#knife polycule

[lawful-evil-novelist]

What do you think are the biggest vices for each member of the knife polycule? Favorite guilty pleasures?

So an interesting question because one, I feel, is a lot more serious than the other but I'll do my best to answer both.  To me a vice is a flaw or temptation they're particularly susceptible to, but a guilty pleasure is generally harmless. Bit of a long post but here goes.

To be generally Good Vibes First and not get bogged down in a lot of analysis, I’m gonna do guilty pleasures first.

I think Jarlaxle, as much as he is very proud of being “fuck the hierarchy” with his baldness, absolutely misses having hair to style and it is something he enjoys.  He has definitely strongarmed Kimmuriel at minimum into being allowed to brush/braid/style his hair.

It’s probably not canon but I feel like Zaknafein doesn’t actually hate spiders all that much.  He won’t hesitate to kill one but you know they’re fine, cute even.  Of the knife polycule, Zaknafein is probably the most okay with letting a spider walk on him and sometimes when he’s sitting around, he’ll just casually pick one up and start petting it.  Artemis finds this horrific to witness.

Artemis is much fonder of street performers than anyone in the knife polycule.  Yeah, bards are annoying when you have to walk with one for more than an hour, but Artemis isn’t about to deny the simple pleasure of walking along a city street and being drawn in by the tones of a scratchy fiddle or a slightly out of tune lute.

Kimmuriel has a sweet tooth, point blank.  It’s not a well-known aspect of his likes but I’ve always had this amused mental image of Jarlaxle trying to sneak a sip of the tea Kimmuriel’s drinking only to discover, to his horror, it has like 5 cubes of sugar dumped in.  I also think when he’s not feeling well, he tries to subsist off of sweets and it drives literally everyone who notices up a wall.

As for vices:

I think Jarlaxle's biggest vice is his own hubris, and I think he knows this.  I joke about how he surrounds himself exclusively with mean little shits, but what he does is surround himself with people willing to dissent, willing to contradict him when he's letting his pride get the better of him.  The reason his hubris is his biggest vice is that sometimes (often) Jarlaxle intentionally ignores those dissenting voices or tries to actively hamper their ability to dissent.

Zaknafein’s is his own anger or more accurately, how he displaces it.  I’ve delved into this a bit in The Smiling One but Zaknafein has a very well-recorded habit of taking his anger out on unrelated parties, usually whichever acceptable target is available.  He has rules, like all men with a semblance of a moral code, but he still does it.  We already know his preferred target is priestesses but if I’m remembering correctly he also targets Nalfein with his anger, someone who already has to be someone else’s punching bag and spends his scenes in Timeless being meek and quiet.  I don’t think I need to say out loud that taking your anger out on someone weaker than you because no one will stop you is a vice, and it’s one of Zak’s most prominent.

For Artemis, I’d define his biggest vice as his habit of shoving down the emotions that are bothering him.  He’s getting a lot better with this as the books go on, steadily getting comfortable with his own feelings and his past, but it’s been such a prominent part of his personality up until this point that it’s a documented habit.  He spends most of Promise of the Witch-King taking an emotional nosedive and then barrelling headfirst into alcoholism outright because his emotional control up until then was “if I keep all my emotions in this corner where no one can see them, I will never have to deal with them” and when they started kicking him in the teeth he realized that just because he was ignoring his trauma didn’t mean it was gone.

Kimmuriel’s biggest vice…truly his disregard for boundaries.  It’s another thing I delved into in The Smiling One.  House Oblodra definitely did affect this, and he’s probably still used to the social cues of a community where mental privacy doesn’t exist and if it does it can still be easily walked over.  Kimmuriel has functionally been the architect of his own isolation in this way, invading the privacy of people in his circle, until most of them don’t trust him.

Anyway, that's the vibe for me.

#asks #answered #legend of drizzt #kimmuriel oblodra #jarlaxle baenre #zaknafein do'urden #artemis entreri #headcanons #long post #knife polycule

[the-nintendo-dsi]

get a knife

Good news I already have several.

#knife polycule #mutual mayhem

[chevaliermalfets]

#ncis #jethro gibbs #tobias fornell #ducky mallard #7x15 jack-knife #you know the old saying: any ex husband of my ex wife is a current husband of mine #well. not *any*. i don't think either of them want victor #they're somehow schrodinger's couple #extremely married and very divorced at the same time #(they're not actually divorced they just love bickering) #also urgh the intimacy of ducky shooing gibbs away from the table and gibbs slides back juuuust enough for ducky to slide through #ducky working while his husbands bicker he's having a great time (they all kiss later) #ncis old man polycule #ray.gif

[lilacs-stash]

Grand slams team dynamic

Mostly based on canon with a few HCs yeeted in there, this is meant to be during S2 ofc. (Also note I don't ship Knife and Trophy I just think Trophy had a weird hate crush on him and Knife didn't care)

And here's the blank template! It's free to use WITH credit.

might make a Bright lights one too idk

#inanimate insanity #object posting #ii grand slams #ii nickel #ii balloon #ii suitcase #ii baseball #ii trophy #ii taco #ii microphone #ii knife #ii cheesy #ii box #Microknife #ii legs shipping #Suitloon #The world's worst polycule ii #polyam grand slams #lilac's ii designs #look I can draw! Art tag

[widowshill]

— I couldn't care less about your future. — Well, you'd better care, because you're part of it, and so is your wife.

r/v/b for @tortoisesshells.

#victoria devlin starring in: i gave up trying to find my father so i just got a few boyfriends old enough to be my dad. or my uncle. #tortoisesshells #➤ roger collins & victoria winters & burke devlin. ┊ to know how it ends‚ and still begin to sing it again. #➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery. #gifs. #i've been accused of not exactly truth-telling when it comes to posting about r/v ... well. #this is lies. we made it up. but look at them! aren't they just darling! #thank you 60's daytime television. #this is my unethical polycule. the nonmonogamy is consensual and negotiated we're just evil in other ways. #(one of them framed another one for vehicular manslaughter and sent him to prison. #two of them have been the other one's employees at one point or another. #they have all — at some point — accused each other of murder; except for accusing vicki who is by all accounts an angel #and who would NEVER frame her boyfriend for her manslaughter on purpose. although this does happen in canon. accidentally.) #also that she stabs roger with a knife in the au but that's not *really* her fault because she's under hypnotic vampire influence. #(and – moreover that roger a. deserves it and b. enjoys it) #because they are doomed to reenact the machinations of collinsport's tripartite love story. #because a woman in possession of josette's (& laura's) locket; of an adventuring‚ prosperous husband who builds her a home in collinsport; #of a vampire-coded boyfriend also in love with her but doomed chiefly to yearning and the occasional bite; #of a foretold fate of falling from the cliffside; and on top of all that is a brunette – well‚ she must be josette.

[helenaheissner]

I go back and forth on my favorite Wheel of Time character.

Wheel of Time book 11 spoilers:

In general tho it’s either Nynaeve or Elayne.

Reading an Elayne chapter rn where she’s coordinating a dozen portal-crafting magic users to deliver soldiers to appropriate spots below her city’s wall to fend off attackers while under siege, not even flinching as she rides a horse across the wall as arrows and fireballs soar all around her all while pregnant with Rand’s babies, no less!

So right now it’s Elayne.

One her wives snarking about how cranky a pregnant lady Elayne is all the while just clinches it.

#wheel of time #elayne trakand #aviendha #birgitte silverbow #robert jordan #wot #wot book spoilers #knife of dreams #rand al'thor #bisexual women #polycule

[angelic-simp]

For: @batteredcourier

Bonus of the "Steak knife" series.

Shape-shifting shit that mostly me and courier will understand, us rn 🤝👫

Songs I listened to while writing this: trash - Oscar lang, so long - fleece, heaven is a night drive - suave punk,

Warnings: kissing, a little bit suggestive, mention of weed usage, weird shape-shifting bs (tell me If I missed any.)

"What? What do you mean you can- oh shit."

Lavina had brushed my hair back with a smile, giving me kisses all over my face with a proud look in her eyes.

"Such a masterpiece you are A ghrá." My face brightens in color.

Leaning downward Lavina would capture my lips into a deep kiss, purely made up of love and adoration for my very being.

She pulls away, leaving me to chase her lips.

She chuckles and smooths my hair over and grabbing my face again with a wide smile, "You do the littlest things and my heart bursts out of my chest."

She'd admit, leaning down to put me in a passionate kiss.

Holding the back of my head and running her fingers through my hair she smiles, placing kisses all over my face down to my neck.

"Lavina-" I would nervously call, and she would look up towards me, her eyes widening.

'Not now, why now of all times?'

Blinking through new eyes I would curse.

'Fuck. FUCK! This wasn't supposed to happen, NOT like this. FUCK.'

"Sal, what wasn't supposed to happen?" Lavina would ask, looking around the room for me.

"Uh. So, uhm." I would mumble.

"Where the feck did you go?-" I would bring up Lavinas hands to her (our) Face, a nervous chuckle escaping me (us).

Placing my (our) hands over the bed I (we) clear my (our) throat, "So, uh. I can, kind of FUSE WITH THE ONES I LOVE? Not like family, like lovers and shit but its MEANT TO HAPPEN AFTER MARRIAGE."

'Adorable, they're nervous.'

"What? What do you mean you can- oh shit." She would lead us to the bathroom, looking in the mirror and cursing.

Instead of her normal appearance she had red eyes, two piercings on the lower lip, one above her eyebrow and ear gauges.

She pokes her tongue out, and sighs in relief when she realizes her own piercing was still in.

Besides that, nothing had changed.

"God I look Fecking hot like this." She would look over our appearance again while messing with the piercings.

Our face would heat up, I slap her hand away with her other hand and let out a hiss, "This isn't the time to admire how we look right now. We have to tell Bob."

Mentally I was freaking out, scenarios of what bad could happen over me 'fusing' (to simplify.) with Lavina.

We inhale.

'What if Bob leaves the relationship?'

Lavina would open the bathroom door and exit.

'What if, what if Lavina starts to hate me for doing this without asking?'

Taking a deep breath in she sighs, "I'm too high for this." She'd mutter under her breath.

'What if-'

Lavina taps the side of her head, bringing me back to her.

"Hey, fusion shit is wild, but I wouldn't leave you over it dude. Plus, while we're like this you're literally speaking to me like..."

She searches for the word.

"Like mind reading! Yeah, I'm sticking with that." I let out a sigh.

She would walk us to Bob, steady cooking in the kitchen.

He would hum a light tune with a smile while cooking a large meal, likely for the date night we had all planned.

Lavina and I took a moment to admire him from the hallway, biting our nail.

'I can't believe I got this lucky with such spectacular people.'

After that thought, her inner dialog became very suggestive.

Forcing us to walk over to Bob before she would act on those thoughts, I call for him.

"Bob!" He would stop humming and acknowledged me by calling out my own name, "Yes Sal?"

We walk over and sit at the Island, waving to Bob from said area Lavina would raise an eyebrow at him swaying his hips to the beat he'd made up in his head.

Bob looks to us, raising a brow.

"When did you get piercings like Sal? Should I be jealous?" He chuckles to himself and leans against the counter, the immaculate smelling food cooking on the stove.

Lavina laughs, "You should be. Maybe they like me more?" Bob raises a brow and looks over Lavina.

I chime from her body, "No, correction. I love you both equally." Bob's eyebrows would raise and he searches her eyes.

Something in his mind would piece together, "SAL???" I sigh, and Lavina laughs.

Wiping away a fake tear she sighs, "took you long enough big guy." I would groan and flick Lavinas ear, she hisses.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR???" This time it was me who laughed.

Bob would stare at us in disbelief, a look of shock flashing over his face.

"Back on topic, I accidentally fused with Lavina." I would look at the Island, avoiding Bob's gaze.

Bob looked ready to throw up, cry and faint at the same time.

"What- How???" Lavina shrugs, "Sal got nervous, likely a part of why it happened. But we need your help." Bob would look at us and put his hands on top of his head.

Lavina would put her hand on our chin, and hum.

Bob would sigh, "Maybe you need an outside force? What were y'all doin' when Sal got nervous?"

She would smile, a proud look crossing her face, "WE were kissing on the bed. Like lovers do." Bob would think further on it, an idea popping into his head.

He hadn't told us a thing before doing it, walking over and grabbing our face.

Leaning down he gives us a deep kiss, smoothing over our hair.

Deepening the kiss, we gasp.

When I had opened my eyes, I was on Lavinas lap, and Bob was holding my hands with a smile.

Lavina would grab my hips and place her head on my shoulder, "He actually did something smart for once." She murmured near my ear.

I would laugh, leaving Bob out of the loop.

"What? What'd the tea lover say?" He would look between us with furrowed eyebrows.

Lavina would laugh as well, filled with mirth and excitement.

Bob would glare at the two of us, "What??? WHAT IS IT???"

Done once more! Writers brick has hit me in the head, I have so many ideas but I don't know how to write them out and it fucking suckssssssssss

I hope you enjoyed this one! I think I did a good job with it, had no idea how to work through it yesterday but I'm glad I figured out how to!

#bob velseb #bob velseb x reader #bob velseb x self insert #mutuals #bob velsen #polycule #steak knife series #for my mutuals #oc x oc #oc x oc x canon #oc x canon #bob velseb x oc

[br1ghtestlight]

i dont even dislike the boyfriends webcomic it's a bit stereotypical in terms of tropes but like. who cares. fanfic exists and it does a lot of the same stuff. but the Boyfriends inanimate insanity tiktok is very funny to me

#there should be a knife/trophy/fan/paper polycule though it'd be funny #or silver spoon which would be horrible for everybody involved. who do you think would kill each other first silver spoon or trophy #txt #inanimate insanity

[1eos]

not my bestie wanting to join me nd leo’s marriage while bringing my nemesis (sanghyuk)? so u want leo to ignore us both?????

#i get jealous easily the first time leo drops me for hyuk im going to find a kitchen knife #this polycule can only work if the only man there is leo 😭😭😭😭

[eyenaku]

I love artfight actually cuz I get to pull out my bouncing baby boys I never get to talk about n make new refs <3

#hay naku #this is the human au version of a dialtown self insert oc #mykull micheal maikol #my babygirl with salt cured meat for flesh and eyes that glow in the dark if u punch them and silver crowns on their canine teeth #i love them so much #i cosplayed him actually #she's in a polycule with oliver and phonegingi #bro's aro jus like me tho!!! #top ten silly momence ! ! ! ! #did i mention they're related to god #and comically rich #and my best friend has an accompanying oc #and and and #LMAO #he's basically his own character now like outside of dialtown oc #OH SHE HAS OBJECT HEAD VER TOO #electric knife! ! ! ! ! hehehehe #wip

[lawful-evil-novelist]

If you were to come up with a fan cast for the knife polycule, who would you cast? Or if you’re not into the whole live action adaptation idea, which voice actors would you pick?

I'll admit, this ask was a little tough for me because I'm not great with fancasts. I ended up favoring VA choices because I play two games with a large cast I can easily pull from.

Jarlaxle: Jarlaxle was actually my easiest choice. I went with Josey Montana McCoy, which if you do know VAs you know voices Kaeya Alberich from Genshin Impact. I will concede McCoy's voice is a little higher than I imagine Jarlaxle's voice (I see him with more of a baritone rather than a tenor) but the cadence and light, kinda flirty tone is on point.

Artemis: Darien Sills-Evans, purely for the voice he uses for Pyke in League of Legends and Legends of Runeterra, which I truly adore and think matches Artemis really well.

Kimmuriel: Kimmuriel was really hard because while his voice is even-toned, he has a level of charisma and meanness that I wanted to make sure was captured. I went with Patrick Pedraza, who voices Scaramouche/The Wanderer in Genshin Impact and really nails this really solid meanness, faking cordiality, and keeping a level tone regardless I was looking for.

Zaknafein: I agonized for a while over picking one, admittedly because I wasn't 100% certain on my choice for a voice. I did go with my first choice, Gavin Hammon, because his voice for Pantheon in League of Legends is pretty close to on-point for Zaknafein.

I will also admit to not dying on the hill of these fancasts, especially since I literally just picked from two video games.

#asks #answered #fancast #legend of drizzt #jarlaxle baenre #artemis entreri #kimmuriel oblodra #zaknafein do'urden #knife polycule

[butcheredtongue]

It's thinking abt rad bouquet hours

#In a particularly arum/Damien mood this evening... God they have such Vibes I love this autistic ass polycule and the fact that two of them #Communicate by having duels bc those have Rules and are Structured and are a good form of expression and they also love each other and kiss #But rilla sometimes will just find them panting and screaming and oh- nope they're not fucking it's just another duel. Arum be careful with #That knife would you. And Damien make sure he doesn't tear another muscle. OK boys have fun

[collegeoflore]

astarion getting roped into the greater baldur’s gate polycule by xarrai

#a la the greater seattle polycule #he has no idea what’s coming for him. LOL #漫言 #r. hold me like a knife

[deutsche-bahn]

Ich war auf der letzten Langstreckenfahrt mit RB produktiv und habe mal meine persönlichen Lieblingsanekdoten von diesem Blog gesammelt:

Oberthema: ich hasse Reisen und Reisen hassen mich

ein Tscheche ruft das Jugendamt

sorry, mein Chauffeur ist noch Fahranfänger

im Flixbus auf den Spuren Jonathan Harker's

Bahnstreiks, you say? Lass mal Europareise machen

queer melancholy, ausgerechnet in Irland

I draw the line at Pfandflaschenmissbrauch

Oberthema: das ist kein Stammbaum, sondern ein Problem

Meine Mutter demonstriert ADHS-Symptome und zerstört eine Lampe

Meine Mutter kommt nicht in den Himmel

Schlüsselbeinbrüche im mittelalterlichen Turm

Meine Mutter möchte helfen, ich möchte kündigen

der Scheidungsmops

Meine Mutter desekriert das Oberlandesgericht

Mein Großvater, der Kriegstreiber oder: Eine Frittenbude wird Kollateralschaden

Oma prügelt Keksteig

Wir verbrennen meine Tante

Oberthema: Handwerk

he wasn't even forklift certified

Guerilla-Fahrradreparaturen

Oberthema: Langsam Jacqueline, sonst kotzt du wieder

don't beat a dead horse, beat this live one instead

Hier ist dein Jungpferd. Prepare to die.

Enemy Mine

das Antistresspony stresst mich abartig

Oberthema: ein laufendes Experiment zum Thema Dauerstress und Polykülen

I. good use of slang, buddy

II. in which I end up in a car trunk, suffering immensely

III. who needs a portland polycule cult when you have... whatever this is

IV. just you and me and this guy that neither of us invited

und zuletzt: miscellaneous soziale Misserfolge. das Leben ist ein niemals enden wollender Loriot-sketch

als Kinder begeisterten wir uns für Pyrotechnik

fuck you and the e-roller you rode in on

Captain, wir ha'm einen Marderschaden

ra ra rasputin russia's greatest humiliation kink

ich betreibe Konfrontationstherapie

man stelle sich Gollum in seiner Grotte vor: meine Ein-Mann-WG

wirf mich, du Hund

that time I brought a fake beard to a knife fight

Falls das annähernd unterhaltsam war, I have a tip jar

#auf deutsch #german stuff

[cinnbar-bun]

Trading Cards- Cross Guild's Day Off 1 (Cross Guild x Reader)

Summary: In which you work with the three Cross Guild officers and stumble across a new trading card game to introduce to them. Hilarity ensues.

Rating: SFW/Crack

Word Count: 1.8k

Notes: No relationships are defined, so feel free to headcanon whatever you want. I know it says x Reader up there and I wrote it in mind that it's a weird ass polycule but I made sure to leave it ambiguous for your reading pleasure. Reader is GN and gets Gumshoe'd, while Mihawk gains a gambling addiction. Minor swearing and violence (but funny).

A/n: Yes I collect the trading cards and I'll be damned if I don't put these three men through hell for funsies in this series (guess what's gonna happen next time).

"What's with all those boxes?” Buggy rubs his red nose as he twirls a knife in hand as you walk into the office. 

“You’ll never believe this! Apparently, someone’s been selling trading cards of famous pirates and marines! It’s a crazy new thing!” You happily plop the boxes on your desk. “And so, I managed to nab a few boxes!” 

Crocodile lowers the newspaper he’s reading to reveal his agitated face. “With whose money?” 

“Oh, that’s no biggie,” you wave off. 

“I’m docking your next paycheck,” Crocodile states as he goes back to reading. Mihawk raises a brow. 

“I have to ask, can they really just sell cards of us like that?” The swordsman questions. “Besides, what makes cards like that so interesting? Isn’t this simply a child’s collection?” 

“That’s what you think! But apparently, there are some secret rare cards everyone’s been dying to get their hands on!” 

You get a dark blue box and marvel at it. 

“Hey, why the hell is that Straw Hat on it?!” Buggy screams. “He’s a nobody! Who the hell wants a card of him?!” 

“Don’t worry, there’s cards of you, I think,” you respond, and Buggy gasps before lunging for the box. “Where?!” 

“I think it’s in one of them,” you point to the many boxes, and Buggy huffs. 

“Well hurry up and get to them!” 

“Don’t you guys wanna open them? They’re meant to be played in fun games,” you ask. “Here, I’ll separate them by fours, and everyone gets to make a new deck!” 

“I have no desire to-” Crocodile begins as you drop the card packets on his desk. 

“This is a strange form of games, but my interest is slightly piqued. I’ll take some,” Mihawk says, extending his hand. Buggy pouts as he’s the last to get them. 

“Now, open!” You yell, while you and the Cross Guild leaders begin to open the card packets. Buggy is tearing through them, shuffling through the cards manically. 

“HUH?! ALVIDA?!” He screams. “That’s not fair! How is she in this?!” 

He gets more frustrated as he opens the remaining packets. “They all say ‘C’ on them!” 

“They’re all common then,” you explain. Buggy lets out a sob at his bad luck. Mihawk and Crocodile ignore Buggy’s wails before Mihawk clears his throat. 

“I’m not asking for any particular reason, but since this is supposed to contain the most famous pirates, does that mean Red-Haired Shanks is a part of this?” Mihawk asks, a curious tinge in his voice. 

“I believe he is in here,” you nod. At your confirmation, Mihawk glares at the cards in his hands and tears them up. 

“C. C. C. C. SR. SR. C. C. R. R. C. UC,” Mihawk reads aloud his card rarities as he opens the pack. 

“Woah, who’re the SR’s?” You ask before Mihawk tosses the cards to the floor and opens another pack. 

“C. C. C. C. C. R. R. UC. UC. R. C. C.” 

“Mihawk, are you-” 

“C. C. C. C. C. C. C. UC. UC. R. C. L.” 

“Holy shit,” Buggy stares in awe as Mihawk’s hands move faster and his eyes frantically roam over the cards. 

“C. C. C. C. C. C. C. R. R. UC. C. L.” 

Crocodile rolls his eyes as Mihawk eventually covers his face with his hands, the non-Shanks having pile of cards a mess on the floor.

“What do you have?” The hooked man asks you. 

“Let’s see…” you open some packets and shrug at the some of the common cards, before you smile at an SR card. “I got you!” 

You proudly show off your new SR rarity Crocodile card. Crocodile motions you to step closer and gazes at the card. “Huh. That’s interesting. I better be strong.” 

“Maybe. I mean, it is an SR, and that’s pretty good!” 

“Why the hell are you an SR?! That’s bullshit! You got your ass handed to you by Straw Hat-” 

Crocodile immediately silences Buggy by pressing his hook onto the clown’s throat. “Want to finish that?” 

“N-no-” 

You continue to hum as you go through more cards. “Oh, Boa Hancock!” You squeal. “She’s so cool!” 

“Not as cool as us…” Buggy whines. Mihawk is still despondent on the couch. 

“Woah, I got Mihawk, too!” You gasp as a very cool card of Mihawk sitting on his throne is in your hands. 

“Okay, now that’s complete and utter crap! These two get in, but I don’t?! What the hell! I should burn these guys!” 

“How did they find out how my outfit and room looked like…” Mihawk mumbled as his face scrunched up. 

“You guys are getting so worked up over some silly cards,” Crocodile clicks his tongue as his cigar hangs from his lips. 

“Easy for you to say! You at least have a card in here!” Buggy whines. “This is so stupid! (Y/n), give me the other boxes, now!” 

“Hey, don’t grab them!” You swat your hands at the clown. “Crocodile still has to open his.” 

“I don’t care about him! I want to find me!” Buggy grabs the first box you opened and notices a pamphlet. 

“Huh? ‘Get your starter packs to begin playing’?” Buggy squinted as he went through the listed starter packs. “Let’s see… Straw Hat, that red-head-” 

“Shanks?!” Mihawk jumps. 

“Not that red-head,” Buggy interjects, and Mihawk sighs. “Kaido, Big Mom, Crocodi- wait a damn minute! How are you the face of one of the starter packs?” 

“I am?” Crocodile blows a puff of smoke. 

“Yeah! ‘Seven Warlords of the Sea’ starter pack! You jerk! Why is it you?!” Buggy screams angrily as Crocodile chuckles and twirls his cigar in his fingers. 

“Well, I am the obvious choice, aren’t I?” Crocodile strokes his chin. “I am strong, handsome, and far more intelligent and renown than the others. Why wouldn’t they put me on the cards?” 

“And humble,” you mutter. 

“Another dock to your paycheck,” Crocodile adds, the smile on his face returning to his usual humorless appearance. 

You slump your shoulders pitifully. “Crocodile, I can barely afford instant ramen at this rate.” 

“Aw, it’s okay, Buggy’s here for you,” Buggy chuckles as he pats your back, relieved he’s not at the receiving end of Mihawk and Crocodile’s torment. 

The four of you continue to open box after box of booster packs, with you mostly happy to just see the cool art, and Buggy hitting the floor in retaliation to his awful cards. 

“Nothing! Not even one of me! And they’re all commons!” 

“I really don’t know how that happened…” you pitifully look at him. 

“You making fun of my nose?!” Buggy screamed, looking up at you as his makeup smeared down his face due to his crying. 

“Oh…” you wince at the sorry state he’s in. “It’s okay, we can always-” 

“Shiny foil!” Mihawk shouts, making everyone in the room jump. “Is it finally-” 

He pulls out the card, only to scream in agony as he drops to his knees and lets the card fall through his fingers. 

You curiously pick up the card, only to see it’s sadly not Shanks, but someone called… “Sogeking”? 

“Who is this?” You stared at the card. 

“(Y/n),” Mihawk shakily fumbles through his pockets and pulls out a bag of berries. “I don’t care what it costs. Go. Buy more boxes.” 

He drops the bag in your hands and shields his eyes with a hand. Crocodile opens another packet and lets out a chilling laugh. 

“What’s so funny, Croc?” Buggy asks, nervously anticipating how badly things will go when Crocodile is laughing like that. 

“You’re looking for a card of Red-Hair, aren’t you?” Crocodile’s voice lowers, the smirk on his face widening. 

“No we’re not!” Mihawk and Buggy shout at the same time, making you and Mihawk raise a brow at Buggy’s admission. 

“Oh? So then it’s fine if I keep this card? Perhaps sell it even?” Crocodile holds up the card and everyone’s eyes are wide as you three gasp. 

In his hand, is the Secret rarity Shanks card. 

“You…” Mihawk says under his breath. 

“How the hell did…” Buggy’s eye twitches. 

“Woah… so lucky,” your eyes lighten. Crocodile’s chest rises with every laugh he lets out. 

“Since no one else wants it, I think I may just sell it and get back the money (Y/n) stole for this!” He proclaims. 

In an instant, Mihawk stands up and pulls out Yoru, pointing it at Crocodile. 

“Hand it over.” 

“You don’t get to make the demands here, Hawk Eyes,” Crocodile shakes his head. “What are you willing to offer?” 

“Give it, or I’ll kill you.” 

“Okaaay, well, there’s no need to kill each other-” you stand up, trying to get between the two men. 

“I’m not asking again, Crocodile,” Mihawk threatens. Buggy scowls and then jumps to his feet, pulling out his knives. 

“Yeah! We aren’t asking again! Hand it over!” Buggy yells, feeling confident with Mihawk’s strength at his side. 

Mihawk locks his gold eyes onto Buggy and Buggy cowers in fear. 

“N-never mind! Have it!” He surrenders. 

You nervously think of what to do before you rip up the last packet in the room and pray to whoever is listening for another Shanks. 

C. C. C. C. C. C. UC. UC. C. C. C. 

You gulp. There’s only one more card. This card can either save your life, or lead to a massacre from Mihawk. Your fingers reach in and pull out the last card, and you raise a brow at the shiny gold border. 

“What is this,” you murmur as you finally reveal the full card. 

A Secret rarity Shanks card. But unlike Crocodile’s card, yours is a stunning art piece of Shanks. With a gold border and a badass look in Shank’s eyes, you’re in awe. Even Buggy gasps at the sight. 

“M-Mihawk! We got you a Shanks!” You flail the card in your hand to draw his attention, and Mihawk swipes the card from you. 

“Don’t do that! You’ll ruin it!” He lectures you and stares at the card. “Incredible. I never knew this was in here.” 

He drops Yoru to the ground and presses the card to his chest, as if all the weight in the world was finally gone from him. Crocodile rolled his eyes and promptly threw his card to the ground in front of Buggy. 

“Come the hell on, (Y/n)! I was negotiating!” Crocodile sighs in frustration and rests his chin on his hand. “I’m not paying you at all this week!” 

You don’t even care anymore, crying tears of joy at the fact the sword that clattered on the ground beside you was not spearing your chest. 

“Since we all got decks now, why don’t we try and play the game?” You innocently suggest. You lay out the multipage rule guide and manual as the three men surround you to take a peek. 

Immediately after seeing the abundance of rules, all of you grimace and shake your heads. 

“Maybe another time.” 

“Yeah.” 

“That’s good.” 

“Great idea.” 

#one piece x reader #one piece oneshots #one piece #dracule mihawk #crocodile x reader #sir crocodile #dracule mihawk x reader #mihawk x reader #buggy the clown #buggy x reader #cross guild #cross guild x reader #cross guild's day off #buggy x crocodile x mihawk #buggy x crocodile x mihawk x reader #x reader

[wistfulcynic]

my friend, a casual ofmd enjoyer, displaying a level of media literacy to which the canyon could never ascend: it's too bad we didn't get more of zheng. She's awesome. Of course, she's not the main character

true, true. But of course zheng is awesome and deserves an appreciation post. so.

an incomplete list of reasons why zheng yi sao, ofmd edition, rules:

is all about the soup

negotiates a living wage for her crew

morning tai chi and eucalyptus towels

is soft for oluwande (demonstrates excellent taste and judgement)

is really very chill about the whole “escaped my prisoners and ran off with my ship’s wheel” thing when she sees the revenge crew again

only tries to kill stede once and only after he was really asking for it

“pirate queen who bent china to her will”

super generous with the soup actually

“girl, how are you”

walks her fleet across panama. given time she probably could have built the canal

“culturally this must be very difficult for you”

kills a guy with acupressure points (r.i.p. steak knife)

“this is a join me or die situation”

pigtails

her cover as soup-kiosk sue was so good not even jackie clocked her real identity

“guys! fuck!”

member of the (100% canon and non-negotiable) tealoranges extended polycule

kills men whether they are exceptional or just mediocre (r.i.p. exceptional men)

“i know. it’s been a day” (most quotable character fr)

the red flag seems like a great place to be a pirate actually. cute uniforms with a great fit, collaborative atmosphere, soup.

soup

#ofmd #our flag means death #zheng yi sao #ofmd meta #this is a zheng yi sao appreciation post