#like i love whoever i love i don't label my sexuality. but like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cameronspecial · 9 months

Text

I Don't Share My Candy

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Drug and Alcohol Use, Sexual Content (Not smut but some sexual tension that is let out) and Mention of Sex.

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 1.1K

Summary: Rafe doesn't want to define their relationship, so Y/N decides to take matters into her own hands.

A/N: This idea came to me thanks to this Instagram post.

Masterlist

Being in a situationship with Rafe Cameron is just about the most frustrating thing that Y/N Y/L/N has ever done. And that says something because she works part-time at a daycare during the semester. Although, she could equate Rafe to a toddler. He doesn’t understand the meaning of the word no. He doesn’t like to share, but he expects other people to share their things with him. He doesn’t do a great job of hiding his emotions. He is clingy, only in secret when it is just the two of him cuddled under the sheets. He isn’t like most hookups Y/N has had. Once they finish their passionate activities, he wants to stay in bed and cuddle. He wants to make her a bath for aftercare and talk about their day. He wants to act like they are just an ordinary couple who just finished a night of lovemaking. He liked to consider them exclusive. The catch is that he only acted that way in the privacy of one of their bedrooms. It doesn’t even extend to the rest of their houses. Y/N wouldn’t find herself being cuddled on a couch in a living room with Rafe because, according to him, it is a hard no.

This is why she finds herself watching as Rafe lets a blonde grind her ass into his clothed cock. He didn’t even give a glance in her direction. Seeing him with other girls always makes Y/N wonder if he was the same way with all of his one-night stands. Does he like to cuddle them? Does he run them a bath and ask them what their favourite part of the day is? Y/N couldn’t stand to watch the scene anymore, so she left the party with a shake of her head. She wouldn’t let him keep playing this game of tug of war on what to label themselves. And she has a plan to get him to pull the trigger on admitting who they are to each other.

——

YN sits at her vanity getting ready with the help of her friends. As she does her makeup, Mable is giving volume to her curtain bangs to emulate the 70s style she is trying to achieve in her outfit. She found a brown patterned silk scarf shirt at the thrift shop, which she pairs with a black jean skirt and brown knee-high heeled boots. Everyone finished getting ready and it was time to add the finishing touches to their outfit that Y/N had bought thanks to TikTok. She hands out a candy necklace to each of her friends, putting on her own after everyone has received theirs. They head out to the nightclub with the goal of having the least amount of candies on their necklace and whoever does will be declared the winner.

When Y/N had thought up which friends to ask out, she had made sure they were mostly her friends who loved to document every little thing they did on social media and who Rafe was following. With a drink in hand, she laughs as the tattooed brunet leans down towards her neck to eat one of the candies. She watches as Clara documents the whole scene on her phone. Y/N made sure to lean her face towards the camera, so it was clear it was her. The man pulls away and gives her a smirk as he walks away. Out of the corner of her eyes, she catches a glance at Clara’s phone. She is posting the video to her story on Instagram, making sure to tag Y/N.

——

Rafe sits on the balcony with beer in hand and a joint resting on an ashtray on the coffee. He is skipping through people’s stories on Instagram when one particular one attracts his attention. He leans closer to his phone to make sure it is really her and the tag confirms who it really is. He observes the unknown person bring his lips down to her neck and Rafe feels his blood boil. Instead of placing a kiss in a place only Rafe’s lips should be close to, the boy’s teeth bite into a candy attached to the elastic necklace. Rafe rewatches the video over and over again, examining the look of joy on Y/N’s face. She shouldn’t be enjoying it as much as she is. She should only want him near her neck in that sense. On his fifth time watching it, Rafe notices the caption to the events going on: The girl with the least amount of candy wins and it looks like Y/L/N is playing to win. Without another thought, Rafe puts out his blunt and gets his car keys, glad that he had just started his relaxation so he only had one puff and sip of the possible impairments.

——

Rafe finds his target dancing on the dance floor with a man behind her. The blue-haired man holds her swaying hips and his lips are near her neck. Rafe can feel the heat reach his neck. He quickly pulls the man away from her, ignoring the yip the man lets out. Y/N turns at the loss of the man’s hands on her hips and glows at the sight of Rafe. The angry look on Rafe’s face doesn’t deter her and she lets him drag her to the back of the club, out of sight of other people. The music dampens in the back of the club. Rafe gently slams her back into the wall and he leans his hand above her head. “Now, what game do you think you are playing at, little fox?” Rafe’s anger converts into a smirk as he lustfully looks down at her.

“I don’t know what you are talking about?”

“Ha, don’t play innocent with me. Why are you letting men’s lips near your neck?”

“Just playing a little game, Rafe. I wanna win.”

“Well, if you wanted to win, little fox, then you should’ve called me.” Each word is broken apart with a kiss as he makes his way down her neck towards the necklace. She feels him start to nibble one of the candies like the other men, but unlike the others the sudden feeling of him using his tongue to bring the candy into his mouth causes her to jump. He chuckles at her surprise and makes sure a little more tongue is used to get the next candy.

“You’re only supposed to eat one. That’s how the game w… wor…works.”

She is having a hard time thinking with the feeling of his hot breath on her neck. He takes another candy into his mouth, but when one of the pieces falls onto her breast, she feels her breath hitch as she watches Rafe lean his head down to eat the candy. He places a kiss on the place the candy once was, then licks his way back up to her necklace to continue his destruction of it. “I’m changing the rules. I don’t share my candy.”

986 notes · View notes

ghostofskywalker · 1 year

Text

Friends Don't Kiss Like That

Jesse/Fem!Reader

Words: 1,791

Summary: You never wanted to force him to put a label on the relationship you shared, because even if it was purely physical, you didn't want to give it up. But maybe you should have just talked to Jesse about your feelings, because it turns out that the two of you had slightly different views on the way things were.

Warnings: implied sexual content

Note: i absolutely love this fic and i've been hanging onto it for months because i didn't want to lose my joy over it, but i think it's finally time to share it with the world.

Clone Troopers Masterlist

He never stayed too long, even though you wanted him to. Unfortunately when you worked on a Jedi Cruiser, there were only so many ways that you could disappear at the same time without it being too suspicious. It was already one of your saving graces that Jesse already had a reputation for taking long showers, and that his brothers never suspected that this is where he went when he disappeared.

The other saving grace was the fact that you had private quarters, and you didn’t have to worry about anyone barging in while you participated in some much needed stress relief with one of the battalion’s ARC troopers. There were always a few times that you managed to convince him to stay a little longer and lay with you, but those moments were few and far between. Usually it ended with labored grunts, slightly sweaty kisses, and whispered promises to do this again soon before he had suited up once more and looked both ways down the hall before returning to the barracks for the rest of the night.

You never knew exactly how he felt about you, because no label was ever put on your relationship. It was both polite smiles in the mess hall and secret love bites left in places only you and him would ever see, professional and intimate all at once. You didn’t even know how to approach the topic with him, because what were the options? Clones could get in big trouble if they were caught in relationships, and you didn’t want to lose your job at the GAR. It was almost easier if neither of you said anything, because then you didn’t have anything to deny should something happen and the secret came out. You weren’t together, even though you desperately wanted it to be the opposite. Wartime meant that people would have to make sacrifices, and this simply had to be one of them.

You were currently laying on your bed with him, having put some of your clothes back on after you finished. He was in nothing but his black body glove, the different pieces of plastoid that made up his armor scattered all across your room. “What do you want to do when the war is over?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” was your response. “I think I’ve spent so much time in the GAR at this point that I can’t imagine my life without it.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but before he could say anything, someone knocked on your door. His eyes widened at the sound, and you were sure that you had a similar expression on your face. It was the middle of the night, who could possibly be knocking on your door at this time of night? You stilled, hoping that if you didn’t move a muscle then whoever was at the door would simply try to reach you in the morning (at a more reasonable hour).

But the sound came through again, and you just quietly tiptoed out of bed, pulling on the tops and bottoms to your GAR-issued sleeping clothes before starting to approach the door. It was then that you realized something: Jesse’s helmet (which was pretty damn recognizable) was sitting on the table next to the door, and it would be instantly visible to whoever was on the other side when you opened it.

The knock sounded for a third time, and you quickly grabbed Jesse’s bucket, throwing it to him on the bed. You must have not done a good job in aiming though, because you heard a thunk (followed by a whispered swear), which you tried to cover up with a loud “one moment!” - hopefully to appease whoever had decided to bother you at this time of night.

Hoping that your appearance didn’t give away the activities you had been previously engaging in, you grabbed the handle of the door and cracked it just enough to get a peek at who was standing outside, and you were met the face of Captain Rex. “Captain!” you said, your voice jumping higher than it usually was. “What can I do for you?”

“When he got a look at your outfit, Rex frowned. “Did I wake you?” he asked worriedly, looking down at his wrist to check the chrono that rested there. “Oh, I didn’t realize it was so late.”

“It’s okay,” you said, feigning a yawn and hoping that Rex really did think you were asleep previously, and so he didn’t step inside and see one of his ARC troopers slightly sweaty and laying in your bed. You stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind you (you’d rather Rex see you in your pajamas than him realize Jesse wasn’t in the barracks like he was supposed to be). “Is there something important I need to know?”

“I just stopped by to give you some forms,” he said. “Most of the men on the ship right now have a mandatory training session tomorrow to brush up on hand-to-hand combat skills and I wanted to ask if you’d be willing to help with some of the more administrative things while I’m there.”

“Of course, that is my job after all,” you said. “If everything is digital, why don’t you send it to my datapad and I’ll take a look at it tomorrow.”

Rex nodded and held out a small stack of flimsi to you before responding. “I came to bring you these too, they’re the only ones that aren’t digital, and I’ll send you the rest when I get back to my office.”

You nodded in response, and the captain turned around to leave. “Rex?” you called out, causing him to stop and look at you. “Go back to your room and get some sleep.” He made a small noise of indignation, but did turn around and start to walk in the direction of his quarters, which you counted as a win (even if he was just doing this to make you think he was going to sleep and would actually make a detour at the last second).

When you stepped back into your room, Jesse was still laying on the bed. “That was close,” you said.

“Too close,” Jesse said. “I should probably head back now.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but any reasoning you had died in your throat. You weren’t together, who were you to keep him here? And what if your selfish desire to cuddle with him all night got your relationship found out? There had already been one close call tonight, you didn’t need any more. So instead of saying anything, you just nodded, watching him collect the pieces of his armor from around the room (where they had been hastily discarded when he arrived) and put them back on.

With a smile and kiss to your cheek, Jesse was gone, and you really wished it didn’t have to be this way.

***

Life on the Resolute went on, and soon you were once again laying in your bed with him, having just finished a particularly steamy rendezvous in your private ‘fresher. In nothing more than your underclothes at this point, you just stared at each other, and you dreaded the moment where he would tell you that he had to leave.

But instead, the conversation took a whole different turn. “I think the boys are starting to get suspicious.”

“About us?”

Jesse shook his head. “I don’t think they realize you’re part of it, but they’ve started to realize that I sneak away from time to time.”

“Oh,” you said, heart sinking as you considered the options from here. “We can-”

“I think it’s time to tell them,” Jesse said, and you just looked at him with a confused expression. “They were bound to figure it out eventually.”

“Tell them what?”

He looked at you with an odd expression on his face. “That we’re together.”

It took a moment for you to register his words. “We’re together?” It definitely wasn’t your finest moment, but in your defense, there didn’t seem like a better way to say it. For so long you had pined for something more with him, for the kisses and soft glances you shared to allude to something other than a physical relationship, and now you were finding out that you had possibly mis-interpreted this entire thing?

“I thought we were,” he admitted quietly. “Unless there’s someone els-”

“No!” you responded, cutting him off. “I just- we never talked about what we were, so I assumed you only considered this a physical thing, and that we were friends in all other senses of the word. I always wanted more, but didn’t want to lose you.”

Jesse’s expression softened, and a quiet laugh escaped him. “Cyare,” he said, leaning in real close. “I don’t know about anyone else, but I certainly don’t kiss my friends like I kiss you.”

“Then why didn’t you ever say anything to me?”

“I thought you wanted to keep things under wraps.”

“I wanted to protect you!”

“If you’re referring to that rule against clones being in relationships, I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” he said, leaning to place a soft kiss on the corner of your mouth.

You were not as blasé about the whole thing. “And why is that?” you asked, eyebrows raised.

“Because the general is in a similar situation right now, so I think he’d understand. And I trust my vode with my life, they wouldn’t say anything. Besides, I think Rex already knows, he said something to me about you the day after he showed up here in the middle of the night.”

You sighed quietly. “I know, but I still worry.”

“How about this, we can wait a little more, but if someone asks, tell them the truth,” Jesse suggested.

“That’s a good idea,” you said with a nod. “Although…”

“Although what?”

“You haven’t actually asked me anything about progressing our relationship.”

His eyebrows raised at you in mock disbelief, but he played along. “Well then, I have to fix that.”

“I’m waiting.”

“Will you-” a kiss was placed on your forehead.

“Do me the absolute honor-” now his lips moved down to your cheek, kissing you once for each word.

“Of being-” a kiss on your nose this time.

“My girlfriend?” His lips ghosted over the corner of your mouth, and you knew that he was being a little infuriating on purpose.

“Yes, you idiot,” you said, wasting no time after that to pull him closer to you and kiss him soundly.

Jesse groaned into your lips, and you had a feeling you might need to shower again after all was said and done, but you didn’t care one bit.

- the end -

i no longer have a taglist! if you're interested in being notified when i post, you can follow my library blog @ghostofskywalker-library and turn on notifications!

#arc trooper jesse x reader #arc trooper jesse #arc trooper jesse x you #jesse x reader #clone trooper jesse #clone trooper x reader #clone wars fanfiction #star wars x reader

225 notes · View notes

theartisticcrow · 2 months

Text

I don't make my own posts often, but I feel like I need to write this down for myself. I don't know what to say my gender is. I, for the past few years, have found myself comfortable going by any pronouns because my gender doesn't really concern me much and it feels nice when people sometimes refer to me as they or he. I'm generally just quite chill with how people refer to me.

But something I also realised about myself while learning more about the different sexualities and idk, queerness in general, is that growing up as a child, it felt strange to refer to myself as a girl and sometimes I thought I felt more boy-ish. It wasn't something that I felt all the time though, but I did feel that way a fair bit. Never mentioned it to anyone cause I thought that it was normal, but I realise now it wasn't quite what I thought.

And now, some days I'll be getting undressed to have a shower and I'll look at myself in the mirror and see myself and feel comfortable and confident about the way my body looks, but then some days it feels wrong; I can't stand looking at the shape of my body for too long. Some days I feel like embracing the way I look, no problem wearing some feminine things, because I look good in that fashion, but sometimes I have this need to put on my tightest sports bra and wear clothing more masculine (though just as stylish). Sometimes I'd like to wear a bit of dark makeup, sometimes I'd rather rub dirt on my face; Sometimes I wear my hair messy going just past my shoulders, sometimes I tie it back to make it look shorter; Sometimes I wear slightly tighter fitting clothes that outline my body and make me feel a bit sexy, sometimes I wear long jackets that hide my hips and sometimes it's a mix of all these things.

And I'm really beginning to wonder just what am I? Who am I? Does it really matter? Do I have to put a label to it? I don't know, but these past few months I've really wondered about it. "Maybe I'm trans?" "Am I agender? Or perhaps nonbinary?" "I might be genderfluid..." I know I don't have to put any label to it, I know it wouldn't change much, I know I'm only a teenager and I still have PLENTY of time to figure it out... But I do still wonder.

Maybe I am genderfluid. That's what I'm thinking right now. It seems to fit. Is there any point to this post? Not really, but sometimes writing out my thoughts helps to figure stuff out, and who the hell knows. Maybe some other person will find this helpful. It's a tricky thing sometimes, figuring out how to define yourself, but I know who I am regardless of any labels. I'm wicked, sharp, stylish and sarcastic and nobody, not a single person, can tell me who I am other than myself.

For anyone else struggling with similar problems in figuring out their identity, just know that whoever you are, you are loved an appreciated. Never stop being yourself.

23 notes · View notes

slocumjoe · 1 year

Note

What would you headcanon as the companions sexuality and type? If they had to have one.

Companions sexuality + their type + what'd be good for them

Seeing as these guys are all bi/playersexual in canon for game play reasons, the sexuality bit is ignorable and can be disregarded. I also tend to write them all as bi/pan in other reacts for reader immersion so as to not exclude anyone. Just don't worry about the sexuality, its fine

Cait; pansexual queen, has a romantic and sexual preference for women. She lacks a type because she lacks taste. Cait, when choosing her sexual partners, really needs a fucking committee of bitchy lesbians to give their votes. Her type is everywhere but generally bad. Who do I think would be good for her...ultimately, someone she wouldn't get along with, at first. Think Preston. Cait needs a good person who's selfless, kind, empathetic, and most importantly, unfazed. Someone who balks at her and what she's been through wouldn't be great for her. I don't mean fazed as in 'horrified', I mean 'yikes, that's more than I want to know or deal with.' It's fair to have that boundary, of course, but Cait needs someone who can know her and not flinch.

Curie; I personally think Curie is the token straight, but I can see her experimenting, just to really figure it out. I can also see her being heterosexual, but biromantic. Curie seems the type to get gay married just because she loves another lady, even if not physically intimate with her. Her type would have to be similar to her—hygienic, polite, detail and data oriented, curious...a model scientist and gentleperson, really. That would be good for her, if only because that kind of person is just a solid choice for partnership. But someone with more edge—think the pin to her cushion—would balance her out well. And Curie needs balance, and sometimes a different perspective. She needs some challenging. And she'd appreciate it! Peer review is important for growth and learning. I think she'd feel a little stagnate with someone too much like her.

Danse; Demisexual and demiromantic. Don't roll your eyes. This is just a fancy term for "it doesn't matter, as long I have a bond as deep as the marina's trench." Dude? Lady? Both? Neither? It does not fucking matter. You could be the hottest ass and goldest heart, if Danse doesn't have a long history and isn't close with you, he isn't going to consider it. His type is whoever the hell he ends up falling in love with. He could fall in love with Hancock if they worked through their shit and got close enough. But what would be good for him? Danse is both pin and cushion, so we can't make that comparison. Someone patient, I think. Someone who doesn't just tolerate his quirks and his various rough edges and flaws. Someone who doesn't just let him ramble about whatever's on his mind, but enjoys it. Someone who doesn't just allow him to touch them, but wants to touch him back. That kind of thing. Danse has suffered rejection all his life. You could be anything, anyone. He needs to be accepted. Not put up with.

Deacon; ...I'll say straight, but bi-curious piques my interest. He's one of those "late bloomers" I think. I'd say his type used to be Barbara—dry-humored, fretting, stubborn, poised, an extrovert, can-do attitude—but since Shit, he'd just think of her with someone like her, and that's not a relationship he's getting into. His current type would be flexible, open to anything so long as their values match up. What'd be good for him...a lot of people think someone he can idolize. No, pedestals are not good for Deacon. He needs to be himself, not someone else. So, someone perceptive, who can smell bullshit from miles away and calls it then and there. Who won't humor his self-deprecation and harmful coping mechanisms. Everything else, he can work with. Deacon is adaptive. But he's gotta be Deacon, and someone who lets him not be Deacon is just enabling him.

Gage; I say he has no label and I'm fucking sticking to it. Gage is an old ass raider who has probably tried and offered every hole there is—this is not a dude who goes "I'm [sexuality]". I won't even call him demi. Anyway. Type...Gage really only has one type, and like Cait, by the very nature of what he values, this person is unhealthy for him in the long run. They're aggressive. They're selfish and cold. They're not a good person, not anywhere in their bones. Gage ultimately needs to be lured in with promises of being His Type (Awful), but if they end up being Good For Him (Soft spot, principled, picks their battles, has respect and some decency), he isn't leaving. You reel him in, he's biting. He needs someone who's outwardly what he wants, but actually, what he needs. He needs something he thinks is too good for him, so he settles for trash. Like promising your toddler McDonald's for lunch, but just putting healthy shit in a re-used bag.

Deacon; wait hold on i already did you

Hancock*;

Whoops shit hold on the cat just decimated the counter top

Hancock**; Okay. Hancock also is unlabelable, in that he is too fucking horny. It isn't a "be nice to me and I'll die for you" like Danse, or "hole is hole" like Gage. Hancock transcends these pitiful ideas. What is Hancock's sexuality? Yes. He is simply sexual. His type? Yeah. Preference? Correct. Hancock kneels for the flag but that thang be patriotic. This is how I segue into "Hancock's dick is trying to kill him." His taste is whatever seems fun. Fun can mean public quickie. Fun can also mean BDSM with someone he's never met before at a second location. BAD. UNSAFE. Hancock needs someone who can satisfy his thrills, but is trustworthy and loves him enough to keep him safe, and respect him. So, "Yes we can go piss on the Brotherhood as they come from that subway tunnel, but we can't drink beforehand, i don't want you falling." That kind of thing. I can definitely tell you what's bad for him, and that's another substance user. Hancock very much does it as a form of depersonalization and thats not good for him. He needs someone who won't encourage his self-harmful habits.

MacCready; Also see him as a token straight. He gives good ally vibes. Frat bro ally. Mac likes his partners dark-haired, dark-eyed. He likes them visually different from him. Makes them exotic. As for personality, Mac-attack favors the more home-body type. Someone who likes cooking, is clean, good with kids...he just admires it! He likes someone who he thinks has their shit together. Can you blame him? He wants to chill and raise their kids, he needs a partner that does well with that lifestyle. As for what's good for him...about the same, really. Maybe someone more outwardly kind, who can bring out the best in him and help him shave off the mercenary thought process and values. But generally, MacCready wants someone who doesn't do bullshit. Just say what you mean and want to, he'll do whatever you need. Very much wants a partner, not just a significant other. A real partner.

Nick; Good morning bisexual community! This man be queer. His taste? Obviously a femme fatale, all legs and dark lips and suspicious outlines in their dress. Obviously a whiskey-soured gentleman, hard in the eyes, soft in the mouth, and harder in the hands. He likes his pals and gals the way he likes everything—theatrical. But what this old bag needs...firstly, to fucking process Jenny, for one. Good luck there. Two, Nick needs someone who doesn't entertain his philosophical brooding about his circumstances. He's prone to getting in his own head. He could use a referee, someone to point out when he's sulking to sulk. Maybe a callous need, but Nick's pretty well-adjusted save that. And hey, all he really asks for are nice shoulders. Besides, Nicky is old enough he doesn't really need influence with growth. It's more like road-side clean up, picking up years of litter. It's a fair thing to need. You get old enough, you start needing change and challenge.

Piper; Lesbian. Come on. Lesbian. Piper Wright fancies herself a tomboy (she is, at best, a toddboy), and while she says she prefers similar girls, girlie is down bad for femmes. She likes a gorgeous woman in a tiny dress. She likes a nice set of hips. Can't say I blame her. Piper has had few but fraught relationships, and her takeaway from them all is that she can't stand indecisiveness. She wants commitment or a clear, quick answer of 'no'. Piper has done situationships and she is DONE. And honestly, she needs the grounding of that! Piper is a flightly girl, always off on some new trail or adventure. Someone to anchor her won't just be a source of comfort, they very well might keep her from becoming an acolyte of a different cult, or worse, kegchugging more moonshine.

Preston; Bisexual and Pansexual just don't...feel right...like, I think he's an all-doors-open guy, but I just can't put a label on him. Maybe just "open to whatever happens"? Either way, Preston is similar to Curie in that his type is similar to him, and his type is a very good romantic candidate just by virtue of who they are. Compassionate, selfless, reliable, just good traits for a romantic partner. And I can't say he needs anything else, really. Preston doesn't have Curie's limited world experience, he doesn't need different perspective. He's seen and had different perspectives and most of them didn't work for him. The best trait for him, I think, would be someone with more edge to them. Preston is a nice dude who doesn't often want to cause problems, he wants to sort things as peacefully and amicably as possible. But if someone else says what he's thinking...that's just vindication. And Preston deserves some of that. He deserves someone who will sock another in the jaw for looking at him funny. He might not approve, but he'll appreciate it.

X6-88; Asexual, but it's possible for him to fall in love. Demiromantic doesn't feel strong enough a word for it, but I guess that works. His type is very flexible as well. It really depends. X6 is action-oriented, but he does put value on words, especially his own, being someone of few words nd fewer sincere, emotionally-available ones. I feel like his type would be someone who can navigate such things with ease, without being sappy. Emotionally intelligent, but poised and objective without being cold. Anything else would spook or annoy him. But as time went on, it'd be good for him to learn by example and loosen up with his own identity and desires. X6-88's best partner would be an advocate for synths, obviously, but they'd also see the pragmatism of emotional connection and self-worth and individualism. X6-88 exists in a shell—if you can crack him out of it, it's only a stone's throw to a romance developing.

#fallout 4 #fo4 #paladin danse #preston garvey #x6-88 #nick valentine #piper wright #companions react #robert joseph maccready #porter gage #Codsworth's ultimate love is a working vacuum

103 notes · View notes

flyin-shark · 10 months

Note

I'm the anon who asked all the curious questions about sexuality and gender!

First off, just to answer your question about what it might mean to be "a guy in a girl way" - So this can obviously mean a lot of things for a lot of different people, and if I were to get into the nitty gritty we could be here all day :P

But actually I was trying to express my situation in "cishet" language. So I'm agender. I'm afab. I use he/him and I am most comfortable with being thought of and referred to as if I was a guy.

But for all intents and purposes people are going to assume that I'm a woman if they don't know otherwise. I'm androgynous sure, but I'm petite to a fault, and never transitioned physically in any way, so to most people who meet me casually, they will assume that I'm a slightly androgynous and gnc woman.

I am polyamorous, and one of my partners is a mostly cishet dude. I know that he most likely wouldn't be (sexually) into me if I was a cis guy. But then again, I am not a cis guy. And I don't question his love or attraction, or respect for my gender. But I do insist that him being with me makes him at least "a little bit bisexual".

It's obviously very complicated, and like. I really respect that you sat down and learned about the community and the terminology etc despite how it might not be a huge part of your life. That's very valuable, and in and of itself, it's a very refreshing and healing thing.

I think the value of allyship is too often understated. Up to and including by the notion that if you are a true ally, you must be some kind of queer in denial.

That said, I do think that to be a true ally (and I think you are in this process!) it's necessary to acknowledge (as you do) that the categories and labels are all just approximations. This includes "cis het". It's ok to have these moments of confusion and just take them for what they are, because at the end of the day human experience is messy and complicated. It doesn't have to threaten your identity as such, because the identity is just the label you currently feel comfy with.

So for example if we met and you didn't know me well (as a co-worker or whatever), you might find me attractive thinking I was a cute lady. If you then asked me out and I knew you were cishet I would probably gently explain that I'm not your type/it wouldn't work for me.

If you met me knowing beforehand that I'm a dude who looks a bit weird, you might not feel the same attraction because your brain has put me in the box of "dudes".

But then if you got to know me and we became close or something, you might start to feel attraction based on liking me as a person and me looking the way I do. And then you might feel bad for it, because you would feel that this attraction means you don't respect my gender or something.

Obviously we are likely not going to meet so that's a completely hypothetical example, but in the latter scenario I would actually take your attention way more seriously. And I think so should you (if a similar situation ever arose).

Because attraction based on knowing a person intimately transcends gender and at that point I wouldn't care so much that you wouldn't be physically attracted if I was a cis guy. I'd be like, well he knows me and I know him, we like each other, and if we get to add freaky sex to the mixture it's a win-win.

Because misgendering is more about dehumanizing. The need to reduce me to my physical body. Somehow?

Anyways I'm literally rambling and I'm being embarrassing all over your inbox, sorry ^^""

Anyways uhhh. Keep swimming, little shark. I will shut up, sorry

Honestly these discussions just make me want to abolish gender. Everyone should just be attracted to whoever and have consensual relations with whoever :3

In the meantime I’ll keep trying to be as good an ally as I can be

#196 #shark sayin stuff

43 notes · View notes

keicordelle · 6 days

Text

Idolish7 sexuality headcanons because my head is full of cotton balls and anime boys today

Iori is quietly gay. Mostly closeted but not really trying to hide it, he just doesn't really want to talk about it. Secretly crushing on Riku, but has convinced himself it's just teenage infatuation. (A conviction that helps in no way whenever Riku does something cute or asks him for help)

Yamato is straight but open-minded. Get him drunk enough and he's ready to kiss whoever's at hand. Would be willing to swing the other way for the right person, but so far isn't really interested in anyone at all.

Mitsuki, my ace star! My boy has got no interest in sex whatsoever. He makes a great wingman though, always happy to tag along and talk up his friends. Iori comes to him for advice sometimes, and he always has the best responses to give him. Not aro tho, he wants to find someone(s) to settle down with someday who'll have just as much love to give him as he does them.

Tamaki : this boy is gay and doesn't even know what the closet is. Has never had any compunction about it, no worries, no revelation or coming out, he just is who he is. It's no big deal to him, and he's super perplexed as to why it matters to some.

Sogo spent the first 20 years of his so far in the closet that he's still not comfortable with himself. Only comes out as gay after he joins Idolish7 where he's surrounded by supportive friends. Is slowly starting to accept himself -- Tamaki is a hugely helpful influence with that.

Nagi is the most queer-friendly straight man in existence. An honorary queer. Very much a ladies man but frequently jokes(?) about how it's a shame that he deprives an entire half of the population of his charm. Very staunch trans ally and will hit on trans women just as readily as cis

Riku... I don't think even he knows what's going on inside his head. Had a gay awakening during puberty and straight up forgot about it. An oblivious gay, much to Iori's eternal despair. (Actually Iori's probably fine with it because it means Riku's less likely to notice his crush)

Gaku is bi but fem-leaning. But he's so head over heels for Tsumugi that it hardly even matters. He's Tsumugi-sexual now. Was never really into casual relationships anyway, and really rather hates that people think he's that type.

Tenn has known he's gay since he was very young and is really kind of resentful every time he's required to play up the sexy straight boy act. He's polite to the women he's paired up with of course, but he definitely bitches about it behind closed doors.

Ryu, aroace king. Please free him from the role of sexyman he just wants to go fishing and chill with his friends. He's running out of ways to politely turn people down. Gaku and Tenn come to his rescue whenever they're around, it's practically a routine now.

Momo came to terms with being gay some time ago now. Was a bit conflicted about it in high school, but being gay as an idol is a lot easier then being gay as a soccer player, especially with his partner up on stage with him.

Yuki is the most extremely pansexual man on the face of the planet. Attracted to anyone and everyone, but the attraction feels different from one gender to another. Has had way more casual relationships with women, but both people he's fallen in love with have been men. Maybe fem-leaning sexually and masc-leaning romantically. Or maybe it's just coincidence.

Haruka is a baby gay and still a little awkward about it. Still experimenting, and may or may not land on the gay label. Looks up to Minami for guidance and advice. Could stand to learn a thing or two from Tamaki, but whether or not he will...

Toma is a bisexual disaster. Everyone is pretty and he doesn't really know what to do about that. Thankfully he's got more important things to worry about so he just doesn't really think about it more than he has to.

Minami is cool, calm, collected, and fairly openly gay. Is perfectly content to take on the interest of their male fans. Knows what he wants and is entirely willing to go after it.

Torao : aggressively straight. Maybe a little homophobic about it. Definitely makes Haruka a little nervous. Minami just doesn't care. Will probably lighten up eventually, but things are a bit tense at first.

#idolish7 #i7 #i am not tagging all the characters thats way too much effort #im sorry torao fans i saw someone make a very compelling argument for him being kinda homophobic once and it really stuck with me #fair warning i am an anime watcher who only recently started getting into the rest of the media so all hcs are subject to change etc etc #maybe theres something later in the story that will drastically change my stance #or maybe ive forgotten something. also possible #my idolish7 fanfic writing phase draws closer and closer with ever passing day #~k

7 notes · View notes

hoseoks-reader · 28 days

Text

Tiny Dancer, Part 1. [JUNG HOSEOK]

Falling With You AU: Jung Hoseok x Y/N

Summary: Y/N has been a dancer for as long as she can remember. She started small and eventually built a reasonable following through her YouTube channel, and around 5 years ago she was contacted by the Dreamz label, that presented her with a very appealing contract. It so happened this label was a direct rival of Big Hit… which had BTS signed. Which happened to be the band where her boyfriend, Minho, performed as a back-up dancer.

She didn’t know much about those seven boys other than the fact she became good friends with Yoongi at a party last week, and they had incredible dancers. Incredible dancers.

NOTE: This is a semi love triangle kind of story. There's gonna be some angst, fluff and eventually smut (always with a warning). I hope you enjoy! You might recognize Minho from Skz, in here he's purely a dancer. Some other characters may show up during the series but it’s not worth mentioning right now. The first chapter might be kinda boring but bear with me, I have to introduce the story first ahah. I’ll be using referential pictures for outfits, makeup and such, as well as text messages. We switch povs sometimes, but I’ll always mention it.

Part 1 (15.04.2024) Don't copy or repost on other accounts. Y/N - your name Trigger warnings: loneliness, kissing that doesn’t really end in anything sexual it’s very brief.

Wordcount 2,2k

Y/N: 1 more chapter!

Is what you kept repeating to yourself for the last hour while you slipped through the book’s pages. You had to be up at 6am the following day and the hours of sleep you’ll be able to get are only decreasing but you really need to know what happens next.

You enjoyed reading. Not as much as dancing and singing, but it held a close third place in your heart. When it came to reading thrillers, well, anyone should be scared to take the book out of your hands for they might become the subject of the next Holly Jackson book. You forced yourself to close the book and looked at the time. 2am. Well, shit. Not gonna get much sleep either way might as well read one more chapter- until your phone interrupted your thought.

She hit her head with the book and put it in her nightstand. She stared at the picture of her and her dad and smiled to herself.

Y/N: You’re not here to tell me to turn the damn light off and sleep like before. Someone’s still trying to take care of me though, don’t you worry.

She tucked herself in and turned off the light. Before she knew it, the alarm would go off.

[THE FOLLOWING DAY]

You were making a toast while you scrolled through the most recent news. You took a sip of your coffee and when you were about to put your phone down it started ringing.

Y/N: Hello. Hyejin: Y/N! Good morning honey how are you? Ready for the day? It’s gonna be a long one. Y/N: Manager! I’m great (she was lying, she had maybe 4 total hours of sleep on her), excited and energized (yet another lie y/n). Hyejin: Awesome! See you in 30!

In 30- You looked at the time while you let out a barely audible “bye” and you felt the first bit of energy of that morning. You gulped the rest of your coffee and took your toast to go as you looked for your car keys. While you headed down your building and your thoughts were filled with “What if I didn’t love my job”.

You got into the car and started it in a rush. No, for real, what if you didn’t love your job and had to seat in front of a computer for the next 8h after this miserable night of sleep. You shook your head, and you felt the coffee kick in.

Y/N: Let’s go.

[TIME SKIP]

You arrived at the first part of your day: the photoshoot. You thanked whoever presented you with hair and make up because even you were afraid to look at yourself in the mirror after the rush to get here.

Your new single was very close to coming out and you had to prepare a bunch of things today. There was the photoshoot, the interview, the practice for the upcoming shows, and… Yoongi’s birthday. Oh my god. You quickly grabbed your phone.

You sighted while sending Minho a message to let him know of the plans for tonight and put down your phone giving the makeup artist a better access to your face. You praised yourself for the mental recap because you knew for sure you wouldn’t remember during the rest of the day given how tired you are and how much more tired you were about to become.

[OUTFIT AND MAKEUP]

Banger, you thought. You left the dressing room after a good second look at the mirror. You walked towards your manager who was already talking with the photographer. Hyejin immediately expressed her joy with a smile.

Hyejin: You look incredible. Photographer: Ready? Y/N: As I’ll ever be.

[TIME SKIP]

After a good hour and a half passed by, you applauded everyone and excused yourself to use the bathroom. You took the opportunity to reply to your boyfriend’s message and check your makeup. You looked at the time and saw you had had about 20 minutes until the interviewer got here. After that you had 2 hours before practice. That was enough time to eat and maybe get a power nap. You fixed your hair and left the bathroom, heading towards the room where the interview would be held. You figured you might as well stay there already.

Your phone buzzed.

You were already sat by the time the interviewer arrived and she complimented you with a smile and a bow.

Interviewer: Thank you for meeting with me. Y/N: Thank you for wanting to meet with me! Interviewer: (she smiled) I’m going to be recording the interview on my phone. Do you have any questions first? Y/N: Not really. You can start whenever you’d like. Interviewer: Okay so let’s start simple. What’s the name of the new single and what can we expect from it? Y/N: Well, it’s called “Blissful.” I think the song actually translates the feeling itself. I’ve been gate keeping the lyrics for a couple of years now, but I’ve been working on them more throughout the last few months. It brings me right into the feeling I had in my transition from “amateur” to “professional” you could say. Interviewer: So it’s about your journey, your transition in the industry you would say? Y/N: Definitely. It encapsulates the feeling I had when I could finally say that this is my full-time job. Someone recognizing my capability. Interviewer: It seems like a major recognition for sure, especially considering that at the moment you’re the only solo artist under Dreamz. Does it ever get lonely? Seeing everyone in groups and being able to do all of the things you do but together? Y/N: Sometimes. But at the end of the day I’m grateful that I even got this chance. I have amazing friends, a very supportive boyfriend. I might work solo, but I know I can rely on others at any given minute. Interviewer: That’s amazing. So I’m guessing maybe you’ll give an exclusive party with everyone once this single finally turns into an album, right? Y/N: Well, I guess we’ll see.

[TIME SKIP]

You looked at the time, it’s only 4pm and you’re already as good as dead. You were still halfway through practice, you had Yoongi’s party later, before which you had to stop home first for a much-needed shower.

You looked at yourself on the mirror. You can do it. This is what you wanted. What dad wanted for you. He fought for it. You took a deep breath and endured the next couple of hours.

[AT BIG HIT, YOUR OUTFIT]

You entered the building, uneasy, with the “yeah I don’t belong here, and they know it” kind of feeling. Not that anyone was rude. But they were indeed her rival at some level. You talked with a woman that kindly approached you as you looked lost and directed you to the correct floor.

You had been here maybe twice? But always outside or at the entrance, mostly to wait for Minho. Now you were actually inside the elevator of the building, going god knows where. As the door was about to close a hand stopped it. You almost choked on your own saliva out of surprise.

The door slowly reopened, and two men were looking back you, slightly surprised as well. Park Jimin and Jung Hoseok. This is absolutely fine. It’s not like you’ve watched these two dance about a million times.

They both entered the elevator and noticed you had already pressed the button they were going to. As the doors close Jimin broke the awkward silence.

Jimin: Hi, Y/N, right? Y/N: Y-yes, sorry- (you stuttered a bit) Hoseok: Nice to finally meet you. I’m Hoseok, this is Jimin. Y/N: Yeah, I obviously know (you laughed nervously; why are you acting like this, you’re basically on the same level??). Jimin: Oh, flattered. Yoongi has talked a lot about you! We’re happy you could make it. Hoseok: Yeah, and your work is amazing.

You were pretty sure you should pinch yourself. 6 years ago you were practicing Blood Sweat and Tears in your dad’s living room and now Park Jimin and Jung Hoseok are happy to meet you? You had to snap out of it before you scared them.

Y/N: That means a lot coming from you guys thank you.

They smiled at you and before you knew it you were already leaving the elevator. At a distance you saw your boyfriend talking to Yoongi and what appeared to be a very loud Seokjin (as expected, the soul of the party). Minho quickly spotted you and smiled.

Minho: Hey (he opened his arms to hug you), how are you? (he pecked your lips) Y/N: Tiring, but good. Yours? Minho: Same mostly. Y/N: (you gave him another kiss and turned to Yoongi) HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN! (he started smiling shyly and offered you a hug) Yoongi: Thank you, Y/N, it’s great to see you again!

You let go of him as you scanned the rest of the room to see who else was there but most of the guests had already entered the room where they had everything set. You looked at Minho and held his hand.

Y/N: Do we know were the good stuff is? Minho: (he smiled), This way.

The rest of the night passed by too quickly to be honest. You met a few people, including the rest of the BTS members, Namjoon’s girlfriend (well hasn’t he kept that one well hidden from everyone so far??), as well as Jimin’s and some other friends of Yoongi’s.

Everyone was extremely nice. Especially that band you’ve only seen much of on a screen.

Namjoon was incredibly smart. Seokjin was hilarious, he spent so much time showing you pictures of the fishes he caught that you found yourself agreeing to schedule a trip with him to go fishing. Yoongi was pretty busy, but you managed to talk to him for a bit. Jimin was also pretty busy with his own girlfriend, apparently, she arrived today from a 2-week trip. Can’t blame him for not letting her out of his sight, she’s stunning. Taehyung was a lot more talkative than what I thought he would be at the beginning of the night, you just had to pull the right strings in the conversation! Jungkook quickly joined us when we started talking about painting. And Hoseok, well. I think I talked to him the most, at least for an hour. His knowledge in dancing didn’t fail to amuse me and he’s a very interesting person. Very layered I would even say. He’s very joyful but can turn from goofy to serious at any moment. And he’s a great listener.

You were arriving home with your boyfriend who would stay with you for that night, and you felt both happy and sad. Well, you lied today in that interview, and it almost came to bite you back tonight. You didn’t have friends. At least not that many. You had your boyfriend. You had Yoongi, a complete miracle that probably only happened because you two were left alone and he started making small talk. Your old school friend who hasn’t called you back in over a month. Your grandparents were 3 hours away and your best friend… your dad, was no longer with you. And seeing all off Yoongi’s friends there to celebrate him… made you happy for your friend but you would be lying again if you said you weren’t also sad you didn’t have that.

You shrugged it off and looked at Minho.

Y/N: You brought everything? Minho: Yeah (he said, putting everything on top of your bed) Y/N: (you cursed yourself for what you’re about to say) You know, this could just stop if we just finally moved in… Minho: I know but- Y/N: Yes, you live close to Big Hit, you got a good deal for the rent, you’re sharing the flat with Hyuno, I know. I was just saying, I’m not looking for a fight, I’m just tired, I didn’t sleep much last night.

This has to be the 5th time you talk about this, but you don’t have it in you to continue pushing through, at least not tonight. You got into your pjs and laid in bed.

You were about to put your phone on the nightstand when it buzzed. A hundredth times.

You felt Minho cuddle you in a spoon as you replied to the guys all giggly.

Minho: What’s happening? Y/N: The guys said they enjoyed hanging out with me and added me to a group chat! Very nice of them. (you said, putting your phone on the nightstand for good this time) Minho: Hm-Hm- (he started kissing the back of your neck and shoulder)

You couldn’t feel much from how exhausted you were, your head still filled with those silly messages. You fell asleep smiling and when Minho noticed your eyes closed he gave up whatever he was trying to start and gave you one last kiss on your shoulder, turning away to sleep.

Thank you for reading! Part 2 coming soon! Check my blog for more fics! See you soon.

17 notes · View notes

confessions-official · 2 months

Note

I'm bored of being told I'm probably a lesbian and not a bi woman because I've never dated a man (I'm 27). people think they're doing me a favor, they tell me this like they're about to change my life... but it comes off as more biphobic than anything. i know what comphet is, I've read the masterdoc, i even identified as lesbian for 1 year, it's just not for me!!!! who cares if i never date a man in my life, it wouldn't feel right identifying as lesbian knowing that I've enjoyed sexual contact with men, and would probably enjoy it again, if the opportunity arised. yeah, i don't see myself settling down with a man in the future, and most likely see myself finding a life partner who is a woman, but i will always be bisexual. no, I'm not "afraid" of the lesbian label, most of my friends and exes are lesbians. when i identified as lesbian, it didn't feel gross or wrong, it just wasn't me. frankly, my label is for me and i will never gaf what it suggests to someone else. i want the liberty to thirst over some celebrity guy without being questioned, and to fuck around with whoever i want when I'm single without people getting in my business. i also don't feel any fear or intimidation approaching a woman I'm interested in, and i won't force myself to fall in love or even date a guy for a bit instead, just to fit people's expectations of what a bisexual woman should do. i don't want to use the split attraction model bc i don't experience attraction that way, and i shouldn't need to give a dissertation about my sexuality for you to feel more comfortable. unlearn what you think you know about bi women. just like there's bi women who mostly date men, some of us have always exclusively dated women. a lot of the lesbian couples you see down the street might be bi4bi, or have at least 1 bi woman in them, and it's not insulting to suggest that. bisexual women aren't spicy straight, and, not to be crude, but just because I've decentered men in my life, it doesn't mean i can't want to fuck one once in a while 🤷‍♀️.

#confession

11 notes · View notes

my-castles-crumbling · 5 months

Note

Hi,

First of all thank you so so much for all the time you put in answering everyone ans always being so helpful and kind you're absolutely the bestest ever. You're literally an angel !!!! Thank you so much for being there for all of us, and I hope you're doing well ❤️🥺

I just had a little thing to say, I think I might be trans ... you're the first person I'm coming out to ❤️❤️❤️❤️, I don't think I'll ever be able to get top surgery or come out to anyone ever irl, because I know everyone around me is extremely conservative, and that's okay actually I've come to terms with it, because they don't have an issue with me dressing more masculine or having short hair and that's more than enough. And even though, as for my sexuality I like boys, so to them, that's fine (because I'm a girl to them). I don't even mind if they refer to me as a girl, as long as I can date whoever I want and wear what I want. I know it sounds terrible, but for now I'm happy and I'm proud of myself.

But the only thing bothering me is that do I tell my future partner/ people that I meet or even on the internet that I'm trans (even though I'll never have a top surgery) or do I tell them I'm genderfluid .

Thank you so much once again for helping us all xx

Hi!

Thank you so much! I honestly love talking to people about this, so I love that people message me about it, it makes me so happy!

I know it sounds terrible, but for now I'm happy and I'm proud of myself.

I don't think that sounds terrible at all! I think it's so important to take your safety and your comfort into account. If this is what makes you comfortable, then this is what you should do! Nobody should judge you for not being out if you're not ready and NOBODY should push you to do that.

do I tell my future partner/ people that I meet or even on the internet that I'm trans (even though I'll never have a top surgery) or do I tell them I'm genderfluid .

First of all, top surgery does not make you more/less trans! If you identify as trans that's all you need to be trans!

As far as telling people...

I think in general, you should tell people whatever you are comfortable with. Even if it's not always the same thing, that's okay, too! You don't owe anyone a certain label, and you don't need to pressure yourself to tell anyone anything.

HOWEVER

I feel like the exception is a partner. This is definitely something that someone might have a different opinion about, but if you are looking at a long-term commitment with someone, I feel like it might be a good idea to be as truthful with them as possible. Only because I feel like you would want the same thing from them, no? And if you don't feel comfortable telling them that truth, at least after getting to know them, I personally feel you shouldn't be with them.

Of course, if it's just a short-term thing, then that might not be as necessary. But yeah, I think a partner is an exception.

Of course, please still consider your safety in all your decisions.

I hope that helps a little? Please message me if you need to talk! <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #lgbtq+#lgbtqia #lgbtq community #lgbtq #queer #gender stuff #coming out

18 notes · View notes

samijami · 6 months

Note

So if we just do away with all definitions of all words - or perhaps, to your preference, just the definitions pertaining to women and homosexuals - how would the world function?

If we do away with the definition of lesbian as meaning exclusively same sex attracted female humans, what do you think will happen? Would homophobia against lesbians increase? Absolutely! Would lesbians be increasingly exposed to conversion therapy, sexual assault, and rape? Yes! How come you are okay with this? Unless you hate lesbians and want these things to happen to them....

Similarly if we cannot define women anymore as simply adult human females, won't all the legal protections of women which we have fought so hard for, with literal blood, sweat, tears, and jail time, be for nothing? We can't protect a demographic that we can't define. Saying a woman is a feeling is deeply misogynist and ignores the experiences of born women as an oppressed group.

It seems like All Lives Matter and I Don't See Colour are understood as erasing unique black experiences and not helping solve racism or protect black people, but we can apparently Not See Women and All Sexualities are Lesbian and no one except the lesbians seem to notice or care that this erases and endangers lesbians..... The misogyny is jumping out.

Lesbian means female human exclusively attracted to other female humans.

Bisexual mean any person attracted to both sexes. They are mutually exclusive terms. The same way that dog and bird are mutually exclusive. The same way that tea and plastic are mutually exclusive... If we don't have words that have definitions, how are we supposed to communicate and be understood??

Unless it's your goal for lesbian boundaries to not be understood or communicated (and therefore freely violated)

Excuse me, but I want you to think about what you just did here.

You sent this to a 15 year old on the internet who has made the post 'bisexual lesbians, reblog if you agree' to express the fact that a person who is not a man can feel attraction to both genders, but also be moreso attracted to other people who are not men and be valid (or be so romantically). A 15 year old who simply just wanted to advocate for the feelings of people who identify as multiple different labels to express their complicated emotions in a way that feels right for them. A teenager who doesn't wish for women to be raped, and wants nothing more than to say 'I support your emotions and nobody can tell you how you works'.

This is highly innapropriate, and telling a child that advocating for someone's valid emotions and identity is them wishing for those people they are speaking for harm (especially going to the lengths of accusing them of blatantly supporting conversion therapy, rape, sexual assault, and all of those things) is even worse. This makes absolutely no sense, and I will say that coming forward with an entire paragraph on anonymous to send to a child on the internet in order to 'prove them wrong' on a serious matter (that you are making worse with your opinion) is absolutely ridiculous.

Please get yourself and whoever is reblogging my post with 'block op, they're homophobic', 'stop being homophobic' and etc off my page.

And plus,

And there are multiple ways to be a bisexual lesbian, such as but not limited to,

-Being bisexual, but having a strict romantic attraction to people who are not men.

-Being bisexual but having a preference for women.

-Just feeling comfortable with the fucking label.

Thank you, have a nice day, anon. I hope you and whoever is sending me these things alike have a lovely time getting over yourselves.

#bisexual lesbian #stop harassing me #lgbtq rights #tw rape mention #rape mention #tw rape #tw conversion therapy #tw child harrasment

11 notes · View notes

that-ineffable-devil · 5 months

Text

I think the reason 14 struck such a chord with me (besides the fact that it's David Tennant and he plays my heart like a fiddle) is very similar to why 13 resonated with me: the identity crisis.

I've been having an intermittent (but ongoing) identity crisis most of my life. Like the Doctor, there have been long stretches where I just didn't have the time or emotional bandwidth to really deal with it, so I'd maybe have a few months of deep existential panic and then I'd get busy again.

And then, in my 30s, after once again losing some friends I had only made by squashing down every aspect of me that I couldn't change to fit their personalities, I had a breakdown.

I'd spent my whole life masking. Pretending to be something I wasn't. LARPing a character I didn't even like so I wouldn't be alone.

And a small voice from somewhere inside me asked the question I had been avoiding for my entire existence: who am I?

And let me tell you, being in your 30s and realizing you don't know much (if anything) about yourself is fucking TERRIFYING. Especially when suddenly you're in pandemic lock down and you can't distract yourself with other people. Like yes, I had a small set of core values and a few things I could reliably believe I liked, but almost every other aspect of my being was based in being perceived by someone else--liking the things they liked, doing the activities they enjoyed, wearing myself down to the bone doing emotional and physical labor for them, refusing to acknowledge any feelings or impulses that may endanger these tenuous "friendships." Anything not revolving around these people revolved around my Worksona or Famsona--being whoever and whatever my job or family needed me to be. There was always a part to play, a person to help, a cause to fight for (whether it was mine or another's).

But suddenly I did have the time to examine that question--who am I? That's what led me to acknowledging my neurodiversity and gender identity. It's what led me to understanding that my sexuality wasn't as simple as I'd once thought, and that maybe there isn't a label there that quite fits me. I'm still traversing the jungle of my identity with a brutally sharp but emotionally stunted machete, but I've made progress.

So yeah, that panic and despair that seeps in when you're forced to confront the fact that you're not who you thought you were is soul-rattling, and David did such an amazing job playing someone living in the dichotomy of desperately needing to talk through these things with someone you love and desperately wanting to shove it into a box deep within your soul so they'll never see you waver. That need to be seen wrapped up in the compulsion to hide.

#ugh #Im having so many feelings about this #doctor who spoilers #doctor who #dw spoilers #dw specials #david tennant #14th doctor

15 notes · View notes

tokkias · 10 months

Text

anyway since i'm sure that everyone who disagrees with my anti-acearo natsu opinions had unfollowed me already i'm going to double down on this one with a little more elaboration on why.

now i'm going to clarify that this is one opinion from one acearo person. i am well aware that other acearo's disagree with me on this and i really genuinely have no problem with other acearo people headcanoning natsu as such, and i'm not going to gatekeep people from doing it, call it out as "problematic" or argue with people about it.

this is not a natsu acearo headcanons are bad and problematic and here's why you shouldn't do it post. this is an acearo person's perspective on something i feel goes overlooked in fandom in general.

my problem with acearo natsu headcanons primarily stem from the fact that i never see people headcanoning other characters as acearo. i would not have a problem with it if say, acearo lucy or erza or gajeel or whoever was just as popular, but people see a character who from the surface level, has no interest in romance or sex and think that he must be acearo when that is, a) a very shallow reading of his character, and b) literally just an asexual stereotype.

i do not hate acearo natsu because i disagree with the headcanon, i hate what it represents, which is an oversimplification of an orientation that is a lot more complex than people give it credit for.

i personally do not like it when acearo people are portrayed as this one dimensional "no interest in romance, no interest in sex" archetype because for so long i didn't realise that i was acearo and i felt wrong and weird and broken. it wasn't that i didn't know what asexuality was, but it was just always portrayed as this same archetype over and over again that i didn't realise that it isn't just "you're either interested in love and sex or you're not". feelings and sexuality and orientation are too complex to boil down to "character a doesn't talk about romance or sex therefore acearo". i have the same problem with ruby rose in rwby, it's not exclusive to natsu.

i love thinking and talking and reading and writing about romance, even though when it happens to me i am fully icked out, which definitely falls more in line with someone like lucy or erza, i'd even hazard to make an argument for someone like juvia. sometimes it feels like people don't want to think about asexuality and aromsticism in a way that is a little more nuanced.

sometimes seeing acearo natsu in a list of headcanons feels like someone ticking off the A in the LGBTQA rather than trying to understand the complex feelings of it.

i get it, it's hard to think about, especially if you're not aspec. even i don't really get it sometimes and i still struggle to come to terms with and understand it but that's why i would love to see people branch out in who they're slapping that sweet little acearo label on.

i want to see people explore lucy finding escapism in romance even though she doesn't feel romantic attraction herself, i want to see people think about juvia feeling weird and broken because she doesn't experience attraction the way people describe it and overcompensating. i want people to think more about it than slapping it on the first character that meets a list of predetermined traits that are over represented in a community that is vast and full of people who express themselves different from what is considered to be the "normal" of a group who are not considered "normal". i wish i had had that representation when i was a little queer not feeling like i belonged anywhere because what and who i am was always portrayed in one way that didn't resonate with me, and that was it.

#mya's mumbles #natsu dragneel #i generally don't say anything about it bc i feel that it brings unnecessary conflict to the table #but i am tired of other aspec talking over me #i'm allowed to have thoughts and feelings over the way my orientation is portrayed

14 notes · View notes

cartoon-buffoon · 2 months

Text

I'm bored and sleep deprived so as the self proclaimed captain of this ship I decided to make this using a template I saw going around. More indepth rant/explanation below if anyone has a semblance of care about this stupid crackship.

Now time for a more indepth explanation about the graph and how I head canon these two. Or what I like to call it: UNDERSTAND MY SHIP IN 20 MINUTES OR MORE!

(Warning: lots of head canons although I try to keep my head canons somewhat reasonable within each of the characters respective canons. Also this is a long winded explanation)

Height difference—Skitzo can seemingly change his size so I guess his real height is "it depends" yet I like to imagine he ranges from 6ft-8ft although I put down 8ft just because. As for Oswald, in Epic Mickey we see the statue he recreated with him holding Walt's hand and Walt was 5'10 according to Google and in the statue he goes up to Walt's waist. I'm sure one could do actual math on how tall he is yet to me he's 3ft with his ears giving him an extra foot.

Age—Oswald was created in 1927 and according to a comic where Skitzo gets a job as a janitor he was born in 1918. I imagine being with someone a bit older than him would actually make Oswald happy, it would make him feel like less of a relic and helps him be less self conscious about his age.

Sexuality—Oswald is bisexual yet leans more towards women, this would explain his relationship with Fanny and marriage with Ortensia. As for Skitzo I put down pansexual although truth be told I don't think he'd care about labels? He's a demon and is noted to be depraved, he probably doesn't care about labels of sexuality and he'll take what he can get.

Horny level—Oswald is a rabbit and has 420 kids. Skitzo is noted to be "the eye of the pervert" and he indulges in the depravity of humanity, yeah their levels are self explanatory. I don't think Oswald is overly flirtatious or forward or anything, yet I imagine when Skitzo is being overly forward Oswald would lean into it without a second thought.

Awkwardness level—Skitzo isn't really expressive considering he has the same blank grin 24/7 plus Oswald can't understand his "language". This communication difficulty would make Oswald worry sometimes because he can't get a good read on Skitzo's emotions, although Skitzo is pretty straightforward and despite being mute is rather good at communicating physically. Oswald's awkwardness stems from him overthinking more than anything.

Jealousy level—I don't think neither of them would be jealous. Despite Skitzo having anger issues and psychopathy he wouldn't be jealous if Oswald hung around other people at all. He'd still threaten/hurt whoever Oswald is hanging around with, although that's just because he's insane and has no relation to jealousy. Oswald also has no reason to be jealous of those who Skitzo hangs with, mainly because they are either victims or other demons. In fact Oswald would probably want Skitzo to make normal friends with other toons and to be more social although I doubt he'd have success in helping him.

Spooning—the size difference explains the levels well enough. Although I do imagine Oswald would love to cuddle, he'd constantly have to remind Skitzo to be gentle in the way he holds him because Skitzo is incredibly strong and forgets his own strength.

Clothes—they both wear a singular pair of shorts, Skitzo wears his shoes although he never really takes them off. If they needed to wear different things I'd imagine they'd pull new clothes outta thin air, they're toons, so yeah that's not applicable to this ship.

Pet names— I'd like to imagine Skitzo does use pet names, calling Oswald something like "bun-bun" or other cheesy rabbit related stuff, yet only demons can understand him so most of the time he doesn't even speak. Although if Skitzo were to ever introduce Oswald to other demons he'd refer to Ozzie as something cute. Oswald also has shown clear love for pet names in the way he talks to Ortensia so if he was with Skitzo nothing would change, he'd still think of cute stuff to call his boyfriend.

Introverted/extroverted—Oswald or at least his classic appearance screams extrovert to me so that's what I imagine. He still needs time to recharge after going out and isn't an avid party person, yet still social. As for Skitzo it's weird? Skitzo keeps to himself although is no stranger to being curious and seeing what others are doing, he outwardly peeps on other demons down in hell aswell. He's a weird middle ground.

Affection—as mentioned before Skitzo talks yet Oswald can't understand him this would mean he'd have to show all of his affection via actions. Oswald is a bit different with him being very lovey dovey and would constantly compliment Skitzo although as a byproduct of his time in the silent era he's more familiar with actions speak louder than words and goes out of his way to show love.

Confession—I don't think either of them would "confess" proper. Skitzo would demonstrate his love first and Oswald would reciprocate, Skitzo is more forward with his love though which is why I ranked him higher. I like to imagine one day Oswald just realizes they have been dating for a good while and goes "wait, are we a thing?" And Skitzo just shrugs as an answer.

Bugs—Oswald would in no way be scared of a bug although he's more inclined to gently let the bug go. Unless it's a roach or something, in that case he'd be all for killing it. Skitzo on the other hand is a trade marked psycho so he'd probably let the bug go, follow it to find the nest, and then proceed to massacre all of the bugs with his knife only.

Driving—Oswald can drive, it's how he met Ortensia originally and we see him several times drive cars. I do think Skitzo CAN drive a car, problem is letting a crazy demonic bear behind the steering wheel would likely lead to consequences so Oswald doesn't let him.

Cooking—Skitzo can cook, problem is his ingredients are still twitching when they're being cooked, because of this Oswald takes care of dinner usually and is a pretty good chef.

PDA—both are really keen on demonstrating their love in public for different reasons. Oswald just loves to show how much he loves Skitzo. Skitzo himself is just unaware of normal societal standards and him showing love to Oswald in public is just him doing what he likes. Because of his obliviousness Oswald has to teach Skitzo sometimes on what is and isn't okay to do in public, Skitzo would probably have troubles adjusting with how hell was and how earth is and the difference between their respective norms yet he makes an effort to learn.

Protectiveness—both of them worry about the other deeply, Skitzo is aware of the horrors of both earth and in hell and how hell denizens can occasionally come to earth so he's scared his presence would put Oswald in danger. He's also scared on if one day he'll lose control of his psychopathy and hurt Oswald, because of this Skitzo does his best to shield Ozzie from what goes on and considering his demonic powers he does a good job at scaring anyone who'd wanna hurt his boyfriend away. Oswald worries about Skitzo in the same way, his fears are less warranted and he isn't fully aware how messed up Skitzo can be, yet he still cares. Ozzie will also lash out on anybody who makes a negative comment on Skitzo's appearance and is hellbent on defending Skitzo, Skitzo finds this hilarious and let's the rabbit go off while sitting back and enjoying the show.

Experience—Oswald was in a relationship with Fanny, and also had a pretty solid marriage with Ortensia so his experience is pretty high and he knows exactly how to be a great partner. Skitzo has no real experience, he's more familiar with the concepts like lust and degeneracy then love and romance so he kinda just follows along and does his best to be the best boyfriend he can. His best is NOT perfect, yet he tries and Oswald is appreciative of that.

Oswald has been a hyper fixation of mine for a bit and at the same time I got into old cartoons I refound Skitzo who originally I thought was nothing more than a nightmare, come to find out nope! Skitzo's animations just traumatized me when I was younger and I repressed his existence. As a now lover of edgy things I've come to adore Skitzo and the entire lore of In The Dark and as a result this ship was created as a simple crossover between my two favorite characters. At first this ship was created by me as a stupid joke yet slowly I've created more and more for it to the point I even wrote a god awful fic about it that I look at in disgust every day (it still got like 3 kudos tho so I guess there's an audience for truly everything 乁⁠(⁠ ⁠•⁠_⁠•⁠ ⁠)⁠ㄏ). Skitzo as a character is a irredeemable monster, however interestingly enough there's moments in hisn animations demonstrating he doesn't wanna kill 100% of the time. Only 80% of the time. I found this aspect interesting enough to come up with the hypothetical idea "what if Skitzo did find someone he truly liked, and what if he lived in constant fear he'd accidentally lose control and hurt them?". This idea has some of that good angst I adore in any ship, the idea of Skitzo fighting against his inner wants to murder and desire for blood and death in order to live a normal life with Oswald is both sad and cute too me. Oswald would also be fully aware of the dangers that being with Skitzo would entail yet he stays with him out of love and belief Skitzo can be better. This belief is dead wrong and sadly murder is just built into the bear's primary function, yet he nonetheless tries to lessen Skitzo's murderous desires. I maybe one day wanna elaborate on an AU on these two being together and their dynamic yet I already have another AU that has Oswald in it I'm writing about.

Idk how to end this as that's really all I got for now, if you've read this entire thing uhh: sorry? Yeah that's an appropriate end. I'm sorry.

#oswald the lucky rabbit #crackship #shipping #skitzothe1920skillerbear #skitzo #rant #rant about crackship #understand my ship in 5 minutes #i need sleep

3 notes · View notes

mean-scarlet-deceiver · 2 years

Note

Hello! I love your blog and I was just wondering if you had any LGBT+ headcanons for Pride Month?

Happy Pride 🌈

Hmm, let me tackle human characters first.

Earl of Norramby is gay. Obviously.

Nancy is bi and demi.

Also... in classic "at first I was joking, but now I really like it" fashion… I HC the first Fat Controller as trans.

No one ever named their child Topham Hatt OK????

But a sufficiently ballsy dude might choose it if they were forming a new legal identity. And we know Hatt I was ballsy indeed. He stole everything that his neighbors didn't have nailed down and some things they did. He bricked up a gauntletted line even though it shut down his railway. He told the LMS to pound sand. He drained Tidmouth despite the fishermen wanting his head on a platter. You'd have to be a VERY strong personality to be such a successful, powerful transman in the early 1900s but you'd have to be a strong personality to be him anyway???? I'm serious. An ADHD transman with zero chill who literally made his own world. I'm tempted to write a fic of the Young Topham days, who knows. Those old British schoolgirls could be tough birds and I love reading their bits whenever they break through conventional history. I like to think the first Lady Hatt used to be a roommate of him at the girls' school they attended. Jane probably helped him the night he ran away to get a job at the GWR shops. And then maybe she didn't see him again until after he transitioned and became successful and he wooed her for a little while before the reveal that it was her old friend, Euphemia or whoever.

And Jane was soooo pissed off. (Luckily she was also in love.)

I also absolutely adore the idea of an FC5 (not sure Richard will ever get a chance to be FC4, at this rate) who is a woman. But butch. Everyone calls her "sir" but she is also she.

Okay, vehicles! This is where I've hesitated, unsure if I can make myself clear.

I don't particularly vibe with putting human gender and sexual labels on them.

This is not because I want to erase or minimize the diversity of human gender and sexuality.

It's because they are not human.

I mean, okay, I do have my old 'conversion AU,' so I do mentally play around with them as human every so often—to catch most readers up, my notion was that sometime within the 2020s-2040s a large portion of our cast is turned into humans as a fancy alternative to maintaining or retiring them as engines. But even in this AU the whole point is that they adjust to being human but are still rather 'alien', so, like many fans, I kinda take it that they are pansexual by default. There are some more specific things, though (incomplete because, again, I don't think of my human AU very often, so I still have a lot of question marks):

Thomas, I think, would be aromantic

Bertie -> also aro

Edward -> intersex (specifically XX male)

Henry -> gay gay homosexual gay

Gordon -> some sort of greyscale but also he has no clue about this and pursues (straight) dating because it's the 'normal' thing to do (good luck, dude)

James -> will figure out his human gender identity only if given another hundred years to experiment

Percy -> fine with identifying as male but also quite gnc

Toby -> straight and demisexual

Duck -> agender

Stepney -> nonbinary

Donald -> asexual spectrum (unlike Gordon he does know this about himself)

Emily -> lesbian lesbian homosexual lesbian

Philip -> multigender

Harold -> pan. i know i said pan is kind of the default for ex-vehicles but Harold merits a special mention for being, uhh. how shall we say. very sex-positive. a big gallant flirt.

But, again, I'm not too interested in forcing myself to figure out everyone's full identity profile in my human AU because I find the concept of 'gender' and 'sexuality' in them as trains to be far more interesting.

From a creative standpoint, it's actually a lot of fun to play them 'straight' but to use their experiences to explore the whole concept of gender, to push the idea of sexuality to its limits, and also to play around with metaphors for human identities...

Again I know it looks like LGBT erasure but, well. It feels very queer to me.

Here's some of how I see engine gender history. The allegory to real-life stuff is not intentional; it just sort of naturally sprung up when I played around:

At the period (RWS) canon begins, the normal, "natural" order of things is for an engine to be romantically bonded with their coaches.

This very much has a similar status to human heterosexual marriage. It appears to have the seal of tradition. It's acceptable. It's expected. In general (subject to the approval of your manager) it's allowed. (Yes, there is the obvious difference that the union is between one engine and several coaches but it was rare that the convention was for you to exclusively commit to one among the rest. Basically... harem culture I guess.)

If you were built to privilege—if you actually had some coaches you regularly handled, and you did feel this sort of special bond with them—then you might fail to have any occasion to start asking some otherwise very... obvious questions.

Such as:

What if you and your coaches despise each other?

What if you develop particular feelings about just one or two of 'your' coaches, which are increasingly impossible to hide? Like... do you have to?

What if you feel absolutely neutral about your coaches, but your firebox starts to burn with the heat of a thousand suns when you catch sight of that smart tank engine runabout at the end of the line?

What if your line is so big and busy that you don't have coaches that you pull 'regularly'?

What if your railway grows so big that you hardly see any coaches consistently?

What if you are strictly a goods engine and you've only ever exchanged five words in your life with any coach? Okay, so you're just... condemned through no choice of your own to solitude and abstinence, with no hope of happiness? Sounds like horseshit, doesn't it?...

... Say, what's this whisper you hear from the old wheels that fifty years ago the managers didn't approve of these kinds of relationships? That Back In the Day this sort of romantic attachment that is now considered 'the norm' was actually considered scandalous and beyond the pale? What?

'Fifty years' is just an average; different regions and railways progressed at different rates. But, in general, the earliest period of rail history saw an insistence that Useful Engines don't have any such attachments at all. For all its pomp and status, the model of 'passenger engine and coaches' was itself considered quite unnatural before it won acceptance.

But for a good period circa 1900 it was The Thing That Was Done. It became the norm by which rail romances are still rather judged. And it's telling: although humans tended to assign engines human gender (at first usually female; as the idea of a romantic bond between engine and carriages became normalized, humans started to see their engines as male, in a reflection of human marriage), probably the best analogue for vehicular gender remains type. Powered vehicles are one gender; unpowered stock is another. There are also gradiations within those two poles, of course.

And, when freed from human surveillance and control, vehicle sexuality tends to express its preferences in that way. So, to take engines: They very rarely give a rat's ass as to whether a potential mate is male, female, nonbinary, whatever. They recognize the distinctions among themselves but they are seldom relevant in matters of attraction ever, really. Instead, an engine might have an attraction to rolling stock or other engines (or of course both! but 'both' is definitely not a given). Then, within those categories, they are very likely to instinctively be attracted to a subcategory pool based on vehicle type.

I feel like I should give examples but I actually feel more comfortable using my OCs to illustrate:

Joscelyn — a female engine who is attracted to coaches exclusively (she is also absolutely terrible at forming any such connections so she is effectively maidenless)

Skimmer — a male engine who is attracted to both coaches and other engines. This does saddle him with the stereotype of being kind of slutty. (I mean he is kind of slutty but he is judged as such based on his 'sexuality' rather than his actual history.)

Poppet — at the risk of spoilers... she is attracted exclusively to trucks and lorries (which, in her era and culture, is definitely one of the more transgressive "sexualities" for an engine!)

Lizbet (she was formerly Lillibet but I didn't realise at the time how that nickname is not quite so rare and quirky for Brits as it is for us) — attracted to other engines exclusively (which—of course!—means m, f, and nb engines; no meaningful difference from an engine PoV). She is old enough that this 'inversion' caused her significant trouble with her humans back in her day. (She never exactly repented, albeit she did act circumspectly to preserve her friendships with the engines she lived with.)

Araby — male engine who has a hopeless thing for ships. When he worked a landlocked railway this didn't matter. When he was sent to Sodor for a while... oof! did our boy have an awakening...

Columbine (this is a real-life engine, of course) — the equivalent of human 'pansexuality'; she is potentially attracted to anything with wheels

Coppernob (same; sue me) — the loco equivalent of 'asexual'. He does know how to play the role of gallant beau to lovely coaches (which he had to learn late—it wasn't tolerated on the F.R. during his first couple of decades) but I reckon he just thought everyone played it as a role and will be endlessly baffled as engines over the years assert their rights to form bonds with each other because why do you all care about this so much? it was just a bit we had to do for a while for respectability... innit?

Because a vehicle's build is essentially their "gender," that means that I have long kind of viewed rebuilds as having strong metaphorical ties to gender reassignment!

Absolutely horrifying when imposed upon you against your will, of course.

But I imagine there are lots of cases where it wasn't. You can usually tell by whether or not the engine (or whatever) thrived after the rebuild. While I consider 'human AU' Henry to be cis, I read 'engine' Henry's history as very much a trans allegory: he was originally made wrong. I mean his builder canonically had no idea what he was doing! The form he got later at Crewe at last made him into himself. There are plenty of real-life cases that I like to see as similar in an RWS universe. The SECR 'Rivers' had endless problems and angst in their original form; being converted into tender engines felt right for them. Some of them had been consciously eating their heart out wanting such an impossible change for years. The 'Queen Mary' type brakevans I consider to be similar, or at least some of them: unhappy as locomotives, never really feeling right as an engine, perhaps even pestering the engineers for ages to make them into brakevans...

Of course, I don't consider all such transitions to be successful. Some engines, like poor No. 62768 of the LNER., found themselves much unhappier after their rebuild (he was just chosen at random when he was in the shop for repairs, it's not like he wanted it!) Then there are situations like the GWR autotanks who were given panelling to disguise their locomotive nature so they could pass as coaches. Do I read this as cross-dressing, or a sort of cosmetic transition? You bet I do! 😇

Can an engine be assigned a human gender but later determine that it was given to them in error? I mean, it's possible and it happens that engines choose a new human gender but it's quite rare, rarer by far than in humans. They are much more preoccupied with the engine dimensions of their identity. What is much more common is actually what I suppose we'd consider genderfluid or multigender: Various owners (or, if they are unnamed, drivers) over the course of their career might assign them different genders and in virtually all cases the engine (to forgive the pun) rolls with it, untroubled by being a 'he' one decade, a 'she' the next, and perhaps later again being a 'he' even while he answers to the name Lady Eleanor or whatever. To them human gender is very arbitrary and they tend to be perfectly content to just go with it. Often they wish to choose their own name, but even very early in their lives their builders or owners have already gendered them and they seldom care to change that because, again. That bit is all very arbitrary and meaningless to them. The humans seldom treat their engines differently no matter what gender is assigned and therefore the engine sees little distinction.

Soooo, yeah. As for some of our characters, well... this is also very unformed and embryonic still, but...

I do think a lot of our classic lads would have thought they had No Romantic Feelings Whatsoever. Some genuinely were! Neville and Donald spring to mind (Donald is also Duck’s queerplatonic partner, natch.) But for most of them, this was just because they didn't care for coaches, nor indeed other engines of their own type.

However, I reckon as the decades went on their complacency was shattered. (I call it complacency not because acephobia isn't a thing but because for engines in this universe 'asexual' would be considered a positive trait. Useful Engines Don't and all that. So there is some privilege there.) For instance, Thomas may find that he is attracted to non-rail vehicles? And Percy definitely has a thing for flying vehicles, poor chap... (Percy also has long been comfortably attracted to engines, coaches, and ships too. But whirlybirds, man. Kinda ruined/enhanced his life.) James and Gordon found that they weren't "above" such ridiculous things as "playing at" love; they were just diesel-sexual. Henry liked other engines for a long time, so he is open to steam and diesel; he did however get knocked through a loop of his own within this century when he encountered his first electric car and was absolutely useless for the two hours afterwards...

Anyway. God it's late and I hope this makes sense. In any case I don't see the engines as 'gay' or 'straight' or whatever but I do think they have as much gender and sexuality diversity as we humans do; in fact they probably have a good deal more! I also think that they have had a long struggle for most of these identities to be accepted. So they get it. And, most of all, engines would absolutely not understand homophobia at all. Human gender is such an arbitrary thing! Why anyone would get so hung up on policing something like that is baffling to them. They are keen to be of service to all humans, they really love seeing all humans happy, and apart from that they don't have any opinions on humans' peculiar romantic or sexual lives (they barely understand what human sex is!)

Now, how humans board trains or polish an engine or mend their fences or behave in any way even remotely connected to the running of their railway or yard... well, that they have opinions on. Strong opinions. That they will argue with you about. That matters. ;)

#chatter #ttte #ttte headcanon #ttte analysis #priorities on the island of sodor #the railway series #the fat controller #it's way too late i'm not tagging all those characters (:#happy pride 🌈#long post #i would apologize for taking so long but actually you getting an answer in less than a month is probably a record for me #thank you for the ask <3

89 notes · View notes

broodybuck · 4 months

Text

The Game of Love | Series Part 1

Series Summary: Bucky must save his career with the perfect relationship. He'll have to fake it with budding artist Steve Rogers. Bucky doesn't foresee ever falling for his fake boyfriend, but Steve shows him a side of love he didn't know he could have.

Series Tags: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes | Rated E | Tags: 18+ explicit smut, celebrity AU, no powers AU, fake dating, sexual tension, artist Steve, actor Bucky, top Steve, bottom Bucky

[Masterpost]

Four months ago, Bucky Barnes was becoming the biggest name in Hollywood. He was skyrocketing to the top of his career. One of the biggest up-and-coming actors of this generation. Then he had to blab to the tabloids about never wanting a family and swearing love was a trap. He was drunk. He only half meant it.

Of course, he liked love. He dated all the time. When his name was in good standing, he slept with whoever he wanted. It was incredible. But he also saw real love fall apart all the time, shatter people and so he never saw the real stuff happening for him.

The tabloids called him a cynic, some labeled him a disbeliever of love, and most just called him sad. They also gave him a drinking problem since the video proved he was wasted. A cynic drunk doesn't bode well for an actor who almost exclusively stars as the romantic lead in every film. The studios suddenly took away all his roles. He hasn't worked in months.

His agent, Rick, thinks up the perfect solution. A relationship. They'd fake the perfect one and he'd play madly in love and admit to the tabloids he had it all wrong. The problem quickly becomes no one is interested. Not after Bucky has been blacklisted. Who's career would he help?

Eventually, Rick searches outside of Hollywood and finds an up-and-coming artist who is willing to take the job. Bucky's never heard of the guy, someone named Steve Rogers, but Rick swears he's big in the art world. And all that matters is if the world believes he can fall in love.

The day Bucky meets with Steve to go over the contract, Rick leaves them alone to agree on details. That's where everything takes a turn for the worse.

"You're not going to sleep with me?"

"No," Steve replies calmly.

"But this might go on for months."

Steve only nods, his demeanor doesn't change, he's perfectly composed.

"We can't get caught with other people. We have to be faithful," Bucky reminds him.

"Exactly right. I would never cross that line," Steve assures him but Bucky's mouth only opens wider.

"I'm that repulsive to you?"

"I never said that," Steve says and this rattles him. He sits up looking regretful.

"You'd rather be celibate than sleep with me," Bucky rephrases.

"And that has nothing to do with your looks. This is business. We're signing a contract. It's better to keep things professional."

Bucky huffs out a frustrated breath.

"Don't you think it'd be in our best interest to... help each other out during this?"

Steve stiffens in his seat but his face stays unchanged.

"I think that would complicate things. I'm prepared to fulfill this contract in the most professional way possible."

"But I want to have sex this year," Bucky battles.

Steve shrugs and then stands.

"Look, this is a great opportunity for me but we both know you need this contract more than I do. If you don't like my terms, don't sign it."

Bucky's speechless. When he doesn't say anything Steve turns to go. To walk out. And Bucky knows he can't let him.

"Wait."

He signs the contract.

~~~

The first step in faking the relationship is leaking photos of them together. Meaning they have to get real close, put their hands on each other, and finally, Bucky's publicist insists, kiss — at least for one shot.

Bucky works it as naturally as he can, but Steve is too awkward about it. It's like he's trying so hard not to touch Bucky even when he's instructed to. And the kiss is the tiniest peck Bucky's ever received, so they settle on an open-mouthed, inches apart, shot where it looked like they're just coming off a kiss.

When the cameraman is packing up, Bucky glares at Steve.

"You're gonna have to be more believable than that when we're in public, you know?"

"I know," Steve says simply.

It makes Bucky rage inside.

"You know?"

"Yes. It'll be much easier when we don't have to be on top of each other making out. Holding your hand and kissing you on the cheek is more my style. I'll make my feelings believable," Steve assures him.

Bucky's first impulse is to laugh, call him a prude, or make fun of him somehow but he remembers the contract and how much he needs this. He needs this fake relationship to work way more than Steve so he keeps his mouth shut.

The second step is being seen in public after the photos go viral. People are already speculating whether Bucky might believe in love suddenly but they have to see it to believe it.

Steve and Bucky go to dinner and to also clear up Bucky's alleged drinking problem they make sure the press gets a shot of them dining outside where Steve clinks his wine glass to Bucky's glass of water.

The third step is for them to get a place together. The news travels fast which is exactly what they want. Everything is working so far but Bucky still hasn't gotten any offers or auditions. Which means they have to keep up the act.

~~~

Their next public appearance is a charity event. Steve has his hand slotted against Bucky's lower back with his side pressed against him. He's a warm and steady presence next to him. Steve is good at the prudish stuff, Bucky thinks.

He doesn't mind it though. He's never brought a date to a red carpet. He's never had someone to lean against while cameras flash in his face, while reporters stick microphones near his mouth. Now the feeling of Steve's hand gently but firmly placed on the small of his back feels grounding... it feels nice.

Bucky plays along, delivering all the answers his publicist curated for him. And when Steve kisses him on the cheek, it's not hard to beam with a little smile.

Spending time with Steve in public isn't the problem. The problem is how lonely it feels when they get home and walk into their separate bedrooms.

Bucky misses sex, he does, but what he doesn't see coming is how much he misses the company. He hadn't realized how much he'd gotten used to waking up with someone else in his bed. Now he wakes up every morning alone.

Tonight, they walk through the front door of their shared apartment and Bucky walks to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. He's been dying for one all night since he still isn't drinking in public. Steve stands for a moment, checking his phone.

"Want one?" Bucky asks, pouring whiskey into a glass.

Steve peers up and shakes his head, "No thank you."

Steve proceeds to his room. He's not obligated to spend any more time with him outside the public eye but it still stings. Bucky masks his disappointment and gulps back the liquor.

A couple hours pass before Bucky realizes how much he's drinking. He can't help it. None of his old friends or co-stars talk to him anymore. And he can't blame them, he'd stay away too if his friends got blacklisted.

He keeps checking his phone anyway like maybe someone will text him but no one does. He opens Instagram and starts scrolling. A post from Steve comes up, they had to follow each other and like a handful of posts when the contract started.

He has a new post. It's a painting and Bucky recognizes the background. It's the bedroom right down the hall. The one Steve sleeps in.

The painting is gorgeous. For the first time tonight, Bucky realizes he's never mentioned Steve's art. He's never asked Steve a personal question in all these weeks they've been pretending.

He picks his feet up and walks to the door of Steve's bedroom. He knocks. Steve opens it.

"Hey, you need something?" Steve asks.

Bucky shakes his head but it makes everything spin, he's really drank a little too much.

"Wanted to see your painting," Bucky says, happy when his words don't slur.

"My painting?"

Bucky nods and goes to lift his phone when he realizes he left it on the couch with his glass of whiskey. He stares at his empty hand for a moment then back up at Steve. He smiles crookedly.

"From Instagram."

"Oh," Steve looks a tad surprised. "Alright."

He steps aside and lets Bucky in. Leaning on an easel is the painting from the photo. It's a painting of New York.

"I'm from there, you know?" Bucky says stepping up to the canvas, staring.

"I know."

"Are you?" Bucky asks.

"Yeah."

"Why'd you move to LA?"

"For a guy."

Bucky frowns. "Didn't work out?"

Steve shakes his head, putting his hands in the pockets of his slacks. He's still wearing his suit pants and dress shirt but he's removed the jacket and tie. He's opened the top three buttons on his shirt. Bucky hasn't taken off a single thing.

"Do you miss it?"

"New York?" Steve guesses.

Bucky shakes his head and moves a step toward Steve.

"Having someone."

"Oh, um of course I do," Steve replies.

"Are you lonely?" Bucky asks with one more step closer.

That's when Steve catches on to Bucky's half-baked plan. His face evens out, he shakes his head.

"You know the rules."

Bucky sighs with his whole body. He's drunk and lonely and sad. He wants Steve to hold him more than the other stuff and he's never wanted that before.

"I'm not doing anything," Bucky fights.

"You're trying."

Bucky sighs again throwing his hands up and letting them slap back down.

"What would it hurt if we s-shared?" Bucky asks, his words finally starting to slur now.

"Shared?" Steve looks lost.

"The bed, Steve. Just to s-sleep."

"You want me to believe you wouldn't try anything if we got in bed together?" Steve crosses his arms.

"You're not that irresistible," Bucky scoffs. "I can keep my hands off you, easily."

The truth is, Bucky is attracted to Steve but he's been too annoyed all the time that they wouldn't have sex to really think about it. Tonight though, Steve was wearing a handsome suit all night and now the alcohol's letting Bucky appreciate the man's looks even more.

He really is nice to look at. Thick, blond hair. Sharp cut jaw line, big hands, even bigger chest, and a nice ass.

But even drunk, Bucky knows Steve is a stickler for rules. And shockingly, he'd be more than okay with just being held tonight.

Steve rolls his eyes. "Well, I don't trust you. You should go to bed, Bucky. In your own room."

"Come on."

"No."

"Steve, please."

"I told you I'm not sleeping with—"

"Just sleep," Bucky interjects. "I mean it, please. I don't wanna sleep alone again."

Something in his voice must give him away, how desperately serious he is, because Steve's features soften.

"Just sleep?" Steve tests.

"I swear, no funny business."

It takes a minute but after a long beat, Steve nods. He agrees.

"Go change and then you can sleep here."

Bucky smiles much too wide. He sprints out of the room and nearly falls over but he catches himself and drags his feet all the way to his room. He opens his dresser drawer and pulls out sweats and a t-shirt.

He sinks down to the floor working his tie off but it's so much more work with this much alcohol pumping through him. He gets the tie off and moves on to the buttons of his dress shirt.

Each button takes an eternity. He doesn't remember which button he gets to before he falls asleep on the floor.

#stucky #stucky fic #stucky fanfiction #series #series part 1 #tumblr fic

5 notes · View notes