#like just reply then! ... well i can't

[stalkiwi]

All my friends are laughing at something, happy about it, joyous. I remain neutral, merely observing the scene.

"Why are you not happy?" one turns to me, noticing my expression.

Because I don't get it, I reply.

"You just don't care about us."

I may not get it, I understand that it's making you happy. And it's what matters - I'm glad to know my friends are happy - I explain.

"You don't show it - you're lying." they blame me.

I struggle to show it. But it doesn't mean that I do not care - I simply cannot express it.

"You're always acting like that around us. Just tell us if you don't like being with us." they growl.

But I don't understand. I am myself around my friends. Isn't it a proof that I am comfortable to be with them?

"You're always silent, you act different, you make no efforts for us, you're not polite, you don't dress well, you don't smile - you really look like we're bothering you."

Should I be someone I am not? Am I being appreciated for who I am? Or for who I am expected to be?

"Don't you know social codes?"

Social codes make no sense to me. No matter how much I am being explained them. I ask nothing to anyone, I expect nothing about anyone, but to be respected, and I respect them in return.

"Respect is about making an effort to be agreeable around us."

To me, respect is to understand everyone is different, and to accept it - to not force them to step out of their comfort for you. That someone refuses to dress in an elegant way or to spray perfume when they visit me is not a message to tell me that they do not like me. It means nothing, in fact, to me.

"Don't you see you're making our lives worse? You're disgusting, you're needy, you're unpleasant."

Then why staying with me? If I am ruining your life by simply existing, then you should not be around me - it's what I say.

"But we care about you!"

I appreciate, but the "me" you care about is not who I am. I'm sorry.

#vent #text post #autism #today I hanged out with friends and I felt like a stranger #this is not what they told me exactly but more what I understood in how they treated me #I am used to it. I am used to being told all these things #but I can not understand them no matter how much I wrap my head around it #why does it matter? why should I adapt to other people? #I ask nothing to nobody #yet everyone asks something to me #I just wish to be with people who will let me be who I am #WELL! not a funny post at all. just a text idea I had in mind #I like that I did not used “” around the replies. Because these are things that I can't say in front of anyone. The words are stuck #it's just a snip of the mind of an autistic person when they are in “society” #I can't get it. I will never be able to get it probably. It's stupid to me #“social codes” are a form of hypocrisy to me. dishonesty. an act. a red flag. I will never be able to judge anyone based on it.

[luimagines]

Hi, I first want to say that I love your work. I’ve read pretty much all of them! Secondly, I was wondering if you did emergency asks? If not you can just ignore this, and I mean, it’s not that big a deal, so if you have like eight other emergency requests or others works that you wanna do instead don’t worry about it. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years, and we were friends for four. Anyway, the Links I know best are Wild, Twilight, and Legend, so maybe head cannon on how they’d comfort reader who just broke up with her long term boyfriend, or scenarios if that’s easier. Sorry, I’ve never done this before. And like I said, I’m not struggling That badly so don’t feel pressured. But thank you in advance if you do write this! I hope you’re having a good day!😘

I appreciate the ask and I was really excited when I got it.

But I have to be honest. I'm not in the time frame or ability to do emergency requests. I'm sorry it took me so long to answer this ask as it is. I like the idea of them for sure. But I'm struggling to answer the few normal asks I have in my ask box as it is.

Not to mention when real life gets in the way.

I know @dreaming-of-lu does emergency asks and I really like their writing style.

I'm sorry about your break up, that's never easy.

However, I just have to be honest with myself and admit that this isn't something I'm able to do.

#pinky replies #pinky answers #I hope Bea doesn't mind the tag #like I said I like the idea of doing emergency asks #but i have so many other requests piling up as well- aside from real life responsibilities and duties #it didn't sit right with me to just.... hop over everyone in my queue and those who are still in my inbox waiting to be written #i just can't do it all- even if I'd like to #I hope my audience understands #thank you anyway though

[mari-lair]

some of you are too comfortable on Anon so I am disabling it from my asks for now, chill.

#i love asks truly i do! I adore when people show interest in aus or arts or analysis or canon BUT #don't vent on my inbox?? #or ask things that will put me on fire when you KNOW I can't reply privately to Anons?? #or give me 'reasons why i shouldn't like' someting I explicitly love? #ugh #...honestly idk if i am just anxious from a long day and misinterpreting some of these cause one was *explicitly* antagonistic #and another gave me twitter flashbacks #but i am just deleting them i am too old to argue with what might as well be a kid #i'll bring anon back tho is just for now i usually love anons #i got a lot of old ones i haven't replied to yet anyways so i shall stop procrastinating on that

[xofemeraldstars]

Confession: I think that Tommy and Buck have more chemistry than Eddie and Buck and I wish Kinley was endgame 😭 I want Tommy to become part of the main cast so badly

heyyy!! well bestie i'm on you on the bucktommy/kinley endgame train!! (if it wasn't obvious from my posts lol) it's the potential of it all ya know? and the way tommy is connected to the 118 and he's a first responder as well, i can truly see them developing a beautiful relationship 😊 also excited to maybe getting more air support involvement🚁👀

but yeah i've been rewatching eps here and these since s7 started and then started a chronological rewatch from s2 (don't look at me i didn't have s1 downloaded yet lol) after 7x4 and yeah without the shipper goggles... they're best friends <3<3

#kya answers #911 abc #kinley #i've been thinking all day how to reply ngl cause #well anon you confessed i should confess too #i start 911 for buddie cause gifs and it was rec-ed to me cause of buddie #but i never got invested #who i was MOST invested in was madney tbh #like oliver said you can interpret it that way #but on my last rewatch i just. didn't really see it anymore. truly they ARE best friends! we won't lose that #and i can't wait to see how the dynamic evolves honestly

[crimeronan]

Your tags on the seasonabl post mentioned typing hurting bc of reynauds and I have to ask if you've seen the world's silliest invention: USB plug in hand warmers that look like toast

(I will use almost any opportunity to remember and spread the news of the world's silliest invention)

GOD I NEED THESE.

#i asked on the lupus subreddit a while back about how ppl dealt with winter raynauds and people said hand awrmers are life savers #and i just forgot because i was like well i can't. purchase anything. right now #someday though. I Am So Cold. #replies #autoimmune tag

[6bluebells]

Desperately wanting the Big Three to be a happy & healthy set of three sarcastic & annoying brothers but even my hcs know it can never be true 😭😭😭😭

Like. Hades & Zeus were best friends during the war. Hades was Zeus’s solace as he dealt with various political & social affairs that have to do with being The Leader and Prophecy Child while Zeus was Hades’s solace as being the only one who would Sit Down And Work With Him bc most of the others just dismissed him bc he was in the background a lot or were scared of him bc he has a Resting Bitch/Protective Face. Hades going through the war and ending it thinking that this friendship and partnership would extend to Zeus’s Reign and they would be near-equals or at least Hades would be a good counsel but next think he [Hades] knows, Poseidon, their anger-filled and not-quite-all-there brother, is laughing directly at Zeus’s side & Hades is banished to the deep depths, forced to hold their Father’s and abusers’ key. Poseidon who they can never seem to explain the difference of morals between squashing ants vs humans, Poseidon who enjoys the interest of torture but hates eating bc it ‘feels weird’ in their body, Poseidon who has inhuman amounts of power and stamina but whose help is just as unreliable as the Ocean’s. Poseidon who could have ended the war as soon as it woke up but found a way to wander away each time. Poseidon who they thought was a traitor for a long while. Hades was Zeus’s best friend, but Poseidon who barely anybody seems to know stands at his side? Hades was known throughout the war as many things, the holder of grudges most prevalent of all of them, and that’s going to bite Zeus who once relied on that best of all the most in the butt.

Anyway. Angsty Big Three Hours :(((((

[Tho I absolutely have more if you want :)))). & specifics! /pos]

Nono it's fine. We can fix this. We'll just create an AU where they have a nice and healthy relationship between them. It's fine. We can have fluffy moments between them.

It's fine.

*sobs*

We can have the sarcastic and happy go lucky brothers trio. Of course we can.

#…but yes i would like the angst #angst and fluff go so well together #honestly it's the perfect mix #after all #you can't have a silver lining if everything is bright #and you can't enjoy the darkness if everything is always dark #just both together #but I'm gonna have my fluff even if I have to create every possible AU there is out there #we both know I can't go by without big three fluff #also so very sorry for such a late reply #I completely forgot about this #this month flew by way too fast #greek gods #greek mythology #poseidon #hades #zeus #the big three #neptune <3 #ask

[dancing-with-death-at-prom]

Oh my God guys WHY I FIND ONLY NOW THAT I CAN HAVE KIDS WITH ALEX AGEHDUABSGE7FHYED

Oh my fucking god holy shit oh god oh man i've been waiting for this since the pregnancy was added holy shit goddamn FUCK YEAH MAN we are so winning right now

REMEMBER WHEN THIS FUCKER WAS ONLY A SIMPLE NPC????? Gosh. I love Alex so much guys i cant properly express myself holy moly

#Just woke up to see someone comment on my post about having kids with Alex 'WELL DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU' and I was like '??? Iknow we can #get pregnant man i know' but then I looked to see if there's a new update cuz I haven't in a while now and HOLY SHIT MAN WE CAN ACTUALLY #HAVE KIDS WITH ALEX NOW!!!!!!! #Thank you for letting me know man I would have died in the darkness without you #Can't really reply on that post but you know I'm talking about you. I love you so much right now you made my day holy moly #You guys don't understand I'm loosing my shit right now is not even funny omg omg omg #alex the farmhand #dol #dol alex #degrees of lewdity #degrees of lewdity alex #Degrees of lewdity new update

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#another day another vent post #i really shouldn't keep doing this honestly. it doesn't solve anything i think #but i feel I've been too trauma-dumpy in the places i usually go and my dm restrictions mean my options are limited #so.... tumblr it goes i guess #helps that the problem tonight is feeling completely numb and apathetic. #isolating myself because i don't give a shit whether i live or die #and honestly can't really make myself feel..... like any of it matters #is it my meds doing this? who knows..... #any number of things could have caused this #i just. don't give a fuck enough to think about what #i have therapy on Thursday. I'm hopeful it'll help #well. normally I'm hopeful. I'll pretend i am now too. #start actually doing something about whatever is wrong with me. #sigh... #...i don't know if this is a cry for help or not...? i guess I'll slap in the same 'one-time free pass' to dm me on discord again #i can't really picture myself replying and i have no idea what would help. nothing feels like it would. and i may honesty to god just #fall asleep instead. #sorry to keep doing this shit #one day it'll be better #maybe. #Hopefully.

[katyspersonal]

Before you deride anyone for being an "idiot", you should probably shit can the Meyers-Briggs pseudo-science in your description. You know, that way you don't look like an idiot who buys into that stuff.

Naaah, I still think that accusing a very anti-nationalist creator that created a very anti-nationalist movie FOR nationalism just because his movie used trademark brilliant Japanese nonverbal display instead of spelling stuff out like poorly written modern Western media IS pretty "idiotic". Waaaay more "idiotic" than MBTI stuff. 🌛 (retroactive, because I already did take my insult back several days ago)

I'll have you know that whereas MBTI is definitely not as binding and fails in what it tries to do (just like every attempt to strictly categorize people failed), it is actually SUPER handy to communicate a LOT of traits and patterns within a short abbreviation instead of a long essay! For example, people that know MBTI lore will read that I am ENTP and instantly expect me to be a lover of debates and "devil's advocate", be bad at talking about my feelings genuinely and sound hurtful without any intention to do so! If person chose to describe themselves with an MBTI label, it doesn't necessarily mean they are the type to take it super seriously, but often it is a way to communicate what to expect from their personality in a really compact form! Or at least what this person believes about themselves, which is also good for "communicating without communicating" :p Most people that have MBTI in their bio/pinned/whatever aren't as serious about it. Those that tried to choose friends/couple and form a collective according to MBTIs are long ago extinct, trust me!

I also found MBTI useful for some writing stuff. To define a type, you have to make 4 choices between 4 pairs of traits: 1) Introvert or Extrovert; self-explanatory 2) Sensory or iNtuitive; so, oriented more in "physical" reality and present or into past, thoughts and concepts 3) Thinking or Feeling; so, stronger at logic and thinking, or at empathy and tact? 4) Perceptive or Judging; so, an open-minded person that is okay with leaving loose ends or a person that needs clear distinction and final conclusion! Yeah they are very bare-bones descriptions and there is more to say about the 8 'letters', I am just cutting to the chase! I never passed MBTI test, I just figured which one of these aspects applied to me and it made ENTP abbreviation! Then I read the description of this type and could recognize a lot about myself. You can for example do that for a character you want to develop, get the abbreviation, then go read full description of this type and I guarantee you, there will be MANY things in the text making you go "damn this makes sooooo much sense for this character 👀" or otherwise inspire a vision of them!

I agree that people that get too caught up into MBTI stuff can be frustrating, and that accuracy of MBTIs is long ago debunked; again, no way to split humans into clear cut types works and we are all too different! Zodiac signs stuff is a similar problem. But, these things are good for communicating aspects of your personality quickly, for finding which sides of yourself to focus on and get "coherent shape" (very useful for my personality disorder ass!) and are good for WRITING! I've even found using MBTI descriptions as a help a good preventive measure from too much self-protection onto characters I am writing! You know same face syndrome issue in drawing? Sometimes the same problem is possible in writing personalities, MBTI is something that helped me to double-check whether I am doing this. Don't harshly discard a thing just because you haven't found an efficient way to utilize it! MBTI failed at what it intended to do but succeeded at being a good compilation of distinct traits and ways to think, act and react!

On the other hand, believing in anti-scientifical things is not necessarily a sign of being a judgemental, narrow-minded, "idiotic" person: a person is only an "idiot" when they make themselves be.

___________

That being said, I don't blame you for being strictly negative? MBTI craze, Zodiacs stuff and similar things have history of really annoying people wasting their time and being weird about what they tell others but that's not my case. In my country MBTIs are in general 90% fandom of memes xd I might consider removing ENTP from my bio in the future if I estimate people are more likely to expect the worst (like you did) than take it for fun after that """science""" has fallen but I just dunno yet. But I'd appreciate if you didn't use harping on me for a mistake I already apologized for to express your disapproval of MBTI stuff 🌛 Not only it is cruel, but also even UNDER assumption that liking MBTI stuff makes me an "idiot" your logic doesn't work - why would doing one stupid thing remove my right to call out another, irrelevant (!!!) stupid thing? This is like saying that only "perfect" people are allowed to offer criticism and disapproval towards frustrating situations and I am not here for this sort of attitude. Someone can be competent in one area and be a complete moron in another area, does it mean they can't talk about what they're competent at anymore?

#ask replies #personal #anon you are valid to feel strict negativity but you didn't go about it very well #“you can't be upset at fake nationalism accusation if you like an anti-scientifical thing” #*blue screen of death* #I don't know if this is your first time doing something like this or a habit but please realize why its bad #like yeah by choosing idiot as an insult I supposedly claimed that I am on the contrary very smart #but 1) I took that insult back and 2) I don't really do that x) #I know I am a dumbass in many things and ESPECIALLY social and emotional things #people can be morons at one thing but competent at other thing! #so they can offer a good take in one field but kill everyone's braincells in another field! #it is not all so black and white #I really don't think I am smarter than everyone.. g #but I am smarter than SOME people in SOME areas! #just like everyone else is smarter than others in their own areas

[moregraceful]

what jersey did you purchase today??

THEY GOT ME WITH THE GAME WORN CRISCUOLO JERSEY MAN 😭 IT WAS SO EXPENSIVE AND IT'S NOT EVEN SIGNED 😭😭

shit won't even fit i bet, that man was the size of a grain of rice and weighed less than my dog. this org has my balls in a fucking vice

#you guys know how i only wear the john leonard jersey to sharks games bc it was such an ill-advised purchase? me with this crisco jersey #the cuda should be paying ME money. i MAKE them money. by POSTING #i'm sure i make some equally normal purchase of a cvf jersey i can't wear anywhere later this week too. i'm so sure 😭 tf is wrong with me #which btw. downloading every single podcast on the face of the planet for this roadtrip knowing full well what's gonna happen is #i am gonna listen to 5 minutes of a locked on sharks episode and get ripshit mad at jdy and spend the next 7.25 hours listening to #spotify's tropical house playlist while carefully crafting the most dumbass notfic about environmental conservation #which is what always happens when i have to drive by myself for long periods of time #AND BTW. RE: CRISCO JERSEY. THIS ONLY HAPPENED BECAUSE I WAS MAD AT ONE JOB AND THEN RECEIVED A VERY ANNOYING TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANOTHER JOB #AND THEN THE ORG EMAILED. STEF GOT ME IN A VULNERABLE MOMENT. I WAS DYSREGULATED!!! I WAS NOT MYSELF!!!! #the best part is the sharks proshop called me this morning like hey your simmer jersey is ready. i was like oh yay :) <3 UNKNOWING......... #all three of my jobs made me so exhausted today guys it just never ends #but then it's like well. if i didn't have three jobs. i couldn't make insanely stupid purchases either #so even though i burned out so hard i feel dead inside a lot of the time. at least i can create THE most baffling sharkuda jersey collectio #where was i going with this. oh right. mackblack win tn schedule that selena gomez lockdown starting NOW #cage replies #tausendsorgen #LESA

[cuubism]

an extremely chaotic collaborative Dreamling playlist that makes me question whether we all even watched the same show

YOUTUBE // SPOTIFY

Tracklist, by year:

an actually readable version of the tracklist is below the cut.

@merytsetesh, @thecosmerekid, @everythings-aces, @flyingfishtailoutpost1, @smallboyonherbike, @ghostboyjules, @reallyintoscience, @puzzleshipper, @lemurianstarship, @sunshines-fabulous-legs, @five-and-dimes, @thranduilland, @nightofheart, @bluetea2206, @thatonetimetraveller and anons thank you for your contribution in making the world worse

(actually tho. this has been a blast. you all made my week. i love you ❤)

1389 Kite // Castle of Sand Voxtrot // Missing Pieces Ben Howard // Call Me Maybe (Cover) Kesha // Finding You Taylor Swift // Love Story (BARDCORE)

1489 Kite // Up for Life Oh Wonder // Ultralife Galantis // Bones The Score // Oh My Love Depeche Mode // Strangelove Florence + the Machine // Heartlines Sophie B. Hawkins // Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover

1589 Dalida // Les temps des fleurs Oh Wonder // Heavy Dayglow // Dear Friend, Katy Perry // The One That Got Away (80s Remix) Voxtrot // Raised By Wolves R.E.M. // Losing My Religion Kiesza // What Is Love (Cover) Linkin Park // Numb (80s Remix)

1689 Anais Mitchell // Bright Star Hooverphonic // Eden Tchaikovsky // The Garland Waltz NightLab // The Measure of Things Sleeping At Last // Two Voxtrot // Every Day

1789 King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard // Yours Animotion // Obsession The Killers // When You Were Young The Cure // More Than This Imogen Heap // Goodnight and Go Aram Khachaturian // Masquerade Suite

1889 MALINDA // How Dare You Moody Blues // Nights in White Satin leo. // despair Phil Collins // Against All Odds Kodaline // High Hopes Hozier // It Will Come Back Live // Meltdown

1989 Sam Tinnesz // Far From Home Luc Arbogast // Ja Nuns Hons Pris (Cover) Heart // Alone Sam Smith // Make It To Me Air Supply // All Out of Love Blondie // Dreaming

2022 The Script // The Man Who Can't Be Moved Sir Sly // Too Far Gone P!nk // Whataya Want From Me Waitress the Musical // A Soft Place to Land Florence + The Machine // Heavy in Your Arms Modern English // I Melt With You Bob Dylan // Make You Feel My Love

#why yes i DID intentionally pick the worst possible fonts! #i can't decide if we should all be proud or ashamed of this #and i think i actually made it worse by ordering it. like i ordered and categorized by year and i'm 90% sure that was a dis-improvment #possibly better listened to on shuffle XD #the 1789 section is unequivocally my favorite followed by 1589 XD and listen u may say why are there 80s songs there? #well was that not ALSO an 80s??? also it's just funny #dreamling songs #dreamling #also hope you enjoy the extremely hideous cover! :D i worked incredibly hard on it #hopefully didn't forget any songs! or tags! but i probably did. #ok tho actually. much of the chaos of this is my fault. i just started replying to people with the wildest songs i could think of #and here we are #can't lie i am. obsessed with the 1889 font which is just called 'bloody' #and the 2022 font is called Loved By The King :') #and the 1389 font is called Dearest! #love language: obscure fonts

[ltleflrt]

can i ask - what are you thoughts on the current anti-shipping phenomenon in fandom? I've recently gotten into SPN fandom and fallen in love with your fics, but the state of the fandom puzzles me a bit.

Anti-shipping is not a SPN fandom phenomenon, and maybe it seems to be a bigger deal to you because it's a bigger fandom? Wincest and Destiel shippers have been at war since episode 04x01 aired lol...we even have derogatory names for each other: Wincels and Hellers.

(Jokes on the Wincels, because Heller is a fucking awesome name.)

(Wincestiel shippers are fandom unicorns, and they deserve love and respect.)

I've only been involved in fandom since 2011, so most of what I know about anti-shippers comes from piles and piles of posts talking about fandom history, but the gist of it is that this is not current, it is ongoing since the dawn of fandoms, we just have names for it now. Think about Spirk back in the 60s...there were lots of rabid fangirls who saw nothing romantic between them too. We just don't hear as much about them, because they lost their fandom war lol

It's just really loud right now with the rise of conservatism, fascism, and terfs. And social media amplifies all of the above.

Anyway, my thoughts on anti-shippers is that they need to grow up and mind their own business. I am a pro-shipper, which means I believe that anyone has the right to love any ship, no matter how problematic, no matter how much it squicks me out. I believe everyone should be allowed to read whatever vile smut they want, because thought crimes are not real.

Unless a real person is being hurt, have fun.

Antis claim that problematic ships and kinks hurt people, but I think it's important to understand that there's a big difference between accidental and deliberate harm. And harm mitigation is highly important in a world with 7+ billion people and 7+ billion different lived experiences.

If an anti-shipper is hurt by a ship they don't like, they need to learn how to block and filter content so they don't see it, and on the opposite side of that, the vile shippers/kinksters need to tag their nonsense so that they're not accidentally burning someone's eyes out. Which most people ARE kind enough to do. They sit around in their little ficcing circles and cackle over the evil things they're putting their blorbos through, and they put up warning signs, but the antis come barging in to bug them anyway.

In my opinion, many antis are big fucking bullies and do a lot more harm than they claim to try and prevent, and they can all go fuck themselves with something hard and sandpapery.

So uh... yeah, that's how I feel about it 😁

(okay actually I'm not done, there's a lot of anti-shipping discourse about age gaps and what counts as incest that are just... really fucking stupid, and I honestly believe that shit started out because people were grasping for straws to justify why their ship is better than the ship they don't like. unfortunately, the youngins have been soaking up that moral purity language as Objective Truth because they're little sponges. i hope they outgrow that bullshit eventually. i will forgive and forget if they leave behind their purity police badges.)

#ltleramblings #reply #anonymous #purity police #anti shipping #pro shipping #yes i do enjoy the 'problematic' stuff myself #i don't like wincest at all #but i respect people's rights to ship it #i mean i ship cas/jimmy as twins soooooo #pot kettle blah blah blah #someday i want to write a darkfic that alienates my reader base #oh the darkfics that live in my head #i just can't seem to get them out of my imagination and into a fic #the two times i've tried they turned oddly romantic #HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? #THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DIRTYBADWRONG #sigh oh well

[chipped-chimera]

WIP H A I R update: On the home stretch but currently having a massive fit because -

While I have figured out how to get animations out for bodies (means I could test weight painting IN blender without jumping in and out of the game - muh workflow) - I cannot fathom for the life me how to get the hair dangle meshes exported. I have tried exporting the hair, then exporting 'with rig'. No dice. I have tried exporting it as a multimesh with a whole HEAD + rigs. No dice. I have tried exporting a whole goddamn NPC WITH HEAD + RIGS. NO. DICE. I always get some bone refusal error -

I have done this on both Wolvenkit builds (stable + nightly). This goes not only for npcs but other hair. Sometimes it's a different bone. I haven't exactly tested EVERY hair for exporting but ... christ is this a bug or am I doing something dumb? why is everyone so secretive about hair modding can someone just tell me how to get the dangles out. Yeah I've read the dangle bones tutorial. It only talks about getting shirt dangles out for a hair, not like ... actual. Hair. I don't even want to use them I just want them for a reference. Also possibly so I can look at UUH4V.

Texture weirdness. But I know the problem is something to do with how what I've made is being processed, because the overly bright stuff here is a basegame mesh I used to fill out a section (or maybe it's supposed to be that bright). Or could possibly be me botching something in custom back-faces (switching back to _doubled to see about that one). That one is still very puzzling to me given all the UV's are mapped to the same stuff, using the same material - looks completely fine in blender (as usual). The UV mapping method may be a bit structurally different though but I don't see how this would cause such a major difference? Could be I did dumb stuff with Hair Tools though, I'll get back to you on that one.

throwing this out into the void cause I'm exhausted someone just tell me how to extract dangles 😭

#kerytalk #my modding #cyberpunk 2077 modding #never did I think 'dangles' would be something that would keep me up at night but well here we are #tormented by dangles #more like 'keryscreaming' tbh haha #yeah I could just fucking ask instead of ctrl+f'ing modding discords but timezones mean I don't get replies at all #or by the time someone answers me I've figured out how to fix it myself #I just use them as a search resource at this point #why is everyone so secretive about the hair modding #in case anyone wonders why I have so much time to do this hahahaha disability #can't work atm so I guess I'll mod?

[amethystina]

Hellooo, I have a question! it's not related to TDJ, I was just curious if you are from any fandom (a singer/band/group fandom). You don't need to answer if you do not want!

I guess that depends on how you define "being from a fandom"? I'm a fan of a lot of singers/bands/groups, but I don't engage with the fandoms. Well, aside from the occasional reblogs from MVs and such, I guess? Nor do I take part in or consume the usual fandom content. I don't even watch interviews unless I have a really good reason to xD

So, based on that, I don't think I am from any fandoms?

Which I know sounds weird to some, but it's what works best for me. I prefer to just focus on the music itself because I have very little interest in getting to know the performers as people. Which some might argue limits my understanding of the music — since there might be deep, personal reasons for it — but it's just how I feel the most comfortable. I prefer to keep a certain distance between me and singers/idols/actors/authors etc. because I, personally, don't feel a need to know what goes on in the lives of these very real people. I just like the stuff they make :)

The only fandoms I'm in are those related to fictional media like movies, dramas, books etc., because that feels safer for me. I can obsess about a fictional character like it's my job, but I feel no such desire when it comes to real people. That's not to say I think it's wrong or weird for other people to do so — knock yourself out! I hope you have a lovely time! :D It's just not something I enjoy.

(Tbh, I'm often told that I'm the weird one? Like, a lot of people have questioned why I don't like to know more about the talented people whose content I consume because that seems to be the norm. But I guess I'm the exception that proves the rule ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

But, as mentioned, I'm a fan of a lot of things! Especially music! I've got a pretty hefty K-pop album collection at this point and have around 30 GB of music on my computer. But, even then, my focus is on the actual media itself and I rarely venture outside of that.

... well, this was a rather disappointing answer, wasn't it? Sorry about that x'D

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #Honestly #My main reason for keeping a distance from celebrities is because I don't like how easy it is for me to read people #That's not to say that I'm always right #But the reason why I write characters so well is because I observe so well #And can analyse what I see and write it down #And I don't want to accidentally do that to real people #It feels invasive to me #So I just avoid watching them as much as I can outside of the intended media xD #It's bad enough that I can't keep myself from doing it to the people in my surrounding #I don't need to add complete strangers too #Unless they're fictional I suppose #Then they're free game xD #And also keep me so preoccupied that I have less time to overanalyse my friends and family #Or myself #My brain is a curse as much as it's a gift sometimes

[crimeronan]

Would Empress Luz (once things are cleared up with Raine and Darius via mindscape trauma adventures) want to try reuniting with Camila via portal? I can see things re her and Vee and everything else coming to light (if Vee could even keep up the illusion that long) being very interesting/traumatising. Both for Luz, Vee and Camila and for Hunter and the rest of her newer adoptive family (Raine, Darius and Eda. I'd hope there'd eventually be a happy ending to it, but it would take some work.

ooh i actually do have an answer for this one!

in this AU, luz has been in the isles since she was about four, so her memories of the human world are vague and dreamy. she remembers having had human parents who loved her, but she wouldn't be able to pick them out of a lineup. (this also led to some upsetting discussions in my writing group chat about the consequences of her being raised by a colonizer - she's lost her spanish, is slightly more anxious about gender roles, etc, it's...... deeply sad and shitty)

the idea of returning to the human realm honestly scares the crap out of luz.

for one, she's much more comfortable around magic than she would be in a magic-less world; even though she KNOWS that she wouldn't be physically disabled in the human world like she is in the isles, and that she'd have an easier time finding food that doesn't make her sick, etc. she has some anxieties about how maybe she ~*~belongs~*~ there, because belos coming to the isles was clearly Not Fucking Good For Anyone. and on a more pointed note, belos used the human world to threaten her when they were fighting about hunter. so she has Very Few positive associations with the place

i'm FASCINATED by the concept of vee managing to escape and switch places with her around that time, i hadn't considered that before and it's. harrowing. it becomes kind of a changeling fairytale, right, except the changeling Knows she isn't human and remembers just enough to be TERRIFIED of being found out and sent back to the fae world.... GOD. poor vee. this is DELICIOUS.

the version of the story i've been working with so far, though, is one with this idea from my friend mock, because it fucking Haunts Me:

vee ends up escaping at around the same time as canon (well -- two years later, since luz is sixteen when the major events of the story play out). and when vee sees camila coming in the house, she takes the shape of the first person she sees in photos.

toddler luz.

aka. the daughter that camila is reasonably certain has been dead for over a decade.

i'm just imagining camila like. having a shaky near-sobbing breakdown and scooping vee-luz up and calling a friend like, i need you to come over and tell me if i'm hallucinating or if i'm seeing a real ghost. because camila KNOWS that if her daughter was alive, she'd be sixteen now.

i THINK vee would fess up pretty fast after that. because she feels Horrifically Guilty, AND because she can't play a Miracle Baby without inviting questions from much scarier humans, And because camila seems both so kind and so upset that vee is hoping she can make a break for it if she has to.

it's common knowledge in the isles that the princess is human, even though belos isn't out as human himself. because belos has been using luz as an excuse to do some human-supremacist white-savior-trope "the titan brought her from Real civilization to save you from yourselves <3" bullshit

and i think that vee would probably tell camila that. i'm 50/50 on whether vee knows luz's name or not (she certainly wouldn't know the name 'noceda,' at least). but either way, i think that camila would be like. okay. i have to be practical. i can't get my hopes up like this. my daughter is dead and it would be insane of me to chase this fantasy.

.....but i Have to know.

and like. she ESPECIALLY fucking has to know if she's heard even a Fraction of what vee has been through. vee has probably characterized the princess as just as evil as the rest of the royal family. but camila knows that even IF that's true, upbringing has a big impact on someone's character, and if her daughter was raised by an evil fascist then..... someone has to help her. no matter how terrible she is.

so i just imagine like. camila managing to find her way into the boiling isles (how this happens is up in the air. i haven't figured out exact portal logistics), IMMEDIATELY outing herself as a human, and demanding to see the emperor. and being told that the emperor died very recently, but she can meet the empress instead.

and it's luz. and luz's public-facing persona is made of steel (albeit friendly and kind steel), but her private self is transparently fragile in ways that are Extremely Alarming, and camila is like.

okay.

what. the fuck. did that man do to you.

(there's a background fic here. for anyone looking for expansion on uh. what exactly that man did to her. yikes!)

#replies #this is another scenario that's worth ficcing in full but i'm not sure if i'll ever be well enough to do so #so you get the plot in my head. camila's like i'm 98% sure this is my daughter and 100% sure someone badly hurt her #extra bonus points if she clocks how generally ill luz seems and how heavily she's leaning on hunter both emotionally and physically #there's a FASCINATING dynamic that could happen here if like. vee has told camila that the golden guard is a special kind of evil #in line with the emperor. the princess is just passively ignorant but the golden guard Knows things and hasn't stepped in #camila surveying hunter like. i don't want to pass judgment yet. but i really can't tell if you're helping her #or if you're the one making her sick. MMMMM HORROR TERROR AWFULNESS YAY #anyway. those are my thoughts. #toh #princess luz au #camila noceda #luz noceda #vee noceda #long post

[born-to-lose]

I know the working conditions were kinda shitty and my colleagues and bosses didn't appreciate me enough but damn I miss the bar already 😭

#maybe it's my anxiety and the drama queen in me acting up more than necessary and they have other problems rn but #i already vented a lot to my family in the last 3 days but at some point i might just make something up so i can go back as a guest for gig #like idk lying about them inviting me to come back because they wanna see me and miss me or smth idkkk #sure there are other venues but this is like a second home at this point 💔💔 plus cheap and close up concerts with iconic bands #even if they don't get paid well or even at all but i can make up for that by buying their merch and inviting them for drinks #arenas are lame i can't meet the musicians and make out with them as easily 🙄 #i'm posting a poem about the bar later 💔 started it before i even thought about leaving but now it stings and feels nostalgic #hell i cried writing the goodbye message and seeing the lacking replies except for two colleagues' nice texts and my bosses' dry ones #i'm never working somewhere i loved as a customer again i swear it only ruins the experience if you know the behind the scenes #mel talks