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#like idk like the worst person in thw world
sensazioneultra · 6 months
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that post got me thinking of how much my mental illness fucked with my memory and i got so... sad? that's not the right word. scared. but also it's something akin to grief. and something that effects my actual grief over people i lost. it affects everything. but i have never really talked about it with anyone. like not a single person, therapist, friend, no one. it's not even like a conscious choice, i just... think i am ashamed of it to the point i don't even think about it i just kinda live with ghosts in the back of my mind that grow in number the more i experience things and moments and feelings. i joke about my bad memory all the time! except it's not a joke, but if i stop to truly think about it i feel so much pain it gets overwhelming. like rn. idk if any of this makes sense but it's just... like tbh i wouldn't even know how to explain this to anyone! how do i explain something that i don't even understand myself. things just disappear. i went to a concert and i know it was fun but i can't remember much. if anything at all. i loved this person and i probably still love them but i couldn't tell you what we ever did together. i studied ancient greek for years but i remember next to nothing of what i learned and sometimes i pretend to remember something but in reality i looked it up. people around me much older than me remember in details a trip from 40 years ago but i already forgot so much of the trip i went on a little more than a month ago. it's like my life is endless grieving. idk how anyone who doesn't experience something like this could ever understand
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fictofaggot · 1 year
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do the zahhaks free pass
i need to kill you with every rock imaginable thank you
Equius Zahhak
Sexuality/Gender Headcanon: trans girl but she doesn't really know it yet. ummm. ywah
A ship I have with said character: MEOWRAILS!!!!!!!!! meowrails is the only ship ever in the whole world and i love them. ummm outside of that i like equisol.... neigh8ors... ywah :3
A BROTP I have with said character: him and tavros! ithink they match they are hoofed beasts... ummmmm... him and karkat need tp be friends idont care about youre feelin gs
A NOTP I have with said character: uhh..... equigam... araquius (theyre fascinating to me but idont like them).. idk idk
A random headcanon: horrible sensory issues that lead to intense meltdowns so frustrated all the time because she can't touch things without breaking them feels horribly guilty about it ummm.... um um um. he and nepeta are so close to eachkther he values her over any other troll in the whole world and they both realize they're trans girls together and thwy are the best. this thing has a personality disorder also
General opinion over said character: Why Are You Fucked Up. i need tk kill her with my big fists. i love him so much he is so autustically autistic tou woukd not even understand how much i feel for her
Horuss Zahhak
Sexuality/Gender Headcanon: sysfluid trans girl she/he aro ace aplatonic etc
A ship I have with said character: no. none. go away forever
A BROTP I have with said character: idk... :P :P :P the other dancestors suck in terms of potential to be with horuss
A NOTP I have with said character: literally any ship ive ever seen with her is the worst thing in the world and i fucking hate you all DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DI
A random headcanon: kintype is one of those horses with the really big fluffy legs... transspecies... haver of both species and gender dysphoria... buys cool band shirts at the store and doesn't listen to the band to see if she likes them until months later... system has 2 hosts who share the body's name and take on the same shared identity for convenience, rarely has possession-type switches and has mostly grey-out and emotional amnesia... this beast has a personality disorder and so much autism you wouldn't even believe
General opinion over said character: I. Love. Her. favorite dancestor ever she is just like me fr hussie fucking sucks at writing her and im so Glad none of the fandom remembers the systemness because dear lird. she makes me mad a bit. no one can ever understand my feelings for her
Arquiusprite
Sexuality/Gender Headcanon: this thing is a he him transfem
A ship I have with said character: ilike him anr erisolsprite but not really in a ship way i3just think they should be together
A BROTP I have with said character: i am so obsessed with every sprite² interaction
A NOTP I have with said character: i don't know man i don't wan t to know what ships with him exist
A random headcanon: thw beast is demonic in nature
General opinion over said character: combination of 2 of my favorite guys you get a coolkid pass forever...love this thing
Darkleer
Sexuality/Gender Headcanon: trans girl lesbiman but he doesn't realize it because he has never heard of a pronoun in his life
A ship I have with said character: i don't care about ancestor ships
A BROTP I have with said character: idk...
A NOTP I have with said character: i don't care about ancestor ships
A random headcanon: JUGGERNAUT ARMOR JUGGERNAUT ARMOR JUGGERNAUT ARMOR J
General opinion over said character: this fucking beast is fantastic i love this animal. i need to get to the ancestor part in my reread soon so i can remember what his whole deal is
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dominarayne · 4 years
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The Invisible Man
Hey guys!
So I watched this movie few days ago and watched it again last night with my mom and figured share my thoughts here. Just a quick disclaimer, I don't think it's right to say my opinion on a self righteous level on this sensitive subject. I just want to touch on the few major element portrayed by the movie with a hint of personal experience.
Hope this could help you in writing about the subject but don't forget research is essentially needed. I highly recommend the movie, despite the few error in the plot it was amazing.
So... the invisible man.
Being over an abusive person takes a little longer than just leaving them. Unfortunately their traces and marks such as memories don't swish away easily. You know when a slightest bad event happens in your life and keeps you up at night, even makes you dream about it? Now imagine the sensitive subject of abuse in a relationship like this. The movie perfectly touches on the trauma afterwards but with it's own elements. Imagine an abused person which can be both Man and Woman, is finally free from all that terror and the mental tug of war but now has to deal with the ghost of their abuser that is now haunting them...
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The movie starts with the first vital step to get out of a dangerous relationship by literally getting out of it. Cecilia escapes her boyfriend's house and leaves him for good. First step is of course is to break free and overcome the fear. Surrounding yourself with loved ones and positivity, overall seeking some kind of help.
But when you are facing with a crazy guy like Adrian the story is different.
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The invisible man is the story of a girl named Cecilia, finally determined to leave her abusive boyfriend who is basically like my sister said "Tony Stark but if he was a psychopath." Shortly after she leaves him, he commits suicide out of nowhere. She thinks only his death can bring her peace because there's no reason left to be scared leaving the house or start a new life but she's definitely wrong. Adrian is not letting her go, even when he's dead.
In real life maybe the abused person is not facing crazy Adrian but reality could be cruel as him.
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From perspective of someone who has seen and somewhat experienced the abusive relationship with a friend I was blown away by the movie.
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First, the memories and reminders of what they are capable is more terrifying because anticipating for something bad to happen is basically poison, also the littlest things that are reminder of them can be poison too!
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Second is that although people are being nice (which not all of them wholeheartedly.) They don't know what you are going through. What I've learned is to be with the abused person with open ears not a fueled mouth to shoot empty mottos of something you absolutely have no idea. Sadly these days people tend to bash the abused person instead of being understanding or milk them for supposedly "tea" so they'll have something to talk about with others later. this stuff makes to to shut down or endure the living hell or worst, making their abuser's actions justified.
Which reminds me of a dialogue in the movie that boiled my blood. “My hand's shaking. You know you are the only person in the world that gets to see my hand shake? It's because I need you, Cecilia.” – Adrian.
I legit yelled "OH FUCK OFF."
This kind of fabricated sweet moments and toxic people around the abused person make them go insane! Even beguiled so the terror can start over! So that's why it's important to be there for them with no expectations for details and tales of woe.
But there's always one person that cares and that is enough.
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Third, sometimes or maybe most of the times no one believes you. I am very sorry but it's true, I have experienced it and it's cruel. But keep in mind I mentioned sometimes. when people don't believe the abused, especially after a life time of magnificent prades of happiness and prosperity, when they have put on a mask just like the abuser, believing the scenario that never existed, expecting people to be on the abused person's side without any proof is tricky. Especially these days that people need proof for everything! Rightfully so in some situations.
Say if you met someone like Adrian, Smart, handsome, charming, manipulative with a beautiful partner on his arm. It's jarring to realize what a monster he could be after the reality reveals itself. Specially when he has a partner who dances with his tunes ALL THE TIME.
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Think about it, no one believed Cecilia because first, it's crazy to believe your boyfriend has came back to haunt you, etc. And seriously can you blame them? In this kind of situation the abused person seems more unsettled than in the right state of mind so absolutely no one will ever believe such a thing.
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In the real world the abuser sets such a brilliant image of themselves that people might say "well shame on that girl/boy. People die to be with that guy/woman and they couldn't get their life together." No one will straight away believe a guy like Adrian is not a victim.
This is where I love it when I see the abused person decides to settle scors themselves. Making amends and built a new life because at the end no one can rattle you into reality like yourself.
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In the movie Cecilia finally had it enough, she decided she would no longer let him pull the strings. At the end abuser may have had the upper hand before but when a human resorts to vile actions to be in control they are the weakest. No one knows them better than abused, no one can see their deepest fears like the abused, this was the wining card for Cecilia in the movie.
In my opinion The invisible man wasn't completely a flawless movie which I'm going to talk about it in a second, but it portrayed the stages that a abused person in this case goes through amazingly. But mind you abuse has all shapes and forms so it doesn't mean this includes every aspects that are happening all around the world.
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SPOILERS
If you have watched the movie let's talk about it. My issue with it, despite that I had a good time watching it was that Adrian, like my sister says is "if Tony Stark was a psychopath." I think it implies how much the guy is smart. So it was stupid that he didn't realize the second suit was missing. Or didn't noticed a parked car outside his house or suspicious acts of Cecilia. I mean thw guy had cameras EVERYWHERE come on!
Also she WAS one months pregnant from Adrian after he faked his own death so it wasn't hard to prove that he was the mastermind not Tom!
Or it's probably nitpicking but when Cecilia's sister died in restaurant how did the knife swang back in her hand like that? idk 😂
My friend even mentioned it was kind of weird he knew where she was going to meet her sister.
Anyway have you watched it? What was your take on the movie?
#Theinvisibleman #writing #abuse #tips #wip
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bagelbite · 5 years
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so my thoughts on endgame
yes this does contain spoilers and yes, i will continue to tag any of my spoilers as “endgame”
did i hate the movie? no. it had many very good moments that i will list before i list the problems i had with it
i LOVED all of the humor like they did that so well. like when steve was fighting his younger self and young steve says “i can do this all day” and now steve goes “yeah i know” in this just tired voice. and americas ass. and all of the jokes about rocket being a raccoon. and hulk taking pictures with the kids and then when rocket and hulk were sitting in the back of the truck. when tony threatened to sell all of morgans toys. korg playing fortnite. the whole scott coming back the wrong age bit. hulk having to walk down the stairs. when tony told steve that if he dropped the shield one more time he was gonna keep it. like there were so many parts that were just so funny and i loved it.
i loved all the tender moments. that little moment of friendship between nat and steve where she calls the avengers her family. i was SOBBING when tonys daughter was revealed and at literally every interaction between them. the fact that tony wasnt even going to build the time machine until he saw peters picture and thw fact that he had peters picture at all. tony telling nebula “you won” and her freezing bc shes probably never heard that before. the fact that both nat and clint refused to let the other one die (which was the truest form of love i have ever seen, not romantic but just genuine platonic love. also not that bullshit thanos called love for the very same stone). the moment when clint was looking around for his family and couldnt find them so he was just running back and forth not knowing what to do. im not even going to mention tony and peter’s reunion or goodbye because i was sobbing like a child the entire time. quill thinking for a second that gamora was back. when pepper told tony “we’re going to be okay” and you think she means the world and humanity but she really means her and morgan. the entire interaction between tony and his dad. there were so so many parts that just hit me so hard.
i loved all the heroic parts. carol showing up outside the ship with tony and nebula. steve standing up with his shredded sheild, still fighting on. the fact that steve can fUCKING WEILD THORS HAMMER LIKE BRUH. also that sick combo he did with the sheild and the hammer. the hail hydra moment because steve is so incredibly smart and knows how to work a situation. all of those bad ass women gathering to fucking destroy thanos. the circle opening up and revealing tchalla and shuri and okoye walking out, silhoutted by the light and the wakandan battle cry. the fact that the canons recognized that carol was the largest threat around and firing at the atmosphere to try and stop her and she just fucking rips through them like nothing. carol beating the shit out of thanos and him having to literally hold the power stone in his hand to beat her. that moment where you see all of the heros lined up ready to fight. “i am iron man”.
obviously there are more of every moment, and i loved all of them.
but.
that doesnt mean that i liked the movie. and heres why:
1) thor’s literal character assassination. i reblogged a few posts (that you can find in my endgame tag) that explain this better than i will be able to but bruh. the russo brothers did thor so fucking dirty and it makes me pissed. they made him fat purely for the laughs (which someone pointed out an emphasis on the fact that they literally edited his weight out of the trailers because they wanted to use it as a gag in the movies). also, they blatently ignored and made fun of the fact that thor OBVIOUSLY was grieving and blamed himself for how things had turned out. he has lost literally everything in his life: his home, his father and mother, his brother, his best friend - and now the man who wiped out half of the human population taunted him with his mistake of not going for the head. also, thor literally just went through the whole process of realizing his true power and sacrifing his home in order to protect his people and youre going to tell me that he just decides “mmm imma go to space and leave you all here youre fine without me” like no. also please read this post it makes me so mad its so true.
2) the whole time travel plot. to me it didnt seem well thought out and it leaves so many plot holes. like if removing a stone can create another timeline, i dont think putting the stone back fixes anything. you have still technically created another time line. and like what happened to loki we saw him disappear wouldnt that be another time line??? and like if 2012 or 2014 or whatever thanos came to the present, then wouldnt that create another time line?????? and if steve stayed behind, then thats a whole other time line. like it just doesnt make sense there are so many things that do. not. work. (sidenote: thanos said the infinity stones were reduced to atoms. wouldnt that be reversable by scott and shrinking down into the quantum realm??? this is just an idea)
3) it was predictable. there were SO many times that i was able to tell what was going to happen before it did. like clints family vanishing. and scott finding an older cassie. and scott being turned into a bunch of different ages. and tony saying no and then saying yes. even tony weilding the gauntlet was predictable (i just refused to think about it bc i didnt want to see tony die).
4) steve staying in the past. now im going to preface this saying that im not trying to say that steve didnt deserve it. he did and im happy for him (since this is what the russo brothers have decided to make permanent). steve did deserve happiness and i will even say that he deserved peggy. but. that doesnt mean thats what he should have done. it was out of character for steve (not as bad as thor but still out of character). he would have recognized that the world needed him in the now and he wouldnt have been able to just stay in the past. like steve’s biggest character flaw is that he cant just sit by and do nothing, he always has to act. so now out of no where he just decides that hes gonna screw over everyone in the present and stay behind. like he knows they just lost tony AND nat, two of the og avengers, and hes just gonna decide to leave them hanging without another person???? and hes just going to sit by knowing that bucky is out there being tortured??? ALSO i am absolutely not saying that any part of his talk with sam was unnecessary. i even love the fact that he gave the sheild to sam (black captain america is my shIT HELL YES I AM HERE FOR IT). but. there is no way that steve “even when there was nothing i had bucky” rogers wouldnt say anything to bucky. and i saw someone saying “well they obviously talked off screen” bitch i dont care there are probably thousands of off screen things that happen and thats why we have fanfiction. but the on screen stuff matters and steve just ignores bucky entirely?????? no he fucking doesnt the russo brothers are just afraid to encourage any more interaction between steve and bucky because they fear stucky fans. and im not even saying this as a stucky fan im literally saying it as a marvel fan who knows the smallest amount of steve’s character.
5) tony creating his worst nightmare. tony has said multiple times that he blamed his dad for leaving him and it only makes sense that he would fear having a kid and then leaving them alone. and the russo brothers did just that. they gave tony the life he always wanted and then ripped him from it, creating tonys nightmare at the same time. he has now subjected morgan to live a life like he did, without a father. now personally i dont think tony should have died. did i predict that he was since infinity war (bc of rdj’s contract ending and also it will be very difficult to continue the “next generation” with these huge figures still around), yes. and i know that its unrealistic for everyone to survive in war but so is fucking time travel and they pulled that card. idk i just dont like how they did it.
so overall, i think i loved a lot of the overall moments on film, its just that i didnt like the themes, messages, and character delieveries shown in the movie. im just gonna go watch winter soldier and ragnarok and homecoming and captain marvel and black panther and all the other Actually Good marvel movies.
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wereg0blin · 6 years
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for the ask meme? all of them u thot
For ur and Cris' demand1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?Yes!!!!! 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?UhHHHHHH it is 3 years older than me but hhhhhhh probably not3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?Bicth ten mins ago4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?ALWAYS5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?If there are they can go fuck themselves right in the butthole6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?CHOKE-I dont know how but they found me - mr seen aka my eX hHHhH7. What exactly are you wearing right now?a cute ass blouse thingy some tights and christmas deer antlers on top of a Santa hat8. How often do you listen to music?every chance i get9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?jeans i guess10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?i dont even remember 201311. Are you a social or an antisocial person?both damn12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?On the cheek yes13. What about ‘R’?platonically yes14. Can you drive a stick shift?i can climb sticks???? does that count??? 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?they 100% do and i dont really care bc everyone talks shit about everyone 16. Are you going out of town soon?i dont know how to reply to this because i live in two towns17. When was the last time you cried?Wednesday i think,, i wish i could cry more often 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?i try to say it as much as i can bc i have a lot of love in my heart19. If you could change your eye color, would you?maybe a lighter blue bc gray blue isn't that pretty20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?not counting evan,,, uhh Boys ARE A BLESSING TO THIS WORLD FUXK YEAH21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.am planning to tell mh parents abt my depression but hHHHHH22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?if it has boy in it iT CUTE23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?NopE cris is like,,,, my best friend wtf24. What are you sitting on right now?b e d i t s o f t25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?FRIENS. LOVE THEM. 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?ALL THW TIME B I TCH27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?my roommates 28. Do you get a lot of colds?nop, but when i do its fuxked up29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?Switzerland 30. Does anyone hate you?yepity depity do and i hope they burn in hell fucking pieces of shits31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?it will be a cold day in hell when i drink my dudes32. Do you like watching scary movies?BITCH I L OV E MAKING FUN OF MOVIESSO SEEING SHITTY SCARY MOVIES IS A FUCKING BLESSING 33. Do you want your tongue pierced?Nah how tf am i gonna eat spicy shit then???? ¿¿¿¿34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?2015????or 2016??? i think that was the worst my depression ever was35. Did you have a dream last night?i think????? 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?right now37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?hope not???? but then again???? kinda hope i do????? probably not doe38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?yes i know at least 2 boys and i feel so sorry for them39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?probs40. Did you have a good day yesterday?mmmeh41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?oh shit i have no Fucking idea 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?y e s43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?i think???? cris must've told me at least one time and evan too so Uhhhh i guess???? ¿¿¿¿44. What’s the best part about school?i get to have unnecessary crushes45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?ppppplenty46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?yeah but he called me a slut and a whore 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?god fucking hell all the time 48. Were you single over the last summer?yep49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?nope thank the whatever the fuck is out there 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?sleeping i guess51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?evan is a precious cinnamon roll fuck off 52. Are you nice to everyone?YES YES YES YES ALWAYS as i saidk i l l t h e m w i t h k i n d n e s s53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?h hh hhh fuCking tAke a wIld Gue Ss m854. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?bitch when i cheat will be the day i cut my throat 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?bad feelings? yescrushes? n0Pe56. Do you think you like someone?i think but i hope not57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?nop i do not Think so my dude 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?why THE FUCK would that matter59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?current ones?? i dont think so??? 60. Do you hate anyone?nah i just,,,, strongly dislike themexcept the fucking bitches i called friends i hopr they die in a fire 61. How’s your heart?idk i guess ok??? im always okay62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?not really pffft63. Have you ever cried over a guy?yes all the time,, boys r beautiful 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?hmmmmmmmmm idk i can think of a few people but i hope not 65. Are your toenails painted pink?I W I S H66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?bih i wish i could have my first kiss67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?if boyfriend cries i cry thats bad 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?poor poor souls that actually had this happen to them69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my sister!!! 70. How do you look right now?bored Even doe im honestly just relaxed 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?i do that with everyone bc if u don't like me u don't have tk be around me 72. Can you commit to one person?yes ofc!!!??? 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?even bby ilu74. Have you ever felt replaced?i think?? yes probs75. Did you wake up cranky?nop76. Are you a jealous person?hhhhHA YOU DONT EVEN K N O W77. Are relationships ever worth it?Theyre fun but the end of them makes me wanna die78. Anyone you’re giving up on?crushes and teachers 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?3 more years bih u better wait for meand u too eben b safe u dork80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?sssstudy h81. Last person you cried in front of?mom82. Is there someone you will never forget?yyyES83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?nope he doesn't really care about me anymore (although i dont think he ever did) 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?BICTH ID BE KISSING THAY THOT ALL OVER HER FACE AND WATCHING SAW AND VORING PIZZAEVEN DUDE HHHHELTS WATCH SAW 3 AND LAUGH AT THAT DUDE BREAKING HIS LEG AND THWN I CAN HUG YOU TILL I DIE FROM DEHYDRATION 85. Are you over your past?i ggggUess??? 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?i have no idea 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? @lady-misfortune @space-ace-sneevee @thelilshadowchild88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?what has been has been but i guess idk yet bc ive had like 1 bf for now 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?never kissed 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?i guess???????? 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?i sure as hell have no idea92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?Michael Jackson and I are best buddies bItch93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?noPe94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?i was in a relationship with my laptop and i didnt leave him from 7pm to 6am 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?he a dicky 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?bicth fucjing prettiest people youll find97. Who do you have texts from?crissy gorl that im too lazy to reply to98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?happened to me and i said "glad u told me earlier i dont want u being with me if u r uncomfy" it did hurt like a fucking bitch doe99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?bitch never kissed 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?me, myself and i101. Ever kissed under fireworks?NEVER KISSED FFS102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?IN a jar nicely packed and handed to me? no but stomach butterflies so bad i wanted to throw up? yes
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