#living intentionally quotes

[lexreadsdiversely]

Pet peeves: when someone reads, for example, a YA book about characters who have been chronically ill or deeply traumatized their entire lives and complain that they act younger than their age. There's never any reflection as to why the characters act "immature" for their age, even though the answer is right in front of them. This then turns into "the author clearly doesn't know how to write YA characters" rather than "the author is writing traumatized YA characters who spent some of their most significant developmental years in survival mode and that's reflected in the characters' thought processes and behaviors."

You see this with the way people talk about adult characters with chronic illness or trauma under their belt, too. Especially characters in their twenties. You get "this character acts like they're in a YA book, they're so immature and they make awful decisions." Idk maybe it's because I'm in my thirties now and I can look back on myself and everyone my age, but people kind of act like twenty-somethings are supposed to be beacons of Adult Maturity and make the best decisions in any given circumstance. That's so not realistic. Besides, the bad decision-making is often a key point of the story, and the author is trying to say something about the story or character. Characters who are working from Trauma Brain, or those who are sick and/or in pain constantly, aren't always going to make the best decisions. Non-traumatized, abled people don't either. This isn't unique to us, it's a pretty human thing.

Like it's cool if you're just not meshing with the character, but them being "immature" isn't inherently a sign that the writer doesn't know how to write for this age group.

(And this isn't even getting into what the average person thinks age appropriate maturity levels are, and the biases and ableism that often accompanies these ideas. It's also not getting into how sexism and racism force girls and children of color - and doubly so for girls of color - to grow up faster, take on more responsibilities than they should, and generally prevent them from having a regular fucking childhood.)

Rant over!

#lex's pet peeves #it just frustrates me when the author is clearly doing something intentionally and utilizing their awareness of the world to do it #and people who haven't ever had to think about these things come along like 'god this author sucks at writing this age group' #sorry what group of teens is this focusing on? did you say terminally ill teens? #hmmm I wonder what might be going on in their lives that have prevented them from going through what you consider 'normal developmental #stages' #emphasizing that normal is in tumblr tag approved quotes #lex rambles #booklr #bookblr #bookish community #book talk #ya books

[minzeart]

must be nice

#life #i wonder how it would feel like #i want to be happy #happiness #living intentionally #minzeart #live lately #gif #animation #beginner animator #made with krita #hay buhay #buhay #pinoy artist #quotes #quote gif

[starbuck]

as fun as it is to study characters under a microscope and figure out every little thing that’s wrong with them and why, i appreciate media where characters are like 30% self-aware at best and getting to that point costs them EVERYTHING.

#i have said this many times but there are a lot of characters who i suspect would be destroyed by complete self-awareness #they couldn’t live with it #some of them can’t even live with 30% self-awareness #i think that this is especially true for characters who struggle to acknowledge and reconcile their dual roles as perpetrator and victim #which is a line we all walk to some degree - so it’s a relatable source of inner conflict #we’ve all (intentionally or not) been hurt and we’ve all (intentionally or not) hurt others #and what do we DO with that?? #how do we cope with that???? #hopefully we do better than most of these characters - but we can still empathize with them on some level #i mean. being self-aware as ME is painful… some of these people… i can’t imagine it #so the avoidance of it as a means of (usually unconscious) self-preservation is both understandable and tragic #because very often it kills them but you also have to ask: would being self-aware have killed them anyway? #so many times people are like ‘ugh! if this character had only realized [x] then this all could have been avoided!’ #and i’m like. Could It Have Though? #not to quote Black Sails but… #Perhaps The Trouble Was Going To Happen Anyway

[outstanding-quotes]

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

Henry Thoreau, Walden

#henry d. thoreau #Walden #prose #transcendentalism #quote #literature #lit #american literature #woods #forest #nature #living intentionally #awareness #mindfulness #living off the land #living off grid #learning #death #life #life quote

[andivmg]

Please excuse my initial reaction, I was quite distraught after reading his statement. Now that i’ve slept on the situation and have a more clear head i can say that i whole heartedly do not accept his apology for a few reasons:

1. One of us clearly remembers that night in excruciating detail. I will forever wonder what actually happened that night and that is something that weighs heavily on me. Although the next day i “accepted” that he would never hurt me, I no longer feel that way. It was a very fresh wound and I wanted to believe him because I still loved him. However, after two years of sitting on this and reflecting I take that back. And I felt like he was excusing his behavior by saying he didn’t realize how drunk I was. Also the fact that he shared it in such detail made me extremely uncomfortable. I respected him enough to not share such intimate details and he did not have the same respect for me. I think he could’ve just said “she initiated intimacy in the way she normally did” and it would’ve gotten his point across just as well. Regardless, he still had sex with me when i was blacked out while he was in a conscious enough state to assess and remember the encounter in such vivid detail. That fact has not changed.

2. All the stuff about his friends is frankly of no consequence to me. Everything that happened with Friend A happened while we were broken up. And him bringing up Friend B felt unnecessary given the fact that we all discussed the matter with each other at the time it happened. I never cheated on him and i would like to stop that theory in its tracks. Him and I have spoken about this matter privately on numerous occasions so that is all I will say.

3. About the shower thing, I was coming out of the shower/bathroom. He had the discord call on speaker on his phone. So yes, I heard very clearly what George said and Luke simply ended the call, he did not call him out. I believe he is recalling a different instance where another one of his friends said that he wanted to have sex with me once i moved to Florida. I was not witness to it and he did tell me he stood up for me that time which is why I didn’t bring it up. I did not go into more detail about it because I was just using that one quote as an example of how some of his friends would speak about me in his presence. However this is already more than one instance of his friends speaking about me in that way, which leads me to believe it happened quite often when I was not around.

4. Intentionally or not, I felt he demonized BPD and used that as a way to invalidate a lot of what I said

5. He still called me a slur when he knew it was wrong because I was getting cancelled for it at the time. I do not believe he was actually confused as to the gravity of what he said to me

I would like to remind you that i know him personally. I lived through that. When I say we remember things differently I mean it. I think that he believes he is being truthful. However because I know him and I know what I experienced, I do not trust him. I do not believe that we were “equally” toxic. While I admit I made a lot of mistakes in the relationship, to me they do not justify all I endured. I repeat, you can believe what you want. This is a very nuanced situation but if you were looking to me to accept his apology, I do not.

#hopefully this is is the last time i will be addressing this

[tossawary]

I finished Volume 3 of SVSSS, which encompasses the main story, and currently have my bookmark sitting at the first chapter of the Airplane Extras in Volume 4. I took a bunch of quote pics but have yet to review them and add thoughts.

Every time I read SVSSS, I forget how... incredible... the inside of Shen Yuan's head is. He's fascinating.

Like, he's misogynistic (even while criticizing Airplane's own misogynistic writing), he's homophobic, AND he's transphobic. Not in a way where I think he thinks anyone deserves fewer rights than anyone else (I think he's generally a nice person, although, holy shit, I would not trust this man to craft policy of any kind) or would prevent anyone from living however they chose to live, a lot of his problematic bullshit stays inside his own head as he tries to understand the world around him using the stallion novel formulas he was given, but he's carrying around SO MUCH unexamined bias that supports his refusal to examine himself and his own desires.

Some of it reads (presumably intentionally) a LOT like the kind of conflicting, problematic bullshit a lot of queer people carry around inside their heads as they struggle to untangle themselves and their beliefs.

And while I do wish that Shen Yuan had been forced to confront and address his misogyny and transmisogyny even further than it does come up (in part because it is DEFINITELY affecting the way he thinks about gay men as well, including and especially Binghe), I do kind of... appreciate on some level that he thinks this way? From a character standpoint? Because I think it's probably realistic for a privileged young man spending a lot of time on the internet reading shit like PIDW to look at the world this way. And it's clear even through his own narration that his blindness in certain areas is causing him a lot of trouble. While I do have criticisms and personal wishes, I do appreciate the depiction of personal character development that is just... a cringeworthy mess of internalized bullshit the whole fucking time.

Also, it's SO funny to me that he reads as SO aro-ace-spectrum to me (probably gay, but generally detached from sexuality and possibly also partially from gender) AND he actually knows... the word asexual, I don't think he has a very broad understanding of asexuality... but he knows the word and yet doesn't personally identify that way. He mentally accuses both Luo Binghe (main story, before finding out Binghe is into him) and Liu Qingge (Succubus Extra) of being asexual for showing no interest in women, only to fail to reflect on how he ALSO demonstrably has no lasting personal interest in the women around them, which doesn't read as very genuine to me.

(EDIT: Again, I am not against a bisexual Shen Yuan interpretation either! I am willing to be persuaded by any author who wishes to tell a particular story. But Shen Yuan's attraction towards women often reads personally to me as very shallow and possibly insincere.)

"I willingly read PIDW, that proves I'm straight!" he sincerely thinks to himself, even though his favorite wife is the one without explicit sex scenes and he also admits to skipping over a lot of them.

"I'm able to tell when women are beautiful, that makes me straight!" thinks the guy who mentally censors nudity whenever demon women lose their clothes, and keeps telling us how "the average reader" of PIDW would react to these beautiful women instead of conveying his own attracted reactions. His actual reactions are generally centered on a woman's narrative significance. The only people he personally seems to find attractive are Luo Binghe and maybe Liu Qingge.

Though my interpretation was that he does probably experience sexual arousal and have a sex drive (see his username), which probably helps with his conviction of straightness, I'm not sure that there's any mention of Shen Yuan even masturbating at all in the entire main story of SVSSS? He never tried to hook up with anyone. Sex is apparently not a priority for him.

(EDIT: He does seem to enjoy sex with Binghe in the "Bing-mei vs. Bing-ge" Extra. He loves Binghe and likes the closeness and the physical pleasure. I appreciate the indication that they're working on moving on from the AWFUL intercourse pushed by Xin Mo's possession and possibly also the System's Scenario Pusher.)

And Shen Yuan seems to view women as being and behaving Fundamentally Differently from men and gay men as behaving Fundamentally Differently from straight men (as soon as he learns Binghe is into him, he thinks about how Binghe isn't behaving like the characters in his sister's gay, non-con, BDSM erotica novels), seeing everything through the lens of novel tropes, such that he seems to view sex and sexuality and gender as being deeply mixed with a person's personality. So he can't be a gay man, because he's too "Normal", in his mind at first, because he doesn't behave like his own mental image of "How Gay Men Behave" (or "How Women Behave / A PIDW Wife Behaves"), while also demonstrably not being anything like "the average reader" of PIDW and also apparently not caring too much about his own masculinity? Like, I do think he likes being the gentleman scholar of Qing Jing Peak, he does like appearing dignified and strong and cool, he doesn't like losing, he doesn't really like playing "damsel in distress" roles, and I do think he likes being gallant towards women, but he's not too concerned about seriously competing with figures like Luo Binghe or Liu Qingge? He's happy enough to back down and let someone else take the lead if necessary. He puts up with being put into the roles of female leads even if it embarrasses him and he rolls with the punches to his pride easily enough. He seems to have decided his Sexuality By Default, so it does make me have a lot of thoughts about whether or not he's potentially going with Gender By Default / Convenience as well.

Someone get this man some amateur and academic literature on gender and sexuality (and a lot of other stuff), stat, so he can ignore it, probably.

#tossawary svsss #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #tossawary rereads svsss #shen yuan versus asexuality fic

[taintandviolent]

morally violating ; Kai Anderson x reader

warnings: kai is the warning. okay okay, real warnings: hatefuck (surprise, surprise), female receiving, clothed sex, rough sex, spanking, aggression, choking, degrading language, unprotected sex. a/n: 2.7k words! turned out to be part 2 to my howlin' for you fic. i feel like an anon requested this, but I'll be damned if I can remember which one. if it was you -- here you go! it's late, but who cares. you guys don't care, it's Kai. was originally part of my lazy (and embarrasingly late at this point) kinktober. week two AND three; spanking, clothed sex and degradation. so uh... enjoy. sorry if it's clunky and bad and weird and rushed!

full fic & taglist under cut! ↓ / ao3 link here! /

​​You swept the blush brush over your cheeks and heaved a sigh. Ultimately, you were disgusted with yourself. Right? It might not have been surface-level, but somewhere, deep down, you really were. You had to be. It was sickening that you hadn’t stopped thinking about the furious fuck you two had had almost two weeks ago. You, as a proud feminist woman, found that very morally violating. Actually, you found Kai very morally violating. And yet, here you were, threading the ribbon of a Red Riding Hood costume through the faux-corset front. You knotted it tightly and gazed in the mirror.

You made a cute Red Riding Hood and your tits sat nicely in this corset. At least there was that. There was the possibility that he wasn’t even going to come, which was probably the best option. There was also the possibility that he would walk through the door with Winter. If the latter happened, you’d feel like a fool in front of your friend, and an absolute pathetic, begging whore in front of her brother.

Which is what you were. You knew Kai would make sure to tell you that.

You heard the first ding of the doorbell. Giving yourself a final once-over, you turned and bolted down the stairs. Your eyes swept over your living room, making sure it was presentable. You’d decorated modestly. Streamers of orange, black and purple hung from the ceiling, those little table top decorations were clustered on your coffee table. Carved pumpkins greeted guests at the door.

With a bright smile on your face, you swung open the door. A cluster of friends from college stood on your doorstep; hugs were exchanged before you ushered them inside. It was non-stop after that. Your guests flooded into your home, and before you knew it, you had to hold your drink above your head to navigate. Within a few hours, you had yourself, by all definitions, a successful party. You were two Red Solo cups deep, and you still hadn’t spotted either of the Anderson siblings.

Your eyes unfocused, watching the throngs of people as they undulated to music and clustered in corners of the room. Reminiscent activities of a college party, some playfully slapped each other, some made out, while others danced, feeling the beat of the song playing. Others had taken to sitting on the staircase, lounging against the wall and the bannister as they chatted.

“Hey there, little Red Riding Hood…” a voice said. Your eyes refocused onto a particular head of blue hair, wavy locks hanging on either side of his face. His dark, brown eyes penetrated — no, violated yours.

“You sure are looking good.” Song quote. Cute. Not.

Everything he said sounded so threatening, even when it was complimentary. Especially when it was complimentary. He was scanning your body like a drill sergeant examining a soldier, scrutinising every minute detail. Intentionally, you puffed your chest out, lifting your cleavage and squaring your shoulders.

“Did you let yourself into my house?” You snapped, incredulously. “Where’s Winter?”

He stiffened, obviously put off by your immediate attitude. “She’ll be here. Later. Had something I needed her to do.”

“The fuck?”

A beat.

“…did you let yourself into my fucking house, Kai?”

“Did you intentionally dress up like Little Red Riding Hood after I dressed up as a wolf?”

Your open mouth closed wordlessly, lips rolling inwards. The question was rhetorical, and answering would only humiliate you further.

“Why don’t we go discuss your choices upstairs?”

You stared at him, a vicious fire burning behind your eyes. Hoping he’d… what? Retract his statement? Run back out the door, finally realising that you weren’t one to be fucked with? Doubtful. He never backed down in front of a woman. Besides, if he did, you’d likely stop him, catching his arm at his bicep and yanking him back towards yourself — because you didn’t want him to leave. And you knew it.

With a huff and a sharp turn, you headed up the stairs, navigating around the people that sat on the steps. Every feminist cell in your body screamed perilously at you as he followed you up your carpeted steps, the heavy stomp of his boots following closely behind you.

You were in no mood to self-rationalise, you were too busy trying to calm the drooling monster between your legs. You squeezed your eyes shut, silencing the thoughts as you opened the door. The guests would entertain themselves — this wouldn’t take long. It didn’t last time.

He began surveying your room, walking it with his hands behind his back as if grading you. When he came to your bathroom, he toed open the door with his boot, and peeked his head inside. He seemed satisfied with whatever he saw — maybe his own reflection. All of this made you acutely uncomfortable. You shifted your weight, flipping the frill of one of your petticoats.

“Come here.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said… come…. Here.” He repeated, more sternly than before.

For whatever stupid reason, you obeyed him. You marched your sorry little ass over to where he was standing, staring up at him like a lost puppy. The bathroom door was still ajar, and you could see inside, courtesy of the little butterfly night light that was plugged in above the sink.

Kai reached in, flattening his hand against the wall and flipped the light switch.  

“Put your hands on the counter.”

You hesitated. This didn’t sound good. But as soon as Kai jerked his head in the direction of the countertop, you hurriedly flattened your hands on the counter, keeping your eyes locked on his reflection.

“Good. Good. Now we’re getting somewhere. You’ve thought about our little encounter at Winter’s party often, haven’t you?”

You shook your head.

THWACK!

Your jaw dropped, stunned, as a burning red welt swelled on your right ass cheek, the flesh tingling with pinpricks of pain as the blood rushed to the surface. There had been no warning for the first, and there wasn’t a warning for the second, or the third.

“Let’s try that — wait. Oh. You like this.” He spat. “Don’t you?”

You shook your head again, indignantly, and Kai reared his hand back. You flinched and tightened your muscles, waiting for the impending impact. You knew it would piss him off — maybe that’s why you did it. Filling your mind with horrible things that would hopefully keep the arousal at bay wasn't working. You were failing… miserably. Spanking wasn’t something you’d explored in the past, never would have thought to. But the way that he was leaving large, burning handprints on your ass cheeks had you leaking out into your underwear. You could feel it, you knew it. Fuck, so wet… fuckfuckfuck.

As if he could hear your thoughts — a terrifying thought — Kai hooked one finger around the crotch of your panties and harshly yanked them to the side, exposing your slick folds. The tip of his middle finger explored curiously, unsurprisingly finding the beginnings of a juice-fest. Slippery, clear liquid oozed from your opening, and you heard Kai chuckle through his nose.

“Oh, no? What’s this?” He asked, knowingly. You had yet again lied to him. You personally didn’t see it as a lie but as a vicious betrayal from your own body. A wet, vicious betrayal.

“Nothing,” you rasped, ashamed, and knowing full well what was coming.

“What was that?”

“I said… nothing.” Might as well accept your fate now. You gripped the edge of the counter, bracing for impact.

THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! Your knees buckled in pain, a desperate whimper falling from your lips. Welts rose until your entire backside was a crimson, burning masterpiece of his hands.

“Clearly, you haven’t caught on. Allow me to explain this to you. Every time you lie to me, you’re going to be punished. And I know what you’re thinking. ‘Oh, but Kai, I like it when you spank me like the disobedient bitch I am.’ Maybe so.”

You didn’t appreciate the mockery of your voice.

Kai flattened his palm on the searing mound of flesh, caressing it tenderly as if deep in thought. Somehow though, the gentle touch made it sting more than before. You writhed away from his hand, only getting an inch or two away before he crudely yanked you back into place. Tossing you around like some sort of rag doll. “But, eventually, pleasure turns to pain. It’s up to you if you reach that point.”

Condemn yourself or liberate yourself? The answer was obvious. You sought pleasure not pain, and if Kai was willing… You met his eyes in the mirror, boring deep into them. You bent your arms at the elbows, stretching them across the counter and arching your back, pressing the curve of your juicy ass against his groin.

“Just fuck me,” You begged. Pathetically, desperately, whiningly. “That’s all we both want. It’s why we’re — why we’re here. There’s your truth, Kai.”

For a moment, Kai didn’t speak, he just stared. Just… watched you in the mirror. You drew your bottom lip in and bit down hard, hoping to entice him further. Slowly, his large hands slid up your back, going as far as the fabric would allow before dragging them back down again, his nails raking against your bare skin. Abruptly, he took hold of your ass, squeezing the soft flesh too hard, twisting your expression into one of pain. With the still warm pain of the spanks, you couldn’t help but wince at the sensation.

“Is that really wha—

“Don’t ask me if it’s what I want,” you groaned. “Don’t fucking ask me that.”

That launched him into action; his hands leaving your body. He unbuttoned his jeans, reaching in to pull his throbbing cock free. His gaze drifted from you to himself, looking down at it. Decently hard, but could be harder. The chase hadn’t been as long as last time, giving him less time to get worked up. He gave it a few angry pumps before lining it up with your slit. 

This was the second time you were going to fuck Kai Anderson — and in a similar way; pissed off and completely clothed. Behind you, Kai used the tip of his cock as a toy, slapping it messily against your swollen, blushing cunt, threads of precum stringing from your clit to his head.

You shuddered. Kai dragged his cock down, pressing the bulbous tip into your pink, weeping slit. Gushy and searing hot, the spongy walls clenched, forcing it back out. Kai grit his teeth and pushed the head in harder, breaching it. Slithery warmth washed over him, gripping it tight. His cock twitched inside of you, seeking out depth. “Ohhhhh…. Fuck. Fu-”

With the head of his now rock-hard cock planted inside you, he no longer needed his hands and let go, moving them up to sweep his hair out of his face. He was embedded inside of you now, slick walls gripping his shaft, carnally begging for more. Using only the strength of his core, Kai backed out and plunged his cock back in repeatedly, popping the head in and out of your wet pussy. With one determinate thrust and a deep groan, he pushed himself all the way in, his lower abdomen bumping against the fullness of your ass cheeks. 

His hands dropped heavily to your ass, taking fistfuls and pulling the cheeks apart to watch as it slid in and out, coated in your arousal. You whimpered, eyes rolling back, lids fluttering speedily. You hated him so much, but it felt so good. To turn dick down this good… would just be a waste. Not only was it long enough to hit your cervix, his cock was thick and veiny and massaged your insides in all the right spots.

“Look at yourself,” he growled, reaching one hand around to pinch your cheeks between his thumb and forefinger. Your lips puckered out like a fish. “Look at what a little whore you are.”

Slowly, you lifted your eyes to the mirror. You couldn’t deny your reflection; your red and white petticoats fluffed up around your waist, your previously perfect curls knotted in his fist, and your face distorted in a whorish display. The cherry on top was every time Kai’s cock bottomed out inside you, you winced and let out the most pathetic, whimpering moan. It was like a bad porn moan, and it was coming from you. Kai’s hand retreated from your face, slithering down to your neck, where he gave a firm, warning squeeze before returning to its place on your hip.

“I bet…” He paused, thrusting hard into your cunt a few times. His words were breathy and laboured. “I bet you’ve been thinking about this since that night. You like this.”

You had — that part was true. The other part about ‘liking’ it? Up for debate. Your pussy certainly did with the way that she clenched her slick walls around his thick cock, hungrily gripping it every time he tried to slide out.

“You fuckin’,” You clenched around him, letting out a shrill moan through gritted teeth. Your voice cracked. “You fuckin’ wish, Kai.”

THWACK!

That one really hurt. Hot tears welled up before streaming down your cheeks, leaving lines in the rouge. Kai slowly leaned over you, pressing his toned stomach against your back and even through clothes, you felt the muscles tensing.  He angled his lips right next to your ear, and hissed: “I don’t have to wish for anything. I get everything I want.”

His hot whisper made you shiver violently. And he didn’t — he was right. You were giving him everything he wanted, everything he asked for. Just like one of his little pathetic, whinging groupies. He started pulling you onto his cock, hard, and your entire body seized up, your walls shuddering, pulsing, quivering with the sensation. You pressed your head into the countertop, moaning loud into the sink. The wet, slapping sounds drifted into a singular dull thudding noise; your ears were ringing, your chest heaving. His pace quickened, his thrusts merciless. The taut coil in your tummy wound tighter, creating a deep pressure above your bladder. Your thighs quivered, knees feeling like jello as you tried to hold yourself up against the counter.

“Fuck, Kai - fuck-fuck-I’m gonna’ fucking—

With a winded groan, Kai tensed up, and plunged himself as deep as he could go, pulling your hips hard onto his cock. Hot, white euphoria erupted inside of you, filling you up and oozing out the sides of your cunt with each unsparing thrust he gave. Unable to hold it any longer, you arched, screaming towards the mirror. Kai leaned back and pulled out slightly, just enough to watch as your pathetic little cunt clenched through your own orgasm, fluttering desperately around the tip of his dick. He gathered your underwear again and pulled them up, before snapping them down on your ass. The strings of cum that dripped from you seeped into the fabric, sticky and warm.

Kai reached around again, lifting you up by your neck. This time, his cheek pressed against yours, rubbing it like a dog nuzzling its owner. “You’re going to spend the rest of your little gathering feeling that, understood?”

You said nothing and he gripped harder; slight pressure on your windpipe.

“Understood?” Again, nothing and Kai pressed his palm against your throat until you gasped, thrashing your head up and down in a panic. “SAY IT.”

A weird whine came from your throat as you desperately gasped for air. Your pupils dilated. Finally, you croaked: “I-I’m going to feel your c-cum between my… my-legs all night long.”   

The pressure released, and Kai had turned away from you, busy stuffing his heavy, flaccid cock back into his dark jeans. Shakily, you straightened up, pulling your skirts back down where they were intended to sit. Thankfully, he hadn’t fucked up your makeup like he did last time - you could pass as just a tipsy girl who had just smeared her mascara a little.

Once you two were downstairs, you paused at the bottom of the stairs. The party thrived; nobody had noticed you were gone. You heaved a sigh of relief, knowing that now, nobody could pin it against you. No questions, no accusations. Me? Fucking Kai Anderson? Absolutely not, I’d rather die. Gag.

“We’ll have to discuss your constant lying at a later date.” And with that, he was gone. Gone to spread the good word of his weird little fucked up cult, and get more people to campaign for him, or whatever it is he did. You watched him, eyes narrowed, as he manoeuvred through the groups of people. He’d done it again. Motherfucker. You shifted your weight, feeling the sticky mess between your legs as dried into the fabric of your panties.

Coming down off the orgasm was one of the worst feelings; reality set in, and you were painfully reminded that you’d just fucked your sworn enemy. A poster boy of toxic masculinity had just filled you up with his seed. Sickening. A voice from behind jolted you out of your fuming stupor — Winter.

“You should really stop lying to him.”

You barked out a flabbergasted laugh. “That’s what I should stop, Winter? Lying to him?”

“Yeah,” she muttered lowly. “He hates liars.”

t a g l i s t : @kaismanwich / @garykingz/ @elsamars / @silverzoomies / @tatesdisasterofalover / @thewolveswithin / @80strashbag / @twinkiemaximoff / @spill-the-t / @stucktothetwo / @enchanting-evan / @yesdevineruler / @anonymous0316 / @eventually27 / @violetharmonscupcake / @my-own-walker / @kai-slut / @demxnicprxncess / @fuckedbykai / @iluwmycats / @dewberryobssesed / @the-goblin1 / @dirtyfairy97 / @jellyluvr / @strangerthings420 / @kai-anderson-whore / @piecesofcain / @lilthbunny / @quickandsilvers / @tatelangdonsweater / @ifeeltoofuckingmuch / @howtobesasha / @randominstake / @throwinginmythai / @hyperharlz / @poltoreveur

#i'm literally so sorry if this is bad #i'm v insecure over this fic because the writing juices have just not been there lately folks #kai anderson #kai anderson x you #kai anderson x reader #kai anderson smut #ahs smut #myfics #lizzieslazykinktober

[sebsrainbowbicycle]

Whats your opinion on the whole Christian Horner thing?

Let me preface this by saying, I have intentionally stayed away from this subject for many reasons, but given there was an outcome of the investigation today, and some of the information I’ve seen here throughout the past weeks, now is as good a time as any to respond to this ask I got weeks ago. This is not, nor will I be offering in the future, my opinion on whether Horner is guilty of the accusations or not. I just want to maybe provide context, and information from my experience and career thus far, that might help people understand, and also my opinion on the reaction from people. Caveat - I am not a lawyer, nor will I go into specifics of my current or previous job, however I worked in the legal profession where I worked on legal cases, reviewed evidence, and made submissions and recommendations that went in front of Judges.

Okay my thoughts. My thoughts are that an internal investigation that should have remained private for all parties involved, especially the alleged victim(s), was leaked and used as clickbait and gossip by the media and people on here and other social media sites. I think people decided guilt without having any genuine information, without seeing the evidence and without any credible sources. I think were the person being accused a different member of the paddock that the reaction would have been different. I think people used this to virtue signal and cry out about what good people they are. I think people that constantly say that the media and journalists shouldn’t be trusted, fed into a feeding frenzy that led to the name of the alleged victim(s) being published, which will undoubtedly impact them for the rest of their lives.

Onto specific things I have seen that I’d like to offer my take on:

Christian allegedly offering the victim a sum of money - First of all, for anyone who has a certain amount of wealth, especially those in the public eye, this is a usual occurrence. You try to avoid an investigation by any means possible, whether you’re innocent or guilty, because a) it’s easier and usually cheaper in the long run, b) pr and public image are damaged by even unfounded accusations and these things can run on for an extremely long time, and c) trial by media is a thing, and innocent people get tarnished for the rest of their lives because of something they were accused of. Now, I’m not saying any of those are why the offer was allegedly made, but those are some of the reasons. Companies do the same thing, when someone has an accident at work and hurts themselves, even if the company do not believe themselves to be at fault they will make a settlement offer, to avoid any legal back and forth. Settlements are not an admission of guilt, but a way to make something go away quickly.

Said money being why the investigation “went away” - I saw a quote that said “the grievance has been dismissed”, that means there was a finding, not that it was withdrawn. even so, this was a red bull investigation carried out by an external barrister. Once the company were made aware of the allegations, their investigation is independent of either party involved, so even if the alleged victim(s) withdrew their grievance, the company would still have a duty of care to ensure that any inappropriate behaviour or actions were identified, investigated and addressed. Most importantly, red bull want to protect themselves legally, and following the procedures and carrying out a thorough investigation, which would identify if they were potentially exposed to risk, is how they do that.

How can they ignore 100’s of pieces of evidence - We don’t know that they did. It was reported, but never confirmed that there was over 100 pieces of evidence submitted, so this is absolute hearsay. Further, I would be extremely surprised if the investigation ignored any piece of evidence, given the ramifications of an incorrect or improper investigation. Also I think it’s really important to say that evidence does not equal guilt or that one party to the proceedings is correct. Allow me to provide you with a personal example. I worked on a case where there was over 5000 pages of evidence submitted into a legal bundle. Approximately 4000 of those were from the appellant who argued that the other party had acted incorrectly. (forgive my vagueness here I’m not about to doxx myself). 4000 pages of evidence, which I reviewed and made a decision that I did not support their argument. The judge agreed with me also. Evidence can be subjective, and sometimes it can be completely irrelevant. The presence, and submission of evidence is to support one sides view of things, the other side will have their own, and both are examined and balanced and decisions made on that and sometimes also on other independent investigation.

The investigation is private and cannot be shared - This is law. GDPR in fact because this is occurring within Europe. I’m literally spending this entire week on a GDPR course, and have an exam on Friday, so I really don’t want to go on about legal basis and restrictions for sharing personal data, but let me tell you it’s for good reason, especially with investigations like this. All parties involved in this have a legal right to privacy, covered by the human rights act, and unless there is a compelling legal reason why their data should be shared, then it can’t be without their explicit consent. Simple as. And that’s disregarding that there will be confidential company information within the investigation that also cannot be shared.

Horner committed a crime - given that we do not know the specifics of what occurred we simply don’t have enough information to know this, HOWEVER, from the information I have read, and by the fact that I have not seen an indication that the police have been involved with this, nor are they carrying out their own investigation, I am working under the assumption that no law has been broken.

tl;dr - These are real people’s lives, we are not involved and we have no right to know anything. This isn’t salacious gossip, and it’s not a fun thing to band around and use as a stick to beat people with to prove how good we are. Processes and investigations like this should be private, and basing things on hearsay and unscrupulous reporters does more damage to any alleged victims than good. Having seen how fans and social media have treated this investigation, do you think that makes any other alleged victims want to come forwards? I think not. But that’s just me.

#honestly I know some people are gonna think this is me publicly takkng a side but this is impartiality #because I don’t know the ins and outs of the case which is why I haven’t spoken on this before #people who know me know what side of the line I fall on #but this amount of misunderstanding wilful or not has been driving me insane #and how this has been treated like cheap gossip is frankly disgusting to me and some of you should be ashamed #ask #anon #Dee talks #Christian Horner

[matan4il]

Feel like I'm going insane every time I see anti-Israeli propaganda. Just saw a post claiming the war in Gaza is one of the deadliest "in history." Gaza isn't even the deadliest war of 2023. Ukraine, Sudan, Myanmar and others would like to have a word.

Is there a reason people feel the need to lie to care about Palestinians? Like do they feel that if they told the truth, they'd be hypocrites for not caring about other conflicts?

Hi Nonnie,

I'm with you, the dumb, ignorant shit that gets posted so carelessly, showing a complete disregard for the lives of the 20.3 million people who are threatened by Hamas (the people who need to be free of this genocidal, antisemitic, dictatorial terrorist organization) is truly breaking world records. Beyond the fact that Hamas (the so-called "Gaza health ministry") has been caught lying about the number of fatalities, such as in the al-Ahli hospital parking lot explosion, even if we accept its numbers, you're absolutely right. The bloodiest conflict in human history was WWII, with between 70 and 85 million fatalities. The war in Gaza is nowhere near that scale. Even if you take all Israelis and Palestinians together, we're not going to reach such numbers, so what are these people even on about!? And yes, here's a good reminder IMO of current on going conflicts that are also bloodier than the war in Gaza, but don't get anywhere near as much attention. I guess if it doesn't involve vilifying the Jews, those other wars are just not as worthy of being talked about...

People involved in this are not all the same. I assume some are just uninformed, and they repeat the lies they've heard from others, which they accepted as truth. Others know they're lying, and I assume they lie, because they know that otherwise, the anti-Israel narrative just doesn't hold water. You can only justify violence against Jews in Israel (or Jewish Israel supporters in the diaspora), if the Jews somehow committed a grave enough sin to merit such violence turned against them, right? Therefore everything has to be exaggerated and twisted in such a way, that Jews appear as the great villains ever, deserving of the greatest violence in retribution.

That's why the conflict has to be the bloodiest one ever, if though it isn't. That's why Israel has to be accused of intentionally depriving Gaza of food and water, even though there are hundreds of aid trucks that Israel allows into Gaza daily (surpassing the number the UN said in Oct Gaza needs daily, 100 trucks), and even though there are 2 out of 3 water pipelines operating from Israel into Gaza despite the war (in addition to water supply from Egypt, and Gazan self supply). That's why every Israei quote has to be taken out of context, and be presented as if said about fighting the Palestinians, rather than Hamas. And that's why the fact that Jews are native to Israel, and that Jews tried to live peacefully alongside all Arabs in the region, has to be erased. Otherwise, the violence against the Jews isn't justified, and then what's the point?

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish #resources #ask #anon ask

[behindthesefangirleyes]

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about all of the things that I enjoy about Heartstopper. I have reached the conclusion that it’s how Nick and Charlie don’t complicate each other’s lives. All of the difficulties that they face are not of their own making. They are not intentionally or even unintentionally torturing each other, even when one worries that they are burdening the other.

Honestly, it makes me think of a quote that Tan France said about his husband, Rob:

“He is the person that makes everything else easier. He is the constant. He is the easiest thing in my life, because he makes me so happy.”

#and honestly that’s the benchmark for how I view healthy relationships #nick nelson #charlie spring #narlie #kit connor #joe locke #heartstopper #heartstopper season 2 #tan france #queer eye #quotes to live by #quote

[isagrimorie]

Sometimes there really are interesting things on Reddit, found this one particular passage on r/DaystromInstitute talking about Starfleet and the Cardassian war, in particular, Miles O'Brien and Kathryn Janeway's experiences in a ground war:

Ground combat was much different. O'Brian's reactions to the Cardassians in 'The Wounded' are clear that ground combat wasn't as clean for the Federation as it was in space. Same with Captain Maxwell. Even Captain Janeway was in ground combat in the Federation/Cardassian war (I think it was the episode 'Prey' where Janeway told Seven of a time during the war when she was only Lt. Janeway). O'Brian carrying anger against the Cardassians for making him into a killer. Maxwell so used to destroying Cardassian ships that a year after the treaty is signed he's still in the habit of blowing up Cardassian ships. Janeway, it's entirely possible that until the war ended she spent her entire Starfleet career in combat, earning battlefield promotions, flying up the chain of command to Commander and with the impossible situation that Voyager was in after her promotion to Captain and first command being Voyager, she found herself trying to balance Starfleet ideologies with her own history of being willing to use violence, or in her case, too willing in a few episodes.

This is an interesting thought, I remember being surprised knowing Janeway actually was in actual ground combat. As we learned from DS9, and Strange New Worlds, ground combat is a lot different from ship-to-ship battle.

Ships can also be dangerous but Starfleet shines with ship battles. Ground combats are harder, and bloodier, and leave long-lasting marks on the soldiers who find themselves in them.

I wonder if Janeway distinguishing herself in the Cardassian war is the reason why Voyager got the assignment to go after the Maquis. But also, Janeway might have wanted to distance herself from the war more and focus on science.

But the Delta Quadrant kept pushing her into that place again.

Like, now I wish Janeway interacted with O'Brien at least, two Cardassian war vets.

ETA:

Another good r/DaystromInstitute post on Janeway:

Janeway is intentionally written as a character who intellectually believes in the ideals of the Federation, but whose actions are not always in line with her stated beliefs. I think this is very human and understandable. Very few real humans are as moral as Picard. This is why Quark's quote:

"Let me tell you something about Hew-mons, Nephew. They're a wonderful, friendly people, as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those same friendly, intelligent, wonderful people... will become as nasty and as violent as the most bloodthirsty Klingon. You don't believe me? Look at those faces. Look in their eyes."

rings so true. Janeway is trying hard to not be the type of human Quark describes, but she is failing. She still tries, though, which I think is important.

All this just makes me love Janeway more, also Starfleet is terrible with mental health.

#thinky thoughts #federation cardassian war #kathryn janeway #miles o'brien #star trek #star trek voyager

[highly-important]

Little Art things I'm obsessed with pt 1

Portraits of absent figures:

David Hockney - A Bigger Splash, 1967

Hockney originally visited California in 1963 and was won over by the sunlight and laid-back lifestyle, especially the luxury and ubiquity of the swimming pool. He described it as his "promised land" The splash is about freezing a moment in time, but it is also empty of human presence but implying a human. The male figure is present in some of David's other works from this time period, especially his muse and then-partner Peter Schlesinger. These paintings are about a hedonistic gay lifestyle, and the swimmers, the divers, are often the subject of voyeurism and desire. But in this painting, we just missed the diver, which makes the object of desire more private and personal. Who was the painter looking at, lusting after, etc. I like the contrast of the incredibly sharp and graphic suburban neighborhood, and the chaotic, organic splash. So again, if the divers represent this homosexual desire, we have this contrast of an orderly heterosexual world, and the queerness that joyfully disrupts it.

And then of course, with the absent figure, there is this massive sense of loss and loneliness. And so much of loneliness is about concealment, hiding in shame. This is a private space, but its also an exposed space, enhancing the loneliness. The figure is isolated, alone, invisible. Its a sadness that contrasts with the setting, the activity, and saturated lighting.

Felix Gonzalez-Torres - Untitled (billboard of an empty bed), 1991

These billboards were exhibited in the streets of Manhattan during the AIDS crisis. This piece was created the same year Felix Gonzalez-Torres's boyfriend Ross died. This portrait is a celebration of love and a memorization of loss and the emotions between intimacy and publicity. In the artist's own words:

“What I’m trying to say is that we cannot give the powers that be what they want, what they are expecting from us. Some homophobic senator is going to have a very hard time trying to explain to his constituency that my work is homoerotic or pornographic, but if I were to do a performance with HIV blood — that’s what he wants, that’s what the rags expect because they can sensationalize that, and that’s what’s disappointing. Some of the work I make is more effective because it’s more dangerous. We both make work that looks like something else but it’s not that. We’re infiltrating that look.“

The work intentionally uses the matching, identical depressions to imply a same-sex couple. The image itself is extremely intimate, but its being displayed in public spaces.

Felix Gonzales-Torres became known for his absent bodies.

And then, a little different, this painting by Jacques Guillaume Lucien Amans (1837) commissioned by Frederick and and Coralie Frey, depicts the three Frey children, with the faint shadow of a figure. There was a legend that there was a fourth figure in this painting. In 2005 a private collector, Jeremy K Simien, purchased the painting and it underwent conservation.

The painting revealed Bélizaire, a fifteen year-old enslaved domestic owned by the children's father. The picture captures the complex relationship between the boy and the children, the family that was keeping him captive. For one thing, the way he is set back from the others. There is this sort of intimacy between them along side the psychological trauma of forced bondage.

Here is a great Tiktok about the painting, to quote "What I'm struck by is what a sensitive portrait this is of this young man who was living in an inhumane society where he, despite being a human being, was bought and sold."

A few years after this painting was created, the three Frey children died, and Bélizaire was the only one who survived into adulthood.

The painting stayed in the Frey family. At some point, likely in the late 19th or 20th century, Bélizaire was intentionally painted over. In 1972, the great-granddaughter of Coralie Frey donated the painting to a Louisiana museum, informing them that a figure was painted over. During the course of the painting's life at the museum, no effort was put into restoring the figure.

Jeremy Simien's, who bought and restored this painting, said on his instagram "Bélizaire, they know your name now. Tell the ancestors to let me sleep for a minute."

And shout out to the picture that make me want to write this, Hyde Park Flowers, London by Tumblr user @kimironside I won't re-post it so check out the link.

#art #art history #felix gonzalez torres #belizaire #david hockney #Jacques Guillaume Lucien Amans #Jacques Amans #Jeremy K Simien #tw slavery #tw aids

[angels-heap]

we get it, you hate hlvrai. how about instead of being bitter you let people enjoy things. fr whats the point of gatekeeping a 20 year old game?

Look, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you didn't live through the 2020 fandom bullshit, because if you'd witnessed it, even peripherally, you would not have felt compelled to send this ask. So, a few things you should know:

I don't actually hate hlvrai! I genuinely enjoyed the series and still quote it regularly. I even used to enjoy some of the fan content, before the fandom exploded in popularity and there was a huge influx of mostly of very young fans (fine, but not my scene) who wanted me and most of my friends to die (bad; see below).

I'm not dreading more hlvrai content; I'm dreading the potential fallout within the fandom. Canon tags flooded with unrelated content. Wildly OOC characterizations of canon characters based on similar characters in an unrelated series. Endless racism discourse that somehow manages to affect everyone except the tiny fraction of fans who are actually being intentionally racist. Pushback against mature content for an M-rated game because "there are kids here now!!" Ship discourse. Death threats and endless harassment related to the ship discourse. Being accused of being a child predator and threatened with doxxing for shipping two grown adults in a different fandom.

A lot of really lovely people were driven out of the canon HL fandom because of bullshit instigated by hlvrai fans who either didn't know anything about the canon series, didn't care, or were learning incorrect information through "fandom telephone" and decided to take it upon themselves to rid the internet of anyone who didn't ship canon Gordon with their benrey-fied version of Barney "the right way." Can you really blame anyone for not wanting that to happen again?

Honestly, as long as the new content doesn't include too much conflicting lore/characterization related to canon HL characters and the fandom manages to behave itself, I'm excited to see more people get into Half Life. A lot of my current favorite HL artists and writers got into HL through hlvrai. This doesn't have to be a shitshow, but I don't think it's unreasonable to worry that it might become one.

TL;DR: Nobody really wants to "gatekeep" a 20 year old game series. We just want to be able to continue talking about the series and creating fanworks without being bombarded with unrelated content, death and doxxing threats, and baseless accusations that could ruin our actual, offline lives.

#asks #anon #ship discourse

[soundspeachytome]

challenge failed successfully - shohei ohtani au

a short drabble where shohei joins the no nut november challenge with the boys but Y/N had different ideas.

tw: mentions of sex, nudity, edging; filthy smut and a sprinkle sprinkle of fluff

word count: 2.1k

minors do not interact

additional author notes: happy monday everyone. hoping this helps us all survive another week of reality and shohei drought. you're welcome.

other notes: shohei is a horndog y'all but Y/N is a monster

=========================================

08:23 AM, Saturday morning

You were working on your little paint by the numbers project in the balcony when you noticed that the apartment suddenly became too quiet. Usually on a Saturday morning, it’d be booming with jazz or soul music that Shohei would be heard whistling or humming along. There’d be the clink and clank of cutlery and their cheap china in the kitchen with Shohei making his signature omurice with bacon and pancakes. Today, however, the apartment is oddly silent, it was as if someone had pressed mute on all of the possible sounds that existed in the apartment. 

You slipped back inside to check and lo and behold, you saw Shohei sprawled on the couch with his headphones, too focused on whatever got his attention on his ipad. He didn’t even notice you approaching. He had a serious look on his face that spelled concentration so you thought it might just be something about work again but peering into the screen of his ipad, it was definitely not about weekend work.

“What’s gotten you all worked up on a Saturday morning, babe?” he looked up, finally noticing you. He removes his headphones and gives you a toothy grin.

“The boys and I are chatting about the No Nut November challenge!” he said.

“The what?” you said incredulously. 

“No Nut November challenge, babe. For the entire month, we are going to avoid orgasm. Whoever does the longest wins the bet.” he said, still smiling, like it was the most amazing game he’s ever heard in his life.

“So like… no sex for a month?”

“Yes.”

“Ejaculation, too?”

“That, too.”

“Not even oral?”

“No, babe. It says “any kind of orgasm, so no. I’ll miss your pretty mouth, though.” he pinched your chin playfully.

“Huh. Are you sure about that? You have a higher sex drive than me, though.” you were hesitant about this. Not because you will miss a month’s worth of sexual intimacy with Shohei, but you’re more concerned if he’ll make it through without losing his mind. He is a beast in the bedroom, always looking for reasons to get you naked under the covers any chance he gets. 

“Of course, I can. What, like it’s hard?” He challenged me. You snorted loudly at the Legally Blonde reference.

 “Come on, babe. Anyone who wins the bet will be given free tickets to the SuperBowl!” I wrote a mental note to never question Shohei’s competitiveness, especially if football is at stake. 

“Fine. It’s not like it’d have a difference on me, though. When does the challenge start?” you raise your hands and do air quotes to put emphasis on the word. 

“Today, of course! It’s already November.” he beamed. You’re still looking at him like he was crazy. You have lost him to America. To weird internet challenges. You need to get him back before it’s too late. 

Sighing in defeat, you bend forward and kiss him square on the lips. “Whatever you say, babe. I’m going to continue my painting outside, ‘kay?” 

You intentionally lingered on the kiss, making sure he noticed. He returned the kiss almost too passionately. When he started to get deeper into the kiss, you pulled back, leaving him slightly disoriented.

Thankfully, for you, taking your boyfriend away this self-proclaimed sexual abstinence is going to be easy. You just know how to play this game. 

03:17 PM, Saturday afternoon

“Babe, can you please stop sending me articles about ejaculation!” Shohei shouted from the living room. You have now transferred back to the bedroom after the midday sunshine crawled into the balcony, temperature too hot to continue painting. 

You have started sending Shohei links about the health risks of not masturbating. One of them being associated with prostate cancer. 

“Some studies suggest that moderate ejaculation (2–4 times per week) is associated with a lower prostate cancer risk. Sexual activity everyday or every other day might increase fertility if you're attempting to conceive.” you type in a subtext along with the main article.

“Additionally, ejaculation relaxes your body, making you have a quality sleep. Quality sleep prevents tension and makes your body healthy and strong to face the next day.”

“You know I’m not reading all these right.” he texted back.

“Fine, I’ll stop. Just don’t come looking for me when you start getting horny…[wink face emoji]” you giggled, you’re starting to enjoy teasing him.

07:07 PM, Saturday evening

Shohei went out to buy ice cream for movie night while you were finishing up in the bath when an idea hit you.

You grabbed your phone from the nightstand and faced the bathroom mirror. You dropped the towel wrapping your body and only had your long locks cover a bit of your breasts. You took a decent amount of mirror selfies naked. One photo had your free hand hovering over your bare pussy in the most seductive way possible. You liked this photo and sent the rest of the good ones to Shohei’s number with a follow-up message, “Can’t wait for November to finish, babe <3”. 

He always brings his phone around in case of emergencies so you’re one-hundred percent sure he would read this message.

You put your phone down and waited.

You were already fully clothed and drying your hair in front of the vanity mirror when Shohei burst into the room, face pale and almost horrified.

“That’s not fair!” he said. “I opened the message while I was lining up to pay! Stop doing that!”

“Why?” You said, feigning ignorance. “It’s not like I agreed to stop sending my boyfriend signals when I’m horny right?”

If his face was already pale, any ounce of color left has disappeared in a comical sort of way. 

“You know what… Never mind, Y/N. Come on out, it’s time to pick the movie.” He hurried out of the room before you could build up some horny remark. You wanted to see how long Shohei could do this so-called challenge before he gave up. It’s funny to see him struggling over something you’ve done on any normal day.

Before you left the room, you decided to change your clothes into a short night dress. It was showing a bit of your cleavage and the skirt rides up to your mid-thigh when you sit down. Perfect, you thought. 

You sat down beside Shohei on the sofa as he was browsing the movie selections on Netflix. “What do you wanna watch tonight? There’s new episodes of Attack on Titan… Oh look, there’s a new murder documentary that was added—” his eyes immediately went straight to your nightwear. 

“What? Go on, I’m listening.” you gave him an innocent look and scooted closer to him. 

“Nothing, uh, I think we can watch Jujutsu Kaisen: 0 instead. We haven’t seen this yet, right?” he looked away and pressed play without waiting for you. 

Once the movie started, you got engrossed with the story and forgot about your little plan. Shohei, too, as both of you are anime fans, there was only the occasional discussion about the story and action scenes. You got comfortable and put your head on his chest; his hand rested on your thighs. As expected, the nightgown skirted up while you’re sitting down, revealing much of your thighs.. He was mindlessly caressing your inner thigh, making you shiver.

Shohei stops and notices this. He pretended to cough and stood up.

“Water break.” He muttered. 

You finished the movie without any more of your tricks and decided you’d stop playing around Shohei now that you saw how much he wanted to play the game. When the ending credits rolled, you yawned and bid Shohei good night.

“Are you joining soon?” you pouted, hugging him from the back, your chin resting on his bicep. He was storing the dishes on the dry rack. 

“Yeah, let me just clear up here. You go ahead.” 

“Okay, good night.” you smiled sleepily and retreated back to the bedroom where you dozed off almost immediately.

03:27 AM, Sunday morning

You woke up to the sensation of something hard rubbing your back. 

It was dark and the only light you can see is the moonlight crossing over your bedroom curtains. It took you a while to rise from your deep slumber to realize what was happening: you were engulfed in Shohei’s embrace, his face buried under your hair and neck and his hands placed on your stomach and hips. In your ear, you could hear Shohei whimpering. Begging. Please, please, just one time. His hot breath against your skin. All while his hips were rubbing sloppily against your ass. 

You reached for your phone and saw the time.

“Sho, it’s the devil’s hour.” you complained groggily, trying to get out his grasp.

He continued to press his hips to yours back and forth, with audible grunts and groans reverberating through your entire body. His dick was pressing to your bum and you couldn’t help but return a sigh. Your whole body was on fire.

“Sho,” you turned around with more force now, shaking him awake. 

He snapped his eyes open and realized what was happening. 

“You were dry humping me, babe.” you said, almost irritably, as if the act was something illegal, but in respect to his current “bet” you had to stop him. 

He was rubbing his eyes and upon realization, groaned inwardly. “I’m so sorry, babe. Must be having a wet dream.”

“It’s not like I was complaining, though…” you said.. You touched his chest and slowly dragged your hand towards his midsection. You reached his abs and drew circles with your fingers. 

“if you really, really, want to…you can… But I don’t want to ruin your bet.” You backpedaled. He’s facing you now, almost about to bite the bait you’re dangling in front of him.

He stared at you and you bit your lower lip, waiting. He was thinking long and hard as if it was life and death. 

“Okay.” he said.

“Okay?”

“I’m no longer playing this silly game.” he pushed you to your back, him on top. He buried your neck with wet kisses and nibbles on your exposed breasts. In response, you hump needily towards him, pulling his boxers down to grab his stiff dick. You rubbed him fiercely against your hand while he continued to suck on your nipples. Lost in each other’s whimpers of pleasure and skin against skin sweat, he slides down your thong and starts to kiss your clit.

You let out a loud moan and pushed his head back.

“Don’t go slow on me now just because you felt bad for waking me up for sex. You already got me hot and needy, so just get it inside me now..” your voice pleading, desperate. 

“Please,” begging was the ultimate way to snap Shohei’s composure. He smiled apologetically but kicked his boxers off and slid into your wet entrance. All in.

“Fuck, Y/N. You’re so hot like this.” He paused, adjusting his size. You were so beautiful like this, naked, sprawled under him and begging like your life depended on it. “I’d fuck a dozen babies in you if you looked at me like this, babe.”

“Move.” you impatiently grabbed a handful of his ass and squeezed. He began snapping his hips against yours in quick, rough motions. You moaned loudly in pleasure, letting your neighbors know that Shohei Ohtani was fucking you hard and wild tonight.

“I need your mouth,” you reached for him and he licked the side of your mouth with his tongue. He licked and bit the spot on your neck, making sure it would leave a love mark the next day. That was Shohei’s favorite part during sex, marking you and making sure the rest of the world knew who you belong to.

Both of you whimpered and moaned and touched all over each other’s skin and muscle, hair and sweat; not caring for a thing in the world. Not the neighbors, not for the bite marks, especially not that goddamned bet.

07:45 AM, Sunday morning

You wake up for the second time this morning, the smell of eggs and bacon wafted in the air. On the vinyl player, a Chet Baker record was playing and Shohei was singing to the lyrics of “The More I See You”. In the distance, you can also hear the loud thumping and turning of your washing machine. 

“Good morning, beautiful.” he said, leaning by the doorframe. “Had a good sleep?” He was shirtless and wearing an apron. What a sight to behold. You could feel yourself salivating from just looking at him. 

You sat up with your messy hair sticking all over your head, yawning. “I had an amazing dream.” 

Shohei grinned widely. “Did the dream happen to include me?”

“Yes, but I couldn’t remember the dream…” you lied, pouting extra cutely. Shohei jumped on the bed, raising both your hands. You screamed and laughed as he got on top of you.

“Let me make sure you don’t forget, then.” He said before drowning you in a deep kiss. 

#shohei ohtani #shohei ohtani imagines #shohei ohtani au #shohei ohtani smut #what a sight #oh my fucking god #shohei pls give me a chance

[whizzinpast]

drop the second iteration of ivantill lore please

Buckle up buttercup because this is not going to be a happy story. It’s not even going to be a ‘sweetly tragic in a hot yaoiful sense’ story. It’s just what it is.

For the uninitiated: the first iteration of IvanTill was incorporated into the beach scene that I’m certain the majority of fans have seen by now (if not, you can see a glimpse of it on this post or just check out Ivan’s page on the wiki). The storyboards were drawn up by Qmeng as far as Round 3 during its production phase.

However, it was drastically changed in the second draft. Qmeng and Vivinos most likely wanted to explore different variations of tragic relationships because they mentioned the first iteration ‘overlapped too much with MiziSua.’ So, they decided to focus more on the toxic aspect of their relationship and the one-sidedness of it.

Cue second iteration.

Ivan is a lot more sinister. He uses his knowledge of Till’s trauma to intentionally provoke him, and it works. Till gives a rage-induced performance that assures his victory.

But much to his horror, it’s exactly what Ivan wanted. Everything occurred exactly as he planned. And through a set of flashbacks, it is revealed that their whole lives, Ivan saw Till as a plaything he could puppet to his will, and he did. He got him into trouble on purpose. He got him hurt on purpose. All because Till was something he believed he owned.

The ending to Round 6 wouldn't be tragic because Ivan couldn���t convey his feelings properly. It would’ve been tragic because Till was never able to break out of Ivan’s control. He was never able to escape his grasp.

In other words: “Till looks down at Ivan’s body and despairs, realizing he will never escape from the burning red sky and the falling meteor (Ivan).” (literally quoted from the draft)

And then the third iteration happened, the one we all know and love, and it’s more like a combination of the two. A lot of Ivan’s actions were left vague specifically because Q & V wanted it like that. They said it themselves, Ivan wasn’t certain of his own feelings for Till, what was their nature and how deep they went. That’s why he fumbled so badly. He had no idea, so neither will we.

#alien stage #alnst #alnst till #alnst ivan #ivantill #alien stage round 6 #whizz talks #whizz answers

[mentallyisekaid]

「 ✦ Fatui Harbingers x Signora's Sister! Reader, PART 1 ✦ 」

---

[Part 1] Part 2 Part 2.5. Part 3

Pairings: only hinted/platonic (will change to something "more" later on if I decide to make more parts)

Warnings: spoilers regarding Signora's lore and a certain event in the Inazuma Archon quest, possibly some spoiler-ish stuff about other things too

Word count: 2.7k

This fanfic will include direct quotations from "Teyvat Chapter Interlude Teaser: A Winter Night's Lazzo" that belongs fully to miHoYo. I'll write these quotes in bold, so copyrights won't haunt me like Khaenri'ah lore :)

---

Even among the Harbingers, not much was known about the Fair Lady's (may she rest in peace) younger sister, except for the fact that you existed and had somehow managed to live for over 500 years, just like her. They were all aware of Signora's special circumstances that had made her essentially immortal, but Celestia knows how you had done it?

This is why you'd become something of a urban legend among the lower ranking members of the Fatui. Maybe La Signora had just been delusional, some of them thought - maybe there wasn't a sister, at least not anymore.

You were fine with that, though. You'd never wanted anything to do with your sister or her morally dubious organization anyway.

But she was still the only blood relative you'd had left, and now she was gone.

Attending her funeral was only appropriate.

You arrived at the grand doors of the cathedral, stopping for a moment to adjust the expensive-looking cloak that someone had sent you along with the invitation to the ceremony, requesting you to wear it. Much to your displeasure, it had the Fatui Insignia on it, though you were slightly more bothered by the fact that they'd somehow figured out where you live...

Or maybe they'd known all along.

But even if the invitation wasn't just out of courtesy, you had only showed up because Rosalyne was family, and only to pay your respects.

Their agendas meant nothing to you.

Pushing the doors open, you marched inside, the click-clack of your high heeled boots echoing in the eerie silence.

Curious gazes followed as this visitor, shrouded in mystery, made her way through the aisle - some of them curious, others a bit doubtful - but you ignored them.

Sitting down in the front row, you crossed your legs, leaning back with your eyes glued to the coffin highlighted by faint moonlight. A girl with child-like, seraphic features was leaning her head on its surface, singing a calming tune...

Spooky.

"Well, I never... this must be the Fair Lady's rumored sibling? And here I was starting to think you wouldn't make an appearance, dear."

You sighed, really having hoped that no one would bother talking to you; you had nothing to say to any of them. But for Celestia's sake, you still had some manners...

Glancing over your shoulder at the man who had just addressed you, you gave him a slight nod.

"It does seem my arrival was rather tardy. My apologies."

The man who you recognized as the Regrator, also known as Pantalone, chuckled a bit.

"No matter, it is rare a pleasure to finally meet you~"

"Likewise."

For a moment, your eyes wandered over each of the present Harbingers, these... co-workers of your sister's, before returning to stare in front of you just as indifferently as before.

You spoke a few more words, though.

"Everyone else as well, I suppose. Oh, and please pay no attention to my discourtesy... A lovely night for a funeral, is it not?"

Your charade was poorly put together, and intentionally so; you didn't know these people anymore than they knew you, but it was already clear that no one was here to pay their heartfelt respects for Rosalyne's memory, much less to exchange pleasantries.

A funeral? No, this was nothing but theatre - and here comes the first actor...

"We have gathered here today to remember our dear comrade. In honor of her sacrifice, all work should halt for half a day as the nation mourns her passing."

Hearing these words come from Pulcinella, the Mayor of Snezhnaya himself, you mentally scoffed. So now these crazy diplomats justified mistakes as sacrifice?

Pantalone seemed amused by this declaration, though you noticed a shadow pass over his face.

"Hehe, merely half a day... People say that Northland Bank's true currencies are blood and tears... But Mayor, even speaking as a banker, that sounds a little unconscionable."

Well, it was as you'd expected? Even in this situation, the Harbingers only cared about their own agendas, and Rosalyne would've been the same way.

The next words belonged to someone you found a bit more familiar.

"You speak of her as if you knew what she had to go through," the silver-haired woman started, a derogatory look in her dark eyes.

You glanced curiously at her. This was surely Arlecchino? Out of the Harbingers, your sister had seemed to trust her the most, so you assumed they must've shared some sort of a closer relationship.

The Knave noticed you gaze, and gave you a small nod before continuing.

"Rosalyne died in a foreign land. But you heartless businessmen and dignitaries, always with a convenient excuse to remain in the comfort of your homeland... You couldn't hope to understand. So why don't you keep your mouths shut!"

"Ah, bravo...~" you commented with a small chuckle, your sudden boldness slightly surprising some of them.

It seemed that La Signora's hardly known sister was indeed an interesting individual?

The ginger sitting on the other side of the aisle apparently found your remark entertaining, since he gave you an amused smile. But he threw his comrade's a much sterner look.

"Hey, c'mon now, even I don't think this is the right time or place for a fight."

Tartaglia, the infamous maniac always looking for a fight? Present~

"Utterly risible," a blonde woman scoffed from her place, sitting on the arms of a weird looking robot. Sandrone, you presumed.

And naturally, the oh-so righteous Capitano also had his opinion to share.

"Though her methods tarnished her honor, Lohefalter's sacrifice is still a great pity."

You sighed, shaking your head. There they go again, degrading her death as a mere sacrifice.

"Her loss shall not hinder our progress," the Captain continued, disregarding the matter. "But Dottore, what of Scaramouche --,"

...to which the crazy Doctor answered something incomprehensible.

Right. They weren't even talking about Rosalyne anymore. By now, the whole ceremony had turned out as a complete farce, and you wished nothing more than for Celestia to nuke it with another one of their divine nails.

Someone else had had enough as well.

"It's time to end tonight's foolish theatrics. This time, you have no captive audience."

The Jester's voice echoed menacingly in the cathedral, silencing his fellow Harbingers.

You gazed at him from your seat, raising an eyebrow when he gave you a look as well. In that short moment, unspoken words were shared between the two of you - after all, he knew things about you that the others didn't.

In any case, the speech went on for a while after that. Pierro's exaggerated sympathies, the Damselette needling Dottore about his segments, and... well, you weren't really listening anymore?

Once they finished and scattered from around the coffin, you silently walked over, placing a few frostbitten Cecilias on top of it. They were flowers from your homeland, though to you, Mondstadt was a memory at least five centuries old.

"Pretty flowers," a soft voice came from beside you. Columbina was back to presumptuously leaning on the casket.

You gave her a sidelong glance.

"Well, they're frozen to death by now - but that somehow fits the moment, no?"

"Mh-hmm~"

The ceremony was seemingly over, though you could still sense their presence. Your back was facing them, but it felt like they'd moved closer to the coffin again - or, perhaps, closer to you...

"I don't believe anyone has yet offered their condolences to this poor child," Capitano remarked solemnly, disregarding the fact you were chronologically speaking a living fossil.

Tartaglia sighed, "She doesn't want us to, I think."

You turned around to face them, crossing your arms.

"Well, firstly, you're calling me a child about 500 years too late. And no, I don't need your pity. It's hard to see your last family gone, but we weren't that close to begin with. Besides, Rosalyne knew full well what she was doing - when agreeing to a duel before the Shogun, and when joining the Fatui in the first place. You reap what you sow, and that's that."

The Doctor chuckled. "La Signora would surely turn over in her grave if she heard that."

"Let the dead rest, Zandik," Sandrone scoffed.

Columbina had scooted next to you.

"Poor thing~", she sang in that eerie voice, tilting her head. "How long have you been living by yourself? Maybe you could have Signora's former chambers in the headquarters."

Hmm? What a laughable suggestion, you thought. She was obviously toying with you.

Arlecchino gave the Damselette a warning look.

"Such a thing is something only the Director can decide. Though," she gave you an unreadable look. "I wouldn't be against it. In Rosalyne's honor, of course."

The usually ruthless Knave's comment was found somewhat unexpected among her comrades.

You gave her a weird look.

Something was clearly going on, the atmosphere was strangely expecting and you didn't like it in the slightest. It seems the theatrics weren't over after all?

Pantalone was gazing at you, an amused smile on his lips.

"You look a bit lost there, dear. Don't worry, Pierro will explain some things to you in a moment~"

You frowned. So, there was more in the game here - that letter wasn't just an invitation to the funeral of a sister you hardly even cared about, you'd doubted as much from the beginning.

Not that it really changed anything. As already mentioned, you'd only come for the ceremony...

And now that it was over, there was no reason for you to stay.

"That won't be necessary," you stated, nodding curtly. "I will be taking my leave now. Goodbye."

Your cloak shuffled as you walked past them, heading toward the exit. However, Childe, who had been standing the closest to the doors, now moved to block your way.

You looked up at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Tartaglia, right? If you could move aside, that would be much appreciated."

"Sorry, no can do, girlie," he laughed a bit, scratching his neck in an awkward manner. "Boss wants to have a chat with you, so I can't just have you leaving like that, now can I?"

"Right," you sighed. "Well, I don't really care..."

You rudely moved past him, reaching the doors and about to push them open, when you suddenly felt a hand on your wrist. And the grip they had wasn't exactly gentle.

Glancing over your shoulder, you saw Childe still wearing that stupid smile of his but there was now a shadow over his usually cheerful expression.

"Look, you seem like a smart girl." His voice was soft and menacing at the same time. "Things don't have to get ugly here, if you just cooperate a bit."

Ugly? Oh, you could make things turn ugly.

But this wasn't the right time for that - not with the majority of the Harbingers present. It's not like you had a death wish, for Celestia's sake... though, it did seem like Tartaglia was only half serious about what he had said?

You looked past him, seeing the other Fatui diplomats standing there, all with hardly readable expressions on their faces. Your gaze stopped when it reached the Jester. If this was about Pierro having something to discuss with you, you were fairly sure you knew what he wanted anyway...

So, no harm in amusing him a bit?

"Ha. Well, it seems like I have no choice, then."

Childe smiled. "That's more like it."

He started making his way toward the front of the cathedral, while still holding onto your wrist - basically, he walked you back there like a toddler. After all, you might've had a change of heart any at any given moment and sprinted out of there like a lunatic.

You awkwardly sat down on one of the seats, wrapping the cloak around you tigther. The Harbingers were now standing in a semicircle in front of you, gazing down at you like their you were property. Pierro took a step forward.

"Now then, Y/N Lohefalter..."

"You are going to ask about my Visions, right?" you asked rudely. "As in, plural. Both of them. Is my assumption wrong?"

Pantalone chuckled. "Well, aren't you clever, my dear~"

"No, I always knew Rosalyne had told you, which is precisely why I tend to keep a lower profile than this. There's no reason to be so melodramatic over a couple of Visions."

Dottore seemed amused by your remark.

"But most humans never receive one. Yet, here you are, blessed with two."

"That, or cursed" you pointed out.

The Jester had allowed this interruption, but all it took was one gaze of authority from him and even you realized it was better to watch your mouth around this man. You tilted your head slightly downward.

"This assumption you made isn't necessarily untrue," Pierro stated in a low voice. "But it's not the whole truth, either."

It wasn't?

You heard footsteps approaching and carefully glanced up at Pierro who was now standing mere inches away from you. Things were getting more interesting, that's for sure.

"I asked you to come here today out of respect for Rosalyne's memory, and of curiosity toward the fact that you indeed bear the power of both Cryo and Pyro, much like your sister, albeit without a Delusion. My intention, however, was also to make a request of you..."

The Jester suddenly kneeled before you, his gesture confusing you. The infamous Director of the Fatui, kneeling before you?

You gave him a doubtful look.

"And what might that request be?"

"To put it simply, I want you to take Rosalyne's place as one of the Fatui Harbingers."

"...come again?"

The other Harbingers didn't seem surprised in the slightest.

You shook your head.

"You want me to join the Fatui?"

"We've been keeping a close eye on you, Y/N Lohefalter, ever since the Cataclysm and Rosalyne joining our ranks. Back then, she herself made the request that should she ever perish, you'd be asked to take her place."

"Ha," you chuckled. "That does sound like one of her selfish whims... but still, why would you even consider such a thing?"

You looked at Pierro, tilting your head.

"Can you really trust that my agendas align with yours?"

"Every person in this room has their own ideals and it has not proved to be a problem." The Director nodded. "You need not but work in the name of the Fatui, and swear your loyalty to the Tsaritsa. Of course, the latter is expected of you as a citizen of Snezhnaya anyway."

You crossed you arms, contemplating this unexpected proposal.

"And if I refuse?"

This earned displeased looks from the other Harbingers. Pierro's solemn expression, however, never faltered.

"It's far beyond my dignity to be forceful here. That would be disrespecting Rosalyne's legacy, and risking to make you a powerful foe of the Fatui."

He paused for a while.

"But I should also clarify that with the kind of power you hold, you are facing but two choices - to be with us... or against us."

So that's how it was going to be?

You'd almost forgotten that Pierro was still half-kneeling in front of you; even though one of his eyes was covered by a mask, his gaze held such intensity that you were completely enchanted by it for a moment.

And to think you'd make this kind of a decision on a whim, just like she once had - you really were more similar to your sister than you'd care to admit...

You sighed, standing up and glancing at the other Harbingers.

"Is this how he recruited you as well?"

Sandrone made a 'hmph' sound, "hardly."

"Heh, to think the Jester would kneel in front of someone?~" Pantalone commented. "You're quite an impressive girl, my dear."

"Then again," Dottore chuckled. "she has yet to meet the crueler side of the Director, no?"

Tartaglia sighed, "now, now, don't scare her away..."

Pulcinella and Capitano didn't seem too amused by their comrades' antics. You, on the other hand, had their undivided attention.

Columbina was sleepily humming along to some tune, giving you discreet glances.

Arlecchino shook her head.

"Pierro still awaits for an answer, Y/N. Despite of what he may seem like, the Jester is not a man of great patience. It's time for you to decide."

You furrowed your eyebrows.

"..."

"Then, I'm in?"

But for the love of the Tsaritsa, you had no idea what you'd just gotten yourself into.

#signora's sister #fatui harbingers #fatui harbingers x reader #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #platonic genshin x reader #platonic genshin impact