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hubookunaluwawa · 11 months

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the horrifying realization that someone genuinely knows you

it wasn’t supposed to go this way. it was supposed to be easy. casual. fun. but now, you feel like puking. because the second those forbidden words left his lips while he was buried deep inside of you, after a night of the both of you pretending not to know how the other felt, all hell broke loose in your heart. you were able to keep your composure through the end, but once he cleaned you up and fell asleep, you quickly grabbed your stuff and got the hell out of dodge.

your throat tightens up, and your eyes start to sting as you head for the bus stop. one minute passes. then five, and then ten. and then, as if this night hadn’t been bad enough, droplets of rain began to drizzle from the sky. this bus couldn’t be coming any fucking slower, you think, and you nervously tap the side of your leg, hoping with all your might that he didn’t realize you left, because if he did–

“y/n?”

fuck.

“hey!” you feign innocence as you quickly glance at him, “what’re you doing up?”

“i could ask you the exact same thing,” he returns, his smile masking something foreign… something vulnerable.

“oh, well, yeah, i mean, i have an 8 am class, so i have to head back to my place.” you feel your easygoing facade beginning to crumble as you continue to stare straight ahead at the road. you felt gross, lying to someone you always felt so comfortable around. you just hope he doesn’t realize it before the bus gets here.

“really?”

“yep!”

“i mean, i thought you said you don’t like doing… this…” he motions between the two of you, “the morning before an early class. said it fucks up your internal clock and stuff,” he remarks in a tone that makes it crystal clear he’s not buying a word you say.

you turn to look at him once again, and he’s staring at you with a hooded unwavering gaze that you’d mistake for apathy if you didn’t know him any better. unfortunately, you do know him better: enough to notice that the unfamiliar look in his eyes is blatant fear, as if he thinks you could disappear at any moment. and then, how much he knows you hits you all at once, and you’re left a scared little kid with no idea what to do.

“yeah, i guess i just forgot.” you’d have to be in complete denial to think he couldn’t hear the distinct crack in your voice, fake smile be damned. the two of you stare at each other for what feels like hours until the tears threatening to spill from your eyes make you look away.

“y/n.” but his eyes are still on you.

“mhm?” don’t.

“y/n, please.” only on you.

i can’t.

“i need you to tell me if i just fucked everything up back there.” the desperation in his voice is unmistakable, making you catch your breath. your face falls, and your heart hurts more than you ever thought possible.

“why’d you say it,” you whisper, “why’d you have to go and say it?” and his heart shatters at the brokenness of your voice because it was him who did this shit to you.

“when we started this, we promised it wouldn’t turn into anything. and it was fine when it was just me feeling something, but it won’t work with the both of us–”

“why?” something’s changed. he’s angry. “why won’t it work? why can’t we let it work?”

“because shit like this never does!” you scream, and you can feel everything you’ve been bottling up inside for the past few months escaping your body in one go.

“it never does,” you say with a quiet laugh. “we’d get together, and then you’d get bored with me–”

“i could never get bored with you–”

“–or i’d get bored with you,” you continue while noticing the fleeting look of hurt in his eyes that’s quickly overshadowed by anger, “and then we’d only be with each other out of obligation. we’d be ruining a really good thing just for the chance of something different, so just forget it, because whatever… it is that you feel won’t last,” you say as if it’s the funniest thing in the world while gesturing towards him.

“oh, fuck you.” he laughs, tugging his hair in frustration.

“fuck you!” you retort, delirious from the fact that this conversation is even happening at all.

“no, fuck you for trying to tell me that what i feel isn’t real.”

“okay,” you scoff as you begin to walk away. you don’t know where you headed, but as long as he’s not there, you know it’s where you need to be.

“and fuck you for making me love you! in more ways than just one!”

you freeze for probably the 50th time tonight, and you finally look at him again to see the shine in his eyes as he speaks.

“please don’t disappear when i tell you this,” he practically whispers to you with a once-again fearful look.

and you don’t. you’ve heard your fair share of “i love yous” in your life, and they all meant the same, substanceless, conditional thing. and so, the more you heard it, the less you believed it. you’ve seen relationships–both yours and those of the people you care about–fall apart because people will romantically love those that they don’t even like platonically. so you believed, and continue to believe, that romantic love without a platonic basis is an incredibly common recipe for disaster. you know this, and yet, you don’t think you could run from him right now even if you tried.

“i’ve never felt what i’ve felt for you with anybody else. i think about you all the time. like, you’re the first thing i think about in the morning and the last thing on my mind every night. and whenever i see you, it feels like what everybody talks about in the movies and the songs, and it’s like the heavens open up and everything makes sense and my world’s brighter because you’re in it. i’m completely and utterly head-over-heels in love with you.”

he just thinks he is, you try to remind yourself, but this shit isn’t real. it’s just infatuation, a burst of attraction, a trick of the mind. it’ll go away eventually–

“but it’s not just infatuation like you always say.” you mentally curse him for being able to read your mind and peel back your layers so easily, but he takes a step closer to you as he speaks.

“because you’re also the one person i feel most comfortable around. i could be having the worst day of my life and seeing you for a few minutes would make it the best, because everything about you makes me happy! everything! i mean your smile and your eyes and the way you giggle at the corniest jokes and the little crinkle you get on your forehead when i say something dumb and… how you make me feel safe enough to talk to you and know you won’t think i’m crazy, and how passionate you get about the things and people you care about: all of it has me completely obsessed with you, and all i know is that i wanna keep making you breakfast in the mornings and holding you close at night and going on late night drives with you and hearing you laugh because your laugh makes me feel like i’m dreaming whenever i hear it and i can’t help but laugh too because i just can’t believe that, out of everybody on this planet, you keep choosing to be here with me and i just… i love you, y/n. and even if this doesn’t last, i wanna be with you for as long as i’m able, because it doesn’t feel like my love for you is ever gonna go away.”

and he breathes out the final declaration with a confidence that leaves you stunned because holy shit you’re actually starting to believe him. you can’t tell whether the wetness on your face is from the pouring rain or your own tears. maybe it’s both. but all you know is that, now, he’s holding your heart in his hands. and the scariest part is that he’s holding it with as much care as he’d treat his own heart. no, as much care as you want to treat his. and then, he starts to ramble, which you’re sure you’ve never seen him do (in fact, you’re pretty sure this is the most you’ve ever heard him speak).

you can’t stop yourself from looking at his lips, and the space between you grows smaller and smaller until it ceases to exist.

“i mean, it’s like you’re branded on my heart. you have this insane amount of control over me and i’m constantly wanting to be around you and hold you and make you happy because you feel like home to me but in the best way possible and i just want to be that for you too, and if you don’t feel the same way, that’s completely cool, and we could just forget this conversation ever happened, because you’re also my best friend and i don’t wanna lose you, and i–”

your lips taste sweet against his, and your hands cup his cheeks with a delicateness that makes him feel like crying, and he feels happier than he thinks he’s ever felt because he knows what this kiss means.

you take a moment to break apart, the tip of your nose brushing against his as he chases after your lips, and you desperately proclaim, “i’d never get bored of you either. i love you. i love you. you’re all i want.”

the bus you were waiting on passes you both by, and he meets your lips again, sighing into the kiss with relief. and you both make a silent promise, right then and there, to never let each other go again.

#eren x reader #eren jeager x y/n #eren x you #fwb to lovers #college!eren #angry rain confession #love confessions #this was made w eren in mind but you could imagine it w whoever honestly #iwaizumi? erwin? suna? aki? choso? sakusa? the world is your oyster !! :D #this is my first fic so y/n is kinda based on me 👀#but i might make a series out of it on ao3 (bars)…#is delicateness a word???? i honestly have no idea #it's as real of a word as substanceless i'll tell you that much #the ending is very dookie and there’s a lot of run-ons but we move !!!#constructive criticism is very much encouraged like please tell me if it's trash !!!

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frog-with-no-therapy · 2 months

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I want a spider X dcu but have Peter working at the league's base in space as a mechanic or a scientist, cause of course they will have the best material and information to help him make a way home. Except that Peter is weird.

Like, weird weird. Like, spider bite kind of weird with a hint of different culture from a different world kind of weird.

Listen most of his interactions with humans in their world is with them cause he's at the watchtower all the time, so his understanding of what is normal is a bit skew, and he probably also got used to acting more spidery, especially when in a lab or sm (courtesy of his time at the avenger tower where he doesn't really have to hide his spidery side)

Then you take into account him having a different kind of humour and a different set of memes and you have the whole justice league thinking he's secretly an alien

#listen #i love spider man x gotham #and i will continue to read whatever fic that have a similar premise you throw at me #but like #i just think it would be neat to widen the horizon #like. just imagine it #the possibilities are endless #peter eats as much as he wants cause he once saw the flash eat three times as much as a normal human does as a snack #he is just a tad but more stronger because of it #and doesn't notice #but others sure does #kinda hard not to when the kid mend the door handles with his hands #he knows a bit too much technology wise #especially for someone his age #but that's must be fine cause these guys have this amazing space base and computers and all #yeah it's a bit outdated to him but it must be cause they are cutting slack #cause being a hero doesn't exactly buy #meanwhile the league is like . what do you mean you made a new element #what do you mean you made a nano suit #what do you mean you have an ai assistant that can go through our firewalls like a knife through melted butter #what do you mean the microwave can now double as quick freezer #what do you mean #they are so confused by him #and unsure where to even start #spiderman x dcu #spider man x DC #peter parker #justice league #can someone write a fic please #would have done so but i suck at writing

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taakosleftshoe · 9 months

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inspired by hate to see you leave by @noodyl-blasstal for @tazsapphicweek

i just started using charcoal in my drawing class and this ficlet gave me such a clear vision of the detective noir, the composition came to me immediately... absolutely the perfect opportunity to get some charcoal practice in!

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fandomsniper · 4 months

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kallus and zeb

#I just love the idea that zeb is this big fluffy maine coone while kallus is this scrappy floppy eared mutt #I once made up a whole canine based alien race and I kinda want to write a fic where kallus is a hybrid #but I don't feel like making up the whole major plot around it how it all worked in the empire and all that shit #I just have this funny moments of him acting dog like #plus that cat dog dynamic between him and zeb would be hilarious lol #alexsandr kallus #agent kallus #zeb orrelios #garazeb orrelios #sw rebels #star wars rebels #headcanon #au

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nyanfish · 7 months

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sleepoverrr

#yosukan #yosuke hanamura #kanji tatsumi #persona 4 #yosuke x kanji #kanji x yosuke #yoskan #kansuke #yokan #kanyo #drew that first one for a fic im writing #the 2nd one isnt necessarily connected but i had the idea and then feverishly spent until 1 in the morning drawing it. which it is rn.#no clue when i started the 2nd one but it was already way too late. maybe like half past 11 #BUT IT CAME OUT SO GOOD RAAARGG. ive gotten so bomb at sideviews. and i finally feel like ive got a grasp on yosukes hair #also their sleeping poses are based off of the ones they had in the anime #and the kiss one is kind of inspired by a previous drawing i made + the official line sticker where kanji tries to kiss yosuke #tedpost #tedart #EDIT; i switched them w nicer looking coloured ones. i was working on a dark canvas at night and only noticed it looked kinda poopy later #only 1 person has rbed the original so thats out there now ig

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thesilliestofgals · 1 month

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Watching the Owl House concept pilot and reading the leaked concept bible... WOW, what could've been, huh?

#nonny's nonsense #the owl house #toh #the owl house pilot #toh pilot #Willow being named Paulina kinda made me exhale through my nose ngl #it was very interesting to see that witches could travel between realms with little issue...#I wonder how much that would've changed seasons 2 and 3....#someone's totally gonna write a fic based off of the concept stuff and HONESTLY?? I'd read it #I also heard the amphibia concept pilot got leaked? allegedly??#nonny's nonsense in tags

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theflyingfeeling · 6 months

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💖 it's here, it's pink, it's sparkly, and full of fluff 💖

Hiiiiii and welcome to witness my attempt at an Olli/Allu Advent Calendar, in which I'll give you ~a cute little something~ about these two idiots in love almost every day until December 24! My plan is to use prompts from this list to either write a fic based on the prompt or just some good ol' delulu thoughts if all else fails. I cannot guarantee there'll be a post literally every day, but I'm really excited to try this out and I thank you for your support along the way in advance 💝

The biggest thanks and a million hugs go to one of my favourite human beings @kraeuterhexchen for making the adorable banner!! I mean helloooooo?? 😭 Go show them some love ❣️

For December 1, the prompt list is titled One True Pairing Moments, and the prompt I chose was 'calling just to hear their voice' 🥺 You can read the fic below, I hope you like it <3

PS. Even though this is an advent calendar of sorts, I'm not planning on making this particularly Christmassy. I hope no one minds terribly!

Falling for Aleksi had, in a way, sneaked up on Olli, at least if he fooled himself a little. He could pretend he didn’t feel any different about the man than he did about, say, Joonas or Tommi, but that strategy only worked for so long – that is to say, approximately until Aleksi as much as smiled softly at him from across a room or bumped his shoulder into his jovially when walking down the street and Olli would feel his breath getting caught in his throat or stumble in his words, his tongue tangled like shoelaces, which was so unlike him as well and frustrated him to no end. It really took a special kind of fool to not only develop some level of feelings for a friend, a colleague, a bandmate for Christ’s sake, but also become so hopelessly enamored with him that you rolled awake in bed in the dead of night, grabbing your phone and tossing it back on the nightstand again and again because you couldn’t decide whether or not you should, on some erratic 2 o’clock impulse, call him to let him know he was the very reason for your insomnia.

Turning on his back, Olli groaned (only a little desperately) as he remembered losing himself in the lingering hug they had shared just before the arrivals lobby at the airport, inhaling Aleksi’s scent and wishing they wouldn’t have to go home just yet, even if Olli was more than ready to finally sleep in his own bed again. Ironically, ever since they had returned home from tour, Olli had spent night after sleepless night missing Aleksi terribly: his stupid jokes and playful banter that bordered on being flirtatious if Olli allowed himself the benefit of delusion; his quick, subtle smiles that probably meant nothing; his little touches Olli hoped meant something; his smell and his touch and the softness of his hair at the back of his neck, compared to which the blanket Olli was grasping in his fist was like sandpaper. (How he had come to know of the qualities of Aleksi’s hair in such detail, he preferred not to dwell on too much to save himself from the heartache, so let’s just leave it at ‘stressful, emotional week far away from home’ and ‘a little too much to drink’).

Above all, Olli missed Aleksi’s voice. He hadn’t even thought that was possible, until the other morning when Olli had woken up to a voice message Aleksi had left just hours earlier, rambling about a song idea he had gotten in the middle of the night – something he did from time to time – and Olli had spent the next several minutes replaying it over and over again as he had lied in bed procrastinating getting up and and instead closing his eyes to better imagine Aleksi lying there beside him, turned on his side to face Olli, talking to him sleepily like they often did when they shared a room on tour and were just too lazy to join others at breakfast. Much like the hug at the airport, Olli wished those moments would have lasted way longer than they did, often ending abruptly when either of their phones would go off with Santeri’s name on the screen, a passive-aggressive interruption to the soft, low tone of Aleksi’s early-morning thoughts. (Sometimes, when Olli was lucky enough, he had been blessed with the bliss of feeling the light touch of a fingertip tracing along his collarbone, cut short just as frustratingly by their well-meaning tour manager politely enquiring whether the two of them had plans of dragging themselves downstairs for some toast and coffee, or if they’d rather starve until lunchtime, for which he wasn’t at all sure they’d even have time that day.)

The lovesick idiot that he was, his thumb hovered over the ‘play’ button of Aleksi’s voice message, probably for the millionth time that week. The chest-carving hesitation turned into a heart flip when he noticed Aleksi was online.

Then Aleksi began to type, and Olli held his breath the entire time until a new message appeared in the thread, anticipation holding him by his throat.

You awake?

Olli exhaled and typed his affirmative reply, leaving out the reason why.

He blinked at the screen, waiting for Aleksi to ask him a random question that clearly couldn’t wait until morning, or perhaps talk about something related to another late-night Twitch stream (from what Olli had gathered, Aleksi had been doing a lot of those recently, and with his last remaining braincell Olli had managed to resist the temptation to watch every single one of them, because he knew that if he did, it would only dig his grave of pining and longing deeper, seeing Aleksi smile and giggle about but not being able to do that with him or snuggle up next to him when he was wearing that flannel Olli often used as a blanket in the tour bus). But instead of another text appearing on the screen, Olli’s phone began to vibrate in his hand, and it took him an embarrassingly long while to understand it was because Aleksi was calling him.

“Hi,” he sighed when he finally collected himself enough to speak. He prayed he’d be able to hear what Aleksi was going to say from the thumping heartbeat echoing in his ears.

“Hi,” a soft voice said. “Sorry, I know it’s late…”

“No, not at all,” Olli hurried to say, “I mean, I wasn’t sleeping. Not even close, actually.” Part of him hoped Aleksi wouldn’t ask about it, but in some foolhardy way the possibility intrigued him.

Nothing much, he would have likely said anyway, but what would happen if he told Aleksi how it really was? That he squeezed his pillow imagining it was him instead, or wailed into it because something had reminded him of a moment-that-was-probably-not-a-Moment™ they had shared? What would Aleksi say if he knew Olli sometimes touched himself the way Aleksi had touched him That One Night they never talked about? The only obstacle between Olli and that knowledge was a bottomless ocean of cold sweat and cowardice, and Olli had never been a great swimmer.

“So, ummm…,” Olli said when Aleksi’s end stayed silent. “What’s up?”

A short breath of laughter sounded through the phone line.

“Honestly? I don’t know, I… It’s just been a… weird week, I guess.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, like… my head’s just been so full of… everything and… I’ve been so busy and kinda tense and… fuck, this is going to sound crazy,” Aleksi laughed that brief laugh again, although to Olli it didn’t sound particularly cheerful. Tired, more like. Strained, somehow. Not sad, but definitely a little troubled, and Olli intended to find out why.

“I’m all for crazy, you know.” Olli hoped his sorry attempt to lighten Aleksi’s mood would work, and so he smiled in relief when he heard Aleksi chuckle at his comment.

“I know,” Aleksi said softly, in that tone of voice that had Olli melt against his bedsheets. “So yeah, it’s been a rough week, but… in between all that stupid shit, I’ve been thinking a lot about… umm… well, the tour and– and… about you, for some reason,” (the troubled laugh made its return) “and… yeah. That’s sort of helped me a lot recently.”

Olli listened to the words carefully, not fully believing what he was hearing, yet clinging on to them until they were all but swirling around in his otherwise empty head like dry leaves in October wind.

“And tonight I just couldn’t fucking sleep for some reason and nothing I did seemed to help and so I thought I’d call you. And I’m–” If it hadn’t been dead silent otherwise, Olli wouldn’t have heard the shaky breath Aleksi paused to take, “I’m sorry I’m calling you at this hour and bothering you with this all but I guess I just… wanted to hear your voice. To see if that would help.”

“Does it?” Olli asked. Aleksi’s confession had made him clasp his blanket close to his chest, as if that would do anything about his rapidly beating heart.

“Yeah. It does. So maybe just… keep talking?”

Despite his mind living a life of its own, completely unfit to form a single coherent thought, for Aleksi’s sake Olli tried his best to think of something to say, but everything he came up with was something he was not ready to tell him quite yet.

“Uuummmm…” he said to buy himself some time, but while he waited for his useless brain and mouth to form any actual words, Aleksi spoke again.

“Fuck, I’m– I’m sorry, this is too weird, I shouldn’t have– I’ll let you go back to–”

“I miss you,” Olli blurted before Aleksi would hang up on him. He squeezed his eyes shut when Aleksi went silent, too silent for too long for it to mean any good.

The line stayed open, however, which Olli took as a positive sign, even if the seconds during which all Olli could hear was Aleksi's quiet breathing seemed endless.

“And I you,” Aleksi finally replied. “A little too much, probably, or at least that’s what it feels like,” he chuckled. Olli almost missed the quiet sniff that followed.

He had to steel himself for his next question.

“What do you mean?”

“Just… forget it.” Aleksi said quietly. Contrary to Aleksi’s request, Olli knew he was going to all but ‘forget it’ for the next 3-5 business days; mentally he booked all his evenings as well as most of his mornings and noons for pondering what exactly had been in Aleksi’s mind in that moment or why he had sounded so sombre, almost disappointed. He’d probably never come to any satisfactory conclusion about it though, at least not without a little help from Aleksi himself.

A ridiculous idea popped into his head, and before he could stop himself, the words flooded out of his mouth.

“Do you wanna come over some time? To hang out? When your schedule’s a little less tight, I mean.” He sucked on his lips and closed his eyes as he waited for Aleksi’s answer, ready to hang up the moment he’d decline the offer on some obvious and logical reason for why Aleksi couldn’t possibly make nor want to take a trip to the north to see him, such as ‘didn’t we just spend over two months on the road together?’ or ‘damn, buddy, I miss you alright but not quite that much, I’ve done enough sitting in public transportation for one year, thank you very much lol’ or ‘what about Rilla?’

“You could take Rilla with you, you know.” Olli hurried to say, just in case, the deranged part of his brain thinking there might be a chance Aleksi might be at least considering it.

“Oh! Well, umm… I actually might have time next week? If– if you’re actually being serious about this.”

Funny you should ask, Aleksi; I’ve actually never been more serious about anything in my entire life than I am about having you here with me so that I can hold you and be held by you and see your face when I wake up in the morning and say goodnight to your annoyingly cute face instead of via text message and maybe, if the stars are in position and the northern wind won’t discourage me too much, I might actually be brave enough to torment you with the knowledge of just how miserable I’ve been since we last saw each other.

“I think it would be cool,” he said, because he had a feeling what he wanted to say would’ve been a tad too much and sudden. “I mean, if you’re up for it, of course. I understand if you can’t make it though, I know you have all those side projects.”

“No, I think it might actually do me some good to get out of the capital area for change.” Then there was a muffled ‘ouch’, followed by a laugh that sounded much brighter than any of the other ones Olli had heard from Aleksi that night. “Sorry, correction, it might do us some good. Rilla just told me she’s most definitely coming too. Rilla, stop nibbling on my toes!”

Olli smiled tiredly at the mental image that was painted in his mind of Aleksi and Rilla cuddling in bed, both minding their own business from what it seemed while still minding each other as well, very much indeed.

“I’ll be sure to set up a bed for her in the guest room.”

“The guest room? Do you not know her at all? If she’s not getting the master bedroom, she’ll ruin all your rugs and most of your shoes. Probably also gossip about you to all the neighbourhood dogs. And she’s brutal.”

Olli held his stomach as he laughed, tears almost forming in the corners of his eyes. In his defence, it was late and he was finally becoming tired, thus too far gone to help himself, let alone feel embarrassed about being in stitches about something Aleksi had said that was only mildly amusing. (It wasn’t the first time that had happened either, and likely not the last time.)

“So yeah, ummm, I can take a look at some flight options for next week and let you know, alright? I’m gonna let you sleep now and… I should get some myself too.”

Olli wanted to tell Aleksi he’d love to stay up chatting until dawn, but the yawn he let out when he opened his mouth to speak implied Aleksi had a point.

“Yeah, let me know. And… thanks for calling, I… you have no idea how much I needed this tonight.”

That was as close to a confession as Olli was able to get as of now.

“Probably not half as much as I did.”

Olli chuckled at Aleksi’s response, mostly to hide his own agony.

If only you knew. If only I knew how to tell you.

It didn’t take long for Olli to doze off after they hung up, and when he woke up to the kids from next door having a snowball fight under his window in the morning, he noticed new messages from Aleksi, sent half an hour after their phone call had ended, complete with screen captions of airplane schedules.

Would these days work for you? I might be free all week actually 😇

Olli cuddled into his pillow while typing his reply, hoping it wouldn’t wake up Aleksi.

yeah I’m free as well. I’ll pick you two up from the airport 🖤

From then on, Olli started counting the days until he’d see Aleksi again.

#blind channel fanfiction #blind channel rpf #ollixallu #24 days of gift-giving by theflyingfeeling #<- that's the tag i'll be using for these btw #everyone stop and look at the banner!! 🥺💖#it's not QUITE like the original one ju made first but maybe one day you'll get to see that masterpiece as well 😏#but ooff the way i've gone from having 'a plan' to having 'a better plan' to having 'no plan whatsoever' with this? 😂#so yeah idk what kinda fics/posts there'll be in this series... stay tuned and see for yourself! 🤭#some of them might be in the same universe/plot. others may not. who knows? not i 😌#(...but as you can see from this fic the door for a multiple-part story is definitely open 👀)#some of the fics may not even be based on a prompt though if i'm not feeling like it. honestly i'm curious to see how this will turn out!#(and if this ends up being the only post i ever make that's alright too! i refuse to bully myself with a hobby i'm doing for free <3)#however: i'm not taking requests per say BUT feel free to snoop on the prompts for each day and send me your ideas or hopeful wishes 👀#there are certain ones i'm more drawn to but i haven't really set anything in stone #one could say i'm just going with the flow. fuck around and find out if you will ✨#also: not sure if/when i'll be bothered to post any of these on ao3 #probably i'll just see how many fics i manage to actually finish and dump them all at once on ao3 on christmas day lol #anyway! enjoy & let me hear from you <3

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melverie · 24 days

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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again

#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but #i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries #and it just made me miss it so much #+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore #like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that #but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too #so i'm kind of at a loss here #tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up #i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right #i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries #that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way #aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that #also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while #like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that #but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut #ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there #do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me #and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here #that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this #longing feeling to start again lol #hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows

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wispscribbles · 3 months

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hey, so I just read most of your fics (apart from the really long one, i'm saving that for a rainy day) and uh, wow

the way you write these sad boys is just perfection, the longing, the ANGST. Augh, I barely ever read fanfiction but I've just spent half a day reading yours.

So yeah. thank you for making me fall in love with these fictional men from a game I've never seen or played

aawW thank you!! So so happy that you enjoyed my angsty, emotional fics <333 Can relate to this ask, as I have also never played the games - and when I started reading (and writing) fics for it, I had only watched 1 or 2 edited playthroughs lol. Ghoap quite literally made me start reading again after a bad slump... The power of them...

#ask #anon ask #thank youuuu!#let it be known that I have watched full playthroughs of all mw games now (old and new) - only took me over a year and several confused fic #in the beginning I didn't know who was in the 141 so I just made shit up based on fics I'd read (from ppl who also didnt know)#the lies. the deception. the mandela effect of it all #I was so sure that a task force had to be kinda big. and its just 4 dudes. what the hell man #but it makes sense they are my little musketeers <3 one for one one for all

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couriersiccs · 2 months

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📻 + your favourite fnv oc

OoooOooOOOooo okay I'm gonna go with Courier Sara bc she's my original Courier and my poorest little babygirl, and off her playlist i shuffled The Spine Song by Cake Bake Betty and it's great because just so encompassing of her whole journey in the Mojave, while being such an abstract song lyrically by itself.

It talks about "dancing with men, going round and around" which I interpret as her power struggle with the people in power - Mr. House, Kimball, Caesar, and every other faction vying for control of the region. It talks of headaches which she gets from the TBI inflicted by getting shot twice in the head, it talks about substance abuse which I consider a part of her story in dealing with that trauma, and begging someone to let her say goodbye which calls to a backstory trauma I haven't talked about yet.

it's funny because this song actually kind of helped me shape her character. It ends with asking the listener if they'll use her spine after she's died to "swing from tree to tree in search of places pleasing to the eye" and I think THAT talks about a legacy she could set after she (spoilers) creates an independent New Vegas that will need something to rely on after she's gone, like how Caesar didn't seem to have a solid contingency plan for the event of his own death.

And the last line, calling her a "silly little girl" when a big part of her character is how young and naive she appears to be is just so chef's kiss. It's an integral song to her playlist, because lyrically it's accurate to her story and tonally it's beautiful and mournful and hopeful all at once, just like her.

#oc: courier sara #asks #thank you!!!!#i made these playlists so long ago and they're kinda all over the place and mostly based on Vibes #but i still think they're fun and at this point nostalgic to listen to #my DA fic has consumed my whole creative power so. once that's done with maybe i'll return to my four-courier NV fic #it's still dear to my heart and i want to be able to do it justice

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size-two-shrimp · 11 months

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I looked up the songs your fic titles are from and now Honey I’m Home has been stuck in my head for 4 hours and I’m writing vivisection stuff. I don’t know if I should be angry or thankful

I have converted another >:]

No worries if you're angry though! I'd also vivisect Gabriel.

#in a “i want to know what makes him tick or why hes like that” kind of way #and im assuming its about gabe most of your fics have gabe iirc #actually this reminds me i have some art i made kinda based on honey im home ill post it in a couple minutes #ALSO if you cant keep listening to the original umbraticforests cover is amazing

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theokusgallery · 6 months

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I've just been spying on this blog and question

who Nick

is Nick Babil?

am confused

anyways Nick is stupid for Sunny

Arsenic (Nick for short) is an alternate version of Basil ! I have this post which goes into a bit more detail about him and his story.

His first name is Basil, Arsenic is his middle name. He just happened to mention it offhandedly to Sunny, who thought it was a cool unique name and decided to keep calling him that. Nick immediately started going by Arsenic instead of Basil after this. But his name is technically still Basil

#there's a couple of things i havent said yet about nick and his sunny (like how they lost their eyes for example)#that's something i dont want to spoil.#but it's... a classic. it's guessable.#there's other elements of their backstory I haven't talked about-- like their respective families #im still figuring out whether i want to make important family & friends characters OCs #or if i want to make them the rest of the omori cast just for the sake of keeping them in the AU #i'm not sure how i want to tell nick's story. i kinda made it up on the fly after i started posting about him here.#but there was already a base story i had to follow and im happy with what i did #the only stuff thats missing is the logistics of ''are these OCs or OMORI characters''#and ''do i make this a comic series or just a collection of drawings''#i don't want to make it a fic surprisingly.#omori #ask #dyesprout0ysphoria #arsenic

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shredsandpatches · 8 months

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tfw you are like "okay, the post about the cringey fandomification of classic lit and the use of glib queer readings to justify ignoring misogyny and racism in canon texts is not actually about you" and then you remember there's a scholarly article about this that cites your fic.

It's a very bad article that is extremely ignorant about fandom and doesn't actually support its case with anything but assumptions about who Does Fandom and why, no real reference to any actual text--I could one million percent think of absolutely devastating critiques of my own work that are better than what this article came up with--but still. Doesn't help with the whole "well, if something makes you feel bad it's because you know you're guilty" thing.

#it was about richard ii fic and the basic argument was:#fandom is mostly made up of cis white women who are nerds #actors beloved by nerds have played richard ii recently #fic about richard ii makes him sympathetic and queer #this is because these cis white women have been blinded to imperialism by skinny white british men #it wasn't even based on the text it was more 'this text exists in this context'#and it's about a fandom that usually has less than a dozen people involved #anyway i have a phd in english i know how to do real litcrit #i'm not vaguing you if you reblogged btw just to be clear #anyway i kinda know i'm a fundamentally unserious person

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kalach-cha · 8 months

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me? tearing up over a comment someone left me on ao3? it’s more likely than you think

#spinning in his grip is the most raw thing i’ve written in a long time and while i know it’s not to everyone’s taste i think it’s kinda #the best my work can be. at least stylistically. so seeing it get very little engagement compared to other things i’ve written really #really hurt. even though because of its content it is going to be passed over by many readers. i know that and i get it #but it’s still kind of my favourite child and i keep coming back to it like i don’t with any other fics #but this ao3 commenter actually told me i am a good writer and it made me think i may be worth something #i am so used to feeling worthless because of people’s judgements based on my appearance #so it feels legitimising in a way and very powerful to anonymously be told i am good at something by someone who has never seen my face #and this is my art. this is my craft!! maybe i am actually capable of improving the world instead of taking up space #michi.txt #fic: spinning in his grip

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vermillioncrown · 2 years

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about shipping stuff— i think it’s really interesting that you dont see what you’re written as including shipping etc but i honestly rlly feel like there is some romance-esque vibes between the mc of dbd and various other characters (wangxian / the senpai from her sect) that i wouldnt be surprised if a relationship happened bc i feel like the base is there? versus bil where i def only see more of a gen vibe as you said, tho now that i think on it i cant possibly point out why to each reasoning other than a feeling? maybe bc the length of each fic and time spent with the characters? also i wonder who would be a good fit for sikagami! maybe an older student? or in a shocking turn of events, one of the kns?

guess i'll braindump a bit on this ask - not saying you're wrong, and also i'm prob gonna contradict myself a bit too. i'm not really up on the formalities of writing, and most of what i think about is based on observation. good enough to pass muster but probably not completely correct

i think of shipping stuff as the relationship dynamic (romantic by common convention, platonic if we consider general intimacy) being the focus of the fic. sure, dbd can contain romance, but none of it is the focus. i'll bait you for days with Moments (fully guilty here lol) because they're interesting in the way zyx relates to their environment and peers, not just for the dynamic itself.

have you guys read Catch Your Breath by lang? even with the eventual kakashi/oc pairing, i don't consider it a shipping/romance-centric fic. romance is just something that happens in life. one part of it.

bil is also i guess, very gen in that sense. looking at it from author's view, the only way it'd turn focused on relationship dynamics is through other pov's that force si!kagami's engagement at that level. i find it easier to happen because of the shorter length - it's not as focused on worldbuilding, politics, and other 'deep stuff' as dbd is. hmm. it'd likely be still gen, but have a side of something if it's warranted.

(lol you don't feel si!kagami's simping on all his senpai? a lot?)

surprisingly, the miracles are the most likely candidates by nature of their personalities. they will force interactions. they have incentive. otherwise si!kagami's just gonna "ok i'm gonna go ball now bye :)" bc... i don't touch on it much (bc bil is not that kind of si fic) but you still feel sorta alienated and out of touch, no matter how much fun you're having in the situation, yeah? dating, in that sense, would have to come from outside.

"oh. i'm included?"

doesn't it kinda make sense that si!kagami's insistence in ballin' as a team be a way of grounding himself in the moment? feeling like a part of life?

#inquiry #Anonymous #redglyphs #on bil #on dbd #writing #too deep for a friday afternoon #but good talk #i'm simultaneously a 'it's not that deep' and 'all things exist with context' type of annoying bitch #and it's more situational that in my fics my characters come across really sex/love-adversed #and i care about that misunderstanding because it matters to me that if i'm doing an si i'm putting all of it accurately #that it's situational. and not completely right or wrong #okay just know that i'm a very picky person and any problem that comes about is a problem i made for myself ok ok ok #but back at it; depending on how later chapters go there is potential for kagakuro based on the fact he's kinda the closest one?#and kuroko is just a very intense all-in type of guy despite the face and mannerisms #so it made sense in my head #ugh maybe now i'm being even more confusing? there's like five different discussions i'm holding at once here idfk

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