#like obviously this is all jokes

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it'' #while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good'' #to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.) #edit to answer why we had so much vanilla: #my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house. #it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out'' #even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter. #my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out) #listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it. #3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

[sapphic-angel-slut]

I realized earlier today that I've been the one to bring up most things when it comes to evolving my kink dynamic to make it either more or darker / more edge play

Like I've got her out here sexualizing my autism n my traumas n depriving me of food until I do what she wants n calling me slurs n doing butch patriarchy stuff n I asked for all of it

I really just found this perfect incredible woman who cares deeply about me and literally is reading a book about how being a Dom is about being honorable and went "hmm I bet I can make her worse"

#like obviously this is all jokes #she was also super down for this shit and has enjoyed it #you can't actually just like corrupt someone into edge play #and pls don't try or you'll end up like that girl on reddit that #convinced her bf to do cnc and he's nonfunctional 3 days later #in reality I'm just super lucky that our kinks happen to line up #and she's super open to trying new things #but it's also fucking hilarious that she's reading a book about how good doms act #and meanwhile I'm like honey it's OK if u starve me for a few meals #till I break down and agree to say whatever degrading shit you want me to

[marc--chilton]

house having a reputation for being soooo unserious that all of his passes at wilson are brushed off when in reality he would let wilson fuck him in his fishbowl if wilson would let him

#house md #hilson #regretting not having a tally for all of the gay jokes house makes between him and wilson #there are so many it raises questions (the answer is gay sex. obviously) #“sex with you wouldn't fix me but it would make me better” “what if i like you terrible?” “what if i told you this is foreplay to me” #<- dialogue i want to see happen somewhere even if i must do it myself #also wtf tumblr automatically making arrows with < - i had to find this out on my own!!! great website

[deoidesign]

Hm... I'm feeling benevolent...

#every time i use the word 'benevolent' i remember that guy who called me 'sensei'??? #because he asked me for a crit and i was basically like 'i really dont like your comic' but obviously constructively #and then he kept messaging me asking for more critique and i had to tell him to stop #and then he made a video review of my last comic and the whole review was like #'yeah so i havent really read this comic. looks pretty sick though. i basically harassed her and she had to say to stop lol' #anyways. that was weird. he used the word benevolent a lot so i always think of him. sending good vibes hope hes still making comics #oh yeah also this is kind of spoilers but not really #sorta like afterword stuff #gotta sketch gotta get into the mindset... #im not sure if that counts as spoilers at all lmfao its just minor design changes #anyways. #time and time again #spoilers #what the hell i typed 'spoilers' and '911 spoilers' was the first option?????? #uh #adam and steve #ttawebcomic #sketches #sketch dump #these used to be patreon posts but its been like 5 months so. theyre free noe #the word 'benevolent' is literally an inside joke with myself now LOL

[narutodivorcearcreal]

was rereading fight club and yeah yeah gun phallus metaphor but you don't even need to do a 10 step psychosexual analysis to come to this conclusion. the book just says it.

#like it was obvious from the start #but this is just too much. tyler is doing my job for me #how am i meant to feel smart about seeing the gay sex subtext in fight club if its not even subtext. its just text #all jokes obviously but i cannot believe i missed this the first few times #fight club #tyler durden #narrator fight club #soapshipping

[charles-jpg]

my contribution to society

#this is ALL JOKES OBVIOUSLY #i just kept seeing it around twitter and i was like someone has to do this…. #i’m the father that stepped up #f1 #charles leclerc #lewis hamilton #sebastian vettel #jenson button #lando norris #oscar piastri #i refuse to tag everyone you guys have eyes it’s ok

[s-opal]

It would’ve been unfair to put The Final Pam against other contestants, she is far too powerful. However, there is one omnipresent being who can try to counter her – Todd Howard, the man responsible for problems in all the games, even the ones he didn’t create.

Will Pam breach containment once again? Will Todd find a bug to get rid of her for good?

#all jokes aside i think todd howard really is a monster factory creation in a way #monster factory showdown #monster factory #also i thought about leaving pam out and making her compete in the finals with two other contestants #like obviously shes gonna win #but yeah #i want her to compete too

[fleshadept]

the love story being so central to our flag means death really is mindblowing. i haven’t stopped thinking about it for months. it is, to its core, a romance. that was the point. the queer romance wasn’t written in in the second or third season because the fandom picked up on the homoeroticism and made a ship popular. it wasn’t added in because the fans demanded it or because the actors pushed for it later on it wasn’t forced into slowburn by a network it was there the whole time.

when stede showed ed his secret closet that was on purpose an allegory, when they shared the marmalade bread that was romantic intentionally, when they rowed away from the burning party boat and ed was looking at stede that was him FALLING IN LOVE . that's how it was WRITTEN. ed really actually leaned in and almost kissed stede in the moonlight scene. and then. they actually kissed! like i know this is months old news now but i can’t get over how fucking different this feels to other queer romances i’ve seen. it is the core and central plot of the show and it’s beautiful. it’s funny it’s cute it’s heartwarming it’s GOOD. they did it.

#i cannot emphasize how good it feels to have a queer story #at all first of all #but also a queer romance that didn't require the writers/network to be held at gunpoint for several seasons before allowing it to happen #comparing it to hannibal is interesting because hannibal was very much trying to be an openly queer story it was just airing on NBC #from 2013-2015 #so they couldn't #but even that wasn't planned until later on like it wasn't MEANT to be queer from the beginning #i have said before this show healed a part of my soul #sorry guys i'm emo today! #cricket chirps #just like. i knew they kissed when i STARTED the show and even then i refused to look at the obviously romantic scenes as romantic!!! #because so many fucking shows play it off as a joke or use it as queerbait or WHATEVER #ofmd #our flag means death #5k

[wisecrackingeric-2]

You know you wanna vote for him. You wanna vote for him sooooo badly. That man is on twitter and twitch BEGGING to win. You wouldn’t let Joe Hills down, would you?

Also my partner described him as “looking like what an awesome guitar riff sounds like” if that’s not convincing enough idk what is

#ericsart #mcytblr sexyman #mcyt tumblr sexyman #joe hills #joehills fanart #mcytblr #hermitcraft #hermitcraft fanart #hermitcraft s9 #hermitcraft season 9 #vote Joe hills or I will CRY #NO FUCKING WAY THIS POST HAS GOTTEN MORE NOTES IN A FEW HOURS THAN MY PIECE THAT TOOK ME 30+ HOURS HAS IN A WEEK #GUYS PLEASE CHECK OUT MU OTHER WORK THIS THING TOOK ME LIKE A SIMGLE HPUR MY OTHER STUFF HAS TAKEN MONTHS BOOST THAT INSTEAD TF #also consider: Joe WANTS to win. he’s CAMPAIGNING FOR HIMSELF. Quackity on the other hand doesn’t even KNOW THIS IS HAPPENING #if Joe wins he will be GRATEFUL for it so obviously he should win /lh /j (this is all lighthearted and fun guys please don’t take it #seriously and please please please don’t attack me it’s all a joke ok)

[marenwithanm-reblogs]

No no guys you don't get it what makes ritsu and reigen's dynamic so funny is the fact that it's not equal in hatred. Ritsu blows reigen up with his mind and throws underhanded jabs at him. Reigen had met him like twice and defaults to treating him like a slightly younger mob. Ritsu hates this, reigen is increasingly bewildered as to why his infinite charm has no effect on this prickly thirteen year old. THE BULLYING IS ONE SIDED THAT'S WHY ITS FUNNY

#saw a thing where reigen and ritsu were arguing #and reigen said something like 'well at least i don't look like im still hung up over my chemical romance's breakup' #and i just... #first of all ritsu has no idea who that is #second of all thats not their dynamiccc #i mean #obviously everyone can interpret characters however they want #and im mostly joking #if you wanna make them be at each other's throats dont let me stop you #but i like the one sided dynamic so much better lol #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #reigen arataka #ritsu kageyama #meme #text post #oh frick wrong blog #oh well

[looseinthecatroom]

Dreams just like us fr

He really saw Hob Gadling in 1589 and went: “You’re stable?? Happy?? Heterosexual*???

Boring.

I’ll be over there chatting with the art twink if anyone needs me.“

Then Hob comes back in 1689 like “I’M FILTHY, TRAUMATIZED, MISERABLE, YET FULL OF HOPE” and Dream is really like:

“At last. A blorbo.”

#the sandman #morpheus #hob gadling #dream of the endless #*my general rule is to assume that any being over 200 is bisexual but HEY thats just me >.> #gotta do something with eternal life #(I mean mainly if the alternative is default heterosexuality or otherwise looks like not much thought has been put into it obvi) #which is to say disclaimer: obviously you could still be bi just because your married with a kid doesn't invalidate that also this is hella #historical and trapped in all the mires that comes with re concepts of sexuality and its more about being socially approved then strictlyhet #doesn't exactly make for a punchy joke about dream hunting blorbos like a bonefide tumblr girlie now does it? #dream really said give me a sad little meow meow or I've lost ALL interest #relatable dream. honestly.

[inkskinned]

"it's so embarrassing you like that popular thing" "oh ew that geeky/strange thing is so cringe lol" "oh it's kind of weird you get excited about that harmless shit"

dude i love how ironic and jaded you are and that's so cool and sexy of you. and i am so so glad to tell you - you won!! we all had a meeting and we decided that you won, and we are writing your name on the inside of a burger king crown. the marker smeared, sorry, but we knew any form of real effort is ugly to you. but anyway. congrats! you are officially the coolest, most ironic, most jaded person in-the-world-right-now. we would throw you a party but you would think it was totally boring - and besides, we're weird so we wouldn't have been coming. we would have brought our love of beetles and of baking and of little canapes. we would have brought our artsy videogames and pages of writing. we would have written a poem with you, our hands covered in ink, and spread out a canvas to dance on, the night so lurid and pink.

but do not worry. we will not throw the party. we will just get you a ringlight and that crown i mentioned. it is a nice crown, except for where one of us dropped it.

the vote was a really hard one because we had so many cool ironic people to pick off the shelves. all of you have hands that rot fruit, how strange is that - you can't look at something without destroying it for other people. you like it when you can squeeze a person into a pinpoint - all us small ones scampering our little feet around our ugly joys. the vote was also a hard one because we kept our voices down because you don't like it when we talk too loud. you were on your phone at the time, talking to people other than us. you are a ghoul of every moment - half in, half out, you resent us for being here without shame or embarrassment.

so good news! we have invented an island for people like you. you get to go there and speak into the air things like if you still like watching harmless twitch streamers in 2023 you're fucking boring. you will say things like liveplay podcasts are fucking ugly and it's kind of awkward they try to make everything gay. on the island we made you, all of your words will have weight. they will form in the air like icicles, large white behemoth letters that will crumple in anvils around your feet. maybe we will send someone there once in a while to sweep, but honestly you might be there for a while, alone, waiting. we are busy being outside looking for mushrooms and flapping our hands and humming. we are busy kicking our little heels while we watch cringey tv. we are busy - sorry! as an apology, we have pre-filled the island with every bland, mediocre, unscented thing we could find. the island has the texture of american cheese. the island has an ocean that never gets angry. the island is perfect for you, trust me. you will be so happy there - as happy as you can be, ironically.

we want to say we are sorry for doing harmless things that you find annoying, childish, or unappealing - but we are not sorry. we thought we could help you, because we don't mind laughing at ourselves, but it turns out you are allergic to color and noise and atmosphere, so this is the best that we can do for now. we are all making a big shirt that says i voted in the ironic monarchy. we got you one that is just a fast fashion buttondown. i am so excited for you and this island and the big life you have won. you have a cool jaded grey life and miles of irony to roam. i love you! be well.

now leave us alone.

#spilled ink #writeblr #slam poetry #i started this as a joke and ended up taking after #the poem about all the women in the world meeting in the bathroom #i can't find it to link it directly i've been googling for like 15 minutes if someone can remember #turns out frantically googling the only lines like ''women meeting in the bathroom'' #''secret womens meeting you always believed happened" is not useful for . to search??? help :( #also the reason this says harmless so many times is bc like #this is 100% about like #yeah man when ppl are mean about ppl enjoying things like. fuckin lady gaga #like this is so obviously about ppl who steal ur joy for no reason (i WILL steal ur joy if ur a bigot btw) #also yes it's bc someone was like ''liking the mcelroys in 2023 is cringe'' #and im like. dude what the fuck literally just let people like things it's LITERALLY not that deep. #like i dont like centipedes theyre one of like the 2 bugs im squicked out by ... but like. #if u really like centipedes. im like so happy for you. i hope you can put socks on ur centipedes #so they can speedclean ur floors. that would be fun and cool!!! #i love u i hope all of you have a weird passion i love you i hope that passion fills your life like soap bubbles

[detectivebambam]

a very terrible evening to

people who ship riko moriyama with anyone, people who hate kevin day, people who think neil josten is soft, people who think the twinyards are skinny, people who attack nora, people who draw the girls without muscles, people who think killing abusers is wrong, people who have anything bad to say about david wymack, people who think andrew is a sociopath, people who think alison is a bimbo, people who think nicky is an innocent cinnamon roll, and people who ignore the foxes flaws in general

#this is kind of a joke #like obviously you can do whatever you want #I'm all for discourse in the comments too #also there's a difference between ignoring flaws #and deciding that a certain behavior is unnecessary #it's fiction #aftg #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #neil josten #nicky hemmick #kevin day #alison reynolds #dan wilds #matt boyd #renee walker #all for the game #the foxhole court #nora sakavic #the sunshine court #tfc #riko moriyama

[keekeenuggets]

We don't talk enough about how well ALL of the Vees know and care about each other so much, like--

We first see them when Velvette is calling Vox about Val being upset in ep 2, but there's no way he would have asked for the help himself. Like he's not gonna be like "hey get Vox for me I need him" because that seems too vulnerable, BUT he was expecting Vox to come.

He literally says "Fuckin' finally!"

Which would either mean that Velvette told him Vox is on his way, OR Val knew Velvette would tell Vox to come. (It is possible he expected it because of the cameras, but Vox didn't seem to know Val was throwing a tantrum until Velvette called him, and Vox's plan for the day seemed to involve multiple meetings, so I don't think he watches the cameras often enough for that.)

Also Velvette knew how to calm Valentino down. She was busy with a fashion show and needed to focus on that, and she was mad that Val was wrecking her shit, but even after he was out of her hair and not a problem to her, she repeated to Vox that he needs to go take care of Val.

"Take care of the piss baby!"

I 100% believe she could have done it herself (she probably did partly?? considering he stopped the tantrum and was in his room before Vox got there-- unless her telling Val that Vox was on his way was what did it, but that would still be something she knew to do), but she had a show to run. Still, she wasn't going to leave Val alone to be moping around.

Also the fact Valentino seems to have some level of control over his smoke implies he wanted to be dramatic as fuck or wanted to hide himself and sat in a cloud of smoke on purpose.

Vox obviously knows how to talk Val out of shit, and canon makes it more clear that he understands Val well.

But overall there's obvious intimacy between all three of the Vees in that they care for each other and know exactly what's needed and/or what will happen in situations like that.

#the vees #valentino #vox #velvette #hazbin hotel #like seriously if Velvette's goal was only to get Val to stop wrecking shit she would have brushed Vox off when he got there #Val wasn't fucking anything up anymore #BUT she knew he wasn't feeling better so she told Vox to go up there #(more like she ordered him around lmao) #and obviously Vox canceled his appointments to go take care of Val instead #which Velvette couldn't easily do with a show because if you're putting on a show in about 15 minutes or however close it was #that meant people paid and were waiting for it and canceling would make them lose money #Vox didn't seem to have urgent appointments though #and like Velvette KNEW Vox would go help Val #they're all so perfect for each other please #also this is why Velvette as the 'daughter' of the other Vees makes no fucking sense because #why would you tell a parental figure 'fuck you' and refer to the other parental figure as a 'piss baby' #be serious 😭 #Val is the child actually #(half joking) #posts by 📲

[eebie]

i thik davesprite nesting instincts

#hed probably be a little embarrassed about it. any round object in his vicinity #he makes a nest with blankets and has all the stuff he likes in it ^_^ #hes obviously doing it as a joke though. Just doing this shit for the lols. obviously #haha look at this shit i gotta do now that im part feathery asshole #he says it liek its a joke but it isnt #self loathing etc etc #whatever #my rambles #homestuck

[starofhisheart]

Love...TRIANGLE?

WAKE UP BOYS DAD SAID STEDDYHANDS REAL

#is this what he meant by fandom in jokes! #kidding. this was obviously always planned #or at least the natural development #but wow...i cant wait to see ed watch stizzy fall in love w each other #and be all: y is this kinda hot #i mean polyamory is already a normal feature of the show #whats one more couple #steddyhands #stizzy #edizzy #ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #wait 1 more thing im also ready for the ANGST #like first 3 eps were rough now its all abt healing and learning to love again #add in a little jealousy....mmmhhmmm