#long post and i fear it sounds a bit ranty at times

[whatisgoingoninmyhead]

there's something to be said about how public unawareness about aspec identities contributes to the infighting within the aspec communities.

for example, I've seen a lot of "don't say ace people don't have sex because that's harmful to the sex favourable aces" and the opposite: "don't say ace people can have sex because what about the sex repulsed/averse?"

and they're both valid points, but because of it, aspec posts have to cater to the entire spectrum or risk starting arguments over this. Ideally, people could look at an aspec post and accept that it's for a different part of the aro/ace spectrum to where they are, but that's where the public unawareness comes in

because outside of the aspec communities, there's so little understanding of what the terms mean, that people within the community have to make every post generic so that the unaware won't see one post and make an assumption for the entire community based on it.

I see where every side is coming from, but infighting doesn't really solve any of the issues. The only thing that can start to solve it is more expansive aspec media representation, and spreading the "aro/ace identities are a spectrum" posts as much as possible to reach outside of the community, rather than trying to make specific posts fit that generic message.

#long post and i fear it sounds a bit ranty at times #this isn't targeting anyone specific and if you've made those kinds of posts before. i do understand #it's just an observation I've made #aroace posts #aromantic #asexual #aroace #ace #aro #aspec #acespec #arospec #tw sex mention #aspec infighting #representation is important #but not every post can be perfect representation for every aspec person #I talk

[waterfall-ambience]

Void Fog (Cosmic Horror AU), Part 1

A summary of everything we have so far.

All the information here is already available, but I haven’t updated the AU storyline since April, so I’m making this post for completeness’ sake.

- The eldritch abomination is an entity that has existed for millennia. It resides in the space between worlds- the Infinite dimension.

- It's only true desire is to consume.

- It’ll consume anything, but it’s particularly drawn to worlds that have been, or are currently inhabited by players. Considering the practically infinite amount of worlds (seeds), these are difficult to come by.

- The Hermit’s pattern of moving between different worlds has allowed them to unintentionally evade the Entity.

- It’s able to enter minds and control people to some extent, usually with the goal of finding other worlds and entering them.

    - EX was exiled to a blank void world within the infinite dimension. Though he couldn’t travel beyond the void world, he could sometimes access the rest of the infinite dimension through his dreams. The Entity established a psychic link between them by preying on his insecurities (which, all things considered, is a huge can of worms).

    - When EX managed to escape using his unstable admin powers, the Entity was able to locate the Hermitcraft server and bring forth the apocalypse.

Meta plot stuff:

- From a meta standpoint, it’s kind of difficult to pinpoint when the story takes place, and write a lot of it beyond what’s happening to EX. He was banned from the server in March 2019, and stayed in the void world for an extended period of time. By the time EX manages to get back onto the server, it could be any time during S7, but likely in the future, when the world has been developed a bit more.

- Some elements of the story will change as the season goes on so that it can fit into the context of S7

- The story mostly focuses on EX, so unless a canon story arc has elements of alternate dimensions (eg Area 77) or the supernatural (eg Demise), then the ‘Hermit’ side of the story is unlikely to have a major impact on the story as a whole. If EX comes back in canon, then the circumstances of how he does so will be incorporated into the AU.

World notes:

- X and EX have admin powers. EX barely knows how to use his and as such, lacks control. For example, he might try to summon a few stacks of a particular block, and end up summoning too much or too little. 


- EX’s powers can be influenced by his emotions. When upset, he has a tendency to teleport all over the place and cause lighting glitches, lag, and other errors. His ability to teleport and travel between dimensions is also unstable.

- The Entity would’ve found the Hermitcraft server sooner or later. If the Hermits extended Season 6 into Sixfinity, they would’ve attracted its attention. If Doc had kept using the infinity portal to access other servers, then it’s likely that he would’ve run into the Entity at some point, and this whole apocalypse mess would’ve happened anyway. 


Exile:


- When he was banned, EX was sent to a creative superflat dimension outside of normal worlds. No structures generated there, and the floor was made up entirely of blue glass. He spent most of his time trying not to think too hard about the isolation, and instead turned to building nonstop.  


- His main ‘base’ was an ever expanding rustic house. He spent some time with NPG before getting banned and was taught how to build in a rustic style, which is what he’s most comfortable with. The house has gotten exceptionally large, and is near impossible to navigate due to its erratic floor plan. 


- EX also spent a lot of time sleeping, because the less time he spent conscious and aware of the usual passage of time, the better. However due to the nature of the void world he was exiled to, he could enter other dimensions in the Infinite (infinite dimension) through his dreamscape, as could the Entity.

- Isolation did not help EX deal with his fears and insecurities in the slightest. Often he’d find himself thinking about the circumstances of his exile, no matter how hard he tried not to. The fear that everyone hated him, that he had pushed everyone away with his evil schemes and rash decisions, that even if the Hermits were nice to him, they would never truly consider him to be their friend- it consumed him.

    It was only natural that they would never trust him- he lied and stole from them, after all. He deserved it, but realising that was a permanent blow to their faith in him stung far more than he anticipated.

    Often he found himself questioning every relationship and interaction he’s had with other people. Was he too aggressive with the tag game? Did he forget to say goodbye to Pixl and Zloy that one time? Did he bore NPG with his rambling about Worm Man?

    How long ago did X consider banishing him? Was it when he fell into old habits and reached out to press the button that would supposedly destroy the server? Was it then and there that X decided that he’d never be ‘good’, or was the decision the result of smaller mishaps? Was it when he over steeped their tea that one time? Was it when he caught himself slipping into a ranty, dramatic monologue? He recounted every stupid, impulsive decision he’d ever made, replayed it in his head hundreds of times, wracking his brain for answers he knew he’d never get.

- Over time, EX’s dreams became increasingly vivid. Most of them devolved into nightmares of phasing through fog, smoke, and crowds of vaguely recognisable people and ruined cities. Occasionally he dreamt of the dimensions in the Infinite- with its fleets of ships, endless libraries, and whispered orders.

- As he began to remember more of the dreams, EX noticed the near-constant shadowy presence that encompassed everything and nothing at the same time. He made a conscious effort to ignore it, but like all his other decisions to *not* think about something, it never truly worked. Most of the time, he was able to somewhat focus on his surroundings, but it’s when he dreamt of the Hermitcraft server that the presence was impossible to ignore.

- The presence never named itself, but disturbing as it was, EX felt compelled to trust it.

EX’s return to the Server

- EX was found at the base of an unfamiliar Nether portal. X and Joe theorised that he collapsed from the transition between game modes and exhaustion from forcing himself onto the Season 7 server.

- From the moment EX returned to the server, some of the Hermits reported incidences of objects disappearing and chunk errors. Some claimed that the layouts of their bases shifted as they walked through them.

- Joe asked around different villages to see if these incidents were constant across the server. Most of the reports tied back to folklore of an entity seen by those who travelled between dimensions.

More World Notes:

- Some of the Hermits have made contact or communicated with Higher Beings (e.g. Cub and Scar with the Vex, or EX with the ‘evil voice in his head’), but they are less powerful than the Entity.

- The Hermits are a group of interdimensional travellers. Each Season takes place on a different planet or in a similar alternate dimension

Infodump Continuation: Season Seven

Story note: Particular locations and events aren’t specific for the sake of flexibility, as the story takes place further into S7.

- Some of the Hermits reported incidents of chunk errors and missing entities. A few hours later, EX was found unconscious in front of an unfamiliar Nether portal.

    - The portal was removed for the sake of clarity within the nether hub.

- EX was brought to Xisuma’s base and his reappearance was discussed during a server meeting.

- Xisuma and Joe began to investigate the cause of the reported errors. X spent hours poring over the server’s code, and Joe started asking around some villages to see if the errors were consistent across the server.

- EX didn’t wake up for a long time. Some theorised that he was exhausted from the transition between game modes and forcing himself back onto the server. Keralis and Stress mainly watched over him, and would occasionally pop in to see if he was okay. Sometimes they found him tossing and turning, but he only somewhat responded to outside stimulus.

- Joe returned, and EX woke up a few hours later. After a well needed shower and hot meal, Joe took him in and asked him to explain what happened. EX gave his ‘statement’, and began to help Joe with the investigation.

    - EX talked a lot about consistent nightmares and how the dark presence didn’t go away, even if he was on the server. In fact, it seemed to whisper to him now.

- EX spent the next week or so trying to adjust to living in the Overworld. Everything was too bright and dark at the same time and called attention to itself. Sometimes he felt that the air was too full of particles. Sounds were louder than they had the right to be.

- While EX was recovering from his time in exile, the investigation was mostly reading written tomes of folklore and reports of errors in libraries.

- EX continued to suffer from frequent nightmares, and it got to the point where he was hesitant to sleep, and tried to stay awake for as long as possible. It didn’t help. Joe found him sleepwalking and muttering about searching for something, but couldn’t make out what he was searching for.

- EX grew increasingly worried about the dark presence and voices he heard in his dreams, and freaked out a bit when Joe told him about the sleepwalking. Joe offered to lock the door to EX’s room from the outside- it might not have directly helped with the problem, but it helped him feel more at ease.

#void fog #hc cosmic horror au #my writing #not maintagging bc all this information has been previously posted. #not sure how well tumblr's readmore system is gonna work with long posts #im gonna stagger the rest of the au info over multiple days. #i dont wanna flood the tags w this since it's not even a fully fledged fic and also bc that'd be rude #for anyone reading: there's 4 parts and an epilogue.

[imma-lil-teapot]

Which Turtle I’d Get Along Best With :)

This is actually in response to @aurora-the-kunoichi ‘s  post = 

Ignoring the facts on why they are your favorite turtle based on looks and character traits. Based on your personality alone who do you think you would get alone with the best and give me reasons.

I was going to respond to it in the comments, but found the more I thought about it, the more indepth I wanted to actually go into the subject, and it’s been a while since I posted something of my own (sorta) so here we go~

Also, please beware the typos and errors. They bite.

A few things before we start... (Feel free to skip if you’re really not interested, it’s cool) ;)

-- Since a Bay!verse gif was used in the original post (points up), those are the Turts I’m going with in response to the post. :)

-- I have a handful of personal issues that I’m going to take into account when considering which guy I’d get along with best, namely: social anxiety and awkwardness, depression, panic attacks and low self esteem.

-- The general comfort setting I assume is during after the initial reaction of meeting them. So the friendship is still in its early stages but past the ‘OMGOSH, GIANT, TALKING, EXTREMELY BUFF, TURTLES WITH WEAPONS’ phase.

-- I really wanted to talk a bit about each one and how I’d feel around them, so how this is gonna work is basically least comfortable (first) to most comfortable (last) and of course as to why. :)

-- Please don’t think for a second that I dislike any of them based on this! I ADORE all of these boys (even though I do have a fav) and I fully believe that just about anyone (with good intentions) can get along with all of them and vice versa, even if it were to take a while (I’m looking at you, Raph ;P). I don’t see these boys being especially hostile to anyone without good reasoning, but like with all friendships, it takes time. 

And with that outta the way~ (Drum roll)

(4) LEAST COMFORTABLE~

RAPHAEL~

Aww, Mr. Big Cuddly Teddy Bear himself? Why would I be the least comfortable around ol’ Red? Perhaps because, first of all, his SIZE!! :O Yeah, technically, Donnie’s slightly taller, and granted, they’re all pretty gigantic, but Raph’s on a whole other level! Skip shoulder day? I think not! And here I am, 5′1′’ and have to look to the sky to see this hulking mass staring down at me with such a piercing gaze and a toothpick poking out of his lips... Yeah, that social anxiety and shyness I spoke of earlier would be busy wetting itself whenever I’d be in the general vicinity of Raphie-Boy. Now let’s get real for a sec, it’s not like Raph’s gonna have a Leatherhead moment and turn savage at the sight of me, but in my irrational mindset, from his displayed temper and the way he goes at that punching bag, he could at any time... Not to mention how he often butts heads with Leo. It would take quite a while to completely dispel the tension and discomfort I’d be in whenever I’m around him. Maybe even a few years since I get really nervous around others that show a lot of anger and physical irritation. I’d definitely feel like he’d find me a bother, irritating or in the way a lot, even though he probably wouldn’t really since he tolerates a lot from others, but that’s just how I’d interpret his actions from my own point of view and I’d always try to stay a little clear of him for the most part. Seriously, I adore you, Raph, but you’d scare the cr@p outta me. :O

On a brighter note, I would admire his dedication to his family, his heroic actions and just the way he works out all the time. But you know, just from... afar. :) At least for a while until I got use to him more, then we might even hit it off after that!

(3) SECOND TO LEAST COMFORTABLE~

LEONARDO~

Sorry Boi Blue. :’( You may be my fav, but I’d be an awkward mess around you. Now I dunno if the favoritism would hold true if I were to meet them in reality (there’s still a good chance it would), but like with Raph, Leo’s someone I’d admire from afar, though the nervousness wouldn’t be as hectic as with his younger brother in red since Leo doesn’t tend to display it as much and not in the same fashion. I tend to have a good amount of respect for authoritative figures (or at least I try to) and he’d be no exception to that rule, but because of this, I’d both enjoy and dread our little interactions for the fear of saying something stupid or to annoy him in anyway, even though I’d probably enjoy his presence since he’s someone to look up to (and no, that wasn’t a short joke ;P ) and to feel protected by. Again, I’d feel like a burden and an annoyance to him but unlike with Raph, I would have to at least open my mouth first to get that same amount of discomfort with him as opposed to Raph... That last sentence wasn’t meant to sound NSFW, just FYI. ;P But with Leo, I think I’d actually try and work around that amount of nerves to get into his good books since he’s proven he can be a bit more on the gentlemanly side so I feel I’d stand a better chance with him... But still pretty nervy and that is why he’s in the no.3 spot. Sorry, Leader Boy. :’(

Up side, the admiration is strong. Leaders have a lot upon their shoulders to bear so that alone puts him in high respects in my eyes. Not mention I’d be in complete awe whenever watching him practicing with his katanas and performing katas... I promised myself I wouldn’t fangirl, but DAYUM, BOI! It’s getting awful warm in the sewer~ Expect applause and compliments after practice! ;P

(2) SECOND MOST COMFORTABLE~

DONATELLO~

Despite us talking about the smartest Turtle, this one’s a no-brainer, really. :) Don’s a sweetheart so I think someone would really have to try their best to get this pacifist to at least not tolerate them. That’s not to say he doesn’t have enemies - like Shredder and Krang of course - but as long you’re not posing a threat to his family, friends, the innocent or the earth, I think you’re pretty much A-okay to him. He’d without a doubt be the brother I’d feel most comfortable around after the first as he seems to take into consideration the feelings and reactions of others and is just pretty laid back in general, not really loud and ranty and for that, I’d definitely feel more at ease around. Plus, he has a bit of a fun and quirky side that comes out every now and then. Heck, even a little bit of a potty mouth. X’D Don is definitely the one I’d go to for advice on just about anything, or just to share random information and trivia with. I feel he’d be a great listener, share his own opinions in a gentle fashion, provide heartfelt solutions and just genuinely be ready to help where he’s needed. Heck, he may even try to engage me in some simple tasks like helping him with a gadget he’s busy whipping up... This is however where the comfort will start to wobble: Don-Bon’s a genius, and I’m intimidated by brilliance of the mind. :( I’d start to feel compelled to stop talking to him after a while for the sheer sake of seeming too dense to be in his presence, especially if he were to start explaining equations and science related topics. His brilliant mindset would be too much for me to bear so I think I’d probably not spend too much time around him. That’s not to say the others aren’t smart, heck, but Don’s on a whole other playing field!

Other than that, I definitely would feel comfortable around this sweetie nerd. He’s adorable! Even though the brilliance is what scares me, I would in turn be in awe of it. :) He’s a regular Einstein and then some with a lovely personality to boot! 

When there’s something strange, 

with your home wi-fi,

Who ya gonna call?

DONATELLO~

*Is boo’d off the stage* X’D

And finally~

~(1)~ MOST COMFORTABLE~

~MICHELANGELO~

*Lets off balloons and streamers* Well, what a surprise, am I right? ;P Raise your hand if you saw it coming! :)

But seriously though, there wasn’t much to question; Mikey’s easily the one I’d gravitate towards first and feel most at ease around. :) He’s so laid back, fun, non-judgmental, accommodating, sweet, hilarious and charming, just to name a few things! What can I say, the youngest brother of the Turts is adorable and I genuinely feel I’d get along quite well with him. <3 With all my own personal baggage, he seems like the one that would be most patient and understanding with me if anything was to surface, and he’d be so chilled about it or even joke around in a non-offensive manner to help ease the tension. That’s something I’d really appreciate with him, especially in certain situations. His goofiness could quell any nerves, that’s for sure. Even though I’m no prankster of any note whatsoever, if he were to rope me into a very harmless and innocent one here and there, I’d probably be game for it, so the two of us would probably have quite a bit of fun together. Watching movies together too, with pizza, of course! Even laughing at him showing/goofing-off during training. 

So yeah, Mikey’s hands down my go-to Turtle boy in terms of comfort level, emotional support and just about everything in that relation. I see no reason as to why I’d not get along with him. He’s just a really great guy whom I feel would really go out of his way to make any human with good intentions feel welcome in his family. Someone who’s really in tune with others’ feelings and emotions and would try to help them when needed in the best way he could think of. A real cutie-pie with a heart of gold who just wants to fit in with the rest of the world. Someone who wouldn’t really care what the person looked like as long as they meant well. That’s Mikey for you, and the one I’d probably be most comfortable around! :D 

And there we have it! :) Definitely a fun and enjoyable post to type up! Although the ‘winner’ was a clear cut choice, it really got me thinking how I’d feel around the other three so am really glad I got around to doing this. :) Also, I’m sure @aurora-the-kunoichi​ would love to see more people respond to the question so if you’re interested, feel free to respond to it. ;) 

Thanks for reading~

#tmnt #tmnt 2016 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2k14 #tmnt 2k16 #leonardo tmnt #raphael tmnt #donatello tmnt #michelangelo tmnt #response post #this took forever #no seriously #i started it last year #fail #tmnt leo #tmnt raph #tmnt donnie #tmnt mikey

[jacksmusesdrv3]

........................

*long ranty*

I don’t know if anyone remembers [this] but

I internally debated for a long time, about explaining the issue of what exactly happened before I shut the blog over a year ago, because it definitely ties in to the stress that eventually sent me to the doctors as I mention (culminating in that move when someone crawled all over my blog in a fit of rage and sent me on an almost level 9 depression spiral with their antics- of course they would be connected to *that person*, it makes too much fucking sense now)

Well.

It’s somewhat of a long story, but the icing on the cake was this bloody Anon here, with a particularly damning section underlined in red. So Anon, whoever you are, wherever you are, I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that my subsequent health spiral was precisely your doing.

As soon as I - by proxy of a friend - got this, something inside me cracked. I said that I would stop posting in the tags, which commenced at least one part of a shutdown. I had decided then and there, I would reconsider my approach to the issues and cool off, maybe address more things in the coming days. Fine, right? 

Wrong.

I then got an ask querying my issue with Shuichi and, why I sounded particularly ‘biased against him’ (politely, may I add). I proceeded to answer that particular ask - no issue with the asker, to be clear- but here’s something I didn’t expect: my body wouldn’t stop jolting. I was so terrified, I couldn’t stop gagging the entire time I wrote this. I’ve literally never had this kind of problem before at this kind of intensity, and the reason I speak of it now is because this problem still hasn’t gone away completely, even for something as simple as brushing my teeth. 

The only conclusion I can draw is that the prior moment traumatised me - however ‘moderately’ - to the point it induced a recurring gag reflex out of residual fear. Afterwards, it was so bad, that simple ask response there took me six hours. I repeat: SIX. HOURS. to write. My body was out of control, and keeping it at the level where I didn’t throw up all over the laptop seemed to take damn near everything I had.

I emphasise this ask because of course, it was the first step after the tag shutdown- go through my stances, bit by bit. This shows the core of my issue, that I intended to engage in good faith and clear some things up regarding the matter of Shuichi’s perception. But no. Ohhhh no, no, no no.

It got worse.

*That* person - the curse who shall not be spoken - flaunted around on their blog that they would take apart my ‘fetishistic take’ of the Love Hotel and the twins, with the conclusion they had drawn already that I had this take because I was simply fetishistic; funnily enough, exactly the same sentiment that Anon had, except not just about the Love Hotel, literally my ENTIRE STANCE.

At which point, a Discord-mate warned me about their intentions. Given the state I described earlier, coupled with mounting confusion about my own intentions thanks to that fucking Anon asker, on top of the excessively fragmented and distorted nature of my overall analysis at that time, and the sheer malice of the intent against me, I had no choice but to hole up to protect my own sanity. 

So to that precious person? 

I think you’ll be happy to know that you were the straw that broke the camel’s back. I would have issues with you much later on (a can of worms for another time, because apparently according to you I can never veto a promise made under fucking duress) but you know... what’s even better? There are things I’ve been saying from as early as 2017, that are still relevant and consistent now. Just because I pulled a DGS Sherlock (ahem) and lost the focal points, messing some things up along the way, doesn’t mean I was overall wrong, let alone even close to the kinds of things you were saying about me.

And let me tell you something, Anon (whose identity I strongly suspect I already know...)?

‘You get off on this because you see shit that isn’t there’... is a disgustingly fallacious remark. You basically say: ‘either you see what I see, or you’re disgusting and wrong’. Either, or. No room for nuance. You put that in my head, you fucked up my perception of myself and my own reasoning. And you had absolutely no fucking justification to do that. None. Whatever you think of these supposedly ‘hidden pieces’ is none of my business, but decrying my entire analysis because of the mistakes I made with the LH was flat out wrong and actually DID have lasting consequences on me. Thanks a lot, jackass.

It’s like, I can learn and grow, as long as I’m comfortable with their fucking hands around my neck. And they don’t have to apologise for anything other than mockery or impulse reactions. They certainly don’t ever have to answer for screwing with my head. For hurting me. The only ‘bad one’ can ever be me. Now, the near constant state of self defense - and keeping myself in check, clarifying - can attest to that never really changing.

So the situation is, I’m out of tags because of people who are dangerous to me, but also because I need to keep my head on right, make damn sure I know I’m on the right track, regardless of whether or not it’s good for them (or.. even the vast majority in this fandom). I know I don’t have many on my side and still run the risk of going off-base at times, but I hope I’ve accomplished at least that much, for others who have nagging doubts about the ‘Tsumugi narrative’ too.

And, it’s nice to come to the conclusion that there’s nothing wrong with me for seeing what I do now, and not have my pride distorting me the way it once did. But good god, it was not worth this. It was NEVER worth this. Holy fucking shit.

#jacks personals #vomit mention //940 #okay. #I just #would love to finally leave this alone and move on #this is the reason I find myself descending into meltdown from time to time #*I'm leaving this here because this is my honest feelings on the matter #even if I might not fully agree with the harsh words any more #I'm not making any pretenses on how I feel. that's all there is to it

[lunaphied]

Validation and Suffering

This post was originally a long chat response, but it got very long and I turned it into a semi-ranty blog post about validation. I tried to clean up the post a bit for clarity but it takes a bit to move on to being more cohesive.

Validation is easy to ignore, everyday I spend hours online and see people think invalidation can be justified.

There's a real issue with people ignoring what it means to be a good person, because religion is not treated as it should. Religion is about morality, spirituality and community, and also often about control. It is not a source for a debate, nor should it be a justification for actions that are wrong. I dislike, and despise smokers, but I don't decide that I'm going to slight them a compliment or bid their day poor, simply because they smoke. They are real people too. Too much we hide behind the ease of a screen, or the illusions we invent.

The reason the NRA is so well known and powerful is because it simply has to bring support in favor of No. Which is far easier than considering the consequences and concerns of yes. Because to fix things you have to change them, and if you've never personally seen the system, or been part of it, it's something you ignore.  Because you have limited mental stamina and a busy life, that is important.

I guess where I'm going with this rambling is something my geology professor pressed into us. That our society is based around a lot of, "that won't work" and "this will work", but there's rarely, often never, talk about a small scale test, why that might be valid or not, how the numbers of people that are in need compares to the number that are going to see a noticeable impact. What the history shows. No that's not easy. Instead we've let freedom and rights be confused into a validation and opportunity to exploit others. 

The United States of America, was founded by people who were being oppressed, while ignoring the oppression of others, and today we've made no progress at correcting that process at the root. 

When you learn about the Declaration of Independence, you should be made to learn what it means to fear for your life because someone disagrees with you, or feel worthless. People get a lot of shit for unusual or niche sounding gender identities, even from those who are trans, non-binary, or some combination of both because it's hard enough to convience cis individuals about how you are valid and not a joke when simply discussing what being trans is, or informing that non-binary individuals are a real thing. They feel like their limited amount of validity in the public will suffer.

However it doesn't actually hurt you to be accepting of people, if you think most people who express a niche identity are possibly trolls, you can stand to be nice to them and just individuals by their actions. Because what you do can sometimes be very hard to feel the consequences of these days, and those consequences would hurt still in real life. Being a good person, a supportive and compassionate person, is important. You don't have to agree to be that person. You just have to listen and respect someone.

Treating someone as a valid person, believing what they say and trying to do what you can for them. If this feels wrong, goes against your pride, makes you worry about what your friends will think, etc. If ANY of this feels that way, it is time to think about why you are hurt by caring about someone, proud of being actively pushing someone into depression, and why you are scared more by your friends, than the consequences of actually ruining someone's life.

There are no excuses for invalidating someone, ever. If and when you make a mistake, the only response should be showing how much you genuinely care, not defending your mistake. Being strong is helping those who suffer, and accepting what that means. If you think that it's a good oppertunity to use this to support trolling users and backing up your statements by saying "you're invalidating me" or "I'm suffering and you should help" or the like, then you need to actually read this damn post.

Because being told you're nothing, or being forced to feel that way by the world wears you down, and there's only so much wear you can have before there's nothing left to wear down, and nothing keeping you around.

#validation #rant #internet culture #society #trans #transgender #nonbinary #non-binary #enby #rights #america #mental health #health #care

[crookedtalks]

From left to right, top row:

一人靜 by Honda Tetsuya (譽田哲也) : goodreads

村上海賊的女兒 上卷 by 和田龍 : goodreads

村上海賊的女兒 下卷 by 和田龍 : goodreads

Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri : goodreads

Bottom:

The Eternal Zero by Naoki Hyakuta ( 百田尚樹) : goodreads

I got these books last year and I wasn’t sure if I was going to do a book haul post on them since there were so few books in the haul, but I want to talk about something today that is kind of ties in to the books here so I thought I would do a book haul/rant post.

I got all the books in the top row from a book fair last year, while The Eternal Zero was bought at Kinokuniya. Going down the list,  一人靜 is written by the same author who wrote Strawberry Night (alternative title: The Silent Dead), which was made into a pretty good crime drama. I really liked the drama adaptation of Strawberry Night, and I thought I would like to try reading crime fiction from authors apart from the popular Higashino Keigo so I picked it up. 

村上海賊的女兒 is a beast of a book split into 2 beautiful volumes; the photo above really doesn’t do it justice. Kudos to the person who designed the covers :D I’ll probably do a better close up photo of the books after I’ve read them for the review posts. Apart from the beautiful cover, the premise sounded so interesting that I had to get this book. From what I gathered from the blurb, it’s a historical fiction epic about the clash between different pirate clans, and the protagonist is a daughter of the chief of one of the pirate clans. I’ve never read historical fiction in Chinese before much less pirate historical fiction, and I admit the prospect of such a lengthy book is pretty intimidating, but the premise is intriguing enough for me to give it a go at least.

Interpreter of Maladies was an unexpected find, especially considering how long ago it was published. I picked this one up as I’ve never heard of this author before, and also as part of my effort in diversifying by bookshelf and my TBR. I rarely read books by authors of Indian heritage and the short stories inside this collection seem interesting from a quick skim.

The Eternal Zero is another kind-of-historical fiction pick, and is about the protagonist investigating his grandfather (who was a World War II pilot) to fulfil his mother’s dying request. Again, it is not a genre that I usually read for Japanese fiction, but I wanted to try something a bit different instead of the predictable crime fiction that I always get.

As you can probably tell, all the books in this haul except one are Japanese fiction translated into Chinese. I don’t know if I should do my reviews for those translated fiction in both English and Chinese...we shall see when I actually finish these books ^^;

Now on to the second half of this post: I want to talk about the sad state of book fairs in Singapore, and I guess with the upcoming #buysinglit campaign this post comes at a pretty apt moment. WARNING: Long ranty post up ahead.

This is a topic that I’ve been thinking and wanting to write about for a while now. For those who aren’t familiar, every year, there’s usually at least 2 large scale book fair that I go to every year - one in June and one in November/December, usually at Suntec City. I used to look forward to these book fair so much; before I got to know about goodreads and the online book community, these book fairs were how I found new books to read. I owe my love of reading books in Chinese to a favourite book series that I found at one of these book fairs, which in turn spurred me to cast aside my fear of reading in that language, and is probably the reason why I continue to read Chinese books now after leaving compulsory education of my mother tongue. 

Over the years, I realised that the variety in book selections, authors and publishers at these book fairs are shrinking; the selection of Chinese fiction grew smaller and smaller until most of the Chinese fiction available were just translations of best selling Japanese authors like Murakami and Higashino Keigo, or memoirs, recipe, lifestyle and wellness books. English selections are a little better with some newly published or trending titles, though most of those are YA and classics. I have yet to see a comprehensive selection of fiction in languages other than English and Chinese at these book fairs. At the same time, you start to see booths selling random merchandise which are completely unrelated to books and reading (or even education). Perhaps this is due to the perception that only older folk go to these book fairs, hence the selection of Chinese books especially are targeted towards that audience, and YA to target teens who accompany their parents to these book fairs. Is it too much to ask to want to have more current Chinese titles available, that are not just translations of Japanese literature? I don’t even remember being able to find Chinese YA in the last book fair that I went to. Also, shouldn’t we also promote Malay and Tamil literature in Singapore by at least making them more available to readers, so as to encourage them to read in their mother tongue? So much for having 4 official languages. Of course, you can always borrow Malay and Tamil literature from the library, but if Chinese literature is made available at these book fairs, why shouldn’t Malay and Tamil literature have the same treatment? And let’s not even talk about the availability of singlit at these book fairs.

With such a sore lack in variety in book selections to cater to a wider and more varied audience, it is hard to foster and sustain a passion for reading; it is hard to inspire a new generation of readers when the environment does not support or encourage it, which is perhaps why so few Singaporeans read regularly. Libraries do of course make books available too, but I feel like book fairs and book stores are also an important place and channel through people discover new books and authors. I know I did. 

What I want to see more in future book fairs:

More varied contemporary fiction in different languages (English, Chinese, Malay, Tamil). Not just YA, more literary fiction selections too. 

More variety in authors. Please, I want find more books by Japanese authors that are not Murakami or Higashino Keigo. Not that their books aren’t great of course. Also, more SEA authors please.

A singlit corner, with books by new and old authors, anthologies, fiction and non fiction. Literary magazines are great too.

A second hand books section. Great for the wallet, and great for supporting local second hand bookstores.

A better stage program, though I think the book selections should be worked on first.

As you can see, a very clear theme is simply MORE VARIETY. I’m so tired of finding the same few authors or books at these book fairs, and I think variety is a great way to send the message that there is something out there for everyone, and to encourage more people to read. The resources are there; we just need to make them more available.

#book haul #Bookish Thoughts #rant