#just now realized this is my 100th post here so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spliffymae · 1 year

Text

WRITTEN OFF.

synopsis: you know, there’s a reason the famous saying is “absence makes the heart grow fonder”

⚠️ swearing, mentions of cheating, smut, car sex, the words “cock”, “panties” and “pussy” are used here lmao. minors dni 18+ !

kio’s notes - THIS IS THE FINAL PART. this was also my 100th post 🥹

pts. 1 , 2 , 3 , 4

now playing

⊱ ──────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.}──────── ⊰

you were quiet on the drive to your house, toji even worrying about you. the makeup you spent hours on had run from your tears. you didn’t bother wiping it, you just sat with your head against the window and accepted it.

instead of turning to your street, toji continued to drive past. you noticed and sat up. “you missed the turn.” you said softly, looking at the side of your ex’s face. but he didn’t seem to care.

“toji….my house—”

“going to mine.” he mumbled. he knew megumi and rin had long left, and he wanted to reconcile tonight without the pressure of the kids, and the possibility megumi could hear you two.

you took a deep breath, “toji, i agreed for you to drive me home. your house is not my home.”

“(y/n), megumi is sixteen right now. do you know how old he was when you first watched him?…nine. we started dating when he was ten. i proposed to you when he was thirteen, and—.”

“cheated when he was 16.” you added a bitter chuckle, “s’that where you were going with that bit?”

toji couldn’t take it anymore!

as if an instinct, a reflex, he jerked the car off the road and pulled over on the shoulder, startling you. “what the fuck!”

he didn’t say anything. he cut the engine and turned his attention to you, leaning over the cars console to be closer. “i am sick of this! sick of your attitude, of this separation, of this disconnect. you are my wife, (y/n). and we are going to work this out because i cannot lose you, okay? i won’t lose you. i know you want to, i see it when you look at me. yeah, you hate me and want me away, but i see the part of you that craves me, our family back together. so let’s work on it. let me prove i can be who you need me to be, who you want me to be.”

it was quiet. you were processing. toji rarely spoke like this, at most you saw this side of him after sex. this softer side. “(y/n)…” toji put his hand on your thigh, getting your leg to tense up from his touch. you bit back the sob that tried to crawl it’s way out your mouth. you had new tears running down your cheeks, trying your best to blink them away. how his touch was able to bring you to tears, you don’t know. but it was a mix of emotions: happy to feel his warmth back on your body; sad to know you weren’t as over him as you thought; pissed to know he probably touched the other woman like this.

his other hand stretched over to cup your cheek and turn your head to him. you didn’t look at him, you stared at his hand on your thigh. “mama, i’m so sorry.” his voice was shaky, and that made you finally look up to see he had the glossiest of eyes.

he was sober enough to drive—he had driven home in worse conditions then two and a half mugs of beer, but his emotions were all over the place. you always had a way of bringing out his vulnerability. and while usually he would wait ‘til after you two climaxed to relish in his feelings with you, his tears burned his eyes now. you hadn’t seen him cry since rin’s birth, but seeing you this way and knowing he was the cause was cracking his guilt ridden heart.

he pulled your head to him and as your foreheads touched, he realized you were allowing him to touch you. to be closer to you. “i meant when i said i hate you. i want you to feel every burning pain i felt in my heart.” you were angry, your voice was shaky, and you glared at him as if he were the last person you’d want to be with. and quite frankly, he was. “i want to break you the way you broke me.”

toji let out a nervous sigh. he didn’t remove himself from you, though. “and the most annoying thing is i can’t.” you shrugged in defeat, a watery smile on your face. “i can’t bring myself to hurt you that way because no one deserves that. and i know now that i didn’t deserve that.” you sniffled, “i was everything you needed me to be. i gave you everything, fushiguro.”

his thumb swipes at the tear stains on your cheek, gently wiping them away. he gave you a peck on your lips. it was one that turned to two, and then three. he prompted you to kiss him back, but you held your ground.

until he began to lead his kisses from your lips to your jaw. you instinctively tilted your head so he had more space to kiss you. his eyes shone with hope at your action. “you were and you didn’t deserve it, baby. m’so sorry. just…break me back, (y/n). i don’t care, do whatever you gotta do to me so that i can have you back. i need my family back.”

things changed quick. toji grabbed your thigh possessively, earning a whimper from you. a sound he hadn’t heard in months, and one that had his dick twitch in his boxers. his lips left wet kisses along your neck as his hands explored your body. he unbuckled your seatbelt and gripped at your waist, “c’mere, mama. needa feel you again.”

there was a war going on in your body. a war between your mind, heart, and pussy. your mind was against this ordeal, hated how his hands felt on you. but your heart loved it. it melted at his touch and kisses. and your pussy? ol’ girl was dripping for toji, wanting to feel him back inside you again. it has been so long since you last took care of your sexual needs. you weren’t looking for casual flings, and it was difficult to have when you were devoting all your time to being a single mother. alas, it was two to one, and you let the majority win as you kicked off your heels and moved to sit in his lap. your mind would get you back tomorrow, but for now you didn’t care.

“my beautiful wife. missed ya s’much baby.” the fat of your ass was squished in his big palms, his grip earning a hiss from you. he stopped his feverish kisses to nuzzle into the crook of your neck and smell the familiar cinnamon vanilla scent of your body wash and matching lotion. a scent he longed to have back on his clothes.

his hands fiddled with the hem of your dress, fingers dipping in to graze your inner thighs. “toji please.” you pleaded.

“what do you want, ma? you can have anything you want, so tell me.” his finger poked at your clit through your panties and a shiver rolled up your spine.

“you, toji. just gimme you.” you cupped his face, tilting his head up to connect your lips in a kiss. you hadn’t kissed him months, his taste having left your brain.

but nothing about you left toji’s. not the way you would kiss him like it hurt, like you wanted to transfer all your feelings onto him. or the way you bit his bottom lip as you pulled back from him, or the way you would whimper and paw at his aching cock through his pants. he could never forget how desperate you became when turned on; how your hand reached down to the control that would push his seat all the way back and give you better room to straddle him. you had fucked in this car many times, many nights and even days. so all this was like muscle memory for you two.

toji’s hand went under your dress to your panties, to feel the silk material against his fingertips and snarl. “ya wore this f’him, hm? my favorite dress and your good panties…for that pink-haired lil’ fuck?”

he pushed your panties to the side, fingers immediately dipping into your warm pussy to fondle it. it had been so long since he last touched you like this—since he touched anyone. after the separation he took interest in no one other than you, something he kicked himself for not doing that dreadful night.

“i-is this,” you swallowed the lump in your throat as he worked your clit between his index and middle finger. “is this what you did…with her?” you choke out, just as his two fingers pushed into your pussy.

“ah—.” you hissed, grabbing at his shoulder. you couldn’t help to ask, and you knew it’d make him angry…but how could you not? yeah, the woman means nothing to toji, meant nothing to toji in comparison to you.

but what toji failed to realize up until this point was she meant everything to you. she was the one he seeked pleasure in, a comfort he no longer found with you. she was the one that—even if just for a moment, made him forget all about you and his family. so yeah, while toji couldn’t even remember her name, you were haunted, with her in your memory for what felt like eternity.

he stopped his movements and leaned back away from you. his answer to this question would make or break this reunion you two had going on. he could see how your eyes held desperation. practically pleading for him to tell you to your face.

“i told you, she only sucked my dick, baby. i wore a condom too and just fucked her face to get out my frustrations wit’chu s’all. wouldn’t think about fucking someone else. not when i have you. only one i want to be with like that, ‘kay? only one for me.“

and you nodded. you felt slight relief he didn’t have full blown sex. in some twisted way it seemed to ease the pain a bit. but toji knew that it was wrong to downplay what he did that night, but he knew admitting to his infidelity would destroy you. and he refused to do that after he just got you back. so as far as you needed to know, all he did was get head.

you let out a nervous sigh before your hands fiddled with his belt buckle. “don’t wanna wait. just need you to fuck me.” you mumbled as your hand slid into his boxers and gripped his cock. you had forgotten how thick he was, your hand just barely wrapping around him. toji hissed at your touch.

“i need to prep you, baby, you know this. you’ll get hurt.” he tried to stop you as you pulled out his dick but you slapped his hand away. he had lifted his hips and pulled his pants and boxers down a bit so he could be properly free.

you said nothing as a response. no, words weren’t enough to show him how much you didn’t care. you instead looked at the way his dick was against his covered abs. how the thick vein that ran along his shaft was on full display. you took it in in your hands and lowered your head.

toji’s mouth fell open at the globs of saliva you spat directly on the head of his cock. his toes curled at the way you twisted your hand around him, spreading your spit and properly lubing him up. “m’already hurt.” you mumbled more-so to yourself as you fidgeted around and positioned him at your entrance. he knew what you meant, and fuck, did it kill him to hear.

toji stared at you with low eyes, licking the scar on his lip when he felt you glide the mushroom head between your folds. he could hear the noise it made as it slid to your clit, and he bucked up to nudge it, earning a quiet whimper from you.

“c’mon pretty,” he sat up to bury his face in your neck. the smell was intoxicating, and he was slowly kissing and sucking your neck as a means to almost taste it. to taste you. “let me be in my sweet girl again, my beautiful wife.”

there would be moments between you and toji, where the roles seemed to flip for a minute. he normally called the shots in the bedroom but you would get control from time to time. it wouldn’t be for long, but he loved when the moment came. you were so demanding it made him almost consider becoming a switch. almost.

you kept your eyes on him and hand around his neck as you slid down slowly. there was a slight burn felt as you adjusted to his size. your pussy had forgotten just how big he was. it wasn’t a discomfort though. you were grinning through the pain, your tongue gliding across your teeth.

“shit, mama. forgot how much this little cunt loves to squeeze me.” he spoke through gritted teeth. he bit his lip to hold back the moan he wanted to let out as you squeezed the side of his neck.

when he bottomed out, toji’s fist hit his side of the car, “fuck.” he hissed. he bunches up the bottom of your dress, pushing it up to be around your stomach so he could watch your pussy take him in. he let you have your control for about five minutes, but when he sensed you slowing down he reached out to wrap a large hand around your neck.

he pulled you to his lips, the most sloppiest of kisses being shared between the two of you. he began to thrust up into you, his pace fast and creating sounds that filled the car.

“toji—.” you cried, tears pricking the end corners of your eyes as you sucked on your bottom lip. toji had a devilish smirk on his face. “oh my goddd, you feel so good, baby.” you were a breathless mess. his hands had a firm grip on your hips and moved you to match his thrusts.

“take your tits out, mama. need ‘em now.” he panted against your ear, biting your earlobe after. you did as told, pulling down the straps of your dress and pulling it off your breasts, holding one of your titties to his mouth.

“look at em. so fucking fat.” he breathed out with a smile. he knew breastfeeding would make your breasts bigger—hell they were big prior to him knocking you up, but it had been so long since he last saw you like this. the pillowy mounds before him were getting his mouth to water. his tongue dampened his lips before he wrapped them around your nipple with a grunt of satisfaction.

“o-oh my god, tojiii!” you threw your head back, cradling his head in your hold as his tongue flicked your hardened bud. he was like a man starved, forced to go without what he longed for the most. he couldn’t get enough of you. not your taste, definitely not the way you had an almost vice grip on his dick and his heart.

“oh fuck, (y/n). just like that baby.” his voice was muffled against your chest, but from the way he started to get off-beat with his thrusts, you could feel he was close.

“can i come in you, hm? let me remind her how much she missed having me dripping outta her, down your legs? pleaseee, mama. let me fill you back up.” he was begging like a bitch, something you rarely witnessed, but something that never failed to bring you to an earth shattering orgasm.

“ oh shit!—toji m’cummin.” your tits bounced in his face as he randomly placed kissed along your chest and shoulders. he had wrapped his arms around you and leaned back in the seat, taking over fully and delivering the hardest thrusts to your sopping cunt.

you screamed, nails digging into his jaw and mouth opened against his own. you couldn’t kiss him, you couldn’t remember how to. not when he was fucking his permanent place into your pussy.

“feel ya clamping down, love. holding me so good i can’t hold it any longer.” he wasn’t thinking of making you cum first like he usually would, not when he was on the verge of probably the best climax of his life. emotions were high, tension was too. the scene couldn’t be anymore intimate, any more explicit and obscene.

the car windows were fogged up, with only your handprints against it. toji was groaning, mindlessly spitting out profanities as he watched your juices slightly squirt out every time he buried himself in you. “fuck, m’cummin, gonna be so much.” he said with a whine.

“toji!” you cried, “don’t cum in me, please baby.” you were breathless, but the order was heard. toji honestly didn’t know how to feel. you were begging, and the tone was what he wanted, but what you were saying wasn’t.

he was going to say something to you, he was, but then he felt that clench you did around him, and the way your fingernails digged into the nape of his neck. you were whimpering, lips to his as you rode through your orgasm. he quickly pulled out of you, the rough and fast action getting you to flinch, but you had no time to think about it before he was fisting himself to cum on your puffy clit, a carnal groan coming from him as he watched his cum cover you.

nothing but your choked sobs covered with his moans and heavy pants were heard in the car. he grabbed a fistful of your hair and brought you into a surprisingly rough kiss.

“oh fuck.” you had fallen on him once your orgasm passed, lying on him and mindlessly placing small kisses to his neck. he was mumbling incoherently, eyes shut and mind focused on the way you pulsed over his thigh.

“she—she has your prominent features.” he said out of nowhere, the comment getting you to stare at him quizzically.

“hm?”

“rinny. she looks like you because she has your nose and lips, y’r prominent features. her eyes are ‘gumi’s. filled with wonder, curiosity.” he was still trying to catch his breath throughout his words. “been wanting to say that to you for a while now, how much she looks like you two.”

he sighed, “i get…scared that she’ll forget me. forget she has a dad.” his finger was tracing shapes along your thighs, his mouth speaking his bottled up fears to you. you had forgotten just how vulnerable he got after sex. almost as if he was too tired to keep his guard up.

“she knows her daddy, toji. she loves you.” you reassured him, giving his shoulder a reassuring rub.

“do you still love me?” he was so scared for your answer. because what was stopping you from just using him as some fuck toy then dipping out his life for good? after all you did tell him to pull out. he had so much work to do to show you his change, to show you just how bad he wants to change.

“to the point that it hurts.” you said as your finger traced over the scratch marks you left on his shoulder and neck. you were being truthful. loving toji had to be one of the most rewarding pains you’ve ever experienced, right after motherhood. you would give and he would take, but never return. it was like a test; how much more can you endure from this…would you call it a voluntary sacrifice? yeah because that’s what love is, a sacrifice.

you sacrificed your future for toji and megumi, and now for rin. you gave your time, your heart, your body, and your strength. all of you was in the man you lied on. while you listened to the steady beats of his heart, you knew yours matched his pattern—it was your heart he had after all. this was a test on your resilience for loving toji. how much more could you endure because of how you felt about him?

it seemed he would never be the toji you dreamed of. the one that would be vulnerable outside of the bedroom, the one who would open up to you when things get tough instead of running off. the toji you had thought he was, the one who would never hurt you the way he did.

“do you love me?” you looked up at him, watching the way his eyes dropped to meet yours.

“more than life itself.” he kissed your nose, the sentiment making you softly smile. you two stayed connected for a little bit more, the sound of passing cars along the road and the nights wind being the only sound you two needed.

you focused on him, and how he felt under you. how your bodies seemed to mold together, your hearts beat the same. you couldn’t help your mind drifting to earlier though, and thinking about your date, and if you would’ve let it get this far with sukuna if toji didn’t show up.

the person you went on the date with was bad, yeah, but you enjoyed going out. you enjoyed getting to know someone new and start over. it was refreshing. hell, if sukuna played his cards right you might’ve just kissed him tonight. but you’ll never know now that you’ve gone and left with toji.

as if he could read your mind, toji tensed up a bit from under you, “i will be the husband and father you and our kids need me to be, (y/n). i promise.” he spoke into your hair, his hold on you tightening in the slightest. almost like his stamp of confirmation that you had his word.

but you didn’t respond. you had no response.

he knew this one night of passion wasn’t going to make up for what he did. you weren’t just going to forget his wrongdoings like it was nothing. he needed to prove to you he has learned from his mistake. he needs to show you, show megumi and keep his promise to geto; that he is a different man. he was going to work his ass off to get his family back.

and he would spend every second, and exhaust every resource he had until he was back under the same roof as you, as his children, and back to being a prominent figure in your life. he was going to work his ass off to write himself back in your heart, and continue the love story you two started.

if only he knew what you were thinking.

toji still ain’t shit sorry if you were expecting character development 😭

but thank you all again for vibing w this story, i appreciate it.

tags • @mollyville @miyaluv127 @lemmetreatya @tojisfav @aizawa19 @cloudsinthecosmos

#🌞🍃spliffymae #jjk⋞〈⏣》⋟#toji x black y/n #baby daddy toji #toji x black reader #toji zenin #jujutsu toji #ex husband toji #ex husband toji x black reader #toji x reader #angst #anime x black!reader #jjk #Spotify

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lilith-little-world · 1 year

Note

Could you please write some domestic headcanons for reader and wukong? Love your story btw^^ (or more like the concept lol)

Awww thank you, I wanted to do a slight twist to the isekai trope that explains how the reader got transported to another world. Although, the reader is far from the only one. She just happens to survive the transmigration... Kind of. I'm honestly kind of excited to start writing the first chapter soon. It's going to be one hell of a ride.

Now to those domestic headcanons, hope there are no spelling errors, I manage to break my Grammarly keyboard every single time I write something-

(Don't you dare judge the quality I was rushing through so badly then I realized I forgot how to fucking draw. I'm going to post some art here, it's going to be meh quality just until I get used to drawing again.)

- At first, it took a good while for you guys to settle down in one place. With you enjoying the urban lifestyle. Since it made visiting shops, friends, and just having a fun day out way easier. Wukong prefers to be isolated, his only interactions being mostly with Mk and you. However, after Wukong complains for the 100th time, you move to Flower Fruit Mountain under the condition he takes you out every few days into the city and that your friends can come and visit every once in a while.

- Surprisingly, he tries to renovate and spruce things up. House feeling a little small? Want a room for your things specifically? He and his clones will start making preparations (Also maybe ask Mk and the gang for help on what exactly to do and if he's desperate enough, he'll ask DBK for some advice.) Slowly but surely, the once small hut becomes more home-like. Then when you're both satisfied, he'll move on making the pathway to the house to the entrance of the waterfall. Cleaning up any debris or rumble of pillars and crumbling murals of the past. It was by your constant nagging that he restores it, getting rid of vines and moss.

- Other than wandering around or chilling at the house you literally have nothing to do. As much as it was a nice thought of spending most of the day doing your hobby, you physically don't have enough willpower to do it every day. One day while laying around, you noticed how dusty and unorganized the house truly was. So that is how you got stuck with cleaning and keeping things organized. Yet that didn't stop there, you noticed small things like a creaky loose floorboard. That you managed to fix after searching for how to on your phone. The sink isn't draining properly, drain cleaner is already on the need-to-buy list. The problem still not solve, time to put in some elbow grease and hope you won't get too dirty.

- However, you're definitely not touching his little hoard that he has been collecting over the centuries. The last thing you want is to release some ancient curse or break something that was once important.

- He can't cook, don't even try to make him, you don't want another fire, so get that cookbook open and pray you made something edible. Over the months you had gotten better, but there's much to improve. Yet, complete failure or not, Wukong still tries it out since he is immortal, it won't kill him, and the last thing he wants is for you to get seriously sick from food poisoning. If the food was not edible, then he's either going to get takeout or you both are going out to eat, give him a few minutes to throw up the abomination you created out his stomach.

- It's only fair that he washes the dishes. You make breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it's the least he can do. (That's if he still suffers from food poisoning, it's your turn to wash the dishes.) He picks up around the kitchen, any produce you left out back in the fridge. Spices in the cupboard in their usual spots. He knows you do a lot around the house, so it's now his turn to help.

- There's one chore you both do together, it's washing and putting the clothes away. You separate the clothing in their respective pile, while Wukong loads the washer. Whoever hears the washer finishes, loads the dryer, (cough you cough). Then when the loads are done, you guys come together and fold the clothes. While watching tv to pass the time. Although Wukong likes to make a big scene whenever he grabs your underwear or bra, it was only natural that you do the same with his boxers. You guys now know each other's undergarments and clothes sizes after that. Well, it makes shopping easier.

- Wukong kept his word and takes you to the city, and if you want a vacation away from the mountain. He got a temple ready to stay at and landmarks to show you. Over the years, he saw many things and wants to show you all of them. He never liked big crowds, so going to festivals was never his thing until he finds out you enjoy it. Well, looks like he's hanging out with the gang in the city, yaaay... Just make sure you're beside him for a good portion of the time there.

- He was a little hesitant about inviting the gang to the house, but he couldn't say no to both the student that he considers like his own son, Mk and his darling lover, the love of his life, you. In all honestly, Mk and you had already planned a day to bring the group over, and you guys decided to tell him last minute. Even though he would like a heads up, so he can reject the idea, strangely the simian doesn't mind. He had nearly forgotten that the mountain could feel so... warm and lively.

- Just be warned now that he has you beside him 24/7, this touch-starved monkey will be cuddling and kissing you, the first chance he gets. Don't fall for his tricks, he's a sneaky one.

- You made a small habit to groom his fur. Running your fingers through, him relaxing within your hold. If there's a comb or brush, you will get out any tangles or knots. His fur is now soft and fluffy and he is ready for pets and cuddles. You like to spoil him once in while.

- You guys hardly argue or fight, there was a time you even feared that the honeymoon phase will be over and then reality will hit. Yet it hasn't, maybe because Wukong is actually trying to be a better person so he can stay by your side. Also, he saw you angry once and he will do anything not to get on your bad side... again. Wukong tries to get your thoughts first and asks for people's advice, though he still has trouble speaking his ideas or thoughts. Being alone for centuries will do a lot of damage to a person’s psyche.

- So things are pretty peaceful, Wukong is opening up more and you managed to have a happy life despite the odds being against you. Now it's time to answer the question, will you become immortal and join Wukong for eternity, or prolonged/have your regular human lifespan? Sadly, Wukong wouldn't be able to handle your death. It will take all of his last remaining time to ever move on...

Wait a minute-

#lmk reader #lmk sun wukong #lmk monkey king #lmk x reader #lmk x y/n #lmk oneshot #sun wukong #sun wukong x reader #lmk #lmk y/n #domestic headcanons #lmk headcanon #x reader headcanons #lmk sun wukong x reader #monkey king x reader

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rotten-corpses-blog · 9 months

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Could I get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

JD smut, a big Mac with extra fries, and for the drink- *incoherent whispering to passengers* -yeah can I get that drink as uhhh small bondage?

If you can't make that happen, could I maybe get JD being jealous over reader getting hit on, please?

Thanks broskieroni

How about both? I like both, we'll do both.

Content warning: sexual harassment, smut, bondage

You were going to kill Kurt Kelly, the fucker has been harrasing you while you are trying to eat your lunch and waiting for your loving boyfriend, but Kurt can’t take “no” and “go fuck yourself” for an answer. “Leave that emo shit and come with me I can show you a good time.” Kurt said as he tried to grab you once again. “For the 100th time, no! I have a boyfriend who loves me and I don’t want your shrimp dick!” you growled as you swatted the perv’s hands away from you for the 6th time in 5 minutes. You were getting pissed, where is JD? What is taking him so fucking long? “You know you want my dick, don’t act like you don’t.” Kurt said with a wink, as looked away to avert any eye contact, you realized Kurt was fucking grabbing himself. You immediately felt nauseous. Until you heard JD’s voice, “Fuck off Kurt she said no stop being a pervert and leave my girlfriend alone.” Kurt moved his mouth to protest until he saw the look on JD’s face. Kurt basically ran away, not wanting to have to deal with an angry JD. JD gave your head a kiss after he sat down. “You ok? Sorry I wasn’t here earlier. I got caught up with something.” JD explained, looking your body over to make sure Kurt didn’t hurt you. “I’m fine, just annoyed and disgusted.” you said leaning into JD. “I think I know a way for him to leave you alone.” JD whispered in your ear, “Oh yeah? And what would that be?” “Just wait till after school baby doll.”

School was finally out, you and JD were just hanging around his house. “Hey JD, what did you mean earlier?” you asked, you had an idea what he meant but you didn’t know exactly, knowing JD of course. JD smirked, JD’s lips met yours as he started a quite aggressive make out session. JD sat you up on the bed you two were sitting on and took off his belt and tied your hands to the bed posts. “JD fuck me” you whined “I will babe, don’t worry.” JD said. You felt him kiss and bite your neck, leaving dark hickeys. “Now everyone will know your mine, your all mine baby.” You moaned and wiggled under him, you felt so hot it felt like torture. “JD please touch me, I need it.” you said, you tried to grind your hips against JD but he was faster than you, he held your hips down as he bit your neck hard, drawing blood. You moaned and whined at the pain that shot pleasure right to your core. Finally JD lifted himself off of you and pulled down his black jeans and boxers, letting his cock spring up and hit his lower stomach. JD gave you a long, passionate kiss as he lined up at your entrance. You both gave a moan as he thrusted into you, fucking you nice and fast. “Oh JD!” you moaned out as he started to fuck into your g spot. “Kurt can’t fuck you like this can he baby? JD growled as he started to speed up. “No! Only you can JD!” you said, you were in heaven with all of the pleasure you were getting. JD’s thrusts started to get uneven and shaky. JD reached down and rubbed your clit you both started to get closer to an orgasm. “JD!” you yelled as your orgasm crashed through you, JD followed shortly after, filling you with his cum. The both of you just laid there trying to catch your breath , then you realized you were still tied to the bed. “Hey JD?” “Yeah babe?” “Can you untie me?” “Oh shit I forgot, sorry.” You laughed as JD untied you, Today was a good day, and maybe men should hit on you more often.

#jason dean x reader #jason dean x y/n #jason dean x you

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kingofthering · 1 year

Text

Marc/Fabio - Primer - Part Two (2020-2023)

This post is a continuation of the first part which you will find here. We left off at the end of the 2019 where people were already to see Fabio become Marc's main opponent for a title battle. History has kind of decided to go in another direction for now but let's dive in.

2020

Obviously Marc had his huge crash during the first weekend and he couldn't race for the rest of the season. For 2020 I will just mention the Virtual Races that they both did with a bunch of other riders during quarantine (I made a playlist with the videos of the backstage : here). In one of them (#3) Marc is ribbing Fabio about the time he spends playing and how he's getting Valentino's bike next year, not now (because Fabio is playing as Vale).

2021

PORTIMAO. Marc congratulated Fabio on his win after the race.

JEREZ. Have some awkward flirting with poor Pedro Acosta third-wheeling.

gifs by @tentatropolis (source)

LE MANS. Just because I think it’s a little iconic, look at them entering the pit lane together to change bike during the race (when it got to rain conditions).

gif by @ferrawri (source)

SACHSENRING. Marc’s first win since Valencia 2019 and since his return. Fabio gets to share the podium with him in third place.

AUSTIN. Marc’s second win of the year, Fabio second this time.

gifs by @marcsmarquez (source)

MISANO (second race). Third Marc win of the season and evidently, the race where Fabio secures his championship title (finishing 4th in the race). There are several moments with the two of them in parc fermé (video of their hug here), one that is very dear to my heart is the hug that Marc’s dad gives to Fabio (background of the gif below).

gif by @flyingfabio (source)

In the post race conference, Fabio said something (in french) that I keep thinking about but I’m very normal about it, it’s just that Marc is someone that he adores!! Full quote : “I truly hope so. I have a very, very good relationship with him. He’s a person I adore, and he congratulated me. We have things left unfinished on track, him and I, fights I couldn’t win. I really hope I get to fight with him next year.” (video)

2022

LE MANS. In FP3, Fabio gave Marc a tow to help Marc get into Q2. He said : “It was okay to take Marc with me to the FP3. My plan was to do the best lap possible in that session and, when I saw Marc behind me, I realized he wasn’t at his best. I think having him behind is better than having a Ducati, for example. Maybe, with other riders, I wouldn’t have done the same, but with him, I let him do what he wanted.”

gifs by @rookie-ofthe-year (source)

They were also together for some game during media day but I haven’t been able to find the video.

MUGELLO. In Mugello, Marc announced that he was going to get a fourth surgery on his humerus and be out for a while. Fabio made an insta post wishing him luck, which Marc had to scroll back to like, as you can see in one episode of All In. With Aleix, Fabio was the only driver who came by Marc’s motorhome that weekend (he talks about it in All In).

PHILIPP ISLAND. Marc’s 100th podium. Fabio congratulated him after the race when they were doing media and Marc asks what happened to Fabio (video). I’m always very fond of their little debriefs so that was nice.

VALENCIA. Not the weekend we were hoping for for Fabio Championship wise but at least it really served some good Marc/Fabio moments. On press conference, Marc said : “I know that tomorrow Fabio will push, will push a lot. If he crashes and hit another driver… If he hits me, I will understand. I don’t want but I will understand because he’s playing for a World Championship, not for the race.” (video) (I live for Marc’s little shrug before speaking his truth) (iconic, truly).

And they did an helmets swap (video) (another angle).

After the race, they had another of their debriefs. Canal+ journalist was talking over the video so it’s kind of hard to hear them talking but basically they arranged to call each other after the race (something Fabio confirms).

Valencia is also where this video (that I have watched way too many times) happened. Their motorhomes next to one another and the little goodbye.

2023

SEPANG TESTING. So the japanese bikes didn’t deliver but Sepang gave us some cool shots of them that I wanted to share anyway.

PORTUGAL. First race of the season. Boys caught talking to each other for a while during the family photo thing.

gifs by @racewinner (source)

MUGELLO. What I will consider a Mabio crumb during the parade.

SILVERSTONE. Finally we got the two of them in a press conference together. Pictures of them together with Jake Dixon were taken before the event and they were talking together at the end of the conference.

SPIELBERG. More crumbs, bless the group photo that put them together and Fabio also appeared in Marc's vlog of the weekend.

INDIA. In the press conference next to each other and if you have 5 minutes in front of you, I recommend you to watch the end of it.

JAPAN. Together in the riders parade.

SEPANG. Cozy moment in the pit lane.

gifs by @flyingfabio

#fabio quartararo #marc marquez #marcfabioprimer #hopefully with many more moments to come to complete this #primer #no we don’t talk about aragon #2093

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namjoonboo · 1 year

Note

Can I request a power bottom rm where the male reader thinks rm don’t love him anymore so RM shows how much he loves the male reader

Do you love me baby ?

Namjoon x male reader

Warnings: power bottom namjoon!, dom bottom male reader!, angst, heavy smut, overstimulation, insecure! Male reader, reader is smaller than namjoon.

A/N: woah, I didnt realize how much requests I got after making my last post 😨, anyways I kinda went crazy on this fic since namjoon is my bias 🔥

....

Y/N sighed like it was the 100th time. Namjoon hasn't answered his message in 2 days. Y/N felt that he was too clingy and insecure. Y/N felt that namjoon didn't love him no more after seeing namjoon flirt with female armys. Y/N turned off his phone and rubbed his eyes. Y/N was also felt insecure that namjoon didn't want to have sex with him/ride him.

It was another night without namjoon. Y/N groaned and cried in his pillow. 'Why am I even crying?' Y/N thought to himself and bit his lips and rubbed his red eyes. And Y/N eventually fell asleep.

....

Y/N woke up at 12:40 AM. He woke up with his eyes feeling dry and his was a mess. "Good morning baby." A deep voice called and when Y/N turned around he saw his lovely boyfriend on his phone looking at him. Y/N was shocked to see namjoon at this hour. But he didn't say anything. "That's no way to greet your man, come here" namjoon said in a sad voice putting his hands up for a hug.

Y/N moved his hair out of his face and slowly gave namjoon a hug. Namjoon tightly squeezed him with his strong muscles. Y/N felt that namjoon was trying to act all "innocent".

But Y/N didn't say anything to namjoon. He didn't want to talk to him right not. "This there somthing wrong?" Namjoon said to Y/N and his grip got tighter. Y/N was about to say what's wrong but, namjoons phone went off. Namjoon took his hands off Y/N and went to his phone. Namjoon got a phone call from jin.

"Oh hey jin, what's up?" Namjoon said to jin that was calling him. Their conversation felt like forever in Y/N eyes. Y/N felt tears going down his cheek. But he didn't want to cry in front of namjoon.

Y/N around on the bed so his back would be facing namjoon. After a couple of minutes, namjoon set his phone down and cuddled right behind Y/N. "Baby, why are you acting like this, hm?" Namjoon said in a concerned voice. Y/N sighed. "Do you love me?" Namjoons eyes went wide. Why would Y/N think that? "Oh baby, I had always loved you. And I still do. Had I done something bad?" Namjoon said turning over Y/N so he can see his face.

"Its just that- you always come home late, you hadn't answered my texts in 2 days, and you keep flirting with armys! It makes me feel insecure and it also makes me feel like you dont love me no more."

Y/N said trying to hold his tears but namjoon wiped his tears away with a sad face. Namjoon felt bad. "You know what? Let me show you how much I love you." Namjoon responded placing his lips on Y/N's and sliding his tongue in Y/N warm mouth.

Y/N moaned in namjoons mouth as namjoon grinded on Y/N's cock. This makeout session got heated and even got more heated. Namjoon pulled away and placed his lips on Y/N's neck and sucked on his neck. "Namjoon~!!" Y/N said getting harder.

Namjoon pulled down Y/N's pj pants and his boxers to see Y/N's cock spring out. "Please suck me off.." Y/N whined embarrassingly. "Of course, only for my baby." Namjoon responded slowly sinking his head down on Y/N's cock. Namjoon felt Y/N's cock go down his throat and hit his throat in all of the right places. Namjoon bopped his head up and down. "God your so big." Namjoon said cock dunk on Y/N's cock.

Soon enough, Y/N came all in namjoons mouth. Y/N moaned and covered his mouth shaking in pleasure. Namjoon swallowed all of Y/N's cum and whimpered. "I'm going to go down on you now." Namjoon said to Y/N moving Y/N's hair out of his face.

Namjoon took off his pants slowly. Y/N was feeling inpatient since how slow he was. Y/N groaned. "Please hurry up.." namjoon saw Y/N's cock twitch. He placed a kiss on Y/N's lips. "Just wait babe. I want to make love with you." Namjoon said taking off his pants fully. He took out some of his lube and put some on his hole. "I want you to know that I love you so much. I would do anything for you." Y/N blushed at namjoons words.

Namjoons ass was in Y/N's tip and then slammed down. Both of the males moaned out in pleasure. This was all out of love. "Your so tight~!" Y/N moaned out gripping his hands on the sheets. Namjoon groaned and sped up his speed. Namjoon felt Y/N's big cock in his stomach.

Namjoon was going down on Y/N in a very fast pace. The room was filled with "clapping sounds". Y/N's grip on the sheets got tighter and tighter "aHH~!!" Y/N moaned out as namjoon let out deep moans. Namjoon placed his lips and Y/N's lips and kissed the smaller male roughly.

"Mmph~!! So good!!~" namjoon smirked as Y/N was overstimulated. Namjoon moaned deeply as Y/N's cock hit all of the right places. "Go ahead, cum in me baby." Namjoon whimpered out and feeling Y/N's cum spray all in him. Y/N let go of the sheets and his body landed on the bed. Namjoon smirked to himself as he saw Y/N's fucked out state in his pjs.

And Y/N was still in namjoon. Namjoon pulled out and got next to Y/N. Namjoon put his lips on Y/N's earlobe and said in the words, "I love you so much. Never leave me."

....

Made by namjoonboo on February 8th 2023.

#bts #dom male reader #male reader #bts x male reader #top male reader #smut #fanfic #fluff #namjoon #bts smut #smutty #namjoon x male reader #dom bottom male reader #sub top male #bt21

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defeateddetectives · 3 months

Text

had the year end fic review meme brewing in the drafts and forgot all about it until now so for my own reference and posterity's sake: 2k23 edition (while its still uh january!)

apparently i used to do this every year for a while and then had several years of writerly drought so here's manifesting more words for the years ahead!! as with previous years, using metrics from ao3

Total number of completed stories: 8

Total word count: ~8k or so

Fandoms written in: drrr!! (gasp), project k, jjk, natsume yuujinchou (really truly bar revival 2k23 or die trying!!!!!)

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? the last few years had totally sapped me creatively so the bar was on the floor. more than expected by that metric even if much less than i had relative to years before that.

What's your own favorite story of the year? kirigami probably! i guess the good thing about doing this a month into the new year is i dont have to mysteriously redact the yuletide reveal anymore :)

Did you take any writing risks this year? i posted drrr!! fic after ages and that wasnt bb gangsters-centric! and tried my hand at jjk characters' voices (posted only a tip of that iceberg) which was ~adventurous even though i still dont rly have a handle on em! birthright was a risk bc it was a total shot in the dark about a dynamic we havent even seen play out yet??? (more matoba siblings lore when, ms. midorikawaaaa)

Do you have any fanfic or ofic goals for the New Year? just telling myself to keep writing, dont overthink it, and remember everything you write will generally sound awkward and clunky after reading it for the 100th time without stepping away

My best story of this year: i never have an objective measure on this so my fave(s) are typically the best to me

My most popular story of this year: parthian shot & saccades are tied at this moment by ao3 kudos science if we're going by that!

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: nothing stands out over the year

Most fun story to write: a few come to mind. though it was a v tiny memefill, i had a lot of fun with where the hours bend and it came very easily! fun fact: i was in the vicinity of houjicha cheesecake at the time and it subliminally crept into the fic which i only realized much later :')

more beautiful than night was also written amidst a self-indulgent single-sitting whirlwind with so much love and really felt like going back to basics because 2nd person mkiz nonsense is my brain's default state of being apparently <3

kirigami was wildly fun in a very different way like a puzzle i needed to crack and couldnt step away from until i did

Story with the single sexiest moment: mayhaps natori shuuichi ready to throw down at his first appearance in kirgami :D while maybe not what most people would call sexy, the entire dynamic and vibe throughout (anguished repressed bidirectional longing and all) was very sexy To Me!

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: wound up contemplating izaya and celty's absolutely bonkers dynamic via zero sum game in a way i dont think i had before

Hardest story to write: kirigami bc of the mental gymnastics of remixing that original vol 28 canon arc that is an absolute masterpiece in storytelling in its own right. i was very intimidated about doing it justice and as a gift-fic as well! the months leading up to yuletide were also bananas overall so, all things considered, it's a miracle that it came through on time!!

parthian shot also comes to mind bc the current canonverse exorcists dynamic, as delicious as it is, feels so frail and tenuous and i find myself wanting to handle it with the utmost care and respect when trying to show it

Biggest Disappointment: the stories i invested a lot in, i wound up fairly happy with! [endless number of ancient wips glare at me in disappointment]

Biggest Surprise: bar revival 2k23 in its entirety tbh :') also probably the extent to which i fell into jjk/stsg hell but i guess you cant really tell from the finished works for better or worse!!!

#memetime #for reference #year end fic review

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itsamenickname · 1 year

Note

No, wait, hold on, i am interested on the Rapunzel Bowuigi Au!

Peach as Mother Gothel?? And Bowser (Blade) is a thief?? MARIO IS THE KING LOOKING FOR HIS LOST BROTHER? I NEED to know more!!!!

I am actually really excited to hear you say that anon because this ask, this post right here, officially marks the 100th post I've made since joining this site 3.5 months ago! :D (I know it may not seem like much to a lot of people (which is perfectly fine), but to me, this milestone would not have been possible without each and every single one of you taking the time to read my weird Bowuigi ideas & story and liking them enough to where y'all want to ask me questions, follow me, and/or are even inspired by me to make your own fanfic or artwork. 😊❤️)

Anyway, I hope you guys are excited as much as I am for the official first chapter/post of my version of the Bowuigi Rapunzel AU!

Enjoy! 😃

(Adding a cut here because this post is going to be long.)

**************

So our story begins long, long ago (long before Mario, Luigi, and Bowser were born) in a far away place called the Mushroom Kingdom. And in the Mushroom Kingdom lived a kind, smart, and selfless princess named Peach. Now, to say that Princess Peach was good-looking or cute is a complete understatement. No, Princess Peach was by far the most beautiful princess in the entire galaxy. Hundreds, no, thousands of people from around the world would come visit the Mushroom Kingdom in hopes of getting the chance to see Peach’s beauty, even if it was just for one second. Men would try to ask for her hand in marriage, women would often envy her because of how perfect she was, and children would wish upon the stars every night to be just like her when they grow up.

But everything soon changed when multiple new kingdoms started to form not too far from the Mushroom Kingdom.

Now at first, Peach wasn’t bothered by the formation of all these new kingdoms. In fact, she was actually rather excited about these changes because this created the possibility of meeting new people, whether they were commoners or royalty (for a while, she had often thought about hosting a ball to welcome these new people & kingdoms in hopes of meeting her Prince Charming).

But things took a drastic turn for our dear princess when she noticed her citizens moving out of her kingdom in order to live at these new kingdoms.

And I’m not talking about one or two citizens moving out of the Mushroom Kingdom. I’m talking about hundreds of citizens.

And that…that terrified Peach.

Because she feared that her citizens moving out of her kingdom meant that they didn’t love her anymore.

So with this new fear/realization, Peach started to make some…unsettling changes. Now at first, the changes were pretty small, like guards surrounding the Mushroom Kingdom’s perimeters, but it quickly got way out of hand when she not only started to refuse any kind of travelers from even entering her kingdom, but also required her citizens to have special permission from her in order to even step foot out of the Mushroom Kingdom.

These changes lasted for about 3 months before the Mushroom Kingdom citizens decided that they’ve had enough.

So in the middle of a dark and stormy night, all of the Mushroom Kingdom citizens joined forces and overthrew Princess Peach.

But the citizens didn’t kill Peach, at least not right away. They wanted to make her execution a big spectacle to show everyone that commoners are just as, if not, more, powerful than a royal when they band together as one.

But on the night before her execution, Peach escaped and ran away to a nearby forest.

Now when the citizens found out about the escape, they immediately began their search for the ex-princess. Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks even turned into months, but the citizens would always come back empty-handed. It was only when the clock struck the 2nd year since Peach escaped that the citizens eventually gave up on looking for her because they figured that there was no way she could survive from just living off in the forest.

But she did and do you want to know how?

Because not long after she ran away, Peach not only found a tower she could live in, but she also found a gold rose.

A special gold rose that could heal the sick and injured.

So now that we have a really good idea of Peach’s origin story, the next thing is to figure out Mario and Luigi’s origin story (since you can’t have a Rapunzel story without Mother Gothel locking Rapunzel up in a tower for years).

Well lucky for y’all, I actually have a pretty interesting origin story for them as well.

So we start off the brothers’ origin story not long after the citizens pretty much exiled Peach from the Mushroom Kingdom. Now here, this is where they have two options: they could either turn the Mushroom Kingdom into a democracy, or try the monarchy approach again, but have two regular commoners become royals as a way to bring the royals and the citizens closer together.

It was a tough decision, but the citizens eventually chose the latter option.

And do y’all want to know who were the lucky chosen commoners?

It was two of Mario and Luigi’s ancestors.

So we time skip to hundreds and hundreds of years later where Mario and Luigi’s parents are now king and queen of the Mushroom Kingdom. Now here, life is actually pretty good for everyone. The Mushroom Kingdom has quite a few good alliances, the king and queen are beloved by their citizens, everything at that moment in time looked bright for everyone.

Well, not quite.

You see, one of the most difficult challenges the king and queen had to face was having children. Now, it wasn’t that they didn’t want to have a child, they really did, but whenever they would try to conceive, the queen just couldn’t get pregnant.

But on one winter day, life would forever change for the entire Mushroom Kingdom.

Because after countless attempts, the queen was finally with child.

But the kingdom’s happiness would only last for a few months because this is when a plague hits the Mushroom Kingdom.

The first to fall victim to the plague was an old farmer on one spring morning. Now at first, no one was worried about this. Everyone knew that the old farmer had a tenancy to get sick during this time of year, so it wasn’t anything to really be worried about.

However, what surprised everyone was when the old farmer’s wife (who had one of the best immune systems in the entire kingdom) became sick the very next day.

No one was as surprised as the farmer’s neighbor when she found both the old farmer and his wife dead just 24 hours later.

So as you guys can probably imagine, the plague quickly spreads throughout the entire Mushroom Kingdom. All the doctors did everything they could to find a cure for this unknown virus, but none of them were successful.

Things especially took a bad turn for the kingdom when the queen caught the plague 8 months into her pregnancy.

So immediately after the queen caught the plague, the king and the doctors went into high gear of finding a cure. Just a few short days after the tragic event, one of the doctors found an old passage about a golden rose that could heal the sick and injured. While the doctor was unsure on whether the rose still existed, the king didn’t care as he ordered his best soldiers to search for this special rose.

It took the soldiers about one week before they finally found that golden rose. And once they found that said rose, they rushed back to the castle to make the cure for the queen and for the sick citizens.

And after 12 long and painful hours, the doctors successfully made the cure and the queen and all the surviving plagued citizens were cured from the dreaded plague.

So two weeks later, the queen gave birth to Mario and Luigi. However, the thing that shocked everyone was that Luigi, the younger twin, had blond hair. While this confused, and slightly scared, the king and queen, the doctor quickly reassured them that the reason for Luigi’s unique hair color was because of the gold rose. The doctor theorized that the rose’s powers only rooted into Luigi’s DNA because only he was truly affected by the queen’s sickness. Why the sickness didn’t affect Mario, the doctor wasn’t sure.

This did not matter to the king and queen. After trying for years, they finally had beautiful healthy children they could love and cherish and the kingdom had two new princes. It was a wonderful occasion that no one could possibly ruin.

Except for one person.

So on the night of the twins’ birth, Peach broke into the castle and snuck into the twins’ room. She started to sing that special song she had to use before in order to use the gold rose’s powers, and to her surprise and excitement, Luigi’s hair started to glow. Without any hesitation, Peach carefully and quickly cut a piece of Luigi’s hair, but was shocked to discover that the cut hair and the hair piece in her hand turned into a dark brown color.

Peach was really conflicted. She wanted, no, needed, the rose’s powers in order to stay young, but the problem was that it was rooted into Luigi’s DNA.

It was at that moment that she knew what she needed to do.

Without a single hesitation, Peach kidnapped Luigi and disappeared into the night.

It wasn’t until a few hours later that a guard checked in on the princes and realized that Luigi was missing.

As soon as the king and queen were informed, they immediately sent out as many solders as they could to find Luigi and his kidnapper. Hundreds of soldiers scattered across the lands in hopes of finding the lost prince, but as weeks turned into months and months turned into years, there were no clues or leads on Luigi or Peach’s whereabouts.

But unbeknownst to everyone, hidden deep in a nearby forest was a hidden tower.

A tower where Peach raised Luigi as her son.

#ask nickname #anon ask #princess peach #princess peach nintendo #luigi #luigi nintendo #mario #mario nintendo #super mario #super mario bros #mario fanfic #mario au #rapunzel #bowuigi rapunzel au #evil princess peach #out of character #it's origin story time my fellow dudes #and today's origin stories consists of how Peach became evil and how Luigi got his long blond hair #she gets an origin story and he get an origin story and he gets an origin story-#everybody's getting an origin story #even Bowser/Blade has an origin story but his will be revealed on a later date #watch me be indecisive on whether I call Bowser “Bowser” or “Blade” from the chapter he appears in to when he tells Luigi his real name #also I'm kind of half debating on whether I should post this au story on Ao3 because I am going to be taking the time to write it out #eh I'll figure it all out as I go

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etherealbelphie · 2 years

Text

Until You're Ready (Ft. Beelzebub and GN!MC)

Warnings: Season one spoilers, mentions of death and murder, panic attacks, implied romantic relationship.

Length: 1.4k words

Genre: Angst, hurt, comfort.

Summary: You've been avoiding Beel ever since Belphie's return. He wants to know why.

This fic is part 3 of an ongoing series of oneshots, here are the links to the other parts:

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (You are here) |

Hey, look who's still active! (It's me :D) So...this is actually my 100th post on this blog! So I figured it was only right to continue the series of one-shots regarding lesson 16. If you were one of my early followers, you'll know that 'Selfish' was the first post I ever made on this blog. (Except maybe those ones I made trying to figure out how to use Tumblr I don't remember if that was before or after. They're deleted now. I'm sorry if you had to see those-)

Anyways, I tried to tag the right warnings, but if I missed one, please feel free to let me know! I hope you enjoy the story!

-Ethereal (✿◡‿◡)

Story below, please don't claim as your own!

The week Belphie came back, everything was off.

Lucifer would always brush against you before you left the house.

Mammon somehow managed to be even more protective, keeping an arm around your waist at all times and growling whenever someone got too close. Including his brothers.

Levi hated leaving the house, but he would always go with you if no one else could.

Satan cut his reading time in half and spent more of it with you.

Asmo would spend less time out, and more time in your room, gossiping and having spa days.

You were a lot quieter than usual, and when you were home, you never left your room. You also spent a lot more time out with the members of Purgatory Hall, the residents of the castle, or with your other friends from RAD.

All of that was unusual, but things were especially off for the twins. You were avoiding Belphegor, which was disappointing, but not surprising.

You avoiding Beel was both.

He could definitely understand why Belphie wasn’t at the top of your hang-out list, but why were you shutting him out too?

Had he done something wrong too?

He wanted to find out.

Nothing in his recent memory seemed bad enough for this level of tension between you two. He accidentally ate your yogurt the other day, but you assured him over and over again that it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

And now that he was thinking about it, that whole yogurt thing didn’t happen until after you were already acting strange.

Well, it doesn’t really matter what caused it, does it? The fact is, you were avoiding him, and he wanted to find out why so he can could go back to spending time with you.

Finally outside your door, he faintly heard Lucifer’s voice. Sounded like he was assisting you with one of your latest homework assignments.

Hopefully you wouldn’t mind his interruption.

He knocked a few times.

“Who is it?” You called tentatively.

“It’s Beel.”

“Alright,” you answered, prompting him to come in.

As expected, you and Lucifer were seated at the large wooden desk in your room.

“We need to talk,” he informed you. He glanced at his older brother for a split second, then back to you. “Alone.”

Lucifer looked to you, a silent question. You rolled your eyes, waving your hand as if you were literally trying to brush off his concern.

Lucifer scoffed, gathering his papers. “Very well. I’ll be on my way. I’ll be in my study if you need me,” though that last comment was more directed towards you than Beel.

You realized Beel hadn’t moved from his position, so you moved from your desk to his bed. You scooted to one side, then patted the space next to you.

Beel sat down, though he was cautious not to sit too close to you. Not till he figured out what was wrong.

“So…what’s up?” You asked, giving him a slightly-off smile.

He figured it would be easiest to just come out and ask the question that’s been bothering him the past week. “Have you been avoiding me?”

There was a beat of silence, and your gaze fell to the floor.

“It’s…been a really weird week.” That much was true. Your circumstances were pretty much one of a kind. “There’s been…a lot happening.”

You fell into thought for a moment, then shook yourself out of it. You can’t dwell on…that for very long or you would fall apart it.

“Ahaha.” You let out the most unconvincing laugh, shaking your head. “Anyways, I’m sorry if I’ve been weird.”

“That’s the thing. It’s just me and Belphie-“ you visibly flinch at his name “-who…you’re acting weird with…is this about Belphie?”

The second he asked that, he felt stupid. Of course it was.

The look on your face shows that he hit the nail on the head. “It…it’s complicated,” you answered. Your smile was becoming faker by the second.

“Could you try?” he prompted.

You opened your mouth, then just a quickly closed it. You shook your head, the smile dropping off your face completely .

He didn’t know if this was better or worse.

He waited a moment as you tried to gather your thoughts.

“I know you’re happy Belphegor is back.” That wasn’t a question, that was a fact that both of you knew.

He nodded, encouraging you to continue.

“Which makes sense. He’s your brother, and…I don’t blame you for being excited about his return.” You paused. “But like…I just…can’t with him right now,” you said, unable to phrase it any better. “Honestly, I kind of wish I just left-“ You cut yourself off, cringing.

“Left him up there?” He finished your sentence, though there was no judgement. Just understanding.

You looked..almost ashamed. “Yeah.” Your voice broke, but you continued. “And I know you’re excited he’s back, but I don’t want to…think about him, like, at all right now.”

Beel scooted closer to you, throwing an arm around your shoulder and pulling you towards him. “That’s fair.”

“You think so?” You sounded surprised.

He smiled sadly, though you couldn’t see it. “I love Belphie, but I love you too. And it makes me mad when people hurt people I love. Even if I love them too. If you’re mad at Belphie, that’s okay.”

“Mad doesn’t quite cover it,” You mumbled.

“How do you feel?” He asked.

“…honestly?” You asked.

He nodded. “Always.”

“Okay.” You paused. “I’m mad at him because he hurt me. I’m mad at myself because I was stupid enough to trust him. I’m… scared, because…I’m scared it’ll happen again. You’d think with the amount of times I’ve almost been killed would’ve gotten me used to it, but…nope,” you exhaled hard, a weak laugh at something that really wasn’t funny. “…I think the worst part is that I miss him.”

“You do?” Beel asked. “I know where he is, if you want to see him.”

Your response was instant, freezing up and clutching him tightly. “No, no, no, I don’t want to,” you repeated insistently.

This wasn’t what he was trying to do.

He immediately settled back on the bed. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” He pulled you with him so you two were cuddling against the pillows. “Maybe I misunderstood what you meant.”

You nodded, trying to slow your breathing. You hadn’t quite crossed the line to a full-on panic attack, so it wasn’t as hard as it could’ve been.

He rubbed your arm soothingly, and eventually your iron grip on his shirt ceased.

“I’m not making you see him if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t want,” you managed to gasp out after a second.

“Message received.” He flashed a thumbs up as double confirmation.

“Okay.”

There was another pause before you spoke again.

“What I meant was, I miss the version of him that I knew. I don’t even know how much of it was actually him, and how much of it was a façade.”

“I do,” Beel said, causing you to shoot him a questioning glance. “You know Belphie and I share a telepathy link, right?”

You nodded.

“That means I can tell when he’s lying.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Is there anything you want to know?”

“Is he sorry?” Your reply was instant.

“He is,” he answered. “He’s…so sorry.” Beel could’ve told you for certain that the guilt ate his brother alive, but he didn’t want to guilt-trip you either. “He wants to apologize, but he’s not sure how he would even start. He’s not sure you’d even want him to.”

“Honestly, I don’t know either,” you admit.

“That’s okay,” Beel said. “He’s the one who’s in the wrong here. He can wait for an answer until you’re ready to give one.”

You nodded, grateful for his acceptance. “Thank you.”

Beel hesitated before he spoke again. “And honestly, if you ever do decide to talk to him, I’ll be there to support you. And only you. I’m on your side with this.” He tugged you closer, gently kissing your forehead.

“That…that means a lot,” you said. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He kissed the top of your head. “Now…I hate to ruin the moment, but I’m starting to get a little hungry…” his stomach growled.

You giggled, wiping away the tears you didn't know had fallen. “Okay. Let’s go grab something to eat.”

“You’re okay with leaving your room?” He asked.

You looked a little unsure, but nodded anyways. “Promise to stay with me, though?”

“Of course.” Gently pushing you up, he sat up as well. “I’ll always stay with you. Now, come on. I want to eat some food with you.”

#obey me #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me mc #obey me lesson 16 #obey me angst #obey me comfort #obey me hurt/comfort #obey me beelzebub x mc #obey me beel x mc #Lucifer has a walk on role so he ain't getting tagged

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mysterycharacterbracket · 2 months

Text

Full Tournament Recap

I've been doing one of these every three rounds, so why stop now? Here is a complete recap of everything that has happened in this tournament so far:

Submission Phase

Back in May of 2023, I noticed that bracket blogs were all the rage on Tumblr. So I decided to try my hand at my own. But I didn't like how sometimes I would vote for or against a character solely because I knew who they were. So I decided the identities of the characters in my bracket were going to be a mystery! I recommended propaganda to be vague enough that even fans of the same franchise might have trouble guessing, but at the same time specific enough that the character COULD be identified. I decided that, so that I could participate too, I would not look at which character matched which description until they were eliminated.

I opened submissions for the bracket on May 15th, and kept them open until the 24th.

Format

When all the submissions were in, I counted the characters to find that we had a total of 297. I then calculated that 297 / 3 = 99, and suddenly I had a formula for the bracket. The characters would battle in 99 randomized polls of 3. I would split up the polls into 9 batches of 11.

Then the 99 winners, and the 29 losers with the most votes, would be placed into a winners bracket (for an even 128 characters), while the remaining 169 characters would be placed into a losers bracket. This meant that I had to split them up further: the 82 losers with the fewest votes would compete in 41 first-round matchups, while the 87 characters in between would enter the tournament in the second round. The losers from the winners bracket would enter the next round of the losers bracket and be given a second shot.

First Round

So we cycled through each batch of polls. For each poll, I put the characters' descriptions in red, green and blue. I didn't want to wait until all the polls were finished in one batch to start the next one, but I also wanted each batch to have a buffer of at least one day on either side. So I posted the 9 batches of weeklong polls somewhat randomly, staggered throughout the week -- so one batch might be on day 5, while another batch was on day 3, and another was just starting.

In the process I decided that a tie for first or second place would trigger a 24-hour runoff vote. A first-place tiebreaker would only be used to determine which character won, but the vote count for seeding purposes would remain the same from the original poll. A second-place tiebreaker was just for fun.

Then once all 297 characters had been revealed, I received 3 messages stating that some people had problems submitting their characters. So I created a special 100th poll and adjusted my math slightly:

100 characters would win and go on to the winners bracket

28 characters would lose, but earn enough votes to move on to the winners bracket

84 characters would enter the losers bracket in the second round

And 88 characters would compete in 44 first-round matchups in the losers bracket

June 24th was when the round came to a close, but we still had some ties to break. So I created the...

Tiebreaker Round

At this point the characters were grouped as follows:

100 characters had won their polls and were headed to the winners bracket

26 characters had lost their polls but received 57 or more votes, and were also headed to the winners bracket

2 of those 26 characters were tied for 2nd place in poll #100, so they competed in a tiebreaker poll.

3 characters were tied with 56 votes. The math dictated that 2 of them had to go to the winners bracket and the other one had to go to the losers bracket, so I put them in a tiebreaker where you had to vote for one of the two winners. Then later I realized I could have done it so you could vote for the loser.

79 characters had lost their polls but received between 35 and 55 votes, so they were headed to the second round of the losers bracket.

9 characters lost their polls with 34 votes. The math dictated that 4 of them had to go to the second round while the other 5 went to the first round. I posted a single 9-way tiebreaker where the top 4 characters would get byes. Then I later realized I could have done it with 3 posts, where the winner of each post got a bye along with the top wild card.

The remaining 83 characters lost their polls with 33 votes or less. These characters were automatically entered into the first round of the losers bracket.

I also posted a poll to decide which colors I would use for each poll, and another one to decide how I would handle seeding. The choice for seeding was "keep the original numbers", and the choices for colors were pink and purple for the winners bracket, and green and blue for the losers bracket.

Once the 24-hour tiebreakers were complete, I also decided to re-randomize the characters within each round (which is why the numbers were all across the board).

Stage 1

Stage 1 was unique. Each character had just been re-randomized. No character was initially matched up against someone they had competed against in the first round. Now each poll only had two options, with the loser being eliminated from the winners bracket or the tournament at large no matter how much they lost by. And we started to cycle through the two brackets in a pattern: two losers bracket rounds, followed by one winners bracket round.

The first losers bracket round (L1) was unique in that it had 4 batches of 11 polls each, plus one 24-hour bonus poll to decide whether I should stagger the rounds as well as the polls. The answer was yes. So I did.

After the first round I switched to batches of 8 polls. This pattern remained in place until there were no longer enough polls in a round to do it. So round L1 lasted 4 batches of 11 polls, and rounds L2, W1 and L3 each lasted 8 batches of 8 polls.

Stage 2

Not much changed in stage 2. It included rounds L4, W2 and L5, which each lasted 4 batches of 8 polls. But because the website I used to make brackets could only create brackets of 64, I had to create 16 losers brackets, and round L5 was the semifinals for each one.

Stage 3

Because round L5 was the semifinals for each of the 16 losers brackets, round L6 had to be the finals. Then we took a break from that to play round W3. When we came back with round L7, the 16 remaining losers were in two new brackets along with the 16 losers of round W3.

Stage 4

At this point there were only 8 matchups remaining in each round, so I combined them all into one batch. I started a new pattern: round L8 started a day after round L7 concluded. Then round W4 started two days after round L8 started. Then round L9 started a day after round L8 concluded.

Stage 5

Rinse and repeat. This time with only 4 matches each in rounds L10, W5 and L11.

Remember what I said about the website only allowing me to make 64 character brackets? For this reason, there were two winners brackets. Round W5 was the semifinals for each. And round L11 was the semifinals for each of the second round of losers brackets.

Stage 6

This time, there were only two matches per round. Round L12 finished off the losers brackets. Round W6 finished off the winners brackets. Then we were ready for the final bracket that you see in the masterpost today. (Speaking of which, I kept that masterpost updated with links to each active poll, as well as a picture of each active bracket.) Round L13 was the start of that final bracket.

Stage 7

At this point, only one poll remained for each round. The winner of each poll would move on, and the loser would be guaranteed a certain place in the tournament. The loser of round L14 took 4th place. And the loser of round W7 moved on to round L15 to take on the winner of round L14. The loser of round L15 took 3rd place.

Which brings us to right now. March 2nd, 2024. The championship will be posted in just a few minutes, and it features the following two characters:

Character 5: She's a terrible driver even though she's been driving since before the age of 12. She only has 1 name. She's autistic. She's the best in the world at what she does. She's been searching for a family her entire life and when she finally found one that actually loves her she reciprocated that love by pushing them off of buildings. She's a terrible liar until her family teaches her how to lie (for fun and profit!!). She's a badass on paper but in reality she's the weirdest fucking person you've ever met.

And character 67: Is part horse. Can cause others excruciating pain with their own anger. Joins an illegal rebellion at age 13. 3 elves are all in love with her. One of them is her cousin. A grumpy short man tried to get her exiled from society because she has brown eyes.

Who will win? You decide!

#mystery character bracket #FINAL final update post

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bluelolblue · 3 months

Text

Santino D'Antonio screenshots with my silly comments PART 4

This is the final one, don't mind me being a simp😋

Did I analyze this twink for the 100th time? Yes. Will I do it again? One day probably bc I'm so happy to share my interests :D

Anyway, enjoy the last part <3

When he realized he might never see Ares again...

But still believed in her

"Ow my ear and face hurt 😣"

"I hope no one notices this, gotta stay calm." - Santino in his mind

Look at him struggling to remain calm, seeking out safety in The Continental

Cat in distress 😞

"I want his membership revoked. NOW. 😠"

That was so bratty of him 😋

And Winston was NOT having it

Bro came here and was like "Then you know that I have the right to demand..."

BOI YOU AIN'T HAVING SHIT TO DEMAND 💀

When Winston doesn't want to listen to you and suggests you to get dinner 🙄

The way he glanced Winston like:

"Eh whatever you old fuck."

When you're actually fucking supposed to be safe in The Continental hotel BUT you decided to taunt your crush even more (your crush is mf John Wick)

Moments before a big disaster

"Yeah Johnathan...walk away-"

Even in his final moments...he remained looking handsome 🤧

He died with a style...😞

What's even more fucked up he probably didn't even register the bullet, it happened too fast

If only he kept his pretty mouth shut...he would've survived

But NO he had to be a bitchy asshole and mock John even more 😭

Ugh Santino you beautiful bastard YOU COULD'VE HAVE IT ALL IF YOU JUST KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT AAAHHH

So that's all on this random posts :)

No one asked for this but I just felt the need to post about him, I hope it was entertaining enough (I had fun taking all of the screenshots and just writing down anything that came to my mind)

About this beautiful bastard

Rip Santino D'Antonio you absolutely beautiful asshole ❤️🤧

#santino d’antonio #john wick #santino had one job...#ONE FUCKING JOB WHEN HE CAME TO THE HOTEL #and it was TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EAT #but NAH he was going to be a little bitch EVEN MORE #he actually thought he was safe and could mock john #john was NOTTTT having his bullshit anymore #i feel like santino did all this just because he could #for fucking fun #john did what he asked for AND HE STILL WENT AFTER HIM FOR WHAT REASON #this bastard could've have his fucking seat if he just STOPPED BEING AN ASSHOLE

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thecraftymagician · 2 years

Note

I don’t remember if I sent in my request or not ; v ; ) sorry if I sent two in ahead of time— so Asra has to have some form of trauma from their whole ordeal, right? Like that’s a *lot* for a person, can you write something with reader taking care of/helping them through it? They’ve been strong for so long I think Asra deserves to “break” & be taken care of. Who more capable & willing then reader. I dunno if it’s ok to ask for some angst/hurt-comfort with a happy outcome? I hope this makes sense

Absolutely makes sense and I completely agree! There are a few spots in their route where you can get Asra to open up to you about things but it's typically the payed scenes and are pretty short. (All in all which is fair by NixHydra especially because I think each character has a good touch of the same treatment but yes.) This person needs at least a whole month of a break. Bare. Minimum. I know it's clear that Julian is my favorite but Asra is a close second and lord does their route make me want to battle the world for them UGH. This will definitely start out a bit angsty and is based on Asra's upright ending because tbh I'm still reeling. (I also just realized this is my 100th post whooo! Thank you so much for the ask, I'm sorry it took a while!)

Warnings: *Spoilers* for Asra's route, Angst!, Fluff! TW- Trauma, abandonment, d3ath

Asra (Upright Ending) Aftermath

It turned out to be a rather long night after everything was said and done. We had helped Nadia with the masquerade guests and made sure everyone was safe and sound. Needless to say the whole city needed a break so Nadia closed the palace just for the night so everyone could collect themselves. She was generous enough to let Asra share my room for the night seeing as since this all started the two of us had barely a moment to catch our breath let alone process everything. While I still felt my own head spinning there was only one thing, one person on my mind.

When we reach my room Asra ushered me inside with a smile before closing the door. I returned it as I studied their face, violet eyes twinkling in the dim light like starts. Beautiful but not quite hiding the evident exhaustion. Suddenly I was swept up in their arms and spun around. Their laugh was bright and contagious at always but dropped soon after. When my feet touched the ground again Asra kissed my cheek and walked over to the bed, talking a seat on the edge before falling back with a loud sigh. "I just.. still can't believe all of that. Wow.." They chuckled softly. My smile faltered and I took a seat next to them. "I know. It was.. alot." With their eyes closed Asra nodded and mumbled. "Understatement of the century." Instinctively, I reached over taking one of his hands in my own and gently massaged his palm. They smiled in content delight before I broke the silence again. "How are you doing?" "What, me? I'm great. Why are you alright?" His eyes met mind with concern as he sat up to face me. I shook my head before they could continue on. I didn't mean to worry them but.. "This isn't about me right now. I'm asking about you." I kept myself from pushing but kept my eyes on his features. Asra's aura seemed to tense despite the smile tugging at his lips. "MC.. I-I'm fine, no need to worry. Everything is.. great. Perfect even, right?" A shadow crossed his eyes as his bottom lip quivered, sending me scooting just a bit closer to them.

They chuckled once nervously before looking down. "I-I mean look we defeated the Devil of all things, saved the world, solved mysteries.. got back Faust and my.. my parents." Asra turned back to me, eyes brimming with tears. "After it all, you're still here even so everything is perfect." I could feel thing pinging in his heart through mine. The ache and hurt still swirling. I took the hand I was holding and put it to my heart, placing one of mine on his. "It's okay, Asra.. Just because everything is over with doesn't mean it wasn't still alot. You don't have to be brave for me right now. You're safe now, and I'm not going to let anything happen. I hope I've more than proved that to you now," I chuckled softly as I gently wiped a stray tear on their cheek. With a few quick sniffles the dams finally broke and Asra hugged me tightly, sobbing into my shoulder. I rubbed their back and hair. All I could do was hold them close to me and pour as much love into his heart as possible. After a while he pulled away, hiccupping between soft cries. "I know it hurts, it's okay. But I need you to take deep breaths with me okay?" With a nod I led us into one of his classic exercises. He smiled softy as I wiped his cheeks. "I-I'm sorry.. I guess I didn't realize how much I was carrying. I really did think everything was okay because.. well I had you by my side and everything just kept turning out better than I could've expected. But the thought of losing you or Muriel.. Losing Faust.. I know we got her back in the end but I was so terrified. A-And finding my parents.. I still can't believe that wasn't just some sick twisted game. I-I thought.. Well, I was never sure exactly but now.. They're here and that's wonderful but.. scary in it's own right." Their fingers ran through their snowy curls. While they continued talking out their feelings I continued to rub their back in soothing circles. "What if they don't actually like who I am now..? I'm not.. used to them anymore o-or even having.. parents. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. But even so I should just be grateful they're back, right?"

I wasn't used to this side of Asra but it wasn't bad. Honestly it was nice helping them open up about their feelings and work through all that had happened. "You can be grateful and nervous at the same time, Asra.. It seems like they love you just the same and I'm sure they'll love you even more as they get to know more about the person you've become." I didn't say what else I was thinking but they seemed to feel it like they had been the past few days. 'I know I did..' We smiled at each other and rested our foreheads together. They seemed to be doing better but these things definitely take time. Sometimes it helps to just let it out though. "No matter what happens I'll be right by your side, Asra." I gave them a quick peck before we got up to get ready to settle in for the night. If they weren't already worn out after the long day, they sure were after our talk but I think it was worth it. Asra fell asleep with their head on my shoulder, curled into my side and holding me close.

#asra the arcana #the arcana #thearcanagame #asra the magician #asra x mc #asra x apprentice #asra x reader #the arcana asra #asra alzanar #asrathearcana

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cloudcountry · 6 months

Note

Holy crap I think I've figured out what causes the asks to have character limits or not. If you go to the specific tumblr page/blog and go to the ask box, it'll have a character limit. If you have tumblr pull up a blog as an overlay of one's dashboard and enter the ask box that way, it looks more like a post and doesn't have the character limit.

Figured this out because I was going to send something to you, then realized it was too long, then thought of a way of maybe making it shorter. I wonder if that means tumblr hasn't updated ask boxes properly since the overlay thing is pretty new.

Well what I wanted to tell you is the results I got from pulling in Twst. I didn't know they were going to have a last chance round for the three Masquerade SSRs. The nice thing is that all the banners are still synced to counting the same pulls too! I was going to save the ten-pulls from the tweels since I doubt the chances of getting any of their birthday cards with just 10-20 pulls. I ended up spending their keys on Azul's masquerade card since it would be enough to get me to the 100 mark.

Right on the 100th pull I get the special SSRs quote on my screen. The quote sounded like Azul to me, so I thought I actually got him despite knowing there's still a chance of me getting a random dorm uniform. The quote was "No need to be so concerned. I only wish to help."

It was Jade's dorm SSR!

I can't bring myself to be upset because it's too amusing to me. I sacrifice his and his twin's keys to the Azul banner, figuring they'd at least want it to go to him. Then Jade basically goes "Haha, nope". Which of course he would. (I wonder if I should blame my recent thoughts of how Bobo would probably find Jade's mushroom dishes reminiscent of home. Perhaps Jade wants me to really write about him and Bobo.)

Did you save the tweels keys at all? Do you plan to try pulling for Azul as one last hoorah?

Also I keep misreading your blog title banner thing as "Zero kisser, first human second" instead of what it clearly is, "Zero kisser first, human second". (But what else is new about my mind? Yesterday I had the tune of Maneater in my head but I kept replacing the word "maneater" with "gravedigger". I have no clue where gravedigger came from.)

tumblr is just silly i gave up trying to figure out whats going on with it like a week after i got here :((( its so complicated!!!

YOU GOT JADES DORM UNIFORM!??!?! UGHHH I CANT BELEIEV I DONT HAVE A SINGLE OCTAVINELLE ONE YET!!! IVE PULLED IDIAS DORM UNIFORM FOUR TIMES!!!!!! HE NEEDS TO LEAVE ME ALONE I WANT A FISH GUY

ngl your bobo thoughts probably manifested him. jade can read minds im pretty sure.

YES YES IM SAVING UP THE TWEELS KEY SETS FOR THE TREY SHOWCASE!!! I HAVE SEVEN PULLS SAVED UP RIGHT NOW (crying ) I HOPE THATLL BE ENOUGH :(((

AJSGDFHAGSFD THATS ACTUALLY SO SILLY

#axvie <3

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downcastoutcast · 8 months

Text

Day 1 # 100

All right, so I've been here before many, many times. Typically it involves me realizing another year has gone by of me planning on doing things that I never end up doing, and then I go into existential crisis mode, and then I tell myself I've got to do something. Usually this comes in the form of me drafting a new YouTube video and then ultimately shelving it after it's been written and maybe even filmed to some degree. So many projects started but unfinished...

Since 2015, I have tried to get a written project off the ground. It's existed as web diagrams, timelines, loose leaf notebook paper, Google Docs, etc. And the funniest part about all of that, to me, is that in all of that time, 2 very, very short chapters were written. Among all of the "notes" I had, there's probably less than 20 pages. The problem is, I haven't been working on this project for the past 8 years with little to no breaks - far from it. If anything, the project gets touched once, maybe twice in a year, and then it's back into the dusty recesses of my mind where I might think about it again when I get in that mood. Now look, I'm no professional writer. I don't even qualify as an amateur writer. But it doesn't take a writer to tell you that if you plan on going anywhere, literally anywhere, with writing, you have to do just that: write. Write, and write, and write.

Over the years, between videos and the previously mentioned project, I've written little things here and there. Writing prompt stories, story ideas (and I use the term ideas loosely), the occasional "first page" of a story I may have never really intended to write. My problem, like most things I've set my mind to in my life, is having the discipline and determination to see it through. And I'll tell you what, at 28 years old, I've had plenty of periods in my life where I've looked back and thought Okay, another year older. Time to get moving. Man, you can only do that so many times before you really are as old as you think you feel. Life happens, things change, people come and go, and nothing is ever really as easy as we want it or need it to be. That's why you've just got to do the damn thing... within reason, of course, I'm not advocating murder here. Get that doughnut, adopt that dog, write that fucking story. You get one life, and it's not going to be perfect and it is going to be messy, but it's yours.

WIth this 100th Day 1 (or maybe Day 2 or 3 at this point in my "reboot" cycle), I plan to make a real go of it. And the first thing on my list is to take that story I've touched on and off for the past 8 years, and burn that bitch to the ground. Maybe I can sweep some of the ashes into a little dustpan and incorporate them into future writings, but for now, it's back to square one. I truly hope this is the first of many posts as I chonicle whatever this journey is going to be. I mean, I really hope I do more actual writing than Tumblring (Tumblng?), but this is a decent outlet to have.

I don't know how people sign off anymore. See you later...?

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lone-wolf-no-more · 1 year

Text

Life is Like a Box of Legos...You Build with What You Get

Tuesday, February 21, 2023

Another moment that was a painful today. Selling my Legos. 30 plus years of memories in that box, and some lucky guy on Facebook Marketplace bought it off me for a song.

I mean, I don’t want to ruminate on it. Yes, I can buy more Legos...someday. But...no. I have to fight that thought. The VERY reason those little plastic bricks had any significance to me was the people behind those memories. That’s it. If anything, one has to sometimes do painful things in order to grow and move forward.

I’ve often found that when I am around loving people, doing the things that truly matter to me, that truly fulfill me, that the things I have to give up (more like, the process of putting the past behind me) isn’t anywhere near as hard or painful. Which plays into what I’ve been thinking about technology, and my relationship with it, and my connections with people online.

The loss of the past only feels as painful as my sense of lack of hope and optimism for the here and now, and the future. I hold onto the past, because it seems so ideal, so much better than what I have in the here and now. And we as humans hold onto those symbols of the past, as if they were they themselves contain the past and the times we reminisce over. We forget, once again, it’s about the people around those memories that made them what they are. Not merely some pile of plastic bricks, or a house with four walls, or even a yard with some trees and basketball net.

And the believe that the only reason that thinking about putting technology and “online relationships” to the sidelines is such a painful proposition to me, is because it’s by and large made up a huge part of my reality. My sense of the “outside world” and everything else has largely come through a screen.

Even as a child, I remember that while I welcomed the times of meeting other people, of doing group activities, of playing with the neighborhood kids (good ol’ 90’s vibes all around), I would often find myself being drawn to being isolated, while staring at a screen. I have too many memories of myself choosing to avoid social interaction, and instead flying that virtual helicopter, commanding that fake army, or trying to keep Mario dying for the 100th time. I see now that those patterns of being very sensitive and a bit socially inept in new situations, together with a past history of being misjudged as a young man, have really conflicted with my ability to just not care if people see things different than I do, to just be comfortable in my own skin, and not care so much about how I measure up to others’ standards.

To this day, whenever I’m around when a disagreement or misunderstanding happens (whether it be online, and especially, in person), I get so incredibly uncomfortable. I don’t want to say the wrong thing and make things worse, and then end up blaming myself. I do realize that part of that also stems from me having schisms, so to speak, between myself and others, and having them dislike or distance themselves from me. I guess you could say I’m always wondering, “Oh no, did I do or say something wrong yet again?”

Circling back to what I was saying, I do think too much of my childhood was me avoiding living real life, even though I did “allow myself” to live it at times, and those ended up forming some of the best memories. But then I’m constantly asking myself this question: “To what end?” To what end was my frolicking, my Lego building, my escapism, my fort building, whatever it may have been? Yes, I know, I must be more kind and forgiving to my “former self”, but I 100% know that I didn’t grow up fast enough. Back to what I was saying several posts ago, there must be that child-like wonder and playfulness, but it should be tempered with a very real sense of living “real life”. To me, that means showing kindness and sacrifice to others in your words and actions.

I may only be 32, but I still have more than enough regret that I lived too much of my life selfishly. The childhood escapism stretched into my teens and twenties. It wasn’t uncommon for me to leave home on my bicycle, and spend hours at the local library. That very well may have been the “ideal drug” for me at the time. I was able to waste hours on YouTube and elsewhere (hello, NewGrounds and MiniClip), while still not feeling entirely isolated.

But I lost track of the times I would go home, be alone even more with the videos I downloaded and took back with me, or the DVDs, or the freeware video games I had hunted down, and then go to sleep feeling worse. And then waking up, dreading the next day. I honestly don’t know what’s worse: biking long quiet stretches in the countryside just to be alone more, or being alone in suburbia, where you feel so closed in and stifled.

It’s a strange dichotomy. You hate being alone, to the point that it can outright crush you, but then you feel ill at ease around others, because you feel that you have nothing to offer, like life is more than just going from one gathering to the next, it’s more than just filling up your time with learning knowledge.

Again, truly living to me, is making everywhere you go better, maybe even just that room you’re in right now. Truly living is exploring and discovering life, and the world, together with others, it’s about building things and growing together in the real world. Because life spent alone with listlessness and regret is a horrible thing.

So, what are my biggest struggles right now? Simply forgiving my past self, and putting the past behind me, namely the past I had not even 5 years ago. And then beyond that, looking ahead to the future with optimism and hope, deciding that I can and MUST make decisions that will lead me to seeing my life as fulfilling and purposeful, and rejecting the stuff that just simply doesn’t help towards that end. Yeah, I get that this still seems like an abstract idea.

But circling back to what I was saying about technology, in this day and age, it is increasingly easy to try to replace that emptiness in our hears with more podcasts, more videos, more Discord servers full of people who we will probably won’t see face to face.

If the answer was technology, why are we less happy now, less fulfilled than we used to be before the internet and the age of smartphones helped crush our child-like sense of awe, of creativity, of hope, of optimism?

It’s time for me and whomever reads this to do some deep soul searching. Because at the end of the day, when I finish the novel I’m reading right now, Captain Nemo and Professor Aronnax will have parted ways with me, and they will remain fictional characters. This isn’t me saying fictional books are bad. No, especially since they help to foster those very things I listed above. What I’m saying is that it’s time for me to stop substituting escapism and vicarious living for accomplish great things in the real world.

I know quite clearly that I just basically had you drag an anvil through mud there. Hopefully this served some good purpose, and the next entry will reflect more of that hope and joy I so clearly desire.

Until the next entry, todaloo. :)

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^This is to help temper the more serious nature of this post. Handel's music (especially the piece this movement is from) has been precious to me ever since my family bought a CD with it when I was 7.

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