#makes me hurt so much

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[ipostmysimpingstuffanonymously]

They both lost their team and their teacher....

#in my head yuji is the only one who understands #both of them deserve a hug #idk what it is about younger people taking care of adults that hurts so much #shoko deserves to have a breakdown moment lets be honest the shit she went through #jokes on me i know exactly how shoko feels and how you just dont want to move #not only her team but also her underclassmates #and now that megs is gone #omg #and nanami who meant alot to both of them #and gojo #im just making it worse for myself #pathetic #shoko ieiri #yuji itadori #jjk #236 #jujutsu kaisen #found family between these two #i need fanfictions.... #itadori yuuji #yuuji #shoko #IPMSSA_Panels #IPMSSA_canon!Fixit #IPMSSA_FoundFamily!Fanart

[claraoswalds]

The Girl Who Died // Hell Bent

#dwedit #doctor who #usertennant #userveronika #userteri #twelfth doctor #clara oswald #doctor x clara #twelveclara #* #I'M SICK OF LOSING PEOPLE. LOOK AT YOU WITH YOUR EYES AND YOUR NEVER GIVING UP AND YOUR ANGER AND YOUR KINDNESS. #ONE DAY THE MEMORY OF THAT WILL HURT SO MUCH THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO BREATHE AND I'LL DO WHAT I ALWAYS DO. #I'LL GET IN MY BOX AND I'LL RUN AND I'LL RUN IN CASE ALL THE PAIN EVER CATCHES UP. AND EVERY PLACE I GO IT WILL BE THERE. #anyway idk if this makes sense outside of my head but the journey between like #she might meet someone she can't bear to lose -> gives her a second repair kit so she can make someone else immortal too -> #he can't bear to lose clara -> he brings her back from the dead which makes her functionally immortal -> #look how far i went for fear of losing you #ok actually i need to make a full parallel set. someone remind me to do that

[skunkes]

#IM SO DRUNK @ THISTLE THISTLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #a doodley #OK SLEEP NOW im giving myself a headache thinking abt him #thje glimpse we get of him in the opening is enough to make me want to jump out a window im not gonna make it. #alsofd this is making me think of when i posted my yearly redraws and someone in the tags put like #''how does it feel to have had every art style'' #afn like literally. i just cant go full lineless/painting bc ilove lines too much but i can do Dis #too many ways to draw #anywhay i just talked abt how im not a fanart person bt i want to draw him so bad. i love him #he's my favorite character in the series #even more so now that its Done and Cohesive. it hurts so bad i understand him i do

[wardingshout]

fast travel duck my beloved....

#tloz #a link to the past #my art #it feels a bit excessive to come on here just to post this and have nothing else done but I thought it was cute for once... #this game is Doing it for me #talked to one little guy in the woods who gave me an instrument and then turned into a tree and I shed a tear #idk this is what I'm here for idk the small little things in these games just make me feel stuff #I'm enjoying it so much but everything is truly just out to kill and hurt you in this game holy shit #still thinking about la I will finish wips eventually....

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you. I'm sorry.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin guangyao #lan wangij #jin ling #LWJ shifting into fight mode was so damn cool. He is always ready to start throwing hands. #It's in a way that befits someone with a bit more bloodlust that his calm demeanor lets on - but nearly always in defense of someone. #What a great synergy with his personal philosophies! see that he is a Genuinely Noble Guy time and time again! #Is is also way more hilarious and unhinged than most people give him credit for? Also yes. #Nothing and no one ever said he did not or would not rip off JGY's hat mid-fight. I think LWJ needs to snatch more wigs LITERALLY. #Yes I'm delaying the part where I have to address the emotional turmoil of Jin Ling stabbing wwx. It gutted me terribly. #What is worse that realizing that someone you respected has done horrible things #than discovering someone who did horrible things being a kind and trustworthy person? #What is more horrifying that realizing other people are extremely complex and cannot be categorized into black and white? #When people hurt us or our loved ones we very much want to make them out to be irredeemable monsters. But they are not. #It is not actually such a terrible fate to just be a person. To be forgiven and forgive is possible. To change is possible. #This lesson is hard. It is something you have to actively challenge yourself to do. Black and white is the innate path to go down. #And its *why* I love Jin Ling so much. He is the character who fights the longest and hardest to challenge social and personal beliefs #He gets a pass for stabbing wwx for being so deliciously conflicted and tormented by it. #And with wrists THAT limp I can't imagine the wound was particularly deep

[essektheylyss]

One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.

(Buckle in. This is a long one.)

In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.

As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.

Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.

This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.

I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.

But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.

So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.

But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.

But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.

It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.

He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)

So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.

But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.

(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)

#something something hope is a weapon hope is a discipline hope is a garden to cultivate!!! #HE'S SO GOOD HE IS TRULY EXEMPLAR OF THE WHOLE PHILOSOPHY OF THE NEIN AND I DO NOT THINK THAT'S AN ACCIDENT #truly just like. enormous proponent of letting trust and curiosity into your heart regardless of the horrors. #it's hard and it makes you more vulnerable and sometimes it hurts so so much but it will also save your fucking life! #cr spoilers #critical role #essek thelyss #cr meta #I was gonna apologize for the length but I'm not sorry. I'm also not sorry for being insane about him but he's so special to me. #head in my hands he's so GOOD HE'S BEST BOI! GUIDING LIGHT NORTH STAR!!! LOOK AT HIM!!! #also truly if i had two nickels for a span of time with no essek sightings where I wrote a lot of fic #with deliberate personal acknowledgment that I was writing some pretty maximal arcs for him in terms of character growth #and then end up getting essek for half an episode and having to go OH WE'RE GOING THAT FAR ACTUALLY. FUCKING INCREDIBLE. #yanno. two nickels. but good lord I am thriving that it's happened twice #augh this is ONE of the pieces I need to write this week. we're not gonna talk about it

[p4nishers]

there's something i need to say and yall can boo me for it but deep in my heart i'll always know i'm correct: crowley already forgave aziraphale. like already would take him back at one flutter of his eyelashes. that's all.

#do i wish he wouldn't forgive so easily (tho i don't actually think aziraphale needs forgiveness since he didn't do anything wrong and #actually without his decision their love story would've been stuck as it was for more than 6000 years and also heaven would never change #without someone dismantling it and making it new) #yes i do wish that and i also wish he'd learn self worth but we gotta be realistic here he never once been able to stay mad at aziraphale #all those times they had fights where aziraphale was (mostly) in the wrong and rejected crowley what did crowley do? immediately come #CRAWLING and BEGGING back like pls yall this is why i don't read post s2 fics bc everyone suddenly seems to forget their whole canon #personalities and history w each other and it's annoying me so much like i get that we all are hoping crowley learns from his mistakes and #stops being so easy for aziraphale (not me tho) but realistically speaking it's just not gonna happen and once again aziraphale DIDN'T. DO. #ANYTHING. WRONG. yes he hurt crowley with his decision but CROWLEY HURT HIM WITH HIS TOO so if yall wants an apology dance it's gonna turn #into a waltz cause they'd both need to do it #good omens #good omens s2 #azicrow #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #go s2

[anna-scribbles]

“He was— He was my ‘buttercup’,” she sobbed out, and his hand gripped her far shoulder, “And I— I never even— I never got to tell him how much he m-meant to me— not even th-the stupid sun thing—”

“Oh… Marinette…” he whispered, his nose brushing against her hair, “The sun thing wasn’t stupid.”

this scene from chapter 6 of drowning (in plain sight) by @buggachat has PLAGUED me since i read it i am deeply unwell

#my art #ml #ml fic rec #miraculous ladybug #ladynoir #ladybug #chat noir #is it monday yet. is it monday yet. #ugh this fic makes me SICK #it hurts so much i’m sooo unwell #buggachat just. creates scenarios which wrench all my guts in such a specific way #thank you for your service queen. i’m doing so bad #would really really really like for things to get better soon #or keep making them suffer. i will absolutely be reading either way #also i colored this in sort of a different way than usual and it was fun #okay goodnight.

[grapecaseschoices]

some of the extremely supportive but slightly[?] unhinged things wyll can say to the dark urge as they fight the wyll [haha] to peel off his face.

#wyll x durge #my favorite not included is that he just says: 'shit' #when durge tries to bite him #wyll ravengard #he's so funny and so fucked up #it's just so like 'welp. this is bad bad. huh?' #yes wyllyam. tis. #kaeliana x wyll #bg3 #whew #cracked up so much from his reactions #like on a level it says so much about him. but on the other im dying bc ffs wyll. #the last is what he says when durge GROWLS at him???? #wyllyam. we need to speak. #baby #like i know -- you spent your seven years in the wild just fiends and monsters as your company. but -- #the first makes me sad and givesme so many feelings about wyll. 17. having to rise up and meet the gazes of what meant to hurt his city. #gaze of the devil who entrapped him. the gaze of the father who scorned him

[beatcroc]

there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y

hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]

#ramble after realtags yeag. shoutout to serrangelic btw suggesting the silhouettes thing bc i would have Died otherwise #pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #fake peppino #gustavo and brick #arting #pizzaposting #so anyway i think fake peppino has like. a general awareness that he is supposed to Be Peppino and that he was Made to do that #and likewise he does generally try to...do that. the thing he does NOT realize is hes like really goddamn bad at it #not to be mean but like...c'mon. they are pretty distinctly different kinds of guys even beyond the physiology yknow. #he's neither on-brand nor fooling anyone dsjdsjjkgfsd. BUT! #since the rest of the cast generally likes him [at least as I play it] he thinks hes doing just fine #he's like 'oh they r happy with me so i must be getting a good grade in being peppino :)' #so getting told that 'yeah you actually really suck at that but that was never the reason people liked you' #and told that by og model peppino no less--yknow THE guy he's supposed to be living up to #who's already a bit intimidating for that and who ALSO totally wrecked him TWICE in the tower #making him acutely familiar with just how formidable the guy is and how much there IS to live up to.... #it's a Moment for sure. not really a sad or hurt one though. just... contemplative. #thinking abt people liking him for being the guy he's already naturally been being even though that guy is Not Peppino #i don't think he's gonna be super broken up about realizing he has a bad grade in peppino given everything else hes got now #nor do i really think he cares enough to go like reinvent himself or whatever after the fact #he seems to b pretty clearly having fun with it already so i think he just keeps doing that #and in some cases he still has the pre-installed peppino traits/instincts like to cooka da pizza. and that's fine #is this projection. yes. but if youve been following me awhile you know most of my character writing is ghdhfdgf #gonna kinda expand on all this in the gerome one which is...one after next. itll be a bit but man. #anyway peppino will never admit to anyone and especially not himself that he's gotten a little attached to the guy. hee hoo #pep tends to be kinda surly but he certainly has his ways of showing he cares. all of which are on display here #''that thing is not my son'' says man currently watching thing's antics with the 'bemused dad' arms crossed pose. yeah ok buddy. #gus is totally onto him already but hes not gonna say anything. #if u read all this ur prize is not having to go decode fp's rot13. his lines are ''meant to be you...?'' and ''wrong question.''

[turtleblogatlast]

Fun little silly thought I had about the Lair Games and specifically Leo deliberately losing is all the reasons he could have for doing so.

My favorite headcanon for his main motivation is that Splinter wasn’t proud of him anymore.

I imagine that, in the beginning, winning the Lair Games was Leo’s opportunity to shine. He wasn’t artistic or the baby of the family like Mikey, wasn’t a tech genius who created amazing inventions like Donnie, wasn’t the eldest who was insanely strong and dependable like Raph. So he had to shine somewhere else- anywhere else- and what better way to get attention than to be a winner? A champion?

And then he won too much. And it wasn’t special anymore. He got too big headed, too cocky, he knew this was his element and he ran with it.

Splinter’s words of congratulations slowly petered out. Suddenly, there was no real reason to win.

Winning feels empty when the only one cheering you on is yourself.

So- Leo schemed. And he’s a great schemer, fooling his whole family (and Donnie did deserve a win- people were way happier when he won.)

He even gave up his prized possession! His room!

Though he knows his brothers probably think it’s a bad prize. A terrible one, even.

Leo doesn’t sleep much as is, though. So Dad’s snores were more comforting than anything. It was reassuring to hear him so clearly alive and close by.

Even if the distance between them was larger than Leo’d like.

He’d just have to find something else, something more to show his dad that Leo was someone to trust, to be proud of, to love.

He gets his chance soon after, when he needs to pull off a plan against Big Mama at his dad’s side. Leo can only hope this victory is one that has a lasting effect when his father looks at him with pride once more.

Victory, for Leo, is a pretty loaded term.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #everything Leos do almost always ties back to Splinter send tweet #anyway imo if I was Leo winning every lair game I would be bored as hell #and add on to my own dad joining in with my brothers on being disappointed when I do well? #yeeaaah id be my own biggest fan too #tbh Leo’s big brain plays both in Lair Games and Many Unhappy Returns are his real victories #I will say I was proud of Donnie for doing so well! #he deserves a win definitely #but looking at this from Leo’s perspective and realizing this is JUST before the ‘why don’t any of you trust me’ line hurts #wanna make this hurt more? #how about Leo purposefully wanting to lose…but he was a bit miffed that DONNIE out of anyone won #why? #because Leo makes jokes all the time but Splinter says DONNIE is the funny one #because althroughout Many Unhappy Returns Splinter says how he’d prefer if DONNIE were there instead of Leo #makes me wonder y’know? if there’s any scratchy feelings there #nothing that Leo has against Donnie so much as the assumption that Splinter would prefer him over Leo #which if I was Leo…I’d definitely think so even if Splinter absolutely loves his sons equally #just as Donnie probably assumes the opposite as well #splinter bro plz talk to your sons #but yeah victory for Leo imo is equivalent to acknowledgement #just *seeing* him #so he very easily gets wrapped up in the obsession for being the champion #*lou jitsu* always wins and Splinter wants them more like Lou Jitsu so LEO has to always win or… #or…

[sabh0]

Hello tumblr folks sab tried to learn how to draw cats (failed) to share her cat skk design headcanons witj yall

(under the cut muah)

PM Catzai:

-burnt black, short and rough fur (seems like it's dirty and unhealthy...?)

-wrinkled whiskers

-very skinny

ADA Catzai: (god i need to redraw that one he looks atrocious)

-lighter, brown fur (sun bleached, tho there are still some dark parts)

-fluffier, longer fur (is bro a bit healthier??), tho it constantly looks disheveled from jumping into riversband stuff (stupid wet cat)

-long legzz

-not as skinny as PM version

-no more wrinkled whiskers

'15' Catchuu:

-ginger cat yeah

-very fluffy but disheveled

-short legs, tho has unnaturally big paws (have yall seen baby lynx stompers) (something similar)

-big ears just because (smh they make him look bigger)

-has that sheep wristband

'22' Catchuu: (this one also will need a redesign ig bc currently bro looks like a fox trying to be a cat)

-didn't grow much oofie

-got a bit fluffier, tho now his fur is kept brushed and tidy

-fur started turning black in some parts (seems like it's getting darker each year for some reason)

-has a collar

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #skk #soukoku #sab posting #i swear if anyone calls me a furry for drawing a comic looking cat i will jump #cats r really fun to draw (besides the head part)) #black cats can get sun bleached so ehe #and orange cats can start growing black fur for some reason (tho ig not as much as i used in the design but) #u get the idea #this isnt realistic either way #not calling catchuu pm or sheep versions bc welp this guy would change designs one way or another every damn year #i should probably make catchuu less orange this thing hurts my eyes

[sysig]

“It could be that the loss of her children drove the Queen deeper into her darker desires...but, I don’t believe she was fighting against them that hard before that particular tragedy. No monster does.” (Patreon)

Bonus:

Hmm, wonder what he could cover those holes with :3c

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #UkaGaster's answers about Toriel really interest me :3c #As evidenced by the quote caption lol - but his other ones are very interesting too! Since it sounds like she's still around! #Poor classic Handplates!Gaster believed Tori dead for such a long time while she was at the Ruins #Meanwhile Fellplates!Gaster is just like ''? I saw the Queen last week she threw me into the pricker bushes? -.ò'' lol #But anyhow lol ♪ The implications that they're still in each other's vicinity really makes me curious about their relationship! #And how Toriel might react to knowing that someone - someone other than her - is having So Much Success on one of her sore spots #Not just of having children but of the constant reminders of Gaster's success where she has to live every day with a heavy heart for her own #Being cruel to him over it - well that's just par for the course isn't it ♪ #He mentions that she's much more of an emotional sadist - insulting him and then making it Very clear that she does Not approve of the holes #''They're ugly and you should feel ashamed for drawing so much attention to something so unsightly'' #I do think that her knowing that he's so intent on being kind and merciful and then twisting the knife on how much he's hurting her- #Making him feel guilty for daring to even attempt the betterment of all - for giving pieces of himself away and try to be a good person #''If anyone will break my spirit it will be her'' :) #Although that's all assuming that Toriel even knows about the brothers! :0 When I thought about it later it'd make more sense if she doesn't #It was still too good to not do something with the idea hehe - but imagine her betrayal if/when she found out tho she'd kill him on the spot #Gosh I haven't drawn Tori in foreeeeever I can't even remember the last time #Doing a/nother study on her would probably be fun haha she's rather plain how I draw her currently #I wonder if her Fellplates version would also wear reading glasses hehe #And the bonus :3c Where are the plates featured in Fellplates? Surely it's not just called that as a reference right ♪ Hehehe

[flowercrowngods]

It's unreal. The light is streaming in through the windows, the curtains still drawn to block out the midday heat, tinging their living room in golden hues that match so well with the light grey fabric of their new sofa.

Eddie should probably snap out of it and head over to the windows, open the curtains and let the light in, and with it the warmth and fresh air of a surprisingly wonderful day.

It's March, he hears the echoes of Steve's giddy voice a week or two ago. Everything's better in March.

Eddie didn't agree then, and he's not sure he agrees now, but he must admit there is something magical about this moment.

Still he remains rooted to the spot, leather jacket heavy on his shoulders, his hands hidden in the sleeves of it, just in case this really is a dream. Just in case someone will come in and snap him out of it, take away their couch and leave an eviction notice.

It's dumb. But Eddie doesn't deal well with things that are unreal. Things that he knows aren't meant for him. Things that he knows he only gets in this one play-through of his life, while millions of other Eddie Munsons are out there in parallel universes who never get to even lay eyes upon a couch this nice. Let alone buy it. From their own real adult money.

It's a corner sofa, the fabric light grey, and he remembers it being harder than it looks. Solid. Just perfect for both their fucked up backs, scar tissue pulling if they sit wrong for too long, phantom pain and muscle aches coming in hot when all they want is to just relax and enjoy a lazy evening.

Eddie bites his lip, trailing his eyes along the pristine fabric, the pillows lining the back of it, the flawless stitches keeping everything in shape.

They have a couch now. A sofa.

It's so fucking unreal.

He drops to the floor right then and there, sitting with his back against the wall, and never once taking his eyes off their sofa. It feels important to look at it for a while. It feels important to wait for Steve. It feels... It feels like maybe he'll ruin everything if he goes and sits on it now.

And it feels really fucking big.

At some point he hears the front door opening, their lock going so smoothly now that Steve fixed it with some graphite, and the sound makes Eddie smile. That's another thing that's unreal. The key barely making any noise, the lock not rattling, the door not creaking and cracking. Eddie pulls a strand of hair between his lips, the smile feeling too silly for this room, for this home, for everything he gets to have now.

For all the tiny things that matter now. All the tiny things he gets to have, turning the key's smooth slide into an allegory of everything he ever wanted but never dared to hope for.

The slide of curtains, the click-click-click of the window handle being turned to let the air in. The breeze of fresh spring air dancing around his nose.

It's all a little much. It's so fucking addicting.

And then Steve. Socked feet coming to a stop beside him, a hand landing in his hair, a voice that's so endlessly warm and fond and maybe a little worried sounding from above him, "Hi, angel."

"Hi," Eddie says, tearing his eyes away from their couch to meet Steve's. The sunlight from the windows hugs him, making him glow. Eddie smiles. He smiles and smiles and never wants to stop.

Steve hums as he leans down to press a kiss to his forehead, and Eddie weaves his arm through Steve's legs, holding onto his knee.

Everything feels a little less silly now. Like every time Steve doesn't question his little moments of sitting on the floor and just staring at things.

"We have a couch now," Eddie says, because it feels important to point out. Because Steve isn't looking at it.

"We do," he hums. "I got the call earlier. Thanks for helping with that, baby."

Eddie nods again, leaning his cheek against Steve's knee and trailing the couch again with his eyes. It looks brighter now that the curtains don't turn the room into something out of a sepia-type movie anymore.

Steve's hands comb through his hair, massaging his scalp a little with his nails. It's nice. It's warm. It's pretty.

And it's so unreal.

"I'm twenty-four," Eddie says then, and some part of him wants to carve that into the fabric. He won't. But maybe he should carve it somewhere else. "And I own a couch. It's a little crazy."

Steve comes to sit down beside him, their shoulders pressed together and he links their hands, resting them in his lap after a brushes a kiss to Eddie's knuckles.

"Why's it crazy, angel?"

He shrugs, resting his head on Steve's shoulders and curling into his warmth some more.

"Most of my life I never thought either of those would happen, y'know."

Another hum, followed by another kiss to the crown of his head. Another smile.

"But you did it," Steve whispers. "You made it. And we've got a couch now."

"We've got a couch now."

Saying it out loud doesn't make it feel any realer. It only makes his heart race and his eyes prick.

"I love you," he says, finally looking away from pretty grey fabric to meet prettier hazel eyes. "I love you so much."

Steve leans in, kissing the tip of his nose. "I love you. Thank you for buying a couch with me."

And it occurs to Eddie then that Steve understands him. Sitting there on the floor with him, hearing his words and listening to those unsaid, understanding Eddie on such a fundamental level that it should be scary. And it is, sometimes.

But he's not scared now. Because they have a couch. And they have pretty curtains that keep the light outside and still turn the room into something magical. And they have a lock that only needed a bit of graphite to let the keys glide smoothly.

And they have each other.

They stay on the floor until Steve's stomach growls, and they eat dinner with their backs against the couch and Eddie's feet in Steve's lap. They hold each other close after dinner, just breathing each other in as the breeze blows around them.

In the end, Eddie is the first to sit on the couch, with Steve standing between his legs and giving him a scalp massage in silence. In the end, Eddie buries his face in Steve's stomach to hide the tears, and Steve lets him.

Because this is real. And he gets to have this. They both do.

🤍 permanent tag list gang: @skiddit @inklessletter @aringofsalt @hellion-child @stobin-cryptid@hotluncheddie @gutterflower77@auroraplume@steddieonbigboy @n0-1-important@stevesjockstrap @brainvines @puppy-steve @izzy2210 @itsall-taken @mangoinacan13 @madigoround@pukner@i-amthepizzaman @swimmingbirdrunningrock @hammity-hammer @stevesbipanic@bitchysunflower @estrellami-1 @finntheehumaneater @goodolefashionedloverboi @awkwardgravity1 (lmk if you want on or off, for this story or permanently)

#steddie fic #steddie fanfic #steddie #steve x eddie #listen i have a couch now and if you know me you know that i get really fucking emo about the tiniest things #i fixed my lock with graphite btw when i was blackout drunk. it still fills me with so much joy #sorry tag list gang idk what this is but it wanted out #i could write fics/poems/whatever about the most mundane things until the end of my days tbh so today we have: couch #dio words #dio's steddie ramblings #the hurt/comfort is implied like you'll catch it when you reflect on the words but most importantly this is healing. and comfort. and fluff #and so much love and understanding it makes me wanna throw up

[pistachiozombie]

The thing I can't get over about Lord of the Rings and the perfection it presents, is that it all feels... dreamy, but genuine? You feel like you were there. The props, scenery, decoration, clothing, animals, are 99 percent real... crafted with creative hands. Directed with passion. They were careful not to use the green screen and CGI effects too much, which has been greatly praised for since the Hobbit came out, and it definitely aged well. However, this is different - you feel the emotions that everyone has. You feel the cool breeze at the top of Rohan's peak. You can feel the anguish Gandalf has when Faramir is sent to his death. You feel the exhaustion Sam and Frodo have on Mount Doom. You feel the love the characters have for one another. Then when it's all over, and Sam closes his door followed by that final note from the Shire flute, you feel complete emptiness as you have to go back into reality.

It's bittersweet, but it's why I love LotR so much. You don't get many movies like that anymore.

#lord of the rings #tolkien #lotr #i love lotr so much it hurts #movies #my opinion #I used to watch it every weekend with my brother #it will still make me cry every time i watch it #my mom and i have bonded cause of this movie