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nhlclover · 1 year

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not over you | trevor zegras

word count: 1.44k

summary: your childhood friend comes home, digging up old feelings once felt for him

warnings: slight drinking, kissing

notes: it starts off weak but i promise it gets way better. also 'y/f/i' means 'your first initial'.

Trevor Zegras is a boy you never forget.

Growing up next door to him, he was always in my life. From preschool to middle school, we were friends, spending most moments of the day together. Over time, I found myself being drawn to the boy that lived next door to me. I quickly figured, however, that my crush was one-sided. I did my best to forget my crush but failed to do so.

Even as the years passed and boyfriends have come and gone from my life, my crush on Trevor has always sat in the backseat.

When my mom told me Trevor was coming back to New York for a few weeks in the summer, I was excited. Though those feelings were promptly replaced by ones of nervousness when she informed me he had been invited for dinner at our house.

Seeing him walk up my driveway brings back memories of when we were kids, him doing the same to come and ask me if I wanted to go for a bike ride or hang out in my treehouse. We spent every moment of every summer together.

“Y/n/n. I can’t believe it.” He says. Trevor scoops me up spinning me around once.

“Trevor put me down!” I shriek.

He does so, setting me down, and looking down at me. He’s several inches taller than the last time I saw him, and has definitely put on muscle. Seeing him in front of me I am promptly reminded of my feelings for my best friend. My childhood crush has only grown into something stronger as we’ve gotten older.

“What?” He asks me.

“You look so different.” I say.

“I could say the same about you.” Trevor says, eyeing me up and down.

“I hope that’s a good thing.” I joke.

“It’s good believe me.” He smiles. “God, it’s been so long.”

“Well, you’re the one who lives in California.” I remind.

“Yeah, and you’re the one that decided to go to an ivy league school in fucking Rhode Island.” He jokes.

“Fine, we’re both at fault. Truce?” I ask, sticking my hand out for a handshake.

He snorts, shaking my hand, then pulling me into his chest and tossing an arm around my shoulders. We walk into the house, my parents immediately greeting him like he was their own son. My mom brings him in for a tight hug while my dad shakes his hand, asking about hockey and handing him a beer. We eat dinner, Trevor charming my mother by complimenting her cooking.

“I don’t know why you never dated Trevor, he’s much more polite than any of the guys you’ve brought home before.” My mom says.

“Mom, seriously?” I ask, my cheeks heating up. I dare to look over at Trevor who has an intrigued look on his face.

“You’ve been bringing guys home, huh?” He asks.

“Only two!” I say in defence. “And that was in my first year!”

“That is true. None since.” My mother nods. “So I still have hope for the two of you.”

I groan, burrowing my gaze in my food, missing Trevor’s smile and looking in my direction. We wrap up dinner, Trevor and I clearing the table while my parents put out dessert. Not long after, my parents retire to bed, leaving the two of us alone. Trevor and I crack open a second beer each and sit down at the kitchen table, catching up. He tells me about hockey and his new life in Anaheim, while I tell him about life at Brown.

“Oh my god, you guys still have the treehouse?” Trevor asks, looking out the back window in the kitchen.

“Yeah, I refused to let Dad tear it down.” I laugh. “It’s still the same as when we were young.”

“Shut up, really?” Trevor asks, whipping his head at me.

“Yeah, it’s got the 5SOS posters and everything.”

Suddenly Trevor is by the back door, opening it and walking through our backyard to the large oak tree that holds the old treehouse. I follow him, watching as he climbs up the rickety wooden ladder, holding a beer bottle in one hand. “Trevor, I don’t know how stable it is!” I call to him.

He ignores me and continues to climb the ladder, opening the hatch at the top and disappearing into the house. I stand at the base of the ladder looking up into the house, seeing Trevor standing at the opening and looking down at me.

“Come up!” He calls.

My brain is dragged back to my childhood, seeing the familiar blonde as I normally would in our summers together. I sigh, beginning to climb the ladder that creaks with every rung I climb. When I climb through the opening, I see Trevor sitting on the wooden pallet couch my dad had made for me when I was young. The couch no longer had cushions and was beginning to decay slightly.

I look around, my chosen artwork still scattered on the walls. 5 Seconds of Summer posters remain on the walls, wilting away, and the blue-painted walls are chipped.

“It still looks the same.” I say softly.

“I mean, yeah if the interior of the treehouse went through an apocalypse.” Trevor says, looking around.

I roll my eyes, sitting beside Trevor on the wooden couch. “God, we used to spend so much time in here.” I say.

“Wait.” Trevor says suddenly, standing up and going to the oak tree that shoots through the centre of the treehouse. He scans the wood, seemingly looking for something.

“I found it!” He says, waving me over.

I stand by his side, looking at where his finger is touching the tree. Above it, ‘T + y/f/i’ is faintly etched into the wood. “Oh my God, I forgot about that.” I say, burying my face in my hands.

When Trevor and I were 11 there was a two-week period that we “dated”. I use the word dated loosely as it was barely a relationship, and Trevor and I never kissed.

“I was heartbroken when you dumped me.” Trevor joked.

“Oh sure you were.” I roll my eyes, going to sit down.

He comes around the tree, finishing off his beer. “I truly was.”

I shake my head, laughing at him. “You don’t believe me?” He asks, sitting down beside me.

“Don’t even, Trevor.” I look over at him, seeing him staring intently at me. His blue eyes are still just as piercing as they were when we were young. Still just as captivating.

“What?” I ask softly.

“Nothing.” He says.

“No, no. Tell me.” I say, sitting up and looking at him. He stares back with a smirk tugging on his lips.

“When you smile, your lips still hook to the left.” He says.

It’s an odd quirk I have and everyone still points it out to me. When I smile, the left side of my mouth goes higher than the right, giving me a crooked smile. I grew up hating it. “Ugh, don’t point it out.” I say, covering my lips with my hand.

“Don’t.” He says, pulling my hand down.

His eyes are delicate as he looks into mine. Suddenly he sits up, leaning forward, and connecting our lips. I hear the empty bottle fall from his hand, clinking as it hits the floor. Trevor’s hands come up to my face, softly holding me there. Before I can kiss him back, his lips pull back. I open my eyes, finding his looking straight into mine.

We sit there momentarily, neither one of us finding the words we want to say. I decide to let actions speak for themselves, leaning back into Trevor, and connecting our lips once again. His tongue sweeps past my lips as I part them, granting him access. My hands press against his chest for stability, his slipping down to my waist, pulling me into him.

I gasp softly as I pull away, resting my forehead against his and looking into his eyes once more. “You have no clue how long I’ve wanted to do that.” Trevor says softly, still slightly gasping in between words.

“Really?” I ask, our foreheads still pressed together.

“I have never not wanted you, y/n.” Trevor says. “Seriously. You’re all I’ve thought about since the day we met.”

“But, all these years… I thought we were just friends?”

“I thought that’s what you wanted.” I quickly shake my head at his words. Trevor kisses me again, smiling against my lips. We break apart, matching smiles on our faces. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and I giggle at my childhood dream coming true finally.

#trevor zegras #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras imagine #nhl #nhl imagine #anaheim ducks #hockey #luvzegras

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wilwheaton · 1 year

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If you weren't an actor , what would you have liked to do as a career

I always wanted to work in radio. I wanted to be one of those DJs I admired, who brought me new music and told me about the people who made it. I wanted to be Jim Ladd, Rodney on the ROQ, Richard Blade, Uncle Joe Benson, Joe Frank. I imagined myself as the overnight guy at a little radio station who played the punk and experimental stuff the daytime people couldn't get away with because it was too far from the mainstream.

I think I would have loved that. I love my life right now, which means I accept all of the shitty stuff I survived to get here, but I'll always wonder who I would be today, if I'd been allowed, or even just supported, to explore that path.

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ufonaut · 7 months

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(alan scott: the green lantern 2023 #1)

as far as i'm concerned this is the single most important most daring panel in the debut issue of alan scott's new miniseries. it's a good book, it could be a great one but at the heart of it remains a need to appear palpable to straight audiences still uncomfortable with the subject matter. this is the one line that stands against the tide, that feels vividly in character for alan.

"i knowingly and repeatedly commit felonious acts with other men".

at any point either editorial or tim sheridan might have decided to go the expected route -- that alan had been so heartbroken over the loss of johnny ladd, over the later loss of jimmy henton, that he'd never again touched another man for his eighty years in the closet and that story would've been looked upon sympathetically by straight readers! instead we get this beautiful reminder that alan hadn't stopped living his life, no matter the fear and the secrets and the danger.

#alan scott #doiby dickles #green lantern #alan scott: the green lantern #alan scott: the green lantern 2023 #u can reblog #'doiby im scoring like crazy'

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calmodus · 1 year

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Narita writing shit like lua viewing ladd as necessary to both life and death and ladd losing his left ring finger saving her. And claire taking every tragedy and absurdity and absorbing it to become the most terrifying man alive and then seeing a boy with incredibly kind eyes and fearing that he will devour and shatter him. And czeslaw. And a monster coming into existence just to protect people because they all believed in it, before melting into the dawn. And a train that ran during the prohibition that served as a site for immense violence getting destroyed and the only part that exists to remind people what happened was a love letter carved out of the roof.

Then turning around in the afterword and going "so I've heard that a lot of people buy books based on how the afterword was written. Anyways I think I wrote a story that's very funny and stupid and I hope to do that more :) thanks."

#baccano #He's got jokes ill tell you that much #And like it is. Baccano is an incredibly stupid story. But it's also just So Much in every possible way.

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beerwanderer · 6 months

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I wish I could be at Spezial tonight for my favorite of their beers, over this I won't fight. Rich malty pleasure yet a smoky affair and after a few, your life seems without cares.

#beer #hiking #bavaria #beer_wanderers #brewery #bier #beerwanderers #beer hiking bavaria #franken #franconia

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freshlyrage · 11 months

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Running Like Water

Chapter 2

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues, first few chapters are flashbacks to high school, they WILL NOT be explicit just fluff.

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

Fic Summary: Andrea has loved Javier since she was a girl in pigtails, yet he has always been off limits. Andrea's older brother Frankie makes sure Javier never crosses any lines, which was an easy task considering Javi's relationship status with long term girlfriend Lorraine. Somewhere, the lines blur.

word count: 6.2k

At the corners of your eyes, tears. You had seen Javier kiss Lorraine’s cheek in the halls. It was whispered around the school that she finally tied him down.

Well, you also saw her running out of his house one night while your mom drove you into town. You had to lie to your mama and say you were feeling sick so she could turn around and take you home. Just so you could have time to be upset, alone.

Monica gave you a sympathetic frown when she broke the news at lunch. The girls knew how much you like Javi although you never really said it out loud. But you never had to.

Lorraine was a class act. Science research, volleyball, top of her class and worst of all akin to Cheryl Ladd. The one actress Javier has hanging above his bed, a peak you got to sneak two years prior when he asked you to snatch some weed from his room. Wavy blonde hair, blue eyes, one of 10 white girls at the school and deemed prettiest. And she was pretty. Full lips and a smile that could blind.

You tugged at your hair a bit harder in frustration when thinking of just how beautiful she was. You couldn’t wait for your walk home to end so you can scream into your pillow.

“Andrea!” A voice shouts, one you know all too well. You wipe your eyes quickly, seeing the truck pull up next to you. Javier, leaned over the wheel, slowly inching his truck to follow you as you walked. Of course, Lorraine was in the passengers seat, a sweet smile on her face. God, you couldn’t even hate her. She waves sweetly, she could tell you’ve been crying. He clears his throat, “Do you need a ride home?”

You look up the hill, knowing you have 20 more minutes to your commute. The cold wind hitting your face, my face is probably so red right now. “Oh, I’m okay.” Your voice weak. If it wasn’t evident, you were just crying it surely was now. Javi abruptly stops the car, causing Lorraine to jolt forward. His brows furrowed as he tried to examine your face. You didn’t know at the time but apparently there wasn’t an emotion you could hide on your face.

“Get in the damn car Andrea.” He demands, earning a glare from Lorraine. She mutters a don’t talk to her like that. To which he replies by just glancing back at her than at you.

You swallow hard, feeling worse than you did 5 minutes ago before obliging. You climb into the back seat of the truck, earning a look from Javi. He’s trying to read your face now that you were closer, he notices the red spots under your eyes from where your tears dried.

Again, if he notices it, he ignores it and begins driving.

Lorraine pops gum in her mouth before turning in her seat to poke her head to view you in the back seat. She reaches a manicured hand out, a light pink tint. “I’m Lorraine, Javier’s girlfriend.” The two of you have met, she even spoke to you briefly about Javi. That was 2 months ago at homecoming, she must have forgotten. You knew she was yet the label strikes you right in the chest. And shit, she was lucky that you were 5 days off your period because if not you would have burst into tears right there in the crew cab.

You shake her hand, smiling. “I’m Andrea-”

“We’ve been friends since middle school, got into lots of trouble with her although she was never the trouble.” Javi laughs with his eyes on the road, Lorraine smiles at him and sits straight again. And you watch as he puts his hand on the back of her seat.

In 3 minutes, he stopped at Lorraine’s. “I hope to see you soon Andrea!” She turns away from you before looking over at Javi who was already leaning over the console waiting for her to look at him.

His eyes peeled to her lips, “Bye baby.” His lips quirk before she plants a kiss. Your head immediately snaps away. It does make your head spin, wishing you could get home so you could cry this out. Lorraine giggles and hops out the car, running to her home.

With your eyes peeled on the car floor Javi lets out a satisfied sigh. You could just feel the smile on his face as he looked out the windshield. “Come to the front.” He says after a minute of thinking fondly of his girl.

Again, with the pang in your chest you oblige, jumping out the car with your books in hand and climbing into the seat where Lorraine just previously kissed him from. Crossing your legs, your new denim still stiff. The white shirt tucked into the high waisted pants slightly untucking with your movement. He starts the pickup again; you look to him and his eyes are on the textbooks in your lap.

He reaches to grab them, your eyes following his hands before reaching to the back seat to lay them down. “You okay?” His eyes on the road again, driving down. Passing the rest of the ranch land which you walked by every day. “It’s safe in town but you really shouldn’t be walking home, it gets so dark early now.” Javier says, homes coming into view.

An “are you okay” is what would send you over the edge but It was so crucial in this moment to not show how frustrated you really were with something so stupid. Of course, he was going to get a girlfriend, of course I would have to be around him and his girlfriend. Of course, he would make me get in his car if he saw me walking alone at 4:30 pm.

“I’m fine, the wind all in my face you know…” You lie, wishing you had the textbooks in your lap to grip out of nervousness, now you could only push your hair from your face. The layers Genevieve cut became overgrown around two months ago. You would keep this look but it’s not quite “in” now, everyone’s cutting their hair and teasing it. You aren’t sure if it would fit you though.

You watch as Javier grips the steering wheel. “Doesn’t your friend have a car?” He asks inquiring about Monica who was actually in his grade and had been driving you around all summer. “She should be taking you home.” A frown forms when he approaches a car, teenage boys from school. Staring into his truck.

Monica was taking you home, but now she leaves her car at home. She goes straight to Christian’s house after school to do whatever they do. She promised she’ll start taking the car back to school when lacrosse starts up. You laugh at her crying in the bathroom because her hair would not cover the mark he left on her neck. “Her boyfriend takes her every-where, you know how it is” You joke about his new status of “boyfriend” which causes me to earn a side glance from Javier. It was playful, but you truly were a bit salty about it. Very salty.

How was everything he did so hot, I need to open his car door and jump into the dirt. Leave me rolling there Javier.

He laughs, “Well maybe you should get a boyfriend with a car.” He reaches over turning up Curtis Mayfield on the radio despite the drive coming to a close soon.

And you swear to god you don’t think, “Why would I need a boyfriend when I have my brothers friend to make me get in his truck.” Your face turns beet red at your own words, he snaps his head towards you with a bit of a flare in his nostrils and a playful smile on his lips.

He gives you a head shake before circling the street again, oh.

Maybe he’s lost, but maybe he’s trying to buy time to keep talking to you.

You know well… You know he aint lost. “Been friends for years and you still call me your brothers friend.” He says in a tone close to reflection, like he’s thought about this before.

Your eyes widen at his statement, “Sorry-” You apologize and for what, you weren’t really sure but his laugh rings through the car. How you’ve missed that sound.

“Don’t apologize, I just would think- I don’t know I refer to you as one of my childhood best friends when you’re brought up. Feels embarrassin’ when you can’t even call me your friend.” The accent he tries to desperately hide sneaks through, could you get redder?

Best friend? Brought up? When do I get…

“What do you mean brought up?” A nervous laugh slips your lips, he circles the block again. He shakes his head, his eyes unreadable. You just wanted to grab his face and make him look at you. We’d probably crash.

“You know all the junior boys. Got a few of them asking me about you, thinkin’ you’re pretty and all.” He laughs and speaks again before you could let the butterflies flutter deep in your stomach. “Gotta tell them to relax, don’t let no boy talk to you the way those guys do…” His grip tightens the wheel.

You don’t respond this time, just nod. You also know that whatever you say will only reveal how much you liked him. How him indirectly calling you pretty settles something deep in your stomach you were far too shy to ever talk about. He circles the block a third time despite the conversation dying.

“Chucho is making dinner, you wanna stop by? You can call your mom or Frankie from the kitchen, it’d be nice for my dad to have some people over he always cooks like he’s expecting guests.” His voice shy, it was new or new for the person he is now.

He’s around school getting treated like he’s hot shit, you wondered if they knew he gets shy asking his childhood best friend to dinner.

You nod in agreement and he finally gets on the right track to his home. You almost don’t want to invite Frankie or mom, just so It could just be You, Chucho and Javi.

“I was gonna ask Lorraine, but you know… too soon to bring a girl to my dad. A girl who isn’t Mexican at that.” He jokes, immediately crushing the delusion you made in your head. Of course, yeah of course.

You nod and smile as he approaches his dirt driveway. The porch light on already, the sun setting. Javier grabs the textbooks from the back and you two hop out of the truck. Chucho is already to the doorway by the time your boots scrape the dirt. His cattleman hat matching his white button down, it’s rare he isn’t wearing his sunglasses but they would seem quite impractical. A rare smile on his face as he watches you follow behind Javier.

“Andrea! Was getting nervous I’d never see you here again.” He pulls you into a hug, kissing your cheek. He reaches over to grip Javier’s shoulder before letting you in. The house was a classic, brown furniture all over. It hadn’t changed since that summer two years ago. Being a single dad meant being busy, not time to doll up a home. You know that Javier’s mom had bolted when he was 3, Frankie mentioned it but it was never uttered from Javier himself. Conversations with Javier were always light-hearted and teasing, you almost feared the day he opens up. If he ever does. You couldn’t even picture it.

Holding a gaze at the quilt of Javier’s preschool artwork sprawled on the couch. You wished your mom held sentimental things like that, but she was into that whole “contemporary” style. She justified every purchase saying it would be, timeless. Although it’s looking tacky to you-already.

Walking into the dining room the table was already set. Chucho really did cook like he was waiting for someone else, steam lifting from the plate making the warm dining room warmer. Your eyes catch a family picture of Javier and his father as you sit. You sit with a wooden squeak, Javier leans over and grabs his own plate to sit it directly next to you.

Am I dreaming?

You had to be dreaming. Chucho places the dish right in front of you, it was simple rice and chicken with asparagus on the side. Mama would purchase the asparagus from him, it was his most popular crop. You mutter your thank you’s and almost want to let out a schoolgirl giggle at the thought of having dinner with Javier and his parent.

Eating was paired with silence but Chucho started the conversation like he always did. “You adjusting to high school well?” Javier nearly groans at the question. Javier was always a bit embarrassed by his dad, like any other teen. He would cringe and groan because he knew his dad was a bit nosy. He would take any opportunity to pry out any information from you back when you used to come around. To you it was sweet, it wasn’t often that people asked you questions about you.

You cut into the chicken, breaded your favorite. “Honestly I’m not sure, feels like everyone’s moving and doing high schooler stuff and I’m kind of just there” It was honest.

Chucho wasn’t one of those adults you had to lie to-to satisfy their expectations. He was always very real with Frankie, and in turn he expected you to be just as real. And it really was honest, it had been 4 months of high school and everything had been moving so slowly. It seemed to be so easy for everyone else. You felt incompetent, you felt the friends you had in the summer slowly slipping away with boyfriends and love lives. Javi furrows his eyes brows at your bluntness, elbows on the table his hands holding each other.

Chucho nods, “I get it, everyone has different paces in life you know. My brother had his first kid at your age and I didn’t even date a girl until I was twenty. Different pace Mija.” He reassures. You smile warmly at him before sipping the water to your right. “Did Javier tell you about his girlfriend? I was praying to God it was you.”

The water you were sipping catching in your throat with a choke.

“Dad please…” Javier pleads and you laugh trying not to be so obvious. The statement from his dad sent you on an ego high for a second. “Lorraine is a nice girl.” He argues.

Chucho sucks his teeth, “I know, I know. You know if your girlfriend wasn’t Mexican, I was at least hoping she’d be Puerto Rican like Andrea here.” His hand gestures at you, your cheeks turning rosy, again.

Javier shakes his head and shovels more food into his mouth. “If it makes my case better Andrea approves of Lorraine.” He speaks for you. You almost want to whack him for putting word in your mouth-but-

But, you kind of did approve of her, internally. And you felt that the idea of dating within your ethnicity or race was so stupid and outdated. But you had just wished it would have been you. You wished Javier would be talking you up to his dad. You wished he would kiss you before sending you home. But it was Lorraine that had done it for him, not you. The worst part was Lorraine was a pretty girl and not in a mean girl way. Like a pretty girl, with pretty hair, pretty clothes, pretty body and she was so sweet. She was known for being very kind in school. She was the type of girl that would offer to fix your hair in the bathroom or spot your change at the lunch line.

You smile and nod anyway, “Yeah, she’s beautiful and nice. Javier is deserving.” The last bit comes as a whisper before you shut yourself up with food. He was so deserving, that was another downside. You felt so selfish for wishing it was you. He had been happy with her, you don’t even know if he could ever be happy with you. You should just be happy for this win in his life.

To hell with being the bigger person.

Chucho leans back in his chair with a small devious smile, “We’ll see how approving Javi will be when you get a boyfriend.” Your eyes widen before snapping to Javier at his fathers straight-forwardness, but his eyes were already on yours. His eyes peeled away when he realized his dad made another joke in his expense. He had just been staring at you even before the joke.

Javier registers what his dad just said and lets out a sarcastic laugh. “If it’s with any of the idiots in my grade… no way.” He looks away like he was searching for something in his mind, something clever to say since he unintentionally made the conversation less lighthearted. You knew Javi has always been that way with you, overprotective. Genie and Frankie would joke about Javi being a better brother to you than Frankie himself. You hated that, because you had convinced yourself Javier was that way because you weren’t like a sister.

“Well no need to worry, i’m riding solo for as long as I can, the food is so good Mr. Peña.” You lend a helping hand to Javi when he couldn’t come up with something to say. Chucho smiles in approval.

“Come here any time you know, always welcome in my home. You sure loved to bike by here last spring, looking for Javi probably.” He chuckles, “Should’ve told you he spent that school year away.” He smiles, Javier shifts from next to you and his elbow digs at your side.

God, his dad really just put me out there.

He leans to your shoulder, his mouth a bit close to your ear. Your blood runs cold and you almost swallow thickly at the closeness. “Stalking me Andrea?” He pushes you slightly before straightening up. You scoff (a oh my god, definitely not, I wasn’t looking for you every day-no I’m not in love with you are you crazy? Sort of scoff) and laugh (dry, nervous). Maybe you could laugh your way out of this. Chucho smiles sweetly at the interaction, a knowing look on his face. The entire dinner he continued to make comments that would make your ears heat up without fail.

You promised Chucho that you’d be back the same time next week, he told you to make sure Frankie stopped by with his girl like they used to. You just didn’t have the heart in me to tell him that they were on a “break.”

You agreed anyway and got back into Javier’s car. You strap yourself in the pickup and just watched Javi and his dad talk at the hood of the car. It gave you some space to blush as much as you needed and smile at your lap, replaying moments of the night in your head.

After a few minutes he climbed in with one step, folding to fit in his seat. “Sorry about him, he really likes you.” He shakes his head; the car starts with a struggle. It wasn’t the newest car and sure was put to some use it seemed. You mutter that it was fine. Javier places his hand behind your head rest and looked over to pull out the dirt road. You went back to biting back smiles. He let the radio play in place of silence.

He was parked in front of your flashy home in a matter of minutes. Your mom had it renovated right after she bought the boutique, it stuck out like a sore thumb in the neighborhood. You could tell you guys were the new money kind of people. You grip at your textbooks, “Thanks for the ride.”

He leans back into his seat and nods. The sun was set and the breeze was perfect, too good. It moved your hair slightly. But not even the great ambiance could shake the teen awkwardness that lived in you, so you reached for the door.

“Oh- wait.” He sits up and you turn to him again, your hair whipping against your face. Similar to that first time you met him. You’d be lying if you hadn’t wished he would ask you something you selfishly wanted. You were so eager for it to be something… for him to ask something you wanted to hear. But it wasn’t. He scratches the back of his neck. “Some people from school are going to Jimmie’s for New Years, they don’t really card there. You’re welcome to come-you know with your friends” He urges, a hint of shyness in his voice again. It comes as a comfort to you, that maybe he was just as nervous around you for some reason. You nod and leave with a small wave.

The bright lights of your home welcomes you with a squint. “Where have you been baby?” your mom calls from the living room. A smile playing on your lips about the day fades, not wanting mama to see. You walk towards the arch way seeing her sprawled out on the orange couch. You place the textbooks down at the coffee table.

“Had dinner with Chucho and Javier, met his girlfriend today.” The girlfriend drop was intentional, mom always knew. She knew you liked Javier, so letting her know that he had a girlfriend would remove whatever speculation she could have made in her head. She nods and you just reach down to kiss her head before hurrying off to your room.

You let out that cry you had in the back of your throat since he asked you to get in his truck. A cry of knowing that a friendly dinner is all you would be able to get. A knowing cry that he had truly found someone good.

New Year’s Eve 1979

Monica smacks your behind as you bend down to grab your small heels. You let out a small groan and Liandra giggles. “You’re disgusting.” You stand up straight rubbing your ass over the leopard print dress, it was a halter style. A bit dressed up for a bar in Laredo. It was similar to the dress Monica had on, instead hers was an electric blue. You were kind shocked your mom was letting you leave the house in a dress like this. You were almost 16 but Monica said the dress added a few years on you along with the makeup. But when you looked in the mirror you had just felt like a baby who got into her mommy’s makeup and high heels.

Liandra wore a halter shirt showing her mid-drift and sported it with her classic high pants with flared bottoms. “New Years kiss here we come.” She wraps her arm around you as you all exit the house and head to Monica’s car. You scoff, they surely would have their new year’s kiss. Your future forecast saw a new year’s hug, if you were lucky.

In 30 minutes you were piled in the bar, 3 televisions all playing the feed of New York City and its people huddled in the cold air. On another screen the Dallas countdown, which was accurate to your time zone, less bundled up but still. Monica was already by Christians side and Liandra was talking to the soccer player who she kissed a few months ago. You sat at the bar watching everyone around you, looking for Javier.

“What in the world are you wearing?” The grating voice comes out from your left. A groan ripping, you have to be kidding me. You almost slam your head into the bar.

“Frankie, my god why are you here?” You shut your eyes in annoyance, your now 18-year-old brother judging you with disgust on his face. His curly hair bouncing with his head shake of disapproval. Yes, the dress was a bit grown but Monica bought it for herself and hated the color on her so she passed it to you. You wouldn’t normally wear something like this, it was like one of those dresses you see on a magazine cover. One on a red carpet, not a shitty bar.

“I should be asking you that question, does mom know you’re here? You look like a baby prostitute.”

You grab your clutch and hit him with it hard. And you argue back and forth over the chatter of the bar. It was already 11 so people were getting progressively more drunk and loud. “Holy shit Frankie!” Javier’s voice comes from behind you and pathetically you whip your head towards him. He was sporting a brown leather jacket and his classic tight denim with a large belt buckle. His hair was a bit overgrown again, curling at the nape of his neck. You were so entranced with the pure sex appeal that radiated from him to notice the blonde bombshell attached to his arm. Lorraine in an orange jumpsuit, her hair pulled in a high ponytail. Good God was she beautiful.

Javier doesn’t recognize you until he strides closer and his eyes widen at your appearance. His eyes raking down and up before his nostrils flaring in the slightest. “You came?” He places a hand on your bare shoulder and squeezes.

“You look so pretty!” Lorraine detaches herself from Javier and hugs you while you sat at the bar stool, You get up to return the hug a bit better. Still, you could feel your brother’s protective glare. He pushes Javi, bickering with him like they always did.

“So do you, wow.” Because really, wow. She looked like she was ripped straight out of a magazine. You could see her leaving this town, being a model or an actress. She goes on to say that her mother works with the uncle of a designer all the way in New York and that he gifted this for her 17th birthday. It was quite the story, and quite the jumpsuit. Why did she have to be so cool?

Her hands holding your forearms as she spoke, she really was a sweet girl. Still holding you, her attention moves to Frankie and Javier as they bickered. "Would you two grow up?"

Frankie rolls his eyes, separating from Javier for a moment. “So Javi invited you,” Your brother asks and you don’t get to reply.

“She’s my friend too-”

“She’s fifteen she shouldn’t be out here” He gestures his hand at you. And Javier doesn’t do anything but stare, Frankie waves his hand again to drive the point. “And dressed like that.” Your eyes widen at his words and Lorraine lets go of your arms with a scoff. Immediately glaring at Frankie in annoyance.

Javier shakes his head; a face of disgust and disapproval takes over. “Man, don’t talk about her like that…” and Lorraine agrees. Always been on my side, always have. Frankie doesn’t double down he just takes a sip of the beer that was in his hand, knowing arguing with Javier about you was nothing short of pointless. Suddenly there was a wave of insecurity and your arms cross, hugging your own body. Lorraine was at his side again and they continue their conversation.

The thought of Monica and Liandra spiking in your fogged up brain, you peer your head up scanning looking for them in the crowd mixed with high school aged kids and adults. You find Monica already in a bar booth kissing her boyfriend. Your lips quirk at the sight, you look more and lock on Liandra who was giggling at something a boy was whispering in her ear. God.

1980 didn’t have the best ring to it but it was approaching.

You look up to the fuzzy screen reading 10 minutes until midnight on the Dallas feed which was now the only one displayed on all screens. People were standing now. You look back to Javier, Lorraine and Frankie to see Genevieve kissing your brother on the cheek.

Oh, I guess they’re good now.

Your smile grows at the sight of Genies new black hair. Her brown eyes widen at the sight and she nearly pushes Javier to the ground to get over to you. Her arms wrapping around your neck with a jump. “Oh my gosh, you look so beautiful” She kisses your cheek. “I’ve got to cut your hair again though.” She giggles into you. You release her, putting the two of you in that same position you were with Lorraine, pulled apart but holding each other by your arms. “And you’ve got to stop growing up.”

She pulls you back in for a hug but moves her head to your ear. “I can’t believe Javier has a girlfriend.” She whispers and you nod into her hair. She was the only person that knew you liked him. Well most people assumed, but she was the only person you ever actually mentioned it to. You were afraid of telling people because high school is just a place where everyone finds out each other’s business. You whisper into her ear, “I hate that she’s likable”.

It was so selfish and honestly you were a bit ashamed of yourself.

You could almost feel her sympathetic smile against you, she pulls away squeezing your forearm. A gesture everyone seems to love doing to you lately. You begin to talk but she puts a finger in front of your face to stop you before opening her big handbag, pulling out a large camera. Your eyes light up at the device, that must have been expensive. It wasn’t polaroid either, doing hair must pay well. Shit, she should start teaching me, maybe I could buy myself a break from obsessing over my brothers best friend.

She moves past you and taps on the shoulder of a stranger to whom she teaches quickly how to snap a picture. “Okay everyone together.” She waves her hand for your group to get in tight. You all squeeze, Lorraine on Javier’s left, you on his right and Frankie hugging Genie on your left. Javier’s hand grips your waist, a hold too close for comfort considering the dress was practically completely backless. You smile and a flash shines bright. “Okay another pose! Sorry sir one more” The man laughs and you all get to shuffling another pose. Frankie picks up Genie. Lorraine kisses Javier’s cheek and Javier uses your head as an arm rest. And you just smile looking up at him. Flash.

2 minutes. Genie kisses the stranger on the cheek and takes the camera from his hand yelling thanks yous’. “I’ll develop them this week, so excited!” She gleams. Like clockwork you all move deeper into the bar to get a better view of the tv screen that was on the brink of the countdown. Again, you look around the room. All friends leaned in together, couples cuddled watching the television. A few people with drinks and horns in their mouths.

You look to Frankie and Genie, despite her being taller she grips to him like she can’t stand on her own. You even see Monica across the bar in a similar position. Liandra... well you don’t see her at all. Which probably meant her and soccer boy were getting busy in the bathroom.

You wish you hadn’t but you look to Javi who has his arm slung over his girlfriend’s shoulder, her hand interlocking with the one hanging leaving a tender kiss on her hair. You watch, biting the inside of my cheek when you realized you were alone in the middle of this moment where there was so much love everywhere. Where everyone had someone or something, you were standing alone.

You hug your own body, giving myself whatever comfort you can take after seeing the sweet sights and realizing you were lonely through it all. And then the counting, in unison and loud. 5…4…3…2….1

Happy New Year!

The bar became much louder, the confetti in the air and streamers flying. Champagne and the kisses. The classic celebratory jazz tunes that always made you emotional. New Years was always an emotional a reminder that you’ve made it another year. You watch as Javier grabs the face of Lorraine and kisses her-pulls apart and kisses her again.

Almost-almost, your chin quivers. But you were able to hold yourself together in that moment You couldn’t bare looking any longer, so you look away seeing strangers hug each other. A hug being given to you by a stranger. You hug the woman back and then a few more people come over for innocent hugs. It was bitter-sweet, one of those simplistic human moments.

The dim lights of the bar and the music and the hugs and Javier kissing Lorraine. It all became too much for your and actually your chin quivers this time. The next from a stranger comes sweetly and warmly, a tight hug. The man pulls from you and looks at you for a second. Tears threatening to fall at your sensitivity in the moment before kissing your lips without warning. He holds the kiss and your eyes are open in shock, your hands stiff at your side. Your tears drying in its place while his foreign hands dig into the bare skin on your back.

The kiss is ripped from your lips as the unfamiliar face is shoved, and shoved again. Your brother and Javier crowding the man. “Are you out of your fucking mind?” Your brother shouts, a fist-full of the mans shirt. Frankie was shorter than the man but Javier absolutely dwarfed the drunk who was trying to defend himself. His arms shoving the man almost back into the bar itself.

The color from your face was flushed. Lorraine and Genie were at your side instantly, holding you. “I swear to god I will dig my heel in your fucking eye!” Genie steps forward yelling at the guy. His face very clear now, he was much older than you. Mind twenties. And your chin quivers again, at the sudden realization that it was your first kiss. Your eyes well as the room was all too distracted to notice Frankie and Javi on the brink of fighting him. Lorraine rubs you, trying to offer you comfort in your shocked state. Javier turns his head towards you to see your tear-stained cheeks and the crease between his angry brows soften for a moment before he grabs your brother away from the guy who was pressed against the bar. Without a word they all walk you out the bar, facing the town’s main street. Across the street from where you met Javier.

The brisk air blows through your dress and the coat that was on Frankie’s back was placed around your shoulder. “Are you okay, how did that even happen?” Frankie rubs your shoulders, trying to warm you or comfort you, you couldn’t tell.

I felt violated and nasty, my first kiss? You put your hands to your own dry lips. You hadn’t realized that Frankie was asking Javier how it went down.

“I was kissing Lorraine and then I looked to my left and saw this guy huggin her, I just watched to see where it was going than he-” He stops himself before looking at the bar doors. “I swear to god I want to go back in there and knock his head in.”

“Okay relax.” Lorraine pleads and Javier shoots her a glance and they begin to bicker themselves. Muttering about how he was going back in and Lorraine was calling him crazy, telling him doing that would just scare you even more.

Genevieve holds you, “Are you okay? Please don’t cry.” She wipes your cheeks with the sleeve of her jacket. At that point you were less in shock but more so overwhelmed. You begin to tear up again at the question.

You considered the question. Trying to breakdown all that was going on in your head. It was a mixture, you had felt so vulnerable in that moment, you were alone in the middle of a bar. You were surrounded by people you knew but they were all busy with each other. Left out like usual. Not being able to relate to them again still even years later, even when you had felt older. You felt so incapable of making people love you or like you, and when the people who you loved hadn’t considered you, you were left vulnerable. And in an instant someone was kissing you, without your consent. Not on your own terms. You wipe your own tears this time.

Javier’s stare didn’t go unnoticed. He mutters a few curses under his breath. His hands on his hips as his cheeks were red in frustration from bickering with his girlfriend. He holds his gaze, “I’m going to tell your friends that we’re taking you home.” He states with that same firm voice he did a few weeks back when he gave you a ride.

And he does and he takes you home.

#javier peña #javier peña x ofc #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena x you #javier peña smut #ao3 #fanfic #javier peña narcos #javier pena x reader

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ultimate-fucked-up-ship-tourney · 1 month

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Already got a list of the ships for the ULTIMATE fucked up ship tournament done. Hopefully will start it in two weeks or so. This is a list of the ships:

1. The Darkling and Alina, The Grisha Trilogy

2. Batman and The Riddler, The Batman 2022

3. stu and billy from scream

4. Vriska and Terezifrom homestuck

5. light and l from death note

6. Dirk Strider and Jake English from Homestuck,

7. Vio and Shadow Link from the Four Swords manga

8. Emilio Murkmere x Tobias Schenien from Ghost Eyes

9. Oswald x Ed from Gotham

10. Anna Croft/ Yu Junghyeok (orv)

11. Dimitri/Edelgard - Fire Emblem Three Houses

12. Will Graham and Hannibal, Hannibal

13. yoonbum x sangwoo, killing stalking

14. Starscream and Megatron, from the Transformers franchise

15. Mukuro Ikusaba/Junko Enoshima from Dangan Ronpa

16. Ladd Russo and Lua Klein from Baccano!

17. Daida and Miranjo from Ousama Ranking

18. Shizuo and Izaya from Durarara!!

19. theresa x otto, honkai impact

20. dorian x fem! inquisitor, dragon age

21. renee x huey from baccano

22. nanami x touga, revolutionary girl Utena

23. madoka and homura, puella magi madoka magica

24. (Ronan Lynch x Joseph Kavinksy) - The Raven Cycle

25. Seishirou and Subaru from Tokyo Babylon/X

26. Misaki/Satou, Welcome to the NHK

27. Bakugou and Deku (My Hero Academia)

28. Akito and Shigure, Fruits Basket

29. House and Wilson, House MD

30. Scarlet and Chase, I’m the Grim Reaper

31. Jong-woo and Moon-jo, Strangers from Hell

32. Moon-young and Gang-tae, It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

33. Medea and Helio, Your Throne

34. Celty and Shinra, Durarara

35. Akira and Ryo, Devilman

36. Yoshino and Kirishima, Raise wa Tanin Ga ii

37. Chateau and Ryang-ha, Love of Kill

38. Satoko and Shinpei, Hotaru no Yomeiri

39. Clarice and Hannibal, Silence of the Lambs

40. He Yan and Fu Shenxing, Who is the Prey

41. Cain/Owen from Promise of Wizard / Mahoyaku

42. Texas/Lappland from Arknights.

43. Jeongmin and Siyun, Dreaming Freedom

44. Han Chae-ah and Park Yunsu, Trapped

45. akane kurashiki/junpei tenmyouji from zero escape

46. Juri/Shiori (from Revolutionary Girl Utena)

47. Jackie/Shauna, Yellowjackets)

48. Cassandra/Rapunzel from the Tangled series

49. Damien and Elena from vampire diaries

50. Kristoph/Phoenix, Ace Attorney

51. Juice and Chibs, Sons of Anarchy

52. Utena/Anthy from the anime Revolutionary Girl Utena.

53. Cutthroat x Swindler, from Akudama Drive.

54. Yuno Gasai x Yukkiteru Amano from Mirai Nikki

55. Sal/Syakesan x Wadanohara from Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea.

56. Jeremy and the SQUIP, Be More Chill

57. Ian Grimm and Poppy Li, Mythic Quest

58. Lestat de Lioncourt and Louis De Pointe du Lac, Interview with the Vampire

59. fuuma and kamui from clamp's x/1999

60. Victor and Eli, Vicious

61. Elisabeth and Der Tod, Elisabeth

62. Rudolf and Der Tod, Elisabeth

63. Veronica Sawyer and J.D, Heathers

64. Akechi Goro × Persona 5 protagonist (Akira Kurusu/Ren Amamiya)

65. Hondomachi and Fukuda, ID: Invaded

66. Harley Quinn and the Joker, DC

67. Christine and Erik, Phantom of the Opera

68. Lisa Reisert and Jackson Rippner, Red Eye

69. Valeta and Reinhart, I Failed to Oust the Villain

70. Light Yagami and Misa Amane, Death Note

71. Sumire and Hakubo, Toilet Bound Hanako Kun

72. Mika Harima and Seiji Yagiri, Durarara!!

73. Emma Wilson and Yohan Lee, My Deepest Secret

74. Sarah and Jareth, Labyrinth

75. Addie LaRue and Luc, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue

76. Ja Yoon and The Nobleman, The Witch, Part One: Subversion

77. Makima and Denji, Chainsaw Man

78. Kyoko and Katsuya, Fruits Basket

79. Mrs. De Winter and Maxim, Rebecca

80. Mutsuki Tooru and Urie Kuku, Tokyo Ghoul

81. Victor and Elizabeth, The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein

82. Constanta, Magdalena, and Alexei and Dracula, A Dowry of Blood

83. Ha-im and Geunhu, Never Ending Darling

84. Frank Cotton & Julia Cotton - Hellraiser (1987)

85. Yuki Cross & Kaname Kuran, Vampire Knight

86. Johann and Sasha, The Double Agent

87. Sian and Yul, Secret Alliance

88. Charlize and Dylan, The Taming of the Tyrant

89. Lin and Dosung, 340 Days

90. Makishima Shougo & Shinya Kougami from PSYCHOPASS.

91. Charlotte Willmore x Lizzie Wells, from The Perfection (2018).

92. “Hikaru”/Yoshiki from The Summer hikaru Died,

93. Dolph Laserhawk x Alex Taylor from Captain Laserhawk

94. Dolph Laserhawk x Rayman from Captain Laserhawk: A Blood Dragon Remix

95. Yuuji Itadori x Mahito from Jujitsu Kaisen

96. (luo binghe x shen qingqiu) from scum villain's self saving system.

97. Heaven Official's Blessing. Ships He Xuan and Shi Qingxuan.

98. Ives and Boyd from Ravenous 1999

99. Eve and Vilanelle, Killing Eve

100. Sephiroth/Cloud (FF7 Compilation)

101. Clary and Jace from the Mortal Instruments

102. Rika Sasaki/Yoshiyuki Terada, Cardcaptor Sakura,

103. Veralidaine Sarrasri/Numair Salmalín, from the Immortals Quartet

104. Eli/Oskar, Let the Right One In (2008).

105. Lavan Firestorm/Kalira, Brightly Burning

106. Lapis/Jasper (Steven Universe

107. PearlescentMoon/SMajor, the Life Series

108. Christine/Erik (Phantom Takarazuka)

109. The Brain/Julia (Animaniacs 2020)

110. Sterek, Teen Wolf

111. Jonathan Sims/Elias Bouchard, The Magnus Archives

112. Fyodor and Nikolai, Bungo Stray Dogs

113. Beatrice and Battler, Beabato, from "Umineko”

114. Father Paul/Riley Flynn; Midnight Mass

115. Edward Teach/Izzy Hands; Our Flag Means Death;

116. Batman/Joker

117. Cesare Borgia/Lucrezia Borgia - The Borgias

118. Dean/Sam Winchester from Supernatural

119. Vegas/Pete (Kinnporsche: The Series)

120. Hitori Uzune and Nanaki Kazuaki from Hatoful Boyfriends.

121. Lanze/Bluepool and Anan from Beauty and the Beasts

122. Blade and Dan Heng from Honkai Star Rail

123. Spike and Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

124. Isaac and Finn, I’m Dating a Psychopath

125. Lenore and Annabelle, Nevermore

126. Estelle and Khalid, From a Knight to a Lady

127. Layla and Matthias, Cry or Better Yet Beg

128. Hyuna and Luka, Alien Stage

129. Karuto and Lily, Dear my Living Dead

130. Andrew and Ashley Graves, Coffin of Andy and Leyley

131. Lydia Deetz/Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

132. Harrow and gideon from gideon the ninth/Locked Tomb

133. Cathy x Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)

134. Felix x Ollie (Saltburn)

135. Grace Chastity x Max Jaegerman, Nerdy Prudes Must Die

136. Mikoto and Haijin, Tsuiraku JK to Haijin Kyoushi

137. Eucenielle and Tes, I Hold the Tyrant’s Heart

138. Claire and Balt, The East Wind of the Altas

139. Usui and Misaki, Maid Sama

140. Sebastian Michaelis and Ciel Phantomhive, Black Butler

141. Dabi x Hawks from My Hero Academia

142. Alice “Daisy” Tonner/Basira Hussain, The Magnus Archives

143. Naruto and Sasuke, from Naruto

144. Byleth Eisner / Jeritza von Hrym from fire emblem three houses

145. Akira x keisuke from togainu no chi (nitro+chiral game)

146. Lucy Gray Baird and Coriolanus Snow, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

147. Elias and Chise, The Ancient Magus Bride

148. Gendo and Yui Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion

149. Punpun and Aiko, Goodnight Punpun

150. Sang-hyun and Tae-ju, Thirst

151. Hawa and Adam, The Guy Upstairs

152. Satoru Fujnuma and Gaku Yashiro, Erased

153. Root and Sameen Shaw, Person of Interest

154. The Doctor and the master, Doctor Who

155. Juliette and Warner, Shatter Me

156. Ich and Mrs Danvers, Rebecca das Musical

157. Kokichi Ouma and Shuichi Saihara, Danganronpa V3

158. Roxy and Velma, Chicago

159. Griffith and Guts, Berserk

160. Creed and Train, Black Cat

161. Torso and Mutsuki, Tokyo ghoul

162. Vash and Knives, Trigun

163. Sweeney Tod and Mrs Lovett, Sweeney Tod

164. Kuroi and Mashiro, Thou Dhall Not Die

165. Amy and Nick, Gone Girl

166. India and Charlie Stoker, Stoker

167. Pig and Runt, Disco Pigs

168. Anakin and Padme, Star Wars

169. Chloe and Kairos, I Shall Kill That Sweet Devil

170. Jung and Seol, Cheese in the Trap

171. Anthy and Akio Ohtori, Revolutionary Girl Utena

172. Feyre and Rhysand, A Court of Thrones and Roses

173. Lelouch and Suzaku, Code Geass

174. Mikiya and Shiki, Garden of Sinners

175. Gatsby and Daisy, The Great Gatsby

176. Ivan and Till, Alien Stage

177. Sylar and Elle Bishop, Heroes

178. Helena and Demetrius, A Midsummer Night’s Dream

179. V and Rika, Mystic Messenger

180. Yukari and George, Paradise Kiss

#polls #most fucked up ship tournament #most fucked up ships

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vintage-every-day · 9 months

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"I'm the most insecure guy in Hollywood. If you had it good all your life, you figure it can't ever get bad, but when you had it bad, you wonder how long a thing like this will last." Alan Ladd

#vintage #old hollywood #golden era #alan ladd

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housano · 8 months

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About skateboarding

Since I'm bored out of my skull I thought I would talk about one of my other interests: skateboarding

Deck size: 8.125

Wheel size: 52mm

Trucks: Thunder

Favorite deck brand: Either Krooked or BBS Alien Workshop. Actually any deck brand made by BBS. If we're going with strictly aesthetics and graphics, then Magenta.

Least Favorite: Any brand made with Clutch wood. Those nose and tails are way to steep

Best trick: Frontside flip or frontside 360

Trick I want to learn: Overcoming my psychological barrier of switch ollieing up curbs. Other than that I would like to learn smith grinds

Advice on tricks: For frontside 360s, the key is to use the upper part of your body to complete the first 180, and then use your legs and bottom half to force the last 180. Learning how to do late 180s are extremely helpful.

Favorite skate video: 3 way tie between Tilt Mode Army "Man Down", PJ Ladd's Wonderful Horrible Life and Girl/Chocolate "Yeah Right"

Favortie Skaters: Mark Appleyard, Heath Kirchart, Rick McCrank, John Rattray, Gustav Tonnesen, Mark Suciu

Favorite Shoe brand: Hmm that's a tough one, but New Balance has consistently lives up to my expectations. More niche, I'm a sucker for DC, Kalis models always deliver. Anyone that makes a good cupsole and not focused on vulc (*cough* Vans *cough*).

Gear you would love to own: Enjoi with the Butterfly Lite concave, Lakai Howard 2, Lakai MJ1, Tum Yeto era Zero and Foundation, OG eS Accel Plus

#skateboarding

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scarfacemarston · 1 year

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Prostheses in Media - Historical standpoint

So I let the request I received about misconceptions in media for a few weeks because I wanted to answer the question adequately. My ultimate goal is to write information respectfully and ethically. I am nervous posting this and I hope I do it justice. However, I will listen to the community, especially about modern-day prostheses. I defer to them. This took days to complete. Please like and reblog if you liked it. It’s the only feedback I get and encourages writers like me to continue.

Some of the information is a little graphic, but I tried to stay away from that as much as possible. Spoilers for Agent Carter, Game of Thrones, Falcon and the Winter Soldier, and Boardwalk Empire. I’m so sorry for the wonky photo sizes, but tumblr keeps fighting my edits. Historically, people/shows underestimate how wildly different prosthetics can be. Some can be very cumbersome, but some are quite advanced in comparison to other fields of medicine at their time. The first plastic limbs were designed around the 1940s and, in some countries, far later than the 40′s leading some people to use wooden prostheses. It depended on economic status and the resources medical professionals could access. However, we also have evidence of very advanced Egyptian prosthetics and Medieval metal prosthetics, so I think some of these prosthetics were cumbersome but still relatively advanced. I'm not sure if Tumblr will flag me if I post the picture, but it's in the link.

As far as historical characters, that's difficult to analyze because I feel prostheses are featured more prominently in fantasy or sci-fi worlds where you can't measure that to real-life standards. I am sure some old movies and books demonstrate these issues I am unaware of. Fictionally, I felt Agent Carter did a great job depicting disability. Daniel Sousa has a prosthetic and walks with a crutch. The other agents at the SSR agency completely underestimate him, exclude him, make extremely ableist comments, and sometimes even get physical, such as pushing/crowding him out of the way. Sousa has some amazing comments about this in the early episodes of season 1, where he talks about how everyone cheers the soldiers returning home for a few days and then essentially ignores those who did not return the "same" way, whether that is physically like Sousa or mentally struggling like Jack Thompson.

One quote: "They weren't clapping for me. They were clapping for this and this. Clapping because I make them feel guilty, and they want to feel good. You think because I'm wearing a suit and I got a clean shave, we're different? We're not. We're both people nobody cares about.” Sousa is below Yes, I suck at sizing pictures. I’ll edit it once I can fix my resizing. :/ Don’t worry, you’ve read the longest part. The rest is pics with tidbits.

Picture above from 1947 of WWII vets looking at various prostheses. From the “Every Body” Smithsonian exhibit. Very cool site!

I think people don't know that there are actually tons of different types of prosthetics. I have read of early breast reconstruction surgery, but academically, there are a lot of arguments about whether rebuilding breast tissue is a prosthetic or plastic surgery. Plastic surgery has an early connection with prosthetics. For example, right around World War I, facial prosthetics were considered a massive breakthrough. It literally transformed people's lives. I don't know how much I can say without Tumblr flagging me because it is so incredibly graphic.

WWI was especially brutal because many new technologies were invented, allowing for more powerful weapons, tanks, and chemical agents like mustard gas. Think about what these weapons can do if it strikes someone's face.

The doctor who created much of the practices was Sir Harold Gillies, but American artist Anna Coleman Ladd played a prominent role in the creation of many of these pieces; some are actually rather beautiful in a macabre way. However, every single country had talented individuals that made key contributions. If you look up pictures before, during, and after the surgery, they are extremely graphic, so be warned. However these transformations are amazing, but the pure emotional pain, the physical horrors of war, and the transformation to something resembling "normalcy" is difficult to watch, but these people’s histories shouldn’t be forgotten.

Boardwalk Empire also depicted facial prosthetics' role through Richard Harrow's character, whose picture is above. The show features a WWI veteran with a facial prosthesis similar to the one I described. I've heard praise for it, but I realize that isn't a historical fact. I've heard of other period dramas having characters with a prosthesis, but I haven't watched them.

Since limbs are the most common prostheses -

Anakin and Luke Skywalker's prosthetics are entirely scientific-fantasy realm, as well as Jaime Lannister's from Game of Thrones. However, a German knight named Götz von Berlichingen had a relatively advanced arm. There is a picture below of Gotz's prosthetic.

Jaime Lannister’s prosthetic above:

I think another one of the most famous examples is Bucky Barnes. People generally know that his arm is highly unrealistic, so I’m not entirely sure how helpful I can be here. I can mention WWII prosthetics a bit though. Here are two links: 1. These are people who have prosthetics and / or work with prosthetics in a medical setting.

2. The Science of Marvel by Sebastian Alvarado has several bits about Bucky’s arm and its connection with the rest of his body.Falcon and the Winter Soldier explored this a bit and because of a chain of events, Bucky discovered a fail safe in his arm was placed by those who helped rebuild his arm. A lot of people are heavily debating whether this is an example of discrimination/ abelism or not. 3. Here is a video of some prosthetic experts and users looking at Bucky’s arm.

This picture is from the 1940s. This type of arm is still used today. Sometimes it’s function-based, but historically, sometimes, the type of prosthetic was based on your socio-economic status.

World War I prosthetics seem to appear more closely to an arm, but WWII prostheses seem to focus more on functionality. I post a pic here for the comparison. (PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME HERE. This is something that’s confused me for ages because the academic books and journals I’ve read contradict each other.) The picture below appears to be the type of arm Bucky would have had more likely than the picture that I show earlier. Ironically, despite the “better tech”, WWII veterans staged a protest over the quality of veteran health care, especially those with prostheses. Makes me wonder what Sousa and Bucky would have done. Would they have participated?

The fetishization of prostheses can also be a huge problem. There is fan fiction on which people in the prosthetic community have a wide berth of opinions. Since I don't have a prosthetic myself, I don't feel like it would be right of me to speak up on the subject except to say that there is zero denying that fetishization occurs. Finally, many people need to remember that not just soldiers/ veterans and action heroes have prosthetics. Some people are born with differently formed limbs. Another thing is not everyone feels shame over their body. I posted examples below of people who have different opinions. Regardless, the media could better reflect diverse stories. Disability research can be tricky as a lot relies on medical records, which can be tricky to get . The most crucial thing for historians is ethics and following protocols so finding records require more effort. There are also diaries, letters, and memoirs, but that can also be difficult to come across, meaning we don't have as many narratives from the people with the prosthetic themselves. However, there are new letters found and memoirs written all the time.

Finally to learn more:

I would recommend A Disability History of the United States (REVISIONING HISTORY) by Kim E. Nielsen, which you can find in libraries and other sources that have PDFs.....It’s a little more accessible, but another wonderful book is

Paying with Their Bodies: American War and the Problem of the Disabled Veteran by John M Kinder. It’s a more graphic read and more academic in tone, but I still recommend it.

Links:

Here’s a good mini-documentary about some of the latest advancements in prosthetics.

Here’s an article about the future of prosthetics.

I don’t usually post a source like ABC News, but they have an interesting WWII catalog type of graph and a great example of modern pieces.

I hope you all found this interesting. I was very nervous to post this. Please let me know (politely) if anything should be corrected. I’m here to listen to the community. As a disabled person, I think it’s crucial to listen to others in the community, even if our stories and experiences differ.

Feel free to send more questions to me! My specialties are the history of medicine and the history of human sexuality, but I also like to research other aspects of history, so feel free to ask!

#disability history #history of medicine #agent carter #daniel sousa #captain america #winter soldier #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #game of thrones #jaime lannister #boardwalk empire #richard harrow #captain america and the winter soldier #falcon and the winter soldier #anakin skywalker #luke skywalker #long post

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