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astro-royale · 10 months

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Observations : Part 1✨

⚠️These are my personal observations & opinions:

- Saturn in your 7th house can usually mean that all your intimate relationships are of a karmic nature & to do with past lives. Soulmate after soulmate… there’s always a sense of fate.

- I believe Pluto is a feminine planet in a masculine energy.. much of what happens to a wounded female when she is in survival mode. Yes , Pluto is represented my a male God, but intuitively I believe there is something deeply feminine about Pluto. Astronomers have discovered that Pluto has a HEART. Cold seeming on the outside but very deeply passionate on the inside.

Gen Z has Pluto in the libertine sign of Sagittarius, it makes such sense that this generation is so obsessed with freedom and so obsessed with rebelling against the norm to gain said freedom. Also using knowledge as a weapon to gain freedom…

Scorpio Risings have deep rooted trust issues. They most likely don’t trust you even if they said they do. If a scorpio rising insults you and loves you in the same breath, it means they’re comfortable with you and they like you to a certain degree, consider yourself lucky.

Capricorn Sun/Risings are so tight pocketed…

Shadow side of Virgo; Virgos are probably one of the most judgemental signs. They criticise as a way to make themselves feel better and superior, and also as a way to keep distance and detach themselves. (They’re still probably right though😅)

Aquarius Venus men can display high signs of disinterest in people but rather display more interest in things.. especially knowledge. They give off a very asexual vibe, kind of like Isaac Newton vibe.

Cancer sun people are easily taken advantage of in ways they don’t realise because their ego relies so much on the validation of other people.

If a man with Venus in Scorpio is not interested in you, you will know, because he is not obsessed with you.

Virgos are one of the signs that care most about people yet that gets overlooked because they don’t like taking credit, and their pride can give off the wrong impression as if they don’t care due to their sharp tongue; yet they do care because they take care of the little details or they show love in more action oriented ways.

If a Virgo starts talking about how much they do it’s because they’re tired of lack of appreciation and reciprocation.

Taurus in 6th house will make you obsessed with improving your looks, especially your body. It will also make you want to improve your eating habits.

Geminis will really just say anything on their mind, sometimes knowing it will hurt you, just because they like to see the look on your face. It brings them amusement to have the upper hand because it plays on their ego to be “intellectually superior”.

There can be very strong alternation of like and dislike between Scorpio Rising and Scorpio Sun individuals.. always some kind of tension.

I’ve noticed Pisces Sun men tend to easily give into addictions and escapism, and often use spirituality as an excuse to stay in their head. They have a lot of willpower; yet they get distracted by the need to avoid their trauma and suppress their emotions through their addictions . They have a lot of potential.

Cancer men tend to be very sensitive and have fragile egos, quite reactive too if you brush them the wrong way.

Libras can be very fake but also extremely caring and nurturing.

Virgo men… can be quite messy and poor with hygiene.

If a Gemini cares about you, you’re in their pile of “special” people because 9 times out of 10 they don’t give a fffffff.

Scorpio in sun or rising will often have bird like or vampiric features.

There is something very tender about a Scorpio man, even when he is honest with his darkness, you can still sense a sweetness and sensitivity in them. They’re the kind of guys you want to help and think you can change, until they prove you wrong because they self sabotage so that you don’t like them…

Leo in Venus will spoil you!! Male or female, doesn’t matter how long you have known them. If they like you they will pay for lunch, take pictures of you and show you off on social media, etc.

If you want to support this blog as well as my research there’s a Tip option in the bio. Or you can cashapp me £astroroyale .This way I can keep posting high quality content for you as it encourages me in the process <3 :) Thank you & Much love

Anyways, stay safe 😊☀️✨

Gif is from the anime the wallflower

#astrology notes #astrology observations #virgo #cancer #scorpio #taurus #capricorn #gemini #leo astrology #sagittarius #capricorn zodiac #pisces #aquarius #libra #aries

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steviebears · 2 years

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Quite The Gentleman

SUMMARY: The day has finally come for Eddie to meet your parents.

GENRE: fluff, Wheeler!Reader

"Mom, she's not a kid anymore. It's not like Eddie is.. terrible." Nancy says with a supportive tone that slightly falters at the last word. Nancy wasn't necessarily approving of your relationship, but it wasn't like she had a say being your younger sister.

Mike was a different story. Part of him was secretly stoked because he worshipped Eddie in a way. The other part, the majority, was absolutely pissed at him. So, mike rolls his eyes while setting the table.

"I know. I'm just-" Karen sighs and puts a hand on her hip.

"I worry about her judgement sometimes. I heard some not-so-great things about this Eddie Munson." Ted clears his throat and pours a glass of wine. Karen eyes him, frustrated with his lack of concern over your dating choices.

"He's not all bad, you'll see." Nancy gives a reassuring smile. You come down the stairs wearing a dress nancy had never seen you in befo- was that hers? Nancy silently groans at you and you stick your tongue out at her.

The doorbell then rings and you run to it, excitedly opening up to see a moderately cleaned up Eddie. His hair was brushed, sort of, and he wore a button down he'd bought at a second hand store with jeans. He smiles wide, cupping your cheek and giving you a quick peck.

Your mom drags everyone to the door to greet poor Eddie. She's taken aback by the metal head's hair but quickly pushes the thought to the side.

"Mr and Mrs, Wheeler! It's a pleasure." Eddie says with excitement, shaking both of their hands. His gaze travels down to a shy Holly, hiding behind Karen. He reaches out his hand with a genuine grin.

"M'lady." She giggles and shakes his hand shyly.

Karen ushers him inside. Nancy gives a polite wave and Eddie ruffles Mike's hair. You hold Eddies hand and guide him next to your spot at the dining table, but he pulls out your chair for you before sitting down.

"You've got a wonderful home." Eddie compliments, his hand settling on your thigh. He was doing great. You knew he would, he was nervous but not enough to throw off his charm. Your mom thanks him, clearly surprised by all of his manners.

"I'll set out dinner now, help yourself to some water or w- how old are you again?" He answers, 20, and she shakes her head.

"No wine then, excuse me." Eddie stands up.

"Should I give you a hand?" Her face lights up, not even Jonathan had been this polite when she'd met him. She nods and smiles, showing him to the kitchen. Mike gives you a tired look, clearly not happy with the show Eddie was putting on. You scrunch your nose at him.

The night could not be going better. Well, maybe he'd be better off without a few of the jokes he made, but other than that, perfect.

"So, Eddie. You're head of the club Mike is in?" She takes a sip of wine.

"Yes ma'am, the Hellfire Club." Karen and Ted pause, looking at Mike who had a guilty look on his face.

"You didn't tell us it was called that, Micheal."

"You would have never let me join if I did!" He defends, looking frustrated with Eddie.

"You're right! It sounds like some kind of cult..." Karen looks questioningly at Eddie. He starts to sweat, so you set your hand on his in attempt to calm him down a bit. Mike's gonna get an earful from you later...

"It's not ma'am. Just a silly name for a D&D club." He calmly states with a lighthearted chuckle. She looks slightly relieved.

"Do you often play children's games?" Your dad says sounding disapproving of this newfound fact. You can see your mom kick him underneath the table.

"Sometimes. I think we all need to nurture out inner child." Karen smiles and nods.

"You know, that is actually very insightful, I like that"

Your parents and you walk Eddie to the door, wishing him a safe drive home while he tries to block the sight of his beat up van.

"Dinner was delicious, thank you. Have a great night!" He says his goodbye and you step outside with him.

"You think they liked me?" He asks. You just pull him in for a long kiss.

"Absolutely." You say, brushing your lips against his.

"You're right. I nailed it!" He replies cockily and kisses you again, promising to meet you at your window tonight.

All in all, your mother still did not fully approve. She had to admit, he was quite the gentleman. However she couldn't get past the fact that he flunked his senior year, twice. Ted seemed indifferent but secretly liked him a lot and cut him some slack in the discussions proceeding the dinner. Mike was not looking forward to seeing him around the house, especially not after getting his mom upset at him.

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ineffable-endearments · 8 months

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Crowley and Aziraphale both have equally severe trauma, but it's different for each. That has to be taken into account when comparing their reactions to their former Sides. There are meaningful points of comparison, but the interesting part is in how they've adapted to survive their abuse, not who is "better adjusted." The things that they've learned to help them survive have kept them alive and hurt them in equal measure.

Also, although I'm a strong believer that each character has...well, a Nature, things about them that are hardwired in, I think their responses to their Sides are the products of Nurture (or, well, lack thereof, the poor dears) more than anything.

It didn't take Crowley long to grow away from Hell because Hell doesn't encourage connection. It encourages the opposite. Demons aren't even supposed to trust each other! They're just supposed to be afraid of each other! And honestly, that's where evil will sow the seeds of its own destruction: Hell treated Crowley so poorly that he decided he wanted to go off and be part of something else instead, and I think his work will ultimately lead to Hell's downfall, because I truly doubt Crowley is the only demon who feels that way.

It HAS been hard for Aziraphale to grow away from Heaven because Heaven doesn't just encourage connection - it coerces total assimilation by promising that with Heaven, you can be Good. However, this, too, is where I think evil will sow the seeds of its own destruction: if you make people desperate for belonging and desperate to feel like they are Good, they might join up with someone who's more accepting of them, someone with whom they can belong more naturally, someone who makes it easier to do good. I find it likely there are many angels like Aziraphale and Muriel, who want affection and are earnestly trying to be good for real.

#good omens #good omens 2 #go s2 spoilers #go s2 #good omens 2 spoilers

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slamdunkhcs · 1 month

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This is something I’ve thought about for a hot minute and i wanted to make an essay on it :))

socioeconomics in slam dunk

Like many things in life, basketball is a money sport. While inherent talent and skill is incredibly important, without the resources and opportunities to succeed, you can only get so far.

Throughout Slam Dunk, the importance of money and how it has a massive role in the world of basketball is not explicitly stated, but through the depictions of different teams in the series, it is prevalent.

We are first introduced to Shohoku High, a public school in Kanagawa. Shohoku is not a “poor” or “ghetto” school, but it is by no means a prestigious school either. Shohoku is initially depicted to be an ordinary school, but we are also shown how it has delinquency and school fights — especially among its protagonist and his “gang”

Shohoku’s normalcy is extended into its clubs, in particular, its basketball club. This club isn’t necessarily “run down” or “at risk of not existing anymore”, but aside from its coach (Coach Anzai, a man who used to coach the Japanese national team) and Akagi, their star center, Shohoku’s basketball team doesn’t have much going for it. Due to being a public school, Shohoku doesn’t have the money incentive to recruit star players (like some other schools I will mention soon), and most stars (besides Rukawa LOLLL) won’t go to an ordinary school “on a whim”

Moreover, the financial disparities become even more personal through the experiences of the characters themselves.

Sakuragi is hinted at to be poor, and the notion that basketball is “pay to play” is first explored through him in volume three, where Hikoichi (a player from Ryonan who “scouts” their competition) points out that it is strange Sakuragi doesn’t have basketball shoes, but he is quick to tell himself that it is likely because Sakuragi can’t afford them. Many basketball shoes, especially the Jordans that Sakuragi obtains throughout the series, are well over the $150-200 USD price range. While it is possible to play without basketball shoes, not having shoes that are designed for basketball automatically puts a player at a slight disadvantage.

This brings into question how resources—or the lack thereof—can subtly but significantly influence the trajectory of a player’s journey and a team’s potential for success. Sakuragi was lucky to have gotten practically free basketball shoes due to the generosity of a store owner, but those costs were his own out-of-pocket expenses. Unfortunately, a public school without special stipends for their programs cannot provide financial assistance to provide some of the resources to nurture potentially talented players.

While schools like Shohoku do not have funds to incentivize players or potential talent to come their way, they also do not have the funds to incentivize star coaches to coach at these schools. While Shohoku was able to have gotten Anzai (who wanted to retire by coaching highschool basketball), many public schools do not have that same luck.

In fact, the reason that two of the starting players, Mitsui and Miyagi, even decided to attend Shohoku was due to its coach, Coach Anzai. I think this goes to show that if a school invests in incentives like star coaches or a star basketball program, then these talented players will want to attend.

In terms of schools who provide ALL the incentives, and has thus led to star teams, I want to focus on Kainan, Shoyo, and (especially) Ryonan.

All are labelled as prestigious, private schools with amazing basketball programs, with Kainan having a stellar track record at nationals. But why is that? How did they get so.. good?

If I had to best answer this, money.

Ryonan is known to have scouted its star players, with Coach Taoka even scouting Sendoh and Fukuda from a junior high in Tokyo. For reference, Kanagawa is about two hours away from Tokyo, so Coach Taoka has to provide incentives for these boys to move to a different prefecture rather than staying in a city that likely has many powerhouse schools. In his case, these incentives would likely be full rides to Ryonan, as well as extra stipends to cover these student’s additional costs (such as food, money to move away, etc). Since Ryonan has the funding to do this, Coach Taoka is able to travel around to different areas, find these hidden talents, and bring them over to Ryonan. Public schools like Shohoku, who do not have allocated funds for sports programs, do not have this opportunity… and thus, are at an automatic disadvantage.

It is not explicitly stated how prestigious of a school Shoyo is, but having a program-related disadvantage affecting their players is prevalent. They do not have an official coach (for an unmentioned reason), and their star player Fujima has to coach his teammates as a result. Unfortunately, this additional responsibility prevented him from focusing on his own skills. I do believe Shoyo IS a school that has funding, but this highlights how a program being neglected directly impacts the strength of a team.

Another team I wanted to point out is Toyotama, a team that faced some of the most immense pressure in the entire series.

While Minami and Kishimoto, the team’s leaders, are characterized as “brute assholes”, it is shown that their irrational behavior stems from their pressure to perform well in order to potentially bring back their former coach, Coach Kitano.

Although Toyotama is 8th in the country, for the investors in their school’s basketball program, this isn’t enough. And thus… Coach Kitano was fired in the hopes of getting a coach who could lead the team to a better performance.

For these prestigious schools, their end goal is making a return on their investments. After all, what is the point of pouring all that money and resources for a team that doesn't even land them in the news?

While this is sad, it is very realistic. And as a result... even though Toyotama has a prestigious program, they felt even more pressure to *make a return." and this pressure poured into the team and their behavior.

However, the school that truly encapsulates the opportunities that money and resources provide for their players is Sannoh Technical High School.

Sannoh is practically a world class basketball team, with "anyone in Japan who gives a damn about basketball knows them", a team that had won nationals for years on end.

But how can one team be so good, let alone having a lasting legacy of greatness?

While their players are undoubtedly talented, Sannoh has invested aplenty into nurturing their players' talents.

Like Coach Taoka of Ryonan, Sannoh’s Coach Damoto scouts the best and brightest for their team. Eji Sawakita, although residing in a different prefecture, was discovered and scouted by Sannoh. While it isn't explicitly said how many players they scouted, or what incentives they provided Sawakita (aside from opportunities and their prestige), it can be inferred that Sannoh likely looks for the best and brighest to be apart of their teams.

In addition to the money and resources spent scouting, Sannoh provides their team with immense opportunities that most schools do not.

It is stated that Sawakita had been sent on a trip abroad to play basketball in America, and that he even learned new techniques during his trip. To say the least, a trip like that is... expensive. To send students to a country across the world just to play basketball is a hefty price to pay, and yet Sannoh was willing to pay it.

To prepare for Shohoku's match, Coach Damoto arranged a practice match with Sannoh alum who have a similar playstyle to Shohoku. While it is possible that these alum were willing to volunteer their time doing this, Damoto going out of his way to bring them all together and schedule that practice match is something that likely cost a significant amount to make happen. And it is certainly an opportunity that many schools would not provide.

Unfortunately, it is difficult to compete with money, and this sentiment is universal for any sector.

But what makes Shohoku’s victory over all these powerhouse schools, especially Sannoh, so shocking is the fact it is an “ordinary, no name school.” Theoretically, Shohoku would never beat a team like Sannoh, especially given the fact that Shohoku didn’t even have half the money, resources, and opportunities that Sannoh does.

Yet… Shohoku did it. And I think this part of why Slam Dunk is such a beautiful story: an ordinary team was, even for a moment, able to be extraordinary.

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gojos-thot-patrol · 9 months

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Some more supplementary material for the Frat Boy! Au, this time starring blorbo of the hour: Kento Nanami

Because he’s been heavy on my mind. Starting with his basic info!

Nanami grew up very middle class, not as poor as Suguru or Ryomen, but nowhere near as well off as Satoru.

He’s a business major not because he wants to, but because he feels he has too. If he had it his way, he would be a culinary student. But according to his father, there's no money in being a line cook, so accounting it is.

Still, he hopes to use his degree to open his own restaurant one day. His father would never approve of a line cook for a son, but maybe Nanami could sell him on a business owner for a son.

He says the main reason he joined the ABO frat was to try and make business connections, he knew that some people would hire one applicant over another just because they were alumni of the same fraternity. In reality though, he’d have more room in the frat and unlimited access to the kitchen.

His room is full of plants. Plants of all kinds everywhere, including some herbs. It used to kinda annoy Ryomen (his roommate) but, he’s grown to actually kinda appreciate it. It makes the room feel less dead.

Phenomenal cook who can not bake to save his life. Cooking is an art but baking is a science and somewhere along the way he fucks it up every time. Be it mixing the batter too much or too little, not letting it sit long enough or letting it sit too long- he doesn't know. He can handle box cake mix that’s about it.

Now if you want a steak cooked to perfection with perfectly roasted veggies and the creamiest mashed potatoes you've ever put in your mouth on the side he’s you’re guy. If you want an authentic lasagna with homemade everything including the noodles and sauce, he can do that for you. Do not ask him to make bread.

He’s also insanely good at fighting games. Every version of Nanami in my heart is a God when it comes to fighting games, there is not a universe in which Nanami exists where he doesn’t dominate at Tekken, argue with the wall if you don’t agree.

Adding to that, he’s also in love with D&D. He’s a forever DM that spends hours of time planning campaigns, hours he should be spending on his school work but shhhh. If you really want to make him swoon, offer to let him be a player in a campaign. He’d pull out a ring on the spot.

That being said, I think it’s time to get into some relationship headcanons ;)

HE’S A TSUNDERE! Look at that man, he has such big Tsundere energy.

Out of all his frat brothers, Nanami is probably the one that gets laid the least. Not from a lack of opportunity, nay nay, women (and men) throw themselves at him all the time. He’s just picky and not a fan of being touched by stragers.

You though? You’re different (of course you are, you’re the main character!) The two of you really started to click after you had to work on a pretty big project together. Little things you did softened his heart for you.

Small things like asking him more about his D&D campaign plans, excitedly showing him pictures of the plants that you kept in your dorm, and offering to help him out in the kitchen. Little moments of quality time and tenderness while you were working on this project together nurtured his small crush into full blown butterflies when you were around.

He finally admitted to himself he was in love with you when you beat him in Street Fighter. He wasn’t used to losing at fighting games. You bragged about using his tips against him (you listened to what he said) and laughed about the weeks you spent training to destroy him (otherwise known as taking a genuine interest in his hobbies.)

He asked you out on a date that night and you were taken completely off guard! You had no idea the fool even liked you! He was cold on the best of days, spending more time scowling at his notebooks than listening to what you said (or so you thought.) He never contacted you unless it was in regards to your project, and most of the time you spent hanging out outside of it was just because you had become friends with his frat brothers and happened to be at the house. You mean he liked you?!

Of course you said yes, if for no other reason than to see where the hell this goes. You were 40% sure it was a prank, but hey- a free meal was a free meal. It helped he was hot as hell, what was the harm in one date?

You saw a whole new side of Kento Nanami that night. He was warm and attentive, and fucking hilarious when he wasn’t just keeping all of his jokes to himself.

It was a simple date. A moonlit picnic in the nearby park, one where he brought his laptop and used his phone hotspot so the two of you could watch movies together.

That was the night when you found out Kento Nanami considered himself to be a hopeless romantic.

When he took you back to your dorm, he walked you to the door and actually asked if he could kiss you goodnight.

And now you’re both smitten!

Once you’re officially his girlfriend, You’re gonna find out he’s genuinely pretty chill. Happy to give you your space and recognize you’re a person outside of your relationship. That being said, let some asshole start getting a little too comfortable with you at a part and he’s quick to throw hands.

You would think nerdy little Nanami wasn’t that good in a fight, but nay nay, he was forced to play football in highschool and will leave a bastard concussed.

He says he’s not a cuddler, but every time you sleep in his bed you wake up with him cuddled close to you.

Nanami loves kisses, and is always planting them on you when you’re in kissing range. Your lips, cheeks, forehead, everything is fair game.

You’re the only person in the world other than like, his parents that can call him Kento. He’s always gone by his last name, to the point that his first name makes him feel like he’s in trouble. Only authority figures use it when they’re pissed off at him. But it hits him different when it comes from your lips. When you say it, it feels tender and intimate. It’s the closest he gets to liking his name.

He always tries to make time for you and your relationship. Even if that sometimes means that your date nights are just study dates, he always strives to make you feel like a priority.

He’s a soft guy that falls in love easily. You may not know it yet, but he has full intentions to marry you after graduation. A fact his frat brothers are quick to tease him about, while also making him promise to make them groomsmen.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #nanami kento #nanami x reader #jjk frat boy au #frat boy! nanami #frat boy nanami #nanami headcanons #kento nanami #nanami fluff #nanami x reader fluff

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littlefeltsparrow · 10 months

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You know what? I’m still mad about Papa Archeron getting a portrait while Nesta didn’t.

Nothing stokes my rage like that poor excuse of a parent being glorified in death while his eldest daughter is lambasted for not parenting his children for him. Despite the fact that he was the Archeron sister’s only living parent, the responsibility of parenting more often than not seemed to be placed on Nesta. Strange isn’t it? That the child was deemed more culpable for failing to parent than her LITERAL FATHER who mind you, fucked off to who knows where in the middle of a conflict only to return and be tragically murdered by the big bad villain.

But that’s not all. Papa Archeron dying saves SJM some major brain gymnastics. Because he died suddenly and tragically, he never has to answer for his failures as a parent. He’ll never have to face his daughters and make the effort to fight his wrongs because he conveniently was able to take the easy way out. Because of this, the lion’s share of culpability gets placed on Nesta’s shoulders (and don’t get me wrong, Nesta has failed her sisters before but not to the degree that their father did) where she is then left to suffer the consequences of her Father’s negligence.

Listen, I’m not about to claim that Nesta wasn’t bitchy and ungrateful towards Feyre during ACOTAR and a few more instances throughout the series. Objectively Nesta has been cruel and unkind to her younger sister when it was completely uncalled for. But I take issue with the fact that Nesta is held responsible for things that were ultimately her father’s fault and he.d to a much higher standard than many of the male characters in the series.

Nesta was far from perfect as an older sister, but she still made efforts to mend her relationship with Feyre during ACOTAR and ACOMAF before becoming the main scapegoat of the inner circle. You know what I never see? Rhysand or any members of the IC speaking ill of papa Archeron or expressing any anger whatsoever that he failed his daughters during an extremely vulnerable period of their lives. But you know what I do see? Every IC member judging Nesta so harshly and treating her so callously for her failure to protect and nurture Feyre while they were living in poverty. And yet, who is blamed for Feyre’s illiteracy? Who is blamed for Feyre’s decision to hunt in the woods when their father was RIGHT THERE?

Let’s be real here, Nesta receives more in-text and out of text criticism than Papa Archeron for two reasons. Firstly, Nesta is an actual character while Papa Archeron is a plot device used to explain why the sisters are in such a poor situation. HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A FIRST NAME! So how can I possibly engage with his character in a meaningful way when his characterization has as much substance as a pile of cobwebs.

Secondly, Nesta is assumed to be more culpable in the neglect of Feyre’s safety and education because it was expected that she take up all the maternal duties to compensate for her Father’s absence. Even though Papa Archeron was there physically, there is little evidence that he contributed to any community building in their family or made any attempts at mediating conflicts between his daughters. As a father, there isn’t much expectation on him as a parent while for Nesta there is. Nesta’s refusal to be parentified was a subversion of the expectation that she would become a sacrificial parental figure to her sisters (despite only being a few years older than them). As such, Nesta’s refusal was viewed as more offensive and wrong than Papa Archeron because it was a resistance to rigid gendered expectations being forced upon her.

And then we come to the ultimate conclusion of Nesta’s lack of a portrait. Papa Archeron gets to die a hero and have his daughters honour his memory while Nesta has to live with the consequences. Nesta is the one who was there and yet she’s punished tenfold on a much larger scale by a clique of immortal fairies with no sense of proportionality when it comes to wrongdoings.

#anti sjm #pro nesta #anti nessian #anti ic #anti rhysand #sjm critical #acosf thoughts #acotar #nesta deserves better #nesta archeron

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yua-nism · 7 months

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I saw your tags and I’m now very intrigued like what do you mean yuhan has the SHORTEST TRAGIC BACKSTORY?!?! JUST WHAT IS GOING ON?? like granted I should have known a game about devil cat butlers would have some angst and tragic backstories but god damn 😭😭

there was a miscalculation on my part and yuuhan's is in fact, not the one with the shortest backstory! however that's only because the others have yet to have their backstories be revealed. sorry for the late answer btw, exams have made me pretty tired.

ok so ill briefly explain a bit. this ties in to the requirement to become a devil butler that is, having felt so much despair that one feels like dying. normal people will be swallowed up by the devils they contract with. the despair essentially acts like chains for the devil. so to talk about their pasts in the Briefest Way Possible (lie):

miyaji has beef with lucas on the surface but really it's because he still can't get over the fact that lucas decided to save him from the verge of death instead of someone else he thought was more capable than him while lucas simply chose to save miyaji because he had higher chances of living.

lucas was basically a child prodigy/genius. since young, he's always loved reading books, and even read thick books that even adults struggled to understand. even though he was lonely and had no one to talk to, he still endured it, skipped grades, and became a doctor at the age of 10+. at first he was looked down on for being young, but an older doctor stood up for him. eventually he became the leader of the doctors, but due to his lack of social skills, he struggled to communicate well, which resulted in the doctors hating him. in the end, all the doctors except lucas quit their job. and the group collapsed. (tbf id quit too... imagine being said you didn't work as hard as him and don't have as much brainpower compared to him as well)

ammon has only had his mom since birth and lived with her, selling flowers for a living. ammon would always make sure the flowers would be sold out at the end of the day for his sickly mother, but if he doesn't manage to sell all of them it's heavily implied his mom whips him like he does to himself even now. they were like super poor but ammon still loved his mom because he only had her

berrien has like this super mysterious past but rn it's starting to unravel in chapter 4. he's an orphan and got adopted into a church backed by the grovanas or whatever nobel family to nurture warriors who could fight angels, but surprisingly the church is actually full of love and was ran by someone who fighted angels named Goetia. berrien also met his soon-to-be older brother figure named Beren/Belen. btw all of the kids go by the last name Cliane because goetia wants everyone to become true family.

when berrien was 26 (Beren 29), goetia died from a chronic disease and Beren had to take on goetia's responsibilities. berrien became the one running the church, however shit happened, Beren got demonized, and berrien used his powers to keep Beren alive after forming a contract with his current devil. he's still residing in berrien's basement as of current, but in a coma. berrien still thinks he himself has no rights to be a butler and really does not believe that he's the one keeping the damn thing running

also the church got destroyed like 2400 years ago and yes berrien is 2000+ years old

haures was born into some wack ass family, his dad ran away with some other woman and his mom projected her rage and stuff like that onto haures, and his newborn younger sister Tricia. haures is 10 years older than Tricia. when he was that age, he ran away from home with Tricia (literal baby) because he no longer trusted his mom to take good care of them. after that, when haures was 18, he trained hard to become a soldier under the grovanas nobles so he could afford to let Tricia get treatment for her worsening vision. one heartbreaking scene was when haures showed off his red uniform to Tricia and she said the blue uniform looked good on him... but 5 years later, haures managed to get Tricia's eyes healed!!! surely nothing bad could happen!!!!

sike. haures caught one of the grovanas nobles illegally trafficking humans with some dealer, and arrested him. however that led to the seller getting revenge, and he decided to capture tricia. he stabbed her and threw her into the woods. when haures found her, she only managed to call out to haures before she died after a few breaths. haures was really really really devastated. he sought revenge on the noble, and while the noble didn't die, he was jailed 5 years for harming the noble (not death sentence because he was determined mentally unstable after losing Tricia.). after he got out of jail, he found the noble again and wanted to kill him, but he was reminded of how Tricia admired him for protecting the people and helping those in need, which stopped him. after that, he became a devil butler because of his proficient fighting skills.

lamli was forced to work at a circus by his mom at the age of 10, while starting up with simple duties, he decided to train to become a circus troupe performer so he'd earn more money for his complaining mother. its heavily implied he's abandoned by her and becomes a devil butler because of his nimble body. btw his mom said she never wanted to have lamli right in front of him. jesus.

fennesz was born into a wealthy happy family, and had an older sister. however his war general father lost a war against nobles, and the economy went into shambles. his mom remarried but even though their stepdad was nice, fennesz and his sister ended up strays on the street due to some reasons i forgot of. fennesz would get bullied by kids on the street because of his father's loss in the war, but his sister would always protect him, and they relied on each other for survival. she's very smart, as shown in the story. she also loves history, as she said, it can help people learn from the past. its heavily implied she is dead.

ok flure! flure grew up with his older sister and mother who both did ballet (can one of you have an actual dad for once?), and he also followed in their footsteps. however when he was a child he was bullied for liking stereotypical girly things, like playing with his sister's dolls, doing ballet and having long hair. even though he was laughed at for doing it, he still underwent strict training guided bg his sister and mother. he never found the courage to tell his sister or mom even though his sister could tell something was wrong (heard him crying at night). he still thinks he should be more courageous to this day and thinks he's pathetic. we don't know what happened to his family but they probably died.

i wanted to talk about boschi but i realized idk much about him apart from the fact that he only had his grandmother (who's actually a great caretaker for once!) and he was bullied for being a bookworm/nerd at school and had no friends. though he did actually beat those bullies up later for mocking his grandma when she wanted to take him back home. she didn't want boschi to fight but she said herself she was actually rooting for him when he was fighting LMAOOO love her for that

lono. ok so lono was really poor and had no parents, and he acted as the older brother for the younger kids living on the streets with him. he'd work as someone who'd clean up rubble from battling angels, which was a job that had unstable income since no one knows when angels are gonna appear. they were family basically. lono would rather starve than let his siblings eat less, and his love of cooking originated here because he loved seeing them happy from his cooking. we don't know what happened to them, but they're probably dead

nac was born into a rich family, and has a father, not sure if he has a mother, never mentioned at least. apparently the stein family was great at sales or trading or smth??? they're just some very rich and well-known name. however on his 12th birthday, his butler led him to the forest near the stein mansion, and revealed himself to be someone the stein family harmed. just as he was about to kill lil nac in shock, nac retaliated in defense. and when he realized, he already stabbed the man at his vital point. his dad appears out of nowhere and reveals that he knew this all along, and that the stein family is actually a long line of assassins with sales as their front personas. nac was trained to kill since then, and thought he'd never feel positive emotions again before he became a devil butler. he also has scars all around his body, probably from the assassin work he did.

lato and his non-blood related brother, Aleks I think? were kidnapped by people who wanted to train people to become angel fighters. however unlike berrien, this time it's just pure cruelness and literal torture. they were 8 when this experiment started. not only that, all the children were sold by their caretakers to this place, including lato and aleks' "mother", the head of their orphanage, who they deeply loved and believed in. when lato finally found a way to escape, almost half the children were dead.

and when he told the others, they told lato that they already gave up on escaping, including aleks. from, i suppose, all the suppressed anger and trauma, he burned the experiment facility down, leaving the other kids to die because he hallucinated that they wanted them to be burned so they could be free. after that, lato returned to the orphanage even though he knew the "mother" sold him in the first place. guess what the mother did! that's right she ran back into the orphanage when she saw him, locked the fucking door and told him to get the fuck away from her. and lato burned the orphanage down.

now onto the new butler trio!

teddy is the one with the most details in his backstory so far. when he was young, he Had a twin brother, and teddy was a far cry from who he is now. he was negative and gloomy compared to his brother, who was positive and talented, and people always favored teddy's brother more. but one day, his brother died protecting him from an angel, but since they were so alike people didn't know whether the one that died was teddy or his brother. and after grieving his brother, teddy decided to become him, and used his brother's name to live on as him so people wouldn't be sad, because "teddy" was the one that died. and that led to teddy forming his personality today. teddy is his actual name though, he started using it after he became a knight. he became a knight because he wanted to protect people from angels.

but during an attack by an intelligent angel, namely seraphim, one of the angels that appeared at the end of chapter 1 and also the major antagonist of the story, teddy's entire unit got killed. at the start of chapter 2.5, he recuperated in a hospital, however he kept terrible nightmares (reliving the massacre, and hearing the voices of his comrades asking him why he abandoned them and why he got to survive) and so didn't sleep at all. he eventually snuck out of the hospital to visit their graves, and then started wondering what the point of him still being alive is. he almost threw himself off a cliff before haures and aruji reached him.

hanamaru. ten years before the story, hanamaru was fleeing from something- he walked all the way from the east to the central, and collapsed in a forest. a nun found him and took him back to a church that doubled as an orphanage. however the nun soon fell ill and died, so hanamaru began taking care of the kids in the church after he was saved by her.

but 5 years later, the church was attacked by angels. he was away from the church when the attack happened, and when he came back, all he saw were angels flying away from the ruined church. only 4 kids survived. hanamaru had a breakdown, and kept kneeling and pressing his head against the ground, saying things like "i couldn't protect them", "i swear ill keep them safe next time", implying this is not the first time something like this has happened. he swore vengeance against the angels that day, that he would never forgive them, and himself. so berrien suspects that the 4 kids that survived were the people that kept hanamaru around. who knows what could've happened if they passed as well...

lastly (finally), yuuhan. at the age of 9, he trained to become a soldier of the sardeis family so he could protect his hometown, and made it after 3 years. he quickly rose up in the ranks, being a prodigy. in the main story, he started doubting his loyalty to the family after they attempted an assassination on the devil butlers. and he betrayed the sardeis family and fell into their trap when investigating forbidden records. he got thrown into jail by the head, and the head decided for his punishment, yuuhan's whole village and everyone he knew there will be burned and killed. he could only despair in jail. in the story, after his prison guard left after serving him food, yuuhan started crying. he called out to his father, his mother, everyone from his hometown, apologizing again and again, believing that it's his fault that they died.

after that, the head, fubuki, paid him a visit. fubuki beat yuuhan up, pushed him to the verge of death, but not grave enough injuries to die. yuuhan asked fubuki to kill him, but fubuki refused. he even says he'll force feed yuuhan till the day of his death execution if necessary. however, yuuhan was rescued by the butlers during his execution. (it took place in a forest with tigers. basically the death penalty is getting eaten by tigers) he became a devil butler after that.

holy shit. also im not typing Bastien's since you can read his backstory from the tls available here.

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thefireintheshadow · 29 days

Text

GeminiTay whispers to you: How’s it going over there?

Etho snorted - he couldn’t help himself. The sweet little elf had murdered him twenty-eight times that day. And despite all the ribbing from all of their friends, she’d been really nice about it.

And was still being nice, considering she was checking in on him after the flood of said ribbing in the chat.

It was all in good fun…but he deserved a bit of his own fun, too. So he sent a private message back: Oh, you know, wallowing in depressed drunkenness because I’m so washed up.

He chuckled under his breath and went back to organizing the TCG deck he’d been working on, but the reply came quickly and he paused again.

GeminiTay whispers to you: Aw, poor guy. Why don’t you come over to the castle tonight for dinner so I can make it up to you? Soak up all that alcohol lol

His eyebrow raised at that. This couldn’t be how she’d made it sound. She was a lot younger than him, and though while they were having their little PVP practice today it had felt like chemistry…well, they were just sparring. Adrenaline and all that…

GeminiTay whispers to you: if you’re not busy and you actually want to hang out, no pressure

GeminiTay whispers to you: i get it if you’ve had enough of me today haha

Her sudden rambling and lack of punctuation and capitals warmed something in Etho’s chest. He could almost hear her voice, babbling away, see the way her nose wrinkled a little when she was nervous…

He shook his head. He’d fallen into fantasy land so quickly it terrified him a little bit.

And as much as he’d originally set out to make her squirm, he felt bad that he was leaving her hanging. He typed back: As long as you put your swords away lol

GeminiTay: No weapons of any kind I promise :)

He chuckled again, and his cheeks flushed a little beneath his mask when he realized he’d been goofily grinning at the screen.

She’s too young for you, idiot, he thought. She literally kicked your ass today, that has got to be the least attractive thing ever.

Still. She was a beautiful woman. And somehow, her kicking his ass that day was…kinda hot.

It’s just dinner. She’s just a nice friend being nice. That’s all.

---

Somehow it hadn’t felt real until Etho actually accepted her dinner offer, and Gem’s nervous butterflies in her stomach tripled when she realized that he was actually coming over.

She’d always looked up to Etho, he was a veteran expert in so many ways, and every time they interacted always left her feeling flustered and warm.

But that day…they’d sparred for so long, and he’d actually wanted to learn from her, and it was such a heady experience. And she kept beating him, killing him over and over, and still he stayed, with that good-natured laugh of his, having fun.

They’d fallen into some kind of chemistry, Gem knew - she just knew - she couldn’t have been imagining it, the whole exchange had had her feeling some kinda way. By the time she’d made it home she was flushed and warm and fluttery and feeling like she needed to…burst into flames, or something.

Every time his eyes had shifted into mischief, every time he’d thought he had her and then no, she was striking him down again, and he was laughing, healing up, bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet to get ready to take her again…

She sighed, the motion not cleansing any of her heat at all, running over and over the vision of his lithe frame moving around the battlefield like a ninja, the two of them locked in a deadly dance…

God, I need to focus. She shook out her hands, giving her whole body a shake as if she could break loose of the tension curling her nerves into knots. She walked into the kitchen, but even the scent of the hearty stew she was nurturing wasn’t enough to calm her buzz.

Etho had taken such a ribbing in the chat all day, and she knew it was all in good fun, that he would take it all in stride, but it still made her feel a little bad that she’d roasted him so publically. At least, that’s what she was telling herself. She totally hadn’t used checking in on him as an excuse to invite him over.

Totally, surely not.

But now he was actually coming, he was coming over and they were going to be alone, together, eating at a table, swords away. Chatting. He would have to take his mask down to eat, and she’d get distracted by his lips wrapping around his spoon…

Focus!

But Gem couldn’t focus. It was worse now, knowing he had accepted her invitation. Part of her had thought he would say no, that he’d have other plans, that he wouldn’t want to spend the evening with her because they’d already spent all day together, you know, her murdering him over and over.

But he’d said yes, and now she was doing this, and how was she supposed to survive? Because there would be no release or break in the knot forming in her belly. He was older than her, he had so many older relationships with the other hermits, surely he couldn’t be romantically interested in the young punk desperate to prove herself after only being around for like two years, right?

Deep in her heart, she knew she was being too hard on herself. But it was easier and safer than hoping.

Because hoping led to darker, dirtier fantasies, and that would just make this dinner so, so much harder.

Gem groaned as she gently stirred the stew, sprinkling in a little more salt. This was going to be absolute torture. But she probably deserved it.

And…she couldn’t wait.

---

Etho arrived right on time, landing at the front of Gem’s - absolutely impressive - castle. The amount of time and care put into such a massive build was staggering, and though he’d flown past it many a time, he’d never actually been inside.

The details along the ceiling of the first tunnel had his jaw dropping. He stared up dumbly, appreciating the architecture, his walk slowing to a stop.

“You coming inside, or you just going to gawk all day?” Gem’s teasing tone startled him, and he flicked his gaze down as if he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

He almost wished he’d kept staring at the ceiling.

Gem had been gorgeous earlier that day even with a messy braid, sweaty and darting around with a sword in her hand. He often interacted with her while she was busy, working or doing any kind of exertion, ruffled by the energy of the day.

He’d never seen her like this, in the comfort of her own home, softer . Her strawberry curls cascaded over her shoulders and down her back, cute elfin tips of her ears poking out the sides. Her dress was more casual than the intricately embroidered elf garb, but somehow more elegant because of the way she carried herself. The fabric was light and silvery, layered and ruched so it bunched in little ruffles around her chest and shoulders, a cute bow securing the billowy skirts around her waist.

He tore his gaze back up to her eyes, fighting hard not to notice how low cut the ruffles were, the little swell of cleavage there, demanding his attention. He wanted to say hello, say fucking anything , but his tongue seemed permanently glued to the roof of his mouth.

“I will take your dumbstruck silence as a compliment,” Gem said, and his heart near stopped in his chest. He’d been caught. “Lower your expectations, though, this hallway was the first thing I decorated and I am so not even close to done with the interior of this thing.”

Etho let out a chuckle of relief - she’d been talking about him being dumbstruck by her building, not her . Though, he didn’t miss the little quiver beneath the surface of her light and sweet tone.

She was nervous.

Why was she nervous?

The thought sent a little thrill up his spine. If he made her nervous…no, he had to be sure.

He might have been out of the physical sparring game for a while, but if there was one thing he was always good at, it was mental sparring.

He could think of a thousand and one ways to try to fluster her…and this evening just got a whole lot more exciting.

---

Gem resisted the urge to wring her hands as she led Etho through the castle. He liked the dress. She’d originally been wearing a casual overalls and t-shirt, and had changed into the babydoll dress at the last second before she could talk herself out of it.

She’d felt a swell of pride in her chest when she’d caught him gawking at her intricate build work, but the widening of his pupils when he raked his gaze over her…she’d nearly melted to the floor.

He’d tried so hard to hide it, but it seemed he hadn’t even been able to speak. She’d broken the tension, she thought, but she’d barely been able to contain her nerves.

And now, she could almost feel the heat of him as they walked, as she chattered away about this block and that, and he kept pace with her, not quite beside her but just a half-step behind.

She kept glancing back at him, craning her neck, mostly finding him appreciating the decor but occasionally he’d be looking right back at her, a little twinkle in his eyes over the mask. Similar to the twinkle right before they ran at each other, swords raised.

She had to concentrate hard to keep her knees from buckling. God, he was hot. It should be illegal to be that hot.

They entered the dining room, where she had meticulously decorated not too long before. The table was huge, made for a feast, but she’d set two places on the end, on the corner, Etho’s spot right at the head.

“So intricate,” Etho said as he looked around, slowly turning to take it all in as he followed her. “You could give Bdubs a run for his money.”

“Oh my gosh, no,” Gem replied with a laugh. “You’re just trying to flatter me now. I told you no weapons, you don’t have to butter me up so I won’t kill you.”

He chuckled and took a seat, the one on the side.

“No, this one is yours, “Gem insisted, patting the high-backed chair at the head of the table. “Better view.”

He laughed as he changed seats. “The King’s spot huh? You really do feel guilty.”

She wrinkled her nose at his teasing tone, loving the way ‘King’ came out of his mouth. God, how she wanted to worship at his feet. Focus, Gem!“Just wait ‘til you try the soup,” she quipped, hoping she sounded casual. Playful. Anything but desperately staring at his hands as he toyed with the corner of the embroidered napkin in front of him.

She tore herself away and returned with two steaming bowls, setting them both down. She relished the way Etho’s eyes widened at the sight, as he took a deep breath, taking in the aroma.

“This looks amazing, Gem,” he praised, and she couldn’t help but preen a little. She liked impressing him. She liked the sound of her name on his lips even more.

They paused in silence for a moment, then Gem had a horrific thought she hadn’t anticipated. “Oh, jeez,” she gasped. “I… do you want me to like, turn around or something?” She’d been so excited to see his face that she hadn’t thought of whether he would even be okay with it. Her stomach plummeted to the floor. Stupid, stupid, stupid-

“Oh, no,” Etho said, a blush creeping up over the top of his mask. “Sorry, I spaced out. It’s just been a long time since I’ve had a home-cooked meal like this.”

Gem opened her mouth to say something, but her breath hitched when he pulled the mask down. In reality, it was only a few seconds, a casual gesture, but for Gem it was like time slowed down. Etho revealed his face with agonizing slowness, and god he was beautiful, high cheekbones and smooth, flawless skin, lips so plush and soft looking that it took everything in her power not to reach out and run her fingers over them.

He took a spoon with his deft fingers and brought some soup to his mouth, and she was staring but she couldn’t stop. She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, a small moan escaping him as he savored the taste, and that noise did things to her, things she didn’t want to experience in polite company, and she pressed her thighs together under the table and how was she going to survive this?

“So good, Gem,” he said, and then he was looking at her, and shit he’d caught her. He smiled, amusement dancing in his eyes, and to see that smile, actually see it, she thought she might melt into the floor. “You doing alright over there?”

It was her turn to blush, and she stared down into her soup, wishing she could hide in it. He knew. He knew... but he wasn’t running away. He was still here and teasing her about it, that was a good sign, right?

The sun was setting, and the rays fell through the window, a waterfall of fire over the dining room.

“You’re right, the view is better from here,” he said, and she beamed a little, looking up, but he was looking at her.

Oh.

“You should try the soup,” Etho said with a wink that turned her legs to jelly. “It’s delicious.”

“Well I know that,” she said, laughing, and the tension broke a little. “I made it.”

He pointed to the window with his spoon. “The curve up there is really cool, how did you do it?”

Gem took the opening to chatter about building, finding it easier to talk and eat and distract herself from drooling all over him. By the time they were scraping the bottom of their bowls, the moon was just beginning to bathe the world in its ethereal glow.

“Want to see the balcony?” Gem asked. “It’s got a great view of Pearl’s which looks so cool at night.”

Etho grinned and shoved back his chair. “Yeah.”

He didn’t pull his mask back up.

---

Etho was in trouble. He wasn’t blind. He’d gone beyond flustering her, and he’d barely done anything. She’d been squirming in her seat and it had taken every ounce of his willpower not to bend her over the damn table.

He’d managed to distract and relax her with building chatter, but he hadn’t been distracted enough to keep from noticing how goddamn gorgeous she was. And now, following her outside, the moonlight sparkling in her long shiny curls, thin fabric of that innocent-but-sinful dress swishing back and forth against the back of her perfect legs.

She leaned on the railing of the balcony, and even in the moonlight he could see the light pink of her cheeks as he joined her. There was music in the distance, probably floating up from Impulse’s base, considering it was a classic rock power ballad.

“Isn’t it gorgeous?” Gem breathed, staring across the water.

But Etho couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. Sorry, Pearl, he thought. “Yeah.”

She seemed to sense his gaze on her, because she looked at him. “You’re not even...” she trailed off, as if her breath left her, cheeks flushing deeper.

Etho took a chance, taking one of her hands in his and pulling her away from the railing. She made a small noise of surprise and he caught her against his body, one arm around her waist and the other still clasping her hand. She seemed to catch on as he began to sway, bringing her free hand up to rest on his shoulder.

“You know what I was most sad about missing on the Empires server?” he asked.

Her eyes glittered with amusement. “Joel?”

He snorted, shaking his head then bent, lowering his mouth to her ear. “Seeing you in your princess dress.”

She quivered in his arms, as if a thrill ran up her spine. “Princess Gem could have still kicked your ass,” she said, voice breathy.

He chuckled. “Maybe,” he admitted, “but I’m sad I didn’t get to see GeminiSlay all fancy in pink.”

She tilted her chin, and the air charged between them. “All you have to do is ask.”

His heart pounded so hard he was sure she could hear it. “Is that so?”

She swallowed hard and drew her bottom lip between her teeth before letting it go. “Yeah.”

He stopped swaying, staring down into her big beautiful eyes. “Can I kiss you, Gem?”

Her lips parted on a gasp. “Uh huh,” she whispered, and they crashed together like a storm.

[finish on ao3]

and a huge huge thank you to @blacktofade for beta-reading this beast, ilysm <3

#gemtho #hermitshipping #hermitblr #hermitfic

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suchawrathfullamb · 5 months

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For some reason I like to think Wills mother took care of him at first until she left because of the father. She left before Will could remember any of it, like when he was still a baby. Will is nurturing for someone who never had a mother's love and he seems to be attracted to "normal" female figures (Molly, Alana). I think Will also indicated once that his father made him have a bad childhood from being poor/constantly traveling in cold conditions and I doubt the mother was willing to put up with that. Will does not seem particularly fond of his father. Perhaps for Will the mother figure represents an order and normalcy that his childhood lacked, that is father pushed away from him by being himself? You can see this dynamic playing out with Hannibal vs Will's female love interests.

Hmm, I don't know. For the nurturing behavior to be something he got from his mother, she couldn't have left him that early. If it was so brief that he could not remember her, then her care wasn't relevant to etch itself unto his personality. His choice of words is what made me believe she left him as a newborn, "Never met her" as in just never even met. Not "she left when I was a baby" or "I barely knew her", just as if she never even existed, "never MET".

But, actually, I don't find Will nurturing at all. He cares for his dogs, which he seems to "collect" to have a sense for effortless loyalty and affection, but he actually seems to draw in nurturing people, making him their opposite.

Molly, as he hinted himself, took him in like a stray dog; Alana said she wanted to "save him", and even Hannibal himself was a motherly figure to him in many exchanges, in terms of being the one person who was caring for him, "you made me chicken soup". Also, he has a line that goes "abandonment requires expectation" hinting at his own wound. He said he followed his father around, so who else abandoned him? Probably his mother. I also don't see him having "attraction for normal female figures" as Alana and Molly are very far from normal.

Alana has a savior complex and literally gets involved with psychopaths or just overall unstable men, and even after seeing the truth, she falls under a delusion to fit her own fantasies and complexes.

Molly clearly has major issues, she marries some guy who has an extremely questionable and very public past, and allows him to live with her and her kid son! Very reckless of her, and then AFTER her and her son almost die, she still tries to play the "cool wife" (in the hospital, she gets mad...understandably, and punishes herself for it "uuh I almost got mad there" like girl?? yes??). So both are far, far away from normal.

Will has narcissistic traits and he feeds on these nurturing figures. Most likely *because* he never had a mother, he's trying to fill the void. He also lacks any sort of attitude or trait that someone who was well taken care of or nurtured would have. He lacks tone, he's usually very cut dry with people, he's often arrogant and rude. He cannot connect with Abigail, which would be easy for him to do so if he had a nurturing mother. He lacks tone with her, says crazy ass things, and a nurturing person would not do what he did to her, that reckless idea of just getting her out of the hospital and dragging her to a place she suffered horrible trauma in. The only people he was nice to, were the ones he saw himself in, very selfish motives, which were Georgia, Peter and Reba. He's "kinda of" nice to Alana because he's interested, but soon after he realizes he's not getting what he wants from her he becomes a bitch. When she says she wants to save him, he holds her hand in such a psychopathic way, with a completely cold look on his face, it's actually so funny.

To sum it up, I don't think the show and the character give any indication of having had a nurturing mother, or a mother at all.

#hannigram #nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham #murder husbands #hannibal lecter #hugh dancy #mads mikkelsen #ask the lamb

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sacrificialsam · 7 months

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dean pain is so annoying like yes dean has feelings but not everything is about him guys.

i hate it in the show obviously but the way it extends to fandom and dean fans will make everything about dean pain actually gets me angry. its an immediate block

recently saw a gifset about sams eating habits and some of the replies are insane!!!!

"sam is fussy because dean sacrificed and made sure he was never hungry whereas dean eats everything bcuz big bad john starved him uwu"

or even worse "sam thought he was a chubby 12 year old when he was "well fed" bcuz dean was so emaciated from being so underfed and he felt guilty about it :("

like????? you sound crazy and it says so much about what you think about people with eating disorders. im killing them with my mind powers. literally everything bad that happened to sam is just fodder for the "dean is a poor little victim" brigade

everything boils down to "sam is a spoiled brat who doesnt realise how much martyr dean has sacrificed for him" which is crazy cuz dean really hasnt protected him all that much, not in the show and imo, not as children

i completely understand you anon, i have like half of the fandom blocked on my main for almost this exact reason. the framing of dean being kind, punished, nurturing etc, while sam is selfish, evil, spoiled always feels like a thinly veiled attempt at deflecting from the actual heinous stuff dean does, especially to sam sometimes. it's all about making dean the victim, woobifying him in a way, and it really shows in people's headcanons about abuse as well, which it think is even worse than the already bad ones about eating disorders. malnourished dean specifically is such a wet dream for people who love woobifying dean, because we know comparatively little about their childhoods so headcanons are less easily disproved, and stuff that we do know (lack of money, lack of food) paint a very sad picture of it. i'm not saying you can't argue that dean has had issues with food in the past, but saying sam should feel bad for it, sam who was also just a hungry little kid, is ridiculous. i personally do not believe dean went days without food just so sam could have some more, he'd probably steal money or groceries before it came to that, or even go to charities. dean is self destructive, but he's not stupid. also the narrative of john maliciously starving dean is stupid as hell, why would you train your child to survive fighting monsters just to sabotage them by intentionally starving them? in a scenario when there wasn't enough food i 100% believe john ate less so sam and dean could have enough, but people love to pretend john was actually satan before they use their brains.

#ask #anon

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crowtrobotx · 1 year

Text

As promised, for my beloved Heisenmoots, I have written a little something. Just a little extra. A little bit of Ethan suffering because he has to be friends with the worst old man on earth for the sake of Rose. As a treat. <3 This was kind of hastily written as an introduction to a modern/no village AU - if people like it I will happily add continuations to this and make it a little side series, just for yucks. I hope you enjoy and I love you all a disgusting amount. Title: A Rose and A Butterfly Word count: 3478 Characters: Ethan Winters, Rose Winters, Mia Winters, Karl Heisenberg, fem!OC, daughter!OC Warnings: None (unless you’re not cool with cursing)

When Rose came home and excitedly announced that she’d made a new friend, Ethan Winters couldn’t have been happier. He worried excessively about her at the best of times. With the move to a new town after Mia’s recent job change, he knew that they risked making her already precarious social situation even more fragile. Rose had struggled with forming lasting relationships at her old school, due in no small part to the rampant bullying that seemed to have gone unchecked by every single adult responsible for her with Ethan and Mia weren’t present. Perhaps it was a good thing that they all were getting a fresh start. Still, Ethan had tried not to let his expectations run too high. This had happened before, after all. Sometimes it turned out the other kid or kids in question were lying, pulling off some elaborate scheme to just break her heart in the end. Other times they simply drifted apart, deciding that they didn’t want to associate with someone so far down in the social pecking order. From his vantage point, Ethan was pretty sure being a young girl sounded like the most miserable, complicated experience he could imagine.

Fortunately, this time was different. He pulled up to the pick up location outside of the small town’s middle school to see Rose waiting with a much shorter, stockier girl, dark hair wrangled into two messy buns atop her head. There was a woman standing next to them who looked like she was probably her mother, given how their wild curls matched and the way Rose’s friend kept throwing her a pleading look that Ethan recognized well as the please, I’ll never ask for anything ever again I swear face. He rolled down the window of his SUV and waved politely at the two strangers.

“Dad!” Rose shouted excitedly. “This is my friend Lottie! Can I go over to her house?”

Before Ethan could even open his mouth to respond, Lottie had bounded up to the side of the vehicle and was peering up at him with a fiery gaze. “My mom already said yes,” she explained with a firm nod. “I promise we’re not a family of serial killers. Papa’s fridge in the garage is busted anyway, nowhere to store the organs.”

“Jesus - Lottie. Back up, sweetheart.”

Her mother urged her back onto the sidewalk and approached, laughing awkwardly. She reminded Ethan a bit what he imagined a cool art teacher would look like, with her leather jacket and dark jeans contrasted by several loud, colorful accessories. He could see a couple of tattoos poking out from under her clothes and the glint of a septum piercing flashed in the autumn sunshine. She lowered her voice and scratched the back of her neck, looking apologetic.

“I’m sorry, she’s–”

“She’s fun,” Ethan said with a sincere laugh. He could tell why they got along already - Rose had a wicked sense of humor and Lottie had already made it known that she lacked a filter. “I’m Ethan. I hear our daughters are friends.”

“Kris,” the woman’s shoulders relaxed at last. “I know you don’t know me, or my demon child, but I’m totally fine with Rose coming over. You wanna follow me so you know where she is? We can exchange numbers there.”

Rose practically buzzed with excitement the entire drive. It made Ethan nearly want to cry. The poor kid had been through so much - he had done all he could to protect her and nurture her, as had Mia - but there came a point when the world inevitably sunk its claws in and all he could do was sit back and pray that he’d equipped her properly to fight her battles. So lost in thought he was as they drove to a wooded, semi-rural area nearly at the city limits that he didn’t notice Kris’s “How am I driving? I’m not. This vehicle is driven by 700 rats.” bumper sticker until they’d nearly arrived.

Okay, this family was a teensy bit eccentric. It was fine. Rose seemed happy, that’s all that mattered. Kris appeared to be a perfectly competent person and the way his daughter talked about her friend (and how she’d decked a kid twice her size who’d said something nasty to Rose), he had no reason to think these weren’t decent people.

After pulling down the driveway to the house, obscured entirely from the road by thick trees, Lottie and Rose bounded out of their respective vehicles to meet on the lawn and whisper excitedly about whatever little plans they’d concocted. They ignored Ethan’s inquiries about any homework that needed done before scurrying up to the wide, covered porch. Ethan heard a dog barking excitedly when the front door opened, followed by Rose’s giggling and Lottie yelling “Sturm! Get down! You big idiot…”

“I’m sorry about the rusted out cars and shit out back,” Kris said, appearing at his side and gesturing to a rather impressive pile of junk partially visible behind the house. “My husband is a mechanic. He keeps swearing he’s gonna restore that crap or at least break it down for parts but I think aliens will invade before that happens. I promise the inside of the place doesn’t look like that - despite his best efforts.”

Ethan smiled. “Oh, it’s fine. You should see what my living room looks like when my wife decides to go on one of her crafting sprees.” Of course, a bunch of rusting metal that looked like a tetanus amusement park was a little different from a bunch of paper scraps and glue, but who was counting. “A mechanic, huh? We’re new in town. Would be nice to know a guy who could take a look at our cars. He any good?”

Ethan had said the last part as a joke.

“Oh, he sucks.” Ethan gaped. Kris smirked, looking fondly toward the garage. “I mean, he’s good at what he does. Really good. But he’s a cranky weirdo with the social skills of a feral raccoon. And yet, he’s my feral raccoon. I’ll make sure he fixes your shit if you ever need it.”

If the girls hadn’t already gone inside, Ethan might have considered suddenly remembering a very important engagement that he and Rose absolutely had to attend under any circumstances. His anxieties were quelled slightly over the next few minutes while he and Kris dissolved into pleasant small talk - he had the feeling she and Mia might get along well. They exchanged phone numbers and agreed upon a pickup time, Ethan insisting that she didn’t need to drive over and drop her off after offering to make dinner and ensure that any school projects got done.

“Better make sure that nothing’s on fire yet inside,” Kris said before bidding him farewell and disappearing through a side door.

Ethan stood still for a moment, trying to dispel his ever-present worry. He eventually took a few paces toward the car before, in the silence that followed Kris and the girls’ departure, he noticed the sound of a radio emanating from the garage. It was what Rose affectionately referred to as dad rock; this time it was “Fortunate Son” by Creedence Clearwater Revival. And it was loud. He supposed they didn’t really have to worry about bothering any neighbors out here, but he was almost offended on behalf of the local wildlife.

I should introduce myself, Ethan thought. It was only polite - his daughter was probably going to be coming over to the man’s house with regularity. Kris had made him sound like a curmudgeon, but Ethan was used to that sort of thing at work. At least half of the people who contacted his department were old guys who felt emasculated by the fact that they couldn’t figure out how to convert a Word document into a PDF.

He could handle him. How bad could he be?

As Ethan drew closer to the garage, he became aware of the sound of - and he didn’t use this word lightly - utterly horrific, off-tune singing accompanied by the light tink tink of someone trying to drum along in time with a wrench. He couldn’t see anyone through all the stacked up boxes, car parts and frankly odd bits and bobs - the whole place looked like it was one small seismic event from collapsing. Not to mention that the place smelled like a combination auto body shop and cigar emporium. He wasn’t sure what was more polite - to yell a greeting over the cacophony, or to quietly enter and risk scaring the man.

He opted for the former. “Hello? Mr. Uh. Lottie’s dad? Sir?” Ethan grimaced at his own unwieldy introduction.

The radio almost instantaneously shut off, followed by a frankly eerie silence. Ethan froze. He cleared his throat, trying to sound as pleasant as possible despite feeling like he’d just walked into a horror movie set. “I’m Rose’s dad? Lottie’s friend? I just dropped her off and wanted to–”

The hidden man poked his welding mask-clad head around the corner at last. His shoulder-length gray hair had frizzed in every direction, looking like the world’s dirtiest halo. He seemed to give Ethan a once over before lifting the mask up, grinning maniacally through his unkempt beard.

“Oh, so you’re Butterfly’s friend’s papa! Didn’t realize you were coming over! Have a seat over here, don’t be shy!”

Ethan was taken aback. This wasn’t the grouchy old man he’d been anticipating - he’d thoroughly expected to exchange a few manly grunts with him before retreating home to nurse a bottle of merlot and feel like he’d been chastised by his peepaw.

“Come on, come on, don’t got all day.”

Ah. There it was.

Ethan squeezed himself through the mess until he found a blessedly semi-clear space, complete with workbench and a couple of metal chairs. He could see now that the man had been working deep in an old car’s engine, and a pretty one at that. He couldn’t quite discern the make and model - a Firebird, perhaps? - but even in the low light he could see the cherry red paint, dashboard hula girl and goofy, fuzzy dice hanging in the rearview mirror. Ethan may not have been a big car guy but he knew a man’s baby when he saw one.

Lottie’s father leaned against the hood, arms crossed over a Def Leppard t-shirt that had seen better days, the print faded so much as to be near unrecognizable. Ethan sat down awkwardly in front of the workbench, charmed to see that in addition to the scattered blueprints and scribbled notes, there was an abundance of crayon drawings done no doubt by Lottie and pictures of her pinned everywhere on the corkboard hanging overhead. There were a couple of photos of him and his wife together, a couple magazine cutouts of antique vehicles, but to see this stereotypical looking man’s man dominate his space with pictures of and done by an 11 year old girl was strangely endearing.

“So,” the mechanic purred, “Lottie’s told me your girl and her are pals. Which means you and I have some bonding to do.”

“I guess so,” Ethan laughed, still somewhat wary. “I’m Ethan Winters. Rose is my daughter - we just moved here from the city a few months ago.”

“Heisenberg,” the man waved a hand, almost sounding bored. “Karl Heisenberg. I’m the poor asshole everyone around here calls when their shit breaks.”

“Yeah, Kris told me that you were a mechanic. I hope this isn’t presumptuous, but I’d love for you to take a look at my SUV when you have a chance - it started making this weird clunking noise when we were halfway through moving.”

“You met my wife?”

“I did, she–”

“Don’t get any ideas.”

Ethan laughed. Karl did not. This man is insane.

“I– uh, I wasn’t planning on it,” Ethan cleared his throat. He was frantically looking around now for the quickest exit, lest he end up on this week’s latest unexplained disappearance crime report. “We met up at school when the girls were out and we exchanged phone numbers just so we could coordinate play dates. I’m happily married myself, I assure you.”

At last, the mechanic’s serious face broke into a grin again. “ Hah! Look at your face. Oh, calm down - I’m just yankin’ your leg. I know you’re not here for any nefarious purposes. You’d be pig slop in seconds if you ever tried anything.” Ethan did not want to know what that meant. “You want a beer, Winters?”

Jesus, yes. Ethan nodded. “That would be great, thanks… Karl.”

Karl handed him an open, half drunk can of PBR that was sitting on a nearby stool. He fished around in the broken fridge Lottie had mentioned earlier, helping himself to a fresh one. Ethan stared at the can in his hand, wondering privately when the cast from Punked! was going to burst through the door.

“Yeah, my Lottie said your Rose was having problems with one of the local asshole kids,” Karl said thoughtfully, as if what he’d just done wasn’t incredibly bizarre and off-putting. “What’s her name, Alice? Always thought that kid was a dick. I’ve taught Butterfly from the day she could talk to hit first, ask questions later. Might not be the popular parenting technique these days, but I don’t want her ever taking shit from someone who she wouldn’t go to for advice. Sounds like your kid’s been having some problems.”

Ethan thumbed the beer tab, unsure of how much he wanted to disclose to this relative stranger. “We’ve had to move a few times because of her mom’s job,” he explained. “It’s been hard on her. I worry. This is the first time Rosie’s had a friend last more than a few weeks.”

Karl raised an eyebrow. “Lottie’s a good kid. She ain’t gonna give your precious Rose grief unless she deserves it. By the way, what’s the deal? She stayin’ overnight or what?”

“It’s a Tuesday,” Ethan blinked. “School night? I wasn’t planning on it. Kris– uh, your wife said she’d give them dinner and then I was gonna come back around 7:30. If that’s alright?”

“Fine fine,” Karl took a swig from his can before swaggering over to an open toolbox, fishing through a massive selection of nuts and bolts. “Tuesday’s our movie night. Just wanted to make sure you’re not gonna be throwing off my plans. I’ve been working on this new popcorn machine prototype - those assholes at the patent office never appreciate my genius - that’s shaped like a dragon. It breathes popcorn out of its mouth like fire - fuckin’ sick, Winters. I think I fixed a little bug it had where it would, ah, also spew boiling hot butter into your face at the same time. Shame, that. Just because of a little thing like third degree burns, innovation stagnates.”

“Why.” Ethan stared. “Why… would someone want that?”

“Why wouldn’t they?” Karl snarled, clearly offended. “You haven’t touched your drink I gave you, by the way.”

Ethan really needed to leave - Mia was probably wondering where on earth he was. He felt like he’d been hit by a bus, in all honesty. He’d gone from ecstatic to hear of Rose’s new friendship, to somewhat worried at her going to a new place, to simultaneously terrified and fascinated to meet the people he’d likely have to make nice with for his daughter’s sake. He wasn’t about to jeopardize the first good thing in her life in what felt like eternity, but he also had zero desire to spend any more time than necessary with this bizarre man he was getting extreme stoner uncle with a criminal history vibes from.

Mercifully, the tension was broken by an excited, high-pitched voice from outside.

“Papa! Look what Rose showed me!”

Lottie zipped through the maze of the garage with practiced ease, not paying any mind to Ethan. Karl’s face morphed from suspicious irritation to soft delight so quickly that it seemed like an entirely different man was standing in the room now, casting aside his drink to intercept his daughter and hoist her up into an affectionate embrace. Lottie shoved an item that Ethan recognized to be Rose’s small, engraved knife - a gift from Chris, one that had been entirely unnecessary but remained a prized possession nevertheless - into his face.

“Ah, she just has that in case of emergencies–” Ethan felt the need to explain, lest he look like a maniac in front of the actual maniac. He didn’t necessarily like that his daughter carried it around, but he also didn’t love the idea of her being completely unarmed in case of an emergent situation. His own life experiences had taught him that preparedness was far preferable to playing it safe, even if it wasn’t the way things should be.

“Fuckin’ cool,” Karl grinned like a madman again. “Too bad Mama won’t let you have one, huh? I’ll keep workin’ at her - don’t worry. Looks like plain old Ethan is more exciting than we thought.”

“Plain?” Ethan stammered.

Rosemary appeared at last, casting her father a hesitant smile. “We weren’t doing anything weird, I promise. Mrs. Heisenberg sent us outside because she uhm, she said she wanted to make sure Lottie’s dad wasn’t ‘terrorizing’ you.”

Karl feigned a look of hurt. “I can’t believe she’d ever believe me capable of such a thing! Oh, well. Never fear, Rose - your dad was just leaving, wasn’t he? And in one piece at that. You can assure the missus that nothing bad happened. We’re bros now, right? Ethan? Bros?”

“Papa,” Lottie rolled her eyes.

“We are not bros,” Ethan answered far, far too quickly. “Ah. Not yet.” Please god, not ever. “But, yes, I was just leaving. Thank you for looking after Rose. I’ll be back in a few hours. Unless you want to be picked up early?” He tried not to look too desperate while he waited for his daughter’s response.

“No, I’m good staying for dinner!” Rose rocked on her heels anxiously. “C’mon, Lottie, we better finish that science project so we can get to Mario Kart.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lottie groaned, resigned. “Papa, will you play with us later? When you’re done?”

Karl smirked, setting her down and giving a fiendish wink. “Only if you kids want your asses kicked.”

“Papa, you’ve literally never won–”

“Bye, girls!” he hummed happily. “Better get some practice in if you wanna have a prayer!”

The daughters exchanged a look before giggling at some secret joke and sprinting off again, leaving the two men in awkward silence again. Ethan stood, trying to think of a decent way to bid Karl farewell without expressing just how deranged he’d found this whole encounter. Fortunately for him, the mechanic spoke first, in a tone that seemed wholly different from their earlier interactions.

“They’re the best, huh? Those little girls. I’d raze a whole village to the ground if Lottie asked me to.”

Ethan blinked, taken aback. “I’d do the same for Rose,” he said without hesitation.

Karl looked back at him, oddly thoughtful for just long enough to be unnerving, before the demented sparkle returned to his eyes.

“So, anyway. When you come back to pick her up later, there’s this toaster I’ve been trying to modify that I want you to look at. To get the “every man” perspective or whatever. Ignore the fact that it sometimes talks about wondering if it has a soul or whatever, I’ll patch that out.”

“Oh, well see,” Ethan began walking back to his car at an unashamedly brisk pace. “Rose has a doctor’s appointment in the morning and I really shouldn’t linger. In fact, it might be my wife who comes and picks her up depending on how the yard work I’ve got piling up goes. But next time!”

Please let ‘next time’ be Rose’s graduation and no sooner.

“Winters! Hey! Get back here - ah, fuck you too. I’ll get your address from your wife and bring it over this weekend if tonight isn’t good! Are you even listening to me–”

Ethan Winters had never received a speeding ticket in his life. But as he peeled out of the Heisenberg driveway, still clutching the half full beer can, he wondered if it wouldn’t be worth it to put as much distance between himself and that strange man as humanly possible.

“Whatever,” he finally exhaled when he saw the dim glow of the main body of town coming into view. “He’ll probably forget all about me after a day or two. It’ll be fine. This is for Rose, after all. I can handle Lottie’s upsetting dad if it benefits her. What’s the worst that could happen?”

We’re bros now, right?

Ethan downed the rest of the drink once he was safely back in his own garage. It was going to be a long, long school year.

#not putting in the main tags bc i feel like all the people who knew these characters/read my fic are already followers/moots #but feel free to rb!! or don't lol i feel like this isn't very good but oh well #i just think ethan and karl are served so well by a deranged platonic one sided bromance #it is my favorite dynamic for them and i would love to write more of it #actually you know what I am putting it in the main tags fuck it #Karl Heisenberg #karl heisenberg x oc #Karl heisenberg fanfiction

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how-grand-trine-au · 2 years

Text

Ilya Ginoviev Backstory

Zarya Ginovieva was born in St. Petersburg, Russia, on a cold winter night, barely after the clock had struck midnight on December 26th, 1996.

Her parents never really wanted a second child, they already had a first born son, Vadim Ginoviev, only 5 years earlier. Zarya had been unplanned, and unwanted, the second her parents knew she was a girl.

Nevertheless, Zarya was always an overachiever. Always striving for more, to be bigger and better, while also keeping quiet and to herself as much as possible. It was the only way she knew how to keep her parents proud, or at the very least, not comparing her to her older brother.

As she grew, she realized that femininity wasn't something she strictly aligned to, but neither was masculinity. She grew beautiful long hair and a tall, muscular frame.

She even grew taller than her own older brother, who teased her out of jealousy, "Zarya is a girl's name, you're nothing like a girl, I'll call you Ilya instead"

Vadim had no idea that his younger sibling wasn't opposed to the idea, in fact, they rather liked the name.

Ilya kept quiet, and adopted the name as their own, it felt better, more suitable, and big brother had chosen it.

While Vadim was always jealous of Ilya's physique and intelligence, Ilya always looked at their big brother as a role model. Their parents were always pestering Vadim to become a doctor, so he went to university to become one, only to fail exam after exam, postponing his graduation date every year.

Ilya always knew they wanted to help people, they wanted to be useful, and their nurturing nature led them to try and go to med school as well. Their parents wanted them to be a nurse, but Ilya went for more. They became a Medic and a General Surgeon by the age of 25.

Vadim was fuming, he was surpassed by his own baby sibling, he was supposed to be the head of the family, but he was a failure, and Ilya was perfect. Their parents even started to treat Ilya with more respect than him, and started to compare him to them: "Why aren't you more like your sister?" It enraged him. So he decided it was time for payback.

War had broken out between Russia and a neighboring slavic country, and people were being drafted. Vadim took this as an opportunity, and enlisted Ilya as a combat medic, without telling anybody about it.

One morning, the military came knocking on the family's door, and took Ilya away without word or warning.

Vadim proceeded to lie to their parents, saying that Ilya had been arrested for treason, and sentenced to death by the Russian government. Their parents were devastated, but knew better than to question their rulers, Ilya had always been the odd one out, and nowadays, even voicing your opinion on the streets could get you arrested. Vadim's plan went just how he wanted it. He knew Ilya would never want to take part in the battlefield anyway, and would eventually either get killed in battle or by the government because of Ilya's lack of cooperation.

But Ilya was no fool.

They were deeply hurt and disappointed at what their brother had done, he betrayed them, sent them to die in the trenches. But Ilya did their best to survive.

After combat and firearm training was over, Ilya was sent to the front, Russian soldiers were dropping like flies and there weren't enough medics around. Ilya hated to be there, they wanted to help everyday people, families. Not the corrupt government that sent poor soldiers to die every day.

They have had enough, enough of the sounds, smells and sights of war. They didn't want to kill another human being, even if it was in self defense, any more.

They fled, and became a deserter in self-exile.

When they got to cross the Russian border, they took the first plane available which happened to be destined for the state of Louisiana, USA.

With nothing other than their military gear and backpack, Ilya boarded the plane and decided to never look back.

They had no home anymore. But they were set on finding a place where they could grow roots, a place where they would finally feel peace.

Taglist: @rottent33th @slaasherslut @the-pinstriped-hood @allthingsblood @texaschainsawslvt

#house of wax #house of wax 2005 #house of wax au #oc #ilya ginoviev

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dairy-farmer · 2 years

Note

Okay more suicidal Tim au thoughts (sorry!!)

There’s def an high element of infantilization to the way the batfam treats Tim and the way they encourage him to view himself.

so I’m the same anon as autistic Tim, lol, so like, I view him as autistic. Just a disclaimer

Anyway his whole life has had to be masking a LOT— I mean, everything he was most of the time was a role he was playing in order to be good, or useful. I think that’s a massive defining trait of his character— above anything else, he needs to be useful. I don’t think he views himself as having anything to offer outside of the practical sense, and he craves attention and validation.

So I think the batfam very much view his masking as this terrible thing that the world inflicted on their poor Timmy (nevermind that it was them doing it half the time)

Bruce and Dick vaguely remember a Timmy who was sweet and shy and got a little jumpy and fidgety when he was excited, how he’d bite his lip and bounce his leg to keep from rambling

And they hate themselves, because they hadn’t appreciated it at the time

And then they look at the Tim right before the fall— alone, serious, exhausted most of the time. And they view this now as him being seriously ‘sick’.

In their view it kind of culminates in him leading The teen Titans and young justice, because they in hindsight view leadership roles as forcing this responsibility and masking onto their delicate Timmy.

They’re basically like— this video of teen superheroes is NOT cute. Timmy’s only behave in this serious, assertive manner when they are deeply stressed. Please take this down!

I think Tim also tends naturally to age regress sometimes, either when he’s very stressed or he feels very safe. This is something that he was very ashamed of and took every measure to tamp down on, punishing himself. The batfam takes this ‘self-punishing’ behavior very seriously, refusing to allow Tim to ever be embarrassed or ashamed.

This is an aspect partially of their entitlement when it comes to Tim and his complete lack of autonomy. He lacks ownership over even the most basic things about himself— both his body and his emotions are the treasured, carefully nurtured possessions of his family. They want him to be completely dependent and *trusting* of them. So of course he should never be ashamed or self-conscious or embarassed of anything, because that indicates that he doesn’t really trust them.

So if Tim begins to go under, to do something childish, to stim, especially in a strange way, they wholeheartedly encourage it. They’ll get upset if he tries to stop himself halfway through, and they learn to recognize when he’s internally battling with himself over an urge.

They don’t want him to be nervous or self-conscious over wanting *anything*. He just needs to tell his brothers or sister or daddy. They’ll give him what he needs, and they love him completely.

If he wants to curl up against their lap, or suck fingers or Jason’s pecs, or to be smooshed on all sides, they never want him to hesitate to act or tell them. That’s what they’re there for, after all. They love it when he’s giggly and high-voiced and stupid, when he is just their little baby boy inside.

This shame and responsibility and seriousness is all viewed as the result of outside ‘contaminants’, as the reason they have to hide Tim away from the dangerous outside world.

They basically want a full time cglre dynamic ngl.

Of course, there’s times when Tim is more lucid or ‘big’ than others, and they know that, but they demand that he never force himself to be even a little bit big when he doesn’t absolutely want to.

And as I said, a lot of these aspects of infantilization are imposed or enforced, regardless of whether Timmy wants them or is comfortable. Dick insists on regularly bottle-feeding Tim his juice or milk or water. He’ll say it’s ‘less messy’, and so that his ‘neck isn’t tired’, whatever that fucking means. Tim’s like, I can just use a straw, and Dick is like ‘no :)’ .

They carefully curate what media he’s allowed to consume or how they act around him, but it’s all distorted to this weird fantasy dynamic.

We’ve discussed how in the suicidal Tim au, the batfam grows a lot closer, and I think this would lead to casual incest/sexual behavior between members that aren’t necessarily just Tim and others. It’s viewed as normal and healthy, and to be fair, they are vigilantes, so what’s normal for them has always been skewed.

But this leads to Bruce being totally okay with Tim watching Dick and Jason make out heavily and Jack each other off on the other end of the same couch (Bruce is just sitting in a nearby armchair, reading the paper) but he scolds Jason heavily when a ‘*fuck*’ slips out under his breath.

How dare he use that kind of language around his younger brother! And Dick would reach over, his whole thang still out and swinging, to place his hands over Tim’s precious ears.

Just this weird dichotomy where Tim is only allowed to watch certain PG films or movies and not to hear swears, but full on sex is okay AS LONG as it’s between members of his family.

This doesn’t apply to other sexual stuff tho— of a TV show or movie has a sex scene, that’s an instant veto. To them, sex is only something that Tim should see and experience within the context of his family, like everything else. Besides, they’ll view sex in media as ‘degrading’ , like a Christian mom about even the lightest of kink. It’s always too rough, too impersonal— sex is something loving to be experienced in his family, and they don’t want him getting the wrong ideas.

This of course is all informed by the fact that most of them are some degree of delusional. It comes to the point where some of them (ie Dick and Bruce) genuinely don’t aknowledge any of Tim’s life before the fall, and maybe even construct a fake history in which he’s just a sickly, lovely boy who’s always been cared for by his family. Obviously Tim knows and has experienced a bunch of fucked-up stuff, whether it be regarding sex or violence, but they refuse to acknowledge this. To them, every hint of sexuality in a movie that isn’t Cinderella chastely kissing Prince Charming is his impressionable young minds first exposure to these sordid concepts.

I think all of this is the origin of some of their weirder kinks, like Dick’s previously discussed and very real piss and period kinks. In Dicks mind, the idea of Tim waking him up to tell him he wet the bed is thrilling and arousing because it indicates a lack of control on autonomy on Tim’s part, and a complete trust, that Tim wasn’t embarassed or scared to tell him. That even the most abstract concept of fear is something that is never warranted in reaction to his big brother, Dick.

this view of sexuality is that it’s something to be expressed and enjoyed between trusting members of a family, but it’s ultimately just one more aspect of their love, and not the main focus. They don’t view themselves as having a ‘kink lifestyle’. There’s no line dividing the sexual and non-sexual because it’s all considered platonic in a sense.

This is also why I personally believe Bruce would actually not encourage Tim to call him ‘daddy’ for sexual reasons, because he would view it as a word that has been corrupted by this overtly-sexual context of the larger world and culture.

Like obviously if Tim regresses and calls him daddy he’s not going to be upset or correct him, and he def likes being Tim’s ‘dad’ and having it be acknowledged, but he dislikes the implication that their relationship is primarily or inherently sexual, instead of that just being one aspect of the ways they love each other.

What title do I think Bruce would be SO into? ‘Papa’. It’s perfect. It’s incredibly informal, it’s bursting with affection, it’s versatile and fits in sexual and non-sexual situations. He’s Tim’s papa. Don’t worry, baby, Papa will take care of that. Papa loves you. Do you want Papa to cut that for you, Timmy?

Sorry this is so long and weird I just have a lot of thoughts lol

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANON I LOVE YOUR MIND!!!!! i fully believe there would be rapid infantilization in the scenario after tim's "fall". they'd handle tim with kid gloves at first but then their treatment of him would shift and change because they're so determined to have tim in this clean, sterilized environment free of where he could be influenced by anything on the outside. because it was 'outside' forces that drove him to do what he did (but the call is coming from inside the house).

them bottle feeding tim, carefully curating the media he consumes, baby talking him and even forcing regression on him.

it makes it all so delightfully twisted because the situation is all so fucked for everyone involved. they're all in such horrible distress and it all goes unaddressed and in many ways they all make each other sicker and worse. and tim is probably the only one of them that can see how wrong things are bit he's essentially getting psychologically tortured and in many ways some things about his captivity are being made appealing. because they speak to him softly, touch him gently. he even gets used to being fucked even when his mind is young and confused about what's happening to him.

damian assures him it's okay because he's been practicing being gentle so he doesn't need dick or jason to supervise him anymore.

like tim's mind is getting twisted by all of them around him and even as he sinks deeper into this delusion he still can't deny part of him feels like there's something...off.

but that feeling doesn't last and isn't strong enough to make him do anything about it.

honestly speaking i don't think they ever snap out of it and no one reaches out to them and sees what's happening proving the point that they really only have each other.

it's bittersweet to people on the outside because they can see the twistedness and how much they need help but if they were "helped" they'd be miserable. at least like this they're happpy.

and isn't that...preferable?

oh this AU is equal parts happy and tragic and it goes back and forth depending on the time of day !!

#anonymous #asks #answered asks

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evansblues · 1 year

Text

The tarot of it all

Ok so to start off the first reading margs did was this one

The question was will Alba be at the premiere. Starting with Temperance we have a bad or rash action, the page of swords I think is Alba but when I first saw it I thought it was a young person being vocal about their wishes, more the energy of her wanting to be there than a representation of her in the reading. The stance of the girl on the hill is very “swinging my sword around menacingly but I don’t know how to use it” energy. A number of readers have said they picked up she has a hot temper and I believe that. This is further supported by the Chariot, forward momentum, often young juvenile, with the King of Swords in reverse underneath. Poor foresight, ill planning, bad ideas. The King of Swords in reverse is wise and clear-headed, making his decisions with his logic not his emotions. In reverse he loses his clarity and is rash. Under the Chariot I had thought it meant someone, maybe Chris maybe Megan, had been advocating against her coming, saying it was a bad idea. In this way the King tells us the Chariot is wrong to speed forward. The Chariot also represents will and self protection. In the RWS it’s sitting on the ground, it can’t move. The idea is that the charioteer must move it forward with balance and resolve. The black and white sphinxes represent the yin and yang balance and the Chariot is ruled by Cancer, the sign of self nurturing but also self protection. She is advocating for herself. Unwisely, but vocally.

The Knight of Pentacles is the hardest to read and also, I think, the focal card for the reading. When I first saw this I thought the Knight of Pentacles reversed over the 3 of cups reversed meant she wasn’t wanted there. The group (3 of cups) was against her coming (Knight of pent). I literally imagined the enthusiasm of her desire to come and advocate for herself as crashing onto those two reversals. They could also mean that her presence wouldn’t be fun for the people around her (the 3) and that it wouldn’t be a good financial decision (the knight)

The High Priestess puts a wrench in this. As an answer to a yes/no question the high priestess is “you can’t know at this time”. This along with the confusion of this spread-you have to realize when reading tarot sometimes the answer pops right out at you, sometimes it takes time, and sometimes it’s like pulling teeth. This was like pulling teeth. It didn’t want to be known, and I think it wasn’t decided yet. This spread has vibes like there were negotiations happening. It’s why margs and I thought it was undecided. The High Priestess could also mean she’ll be there but behind the scenes because a big feature of the HP is the curtain behind her. That could mean the 3 of cups and knight are just people not enjoying her backstage or it could mean the arguments against her being there lost out. I mean, the 3 of cups reversed could literally just be lots of people saying no. The knight then would just be a lack of forward movement. Upright the knight of pentacles is slow, reversed he’s immobile.

I thought it’s possible margs has a different interpretations for some of the cards than those I associate with them, which can affect how other readers perceive the reading. So I pulled my own cards. This what I got.

I read from right to left so the first card is the reversed page of pumpkins, this is the pentacles suit. We’ve got that young page energy again combined with the pentacles of the knight from margs’ reading. This page immediately made me think of Alba. She’s young, dark haired, and I know you all know about the pumpkins. I hadn’t even thought of that when I picked up this deck but there it is. She wants to show people. She wants them to see her. It’s the juvenile energy of “Ha! See!?” Upright pages are curious and carefree, reversed they’re childish and obstinate.

Reversed Judgement is next, she hates being judged. This one made me think maybe she wouldn’t come because that would expose her to Judgement, but then with Justice and that immature pumpkin page energy it’s more like she wants retribution for being judged. It wasn’t as clear to me when I pulled it as it is now, hindsight being 20/20, and the fact she does nothing with her social media when she could be posting couples pics to show up people made me doubt this interpretation because I figured she had a way to get this retribution and wasn’t utilizing it. But then again, in retrospect, I think she wanted him to do the claiming. I hate that word but it looks like that’s the mentality. She wants him to be seen making the effort. With that in mind, the King of Swords rx in margs’ reading is his unwillingness to be her white knight.

🔮Onto the next reading. Because the HP had given me the impression initially that things were up in the air, I pulled again the night before the premier. I got the 10 of swords which for a yes/no question is an astounding no but I had this niggle it might mean pain. The ten of swords in RWS is a figure lying in water with ten swords in his back, it can mean the final straw. It can also mean the death of an institution. I’ve seen it surmised that the figure in the RWS deck is the hierophant who represents tradition and ‘the establishment’. In this way it is like the minor arcana version of the Death card. The end of a reign. The ten of swords I pulled from the Raven’s Prophecy tarot is a skeleton hand, all flesh stripped away. Pain, again. Death reaching out.

Margs also had the sense that the first reading was undecided and pulled again.

First off, the Chariot in reverse as an answer to “will she be there” is a very literal “she’s not going”. This is also reinforced since the Chariot appeared in the first reading upright so the change in orientation and position in the reading is notable. The other six cards I would read as two rows, top and bottom, left to right. The bottom is easiest; the 2 of pentacles is balancing the practical concerns of happiness and family (10 pent) against anxiety, the four. Upright the four is rest, but with the reversal and the woman’s hand on her head she’s stressed. This looks like Alba is causing him stress. She wants to come but it’s not worth it to Chris. I saw him in this four, probably losing literal sleep.

The top row is her coming along under duress (6 swords). This is when I decided she’s the page in these readings because there she is again, waving her sword around wanting to come. The ten of swords here can mean a few things. It can mean she’s going to watch the premier on her phone and deal with the barbs of what people are saying from a place safely away. It can mean she’s motivated by the barbs of the people online and this top row is just a clear reiteration of her very vocal desire to come along to show them. It can mean if she comes there will be hell online and she can’t handle it. The imagery in this card is very significant. The ten of swords over the four of swords reversed made me think his stress won out over whatever was going on with her in the ten. This reading was easier to read than margs’ first one but it still took me an hour of staring at it. It did not want to be read. I did finally settle on this being a ‘no she’s not coming’, though, and I told margs this with the caveat that my intuition, in unusual form, was telling me that’s not right.

In retrospect, my error was in assuming that the stress he was feeling was from someone other than her and the peace he wanted to keep was with either his family or the public. I now see, it was her that he was pacifying and so he agreed to have her come for his own peace of mind. The top row is her being overset by what people are saying about her online and the bottom row is him balancing his home life, the ten of pentacles, and his stress, the four of swords.He likely literally lost sleep over this. This is not how I would have read it before, it’s just how I can reasonably see it making sense in retrospect. The ten of pentacles being his family or home makes sense if she’s part of his family. Then the way that works is he resolves the blocked energy of the four by choosing peace, which means he can then resolve the blocked energy of the Chariot and it moves forward.

For those of you that read that and thought “that would mean this is real then, right?” That is what it looks like in this interpretation, yes. The way I came about this interpretation was by observing him at the premier. He seemed relaxed and happy to me. The past few days he had seemed tense and anxious. What would relieve that anxiety and make him happy with her there, I asked? Could it be her? It could. Having her there could have calmed him.

Going back and editing this I see yet another interpretation, or two, after having done the astrology. One is that the Chariot means he has no choice, no will. He knows what the public will say (10 and 4 swords) that he needs to do this to juggle things (6 swords, 2 pent) those things can be any of these; make peace with her, make peace with her and his family, make her look or feel like his family, (page swords, ten pent) or the family and her clash and that’s what the 10 and 4 of swords is, that he has to do this in spite of the headache.

Either way, there was duress felt, he didn’t feel he had a choice, I don’t think he wanted to but he did, knowing there would be consequences. I would read the 10 swords as public consequences. Looking back on the first reading, I think he was actually willing to take her at first but someone said no. I think reversed Temperance and the HP mean bad idea. The Justice I got meant weighing options, head and heart. The fact his family didn’t come makes me think the 10 of pentacles is them. Who was against this is crucial because it’s not readily apparent it’s him and actually looks external.

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