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Day 1 # 100

All right, so I've been here before many, many times. Typically it involves me realizing another year has gone by of me planning on doing things that I never end up doing, and then I go into existential crisis mode, and then I tell myself I've got to do something. Usually this comes in the form of me drafting a new YouTube video and then ultimately shelving it after it's been written and maybe even filmed to some degree. So many projects started but unfinished...

Since 2015, I have tried to get a written project off the ground. It's existed as web diagrams, timelines, loose leaf notebook paper, Google Docs, etc. And the funniest part about all of that, to me, is that in all of that time, 2 very, very short chapters were written. Among all of the "notes" I had, there's probably less than 20 pages. The problem is, I haven't been working on this project for the past 8 years with little to no breaks - far from it. If anything, the project gets touched once, maybe twice in a year, and then it's back into the dusty recesses of my mind where I might think about it again when I get in that mood. Now look, I'm no professional writer. I don't even qualify as an amateur writer. But it doesn't take a writer to tell you that if you plan on going anywhere, literally anywhere, with writing, you have to do just that: write. Write, and write, and write.

Over the years, between videos and the previously mentioned project, I've written little things here and there. Writing prompt stories, story ideas (and I use the term ideas loosely), the occasional "first page" of a story I may have never really intended to write. My problem, like most things I've set my mind to in my life, is having the discipline and determination to see it through. And I'll tell you what, at 28 years old, I've had plenty of periods in my life where I've looked back and thought Okay, another year older. Time to get moving. Man, you can only do that so many times before you really are as old as you think you feel. Life happens, things change, people come and go, and nothing is ever really as easy as we want it or need it to be. That's why you've just got to do the damn thing... within reason, of course, I'm not advocating murder here. Get that doughnut, adopt that dog, write that fucking story. You get one life, and it's not going to be perfect and it is going to be messy, but it's yours.

WIth this 100th Day 1 (or maybe Day 2 or 3 at this point in my "reboot" cycle), I plan to make a real go of it. And the first thing on my list is to take that story I've touched on and off for the past 8 years, and burn that bitch to the ground. Maybe I can sweep some of the ashes into a little dustpan and incorporate them into future writings, but for now, it's back to square one. I truly hope this is the first of many posts as I chonicle whatever this journey is going to be. I mean, I really hope I do more actual writing than Tumblring (Tumblng?), but this is a decent outlet to have.

I don't know how people sign off anymore. See you later...?

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It’s happening again…

It’s been almost 10 years since my last post. Just as I was beginning to think my Tumblr days were a fever dream that lasted all of a month (a week?), I figured I’d dip my disgusting toes back into the maw that is, honestly, the writer’s social media.

Let’s get the obvious thing out of the way: I never hit it big like I’d hoped I would in my nearly decades old posts. I had big dreams, but ultimately, as usual, I got in my own way. I never took the risks that a creative has to take in order to really get where they want to be. Even then, taking those risks are no guarantee. I never did stop writing, though. Hell, until recently, I didn’t stop releasing videos, either. But writing, the backbone of everything I’ve ever wanted to do creatively, never left my heart.

I’ve decided to re-examine what I see for myself in my future. No longer do I envision sitting on the set of the next Hollywood blockbuster, or directing a couple unknown teen actors in a coming-of-age award-winning festival circuit film. I just see myself writing. And whether it makes me a living or just keeps me living, I’m going to be doing it for as long as I possibly can.

Part of rebooting this account (we’ll call it a reboot since I love saying “reboot” it seems) is to have another form of writing. I use to be heavy in the social media scene, but as I got older and more opinionated, I decided the “adult” thing would be to keep those thoughts to myself. Plus, basically every social media platform has turned to shit, so if you aren’t sharing pictures of your dog, who cares, right? But with platforms like Tumblr that encourage long-form posts and thoughts, I figured this could be a great way to “journal”, albeit not really “journal” since this won’t get quite that personal. It’s nothing against you, internet, we just don’t know each other that well.

What a long-winded way to say I love writing and I want to do more of it. Feel free to check out my old posts and see if you can decide if my writing style has improved, degraded, or stayed the same. I don’t think they’re cancellable posts, right? If they are, don’t read them because I literally cannot afford to be cancelled.

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Gary the Gay Showerhead

I'm calling it: the biggest hashtag of either this year or the next will be "#GaryReturns."  

Gary the Gay Showerhead will always hold a special place in my heart.  It was the first movie project I've ever attempted (at least, attempted somewhat seriously) and had the distinction of being the first live-action movie I'd ever written.  But alas, it was not meant to be... Much of Gary was shot on one very, very hot day back in the summer of 2011.  When I say hot, I mean balls sweated, people were passing out: it was fucking hot.  All of our pain and suffering was for virtually nothing, though.  The result of that day were scenes that we half-assed and rushed through due to, like I said, the mother effing overwhelming, blazing heat of that day.

Half of the entire film can be viewed on YouTube currently; however, I'd advise having your choice of either a handgun or alcohol and tons of pills on hand for the suicide that you will surely be planning following the viewing of this portion of the film.  I was told recently that I needed to stop apologizing for my work, but this is one thing that I truly have to apologize for... that being said, I'll include the link at the bottom of this post.

Speaking recently with my co-writer/actor Brett Vance, I decided, "Why not just reboot this bitch?"  Reboots are all the rage now, and Gary is one franchise that truly deserves a reboot... he's a fucking showerhead with an interest in men.  What's not to love about that premise?  

We'll get there.  Brett claims to be in the drafting stages of the script right now, but only time (lots and lots of time) will tell.  Jk, I love you, dawg.

One thing I would like to make known: Gary in no way is meant to degrade anybody who identifies themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc.  I am a believer of gay rights and have no qualms whatsoever with any gender, race, religion, OR sexual orientation.  My opinion of you is only based off of your attitude towards others.  I'm only out to make a unique film that nobody has seen before.  That being said, I'm ready to get this ball rolling and make my God damn movie!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKowp48UhAo

Edit: As of 09/11/2023, the video is apparently no longer available on my old channel lol. I guess one too many copystrikes from The Beatles did it in.

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Trailers: My Bread and Butter

I've made over 10 trailers the past few years that showcase "fake" movies, namely Supercat and Slender. There have been a couple trailers that were meant for greatness (Gary: The Gay Showerhead and The Glasscock Case,) but alas, they have yet to see the light of day... Gary was able to be thrown together in a "good enough" cut, but Christ was it abysmal. And The Glasscock Case just sort of fell apart through nobody's fault but my own... I really want to go back and revisit it one day. Something about my Supercat and Slender trailers is that they are entirely improv: I go in with almost no idea of what I want and hope for the best. With my newest trailer, a 2nd Slender trailer, I decided that maybe I should go in with a script of sorts... and I'm so glad I did. However, as much as I love making trailers (and boy do I LOVE making trailers) I really, really just want to make my first short film and move beyond trailers... I know my first short film won't be theatrically worthy, not even Sundance worthy, but I want to try so bad. I'm the only thing holding me back.

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Unfortunately, a good mic is something you have to buy after purchasing any camera you plan to shoot movies with simply because, and I cannot stress it enough: ONBOARD MICS SUCK.  No two ways about it I'm afraid.

So I figured the mic I would attach to my Canon t5i would be none other than the Rode NTG-2, which definitely seems to be the best thing I can get for the small budget I have. Besides, everyone has to start somewhere. 

But a good mic does not a good movie make.  It definitely helps (and ANYTHING is better than an onboard mic, like I said) but it by no means assures you a good film.  

It's a process.

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Back in the Saddle

Hot damn, how long has it been?  A year at least, right?  Being unemployed has really taught me something: being unemployed sucks.  The moment I’ve got a little bit of cash, first thing I’m doing is buying a good microphone for my camera and then immediately shooting something.  With a good mic, I will finally have no more excuses.  Honestly, I shouldn’t have any right now, but this is the last obstacle I’m putting before me.  After this, I’m golden. Golden.

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I couldn’t sleep one night and I was sitting in my office and I realized that I was an independent filmmaker.

Darren Aronofsky

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Road Blocks

It's like Day 3 of my journey and still nothing has come to me.  I have one page of a script that I'm not even that proud of.  I've shot nothing new.  I need to, though.  I want to.

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And my side-journey begins now. #KeepGoing #NoCutCorners

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I'll have to fuck with this in the morning.  Boxes are merging where boxes should never merge.

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What the fuck is Tumblr?