#like I am so lonely all of the time

[guardian-angle22]

Tarlos Wedding Celebration Event [Week 6] -> favorite outfit(s)-> TK

#911 lone star #911lsedit #tk strand #tarlosweddingevent #tarlosweddingcelebration #I had a hard time picking for TK cause I genuinely like a lot of his clothes throughout the seasons #I clearly have a thing for sweaters though #also must acknowledge that pink shirt gif - 👀 dat ass tho #I am very late in posting this #I'm behind on all the gif sets I've been in the middle of making oops lol #(so if you've sent me a request at all in the past few weeks just know I'm not ignoring you. just slow like a turtle currently) 🐢 #my gifs

[sciderman]

You said that if you dated Peter or Wade it would make you miserable. Which– Okay fair, Wade does have a history of purposely hurting the people he loves.

But what about Peter? Why do you think dating him would make you miserable?

because I’ll always know I had the option to climb a 6’8 cyborg and I passed that up for a sweaty little twunk that I perpetually have to remind to bathe (sorry peter)

#I don’t know. I don’t think peter is good boyfriend material. I think his insecurities would get exhausting. #Wade has bottomless patience. me… I don’t know. I don’t think I could. I’ve got my own stuff going on. I don’t want a Project. #peter is definitely a project. and he needs someone with shed loads of patience and perseverance. #me I just. I wanna have a good time. so. come to me my big beautiful time traveller. whisk me away. #take me to the beach. you can disappear after I don’t mind I’m not needy. just spend a beautiful romantic week with me. #sci speaks #I don’t really know what kind of person I’m compatible with really actually. #all my relationships have been. pretty short. #and I don’t think it’s any fault of my own really. and I don’t feel any loss over them at all. like at all. I wish I did. but I don’t. #a sci has so very thankfully never felt heartbreak. #but it makes me kind of question what kind of person I am when it comes to this sort of thing. #because I really don’t know. #I don’t know if I want commitment. I don’t even know if I want sex these days. #I … weirdly… am so devoid of yearning these days. like I feel content right now on my own. I don’t even feel lonely. #I used to yearn but I think I’ve moved past it. and I kind of just want to have a good time. #and that doesn’t even . involve a relationship or anything anymore. like I don’t think I want one actually. it feels like I’m Over it. #it’s kind of great because I’ve never felt so calm in a long time. all because I decided that I don’t. actually Need anything. #I don’t need anything more than what I have. and that’s brought me rest after So Long being restless. #but if a massive time traveller came and whisked me away on sexy adventures how could I say no

[nuppu-nuppu]

Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining #once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol #like idk how to be friends #i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely #and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have #actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality #i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again #because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it #pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic #how do i start living again #how does one live anyway #im just in my head all the time #this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness #im so stupid!!! #im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself #im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself #but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go #idk how to be a person anymore #i’m just sad #thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.

The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.

"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."

And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.

Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.

That person was a child.

I was a child.

It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.

I'm not ashamed.

I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.

I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.

If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.

#started anti depressants recently. kinda had an epiphany. i can't hate who i was. if i met me now i wouldn't blame that tiny child #for their rancid beliefs or for being dragged to protests. because thats a CHILD. i HAVE met kids in that position and i feel nothing but #pity and anger on their behalf. so why am i holding that version of myself to a higher standard? #i could not have known what i know now at 6 or 8 or 10. the same way that i could not have written a college level essay at that age #but i did what i could. in my own 8 y/o way. i believed in love and humanity and happiness. i was just misguided in the 'hows' of it all #and i am so so so so so proud. of every single microscopic step that i took. every question i asked. every thought that i hid and protected #and pondered secretly at night until new ideas and doubts bloomed like a dandelion through the pavement #and I'm so proud that i chased that doubt. that i asked why why why why until their ears bled and their voices were raw #until their answers stopped adding up. until i sought knowledge elsewhere with a mind dehydrated and malnourished and begging for knowledge #in any form i could get. i just. if i could hug that kid? if i could right now reach out and give that terrified and lonely child a hug? #i would. a million times over. #anyway sorry for the intense personal rant I'm just going through it rn and I'm like.... actually feeling alright #its wild. did you guys know about this??? anti depressants make you NOT depressed??? shits insane fam #irl #personal

[silenthillbunni]

i wnna die bc i'll always be alone. no one will ever be able to understand me or love me for who i truly am etc etc. like there is always smth that makes me unloveable and makes them just leave me bc oh that thing was too much or oh this thing they didnt like. the more i show myself to someone ans the more they know... the less they'll like me. im impossible to know completely and still love

#and they might say they like me now but im just waiting for the one thing to xome up that will make them unlike me skksksks #this is why i am so tired #i am so tired of talking to ppl and trying to make friends or connections #i have to hide so much of myself #i just dont see how anyone could ever see it all but still want me or love me #i dont know... i feel so lonely and alienated all the time it's consuming every atom of my being #📓💭

[barghest-land]

the concept of dating scares me, what do u mean u met somewhere other than in the server of the dinosaur survival game

#thinking thoughts abt how all my relationships were so random bc i wasn't looking for it #not to say i do now but i mean haha would be nice i guess #but i don't even leave my apartment now idk how u people DO THAT !!!!!!! #i love meeting new people but at the same time when it's some completely random ass stranger it's terrifying idk how to talk to them #scary. spooky even #i don't even know how to live life like a normal person how am i supposed to do This. #am i looking for dating or am i looking to just get gn kisses every day #who knows #brain is thinking silly lonely things today sorry everyone who has to read this #barghest barks

[july-19th-club]

i love it when gay people are hicks . life mission of mine is to rep for the gay people who are not from cities and dont dress like it or talk like it and who don't plan to leave wherever small place they're from to be in a city, however easier it would be . i think even we think of our community as being city-based, and those of us out on the fringes get sort of forgotten unless we relocate, but we're out here! surrounded by corn tassels! looking for morels! a good 50% of us ecology people! dropping our consonants and wearing our barn boots and never seeing a gay bar ever come to our town but staying for the forest or the prairie or the desert anyway! yeehaw i love gay people

#sometimes i get so lonely thinking how hard it is to date out here . and stay out here #i mean im not gonna lie its slim pickins. most of the gay ppl i know in town are already in relationships and not looking to expand #and those that arent i dont know about because they're all closeted. so am i to an extent . i dont flag very loudly or anything #sometimes i think maybe life would be easier surrounded by people all the time. where subcultures are bigger #where visibly flagging as 'subculture' wouldn't be so stressful but the community would also be big enough that if you didnt flag. #you wouldn't miss out on anything for lack of being noticed #but then i remember mary oliver . and im like well mary oliver would not think you have to move to the city to be gay #mary oliver would just sit around on the porch watching the deer. while gay #mary oliver would encourage me to simply notice more animals

[mochikage]

uhh, idk if i'm allowed to ask like this, or if requests are even open, but...

can i rq first kiss fluffiness with kakashi? a scenario where him and reader haven't been dating for long, and they're chilling on a rooftop at night watching the stars like all romantic couples do.. but instead of the stars kakashi's staring at the reader because we're beautiful ofc and then he just leans over and kisses her softly?? and it's really cute??

fem reader please ^^ love your writing!

i needs this wholesomeness pls i'm lonely

my dearest little anon you seem like such a sweet person i wish i could hug you and give you head pats <3 much love and thank you for sending a request <3

The night's quiet, peaceful. The only sound resonating from crickets hiding in the distant forest or the occasional civilian making their way home from the night shift. None of it matters though, not when he’s laying next to you staring at the stars. 

There was some hesitance at first, where the two of you wondered if it was a good idea to lay down on a slanted roof top, a similar hesitance to the one Kakashi had before he started dating you. Would it be a good idea? (It was.) What if something goes wrong? (It won’t.) 

His hand engulfed yours, thumb stroking the back of your hand to calm you down. It was normal to be nervous at such a height, but when Kakashi holds you close, even with just a hand, your nerves relax. Everything about him was relaxing regardless of the lifestyle he chose to live. Similarly he found solace in you, in ways that he has yet to find the words to describe. 

“That one looks like a cat.....kind of...” Your hands point out the shape. There’s two twin stars the serve as the eye, all surrounded by a janky circle and one triangle at the top. “A cat with a missing ear and some funky looking whiskers but if you squint you can see it!” 

Kakashi only hums next to you, one so quiet that it makes you look over to check if he’s fallen asleep. He’s not looking to where you’re pointing, and you’re not even sure if he’s heard what you said. His focus isn’t on your hand or your weird perception of what a starry cat looks like, his attention is on you. 

There’s something different about the way you’re looking at each other. You’ve only been dating for a little bit, but you’d like to think that you’re getting better at communicating without words with him. Something practiced in your friendship now perfected in your relationship. 

The hand placed under your chin tilts your face up and it’s then that you realize how close he’s moved to you. That’s the thing about staring into his eyes, there’s nothing more mesmerizing than getting lost in them. He pulls down his mask, effectively making your stomach flip in excitement.  His face is nothing new to you, but it doesn’t stop you from feeling bashful every time you catch a glimpse. His tongue glides along is lips, making them glisten under the moonlight. Silver tufts of hair glide smoothly between your fingers, silk strands held tightly in your guiding hand. 

The stars shined brightly down upon the two lovers on the rooftop, each one twinkling in excitement, as if it was cheering them on. They gleam brighter when their lips connect. 

An unhurried kiss brings a heat to both your cheeks. Bodies are drawn closer to each other, eager to close any space between them. A moment that’s been long awaited. From hesitant kiss on the cheeks and awkward goodbyes, there never seemed to have been a perfect moment to relish each other like this. 

Lips part for air, and you can’t tell if you’re lightheaded from the kiss or the lack of air. Your heads press against each other, silly little smiles and shallow pants shared between you. 

No words need to be said. Just a moment to be savored, enjoyed. 

#never hesitate to go into my inbox #i am alos very lonely so i welcome thoughts like this at all times #i'm not retyping that to correct 'also' #ask #kakashi hatake #kakashi hatake x reader #kakashi x reader #nart #naruto #vanilla mochi #kakashi fluff #kakashi hatake fluff

[turtlecleric]

.

#(huge relieved sigh) #I'm emotional over the little community that I get to participate in here #been on Tumblr over 10 years #been in multiple fandoms that I've made content for #and this is the first time I've experienced this level of interaction and community #first time I've had mutuals and had that actually mean something #I'm still terrified of unknowingly doing something rude or wrong or annoying (which is why I struggle so much to tag people) but #idk I'm starting to feel braver #I'm actually getting emotional thinking about it #sorry I'm just #maybe rereading symphony and noticing how lonely Violist-chan is has got me focused on how lonely I am too #and yeah it's not like I'm anyone's actual friend on here but just being able to interact and participate and be welcomed is... #idk #there's this gnawing ache in my chest all the time but this little community brings me sparks of joy that I haven't felt in a long time #sorry ignore me I'm just #i don't know #I'm trying to express my gratitude but I'm not doing a very good job #if anyone actually reads this just know I'm trying to say thank you for being nice and for letting me be feral over turtles with you #and i hope you're all having a good day

[ratskool]

I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it

#House of leaves #im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go #Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious #I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections #Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it #Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything #People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in #Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join #Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger #Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing? #Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know? #The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad #Not seeing them everyday #I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary #I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not #Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that #Maybe I’m just not worth it.

[aeide-thea]

i know i don't have to convince any of you guys that ~cats are capable of love~ or whatever, like obviously What Love Means to an Animal is a little different than What It Means to a Person (Whatever That Is) but also they for sure want to be buddies, but like

if you were on the fence about that, i'd offer you the image of nefret cat following me very pointedly around the house after i got back from the grocery store, very clearly impatient for it to be Poäng Time

#in case you were wondering it IS now Poäng Time and all's right with the world #(also sorry i'm doing SO much inane catblogging lately— #i'm working thru the frustrating phenomenon known as 'socializing so intensely was Not Great but neither is having stopped!') #(like i'm grateful not to be a performing bear anymore but. now i'm lonely. lol.) #(anyway we will hopefully resume an evener keel shortly but. 4 the nonce i am leaning on yr virtual company & grateful for its support <3) #journaling #catblogging #mundanities #domesticities

[lilaccatholic]

how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?

#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk #i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting #it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer. #i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love. #im not the type you launch a thousand ships for. #so what's left? #who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture. #i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for. #im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now. #except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving. #i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around. #how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too. #its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like #ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out. #ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing #the trail? how do i become myself happy and free? #because i WANT to be more #i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy #but i dont know how to get there #and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me #all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself #i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do #anyway. #anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol #im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good. #please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM #lilac rambles

[grey-has-rusted]

what they don't tell you about life is that it's hard. woe is me

#ramblings #yes. i logged onto tumblr just to complain. #i have not been having a good time irl </3 #guys am i cooked? i wake up everyday with a heavy sorrow in my heart. #i am sad all the time even though i enjoy the wonders of life. #i laugh and smile and talk and learn. but im still sad. #it also doesn't help that i have psychotic tendencies and episodes #'go for a walk. that's a healthy coping mechanism' bro i can't even go outside bc i will get lost and walk for hours and almost- #unintentionally kill myself #it sucks. it all sucks and i say things that don't make sense either. apparently. allegedly. #i just want a functional brain. i would be so unstoppable if it weren't from my brain maybe i could actually function like a normal person #and hold down a job and be consistent with my hobbies and passions and actually maintain friendships #ong ive been so lonely too #i haven't bothered making friends anymore bc i know i won't be consistent and i dont wanna waste anyone's time #that's just really unfair #and i rely so heavily on videogames and fiction to get me through the day #bc it makes me feel less lonely. yeah i know i sound lame 💀 #anyways- see y'all in another year when i remember tumblr exists

[soapscrustymohawk]

okay but this is actualy what is happening right now

#Our flag means death #young royals #what we do in the shadows #hearstopper #Just is it bad that I don't like what we do in the shadows #and haven't watched young royals #;-; #Imma pretend I did #just so many gays ;-; #just so many hapy merry men #I realize now I wrote happy wrong #anyways #I love all of them #Im the live slug reaaction every time they do something #because I am lonely #my partner lives a bit too far for me to go there in a few minutes #*cries in gay*

[elvenbeard]

I cannot put into words how much I'm looking forward to the moment of no longer needing to blacklist anything phantom liberty. And being able to reinstall my mods and everything and going back to posting and whatnot.

Also given that it's getting closer to being a year since I first picked up the game and wanting to do something for it and hhhhhh.

#ngl I am feeling a bit lonely and left out at the moment #not all the time not everyday and self-imposed obviously #but given how fast-paced the Internet and Fandom is I do feel like I'm not able to keep up and a lot of people moving on without me #but it's also ~seasonal depression time~ and I know these feelings aren't based on reality #I know a lot of people care about my stuffs and that means so much #the connections Ive formed mean so much #but yeah it's... hard atm xD #personal stuff

[impossible-rat-babies]

.

#again. I am. upset with change and have been upset with change for the past like. month #idk the friend I usually play 14 and do stuff with is hardly on and barely talks to me much anymore #which is just like. her being busy and having a significant other #but there’s a lot of stuff we started together in 14 that I’m now doing on my own #and man. man it’s fucking lonely af #I’m doing diadem alone. I’m doing anima relics on my own. I’m doing other relics on my own #dailies on my own which has gotten me much braver about playing healer and tank but man. man it’s fucking lonely #and I have other friends I can play with but it’s like when you have so many projects you’ve started with a friend only to be left #to do them on your own…it sucks #I’m not upset over her having personal stuff but I’m still missing the times we used to play together #it’s been like this for going on two or three months which isn’t a lot to really think about but still #it feels like a long time #it’s not that my love of 14 is fading it’s more that the act of playing alone when you have so much joint investment isn’t all that fun #owen talks #idk if it last through the summer then idk what I’m gonna do