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#literally the only good thing that happened that day and actually that whole year lmao

minnieminshi · 2 months

Text

Pucking Chemistry

Summary: You never should’ve agreed to tutor the captain of the hockey team. Who shows up a full hour after the agreed meeting time? Choi Seungcheol, apparently as you’ve come to learn. And now you’re stuck tutoring him because for some reason, you're his last hope to pass chemistry so he’s eligible to play in an upcoming tournament.

Warnings: cursing because I can’t help myself lol, mentions of your father abandoning the family (it's minor and only mentioned like once)

Word Count: 9.9K (I was possessed lol)

Extra info: high school setting, Cheol uses the term "princess" a lot and I'm a sucker for calling people by their last name, mentions of Monsta X’s I.M (aka Changkyun) and Kard’s Somin (but she gets mentioned like once lol), your little brother’s name never gets mentioned but you do call him Frosty lol, and my knowledge of hockey is limited to watching Dr. Mike on yt talk about hockey injuries so there’s not a whole lot of hockey action in this fic lmao.

Author's Note: this fic made me realize my little brother is turning 13 this year and I can’t handle that because what do you mean he’s a teen now he literally turned one the other day and I think that shows in this fic lol. Also if I only count the days I actually sat down to write this fic it only took me 3 days lol, but I had 3 tests this week and had to be productive so that nerfed me. This is also the first fic I'm posting in this app so bare with me lol and in honor of Scoups and Jeonghan getting cleared to return to activities, I present the beginning of this series

Sporteen Masterlist

Sitting in the school’s library, all your chemistry notes laid out, you began to rethink agreeing to tutor the school’s hockey captain, Choi Seungcheol. With another glance to your phone, you sighed, ten minutes passed what the two of you agreed to meet at. If you didn’t like your chemistry teacher as much as you do, you would have never agreed to do this.

He’s a sweet guy, I’m sure he won’t give you any problems!

But it’s only ten minutes and sometimes things come up. Maybe he’d walk in after a few more minutes and then you two could finally start.

Except those ten minutes slowly morphed into thirty minutes, forty five minutes, and now suddenly it’s an hour and not a single word from Choi Seungcheol about where the hell he’s at.

And while having to wait an hour for someone to show up to something they needed sucked, that’s not what pissed you off. What pissed you off was the fact that after this tutoring session, you had a date with Changkyun, set up by your friend Somin, but thanks to the no show Choi Seungcheol, you’d have to rush home, get your little brother ready for the evening and get ready for your date. And while you could hypothetically get everything done in time, you would prefer it if you didn’t have to rush. Your little brother’s probably gonna complain about his quick dinner of chicken nuggets and macaroni after you promised him yesterday you’d make him what he called an “actual meal.” You reminded him that he was twelve and fully capable of cooking for himself and suddenly the quick meal was the best thing he’s ever eaten.

So he could survive a rushed meal, however getting ready for your date was a different story. Rushing to get ready in the morning for school was one thing. You could halfass an outfit and get your brother out the door in fifteen minutes flat if your mom was already at work, but you needed a little more time to actually look good enough for someone who wasn’t related to you or hasn’t seen you slumped over your desk with textbooks and notes sprawled all over the floor.

Now, because of Choi Seungcheol, you’d have to rush, something you wished wouldn’t happen.

“Sweet guy my ass,” you mutter under your breath as you begin shoving your things into your backpack. Just as you finished shoving the last textbook into your backpack, a deep voice caught you off guard before you rolled your eyes.

“Where’re you going princess, aren’t you gonna tutor me?”

Oh?

Letting out a low chuckle, you turn to face the captain who you wished you could smack that smirk off his face and crossing your arms over your chest, you leaned against the table. “Tutor you? I agreed to tutor you an hour ago, and since that’s passed, I’m heading home to go enjoy my evening.”

As you turned around to grab your backpack and go home, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You looked up to see him holding onto you, a hesitant look in his eyes. Your brows furrowed as you shook his hand off.

“Look, I’m sorry about being late, but something came up.” He muttered, his hand falling to his side as he shoved his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie. You scoffed as you shouldered your bag. “Too busy to send a heads up?”

You look up to see a light blush dust his cheeks as he looks away from you, and if you weren’t so pissed at him, you’d find him kinda cute.

“I’m sorry.”

You sighed as you glance at the clock on the wall, and with a sigh, you turn to the hockey player. “Look, I have plans so I can give you 45 minutes.”

“Forty five minutes? That’s barely any time to learn anything,” he complained with a small pout on his lips as you rolled your eyes. “Take it or leave it Choi, you’re the one who was late.”

He let out a small huff before agreeing to the terms, pulling out a chair as you pulled out your phone, setting an alarm for exactly 45 minutes. Thankfully tutoring him wasn’t terrible, he actually seemed to listen to you and he even took notes while you explained the most recent lesson to him. Maybe if he was kind enough to send a message earlier you might actually feel bad about leaving, but alas that wasn’t the case.

With the default alarm ringing, you began packing up your things once again, this time, really just throwing everything with no regard as to how things landed in your bag. With a little speeding you should be able to make it home in about fifteen minutes which gives you about ten minutes to make your brother’s dinner and have about thirty minutes to get ready for your date. Perfect timing as long as you leave right now.

Just as you begin to walk away, pulling up your little brother’s contact to tell him you’re on your way, Seungcheol calls you out. “Are we still good for next week?” You freeze, slowly turning to look at him as your phone rings. “Next week? Listen Choi, I think it’s best if you find someone else to tutor you.”

Before he can say anything, you cut him off. “Listen, I have things to take care of after school and I can’t wait for over an hour, wondering if you’ll show up. I’ll tell Ms. Park to find someone else and we don’t have to worry about seeing each other again.” With that, you walk out the library, your little brother having finally picked up and making things easier for you as he grabbed all the food you told him to.

Looks like things will be going back to normal after today, no more having to worry about Choi Seungcheol.

Or so you thought.

What you didn’t expect to see when coming to pick up your little brother from his little hockey club practice is Choi Seungcheol out on the ice, with your little brother excitedly talking to him about who knows what.

You internally groan, why, just why did he have to be the one to coach your little brother’s team. And why did you have to say you’d never see him again, it’s like you were asking for the universe to play a cruel prank on you by making sure this would happen to you.

Weeks ago, when your little brother asked you if you could start taking him to a hockey club he joined every Saturday, you didn’t see any issue with it initially. As long as he had the proper gear (that your guys’ mom provided) you thought it was great he found a sport he enjoyed after he burned through basketball, soccer, tennis, and baseball in a matter of a few years. Plus it meant you could have Saturday to yourself for a few hours while everyone else was out of the house. So a win-win in your book.

Or so it was a win before you were left in disbelief, standing off to the side as you watched him talk to Seungcheol. You shook your head, calling out his name as you made your way to the plexiglass wall, wanting to go home. You made the rookie mistake of walking into the rink with no jacket, thinking it would be a quick run of picking him up and going back home. How foolish of you to think things would work out for you.

You let out a small gasp as you made eye contact with your little brother, holding it for a few seconds, only to have him ignore you and continue to talk to his coach, who you knew was aware of your presence. You groan, grounding the heels of your palms into your eyes. Oh how you wished you were an only child in moments like this. Instead you were cursed to be a big sister to a little brother who made your life oh so difficult.

Calling out his name one more time, he finally looked over at you and started to make his way off the rink. You sighed, thankful you weren’t going to have to resort to actually going out on the ice to drag him out.

“Took you long enough, I’m freezing over here,” you said once he was at the wall, carefully stepping onto the non-frozen ground with his skates. “That’s on you for not bringing a jacket into the rink.”

“And that’s on you when all you get for dinner is a slice of bread,” you say when you hand him his sneakers that he had put on the seats before practice had started, and where his backpack was. “Can’t believe you feed me like I’m some paperboy from the 1900s,” he grumbled, but he took the shoes.

Before you could shoot back a reply, Seungcheol skates up to the wall, a smirk on his face. You roll your eyes, wishing he’d go back to doing figure eights or whatever the hell he does on the ice. He calls out your name but you choose to pretend you don’t hear him, instead leaning down to grab your brother’s backpack, a small groan leaving your lips from the sheer weight in his bag. It’s like he carries rocks in this thing, you complain as you shoulder the bag. He shoots you a look as if asking why are you carrying my backpack, but he doesn’t question it, you know the whole gift horse saying.

Just as he finishes tying his shoe, Seungcheol crosses the threshold, leaning against the door as he eyes you. You could feel your eye twitching as you watched him what looked like inspect you, and you fight back a groan when he smirks at you.

“What happened to never seeing each other again prin-”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” you grit out, hoping your little brother could help you if he truly cared about you. You glance over at him, and just from the look in his eyes, you know he’s not helping you out. It’s like his eyes are shining with awe just from being near Seungcheol and you wonder what your little brother sees in him.

He can’t be that great, you still– well hate’s not the word, that’s too strong, it’s more so you greatly dislike him for what he did a week ago. You still think it was shitty of him to not tell you anything about being late. And of course his cocky personality is really starting to get on your nerves, especially when he calls you princess, as if you two are that close. You’ve only spoken to him a handful of times and yet he calls you a petname as if you’ve known each other for ages. It just makes your skin crawl.

“You know each other?” Your brother asks, poking his head into the conversation as he looks between the two of you. Before you could say anything, Seungcheol butts in, “she tutors me.”

Your jaw drops as he smiles, as if he didn’t just lie to your little brother. It’s like every time he opens his mouth he finds a new way to piss you off. You dryly chuckle as you grab your brother’s shoulder, trying to guide him away so you can leave. “I don’t, now come on, I gotta start prepping dinner.”

“But it’s Saturday, we usually eat out today,” he says and you give him a tightlipped smile. “I just feel like cooking today so why don’t we go home now.”

At that, it seems like your brother finally puts the pieces together, and nods his head. Just as the two of you are about to leave the rink, Seungcheol calls out your name once again. Already knowing what he’s going to ask you shake your head. “I’ll tell Ms. Park on Monday to find someone else to help you.”

And with that, you’re gone and Seungcheol’s on his own again, wondering how the hell he’s supposed to get his chemistry grade up without your help.

“Do you hate Scoups hyung?” Your brother asks once you pull out of the parking lot, your car currently playing I’ll Make a Man Out of You as you let out a confused sound. “Scoups? Is that what you guys call him,” you chuckle, finding the nickname a little silly.

“He said he doesn’t like people calling him his full name,” he explains with a shrug. “Now, do you hate him?”

Wow, he’s really not letting this go.

You sigh as you look over to your right. He’s looking at you expectantly, as if there’s this great and terrible backstory to explain why you wanted to leave the rink as soon as the hockey player approached you. When you tell your brother what happened a few days ago between the two of you, he just rolls his eyes. Yes rolls his eyes, as if being forced to wait an hour for someone to show up isn’t a good enough reason to dislike a person.

“He apologized, what’s the big deal?” He asks, and it’s moments like this when you're reminded your brother is just a boy. “It’s the fact he made me wait an hour with no heads up that I’m still upset about.” Your brother looks over at you, a small smile on his face. “I think he’s a good guy, I’m sure he had a reason why he was late. I don’t think he meant to blow you off like that.”

You blink, letting his words sink in for a moment before shaking your head, focusing back on the road. “Let’s stop talking about Choi and focus back on planning your essay that you have due on Monday.”

He groans, throwing his head back onto the headrest, complaining about why his teacher needed them to write about an important person in their life. “I’m going to write about our dog,” he mutters once the two of you pull up into the parking lot of your apartment. You chuckle, locking the car as he holds open the elevator for you. “We don’t even have a dog.”

“Ms. Kang doesn’t know that.” He shrugs and sometimes you wonder how your brother’s made it this far. “Whatever you say Frosty, but that essay better be done by tomorrow since mom wants us to go out to eat for dinner.”

“Hey Frosty’s a pretty good name for a dog, you think I could use it for a husky?”

“You know what, go crazy dude.”

The last thing you expect when you were walking to the parking lot, heading over to the middle school to go pick up your brother, was to be pinned against a wall in the science building, much less to see Choi Seungcheol, on his knees, begging for you to not talk to Ms. Park.

You could only blink, wondering what the hell has gotten into him. Did he hit his head too hard from a fall on the ice or something? Feeling a little embarrassed, you try getting him back on his feet before anyone walks down the hall. Thankfully he gets up, but unfortunately he keeps you pinned to the wall, towering over you.

“Choi, what the fuck’s gotten into you,” you mutter, trying to push him slightly away from you, putting some breathing space between the two of you.

“Please don’t talk to Ms. Park to find a replacement tutor.” He quietly says and you could feel your jaw drop. No fucking way he’s still on this. You put your hands on his shoulders, effectively getting him to look at you. “You can’t be serious.”

He groans as he closes his eyes, as if he was thinking of what the best thing to say is. One of your eyebrows raise as you wait to see what he says, and what looks like great reluctance from him, he finally confesses his woes.

“There’s a big tournament coming up in a month and if I wanna play, I need to get my chem grade up.”

You stare at him for a few seconds. That’s it? Why would this concern you? Feeling a little nice, you don’t voice out your thoughts and instead ask, “so what does that have to do with me? You can just find another tutor.”

He shakes his head and you tilt your head to the side, now intrigued on what he could possibly say.

“You’re the only person who actually makes chemistry make sense so if I want a chance to pass this class,” he looks up and your breath hitches when you look into his eyes. You never noticed how pretty his eyes are, or how fucking long his eyelashes are. Shaking those thoughts away, you notice what looks like hope in his eyes, and you realize he really thinks you’ll help him. “I need your help.”

You blink, trying to weigh your options. While you still hold a grudge against him for the first tutoring session, this tournament’s important to him. The two of you are seniors, and depending on his plans for after graduation, this may be the last time he gets to play the sport. Then of course, you can’t stop thinking about what your brother said the other day, and unfortunately for you, you trust your brother’s judgment. And if Seungcheol’s ineligible to play, you really don’t want that to affect your brother’s team. He’s grown to love the sport in the weeks he’s played and you really don’t want him to lose his growing passion.

You sigh, closing your eyes as you lean your head back against the wall. “Fine, I won’t talk to her.” He smiles and before he could thank you, you cut him off. “But just know I’m doing this for my brother, he really seems to like you and I don’t want you failing to affect your coaching.”

“I’ll take it as long as you’re agreeing to keep tutoring me,” he smiles and you’re stunned into silence for a few seconds when you see dimples dot his cheeks. You shake out of it and wiggle out of his grasp. “Yeah, just make sure you’re not late without a heads up, Choi.”

The next few weeks are filled with Choi Seungcheol, and you’re not sure how you feel about that statement just yet. In the beginning, you were still a bit reluctant, still fearing he’d be late with no excuse, but at your first tutoring session, he had arrived at the library before you. You were walking to some of the tables at the back of the library when you heard someone call your name, only to see it was Seungcheol, who had reserved a study room for the two of you and already had all of his notes out.

You felt a little bad even though you arrived on time. You had to drop your brother at home so you couldn’t meet right after school, but you did your best to get there as soon as possible.

He was very attentive while you explained everything to him and you wondered how he was failing chemistry in the first place when it seemed like he knew all the topics. It was when the two of you got to the practice problems did you see where the problems were coming from.

Your teacher, Ms. Park, has the tendency to make half of your homework situational problems, where you had to apply the basic knowledge that, on its own, was quite simple, but once put in a non-laboratory setting became a lot more difficult if one didn’t have a complete grasp on the concept. And that’s what you suspect is happening to Seungcheol, and the reason he was failing the class. Good thing you caught on in the beginning of these sessions and you could plan accordingly.

It was another tutoring session when your phone started ringing, you grabbed your phone, confused on who was calling you when you excused yourself, leaving him to work on a problem on his own while you stepped out into the study room next door to take the call.

Your eyes widen when you hear your little brother’s quiet voice on the other end, hoarse as he asks if you could come back home. You tell him you’re on your way before hanging up the call, and rushing into the study room you were just in.

Seungcheol jumped at your sudden intrusion, but before he could complain about you scaring him, you started to throw your things into your bag, grabbing your keys. “I’m sorry but my little brother’s sick so I gotta go take care of him.”

You were halfway through the door when you turned to look at him, “I’ll make it up to when he’s all better!” And just like that, you were out the door, apologizing to the little kid you almost bulldozed down in your rush to your car.

You make it back home in a new record, most definitely going past the speed limits as you skid into the parking spot in the parking garage, haphazardly raising your hand with your keys in hand in the air as you run towards the elevator, not double checking to see if you actually locked your car. If you didn’t live on the fifth floor, you’d actually consider taking the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator, but alas, not even the haze of trying to get to your little brother was enough for you to suddenly have an increase in stamina.

Thankfully the elevator didn’t take long and you were able to make it to your apartment, throwing open the door as you tossed your backpack down the hallway. You rush into the living room to see your little brother laying across the couch, buried under a pile of blankets. He’s really out of it if he didn’t even bother to look up at all the noise you made trying to get in. You sigh before heading to the bathroom, looking for a thermometer and to check if there was anything you could give him over the counter.

Tsking at the 100.4° on the small screen, you wiped a damp towel over his forehead, wondering how he got this bad in the span of the 45 minutes that you were gone. He didn’t look too bad when you had picked him up from school, tired sure, but not knocking on death’s door like he is now. You were about to give him the medicine you found when there was a knock at the door. Not knowing who it could be, you quickly gave your brother the medicine and headed to the door.

You check through the peephole and take a step back, your jaw slacking as you realize who’s on the other side of your door.

Choi Seungcheol.

How the fuck did he figure out where you live? You don’t remember telling him and last time you checked, your address wasn’t public knowledge. Shaking off the initial shock, you open the door, now curious as to why he’s here. Before he could explain his sudden visit, you beat him to the punch. “How the hell do you know where I live?”

He pointed to the floor above you. “Jeonghan told me, plus it was listed on the emergency contacts your brother filled out.” You blinked at him, wondering why your upstairs neighbor would rat you out like that, or how he knew your exact unit number. Whatever, what’s done is done. You point at the convenience store bag in his hand, asking about what he has.

He brings his free hand to scratch the back on his neck, a nervous chuckle leaving his lips, avoiding eye contact. “I- uh got kinda worried and wanted to check up on you guys.” He brings the bag up, “I don’t know what he’s sick with so I just got the generic stuff and I brought snacks.”

You stare at him for a few moments before chuckling, thanking him as you take the bag from him and gesture for him to follow you into the apartment. He hesitates for a second before you nod at him, assuring him that it’s okay. He slips his shoes off and sets them down next to yours, following you into the apartment.

Your little brother looks a little better, actually looking up when the two of you walk into the living room (it’s only a few steps past the little entryway). He looks at the two of you for a second before laying back down. He shoots back up, as if wondering if Seungcheol is actually in your guys’ apartment.

“Real or am I hallucinating?”

You laugh as you adjust the towel over his forehead, “as crazy as it looks, he’s real. Now you should lie back down while I make you a porridge to eat.” He nods his head, laying back down as he adjusts the towel to sit over his eyes. You expected Seungcheol to stay in the living room with your brother, you didn’t expect him to follow you into the kitchen, asking if he could help you. Getting over the initial shock, something that keeps happening whenever you’re around him apparently, and start telling him to grab everything that you need.

It was funny to see him panic everytime you left him on his own to check on your brother, his eyes wide as his head kept snapping from the stove to you. Who knew the tough hockey captain could get so nervous by being left alone in the kitchen?

Thankfully it didn’t take long for the porridge to be made, and once you confirmed that your brother was able to keep his food down, you went back into the kitchen. “How do you like your ramen Choi?”

You turn to see him pouting and for some reason you feel the urge to poke his cheeks. Weird.

“Why do you keep calling me Choi?” He complains, leaning against the counter as he watches you take out another pot and two packages of your favorite ramen brand. You look over your shoulder, closing the cabinet before standing back up. “Would you prefer me calling you by your full name?” You tease, smiling as you see his cheeks turn the softest shade of pink. He stumbles over his words before you hear him mutter a quiet no, and you just laugh.

“I just don’t get why you call me by my last name instead of what everyone else calls me,” he says, handing you an egg when you ask for one. You shrug, “it started when you blew me off the first tutoring session and it kinda stuck.”

“What do I have to do for you to call me something other than my last name,” he begs, and you laugh at how serious this is for him. You didn’t think his name would be this sore spot for him, but it is amusing to see him so stressed over something so small. You look over at him while the water’s boiling, biting your lip as you pretend to think it over. “Get over a 90 on our next chem test and I might consider it.”

His jaw drops as he stands there frozen for a few seconds before groaning. “A 90? Listen, you're a great tutor but our next test is in literally three days and the best I’m getting is probably a mid 70.”

“Then Choi it is,” you reply, grabbing two bowls. At least he believes he can pass this next test, that’s some progress. Before he can start complaining, you both freeze when you hear your little brother yell out, “can you two stop flirting and get me another bowl of porridge,” and before you can yell at him for even saying that he throws in a little “please” at the end. Wow, how polite of him.

“We’re not flirting!” You say, walking into the living room to take his bowl, and as much as you want to tackle him to the ground for even suggesting you’re flirting with the hockey player, you decide to take pity on him, this time. He’s lucky his body failed him today.

Once your sickly brother is content with his second bowl of porridge, you take your and Seuncheol’s bowls to your small dining table. He follows and you go back for utensils, asking what he’d like to drink. Once everything is set on the table, the two of you start eating in a comfortable silence, the show your brother was watching filling the otherwise silent apartment. Your eyes fall to his backpack that was by the door and you swallow what’s in your mouth before motioning to his bag.

“Wanna continue with where we left off? I really think if we can get past this topic you can definitely score somewhere in the 80s.” His eyes follow at what you’re pointing at, and he nods, finishing his bowl before getting up to grab his backpack, and even getting your backpack that you had thrown earlier.

The two of you pick up where you left off, occasionally taking breaks when your little brother claims he needs your assistance with what he calls “surviving” when in all actuality it was just him wanting another refill of his water.

It was nearing 8 o’clock when the two of you were done for the day. As he was gathering his things, your brother got enough strength to get off the couch, heading to his room before waving bye to Seungcheol, telling him he’d definitely be good to go to practice on Saturday. The hockey player laughs as he leans over the table to fist bump him, telling him he better keep his word. You smile at the exchange, happy to see your brother doing better.

“Come on, I’ll see you down,” you say when he’s gotten all his things. Before he can argue with you about it being unnecessary, you wave him off, saying how it’s the least you could do after he came all the way over to check up on the two of you.

The two of you are in the elevator when he finally speaks again.

“Is it usually the two of you this late into the evening?” He asks, his eyes hesitantly flitting from your face to the wall next to your head. You hum, leaning against the railing with your eyes closed, “our mom works late at the hospital and…” You trail off, opening your eyes to see Seungcheol watching you, something in his eyes that makes you look away, the floor suddenly a lot more interesting to look at. Why does he look at you with so much care?

“Our dad left when my brother was a couple of months old so it's just been us three,” you say, not quite believing you're actually telling him this about yourself. Hell, you don’t even know if he has siblings and yet you’re out here telling him your family life. Crazy what some dimples and pretty brown eyes can do to a girl.

“Oh.”

Ah, probably should’ve lied about your absent father. Something about him working late should’ve been excuse enough. Well, too late for that you internally groan at. Before you can apologize for making things awkward, he interrupts you.

“Can we move our tutoring sessions to your place?”

Your jaw drops for a few seconds before you snap out of it, blinking to try to get your brain caught up to speed. “Why?”

He sighs, turning away to face the elevator doors and you’ve never been more thankful for someone to stop looking at you. “I kinda hate the idea of your little brother waiting at home by himself while you’re tutoring me.”

“He’s twelve, but as long as you don’t mind coming over here,” you say, glancing over at him, “then okay, we can move to our apartment.” He smiles and you feel this weird pang in your chest. The last time you felt this excited over a person was when you were getting ready for your date with Changkyun the other day. Does that mean you’re starting to actually enjoy Seungcheol’s company?

Bound to happen considering you spend your Monday and Wednesday afternoons with the guy. It’s just, it feels different than what you felt with Changkyun and part of you just wants to bury that thought away and focus on anything else. Thankfully the elevator ride didn’t last too long and you walked Seungcheol to his car, your chest feeling a little bit tighter as you watched him drive away.

It’s Saturday and you’re back at the rink to pick up your brother from practice. He’d gotten better and while you were hesitant to drop him off at practice, he insisted that he was all good to practice. You let him go, but not without texting Seungcheol before heading over to practice, asking him to keep an eye on your brother. This was the first time you texted him about something other than about your tutoring sessions and while your hands were shaking just thinking about talking to him about something other than chemistry, thankfully he agreed to keep an eye on your brother.

You grab a jacket from the backseat, not wanting to freeze while you wait for your brother. He always manages to be the last one out of the rink, always talking to Seungcheol while everyone else skates towards the door to change out of their skates and into their shoes.

And just like the past couple of weeks, your brother was still out on the ice, except instead of the two standing to the side talking about their practice, the two were skating over across the ice, the small black puck gliding between the two of them as they pass the puck amongst themselves. If you squint, you can see what you assumed is Seungcheol giving your brother tips because soon he nods and adjusts his hold on his stick.

Then, catching the two of you off guard, he steals the puck from the hockey player, successfully scoring a goal on the unguarded net. Your mouth falls open before cheering for your brother. Sure it wasn't a game changing play, but you were still proud of him. Upon hearing your cheering, your brother skates to the wall where you’re standing, the short wall and the plexiglass the only thing separating the two of you.

“Did you see that! I totally got him good!” He excitedly told you and you smiled. “Sure did dude, next time I think you should go for his knees, then you’d have no one stopping you,” you joke, smiling as your little brother laughs, complaining how that’s “not very good sportsmanship” but winks at you when Seungcheol skates over to the two of you, wiping off some of the ice shavings off his pants.

“I can’t believe you’re telling your brother to kill me, princess,” he pouts and you roll your eyes, glad it’s so cold in the rink you can’t tell if your face is burning from the petname or from the freezing temperatures. You roll your eyes, pulling the collar of your jacket higher in an effort to cover your face. “Isn’t that part of the sport Choi, pushing and shoving each other?”

He shrugs, a smile on his face. “Glad to see you know something about the sport, I see Frosty over has been teaching you.” Your brother groans when he hears his coach use the nickname you gave him once he started hockey. It started off as a small joke that somehow morphed to having the whole team only ever calling him Frosty. Hey, at least he’s already got a marketable name, you told him one day when you were driving back home after practice a few weeks ago.

You shrug, tugging your jacket tighter. In all actuality your brother hadn’t explained the sport all that much besides the occasional “you don’t do that” or “that’s a good thing” or other vague explanations when you ask him questions. Instead, after a tutoring session with Seungcheol, and as a way to procrastinate an essay you had to work on, you decided to look into the sport. It wasn’t much, just a quick google search about the rules that had you clicking off the site after a few paragraphs and instead watching a couple of matches on youtube. You had half the mind to ask Seungcheol but decided against it. You were just supposed to be tutoring him in chemistry and you thought learning more about the sport he put years in was a little much for you. (And the thought of him in his full uniform was starting to make your heart ache just a little much.)

“Might as well since I come here once a week,” you say, and Seungcheol smiles, and you wish he didn’t have such a cute smile. His gummy smile is going to be the death of you, you think as you look over to see if your brother’s got his shoes on.

You don’t know when you started to see Seungcheol in a different light. Probably around the time your brother got sick since that was the first time you got to see him not in a school setting. Or to be more exact, the moment he asked if your tutoring sessions could be moved to your apartment so you could watch over your brother. Whenever it was, you wished it didn’t happen.

After the results of the chemistry test the two of you have a week, your tutoring sessions would be over since by then you’d know whether or not he’d be good to compete in the tournament. While a part of you was sad to think about not being with him every Monday and Wednesday with him, you’re at least happy about the fact his grade’s would be doing better. And sure, at first you were helping him out reluctantly, but after spending so much time with him, you realized he was nothing like you originally thought he was like.

Your first meeting really was just a fluke, and he was just a nice guy. You actually had asked him after a few sessions why he was so late to the first tutoring session and you can remember the cute blush that grew on his face as he explained how he was planning the youth hockey team’s practice and lost track of the time. He looked so cute, his cheeks a rosy pink and a small pout on his lips, and that’s when you thought, yeah, he’s not that bad of a guy.

“Okay, I’m good to go,” your brother says, and you blink, snapping out of your thoughts. You nod, extending your hand to help him carry some of his gear. Noticing your empty motions, Seungcheol takes a step towards you but you shake your head. “I’ll see you on Monday Choi.”

“Yeah… see you later, princess.”

You’re really, truly fucked, you come to realize as you stare at your phone. Why, just why did you have to send that text?

Your friend, who was under the impression you still hated Seungcheol for blowing you off the first tutoring session, asked if there was a way you could set her up with him for a date. And you, still not wanting to admit the fact that you’ve definitely started catching feelings for the captain, agreed to set the two up. And trying to convince yourself that the warm feeling you get in your chest from just seeing him smile meant nothing, you sent a text wondering if he was down to meet with your friend over the weekend.

And now you’re waiting for a response, hoping that he won’t agree to the date. Hell, you’re on your knees hoping that even if he does say yes, that it goes horrible so they don’t keep meeting. Terrible, yes, but your heart can’t handle the idea of someone who isn’t you by his side. And yet you still won’t admit that you have a crush on him. (Denial is one hell of a drug.)

When you hear your phone go off from a notification, you push yourself off the floor, where you’ve made home the past couple of minutes. With a shaky hand, you flip your phone over, clicking on the notification.

Choi 🏒: tell her sorry, I’m not interested in dating right now 🫤

Oh.

He’s not interested in dating right now? For some reason that hurts more than if he said he is interested in the date. With a shaky inhale you text him back, letting him know you’ll let her know and you toss your phone away, burying your face against your knees.

Okay so maybe you do have a crush on Seungcheol, big fucking hurray.

You’re walking back to your car when you hear someone calling out your name. You recognize the voice and freeze, wondering what Seungcheol wants with you and wishing he’d just leave you alone. Despite him doing nothing wrong, you really don’t want to see him right now, especially since you were going to use the drive back home to prepare yourself for your tutoring session with him.

He runs up to you, a smile on his face as he blocks you from opening the driver’s side. You cross your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow as you look at him. “What’s up Choi?”

“I came by to tell you that I can’t make it to today’s session.” He explains and you notice how his cheeks are tinted pink. Just how far was he running from? You give him a look as you lean against your car. “So why didn’t you just text me then?”

“I wanted to see you.”

Your eyes widen as you turn to face him fully. You feel your face burn as you try unsuccessfully to say something in return. He smiles and you want nothing more than to wipe his adorable smile off his face. The fact he doesn’t even know the emotional turmoil he’s putting you through is insane and you wish he didn’t have this much power over you. You try coughing, covering your face as you look away from him. “Yeah, whatever, is that all you have to say?”

He nods and he shoves his hands into the pockets of his sweats and still with that frustratingly cute smile, his stupid dimples on full display, “I’m still good for Wednesday though, I want to celebrate our last session before the test Friday.” You nod, a tight lipped smile on display as you wave him goodbye.

Once in the comfort of your car, you groan, dropping your head on the steering wheel, wishing you weren’t so crushed over this. Things come up all the time, it’s not a big deal he can’t make it today. If anything you can just use this time to get your homework done for the week so you don’t have to worry about it later. Maybe instead of groveling over a guy you could actually be productive for once.

Wednesday rolls around and you don’t think you’ve given yourself a chance to think about Seungcheol. How could you when you’ve been busy doing your homework, planning what you’d cover in today’s session, helping your brother with his homework, doing all the chores around the apartment, and if you weren’t busy with all that you had your headphones on, not even giving yourself the chance to think. Who needs to think when you’ve been so busy?

You pull out of the parking lot of the middle school, your little brother grabbing your phone to change the song that was playing. Sticking to a song that you hoped wouldn’t show up on your spotify wrapped, you keep driving, your thoughts starting to drift off to Seungcheol. Catching yourself, you will yourself to listen to the song your brother chose, and you wonder which was worse for your mental health.

Once in the comfort of your apartment, your little brother heads off to his room claiming how he doesn’t want to watch his older sister flirt with his hockey coach while he does his homework. At first you’d argue that you weren’t but as of late you knew there was no saving yourself and didn’t even try to fight back anymore, only groaning as you started to set the table.

A few minutes later you hear someone at the door and you take a deep breath, preparing yourself to get through your last session and as a way to prepare your heart for the inevitable. Seungcheol smiles as he steps inside, slipping off his shoes as he places them next to yours. You turn around and your eyes widen as your face heats up as you take in his appearance. He was just wearing a pair of sweats and a black shirt and yet you could feel your heartbeat race at the sight. You quickly turn around, pretending to adjust your notebook as you try to calm your beating heart. He’s worn that outfit combo tons of times and yet now your heart decides to give you trouble.

If he notices your internal struggle, he doesn’t say anything. He takes his seat at the table, taking out his things as you finally look at him to start. Hopefully your heart can take the next few hours, if not, thankfully your mom’s a registered nurse.

“Hey princess,” he starts and you, against your better judgment, smile at the petname, “can I ask you something.” You put your pencil down, turning to face him as he put his pencil down, the problem you had given him to work on an afterthought. “Sure, go ahead.”

“If I ace this test will you come watch me play in my tournament?” He asks, his eyes sparkling with hope and you find yourself leaning against your hand to cover your mouth so he can’t see the dopey smile on your face. “When you say ace, how high of a score are we talking here,” you tease. You don’t know where this sudden confidence came from but if it helps you from burning away in your seat, you’ll take it.

He smirks, leaning close to you and your breath hitches, freezing in your seat. “I say at least a mid 90.” You chuckle, leaning in close as you internally scream at yourself to back the fuck away from him. “Sure, you got yourself a deal, but I’m expecting the best from you Choi.” You say, beginning to turn away so he can’t see the dopey smile on your face.

“Of course, can't disappoint my princess, can I?” His pointer finger and thumb gently hold your chin, making you look at him and his stupid smug face that you so desperately want to kiss.

Oh yeah, your heart’s definitely going to explode.

You think you mutter something along the lines of “in your dreams Choi” but at this point you’re not even sure you can still rangle up enough brain cells to formulate a coherent thought. Heat floods your cheeks as he still holds your face and you swear you see his eyes fall to your lips, or at least you think they do. You’re too busy staring at his lips to really be too sure.

Somehow your one brain cell manages to scramble enough thoughts to control your body, except it makes you lean in closer to him, close enough you can feel his breath hover over your lips. Your eyes flutter shut and just when you think everything is going great you hear your little brother yell your name from his room and that’s enough to snap the two of you out of the daze you’re in. You clear your throat, excusing yourself as you push out your chair and head to your brother’s room, wondering what the hell he needs that he just needs you right now.

“What do you want?” You hiss out, leaning against the doorframe of his room. He looks up from his desk, papers scattered across the wooden surface as he turns his swivel chair to face you. He shrugs, “I felt this weird disturbance in the force and called you over here.”

It takes everything in you to not throw him across his room. You sigh, “yeah that disturbance was born twelve years ago.”

“Hey!” He throws a pokemon plushie, piplup if you remember correctly, at you. You duck and the plushie hits your bedroom door behind you. You turn around to pick it up, only to immediately throw it back at him, and successfully manage to hit him in the head with it. He stumbles back in his chair and you laugh at him. He glares at you for a moment before breaking out into laughter as well. “Okay fine good aim, I’ll give it to you,” he acknowledges with a surrender of his hands, the plushie back on his shelves, joining the rest of his collection. “Now go back to tutoring Scoups hyung so you can make dinner.”

You shake your head, a small smile on your face. “You can always make dinner, you should probably start now since I’ll be going off to coll-”

“Don’t say the c word!” He interrupts, a new pokemon plushie in hand. His eyes are wide and your smile softens before it’s turning into a small pout. The past year you’ve been trying to teach your brother how to take care of things around the apartment since soon it’ll just be him waiting for your mom to come home, but each time he always changes the subject, or even resorting to throwing his plushies to stop the conversation. In that moment you don’t see your twelve year old brother who loves to get on your nerves, instead you see your baby brother who never left your side for anything. Your other half despite the six year difference between the two of you.

Before you know it, your throat tightens up as you watch him lower the plushie, turned away so he’s not looking at you. “Um… you should probably go back to Scoups hyung.” His voice is small, like if speaks any louder and he might start crying.

You nod, slowly backing out of his room, “yeah, just let me know if you need anything.” You turn to walk out when you turn back to face him, “I’ll make your favorite for dinner tonight.” His head perks up and you smile at him, to which he returns.

You make it back to the living room to see Seungcheol working on the problems you had left him. You let out a small chuckle, and he looks up, smiling when he notices your back. “Everything okay?”

You nod, “he’s fine, he was just a little bored.” He smiles and the two of you get back to your homework. Soon enough, the two of you finish, even with the practice you gave him to really prepare him for your upcoming test, and you relax in your seat, a smile on your face. Seungcheol faces you, his smile growing as he looks from his papers to you. “Thank you, I don’t think I could’ve done this without you.”

You wave his compliment off, your smile perpetually stuck on your face when you're around him. “Nope, it’s all you Choi, I’m simply here to help you. Now you’ve gotta ace this test so I can go watch you win this tournament.” He smiles and you don’t think you’d ever find dimples this cute on another person in your life.

“Anything for you, princess.”

You’re walking out of your last period class when you hear Seungcheol call your name out. You turn around, already smiling since you know what this is going to be about, and judging by his voice, it’s going to be good news.

He runs up to you, stapled papers in hand and you just know it’s his chemistry test. He makes it infront of you, his hands coming up to hold your shoulders in an effort to stabilize himself, his test pressing against your shoulder. “I got my results back!”

You laugh, your hands coming up to rest over his, smiling and feeling heat begin to creep up your face at the close proximity. “I can tell, but come on I’m dying to know what you got Choi.” A light blush grows on his face as his smile grows, his hands moving away from your shoulders as he straightens up his test since it had gotten crumpled during everything.

Once it was straightened out, he flipped it over, handing the test to you. You take the test and your eyes widen when you see the large 100 written next to his name. You look up to see him smiling and in your excitement, you pull him into a hug. “Oh my god! I knew you could do it, this is amazing!” He tightens his hold on you, picking you off the ground to spin you in a hug. You’re laughing as he gently sets you down, you’re smiling so much your cheeks are starting to hurt but you don’t even care right now. You’re just so happy for Seungcheol, happy that this means he gets to play in his tournament.

He pulls you into another hug, muttering into your hair, “thank you, I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.” You pull him closer, “of course Cheol.”

The day of the tournament arrived and you don’t know why you’re so nervous. Seungcheol and the team have been doing great all day, moving farther and farther up the rackets, and yet you’re still nervous. It probably has to deal with the fact neither of you really discussed what happened last week, the whole really intimate hug in the middle of the hallway and all that. You two actually were texting back and forth the past week, and yet neither of you dared to talk about the hallway incident.

Just like how neither one of you spoke about the almost kiss back in your apartment.

So your nerves are most definitely tied to whatever you got going on with the captain of the hockey, the very same captain who’s leading his team to victory. This is the first time you’re seeing Seungcheol in his full uniform and damn, he looks good in his uniform. Something about how it makes him look larger just makes your heart beat faster every time he skates by where you’re sitting.

The first time he skated by, you watched as he did a double-take before smiling his gummy smile, dimples on full display and waving at you and your brother, who insisted on coming along. (You weren’t going to tell him no, of course you’re going to bring him along.) Occasionally, he’d shoot you a look, smiling at you and you’d wave at him, feeling your face burn up every time.

It’s the final match of the day, and you don’t think you’ve screamed this much in your life. You always make sure to cheer for Seungcheol every time he makes a goal, and halfway through the day, it turns into a competition between you and your brother on who could cheer the loudest for him. And you’re not about to lose against your brother.

Somehow the match had gone into overtime due to the teams being tied and you’re at the edge of your seat, your little brother in the same position. At some point he grabbed your gloved hand, squeezing tight as they entered the sudden death overtime. (Why the hell is it called that?) You squeeze his hand as you watch Seungcheol go head to head against someone on the other team and you hold your breath watching as the two try to steal the puck from the other.

Just when it looks like the other guy’s about to steal the puck, Seungcheol finds an opening, sending the puck into the unguarded goal, making the winning shot.

You and your brother shoot up in your seats, and you pull him into a hug as you both jump in excitement and happiness. Seungcheol gets affectionately tackled by his teammates as they swarm him, and you can hear them chanting their captain’s name as the announcer relays the winning team. You look over once you’ve calmed down a bit and somehow manage to make eye contact with him. You smile and you mouth “I’m so proud of you," hoping he’d be able to understand you.

It seems like he does because soon enough it looks like he mouths something along the lines of, “all for you, princess.”

The tournament’s over now and you’re waiting for your little brother to finish in the restroom before you two head back home. A part of you wishes you’d get to see Seungcheol before leaving but he’s probably busy with after game things and celebrating that you’ll just settle with talking to him some other time.

You’re about to text your brother to ask him where he’s at when you feel someone come up from behind you, spinning you around. You shriek, holding your phone close to your chest, about to curse out whoever it was when you hear the person laughing and you immediately soften, knowing exactly who it is.

He sets you back down, turning you to face him. You smile and before you can even open your mouth to congratulate him on winning his senior tournament, he cups your face, leaning in to kiss you. Your eyes widen at the contact before they flutter shut, your own hands coming up to rest over his. His hands are freezing but you don’t mind, not when your face is burning up enough you’re sure you could warm up his hands in minutes. Your hands drift from his to rest over his shoulders, pulling him closer as you lean slightly back, with him following. He pulls away from the kiss to catch his breath, causing you to chase after his lips, already missing the pillowy feeling of them on your own. He chuckles before dipping down to kiss you again when someone clears their throat.

You groan, already knowing who it is, dreading whatever comment he has to say. You look over your shoulder, only to see your little brother smiling. You definitely expected him to be pulling some disgusted face to make fun of you. Instead he was smiling, smiling so big you would think he just won a year’s supply of his favorite food.

“If you’re done making out with your boyfriend, do you wanna ask him if he wants to join us for dinner?”

Seungcheol's hand slips into your own, squeezing your gloved hand as you look up at him. His smile is so big and his cheeks are a pretty pink blush. “I really like the sound of that, what do you think princess?”

You like that a lot, you think, squeezing his hand as you drag him to follow you and your brother, laughing when you hear his teammates cheering for their captain, for finally getting his girl.

Maybe tutoring the captain wasn’t so bad after all.

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littlebugs · 5 months

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𝖌𝖍𝖔𝖘𝖙 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

established relationship!ghost headcannons warnings: fem reader, reader is kinda couquetteish (tbh i wrote this for myself), fluff, ooc characters, bartender!reader, sfw, not proofread im so sorry ): rafs bloo notes: basically when i can't find what i want to read i write it lmao. also i tried to make the reader british (i said pub once)

.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

you've been together for a year now

you guys met in a pub close to the base he was staying at, you looked at his skull mask, shrugged, and then didn't say a word about it. he came back every day after that.

little things mean a lot to him

you saw his face after only a month of dating, what can i say the man got comfy quick asf

he's always the big spoon. always. he just liked to protect you )):

he doesn't know how to make any food other than tea (which you argue isn't food but he says "it has nutrients")

he's always joking about the guys at work who have very odd names like soap??? gaz????

which leads to you meeting them (completely on "accident")

because the guys are hanging out in the break room and simon goes to the bathroom

without his phone.

like whats the worst that can happen really?

but then he gets a call from "pookster 🥰" with a picture of you in a pink sundress !!

all the guys are like silent until simon gets back

and he's like "the bloody hell is wrong with you?" and soap points at his phone

so like the guys they are they quite literally follow simon home because what's he gonna do? kill them ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა (probably)

simon drives a truck dont argue with me

and so simon's kind of pissed but also he gets to show his girl off cus ya knows ya fine (;

he's unlocking the door to the apartment and soap and gaz are standing there whispering to eachother

they're discussing the odds of l.t having a girlfriend like she didn't just pop up on his phone.

simon opens the door and you're all up in your matching itty bitty pink top and shorts with pink ribbons in your hair like ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

and you see the two guys in military outfit staring at you like an alien so you invite them in for chinese takeout

ghost is pissed

gaz actually has a good time

soap is kind of perplexed the whole time

"now ghost, how'd ya score a lass like tha-" "shut the bloody hell up johnny"

after dinner ghost decides to be mr grumpster )): so you watch tv with him in bed all night

he radiates a lot of body heat

like more than a toaster

so much that at night you'll actually be sweating but you cant escape him because his arms are BUILT

it doesn't even matter how much you weigh this man can throw you across the room like an entire ragdoll- but he wouldn't ever dream of hurting you //:

he's a big guy. he's huge (hardy har har)

so of course you steal all of his sweatshirts (they're big asf)

he smells like cologne and faintly gunsmoke

you always tell him to use more laundry detergent but you're pretty sure he never listens

other than tea he can only cook one thing which is lamb (and its actually pretty good)

nobody ever really taught him how to cook and you only know how to make drinks so you guys improvise a lot

mommy issues ):

he's so scared you'll leave him you always have to tell him that you would never !!

he's afraid that when he's on deployments he might come back and you just wouldn't be there.

he's always checking on you at work

(if we're talking MWII) this man can bend the rules a little to check his phone. anyways who's gonna tattle on him seriously

always texting "how are you?" "thinking of you" "hope you have a good day"

anytime soap catches him on his phone he goes "texting pookster?"

price overheard one time and was very confused

lets just say by the end of the day the whole task force knows about you

if anything ever happens you've got a military team to defend you so life is looking good tbh

#ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #coquette reader #fem reader #fem reader x ghost #fem reader x simon riley #cod #cod mwii #ghost #simon riley #simon ghost riley #x reader

320 notes · View notes

wangxianficfinder · 6 months

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Fic Finder

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1. Looking for a smut fic I remember reading. WWX was testing an invisibility talisman and ended up in the jingshi in time to watch LWJ masturbating, and rode him after he fell asleep. LWJ woke up and made WWX get rid of the invisibility after a bit. I think it was a roleplay between the two but I'm not fully sure

FOUND! Clinomania by malkinmalkout (E, 6k, wangxian, Voyeurism, Masturbation, Somnophilia, misuse of talismans, PWP, Riding, Oral Sex, binding, Happy Ending, canon typical non-con)

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2. Hi! So I'm looking for this one fic, I remember that it was set in post-canon & Wangxian go to help this village, I remember that the Juniors (all four) followed them without their knowledge & the village had a barrier preventing people from leaving, the village had a curse where they got to see their close-ones negative memories, the juniors learnt of what actually happened to WWX & the villain turns out to be a "god" like on Dafan, it had 4 chapter (I think) & was finished. @i-like-snakes-and-spiders

FOUND? Down comes the night by danegen (E, 67k, wangxian, Alternate Universe, Canon Era, inspired by From, Horror, Sharing a Room, POV LWJ, no jiangs, a whole village of OCs, tiny mention of past wwx/omc, Happy Ending)

FOUND? unhappy stories with happy endings by Last_for_Hell (M, 30k, WangXian, Memories, Memory Fic, Kinda, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, sexual content maybe, References to Torture, PTSD, Characters Watching Their Series, kinda, but not entirely, very light consensual non-consent)

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3. good day! 😊 I read this fic before and I know that I've bookmarked it but I can't find it in the list. So the story is after wwx fell, baoshan sanren and lan yi rescued him, nursed him back to health, and waited for him to wake up. I remember that when he woke up, they also taught him cultivation (he got a new sword). He also hid his face (i think he also wore a different name and different voice(?)). There's a yi city scene where xxc asked them who they were because he cant see, then bssr is also with them at that time. thank yoooooou! 💓💓💓

FOUND! Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, war changes people, resulting to OOC, no pinning, Established Relationship, Mpreg, Good Uncle LQR, a little grey LWJ, a bit of JC bashing from LWJ, BAMF JYL, 16 years of yearning, mainly CQL verse but has scenes from the novel as well, LSZ is WangXian's Child, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Canon Rewrite, Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts)

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4. hi, I hope you can help me find this fic I've been looking for, I'm sorry I don't really remember much, just that WWX can cook non-spicy food but he does it on purpose, it might have been because of his time in the streets? or because someone would take his food? (maybe JC???)

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5. I cannot for the life of me remember anything else about the fic but I think it was cql based with lwj as chief cultivator? wwx returned to cloud recesses and the first thing he did was beat someone up for saying horrible things about lwj. I can't remember if it was multichapter or not so it might have been in the middle of a longfic?

FOUND? 🔒make this chaos count by devotedbones (E, 15k, WangXian, Post-Canon, CQL Compliant, canon compliant until the very last scene of episode 50, Getting Together, First Time, First Kiss, Hand Jobs, Chief Cultivator LWJ, a flute used as a melee weapon, Fist Fights, Gossip, Self-Worth Issues, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Mentions of Canonical Abuse, Minor Misunderstandings, [podfic] make this chaos count, by devotedbones by inkpens)

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6. this may as well be an itmf for its general nature, but it's actually a ficfinder! except. i only remember a single detail LMAO, and it's that wwx and lwj consider all four juniors to be their children, blood relation be damned. I'm so sorry i have literally nothing else to go on 😅 i think there's a similar theme in 'tragedy is not the end' specifically with zizhen, but not the exact detail im looking for... thank you for the help!

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7. Hi, first of all I want to thank y'all for the hard work, and I wanted to know if a fic has been deleted or if anyone has it, I don't remember the name but it was a time travel fic where Qishan Wen win the sunshot campaign and asked for war prizes (?) Zewu-Jun goes instead of his brother, Yanli is alive, they all have them captive, Meng Yao betrayed them and ultimately sided with the Wen's who were winning the war, and I think no one remembers Wei Wuxian, something like that, it would be great if someone could help! Thanks so much 🩷🩷

FOUND? The Way It Wasn’t by KouriArashi (T, 72k, WangXian, XiYao, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, (eventually haha), Slow Build, Family Feels, Moral Ambiguity, Eventual Happy Ending)

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8. Hi!!! Its me again!! Thanknyiu so much again!!! This time im looking for a time travel fic with lan qiren as the timentraveller. Pretty sure him and wen ruohan travelled together and MAYBE involved with each other??? Im not so sure but i do know that lan qiren time travelled. Sorry its not much thats all i remember hehe @sirius-bus1ness

might be one of Nirejseki's works. They wrote several on that subject (including in a big anthology work, so finding it might take some time)

FOUND? Cursed Couple by shorimochi (M, 121k, LQR/WRH, CSSR/WCZ, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Out of Character)

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9. Hello, I am looking for a fic but I only remember a scene from it

It was a fic wwhere wwx died and there was a scene where a-yuan was crying while laying above wwx's grave in the burial mounds. Thank you!

FOUND? To Offer a Heart by WhiteCrane (M, 111k, wangxian, major character death, Sad WWX, Hurt WWX, YLLZ WWX, soft wangxian, Cinnamon Roll WN, WWX Whump, WQ is a good sister, WN is a good brother, everybody loves wwx, yunmeng siblings, Triggers, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, Taking care of WWX, Give WWX a break, Canon Divergence, Disturbing Themes, Changing Perspectives, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Grief/Mourning, Temporary Character Death, Getting Together, Redemption, Sibling Bonding, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Brother-Sister Relationships, Parent-Child Relationship, Sad and Sweet, Tragedy, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF JYL, BAMF WQ, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Everyone Needs A Hug, WIP)

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10. Hi Mods (＾◡＾) I really hope that you can help me find some fics I've been looking for! (＾◡＾) if you can't that's ok, if you can then many thanks in advance! y'all are awesome!

A) this one is set during CR studies, and wangxian go on a date? in Caiyi and I think WWX gets emotional about something they are talking about? and I know they hug, and WWX don't want to let go.

B) this one wangxian gets married, WWX marries into the Lan, and there are a lot of rules specifically for married people/how to be in a relationship, I'm pretty sure that is a very big part of the story

10A)

FOUND! 🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 712k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) The scene described sounds like something that happens pretty early on

10B)

NOT FOUND! Into the Oubliette by Ruixx (M, 124k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, graphic depictions of violence, underage, Growing Up, Fix-It of Sorts, Arranged Marriage, Time Travel, Sibling Bonding, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Canon Divergence, Light BDSM, Breathplay, WWX protection squad, Sunshot Campaign, War, Politics, Hostage JYL, Visions, LXC Redemption, general LWJ, Internal Sect Politics, Good Uncle LQR, Lan OCs, No Golden Core Transfer, Empire Building, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence)

NOT FOUND! seldom all they seem by Fahye (E, 25k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, or rather Arranged Betrothal, followed by Weapons-Grade Thirst)

FOUND? Wouldn't fall for someone I thought couldn't misbehave by failedcharismacheck (M, 15k, WIP, WangXian, Marriage Proposal, Fluff, Protective LWJ, Domestic Fluff, Kissing, POV LWJ, Hair Brushing, Implied Sexual Content, soft horny)

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11. Noncon tw. Looking for a fic where when the wens burn lotus pier, they threaten to rape yanli but Wei Wuxian offers himself instead. So the wen soldiers rape Wei Wuxian in front of the Jiang sect,l. Yanli cries

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12. Looking for a specific fix where Wei Ying is dead and the sects come together to watch through his memories and end up finding out for selfless he was. @aviidaviibiitchboii

FOUND! Misunderstood by Silver_Flame_2724 (M, 250k, WIP, WangXian, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Heavy Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Canon-Typical Violence, Self-Worth Issues)

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13. Hi, I'm looking for a modern au where Wei Ying is a grad student in an orchestra and A-yuan is dropped off at his door by his cousin Mo Xuanyu. Wei Ying and Lan Zhan get together while caring for A-yuan and end up getting married. A-yuan has a fear of airports in this fic because of his abandonment issues. This was on AO3 but I can't seem to find it. @amindonbreak

FOUND! The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern AU, Accidental baby acquisition, Kid fic, Green card marriage (but not really), Slow Burn, Endless Pining, Happy ending, [Podfic of] The Simplest Way Forward by knight_tracer, Translation into Русский: Самый Простой Путь Вперёд (The Simplest Way Forward) by grand_R, Spanish Translation, Turkish translation )

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14. hello! im looking for specific fic, where after burial mounds wwx thinks he's dead. instead of joining sunshot campain he storms nightless city and kills all cultivators without anyone knowing it was him (exept meng yao who survived but is wounded)

he then "haunts" yumeng for a while until he runs into wen quing and takes wens to burrial mounds

eventually ppl find out and together with meng yao they outsmart jgs to pardon all wens @chellsky

I can't find 14, but I do remember reading it; they ended up pretending Wen Qing was the one controling the dead and killing the Wen, and they faked her death

FOUND! can't find a way home by KouriArashi (M, 109k, WangXian, XiYao, XuanLi, ChengQing, Canon Divergence, Angst, Family, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Politics, Family Feels, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Developing Relationship, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical political bullshit, Mental Health Issues, Eventual Happy Ending, Descriptions of suicide, (caused by dark magic))

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15. Hello! I'm looking for a fic where Sizhui's bio parents are alive and come to Cloud Recesses looking for him (post-canon, iirc)

Hello! I'm #15 from the latest fic finder. I'm quite sure that the fic was on ao3. It may have been inspired from the angstymdzsthoughts posts but it was a proper fic posted on ao3

NOT FOUND! This Post by angstymdzsthoughts Mad idea, could 15 be from angstymdzsthoughts?

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16. Hi! I was reading a really interesting story about LWJ being cursed and WWX helping him and I lost it! Arg, now I'm so curious to know how it ends, I hope you can help me!

The story is about LWJ being cursed with a change in his private body parts. (The curse changes his p to a v). Then WWX notices this and decide to help LWJ and the way to revert the curse is that LWJ has to have an org@sm.

Can you help me? I'm dying to know how to continues!! 🤗🤗 @wangxiansgirl

FOUND! Coming Back to Yourself by acernor (E, 21k, wangxian, Vaginal Fingering, Cunnilingus, Oral Sex, Pining, Gender or Sex Swap, Vaginal Sex)

~*~

17. Hi! Looking for a fic wherein wangxian married and suddenly Mo Xuanyu woke up again in his body, he fell in love with Lan Wangji but Lan Wangji just ignore or formal with him. Mo Xuanyu heartbroken tried to bring back Wei Wuxian Soul on his body

I feel like this might be in the angstymdzs collection, since I think it's was inspired by one of those asks?

~*~

18. Kind of random, but I’m trying to find a fic I read awhile ago that featured hagfish? My memory of it is kind of vague, it was a college au and wwx was some sort of biology major i think and there were hagfish. Compelled to read it again because of hagfish reasons.

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19. Hello! I'm looking for a specific fic which I've seen in a few people's bookmarks but for some reason neglected to even mark for later. It's a modern AU where LWJ is looking for a pet sitter for his bunnies and is recommended WWX's pet sitting/walking venture (no dogs allowed ofc). Can you help? 🐇 @linderel

FOUND! A Single Note by airinshaw (E, 19k, WangXian, Modern AU, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Kissing, Anal Sex, Fluff and Smut, Light Dom/sub)

~*~

20. I search a fic where Jiang Cheng tries to ask Lan Xichen to marry him and Lan Xichen is super offended by it. Nie Huaisang may have done something to make JC fail even more in his proposal.

FOUND? To Take A Wife- Or Perhaps A Husband by Admiranda (T, 2k, one-sided LXC/JC, one-sided NHS/JC, JC's canonical homophobia, JC's canonical inability to get married, Decides to solve his problems with spite, not JC friendly, We all love NHS in this household, JC's canonical blind spots, Post-Canon, JC's canonical classism)

~*~

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #long post

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nightgoodomens · 2 months

Text

Answering asks below

Hi! I am, thank you!

Aw thank you for saying I’m objective, I do try 😅

You’ve complimented me so much my day just became even better that’s for sure!

So apparently well known stalkers were at the press night - which would explain why DT and GT didn’t show up and MS quickly left too. Whether that was the reason they didn’t show up I obviously can’t confirm but it sounds like a decent excuse if it’s true. There had to be a decent reason because David wouldn’t be showing his love on the opening night and on the press night if they didn’t show up because they didn’t care or whatever - I mean I’m sure even haters wouldn’t think that lmao. Or maybe it was something simple like sickness in family or he was doing something for work. Don’t know. Wouldn’t worry about it tbf.

I have a feeling that the day David took a selfie in front of the poster at the theatre, he went to see the final rehearsal before the big night. We know he was there for Michael which was sweet. Somehow more than going to the press night if I’m honest…

He will probably officially see it on another day.

I think it’s projecting and being so deep in their made up fantasy that they actually rejected the actual canon and made up their own and they believe it’s the true one. I have never ever been in a fandom that completely disregarded the canon. It’s like the fandom had a collective lobotomy.

I don’t want to be part of it. It was awesome at the beginning when people were normal but now it just upsets me. I hate seeing Crowley being reduced to nothing by this fandom because they have a need to make Aziraphale something he’s never shown to be. Plus I don’t think that majority of people are even aware how normal healthy relationships look like anymore. Both characters have been made the opposite of what they have shown to be over two seasons and on top of it made the extreme. It is just so striking because I’ve never ever witnessed before someone completely ignoring everything about characters and obsessing over 1 second scene and basing the whole personality of a character on it. What the fuck happened. Especially since the characters are so bloody good the way they are but the fandom just shat on it all.

The objectification and extreme sexualisation obsession is giving me creeps too. Especially with taking a character like Crowley who’s shown to escaping psychopaths who control people yet forcing him into a fucked up relationship, objectifying him, and reducing to nothing, making him brainless and dependant, and saying he’d love that. And making a fuck up out of Aziraphale too who’d love to do that to him and have a need to be a creep like that. Seriously fuck off. Nothing gave me bigger creeps in this fandom. How do people miss the point of the show so badly is beyond me. How do people see a character and make him the absolute opposite of what he’s shown to be is beyond me too.

I can’t rewatch the show at the moment because I watch scenes and wince what the fandom did with them. I hope that I disassociated enough that by the time S3 comes I won’t remember the sick theories and I will watch in peace with a clear mind just like I watched S2.

I definitely won’t be here to see what people thought about it to not ruin it for me again 🤣

If NG puts these two in the show, nobody will even notice them apart from fans obsessed with DT’s wife and MS’s female partner. And yes their fans will care more about that than everything else or pretend that online. But the 90% that remains will only care about the story and Michael and David.

It would be a turn off for me too but you know what I’ve been thinking - why worry about it? It’s years away. Maybe we won’t give a crap about GO by then because our lives will completely change, or the show will never actually be finished, or their scenes will be cut out, or they won’t actually be in it, or… there is literally zero point worrying about this, honestly.

I don’t trust Neil 😂

I hope that things aren’t as bad as they look because I’d question why dude kept on knocking her up if he’s as unhappy as he likes to show sometimes or with the songs he always chooses for them.

I hope that whenever she’s being humiliating or snarky or tries to put him down, or tries to make his accomplishments about herself, he thinks about being a national treasure with massive accomplishments on his back after having zero privilege, while she was born with privilege and had everything handed on a plate and yet she accomplished nothing apart from scoring a man, by getting pregnant on a one night stand and stalking him, who will need to support her until the end and she’s dependant on that. So what she was rich then when now he’s rich and she’s dependant on his money. His recent inserts about her felt so rehearsed and forced it was borderline sad. If he felt them they’d feel genuine so I think he knows what the truth is.

Her attitude only highlights her insecurity. Insecure and unhappy people bring others down instead of being happy for them. To have so much privilege and do nothing with it, yet try to put down the person who started as normal people do and accomplished so much through his hard work… girl please. Don’t be lame.

I hope he thinks of Michael Sheen who can’t wait to go on the radio to say how amazing he was and how good he looked in a kilt, who records himself going off about how hot David is and what a fantastic actor he is, and how he sometimes forgets his lines because he’s so lost in his performance, how he is his favourite actor, how he loves him and adores him and it’s so clear even just on his face. How he doesn’t shut up about David and needs barely a prompt to go off about his love for him. Who puts him on pedestal and shows him off and especially when it’s his big day. And seeing DT’s confidence skyrocketing… yeah I think he’s noticing and it’s working. And MS is someone on his level who understands the work DT does so his words have a bit more importance behind them…

I think everything you read online or anywhere really, you need to take it with a grain of salt and it applies to this article too.

Generally people didn’t scream “bullshit” at this article because GT herself admitted to stalking DT until he gave him and it’s not a secret that she got knocked up on a one night stand and they got married because of that.

There were many rumours regarding their open marriage and her trying to obsessively control media and succeeding a lot. If you care to dig it’s all there.

But conclusion is up to you as always.

#NightGoodOmens talks PR

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not-poignant · 3 months

Note

Hi Pia!

I just have to know- it's day six going into seven for Palmarosa. Contract part-two is in four days...

Do you see these next few chapters being explicit? Is Raphael truly intending to let Astarion see how life under contract is going to be, or is Raphael purposely holding back to lure Astarion into that next contract?

And, in your opinion, do you think that if Astarion truly sees Raphael at his cruelest towards him, he would be more comfortable signing a second? Able to know what the worst is instead of some nightmare he dreams up?

I love your story, and how you write Astarion. Thanks for your time!

It's still day 5!

I can't believe it's still day 5 in the contract, but it is, I'm writing a timeline and everything this time. So much has happened on this day, lmao.

(Chapters 13-18 all happen on the same day T.T)

I do think there's explicit content coming, but Raphael very much wants Astarion in that second contract, that being said, he's already cocked it up a few times already lmao. There's no guarantee he won't do that in other ways. I do plan writing-wise to get Astarion into that second contract though. Raphael oscillates between playing a very good long-game and then snapping and ruining his hard work, lol.

Raphael is not going to be his cruelest, and actually still isn't even though he does kind of lash out at Astarion in a very intense manner in the upcoming chapter. We've not seen Raphael at his worst. This is a guy who sees nothing wrong with keeping people in 'bones shattered in 100 places' levels of agony for hundreds of years. Even Raphael snapping is still Raphael not...giving himself to torture Astarion like he would an Eternal Debtor.

Astarion actually threatens to break the contract at the end of chapter 18 and through chapter 19. But...he hasn't yet.

Astarion has a lot of learned helplessness because of his experiences with Cazador. I imagine he had plenty of times to convince himself he was going to escape / find a way to beat the system etc. only to have all of that brainwashed and mind-read out of him. I am sure Cazador is the kind of person to know that someone will try and escape him and watch them try and then torture them for trying as a reminder that they are enslaved to him not just in body but in mind as well.

I don't think Astarion at this point is fully in contact with the part of him that knows he can walk away.

But also, Astarion accepted this first contract fully expecting to be raped and tortured regularly. He literally considered that and negotiated to make sure none of the torture caused permanent harm. This was a guy who negotiated a contract with stipulations based solely on expecting to be tortured/rape. From Astarion's perspective, Raphael hasn't actually done 99% of what Astarion expected him to do.

In some ways, that makes things harder for Astarion. Not knowing what to expect, and getting whole days where everything's uncertain but 'generally fine' followed by explosions of Raphael's temper etc. is like...still very hard for him to endure. But in a different kind of way.

I think Raphael's going to lay out the terms of the second contract very clearly soon, and Astarion will baulk simply because the terms of the contract will involve him doing two things he very much doesn't want to do. One goes against his personal ethics (and he's already refused to do it around Raphael once), and the second goes against his trauma history. And Raphael knows that. He isn't planning on tricking Astarion into that contract, he's banking on the idea that Astarion will still think the prize is worthwhile.

What I think Raphael is finding frustrating is that he had plans to introduce the concept of the second contract soon and Verillius came along and kind of ruined everything lmao. Raphael is pissed off for a lot of reasons right now. Can't a devil just manipulate a victim into a more high stakes contract in peace?

Unfortunately the Magic 8 Ball says no :D

#asks and answers #palmarosa #thespectaclesofthor #astarion will definitely not see the worst before the second contract #and there will be times in the second contract where he's genuinely upset by what terms he's expected to fulfill #and raphael will enjoy that #the evolution of their relationship through the second contract i'm looking forward to writing tbh #because this fic will also explore astarion's learned helplessness #and the fact that in some ways #raphael antagonises that and kind of can't help himself #it's almost like he wants astarion to learn how to be more genuinely independent and self-respecting #so he's got more to tear down #and i find that really interesting #raphael is after all half human #somewhere in there he is capable of the full scope of human emotion #and i think he has some affinity to and solidarity with astarion #while still being someone who genuinely hungers to hurt someone when he wants to soothe himself #and who literally needs to torture people to feel alive dsaklfjas #administrator gwyn wants this in the queue

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chekhovs-nailgun · 2 months

Text

i have some thoughts on coping thru fiction and using fic/writing as a general tool that i wanna put out there. warning: i will be discussing grooming below the cut.

so to get it out of the way, i was groomed when i was 11. i don’t think this is the time nor place for me to go into a whole ramble about the specifics of that, so i won’t. all that’s necessary right now is that it happened and within a year i started adding similar dynamics to a project i was working on.

it was a sideplot during my first nanowrimo attempt centered around a post-apocalyptic scenario. the jist of it was a kid in his mid-teens, think 16 or so, was romantically obsessed with a mid-20s, closer to 30 woman. the age difference was about the same. i would ask for advice on the story in general from my mom (phd in psychology, literally never had a problem with it lmfao, funny how that works).

was it ass? absolutely, it was. a 12 year old wrote it. it’s never seeing the light of day lmao. but it was really important in the process of me not fucking hating myself for years for thinking/internalizing that it was a moral failing on my part.

the thing about it is that at the time, it didn’t feel like coping. i felt like i was just writing about something that happens. fleshing it out in that sterile environment helped me get a grip of how fucking gross what happened to me was, while putting myself in a position where i had control over what happened, something i didn’t have irl. i didn’t even realize that’s what happened until i thought “ah yes, i started writing dark fic when i was 12, the same calendar year i was groomed.”

“…”

now i look at people arguing over the semantics of it, with fic of that type being morally reprehensible with exceptions like “only if you never share it” or “only if you use it to cope” or “using it to cope is morally reprehensible for this-or-that reason, don’t interact with it in any way other than seething rage or some other specific way”. while seething rage and pure fucking anger can be a totally fine way to deal with it, people who think in these kinds of ways need to remember: not everybody is you. making broad assumptions, nitpicking, and believing that your way is the only correct way does nothing but harm other victims by taking away an opportunity for them to work out their trauma, at best. at worst? it allows more predators to hide and commit tangible harm due to widespread assumptions that the people hurting others are the people posting fic, and not the “safe” adults playing into kids’ interests and making them feel important and special. (source: that’s what mine did; yucky bad fanfiction was never a part of the equation.)

i know what the response to this is. “ackshully posting it is doing harm because it normalizes it and gives predators the confidence to act on the thoughts they already have; the human psyche is more sensitive to porn and if you get tired of fiction you’re bound to turn to nonfiction”. this is where the age old disagreement comes into play, and while i don’t see much of a point in rehashing it for people who already have their minds made up on it, i would like to note a couple of things, firstly that humans aren’t mirrors. most people see things like this and recognize it’s wrong, just like they recognize that other subjects criminalized irl are wrong, such as murder, theft, etc. if somebody sees something problematic and decides it’s a good way to act, there was something already wrong, be it undiagnosed mental illness or being too young/impressionable to participate safely in such circles. i also find this viewpoint really cruel in that it takes responsibility away from the actual predators, essentially painting them as wild animals who “couldn’t help it, they became desensitized and just had to have more of that vile content you people make” when grooming is, at its core, a desire for power over another. im gonna come out and say it: predators are smart. they are called predators for a reason. thinking of them as lawless beasts who operate out of instinct is entirely disrespectful to victims.

the cold hard truth of the matter is that darkfic, no matter how disgusting people find it on a case by case basis, is morally neutral. it cannot damage anybody by simply existing unless warnings are ignored or it is actively weaponized, sometimes meaning that the content itself is removed from the protective warnings and wantonly put on display for large audiences of underage people to see.

i personally don’t like a whole lot of darkfic, im really picky about what i read. and i think that no matter my thoughts on it, it has a right to exist. idc, consider me a “bad victim” lmao. if you do that’s your cross to bear, not mine.

tldr: sometimes you need to express shit and fuck you if you try to enforce your own feelings on others trying to do so

#ok to rb #tw grooming mention #chekhov’s cathedral #shipcourse #proship #anti anti #proship please interact

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crehador · 28 days

Note

Can I ask, if you have top favorite romantic couples (can be canon or non canon) of all time from any media? Why love them? Thx :D

ANON SORRY THIS ASK HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY INBOX FOR FIVE BILLION YEARS

this is such a fun thing to think about but my brain of course is just going "ichisama ichisama ichisama" nonstop, but now i will sit down and properly try to think of a top five (like the top 10 characters ask, i'll limit this to animanga and possibly group some together; i'm also limiting myself to ONLY icsm from hpmi, or this whole list would be hpmi lmao)

1. in first place of course it is ICHISAMA FOR LIFE

using this image yet again because well it's right there in my pinned and very convenient

i am a sucker for the dumb of ass kind of heart one falling for the bad boy with a heart of gold one, ESPECIALLY when they have the friends to enemies to lovers arc that ichisama does (ok the to lovers part is obviously hc only but hoo boy it is a strong hc)

what can i say about them really besides that i am writing a fic a day for them every day this year. i think that. says it all lol

2. gotta be koyanagi/kabakura wotakoi AND kashima/hori gsnk

while i'm not saying they are identical ships they definitely fall into the same bucket for me, and boy oh boy do i love that bucket

kashima and hori make me belligerently delighted, and koyanagi and kabakura make me a special sort of feral that i don't even know how to start in on

i really like narumi and hirotaka from wotakoi too, but there's something about koyanagi and kabakura that gets to me way more. the geek4geek dynamic is just impeccable with all four of them but the

[PUTTING THE CUT HERE BECAUSE WOTAKOI SPOILERS BELOW, ALSO TOKYO GHOUL SPOILERS FARTHER DOWN]

koyanagi/kabakura wedding just gave me a special sort of glee. i just don't think there's a single thing i don't love to pieces about them, their backstory ova only makes them better

3. saaaaaaya and yuusuke from neon sign amber (aka aokise knb)

obligatory shoutout to the boys of my FAVORITE BL OF ALL TIME ok so like as far as bl goes neon sign amber is really not the most unique thing, i would say. but that's what makes it so perfect to me

i feel like a lot of outstanding bl are great in ways that are 'atypical' for bl, like how saezuru is bl, sure, but also comes with a genuinely gripping gritty yakuza plot. and many others that are highly praised tend to be praised by people going "oh this is good because it's not like TYPICAL bl" which i have feelings about but let's not get into that here

neon sign amber is my favorite because it is very much a typical bl, it has a lot of the typical tropes (guy who's been historically straight but is "gay for you" for example)

i don't necessarily love any of those tropes, but i adore what neon sign amber does with them. it is practically a cookie cutter bl, but its characters (despite existing for only one volume of a manga) live in my heart forever. it takes that "gay for you" trope and doesn't gloss over the problems that could arise in a relationship like that, instead actually addressing them in a way i found satisfying

saya especially is one of my guys of all time, and given that they're kind of obviously aokise i'm lumping them in here too. mwah

4. idolish7 YUKIMOMO MY BELOVEDS (e banri)

thought about this one a lot because i feel like i normally like them in a... normal way, so do they really make the top five? but honestly i think they do

i love their stage gay married act and i love to think that's very much rooted in a foundation of they are actually fucking in love with each other. but just that would've made them a cute but not too memorable ship to me

THEIR BACKSTORY THOUGH. MY GOD. first of all baby momo looks literally just like tdd ichiro which is a. a lot. for me. lmao but anyway setting that aside

momo discovering revale at such a pivotal time in his life, being saved by them, becoming their fans, and then being the one to replace banri after THAT happened??? and then five years later feeling like he's running out of time with yuki and ad;slkfja;lkdsfj

i'm becoming incoherent just thinking about it. anyway i guess this is kind of an ot3 for me though i like it in very much a "we are a couple and we are, as a couple, dating banri" sort of thing (not because they wouldn't ever see banri as an equal partner but because imo banri has better things to do than get too involved in that lol)

5. this last one... is so tough... i think i'm giving it to VARIOUS RELATIONSHIPS IN TOKYO GHOUL

ok this is absolutely cheating and ultimately i think what i would have to say is kaneki and hide because like. eat my face to survive is peak romance to me, sorry. as if it's my fault

HOWEVER there are just so many relationships in tokyo ghoul that i'm absolutely obsessed with. amon/akira and nishio/kimi especially!! amon and akira are so so so delightful to me, in a way similar to roy and riza fma, and nishio and kimi are just. i mean. again. eat me to survive. peak romance

(and i swear i'm not a nishio stan because of voice actor bias, i have not watched tokyo ghoul yet because i have been repeatedly and sternly warned away from it... nishio is one of my manga favorites even without the asnm factor, but good fucking lord does the asnm factor tempt me to watch)

the writing in tokyo ghoul is genuinely just so good to me. the main plot is fantastic but what really makes it is the relationships between characters, both romantic and not

(also a fan of the one-sided tsukiyama/kaneki thing going on but strictly as a one-sided thing lol, tsukiyama get wrecked (said with affection))

so i think that is. more or less where my top five would be. though it's like. it's hard. and probably always changing. those are the first beloved ones to come to my though so they will go in this post and i will smack myself in the forehead and be like "I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ______" as soon as i go to sleep probably

thank you for the ask!

#asks #thank u anon this was very fun to think about!!#anyone who has more top 5 asks are sooooo so so encouraged to send them to me :3 #(i know this one didn't even say top 5 but)#(we would've been here forever if i rambled on for longer lol)

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luxgalador · 1 year

Note

Am I misremembering or were you sober? I might be confusing you with another youtuber

No that was me. Last summer, I was curious to check in with myself and where I stood with substances. I was surrounded by really good friends and was in a good headspace and I had a couple drinks.

Critically, I did not feel the compulsion that plagued my 20s and caused me IMMENSE distress to get absolutely obliterated. It was just.... gone.... it wasn't there.

Addiction used to be a daily fight for me. Daily. Literally daily. It ruined nights out. It ruined my ability to socialize. I was afraid and in pain nearly constantly over it.

And it was gone.

I can't prove it empirically, but the big difference between last summer and socializing before the pandemic (this event was really the first thing I had done since COVID started) is transition.

I believe I treated a core disconnect within me, a fundamental source of pain and suffering that was present my whole life. A pain I desperately wanted to escape from but had no actual means. Until transition, escape was the only option.

When we talk about gender affirming healthcare being life saving, it's not an exaggeration. My struggles with substances and the difficulty I experienced with sobriety seem to have been alleviated in a way I never believed possible. I'm honestly in awe that it's just not there. I had 1 (too strong lmao) drink tonight and have no desire to continue. Like. This sounds like normal human behavior but I cannot stress how miraculous that is to me.

It's just.... Gone. This monstrous voice in my head that would scream at me until satiated and my mind completely numb to reality..... It's just gone.

I don't even drink that often. And when I do, at most I just get kinda silly. I've not had more than like 3 drinks in a night.

So yeah! I was sober. For 10 years I was. And then last August I checked in with myself after realizing that I simply was not struggling with it day to day and confirmed my wildest dreams.

Am I cured? I'm not gonna go that far. It's important to me to always be in touch with myself and where I stand. I feel fortunate to have this language fluency in addiction and I understand firsthand how bad these things can get. I still feel fortunate I even survived what happened in 2011/12.

So here's me at 30 learning about alcohol and different drinks and how to make cocktails for the first time, able to do so responsibly.

#word vomit

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triphimi · 8 months

Text

So a lot of people really dislike Dittophobia for messing with their theories. So let me tell you all the things that Dittophobia actually confirmed for my theories.

1. Fnaf SL happened after fnaf 1. The book pretty much confirmed my timeline of games order which I'm happy about since there was really not a lot of evidence for either side and I'm glad we finally have an answer for that.

2. Experiment theory. Self explanatory. Even though it was pretty known a lot of people still belived we play as CC in a coma (and I wad really surprised by how many since I haven't seen that theory being popular since the logbook came out)

3. Nightmare animatronics weren't real or at least not in their in game forms. Among experiment theory believers there were still arguments whenever nightmare animatronics were actually real. My theory was that yes but no. In short there was something either plushies or mannequins (which actually turned out to be correct!) That were moved around and the whole illusion was made with factor of darkness. Well that is true however I never really considered the whole nightmare gas thing so I'd say I was like 80% correct on that one.

4. William was already a killer before CC died. I've even had a post about how I think MCI happened in 1983 bc there's already rumors about haunted robots while CC is still alive. And people are mad about that one because it supposedly "ruins his motivation" which for them was death of his son but I always found that theory unbelievably stupid. William's motivation isn't really covered in games. Sure he wanted to experiment on fear and agony. But the most motivation on why he would do this is in book trilogy where after killing Charlie he's scared of what awaits him in the afterlife so he tries to find the key to immortality. And it doesn't have to be the exact same reason in games since the trilogy is different continuity from games. However I could see that be the case but it's just speculations.

5. Since Fredbear plush is just William talking through it finally is a nail in the coffin for "William was actually a good father and wanted to protect his family" theory. I've also had and entire post about why I don't think he was a good father before Dittophobia came out just based on games so no trilogy evidence there. I honestly don't know why would someone think that William wasn't all that bad and why would he be somehow redeemable.

6. Midnight Motorist isn't about Aftons. I've actually had a rocky path with that minigame and it's interpretation (as pretty much everyone) but for the past 1-2 years I've came to the conclusion that it's not Aftons and probably a family of one of William victims which turned out to be true. But honestly I was wrong about which victim bc I thought it's about someone from MCI but it's most likely Rory so oops.

7. There were maaaaaany victims. Yeah William is a psychopath and a serial killer. People are still to this day arguing whenever toy animatronics are haunted and some say he only killed 6 children. So it makes so much sense to me that there were many victims beside them and even more beside toy animatronics kids bc William was monster who would do anything for his own gain. "He always comes back" but not just from the dead but to commit another murder.

So yeah these were the things that I've already belived before Dittophobia came out and said book just confirmed them. Did it confirm literally every and each one of my theories? No, like 70% of them. But am I gonna claim other 30% that were disproved are a retcon because I'm never wrong? No lmao and I don't get why people are like that since all the things I listed above are conclusions to which I came to some years ago (most recent being probably Midnight Motorist one). So it was possible to form these theories without Dittophobia and yes I'm happy we finally have fnaf 4 explained and I still would be even if it disproved all of my theories as long as we have a consistent story.

#fnaf #fnaf lore #fnaf theory #fnaf theories #fnaf 4 #fnaf sl #fnaf books #dittophobia spoilers #fnaf dittophobia #my fourth dittophobia post and it might be the last one but no promises

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eruverse · 8 months

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Idk why people say aph russia has no "friends". In real life, russia is quite close with serbia, bulgaria, vietnam, india, many central asian countries etc.

Wouldn't he be quite close with these countries he literally saved their lives (India, Bangladesh, Vietnam) ? Idk why hima wrote him as having no friends.

Yeah, esp speaking as an Indonesian. We are good or at least neutral with Russia lol (and the whole former USSR for that matter). Not that we’re close or anything these days, as we were only a bit close during CW era aka when we flirted with communist block back then, but this means we don’t regard them as enemies or anything.

A bit tricky on Central Asians yes, simply because the relationship between colonies and their former colonizers are very complicated and you can’t put this into black or white gloves on just love and hate, friends or enemies, especially ones that are literal neighbors. Speaking as a former colony ourselves, but Indonesia has actual continental wide distances with its former colonial powers and this means we don’t need to interact with them on absolutely all aspects of life, but even without this we still deal quite a lot with for ex Netherlands, for cooperations and programs etc etc. For better or worse, you also can’t say that we absolutely hate the Netherlands, like ONLY hate and NO MORE, because 350+ years of history together means that whether we like it or not Netherlands has become an intimate facet of our life and our self. And even now, we still want to be friends with Netherlands, also bc our foreign policies are just like that tbh: we wish to be neutral or nice with everyone, with no enemies but no allies and all are partners.

What would happen then when you are literal neighbors? Your lives will be even more intertwined. Not even I know about the full extent of it tbh for obvious reasons. Not just the emotional aspect of it maybe, but absolutely everything else… the need to cooperate on a lot of matters, opportunities that arise from that, and the need to repress things bc you are dealing with stronger powers, the dependencies etc. It is all very complicated. Thus yes, “friends” in air quote, but not “enemies” either. More like partners.

(Also the reality of middling or weaker powers: you rly, rly need to watch your words and not just declare that some stronger powers are enemies or not friends lmao that would be lit suicide. Rly, I have to say this, but methinks the fact that most ppl in the fandom being Westerners aka ppl who come from a place of political and economical powers means that they rly have no idea how us weaker countries have to act and watch our words. Does that mean that weaker powers are only reluctant friends? Not rly! That depends on circumstances and is v complicated. But rly, know that us weaker countries have AGENCIES and AGENDA as well.)

And that’s irl. I’m on the opinion that while you can use irl as inspo (if it’s too different and one dimensional it’d be too jarring) ultimately fiction is fiction and you have certain creative liberties. I’m also one on the more light hearted side of Hetalia personally lol. Irl is tough enough, I don’t rly want my fun fandom life to be spoiled. To an extent, I also present my characters as individuals.

So yeah, methinks Vanya ofc has friends — some who genuinely like him and be around him, some who like him but wish for some healthy distance, some who are more meh but wish for certain opportunities that are hopefully mutual, some who are both annoyed a lot but also a lot fond. And one character could oscillate between these, lol.

#hetalia #aph russia #hws russia #a bit of a srs answer i guess but yeah?? like #reality is v complicated ahah #anonymous #ask

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impishtubist · 8 months

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I love seeing your HP posts because I have literally no idea what goes on in that fandom. All I know is I read the books years ago. So every time I see you talk about Sirius all I can think of is “I like your funny words magic man!” It’s great.

I do have a question as an outsider though because I’ve seen this happen a fair bit with media that had their main story end years ago: Do you think some of the fandom is quite detached from the books and is more fanon than canon?

LMAO I apologize for all the Sirius content, I really thought I would be a strictly Good Omens blog by now, but unfortunately people just keep being wrong about him on the Internet and I can't let that stand.

Yes, 10000%, absolutely, and that is the whole entire problem! Part of the issue is (I have learned recently) that a lot of the new fans have not read the books at all, which is absolutely insane to me. They get their characterizations strictly from fanfic or TikTok, or maybe the movies if we're lucky. Which then means that they're not writing the canon characters, but fanon based on fanon. They're basically writing OCs at that point, and those OCs take over and become the dominant characterization that you see in every god damn fic and piece of art. It's so annoying.

The other issue is that fandom in recent years has largely moved to Discord servers, which are not public and are invite only. This leads to them becoming echo chambers where everyone develops the same characterization for a character and then that also dominates every single fic. And if you dare write something that's not that characterization, well, watch out. (I have had this discussion with people in other fandoms, like MASH and Queen's Thief, and they're seeing the same thing happen in their fandoms).

So, in conclusion: yes, the HP fandom is detached from the books, and the characterization of the characters in fics these days has little to do with canon. That is fun for some people! But I'm tired of reading about OC Remus and OC Sirius in fics and I want, like, actual Sirius to come back lmao.

#imp speaks #chaos night

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and-a-pidgey-in-a-wepear-tree · 1 month

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good [insert time of day here] i realised i never thought to ask you amid my delight of you being the most interactive follower i have that isnt an irl friend do YOU have ocs or blorbos. i wish to know. for reasons.

OH hello yes thank you for asking!!! I have several OCs but most of the time I simply Do Not Explain on here; I have lots of ideas and doodles but I make it mostly for myself and don't think to share — doesn't mean I don't want to tho! exhibit A: this absolutely massive post I'm about to make lmao. putting it under a read more bc Oh Boy, the floodgates have been opened

most of my OCs are for two different projects I have: The Visitors and my D&D Dark Star Campaign.

The Visitors is just a lil worldbuilding project I've been chewing on for.... oh wow, over a decade at this point??? I love all the OCs I have in there very very much, but they're definitely never intended to go in an actual story, I just enjoy the speculative biology and character / world building process.

Val is one of my oldest OCs, and she's changed SO MUCH over the years! nowadays, she's a sort of insect/dinosaur mashup alien who uses gravity warping magic and a very large axe to hunt demons. a huge issue for magic users of her species is keeping cool, as magic generates heat and can literally cook you from the inside out, so you'll notice the multiple vent-like spiracles across her body for this purpose. she was born blind and so relies heavily on her best friend, Django, to be her eyes and keep her safe. fortunately, Django has Too Many Eyes. he's a dragon genetically engineered by those in Val's species to be the perfect vessel for storing and releasing massive amounts of mirror-based magic. this kind of magic gives him many abilities, including seeing around corners, creating illusions, or multiplying attacks when applied in different ways, and he acts as Val's seeing-eye dragon. in battle, she likes to get up in the action while he holds back and gives her cues on what's happening, only jumping in himself if she's in major trouble. she's very friendly and excitable, and loves to get into the culture of whatever planet they're visiting, while he's more interested in observing and snooping. there's a lot of espionage and hijinks.

these are some of my most recent sketches of them, tho I'm sure the designs will changes in the future. specific colors don't matter at all, it's all about vibes! not pictured in the halfway colored one is Val's big iridescent black cape thing that has a slit down the middle for her rigid tail, nor her weird arms since I wanted to figure out where the torso vents could go.

Duke is another Visitor who visits planets and solves problems, but his path to get there was a whole lot different! I made him up as a coping mechanism when I was 12, and I'm still very fond of him.

he started life as a human video game speedrunner and modder prodigy. in a "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" situation, a devil (very distinct from demons!) struck a deal with him, challenging his gaming abilities with his soul as the stakes. he won despite the devil's cheating, but that's where the resemblance to the song ends. in this world, a devil winning your soul allows them to fuse with you and gain total control over your body, mind, and actions; but if YOU win, the control is reversed! and like any 14 year old who suddenly has the power to rival minor gods and a chaotic creature living in their head.... he goes off the rails for a while. Val and Django eventually find him and help him cope. his powers include electricity, glitching reality, flailing his glaive around, and being a menace to evil overlords.

you can't see it very well in this picture, but his eyes and the segments between his tail glow lime green! I'm not a fan of drawing clothes, but in my head he's relatively fashionable for a teenager and refuses to wear anything other than black. also, he decided to tell me he was trans a couple years ago, thanks for letting me know buddy 😂

my other project does actually get to see the light of day, if very slowly — I'm running a homebrew D&D campaign for my irl friends called the Dark Star Campaign! none of em use tumblr so WHEEEE I get to post all the spoilers I want! there's a kinda staggering amount of lore behind it and a ton of minor OCs, but the two I rotate in my head the most are Anya the Timekeeper and The Master, aka Armageddon.

Anya the Timekeeper is a chronomancy lich from an alternate universe! she used to help Armageddon travel the multiverse and gain power, but she's decided she's tired of being evil, and now hides in a mansion on a tropical island where she breeds dinosaurs for fun. though she's now very determined to help the party, they'll eventually have to kill her past self to prevent a paradox. her familiar is a little archaeopteryx named Trix who steals hats!

(I commissioned this art from @/goodlouse a while ago! highly recommend checking out his blog!!)

Armageddon is the BBEG and he's SO EVIL and SO MUCH FUN. he's an ancient amethyst dragon who, up until a while before the campaign's beginning, was steadily finding alternate universe versions of himself, killing them, and eating their souls to gain Unlimited Power™. unfortunately, his partner in time (hah) Anya told him to fuck off, so the quest for Unlimited Power™ has been kinda slow lately. fortunately, a D&D campaign started, and he cheated his way into existing at the players' table as The Master! my players can ask to talk to him sometimes, and I'll put on a mask of his head I made specifically for this purpose — very useful for not breaking character when the character is supposed to literally be the one sitting at the table talking to the players. I don't try to hide the fact that he's evil and they all know it, the fun is in giving them little hints and tidbits of lore to munch on. right now he's being very docile and helpful but things will get very very interesting eventually as more of his nature and plan is revealed..... =)

I'm still playing around with what he looks like as The Master, but I really like this recent design I did. his eye glows dark and menacing. I haven't found a design for his dragon form I'm really pleased with yet tho :/

okay wow thanks again for the ask, I have many many ideas in my head and it felt pretty nice to get em out!!

#ough!! many thoughts!!#lemon generator #the visitors #dark star campaign #fair warning: delving into those tags might be completely incomprehensible #I have fun here on tumblr.com #d&d #oh also #anya the timekeeper

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judasisgayriot · 2 months

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hello again! you once again prove yourself as the queen of heroes ramblings. you responded with so much detail so quickly! loveeee it :)

i wanna ask you more, i like getting your mini ted talks. what are your thoughts on sylar/peter as a ship? i personally don’t really see it in the show, but i’ve read some real good fics with them.

Hahaha omg I love you anon I’m glad someone enjoys hearing my unhinged rants about this show…

Soooo. Maybe the girlies will hate me for this one lol. Thing is, I can see how sylar/peter would lend itself to having some good fics written about it. Like, the concept is there, it has potential. The foundations for a good hero/villain ship are there, they are definitely set up as foils and parallels to each other, they have the whole ‘two sides of a coin’ thing going on. But like you, I don’t really see it in the show at all. It’s like they had the potential but didn’t actually execute it/make me give a fuck about it/make me remotely want to ship it, lol.

It is/was a popular ship in heroes fandom (lol heroes fandom in 2024 is like 12 people but hey) and I do see why for the above reasons. I actually think the episode ‘the wall’ is a great concept but again, they don’t sell me on it/execute it well/actually follow through on making me remotely believe they’d become friends by the end. Right before they break out, having spent what was apparently like 10 years of mind-time together in there or whatever, Peter still hates his guts and wants to smash his head in with a sledgehammer lmao?? (I mean girl same. The whole ‘peter has to forgive sylar, narratively and kind of literally, if he wants to escape the mind prison’ plot point grinds my gears. I think he should get to never forgive him ever for killing Nathan if he doesn’t want to lmao. Shout out to that one fan panel with Milo where he’s like ‘peter would never forgive him he would eviscerate him’ king you are speaking my fucking language lol. I digress.) like afterwards I can buy that sylar has latched onto Peter and wants to be his friend/wants Peter to like, model being a good person for him, but not that Peter actually gives a shit in return or wants anything to do with him lol

(Sidenote, that in itself is a rly interesting concept, and me and @buildarocketboys developed a fic idea about peter agreeing to like, ‘mentor’ sylar and hang out with him but if and only if he kept shapeshifting back into Nathan for him. Now THAT is fucked up and deranged and the good stuff and actually makes me, avowed sylar disliker, feel kinda sorry for the guy lol. Yessss let me marinate in the badwrongness of all of that and how Peter is the one acting fully insane. Anyway. I digress once more.)

Anyway I’m clearly also biased bc I used to like sylar as a character back in the day but sometime over my like 4 rewatches over the last few years he really started pissing me off lol. Now it’s not like I’m being an anti about him being an evil villain or anything, I love a problematic king and I’m a Nathan stan lmao. In fact I only really enjoy sylar when he is getting to be a proper fun cackling all-out villain, he’s actually enjoyable and funny in that mode. It’s the like 9 flip-flopped badly written redemption arcs they keep trying to give him like they’re trying to make me feel sorry for him bc his dad sold him to one direction or whatever, but sorry!! I feel nothing! He’s a whiny bitch and they should have just let him be killed off one of the first 900 times it nearly happened! I don’t have any sympathy and he’s completely lost me lol. So yeah. That does make me biased plus being a Petrellicest girlie and a Nathan stan and an Elle stan sorry I selfishly won’t forgive him for killing them 😔 poor baby serial killer I’m being such a mean hater. Stan my absolutely fucking awful morally confused self hating politician guy instead loooool

Well. All that to say that I see why people ship it, it has interesting foundations that could have led to something good but IMO it just didn’t, I can definitely imagine it has some good fic out there that can sell you on it, but I just don’t see their great poetic love or whatever. It’s soooo ‘baby’ ‘fellow associate’ core by the end lmao. And it actively annoys me. But I am just being a hater I know. Sorry to the cool petlars out there it’s all hashtag my opinion

#asks #anon #heroes ramblings #hooo boy you got me monologuing again!!!!#anyway stan petrellice.st and their red string of fate fucked up ness xxxx

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sapphire-weapon · 10 months

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As someone who ships leon and ashley and enjoys reading/consuming taboo topics and relationships in fiction including incestuous ones, it's so funny to me that I don't see eagleone that way at ALL. theyre one of the relationships i purely enjoy for being a cute wholesome romance and who i want to see thriving and happy (albeit i enjoy the tragic love angle too--) and yet they have a sizable age difference and a "power dynamic" (??????) so it's a "proship"... honestly outside of them both having a daddy kink i really dont want to see that with them!!! Its just not what I'm here for. Im here for that in OTHER ships and this was supposed to be my one good one and this is what happens. Lol.

As such I try to just not care when people accuse eagleone shippers of being weird because Im like... well I suppose I AM...... but it is really unfair for the majority of vanilla ones. Honestly I don't think the antis are secret shippers or secret incestuous shippers (...okay maybe like one or two--) I think they just have a "NOTP" or are scared of how much they relate to ashley as you say and are just making excuses for why they hate seeing fanart of them and blocking people who ship them. I notice this in other fandoms where people will say two characters are "sibling coded" and its just their way of saying they don't ship them. It's really weird frankly and they're basically ignoring canon to write worse fanfiction but that's just how it is these days.

personally, it actually blows me away that people think of Leon and Ashley as being "age gap" at all.

in modern day 2023, Leon is 46. Ashley is 39.

that feels really fucking normal to me in terms of ages for a couple LMAO if any of these dumbasses met a couple like that irl out in the wild today, no one would bat an eye. but that would require these people actually leaving the house, so.

the whole "power imbalance" thing is completely disingenuous, too, because people only look at it in the context of the events of the actual game and then pretend like that's going to be the norm for them forever and not, you know, a very unique, atypical, and extreme situation they're in.

but if anyone were to think about it a little bit as opposed to not at all, they'd realize that their power dynamic would shift once they got home, and then shift again once Ashley's dad is out of office -- and when the power dynamic is constantly changing, that's not exactly imbalanced, is it?

Leon has all of the power during the events of RE4make, and Ashley is wholly dependent on him. yes. that's true.

but once they're out of that combat situation and they're back home in DC, Ashley has literally all of the power in the world over him. she outranks him socially, and she theoretically has the power to make his life complete hell in terms of his career if she were to whisper in her dad's ear the right way.

but the title of "president" is a very temporary one, and once those very short few years are over...? neither Ashley nor Leon are in a position to hold any power over each other at all anymore. they just become two regular-ass people trying to fit into each other's lives.

the whole idea behind "Ashley is completely dependent on Leon in RE4make, which means she will always be completely dependent on him" isn't just based on a faulty premise -- it's also really sexist and gross and reduces Ashley to something less than human, because it assumes that she's incapable of autonomous thought.

and it's really funny how it's only the people who hate the ship that actually are problematic in their thought process. they project their internalized misogyny and sexual insecurities onto us.

I am pretty much as deep in the middle of eagleone fandom as a person can possibly be, and I have never known a single one of you fuckers to ship this ship because you have an age gap kink or because you get off on the power dynamics. the only time power dynamics get brought up is when we make knight/queen comparisons -- which actually gives Ashley the greater portion of power.

I mean, yeah, there is the whole thing where a lot of the fandom also is of a mind that there are some daddy issue kinks at play in the ship, but --

I don't wanna hear shit from people about us enjoying daddy kink between Leon and Ashley when literally the entire fucking RE fandom is out here posting pics of shirtless Leon mods and writing the word "DADDY" in giant fucking text at the bottom of the post. goddamn hypocrites.

#resident evil 4 #leon kennedy #ashley graham #eagleone

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not-poignant · 4 months

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It never used to be, but put like 200~ written sex scenes behind you, and one day as you keep trying to make them better and better they suddenly just become more challenging than the average action scene. (Because they are a kind of action scene).

I relate to this on a spiritual level. When I've done something enough times and have become good at it it starts to get difficult again. It's kind of a paradox. But I've learned that once I let go of always trying to improve something I'm already good at or 'make it better' I actually rediscover my enjoyment.

Your stories are some of the best I've read. And your smut is amazing because there's always worldbuilding and character development behind it. Perhaps I'm biased because I'm demisexual and I need emotional components to enjoy the smexy stuff 😅 But it honestly doesn't bother me that you don't write pure smut anymore.

Obviously i hope you don't stop writing it completely (I'd be sad if you only wrote gen fics going forward but I'd still read and love them) but you gotta do whatever's best for you. And if that means no longer writing sex scenes then so be it.

But just know that you don't have to get better at it because you're already the cream of the crop as far as I'm concerned.

Maybe you just need a break from writing that sort of stuff? You might rediscover your love for it after some time away. Just food for thought.

Anyway... looking forward to whatever you write in the future. We'll support you no matter what <3

Hi anon,

This is super kind, and I have definitely taken lengthy breaks from writing erotica (literally almost over a year). In fact two of my main stories over the last few years - Falling Falling Stars and The Nascent Diplomat haven't had smut in them partly for that reason.

Unfortunately it's still just a struggle. We all have things that don't come easily to us. I can generate characters as easily as breathing, and dialogue / character voice is an instinctive, natural skill. But erotica is just... yeah, challenging.

I definitely don't plan on stopping writing it! A bunch of my stories right now have smut in them and are going to have smut in them going forward. :D

I can't see me ever just writing gen honestly.

But yeah I've taken very very long sabbaticals from writing smut. The reality is even these days I can go 2-3 months without writing any, which is kind of amazing, because I write over 100k words in those 2-3 months. So there's definitely breaks happening.

I don't know that I am good at erotica, though I appreciate that you think so! I'm a bit unconventional re: how lengthy my erotica scenes are (and how character-growth focused they are lol), but AO3 taught me and I prefer AO3 sex scenes over all others.

...I wandered away from this post for 5 hours and then came back like 'oh you didn't press post to this yet?' so anyway sadlfkjjas I may be having problems writing smut for a wHOLE lot of additional reasons too lmao

#asks and answers #pia on writing #tbh my brain is just weird about it and always has been #from the first chapter i posted that i felt very embarrassed about #to like the latest where i just always think #'did i do what i set out to achieve in this scene'#or 'man this didn't have the 30 different things i imagined it having'#or just sdkfjas t iredness remembering all the moving body parts lol

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