#literally takes less energy to ignore it and move on with your life

[holographicbutch]

Can we stop posting screenshots of trigger warning tags and going "haha why are you tagging this lmao what a FUNNY trigger" I thought we were past this

#even if you dont think it applies to the post that person is tagging it just in case out of respect!! #literally takes less energy to ignore it and move on with your life #believe it or not. people dont choose their triggers #im gonna start unfollowing ppl who rb posts like that they make me soooo mad #anna says stuff

[soapoet]

describing your next love...

...because i'm just as nosy as you are.

like & rb if it resonates ♡

01.

Shufflemancy: Lucky people by Waterparks

they have a very sunny energy. the kind that peaks out behind the clouds after a fall of rain. rejuvenating, always welcome. they try their best to stay optimistic, for loved ones and strangers alike. it feels a little tragic because there is a darkness inside them that they choose to ignore. their sunny disposition seems less like a mask and more like armour. it's what has gotten them this far. they may have had a rough childhood, and their heart may have been wounded particularly by one of their parents. they struggle with mental health and might be neurodivergent. they're the kind of person to end a depressing sentence with 'lmao', or turn a therapy session into a stand-up comedy show. they cope with their struggles through humour, because if they take themselves and their problems too seriously and lean in too close to where it hurts, the pain becomes overwhelming. their heart is much like a dam, holding back tons of tears of almost biblical proportions. even still, if they opened the floodgates they'd find a way to muster a 'noah, get the arc' joke to force some sunlight through the clouds.

despite their dance around their own feelings, they're encouraging of others expressing theirs, and stand firmly by their side and always have a shoulder to offer if needed. they love to make people laugh, and aren't afraid of making a fool out of themselves if it puts a smile on someone's face. they'll gladly cast themselves as a jester if it makes their loved ones feel like royalty. they're very excitable and fun to be around. at their best they are a firecracker, bursting with an energy so infectious and bright. they're creative and very passionate about their hobbies, often to the point of obsession. it seems like all they do they do with such love. like a show is never just a show, but a whole world of its own to explore and come to know as home. they love the escapism of foreign lands, fictional and real, and something about them makes a simple trip to the grocery store an adventure with many memories to one day share.

you either already know them, or will meet them very soon. especially if you're in a transitional period, moving away, changing jobs or applying to schools, then this is a person you'll meet in this next chapter of your life. this has friends to lovers written all over it. you might be in the same friend group, or meet them through a mutual friend. their hair stands out for some reason. it could either be in the literal sense because it's messy, perpetual bedhead, or they have a unique colour or cut. perhaps they change their hair frequently and have a bit of chameleon vibes in which they become unrecognisable with every change that they make to their appearance. they're average in height but could look taller than they actually are. their posture isn't the greatest, especially if they're an artist of some kind. they have golden retriever energy and may be a dog person in general. for some, they have freckles or dimples, or prominent birth marks. there's a lot of mutual pining involved before anything happens. they're a little bit oblivious, too. someone else might have to step in to spell things out for either of you.

02.

Shufflemancy: Into you by Ariana Grande

being playful and flirtatious can get you in quite a bit of trouble, and they know this from experience. they're attractive, and seem very aware of it, though there is less legitimate arrogance and more playful cockiness involved. they like to make an effort to look good, and have a strong appreciation for a partner who does the same. generosity may be a way they show this appreciation because they understand the time and maintenance this effort can take, and are of the mindset that they ought to reward what they like rather than simply expect it or take it for granted. they're likely involved in business such as investments or trade, or could be working on building a business of their own. they're physically fit, and might frequent the gym or be into sports. they have a lot of stamina because of this, so do with that information what you will.

they could have a bit of a reputation due to an unscrupulous past, and it is one they have done much work to rewrite. they want to settle down, but haven't found someone they could commit to. a big issue for them is the way fun gets sucked out of things too quickly in the relationships they've been in. they're very spontaneous and have a big capacity for romance, but they often find themselves lacking space and time to do anything special. like how you would decide to clean the house to surprise your mother, only to have her call and ask you to do just that, ruining the gesture. similarly, in their relationships they may find themselves cornered, and in the suffocation of their freedom and passion their capacity and desire to impress and to woo begins to fade like a smothered flame, which in turn causes strife. and the nagging that so often followed turns them into a complacent shell of themselves, wherein it's better to nod along than risk discord. they seek an equal. somebody powerful in their own right, who can support them and be supported in return. they want love to be an adventurous undertaking of a power couple ready to seize the day.

this feels like a right person wrong time -scenario. when you meet they're probably in a relationship with someone else, or you are. you could meet at some sort of social gathering or organised event like a fundraiser or a concert. there's a distinct sense of delay here, though the interest is mutual and very persistent right from the beginning. they could hold themselves back from pursuing anything with you at first because they want a clean slate. it may at first to you seem like frustrating indecision and make you question their intentions, even integrity, but they may just be untangling their life and closing chapters. they yearn for the long-term and would like the house and the kids and whole nine yards, but need to make sure their life is upright, straightened, and ready for it. there is a playful glint in their eyes, which may be hazel or brown. there is a distinct warmth to them and a loving gaze feels especially adoring from them. they would make a very good and attentive parent and spouse for the right person. there could be a noticeable size difference between you. if you're softer and curvier, they're more angular and dense, and if you're shorter, they're taller, etc.

03.

Shufflemancy: Great shipwreck of life by IAMX

oh, how charming! they're gregarious, and attract quite a few admirers. though it seems they take few, if any, seriously at all. their popularity may be a byproduct of an important or visible position that they hold. they could be a prominent figure within their community or be very successful in their field of work or hobbies. their schedule is often packed with meetings, events and social obligations. they could travel a lot too, both for pleasure and for work. for their work they may spend extended periods of time away from home. in spite of their sociable persona, they keep their private life very private, under lock and key, and may even be secretive about it to an extent. they may be unapproachable or simply be unattainable by people outside of their established circles. there is an element of social games or hierarchical factors present in their life, and whilst they're good at networking, climbing ranks, or beating records, they may actually find many around them to be uninteresting or outright obnoxious. where they spend their professional hours draws a lot of similar types of people together, and their tastes differ quite a bit. being married to their work in a way leaves few options for them in love since they look for something outside of their norm, which they have little time to explore.

there could be a fear of being taken advantage of. like they can't seem to trust people easily, and expect everyone to have ulterior motives. to use them or get something from them. these trust issues run deep, and either they have been burnt before or have watched somebody close to them fall from grace and are afraid they'll share that same fate. there could also be legal reasons for their caution, as they may have signed contracts or taken an oath that dictates what they can and cannot share, particularly if they work for the government or a big corporation.

this connection might begin online or otherwise have distance involved even if you meet in person first. lots of messages or calls. they revel in good banter and enjoy entertaining more out-there ideas. they feel starved off of deeper conversations because their life seems to revolve around a lot of simple niceties and professional talk with tons of things redacted, edited, and filtered to fit into a very narrow box deemed correct and good and appropriate. it's very tiring and wears them out, even though they won't show it. they really appreciate things that differ from the norm or breaks the status quo in some way. what they consider their type is also very different from what would be expected of them, and their peers would be shocked to hear what they find ideal both in terms of a partner and a life that they would like to lead. their voice seems important too. they have a very attractive voice, could be a great speaker or an artist. their hair is either longer or shorter than average (shorter for women, longer for men), and their physique leans slimmer and angular, not a lot of curvature just lots of straight lines and sharpness.

04.

Shufflemancy: Willow by Taylor Swift

they probably don't get out much. most if their life occurs behind closed doors. they could work or study remotely, and their schedule might be different from the usual nine to five. their friends and family may live at a distance, too, which leaves them few reasons to leave the house. they need mental stimulation and might be a little high-strung, their nerves like violin strings wound too tight. independence is of great importance to them and their boundaries are clear, almost like austere walls protecting a castle. they appear aloof and don't say much, especially around strangers. though their shyness is often overruled by their intrigue. they like to tinker with things and minds alike, and may often step in to play devil's advocate just to stir the pot. especially in their boredom they may seek out discourse as a form of entertainment. they have strong opinions, but are not stubborn or unable to bend. in fact, something they abhor is weak convictions and mindless agreement. they respect admittance of ignorance far more than the parroting of popular opinions if there is a lack of substance behind them. they really do not seem to mind different views at all, and may surround themselves with people of all walks of life and various temperaments and opinions. this is in part driven by an insatiable thirst for knowledge. it's as though they've made their quest in life to seek information and learn everything they can in one short lifetime. they are open-minded and curious, and have great respect for anyone who has something to teach them. and they're a great teacher themself! even if they do not literally teach as a part of their work, they might have been told by many that they should consider it because they really have a way of adapting information, hand-tailoring it to their audience, so that even complex things get delivered and comprehended.

where they may be a great source of knowledge and advice to those around them, they aren't the greatest in terms of emotional support. they are a problem solver, and they can't fix tears. they try, but it feels clumsy and awkward. though that can be a little charming, too. they care a lot, more than people might expect. they're just terrible at showing it through big and extravagant gestures and displays of affection. they're more likely to give praise or take on tasks to unburden you. they like routine and solitude and seek someone who rivals the comfort of their peace and quiet. they could die happy if they could simply share a space comfortably with someone without constant noise, buzz, and attention. they could be strangely private about things that don't necessarily call for privacy. like, they might easily drop childhood lore in a casual conversation, but find inquiries about what they did yesterday suspicious even if they didn't do anything special.

because this is a bit of a 'rapunzel, rapunzel, let down your hair' -type of situation where they're very comfortable in their ivory tower that gets no visitors, it might take a while before you meet them. they're far more social online and you could meet through common interests like online games, subreddits, discord, or through mutual friends. if you already know them, there may be a sense of unrequited love for a while. they rarely act on their infatuations and just wait it out, enjoying the feelings for what they are but do little, if anything, about them. alternatively they participate in very indirect chasing that appears more like making the other person chase them. they have attractive hands, could be ambidextrous or they fidget a lot with their hands. they may be a writer, play an instrument or play a lot of video games. they always appear deep in thought or even a little irritable, even if they're actually not. not so much RBF as simply spacing out. their eyes seem hazy. whichever colour they are it looks desaturated and blurry, like there's mist covering them. blues lean greyish, greens look muddy, browns look more true and lack the amber warmth. they might wear glasses or contacts. regardless of race they're a little paler and may have some health concerns or struggles.

05.

Shufflemancy: I want you to want me by Chase Holfelder

there is something broken here. their home, their heart, or perhaps their mind. it'll be difficult to break through this shell because the exterior is harsh and uninviting. whatever it is that haunts them, it really shows in their relationships. they walk a path seemingly unlit and full of horrors, leaving behind them a trail of broken hearts. pieces of both their own and those of past lovers scattered along the way. to some their love is suffocating, draining and overbearing. when they get attached they latch on with a powerful grip that seems unyielding. they're a rock that could weather the strongest of storms and they're used to being a pillar of strength. but it seems as though their past is full of people who would have needed the room to bend with the winds and were left feeling too restricted. they may have a jealous streak that's rooted in fear of betrayal, likely from past hurts. they could struggle with a mental illness or have history of abusing drugs or alcohol to numb what haunts them.

they really want a partner in crime. someone who is similar to them and understands their turmoil. they have a big capacity to understand and deal with heavy burdens and mental issues in a partner too and aren't easily fazed by emotional outbursts or any type of spiraling mentally or emotionally. they also remind me of the quote 'a hero will sacrifice the person they love to save the world, a villain will sacrifice the world to save the person they love'. they seem a bit like an outcast or a misfit, and those closest to them may also be underdogs and form a very tight-knit group. they're a little bit of a hopeless romantic and have a soft side. if they're musically inclined they might write you a song, or otherwise use writing as a way to express their feelings in a deeper way. their cold and rough exterior is there to ward off the most frail and flaky. they don't want to ruin dainty petals or have their own ripped out by players.

funnily enough they actually look like one themselves. they have that quintessential heartbreaker look to them. the one all the movies deem nothing but trouble. a villain in the story of many but their own and those closest to them. there is a feminine energy close to them that they're very protective of, like a sister or mother. for some they might be providing and caring for a sick relative. they have an unusual job or field of study, and peculiar working hours. they might work a graveyard shift, gigs, or do work that's seasonal or done on the go. music plays a big role in their life and you could meet them at a concert or through another kind of relation to a band or artist you both enjoy. they take a keen interest in the strange, and the mysteries of life. they might study the occult, enjoy conspiracy theories, true crime, etc. they're distinctly cool toned, blondes are dirty and ashy, browns are void of red pigment and lean darker, almost black. blue eyes are very cold and piercing, and brown eyes are very dark and may appear black. they have piercings, tattoos or scars and may bruise easily, or be into those things in others.

06.

Shufflemancy: Trust by Boy Epic

somebody send this person on a mandatory holiday. i really should not have left this one for last, because the energy is really heavy. their life seems unbalanced, like it is all work and no play. there is a jittery energy here as though they are running on fumes and caffeine to fuel a big machine with hundreds of intricately moving parts. they might work in real estate, management, law, IT, or have a lot of people they're in charge of who depend on them. they have impeccable memory and somehow manage to stay on top of things with ease. they like being personally involved and may be hands-on with many of their projects. task management comes naturally to them. it's as if they're playing a game of chess with life and stay aware of every possible variable and reach outcomes long before they show in the present. this spills into all areas of their life and allows them to map out goals with great precision, leaving very little room for uncertainty. they're very stable and competent. but they're also miserable. even though they enjoy their work for its challenges and the heights it allows them to reach, it may seem to them as though they are wearing themselves out without real purpose beyond the accolades. like they're building an empire in vain because there is nobody to share their glory. they want more from life, namely a home. their home is as big as it is hollow and they don't like it there. it lacks a lot of love and light and they wish to bring some of that into it through children and a spouse.

they may come from a big family themselves, even one of good fortune. their discipline and work ethic is likely something instilled in them by a father figure, and there could be a bit of an eldest child complex at play, wherein they have always felt the need to set an example for their younger siblings, but also feel embittered by what they cannot get away with that others so easily can. they could use with a bit of whimsical and carefree energy in their life. they're aware of it too, as they find a bit of chaos oddly attractive in a partner. in previous relationships they may have been with people far too similar to them, allowing them no place of restoration and solace, but instead a constant movement of the goal post. they seek someone comfortable and more easy-going who can help them relax and live a little. they are generous and would spoil a worthy partner rotten, but are also afraid of gold diggers and don't want to be taken advantage of, as they may have run the risk of in the past.

out of all groups, this one leans the oldest. depending on your age they could easily be 5-10 years your senior, and if you're very young it will likely take some time before you meet them. you might meet through work, through coworkers, at a work related event, or if it is a leisurely occasion it's one with a mixture of age groups like a family gathering of sorts. for a few, you could run into them a few times at random whilst running errands and going about your daily routines. either way interest is established quickly, even though they may seem stand-offish or even stiff at first. in actuality they busy themselves with observing, and throughout your interactions, and your interactions with other people in their presence, they size you up and try to figure you out. they could be very taken with you, but they try their best to not show it. they're cordial, but keep their cards hidden. once they decide to pursue you everything happens very quickly. again, because of their game of chess having played out various scenarios while they figured out their feelings and rearranged their life to fit you into it. they're eager to please, and one-on-one you may be surprised by their sensitive and softer side. they're doting and have a lot of adoration once they fall, and out in public where they seem level-headed and collected you can easily distract them and have them stumbling a bit. they're very protective and are bigger or stronger than you. their features lean darker and they may have an earthy look to them, like green or hazel eyes and auburn hair. this one has the strongest indications of marriage.

#pac reading #energy reading #pick a card #pick a picture #intuitive reading #love reading #tarot reading #pick a card reading #pick a pile #love pac #tarot pac #soapy.post

[badasbebi]

the cupid project ➛ 1/2

part two

✦ pairing: bada lee x fem!reader

✦ summary: you and your long-term work crush devise a plan to win a company contest. in the end, you wind up going to extreme lengths to commit to the bit

✦ genre/au: fluff, fake dating, videographer reader, bada's extra sweet here, slight friends to lovers

✦ word count: 7k

✦ warnings: isn't proofread. another unrealistic meet cute that doesn't really make sense. smut in part 2

✦ a/n: another two-parter simply bc my fics are too long. 2nd part is finished and will, again, be posted soon (literally tomorrow). didnt put as much thought into this one as I have with my other stories, which will probably be a pattern from now. still think its fun. enjoy!

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

"It's been three minutes. Why are we still waiting on people?" Youngj fusses, running his fingers through his hair, tousling it

"Relax, Jae. You called us here last-minute. People are busy," Minho says from where he is sitting, scrolling through his phone.

Youngj's eyes snap to him. "Too busy for an emergency meeting with their boss?" He retorts, raising an eyebrow. 

Minho looks at him, then shrugs. "Well, that's what happens when you hire a bunch of ultra-talented, sought-after dancers. We don't need you," He finishes, swiftly turning back around, sunglasses concealing his eyes. 

Youngj gapes for a second, then seemingly surrenders, slouching back in his chair with a scowl. 

Meanwhile, you're balancing a camera lens in your hand on the sofa across from them, twisting and turning the machinery in your hand as you stifle your laughter. Still being somewhat new to the team, you weren't sure if you necessarily had the right to take part in Minho's teasing. You became an employee at JustJerk Dance Academy only six months ago, after JustJerk announced that they were looking for new hires. However, you weren't a part of their star-studded lineup of top choreographers and instructors. Instead, you were hired to be a videographer and photographer, working behind the scenes to ensure that every breathtaking move, every impassioned sequence, and every dancer was captured flawlessly. 

Which, it was not like it was very hard. The people here were phenomenal enough as it was, making your time spent at work nothing less than a blessing for someone who's long watched dancers from the sidelines. Even better, the members of JustJerk Dance Academy aren't just a group of talented dancers, but also a lovely group of people. They're kind and caring, often inviting you out to eat after a long day of filming or helping you with the things you struggled with. Sometimes, you still got awestruck around them because it was such a far cry from what you were used to. But, it was beginning to feel like home. And, as the days went by, everyone started to feel more and more like family.

Well, almost everyone.

Suddenly, you hear the doors swing open and glance up to see who's arrived.

"Sorry I'm late," A voice rings throughout the room, revealing none other than the legend herself, Bada Lee. 

Even after having passed by her a million times, the woman never failed to take your breath away. She was gorgeous and had an allure unlike anyone else, with a presence that seemed to shift the energy in every room she entered. In other words, she was also intimidatingly cool, which led to you frequently avoiding her because you were, simply, terrified. Though she's always been nothing but sweet and brilliant during your brief interactions, this kindness almost made things worse. It'd be much easier to disregard her if she was an asshole. Unluckily for you, she was one of the most charming people you've encountered in your life, making it nearly impossible to ignore the magnetic pull that's been causing an increasing amount of debauched thoughts and dreams. 

Bada walks toward the rest of the group with an apologetic smile on her face. Her long, black and blonde hair was tied back in a bun, and her baggy clothes were noticeably wrinkled, suggesting that she came straight from practice. Despite her slightly disheveled appearance, she looked as enticing as ever. 

You avert your gaze and continue playing with the camera equipment in your hands, attempting to appear nonchalant. 

"What happened? You're never late," Youngj asks, sitting upright. 

"I was helping one of my students out with a routine and got a little distracted. Sorry," Bada explains with a pout, sitting down on a separate couch next to yours. You keep your eyes on the camera in your hands.

"Don't worry about it, I just need everyone's attention for a few moments," Youngj says, scanning the room. "Is this everyone?"

"No, Redllic should be coming in soon. She was right behind me," Bada says, looking over at the door.

Your eyebrow inadvertently quirks up at the sound of Redllic's name escaping her lips. 

"Good enough, then. Let's get started," Youngj leans forward in his seat, clapping his hands together. "I want to first apologize to all of you for calling you here so abruptly. Unfortunately, this was the only time I had to get you all here together.”

Everyone eagerly waits for him to speak, the air thick with curiosity as Youngj takes a deep breath, his gaze shifting from one person to another.

"So, to clarify, I didn't call you guys here for anything particularly important."

Minho laughs bitterly. "I fucking knew it."

Youngj gives him a pointed look before continuing. "There's a special event that the company is holding and I wanted to inform all of you about it in-person, because even though it isn’t anything to worry about, it is admittedly a bit...unusual for us."

"What is it?" Redllic asks, appearing out of thin air. Everyone, except for Bada, jumps slightly, surprised by her sudden arrival.

"Redllic!" Youngj says, placing a hand on his heart. "You scared the hell out of me."

"Oh, sorry," Redllic shrugs, plopping down next to Bada, throwing her feet onto the coffee table. "What's going on?"

"Right, um," Youngj clears his throat. "As I was saying, there's an event that we're hosting for Valentine's Day. We're calling it the 'Cupid Project.' Basically, you're all going to get into pairs, and you'll be doing a variety of activities together," Youngj explains, his eyes scanning the group, watching the reactions on everyone's faces. 

Ew, is the immediate word that pops into your head. This reminded you of the group projects your teachers forced you to do in school. You can already see how this project will play out, and it's probably not going to be pretty. Based on the skeptical expressions you can make out, you are at least relieved to see that you aren't the only one feeling hesitant. 

"What kind of activities?" Bada asks softly, tilting her head.

"Just activities to get to know each other. Doing things you wouldn't normally do," Youngj replies, shrugging his shoulders. "Jho and I have some planned activities, but the point is for you and your partner to find things to do voluntarily. If we plan everything out for you guys, then it'll be completely forced."

"Wait, wait, wait," Minho interjects, pushing his sunglasses onto the top of his head. "So, you're telling me I have to go on a date with someone here?"

"No," Youngj shakes his head. "We're not forcing you to fall in love or anything. This is purely platonic, just a fun way to bond with each other. And there'll be a prize," Youngj says, wagging his finger.

"A prize?" Minho echos, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. You and your partner will compete against the others and the pair who does the most activities and seems to have actually become good friends with each other will win a reward."

"How are you measuring that?" Hoyeon, another videographer, asks. 

"We'll conduct anonymous votes and collect them at the Valentine's Day party we're hosting," Youngj explains. "But, it's not supposed to be all that serious, everyone. We're just trying to do something fun and, you know, team-build since we've gotten a lot of new hires recently. And, we'll get a good video out of it. We're planning on making a highlight reel of the Cupid Project for our Youtube Channel, which will be nice promotional material, too."

So that's what this was really about: content. Truthfully, you wouldn't have an issue with this if it were not very likely that you'd be the one filming or editing this highlight reel. You internally groan, realizing you'll have to deal with an increased workload because of this clusterfuck. 

"I think it's a great idea," Redllic says, a mischievous smirk on her face. You watch her glance at Bada, who is staring at nothing with an unreadable look in her eyes.

"Well, what's the prize?" Minho asks. 

"600,000 KRW"

Others around the room whisper in excitement. You almost drop your camera. Out of shock, yes, but also because that was exactly the amount of money you needed to buy a brand new camera that you've been eyeing for ages. You've been wanting to record more complex videos, wanting to work on actual music video sets, but your current setup is limiting you. If you were able to get your hands on that camera now, you'd be about a year or two ahead of the original timeline you had in mind. You bite the inside of your lip, hoping Youngj doesn't see the desperation in your eyes.

"Holy shit," Hoyeon mutters. 

The two of you make eye contact, and you already know that the two of you are working together. You were close, having joined the company at the same time and being around the same age. This would be an easy win. 

"Alright, so it's settled, then," Youngj says, a confident grin forming on his face.

"Are we choosing our own partners?" Redllic asks, moving a blonde strand of hair away from her face. 

"No. That would lead to a bunch of people asking to be paired with people they're already friends with, which would make the whole thing pointless. We're drawing names out of a hat," Youngj says, gesturing towards the baseball cap resting on the coffee table.

Everyone collectively groans. You try not to cry. 

"Stop, come on, don't make this difficult," Youngj frowns. "The sooner you choose, the more time you have to prepare. Now, who wants to go first? I already have your names written,"

"Wait, let me go first," Hoyeon volunteers, jumping up and grabbing the hat. She reaches her hand inside and picks a small slip of paper out, then reads it aloud. You bite your lip, praying.

"Howl," Hoyeon declares, holding the piece of paper out for everyone to see. 

Your name is not Howl, but you nearly howl right then and there. Realistically, the probability that you would get who you wanted was unlikely considering the number of people in the room. Nonetheless, it hurt. 

The man with the wolf-centric name quietly stands and moves away from the corner he was situated in. He had been quiet the entire meeting, and most did not really notice he was there until Hoyeon mentioned his name.

"Guess it's you and me," Hoyeon laughs, smiling at the tall figure beside her.

Howl gives her a slight smile, shakes her hand, and they sit back down.

"Alright, Bada. Why don't you come over here?" Youngj says, gesturing to the coffee table.

"The one that everyone wants, I'm sure," Redllic comments with a bemused smirk, causing a clamor of chuckles.

Bada scoffs, and heads over to the table. She reaches into the hat, rustling through the papers. You hold your breath, reminding yourself of the unlikelihood that you'd be the name she pulled. However, as the woman's fingers curl around a single sheet of paper, your heart skips a beat. You feel as if you were the one reaching into the hat.

Bada pulls the paper out and unfolds it, her eyes scanning the sheet. Then, her eyes lock with yours, and your heart leaps. 

"Y/N," Bada calls out, holding the paper up.

You freeze, the room spinning around you. There's no way. 

Bada cocks her head to the side. "It's you, right?"

"Oh! Um, yeah," You sputter, quickly gathering the camera equipment around you.

You hear whispers and feel a hundred pairs of eyes on you as you walk over to the girl. You ignore the feeling of your skin burning. 

"Hey, Y/N. It's nice to officially meet you. I've seen you around a lot," Bada says, eyes warm.

"Yeah, nice to officially meet you, too," You say, extending your hand.

Her hand is warm and soft, enveloping yours like a blanket. Your hand feels cold and sweaty. 

"Interesting," Redllic quips, eyes darting between you two, a glint in her gaze. Bada tears her eyes away from you, giving the blonde woman a questioning look as she retracts her hand.

You take the opportunity to step away, returning to your seat and letting the other dancers pull names. The rest of the pairings are revealed without much commotion, except for Minho's, who loudly complains when he has to partner up with Jaeyong, a good choreographer, but awkward man. 

After all the names are drawn, everyone is dismissed. You're quick to leave the room, eager to return to the comfort of your familiar space behind the camera.

"Y/n! Slow down! We need to talk!" Hoyeon calls, catching up to you.

You turn around, side-stepping out of the way of people walking past you in the hallway. You wait for her to stop in front of you before you speak."With all due respect, I don't really want to talk right now. I just want to record. Then go home, and eat some ramen."

"With Bada?" Hoyeon sings, a cheeky grin forming on her face.

"Shut up," You mumble, rolling your eyes and continuing down the hall.

"Wait, why are you so bummed?" Hoyeon starts, following behind you, "Bada's cool?"

You sigh. "Exactly. She's cool. I'm...not."

"What? Yes, you are. Why would you think otherwise?" Hoyeon scoffs, her eyes narrowed.

"I just," You pause in the hallway again, trying to formulate the words. "I'm a little scared of her, is all."

"Scared?" Hoyeon questions, her forehead wrinkling. "She's nice though. You don't have anything to worry about."

"Yeah, but she's so pretty, and talented, and again, I'm not. Not in the way extraordinary way that she is, I mean.” You explain, shoulders slumping. 

A look of realization dawns upon Hoyeon's face, and she laughs menacingly. "Oh, I see what this is. You think she's hot, and you're a scaredy cat who's afraid of rejection. Case closed. I understand."

"That's not how I would phrase things but, essentially, yes," You concede, turning the corner.

"You're being silly. She's not a god. She's literally just a human being...a very sexy human being but a human being nonetheless. Just talk to her like one," Hoyeon suggests, shrugging her shoulders. "I mean, are you not going to try to get that money? I know you want it. I saw that crazed look in your eye once Youngj made it to that fifth zero."

You laugh, "I mean, yes, I really want that money. I don't know if it's possible though. Even if I wanted to reach out to her, she’s so busy I doubt she's planning on actually committing to this. Especially because she's already loaded."

"You don't know until you try you wimp," Hoyeon says, nudging you in the arm.

"Ow," You groan, rubbing the spot in a manner that probably proves her point. "Aren't you going to try for the money too? Where's Howl, huh?"

"We're friends already, it'll be chill. I don't know if we'll necessarily win the money, but, like, we'll have a good time," Hoyeon states, grinning.

"Ugh, gross," You say, sticking out your tongue.

She ignores your immaturity. "What do you wanna do with the money anyway?" Hoyeon asks, leaning against the wall next to an entrance to one of the dance studios.

"Remember that equipment I told you about? So I can start working on sets?"

"Oh, right," Hoyeon says, crossing her arms. "You said that you've been wanting to do that for a while, y/n. Are you really not going to talk to Bada? I’ve recorded with her a few times now and I mean it when I say that she's nice as hell. I feel like she'd probably be down, or, at the very least, will understand if you explain things to her. "

"I'll try. Maybe. At some point. It's not going to be today, though," you mutter, reaching for the studio door before you are stopped by Hoyeon jabbing her french-tipped fingernail into your chest. 

"You better. Or else," Hoyeon threatens, a dark expression coming over her. 

"Move your finger, please," You say, swatting her hand away.

Hoyeon rolls her eyes. "Whatever. Good luck filming. I'm gonna go find Howl. Love ya,"

"Yeah, yeah. Have fun," You wave goodbye to her as she walks down the hall, pulling out her phone.

Once she's out of sight, you release a deep sigh and push open the door, only to be met with the sight of a familiar face. 

"Oh," You breathe.

Bada turns, a surprised expression on her face. "Y/n, hi. Were you coming in?"

"Um, yeah," You reply, slowly entering the room and closing the door behind you. "Are you rehearsing something?"

"Yeah," Bada answers, glancing at the mirror.

"Sorry. I can go-"

"No, no, don't worry about it. If you need to film in here, that's fine. I'll just go next door," Bada says, waving her hand.

You pause, taking a breath. Now’s your chance. "Actually, forget the recording, could I talk to you real quick? About the...cupid thing?"

"Yeah, of course. I was actually hoping we'd get a chance to talk," Bada grins, sitting down on the floor and patting the spot beside her.

You hesitantly walk over and sit down next to her. You take a moment to compose yourself, running your fingers along the smooth fabric of your pants.

"So," Bada prompts.

"Uh," You stammer, wracking your brain for what you were supposed to say. "Um, well, I just wanted to say that, uh, you are really, um, talented. And-oh, this sounds really weird." You finish, running a palm down your face in embarrassment. 

"No, no, it's not," Bada chuckles, a gentle smile on her face. "Thank you, though. But, um, that's not what you wanted to say, right?"

"Right. Sorry," You apologize, a rush of blood filling your cheeks.

"Don't worry. Take your time. We have a lot of it," Bada reminds you, studying the expression on your face. Her voice and words are calming, but her staring is freaking freaking you out further. 

You take another deep breath, hoping to quell your nerves. "Okay. I'm sorry. Uh, I'll try again. What I really wanted to say is, I know that it’s a stupid contest, and that you probably don't care about winning, but I actually really want to participate in that project and win that prize money. And, I was hoping you'd, maybe, help me win?" Before she can respond, you launch into another tangent. "I'm sorry, you're probably busy, which is okay, but I just want to upgrade my equipment so I can get more opportunities outside of-"

"Hey," Bada says, gently laying her hand on top of yours. "Of course I'll help you. You don't have to apologize. I think it'll be fun."

You nearly spiral, but Bada's touch is surprisingly soothing, and you calm down despite your anxiety. 

"Oh, wow. Thank you, so much," You breathe.

"It's not a big deal, seriously. I'm looking forward to it," Bada insists, squeezing your hand.

You stare at her, and her kind, sparkling eyes. What have you gotten yourself into?

You both sit there for a second, a pregnant pause in the air, before you quickly pull your hand away, remembering how sweaty they were.

Bada smiles, unphased. Then, she begins tapping her fingers rhythmically against the ground, a contemplative look on her face as she stares at the space where your hands were previously intertwined. 

"So," Bada suddenly looks up. "If you're just in it to win it, and you really want a fair shot, I think we need to do something a little extreme."

You blink, scared. "What do you mean…extreme?"

She bites her lip and you have to resist the urge to stare. "Youngj said this was supposed to be platonic, so that's how most people are going to approach it. How do we seem better or stronger than other platonic relationships? What’s more intense than that?"

You must be misunderstanding where she's going with this. "Um, a romantic one?" You say, furrowing your eyebrows.

To your shock, she nods. "Exactly. Y/n, I'm saying that we should make our Cupid partnership a romantic one," Bada states, her expression serious.

Your head is spinning. She is taking this much more seriously than you were anticipating. You were expecting to just go out for coffee a few times, and maybe post a picture of your twinning lattes on instagram to sell your friendship. You have no idea how to process this more intense proposition.

"Are you suggesting that we pretend to date each other?" You confirm.

A beat of silence. She leans back slightly, her eyes flickering. "I mean, yeah. Sure," She pauses. "Unless you're not comfortable with that."

"I am," You respond, the lie escaping your mouth with ease. 

Bada's eyes widen and she sits up, a smile growing on her face. "You're sure? If you're not cool with that, we don't have to. I know the idea is a little bit out there. I just, uh, want to help," She babbles, her fingers tapping against the floor again. 

You laugh. Was Bada Lee nervous? "I'm not uncomfortable with it. I trust you. As long as it helps us win,"

"It will, I promise. I'll make it worth your while," Bada vows, her expression determined.

"I can't wait," You laugh again, feeling the butterflies in your stomach flutter.

"Cool," She breathes, her body relaxing. "Well, I should go. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

You grin, nodding. "Yeah, that'd be great."

"Awesome," She smiles, standing up. She reaches her down and grabs your hand, pulling you up. "I'm not gonna be able to actually meet-up with you tomorrow because I have something scheduled, but I already have your phone number. I'll text you."

You nod, distracted and unable to speak as her soft fingers brush against your palm.

"Bye-bye," She waves cutely, her long legs swiftly carrying her across the room. You wave back, her departing smile etched into your brain as you watch the door click shut behind her. Then, you're alone. 

You stare at the floor, processing the interaction. You had just agreed to pretend to date one of the hottest and most intimidating women you had ever met. You had no clue why you did it. Maybe the promise of money and fulfilled dreams had blinded you. Still, the whole thing seemed a little too ridiculous. Too dangerous. 

But there was no backing out now. You already went through the trouble of telling Bada about your desperation, and you told her that you trusted her. You'd have to commit. 

"Well," you whisper, hugging yourself in a soothing motion. "Here goes nothing."

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You fidget within the plush confines of your seat, hesitantly glancing around your dimly lit surroundings as you twist a gleaming piece of silverware between your fingers. Your other hand remains in your lap, afraid to touch the red linen covering your table. Your gaze settles on a couple a few tables away from you, clinking their wine glasses together with pompous grins. It crosses your mind that the wine they're drinking is probably worth more than the money you're doing all of this for, and you make the executive decision to reach for the bottle of wine the woman sitting across from you generously bought. 

When you drop your fork to outstretch your hand toward the bottle, the woman in question seems to notice, hurriedly grabbing ahold of it before you can reach it, and pours the liquid into your glass, herself. 

"Thank you," you murmur, retracting your hand and finally allowing it to fall on the table. 

"No problem," Bada replies, her voice warm and velvety, like the wine. She pushes your drink toward you, and you hurriedly snatch it up to take a large gulp, allowing it to trickle down your throat. The heat of the alcohol soothes your anxiety, and you exhale deeply. 

Your relief lasts for approximately one millisecond. Because, in the next, you're putting your drink down and are being reminded of the predicament you've gotten yourself into. Bada's preoccupation with her menu gives you the chance to observe the way the soft glow emanating from a nearby lamp illuminates her features. The light traces the curves of her face, accentuating every perfect line. Her eyebrows furrow in concentration, compelling you to consider reaching over the table to smooth the lines over with your thumb. When you try to look away, your gaze locks on the pouting of her lips as she focuses on whatever she's reading. 

"I'm thinking of getting the Frutti Di Mare," she voices, snapping you out of your trance. She sets the menu down and looks up, a gentle smile on her face.

"I don't know what that is," you respond dumbly. 

She laughs, the sound light and airy, causing the skin near her eyes to wrinkle adorably. "I thought Italian was your favorite?"

"It is," you confirm, feeling flustered. "I just-the Italian places I go to are super watered down. The fanciest thing you'll see there is fettuccini alfredo,"

"That makes sense," Bada nods, her smile turning playful. "Then, I'll let you know what it is. It's basically seafood. I think it's usually served with pasta."

"Ah," you reply, nodding slowly. "Tasty."

Bada laughs again, and you feel like a scratched CD—unable to get any words out, twitching in place, devilish sounds threatening to enemate from you at any moment. "I'll make sure to order an extra portion for you to try. Unless, of course, you don't want me to."

"No, that works. I'm fine with that," you respond, quickly.

"I figured." Bada smiles knowingly.

Your hand clutches your chest. "Hey, is that a little shade? Did I miss it? Please, elaborate," you joke, leaning forward.

Bada giggles. "Maybe. You've been drinking a lot of that wine. And I think you ate most of the breadsticks."

You glance at your breadcrumb filled plate, then at the half-empty basket of breadsticks. "Oh. Wow. I did."

"You did," Bada affirms, her expression amused. She scoots her chair closer and takes a sip of her own drink, her tongue darting out to lick her lips once she's done. You have the overwhelming urge to mimic the motion, but resist, choosing to instead stuff another breadstick in your mouth.

You swallow the last bits of the breadstick, wiping the crumbs off of your mouth, only for a new, smaller, crumb to appear. Bada notices, and when she raises her arm, your breath hitches. You feel her soft hand graze the side of your face, the pad of her thumb rubbing the crumb off your lip.

"There we go," Bada smiles, satisfied. You can't help but lean into her touch, the warmth of her skin a pleasant contrast against the cold room.

You're startled out of the moment when the waiter appears, setting a basket of warm bread down. You jump, moving away from Bada.

"Have we decided what we'd like to eat?" he asks, his accent thick.

Bada nods, seemingly unaffected by the exchange. "Yes, we're ready. I'll have the Frutti di Mare."

"Great choice," the waiter says. "And, for you, miss?"

"Um, Spaghetti," you answer, your voice strained. 

The waiter scribbles down the order. "Anything else to drink?"

"I’m good, thank you," Bada answers, her tone sweet, smiling gratefully at the man.

"I'll be right back with your food," the waiter bows his head, his ponytail bouncing, and swiftly leaves the table, leaving the two of you alone. 

Avoiding eye contact with Bada, you grab ahold of your glass and drink. The air crackles with something subtle, and you find yourself stealing glances at Bada’s pretty face in between sips, your cheeks warming.

But you needed to get down to business. It’s already been two days since you discussed fake-dating, and this is the first time you’ve done anything together. The clock was ticking.

You placed your drink down on the table and swallowed loudly, causing Bada to stop fiddling with the napkin in front of her in favor of looking at you. 

"So," you start.

"So," she copies.

"What's the plan?" you ask, drumming your fingers against the table.

Bada's eyebrows furrow again. "The plan?"

"For the whole Cupid thing," you clarify.

"Oh," she says, blinking. "Right. Well, I was thinking, that this was sort of the plan."

"This being..."

"Dinner. At a fancy restaurant," she responds, gesturing to her surroundings. "People will see us hanging out together here, and it'll get the rumor mill running. I wouldn't be surprised if the media picked it up, honestly. I think it's a pretty solid first step. We're just planting the seeds,"

You nod. "Yeah, okay. That makes sense. How do we get from here to actually dating?"

She leans back in her chair, pondering the question. "Hm. I don't know. An Instagram post, maybe? A soft launch?"

You consider this. "Okay, sure. But, what would the picture be of? This is all so, vague."

Bada shrugs, nonchalant. "We'll figure it out as we go. We're gonna be spending a lot of time together for the next few days so there'll be plenty of opportunities for pictures. For now, I think we should just enjoy dinner. We're supposed to look like a couple in love right now and I don't know if trying to scientifically plan a soft launch is really giving romance."

"Right," you sigh. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Bada says, reaching across the table to give your hand a quick squeeze.

You're interrupted by the waiter returning, bringing the food. He carefully sets the dishes down, and a delectable smell fills the air.

"Bon appetit," the waiter bows his head and disappears again.

"Thanks," you call after him, taking a moment to observe the meal.

"It looks great," Bada comments, reaching for her fork.

"It does," you agree, grabbing your own utensils. You take a tentative bite, moaning loudly as the flavors immediately explode in your mouth. "Holy fuck."

Bada stares at you, wide-eyed and frozen, a piece of pasta still stuck on her fork.

You blush, covering your mouth. "Oh my gosh, sorry."

She gulps, snapping out of her stupor. "No, no, it's fine. That was just, a, uh. It seems like you really like it!"

"It's really good," you confirm, your words muffled by the food.

"I can tell," Bada chuckles, her voice low and her eyes twinkling.

"Sorry. I'm gonna try not to embarrass myself any more," you say, chewing more delicately.

She laughs softly. "There's no need to apologize. You're funny, y/n," Bada says, the sincerity of her words and the fondness in her tone making heat rise to your cheeks. 

You eat the rest of your food quietly, listening to the bustling noise around you, the sound of Bada's utensils clinking against her plate unusually relaxing.

As you're finishing your last bits of pasta, a group of loud voices and giggles pass by your table. One of the girls, a brunette, notices the two of you and stops.

"Oh, my god," you hear the girl not-so-discreetly whisper, clutching her friends' arms. "Is that who I think it is?"

You glance at Bada, and she's looking at you. You raise an eyebrow.

"Bada Lee and...I don't know who that is? Who is that?" The brunette's friend replies.

You look down, pretending not to hear the conversation.

"I don't know either. You think that's her girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?! No way. They're probably just hanging out or something."

At this, Bada drops her fork and reaches across the table for your hand, grabbing it gently.

"You okay, baby?" Bada asks, her tone sugary sweet.

You're taken aback by the pet name. But, you decide to play along. You smile at her, placing your other hand over hers. "I'm fine, sweetie. Just a little tired."

"Do you wanna leave, honey?"

"I think I'll be fine," you grin.

"If you're sure," Bada smiles, stroking the back of your hand with her thumb.

"I'm positive, honey bunch," you affirm, biting onto your bottom lip to contain your laughter. 

"Aw, they're cute!" the brunette sighs. "I've gotta tell Sooyoung about this."

"Yeah, we should leave them alone, though. Let's go."

You and Bada watch the pair walk away. As soon as the women are out of sight, the two of you burst into laughter, dropping the facade.

"Did you see their faces?" Bada giggles.

"'Who is that?'" you imitate, your voice high pitched and nasal.

"Baby," Bada says, smirking. 

You laugh, but the endearment sends butterflies to your stomach. "Sweetie."

"Honey bunch," Bada grins.

"Honey bunny," you fire back.

"My love," she replies, tilting her head with a smirk, her voice playful. 

"Lovebug," you answer, raising an eyebrow.

"Is this foreplay?" she jokes, laughing. 

"I mean, if you want it to be, I'm not stopping you," you say, the words slipping out before you can stop yourself. Bada's eyes shoot up, and you feel slightly mortified and shocked by your own brazenness. 

"Do you mean that?" Bada asks, her voice dropping down an octave.

You open your mouth, then shut it. This is odd. You were regretting your lack of filter at first, but Bada seemed a bit too intrigued by the idea of consensual foreplay with you. She could just be joking, or really committing to the fake-dating bit. The look in her eyes was telling you otherwise, though.

However, you're cut off by the waiter reappearing. "May I interest you in dessert, or shall I bring the check?" he asks.

"Just the check, please," she says, not breaking eye contact with you.

The waiter bows, leaving the table once more.

You opt to stare down at the table. "I'll pay half," you offer, avoiding her earlier question.

"It's on me," Bada says. "I brought you here."

"Thank you."

"It's no problem," she says, a small smile on her lips.

Once the waiter comes back, Bada gives him her card. When he returns to your table with the receipt, Bada locks eyes with you, your heart thumping loudly.

"Let's get out of here," Bada says, and you nod.

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You stand at the entrance of the restaurant, a gentle breeze caressing your face. Your hands are stuffed in the pockets of your coat, and the chilly air nips at the tip of your nose.

"Are you ready?" Bada asks from behind you. You turn around to look at her, and the way her eyes reflect the light of the streetlamps above you causes your chest to tighten.

"Ready," you confirm, a hint of a smile on your face.

"Alright," Bada says, shoving her phone, which you don't remember seeing her pull out, into her coat pocket. She leads you to her car, opening the passenger seat door for you.

"Thanks," you smile, and she responds with a nod. 

After the door is closed, she goes around to the driver's seat, starting the engine and driving out of the parking lot. You're both silent as she navigates through the streets. You peer out the window, watching the city lights flicker and blur as you replay tonight's events, attempting to ignore the now obvious tension. 

"So," Bada breaks the silence, causing you to whip your head toward her. "You still haven't fully explained to me what plans you have in mind for that camera you're wanting so badly."

"Well," you begin, relieved that she took the conversation in this direction. "I love what I do at JustJerk. Seriously, watching you guys dance is amazing, and the people are the best. But, I don't want my career to end there. I want to do more on top of that, diversify my portfolio and all. What I really want to do is get onto a music video set. Maybe start directing, too. One day."

Bada hums and smiles. "That's amazing."

"Thanks," you grin, scratching the back of your neck.

"With all due respect, though, do you really need the new equipment for that? You do such a good job with our choreography videos. I don't know anything about videography, but I'd be surprised if that alone couldn't get your foot in the door."

"Well," you draw out, considering your words. "That's probably true. But, I don't think I'm that lucky. The equipment will help, the camera will be useful...the lenses will be nice to have…”

Bada frowns. "Have you given it a shot yet, though? As much as I'm going to try my hardest to help you win this money, realistically, there's a good chance that we still won't win. I'd hate to see you postpone your dreams just because of this camera, or because of this project."

You pause, staring at the car's interior, listening to the sound of the engine running, lost in thought. You weren't sure if it was because you admired Bada so much, or if it was something about her tone, but you were actually starting to rethink things. Perhaps you were holding yourself back a bit. 

"Maybe," you simply respond, unable to say much else. 

"I mean, the equipment will probably help," Bada concedes. "But, not having it won't stop you, I'm sure. Our videographers really don't get enough credit. But, you're all great and you're especially amazing at what you do, y/n. The only reason why I haven't gotten around to working with you is because the other dancers keep getting to you first," she admits, bitterly. 

"Wow," you breathe. "Thank you."

"Of course. You're awesome," she says, the confidence in her words filling your heart.

"So are you," you say, turning away from her, trying not to blush.

"I know. You’ve said it already," Bada smirks, and you simply roll your eyes. 

A more comfortable silence envelops the two of you, and the tension from before dissipates. You lean back in the passenger seat, a smile on your face, feeling content.

Soon, Bada pulls up outside of your apartment, and you're disappointed. 

"This is you," Bada announces.

"Yep," you nod.

"I had a lot of fun tonight," she says, smiling.

"Me too," you reply with a matching smile. "Thank you for dinner."

"It was no problem," she states, waving her hand.

You step outside, but, before closing the car door, you hesitate. "Um," you say, unsure.

"What is it?" Bada asks, a hint of worry in her tone.

"Can I give you a hug?" you blurt out.

Bada looks startled, but her expression softens. "Sure," she nods, turning the engine off and stepping outside.

You meet her on the sidewalk, and pull her into a hug, wrapping your arms around her torso and pressing your cheek against her chest. She hugs back, and you swear that you can hear her heartbeat.

"Goodnight," Bada whispers into your hair.

"Goodnight," you echo, pulling away, already missing her warmth.

She opens the car door again, ducking inside. "Text me when you get upstairs," she instructs.

"I will," you promise.

"Great. Goodnight, y/n," she smiles.

"Goodnight, Bada," you reply, watching her drive away. Once her car disappears, you sigh.

As you trudge up the stairs to your apartment, a single question repeats in your mind: What the fuck am I doing?

You finish cleaning up and getting ready for bed approximately two hours later. As you lay in bed, scrolling through social media, a post from a JustJerk fanpage catches your eye. It's a picture of Bada and you together at dinner, with the caption, "Caught on a date?!"

You laugh at the predictability of the situation, and just as you're about to turn off your phone, you think to check Bada's Instagram, curious. She posted a new story.

You tap it, and it's a picture of you, taken from behind, standing outside the restaurant. There are no words attached to the picture. Just one, pink heart.

You smile, saving the picture, and fall asleep with the image burned into your mind.

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Three days later, you are stationed near your camera, watching Bada teach. The day after your fake dinner date, she sent you a text describing the next stage of the plan, which was attending each other's events and collaborating in public whenever it seemed right. This initially felt like an excellent idea. You'd been dying to watch and record one of Bada's classes since you started working at JustJerk, and it brought you guys one step closer to convincing everyone you were seriously dating. What could go wrong?

The actual execution of this idea turned out to be much more distressing than you previously imagined. It started this morning when you were filming Minho's class. You kneeled in the front of the room, prepping your camera as Minho made rounds around the studio to talk to his students individually. Engrossed with your equipment, you didn't hear the sounds of the door opening and closing, or the following eruption of loud murmuring. It was not until you saw a pair of sneakers stop in front of you and caught a whiff of a now-familiar sweet aroma, that you bothered to glance up. When you did, you found yourself making eye contact with Bada, holding a bouquet.

"These are for you," Bada said, a proud smile on her face. 

Your jaw dropped and you scrambled to get up, almost knocking the camera over. They were roses, vibrant and beautiful against the dull gray of the dance studio. No one had done this for you before. 

"They're gorgeous," you whispered, accepting the flowers.

"I'm glad you think so," she replied, her smile deepening as she observed your reaction. You cradled the bouquet in your hands, inhaling the smell of the roses with a pleased hum and missing the endeared expression on Bada's face. You certainly didn’t see the way she started to lean forward to press a soft kiss to your forehead. Shocked, you loosened your grip on the bouquet, feeling nothing but the rush of warmth spread through every inch of you as a result of her tiny peck. 

She shifted back, as relaxed as ever. "I gotta go, but I'll see you later?" 

"Definitely," you nod, clutching the bouquet once again, head spinning.

"Great." She nodded, then made her way out of the studio.

After she left, you turned to face the room, only to be met with everyone’s staring. Right. That is what this is about. Getting attention. Nothing else. 

You glanced at Minho, who had a teasing smirk on his face.

"What?" you asked him, scowling. 

"Nothing," he laughed, then restarted his class. 

Now you are recording Bada's class. Or at least, that’s what you’re supposed to be doing. But, having to observe her so confidently lead her students through a routine, hearing her call out corrections with a simultaneously gentle yet demanding tone, noticing how hard her abs are when she lifts her shirt to wipe the sweat from her brow for the last hour? It's been painful. You're so busy trying not to swoon you've nearly forgotten to press record a couple of times.

She suddenly looks at you, flashing a small smile at you accompanied by crinkling eyes. You give her a thumbs-up and quickly shift your gaze toward the camera as if you were busy setting the frame, even though the shot is already perfect.

Bada returns her focus to the class, and the lesson continues. Every once in a while, Bada walks over to you, checking in and asking how everything is going. Each time, she offers a smile, a wink, or some form of encouragement, and every time, it takes everything in your power not to blush. She's clearly playing it up for the audience, but the effect she has on you is no act.

Her students are buying it, though. The moment she gets near you, the girls (and a few guys) start whispering amongst themselves. It's working.

"Alright," Bada claps, signaling the end of the session. "That's it for today. Good job, everybody."

"Thank you, teacher!" they all exclaim, bowing and gathering their things.

You're packing up your camera when you feel a pair of hands grasp your waist. Startled, you drop your tripod.

"Gotcha," Bada giggles.

"Shit, that scared me," you say, placing a hand on your heart.

"Sorry, sorry," she laughs. "How'd the recording go?"

"Pretty good," you say, bending down to pick up the tripod. Bada immediately crouches, beating you to it. "Thank you."

"No problem" she says, straightening up, extending the tripod towards you.

"Thanks," you say again, taking the device from her. "Anyway, you did good. It's not going to need much editing."

"Really?" Bada smiles. "Thank you. That means a lot, actually."

"It’s no problem," you grin, suppressing the fluttering in your stomach. "And, uh, thanks again for the flowers, by the way. They were beautiful."

“You are very welcome. Just fulfilling my fake-girlfriend duties," Bada beams, and you have to look away.

"Well, anyway, I should probably head home," you say, avoiding eye contact. "Gotta get started on the footage."

She tilts her head. "Uh, I don’t think so. That’s gonna have to wait for tomorrow,” 

"Huh? Why?" you ask, confused.

"Because, y/n, we're going bowling with Youngj and them? Don't tell me you forgot," she chides, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh," you say, remembering. "I thought that was supposed to be later."

"It's 7:30," she says, a slight frown on her face.

"Fuck," you curse, running a hand through your hair. "Sorry, I'll get out of here."

"We have to go there together," Bada reminds you.

"Shit. Okay, yeah, let's go," you sigh.

"Are you okay?" she asks, concern etched onto her features.

"Yes. No. Ugh. Sorry, I just had a lot on my mind today. Didn't get much sleep," you say, rubbing your eyes. It wasn’t a complete lie. Ever since your date at the restaurant, you’ve been getting bombarded with messages from friends asking about the two of you, giving you little time to rest alongside your work for Justjerk. There was more going on today, though. 

"That sucks," Bada sympathizes. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really," you answer, bluntly.

"Okay," she says, softly. "But, if and when you do, I’m all ears."

"Thanks, Bada. I appreciate it," you reply, and a part of you is telling yourself not to get attached. But the bigger part of you, the part that wants nothing more than to fall into her arms, tells that smaller part to fuck off.

"Of course. Anyway, we should really get going," she says, and you follow her out the door, leaving your thoughts and feelings behind.

read part two

#bada lee #bada lee fanfic #bada lee fluff #bada lee x reader #bada lee x y/n #lee bada #street woman fighter 2 #swf2 #bada lee imagine

[eowyntheavenger]

Hi! I saw your post on telling Americans to vote, and I was wondering what you think of posts from people from other parts of the world who are calling Americans evil for voting for Biden because of his support for Israel. I've seen a few already. They seem to be completely convinced that Americans deliberately voted for Biden specifically to side against Palestine and no other reason, and spread the general (pretty ignorant and hateful) message of "Americans are evil because of the actions of their government and because they collectively refuse to vote for a president who is good and not simply 'the lesser of two evils'". It frustrates me because they seem to think they're experts on US politics, culture, and society and have all the answers, but it also makes me concerned because it reminds me of the whole Russian bot thing from last time. Like, I'm 99% sure the people reblogging these posts aren't Russian bots (don't know about the OPs though), and they unquestioningly believe this. What do you think of this and how would you go about addressing this issue? Do you think it's possible to get them to understand how little they actually know about the US and how they're actually promoting a message that makes things worse for everyone? I've also seen less scathing posts that are just disheartened and don't seem to believe the democrats are truly better to vote for than the republicans and so it's just two sides of the same coin. To be fair, I think that sort of feeling is only further encouraged because there didn't really seem to be much if any progress made with Biden, not even back to square one after Trump moved the country so far backwards. I think most Americans really wish the elections actually had good candidates and they could pick the best of two goods, but are frustrated and stuck with the current system and don't know how to actually get to the point where there are good candidates. (Though personally I think voting for the one who isn't actively trying to make themselves a king with unlimited terms is a decent start. I can understand the frustration though.)

Hi! Thanks for the ask. This stuff worries me too. I've gotten comments on my posts like that too, telling me/other Americans that we're evil for voting for Biden.

But I've seen a much larger number of comments and posts from people outside the United States BEGGING us to vote for Biden. I literally get tags like that on my posts EVERY DAY urging Americans to vote blue. So I think that's valuable context, even if it doesn't solve the problem of the "I hate everybody who votes for Biden" crowd.

And yes, it's definitely a shitty argument on their part to claim that people voting for Biden are specifically siding against Palestine. Literally every single person I know in real life and online who plans to vote for Biden has been criticizing and protesting his policies on Palestine.

In terms of convincing the anti-voters that they're wrong, honestly, I don't know. They don't listen to reason and they seem intent on spreading despair. Some of Biden's policies have been terrible (Willow oil-drilling project), some of them have been downright evil (military aid to Israel), but I'm a rational person and I know that Trump is worse in every respect.

I've tried debating them. It's been pointless every time. They genuinely don't know how the government works, which scares me. Common takes include: 1) a genuine lack of awareness of how pro-Israel Trump and the right wing are, combined with magical thinking that a virtually unknown third party candidate can win the presidential election, 2) truly impressive mental gymnastics blaming Biden for the overturn of Roe v. Wade, and 3) continuing the mental gymnastics to blame Biden and the Democrats for anti-trans policies...

I guess my advice is to either ignore them and move on, or debunk things when you have time/energy? It's easier said than done, I know. There's nothing more annoying than someone being stupid on the internet, especially when they accuse you of stuff that just isn't true, and especially when they're spreading dangerous misinformation or voter-suppression rhetoric.

Like you, I'm highly suspicious of anyone who advocates AGAINST voting, or against voting blue. And I agree, many of these people are not bots, like you said, but I call them useful idiots, because they're doing the bots' work for them.

The one thing you said that I'm going to push back on is "there didn't really seem to be much if any progress made with Biden." Biden's actually made lots of progress on a variety of issues, and reversed some of Trump’s damage, it just doesn't get a lot of fanfare and it’s unfortunately happening at the same time as Republican gains in state legislatures and while they control the Supreme Court. But Biden and his administration have:

• invested billions in green architecture and clean energy, including making sure federal investments benefit low-income communities

• introduced new fines for companies' methane emissions

• introduced a plan to cut the federal government's greenhouse gas emissions by 65% by 2030 (that includes the military, which is a huge emitter)

• passed a huge bill for improving the country's infrastructure, including bridges, roads, broadband and more

• introduced first-ever national strategy on gender equality and equity and pushed Congress to pass the Equal Rights Amendment

• fought for women's reproductive rights after the overturn of Roe v. Wade

• put more women, people of color, and women of color on the federal bench than any of his predecessors combined

• nominated Kentaji Brown Jackson as the first Black woman to serve on the Supreme Court

• boosted funding to historically Black colleges

• ordered the DOJ to end the use of private prisons by the federal government

• pardoned thousands of people convicted on federal marijuana charges

• created a White House office of gun violence prevention

• passed the Respect for Marriage Act, guaranteeing federal rights and benefits for same-sex couples

• rolled out a series of actions to protect the rights and safety of the LGBTQ+ community, including protecting queer and trans foster youth, improving access to mental health services, and addressing the rise in hate crimes

• challenged discriminatory state bans against gender-affirming care and trans athletes

• called to support trans youth in State of the Union address and restored the White House tradition of recognizing Pride Month

• changed passport rules so that people can obtain a passport with no gender marker

• examined efforts by each federal agency to advance LGBTQ+ rights around the world

• reversed Trump's transgender military ban

• protected the rights of incarcerated trans people

• forgave billions in student debt, repeatedly, and introduced penalties for college programs that trap students in debt

• slashed bank overdraft fees

• expanded guaranteed overtime pay for millions of people

• made union-busting harder

• prevented discriminatory mortgage lending

• made efforts to expand the child tax credit, which could lift hundreds of thousands of children out of poverty

• cracked down on agriculture monopolies to support farmers and small businesses

• made it so the government is going to start taking drug companies' patents away if they don't make affordable drugs

• made over-the-counter birth control pills available for the first time

• lowered the cost of hearing aids and expanded access to them

• spent millions of dollars on students' mental health

• reversed discriminatory healthcare rules

• reinvigorated cancer research

• announced plans to replace all leaded pipes in the next ten years as well as combatting lead exposure abroad

• changed rules for how people can get aid after disasters so they can get more protection and immediate payments more easily

• introduced new data privacy rules protecting people from tech companies

• pushed the federal government to monitor AI risks

• maintained steadfast support for Ukraine in the face of Russian aggression

• maintained steadfast support for Taiwan in the face of Chinese intimidation

• strengthened ties with allies in Asia and the Pacific Islands

• pledged climate change assistance to low-lying Pacific Island countries

• literally IMMEDIATELY after being elected, Biden fortified DACA, rejoined the Paris Agreement, and ended Trump's discriminatory "Muslim ban", ended the Keystone XL Pipeline and fossil duel development in wildlife monuments, (same as last link) rejoined the WHO, strengthened COVID-19 response measures on a variety of fronts, re-included non-citizens in the U.S. census, and passed executives orders on racial equity in the federal government

And I'm sure there's more I left out.

There are also things Biden does that literally don’t make the news, but matter a lot, like funding the Postal Service, and continuing to have a State Department so we can conduct overseas diplomacy (Trump tried to defund the USPS and wants to purge the State Department and fill it with loyalists).

#asks #US politics #Biden administration #I'm planning to make an even more comprehensive post at some point #my post

[survivalove]

one example of atla fans’ media illiteracy is that they don’t understand the past avatars’ advice was written in a way that’s so vague that aang literally does everything they told him to do.

i see so many takes being like aang just ignored his past lives or even yangchen would’ve blah blah and i’m like. how did you miss the point that badly???

so i’m gonna point out all the ways the writers wrote around what the previous avatars said so that aang actually does what they all advised:

starting with the most obvious point: none of them actually tell him to end ozai.

kyoshi: “only justice will bring peace.”

aang? takes away ozai’s bending so the fool rots in a prison cell for the rest of his life.

the world? at peace.

kuruk: “aang, you must actively shape your own destiny and the destiny of the world.”

aang? makes his own choice against what everyone tells him to do and literally ends a war that was going on for centuries.

the world? destiny changed!

yangchen (because for some reason you all don’t get this one and it’s just never been clearer to me lmao): “selfless duty calls you to sacrifice your own spiritual needs, and do whatever it takes to protect the world.”

so let’s point out some key words:

selfless duty calls you to sacrifice your own spiritual needs, and do whatever it takes to protect the world.

and let’s go back to aang taking ozai’s bending away, but before that, when he says this right before even meeting the lion turtle.

aang: “I guess I don't have a choice, Momo. I have to kill the Fire Lord.” - Selfless duty

see even just like you guys, aang didn’t catch the signs, but that’s okay! cuz shortly after this the lion turtle starts to move and makes itself known to aang, and reward him for sticking to his faith.

now, let’s look at what the lion turtle was actually saying and how this aligns with yangchen’s advice:

lion turtle: “To bend another's energy, your own spirit must be unbendable or you will be corrupted and destroyed.” - is the willingness to Sacrifice his literal Spirit sinking in yet??

if not, here’s what was actually happening while he said that:

[As he speaks, Ozai's energy begins to make its way to Aang's body, consuming the blue and replacing it with red energy. Cut to a view above Aang looking down at his face as the energy reaches his face and continues to cover the beams shining out his mouth and eyes. Cut to a side-view as the red light begins to take control and the blue light diminishes. Cut to close-up of Aang as the red energy has taken over almost completely with just one eye left...]

WHATEVER IT TAKES?? literally? like hello

i feel like because this is a kid’s show and that it was obviously gonna have a happy ending, that people take for granted what aang did and what he was willing to do.

he put his literal spirit on the line to end the war, and this was after he was running trying to spare ozai for an hour.

and then you say you wanted him to end him. and sure yeah, let’s pretend that doesn’t go against the whole show and would’ve ruined his entire arc for a seeeecond, how exactly is that supposed to be more satisfying or end any differently to what we got? aang would’ve still been hit with the rock ex machina. ozai would be dead sure but the climax would be a lot less visually appealing, and everyone in the world would STILL be at peace except for…. oh right. AANG.

#atla #aang #sozin’s comet #yangchen #like please stop using yangchen for your stupid arguments #when you didn’t even bother to understand what she said #or what literally everyone else said?? #including the damn lion turtle #longer than i expected #my bad #anti atla fandom

[ravencincaide]

A second chance at life 

Summary:  You were done with life, done with being trapped and abused. But it was just your luck that you’d try to take your life on the borders with Port Mafia territory. And that there’d be an executive who had opinions. OR the time you found out that not all Mafia are heartless bastards. 

Pairing: Suicidal reader  x Chuuya Nakahara 

Raven’s Special prompt: “Hi Raven, I'm the same anon that asked for the Chuuya x fem reader where she's abused and runs away, I forgot to add that reader is poc (brown skin).” 

Warnings: Dark content with triggers, proceed at your own risk!

This fic contains: suicidal reader (who’s making an attempt- jumping), hint abusive-manipulative past/family, Cursing & mature language, Chuuya comfort/help, I think I didn’t miss anything.. i hope. Hope this brings you comfort and that you enjoy~

“ Oj don’ even think about it; I ain’t got any fucking wish to waste man-power on cleaning up civil splatter” 

You froze in your spot; your hands automatically re-grasped the safety bar of the rooftop,  keeping you upright and steady on the edge you were just about to leap off of. “ W-What?” you asked as you turned your head to the right, towards the stylish ginger haired man who had appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Instead of trying to talk you down from your suicide attempt however he just proceeded to light himself a cigarette. He took a deep drag of it before he pointed towards the ground below. “ The fucking ledge bottoms out onto Mafia territory. You jump- my men gotta clean that shit up” he answered in the most unbothered tone anyone could master as he took several steps towards you in warning. Something told you that even if you were to let go of the bar, he’d reach you quicker and pull you back to safety than you could accomplish your goal. Then he’d no doubt hound your ass for ignoring him.

You did not have the energy for all that drama. But you didn’t know what to say to him. You were so tired of life; of being a bother. A burden to everyone around you. Not good enough for anyone- in fact it was better if you weren’t around. But were you selfish enough to cause him more work? You glanced back at him; took notice of the dark rings below his eyes. The paleness of his skin made him look almost sickly. A powerful yet exhausted man. “ Sorry” you mumbled as you moved your body into a sitting position in defeated surrender. It seemed you were incapable of even dying right. Silence lingered for a while- you thought he had finished up his cigarette and left. Instead you heard him light another one somewhere above you.

“ So, why aren’t you trying again elsewhere? Packing your shit and getting away from whatever’s driven you up here?” You snapped your head up to face him but he wasn’t looking at you. His body leaned against the railing, his focus onto the city below. An unreadable expression on his face. 

You scoffed at him. “ Please, where the hell would I go? I’m penniless and unlike those pretty white chicks, I won’t get a job overnight. Even as an escort” you didn’t bother saying that your family held onto your payslips with no chance for you to gather even a little bit of savings. You were literally trapped under their control- a puppet to be pushed and pulled at their every beck and call. “ Ehh so you think it’s easier for ‘em?” He sounded doubtful yet curious. “ I know it is,” you answered somberly, “ It took me a year to get the job I have now- had to beg an old classmate for her to recommend me. Still I’m the lowest paid among all my other colleagues with the same title and less experience. And get reminded daily that if I don’t like it, I'm replaceable.” You sighed and rested your head back on top of your knees. “ ‘round here it’s hopeless and I got no money to go elsewhere” In your eyes, you were trapped with no reasonable way out. It left you with suicide as your only option. Your only hope. And even it was stripped away from you, leaving a dull numbness in your body. A defeated surrender to your fate. Silence lingered for a while longer as he finished his cigarette and lit himself another. Clearly not denying your words as if understanding both the said and unsaid implications behind them “ You willing to work hard?” he asked suddenly. You snapped your head up and fixed him with a determined look. “ Harder than anyone you know.” you promised in a heartbeat. You did not care to know what his offer entailed. After all, what did you have to lose? Your enthusiasm amused him. It prompted the man to stretch a gloved hand down towards you. You stared at it for a long while before you finally rested your fingers in it. The leather was cool to the touch, his grip strong as he pulled you up to your feet in a single tug. He shifted his hold and then shook your hand, as though you two had just reached a deal. A mutual agreement. 

“ Well kiddo I got an idea what the Port Mafia’s gonna do with you.” he smirked a boyish grin. An action that should have filled you with dread, but instead, you felt hope. A ray of light amidst the suffocating darkness “ Port Mafia?” you asked instead making him bark out a laugh. “ Damned right. From now on you’re Port Mafia property, and I, Chuuya Nakahara, am your boss”  

Author note:  Sweden is placed in the top four for racial equality IN THE WORLD Still those with non Swedish sounding names get significantly less callbacks for job applications than those with Swedish sounding names. Of those called to interview, how many get rejected because of accent/way of pronouncing words, skin colour or religious expression is something we’ll never know. And the thought of what and how it is in the rest of the world just shows what a cruel, unequal and sad world we live in. Truly it is a heartbreaking reality we exist in. This fic tried to portray that while adding a tiny bit of hope that only Chuuya could gift.. Hope it served its purpose.

Liked this work and want to see more? Check out Raven's masterlist for more stuff to read! ©ravencincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reposted/copied anywhere else without my consent, please inform me!

#raven's special #raven cincade's works #Raven's drabbles #Raven's short fics #chuuya x reader #chuuya x y/n #chuuya x you #chuuya x fem!reader #bsd POC #Chuuya comfort #Chuuya hurt comfort #racial equality #why is the world so cruel?

[adviceformefromme]

Hiii,

I would love to have your insight on my issue or crisis.

I'm now living alone. I moved out (I used to live with a family friend, but she has an awful character, and I always get sick there due to being stressed out/overworked, I worked for her because she owns a business, and she isn't paying me enough, she pays me a quarter and even less from everyone else), and I was supposed to have a job, I applied, get hired and all that but it didn't turned out well. So, now I'm unemployed, and I'm looking for a job again. But it's been over a month, and my anxiety is skyrocketing. I'm so worried over the next few weeks because I might run out of money, and I have pills to pay, food, and everything else. I am budgeting what's left to fit all my expenses. I am so worried. I don't have anyone I can confide to, ask for help, or anything. I feel so alone and miserable. I really don't know what to do anymore.

I'm still currently applying for a job, hopefully I'd get hired as soon as possible. But as of the moment, this situation is really taking a toll on my well-being. I can't sleep, and I'm constantly worrying about what might happen to me tomorrow, the next few days and weeks. I'm so stressed out. I really don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you for reading this. Would love to have your advice on this one. Love lots, and take care always xx.

Hey sweetie, omg I FEEL you! I have been there. I was thrown out and had no were to go when I was 19 and I was literally desperate. I had no money, no job and also when I was 21 same thing. As difficult as this situation is, you have to believe it's literally the moments before your break through, and this is where your task is to trust and lean into faith. I know you have a vision, of where you want to be, i know you are trying your very best to get there, or even just get on the path there so keep focusing on what you want, nothing less. Pour all your energy into where you want to be. Not who screwed you over, not how difficult life is. IGNORE THE 3D. Focus all your mental energy on where you want to be. This is going to require you to be pro-active in thinking positively. Things you can do right now to help yourself. 1] Grab a pen and paper or the notes in your phone. Write down exactly what you want. The vision. Let go of what you don't want otherwise you're dragging more of that into your future. Write about the dream job, where it is, what you wear to work, what time you wake up, what your new boss is like, get into DELULU. Make shit up. Be creative. As long as you write in present tense. I AM. Keep doing this. Time yourself for 5 mins writing (longer if you can). You also want to imagine the phone call receiving the good news. Just keep pretending 'OMG THEY OFFERED ME THE FUCKING JOB AGHHHHHH' literally go there, this is your oscar moment. Let the tears stroll down because you are so happy, the struggle is finally over. Pretend you're on the phone to your imaginary boyfriend telling him the best news about your new job. Imagine getting the keys to your dream apartment. As crazy as this all sounds the most important thing you do is FEEL into where you want to be, and do this as often as you can throughout the day. Become obsessed with your vision. Put hourly timers on your phone, the main goal is to move you out of the darkness you are in right now. 2] Listen to positive music. Let go of the depressing shit, listen to beautiful songs that make you feel hopeful, energised. Binural beats, pop music that uplifts you, harp playlists on youtube, whatever lifts your spirits, use sound to assist you. 3] Go for a run! Running is free. Is allows you to free your mind, shift your energy and realise some of the weight of the world. 4] Stop talking about what you don't want. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES speak from this moment on, about what you do not want. Don't speak on it. Words are spells, make sure you are only speaking on GOOD NEWS. If anyone asks you about your job search, tell them its going well and you're feeling like something good is about to happen. Pause mid sentence if you find yourself speaking negatively. 5] GET PREPARED. Mentally, physically. I'm not sure what country you are in but there are charities like 'Dress for Success' (globally) that help women with free work clothes, my friend used to volunteer there and they have incredible designer clothes they donate to women for work purposes. See what support is available to you and lean into it. 6] PRAY. Speak words to the unseen, ask for a sign, guidance, a job today, some money to come from somewhere, whatever feels natural for you. Lean on prayer for support. There is a GOD available to you, ready to help. Speak to him, ask him for help, don't be shy, if you're mad, if you're upset let him know. He is there for you, and will help and change your life. He has changed my life so much and I trust he can and will do the same for you. When you feel like you have no-one, I promise you, if you lean on God he will change your life like you could never imagine. I hope these points help sweetie. Sending all the love xoxoxox

#levelupjourney #lawofattraction #growthmindset #manifestyourreality #levelup confidence lawofattraction powerofthemind #levelup #manifest #manifesting #manifestingmindset #faithoverfear #trustingod

[faerybinn]

2:50 am. | choi soobin × reader

warnings: sleep paralysis, unedited (truthfully i haven't written in such a long time, so please ignore this rough draft type of a fic), kissing, soobin is just an absolute sweetheart of a man.

little note: hi guys!!! my names fae and this is my first fanfic for txt :,,) i haven’t written in such a long time, but i had a little sleep paralysis episode this morning and i decided to whip something up real quickly— then i realized: i don’t even have somewhere to post it… so here we are! i’m a new account and new writer so i hope you all enjoy!!

Almost everyone you know is an avid fan of sleeping. For some, it's the way they unwind or deal with stress; for most, it's the way they regain energy and feel like a functioning human being.

For you, it was absolute hell.

You had woken up an hour prior to this moment. You don't know why you woke up, nor do you truthfully remember falling back into dreams, but your sleep paralysis seemed to always hit when you fell in and out of sleep. You had no control over it and it always seemed to happen at the worst time.

Tonight was, of course, the first night your boyfriend was sleeping beside you in your bed.

You had dealt with sleep paralysis so many times before that now it seemed like second nature to you... but that didn't make it any less scary. However, it gave you the chance to warn Soobin before you fell asleep last night.

"So, if you feel me shaking or moving weirdly or anything just give me a solid slap, okay?" You breathed out, cinching your eyebrows together. You felt burdensome even telling him this.

Soobin smiled softly, his dimples on display as he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear and held your hand above the soft white comforter of your bed. "I won't let anything happen to you, love."

"Ugh." You cringed, shaking your head quickly as Soobins laugh graced your ears. "No it's literally stupid, just slap me and go back to sleep." With a huff you rolled over onto your side, ready to embrace the sleep you hoped would be comforting.

You felt an arm around your waist, tugging the comforter up and over your shoulder. “It's not stupid, YIN. It's a serious thing and it's probably terrifying." He protested, laying behind you as close as he possibly could.

"Don't worry, okay? Just rest and ill be here."

A big part of you had hoped you wouldn't have an episode tonight. Maybe you would be spared and nothing would happen. But, much to your dismay, that was not the case.

You can hear the whirring of your fan in your ears as your eyes slowly opened before shutting immediately when you realize you can't move your limbs. If you could sigh with disappointment, you would. Now that you've gotten used to the idea of it, it became easier to just shut your eyes and wait for it to pass— but the weight on your chest remained and attempting to wake your body up was never easy.

You waited patiently, attempting to even out your breathing and focus on wiggling your fingers and toes— nothing. You'd waited for a minute, two minutes.. three minutes.

It's around the four minute mark that you start to panic.

We're you in a coma? We're you dying? Was this the night where you were never going to wake up?

Thoughts jumbled up within your brain, but there was no way to escape them as your body remained frozen beneath the sheets.

You could feel your breathing change from even to heavy, your fingers shaking and grasping for any source of life to awaken your body. Soon your hands we're shaking along with them as you prayed to wake up before you opened your eyes to make sure everything was okay.

Please don't hallucinate... please.

It's with a soft pat to your shoulder that you awaken with a jolt, sitting up as you gasp for air and throw the comforter down to your feet. It takes a few deep breaths to center yourself before you bring your hands to your face, eyes beginning to water.

"Y/n?" A soft, deep voice calls behind you. You jump a little when you hear him, almost forgetting that you weren't alone.

How could you forget that your boyfriend is here? What time is it? Did you wake him up? How could you possibly think him staying here was a good idea before you got all of this figured out?

"Baby?" He speaks softly. You don't even turn around to look at him, you just fall back onto the pillow, head in your hands as you breathe out shakily.

“I’m sorry.” You speak, trying to mask your tear-jerked voice. "Everything's fine, go back to sleep."

He brings his hand to one of yours, dragging it away from your eyes before you feel his body snuggle closer to yours. "Did you have an episode?" His voice is sleep ridden, slightly hoarse and deep... and hot, but you weren't going to say anything about it at this moment in time.

You nod silently, feeling him breathe out beside you.

For a moment, you assume he'd fallen back asleep. Maybe he was halfway awake and wouldn't even remember what happened tomorrow. But you feel his body shift and his lips meet with the skin on your neck, planting kisses up towards your jaw, your cheek, your temple.

"You're safe."* He whispers, nuzzling his nose against the side of your cheek. "I'm sorry you couldn't just sleep through the night... I thought maybe me being here would help."

And it does. It does help. Normally, you would be completely alone and drift back into sleep just to go through that hell again. But having him here made you fully awake.. and to you, that was all you wanted.

You look at the clock which reads: 3:10 am. With a shaky sigh, you speak your needs anyway.

“Keep me awake for a little bit, please...”You whispered in response, holding fast to his hand. “If I fall back asleep directly after, it'll happen again."

You can feel him nod against your skin as he resumes kissing you, gently moving his arm to slide across your torso and hug you even closer to him. "Just relax... I won't let anything happen to you."

The words seemed cheesy before... but now, it was all you ever wanted to hear.

#soobin x reader #choi soobin #soobin #soobin imagines #soobin nightmare fic #soobin sleep paralysis fic #soobin fic #soobin fanfiction #txt fanfic #txt x reader

[guessimatarotgirlienow]

Welcome!!! I was intrigued by your account from Valentina because I kinda just started tarot too!!! (By kinda I mean I stare at the pretty cards and have no idea what they mean haha)

Here are some random questions about Harry! And some about his SM, which I know people read a lot about, but feel free to answer or ignore any of them!!

What is his energy right now in regard to his career? (Music or otherwise)

Are there any lessons he learned in 2023 that he is taking with him in 2024?

What does he need more in his life? What does he need less?

What are his views on his fans recently? (The past year or so)

Is there anything he should be looking out for this year? (Business opportunities, new people, symbols, etc.)

What is his outlook on love? (Very general lol)

Are there any obstacles he needs to overcome?

Regarding His Soulmate (I don’t know if this is something you want to read about, so again, feel free to ignore!!)

Is there anything he needs to do/go through before he meets his soulmate?

What is the strengths of their relationship?

What is the long-term potential of their relationship?

Is there any new revelations the soulmate will bring into his life?

What can he expect to learn from this connection?

Are there any past fears or insecurities from relationships that he needs to overcome?

Are they any external influences or factors that will try to disrupt their relationship? If so, what can they do to come out on top?

That’s all I have right now!!! Welcome again❤️💛❤️

Ahhhh omg thank you for the warm welcome and all the questions!! I’ll do one card for each but if anyone wants a more in depth reading for anything just ask!

Harry Styles Current Career Energy: Reversed Hangman woof….sounds like boy is going through it. Trials. Suffering. He’ll gain knowledge at the end of it….so to me this could be struggles with management/business stuff or he has set his standards for himself too high. Either way he’s got stuff to learn (little sprout has growing pains….to reference @readingsby-valentina )

Lessons from 2023: Six of Swords it actually sounds like he’s still in the middle of whatever lesson this is…and it sounds like it’s about moving forward/on despite the struggles….this could also require a lot of reflection on his part

Need More: Nine of Cups omg this sounds crazy knowing his stage presence by he needs confidence, needs to believe in himself and take pride in all he has accomplished thus far

Need Less: Reversed Three of Cups he needs less isolation, more celebrating his achievements and relying on those who support him.

View on Fans: Reversed Page of Swords I think he finds them a bit overwhelming

He Should Look Out For: (two cards came flying out together) Reversed Eight Pentacles and Reversed Six of Wands okay this sounds like he’s prone to repeating past mistakes and one of those past mistakes is not believing in himself

His Outlook in Love: Reversed Eight Cups yikes….sounds like he’s become a bit cynical….my rider-Waite deck shows a man walking away from eight full cups…seems like he’s not recognizing all the good things he’s experienced…could relate right to the lack of confidence. He’s not seeing what a good partner he has been

His Obstacles: Reversed Queen of Swords GOOD LORD THESE CARDS this one is once again….him lacking self confidence and expecting too much of himself

Soulmate Stuff (lols you have no idea how much I love soulmate stuff in any context)

Okay as I was shuffling Ten of Cups (literally a pic of a happy family and ten full cups in a rainbow) jumped right out so yeah…..the cards are ready to read for a soulmate relationship

Trails Before Meeting: King of Swords…..umm….following the queen this to me just says boy needs to learn to love himself and have confidence

Their Strengths Together: Five of Pentacles it’s a rough looking card but it just says they are gonna survive the good times and the bad

Long Term: Strength LOL THESE CARDS ARE NOT BEATING AROUND THE BUSH

New Revelations: Two Pentacles SERIOUSLY THESE CARDS this is the balance card. She’s gonna teach our boy balance which is another thing Val has said A LOT

What Will he Learn this one feels similar to the above and half the cards just kept falling on the floor so I’m going with it’s a repeat

Harry’s Past Fears to Overcome: Page of Cups this one was tricky for a minute until I remembered “Adore You” because my card LITERALLY has a guy staring at a fish in his cup………so I’d say he worries about giving too much in a relationship….almost loving them to death as he kind of does in the music video (if I’m remembering it right)

What Could Disrupt their Relationship and What They Can Do: (three cards came FLYING) Reversed World, Reversed Queen of Swords, and Queen of Cups….well the queen of swords is clearing Harry’s personal insecurities returning and with the world, which is also a self doubt card reversed, it sounds like this is a huge problem for them. But the queen of cups is literally like queen of empathy and emotions to me, so it sounds like just focusing on each other’s emotional needs and communicating will be the key

Wow! That was a lot but a lot of fun! Thanks!

Also sorry if the formatting is weird ugh technology

#harry styles

[gtraccoon]

final part. i’d be lying if i said this didn’t take forever oh my god, i needed a half good way to end it because of how much time i’ve spent on this. it’s lowkey sad it’s ending but i didn’t wanna over do it too much, like how much they did with the simpsons. (i’m sorry i love the old episodes but it’s getting to be a lot) between the lack of sleep and spraining my wrist i hope this is good enough, here yu go

His breathing hitched, and he pushed back a binder. No. No, no, no, this can’t be happening.

“Stan?” He exclaimed, frantically shoving his hands through his messily assorted backpack. He felt a tap on his shoulder. He whipped around, moving back. The kid’s eyes were wide, like he was shocked that Kyle was so quick, so jittery. His light blond hair moved in the wind, his hands pressed against himself. A light colored scar lined through his eye, the actual iris pale, a hint that the boy was half blind.

“Butters?”

“Uh… Yea… I uh, saw you lookin’ around for Stan. He’s not in there, I saw him, uh, some kids grabbed him up.” Butters said, holding his hands together, lowering his eyes nervously. Kyle quickly stood up, grabbing Butters’ shoulders, ignoring his attempt to pull back.

“Who?”

“I don’t know!” Butters shook his head, leaning back as a counter to Kyle’s hold, but ultimately getting nowhere.

“Butters, this is serious!”

“I-I know! Um, I just saw them go into, uh, the locker room. Boy’s.”

“Shit!” He exclaimed, letting go of Butters. The kid fell backwards, but Kyle wasn’t even paying attention anymore.

“Well—Wait!” Too many emotions. They coursed through his veins like lightning, dancing across the gloomy sky during a storm. His mind was storming, it felt like. His body was numb, and his head was light, but he had to get Stan back. He had been too worried about the possibility of Cartman getting to Stan, that he hadn’t payed attention to his backpack.

Where the kid actually was.

He dug his fingers into his skin, slamming the doors to the locker room open. A group of kids were huddled around a bench, crowded together like a cluster of trees. Their silhouettes were lit up by the light behind them, the stagnant and buzzing locker room light.

They turned to face him in unison, looking like robots with their dull eyes.

“Hey, you want your little friend back?” One of the kids said, his scratchy voice lingering. Kyle knew damn well he couldnt fight, he had literally used all of his energy to beat the shit out of Cartman less than an hour earlier.

Bluffing?

“Didn’t you see him beat Eric’s ass back there?” A sudden voice spoke behind him. He didn’t even need to look to know who it was. He shrugged, pushing it off like it was easy, when it definitely wasn’t. Why was Butters doing this? He had been rooting for Cartman, hadn’t he? It doesn’t make sense. But he wasn’t going to let this opportunity burn itself out, and this literally was his only chance.

“Just give him back and you won’t end up like that fatass.” Kyle muttered. He did mean it, he just wasn’t sure he could take on that many people. And he knew Butters wouldn’t help. Before he could even do anything, a violent knock at the door behind him shocked him.

“Hey! Teacher trying to get in on our fun!” One of the kids giggled, then cupped his hands around a tiny figure. Stan.

“Let’s just finish the doll up here.” Another kid, one with light blond hair, smiled. A smile completely devoid of any remorse for human life. Just because Stan wasn’t the size of a human didnt mean he didn’t think like one, feel like one.

He was lost in his thoughts. They grabbed at Stan’s limbs, the tiny boy’s screams dying into the stale air of the room. The flourescent light reflected off of his glossy eyes. He was sobbing.

He looked behind him, seeing that Butters had moved further away. He tried to speak, but nothing came out. Two insanely strong arms clamped around his, holding him in place, pinning him against the wall. He knew he couldn’t fight back. His arms felt like every atom in them were falling apart, falling asleep. He needed to wake up. Firey red hair draped infront of his face and tainted his vision, but he still saw their grotesque smiles.

How can they be so cruel? He wondered lightly to himself, feeling more and more emotionless about the entire situation. I mean, sure, he cared about Stan. But his reality was melting around him.

“Not fighting back? Makes it easier for us.”

The pained cries, the teachers outside the door. He had to make a decision.

Scream. Let them know. Let everyone know what happened. Stan would be potentially safe, but then again, everyone would know, so that could put him in even more danger.

Or sit here. That gives 0 chance for survival, considering at the hands of a bunch of middle schoolers Stan—who with anyone else, wouldn’t have survived this far—wasn’t going to live. Even if the kids changed their minds, found some mercy in their corrupted heads to understand that this wasn’t a toy or an animal but actually a human, they could squeeze too hard. Drop him. Step on him. Crush him.

Kyle really didn’t want to do this. He glanced up, watching them. They were going to pull him apart. They were pulling him apart.

Squeezing his eyes, he wrestled his arm free, after latching his teeth onto the boy’s arm. The metallic, warm taste of blood filled his mouth. Grabbing onto the lock of the door, it cracked open. Everyone sat in silence and confusion for a few moments, before the door flew open, a bunch of kids watching the commotion from behind the doors. A few adults came in, pulling everyone apart from each other.

He wanted to apologize, but he couldn’t see anymore. The last thing he actually felt was his head cracking against the cold damp tiles of the wall.

.

“Kyle. This behavior is very unprecedented, especially out of you!” His mom said, her tone so stern it could silence anything or anyone. His dad stood beside her, just disappointingly glaring at him. He didn’t know which one hurt more. “Hiding your friend from your family, from his family? Getting into a fight?”

“I was just trying to help him.” Kyle muttered, avoiding eye contact.

“Your friend was in an accident, something nobody can explain. That’s not something you deal with. It’s something you let adults deal with.” His dad’s expression was deadpanned but it was clear how pissed he was.

“Well, sorry. My bad. I want to talk to him. Where is he.”

“At the hospital.” She said, and he stood up.

“Why? He’s not hurt?”

“They’re trying to figure out what’s wrong with him.”

“Nothings wrong with him! Jesus Christ, you’re sounding like something’s wrong with you.” The words poured out of his mouth like bitter molten lava, but he didn’t have time to apologize. Turning around, he slammed the door shut behind him.

Those people who call themselves doctors are going to kill him. They’re gonna tear him apart like a piece of paper, then stitch him back together and call him fine. Their needles…

He grabbed his skateboard, and just as he was about to leave, his dad stepped outside. He turned around, narrowing his eyes.

“Don’t. The hospitals miles away… I… I’ll just drive you.” He said, nodding Kyle towards his car. He didn’t smile, or thank him, or show any kind of gratitude. His mind was occupied, so he just jumped in. The ride there felt like hours, his anticipation building inside him.

What if Stan doesn’t want to see me? What if he’s mad because of what I did?

He rested his head on his arms, looking out his car window. He could see the reflection of his own eyes in the window, but he forced himself to close them. He needed to calm down.

Every time he looked anywhere he just pictured Stan’s terrified expression.

The car suddenly stopped, and his head hit the side of the windowsill, jolting him awake.

“I’ll wait in the car, okay?”

“Yeah.” He looked back, lowering his eyes. “Thanks.” He muttered, as he hopped out of the car. His old converse hit the ground, oil and water splashing up the sides. He half considered turning back, getting in the car and just leaving, but he couldn’t.

The hospital doors creaked open. The air was still, and it smelled musty. The area was so clean, so white, it burned his eyes. He walked up to the reception desk, pressing his hands into the counter so hard it felt like his fingers would break backward.

“Um. I need to see, uh, Stan.. Stanley Marsh, please.” The worker looked up at him.

“Relative?”

“I-Huh?”

“Are you related to him?” She asked, and he froze. They wouldn’t let anyone but family visit, right? But what if she checked? He shrugged, then nodded.

“Yes. I’m his brother. Got it? Okay?” He anxiously rocked back and forth, watching as she clicked a few buttons on her computer.

“Sure, just go. 2nd floor, 3rd door on your right.” She muttered, her dark eyes cutting through his lies, but it seemed she didn’t care enough to call him out for it. He wrapped his arms around himself, turning on his heels and leaving. This was such a bad idea.

The stairs were loud, the tapping of his footfalls sounded more like the ticking of a clock, which didn’t do much to make him feel better. The railing was ice cold against his palms.

I just want to hold him again. Know he’s safe.

He stopped outside the door, pressing his hand against the wood. His arms were weak. His knuckles were numb from the fight, his arms aching from the kids who grabbed him.

Cmon. Cmon, why the hell are you so nervous? Just open the door.

And he did. His heart stopped as his attention turned to the boy, his black hair covering his face, messed up and frizzy. His eyes were dark, staring at nothing. He wore his normal clothes, no hospital gown was really small enough to fit him.

“Stan?” He muttered, his legs feeling weaker than ever. Stan turned his head, and as soon as he saw Kyle, his eyes lit up.

“Kyle!” Stan cried, and before he could even comprehend, Kyle’s hands were around him, holding him against his chest, shaking.

“Dude. I’m so sorry, this is all my fault—I shouldn’t have got all pissy with Cartman, did they hurt you? I swear to God.”

“No. They— well, nottoo bad. The doctor looked, and said, um, they can’t do X-rays because at my size it’ll be dangerous, or something. They dislocated my leg, but that’s really just it..” He looked down, and Kyle pulled away, shifting him slightly while being extremely careful, setting him down on the parchment paper that covered the hospital bed.

“Are… are your parents gonna let me stay friends with you? Even after… you know, you shrunk at my house and I hid you for a few days..”

“I’m not letting them say no.” Stan responded, seeming more dedicated than he’d ever been for anything.

“Kyle?” A soft voice spoke, and he whipped his head around so fast he almost fell over. Stan’s mom, her hands were pressed against eachother. Randy leaned against the doorframe, chugging down alcohol. Kyle really couldn’t blame him, after seeing something like this he kind of wanted to down pure alcohol. Just to forget. To blame it on hallucinations from being drunk, the next day it’s for a hangover.

“You protected our child, and you could’ve just left him there.. but you didn’t.” She said, tears welling in her eyes. He stood up, immediatly feeling her arms wrap around him in a tight hug. “You have no idea how much I appreciate this. We owe you so much.” She pulled away, her hands still firm on his shoulders. “Anything.”

He looked back at Stan, who seemed helpless just sitting there. His mind wandered. Everything, from Kenny to Cartman to those kids, beating someone up for him, bluffing, lying, even getting Butters in on it. That was a lot, even for him. And all in a few days. Not to mention doing it all while Stan was 2 inches tall. He looked back at Stan’s mom, her expression soft. He exhaled.

“Just let me stay with him.”

“Of course. Anything.” She said, letting go of him and holding her hands infront of her. His dad set the bottle down.

“You sure you’re gonna be able to deal with him like that? Won’t be too much?” Randy asked, slurring his words slightly.

“I’ve made it this far by myself,” He shrugged. “And, besides, nothing’s ever gonna make me stop hanging out with my super best friend.”

#g/t #giant/tiny #south park #south park g/t #gt #writing #short story #giant tiny #g/t angst #g/t fluff #fluff #angst

[sergeantsporks]

Maybe for the sake of everyone in the Gilded house including himself, Phoenix needs to live elsewhere after all is said and done. Like you said, his curse is forever, and unless something changes, it just feels like the current living situation is not good for anyone, especially if it's permanent

Lemme get this straight. Your solution is for Phoenix to exile himself from everyone he knows and loves (sans Darius), therefore isolating himself from his support system (Caleb and Jason, and, to a lesser extent, Cherry, Sam, and Evelyn), because of a condition that he cannot help. As well as depriving Ghost of their Nee-Nee, who they are INCREDIBLY attached to. Yeah. Something IS going to change, but it's not going to be Phoenix's living situation. There's going to be compromise. Phoenix is going to find a system of management and take precautions, and the other grims are going to learn to live with the curse being there.

Aside from a couple of minor stings/burns that came from people directly touching it (something everyone now knows not to do), and maybe some bruises on Ash from Phoenix saving their life (and any method of saving them from that fall would have left bruises), the curse has not hurt anyone in the family. Phoenix is the one taking the most damage from it (stressed joints and bones, loss of energy, it literally eating him alive when it gets testy). Even in situations where the curse COULD have easily hurt someone innocent (like when Phoenix fought the scouts, or when Novus' contraption went haywire), it didn't. And, of course, Phoenix ended up using it to save Caleb and Ash. There is, technically speaking, no precedent of Phoenix's curse being particularly dangerous to anyone in the house. The curse is most harmful to Phoenix himself. So like Ash said, it wouldn't be fair to kick Phoenix out over a perceived danger where there likely is none.

That being said: obviously, the grims have had negative experiences with the curse when someone else had it. It's left them with lasting trauma. To say "just deal, your fears are invalid" is unduly cruel. While there TECHNICALLY and LOGICALLY is nothing to fear, we all know that fear and trauma are not going to be logical, so it wouldn't be right to ignore their feelings. They're going to need some way to negate possible panic attacks; Phoenix may have to remove himself to his room if he feels the curse's effects coming on, or at the very least, give fair warning to the other grims so that they can remove themselves or prepare themselves if they feel it's necessary.

On the whole, when Phoenix is having a good, no curse day, when he's literally just existing, he should not have to censor his existence from his own family just because they know that he's cursed. That would be awful. Even when he is having a bad curse day, while him moving away from grims who might be triggered by one of his attacks is reasonable, erasing him entirely from the family's presence (and, again, his support system) would be unfair.

The last thing that needs to be considered when thinking about this is: it has been one day. While that one day has translated into 2 VERY long chapters that took me actual months to put out, the time in fic that has passed between when Phoenix had his first big attack and the present is less than 24 hours. Everyone's still sorting out their feelings, so you can't make a judgement on what the best step would be right now. Initial gut reactions are still in play, and there hasn't been space for everyone to sit down, find a management system, and think themselves through everything.

Like Sam said, "they'll get used to it." Even just in that 24 hour time frame, Novus, Sam, Cherry, and Matt have already "gotten used to it" or at least gotten to a place where the curse doesn't matter to them because it's still Phoenix. And that's just grims who have come to that realization as seen in fic. The actual number of grims who have already reached a "don't care" status is probably greater. In the end, it's only going to be a select few who will have a continuing extreme reaction to Phoenix's curse, and finding a management/warning system so that they'll be able to comfortably live with each other won't be as difficult with those low numbers. Give it time. They'll figure it out.

#something something phoenix's curse is a metaphor for highly stigmatized/demonized disabilities something something #toh #the owl house #gilded family au #phoenix #golden guard oc #asks

[steven-adler-but-its-me-instead]

AWOO I HAVE MORE ANGST BITCHES IM BACK

we're gonna ignore that this band has wuite literally less than 30 fics under the tag so shhhh i know people somehkw dont read or know them that much shhhhhhh

Triggers: Suicide, implied eating disorder, graphic description of death/suicide, blood, alot of blood, implied somesort of depression, suicide note

Relationship: Phil Lewis/Tracii Guns – romantic implied but not sexual

read under the cut!!

“Hey, have you eaten? You’ve been in your room all day,” Phil had asked,

No, he had not.

Tracii had not taken a single bite all day, unless the pill he swallowed counted, it didn't, right? Tracii didn't even know why he suddenly decided to go downstairs, guess he did rather show himself alive than have his bandmates come and see the ginormous mess in his room. 

“mhm.”

The guitarist mumbled, blankly staring at Phil, he wasn't even sure if Phil had heard him, seeing the confused look on the singer's face. Tracii nodded, apparently having been a little too quiet. He was in no state to talk, or even make a sound. 

“...You alright, Tracii?”

No, he was not.

Tracii looked completely defeated, tired, dark and puffy eyes and his hair messy as if they’d come back from a gig, they weren't on tour. Tour ended months ago. Tracii was wrecked, inside and out, a mess, less than a mess that he was in his head, though he could hide that part, for now. 

“Hey,”

Phil said, his face twisting in a concerned frown, Tracii wasn't paying a single bit of attention. 

“Tracii.”

Still no response, he had no energy to respond, why should he?

“Tracii, earth to the guitarist over here.”

Phil lightly clapped his hands in front of Tracii’s face, earning a blink of acknowledgement from him. 

“Answer me, are you alright?”

“mhm.”

Simple, expressionless, dry answer, why should he put more effort into it? Phil didn't deserve it, though, what did he ever do? it was Tracii’s fault, of course it was. It always was. 

“I love you, okay?”

Tracii still didn't reply, standing there still, unmoving as Phil hugged him. He could see the hint of sadness in the singer’s eyes when Phil pulled away and their eyes met, it was his fault. It was his fault for not replying, not saying a single word or making an effort to show affection, appreciation. Phil nearly looked like he was gonna cry, it was his fault. 

He turned away from the singer, walking back to his room without a word. Tracii could swear he heard a silent wince coming from behind him, he didn't turn to check. 

The door closed behind him, he made sure to close it gently, don’t slam it, Kelly doesn't like that. He didn't want to make Kelly upset, the bassist didn't do anything, it would be Tracii’s fault. He reached for his record player, the record played quietly, don’t turn it up so loud, Mick doesn’t like that. It wasn’t his usual taste, but it was soft, quiet, and comforting. He took slow, quiet steps to his bed, don’t walk too loud, the floors creak, Steve doesn’t like that. Tracii had everything how he wanted it to be, comfortable for his friends, lover, too. He came second. He had planned this out, carefully, he wasn't gonna drag this out any longer. He threw up everyday, hair unhealthy and starting to fall out, he hadn’t eaten for days. He passed out nearly daily, he felt like he was deteriorating every time he moved, he hasn't slept for days. Don’t be unorganized, it will make you and everyone else stressed, Phil doesn't like that. Good that he had organized and set up everything. Phil, Kelly, Steve and Mick came first, then him. 

Tracii reached for his night stand from where he sat on his bed, opening the drawer. This will be quick, if it isn't, then I deserve it anyways. Was constantly going through his head. 

“Tracii, wake up, we have rehearsal in an hour.”

No answer came from the room, Phil was met with silence, other than the soft sound of music leaking through the thin walls. 

“Tracii, sweetheart. C’mon…”

He turned the door handle, not yet opening, just checking. Tracii had left his door unlocked. Phil knocked on the door gently, still no reply. He sighed, he assumed Tracii was just ignoring him, probably not wanting to go to rehearsal, it wouldn't be the first time.

Phil slowly opened the door, the scene that greeted him making him stop. He froze, completely quiet. Tears fell, he didn't even know they’d formed till he felt the wet streaks become cold from the air. 

Blood, everywhere. Well, not everywhere. It felt like everywhere, everything looked red, blood. Tracii’s blood. Once white bed sheets were now red. Once clean, poster covered walls were now red. Once only trash covered floors were now red. The whole corner was painted in a bloody color. Painted by Tracii, using Tracii. Tracii’s own blood. 

The singer wanted to scream, he couldn't, Tracii wasn't dead. He couldn't be, this was a dream, he would wake up soon, very soon. He tried to convince himself. But Tracii was dead. Whether he wanted Tracii to be or not. The tears continued silently but continuously rolling down his cheeks, he hadn't even let go of the door handle yet, he hadn't moved a single inch. 

He simply stared, wide eyed, unsure what to do, trying to process the sight. Tracii, folded in a position he didn't even think was possible, blood everywhere, soaked into the bed, dripped onto the floor. The blood had dried. Everything was blood stained. A hand sized pocket knife laying loosely in Tracii’s hand. That couldn't have been sharp. It would take minutes before even an average deep cut would have been made. 

Phil was sure he would have seemed insane, standing still in the doorway, his frame blocking the red coloured scene in front of him. He’d never see red the same again. He had been standing for who knows how long, he couldn't bring himself to move. He couldn't just step inside, not into the red covered room, he no longer liked red. Nor could he just walk away, not when Tracii was lying lifeless in his blood soaked bed. The longer the quiet music from Tracii’s record player kept playing, the more eerie it sounded. It sounded off, out of tune, played wrong, maybe the record was scratched, or the player had a malfunction somewhere in the box, maybe it was the aml that was old and broken, hanging on its last string before it would ultimately break and die. Like Tracii, except his string was already cut, he already broke and died. 

Tracii’s room was a complete mess, that stupid, ugly, shitty color red plastered all over it. Glass was all over the floor, shattered, cut up, slit. Like Tracii, except it was his throat. Trash was left everywhere, closets wide open as were cupboards, all items scattered across the room, messy, out of place. Like the knife in Tracii’s hand, except it was only out of place for Phil. Each mirror had been broken, slammed onto the floor, and into shards that were everywhere. Like Tracii, throat broken by the cut, his blood everywhere. The posters half torn off the walls, ripped apart and gone. Like Tracii, his throat ripped apart with his life gone.

It took Phil over 20 minutes for it to get to him, slowly realizing what he was looking at. Oh my god. He’s dead. It repeated in his mind like a mantra. He barely made a sound, still, a quiet, broken up, “no”, leaving his mouth. That was all he could say. Phil was aware of everything, the blood, the mess, the glass, the mirror shards, the ripped posters, Tracii. His eyes scanned the room bit by bit, the tears falling like a faucet from his eyes. He’d never forget the note. That handwriting. That color pen. Red. It wasn't a pen. Blood. Tracii’s blood. 

I turned the music down for you, Mick. I didn’t slam the door for you, Kelly. I didn’t make the floors creak, Steve. I planned this all out and organized the schedule for you, Phil. Sorry I didn't clean the room first, sorry if I left a bloody mess. I’m sorry for being here. I hope I didn't wake any of you up while leaving. Be happier without me.

I love you. I’m sorry.

                                             Tracii

okay yeah i forgot to slant and shit like half of what was supposed to be but im lazy and i did do all of the things on the Ao3 version so it makes more sense in there possibly😍

#l.a. guns #band #ao3 writer #tracii guns #phil lewis #i love this band #i know theyre not well know in the fanfic community stfu #it was a 2 am scribble #excuse my lazy ass #tumblr fyp #fyp #fypage #ao3 link #fanfic #faniction #tracii guns x phil lewis

[arjunasearth]

I feel, from the bottom of my heart, that we all transition smoothely through this Lion-Gate Portal into awareness, enhancement and revealings that are necessary in order to re-navigate the course our life may have taken. A course, that does not necessarily serve us good anymore; more like energetic 'trash' (as I call it) that we are carrying with us who knows for how long. I've come to a breaking point in my relationship. I've been writing about it not only once on my blog. Ofc it is a very personal topic to me and tumblr stays the only platform where I feel called and open to write and to reflect about it in-depth. The whole month of July has been (ofc there were exeptions, but comparatively rare) a pure revealing month. I think I cried (Cancer energies, huh?) more in July that I did for the whole year (not even kidding). I always read and heard that crying is good. Healthy. It is important for letting go and to recieve , to restore. I felt more and more isolated in my relationship. Left out. Ignored. Downgraded. My partner did not feel like my partner, but more and more like a stranger to me. Ofc these feelings haven't started yesterday. Or in July. Or a month ago, Sadly, I have been 'storing' them within (And he did, as well) , always moving on and pretending that it will all balance out. NO IT WILL NOT. It requires active regulation and re-navigation of my life. Life has literally thrown the truth at me, over and over again. The signals were quite clear almost 2 (!) years ago, and still I kept ignoring them and pretended that everything is alright as long as we love each other, as long as I keep giving love. WRONG. You CAN give too much love. Not talking about stopping to give love anymore because people have hurt you. I am talking about giving too much love to very hurt people. Hurt not certainly because of oneself, but because they have been living too much in their past (e.g.) and still havent actively worked with their trauma, consequently projecting it on everybody the meet and every (intimate) relationship they have. No, I am not excluding myself. Not even for a moment. In the end, It is me realizing that I , myself have still a lot of unhealed traumas to deal with that I kept pushing away, running away from them, pretending that they are not here. And what happened? It caused only more trauma. More pain. More hurt. Feeling all of this, not only recognizing but internalizing it right now, hurts more than any words will be ever able to tell. But at the same time I feel that the hurt is necessary now in order to wake up. I gave too much of me to a very hurt human being who has only been able to give the amount of love he could. And it is not my fault. This is not about fault anymore. The concept of fault is ego-driven. I am taking about regret. I talk about feeling sorry for myself not because I want attention but because i seriously feel hurt and not understood at all. ''It's going to be okay'' I keep telling myself over and over again, while standing up, doing my shit, keep on living life. Working. Studying. moving. Also resting. The past weeks have told me clearer than they ever did how imoprtant it is to let the one you love go when it is time to do so. When you don't harmonize any more and start doubting yourself/ the other. Doubts don't come out of nowhere. There are always reasons for them . Doubting and mistrust poisons a relationship, kills it. And this is what I felt more and more, stronger and stronger. My intuition wouldn't fool me tho. It never did. It was myself who thought I'd could fool myself. So here is the reminder: Giving unconditional love is not the same as giving all of your heart to someone who is deeply hurt. They rather need a therapist than a partner, as they are mentally (and/ or even physically) not able to recieve this amount of love, to give it back. Someone who is not in alignment with his/herself should not start a relationship. Because in the end , they may have even less strength than they did before. Let go. Its is the best way you can heal . Let go and flourish.

#personal #liongate #8 #portal #revealing #lettinggo

[cosmicwitchcourtney]

I pulled the Christmas Cross spread for myself with the Yule Oracle deck as a little present to me🎄 Don’t mind the shiddy pic I don’t have a good spot to take pics rn

1 Where are you right now? Poinsettia

Beauty in darkness, transformation, shadow work

True, I’ve been going hard on shadow work all year. I def want to keep at it, but it would be nice to change my pace in 2023 and move back outward with my energy. I also see this as strong self care/self love vibes. 

2 Winter Storm: What challenges are you facing? Mistletoe

Fertility, protection, spark of ideas

This made me laugh bc I’m supposed to be getting my period any minute basically, and it’s making me not feel my best. Kinda bummed about it. But overall yea having trouble organizing all of my business ideas for the new year!! As for protection— yes, I do still need to do some work on my boundaries.

3 North Star: What goal should you focus on? Chills

Wake-up call, awareness, warning

Listening to intuition and gut feelings. I have started shifting into relying less on books and resources and more on what’s happening in the moment. Feels good that I’m on the right track! Also, need to pay closer attention if there are any red flags around. Recently I ignored a red flag and ended up in a very uncomfortable situation with a client. Lesson learned! 

4 Traditions: What strength do you already have? Gratitude

Acknowledgement, appreciation

Finding the good in the negative. Also, this struck me as my reiki, because I always notice gratitude makes it so much stronger. 

5 Ghost of the Past: One thing from your past that is influencing your future. Squirrel Medicine

Planning, secrets, trust

Setting intentions. Another nice message of confirmation. And I agree, setting my intentions clearly helped me do so much more than I thought I could! Also the trust message— I do feel like I’m at a place now where I trust the people in my life and they trust me.

6 New Year: What can you look forward to? Feasting

Having enough, nourishment, providing

Took this very literally. Haha yup, we are going to be feasting. I’m so excited to have the yummy Christmas treats! Feels like a message as well about worrying less in the new year about resources.

7 Self-Care: The best way to proceed. Merriment

Happiness, following your Soul

Need to follow what brings me joy! I’m excited to do more painting and also to connect with more people. 

8 Wisdom: Advice to help you navigate your situation. Candle Magic

Intention, prayer, hope

The book says I am heading for peaceful times, that the cosmos and Spirit are answering my prayers. Beyond this though, I kept feeling drawn to light a candle to connect with my Spirits and lost loved ones. I will do this tonight. 

9 Light: What do you need most at this time? Light

Hope, return of light

Faith in better days to come. I think I’m doing well with this, so I’ll continue to keep it up! Also a sign to do more reiki healing on myself. And even beyond that— I totally do need return of light literally so I can get back out on my walks!! 

10: Long Term Outcome. Silent Night

Meditation, peace, stillness

Taking time to meditate and gain perspective. Nice confirmation that I’ll continue on this track, and that I’m doing the right things. Also nice that I’ll have peace.

#yule 2022 #oracle reading #tarot journal #personal #christmas cross reading #Oracle spread #tarot witch

[allamericansbitch]

I don’t know if you guys are spiritual but this is personal so (that’s why the anon) but I’ve been a fan of Taylor for a really long time and like really extremely loyal. And at the start of 2020, for no reason at all she started giving me a few bad vibes but ofc I ignored bc I’m a fan. Then out nowhere I started getting recommendations of those tarot readings and wasn’t searching for it at all but idk why I clicked and NO JOKE it was about how it was a call out for me, they said I was “ giving too much of me to people who wouldn’t do the same if it was the opposite” and as a people pleaser I said bet! I do this with a lot of people. But then they said the person who was “taking” my energy would be next to evil eye (the symbol) and I was like alright and moved on. NOT JOKING AT ALL, I opened the Pinterest and there was a picture of Taylor right next to another picture of evil eye. And I was like 😳. Damn. And you believe I still ignored it? I thought It was just a coincidence, didn’t make a big deal out of it. But since then, multiple signs started appearing with the same message “stop giving your energy away”. And after all these bad things she has done, I get it. They weren’t saying “oh she’s evil” get away, they were like “you don’t have a life girl” you only live around this woman. And it will sound pathetic, but I made a self reflection, got some distance from her and I was literally living for her. I only listened to artists that were kind to her, I defended her for hours and hours and more.

I don’t know why I’m telling this, it’s just I don’t know, maybe maybe at some cosmical level in a way many people were doing this, and they need this wake up call to stop living trough her and started living for themselves.

Maybe she has always been like this but it was better at hiding and the Universe this time decided people should see who she really is, so it would have less idolization and a lot of people would “break free”.

I know this sounds insane. But if you think about her brand, her past, nothing about these few actions make sense! Maybe for the first time, swifties need to realize she’s not all knowing, this wasn’t planned and a lot of people (fans) maybe needed to see the truth and fulfill their purpose not somebody’s else’s and maybe that was the Universe balancing things out?

i actually find this insanely interesting....

#answered #anonymous

[kaijuconfessions]

im so sick of my parents im so sick of livng here im so sick of the house im so sick of always needing help with everything because my confidence has been crushed i have no actual lifeskills and i have no real life experience that would be helpful. i also kinda feel like mom is deliberately keeping me here for ome reason. like. tldr mom and dad were verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, emotionally neglectful, and just basic neglectful, in different flavours i got ignored a lot by my parents and immediate family, and i got bullied in shcool w no support whatsoever and i only just about 2 years ago got rid of the most debilitating parts of my ocd and im still recovering. and im stuck in a house i bought while i was so dissociated i was astral projecting into hell in broad daylight daily. its not the worst lifechoice ever but i literally cant afford to renovate it with my monthly 800-ish dollars (give or take im converting, diff country) that also go to groceries and food for me and the cats. and the leftover money from the loan was already used on fixing something really expensive we werent informed about at all before i bought it so its not like i can fix much else unless insurance says hey heres your money back. not to mention i cant really go anywhere. the house is almost an hour from any nearby city and i have to take a train just to buy groceries so its not like i can go to the library whenever i want or anythng like that. im more or less disabled, i only have so much energy, i dont wanna spend 4-8 hours just to buy milk dependingon what time of day i go. in summer theres no trains at all so im actually stuck at home unless i get a ride home. like sorry its more of a vent than a confession but it feels like mom and dad are trying to slowburn kill me. which isnt neccessarily true but how do i fucking know for sure. i cant go to school, i cant get a job, i cant go to therapy, i cant go anywhere, i dont have a car, i barely have money as bills and food take up most of it, i have to take a train to get to the city so grocery shopping takes either 3 hours or 8. i cant even go to the fcking library. i cant visit my grandmas. i cant make friends and i couldnt hang out with them if i did have any who the fuck wants to take a train for half an hour to visit me. i cant join a group at the local bakery or do stuff. my parents dont even fucking visit unless theyre gonna do something to the house and dad has visited three times since i moved in. like. it could be worse. but im stuck with nothing to do on a daily basis in a house i dont want and cant afford to fix but arent allowed by mom to sell, i cant figure out what to do with my life or how to get out of this and theres no support to be found anywhere, they dont call or text or even visit just to see me and im not even sure i want them to anymore. i spent the past year grieving my childhood and coming to terms witht he fact that im straight up not wanted by anyone. noone actually cares that i exist except sme online frends and my cats. it sometimes feels like im a bug they put a glass ove rand theyr just waiting for me to use up all the oxygen so they can throw me out instead of having to use a flyswatter themselves. i just wanna move out and get a place i actually like living in and can afford somwhere i can actually access shit i wanna do. and get therapy and make friends. instead of whatever the fuck it is im doing now.