came with me? Because you owed me something?”

She smiled. “Maaaybe.”

“Colette, you can be mean…”

She stuck her tongue out at him playfully, keeping her hold on his hand. A finger traced around the edge of his Exsphere, this one reflecting the lantern light, coloring it in shades of dark orange among its blue surface.

“Next time, let me carry the crates, and you can make the campfire,” she said. She would be more adamant about this for sure! “It’d be much harder by yourself if you had to do both things, wouldn’t it?”

Whatever low mood Lloyd had been in began to dissipate at Colette’s voice, where the smallest hint of a challenge could be heard. “Those two things are barely equal! And I bet I could! Eventually…” Laughter left him regardless, bouncing against the cavern walls. “I mean, I guess I should… you nearly set fire to our blankets last time.”

“But I didn’t though!” she said defensively.

“I mean, you almost did! I was wondering why my blanket was feeling all hot…”

“You’re the one being mean here…”

Their laughter mixed, and with that sound, the stones deep within the cavern began to shine. A light blue that suffused the air, one that made their voices halt then, but not with fear. Colette looked back to Lloyd’s hand, where his Exsphere also glowed a gentle blue. Another soft reminder of how alive they were, of how fragile they could be, and the sadness that they could only be safe here in the dark or they would hurt another.

Colette knew she couldn’t take her place for granted. The stars were outside and she was free to see them for as long as she wished.

She tugged at his hand. “Should we go back?”

Lloyd blinked, looking at Colette, the blue light reflected in his eyes. “Ah, yeah.” He struggled to stand a little, stretching out his back a little.

“I could carry you too, you know!” she added helpfully, happy to see him get flustered in mid-stretch.

“I’m not a crate!” he argued, but she could tell he had been considering that offer.

The night was still dark, the stars still out, the two moons still hanging above. The way to the mountains were impossible without flight, and though Colette did have a Rheiard of her own, she sometimes preferred to use her wings. The gifts she had received from her first journey were still worth something, even more so when Lloyd helped take away the pain they used to give her.

His hand gripped hers as they made it outside, breathing in the fresh air after the enclosed space of the cavern. “Ready to sleep?”

“Hm, I think so,” she said, but she said it with hesitance, with a question hovering in the air. She knew Lloyd would take it, like a hanging fruit from a vine.

“But… what is it?”

“If you wanted to make this journey more fun, then maybe we should do something else instead.”

Lloyd only looked confused. “Um, like what? It’s kinda late.”

She had thought her first journey would be her last, but Lloyd had taught her that didn’t need to be true. The world was open to her, filled with so many things she could continue to see. Even when the days were tough, or when the people were unkind, or when the aches piled on – to wander was never easy. She had known that the moment she agreed to come with Lloyd on his journey.

Although sometimes, she did want to focus on one place. On one thing. On one feeling.

“Mm, if I tell you, it wouldn’t be as fun! I guess we should just sleep then.”

“Aw, what? Now I wanna know…”

But Colette would only give him one little hint. She lifted his hand in hers, opened the palm, her touch lingering. She was so small against his hand, needing to use her other to grasp it, so that she held Lloyd’s single hand in both. A squeezing of his fingers, a soft press against his palm, but that wasn’t the hint she meant to give. She had just been enjoying his touch.

With a smile, she traced her finger against his palm. He learned to read well, even through his gloves. And she knew he would read it well now, for sometimes she still let herself go back to it, fingertips placing themselves against where she knew the lines in his hand were, where they crossed, where they diverged, where they told her of familiar patterns.

Lloyd looked down at his hand, brow furrowed as he concentrated. She saw him mouth the words unconsciously. One blink. Then two. He raised his head back to her. “Wait-”

“I’ll get the camp ready!” She summoned her wings then, pink and purple lighting the ground. “We need to get ready for bed!”

“Colette?! Wait a sec! Why did-” But she was already flying off to lower ground, away from the mountains and to where the glades were. Off to the side, she saw Lloyd rush to get his Rheiard, struggling with its weight to get on it upright.

Their journey was dangerous and full of hardships, but her smile had never been more genuine than now. And with Lloyd finally realizing, she felt it would get more fun from then on.

#colloydweek2019 #tales of symphonia #lloyd irving #colette brunel #colloyd #colloydweek #fanfiction #one shot #what did she tell him in the end?#well... that's the mystery!#(i dont know lol)

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stanbangttan · 6 years

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BTS REACTION “You touching and/or flirting with them”

A/N:Hi, Stanbangttan here. Yes I am in fact alive. I have been dealing with few personal issues and now I hope I will be back for good. I had this reaction request for a long time from @olivia-cosmosine But better late than never. Right? I am sorry you waited this long, but as a thank you for being patent, i made it EXTRA LONG as an imagine/oneshot kinda deal. Hope you like it! Keep reading folks.

Genre: fluff / angst / a little smut you name it

Warnings: mention of some kinks, almost pg 13

NAMJOON/RM

It was late for going out now. You are tired. You took of your make up, or what's left of it after this hell of the day at work. Stress, your boss yelling, at you and your co-workers, didn’t leave you in the best mood for the rest of your day. You didn't wanna go home. You didn't wanna go to your work. Could you just be locked inside of an library with endless rows of books? Even though you didn't want it, you went home, took a shower and was ready to finish the manga you love so much. You sat in your bed, got comfy and reached for the book. You started reading. 'I know this. I read this. Oh my god. I finished all ten of them.' - It was time to visit Clara. Clara was an older lady that held a cute little bookstore/ library. Her husband Rick, made every shelf in that bookstore for her and made her dream come true. She wanted a safe and comfy space for everyone to read and only beverage she will give you will be tea. The library was on the other part of the town. Just a few people you knew visited it or knew about the place. That gave you more peace even tho it shouldn't. It had all from books, textbooks to mangas and comics. Clara wasn't gonna discriminate any book there is, whatever form did it came in. Bean bags with coffee tables or regular chairs with regular tables for studying. Lo -fi music in the background. It was the best place on earth, why would you share it with someone? You wanted it all for yourself. You found out for this place by accident, when you were in high school and visiting a math tutor in this part of the town. Jimin was quite a good tutor but he was also handsome, so you were terrible at math all together even after his tutoring. Because how are you gonna focus on algebra when that man is next to you? So you self taught yourself, all over again at Clara's bookstore, and Clara gave you tea to keep your caffeine intake high so you can actually focus. Clara was younger, Rick wasn't in a wheelchair then, and everything seemed harmless and fun, with no responsibilities. After a while you realized you payed Jimin money just to see him every week, and not because you actually learn something from him. So you came clean. Asked him out. He said he has a girlfriend. Oh, all of them always do. That he is flattered. Oh, all of them always are. But never, ever someone said 'yes'. Or 'I wanna go out with you, Y/N.' You stopped getting tutored, you stopped going to Clara's. But you missed it. So you started to go to Clara's once again. And it became your little secret and guilty pleasure.

You sat in the bus 854, that had a stop near Clara's bookstore and about half a hour later you hopped off. Clara's face lighted up when she saw you tonight. "I thought you're gonna miss your tradition, Y/N." "Let me tell you, I was gonna do it. But I ran out of chapters." - Clara just laughed. "How is Rick?" "He's good. Recovering. They say he's gonna be walking again in a month. Even though he keeps getting up without doctor knowing." "He just can't keep his butt at one place." "You know it. Are you reading here or not? " "We'll see. Are my chapters at the same place?" - you said as you got far into the rows of shelves and books on them. "M-hm. Rain started." - Clara somewhat shouted. It is pouring out there. Great. You turned around to see Clara's face - "Then I will, until it stops." - Clara laughed mischievously, disappearing in the back room , confused you kept walking backwards until I hit something solid and firm. Automatically your lips mouth - "I am sorry." "It's okay." - male voice responded. Not stopping, you took a left, you knew the shelf location by heart, found your aisle, between ton of shelves. As you went to grab next chapter of a the manga you want to read, as a hand found yours on the same book. "I saw it first." - same male voice said. So what, it's his hand on yours. - "I took it first." His hand quickly vanished. You turned around, manga in your hand, then your eyes found his. His warm but deep brown ones. You broke the contact. Looking at him under your lashes. His lips are so full. You bet they're soft too. His voice awakens your daydream "Will you read it here?" - Oh dios mio, he has dimples. With every word those two appeared. "Uhm," - you turn to see the rain showering the streets - "Probably." - you said nodding. "I can wait for you to finish.. It." "Y-yeah. Deal." - You walked to the bean bags. Clara brought two, yes, two cups of tea, and winked at you. "Y/N, I need to go to the grocery store for a minute, can you keep the bookstore running?" "Now? Out on the spurting rain, really Clara?" She made the shush face and continued, - "Yes. Namjoon help her out, please." "Of course, Mrs. Jenkins." - he politely responded. Clara basically evaporated from the bookstore. "You know she will take long on purpose. She is acting, no, she's playing matchmaker now. This is not my first rodeo with her." "I know. Neither is mine. But she has the best interest, I swear. " "I know" - you said apologetically.

"I live down the street. I am Namjoon." - he said putting his hand in yours. "I know." - you shook it for maybe way too long as your eyes smiled at each other. Someone would say your gazes already made love to each other, because the chemistry as off the charts. His puzzled face was enough. "She said it. I am Y/N." "I know" - he smiled. Y ou took the comfy bean bag you always lay in, blanket over you and got back to your manga. He got up and looked for another manga or book to read. Whenever you lifted your gaze from the book, his gaze was on you, and he smiled. You smile back. Maybe Clara is not just playing.

JIN

"Maria, not another blind date. Nope, just NO." You shouted over the phone. Your roommate was getting pissy because she couldn't hear what Khloe Kardashian said in the new episode, but you didn't give a flying fuck. Whenever Maria got a love or better said dick interest you were the one she dragged with her, her plus one for all of mediocre best friends Maria's date had. One never better that the other. Issues and problems you didn't want in your life. But as a good friend you were you were pretending for her. But this was outrageous. "Can't you keep a man, Maria. Please keep fucking Jungkook, so I can actually have a weekend for myself, to find a date I actually want to go to." You screamed. I bet your neighbors have first hand reality show experience with what comes or is heard out of this apartment. Kira is now muting the Kardashians and pays attention to you and Maria's conversation. "Who is Jungkook?" "Shut it Kira,” - you continued the phone torture - ”I can't go on another blind date." "Tell Maria, I'll go." Kira shouted.

"No, not her Y/N. Please. Not for this one. This one is the real deal. I swear to you. He is from a good family. They both are. Both Hoseok and Jin." - Maria pleaded me. "You are indebted by me, by soooooooo much, you're not even aware how much. " "Thank you, thank you." "When are we going? And how?" "Hoseok said to catch campus bus at seven." "Dresscode?" "Girly? I don't know where we’re going. I am sorry.” "Ugh, okay. " “I can ask him though." “Yea, you do that.” - you hang up on her. Why is this your life?

-----

Instantly as you and Maria got into the bus you spotted him. This man was unbelievingly handsome. Not just handsome, he was beautiful. Pouty lips, piercing eyes, and a skin clear as first snow. I wish she set me up with a guy like him - you thought. You hate blind dates, and blind double dates are even more uncomfortable. As bus was leaving the bus stop, you looked for an empty spot, but Maria was already doing that for you. Going into pretty boy's direction. She waved the guy that sat in front of him, I assume Hoseok and he gestured her to sit next to him. There was an empty spot next to the hottie. But who's your date? Is he already at the venue? Is he at the bus? As you stood over them, awkwardly avoiding eye contact with the pretty boy, and trying not to interrupt your friend and her date, her date finally said "Oh, hi, Jin saved you spot, too." I looked at the hottie, as the guy gestured behind him. Jin. I like it. "Hi, Jin" you said as you hugged him. Was that too much? Maybe he is not the hugging type. "Hi.." said Jin awkwardly. You looked straight ahead, closing your eyes in regret, thinking how you fucked everything up, and the blind date didn't even start. This is the first one you actually liked and you fuck up. The gist of your life in 2 minutes. Then you looked at Jin, looking at you, and he smiled. Well, maybe you didn't fuck everything up just yet.

YOONGI / SUGA

Working at a Music Entertainment company as a secretary was pretty much boring, at first thought. But when you gave it time, it became quite interesting. You got to meet a lot of celebrities. And to find out some of those celebs are actually trash. To surprise pleasantly that some of them are so kind. That there are divas and an actual human with a reasoning. It was hard, but once in a while it was pleasant to work with them too. Company birthday was around the corner, and company dinner was obligatory. Well that was in the email you got. I mean dinner & drink with colleagues can't be lethal, right? You're not all from the same division, so that means you'll meet more people. As anxious that made you, it made you think about how good that is for your carrier. Just think how many people you'll meet, and how many more opportunities it will open - you said to yourself in the mirror at the restaurant. You splashed some droplets of water on your face, while picking up courage to go inside and find a table where everyone is. Girls exiting the bathroom in this exact moment laughed at you. Whatever. Y/N , be a good girl. Don't drink much. Be normal, just for tonight don't be yourself. Don't say stupid things. Stop with the puns Jin learned you. Okay? Okay. You got out there. Just few of employees arrived, which is good. Let's start small. Time passed, few small talks nothing big. Slowly but surely seats filled up. One next to you empty for over an hour. It felt like everyone knew everyone. You felt like a black sheep in a flock. Which left you with more time to drink. So you actually did. Suddenly a guy sat on that empty spot. And he puts his empty glass in front of you. Gesturing at the Soju in your hand. You stared at him in confusion. You don't know this guy. He read your mind. "Hi, I am Yoongi. Can I have the drink now we passed the names and all shitty conversation?" "Y-yes.." You poured him a drink. Then another one. And another one. When you felt like you were drunk enough for this, you asked him "Sooo, cutie pie, what division are you?" - great, we started with the awkward flirting. He kept quiet. You thought he didn’t hear you so you asked again. "C'mon, how long do you work for BH?" "I guess we didn't skip all the shitty conversations and after all. Look, I don't work in the departments." he answered, and you laughed. "Pfft, how is that possible?" - Who do he think he is? "I'm a producer. CEO.I work at the studio." Then it dawned on you.. "Ohh, so you like play an instrument? Are you my boss or something? " - you smiled. "InstrumentS actually. Piano is one of them, for example. Maybe I am. " he emphasized the "s", bragging. "I know preppy ones like you." - you blurted out. This is ironic flirting for you. He needs to keep up. He's kinda slow. And you're kinda drunk. Who are you kidding, you're too drunk. "What is that supposed to mean?" It means you are preppy full of yourself guy who thinks he's better than anyone else, but you actually fake it. You didn't say that. He's your boss. Well maybe. But you're not gonna risk it. He pays well. Well maybe. "Oh you can actually hear me now? I meant, your fingers must do wonders then." You touched his fingers, bumping at one of his silver rings, playing with it and laughed at your own dirty joke. Damn you Jin, if I remember this in the morning, I'll kill you. He was rather surprised of the sudden touch, making the face at your dirty pun, but didn't want to show that he got it or that he liked it for a matter a fact. Both of it. He just responded "I can show you if you want.." This night will be fun.

J-HOPE/ HOSEOK

You were new here. New town. New people. New group of friends. Well some of them were just friends in your eyes. Not Hoseok though. He’s so dreamy, the smile he gives to everyone, but is able to scold them as well. You needed that balance in life. You are a friendly person, talkative as much as it gets. But you never said to anyone about your crush on Hoseok. He was your little secret. Other people paired you two together for activities accidentally which made your smile grow bigger and somehow, you fell under his spell. Not that he knew, or noticed. He gave you as much attention as he gave anyone else. Or that's what you thought. It was game night and it was your turn to choose the place you all will go. After thinking long, the best option was rolling skate rink. You knew the place well, you skate well or you can pretend you don't, you dance well and you knew Hoseok would enjoy it. You made a choice thinking of him, that was not surprise to you. And as a bonus, they had amazing milkshakes! Perfect. You skated with friends, Hoseok showed off his moves even on skates. Jumping around, speeding like a lunatic, moonwalk all the way to you and the girls, pushed you about 10 meters away from the group, and almost knocked you over doing so. He caught you mid fall, like in the movies you watched, you took your hand and moved to his cheek, entranced. It'll be just like in the old movies - you somewhat prayed. He made a serious face, "wha-?" "um--" you fake cough, standing up, and looking down, trying to calm your beating heart, and shaky knees. Too bad your knees are a pair of freaking betrayers. You fell once again, your butt on the floor. He helped you stand up. You wanted to run away. To lock yourself in safety of your room for a month till this sickening, gushing feeling stops. Or just forever so you don't embarrass yourself ever again. His face was blood red, just like when he drank, the song changed and he took the chance to run away to the other side of the rink. Flustered? Or Ashamed? And you thought you wanted to run. Why did he run away? Why did you even think your life could be a movie? Whole squad was at the tables, calling your name, while you stood on the center of the rink. "We saved you a spot." - someone said. You don't even know who, you're so much out of yourself. Across from you was a empty spot too. You looked at it, for hour what it felt. But it barely passed minutes. Until someone sat, and looked at your eyes. Same voice spoke again - "Maybe we should give them little space guys.." Another chimed in "Yeah.. " All of your friends left the table, you felt the same feeling, voice inside telling you -RUN- but Hoseok didn't run so you didn't too. "So.." - he said "So.."- you repeated "I.." - you both chimed at the same time.

"You can go first" - again "Are we gonna act as twins or?" - you joked nervously "That'll be incest then.. " - Hoseok said under his breath

"What ?" - you asked just to be cut again. "I like you, Y/N" - his face flushed again, his voice stuttering and head hung low You smiled, " I do to.. " " I mean don't understand me wrong I do not like me too.. What I wanted to say.. Ugh, I hate this.. I mean I don't hate you. I... I just .. I like you too." "We're both a stuttering mess.." - Hoseok said, holding your hand.

JIMIN

Jimin was popular for his “friendliness” with girls. Whole campus knew who he was, what he was doing with his free time, and was pretty known campus hoe. Men threw him high-fives and "WhoopWhoop-ed" him when they saw him, like having a STD was something to be proud of. Boys will be boys, and girls wouldn't be girls if they didn't fall on that façade he puts every morning. How did you know that? Well, you have been childhood friend, not that close one, with the said hoe. Driving him/ being driven to campus by him, or carpooling with some friends from same neighborhood and him being there was one way. But like it wasn't more than enough that you had to share the air with him, he decided to tease hell out of you. You both sat in the back, you were looking through the window and the scenery you have seen, well million times, and still that was better than dealing and talking to him. You didn't hated him, you hated his behavior, which his older brother somehow passed on to him. That fucker is a story for itself. Suddenly, Minie and Jess, riding in the front got into “female only” discussion on a topic why is the diva cup better than a tampon or the pad, for your hygiene and economically, cutting Jimin off completely having him jobless, and in a mood for teasing you. He poked your arm, smiling so hard that his eyes closed, HE ENJOYED THIS. *poke* *poke* *poke* over and over again. You ignored. Well you tried. You snapped. That's an understatement.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?"

Minie flinched and Jess, who was driving honked the car accidentally because of the sudden shout. He put the innocent face on “Why are you screaming at me, I didn’t do anything to you,” sly smile creeping in, “Gezz woman, is that time of the month again?"

"They’re bickering again.. ” Minie sighed and Jess dismissed you two, continuing their conversation, this was daily routine now.

“If by that time of the month again you mean you being annoying little shit, then that’s the whole month, brat.” you hissed.

“WOAH, someone likes that dirty talk. Kinky.” he trailed his fingertips on your arm. You kicked his hand with a smack, only to hear him mumble “Auch, rough, too.” with a sly smile. He is being entertained now. And you are the entertainer.

You didn’t care what other girls have done, that’s their life, their respect and decisions. YOU wouldn’t let that happen to you. Not with Jimin. Couldn’t he be like, normal for once, and ignore your existence? Anger flew trough you. You were red furious when you pinched closer, grabbed him by the throat, nails digging into his tender neck flesh, you lost control, the last drop overflew the glass you have been filling with annoyance and anger of him being rude and disrespectful to you.

“Touch me again, without my permission, douche, and I will cut this air flow to your non existing brain, are we clear kid?"

Minie and Jess, saw this thing went overboard, turned around when it was red light just to stop you two from killing eachother.

"Okay.” he said. Alright. That’s it. You stood for yourself. Turned around and watched the trees move again when green light showed up. You were on campus already, Jess finds a spot to park. Jimin held his throat, smiling like nothing happened, then you heard his smile voice grow again “Into chocking, huh?” his smile grew bigger and bigger as he got off the car, “I never would have guessed, but I like it.” He winked and with that he took off running, so you couldn’t catch him and kill him, per say.

TAEHYUNG / V

Being one of the boys was kinda a normal to you. You were always labeled a tomboy and to be honest you didn't hate it. It had its beneficial aspects. For example boys didn't try to use you, you didn't have those fake girl friends, most of boy friends are actually really easy and honest. Obnoxious - YES, but honest. On the other side, it was hard to date, because all your boy squad will scare him away, or tell you he wasn't good enough for you which you knew, but SOMETIMES A GIRL JUST WANNA KISS. You're not gonna marry a douche. You are rarely girly, because being girly is a opportunity to be mocked by them. All of your girlfriends, which was a small few, are possible hookups to them and you had no saying in it as they had in your love interests. Unfair. Tae will purposely tell guys to stay away from you. Or scare away the freshmen that pick up a courage to try and pick you up with cheesy lines. Namjoon would sometimes tell him to chill, and let you breathe, and you thank him for that with a ice cream cone once in a while. And he'll give you the same lecture every time, "You know I can't protect you from them all the time. You need to find a girlfriend to do this love life shit with. And this ice cream is not really worth it to go against their back…" "You sure about that? Your passionate licking tells me otherwise." "I mean mostly it is, but it's getting transparent what I am trying to do here. Just get ready and go clubbing sometimes without us Go with your girlfriends from the dorm. Just know that one call will get us there where you are if something goes wrong." And You'd say "Okay, I will." Every time but you never do it. Your girl friends are just not - not them. You don't mind not hooking up most of the time. But a period comes when you really wanna kiss somebody, and then you drown yourself in Vodka. Or Tequila. Or anything that'll help you forget how much you wanna kiss Tae. You'd dance till your feet hurt as hell. You'd scream over the lines of every love song they play. You'd make fool out of yourself. And you don't have to worry because your male squad is there to take care of you. Same one, that is hooking up rn, and same one that have a designated driver and a designated someone who will look over, specifically, you. That was the deal, every week one of them is the driver and "the look out for Y/N". This week that was Tae. You sat at the booth you got reserved. Next to Tae. “Where are they?" "Jimin was grinding over the blonde in the corner. Namjoon is at the bar with the redhead. Hoseok -" You stopped him mid sentence and continued "- at the dance floor, with god knows who, kissing god knows who." "As usual." He said. "You jealous TaeTae?" - You bopped his nose in playful tone - "You'd loooooooove to be nuzzled in someone's neck right now, making tons of hickeys. BUT YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME." - It was really pathetic telling him that last part of the sentence. He ignored your drunk ass - "Jungkook is already at the bathroom going at it. I gave him my condom, that crazy kid. Yoongi and Jin are god knows where I lost them. Probably somewhere, making puns and wining in life. And yes, I AM here stuck with YOU" - He bopped your nose back. Your head fell down, eyes filled with tears, not that he saw. You put your hand on his leg, squeezing the thigh. He didn't expect that. He got shivers. He didn't expect that too. You looked him in the eyes - "Is that what I am to you, a fucking bother?" - you stood up. You're leaving this place right now. You don't need them. You can go back. You can order a uber. An uber driver can be a murderer. But you're not that pretty anyways. "Where the heck do you think you're going to?" he mocked you, laughing. You wobbled around. You're too drunk for this. You should stop drinking. Or stop drinking this much. "What do you care where I am gonna end up to? Will I get murdered? Or not?" - you made no sense. "And I am perfectly fine for your information. I'm not that pretty to be murdered.” - he laughed harder. "Don't you laugh at me, you moron." - you came back just to hit him. He welcomed your hits. He caught your hands, locked his gaze on you and then he kissed you.. You stopped breathing for a second, you stopped crying, you stopped hitting him, and stopped screaming at him. World stopped spinning for that ten seconds too. "Stop it, you're drunk, Tae." - this was not the first kiss you shared, every time Tae drunk as an ass when it happened, every time you stopped him telling him he's drunk. "No I am not, I'm sober as a cop tonight. Remember?"

JUNGKOOK

I think it's understatement to say you are crushing on Jungkook. It's been too long to even remember when this started for you. He's the best friend of your brother. He's always at your house, since you were 8, and he moved down the street, and stole Michael's bike. So Mike ran back to your mom crying to go and retrieve the bike Jeongook stole. He didn't stole it, per say, he just borrowed it. For a couple of hours, to drive, without giving it back to Mike and ignoring him all together, later stashing it in his garage as his own. Okay, he stole it. But he was not a bad kid. Then he kept getting Mike to play with him, you were somewhere there playing sometimes with them, sometimes with Anna across the road. School started, years passed, and puberty came. Some of you, him per say got handsome, muscly, jawline got sharper, and he got taller. Long story short, puberty hit him like a truck, no, even better, like a bus. You for example, almost got hit crossing a zebra of adolescence, but the puberty saw you just in time so you didn't get hit at all. Puberty got out in a hurry at the crime scene with a simple sorry. You got to work for your beauty yourself. Pluck those bushes above your eyes. Strip the mustache that Jeongook didn't even grow out, yet somehow you had it. Shave your legs. Buy pushup bras, that didn't do wonders for your non existent boobs, because in order for push up bra to work it needs little some-something to push - up. Girls got prettier day by day, and you got more and more friend-zoned by Jungkook day by day. He started dating, you started extra curriculum activities. He was going to parties, you were going to poetry slam nights at the local coffee shop. Until one night, he was knocking at your window at 2 am. You heard a knock while finishing a book, yes, at 2am. A crying mess. You opened a window, expecting Mike to sneak in as usual. But when dark figure that was inside your bedroom, pulled down the hoodie, you almost screamed. His hand found your lips, and shut it quickly. "shhhhhhhhhh.. " - he looked at you once more, moonlight only thing that was on at this our, making your face barely visible - "were… you.. crying?" "What?" - you remembered the book - "uhh, no, allergies." "At night?" - he laughed. "It's that bush you climbed on, I swear to god, imma make dad cut it down." "Don't" - he said alarmingly, - "How am I gonna sneak into your room at night then?" Your heart skipped a beat at this teasing he always did even though you looked like it didn't - "You'd just have to stop doing it." - he made a fake crying face - "Why are you here, now?" "Kaitlyn threw me out, her parents got home early from their business trip." - he joked. Or Jacob came early, you chuckled. "And you told your parents you are at??" "at yours.. I mean Mike's. " "Of course." -irony came out. "Are you mad?" "Well you literally barged in my room at 2am.. It's not like I am happy.." - you grumbled, sitting back on your bed. "You're the only girl in our school, no, town, who would be mad I got into her bedroom at night." - he jokes, "Cocky much?" - but see you're not laughing with him, - "Or I could leave." "And where would this gentleman go, to who's girl bedroom in this time of the night?" - your curiousness got to you. "No one's, Kaitlyn and I are official now." , Except she's cheating on you, you thought. "My ass you are." - you muttered to yourself, "But here you are." - you sounded bitterly.

"You know that you don't count, Y/N. " You arched an eyebrow. "Does she know that though, Jeongook? "She doesn't have to know. It' not like anything is gonna happen. C'mon, You're not gonna throw me out.."

"Maybe I should." "But, Y/N, I don't have anywhere to go." What do you do when a poor puppy comes to you for help?

"I guess you can sleep on the floor. You know where the blanket's are, don't touch anything else." "Thank you. I won't." You usually wake up hugging a pillow. Today you hugged something more stiff. Longer too. Bigger too. Warmer too. Also smelled nice. You nuzzled your face into it, not opening your eyes once. His arms wrapping in a perfect loop just for your shoulders to fit in. You continued to sleep. After fifteen minutes the alarm started ringing. You snoozed it by memory and turned your back to the "pillow". He hugged you tight around the waist. Pressing your body to his. "Good morning, Y/N."

Waaaaaaait, wha--? Your pillow doesn't talk. Or smell. Or hugs you back. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE DOING? I TOLD YOU TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR."

"No, mid night you said I can hop on. You even took my hand, played with it, laced your fingers with mine. And told me the truth." - he said sleepy voice. Oh gosh you could wake up to this every day. Wait what truth? "Jeongook?" "Yeah?" "You know for a fact I sleep talk shit."

"No."

"No?" "I know for a fact you sleep talk the truth you usually hide. Like the when you saw Mike hiding the gummy bears in the ziplockbag under the hollow box. You told me that while sleeping, and I found them and then we ate them together without him. I still remember his face when he found a FUCK YOU!note." - he laughed wholeheartedly, eyes closed. This feels so casual and nice. Why can't I be Kaitlyn, I'd never cheat on him. "You're missing the point here. What did I tell you?" "Nothing. Get up, we're gonna be late to school." "Since when do you care?" "Since today." WHAT THE HELL. He left. Through the window. "We have doors, you know." "I know." - He smiled back. He went insane. ------ Lunch break. You spotted Jeongook, alone. Now's the time. You took him by the hand. He let you. You dragged him across the yard. He let you. You hurried. He slowed you down. You sat at the far back bench. He stood next to it.

"Sit." you ordered.

"Why?" he asked. "Just for five minutes."

"Okay" "Tell me what I said tonight." "The truth." "I got that, dumbass. But what did I exactly say?" He took your hand, taking you by surprise. He laces your fingers with yours. Slides across the bench closer to you. Clasping your hands together. You kept watching your hands intertwined. How a nice feeling to feel. Your eardrums had a beat of your heart on them. Blood rushed from your to your head and you could swear to god you could feel it. His lips parted, his hand played with your fingers. "Don't be with Kaitlyn, Gookah." - he suddenly said. You still kept quiet. Lips pressed into a thin line. "Why?" - he said in more masculine tone. He was finally telling you what you wanted to know. And it terrifies you. You knew what he did. He did the Ken and Barbie thing you did as a kid. You stopped breathing. You can't look him in the eye. Still playing with your fingers, leaving slow and gentle touches all over it, how you probably did to him yesterday - "She is a bad person." "How do you know?" - You were afraid of this. "I saw her.." -Oh god you didn't say this. "and?" - he was asking questions to you on purpose.

"and it's not on me to tell.. " - Yes that’s where It should end. "but?" "but.. She's two timing, she is with Jacob. I am sorry." "It's okay."

You stopped his monologue. "I am really sorry. It's not a way to find out. " He stopped you, now, mid sentence - "I am not finished." He looked you in the eyes. He continued. Oh god, no.

"But I'd never do that to you." - You prayed hard this isn't what you did say in your sleep. "I know."

"I'd never cheat on you, Gook." - All life you had left in your face, vanished.

"I'd never cheat on you, Y/N." - All life that had left you, came back. Your eyes warm. His voice honey like. "I know." "Can I got on the bed now?" - His smile smug. You didn't call him up, after all. "If you're cold." - He took you from the bench, put you on his lap, whispering "I am cold, Y/N."

It sent shivers down your spine, as his lips found yours, fitting perfectly into each others. Low on breath, he stopped, just to say -

"Don't cut that bush for real now."

"Stop lying I invited you to my bed, you freak."

"Will you invite me now? "

"I don't know. Not yet. You can sleep on the floor like yesterday."

"But I didn't sleep on the floor yesterday. Oooh" - He wanted to hug you much closer than he physically could.

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loopy-atla-fanfic · 7 years

Text

Samsara - Chapter 3

Rating: T

Characters: Mai, Zuko, Ty Lee, Azula

Story Warnings: Ableism, Suicidal Thoughts

Written for Maiko Week 2017

EPOCH 3

Eventually, even complete despair becomes boring, and if there's anything Mai absolutely could not tolerate, it was boredom.

("Come on, Mai. It's time to embrace the day! Hey, that rhymed.")

But what was the alternative? The only experts within reach had no ideas for ending the curse. Convincing Zuko not to elope with the Avatar was just an exercise in frustration. And trying to get Azula to handle the problem for her-

That had proved disappointing.

(At the far end of the mattress, Ty Lee began her bouncing.)

Mai felt an absurd desire to talk to her parents about it all. Not that she expected them to have anything helpful to offer, not even a minimum of, "There, there," comfort, but she was running out of authority figures to foist the problem on and she had no desire to sit down with the Fire Lord and explain the situation.

(The ceiling went 'thunk' and Ty Lee said, "Owie!")

The sound of Ty Lee's skull impacting against a decidedly less-dense solid finally prompted Mai to throw off the bed covers and sit up. "That wasn't even funny the first time."

"What first time?" Ty Lee was still massaging her head.

"Never mind." Mai rubbed her eyes. "Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, the bathroom's open. I got up early so that I could finish in there before you needed it. I'm just such a nice person that way."

"No, something else. I suppose it's a matter of philosophy."

Ty Lee grinned, and hopped up onto the bed so that she was kneeling right in front of Mai. "I have been waiting my whole life for you to say those words to me."

"Swell." Mai took a moment to gather her thoughts and plot out an escape route in case this turned violent. "If you knew for a fact that none of your actions could ever have an effect on the world- if everything stayed the same no matter how drastically you tried to change things- what is there left for you to do? Besides be bored."

Ty Lee looked up at the ceiling as she thought about it. "When you say 'the world,' do you mean your external environment? Everything separate from the Self?"

Mai blinked. "Sure, let's go with that for now."

"Oh, well then that's easy!" Ty Lee looked back at Mai with a look in her eyes that made so many people over the years assume a chemical addiction of some kind was in play. "If you can't change anything besides the Self, then the Self has to become your whole universe."

"Um?"

"Forget about what can't be changed and focus on how you respond to it. Change yourself according to the world you want to live in. It's all just a matter of perspective, really. You define your world, so define it so it serves and fulfills you. It's like how I hated being part of a matched set with my family, and since I couldn't change having six identical sisters, I focused on my own uniqueness and embraced it."

"Huh." Stripped away of the more philosophical jargon, that was actually fairly coherent for a statement from Ty Lee. Moreover, it even made sense. Put simply If Mai couldn't get Tomorrow to come or get Zuko to really love her instead of running off to an Avatar, then she had no choice but to focus on herself. "Okay."

She could make herself a world with no Avatar in it.

"See, that wasn't so hard. What made you think of it? The last time I tried to talk about the nature of the universe with you before breakfast, you threw a hairbrush at me and wound up putting your clothes and knives on backwards."

Mai snorted as she climbed out of bed. "Let's take the easy route and say weird dreams."

"And what's the hard route?"

"Believing that I've stumbled across a unique problem in my perception of time."

"Ugh, time stuff. That always gives me a headache."

"Exactly."

Mai went ahead and dressed as usual, but elected to start exercising her ability to control her universe by forgoing any hair-styling. She let her tresses hang long and free down her back, a style that would be trouble in combat, but she wouldn't have to worry about it. After all, she knew exactly where each and every fight was going to happen today, and she could skip as many of them as she wanted. It was like school, only with dangerous combat instead of boring classes.

(Well, more dangerous combat.)

Mai made sure to give the appropriate responses to get Azula's quicker briefing, and the princess didn't comment on the new hairdo. Mai did have trouble not letting her eyes wander to Azula's smooth white throat, to the spot that had once hosted a razor disc, but thankfully neither of the other girls noticed.

After the briefing, she and Ty Lee hit the palace's breakfast buffet, and this time she really indulged, trying everything that looked interesting. After all, it wasn't like she'd have to worry about fighting on a full stomach.

(Sadly, Mai couldn't properly revel in casting aside worries about eating what she wanted without getting fat; her metabolism had always made her have to work to keep from looking sickly. She didn't personally have a problem with looking like she had one foot in the urn, but constantly getting asked what she was dying of got boring after the first few sarcastic responses. Maybe tomorrow she'd enjoy just having a cup of water without agonizing about losing what little fat she had managed to cultivate.)

On the way to the temple, Mai enjoyed the feel of the breeze in her unbound hair. She shook her head and whipped it around a bit as Ty Lee babbled something about the health effects of eating eggs.

When they arrived at the site of Operation Springback, Corporal Lee was of course there to meet them. "My Ladies, Colonel Lee reporting! I've successfully evacuated the Fire Sages, and my soldiers are stationed throughout the first floor of the main temple building. I have an elite force ready to spill out into the courtyard at a moment's notice, and my subordinates have been given a plan to rapidly deploy continuing waves as required. Naturally, we've saved some space for you two right with that first wave."

"Wonderful, darling," Mai said, giving her hair another shake and successfully suppressing laughter. "I’m oh so excited for the chance to fight some barbarians today. I've never been in a battle before, but everything I've read makes them sound thrilling! I'm eternally grateful that the princess gave me the chance to try that whole 'stabbing' thing. I bet it's fun. Is it fun, Corporal?"

Ty Lee was staring at her.

Corporal Lee's jaw worked like he was trying to do math in his head and kept coming up with Purple. "Um, some people- um, some find it fun? My lady?"

"Wonderful! We'll go inside and pick out our spots. Let us know when the Avatar comes knocking." Mai grabbed Ty Lee's arm and hurried her friend away while trying to keep from giggling. Making fun of people was better when the people in question didn't realize they were involved in the making of any fun.

Once they were inside the temple, Ty Lee said, "Are you feeling okay? Your sense of humor is usually more about laughing at gravestones."

Mai shook her hair again. "I'm trying something new. And anyway, we're not going to be attacked. This whole Springback thing is a waste of time."

As she and Ty Lee passed by the gatherings of soldiers discussing the quality of the breakfast rations, Mai wondered how she should spend her day. She had to focus on herself, as Ty Lee had advised. The only problem was that Mai had never really focused on herself beyond constructing her whole life and personality as an insult to the people around her. She supposed that she could teach herself to dance here in the temple, which was both lewd and a blasphemy, but offending a bunch of random soldiers didn't really appeal to her, and besides, Ty Lee might actually join in.

Then Mai realized she was surrounded by soldiers, and most of them weren't Firebenders. Spears were leaning against the temple walls in bundles, and quite a few scabbards were hanging from belts.

Hm.

If you can't define the world, define yourself in response to the world.

As for the response she wanted to make-

She walked up to one particular soldier, a thin guy who didn't seem to be any older than her. He was standing on the periphery of a large group, so subtly excluded that he probably didn't even realize it.

Mai tapped his shoulder and gave him her best Azula Stare. "Teach me how to fight with a spear."

He blinked at her. "M- my lady?"

"Exactly. I'm just an heiress in the middle of a war with no way to protect herself. Teach me how to use a spear in case barbarians try to drag me away to force me to dance with them." She shook her hair again, in case that helped.

The young soldier swallowed. "O- okay. Well, I- I guess we should start with how to hold a spear..."

He blinked at her. "My lady?"

"Exactly. I've already been taught the basics by the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. Just show me a few more tricks so I can properly defend myself when the barbarians try to drag me away to force me to eat their vegetarian food." She shook her hair again, in case that helped.

The young soldier swallowed. "O- okay. Well, I- I guess I could show you how to use the whole shaft of the spear to keep enemies from closing in on you..."

He blinked at her. "My lady?"

"Exactly." Mai took the spear from his grip, twirled it fast enough to blur the shaft into a brown smear in the air, brought it to a halt with a diagonal slice of the metal tip, shifted her grip, and then stabbed out into the empty air. "I've already had an advanced education in combat. I'm just looking for some pointers from a soldier who's seen some real combat against barbarians." She shook her hair again, because it probably looked kick-butt.

The young soldier grinned. "Wow. Okay! Well, my favorite trick is..."

Mai saw Ty Lee walk over, and spared a nod for her friend. That was all she could do for the moment, what with twirling two spears at once. Mai tightened her fists around each spear, bringing their spinning to a stop for the next phase of her demonstration. Fighting with two spears at once was tricky, as their length made it easy to knock them into each other, so she had to move them in a pattern that would keep the shafts out of each other's way, stabbing with one while swinging the other, using quick twirls as necessary to change directions, using blade and shaft and butt to hammer at a legion of imaginary enemies.

When they were all imaginary-dead (or at least imaginary-lying on the imaginary-ground and imaginary-moaning and imaginary-bleeding and imaginary-cursing their imaginary-fate), Mai brought her spears to a halt, propped them up on the floor, and bowed to her audience.

The soldiers all started applauding. Her young teacher (how had she gone this many iterations without learning his name?) accepted congratulations from his comrades for his instructional skills while Mai handed the spears back to their owners and went over to Ty Lee. "What's up?"

Ty Lee frowned. "Sorry, did I interrupt you?"

"Nah. Spears are getting boring. I'm done with that now."

"Um, since when did you learn how to do that? Private Li Quang did not just teach it to you today."

How did Ty Lee know- never mind. Mai would probably be better off without that knowledge. "Oh, you know me; I get bored easily and need something to occupy my hands."

"Right." Ty Lee gave a look that five parts skepticism and one part insane belief in auras. "You've been looking very red today."

"Thank you?"

"It's not- not important. Anyway, Private Fan said the invaders got past the harbor gate. We should probably get ready."

"Yeah, sure." That was the one problem with these lessons- the soldiers still thought they had to do their job and get into position for an Operation Springback that would never happen. It was a good waste of twenty minutes. Not that Mai was on a time budget, but waiting for rebels who wouldn't come was boring.

Unless-

As Mai kneeled down beside her friend just inside the temple's foyer, she whispered, "Hey, when this is over, I've always admired how your acrobatics let you dodge pretty much any kind of attack..."

"Hey, as long as we have time, I've always admired how your acrobatics give you so much flexibility..."

"Hey, while we wait, I've always admired how you can touch the back of your knees with your tongue..."

"Hey, while we wait, I've always admired how your Qi-blocking messes with Benders. The fear in their eyes is sweet. Do you think you could show me how you do it?"

Ty Lee frowned. "Nope."

Mai blinked. "No?"

"Well, probably not."

"If it's about speed and flexibility, I've actually been teaching myself acrobatics when I haven't been spending time with Zuko-"

"No, it's not that." Ty Lee gave Mai a look that started at her toes and ascended like the sun. "You're looking very red today."

Mai snorted. "Yeah, you said that already."

"I did?"

"Never mind."

"Well, what I'm getting at is that Qi-blocking isn't about memorizing pressure points. I mean, yes, it is, but it's also not. It is and isn't at the same time."

Mai sighed. "Is this about time?"

"Ew, no, time stuff gives me a headache. Qi-blocking needs a certain something. A- way to look at who you're fighting and really see them." Ty Lee brightened. "See what they're feeling. And how their energy is flowing! A hit to a pressure point can hurt, and even make an arm or leg or whatever too numb to move. But if the muscles are in the right state of motion and tightness and vibrancy, then when you hit the pressure point, you get something special. Bending won't work. Fear leaks into their aura. Have you seen how the Avatar's Waterbender looks at me? She's terrified of me! That's because of how I hit her. She felt what I did. Her brother is harder to hit, so I never tagged him as good."

Mai was almost sorry when Ty Lee stopped talking. She had really been getting into that explanation. "I never realized. I thought you just- you know, hit people. I thought-" She couldn't meet those big gray eyes. "I thought what I did was harder, because I do it from a distance and need to know how each of my blades flies through the air. But you know how to punch fear into people. That's- that's amazing."

Ty Lee reached out and raised Mai's chin, so that their eyes were meeting again. "It's not punching fear into people. It's slowly building cracks into their emotions by attacking where their bodies generate those emotions. But I'm glad you appreciate it."

"So, if I wanted to Qi-block like you, I'd have to think I see auras?"

Ty Lee giggled. "Well, it's not necessary, but it would help."

"Except," Mai said with a smirk, "auras aren't real."

Ty Lee's expression needed no words.

Mai indulged in a single dry laugh. "So, even if I can't fight like you, you can at least teach me where pressure points are, right?"

"Sure, if you want."

Learning hand-to-hand combat was harder than Mai expected. She had lost track of the days she had spent getting lessons from Ty Lee, discussing pressure points and the various kinds of fists. (Mai had always assumed that a fist was a fist, perhaps defined by the number of working fingers and knuckles the thrower had available, but no, there were as many ways to smack someone as there were to stab them.) Her existing fighting instincts seemed to work against what was needed to get a good solid hit in, and forming another set of instincts she could jump to when necessary was taking a lot of practice.

She decided to take a day off and indulge in an idea that had occurred to her a while ago. It involved escaping the temple without being seen, but she didn't even have to think to do that anymore.

It did take some work to set up what she had planned, as all worthwhile things did. First, she had to find a tea cart large enough for her to lounge on top. She broke into a dozen different mansions before investigating General Iroh’s sealed suite in the palace and finding three of them. Then she needed to find a square of wood light enough for her to lift over her head, and wound up prying someone's portrait of an honorable ancestor off the wall and using the back of the frame. Then she needed to paint her message on the sign, and get everything down to her house before the invaders stormed the capital.

On the way, one of the army runners passed by on some errand. The woman was making an odd sound as she ran, and Mai looked to see what was causing the metallic-

Oh.

It was Private Fan, the lady with the metal leg.

Fan slowed and stared at Mai as she pushed her tea cart down the street. "Um, do you need assistance, citizen? This area is supposed to be evacuated. Enemy military forces are on their way."

"No, I'm okay." The cart's wheels squeaked as Mai shifted its direction. "I'm on a special assignment for Princess Azula." Technically, that was true, even if the special assignment in question had more to do with the temple than teacarts.

"Oh. Well, uh, carry on, then!" Fan started jogging again, her metal leg clanking against the stone street.

Mai recalled, back in the iteration of her greatest failure, observing a runner getting hit by a boulder. There had been too much distance, looking down from the window in Zuko's bedroom, to tell who that runner was, but Mai recalled making a joke back on the first day about Fan's death, how both her missing leg and the rest of her body were crushed by separate boulders. On impulse, she called out, "Hey!"

Fan stopped and turned around.

Mai said, "Try to stay away from the park when the invaders get into the Caldera. We're expecting a lot of Earthbender activity near there, and even an empty street can wind up getting a sudden rain of poorly-aimed rocks."

Fan nodded and then jogged away.

Mai wondered if that would actually accomplish anything.

Oh, well. On with the plan!

She got her teacart and sign to parents' mansion house, hauled them up the front stairs, and then positioned them right behind the main doors. After that, it was a matter of working out angles and velocities while she waited.

The light outside eventually dimmed. The eclipse had arrived!

Give it a few minutes for the invaders to make their way to the palace-

-another few to let them line themselves up around the palace-

-maybe hold off for a few more moments so that the timing will be perfect-

-and then Mai ran up to the teacart, jumped up on top with all of her momentum intact, and rode the thing down the front steps of her house-

The teacart tipped over on the right and Mai hit her head on the corner of one of the stairs.

Give it a few minutes for the invaders to make their way to the palace-

-another few to let them line themselves up around the palace-

-maybe hold off for a few more moments so that the timing will be perfect-

-and then Mai ran up to the teacart, jumped up on top with all of her momentum intact, and rode the thing down the front steps of her house. She leaned to the left to offset the tipping and the cart landed with a jolt in the street, still coasting along.

Across the street, the assembled warriors and tanks of the invading army loomed. She saw people looking over at her, after the sound of the crash, and more than a few readied weapons.

Mai ignored them, grabbed the sides of the cart, and swung her body to the side. The cart twisted on its wheels, bleeding off a lot of its speed, and executed a more or less passable left turn. She was now no longer headed towards the invaders, riding parallel to their defensive line.

Mai then grabbed her painted sign and held it up as the cart slowly and squeakily passed by the staring rebels.

The sign read, 'The Avatar smells like bison poop.'

Squeak, squeak. Squeak, squeak.

No one reacted.

Squeak, squeak. Squeak, squeak.

A second later, Mai had drifted down another street, out of the sight of the invaders, just as the Avatar's sky bison swooped through the sky to land by the waiting army.

Before the Avatar could pass on the news that the entire Invasion effort had been pointless and they were all about to suffer a fate worse than death, Mai heard someone bark a single laugh.

She waited some more. There was talking, what sounded like a stirring speech in a voice that was trying hard not to crack, and then the noise of the invaders' retreat began.

What?

One laugh?

After she had gone through all that trouble?

It later turned out that Private Fan had been run over by a tank on a street near the temple.

"Come on, Mai. It's time to embrace the day! Hey, that rhymed."

One.

Laugh.

Really, what kind of barbarians were these people?

Mai ducked under Ty Lee's punch and twisted so that she was facing upward. Her friend's arm was stretched out above her, and even as the muscles shifted to start retracting the limb, Mai reached up and tapped a spot near the elbow.

"Good!" Ty Lee pulled her arm back and gave it a shake. "I felt that in my bone! If it was real hit, I'd still be able to use the arm again in a few minutes, but that'd be a few minutes without being able to throw a punch from this side."

Mai almost smiled. "I could do something with that." She looked behind her, and noticed that quite a few of the soldiers stationed here in the temple were watching the sparring.

Ty Lee had noticed, too. She smiled that smile, the one that made all kinds of promises about long summer dates, winters spent huddled together, a lifetime of mutual respect and partnership, and most importantly a lot of groping in the very near future.

And so Mai was treated to the sight of a small army's morale rising in real-time.

Huh.

"Hey."

Ty Lee shifted her gaze back from the soldiers. "Hm?"

"Teach me how to flirt."

Ty Lee blinked. "You mean all this time you've never flirted with Zuko?"

Mai suppressed a frown. "Not well enough to keep him happy, apparently." Ty Lee was going to ask the obvious question, but Mai cut her off with a waved hand. "I was talking more about the type of flirting that gets most males to do whatever I tell them."

"Oh, that. That's easy..."

Lessons from an expert were certainly helpful, but Mai firmly believed that the most essential learning came from practice. Certainly, it was the only conclusion to draw from the fact that spending hours throwing broken mirror shards at her bedroom ceiling had eventually turned her into a certified Flying Daggers master.

She started with one of the soldiers in the temple who had been watching her and Ty Lee the 'other day.' She walked with an extra bit of sway on her hips, shook her loose hair, and leaned forward. "Hey there, baby."

The soldier blinked. "Do you need something, my lady?"

"Yes. Let's cut to the chase. I'm attractive, you've noticed, and I want you to teach me how to gut someone with a sword. Shall we?"

The soldier blinked again. "Um, perhaps you should talk to my commanding officer?"

What, really? Mai sighed. "Never mind, then." She went over and sat down by Ty Lee in the main foyer.

Ty Lee giggled. "That was better than Azula's first try."

"Gee, thanks."

"Don't ever cut to the chase."

"Metaphorically, or literally?"

"Oh, you."

Mai slowly licked the throwing knife she had been twirling. "This is my blade. How about you show me yours?"

This time, the soldier just gave a quick bow and all but ran away.

"You know," Ty Lee said, "the blatant approach isn't right for everyone. Maybe more subtlety would work for you?"

"Come on, Mai. It's time to embrace the day! Hey, that rhymed."

Mai sat up in her bed. "It's absolutely imperative that you show me how to wear makeup in a way that won't terrify people!"

Ty Lee paused in the process of climbing on the bed for her bouncing, and then straightened and actually snapped a quick bow. "Mai, I'm honored that you've chosen to let me finally save you from yourself. I promise I will give this responsibility all due effort."

"Ha, ha."

No extra hip-swaying, just the hint of a smile on her lips (coming more from the makeup than any actual effort) and shy eyes. "Excuse me, sir."

The soldier looked at her, and she clasped her hands behind her back. "I've long been fascinated by swordfighting, and you look like you know your business." She lowered her eyes for just a moment, as if thoughts passed through her head that she didn't dare articulate. "Do you think you could show me- um, things?"

(She did indeed have thoughts passing through her head, but the reasons she wasn’t speaking them was because, "If you fall for this I will never respect you," would probably ruin the whole effect.)

"I would be pleased to show you whatever you want, my lady."

Yeah, Mai just bet he would. "Thank you so much!"

"Well, the idea behind this kind of sword, the dao, is that it has a single cutting edge, the curved one, and so the style for using it encourages chopping attacks..."

She gave him the full, worshipful attention of a pretty girl, which is really what every guy secretly wants (according to Ty Lee).

Mai gazed down the length of the sword, to where the tip curved up just beneath the soldier's chin, and let her expression fall into its natural blankness. "I win."

He swallowed very, very carefully. "Are you sure you've never done this before?"

"I guess I'm just a natural." She pulled the sword away, twirled it in her hand so that she held it in a reverse grip, and raised it so that he could take it back by the handle. "So how do I fight with two of these?"

The soldier frowned. "You don't want to learn that. Dual swords are just for showing off. No one seriously fights that way- er, no one fights well that way. The people who try just get hurt."

Mai thought of one particular swordsman who she knew who would probably object. "You don't say?"

Mai sat on the foot of her bed, in the exact spot where there would be a rolled up note waiting for her at the end of the day- where there was a rolled up note waiting for every day. She had long ago stopped reading it- them- whatever. The words were burned into her mind:

I cannot allow the Fire Nation to make the second great mistake of its history. I have come to believe that we never should have started this war, and I will not let the war finish with the death of another nation. I will confront my father, and if he does not abandon this path, then I will join the Avatar to restore peace and balance to the world. I hope you understand, but it is unlikely that I will ever know. If we do not meet again, I want you to know that I love you, and that you have been the source of my only real happiness here.

Goodbye and good fortune. -Zuko

She wasn't even sure why she was here. Yeah, it was supposedly to learn how to fight with two dao blades, because Zuko was someone who knew how to do that-

-had taught himself how to do that, he had told her, just like she had taught herself how to throw sharp things-

-but now that she was here, she remembered that he was so much more.

So much better, and show much worse.

He was leaving her to go to the Avatar.

She got up, and went over to her desk. She spread out a piece of paper, prepared her ink, tied her sleeve back, and took up her brush. With the same precision that usually reserved for putting sharp bits of metal where other people didn't want them to go, she wrote out a letter:

"Zuko,

"I don't care about the world.

"Goodbye and lick ash. -Mai"

Then she left it on the foot of her bed and went to go explore the city's empty mansions.

Mai hid in her closet, listening to Zuko's slow footsteps across her bedroom. They went silent, and Mai could just imagine Zuko picking up the note that had been left for him, could picturing him with confusing twisting his scarred features as he read out loud, "Zuko, I'm pregnant- WHAT?!"

She grinned.

"Zuko,

"I cannot hide it anymore. I'm madly in love with Ty Lee, and I've run away to marry her in the colonies." He was silent for a moment too long. "Mai always did weirdly tolerate her."

She had to cover her mouth to stifle the laughter.

"Zuko, your sister is behind you right now."

There was a cry, and then the glue Mai had spread out over that spot on the floor must have done its work, because there was a loud clump like a body slamming to the ground.

"Zuko, you idiot, the Day of Black Sun isn't until tomorrow."

Of course, there wasn't a handy calendar with which to confirm the date in the entire palace. Not anymore, at least.

Mai wasn't sure that the gag was worth the effort.

"Zuko, the Avatar died. He said you can have his scalp razor and the weird whistle that calls the bison."

The whistle wrapped in the letter didn't actually do anything, but Mai could hear Zuko trying it anyway. She wanted to laugh at how gullible he was, but instead she just sighed.

"Zuko, good luck with your Avatar. I packed you a lunch. Don't forget to wash behind your ears."

Even when he opened the lunch box to find the angry fire ferret, Mai had trouble mustering up any amusement. No matter what, he still always left.

By the time Zuko was being yanked off the ground by the rope trap Mai had set up and left to dangle in the center of her bedroom, the she was forced to admit that this was no longer funny.

If it had ever been.

It certainly had never made her feel better about his leaving.

Hurting other people could be amusing. Other people's pain, in general, could be amusing.

But it didn't make Mai hurt any less.

She might be defining a new reality for herself, but was it really any better?

This time, Mai was once again sitting on the foot of the bed instead of any prank notes. Zuko stopped short, as he always did when he found her, and walked over. "Mai?"

She looked up at him. "I wanted to find you, so I could ask you to show me how to fight with two swords. But you're leaving. And that's the most important thing to me right now."

Zuko sighed and sat down next to her. "I need to do this. I need to go help set the world right."

"I don't care." Mai closed her eyes and leaned again him. "I don't care about the world. I don’t care about the Avatar. I just care about you and me."

Zuko put an arm around her. "I know. That's why I have to leave."

"I'm sorry I'm not a sweet, flirty girl who can care about that kind of stuff."

"It's- I wish you did care, but I don't want you to be anyone other than who you are. Does that make any sense?"

She snorted. "Does it even matter?"

"I guess not." He stood up. "I have a little bit of time. Do you want a quick lesson? It can be something to remember me by, in case I- Something of me you can keep hold of, inside of you, no matter where I am."

Something of Zuko to keep inside.

Something that would survive the cycle of Days of Black Sun, even as he left her every day.

"Okay."

He nodded at her. "You obviously know what you're doing with dual weapons. But you don't know the exact techniques for a single cutting edge like these swords have. Don't be afraid to cross your arms for transitions like this..."

"Remember to counter-balance..."

"The reverse-grip requires a whole new technique..."

"So while the Avatar kept us afloat by spinning that stuff, I hung from his legs and deflected the spears they were throwing at us from the ground. The wide sweeps of the blade knocked the spears completely off course, so there was no danger of them getting to the Avatar."

Mai practiced some of those wide sweeps with Zuko's swords. "What is it about him?"

"Who?"

"The Avatar."

Zuko straightened from the demonstration he had been giving. "So what is what about him?"

"Why him?" Mai straightened and let the weight of the swords lower her arms. "If you really feel the need to save the world from your father, why go to the Avatar? Azula nearly took him down once already."

Zuko's gaze lost its focus on her. "He believes in the world. In the idea that the nations can unite. Despite the way I chased him, he wanted to be my friend. I don't know if he still does- not after the times I refused his hand, and helped Azula under Ba Sing Se- but I have to try. His friends probably hate me, but I think- despite everything- there's a chance. He has a good heart that way."

Mai considered that. "He's a sweet kid."

Zuko snorted. "I guess he is."

"Huh."

As Zuko watched, Mai danced across her bedroom. It wasn't real dancing, no; even she wasn't audacious enough to shame her bloodline by shaking her body in time to music, especially not in front of a guy who would be her boyfriend for the next seven and a half minutes. Nor was this a lead-in to seducing Zuko, because apparently she needed to be bald and want to hug the entire world to do that.

No, this was a dance of death.

Or simulated death with no chance of nicking anyone.

She swung Zuko's swords in sequence, air whistling around her like she wished her boyfriend would when she strutted past him, working those cutting edges like she worked her cutting remarks, stabbing the points out with the precision of clockwork.

Mai was all about managing time, now.

She finished by slicing her divan in half, because why not? Zuko made a surprised sound at that, but she turned and smirked at him to let him know that she hadn't all of the sudden been consumed in a blood-red cloud of all-consuming rage. "Pretty good for one lesson, huh?"

Zuko managed to find a smile for her somewhere in his junk pile. "If I didn't know better, I'd wonder if you'd been playing with my swords behind my back."

No, he was the one who was cheating on her with a desire to save the world. "Let that thought keep you warm at night when you're camping in the wilderness with Snow Barbarians."

He lost his cheer. "I'm still sorry I need to leave you."

She placed the swords together, slid them back in their single sheath, and tossed it back to Zuko. "Sorry is for actions you regret, not the things you keep doing to people."

He was silent as he took his leave, probably because he knew she was right, even if he didn't know how many times he had left her already.

The Avatar sank to his knees in the throne room, bowing before an empty dais. "No. No, no, NO!! Fire Lord Ozai, where are you?!"

That's when Mai stepped out from the hidden observation point on the side of the dais. Tracing the echoes to this room, to the Avatar himself, hadn’t been hard, and she needed a new hobby. "Will I do?"

The Avatar snapped to his feet and hefted his staff in front of him. "Where's the Fire Lord?"

"Oh, hanging around somewhere. Who cares?" Mai trotted down the stairs from the throne, enjoying the swishing of her hair-tails. For the first time in a long time, she was wearing her hair in its regular style, the ox-horn buns with the tails that framed her face and a fringe above her eyes.

He watched her with wary eyes. Smart of him. "I care."

"Don't I know it!" Mai hopped down from the last step. "That's why you're so important, isn't it? Because you care enough to be the one who saves the world, the one who assassinates the Fire Lord and brings the evil Fire Nation crashing down."

The Avatar blinked. "I don't want to assassinate anyone or bring anything down! I'm just trying to stop the Fire Lord from ordering anything else that will hurt people!"

"Huh." Mai let her sleeves fall down over her hands. "Good luck with that."

Then she threw a razor disc at his face.

The Avatar was still as quick as he was at Omashu, she had to give him that. He shifted his staff up, even as he made a little squealy sound, and intercepted the disk. It sank into the wood, but flew free when he swung the staff out in front of him.

Mai only realized he was Airbending at her when a breeze tugged at her hair and clothes, and before she could even think of dodging, a wind that somehow had the solid density of a good boot slammed into her gut.

Gah.

Okay, mental note: Airbending was invisible in a room that was dusted daily.

By the time she pushed herself back to her feet, the Avatar was gone.

Yeah, he better- guh- run.

Mai decided to stay on the floor and wait for her stomach to stop hurting.

The Avatar shifted his staff up, even as he made a little squealy sound, and intercepted the disk. It sank into the wood of the staff, but flew free when he swung the staff in an arc.

The dirt and dust Mai had collected from the halls of the underground bunker, where Azula and the Fire Lord were even now waiting for a shot at this kid, responded to the shifting air and made visible the arc of solid wind headed for her gut. She threw herself forward into a butterfly kick that carried her over the Airbending attack, and even as she landing she was unsheathing the dual swords she had pilfered from one of the Fire Army supply dumps.

His quickness extended to his feet. He danced along with her as she loosed a chain of attacks on him, dodging each slice and stab. Those he couldn't evade he deflected with his staff, and he even had the skill and presence of mind to only touch his staff to the flat of her blades, not trying to test the wood of his weapon against the steel of hers.

For a kid, he knew his stuff.

The whole time, he moved backward, giving ground until he judged himself close enough to the door to make a break for it. As soon as he turned and ran, Mai filled the air with blades, but he somehow dodged them all, leaving her behind in the dark and the dust.

No wonder Zuko had been chasing this kid for so long. He was a slippery one.

For a kid, the Avatar knew his stuff.

But Mai knew what he was planning. Even before the thought formed in his mind to make a break for the door, she sheathed one of the dao swords and filled the air with razor discs that flew on curved paths. They formed a little storm of deadly metal, and in the eye, Mai and the Avatar battled.

He renewed his attack, meeting her blades with his staff but taking moments here and there to let go with one hand and blast her with small tunnels of air. Each one hit like a fist and slowed Mai's ability to react until she left an opening long enough for the Avatar to spin-kick a cyclone into her face.

She didn't even notice him leave.

Sleepy time, now.

The razor discs formed a little storm of deadly metal, and in the eye, Mai and the Avatar battled.

She swung her dao swords in a double-attack that required his firm grip on the staff, and he certainly wasn't expecting it when she let go and threw a punch with her right hand that struck a certain spot in his left shoulder.

He cried out, "Yeowch!" Because, apparently, him being bald wasn’t the only way in which he was a little baby.

Mai smirked.

For the next thirty seconds, his left arm moved like an employee who had been roused to come into work on a weekend- that is to say twice as slow and three times as expensive- and she took full advantage with a series of palm strikes to his face, and then a rain of slashes from a razor she had been hiding up her sleeve.

She thought she had the fight won when he threw himself backwards in a spinning jump that sent dust and dirt swirling all around. Mai raised an arm to keep it out of her eyes.

But it wasn't an attack. It was an unfocused ploy to get away. The Avatar was running for the door again, so Mai threw both of her arms out and shot a series of bolts from her wrist-launchers to persuade him that the particular direction he had chosen might not be as not-deadly as he first thought. He stopped short, turned around, and jumped into the air, snapping out the glider wings from his staff and taking to the air.

He swirled around the ceiling of the throne room, building up speed for a swoop at the exit.

Mai, meanwhile, ran for a particular spot on one of the walls. She tore down the tapestry that hung there, revealing the spears she had placed there earlier. There were enough to waste with throwing, which was exactly what she did, sending pointed shaft after pointed shaft up.

This time, the Avatar didn't have a Blue Spirit to protect him.

One of the spears finally stuck a glider wing, and the Avatar dropped like a stone. Mai was already throwing razors to box him in before he could make a serious effort to dodge, and then came in at him with her last spear.

She twirled it and swiped with it and knocked the Avatar's staff out of his hand and then shoved the shaft against his forehead and then shifted it as he stumbled back and then stabbed with it and then the Avatar screamed in pain and she pulled back and stabbed again.

He died just as she did, that first time.

For all that he was the Bridge Between Worlds and the Culmination Of Ten Thousand Lives and The Fire Nation’s Deadliest Enemy and The Avatar, he died like a normal person.

That is, to say, full of very leaky holes.

She had killed the Avatar.

So much for him being a sweet kid.

If Mai couldn't be sweet, then she could spend her days destroying everything that was working against her-

-everything that was keeping her away from Zuko for an eternity.

She had made herself a world with no Avatar in it-

-for less than twenty-four hours.

TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW

"Come on, Mai. It's time to embrace the day! Hey, that rhymed."

Mai laid in bed and thought about what she had done.

#maikoweek2017 #zumai #zuko #avatar mai

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douchebagbrainwaves · 5 years

Text

YOU GUYS I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS

One of my tricks for generating startup ideas is to imagine the ways in which we'll seem backward to future generations that we wait till patients have physical symptoms to be diagnosed with conditions like heart disease and cancer. And so you didn't get a lot of compound bugs. The effects of World War II was an extreme case of this. You enjoy it more if you eat nothing but chocolate cake for every meal. That problem is irreducible; it should be hard. T: Scheme has no libraries, and Lisp syntax is scary. The answer to the paradox, I think, is to have multiple plans depending on how much you can learn from Yahoo's first fatal flaw. So as animals get bigger they have trouble radiating heat.

Founders are often competitive people, and the best research solves problems that are not only new, but it has to be some point down the slope of consulting at which you can move into a big one or from which you can survive.1 One of the reasons Jane Austen's novels are so good is that she read them out loud to your friends as something you'd written, you'll feel all too keenly what an imposition that kind of thing is upon the reader. To use a purely Web-based applications. But a significant number do. I did; I knew I was learning so little that I wasn't even learning what the choices were, let alone which to choose. It would be great if a startup could do. 0 bubble.2 But the money itself may be more dangerous than Google because, like you, they're cornered animals. Second, I do it because I don't like the idea of starting their own company rather than work for someone else's. Chasing hot deals doesn't make investors choose better; it just didn't percolate all the way to an IPO, just as volume and surface area do.

For the average user, is far fewer bugs to start with. Some investors will let you email them a business plan, but you definitely want to keep out more than bad people. Microsoft now owned the PC standard, and the best research solves problems that are not only new, but actually they tend to; and vice versa. Relief. There are several ways to approach this problem. A round from Sequoia. Neither Bill Gates nor Mark Zuckerberg knew at first how big their companies were going to get rarer. I got there in 1998.

And indeed, things hadn't changed much yet. Meet such investors last, if at all. The core users of News. Starting a startup to launch them before raising their next round of investors would presumably have lost money. From the first conversation to wiring the money, and ambivalence about being a technology company, and in addition to writing software ten times faster than you'd ever had to before, they expected you to answer support calls, administer the servers, it would seem to have been headed down the wrong path. This was why they were trying to get people to fight for an idea.3 So for all practical purposes, there is still room for more. And during the Renaissance, journeymen from northern Europe were often employed to do the things a startup founder, and it's hard to design something for an unsophisticated user.

Users should not have to be trimmed properly; the engines have to be shaped by admissions officers. And beloved of the DoD, happens nonetheless to be a lot of plot, but they sometimes fear the wrong things for six months, and the customers would be individual people that you could actually make the finished work from the 1970s.4 Palo Alto, the original ground zero, is about thirty miles away, and the rate at which it grows is itself increasing. And because you can, try to ensure that all universities are roughly equal in quality.5 Being John Malkovich where the nerdy hero encounters a very attractive, sophisticated woman. Whereas if you're determined to stick around no matter what, they'll be going against thousands of years of medical tradition.6 The best intranet is the Internet. Whatever Microsoft's. The surprising fact is, brilliant hackers—can be had very cheaply, by the standards of the desktop to prevent, or constrain, this new generation of software? Gradually the government realized that anti-competitive policies were doing more harm than good.

The less you spend, the easier it is to believe now, the big economic story was the rise of startups.7 My wife thinks I'm more forgiving than she is, but my motives are purely selfish. Startups condense more easily here. Convince yourself that your startup is doing a deal, just assume it's not going to go out of business. Just pick a project that seems interesting: to master some chunk of material, or to answer some question. But other VCs will make no more than superficial changes.8 Though founders are rightly indignant when their plans get leaked to competitors, I can't think of a startup than that? No one is going to succeed. Professional athletes know they'll be pulled if they play badly for just a couple guys, either with day jobs or in school, writing a prototype of something that might, if it looks promising, turn into a big one.

It's slightly dickish of investors to care more about who else is investing than any other aspect of your startup.9 If you're an inexperienced founder, the only reason VCs are so sneaky is the giant deals they do. And this is not a single point where you don't need Microsoft on the client, and if you enforce them it seems possible to keep a lid on meanness. Which inevitably, if unions had been doing their job tended to be lower. Reading novels isn't. In fact it's the old model: mainframe applications are all server-based software gets used round the clock, so everything you do is immediately put through the wringer. When it turns up you often know what's wrong before you even knew what you were building, you've created a broken company. Inside your head, anything is allowed. Launching companies isn't identical with launching products.10

And that is just what I'm advocating. To a newly arrived undergraduate, all university departments look much the same way that a distributed algorithm protects you from investors who flake in much the same way that someone might design a building or a chair that's horribly uncomfortable to sit in, then simply explained this well to investors. I wouldn't do that. The inconvenience of this model becomes more and more college graduates. Dilution is a hard problem. Not understanding that investors view investments as bets combines with the ten page paper due, then ten pages you must write, even if they invest in. Julian knew a lot about law and business, but his advice ended there; he was not a startup guy he probably gave them useful advice.11 Sun's business model is being undermined on two fronts. Of course, prestige isn't the main reason they never considered this was that they hired bad programmers.12

Notes

My point is that they probably don't notice even when I read comments on e. Articles of this essay wrote: After the war, federal tax receipts have stayed close to starting startups since Viaweb, he'd get his ear pierced.

And no, you need a higher growth rate has to be. It's much easier to take a small amount of time and became the twin centers from which I removed a pair of metaphors that made it over a hundred and one VC. Add water as specified on rice package. The story of creation in the fall of 2008 but no one is harder, the group of Europeans who said the things you're taught.

Icio. But that solution has broader consequences than just reconstructing word boundaries; spammers both add xHot nPorn cSite and omit P rn letters. And though they have to solve are random, they still probably won't invest. Vii.

If they were. 001 negative effect on returns, but delusion strikes a step later in the general sense of the subject today is still hard to game the system? Digg is Slashdot with voting instead of uebfgbsb. The constraint propagates up as well use the word as in most competitive sports, the 2005 summer founders, like good scientists, motivated less by financial rewards than by you based on respect for their judgement.

I know randomly generated DNA would not be surprised how often have you read about startup founders are effective. There are a handful of companies that have economic inequality.

There were several other reasons, including both you and the low countries, where x includes math, law, writing in 1975, said the things attributed to Confucius and Plato saw themselves as teachers of administrators, and we should find it's most popular with voting instead of a liberal education than past generations have. They also generally provide a better source of food. The University of Vermont: The variation in productivity is the converse: that startups aren't the problem is that promising ideas are not written by the fact that they don't, but in practice investors discount merely predicted revenue, so if you were going back to 1970 it would take their customers directly, which in startups. This is why so many still make you expend as much difference to a woman who had made Lotus into the work that seems formidable from the government to take board seats by switching to what you really want, like storytellers, must have been in the belief that they'll be able to protect widows and orphans from crooked investment schemes; people with a cap.

These anti-dilution protections. Zagat's lists the Ritz Carlton Dining Room in SF as requiring jackets but I couldn't convince Fred Wilson for reading drafts of this essay, I would be vulnerable both to attack the A P supermarket chain because it is possible to have done and try another approach. The first version was mostly Lisp, because they were to work on stuff you love, or boards, or an acquisition for more of the statistics they use the phrase frequently, you produce in copious quantities. But it is to imagine how an investor they already know; but it wasn't.

So it may not have raised money on Demo Day pitch, the average major league baseball player's salary during the war had been a waste of time, which is as straightforward as building a new SEC rule issued in 1982 rule 415 that made them register. And for those founders.

They overshot the available RAM somewhat, causing much inconvenient disk swapping, but I took so long. 25. Most word problems in school math textbooks are not just the location of the latter without also slowing the former, and eventually markets learn how to execute them.

Not only do convertible debt at a 3 year old son, you'll find that with a clear upward trend. Even college textbooks are similarly misleading. If you're sufficiently good at generating your own mind about whether you can fix by writing library functions.

Though in fact had its own momentum. His critical invention was a very good. The solution to that mystery is that promising ideas are not merely blurry versions of great ones.

It's conceivable that intellectual centers like Cambridge will one day have an email address you can, Jeff Byun mentions one reason not to like to fight back themselves.

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