#like say.....being physically and emotionally abused and demeaned by him......

[fayevalcntine]

This is what it feels like reading some people's IWTV takes

#interview with the vampire #sincerely wtf are some of y'all even talking about #'Lestat isolated Louis from everyone he loved' he almost killed him but sure let's make up bs #also Grace literally burying Louis had nothing to do with Lestat and everything to do with Louis not seeing her for years at a time #people really come on here and act like Louis was merely a pod person and Claudia had no other personal reasons for wanting Lestat dead #like say.....being physically and emotionally abused and demeaned by him......

[lakesbian]

“I knew he was the reason she had texted me for help, from the moment I saw her reaction.  Maybe I’d suspected there was something going on even before that, from the way her emails and texts had changed in tone.  It would explain that gut feeling I’d had that made me get over there as fast as I did.  I saw her shrink back, I felt her hold me tighter, and I went cold inside.

okay so just to set down the WoGs about this so we all know where i'm coming from

i think the biggest lie here aside from the obviously false constant reiteration he's doing that he Had No Idea Who The Man Was, No Sir is that he went cold inside...or rather i think 'i went cold inside' is a perfectly true statement, but he wants it to be taken as "i went emotionally dead inside and beat the man up like a cool and tough manly older brother and saved the day" when the reality is that he was frozen/chilled with fear from coming face-to-face w/ his abuser, and he hated himself for feeling so weak and incapable of moving/acting to protect his sister. his desire to be big + scary mixed w/ both his desire to run away/hide himself and aisha from their abuser and his mental conflation of "being able to care for people" and "being masculine/not being weak," and it resulted in the ability to generate darkness. darkness to scare people, darkness to hide him, darkness that makes him look bigger if he generates it around himself. all, of course, while he remains fundamentally vulnerable at the center.

like.

you know? You Fucking Know? brian laborn, man. & he explicitly details how this mindset was beaten into him as a child, while completely oblivious to the fact that there's anything wrong with it:

“Well my father is a hard man. Not the kind of man that’s meant to raise a son alone. I wouldn’t say he was abusive, but there’s never been any warmth to him, no charming anecdotes, no fatherly wisdom, no throwing baseballs in the backyard. The extent of our bonding was in the gym, him holding the punching bag in position while shouting at me that I was doing something wrong, staying grimly quiet if my form, my timing, the raw power of my hits were all flawless. Or we’d be in the ring, with boxing helmets and gloves on, a thirty five year old man in peak physical condition barely holding back against his fifteen year old son. He just expected me to keep up or take the hits, and I didn’t have much choice in the matter.

he has to be strong and masculine, because he's been taught that if he isn't, he will be demeaned and hurt.

so, my theory on the matter is that after he triggered from beating himself up over freezing, the little moment of him being distracted/staggered from coming out of the vision was enough for him to yell at himself in his head and kick himself into "fight" gear.

“So even if I was only fifteen, I was tall for my age, I was fit, and I knew how to throw a punch. I didn’t say a word, didn’t make a sound. I put my sister down and beat my mother’s boyfriend within an inch of his life, my mother screaming and wailing the entire time. When I was done, I picked my sister up and returned to the cab. We went to my father’s that night, and we went to the police station in the morning.”

i think the emphasis he puts on Not Saying A Word And Not Making A Sound is an indicator that that's another part of the memory he really wants to revise, just like how his constant reiteration that he didn't know the man is exactly what indicates that not only did he know the man, knowing the man was very significant and scary to him. i would put, like, 20 bucks down that he's insisting that he was dead silent precisely because he was choking back tears. as 4 the last bit of his big fucking lie....

“When you throw a punch barehanded, it doesn’t leave your hands pristine. A few good swings, you connect solidly with someone’s face, someone’s teeth, and it tears the fuck out of your knuckles. It was at my father’s place that night, washing and cleaning my hands, when I saw it. It wasn’t just blood leaking out of my torn up knuckles, but there was the darkness too, like wisps of really black smoke. You hear about the trigger event, you might think it’s all about rage or fear. But I’m a testament that it can be just the opposite. I didn’t feel a fucking thing.”

i think the fixation on the violence of the thing is in part a desperate desire to prove that he's strong enough--an indicator that he's still the same scared little boy he was 3 years ago, the boy with no route out of being beaten up by his father but violence, the boy being taught that knowing how to hurt people is what keeps you safe. he's trying to turn that into something good, by hurting the "right" people, by hurting people for aisha, but he's still fundamentally under the dysfunctional impression that being a strong, masculine man who can hurt people without flinching is good and impressive and a way to keep himself and his loved ones safe. i think it's also in part that this was the first time he ever really, seriously, intentionally hurt someone, and he's still got the vivid traumatic memories of the wounds to his knuckles to prove it. i do buy that he didn't notice the darkness until he was washing his hands--incredibly vivid and compelling symbolism, and one of the top all time worm things i wish people would redraw.

i also think it's really, really funny how he's insisting that he "didn't feel a fucking thing" RIGHT after a conversation between everyone about how trigger events are the worst day of your life. it's so comically teenage-edgelordy and fake as a trigger event story! and he is telling it because he wants taylor to think he's cool! and it works! she buys that shit! so so funny that he's telling this entire ass huge fucking lie right in front of lisa too. everyone on this team is always fucking lying in front of lisa like ooh good thing no one knows i'm lying. she is basically the bravest and nicest girl on the planet ever for not tattling on him.

#wormtime 2 #wormtime 2 arc 4 #wormblr #parahumans #brian time brian time everyone join me for brian time

[urlocallesbiabs-reblog-sideblog]

it's interesting how comedy shows will have early-series horrible characters blame all their horribleness on some stupid thing, thus appearing shallow and blame-shifting, and then later series come out and it turns out that actually the character was right and that thing did fuck them up in the most serious and life-affecting way, it's just that they didn't know how to talk around their trauma and it came out all jumbled, and no one around them took any looks further because hey, who wants to mess with a messed up person?

like, rimmer's entire deal of "my high-class parents weren't high class Enough and didn't send me to the academy and that's what stopped me from success i so rightfully deserve" is just his best, albeit terribly distorted, way of saying that throughout his entire childhood he was unloved, uncared for, repeatedly demeaned and lowered and abused and physically tortured by his very own closest family, and that left him terminally uncapable of processing emotions or failures or human relationships in a normal way.

or eleanor shellstrop from "the good place" (warning for spoilers ahead): there was a bit in season 1 whe she still thought this was the good place and had an awkward dinner with a demon and "the real" "eleanor", where that girl told her the long-winded story of how she went through every earthly suffering imaginable and still came out kind and righteous, so that prompted the demon to ask just what could've happened to our eleanor to render her so callous and egoistic and a terrible person, and all what she had to say was that her parents got divorced, which sounded like the worst most pathetic excuse ever heard.

well so. later it turned out that it Was her parents who fucked her up. but not only the divorce - it was the neglect, the utter lack of care and love, the honest to god mental and physical abuse through them ignoring the needs of a literal small child; it all ran so fucking deep, it genuinely harmed her. but she was unable of articulating any of that, because she had to convince herself that her childhood was normal in order to carry on. she gave them her best, working, lacking-any-self-empathy version of events, and no one asked her further. some people are just bad because they're bad and making up excuses to hide it, so what of it?

if you're not a perfect victim, if you're ugly and struggling and hurting (yourself and others), if you can't articulate your trauma in a logically consistent, easily processable, emotionally touching way, no one's gonna listen to you. but also no one owes you any listening when you're being a difficult, horrible person, causing problems for everyone. who's to say that the people who hurt you weren't imperfect victims, hurting themselves and others?

there's no coherent moral to this post, tbh. life's just unfair, innit? and comedy shows have a good way of portraying that.

#vikarambles #red dwarf #media analysis

[callmekenya]

I forget if I already asked you so sorry if I did and it's repetitive

I have a kinda weird ask so if it makes you uncomfortable then that is a-okay just ignore me! I was wondering if you could make a headcannon/story about Toxic!Elijah mikaelson and what would happen if you got in a fight/angered him. Male reader is preferred but if you wan to do female then go for it! I don't know if you write smut or not, if you do can you add some?

-ph

No problem, ask for requests as much as u want, it's not a problem for me and yes I'll have your request written down and posted as soon as I can. 😊

_________________________________________

~ Toxic!Elijah Mikealson Headcannon ~

Here's what being in a relationship with Toxic!Elijah Mikealson might be like:

• Possessive Behavior: Elijah becomes intensely possessive, constantly questioning your whereabouts, and accusing you of flirting with others. He'll show up at your work or social events, making a scene if he doesn't like who you're with.

• Emotional Manipulation: Elijah will use his charm and good looks to guilt-trip you into doing his bidding. He'll make you feel like you're the one who's crazy, and that you're overreacting to his behavior.

• Verbal Abuse: Elijah's words cut deep, and he'll use his sharp tongue to belittle and demean you. He'll call you names, tell you you're worthless, and make you feel like you're nothing without him.

• Physical Intimidation: Elijah's anger is a palpable force, and he'll use his physical strength to intimidate you. He'll pin you against walls, grab your arms, or push you around to get his point across.

• Sexual Coercion: Elijah will use sex as a means of control, forcing you into situations that make you uncomfortable. He'll guilt-trip you into performing sexual acts, or make you feel like you owe him for past favors.

• Isolation: Elijah will try to isolate you from your friends and family, making you dependent on him for emotional support. He'll convince you that they don't understand you like he does, and that they're just jealous of your relationship.

• Gaslighting: Elijah will deny previous agreements or conversations, making you question your own sanity. He'll tell you that you're imagining things, or that you're too sensitive.

• Violent Outbursts: If you anger Elijah, he'll lash out in violent fits of rage. He'll break objects, punch walls, or even attack you physically.

• Forced Submission: In the heat of an argument, Elijah will force you to submit to his demands, using physical strength or emotional manipulation to get his way.

• Dark Sexual Fantasies: Elijah's toxic nature will manifest in dark, twisted sexual fantasies. He'll push you to engage in activities that make you uncomfortable, or force you to role-play scenarios that are degrading or humiliating.

• Public Humiliation: Elijah will humiliate you in public, making a scene in front of others to assert his dominance. He'll belittle you, call you names, or make you feel like a fool in front of strangers.

• Controlled Freedom: Elijah will give you just enough freedom to make you feel like you're in control, but he'll always be watching, waiting for you to slip up so he can pounce.

~ What happens if you anger Toxic!Elijah Mikealson or get into a fight ~

• Explosive Confrontation: Elijah's anger will erupt in a violent, explosive confrontation. He'll lash out physically, verbally, or emotionally, leaving you feeling battered and bruised.

• Forced Apology: After the fight, Elijah will demand an apology, making you feel like you're the one who's in the wrong. He'll guilt-trip you into saying sorry, even if you didn't do anything wrong.

• Make-Up Sex: Elijah will use sex as a means of making up, forcing you into a passionate, intense encounter that leaves you feeling drained and emotionally exhausted.

• Cold Shoulder: If you don't comply with Elijah's demands, he'll give you the cold shoulder, ignoring you for hours or even days. He'll make you feel like you're the one who's crazy for wanting attention or affection.

• Threats and Intimidation: Elijah will threaten to leave you, or to harm himself or others if you don't comply with his demands. He'll use emotional manipulation to keep you in line, making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around him.

• Physical Confrontation: If you push Elijah too far, he'll lash out physically, pinning you against walls, grabbing your arms, or even hitting you. He'll use his strength to overpower you, leaving you feeling helpless and trapped.

• Emotional Blackmail: Elijah will use your deepest fears and insecurities against you, making you feel like you're the one who's flawed or broken. He'll guilt-trip you into staying in the relationship, making you feel like you owe him for past favors.

• Public Scene: Elijah will create a public scene, making a spectacle of himself and you in front of others. He'll shout, scream, or even become violent, embarrassing you and making you feel like you're the one who's crazy.

• Forced Isolation: After a fight, Elijah will isolate you from your friends and family, making you feel like you're trapped and alone. He'll convince you that they don't understand you like he does, and that they're just jealous of your relationship.

• Dark Sexual Games: Elijah will use sex as a means of punishment, forcing you into dark, twisted games that leave you feeling degraded and humiliated. He'll make you perform sexual acts that make you uncomfortable, or engage in role-playing scenarios that are degrading or violent.

• Emotional Whiplash: Elijah will switch between hot and cold, making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around him. One minute he'll be charming and affectionate, the next he'll be cold and distant, leaving you feeling emotionally drained and exhausted.

• Gaslighting and Denial: Elijah will deny previous agreements or conversations, making you question your own sanity. He'll tell you that you're imagining things, or that you're too sensitive, making you feel like you're going crazy.

• Ultimatums: Elijah will give you ultimatums, making you choose between him and your friends, family, or even your own well-being. He'll make you feel like you're trapped, and that you have no choice but to comply with his demands.

Remember, this is a toxic relationship scenario, and it's not healthy or acceptable in any way. If you're in a situation like this, please seek help and support from trusted friends, family, or professionals.

_________________________________________

You stood in the dimly lit room, the only sound the soft crackling of the fireplace. Elijah's eyes burned with an intensity that made your skin crawl, his gaze piercing through the darkness like a hot knife.

"You've been a bad boy," he whispered, his voice low and menacing. "You've been flirting with others, making eyes at them behind my back."

You shook your head, trying to deny the accusations, but Elijah's grip on your arm tightened. He pulled you closer, his breath hot against your ear.

"Don't lie to me," he growled. "I know everything. You're mine, and you'll do as I say."

Elijah's fingers dug into your skin, his nails biting deep. You winced, trying to pull away, but he held you firm.

Suddenly, he spun you around, slamming you against the wall. His mouth crashed down on yours, his tongue forcing its way past your lips. You tried to push him away, but he was too strong.

As he kissed you, his hands roamed your body, tearing at your clothes like a wild animal. You felt a surge of fear mixed with arousal, your body responding to the intensity of the moment.

Elijah's fingers slipped beneath your waistband, his hand wrapping around your cock. He stroked you roughly, his grip like a vice.

"You're mine," he growled, his eyes blazing with possession. "You'll never be free of me."

You felt a shiver run down your spine as Elijah's fingers tightened around your cock. He pulled you towards the bed, tossing you onto the mattress like a rag doll.

As you landed, Elijah's body covered yours, his weight crushing you into the bed. His mouth devoured yours, his tongue thrusting deep into your throat.

You felt his cock pressing against your ass, his fingers digging into your hips as he positioned himself. With one swift motion, he thrust inside you, his dick slamming into your tight hole.

You cried out, the pain and pleasure mixing in a toxic cocktail. Elijah's grip on your hips tightened, his fingers digging deep into your skin as he fucked you with a ferocity that left you breathless.

As he pounded into you, his mouth never left yours, his tongue tangling with yours in a dance of possession. You felt like you were drowning in his intensity, suffocating under the weight of his desire.

The room spun around you, the fire crackling in the background like a living thing. You felt like you were trapped in a burning inferno, with no escape from Elijah's toxic grasp.

As he came, his cock pulsing inside you, you felt a shiver run down your spine. You knew you were trapped, caught in a web of toxic desire that would consume you whole.

And yet, you couldn't help but crave more, your body responding to the intensity of the moment like a junkie craving its next fix.

As Elijah pulled out of you, his eyes burned with a fierce intensity, his gaze searing into your soul.

"You're mine," he whispered, his voice low and menacing. "You'll never be free of me."

You knew it was true, trapped in a toxic cycle of desire and possession. But as you looked into Elijah's eyes, you knew you'd never be able to escape the burning inferno of his passion.

#male reader #x y/n #y/n #masterlist #the originals #elijah mikealson x reader #elijah mikealson imagine #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikealson one shot #toxic relationship #bottom male reader #toxic love #smut #headcanons

[teamfreewill2pointo]

I'm not picking at you, but I strongly disagree with how you and some other parasocial fans try to depict Jensen's childhood. He has said that he had a great childhood, playing outside all of the time, playing sports, surrounded by his brother and sister and extended family. He has listed his Dad as his hero in many articles. He was allowed to purchase a car prior to turning 16, which many parents would have never allowed, so independence was encouraged. Yes his family was religious, so what? Yes his mother made him eat his vegetables, 99% of Mom's did back in the 80"s, not child abuse. The punishment by the belt grosses me out, but again, in Texas, in the 80"s that was the standard. Jensen mentions spankings in school, which was also the standard then. This man grew up in a family that he is very proud of, as he has said multiple times. Don't demean his childhood because it doesn't fit into your personal box of what a perfect childhood should be. I suspect that Jared's was actually quite similar. They both seem to be well adjusted, happy men who have personally grown with the times. Their parents did OK. Respect.

It's weird that you disagree with me, when I basically said this.

As I said before, I'm from a very similar culture, and my dad was very similar to Jensen's dad, although my dad wasn't as homophobic as Jensen's dad. I am very familiar with how Christian conservatives are raised, because it's how I was raised.

You can think you had a great childhood, love your father, feel loved by your father, and acknowledge that your father had traits of toxic masculinity that had to be unlearned in adulthood.

You can have a wonderful relationship with your parents, and love them, and feel loved by them, but still think that it was wrong for them to beat you with instruments.

You can think your dad was a great dad, but still think that when someone passes out after being knocked in the head, they should be checked out by a doctor.

There are still spankings in schools! People still spank their kids! Jensen and I do not, because we have learned how to be better than our parents. I don't get why so many of y'all are so eager to defend beating children.

Jensen and I have unlearned a lot of the toxic masculinity with which we have been raised. We have learned to be more progressive than our conservative Christian parents. This doesn't mean that we don't love them or feel loved by them. You can love somebody and still think that they screwed up.

It's not black and white. I feel like some of you take this approach to characters and people. You can criticize characters and people without painting them as villains. I can say Alan Ackles should not have beaten any of his children, and that's not making him a villain, or trying to woobify Jensen, especially since Jensen doesn't see it that way!

I think it's so weird how a lot of you are trying to justify or excuse Alan Ackles's behavior. I was beaten by my parents. It wasn't okay. I look back at my childhood fondly and miss my dad every single day. I still love my parents and I feel loved by my parents, just like Jensen.

So why are you coming in here, and accusing me of demeaning his childhood? Why are you making the assumption that I think he should have had a perfect childhood? Why are you defending beating kids?

The reason that all of this matters is because J2 were put in conditions that were physically and emotionally punishing. They had father figures on set who used to yell and throw things and engage in behavior that is abusive, just like hitting people.

Because they grew up in an environment that was abusive, they did not speak up or speak out when put in many of these circumstances because they had no idea how things could be different. That's just how the industry was run. You were put in a room that was set on fire. You were put in a room with a ton of bees and treated as if you were a pansy for not wanting to be in that room. You were made to crawl on glass and cut yourself.

You would wake up at 245am to get on a phone call to air live on the East Coast, then at 4am, do Midwest promotions, etc, going through 4 timezones. Then you would go to set and work 18 hour daysn outside in the rain at night.

[And if you couldn't handle such a punishing schedule and started to have an emotional breakdown because of it, you were yelled at and basically forced to go to work.]

The thing is, to not acknowledge all of what they went through, is to deny what amazing people they are. Jared could have absorbed all of that as just normal and part of the industry, the way that so many other show runners do, but he deliberately set out to create a set culture that is not abusive. Jensen could be one of the many parents who spanks their kids.

They strove to be better. If you ignore or minimize the abuse that they went through, you're not acknowledging how much strength it takes to go down a different path.

#alan ackles #jensen ackles #jared padalecki

[sjhanny2000]

Hidden Within the Arrangement (7/?)

Chapter 7: The Warring Sons

A/N: Right out of the gates, I'm telling you, this chapter is heavy with ANGST. It's a bit messy but it's that way for a reason, as you will soon find out. Thank you for all of the support love you have been sending my way for this series!

Warning(s): mentioned/referenced to child death, mention/referenced minor character death, PTSD, self-deprecation, minor language, relationship issues, mentioned/referenced body dysmorphia, intersex Tobirama, emotionally stunted characters, abusive relationships, arranged marriage, mentioned/referenced child abuse and neglect

Word Count: 2.3k+

~~~

How does one become something they are not? 

The world was off-kilter. Time no longer maintained its steady pace, no, it was crawling at a snail’s pace, so painstakingly slow. The albino felt as if he was underwater the moment he shunshinned away in desperation, the world around him blurry and unintelligible to his muted senses. Numbly raising a hand to steady himself on a blurred structure somewhere in his currently limited range of senses, Tobirama could only stand there and try to stave off the sea of emotions toiling within him, to not lose what little control he had over his life. His mind felt as if it was filled with cotton, muddled and brimming with thoughtless thoughts and utter nothingness, for if any coherent idea came to mind all he could envision was his deform-! 

Tobirama physically shuddered at the image, the taste of bile filling his mouth, heart aggressively slamming itself against the bars of his ribs. 

“-has to make a good impression before their wedding night when Madara-chan finds out about his deform-!” 

“-he peace we’ve created hinges on the success of their courting and marriage!” Hashirama’s piercing gaze never left Tobirama’s emotionless one, voice void of malicious intent but his words dripping in demeaning venom. “Madara-chan says you’ve been quite distant, Tobi! I know being emotional and touchy doesn’t come easy to you but you need to at least try to get along with him!”

“FREAK!” 

“An oni is what you are, boy, a blight on our family and a curse to our clan! I should have killed you the moment I laid my eyes on you!”

“Tobirama, you must promise me you will never speak of this with anyone aside from I or your grandmother! Do you understand me?!” 

“-You, however, are the undeniable proof that no one can escape the judgment of the Kami, not even the great Senju Butsuma.”

“You’ve ruined everything! I finally had someone that cared about me and you ruined it like you always do!” 

“I am so sorry, Tobirama. I failed you.”

Tobirama had not realized it was raining until he felt the vague feeling of moist droplets hitting his trembling form but when he did, the teen soberly noted it was pouring freezing rain. 

Touka-nee will be furious with me for being out in this weather. 

Why does that matter? Many would be thrilled to see him succumb to illness and die. All would rejoice that the White Demon of the Senju was dead, even those of his clan. The clan elders would be most pleased-.

The health of a monster does not matter.

“What on earth are you doing here, Senju?”

Vermillion irises refused to meet obsidian at the sound of Izuna’s vexed voice echoing from somewhere in front of him, senses flaring as he came to feel the man’s blurred figure of smoky flamed chakra standing just a few yards away. How did he arrive here? Why had he-?

 

“Whatever it is Senju, you had better have an acceptable reason to be trespassing within our compound or-!”

“Shut. Up.” 

The abrupt silence that followed the terse order was tense and the air was tainted with the scent of furious bloodlust.

“How dare you?! You trespass on our land and you have the nerve,” Izuna, in all his fury, stepped off the front engawa of his and Madara’s shared home with a growl, the sharp ‘shing’ of his katana being unsheathed echoing across the space between them. “-to tell me to shut up?! Just because you are my brother’s bastard of a future husband does not mean you have the right-!”

 

Chilling bitterness filled Tobirama’s veins as the Uchiha gave his rant, hands curling into fists and tongue sharpening with overwhelming anger. The sea of emotions was beginning to thrash dangerously within, the chilling winds clashing unforgivingly with the boiling waters, a threatening dance of overflowing feelings.

 

“Izuna, what in the Kami is-?! Senju?”

 

Tobirama’s head raised in recognition against his will, nerves fraying at the mere sound of Madara’s gravelly voice, a deep fissure under the raging sea’s surface breaking open. 

Madara’s inferno-like chakra came to settle beside Izuna’s bonfire, the Uchiha clan head’s body language conveying cautiousness. His own future spouse was afraid of him, afraid of the Senju Demon, of the monstrosity that was Senju Tobirama.

He could not blame him. 

The man spoke once more, voice leveled yet jagged at the same time, calming yet accusatory. “Why are you here, Senju? Has something-?”

A snarl ripped from the seventeen year old’s curled lips, his nails digging relentlessly into the flesh of his palms, unwilling to meet the man’s enticing charcoal irises. “Tobirama.”

“What?” 

“I said,” Anger and chakra flaring, Tobirama came face to face with the surprised one of Uchiha Madara. “My name is Tobirama, not Senju!”

“Fine, Tobirama. What are you doing here?” Madara was not backing down in the slightest, in fact, he was beginning to size Tobirama up as if he were an enemy. 

They were enemies, they had been enemies since Tobirama took his first cursed breath, since they stood opposite of one another on the battlefield from childhood leading into adulthood and in those damned peace negotiations that he had put his heart and soul into to ensure everything would succeed because it had been Hashirama’s greatest dream since they were children and yet again, here he was screwing everything up! He wanted to be the brother Hashirama wanted, to be the son his mother wished for, to be the weapon his father craved, to be the husband that Madara deserved-. 

Yet…

“I am a fool.”

Madara and Izuna watched on in confused silence as they watched the albino’s rage slip under the chilling waves of his chakra, a crazed smirk appearing on the Senju’s face. 

“What a fool I am for actually believing this arranged marriage would work, that I could ever convince you to love a cursed, deformed monster of a creature like me for the sake of peace! At first, I believed your indifference to me to be unintentional, for how conflicting it must be to be forced to marry the very boy that fuels the nightmares of your people, the very one who slaughtered countless of your kin for a pathetic war that had no rhyme nor reason! But now, oh now I see that could be anything farther from the truth because there was never any hope for whatever we call this sorry excuse for an arranged marriage because there never was any to begin with! Because you are incapable of love-!”

Izuna glared at the ranting seventeen year old with growing ire, teeth clenched and fingers itching in anticipation. “Enough Senju-!”

“Tobirama! My name is TOBIRAMA!” The albino shouted in avid desperation, effectively silencing Izuna before he could speak another word. “I am no Senju, nor have I ever been, for what people attempts to murder a child sixty-three times before the age of nine if they are seen as kin?! What clan allows their leader to beat his child an inch from death and then praise him for his deeds, of ridding them of the curse wrought by past transgressions?! WHO?!”

“ENOUGH!” 

Tobirama froze at Madara’s bellow, chest heaving from exertion, both emotional and physical. 

“You come to my clan’s compound, to my home,” The Uchiha clan head wore a mask of displeased stoicism, the man’s bulky form beginning to trek toward Tobirama’s soaked one with murderous intent. “For what purpose? To shout at my brother and I about your faults, your transgressions?”

He continued his trek without pause, each step becoming more enraged. “Oh what nerve you have, Senju, to accuse me of being incapable of loving when it is you who is not able! I have done everything in my power to ensure this arranged marriage is at least bearable for the both of us and all you have done is meet me with indifference or insulting slaps across the face! You are the one that has depleted any hope from this blasted arranged marriage, you are the one causing conflict between us, it is all YOU!” 

“We have finally managed to achieve what was believed to be unattainable, peace between our peoples, and here you are,” Madara now stood before Tobirama, mangekyou sharingan swirling and their noses almost touching from how close the older man was standing next to him. “-attempting to absolve the very thing this entire village has been built upon, and for what?! Does your hatred for my people truly run so deep that you crave to destroy the dream your brother and I have dreamt since childhood?! To put children back into the crossfire in the name of what?! To fulfill your bloodlust?!” 

“ANIJA!”

The scent of wet, rusted iron and death flooded Tobirama’s nostrils, tongue coated in a sticky, metallic substance. Once vibrant chakra of freshly toiled earth and aloe runs stale-.

 Deafening thunks of dirt meeting the top of the far-too-small coffin filled the teen’s ears. 

“ANIJA! HELP ME!”

Chakra of tangy citrus, fresh spring breeze vanishes from his senses, the taste of blood saturating his tongue. 

Thunk. 

Thunk.

Thunk.

“You are no better, Uchiha.”

Before Madara could even combat what was happening, Tobirama staring into the raven-haired man’s eyes without a hint of hesitation, vermillion irises swarming with barenaked emotion. 

“You have rejected my courting gifts, you have insulted and assumed every step, you have not come to me with your discontent regarding our courting but to my brother when it is truly none of his business,” With the calm before a storm, Tobirama refused to break eye contact with Madara’s crimson-obsidian eyes, voice steady as the earth beneath their feet. “I have accepted your terms, your rules, your culture, your barbed words, your hatred for me. So, what have you done but do the opposite?” 

“Peace has been attained due to my concession to your demands of marriage. The children no longer fight one another on the battlefield but play together in the village streets, the clans live amongst one another peacefully and fight alongside each other as if they are of the same kin. Your dream is secured regardless of whether this arranged marriage is successful and do you know why?” 

No words left Madara’s snarled lips, the chilling rain falling harder and jaw locked in shocked silence. “It is because I am willing to do the impossible if that is what is needed. I would readily offer myself to the Shinigami if it means I will not have to see Hashirama or any child join my mother, sister and brothers in the Pure Lands before I.”

“I conceded to being wedded to you, the very man of the clan that thoughtlessly slaughtered both of my younger brothers without a second thought. Itama begged your clansmen to spare him, did you know that? A seven year old child begged for his life, only to have his throat slit in return.” A sobering smile bloomed on the albino’s pale facial features, red-slitted tattoos creasing with the movement. “You are no better than I in the end, Uchiha. The only difference between us is that I am willing to accept the monster that I am.” 

The silence between them was tumultuous, sharp as kunai and heavy as the weight of the world. Both of them were naked as the day they were born, their emotions out for all to see, opposing perspectives revealed, vulnerable and open. One might think their argument to be the magnum opus all had been waiting for.

Such thoughts were all in vain. 

Quietly, Madara took a stride backwards and turned away, face dark as the stormy sky hung menacingly above them. “Get out.” 

“What?” 

Anguish flooded Tobirama’s features, suddenly feeling as if he was free falling through the air. 

“You heard me, Senju,” Bitter rage swirled in the Uchiha’s gravelly voice. “Get out, before I escort you to Hashirama for breaching the peace treaty myself.” 

The air was thrust out of his lungs as his cracking form crashed into the grounding earth of reality below. He could not, he could not, he could not-. 

In a blur of movement, patterned irises mercilessly slammed into Tobirama’s sanguine, a roar ripping from Madara’s throat whilst his gloved hands shoved the teen away. 

“OUT!”

Having not expected the shove, Tobirama was sprawling backwards, ass hitting the soaked grass and an unforgiving, stern surface striking the back of his head. The world spun widely upon impact, a surging wave of nausea flooding his senses, and it took all of Tobirama’s little willpower to not heave what little food remained in his digestive system. Muffled voices spoke not too far from him, or perhaps they were close, he could not tell anymore– everything was simply wrong.

“-did you do?!” 

Senses fluctuated with irregularity, everything either so close or too far, he felt as if he was floating, field of vision slowly but steadily growing dark. Hands touch him on the arm, a blurry face is suddenly in front of his own. 

“-nju, are you alright?” 

Izuna but not Izuna- his voice was not that deep. Pain, there was pain in his head. He needed to get away-. 

Calling on his chakra with the simple movement of his hand, Tobirama was shunshinning and abruptly, much to what was probably his concussed confusion, crashing against a hard surface, a sharp, stabbing pain flaring from his side upon contact. Groaning, the teen forced himself off the surface, only to promptly collapse onto what he assumed to be the brick flooring of the lab. His vision was fading, the dark abyss of unconscious lurking ever closer, and all Tobirama could do in that moment as he laid there on the cold ground, concussed and in pain, was wonder what consequences the future would have in store for his injudicious actions.

#madatobi #tobimada #madara uchiha #madara #tobirama #tobirama senju #tobirama x madara #madara x tobirama #uchiha madara #senju tobirama #naruto fanfiction #naruto founders #hashirama senju #izuna uchiha #uchiha izuna #uchiha #senju clan #uchiha clan #naruto tobirama #naruto madara #arranged marriage #angst #sjhanny writes #sjhanny

[whisky-tango-foxtrot-biteme]

Healing

To me, healing is an odd thing when you've experienced verbal, emotional, or psychological abuse. Trust in others has been broken, your abuser will go to some extreme lengths to protect himself, and you can lose relationships in the process. People you felt were your family, friends, or "tribe" walk away in silence because either they have something in their relationship to your abuser that is rewarding to them. or they don't want to rock the boat, or they themselves may fear the abuser.

So a victim of this kind of abuse has no physical wounds to say "hey, look at what happened to me." It's difficult to prove. Your abuse may have occurred privately. Your tribe may silently ignore the situation. One key idea to keep in mind is trauma is anything that makes you feel unsafe--physically, emotionally, or psychologically. Emotional abuse is also closely linked to complex PTSD.

There is a large number of folks out there who believe "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." That is false. Verbal abuse is aggression and it is emotional violence. It is often hidden in the shadows, where your abuser wants you. It can cause you to self-gaslight. When you have been gaslighted, you are put in a position where you question your own reality. You will ask yourself if "was what happened to me really that bad?", "am I really a bad person?", "did I exaggerate?" This is self-gaslighting. The answer to all of these questions is NO. If your abuser was actually concerned about you as a person, you would have been treated with respect, honesty, and without humiliation or deceit. Abusers do not care about their victims.

Healing is not easy. It requires that you acknowledge to yourself it happened. You need to validate yourself and use positive self-talk and make your well-being a priority. Document your abuse. Write about it. Be specific. That way, you are less likely to doubt yourself.

Remember that words DO have a physical effect on us. Words have specific meaning and they convey thoughts that can be absolutely cruel and demeaning. Words that are intended to harm you will cause a fight or flight response in you. Cortisol levels rise. Anxiety will rise. This causes real physical issues: migraines, increased blood pressure, digestive issues. It also causes further psychological issues: you are unable to recall details, you may ruminate, you are much more likely to experience depression.

Do not blame yourself. You likely absorbed an untrue message from your abuser or maybe his flying monkeys from a smear campaign that you are a bad person or that you deserved the abuse. That is absolutely 100% false. It is not about you, but about your abuser's need to control you. Do not engage with your abuser if they ever reach out and do not respond to any flying monkeys. You are not under any obligation to justify yourself. What your abuser wants is to trigger any response out of you for their own egotistical purposes. They desire the attention brought to them. Again, this is a tactic to shield themselves, to prevent the sunlight placed on their malicious behaviors.

In my situation, my abuser absolutely hated that I grey rocked his ass. It made him increasingly angrier. It made him lash out at the end with a humongous smear campaign and a string of viciously insulting texts. If you cannot remove the abuser from your life completely, be aware that this type of behavior will continue until you can. Find someone who can help, someone you can talk to, someone who appreciates you. I was fortunate. I had a sister who saw through all of this and was there to witness some of this behavior and who supported me both in person and via text and phone. I understand finding that person may be difficult. Call 988 or get therapy ASAP. You need to process this emotional trauma and understand it was never about you and it was not your fault.

Healing is not easy. You will feel anger, resentment, loneliness, guilt, lack of self-esteem, shame, a ton of negative emotions. This is EXACTLY what your abuser wants to you experience. These are emotions that can isolate you, break you mentally, and cause you depression and anxiety. Your abuser wants to 100% break you. Do not let them do that. Reach out, ask for help and support. It is a form of self-love. There is no shame in letting the world know you need help and letting the world know your truth. Develop a powerful compassion for yourself by kicking your abuser out of your life and out of your mind. Communicate and connect with others who will model love, wisdom, compassion, and acceptance to you and reflect that back out into the word. Do not let an abuser put you in a place where you are in a place of hate, fear, and anger.

#emotional abuse #verbal abuse #psychological abuse #healing

[godlovinghomemaker]

I want to say something here without trying to demean this woman because while her heart might be in the right place, her ideas of what Scripture tells us in regards to a wife is pretty blind sighted.

I have followed her long enough to fully understand where she is coming from, however she is leading a lot of women astray. I am not sure what denomination she is, but she has a pretty catholic mind view and I'm just going to leave that one there and move on.

When it comes to a pastor or a church I can say that while they should absolutely be discussing Biblical marriages to their congregation it is also not their responsibility to teach the husband's and the wives how to love each other biblically and the roles that God wants them to fill. It is the responsibility of the "elders" in the church (the older generation of Biblical husband's and wives) to teach the younger generation. The truth is though not many couples today have a strong Biblical marriage and this is because you have people like this and others like her who take the scripture at face value and read books from others who have the same mind sets and then forms a set of opinions that trickle down to other wives and lead them on a path of destruction. So I am going to clarify some things here.

Wives we ARE called to be our husband's help meets. This is true and Biblical. We were created after man and the man IS to be the leaders of our homes. That being said let me tell you what it DOESN'T say. It DOESN'T say that we are to be trampled on, spit on, emotionally, psychologically, or physically abused. It does not say that we are to be meek and quiet when a husband is not living by scripture. While it may tell us that through our belief we might be able to change the unbeliever it by no means says we stay with a man who has evil in his heart.

The Bible tells us that wives are more precious than jewels (Proverbs 31:10)

We are the crown of our husband's (Proverbs 12:4)

Being submissive isn't a dirty word, and in this world today when you hear a wife say she is submissive to her husband automatically people cringe.

Now let me be clear again here....

BEING SUBMISSIVE TO YOUR HUSBAND HAPPENS WHEN HE IS SUBMISSIVE TO GOD AND DOES WHAT GOD CALLS HIM TO DO!!!!

It is easy to fall into the trap when reading the Bible that we are to be submissive to our husband's no matter what and in every situation and that is NOT true and if you have been told that you have been lied to.

A husband that doesn't have God in his life has the devil in his life instead and without God you have no moral compass, no strong foundation, and the idea that you can love your wife the way God intended you to love them is just preposterous.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:25-33)

The respect of a wife comes when the husband loves his wife the way God intended for him to love her.

Wives our husband's have a HUGE responsibility. While we are to be submissive and a help meet they are called to love us as Christ loves the church. Think about this for a moment. Think about the way God loves us. For God to tell husband's that they ought to love their wives as He loves us is a high calling! And it can only be done when the husband puts God's authority above his own and seeks first the kingdom of God in all ways (Matthew 6:33)

So wives do not be deceived. Do not believe for one minute that God designed us to be trampled under foot by our husband's, this could not be further from the truth. While we are responsible for the way that we handle situations in regards to ourselves and staying in alignment with His Word we are not called to stay in an abusive environment in the hopes that we can change an outcome or a heart. God can absolutely change a heart, He can take a situation and turn it around for our good, but He doesn't tell women it's okay to be treated in an ungodly way.

A Biblical marriage can only work if both spouses are living in a Biblical way. My husband is the head of our home. He is the leader of our home. God comes first in every area of our lives and we live according to His Word. Because of this I am easily able to submit to my husband's authority and be his help meet and not his competition. He does not belittle me, he does not tear me down, he does not trample me underfoot. When two spouses follow closely with the Lord and His Word you would be surprised how GREAT a marriage can be, but if one is following and the other is not you will slip and you will be tripped up and you will fall. This is why it is so vitally important that both spouses are in agreement with what God expects of them as husband and wife and grows TOGETHER side by side in God's word.

When you have a strong Biblical marriage God gives you an immovable foundation, one that can whither the storms and stand firm no matter what happens. But if one of you is living an ungodly life and the other is living a godly one that foundation will be weak and just one breath can knock it to the ground and guess which one will be the one who falls?

Stop listening to nonsense like this wives. Stop believing that because God doesn't like divorces that you have to stay in a toxic and abusive marriage. Do you really believe the One who said we are more precious than jewels is the One who wants His child to suffer? Do not allow people like this to make you believe something that God NEVER said and twists it in a way to make it seem like He did by taking a scripture at face value instead of understanding the entire meaning.

Study it for yourselves. Understand your role as a wife but really look at the role of your husband too, is he living according to how God wants him to live? Is he treating you the way God COMMANDS him to be treating you? If he isn't I urge you to go to the Lord in prayer and let Him guide you where ever it is you need to be.

And if by chance you have a godly husband and you are not being a godly wife these same rules apply. We are the help meets, the crown. Which means we have the power in our homes to either build up our husband's or tear them down. We have the power to speak life into them or speak death. Ladies our role as a godly wife is just as important as his role as a godly husband!

Please stop listening to people like this and start really studying the Bible for yourselves and start actively praying. A person can only tell you so much, only God can transform your lives and your marriages ❤️

[tekka-dan]

*hugs* I’m sorry to hear about your family and hope you’re doing okay

thanks so much. I’ll be okay. I dealt with a breakup on my birthday, being told by my family that I was being “dramatic” as always. Thank goodness this year I found amazing people / friends and now refreshing new co workers (since I no longer work from home).

I lost my job a literal week after my birthday. I managed to turn around and start applying for new employment, which fell through and I was not working for two months. Then, my sister and cousins started nonsense with me the DAY I started my new job, resulting in me finally telling them off after realizing their advice was belittling and demeaning and not in anyway constructive / nourishing.

I spent my whole life letting people project onto me under the guise of “brutal honesty”. After my breakup and realizing how much anger I was holding in despite how nice I was the entire emotionally and verbally abusive situation, I decided never again will I sit back and let a person demean and destroy me mentally or emotionally and NOT speak my damn truth, because holding in that resentment trying to “keep the peace” landed me panic attacks and I was physically and violently ill and I couldn’t figure out why for YEARS.

That being said, I spoke my truth to my sister and cousins and it resulted in them showing their true colors that I was no longer color blind to. I cut them off and went about my merry way.

Then my dog passed away suddenly on November 6th and I dealt with my toxic family (mom and dad) whose miscommunication managed to almost stress me into an early grave. They manage to never be on the same page and live and breathe under the same damn roof. That same day, my brother (who I’m pretty sure is a sociopath, he lacks severe empathy and emotional intelligence for anyone other than himself and he’s entitled as hell) was passing by on the way in the house and my mom said “your sisters dog died, you want to share your condolences?” To which my brother sheepishly responded “her dog is the reason mine is dead, so no, I don’t care to do that.” His statement wasn’t true, “his” dog was one I actually took care of, he just claimed him, was hit by a car when he got out of our yard while the fence was being replaced. My brother held resentment towards my dog because he did not die during that event. My mom then went on to apologize for him, saying “I said it to him wrong and he got defensive.” Somehow and someway my brother gets off on any sort of accountability or responsibility. She apologized her way out of making him give me his condolences.

And last, I expressed to my mom that I won’t be attending family events due to my sisters remarks and behavior recently, it was a simple boundary and my mom became defensive and argumentative and then passive aggressive. She then must’ve told my father, because he then sent the following text message I posted. Not before he for some unknown reason center and involved my sister who had zero reason to be apart of anything that was happening, who also texted me some nonsense.

The result is they’re all blocked now. For how long? I’ll leave that up to chance. Right now my life is falling apart and my dads pissed off that he has to “hear about it”.

As if he’s ever been emotionally present, reliable or responsible. I’m so glad my ex leaving me taught me how to rely on myself, because I relied on my ex like a father figure and when he let me down just like my own dad it forced and triggered me to grow the fuck up and stop expecting other fuckers to act right.

I survived this hellish year while everyone blames me for feeling the way I do (because of what they’re doing and saying to me) and yet I’m “playing the victim”.

I’m never again going to allow narcissistic, selfish, entitled and bitch babies to disrespect me ever again.

Family or not, I never deserved the treatment those people have been dishing at me.

My brother gets Prince treatment while cursing out my parents, disrespecting them under their own roof and even getting away with inappropriate behavior / hobbies, but their daughter gets criticized, mocked, demeaned for showing her emotions over a heartbreaking situation that happened three weeks ago.

I’m done.

#personal #thank you so much for this by the way anonymous

[silverdreamscapes]

A RANT: AZRIEL IS NOT AN INCEL AND ELAIN’S FEELINGS ARE CONSTANTLY DISMISSED

I’ve seen this comment on several different platforms over the last few days, and I just feel the need to say…Azriel is not an incel. I understand and completely accept the fact that there are a number of people in the fandom online who did not like his POV or thoughts about Elain. But the way he’s being characterized as an incel does not sit right with me.

Incels are a group of people, predominantly males, who are involuntarily celibate. Meaning they want to have sex, but they can’t find any women who want to have sex with them. They hate that women have the power of choice in a sexual situation. And therefore, they lash out at women using incredibly vile and disgusting and violent rhetoric that demeans them in the most horrific ways possible. They encourage violence, including mass rape, against women and hate them and want dominance over them. They resent the fact that women have a choice over who they decide to share themselves with physically and emotionally.

Nothing about this applies to Azirel. Firstly he’s not involuntarily celibate because no one wants to have sex with him. We know Azriel has had many lovers over the years, as pointed out by Mor. He’s not celibate. And secondly, Azriel is not taking his anger out on women because he thinks they’re withholding sex from him and he thinks sex is something owed to him by women. That has never been shown in the text.

In fact Sarah describes Azriel as someone who goes out of his way to appear as non threatening as possible around females, especially those who might consider him intimidating such as the priestesses he trained, Clotho, and his first meeting with Elain. A lot of it presumably going back to the abuse his mother endured. There is no sense of him wanting to hurt or punish or use any of females because they’re withholding sexual pleasure from him. Mor, who he had feelings for that lasted centuries, even tells Feyre that Azriel would never make a move on her. That she could stand in the middle of a room naked and he wouldn’t lift a finger. Which tells me, that Azriel doesn’t crave a physical connection or want to punish women, but that he craves an emotional connection.

Which now brings to my main problem with the incel argument, and that is Elain. For some reason, that I have yet to figure out, her actions and feelings throughout the books and especially the POV are constantly disregarded. People have even gone so far as to say Elain wasn’t even attracted to Azriel in the pov. She was just aroused because her mate was close by, and therefore stripping Elain of even more autonomy over not only her emotions but her body as well.

In the attempt to paint Azriel as the predator who only wants sex and doesn’t understand boundaries, who supposedly makes women uncomfortable and rubs his dick on them without permission (which I’ve seen argued), elain’s entire physical, verbal, and nonverbal response to him is completely dismissed. Which isn’t surprising in this fandom I guess. The only time we get an indication that Elain is uncomfortable is around Lucien. She shrinks into herself. Loses her boldness. And avoids him when he is around. So it’s ironic to me when people argue Azriel is an incel and then in the same breath say Elain needs to get over herself and just give Lucien a chance because he’s so nice and he’s suffered so much. (HELLO??)

“Offer and permission” wasn’t a line that Sarah included for shits and giggles. She considers consent an integral part of a relationship, and this was her giant neon sign pointing to the reader that Elain feels the same way Azriel does, and not only accepts it but encourages it and wants it as well. For all the accusations of Elriels infantilizing Elain for not asking if she can reject the mating bond, people sure are quick to paint her as a child who is being preyed upon by a horny male. As someone who had no say in what was going on between her and Azriel. She turned into his touch, made no move to leave when he stroked her neck, lifted her lips to his so he could kiss her, and was aroused by him to the point that Azriel could smell it.

One of the main themes of Elain’s arc as a character is choice. The freedom to choose who she spends her life with. Who she marries. Who she loves. Who she has children with. The point of her journey is autonomy. A character who has let everyone in her life dictate her choices because it was the easy thing to do, isn’t going to let a higher power predetermine yet another thing in her life. And that’s sort of the point of her relationship with Azriel. He is represents her choice, whereas Lucien represents more of the same old pattern of letting others decide and make her decisions for her.

Azriel isn’t angry because a female didn’t want to have sex with him. Incels blame the female for not deeming them worthy in contrast to Azriel who doesn’t blame women, but rather he blames the cauldron and himself for being unworthy. If you’re going to call out Elriels for “problematic” arguments that you deem unacceptable because you think they perpetuate harmful stereotypes, then makes sure you’re holding yourself to the same standard when you compare a POC, who has gone out of his way to to avoid the women he wants and kept his distance and risked his life for her and even kept his distance from her mate…to a group of men who perpetuate and advocate for the extreme physical and sexual violence against women and who staunchly stand by the idea that women should not be allowed to dictate who they share themselves with physically and emotionally

#azriel #elain archeron #elriel #pro elriel #I’m sick of people trying to be edgy

[thelaundrybitch]

Little Blue Hearts Update - Chapter 17

Happy Tuesday, Turtle Doves! 😍

Today's chapter is near and dear to my heart. I poured a lot of my soul into it.

I hope you are enjoying the fun ride on my emotional rollercoaster, and I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Next chapter updates on Friday 🥳💕

Warning: mentions drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and depression

18+ content - for mature audiences only!

Reblogs only, please!

Little Blue Hearts cover art by the lovely @leosgirl82

The Book of Liv

~Leonardo~

It's Ashley Time.

Master Splinter has decided to have us all sit around every other day while Ashley tells us a story about her cousin - Liv.

He had said it would help her feel less lonely. Perk her up because she misses her cousin so much. Make her feel more like a part of the family- Ashely, not Liv.

But I knew better from the moment he suggested it - what it really meant.

Ashley needs her cousin to be in on our secret.

I agreed to his request; to sit in and listen, to keep an open mind. I had zero intention of ever letting her down here.

Little did I know that Ashley Time would become something I looked forward to, maybe even becoming my favorite part of the week.

This woman? Amazing.

I mean, if all the stories are true, that is.

She has a heart of gold. She's brave, kind, intelligent, a great leader... Hell, after the second story, I was ready to throw it all away for her.

We've heard about how she saves animals that are stuck or hurt. On a regular basis -like she's Cinderella or some shit.

She, apparently, voluntarily takes all the "Bad" kids at a camp she works for and gets to know each one of them, finding their strengths and interests. Then she uses this information to help them feel like an integral part of the group. She'll give each one a special privilege and a job that utilizes their strengths to help the group and to help them realize they aren't bad kids.

One of her jobs has brought her into contact with many sleazy men, who target single women and harass them; thus, the woman needs help in the form of an escape. While everyone else walks by, she steps up. She will walk right up to the woman in trouble, pretend she knows her, and take her to a security officer or a manager of the closest business. And she'll STAY! Until she knows that the woman is and feels physically and emotionally safe.

She works hard alongside her employees. She saves them from upper management. My favorite was the story about the laundry attendant. Liv worked in a hotel where she was the minority- all the workers were Filipino and Asian - most of them speaking English as a second language. The upper management liked to take advantage of them. They would also punish the employees for the smallest reasons. One day she was sitting at her desk and heard her boss screaming and belittling one of the laundry attendants because the laundry attendant had made a small mistake. The things being said were so cruel that the attendant was sobbing while the director continued the onslaught of demeaning words. Liv got up, went into the office, and put her arm around the girl. She looked at the director and said, "We're going to go to HR. If you have anything else to say or discuss, please feel free to meet us there." Then, she not only brought the girl to HR, but she stayed with her and made sure HR had a full account of what happened and what was said, written and signed by both her and the laundry attendant—Freakin hero.

And I mean, she's done the good Samaritan stuff, too- first aid on an elderly man who fell walking as she passed him. She has gotten out and helped push cars out of an intersection. She gave a single mother and her son a ride home from the grocery store in the winter during a snowstorm. She paid for an elderly woman's ENTIRE cart of groceries when her food stamps card didn't go through - and never thought twice about any of it.

But I think the winner, for me, was the story about her siblings and her mother.

A couple of weeks before she graduated from high school, Liv's parents decided that their marriage was completely over. It had been over for years, but her mother had enough of her father's alcohol and drug abuse, and told him to leave. It took a toll on her mother- her father leaving, that is. A couple of months after she graduated high school, she was off to college- a seven-hour drive away from her home, her siblings, and her mother.

Everything seemed fine for the first few months until one of her siblings started calling her. First once a week, then gradually every day. It started off as "Mom is always tired and sleeps a lot." It turned into "We have no clean clothes to wear. We have no food in the house. They've turned the electricity off. Mom won't go to work; she won't even get out of bed to make us food anymore. The sheriff came to the door again and said we have to move out in 30 days."

At this point, Liv packed up her essentials and had one of her friends come to get her and bring her home.

When she got home, it was worse than she thought. Her mother was in a complete state of depression. Her siblings were dirty, skinny, and hungry. The cupboards were barren. Her siblings hadn't been to school in weeks...

None of the bills hadn't been paid since she graduated and her father left.

So at just barely 18, she started working... Five jobs. Two full-time and three part-time. She also took over her mother's business and was running that too. She made sure the house was clean, that her siblings were fed and cared for, and that they went to school. She helped them catch up on the schoolwork they had missed and ensured all their homework was completed correctly. She did the grocery shopping and all the cooking. She paid off the outstanding balances on the electric and water bills. She caught up on the mortgage. And finally, she got her mother the help she needed. She did this for three, almost four years. She dropped her whole life for the love of her siblings and mother. She had no time to do anything for herself. She barely slept! She only napped in-between her jobs for 45 minutes to 3 hours at most. Incredible. Admirable. And very honorable.

"I want to meet her," I blurt out as Ashley finishes telling her story.

Everybody turns and looks at me in shock.

"Oh, come on. You can't tell me you don't want to meet her after THAT," I say, feeling heat rise to my cheeks.

"I think it best that we continue to hear more stories, while we have Donatello do some research into her and her life before we invite her to stay with us for a while," says Master Splinter.

"Stay?" Questions Ashley.

"Yes, child. We need her to stay with us until we feel she can be trusted," he says, standing up from the Tatami, Raph right behind him, helping him.

"I would like you to work with Donatello and tell him everything he needs to know about your cousin. He can begin working on his research when he has some free time."

"Whatever you need, Donnie, let me know. You can skip patrols for a while if you need the time," I say, quicker than intended.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ashley and Master Splinter smiling at each other.

Donnie stands up, stretching his arms above his head. "Well, if you aren't busy, we can actually start on the research now," he says, looking at Ashley, who is being helped up by Mikey. I love that she's turned him into such a gentleman.

"Yes! Definitely! I will tell you anything you want to know!" She says enthusiastically.

"Alright, I'm gonna grab some coffee. Meet me in the lab?" He asks.

"We'll meet you there after we grab her a sweatshirt. It's always a bit chilly in there, and I don't need my angel getting sick," says Mikey as he pulls Ashley in for a kiss, her smiling from ear to ear.

I can't help but smirk and roll my eyes, Donnie doing the same.

"I'll clean up in here and meet you guys in the lab after," I say.

"Actually..." says Ashley, looking to Master Splinter, then back to me, "I would like for it to be only Donnie and me doing the research. I want you guys to get to know her on your own."

"But..." I start.

"She's right, Leonardo," says Master Splinter, "It will give you things to talk about. So you have a reason to truly trust her."

I can't argue. One, it's coming from Master Splinter. And two, it's a good reason.

"Will we at least get to see a picture?" I ask, sounding more like a little kid complaining about wanting hints for their Christmas presents.

Mikey giggles, and I shoot him a look. Little shit. I should throw something at him.

"I think that's doable," says Ashley with a smile.

Lord help me. I should've never asked for a picture.

Little Blue Hearts Master list HERE

@leosgirl82 @turtle-babe83 @chicchanmooshy @roxosupreme @mysticboombox @nittleboo @post-apocalyptic-daydream @xanadu702 @donniesdove @pheradream15 @mistyroselove @ashleighclark98 @mrskenobi677 @jurikyu-blog @drowninghell @sewerninno @tmntspidergirl @raphielover

*If you aren’t on this list, please let me know if you want me to tag you in my other work or if you prefer me to not tag you 😘

#little blue hearts #thelaundrybitch #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt bayverse #tmnt leo #tmnt leonardo #bayverse leo #bayverse leonardo #tmnt raph #tmnt raphael #bayverse raph #bayverse raphael #tmnt donnie #tmnt donatello #bayverse donnie #bayverse donatello #tmnt mikey #tmnt michelangelo #bayverse mikey #bayverse michelangelo #tmnt aged up

[applesfallingfromblondehair]

Mike Bartlett's Cock: looking at dysfunctional relationships through a two-way glass

POV: you’re a thirtysomething gay man who’s been in a relationship for seven years, and suddenly you realise it’s been toxic the whole time, and you need out. (Legit. It happens more often than you’d think.) It’s hard to get out, but you have a spur of courage and you say something. And, unexpectedly, it works.

Then, once you do get out, you meet someone. They’re funny, kind, and gorgeous, and they tick all those boxes your ex never even bothered to look at. The sex is amazing, they like you for who you are, and, shock horror, they don’t try and change you to fit their unrealistic standards and expectations? Imagine that.

They’re perfect, right? Wrong. There’s a catch. And the catch is that they—contrary to every prediction you’d made for your future soulmate as an out and proud gay man—are a woman. A woman, “tits and everything”, with her own history of dysfunctional relationships, a failed marriage, several disastrous dating stories, and a deeply-rooted need to stop feeling lonely.

Who would you choose?

Sitting through Mike Bartlett’s Cock is like looking through a two-way glass at a sexuality crisis, at an attempted shattering of labels that doesn’t quite go as well as anyone might have thought, and, overall, at two extremely dysfunctional relationships.

There’s M, a confidently gay man in his mid-thirties, older and more financially stable than his partner and visibly using it all as a weapon. Cocky and zingy in his bitchiness from the very first line, telling John what he’s doing is wrong, that he “can’t fucking cook” or “do anything that needs to be done” with his hands, that he describes as “tennis rackets at the end of sticks” and “satellite dishes at the end of fishing rods”. He’s clearly emotionally abusive and manipulative in his giving love and then immediately withdrawing it (or the other way round). Insulting, shouting, storming in and out of scenes, then embracing, kissing, trying a little tenderness. It’s a rollercoaster that those who have been in toxic relationships know all too well. And this rollercoaster is part of why the relationship goes south—although blaming it all on him would seriously be unfair.

No, the other reason why the relationship does not work is, of course, John. John, childish and chaotic and just as uncommunicative as his partner, because of being taught to behave like that since the relationship started, perhaps, or because of his own nature—the spectator coming in in medias res will never truly know. John, flaky and indecisive, changing his mind ten times during the course of one scene. John, who in the end can’t choose either or. John, who can’t even give himself a label because he self-admittedly has “absolutely no idea” who he is. John, the undefined. John, who meets the “woman of his dreams” and starts questioning his own identity.

The weakest, most changeable personality among those portrayed on the Ambassadors Theatre stage could only be carried this well by an incredibly strong lead. Yes, because John, despite looking like the innocent and the injured party at first glance, really is like “a picture drawn with a pencil” who “hasn’t been coloured in yet”: there is potential in him, and that potential is as destructive as a wrecking ball. No matter how many times the others’ words are meant to dwarf and demeane him, John still is the main character of this story. And Jonathan Bailey lingers on the fence between innocuously cowardly and dangerously manipulative so damn well it actively takes one’s breath away.

I said this before and I’ll say it again: it really is such a shame that Taron could not make it to the end of this run, and not just because I was desperate to see him onstage. Also because I truly feel like Jonny’s powerful, scene-filling, physically expressive John could have appeared even more credible while faced by an even more powerful and commanding presence. And that presence is felt, an echo of it at least, in Joel Harper-Jackson’s somewhat-convincing-but-not-quite-there-yet portrayal of… well, of Taron Egerton. God knows how eerie that felt, seeing him, his gestures and his quirks, and yet not seeing him, because he obviously wasn’t there. And I’m aware that must have definitely been a conscious choice, to have Joel play the part exactly as Taron would have, but that was in the context of an understudy role and doesn’t quite fit anymore, in my opinion. I really hope he comes into his own eventually, because he is a fantastic actor when he gets into the flow. But the first few scenes just did not flow. He was underacting, stilted, just delivering lines to Jonny, who looked like he was already very much in tune with his own character.

I did not have the pleasure of seeing Jade’s performance, as she was unfortunately out with COVID last weekend, but I did absolutely love Jessica’s portrayal of W. Bouncy and sunny and confident, but also vulnerable and emotional and broken. And that’s how the character is written, sure, but damn did she do an incredible job of bringing every single facet of it out of the page. She and Jonny work so well together, too, the chemistry was palpable. I truly have nothing else to say about it other than this was nothing short of a brilliant West End debut.

Phil Daniels is very believable as a well-meaning Boomer dad who really is just trying his best, and that’s about all from me on that. He’s just good, even if the character probably inherently isn’t. And the rewrite really does work in his favour sometimes, I must say—especially when F so confidently tells John, who is struggling to label himself and complaining about the concepts of “gay” and “straight” being old-fashioned, that there are “so many words to choose from” nowadays, and why won’t he just pick one of them. Really struck a chord, that one.

Ultimately, Cock is the tragic story of many modern relationships. Having to choose between what is good and what is easy. And yes, I am paraphrasing She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but please give me a pass just this once: it’s just a great way of describing it. On the one hand, what is good: John accepting a different identity, unshackling himself and moving on to live a potentially happy life with this new person, someone fresh who can potentially give him happiness. (She is extremely co-dependent and flawed, too, obviously, which is how they fall into each other’s arms in the first place. But. You know. Yeah.) On the other hand, what is easy: staying. Uncomfortably, forcibly, and unhappily, but at least he won’t have to change anything about his own view of himself. Which is, apparently, what he goes for in the end.

This isn’t what I want, he says. It’s just. I think this is easier.

But ultimately, when asked, when repeatedly prompted, he just can’t. He can’t. He can’t say the words. And the spectator is left wondering, suspended between two potential versions of events, just as Mike Bartlett’s John will forever remain: trying to take a step through the sliding doors of life, except it’s a freeze-frame.

Flawless writing. Flawless Jonny. Would see again in a heartbeat.  

#cock the play #review #finally #jonathan bailey #taron egerton #joel harper jackson #jessica whitehurst #jade anouka #phil daniels #west end #cock west end

[greensaplinggrace]

So you mentioned in another post that you have some strong thoughts on Baghra, especially about how the story frames her as one of the good guys. I would love to hear about it.

@youremotionallystablefriend: I would love to hear you rant about Baghra if you feel like it (and haven’t already)! Personally I don’t think she gets enough constructive critique in the fandom for being the one that brought Aleks up and for the way she treated her pupils and especially Alina :/

Anon: Hello! I love your thoughts on the grisha books. I'm actually interested to hear your take on Baghra

@misku-nimfa: If you are up for it, I would love to read your thoughts on Baghra or your full critique of society in the Grishaverse. Your analysis is really well structured and interesting! ^.^

Anon: Hi! I saw your recent post and was wondering if you'd share more of your thoughts on Baghra?

---

Hello everyone! I was honestly very surprised to see so many people interested in my thoughts on Baghra? I'll share what I can, but please know that this is by no means a full breakdown of her character! It’s just some Thoughts I’ve had, and they’re mostly centered around show Baghra because that’s how I was first introduced to her character. Although IMO book Baghra might actually be even worse.

I’d like to preface this by saying that many of my issues with the treatment of Baghra as a character in fandom come from the wild double standard there seems to be regarding her and the Darkling. Darkling Antis and a vast majority of the people in this fandom who don’t like his character have a disturbing habit of absolutely ripping into the Darkling for all of his faults and then turning around and treating Baghra as some sort of pristine mother figure for the exact same shit.

They’ll talk about how badass she is, how strong she is, how they sympathize with her past (although they’ll continue to dehumanize the Darkling and refuse to sympathize with his own past) and sympathize with the fact that she has to deal with the Darkling (who’s always referred to as a monster she must corral or control, as if he is inhumane and beastly. These particular comments always take on the very distinct tone of victim blaming as well). They’ll laud her for all of these “powerful girlboss” moments as if they aren’t carbon copies of the Darkling’s own behavior - as if they aren’t things Baghra herself taught him. Which is why this is the wildest double standard of all to me, because every horrible action they praise Baghra for is something she taught the Darkling, and something they cannot stand to see in him as well.

It’s as if there’s a disconnect between their consumption of the literature when it comes to the two characters, and I’m of the opinion that it’s largely because Baghra is a woman and a mother and therefore infantilized in the fandom quite a bit. In fact, Bardugo herself often infantilizes many of her female characters in her writing. This is mostly through the process of excusing their terrible deeds, not allowing them to do anything remotely dark, or brushing any morally grey actions under the rug without ever touching upon them. Which puts me in the strange position of knowing I’m supposed to sympathize with Baghra for having to deal with the monster she’s created, and instead feeling resentful of the fact that this bitter woman is held up as this wise old strict teacher instead of the abusive mentor/mother she should have been.

Now, here’s what I said to make so many of you send me asks:

Last note, in reference to your first line, and also probably a pretty unpopular opinion. I do not like Baghra. And it legit has nothing to do with the Darkling or with Alina, I just don't like her "I'm going to hit you and berate you and emotionally abuse you and manipulate you and act like the good guy at the end of it" vibe she's got going on. At least Aleksander is acknowledged as the villain within the narrative. Idk wtf Baghra is on but it's absolutely wild to me that people aren't more critical of her actions. Which is, rather fortunately for you, another rant I will save for another post if anybody ever wants to hear it lol. (but like kudos to Baghra's actress. I loved the character as a character, I just don't like the way she's framed as a good guy. Weird. Uncomfortable. She literally set bees on the kids she was teaching).

This basically summarizes most of my thoughts on Baghra as a character and how she’s portrayed. I touched on it a bit above, but the way she’s able to get away with so much and not suffer under heavier critique is honestly baffling to me. There should be a lot more criticism of her out there in the fandom. This is the woman who abused her students and neglected her son. Although to be honest I don’t even know how to quite describe the emotionally neglectful yet unhealthily codependent bond she fostered in him from a young age. IMO, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander is creepy, and I know she has a history that makes it more understandable, but it’s still incredibly disconcerting to witness.

But let’s get back on track! First of all, her students. Whom she physically, emotionally, and mentally abuses. She’s derisive, she’s insulting, she’s belittling. She works hard to strip them of any self confidence they may have. She uses pain as a means of triggering powers. And the strict teacher excuse doesn’t fly. The “it’s only a training method!” excuse is even worse. This is literal abuse she’s heaping on her students and it’s wretched.

The first thing she does to Alina when they first meet is insult her. Then she hits her. Then she kicks her out.

Second time they interact is a montage. Baghra hits Alina multiple times. She shames her. And then when Alina actually calls a light she tells her it’s not nearly enough, effectively wiping the smile off of her face and every sign of self confidence that had been building. Then we see the door to Baghra’s hut shut in Alina’s face. So now she has been bruised, battered, berated, stripped of all self confidence, and then banished again. As training methods go, this is not only entirely ineffective, but it’s also just abusive.

Then we get this interaction between Alina and her friends:

Marie: One time, Baghra released a hive of bees on me. Nadia: Worst part is, it worked. Marie: It really did. I could summon at will after that.

Which is fucking horrifying and not talked about nearly enough. That goes beyond hitting your students. Baghra used a fear tactic on a young girl to activate her powers. She literally tortured Marie to make her powers work.

Alina throughout this conversation is looking very disheartened. She’s lacking in any self confidence and the comment about the bees has clearly affected her. For someone who’s first words to Alina were “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too,”  Baghra doesn’t exactly seem keen on Alina actually believing she’s the one. If she did, she wouldn’t be stripping her of every positive emotion associated with sun summoning.

Let’s not forget that Baghra demeans Alina multiple times for her status as an orphan. How she utilizes what she knows of Alina’s emotional weaknesses to provoke her and discourage her and make her angry.

And then Baghra drugs her without consent. To take advantage of any information Alina gives her in that state. To use the way Alina reacts for her own ends.

Because why else would she say this?:

Alina: We planned to run away together. Baghra: You had plans. Perhaps he never did, because where is he now?

Which is, strangely enough, the same sense of isolation and separation from Mal and her past that Aleksander is attempting to foster. Weird how mother and son are both using the same manipulation tactics.

In fact, why does Baghra never tell Alina about the letters until she’s already engaged with Aleksander? Baghra must have known he was taking them. Alina talks about it enough. Baghra must have known he was isolating her from Mal. How could she not, when it’s revealed later that she has spies in the Little Palace collecting information on him? How could she not, when she knows he’s the villain from the beginning - when she knows he’s manipulating Alina?

Baghra knows, and yet she keeps the same lies Aleksander does and furthermore uses that information to make Alina feel even more isolated and weak. Baghra literally just piggy-backs on Aleksander’s manipulation and then exacerbates it. She wants Alina to feel no attachments to her past because she wants to use Alina as well. But for some reason, because this manipulation and treatment of Alina as some sort of tool is done by the woman who opposes the Darkling, it’s suddenly okay. As if it still isn’t the same terrible shit but with a different perpetrator. I mean damn, at least Aleksander feels something for Alina. Baghra’s just cold.

So, point by point. Baghra mentions how Mal doesn’t care for Alina, she mentions Alina’s failings constantly, she mentions Alina being an orphan, she constantly hits her, she guilts Alina about orphans dying, she works to instill a sense of isolation from her friends and her family.

And when Alina finally comes to Baghra, having decided to abandon her attachments to her past and her attachments to Mal, the words that ring in her head are Baghra's words - “needing anyone else is weak.”  Which is honestly just a horrible sentiment in general, but an even worse one when considering how hard these people are working to detach Alina from anybody who can help her or give her an outside perspective.

Strangely, it’s also similar to this line:

The problem with wanting, is that it makes us weak.

...which is spoken by Baghra’s son. You know, the Darkling? Our big bad villain? The one Baghra raised?

Which gives me the impression that Baghra’s teaching methods with her students are really not that far off from the teaching methods she used on him as he was growing up. It’s a horrifying thought, and leads into my problems with her relationship with Aleksander.

First of all, show wise. What the fuck.

Aleksander: They’re punishing us for being Grisha. Baghra: Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him. Aleksander: I won a war for him. Baghra: And in doing so, started a war on us.

I get that she’s trying to convey how the king feels here, but it still feels incredibly victim blamey from a narrative standpoint. It isn’t Aleksander’s fault the king fears him when he used his powers under the King’s banner to help him win a war. Aleksander trusted this man who betrayed him and then betrayed his people, and we get a line from his mother, entirely unsympathetic, talking about how it’s his fault all of these people are dying.

Baghra: Where’s the girl, your healer? Aleksander: Dead. She died because of me. Baghra: She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.

Baghra’s use of the term ‘girl’ and ‘healer' here instead of Luda is pretty telling. She either doesn’t like Luda or doesn’t care for her. Either way, this is the woman her son loves, and Baghra talks about her so dispassionately. Then he comments on Luda’s death and there’s no reaction except to say that they always do.

Like, her son is literally broken up over here. Grieving. Desperate. Run ragged. Caged and hunted. Feeling guilty as hell. Mind running through a million different ways he could possibly save all of these people. And Baghra offers him nothing except a paltry “people die, get over it, we’re better than that, she didn’t matter anyway.”

Honestly, how is Aleksander even still functioning at this point? He has no support system and he’s working against a king and his army to protect a group of civilians he could easily abandon to save himself. The sheer amount of responsibility and mental strain keeping track of a group alone entails is already monstrous, but adding in every other factor? The recent death of Luda, the fact that they’re cornered and they’ve been hunted down while fleeing across the land, the fact that he was just a couple hours ago forced to his knees and entirely at these men’s mercy, begging for Luda’s life. And here his mother is, if anything a negative support system. Offering no other ideas, telling him to give up hope, not even offering the barest smidgeon of emotional support as he grieves, putting everything on his shoulders.

It pisses me the fuck off.

Aleksander: You’re the one who taught me how to kill, mother. Their blood is on your hands as much as mine.  Baghra: I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.

Once more, Baghra highlights how he needs to protect himself. How he should abandon the people he’s protecting. How he shouldn't help others and only ever himself. Once more, she says it’s my way or the high way. There’s zero effort to work with him. Zero effort to sympathize or compromise. She’s constantly pushing him to take the one option she knows he won’t take. The hell did she think was going to happen?

Also, Baghra taught him how to kill. Not necessarily great parenting, but understandable given the circumstances of his upbringing. But the level to which she takes it is honestly concerning. Like, look no further than this woman to see where Aleksander got it from lol.

Baghra also forbids him from using Merzost. Which is great and all, she gets to claim the moral high ground. But she doesn’t offer a single alternative except to flee and let everybody die. There was legitimately no other option to Merzost except for torture and death. If there was, Baghra sure as hell didn’t help Aleksander come up with one. Aleksander, who - by the way - is in no fit emotional state to be making any kind of decision right now.

So anyways, that’s just my tv show grief regarding Baghra, and it’s not even really all of it. I don’t want to make this an hour long read though lmao. But I’ll go over a few other things.

First of all, Baghra’s whole “We’re the only two that matter. We have to do whatever we can to protect ourselves,” mentality is one that she actively touts to Aleksander on a regular basis when he’s incredibly young. It’s honestly a wonder he grows up to care about other people at all. But the mentality itself is something Aleksander still heavily internalized in regards to protecting himself and those he deems worthy at any cost.

There’s a moment in the books when Aleksander is attacked and nearly drowned by some kids who wanted his bones (one of which was a close friend of his). He uses the cut in self defense and then blames the nearby Otkazat’sya village. Baghra knows he’s lying, and yet she allows an entire village to get slaughtered for harming him. This is a disproportionately violent act that Baghra approves of, and Aleksander as a kid is definitely internalizing that mindset.

Also, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander has always been weirdly possessive and controlling. Especially when it comes to the people he loves. Her actions often come across as her trying to isolate him in order to keep him by her side, even when the relationships he has are clearly intimate. Which... is especially strange for a mother to be doing to her son.

She was also an extremely emotionally neglectful mother. Based on the show and what I gathered from her actions there, I’m actually half convinced she was physically abusive as well, in that “I think I’m being a stern, good parent figure when in reality I’m actually harming my child” kind of way. She fosters codependence with her son and then refuses to provide for any of his emotional needs. She drives it into his head that everybody dies, that he’ll always be alone, that love is useless and power is everything. She denies him the opportunity to be soft and works to harden him at a young age. She tells him he must never allow people to touch him, except she doesn’t work to supplement those physical needs in any way. She essentially abuses him.

Honestly, I could go on. But in reality the simple fact is that I just don’t like her. I think she’s a hypocrite. I think she’s abusive. I think she’s a terrible mentor and an even worse mother. And I think the fandom and the books are willing to brush aside so many of her faults simply because she opposes the Darkling.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys were looking for! It sounds like a lot of you wanted a more of a sophisticated breakdown, but my thoughts on Baghra come with a heap of emotional baggage lol. It feels weird to say this now, but I actually do like the character as a character, I just,,, don’t like her in every other aspect. My feelings on Baghra are just a bit personal, to be honest. But hopefully this was at least comprehensible??

#shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #anti leigh bardugo #anti baghra #baghra critical #sab spoilers #demon in the wood spoilers #aleksander morozova #sab meta #the darkling #fandomcourse #myramblings #leigh bardugo critical #mymetas #anti darklina bs #please dont hate me for this #aaahhhh now im worried #Yikes

[wolfstar-in-color]

July Colorful Column: Remus is a Crip, and We Can Write Him Better.

There is one thing that can get me to close a fic so voraciously I don’t even make sure I’m not closing other essential tabs in the process. It doesn’t matter how much I’m loving the fic, how well written I think it is, or how desperately I want to know how it ends. Once I read this sentence, I am done.

It’s written in a variety of different ways, but it always goes something like this: “You don’t want me,” Remus said, “I am too sick/broken/poor/old/[insert chosen self-demeaning adjective here].”

You’re familiar with the trope. The trope is canonical. And if you’ve been around the wolfstar fandom for longer than a few minutes, you’ve read the trope. Maybe you love the trope! Maybe you’ve written the trope! Maybe you’re about to stop reading this column, because the trope rings true to you and you feel a little attacked!

Now, let’s get one thing out of the way right now: I am not saying the trope is wrong. I am not saying it’s bad. I am not saying we should stop writing it. We all have things we don’t like to see in our chosen fics. Maybe you can’t stand Leather Jacket Motorbike Sirius? Maybe you think Elbow Patch Remus is overdone? Or maybe your pet peeves are based in something a little deeper - maybe you think Poor Latino Remus is an irresponsible depiction, or that PWPs are too reductive? Whatever it is, we all have our things.

Let me tell you about my thing. When I first became very ill several years ago, there were various low points in which I felt I had become inherently unlovable. This is, more or less, a normal reaction. When your body stops doing things it used to be able to do - or starts doing things you were quite alright without, thank you very much - it changes the way you relate to your body. You don’t want to hear my whole disability history, so yada yada yada, most people eventually come to accept their limitations. It’s a very painful existence, one in which you constantly tell yourself your disability has transformed you into a burdensome, unworthy member of society, and if nothing else, it’s not terribly sustainable. Being disabled takes grit! It takes power! It takes a truly absurd amount of medical self-advocacy! Hating yourself? Thinking yourself unworthy of love? No one has time for that. 

Of course, I’m being hyperbolic. Plenty of disabled people struggle with these feelings many years into their disabilities, and never really get over them. But here’s the thing. We experience those stories ALL THE TIME. Remember Rain Man? Or Million Dollar Baby? Or that one with the actress from Game of Thrones and that British actor who seemed like he was going to have a promising career but then didn't? Those are all stories about sad, bitter disabled people and their sad, bitter lives, two out of three of which end in the character completing suicide because they simply couldn’t imagine having to live as a disabled person. (I mean, come on media, I get that we're less likely to enjoy a leisurely Saturday hike, but our parking is SUBLIME.) When was the last time you engaged with media that depicted a happy disabled person? A complex disabled person? A disabled person who has sex? No really, these aren’t hypothetical questions, can you please drop a rec in the notes?? Because I am desperate.

There are lots of problems with this trope, and they’ve been discussed ad nauseam by people with PhDs. I’m not actually interested in talking about how this trope leads to a more prevalent societal idea that disabled people are unworthy of love, or contributes to the kind of political thought processes that keep disabled people purposefully disenfranchised. I’m just a bitch on Tumblr, and I have a bone to pick: the thing I really hate about the trope? It’s boring. I’m bored. You know how, like, halfway through Grey’s Anatomy you realized they were just recycling the same plot points over and over again and there was just no WAY anyone working at a hospital prone to THAT MANY disasters would stay on staff? It's like that. I love a recycled trope as much as the next person (There Was Only One Bed, anyone?). But I need. Something. Else.

Remus is disabled. BOLD claim. WILD speculation. Except, not really. You simply - no matter how you flip it, slice it, puree it, or deconstruct it - cannot tell me Remus Lupin is not disabled. Most of us, by this point, are probably familiar with the way that One Canonical Author intended One Dashing Werewolf to be “a metaphor for those illnesses that carry stigma, like HIV and AIDS” [I’m sorry to link you to an outside source quoting She Who Must Not Be Named, but we’re professionals here]. Which is... a thing. It’s been discussed. And, listen, there’s no denying that this parallel is a problematic interpretation of people who have HIV/AIDS and all such similar “those illnesses” (though I’ll admit that I, too, am perennially apt to turn into a raging beast liable to harm anything that crosses my path, but that’s more linked to the at-least-once-monthly recollection that One Day At A Time got cancelled). Critiques aside, Remus Lupin is a character who - due to a condition that affects him physically, mentally, emotionally, and intellectually - is repeatedly marginalized, oppressed, denied political and social power, and ostracized due to unfounded fear that he is infectious to others. Does that sound familiar?

We’re not going to argue about whether or not “Remus is canonically disabled as fuck” is a fair reading. And the reason we’re not going to argue about whether or not it’s a fair reading is because I haven’t read canon in 10-plus years and you will win the argument. Canon is only marginally relevant here. The icon of this blog is brown, curly haired Remus Lupin kissing his trans boyfriend, Sirius Black. We are obviously not too terribly invested in canon. The wolfstar fandom is now a community with over 25,000 AO3 fics, entire careers launched from drawing or writing or cosplaying this non-canonical pairing. We love to play around here with storylines and universes and races and genders and sexualities and all kinds of things, but most of the time? Remus is still disabled. He’s disabled as a werewolf in canon-compliant works, he’s disabled in the AUs where he was injured or abused or kidnapped or harmed as a child, he’s disabled in the stories that read him as chronically ill or bipolar or traumatized or blind or Deaf. I’d go so far as to say that he is one of very few characters in the Wide Wonderful World of media who is, in as close to his essence as one can be, always disabled. And that means? Don’t shoot the messenger... but we could stand to be a tiny bit more responsible with how we portray him. 

Disabled people are complicated. As much as I’d like to pretend we are always level-headed, confident, and ready to assert our inherent worth, we are still just humans. We have bad days. We doubt our worth. We sometimes go out with guys who complain about our steroid-induced weight gain (it was a long time ago, Tumblr, okay??). But, we also have joy and fun and good days and sex and happiness and families and so many other things. 

Remus is a disabled character, and as such, it’s only fair that he’d have those unworthy moments. But - I propose - Remus is also a crip. What is a crip? A crip - like a queer - is someone who eschews the limited boundaries placed on their bodies, who rejects a hierarchy of oppression in favor of an intersectional analysis of lived experience, who isn’t interested in being the tragic figure responsible for helping people with dominant identities realize how good they have it. Crips interpret their disabilities however they want, rethinking bodies and medicine and pleasure and pain and even time itself. Crips are political, community-minded, and in search of liberation. 

Remus is a character who struggles with his disability, sure. But he’s also a character who leverages his physical condition to attempt to shift communities towards his political leanings, advocates for the rights of those who share his physical condition, and has super hot sex with his wrongfully convicted boyfriend ultimately goes on to build community and family. Having a condition that quite literally cripples you, over which you have no control, and through which you are often read as a social pariah? That’s disability. But using said condition as a means through which to build advocacy and community? Now that’s some crip shit. 

Personally, I love disabled!Remus Lupin. But I love crip!Remus Lupin even more. I’d love to see more of a Remus who owns his disability, who covets what makes him unique, and who never ever again tells a potential romantic partner they are too good for him because of his disability. This trope - unlike There Was Only One Bed! - sometimes actually hurts to read. Where’s Remus who thinks a potential romantic partner isn’t good enough for him? Where’s Remus who insists his partners learn more about his condition in order to treat him properly? Where’s sexy wheelchair user Remus? Where’s Remus who uses his werewolf transformations as an excuse to travel the world? Where’s crip Remus??

We don’t have to put “you don’t want me” Remus entirely to bed. It is but one of many repeated tropes that are - in the words of The Hot Priest from Fleabag - morally a bit dubious. And let’s face it - we don’t always come to fandom for its moral superiority (as much as we sometimes like to think we do). 

This is not a condemnation - it is an invitation. Able-bodied folks are all but an injury, illness, or couple decades away from being disabled. And when you get here, I sincerely hope you don’t waste your time on “you don’t want me”ing back and forth with the people you love. I’m inviting you to come to the crip side now. We have snacks, and without all the “you don’t want me” talk, we get to the juicy parts much faster. 

Colorfully,

Mod Theo

#wolfstar #disability in fandom #disabled remus #crip remus #please write me some crip remus #I beg of you #fandom meta

[verdantmoontruther]

the anti-bkdk ramble that turned into an anti-internet ramble

i’m not like the biggest or most present bnha fan on here (i’m more about naruto personally) and i know this point has been discussed to death within the more intellectually capable circles of the fanbase, but i think we should really talk about the hypocrisy of people that excuse or ‘forgive’ bakugou’s behaviour for whatever purpose they come up with, whether it be shipping or ‘bc he’s hot’ or whatnot.

the tl;dr of what i want to say: bakugou and midoriya do not like each other. there is no evidence for that in the books or otherwise. it is unwise to view their genuine dislike as unresolved sexual tension because injecting a sexual component into bakugou’s decade-long antipathy makes for a much, much scarier bullying scenario. also, please touch grass and get a hobby outside of media consumption; i make friendship bracelets and photograph graffiti around my town. it’s very fun. take a break from the online world.

first things first: i UNDERSTAND, fully and wholeheartedly, the desire to see a queer enemies-to-lovers relationship happen in mainstream media. i may be young enough to be on the cusp between gen z and millennial, but i’m also old enough to remember when homosexuality was the weird joke paraded out on late night telly to explain a man’s bizarre behaviour, or be the shitty punchline to an equally unfunny joke. i remember feeling young and disgusted, young and scared, young and hopeless when i thought that we would never see anything remotely resembling a healthy gay relationship on tv. i didn’t even think legalised gay marriage is something that would be won in my youth. but you’re going about it the wrong way.

bakugou bullied midoriya for a long time. that is an immutable fact, and a very important aspect of both of their identities. in their childhoods, bakugou cemented midoriya into a victim role by singling him out and tormenting him. it’s important for some of you to understand that you can’t come back from that. whatever relationship they may have in the future will forever be tainted by the fact that, when bakugou knew he had the upper hand physically over midoriya, he chose to ridicule, belittle, and hurt him, and was never told by those around him that he may have been wrong for it.

it bothers me to no end that the people who will recognise how well the bnha universe fits as an allegory to the treatment of disabled people in society - which is, in my opinion, a completely astute and intelligent observation - will fail to see bakugou’s treatment of midoriya in their formative years as not abusive or ableist, but criticise a character because they said something demeaning about the quirkless population. it’s interesting because the allegory only extends to the characters and actions that are easily dealt with (cancelling a minor character for their words is very easy), but as soon as you raise the issue of physically, emotionally, and mentally abusing someone for their disability, it gets wishy washy because that’s their favourite character that we’re accusing of unsavoury behaviours. it begs the question - do you actually give a shit at all?

the reason i raise this is because fiction directly translates to real life. the things an author, screenwriter, or mangaka write about and the perspective they write about it from effect our view of ourselves and other people, especially in an industry aimed at, and mostly consumed by, the youth. that’s why i discussed what i did in the second paragraph - representation is important because it makes people feel more comfortable in their skin. and i can understand why you crave seeing yourself depicted as the hero of a story. but it also means that bad interpretations can weasel their way into the malleable minds of the young people consuming these stories: think about everything jk rowling was cancelled for. her only irish character constantly blowing things up. hook-nosed elves in love with money. werewolves preying on young boys as a metaphor for the aids epidemic.

i can’t blame horikoshi for the way that people infer his writing because there is absolutely no evidence in his writing that bakugou and midoriya harbour romantic feelings for each other, but i do know where this sentiment comes from: you kids are grasping at straws, wanting to make genuinely antagonistic characters into some sort of star-crossed romance because this is your first time being exposed to fighty blowy uppy shounen that doesn’t give a shit about love, and it worries me, because it means you begin romanticising all the wrong behaviours. if i was reading half the shit you guys like about the mythical bkdk dynamic in an actual book, it’d be raising red flags immediately. no communication. possessiveness. jealousy. entitlement. belittling. taking out their anger on each other. i’m concerned for you lot.

some of you aren’t going to like hearing this, but i think the reason we are seeing such a strong insurgence of the romanticisation of such an unhealthy relationship dynamic, apart from representation, is because being bombarded by so many stories and headlines and works in a day due to the internet has desensitised us to a lot of things. you look at a news headline about a bombing or a murder and you don’t feel anything anymore. same thing with fiction: ten years of bullying, when you have nothing from your own personal life to compare it to, doesn’t sound that bad. someone telling you to kill yourself gets brushed off like water off a duck’s back because everyone tells everyone to kts these days. having no friends is normalised because all of us people online are ‘depressed and anxious uwu no fwends’. in order to get a real hit right in the gut you need something that takes the word angst and amplifies it by a scale factor of seven million. in a culture that sensationalises pain and is devoid of empathy, midoriya’s situation is just not enough anymore.

once again idk if any of this made sense. i write what i think and if it comes out like a jumble of random letters then oh well.

#anti bakudeku #anti bakugo katsuki #anti bakugou #bnha #bnha opinions

[dreamwalkeramrita]

Content warning: discussion of abusive relationships

I find it concerning that many LO readers openly glorify Minthe as a badass bitch. Several people think that Minthe 'deserved' better. I'm not saying that we shouldn't feel compassion towards Minthe - but it is important to recognize that Minthe is a classic abuser. She's beautiful, with sympathetic motivations and Rachel has fleshed out her character so it's easy to see why some readers like her. BUT Lore Olympus shows that she's been EMOTIONALLY (and maybe even physically) abusing Hades FOR YEARS and that should not be brushed off as merely being 'bitchy'.

People have tried to argue that Minthe is also a victim, since she's a woman in a relationship with her boss. Hades is a God; in fact, he's a King. My point is that despite the fact that Hades has the outward appearance of having agency in the relationship, Minthe is the one with all the power. Hades is obviously more physically imposing than Minthe - and yet, he felt afraid and didn't resist when she slapped him. He meekly listened to her abuses ("You're a piece of shit"; "you stink of death", Minthe said, in the introductory chapters), and Minthe exploited him financially while Hades was emotionally dependent on her. And yet, Hades obviously cares about her - that's how Minthe was able to hurt him so deeply.

In a typical abusive relationship, the abuser chips away at the victim's self confidence until the victim feels like they DESERVE nothing better. The victim is usually psychologically powerless to stand up to the abuse (even when Hades was slapped, Hecate had to intervene ; Hades did nothing in response to the abuse and had a mental break down). Minthe claimed to feel remorse for her abuse, but her actions did not reflect a sincere wish to change : in fact, in chapter 151 Minthe reflected that "he shouldn't have tried... He shouldn't have made me feel like second chances were infinite", which is another classic example of victim blaming that lets the abuser off the hook while making the victim responsible for all wrongdoing. Even in the next chapter, prior to Minthe's "punishment", Minthe hurled verbal abuse at Hades, once again trying to demean him. This is not the behavior of someone who is truly sorry for their abuse. This is what an abuser would do when faced with the possibility of losing control over their victim.

Abusers are not awful all the time. They can be charismatic, and can even have suffered abuse themselves. Abusers tend to justify incidents as 'mistakes' or sudden outbursts that can be apologized for.

In the LO universe, abuse is not trivialized. It is important for readers to not trivialize abuse or excuse Minthe as a 'misunderstood bitch'. It is difficult enough for victims to recognize abuse and extricate themselves from such relationships without trivializing and glamorizing it in media.

Should Minthe get a redemption arc? She probably will, but in my (humble) opinion she should only be redeemed if she really makes sincere efforts to stop her abusive behavior and allows Hades to recover his mental and emotional health away from her. Perhaps her time as a plant will enable her to introspect and reconsider her choices and behaviour patterns.

As a side note, I've also observed that Minthe's biggest supporters don't extend their compassion towards Apollo (and they should not, since he's a rapist). Apollo is universally hated by the fandom, and rightly so. However, he is being manipulated behind the scenes by Leto, and seemed to seriously delude himself into thinking that Persephone was into him before she literally broke his lute. I am not equating rape and abuse obviously, but it makes me wonder if Minthe gets a pass from readers because she's an attractive woman with a glamorous character design and a back story of financial insecurity.

#lore olympus #Lo #Mild spoilers #Abusive relationships #Abuse #Hades #Minthe #Long post #Abusers should be called out #Lol I want to chill and check out cute fan art but got goaded into this long rant sigh