#like i enjoy myself some good tragedies | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sarahreesbrennan · 3 months

Note

Are all the themes in “in other lands” supposed to be a commentary on something? Or do you just like writing sex scenes between minors, age gaps, and reverse misogyny?

Genuine question.

Ohhh, my dear anon, I don't believe this is a genuine question.

But it does bring up something I've been meaning to talk about. So I'll take the bait.

Firstly. Yes, my work contains a commentary on the world around us. I wonder what I could be doing with the child soldiers being sexually active in their teens (people hook up right after battles), and the age gap relationship ending in the younger one being too mature for the elder. What could I possibly have been attempting when I said 'how absurd gender roles are, when projected onto people we haven't been accustomed by our own society to see that way'? I wasn't being subtle, that's for sure.

Secondly. Yes I do enjoy writing! I think I should, it's my life's work. Am I titillated by my own writing, no - though I think it's fine to be. The sex scenes of In Other Lands aren't especially titillating, to be honest. It is interesting to me how often people sneer at women for writing romance and sex scenes, having 'book boyfriends,' insinuating women writers fancy their own characters. Women having too much immoral fun! Whereas men clearly write about sex for high literary purposes.

… I have to say from my experience of women and men's writing, I haven't found that to be true.

I’m not in this to have an internet argument. I prefer to leave my anons open since not everyone has a tumblr, as @neil-gaiman says it’s an internet backwater, but a lovely one for those like myself who enjoy an essay about fictional characters! Still I will close my inbox to anons if I must. Mostly people use bad faith takes to poke at others from the other side of a screen for kicks. But I do know some truly internalise the attitude that writing certain things is wrong, that anyone who makes mistakes must be shunned as impure, and that is a deeply Victorian and restrictive attitude that guarantees unhappiness.

I've become increasingly troubled by the very binary and extreme ways of thinking I see arising on the internet. They come naturally from people being in echo chambers, becoming hostile to differing opinions, and the age-old conundrum of wanting to be good, fearing you aren't, and making the futile effort to be free of sin. It makes me think of Tennyson, who when travelling through Ireland at the time of the Great Famine, said nobody should talk about the 'Irish distress' to him and insisted the window shades of his carriage be shut as he went from castle to castle. So he wouldn't see the bodies. But that didn't make the bodies cease to be.

In Les Mis, Victor Hugo explores why someone might steal, what that means about them and their circumstances, and who they might be - and explores why someone else is made terribly unhappy, and endangers others, through their own too rigid adherence to judgement and condemnation without pity. The story understands both Jean Valjean the thief and Javert the policeman. Javert’s way of thinking is the one that inevitably leads to tragedy.

Depiction isn't endorsement. Depiction is discussion.

Many of my loved ones have had widely varying relationships to and experience of sex (including 'none'). They've felt all different types of ways about it. If writing about them is not permissible, I close them out. I'd much rather a dialogue be open than closed.

I do understand the urge to write what seems right to others. I've been brain-poisoned that way myself. I used to worry so much about my female characters doing the wrong things, because then they'd be justly hated! Then I noted which of my writer friends had people love their female characters the most - and it was the one who wrote their female characters as screwing up massively, making rash and sometimes wrong decisions. Who wrote them as people. Because that's what people do. That's what feels true to readers.

I want my characters to feel true to readers. I want my characters to react in messy ways to imperfect situations. I love fantasy, I love wild action and I love deep thought, and I want to engage. That's what In Other Lands is about. That's even more what Long Live Evil is about. That sexy lady who sashays in to have sexy sex with the hero - what is her deal? Someone who tricks and lies to others - why are they doing that, how did they get so skilled at it? What makes one person cruelly judgemental, and another ignore all boundaries? What makes Carmen Maria Machado describe ‘fictional queer villains’ as ‘by far the most interesting characters’? What irritates people about women having a great time? What attracts us to power, to fiction, and to transgression?

I don’t know the answers to all those questions, but I know I want to explore them. And I know one more thing.

If the moral thing to do is shut people out and shut people up? Count me among the villains.

#bookblr #discourse #in other lands #long live evil #les mis #carmen maria machado #writing

2K notes · View notes

rosemaze-reveries · 11 days

Text

During an interview, the manor guests suddenly get a question about you. (Part 2)

hello hello! here is part 2 as promised. there are less characters than I hoped to write, but in exchange each blurb is a little longer than pt.1 !

part 1 can be found here

🦌🪼🤡🦎🪞🤕🕯️🎭

Q. Could you describe your relationship with (Y/N)?

🦌 Bane rubs his chin, tracing his memory. "Hm... Indeed, I'm familiar with that name. I'd suppose that's someone I knew when I worked for the DeRosses." He crosses his arms with a low, contemplative grunt, as if struggling to remember anything else. "I'd need a photograph." I happen to have a couple on hand, and he takes them gently. A long period of silence follows. After leafing through the photos for some time, he says: "I remember. They were always talking about marriage." With you? "Mm. I was never interested, but I never said no. Eventually I made them a ring from a scrap of iron. I hoped they'd stop visiting me if I satisfied them... It's too dangerous to come to the forest everyday." Then he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a ring of his own. "In exchange, they gave one back." He's been cherishing it all this time, even when he'd forgotten its origin.

🪼 Ivy - "I'm no stranger to feeling like I'm missing my other half, you know. That sense of loss is one of the only constants I have left. (Y/N) fills my emptiness, and without them it increases twofold." I open my mouth to ask, Do you think you could be soulmates? but then my eyes dart to the Yithian and I realize my mistake. Sorry, was that insensitive? Ivy is not amused with my implication that she might be interested in claiming (Y/N)'s soul. "My dear interviewer, I am a scholar, not a monster. Whatever you're insinuating, you're gravely mistaken."

🤡 Joker's face suddenly hardens, in spite of the fragile, twiddling-thumbs demeanor he'd shown me thus far. His hands ball into shaking fists and his lips purse, as if he's psyching himself up for a fight. Are you okay? I ask, preemptively guarding myself with my clipboard. Tears brim his eyes and the strength falls from his shoulders. He mutters out, "All I wanted was to be their sword and shield, their angel of light, and they left me out of my mind. Hahaha... Wanna know the biggest joke of all? I'd let them drive me crazy all over again."

🦎 Luchino's mouth stretches into a lazy grin. "That one's a cutie, eh? Had the pleasure of meeting them yet?" I shake my head, reminding him that (Y/N) is the focus of my current investigation. I guess his laidback attitude fooled me into saying too much. He promptly straightens his back, the smile fading. "Yeah... Yeah, from one researcher to another, I get the intrigue," he says. "But I can't say I fancy another guy using my love as a test subject."

🪞 Mary - "Do you take pleasure in nosing around a lady's private affairs? I'd expect more tact, even for an interviewer." The chill in her tone startles me. I sputter out something in my defense, but Mary huffs and waves me into silence. "(Y/N) is enjoying the privilege of being my right-hand. They're my favorite one so far, too. I dismissed the others without a second thought."

🤕 Naib - "On good terms." Wringing out any insightful answers from this man is tougher than I thought. In hopes of inspiring more of a reaction, I tell a small lie: When I interviewed (Y/N), they described a rather colorful affection for you... Almost immediately, Naib breaks eye contact and crosses his arms. But I still only get a guttural "Hm." in response. Can you confirm if this is true? I press. His answer is, once again, a curt "Hm." (Slightly more affirmative, I would say).

🕯️ Philippe - "My work has always stood as a testament to my love," he caresses the wax figure grafted onto his shoulder, "but shielding someone in life is a far greater challenge than honoring my losses. My worries are endless." Suddenly reminded of his sister's tragedy, I offer a sympathetic smile. Do you believe (Y/N) is in danger? Philippe returns my smile, though I can't make out the intent. "Of course. Evil lurks around every corner. At the very least, it won't reach them while I'm around."

🎭 Sangria - A fond smile graces her face as she recounts her memory. "It was clear to me after some time that I had disastrously entranced them." Then she adds, lightly, "I hadn't meant to, of course. At the time, I thought, I'm not looking for love—no, I'd had enough of it all—but soon, their smile would appear in my mind every time I sang. When someone gives you that much inspiration? You'd be a fool to let them go." She has a playful tone of voice, but I can tell (Y/N) means a great deal to her.

#SORRY FOR THE DELAY 😭 did not mean to disappear for a month oml #identity v #idv x reader #identity v x reader #bane perez x reader #ivy x reader #joker x reader #luchino diruse x reader #mary x reader #naib subedar x reader #philippe x reader #sangria x reader #idv imagines

166 notes · View notes

baby-yongbok · 9 months

Text

Sunset

Bang Chan x Thick Fem!Reader

Genre: Smut, non idol

✨Masterlist ✨

Warnings: Unprotected sex (Wrap it up, guys), Cheating (Married reader/ Chan is dating someone) , Strangers to One night lovers, Dirty Talk, Fingering, Oral sex (M receiving) Slightly rough, Uh.. that’s it really? It’s just Smut, Sorry if I missed any tags. Explicit content so MDNI please.

Word Count: 2677

Note: First Person POV + This was something that I just whipped up real quick and wanted to share. It’s short compared to what I usually like to write but I thought you’d enjoy it! Just a quick smutty Chan fic to entertain ya.

Summary: The Sunset diner is your go to place to retreat, it allows you to meet new people while immersing yourself in the arts. It’s become your routine to relax at the diner every night and seek some...company. One night a new customer arrives and you just cant seem to keep your eyes off of him. You have to have him.

"Thank you, Lali." I nod my head to the waitress that serves me almost every night and she smiles back as always.

The Sunset studio and diner has always been a safe haven for me, ever since I was thirteen years old my step dad would bring me here and buy me a hot chocolate and two cookies before letting me roam around the studio and stare at the artwork in awe. It bought him enough time to smash whatever girl he picked up along the way in the bathroom then come back and act like he was never gone. I never cared, I was too fascinated with the artwork and the soft melodies of the guitars that the customers brought from home, or the grand piano by the entrance being played by whoever thought they were good enough to have the entire studio hear them. I was always amazed by those people, by their confidence, it was different from the kind that I possessed and I enjoyed being in its presence. No one has dared to play the piano in months though, not in my visits to the diner.

I continue my watercolor painting enjoying the ambient sounds of guitars and what I’m pretty sure is a ukulele when suddenly I hear it. My head snaps up and my eyes land on the brown haired man focusing on the keys of the grand piano. Others in the diner still their movements as they stare, those who are sitting around me stop talking and listen to the melody that he's producing. He continues to play a song that I've never heard before, an original maybe? The beauty in the notes that he's playing makes me close my eyes as the music builds me up to a feeling of bliss that I haven’t felt in what feels like forever.

As the piece picks up speed I start to wonder about its purpose. Is it an ode to tragedy or love? They are both one in the same in the end but I'd love to pick his brain. Suddenly the melody comes to a halt before he lightly strokes the last three keys. The sound of the last key drags out beautifully and applause erupts quickly after. The young man's head jolts upward and a small dimpled grin plays upon his lips before he stands and playfully bows before the studio. As the studio calms down I watch him carefully as he picks up his bag and makes his way to the counter to order a drink. I can’t help myself as I find myself ear hustling.

"That was beautiful." One of the employees that I don't know that well raves.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." His response is dry, he's uninterested.

"Chan?" Lali calls from the pick up counter and I glance back to watch him pick up his drink. He smiles warmly at Lali but he's still uninterested, what is he interested in? He scans the studio searching for a spot to sit and I quickly continue painting. He makes his way past my booth and I decide to go in for the kill.

"Excuse me." He turns around to me and his eyes soften once they land on mine, why's he so tense?

"May I ask what you got to drink? It looks divine." The same small grin as before plays upon his lips as he turns completely to me.

"An iced black tea with mint and cream."

"Oh, wow that sounds as divine as it looks, thank you." His eyes stay on mine as I offer him a smile and for the first time since he's stood from the piano he seems interested.

"It's my pleasure, I can't help but notice your painting. It's beautiful, truly stunning." Tapping the end of my paint brush against the table I shrug at him.

"It's alright, I'm experimenting with watercolor tonight. Would you like to have a seat?" I wave my hand towards the seat across from me and he kindly accepts. Sliding into the booth I get a swift whiff of his scent, a musk of some sort, Egyptian? Himalayan maybe.

"I'm not much of an artist, the world of paint intimidates me." He chuckles and I bring my hand up to rest my chin in the palm.

"Funny, you don't seem like the type to be intimidated by much." His eyebrow raises at my response as he lets it linger, he clearly doesn't plan to ask what I mean. He's waiting for me to elaborate, but I'm not the type to volunteer information and he doesn't seem like the type to ask about it.

"Do you come here often?" He asks disregarding my previous comment, I can't help but chuckle.

"Every other week since I was thirteen, I upgraded to every day at 9pm a year ago." He shakes his head and sips his drink.

"I'm passing through this town, thought I'd look for a place to relax and stop driving for a while."

"You made a wonderful choice stopping here, especially since you seem to be a fellow creative. That was a beautiful piece you played earlier." He nods and offers a quiet thank you. "Have you always played? Or have you just recently learned how to move your fingers like that?"

There his eyebrow goes again, raised and displaying his curiosity. "I've always played."

"Oh, how wonderful you must have such a careful way of doing things then. I've always found that those who play the piano are drawn towards the more intricate things in life."

We stare at each other for a few seconds, both grinning and scanning each other. He breaks our gaze, sitting up straighter he pushes his drink over to me.

"Have a taste." His eyes meet mine again and this time I challenge his gaze, holding it as I wrap my lips around the straw and suck up the tasty liquid. "Don't be greedy, now."

A small moan escapes me at the sound of his warning. Releasing the straw from my lips I grin at him. "Delicious, the mint is a really nice touch."

"Would you like for me to get you one?"

"No thank you, I like yours." The chuckle that falls from his lips stirs something up in me that I haven't felt in a while. He's flipping a switch that no one has been able to in a while and I am loving it.

"What do you do for a living?" Eyebrows furrowed and both elbows on the table he awaits my answer.

"I'm an art professor." There goes that eyebrow raise.

"Professor? Excuse me for my rudeness but my curiosity is getting the best of me. May I ask your age?"

"You may." He's visibly amused by my answer. He's clearly a bit younger than me. He's easy to get to but not too easy.

"Twenty-five and yourself?"

"Twenty-three" I knew it, experienced but not too much. "Too young for you?"

"Not at all, you'll be fun to seduce." There go those damn eyebrows, I wonder if he knows he's doing that at this point. I'm not mad at it, it's just interesting.

"Seduce, huh?"

"Mhm, I'm already turning you on." He leans forward in his seat and folds his arms.

"How so?"

" You like that I'm not easy to read, you're also into the fact that we both dabble in the arts of some sort. You're impressed by my age and my beauty, and you've been keeping consistent eye contact with me. Not to mention your manspreading which when across from an attractive female is an invitation to make an advance." He leans back against the booth, arms still crossed.

"Are you sure you don't teach psychology?" Smiling in his direction I nod before checking the time.

"Drive me home?" Checking his watch he keeps his eyes on me as I pack my art supplies.

"Is 11:15pm your cut off time here?" Grabbing his bag and finishing his drink he slides over to the end of the seat.

"Not usually, but I have to get to the next step in seducing you." Laughing, he stands and grabs my bag for me.

"I should've probably told you this before but I'm actually driving down to see my girlfriend." Shrugging my shoulders I pass him.

"And I'm married, your point?" Making my way through the doors of the studio I close my eyes briefly as the night air brushes my skin, the beginning of fall is always so relaxing.

"This way." Brushing his hand along the small of my back he starts walking towards his black Mercedes Benz G-Class. I guess he's not bothered by my relationship status, I'm glad we're on the same page. "After you." Opening the door for me and placing my bag at my feet he closes it after me and I quickly do a breath and pit check before he gets to the driver's side. Once he's inside he asks where I live and I say nothing, looking over at me I meet his gaze and smile at him.

"I never got your name.” he relaxes into his seat

"Chan, and yours" I don't plan on answering him, it's actually best if I don't. His breath hitches in his throat as I begin to palm him through his jeans.

"I like to think about how you'll recall this memory over the next couple of months." Getting on my knees in the passenger seat I leaned over to unbuckle his belt. "How you'll recall the blissful feeling of my mouth on you, the nameless woman you met at the studio."

Unzipping his pants teasingly slow, neither of us break our continuous gaze. "How I'm so much better than the girl you're going to visit, sexier, more spontaneous. Has she ever sucked you off in your car?" He shakes his head revealing the obvious answer.

"I didn't think so." My mouth sinks down his shaft and he draws in a deep breath. His hand tangles into my hair and the other grips the steering wheel. He clearly hasn't received oral in awhile, I'd be surprised if he lasts longer than three minutes.

"Oh my fucking god" He rests his head against the headrest and his grip on my hair gets tighter as I work his shaft, my tongue playing with the underside of his dick where his head and shaft meet, my favorite part of any man's cock. "You're pretty fucking good at that, baby."

Humming in response I take his length deeper down my throat swallowing around him. I think that today I'll try not to use my hands, I'd like to make him finish strictly with my mouth. "Shit, babe let me kiss you."

Humming in response I continue to work my head up and down his dick. "I said let me fucking kiss you." Pulling my head up off of him he holds my chin in place as his lips aggressively meet mine. Moaning into him I part my lips allowing his tongue to explore the depths of my mouth as he pleases. His hand explores my body, fondling my breast and Tracing the dips of my curvy figure.

"You're a fucking slut aren't you?" Moaning at the sound of his husky voice I nod. "Finish a sluts job then." Pushing my head back down to his cock I open my mouth taking his member back down my throat. Groans and moans fall from our mouths as I sucked him, the anticipation of his sticky cum coating my throat excites me.

"Just like that, give me all of that pretty mouth." His cock twitches in my mouth and I start to slow down eliciting a frustrated groan from Chan as well as a slap on the ass. "Don't you tease me, slut."

Smiling slightly I pick up the pace finding my rhythm, it's not long before he explodes in my mouth gifting me with the taste of him. Swallowing every last drop I sit up and start preparing to make my escape when he grabs my wrist and ushers me over into his lap. Leaning back into the steering wheel I accidentally honk the car horn with my backside and we both chuckle after the surprise and panic subside. Adjusting his seat so that it's further away from the steering wheel and slightly leaned back I adjust myself so that I'm comfortable before crashing my lips to his. Grinding into him my skirt rides up revealing my bare ass and his hand wastes no time gripping a handful and landing a firm smack on either cheek eliciting a deep moan from me. Before I realize it his length slips inside of me filling me up and reaching every spot that I need him to.

"Fuck, oh my god." Moans uncontrollably spill as he thrusts up into me.

"What about you, huh? Are you going to think about the guy you met at the studio? How he seduced you just as effectively as you did him." Picking up his speed he finds a rhythm that is bound to make me cum early. " How he made you cum so quickly that you can't fathom what a night with him would be like." Just as those words leave his mouth my orgasm washes over me in a wave stronger than any man has ever caused before.

"Or how about the way he kept you coming over and over again." One of his hands snaked down to my pussy and started aggressively rubbing my currently sensitive clit. The other hand lifted my shirt to reveal my bare chest, lifting his knee a bit and pushing me forward. He sucks one of my nipples into his mouth as he readjusts his other hand to replace his length with two fingers, as his thumb finds and rubs my clit. Bouncing with the rhythm of his fingers I end up riding his digits as my second orgasm crashes into me.

"Chan" All I manage to moan out is his name, the only thing I can remember at this point is his name and maybe how to breathe but even that seems to be failing me at the moment. I climax for a third time and he releases my nipple from his mouth.

"You look so pretty while you ride my fingers, go ahead and come for me again, kitten." I can't help but to completely let loose at the sound of him as my final orgasm rips through my body. I become limp on top of him and he slowly removes his fingers from me and slips them into his mouth. "Just as sweet as I thought you'd be."

Littering kisses up my neck and cheek he lifts me up a bit to meet his gaze. "You better clean yourself up, I'd hate for your husband to start a fight with you and ruin your night." Smiling over at him I sit up and pull down my shirt. Then climb back over into the passenger seat and pull down my skirt. Chan fixes the driver's side chair and I wipe my mouth with my forearm, my formerly messy hair is still messy so that's not a problem at all. Suddenly Chan grabs the back of my neck, ushering my face towards his and our lips meet In a heated kiss. I let his lips linger and dance with mine for a while before pulling away.

"Thank you for seducing me." He smiles teasingly as I laugh.

"It was my pleasure." Bending down and grabbing my bag I open the passenger door.

"Where are you -"

"My husband picks me up from here at 12:10am every night." Smiling over at him I almost close the door completely before opening it again. He looks at me hopefully with those damn eyebrows raised and his small grin painted upon his lips, I felt a wave of heat wash over me and I couldnt help what I said next. "Y/n."

"Y/n, thank you." Smiling, I look down at my feet before closing the car door and turning on my heels heading back inside of the studio. Walking up to the counter I smile at Lali as she asks what I'd like.

"A large iced black tea with mint and cream, please."

628 notes · View notes

di-42 · 5 months

Text

Why are we obsessed with Good Omens?

Why are we obsessed with Good Omens? And, more specifically,why are we so obsessed with Good Omens season 2? And why is this such an intense obsession? I've been obsessed with other TV series in the past: Sherlock, Doctor Who and Gilmore Girls are just a few examples. But my obsession with Good Omens is stronger. I loved Good Omens, the book. I was delighted when not only did Good Omens season 1 not disappoint compared to the book but was excellent in its own right. But after watching season 2 I was a different person. And I know I'm not alone in this.

Why is this? Why is this show affecting us so deeply? To the point that sometimes it feels destabilising?

Like I said above, I loved the book and I loved season 1. I loved the complexity of the plot, the many layers of the story, the humour of course, all the characters and in the TV show the way these characters were portrayed, especially of course our two main heroes. I loved the way the story unapologetically approached religion and teased it and played with it and made fun of parts of it, especially the bureaucratic/hierarchic part without being disrespectful to believers (I think and hope, but since I'm not a believer myself I'm happy to be corrected). I loved how much was in it and the many lenses we could read the story.

Now I'll be honest. When I started watching season 2 I... loved it. Of course I did. The way you love things you know. The way you love things that make you feel safe. The way a toddler loves mum and dad and the way we love going for a coffee with our lifelong friends. Something risk-free, something we know, something we don't need to worry about. Something beautiful but... Shall I say it? Something beautiful, truly beautiful and safe and cosy but not something extremely exciting. The plot is Crowley and Aziraphale have to hide Gabriel who, for some reason, has left heaven. OK. Nice. We get to know Crowley and Aziraphale better, we have more glimpses of their history. Truly, truly beautiful. But safe. A lovely rom com. We fall in love with 1941 all over again. Beautifully emotional. But where's the danger? Is the world really not ending this time round? It was difficult to take the threats from heaven and hell very seriously when we saw our heroes visiting the coffee shop, driving to Edinburgh and miracling rain to make two humans fall in love.

I was enjoying it, I was... yeah. Loving it, sure. We were all happily watching it but, let's face it, we all knew how it was going to end, didn't we?

And that there. That's why we are so obsessed with Good Omens. Well, that's definitely why I'm so obsessed with Good Omens. At first I thought it was just the lack of closure. But it's not. It's because after alluring you in with cosy safe tartan blankets and cocoa winged mugs it smites you mercilessly. It's because it subverts all the expectations it created in the first place. This is what is so destabilising. We've all read and watched lovely, moving, heart breaking love stories before. We've all lost it a bit over maddening cliffhangers. All the beautiful stories in our lives. But the ending of Good Omens season 2? It does change you as a person. The impact of changing the narrative so suddenly and forcefully. We were watching a comedy and now we are witnessing the unfolding of a tragedy. That's what did it, I think. That's why it stays with us and occupies a good part of our thoughts while we go about our daily activities. That's also what makes many of us want to write, draw, analyse and create. As obsessed as I was with other series and books before, it was only after Good Omens season 2 that I felt I needed to write about it and find a community where I could talk about and share my thoughts and read other people's thoughts. I know many of you are writers or artists but I also know many of us aren't and it's only thanks to Good Omens that we overcome our fears and self doubts and put our thoughts out there. Thanks to Neil Gaiman. Thanks to Neil Gaiman promising one thing and delivering another. Thanks to Neil Gaiman deceiving us. I can't wait to see how it all pans out and we do know everything will be OK. But in the meantime I'm so happy to have had my expectations taken and thrown in the bin.

#good omens #good omens season2 #Good omens 2 #subverting expectations #the beauty of stories

223 notes · View notes

rifualk · 9 days

Text

On Mental Health and Cosmic Embarrassment

I don't usually make a post in the aftermath of one of my spirals, so I bet most people see some of the vent posts I make, and assume I am just off my meds or something. I am on them but I might not be on the right ones. This is a thing that happens to me sometimes. I have psychotic episodes, where it feels like the things I am saying are completely inconsequential and I genuinely believe no one cares what I'm saying or, worst of all, that it cannot scare anyone that cares about me. I get too tired to fight my intrusive thoughts and I just ride them out. Most of my thoughts are not ones I enjoy having. I have trouble parsing what is real sometimes. For most of my life, out of a kind of primal shame and terror of being perceived or judged, I beat myself into believing that I just roleplayed as a crazy person online because I wanted attention for it, but it finally clicked for me at some point in my 20s that I was, and am, genuinely very mentally ill, maybe in ways that make me not-entirely-functional in the culture I inhabit. Also, I want attention for it.

Life is very embarrassing. I think embarrassment, shame, et al. is probably the most cosmic feeling of them all, because being embarrassed, for me anyway, leads invariably to my OCD extrapolating the embarrassment, no matter how slight, into its natural extreme, becoming a full-blown existential meltdown and often manifesting in some self-punishment. Or a lot of self-punishment. Instead of saying "everyone wants attention, it's not a big deal", my brain will overwhelm me with shame and make me vow to be quieter about the whole thing next time. Good emotions are meant to be expressed, I tell myself, and Bad ones are not. I think it's very unhealthy for people to not express their negative emotions openly. Or maybe I'm psychotic. I mean, I am psychotic. But maybe right now, too.

Ultimately this feeling peaks with the realization - again - that I'm a eukaryote. I live on a spinning ball of stardust in the aftermath of what had to have been a colossal disaster and waste of time. But it happened, and so now there's a bunch of stuff floating around, and some of that stuff started moving for reasons I don't personally understand and the implications of which scare me. And the moving stuff that moved faster got to stay moving longer. And so a chain reaction escalated, and eventually there were very large moving things whose survival adaptations had evolved in such a way that they could conceptualize and communicate complex information about the world around them, but they were also able to conceptualize themselves. This gave them a lot of grief. They wanted very badly for there to be an answer to why they were able to do that. Surely it served some purpose. But we never found one, and here we are.

I don't have a god to turn to. I have tried - earnestly, sincerely, and desperately - to reach out; I never hear back. I don't want to be an atheist, it's heartbreaking. Honestly. I want someone to be up there, or out there. Knowing there isn't, is just... cruel. It's horrifying and it wrenches my heart. Look at us, look how much we're suffering, where the fuck did you go, what the fuck is your problem? Help us!

In spite of everything, I am still not sure what I believe.

Don't you ever just cry about the world? Like, broadly? Don't you ever just have to take off your glasses and wipe the brine from them because you caught a glimpse of what people, as a species, could be capable of? And I get angry at myself, too. What am I doing about it? What even can I do? I can barely hold down a job. I am barely an adult. I am often mired in this feeling. It permeates everything. I'm living in a tragedy - not just my own, but millions and millions of others'. This is a nightmare. It's a nightmare and I'm an embarrassment, and my brain doesn't work right, and I'm living in a terrible reality that is shared by everyone, and yet somehow equally isolating and alienating to all of us. Does it have to be that way? Aren't we all lonely?

When I am spiraling I really do think that the end is near, either for me, or for everyone, or for both. To be fair, my confidence about humanity's future is not promising even when I am at my most sane. But in this kind of emotional place, the stakes are too high for me to care that what I say might come off as upsetting. It is completely overwhelming. I see my life up to this point, and I see how long I've been alive and realize I'm very Not Normal and I look and sound different than everyone around me and I'm an embarrassment. It's embarrassing to exist. It's embarrassing to be transgender, too. It's really, really embarrassing to be mentally ill and fully aware of it all the time. It's shameful. I am ashamed of how my family likely sees me. How my peers see me. I'm just a walking disaster. I feel like this bars me from leading a happy life or finding some success in art - It doesn't seem like you're allowed to be quite this much of a problem and "get away with it", does it? There's a bit of social sanitizing at work there - you are only allowed to be a certain level of messed up and if you pass that you're sort of a pariah. I don't think I've ever done anything pariah-worthy, but I can only see things from the inside of my own head, and there's a lot of unwanted noise in here.

I painted this when I lived in Oregon. I don't know how. I could not do art like this again if asked.

I'm not in a good place, generally-speaking. It could be worse - and it was for a long time- but it's still just not great. There are two reasons for this. One is that I'm very homesick. The other is that I found - and subsequently lost - my twin. But I only want to talk about the first reason right now - I grew attached to the Pacific Northwest in a way I've never really grown attached to any other place. It had a quality that exists nowhere else. It resonated with me immediately and I knew right away from the moment I first set foot there that it was my home. I grew to be a part of it, and it's the only place I felt I somewhat-belonged... I have been away from Oregon for 2 whole years as of next month. I feel like I'm a fish out of water, or a sapling in the wrong soil. I can't and won't say that the place I live currently is a bad place, but it isn't my place, and the disconnect has been maybe the nastiest shock to my system in all my life. Finding the place I loved, and living for over 12 years there, only to be wrenched away from it so suddenly, left a shock on me that I think has yet to surface in my work. I'm excited to see what form it takes when it does. Location is very important to my mental wellbeing, more than I think it is for most people. Maybe I am a plant. It's also very important for my art. I've struggled to find inspiration since I moved here. That said, I've had the very precious opportunity to just work on myself - on my transition, as well as my personal issues. I think I'm getting better, gradually, in some way. I have a job now, at least. So it's not entirely bad. I even grew sunflowers last summer.

Around this time I got banned from twitter, but I don't feel any shame about the reason why because I believe in my message. But it forced me to be a lot less active online for a long time. It also made me lose a lot of support. That's been something I've grappled with a lot these last 2 years - that people really don't like people like me, for reasons that are mostly not our fault. I will likely always be something of an outsider for being who I am now, but I was one before anyway. It's still worth it. I like the person I'm becoming. I feel like only recently did I allow myself to feel this self-love. I was too embarrassed of myself. It took a lot of patience and a lot of de-tangling my self-worth from a lot of trauma. So it's likely I would have needed to go through all of this regardless of where I was.

I still slip up. It's an uphill climb and it's slippery. I like to be transparent about these things. It's a relief - feeling like I need to hide things is my default state and it's lovely to just let go of stuff so I don't need to keep it in my head all the time. I have a lot of hangups still. I get discouraged about my art still - I fear I'll never build myself back up to where I was before, and that there will never be a time when I can really pay the bills with it. Or worse-still, that it just isn't special enough to last. That it isn't remarkable enough to survive after I'm gone. But I think a lot of people who make stuff feel that way, and it's not our fault. There's some relief in that. I'm happy to have even a few people that care about me and my work, and something I've been trying really hard to remember in recent years is to take time to appreciate them. I'm not actually alone. I have a lot of people that love me. I'm not an outsider. I'm very lucky to know the people I do, and I hold a deep regret for all the connections I've let go of because I was just too sick. Deep down I really do wish I could love everyone. I have no ill will towards anyone, not really.

I still don't know what I'm doing. I am just doing my best, I think. I'm really, really tired. I don't want to get any older. I'm scared of the passage of time. My memory is so bad, it feels like time is taken from me without me realizing. I am 33 years old. I do not have 33 years worth of memories. There are huge leaps. Gaps where suddenly I was just older and in more pain. Being adrift in time like this is horrific - one day I will blink, and the present moment may be completely forgotten. It can't go this fast. It just can't. Something has to be wrong. I don't want to die, I don't want to miss out on so much life or be unable to remember it. I don't want to find myself on my deathbed someday way sooner than I think and be unable to string together any kind of coherent thread from my memories. What is it all for? It has to mean something right? Why am I doing anything?

I think I finally understand that love is why. I don't know much more than that. Love is real, and it's the answer. If you find love, don't take it for granted, ever. No love is perfect. Take it with all its flaws. You don't have time to bargain with it. Love like you'll never love again, love like it's your last day alive, love like it will keep you alive forever, because it will. Every year closer to death you get, you will feel the regret of all the times you did not follow your heart. Life is short. I'm finding this out entirely too late. It goes by so fast, and what you have at the end are people and memories of being loved. To be loved is to live forever. It's the thing that connects us to everything else. It's the source and the answer to everything. It makes more sense the older I get. It used to sound cheesy, but I believe it with more sincerity every day.

youtube

I kept my last promise to you - there are no new scars on my arms, or bruises on my head or face.

#mental health posting #is there a better tag for that

99 notes · View notes

alittletaste · 1 year

Text

SKIN CARE & AWARD SHOWS

↳ In which Harry uses a face mask before the Brits and has a deep conversation with y/n

Warning: sweet sweet fluff and a little article at the end! Please reblog and show some love if you enjoyed, i appreciate it! Anyways, have fun reading :)

It was no secret that Harry took care of his skin, from the very get-go, the first concert he ever had to perform, the night before, he stood in front of his mirror applying his face mask. And now ten years on, he was sitting on his bed, his beautiful wife sat opposite him, slathering his soft skin with a layer of creamy goodness.

“Harry, stop wiggling!” She whined, trying her best to smooth out the cream all over his perfect face. Harry smiles, listening to his wife, but not before cheekily sticking his tongue out and licking her hand that was hovering over his lips as she applied the mask to his nose.

“Oi!” She giggled, playfully slapping her annoyingly handsome husband on his thigh causing him to let out a belly laugh. “God, you’re so annoying”

“You love it though” he smiles, “it’s why you married me” Y/n rolls her eye, as she works on applying the face mask onto his forehead. She appreciates the headband Harry put on earlier, to keep his unruly locks out of her way.

“Is this the pore cleanser one?” Harry asked, looking at his wife, he was in awe of her. To him, his wife was the most beautiful person to ever grace the earth. To him, she was his everything. Harry often finds himself saying that he would be lost without her, he wouldn’t know what to do. Apparently, y/n keeps his head screwed on, she grounds him and sometimes humbles him. It’s what a man needs, he says, someone to not only love you but to keep you sane and make sure your ego doesn’t inflate too much.

“Mhm, it also calms the skin, helps any breakouts. I know you get some before a show, so this is perfect” y/n says as she finally applies the mask to his chin. She knew it’d be a good time to bring this mask out seeing as the Brits were approaching. The Brits meant a lot to Harry, his whole family would be watching and as he was opening the show, y/n knew he’d hate for a breakout to start right before.

“So thoughtful” Harry hums softly and a smile tugs on his face as his wife pulls back, inspecting her work. “Done?” He questions, earning a nod from his partner.

“All done” she smiles. “Just got to wait until it hardens now” she says.

“Whilst the mask hardens, I’ve got something else for you that I’m sure would harden up in a second” he smirks, eyeing his own junk, and y/n rolls her eyes as she realises what he’s referring to

“God, you just had to go and ruin the moment, didn't you? You can’t help yourself mister” she giggles and Harry laughs.

“It’s hard to contain myself around you, you’re m’everything. Y’know that, right?” Harry smiles, tucking y/ns hair behind her ear as he tugs her over towards himself.

“Be careful!” She warns as Harry ends up on his back, y/n now straddling him. “Don’t want to ruin my masterpiece” she spoke, referring to the face mask.

“Oh no! Would never want to do that, what a tragedy that would be” sarcasm thick in Harry’s voice. It was one of the many things y/n loved about him; his humour. It was very British, but also very funny. To y/n, Harry was the funniest man on the planet, but she didn’t dare tell him that, why boost the ego of a man who had millions of people going crazy over him any more than it already was? To y/n, Harry was also the sweetest, the best thing to happen to her. He came into her life and made it so much better, God what would she do without him and his humour to get her through the day?

“You’re so adorable” y/n speaks, her hands on Harry’s chest as she took him in, some parts of the facemask were now hardening, like the part around his nose and beneath his eyes.

“That should be my line” Harry jokes, “but thank you, baby. You’re not too bad either”

“You’re such a meanie” she pouts and Harry reaches up to carefully pull her lips towards his own, there was no doubt that some of his face mask had transferred onto y/ns face but she didn’t mind.

“I’m only kidding baby” he says, pulling back, “I was serious before y’know that? You’re my everything, my most favourite person. Sometimes, it blows my mind, like I actually found my person you know?” He ponders.

“It’s crazy, isn’t it? I’m glad to be your person, I love you so much” smiling, she leans in for another kiss.

“I love you so much too, I’m happy to call you my person” Harry says, gently squeezing his wife’s side, happy that he found his lifelong companion and soulmate, happy that he knew he’d wake up to the same person by his side every day for the rest of his life, something he thought would once be impossible. You proved all his inner thoughts wrong and he couldn’t be happier.

And he certainly showed his appreciation when he won his four Brit awards, thanking you in each and every speech.

A CLEAN SWEEP FOR STYLES! HARRY STEALS THE SHOW WITH HIS BIG FOUR WINS

The former one direction star won all four Brits he was nominated for, including best album and best artist.

It was no surprise when Harry opened the show with his hit song, As it was, which later went on to win song of the year. Fans were, as expected, chanting the anthem back at him.

Styles looked absolutely amazing tonight, sporting four different looks for this occasion. Onlookers went on to say that although he looked absolutely stunning tonight and did have his fair share of jokes with the crowd, he made it quiet obvious that he is a happily married man.

During his acceptance speeches, Harry didn’t fail to recognise and shout out his wife, Y/n Styles, going on to say that she was his “forever muse” and that he would be “no where without her”

He also thanked his mum for pushing him to audition at x-factor, claiming that he “wouldn’t be standing here” if it weren’t for her. One thing we all know for certain is that Harry is a family man and we love him for that.

Even during his post award show interview, Harry was seen thanking his wife with a kiss on her lips before talking about how she was “always there for him” and this “album would be impossible to make without her” so cheers to y/n for these bangers.

He also mentioned how he was planning on “having a drink” so we hope he has a great rest of the night! A true champion like him deserves that.

#harry styles blurbs #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fanfiction #harry writing #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles x you #harry styles oneshot #harry styles social media

955 notes · View notes

delzinrowe · 2 months

Text

Aftermath - Kento Nanami

WORD COUNT: ~4.2K WARNINGS: Some minor & major alterations to Shibuya Arc! No Culling Games in this fic. Otherwise no serious warnings. F!Reader SUMMARY: Three days after the Shibuya Incident in the midst of the aftermath Y/N is trying to sort out her emotions and deal with what happened. A/N: Feedback is always appreciated! If you want to be tagged in upcoming fics/drabbles, please let me know!!! Thank you, and enjoy <3 Considering there are alterations to Shibuya: PLEASE, keep your replies/comments spoiler free, to ensure the unaltered enjoyment of other readers. Thank you!

Curses had claimed Shibuya. Half the district was gone, reduced to ashes and debris. Thousands of human lives were eradicated, leaving nothing but pain and emptiness in the hearts of those who miraculously survived the tragedy.

The remaining sorcerers tried their best to evacuate those who lived too close to the newly created wastelands of Tokyo. There was no telling how long it would take to get rid of all the curses, if that was even possible. Therefore saving and protecting all non-sorcerers had priority.

Within record time Y/N had scouted through the rackages in search of any survivors and brought them to Shoko for treatment. It was a tiring task, not only physically but mentally. Seeing the devastating destruction caused by Sukuna, Kenjaku and the countless curses truly took a toll on everyone.

All it took was a few hours to save all the survivors. But this small win was overshadowed by the carnage left behind. Every sorcerer had returned to the Tokyo Jujutsu High grounds, even the ones from Kyoto decided to stay. Considering the immediate threat posed by the countless curses roaming the streets it was the most logical decision for everyone to stay and aid the Tokyo sorcerers.

Many of the sorcerers made it their daily mission to eradicate as many curses as they possibly could, it was their way of dealing with the losses. Among those was Y/N. After the incident she focused all her attention on the vile creatures, spending every minute on the battlefield. As one of the teachers at Jujutsu High she had always made it her priority to keep everyone safe. If going on a rampage and killing curses left and right was the only way for her to ensure no one else would be hurt, so be it.

Just after killing the last of the evil spirits in front of her she fell to her knees. The exhaustion of the past few days took over her body, but she fought against it.

“You can’t keep going like this, Y/N.” Nanami Kento’s voice sounded from a bit further away, as his feet slowly carried him closer to her kneeling form. The blonde sorcerer seemed exhausted as well, carrying scars and injuries from the massacre days ago.

“Sure I can. I have to.” She responded, but her words didn’t hold as much strength as she had intended. And when she stood up she realised how much her body trembled.

“When was the last time you slept?” He inquired with this slightly disappointing tone that made her feel aggravated all too quickly.

“For your information I slept last night.” By now he was standing before her, watching with eagle eyes as she brushed the dirt off her clothes.

“How many hours?” His question earned him an eye-roll in response. Why did he feel the need to act like this right now when he knew the current situation better than anyone.

She refrained from answering, knowing fully well that in her agitated state she might say something spiteful or mean that she’d regret later on.

“You cannot keep this up.” His voice now held a more stern tone as he tried desperately to get through to her. However, the more he tried to reason with her the more she resisted.

“I’m not a child, Kento, I can take care of myself. Thank you.” She had never raised her voice at him like this before, but his nagging really was not what she needed right now. While she knew that it came from a good place, it fell on deaf ears. She had lost too many people, had watched close friends be slaughtered like pigs in front of her.

“Obviously you can’t!” He yelled back at her when she had already turned on her heel.

“You’re a teacher, don’t you think you should be a role model to your students?” Y/N couldn’t see it but she knew that he wore a pleading expression on his face, simply with the way his voice sounded almost desperate to get through to her.

“I am!” Was all she shouted back at him before walking further away, out of his field of vision. She had to get away from him right now even if she knew that he only meant well.

Didn’t he understand that she needed this? That she needed to exorcize as many curses as she could? That she needed to make these streets safer for everyone?

Nanami knew her better than anyone. And he knew that she needed this, but not ‘to make the streets safer’. Not because Exorcizing curses was the simple job of a sorcerer.

No. Y/N needed this for herself more than anything.

Once she had walked further away, when she was out of earshot, she once more collapsed, physically and mentally. She dropped to her knees, not caring that the tiny stones on the ground would leave marks on her knees even through her pants, and balled her hands into fists. She made no attempts in stopping the tears that started filling her eyes, eventually rolling down her cheeks and dropping onto the ruined ground, which once was a bustling street filled with life.

Minutes passed in which Y/N cried without a care in the word if anyone saw her. The overwhelming guilt she felt caused her chest to tighten and burn as if it was on fire.

“Survivor’s Guilt”, is what Shoko had called it when she patched up Y/N’s injuries. “It’s the belief that you did something wrong by surviving when others didn’t.”, she explained it further. Y/N knew that it wasn’t rational to feel like this, but what did that help when she was convinced on a deeply emotional level that by surviving she truly did do something wrong.

“It’s not fair. So many talented and skilled people died, but I survived. Why? It’s just not fair…” She had argumented, but Shoko was quick to smack the back of her head, effectively capturing her full attention. The healer had made it clear to her that she didn’t survive for nothing, that people still needed her. It was enough to give Y/N at least some mental strength, but as soon as she had left Shoko’s infirmary she fell into the habit of not eating, not sleeping and using all her time to hunt down every cursed spirit she could find.

Y/N wasn’t sure how much time had passed, it couldn’t have been more than half an hour, considering the sun was pretty much still at the same spot in the sky. She frankly didn’t care all too much about it either way.

After wiping lazily over her face she finally stood up, skillfully ignoring that her knees felt like dough and her legs trembled. It simply did not matter, she felt as if nothing mattered. At the same time everything mattered.

By now she deeply regretted snapping at Nanami, he was the least person to deserve that. He had always been some sort of role model to Y/N. His moral code in keeping children safe and not letting the youth experience any misery greatly inspired her to become a teacher at Jujutsu High.

She decided to apologise when she saw him next. He’d understand her, she was sure of it. For now she just wanted to get out of here. Her strength was decreasing due to lack of sleep and nutrition. As skilled and talented as she was, she wasn’t arrogant enough to believe she could take on multiple high grade curses in her current status.

Her walk back to the next operating public transportation wasn’t short, giving her plenty of time to think of the exact words she wanted to tell Nanami during her apology and how she’d explain herself. Even though she knew that his maturity wouldn’t expect her to explain anything. He surely knew how she felt. She guessed that he was ridden with the same form of guilt that plagued her mind and heart.

Y/N paid it no mind to the unamused glares and frowns of disapproval she received from strangers on the train. She knew that the blood stains and tears in her clothes were bound to attract the attention of non-sorcerers. Sometimes she’d even jump at the chance to horrify some particularly judgmental bystanders.

“Don’t worry, it’s not my blood.” She’d muse in an assuring tone of voice while showing a smile that seemed far too friendly. Every time, without exception, it would earn a wide-eyed stare.

However, today she was not in the mood to provoke anyone. She settled for mindlessly watching the passing landscape, it was all a blur to her unfocused eyes. Only when the mechanical voice announced the next stop was she ripped out of her thoughts. Due to a quick message she had sent when she stepped into the wagon she was greeted with Ijichi’s soft smile.

The tone between the two had always been kind and casual, almost friendly, which was something Y/N deeply appreciated. Other assistants sometimes didn’t dare to pursue a friendship with sorcerers, especially higher grades. They claimed it was due to professionalism, but the truth was that the assistants didn’t want to get attached to someone who’d end up dying well before their time.

Ijichi, in his gentlemanly behaviour, held open the car door for Y/N. Behind his nervous smile was a wave of worry when he glanced at the countless cuts and bruises that littered her body. The dried up blood as well as the torn clothes only added to his inner turmoil. Yet, every time he brought up his concerns for her wellbeing she shot him down with a lazy attempt at reassurance. It never worked.

“Has Yuji-kun already talked to you?” He asked with an almost cautious tone after he slipped into the driver’s seat and ignited the engine. Through the rear view mirror he could see how she furrowed her brows in confusion. It was enough of an answer for him.

“He mentioned that he was looking for you.” Ijichi explained further but Y/N only shook her head.

“I’ll find him when I’m at Jujutsu Tech. Thanks for telling me.”

After these words the remainder of the drive was spent in silence. It wasn’t unusual for rides with assistants to be quiet. Most trips with Ijichi however, were spent chatting about missions and the current state of affairs.

This time the assistant kept quiet. Perhaps because he wasn’t fully well yet either. Shoko had only allowed him to operate the car he was currently driving. Everything else was strictly off limits to prevent him from overworking. A trait shared by seemingly everyone and their mother in the sorcerer society.

The two of them reached the school grounds quickly and while absent-mindedly muttering a “Thank you.” Y/N stepped out of the car, heading straight towards Shoko’s infirmary to get her wounds treated.

The eerie silence in her mind, surrounded by the noise of nature in the form of birds chirping and leaves rustling, were all that filled the air, but not for long. Before she even made it halfway to her destination she was suddenly stopped by a voice yelling her name from a bit further away. It was a voice she had come to know well.

“What’s up, Yuji?” She asked as she turned towards him. The boy stopped a few feet away, despite seemingly running he was barely out of breath.

“Y/L/N-Sensei, you’re not forgetting about later right?” The pink haired boy almost seemed timid and hesitant but Y/N didn’t read into it. There was no reason for something like that at a time like this.

“About the little get-together later? I won’t forget, Yuji.” She had to force a little smile onto her lips as she reassured him. It seemed to be all the young student wanted to talk about as he quickly nodded and shot her a smile, that seemed far too out of place for the mindset she surrounded herself with at the moment, before he turned around and disappeared into the direction he came from.

Y/N didn’t like that Gojo was throwing a get-together at a time like this, just days after a devastating tragedy that caused pain and loss to so many people. Yet, another part of her could understand it somehow. Even though he acted like an idiot at times, she knew his heart was at the right place. She figured quickly that he wanted to bring them all together to strengthen the bond of the remaining sorcerers, ultimately making it easier to rely on each other. Perchance he even had a plan to deal with the curses, and most of all, the curse user formerly known as Geto Suguru.

With all this in her mind she finally made her way to Shoko. The breeze, that was far too warm for this time of the year, went by her without any recognition. All she could do was try not to get lost in her thoughts, her planned apology to Nanami still lingering in the back of her mind.

“You’re looking great again…” Shoko’s voice was filled to the brim with sarcasm.

“Thanks, always a pleasure to see you.” Y/N attempted to respond with the same level of mockery as she rolled her eyes, but her tone sounded more annoyed than anything else.

“Is that why you’re making it a habit to visit every day with new injuries? Y/N, you can’t keep doing that.” It was uncommon for the (now again) heavy smoker to show this level of concern for others. She was well aware that her fellow sorcerers could handle themselves well.

“Damn, I heard that before.” This time Y/N’s words were dripping with sarcasm. There was no ill-will in her voice, but Shoko immediately realised that she had more luck getting through a wall than her patient’s thick skull. With a sigh she simply decided to drop the subject.

Only mere minutes later all of Y/N’s injuries were healed, or at least taken care of and she left Shoko’s infirmary after voicing her gratitude.

“Should I pick you up later, or..?” Y/N didn’t answer the question that was yelled after. She heard it, but she wouldn’t acknowledge it. Why would it matter if Shoko picked her up for the stupid get-together? It came as a surprise that Shoko even cared about one of Gojo’s plans.

The sky had cleared up within the past minutes, allowing the sun to shine down on the scenery and dipping the landscape in a plethora of orange hues. However, the colour spectacle went unnoticed by Y/N, whose feet carried her to her assigned room. Out of courtesy, or rather practicality, the higher-ups had decided to offer the empty dormitories to the remaining few sorcerers. Considering the school was protected by barriers, this served as a means to keep them safe more so than goodwill.

Time passed by quickly, or maybe it didn’t, but Y/N was simply too caught up in her own thoughts. She could feel herself being dragged down once more, spiralling into the depths of her sorrow. She thought that maybe as soon as she reached the room the thoughts would dissipate, but nothing of that sort happened.

Seemingly like a zombie trapped in her own mind she undressed herself, showered, dried herself off and changed into a set of clean clothes. She settled for the only black dress she wore. Taking into account the circumstances it felt fitting to wear black, even if Gojo would possibly find a way to bring colour into everything.

Maybe this get-together was exactly what everyone needed right now. Maybe this was a chance to reconnect and move on. Maybe, just maybe, Gojo’s idea wasn’t too bad.

After checking the clock on her phone for the nth time Y/N to get going. Arriving early was always fashionable, wasn’t it? Besides, she knew that Nanami, as much as he disliked these gatherings, would most probably be there early as well. She’d simply take the time to talk to him and apologise. This way she had a chance of enjoying the rest of the late afternoon, possibly even with Nanami next to her.

And wouldn’t you know it, just like she had predicted, the blonde sorcerer stood outside the venue, glancing at the watch on his wrist. To no one’s surprise he wore the same white suit as always. He likely owned it multiple times to make dressing up in the morning easier, a simple fact she had never cared to think about before. Now it almost seemed hilarious to her. Nonetheless there was a frown on her lips. Knowing that she had to act like a responsible grown up and apologise for her earlier outburst left a bitter taste in her mouth.

“Kento! Hey.” She greeted him almost hesitantly, if he noticed the nervousness in her voice he didn’t show it. He simply greeted her back while turning towards her.

“Can I talk to you about earlier this morning?” What a stupid way to have phrased it. Of course she could, she evidently had the ability to do so. Internally she scolded herself instantly over her choice of words.

“If you want to apologise, there’s no need for it, Y/N.” Here he went again, being the ever considerate and thoughtful person she knew him as. The expression on his face was almost soft, something he only showed around a small number of people, which she considered herself lucky to be a part of.

Before she even had the chance to respond to him he spoke up once more, prompted by the uncertainty shown on her features.

“I’m serious. It’s a difficult time for everyone, we’re all on edge. It’s alright.” Nanami uttered with a tone so full of understanding that it almost blew her away. Then again, despite him being the youngest of the adult sorcerers, he had always been the most mature one and the voice of reason.

For a few short minutes a comfortable silence was shared between the two, until Y/N glanced over his white suit and remembered her train of thought from before.

“You decided to keep wearing that same white suit? Don’t you have anything different to wear?” Y/N’s almost playful glance revealed the nature of her words, there was no malice or ill-intent. She prided herself on being the only one who could get him to engage in conversations in a light-hearted manner.

“Why? Don’t you think it looks handsome?” Nanami’s response came quickly, eliciting a chuckle from her.

“Oh, it definitely does.” She replied back, unable to help herself from chuckling once more as she saw the slight smile forming on his lips. At this very moment it almost felt like nothing bad had ever happened.

“Y/N, there is one thing you have to do for me.” Nanami spoke up once again. Y/N didn’t pay too much attention to his somewhat more seriously sounding tone, that was simply his nature.

“You can't keep me from getting absolutely shitfaced drunk.” If this get-together was anything like Gojo’s previous festivities there would be an unlimited amount of alcohol provided. Even if the host of these gatherings never drank an ounce of it himself.

When Nanami didn’t respond or smile at her quick remark she straightened her posture and looked at him expectantly.

“You have to forgive yourself for everything that went down the other day.” He continued then, judging by his tone it was clear as day what exactly he was referring to.

Without any sort of warning a wave of guilt washed over Y/N. Her chest tightened at the reminder of how many lives were lost, how many people she couldn’t save. The destruction was terrible. But it wasn’t the source of her pain. Involuntarily her mind wandered to the corpses which had littered the grounds of the Shibuya station. Her lips started to quiver but she was determined not to give in to the tears. No other word was needed, no clarification or elaboration. She knew what he meant.

Nanami didn’t rush her in her response, instead he gave her all the time she needed by waiting patiently. Something she was thankful for, even if he was the only reason she needed time in the first place.

Y/N hardly noticed when the index finger of her right hand started to scrape at her thumb’s cuticle. Her head was turned away, gaze averted from him. A part of her knew that she had to forgive herself. In fact, she knew that there wasn’t anything to forgive herself for since she had done everything in her powers to save as many people as she could. She had done enough. But her heart did not agree with her head. In her heart she had failed the people of Tokyo. She had failed her fellow sorcerers. She had failed herself.

“You can be really annoying sometimes.” She responded after what seemed like forever, allowing a deep sigh to leave her lungs. ‘Mostly when you’re the voice of reason’, she added in her thoughts bitterly while turning her gaze back to him.

“Yes. Maybe.” His words of agreement were simultaneously out of place and so very typical for him, at least when he was with her. It was enough for her to crack an unwanted smile.

She breathed in deeply, once, twice, and another time.

“Okay.” She finally answered his previous request. Both of them knew that Y/N needed more time to actually forgive herself, but it was a step in the right direction. It was an unspoken promise that she’d attempt to do this for him.

Nanami only responded with a proud nod, barely mouthing the word “Good.”

The quick change in atmosphere had almost caused her heart to beat irregularly. A silence hung over them, but this time it was heavier than before.

Y/N needed to shift the mood again, she needed to uplift not only his spirit, but also her own. She knew that otherwise she’d be glum and gloomy during Gojo’s get-together. There had been too much tragedy within a short time, a killjoy was definitely not what any of the sorcerers needed.

“Since you’re forced to attend this get-together, when are you gonna start complaining?” She chuckled, a little forced anyways, as she asked the blonde sorcerer.

“Complaining about what?” It was Shoko’s voice that sounded from behind Y/N, making her turn around and face the healer with a smile. Although Shoko was never full of energy and happiness, she seemed even more dispirited than ever.

Y/N shrugged her shoulders, “You know, about Gojo’s obnoxious attitude, about our tone deaf singing when we get drunk, about music that’s way too loud. The whole thing, really.” It seemed obvious to her that Nanami wouldn’t enjoy any of these things.

Shoko’s brows furrowed, her head tilted ever so lightly and her lips pursed.

“Where do you think we are?” She asked Y/N. A question like this would usually have resulted in the female sorcerer chuckling and replying in an amused tone. However, something about Shoko’s tone made her hesitate.

Y/N turned around towards Nanami once more, ready to smile at him.

Except, he wasn’t there anymore.

In a split second Y/N’s entire world came crashing down on her as the realisation set in that he had never been there in the first place. Images of her fights in Shibuya flashed before her eyes. Imagines consisting of sorcerers dying in front of her because she had been too slow.

A ringing set in her ears, intensifying with each memory that surfaced. The sound became stronger when she remembered finding Nanami again amidst the chaos and rubble of the destroyed Tokyo district. She had watched him fight, she had yelled after him, she had attempted to reach him and aid him.

Y/N swallowed hard, slowly turning towards Shoko again. Her chest tightened enough to leave her breathless. With a bitter smile on her face she lowered her gaze. Reluctantly she forced herself to walk, taking one painful step at a time towards the row of outdoor chairs that were neatly set up in front of the closed casket.

She had saved lives and exorcised many curses in Shibuya. She helped search for survivors and consoled the ones that were left behind after the losses.

Alas, the only thing she would forever remember about that night was how she witnessed Nanami dying right in front of her, when she had been too slow to save him.

Without any form of communication she sat down on one of the chairs in the first row, right in front of Nanami’s picture.

She was soon joined by Shoko who sat down next to her, placing a warm hand on her thigh and rubbing it assuringly. The gesture went unnoticed by Y/N, whose eyes were focused on all the little details she could make out on the picture atop the casket. Details that blurred more and more when her eyes filled with tears upon realising that it was all an illusion.

The arguments, the smiles, the quick light-hearted banter she shared with the blonde man during these last few days. It was nothing more than a beautiful hallucination.

#stef writes #jjk #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #nanami kento #jujutsu kaisen #kento x reader #nanami x reader #nanami kento brainrot #nanami kento imagine #nanami kento scenario #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x you

130 notes · View notes

rwrbficrecs · 7 months

Text

September Faves

Enjoy these September recs from the team 🥰

Best Bar in The World by @pridepages (book-verse)

@heybuddy-drabbles: Well, I can now confirm that I'm 100% cerified a pridepages fan. The way she picks the themes of the original source and uses them in a different setting is just absolutely flawless, the same happens in Little Pages. It's gives you the same feelings of reading rwrb but also reading something new and different all at the same time.

My Brother’s Keeper by @indomitable-love (book-verse)

@janetical: Written in Philip’s POV, it tackles all the canon events in a frustrating yet heart-wrenching way. I knew what I was getting myself into when I noticed the POV, but I really did hate Philip less at the end of this fic. Everything is entailed in this little story: unresolved daddy issues and grief, internalized homophobia and Philip acknowledging Henry’s first time. It will make you cry, and it will end on a somewhat happy note.

For all the world to see by @everwitch-magiks (book-verse)

@suseagull04: This is a fic I couldn't put down! I'm always a fan of Henry being a writer in fics (so the description alone caught my eye), and the mix of cute moments with firstprince (and David) and plot twists had me hooked! It's also such an interesting look at the life of a writer and how difficult it is for them to have anonymity, which was especially interesting to me because of the writers strike in Hollywood.

he looks up grinning like the devil by @coffeecatsme (book-verse)

@read-and-write-: Also known as the frat boy AU, if you want some hurt/comfort that really does what it says on the tin. Don't be afraid because it is completely worth it!

written in the stars by @indomitable-love (book-verse)

@heybuddy-drabbles: This is just so beautiful. It's basically about Henry mostly. I didn't expect the "past" part would hit so hard but it did. I had to put it down a few times because it was truly heartbreaking but it has a happy ending. Don't be fooled like I was about it being all fluff. It's not, it's very nostalgic and they are apart for a long time but I still recommend it because, like I said, it's really beautiful.

Deep Blue by @myheartalivewrites (book-verse)

@thesleepyskipper: This was just a stunning piece of writing that does such a wonderful job of evoking images of the seaside cliffs, swimming in the cove and spending lazy days in the cottage above. At the same time, we get all that delicious pining and FWB to lovers fun within that beautiful setting. The spicy bits are beautifully done too! Highly recommend!

Rae of Sunshine! (series) by @three-drink-amy @indomitable-love @clottedcreamfudge @everwitch-magiks @the-amber-fox @villiageidiot @athousandrooms @welcometololaland @dustratcentral

@rmd-writes: I couldn't choose just one fic from this series gifted to me so I'm recommending them all, but every fic very much deserves the recommendation! Nine food-themed fics featuring everything from an exploration of Henry's life through food to chef!Henry to craft services trailer!Alex to matchmaker!Pez to the world's most cursed coffee habits from some of my favourite authors (and people)

What Do I Know? by @three-drink-amy (book-verse)

@babiemonk: The angst is so good I cried

Screw Your Courage to the Sticking Place (and forget macbeth is a fucking tragedy) by @celaestis1 (book-verse)

@babiemonk: So amazing, I didn’t want it to ever end. The angst was so good. The kidfic element was perfect. Possibly the perfect fic.

@dot524: I absolutely loved this one. Such a ride and I enjoyed every bit of it. I also really enjoyed the character of Alex’s daughter. Lots of complexity, great story arc.

God Save the Blessed American President Mom by @zipadeea (book-verse)

@babiemonk: This fucking broke me I cried for at least an entire day

@suseagull04: This is such an introspective look at Alex and Ellen's relationship (and Ellen as a character in general) and it's so good!

like father by rizcriz (movie-verse)

@indomitable-love: A really lovely and sensitively told conversation between Oscar & Henry, where Oscar catches Henry sneaking out of the lake house. This one got me right in my emotions. Very healing.

Bite Your Tongue On Purpose by Woodsarelovely (book-verse)

@darwinsfinchesx: Coffee Shop AU with a twist. This fic has some of the best dialogue I’ve ever read. It’s delightful, funny, and the characterization is on point. It leaves a big smile on my face every time I re-read it.

seldom what they seem by @jumpinginmuddypuddles (book-verse)

@gwiazdziarka: Sleeping beauty AU, where they don't need to fight with witches or dragons but there are... other problems. I love modern-day solutions to fairy-tale problems and here it actually just makes everything more complicated.

Mr. Bodypillow by @inexplicablymine (book-verse)

@gwiazdziarka: Yes, I recently recommended this one as wip, but now it's complete and I just need to bring it up again, because it deserves all the attention. Alex and Henry have the most amazing relationship here that goes outside of usual norms. It's also the warmest and the sweetest thing that I've read in a while. And it has great ace representation.

@read-and-write-: Is Ace!Alex very special to you? Do you want to feel like someone is wrapping you in a soft blanket? Then Mr. BodyPillow is for you! It's beautiful and will leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside

come pick me up by @smc-27 (book-verse)

@suseagull04: This fic will both make you laugh and give you all the feels. An awkward first interaction when Henry requests an Uber ride leads to an instant connection and sizzling chemistry, all leading to a conclusion that, although satisfying, will leave you wanting more of this verse!

the winner takes it all by @dumbpeachjuice (book-verse)

@myheartalivewrites: A Tour de France, rivals cyclists AU! Keeping a lot of the book dynamics, Alex and Henry find themselves competing against each other on the Tour — and then falling into bed. This has everything: thrilling sports passages (even though I haven’t ever watched the Tour in my life!), romantic tension, a great read.

Love-Love by @smc-27 (book-verse)

@myheartalivewrites: a tennis AU set at Wimbledon, which obviously holds a special place in RWRB hearts. Alex and Henry as rival tennis players who’ve hooked up once, and then end up as doubles partners. A quick read that left me all warmed up from the inside.

a flicker, a spark by acastle (book/movie-verse)

@daisymae-12: Wow I don’t have the words to truly convey how much I loved this fic. It diverges from canon at Kensington and the events that follow are so beautifully written. This fic made me cry over an OC, made me feel seen when I recognized parts of my own cultural background woven into a story, made my heart ache for everything Alex and Henry have been through and made me tear up some more. This is one of the most heart-wrenching canon-divergence fics I’ve ever read and I know I’m going to be thinking about it for a long time.

Baby, All At Once (This Is Enough) by @iboatedhere (book-verse)

@daisymae-12: This fic is such a lovely look into Alex & Henry’s life post-canon and had me absolutely melting from the softness of it all.

Will You Brie Mine? by @cha-melodius (book-verse)

@daisymae-12: A fic featuring cheese and Henry being the one to sell it, what’s not to love? This was such a sweet fic and I loved the interactions between them! @cha-melodius always writes such amazing fics, and this was no exception.

#monthly faves #rwrb fic recs #firstprince #firstprince fic recs

181 notes · View notes

furryllamas · 4 months

Text

Can’t Help Falling in Love | A. Walter

+ Alex Walter x OC

+ Summary: Life has been difficult for sisters Jackie and Eden Howard. Obviously regular teenage girl problems, such as boys, school, and friends. Except tragedy that ensues, the death of their parents and older sister. They'll have to navigate a life without their family, just throw in love, the countryside, and a whole lot of boys in one roof.

+ Authors Note: Hey guys I really hope you enjoy this first chapter, I was really inspired after seeing Ashby play Alex and absolutely fell in love 🤍

Chapter 0.0 | Two Time Zones Apart

The sound of LA traffic was not great, but it was definitely quieter than the sound of the streets of New York. It's only been 6 Months since I moved to LA semi-permanently. I still got homesick often but there was no place like California. Ever since the transition from being a model to a singer it was a choice I had to make, with mom and dads approval of course, even if it meant seeing Lucy and Jackie less.

"Oh Gosh. What time is it?" I grumbled as I rubbed my eyes. I looked towards my bedside table and picked up my phone. "10:30 AM" I removed the bed covers and stretched my arms over my head. The smell of my room always gave me some comfort in the mornings. I headed to the restroom and pulled my hair into a bun and turned the faucet on. I started washing my teeth when I heard my phone ringing. I ran back to my room to pick up my phone that was lying on the bed. A video call from Jackie. I quickly pick up the phone as I walk back to the bathroom.

"Juswt whun sewkand-" I attempted to say with the tooth brush still in my mouth. Jackie let out a quick laugh, "take your time Eid." I put my finger up, just one moment, and place the phone in front of the faucet handles, holding it up. I quickly rinse out the toothpaste and splashed my face with water to ensure I would fully wake myself up.

"Hi Jacks! How's it going?" I waved and picked up my phone.

"EDEN! It's going so well! I can't wait for you and Lucy to come home today! I missed you guys so much." Jackie smiled softly.

"Oh my, we haven't been away from you that longgggg" I teased as i sat down on my Vanity. I panned my phone to the stack of luggage by my window.

"Okay I know, BUT, I just missed you guys so much." She sighed. "It's been a month since I've seen you and Lucy. I'm just so excited for you to see my excellent work tonight."

"I know Jacks, My flight is at 2 so I'll probably be there by 7-ish." I start applying my makeup and look away from my phone. " and plus Lucy will be there sooner than me, so you'll get her while you wait for meeee."

She laughs, "Right, what would I do without your wisdom." She stays quiet for a couple of seconds, "How's your new song going?"

I wince, "It's going..." She looks at me confused. "I've just been lacking in inspiration lately. I'm hoping going home will help with that."

"I'm sure you'll get a spark of inspiration once you spend some good old fashioned time at the ballet with me."

"Thanks Jackie, I've missed you guys so much. I can't wait to get there tonight."

I stop to think. "Dinner at The Penrose?"

I look at her smile, "of course Eden! That's our spot."

"All right deal" I look at the time, 11:30AM, "All right sis, I have to head to the airport, see you soon!" I reach over to hang up, "wait! Remember mom and dad will pick you up later tonight so we can all go to dinner together."

"Okay, perfect! Bye Jacks, love you!"

"Bye Eids!" I hung up.

I start getting up and shutting the curtains. It might be a while until I'm back but I'd rather keep my room clean.

Ding Dong.

I head over to the front door that smells strongly of oak. Walking past the pictures I have hanging of Mom, Dad, Lucy, Jackie and I. I open the door and smile as I see the face of my amazing Manager, Lizzie. "Liz! Come to say goodbye to your favorite client." I giggled as she stepped in. "Excuse me! Not just my client, more like my favorite friend!" I hug her and drag her to my room.

"Oh gosh, look at all this baggage..." she exclaims standing in front of my suitcases. She reaches over and picks one up. "Alright Eden! Let's get moving and load these into the car, your driver is waiting."

I look over to her and smile, "You got it boss!" I salute. It was an easy load up and we wasted no time getting in the car. "Are you excited to see your family again?" Lizzie asked. "Yeah I'm a bit nervous though. I haven't seen them in a couple of months, I feel like I've missed out on a lot." It was hard being apart from them and not being able to see them as often as I used to.

Lizzie looks at me and smiles softly, her polished nails and her soft hands reach over to mine. She grabs them and turns to me. "E, you need this. You've been homesick for a while and I think this trip will help you with the new song." I lean my head back against the headrest and turn my face to look out of the window. "I know Liz." I turn back towards her. "Thank you for helping me today. It means a lot. I'll miss you lots."

She just smiles at me and I start feeling tired, car rides always seem to wear me out. I take one last look at the highway we're on and slowly close my eyes. I let sleep take over me and an oddly weird feeling at the pit of my stomach. I hear Liz whisper, "I'll wake you when we get there."

#alex walter x reader #alex walter #mlwtwb #my life with the walter boys

124 notes · View notes

barbiiecams · 2 months

Note

Can you write about Drew with his little family visiting him for his days off from filming? 🩷

Also I love that you write about black oc readers!! It’s rare in this fandom to find that.

vacay

dad!drew starkey x mom!reader, not proof read, & yes more black representation for the obx fandom pls! also this is kinda long soo enjoy 😖

drew had been gone filming for about a month now.

for you, it was easy not to get so hung up over the fact he was gone for such a long time.

when you first started dating, it was definitely a tragedy. and it pained you everytime that you couldn’t just go with him.

and even now, of course you missed him like crazy. but after all these years of being together, you’ve learned how to deal with it and it got easier.

but for his baby aaliyah who’s never been separated from her daddy? oh this was hell.

she couldn’t even stand the sight of him walking out the door for 10 minutes, so now that he’s walked out the door, and hasn’t come back for weeks?

she definitely was not having it.

you knew how she was going to react as well, so for weeks you prepared yourself for the endless tears and tantrums.

“you know she’s going to be a pain when i’m gone, right?” drew reminds you while you guys get ready for bed.

“trust me, i know. im getting myself ready for it as we speak.” you reply as you start to wrap your hair up for bed.

he chuckles. “you guys can always come with, though. that’d be a good idea especially for her.”

“maybe like a visit for a few days, but i don’t think her being out of the country for that long is a good idea.” you said as you laid down in the bed. drew agreed with that statement and you both moved on to the next topic.

that was weeks ago. but now? you were starting to consider whether or not you should’ve just taken drew’s idea.

you tried so many resolutions with liyah, and nothing seemed to work.

the girl never seemed to tire herself out either. she just recently turned one, yet you were already seeing the tunnel to the terrible 2’s somehow.

to be fair, she was an angel. but once she got started, you didn’t know if and when she was going to stop.

currently you were trying to feed her. you had ms rachel on your phone in front of her because that seemed to calm her down in the tiniest bit when she would get upset.

it was going good, until drew had started to call you.

and as soon as she saw the picture of you and him pop on the screen, waterworks flooded all over again.

“i just calmed this baby down and now he wanna call me.” you mutter to yourself, partially annoyed even though he couldn’t control it.

facetimes never seemed to make her feel better and it actually quite made her even more upset, but maybe hearing his voice at the very beginning of a breakdown could ease her, so you went ahead and picked up.

“hello?” you propped the phone up on the table then picked her up and tried shushing her.

he didn’t even need to ask ‘how are my girls?’ because he could clearly tell.

“awe, i miss my baby too.” he pouts.

you picked up the phone and put it in her face so she could see him. “talk to her, your voice might help.”

“hi my love. shh, it’s okay daddy’s right here.” he says through the phone.

she stops wailing, but she’s still making whining and crying noises.

“she’s taking this even worse than i thought,” you say. “i knew it was going to be bad, but not this terrible.”

“she’s just a true daddy’s girl. what can i say?” drew smirks through the phone.

“you might find this funny but i have real life headaches from her, joseph.” he laughs at the use of his real name.

“i bet you do, im sorry baby.” he says, “why don’t you guys come and visit for a little bit?”

this time, you were quick to actually be on board.

“i think that’s a good idea too.” you started bouncing aaliyah up and down and gave her kisses. she wasn’t as loud with her whining, but she was still continuing. “i think it’s time we go see daddy.”

drew smiles, “i can’t wait. i’m gonna take some time off and buy your tickets. when do you wanna come out?”

“shit, tomorrow.” you sigh.

he laughs again at your comments but knows you’re being completely serious at the same time. “get to packing then baby.”

that’s all he had to say for you to pick the phone up and make your way upstairs with liyah.

first you started in liyah’s room. drew was still on the phone with you, talking way more than you were because she seemed to be getting quieter and quieter. it bothered her that she couldn’t feel him, but right now she’s was taking whatever she could take.

you showed him outfits, he decided whatever or not he liked him. you made sure to pack a whole separate bag for all of her baby necessities as well.

because you were connecting with drew in some way, it felt like an easy task you were able to accomplish. you knew for a fact if he wasn’t on the phone it would’ve taken you the rest of the day with her wailing and screaming.

when you were done packing her bag, you tried putting her to sleep. of course it took about an hour, but eventually she was soundly asleep. all you could do was thank heavens.

placing her in her crib, you had to really tiptoe out the door. if she woke up while you were in the middle of trying to walk out and leave, that would be another meltdown waiting to happen.

you and drew stayed on the phone even after she was liyah was put to sleep, but you made sure to keep the volume of the phone down so that his voice didn’t travel to her. now it was time to pack your clothes. he helped you pick out your outfits, and you did a mini fashion show for him with your outfits.

he loved them all, and occasionally gave a ‘do a little spin for me.’

every moment with him, or even just talking to him was great. no matter if you were actually next to him, or through the phone.

but unfortunately, you guys couldn’t stay on the phone forever. it was soon time for him to start filming again.

“i gotta go baby, but i love you so much, and i’ll see you two soon.” he said while walking back to his set. “kiss my baby for me.”

“i will. i love you too.” you smile then hang up the phone. you sighed and rubbed your face, thinking about how quick this was happening, but how ready you were at the same time. if it was going to get her to stop crying so much and was also going to get you to see your man again, a win is a win!

after everything, it was about 5 pm. this was a late nap for liyah and she would be up end up being bouncing up off the walls, but maybe that was good cus then she would sleep on the plane ride tomorrow.

heading back downstairs, you made dinner for yourself & made sure to leave a little for liyah cus she’ll get hungry out of nowhere.

you also made it a chore to clean the entire downstairs of your house, because coming back to a clean house after a few days on vacay is always a nice thing.

surprisingly, liyah didn’t wake up once. you weren’t too loud, but loud enough for her to start yelling, waiting for mommy or daddy to pick her up.

you love that girl to death, but her tantrums are for the birds.

after you were done, you went to check on her. she was still soundly asleep, most likely for once tired herself out with all the noises. soon, you were going to have to wake her up so she could take a bath. but you weren’t worried about that at the moment. you were finally able to pamper yourself for the evening, then deal with her later.

your phone dinged, and knowing what the message was you opened it right away.

2 attachments from drew, and they were your tickets to morocco for 10 days at 6 am.

hearting both of the attachments, you started to get excited.

one month wasn’t too much of a long period of time, but it was always enough for you and your baby to miss him more and more each day.

you could finally see him again, and you’d be reunited as a family.

—

the night went smoothly. she only woke up once, and that was to bathe and eat a bit of what you had made. she was easy to put back to sleep, and that’s what matter the most. you could’ve had more sleep for yourself, but the hours were efficient enough.

sooner than later your alarm rang for 4:30. you weren’t a morning person whatsoever, but you definitely did not have a problem waking up right now since you knew what was to come in only a matter of time.

it was going to be a real long ride of 11 hours, but the outcome would be worth it.

getting up out of bed, you brushed your teeth and washed your face with your products, then put those into your suitcase.

you let liyah sleep for a few more minutes, then woke her up knowing you were just going to put her in her mini uggs and throw a coat over her pajamas.

and as for you, you were keeping your hair the way it was and throwing on a hoodie and sweatpants.

you took this time to order the uber to the airport, and bring both of your suitcases and her baby bag downstairs.

walking back up to her room, you picked her up from the crib and started to pat her back while bouncing her. the movement would keep her asleep and peaceful instead of awake and cranky.

“we’ll see daddy sooner than you know it, mama.” you whispered to her.

not even bothering to make breakfast since it was too early for the both of you to be eating, you turned off everything in the house and waited for the car. it was now 5:15 and the car was going to pull up any minute.

liyah woke up for just two seconds, “mama?”

“yes baby?”

“where dada?”

“we’re gonna see him in a few hours, don’t worry.” you softly laid her head back down so she could close her eyes again. as she was falling asleep, the car pulled up and it was time to go.

stepping outside with a baby and one hand and dragging suitcases in the other, the driver stepped out to help you load up, and you placed aaliyah in the car seat you had requested the driver to have.

he closed the trunk and hopped right back into the car. he pulled out from your driveway and made small talk with you. you tried your best to keep up, but it was just too damn early.

after a 10 minute ride to the airport, he unloaded your things for you and helped you bring them inside while you carried liyah. you thanked him, then did all the stuff you needed to do before waiting to board the plane.

aaliyah was still asleep, clearly all the tantrums finally caught up with her.

you texted drew a few times, even though he was most likely resting.

but about 30 minutes later, it was time to board the plane. you had all your luggage ready, and you guys were finally able to start the real travel.

—

the plane ride was long, but it wasn’t bad.

you kept liyah busy with movies, coloring, and eating a few things.

she didn’t eat everything since plane food isn’t the greatest, but she ate some and so did you.

you had boarded the plane around 6 in the morning, well now it was 4:30 and you had just landed.

aaliyah had a burst of energy, and you knew she was ready to just play and be carefree again.

thankfully, the passengers were nice enough to help you walk off the plane and help with your luggage when they saw you with a baby, so the plane experience overall was definitely a 10/10.

you had called drew on the plane, and he let you know he’d been waiting with open arms. you were overjoyed, practically jumping with excitement on the inside and out.

but if you think you were over the top happy, seeing the look on aaliyah’s face while you walked to find drew waiting at the morocco airport had you all the way beat.

“DADDY!!!” she screamed in your arms once you started to make it towards him.

you giggled at her her volume, and was also just happy enough yourself to laugh at anything knowing you were finally with drew again.

he walked towards the two of you and met you halfway, “is that my baby girl?” he smiled and took her from you. their bond was something so special to you, and you were so grateful for how strong their relationship was.

he gave her many kisses and tickles, which made her laugh. this was the first time you saw her so excited in a while.

“and my other baby girl.” he turned to you, pulling you in and giving you a passionate kiss. you weren’t holding back either, you hadn’t seen your man for far too long now. because of this, you covered liyah’s eyes which made drew laugh.

finally pulling away, he kisses your forehead. “i got our whole week planned out.”

this made you smile. “and what will we be doing?”

“there’s restaurants i want you guys to try, there’s a really nice beach, and i got us a really nice hotel. i promise you these 10 days are gonna make up for the month i left you with this little drama queen,” he started liyah a bit at the last part which made her laugh again. her laughs were always so contagious and it made the two of you laugh as well.

“i know they will, you never disappoint.” you kissed his cheek.

he gets close to your ear and whispers so liyah doesn’t hear, “and i promise once we wrap filming, i’ll make you finish everynight, baby.”

this gets your cheeks hot. you can’t lie at all, you really did miss being tossed and turned by him once she was asleep at night.

“be careful with what you say,” you point a finger at him, “i’ll make you a daddy for the second time.”

he laughs, “please do.”

you roll your eyes at him, then start walking out to where his car is.

drew spent the wholeeee time talking to liyah, even though she mostly still speaks in her baby language.

he was having so much fun too, constantly giving an occasional ‘oh really’ and ‘what happened after that?’

it kept him entertained and so did you. you stayed recording the entire thing and could barely hold in your laughter.

you made finally made it to the hotel (not before stopping for some real food though of course.) and he was definitely not lying when he said it was really nice.

nice wasn’t even a good word, it was gorgeous.

“wow,” the three of you walked in. your hands dealing with the cart of luggage while his carried aaliyah. “this really is beautiful.”

“i know,” he looks like he’s in awe himself while he takes in the hotel. “only the best for my girls.”

you smile at him and he wraps an arm around you, the three of you making your way to the hotel room.

you were very happy you took this vacation.

#drew starkey #barbiiecams #outer banks #drew starkey blurb #drew starkey drabble #drew starkey fic #drew starkey headcannon #drew starkey fluff #drew starkey angst #so long sorry lol

96 notes · View notes

onwhatcaptain · 2 months

Note

Can you recommend me some of your favorite spirk fics? I'm obsessed with yours

Hello, wonderful and fabulous person. First of all, I am so sorry that I just got to this! Second, reveal yourself so that I may smooch you. I have to admit that I am very guilty of finding not much time for reading, myself. Being so new to fannish spaces, I jumped right in with creating for hours on end every week, and almost never have time for reading as much as I'd like to and so much of the reading I have done is in physical zine format!

So if it's alright with you, I'll recommend you a mix of authors moreso than fics:

You can't go wrong with any of the works by @gunstreet (Here at AO3). Her storytelling is impeccable, and her propensity for writing their banter and wit is a delight. She has a great sense of who these characters are, down to their very souls. Check out The Promised Land and Let Forever Be.

Jenna Sinclair, who is one of the incredible people who defined K/S fanon, has written several novels. Her phrasing is masterful and it's no wonder she defined so much of how we think about K/S today. The first novel in the series is Sharing the Sunlight.

For something on the smuttier side, Amanda Warrington is delightful. AnnaKnitsSpock has some lovely works as well. If you like your sensuality punctuated with a delightful, campy strangeness about it, CampySpaceSlime is the one for you.

That, and I love zines. I love to flip through them, but so many of the stories in there are only in the zines themselves. But the good news is a ton of them have been archived here at AO3 and there are so many hidden gems waiting to be found. I'm a tragedy enjoyer as you might have noticed, and the angst in some of the older works really hits the spot. :)

I do hope I was at least some help to you, anon! Enjoy, and I do hope you find the fic of your dreams.

#spirk fic recs #asks #spirk #star trek #kirk x spock

77 notes · View notes

my-castles-crumbling · 2 months

Text

New Fic Recs!

Hi guys! I wanna start posting fics recs every once in a while that are newer- that either were just posted or haven't gotten the love they deserve! I'll do my best to tag the authors if I know them/if they have a tumblr! Here are some for today! (Authors, if you want me to remove you/your work for any reason, please lmk!) NSFW fics below the cut!

Edit: I just focused on completed works here, but I'm more than willing to recommend incomplete works if you guys want!

If You Stayed - Jegulus - rated G - 5k by @t1oui

After leaving his family for good, Regulus Black moves in with James Potter, who agrees to give him a place to stay as long as he looks after James's six-year-old son, Harry. Even though they haven't talked about it, Regulus knows that he'll have to leave when Harry goes back to school, no matter how much he wishes this wasn't the case. Between spending time with Harry and Luna, the weird girl who lives up the street, and the more-than-friendly feelings he's starting to have for James, the summer can only end badly. Right?

Funnel Cakes and Peanut Butter Fudge - Wolfstar ft. Background Jegulus - Rated T - 5.5k by @onehundredflamingos

Sirius grinned at him. “I came for the Rocky road fudge,” he whispered back, and the man gasped in mock offense. “Good thing, because I think I bought the last of the peanut butter fudge.” Sirius let out a startled laugh, amused by the fact that he had suggested something to Sirius only to yank it right back from beneath him. “Oh, I would have been wildly disappointed if you had managed to sway my fudge preferences.” “I would’ve gladly shared, if I had managed to sway you,” he said with a smirk. “Alas, I’ll have to eat it all myself.” “A tragedy, I’m sure,” Sirius replied. The other man shrugged. “Suddenly feels a bit like one.” Or Sirius wins more than he bargains for when he meets Remus at a carnival fundraiser, ft a very much already-in-love Jegulus

So Kiss Me - Jegulus - Rated T - 3.7k by lairyfights

Regulus Black is in love with James Potter and he'd bet his entire inheritance, if he still had one, that James does not feel the same way. It's lucky that his parents suck and the inheritance is no longer something he can gamble

Let Me Put My Lips to Something - Wolfstar - Rated E - 2.3k by si11iestg00se

remus can't help it---the moon makes him possessive. he wants to mark his territory.

here's to my baby - Wolfstar - Rated E - 3.2k by @emlovessid

“It’s our last night at Hogwarts, our last hurrah, you don’t want to spend it down here with our friends?” Remus asks, a hand coming up to toy with Sirius’ hair. Stretching up on his toes, Sirius’ lips brush Remus’ ear as he whispers, “It’s our last night at Hogwarts, and I’d much rather spend it with you fucking me into your mattress.”

All amazing fics! Hope you guys enjoy!

#marauders #harry potter #marauders era #fanfic #marauders fandom #harry potter marauders #the marauders #marauders fanfiction #ao3fic #ao3 fanfic #ao3 link #ao3 #fic rec

86 notes · View notes

usagikookiejams · 1 month

Note

Are you still accepting requests? I hope so, I could write about King Wildfire in the romantic theme, it could be anything at all.

RED STRING OF FATE

King the Wildfire x reader

Part 1

A/N: Hey anon! Thank you for requesting, I hope you like it! Sorry for the long wait 😭🙏

My taglist: @selen1um-hexafluoride hey dear, i was only able to write pt2 for King from my previous scenario. I hope u don't mind 🥲

The whole situation in Wano settled down. With Kaido being defeated by Luffy, and his subordinates being captured and thrown into prison. Wano had become the prosperous kingdom it was before the tragedy. Everyone is allowed to enjoy their day without being restricted by any rules implemented during Kaido's ruling. So here you are with Hiyori and Yamato wandering around the capital to pass the time. As you are walking, you couldn't help but remember the moment you came across King, the subordinate of Kaido. Thinking back on how your ring finger had tingled right when you saw him. You felt weird thinking back about it as you recalled your grandma's story about the red string of fate which will be experienced by two soulmates. You laughed at the thought, there was no way your soulmate was going to be King. As a matter of fact, it will be impossible considering you're a Straw Hat member thus, such relationship with King will only cause dispute to arise.

Being pulled back into reality, you noticed a man spying on you from one of the alleyways. You grabbed tightly onto your knives, while ensuring not to alert Hiyori and Yamato so as to not cause panic. You dismissed yourself from them and cautiously followed the man. Upon realizing your presence, the man seems to quicken his step and ran into a secluded garden. You almost didn't get to catch up to his pace but thanks to your knives, you were able to halt his movement. The man stopped running due to shock after your knives were thrown to the ground blocking his way. You looked closely and that's when you saw him. King. The man in front of you. "Why...why are you still here? I thought all of you had been taken to the prison?", you asked nervously. "I got lucky and fled myself before they could catch me," King looked to the ground. "Why are you spying on us? Are you trying to hurt Hiyori-san?", you suspected him of having ill-intention towards Hiyori considering his brother is now the new ruler of Wano. "Silly, it's not because of that...," he retorted, "It is you I was spying on." You were about to attack him when he suddenly grabbed your hand. "Don't you... don't you feel the presence of the red string of fate on your ring finger the first time we met?", he looked you in the eye. Hoping to get the expected response from you.

"Now that I think of it.. I did feel a tingling sensation there. Regardless, why would you wanna know about it?", you still in a state of alertness, preparing for his next move. He sighed and engulfed you in a comforting hug. Then and there he spilled about the story of the red string of fate, and how he witnessed it with his own eyes upon meeting you for the first time. You don't know why, but listening to his confession made you want to believe his words. Truth be told, after some consideration, you do wanna get to know him more. If he indeed was your soulmate. However, realizing the situation going on in Wano right now, you were unsure whether introducing him to the Straw Hats would be a good decision. You sighed and decided to give him a chance, reminding him that you only have 2 days left before leaving Wano.

On the first day,

King and you met at the same garden as before. King reasoned that it is best to get to know each other in a peaceful environment like this. You could still feel the awkwardness going on between you and King. It was understandable though, considering he was your enemy during the battle in Onigashima. Thus, the tension may still be there between you two.

Despite that, King tried to break the tension by asking you questions about yourself; wanting to get to know you better. Not only that, but he also shared some details about himself, such as how particular he is about certain foods. And his favorite things to do in his free time. By the end of the day-one, both of you had known pretty much everything about one another. You could say that you enjoyed spending time with him. Though it was boring at first, but you managed to find an activity or two to enjoy together; fishing at the nearby lake and painting.

On the second day,

You couldn't help but feel excited while getting ready. Opting from a Kimono to a midi sundress.

King was waiting at the same garden, seating on a bench. He turned his gaze towards his right upon feeling someone walking closer to him. He was astonished after looking at you; 'how beautiful,' he thought. You cleared your throat after feeling his intense gaze on you too long for your comfort, you walked closer to him and interlocking your fingers with his; leading him to the next destination while your face displayed the obvious blush.

Now here you are at the capital, enjoying the lively environment there. In which, Wano citizens are still celebrating to welcome their beloved ruler from the Kozuki clan. Thus, there are still many booths in the capital; selling a variety of foods and promoting fun games there. You could sense King becoming a little bit jittery, and realizing this made you come closer to him and whispering comforting words like, "Calm down, they won't notice as long as you keep the mask on," and "It's okay, I'm here so no one will be suspicious of you." Hearing your words really works wonders on his racing heart, he was thankful that you didn't blow his cover and just comforted him as well as you could.

With him feeling less anxious, you just smiled at him and guided him through the booths. Enjoying the plethora of foods and games there. Laughing to your heart's content, forgetting about the worries both of you had just experienced.

By the end of the day, both of you shared a kiss under the firework's display. With people all around you cheering joyfully.

Packing your belongings, you were getting ready to sail back to the sea with the Straw Hats after having been in Wano for quite a while. You were walking to the ship to assist the crew with the boxes and stuff. Once finished and about to return to the castle, you heard Luffy calling out your name, "Y/N, wait." You don't know why but you could feel your heart running miles, feeling nervous for some reason. "I know you have been seeing someone for the past 2 days," Luffy said while looking at the sea. You suddenly felt tears streaming down your cheeks, while profusely apologizing and promising to not do such thing again. You stopped upon hearing Luffy's laugh, "Why are you sorry? I didn't say I want to reprimand you for that. I just want to make sure whether you are serious with him or not."

You couldn't believe yourself whether you hadn't really been hearing things. You looked at Luffy in disbelief, "Are you for real, Luffy?" Luffy just smiled and came closer to pat your shoulders, "Yes I am. Thus, I'm giving you options whether you want to stay in Wano with him. Or you want to continue your journey with us but leave him behind without knowing what will happen to him due to the isolated area of Wano."

So which one would you choose? I will leave the rest to y'all imagination 😝

#one piece x you #one piece x reader #one piece oneshots #one piece #one piece x y/n #one piece king #king the wildfire #king one piece #one piece imagine #one piece headcanons #one piece hcs #one piece fanfiction #one piece fluff #one piece anime #one piece angst

60 notes · View notes