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libraford · 2 years

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Obviously, I have opinions about the word 'queer.' There's historical precedence for the broad usage of this word and there are multiple posts about those contexts.

But that's only some of the reason that I choose this word to describe myself.

You know... growing up in Indiana in the 90s I didn't get exposed to the community. There was some ruckus about it at church a few times, the AIDS epidemic was background noise, and we had one gay bar that got closed down by the time I was old enough to go there.

I was outed against my will when I was seven, in 1993, when it was still very much a social death sentence in the suburban midwest. Twenty-one years before marriage was even halfway legal. And I was called all manner of things, including 'queer.' But the word that hurt the most, really hit me deeply in my soul...

...was 'lesbian.'

Lesbian is the accepted term for a woman who seeks relationships with women (the community's own gatekeeping aside.) It is one of the main letters in the acronym. There is nothing wrong with the word 'lesbian.'

But it was the way that they said it. That fucking lesbian. What are you, a lesbo? Dont sit with her, shes a lesbian.

This was paired with projectile rocks, bottles, some elaborate pranks and some less than elaborate.

This went on for eleven years. In high school our Gay-Straight-Alliance had about five people, and it was made up of two people I was sort of friends with and three people who had been throwing rocks at me. It wasnt a safe place.

And I had yet to kiss a single girl. Whole high school experience, couldnt even think about dating because I was too busy trying to shake that word off of me.

Maybe if someone said it nicely to me just once I wouldnt have felt like I was scraping the label off of me every day.

Get to college, I hear the phrase 'queer studies.' The word felt like pins on the back of my neck because I'd heard that word, too. But today it was a friendly word, a thing you could study. A history, a theory, a community.

I get shy about the word, and then I hear more words. Femme, butch, dyke, bear, bambi, fag, queen... all of these words from friendly mouths with kind eyes and all of them queer.

And then I said it out loud.

"Queer."

Ooohh.. see, it was different when I took it for myself. It wasnt pins anymore, it was a knife that I got to hold. 'Lesbian' still hurt because by the time I found queerness, it was questionable that my gender mattered anymore.

It's such a... broad word. I get to define my own queerness. I'm not a woman who loves women, I'm a person who is in love! And that love is for my girlfriend, that love is for my friends, that love is for myself- god fucking finally that love is for myself, who I hated and hated and hated for almost thirty years because someone when I was seven decided to put me in a fucking box that I didn't belong and I didnt know how to escape because I didnt know that there were other words, kinder words, words like knives in the hand instead of in the heart.

God. Fucking. Damnit. I loved myself for the first time.

And you want me... to go back into that little box that doesnt fit me anymore because it's a 'slur?' And you think I cant reclaim it because it wasnt meant for me when I was literally... called it since I was seven god damned years old?

No word meant to describe my sexuality is without a history of violence. Not a single one. The word 'lesbian' no longer stings, it just isnt wholly correct for me.

So if I can make peace with the word that sent me home crying for eleven years, you can let people reclaim the word 'queer' for themselves.

Miss me with that terf shit.

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notabled-noodle · 2 years

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hey, i just wanted to apologize for asking the question about whether or not i can use the word cr*pple. i know that you cant dictate who can say what word, and doing so would be like...gatekeeping or something. and i understand that. i suppose I just wanted the opinion of someone who uses the word as a personal descriptor. because I often feel like i need permission for everything I do, and I have no disabled friends or acquaintances to talk about it with. so again, im sorry for pushing you further into the messiness of "who can say what slurs". because I am fully aware that no one can control that, its a personal choice of what you can say, and everyone just needs to be nice to one another.

that being said, I wanted to say that your response was actually very enlightening. having someone who is disabled validate my pain and say that they think I am also disabled helped a lot. i understand that its not necessary for one person to say "yeah youre disabled" for you to be disabled and valid. that would be like saying you cant call yourself a lesbian until you explain your attraction and sexualilty to a lesbian and have them either say "no youre not a lesbian" or "yeah youre a lesbian". so. i understand that its not necessary for a disabled person to tell another person they are/arent disabled, but it alleviated some of my anxiety and helps me feel like maybe Im not delusional and manipulating myself and others.

and saying that the cr*pple community is here if I decide to reclaim the word, that meant a lot to me. truly. thank you, so much.

i know this is Another long post, and im sorry. i have issues with adding a lot more words than necessary. again, you dont have to respond if you dont have the spoons, and you dont have to respond at all if you dont feel like it. just knowing that you read it is enough for me.

hey!

it’s okay. I understand that this stuff can be super tricky and hard to navigate, especially when you don’t have other disabled people around you. I’m still coming to terms with a lot of things around my disabled identity, so I do get it!

I hope your battle with internalised ableism isn’t too hard to push through, and that you find ways to manage your pain that work for you.

#asks

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fiddleabout · 3 years

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just because some people reclaimed it doesn’t mean *everyone* has. there's still people being abused and bullied and harrassed by the word q***r every day and you're fucking disgusting for dismissing their experiences and ridiculing them for tagging a slur associated with their trauma

i hope you feel good about yourself making fun of traumatised people

“ there's still people being abused and bullied and harrassed by the word q***r every day”

there's still people being abused and bullied and harassed by the word lesbian every day. i know because people have abused and bullied and harassed me using the word lesbian specifically since i was eight years old and didn’t even know what it meant. and yet you don’t see me out here telling lesbians to censor their identity. that would be absurd because it’s their identity and who am i to tell them that their identity is degrading, or abusive, or a slur?

i’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, though i don’t know why, and assume that you’re not parroting this line because you’re terfy and gatekeeping and instead are doing it because you are, in fact, traumatized by the word queer.

even so: your-- or anyone else’s-- right to demand space for their trauma ends at inflicting trauma on someone else. full stop.

the word lesbian is reminiscent of trauma for me? okay. that’s a bummer. but i don’t get to tell people that they can’t use that word to describe themselves, because me telling lesbians “you can’t call yourself that because it’s associated with trauma for me” is inherently inflicting trauma on them by telling them that their identity is harmful. the word queer is reminiscent of trauma to you? okay. that’s a bummer. but you don’t get to tell me i can’t use the word to describe myself because that’s inherently inflicting trauma on me by telling me that my identity is harmful. your right-- and it is a right-- to protect yourself from reminiscence of trauma is not all-encompassing and does not include the right to inflict it on other people.

and just, seriously, okay: every word that anyone who isn’t straight has used to identify themselves has been used hatefully, cruelly, and abusively against them. this is the nature of how language works: when someone is part of an abused and marginalized group, just the name of that group can and will be used as an insult by people who want to insult them. this includes lesbian, this includes gay, this includes queer. all of them.

and yet which one are people now constantly up in arms about? the one that includes everyone who isn’t cisgender or heterosexual. that’s not a coincidence. aside from the fact that “queer is a slur” is inherently insulting and abusive towards anyone who identifies as queer because it declares their very identity as disgusting, it’s also gatekeeping and used aggressively and widely as a way to exclude people-- trans people, ace people, nonbinary people, agender people, and countless others-- from community support.

so tl;dr queer is no more of a slur than lesbian or gay or homosexual is and you don’t get to trample on my identity or anyone else’s under the guise of protecting yourself. most charitably, your ignorance is actively inflicting harm on other people; more likely, you’re trying to exclude people who aren’t lesbian, gay, or bisexual from your interpretation of the community we’re all a part of because you think the rest of us don’t deserve to be part of it. either way, you’re in fact doing the exact fucking thing you’re accusing me of doing, so congratulations. your moral high ground is a drainage ditch. well done.

#anonymous #are you fucking kidding me #take several steps back and think for a goddamn second about what you're saying #/queer as a word was used to hurt me/#yeah well lesbian as a word has been used to hurt me and countless others #and i'm not just talking about people saying mean things about me #i'm talking about actual physical harm #but you don't see me out here telling lesbians #/oh don't use the L-slur around me it's TRAUMATIZING/#you don't get to degrade me in the exact same way homophobic bigots have under the guise of ~protection~#and then tell me i'm not allowed to use the word that fits ME and MY COMMUNITY #to describe myself or it #queer as in fuck you #queer as in you need to shut the fuck up and learn some fucking critical thinking skills

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hellomynameisbisexual · 3 years

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“QUEER”

First of all, let’s clear up a common misconception. Queer does not just mean gay. It’s an umbrella term for an identity which deviates from society’s perceived norm: heterosexual, or straight. Queer can refer to sexualities — gay, bisexual, pansexual, — or it can refer to being gender-queer; i.e, any label that deviates from the perceived gender norm: the binaries, male and female.

“Queer” is a reclaimed slur.

If you do not fall under the umbrella of queerness, it is safe to assume that you cannot use it. At all.

I am bisexual.

This means I experience attraction to plural genders. Pansexual also works fine. For the difference between bisexual and pansexual — see here:

Being bisexual isn’t easy. I went through similar hardships to gay women: I experienced attraction to women and was scared of what this meant for me, in such an oppressively homophobic society.

I am not saying being bisexual is harder than being gay, nor the inverse. But my experiences are distinctly bisexual, not gay.

Without further ado, here are the 3 things I’ve found to be the hardest about being queer, but not gay (enough).

#1: Finding My Place

Or, not being queer enough

I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know what I was. Up until recently, I was still questioning. This didn’t feel enough to join groups or conversations with LGBT+ folk, let alone go to pride. Was I even LGBT if I was never L, G, B, or T?

I am still yet to attend a pride, even though I identify (fairly confidently) as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a man. This is (problematically) known as a “straight-passing relationship” and makes me feel even more undeserving of a place at pride.

This has been upsetting to me at times. But for others, it can be outright devastating. Growing up and needing support, but feeling like you’re ‘not gay enough’ to ask for it? So many young people are being left alone and afraid. Finding others like you is vital to figuring out who you are. Likewise, finding spaces which are safe and inclusive is vital for anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. A friend of mine happens to be a transgender man, and he summed up the issue perfectly:

“One thing that I keep noticing is how all hangout spots are “gay bars”, or (far less common) “lesbian bars”. I’m a straight man, so I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be there, but hanging out at regular bars is still too much of a gamble, so I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

It goes without saying that gay folk aren’t always safe in these spaces, as seen by the homophobic attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, in 2016. Bigotry hurts the entire LGBT+ community. Bigotry doesn’t stop to ask whether you identify as gay or otherwise queer before it pulls the trigger.

But the LGBT+ community itself is much more welcoming to those who “pick a side” and just come out as gay, already. The infighting is inexplicable when one looks to attacks such as that in Orlando: bigots don’t care which letter you are in the acronym. So why does gatekeeping exist when we need to be strong in the face of intolerance when fragmentation only makes us weaker? Who are we helping by continuing to exclude identities from the discussion?

#2: Myths and Misconceptions

Well, it stands to reason that if bisexuals are what they seem in TV and movies, why would anyone want to make them feel included? They’re “greedy” and inauthentic. They’re attention-seeking, not to mention their propensity for threesomes. Now, I haven’t been in a wild orgy yet, but it seems like it will only be a matter of time before I follow my natural path.

Straight men, in particular, need to own up to their assumption that bisexual women are down for a threesome. The thing is, we are. But not with you, you big ASSUMER.

Infidelity

All jokes aside, the stereotyping of bisexuals is not only hurtful, but leads to difficulties finding and maintaining relationships.

As I came to terms with my bisexuality, I also had to accept that I might never be fully trusted by my partner, regardless of their gender or sexuality. I was shocked when my partner reacted to my coming out with the equivalent of a shrug — so much so, that I burst into tears of gratitude that my soul-bearing moment hadn’t been met with slut-shaming or assumptions of disloyalty. Nothing has changed. If anything, our bond is even stronger for me having been more authentic after coming out.

But cruelty came from elsewhere: when I came out, I was told that my partner was to be pitied, either because I’m gay and in denial, or bound to cheat on him. The main consequence of such attitudes has been the crippling fear of coming out to my partner. It saddens me that I felt so relieved when he accepted me for being who I am, and loving him just the same as I always have.

This outcome is not the case for many couples, with straight folk worried that their bisexual partner will realise they’re gay and just leave them. This fear of abandonment comes from a place of ignorance. When the media presents bisexuality as a steppingstone on the way to “picking a team”, it’s no wonder that people struggle to trust their queer partners.

Other Queer Myths

The myth that all trans folk medically transition invalidates those who choose not to do so, and let’s not forget the ignorant jeers that it's all just a mental illness. Asexual folk battle the stereotype that they can never have a relationship and shall forever remain a virgin (because what an awful thing that would be, right?) And pansexuals… well, at the lighter end, they’re asked if they have sex with cooking utensils. But often, they’re erased as irrelevant because “we already have the label bisexual”.

This brings us onto the third and final difficulty that comes with queer folk who aren’t easily categorizable as gay: erasure.

#3: Erasure

Erasure refers to the denial of an identity’s existence or its validity as a label.

Non-binary folk face ongoing and loud claims that they simply do not exist. This is despite the historical and scientific evidence to the contrary. Plus, the most important evidence — them, existing. Asexual folk are told they simply have not found the right person yet, or that they are just afraid of sex. Demi-sexual folk are told “everyone feels like that, unless they’re just sleeping around!”. And bisexuals are dismissed as simply being in denial that they’re gay.

Monosexuality & The Gender Binary

Our culture is so built on monosexuality (being solely attracted to one gender — for instance, gay or straight). Monosexuality is reinforced through everything from marriage to dating apps, the media to what we teach in schools. People cannot fathom that someone might want to experience more than one gender in their lifetime.

The binary models of sex and gender are also deeply ingrained. These rigid belief systems combined are to blame for our inability to accept that bisexuals do not need to “pick a side”. I was paralysed by fear for 17 years because I found girls attractive and that might mean I’m gay, because bisexuals are just gays who haven’t realised they’re gay yet.

Bierasure

Bierasure is dangerous, firstly because it leads a child to have to internalise both biphobia and homophobia. For instance, I had to work through being taught to hate gayness, whilst being taught that any attraction to non-male genders made me gay.

Women were cute, and so I was gay, and this meant I was disgusting.

My own mother told me this. She also told me that something has “gone wrong in the womb” for a child to be gay. (Well, Mum, I’ve got some bad news about your womb!)And she, like any bigot, extended this theory to anyone who experiences same-sex attractions — anyone queer. This is another reason why bi-erasure is perilous. Whether you’re a gay, cis-male or a demi-bisexual, trans woman… if your parents will kick you out for being gay, they will likely kick you out for being any sort of queer.

If we deny the bigotry that bisexuals undergo, we will continue to suffer. It won’t just go away. It will fester, with bisexuals having no one they can go to who believes them. And thus:

Erasure Kills

Bullying and suicide rates of queer-but-not-gay people continue to sky-rocket. We must direct funding, support and compassion to every queer individual, as they are all vulnerable to discrimination and bullying. The problem is being left to fester. This is in part because bigots treat all queer labels as just ‘gay’, deeming them equally unworthy. This is how far erasure can go.

Conclusion

Earlier on, I stated that my experiences are distinctly bisexual. The same applies to any queer identity.

Emphasising our differing paths and struggles is important to avoid the aforementioned erasure of already less visible groups. But this does not mean that the LGBT+ community should be fragmented by these differences.

If we can unite in our hope to live authentically and love freely, we will be stronger against bigotry. We are fighting enough intolerance from without: there is no need to create more from within.

So out of everything, what’s the hardest part about being bisexual?

It’s the fact that nobody knows it’s this hard.

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mueritos · 3 years

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hi sorry can u explain to me the d slur thing? /gen like i don’t understand why it’s bad for the person to callout a nonlesbian to say the slur -🧜🏽

To be honest Im not too keen on the current idea thay reclaiming queer slurs are only meant for specific sub groups within the community. For the most part, these slurs have been weaponized against most LGBTQIA folks regardless of their identity (because for the most part, bigots can only call us generalized slurs since they are awful at clocking us, but now not so much). This is why we get issues when it comes to reclaiming certain slurs, like the F slur. While historically used against gay men, saying that it can ONLY be reclaimed by gay men doesnt sit well with me since the slur has been used against the ENTIRE community. Same with the d slur, while it has historically been used against lesbian women, there are instances of it being used againsg other LGBTQIA folks (tho prolly not to the same extent as the f slur).

A note i want to make is that queer slurs are VERY different from racial slurs in terma of reclamation. Racial slurs and queer slurs should only be reclaimed by their specific community, but we do not see the same level of reclamation gatekeeping in racial slurs than queer slurs because if youre BIPOC, theres no doubt that you have a historical connection to those slurs. But if your queer, your specific identity shapes your experience with the world, so theres a chance you may even have been exposed ro certain words or slurs, maybe not even have any weaponized against you.

That being said, I appreciate the take of “if it has been used against you to marginalize your marginalized status, you are free to reclaim it” in the context of reclaiming queer slurs. This does not mean that reclaiming a slur means it is not part of your initial vocabulary, no, it may just mean that you recognize the power of the word that you reclaimed as now your own. Also, certain slurs have already BEEN reclaimed, and therefore it is not my place to use another word for a person who wishes to be called by it. If a lesbian wants to be called the d word and is proud of it, I will refer to them as such because I recognize the power that word brings them. Keep in mind that not all queers are young, and many elder gays use “slurs” and old terms to decribe themselves, like “transexual” or “dyke” or “transvestite”.

We also need to understand the context of these words. When we call each other these slurs when around each other as a community (and it has been established that these words are okay to use for each other), they are either reclaimed or simply words, because you could argue that many of us never saw the words as anything negative in the first place, regardless of its misuse. In this context, these words bring power and community. But if someone is weaponizing that word to target a queer persons marginalized status, then that is being used as a slur. Therefore I dont think it’s appropriate to call it out within the community unless specific parties are uncomfortable with it and we DO see it as intercommunity marginialization (like maybe a lesbian that hates gay men?? i know its weird but theres a lot of hate even within the community). And yes, it is completely valid to feel uncomfortable around certain words and their use, but have a conversation about it if you can first before trying to shut down its use in someone (unless, like mentioned before, the person is literally bigoted).

I think its more meaningful to ask why certain queer people use certain words instead of telling them to stop. We need to understand that decades ago, it didnt matter whether it came out of a butch or a gay’s mouth, what mattered is that is brought community. This language discourse is a clear indicator of the lack of queer historical knowledge within contemporary queer society. I highly encourage yall to look into notable queer activists, and if youd like to start to understand the historical power “dyke” brought to the community, search up the “Gays for Dykes” movement.

This was very brief but I hope that answerwd ur question and im open to conversation about this topic! Be aware that I only have the experience of a nonbinary gay transmasc whos a white latino and all of these factors affect my view on this. Either way, I hope it helped!

#pittsanswers #queer history #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtqia #hopefully my take is not a bad one but ive seen a lot of older gays share the same opinion #also i wrote this on mobile so if there are mistakes sorry

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butch-bakugo · 4 years

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Discourse/political opinions:

Note: I am ok with people following/interacting with me if we disagree on certain subjects on this list but if its got a ❎ next to it, i am not ok with you interacting with me and i will block you. Take everything thats on the ❎ list to be a informal dni

All cops, especially ur uncle/brother/dad/friend, are bastards. ❎

Black lives matter ❎

Im neutral on ace discourse, idrc but i do feel safer around ace exclues than ace inclues cause yall get pretty gross sometimes

Longsword lesbians are transphobic ❎ but battleaxe bis are vaild

Cis het means cisgender and hetero- in any capacity, cisallohet is not a thing

Aros/aces/aroaces do face discrimination for being aspec and aphobia is a good word for it but its not a systematic oppression. ❎

Bi/pan lesbians, bi/pan gays and other " mspec" gays are homophobic as fuck and the label is bigoted no matter what arguement you have for it. ❎

Punch your local terf and her nazi friends, especially jk rowling( read another book) ❎

Polyam cis hets, kinky cis hets and gnc cis hets arent lgbt for " going aginest society's standards" ❎

Q*eer is a slur, as well as an identity, and calling everyone it is ableist aginest lgbt people with ptsd and flat out just rude. If q*eer is your identity, great but to pretend it's suddenly not a slur anymore just because "q*eer studies" exists is flat out misinformation. ❎

D*ke is for all wlw, F*g is for all mlm, tr*nny is for all trans ppl and sn*wflake is only for nb people cause let's be real, it's not really applied to binary trans people.

The split attraction model is only vaild for aspec identities, all other uses are lgbtphobic ❎

Aspec can mean aro/ace/aroace-spec or autisitc spectrum, i litterally dont care enough to argue it. But if you say ur " on the spectrum" to mean ur aroacespec and not autisitic, ill rip out ur esophagus. ❎

Saying asexuality/aromantisim/aroasexuality can't be a spectrum is litterally just aphobic

Allo isnt a slur nor is meant to be derogatory in any way. I will call you allo if ur allo in the context of ace/aro but if u dont like it i wont.

Making fun of ace/aro/aroace pple isnt funny to anyone other than aphobic pple and you should really ask urself why you think bullying in any form is ok as long its a group of mostly young, disabled, trans and neurodiverse people.

Dont say ur an ace/aro/aroace ally then turn around and call urself aphobic proudly. Your an oxymoronic moron and ur not our ally.

I dont care if you "would be *insert ace identity* therefore you can comment on *same ace identity as before* validity" you dont identify as it, shut up, no one asked ur opinion on the matter

Fiction 100000% affects reality you nasties, theres not justification for the romanization of r*pe, pedophilia, abuse, incest, etc. Dark topics are 100% ok but not if ur trying to make them look good. The only good villian redemption arcs are zuko and bakugo. ❎

You dont need dysphoria to be transgender ❎

Im not anti-pansexual/polysexual/omnisexual but i am critical of the labels' history and the huge biphobia issues within their communities. All i ask you consider the label bi as bi has historically been defined as attraction to all genders, it has 100+ years of history over pan/poly/omni, its origins are much more humane and you dont spread misinformation about the bisexual label. Bisexuality has a shameful title in society and biphobia is very prevalent so its understandable why people would not want to connect to that label but thats not an excuse to demonize or sexualize bisexuals.❎

Skolio/ceterosexual are only vaild if its a nonbinary person who feels unsafe dating cis/binary people. ❎

Nazis and other bigots do not deserve a platform, thats how fascists and dictators come to power. ❎

Just because trump is worse than biden dosent make biden good. Vote bernie.

Reg means nothing because its all personal interpretation

Gatekeeping is a term made by trans women to explain them being excluded from healthcare, it dosent mean keeping people from invading other communities. Im not a doctor therefore i cant " gatekeep" you.

You have to have did/osdd to be a system and you have to have trauma to have did/osdd. Therefore you have to have trauma to have a system and endos can fuck off, ur ableist. ❎

Tulpamancy is part of closed poc-exclusive religious practice and has nothing to do with systemhood so if ur white and/or claim ur system cause you made a tulpa, ur not only racist and cultural appropriating but also ableist!❎

Pedos/maps/pears are not lgbt. Its a kink not an orientation. (Pocd people are not pedophiles and deserve support!) ❎

Stop stanning freaks like pewdiepie, jenna marbles, thomas Sanders, james charles, fya, cais/bunga, biggest gaudiest patronses, i am fish or other nasties. ❎

Most problematic sources can be consumed critically ( especially if its an autistic person with a hyperfixation) but some sources cant be saved and should burn.

Trying to say which intrusive thoughts are "ok" and " not ok" to have defeats the purpose of supporting those who have them. I have them, shut up if u dont. ❎

Kinnies are rad and i am one. ❎

I support all mogai identities as long as they arent; copycats to make something more " progressive", trans trivializing, fetishizing or otherwise gross. Im mogai neutral as long as the identity is harmless. Xenogender and like altersex stuff is rad as hell ❎

Nonbinary people are allowed to be uncomfortable being around/dating binary people, even if the binary person is trans. Enbyphobia is prevalent in all circles and we're allowed to be wary of ALL binary people ❎

Two-spirit and intersex/intergender people are not inherently lgbt but if the two spirit person is ok using western lgbt labels or the intersex person is trans, then they are lgbt. It is a personal decision and if you arent one or either, it's not your choice to decide if we are or aren't.❎

The drinking/smoking age should be 18.

*insert offputting kawaii death penality insta discourse image* anyway the government shouldnt be allowed to kill you period. Dont care who you are or what you did. ❎

Bring back the guillotine. Viva la revolution ❎

Dismantle the police system ❎

Supporting trump inherently makes you a shitty person cause it means you put no value the lives of those imprisoned at ice concentration camps or literally anything for the betterment of humanity. ❎

Seperate art from artist. Pirate. Fuck disney. Fuck notch. Fuck cavetown ❎

Conceal and carries shouldnt be allowed in hospitals, schools, places of worship, homeless shelters, fesitvals or any places that house oppressed, sick, injured, young, old or otherwise harmless people and peaceful places. ❎

Fujoshis and fundashis are homophobic and nasty asf ❎

"Factkin" dont exist, you cant be another living person, especially seince you dont and never will know everything about their life ❎

Hamiltons music was amazing but idk how to tell you that you shouldnt be supporting a musical that romantizes slave owners. ❎

Hazbin hotels/helluva boss's creator is a horrible person, the music and art style suck ass, alastor is a walking aphobic sterotype, angel dust is a walking homophobic stereotype and the show completely disregards the protags orientation. ❎

Christianity should be abolished and held responcible to the many it has killed and harmed but other abrahamic religions should be supported ❎

Self diagnosis is vaild if the person is well informed. Especially if the idividual is forced within a medical system that would kill, take away their children, refuse them the right to marry or otherwise be oppressive over the idividual if they were successfully diagnosed. ❎

Criminals dont need to be reformed, the system that creates them needs to be. ❎

Descalation officers and social workers who are trained to deal with people in scary situations would kill less people than cops ❎

Neo-pronouns and emoji pronouns are vaild ❎

Micro-labels are not inherently good or bad

Emo and alternative people are not oppressed for getting bullied wtf is wrong with you. ❎

It's not ok to bully people people over relatively harmless identities like pan/poly/Omni, demisexual/romantic, etc. Like idk how to tell you that isn't ok or responsible just because you think the labels are stupid. It's one thing to advocate aginest a community and it's another to personally harass someone just for being that identity. I may not like the history or the community but it isn't cool to bully these people. Not to mention ur a fucking idiot giving them attention and a person to point at as being "dangerous" to them. ❎

Sysmed and tramascum are transphobic and ableist labels, there is nothing wrong with medicalizing a fucking debilitating mental disorder.❎

Transandrophobia exists and if you still think trans men don't face any issues or suddenly gain male privilege, your a fucking idiot.❎

Autism speaks can die in a deep dark abyss❎

If youre still trying to defend a white YouTubers black face in 2023, what are you even doing?❎

Measuring race/ethnicity by percentages and trying to interpersonally decide whether someone is "x race enough to claim it" is just recycled ethnic purity bullshit, racist and it doesn't matter how low or large your percentage is as long as you are happy and respectful. ��

Certain media can be consumed critically(mha, soul eater, FNAF, etc ) but other media simply can't( Harry Potter, hazbin hotel, hetalia, etc) and you'll have to deal with the consequences of supporting the entirely irredeemable media.

Will add to this as time gose on

#beliefs #levi speaks

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literary-sapphicc · 4 years

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Discourse and I’m not sorry

This isn’t gatekeeping. This may look like a long rant but I have some things to add in this discourse.

Lesbians wanting to have their slurs, their terms and their spaces is not gatekeeping. Slurs aren’t there for anyone to reclaim. Dyke is a slur to degrade lesbians, therefore only lesbians can reclaim it. Butch and femme are lesbians exclusive words. Butch and femme come from the 1950s, if I’m not mistaken, and they’re words to describe how those lesbians felt attraction towards women/non-binary-people-aligned-to-women; butch cannot exist without femme, and femme cannot exist without butch; butch/femme don’t equal masculine/feminine, so it’s not just because you dress a certain way that you can call yourself butch or femme. You call yourself butch or femme if you’re lesbian, and even then, they’re not words to describe masculine and feminine. Lesbians spaces only aren’t meant to exclude other sapphics, but lesbians’ experiences are different from bi/pan women/non-binary-people-aligned-to-women because we do not fell attraction towards men/non-binary-people-aligned-strictly-to-men, and sometimes we need to discuss these different experiences that other sapphics don’t understand completely.

Lesbian is women/non-binary-people-aligned-to-women attracted exclusively to women/non-binary-people-aligned-to-women. There’s no attraction towards men/non-binary-people-aligned-strictly-to-men. Lesbian is not an umbrella term for every sapphic to use. And this shouldn’t be controversial. If every wlw is supposed to use lesbian because it also implies attraction to every gender, then we wouldn’t need to use “bi” or “pan”, we would call every sapphic a lesbian — but when we do call every sapphic a lesbian, people say we’re erasing bisexuality and pansexuality. So non-lesbians can use lesbian for themselves but if we call every wlw lesbian we’re being bigots. What’s even the point? Every word has its meaning and words change throughout time, if lesbian was used to describe every wlw, now it describes women/non-binary-people-aligned-to-women attracted exclusive to women/non-binary-people-aligned-to-women. It’s not that hard.

“Bi/pan lesbian” is just blatant lesbophobia and bi/pan erasure. Bi/pan are not adjectives for people to use to “classify” their “lesbianism/lesbianity”, and “lesbian” isn’t a expression to say you’re homoromantic. Lesbianity/lesbianism, bisexuality and pansexuality are different sexualities with different meanings, and bi/pan are an antithesis to lesbianism: bi/pan “nullify” lesbianism. Bi/pan people are attracted to more than one gender, and lesbians aren’t.

If you’re bi/pan with a preference towards women/non-binary-people-aligned-to-women, then you’re bi/pan with a preference towards women/non-binary-people-aligned-to-women or a bi/pan homoromantic! And not bi/pan lesbian. One thing excludes the other, and it implies that lesbians can give a chance to men — and they can’t.

Saying that lesbians should be open to men is just lesbophobia. And all these “lesbian doesn’t exclude attraction to men” is just another way to invalidate us, to make men feel entitled to our bodies and our sexuality so they can feel comfortable enough to try and hook up with us.

I don’t know why it’s so “woke” to say lesbophobic things if it means that you’re fighting against oppression. I don’t understand why is it that lesbians receive all this hate all the time (I read things where people said lesbians should be beaten, I saw GBT people fetishizing lesbians, people saying our sexuality is regressive, and a lot of other things like rape apology — because we should “learn” to like dicks). How this can be progressive and woke?

Bi/pan lesbians is just another way of lesbophobia and bi/pan erasure.

Saying we’re gatekeeping because we want to have our things is also lesbophobic. No one says trans people are gatekeeping when they say cis people cannot reclaim their slurs, nor do people criticize aces who say lesbophobic things — it’s almost as if people don’t like real lesbians but this idealized version of us, where we’re attracted to women but also available for men (which we’re not; and if you like women/non-binary-people-aligned-to-women + men/non-binary-people-aligned-strictly-to-men you’re not a lesbian, you’re bi or pan).

This shouldn’t be controversial. This shouldn’t be discourse.

And saying lesbians aren’t attracted to men isn’t “gold star” bullshit because gold star is a (lesbophobic) expression to describe a lesbian who has never had any kind of relationship with a man, and not an expression to describe any lesbian. Gold star lesbian isn’t the same as lesbian. Some lesbians experience comphet and some lesbians only come out to themselves late in their life, but they’re not any less of a lesbian because they now know that they’re attracted exclusively to women/non-binary-people-aligned-to-women. Many lesbians feel bad with “gold star”, and the only ones I met that are proud about it are radfems (and lesbians aren’t inherently radfems and terfs).

#lesbophobia #lesbophobia tw #bi lesbian #pan lesbian #lesbian #d slur mention #d slur cw #d slur in tags #r*pe mention #rape mention #rape cw #rape tw #discourse

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wadebae · 4 years

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I hate “discourse” but I have something to say. There are still ppl in the year 2020 who think asexuals are “trying to invade” lgbt spaces or some shit and hate us in extremely radicalized and concerning ways, and it’s disgusting. You might not be asexual and you might not care, but there’s a reason why there’s a huge overlap with people who hate aces and people who hate trans women. There’s a reason why people who buy into this can often also spew such radicalized hate speech that they sounds indistinguishable from TERFs, despite perhaps literally being the polar opposite of a TERF.

There’s a reason why there’s been a push to have young lgbt people swallow the propaganda of “queer is a slur” and “don’t trust anyone who calls themselves queer” despite the fact that the same people will often reclaim dyke, fag, or gay as their own proud identities. And there’s nothing wrong with that. My issue lies with the hypocrisy of policing the labels of others.

So why are those slurs ok to reclaim and not queer? Because queer is “too inclusive” and “will allow undesirables into the community.” But Queer was the rallying cry of your own history. It was a reclamation of yes, a slur, used to spit back into the face of heteronormativity and those who violently wanted us dead. It’s been used in popular media - Queer as Folk, Queer Eye - for decades. It’s used in college courses. Queer History. Queer Studies.

Queer is perhaps the one most all-encompassing word, if you don’t want to use an “alphabet soup” of letters for fear of diminishing any one community’s validity to stand alongside one another. But those who hate the word, think that the community should be boiled down to just LGBT as if that’s all we are and all we ever were, when history points to the contrary.

It honestly breaks my heart -- not that one might be offended by the word, because we all have our own experiences of what slurs were used against us personally and which ones we’ll never reclaim. But rather it breaks my heart because there are many, many LGBTQ+ folks who feel that queer is the only one word that can actually describe them without misrepresenting part of their identity. People are complex. We cannot all fit into one or two boxes, nice and neat, no matter how often I’ve wished I could myself because it would be less confusing.

Queer as an identity meant to be all-encompassing, like a verbal blanket that says, yes you do belong even if you don’t have the words yet to describe yourself or never will.

When you tell a stranger, *I* do not identify as queer, therefore *you* are not allowed to use it, you’re not only spitting in their face but also in the faces of people who came before us and paved the way so Pride can be a celebration today instead of a funeral march or a riot. There are people who want Pride to be a riot again but don’t even remember what that means or who started it.

When you push down others who don’t fit nice and neat into just L, G, B, or T, (people who often do identify with one or more of these communities, but who also can only find comfort in additional labels, or god forbid, one nebulous label like ‘queer’ because it’s the only place they truly feel at ease) you’re standing alongside a history of oppressors who said that we are all wrong. Because to people who violently hate us, it doesn’t matter if you’re a lesbian, a gay man, bisexual, trans, pansexual, poly, genderfluid, nonbinary, asexual, aromantic, demi, agender, genderqueer, or whatever words we might have to describe ourselves, if you don’t fit the mold, to them you’re just queer and something to stamp out. They do not care what you are exactly.

I know why people get annoyed. It’s strange to have new labels crop up, especially when they don’t describe you and you’ll never fully understand what it feels like. But just because the words are new (to you) doesn’t mean that what it describes is new. Yes, there are many, many labels and micro-identities. There’s an explosion of young people who feel safe enough to test the waters and see what sticks. If it’s silly, it will fall out of use. If it makes sense, it will endure.

I know why people get scared. The world is full of horrible people, nazis, racists, rapists, pedophiles, trolls who twist our own words against us to try to invalidate our lived experiences. But by lashing out against other LGBTQ+ people, you don’t fight off “the invaders”, you just rip the community into pieces. There are young, questioning, scared kids growing up right now and seeing this shit and being actually damaged by the gatekeeping and toxic behavior aimed within the community. Young people need to know it’s okay to try different labels and it’s okay to not know yet, or to never know.

The community isn’t a castle you can protect. You either are LGBTQ+ or you are not. You cannot know someone else’s mind and feelings and whether they are what they say they are. You can only see their words and actions. Instead of worrying about policing other people’s labels and who is barred from imaginary castles, worry about how people behave towards others. Because I do not care who you are, if you are harassing people, spreading harmful misinformation, making hate speech, or sending threats, you fucking suck and you become part of the problem. No number of labels will protect you from being a shitty human being. You might be “part of the community” but you will never be welcome in my book. That’s how that works.

#queer #is not a slur #lgbtq #history #spicy hot take #exclusionists #if this were 2015 I'd get some angry anons demanding i detail my sexual/romantic history to justify why i belong here #-slurps cold tea-#anyway i just want ppl to get along #and instead of attacking other identities you clearly dont understand #maybe try to be fucking chill #and instead worry about like actual predators and harmful ppl #ok?#oh wait that's right that's why y'all pretend that all aces and trans women are predators #lmfaoooo i'm salty

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mintedwitcher · 4 years

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Knew they'd have to resort to "the n word is reclaimed but its still not okay for white people to say it" but like, by that logic, again, queer is reclaimed..... And so on, and gotta love that white people resort to that. Fun fact, that pisses me off to no fucking end. You can say spic on TV. Its a slur but one you can say on day time tv and were not running around calling each other that so no idea what white ass decided its no longer bad enough to be put on tv but they're an asshole.

Yeah its ridiculous anon. Just plain and simple gatekeeping and exclusionary tactics.

Also that person is a MINOR. Like??? God imagine going up to an older queer person who actually lived through the reclamation of queer and telling them thet cant use their own label anymore bc "uwu it lets the Cishets in!!!"

Like???? The level of arrogance and entitlement and just.... i feel sorry for them. I genuinely just pity them. They're a kid and they've picked this as their hill to die on? That people cant use words that once were used in a bad way? By that logic, we may as well throw away a majority of our language!

"Nope you can't call yourself a lesbian anymore, because it used to be used in a derogatory way years ago!"

"You're gay? Oh no, I think you meant you are a Same Gender Attracted person! You cant use Gay because its a slur!"

"Ummmmm doncha know bisexual is just a slur for curious women??????"

Like? Do you SEE? ALL of our terms came from a place of hate. All of our words have been used as insults against us at some point. But we reclaimed them like we did with queer. And that is important!

And for a literal CHILD to try and tell us WE dont know OUR history, when some of us have literally LIVED THROUGH IT, is insulting.

#obviously i wasnt alive for the reclamation of queer #but i identify as queer #so this topic is extremely personal for me #asks #anon #queer pride #queer power #racism

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kitt-andrea · 5 years

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What is Queer?

Gay 1 told me to ‘settle down, our lot can get married now so (I) should Stop complaining- and while (I’m) at it, get a job and stop dyeing (my) hair weird colours.’ I gulp down my imperative to scream at his condescending tone, and walk away. To be Queer is to be looked down upon, but to know one’s value and try to be better.

And the teacher stuck in the 70s hasn’t realised yes, I can study Queer Theory at university -And even as a word itself, it is one I treasure: Can he not tell I’m not slurring it across a room like his other student did just last week?

Just as the grassroots informed the naming of our theory of life, The tensions of which branch of non-normative identity one takes up Is present in its constituents too. But Gay 1 runs our Gay Straight Alliance, And important politics are formed in the process of making a capital-a Ally so I play nice.

It seems the Allies want to join the acronym too now, And the Lesbians and Gays are in pieces over how respectable they should be today. Being an Ally isn’t Queer, sorry, we say, but they never wanted to be Queer anyway.

Being Queer means knowing that co-operating is sometimes useful to the movement, But that ultimately your aims are totally disparate, and it is more useful to Find a group on the margins too for totally different reasons And find where the struggle does overlap- and in the space it doesn’t create mutual aid.

Grinding my teeth in the fifth meeting this week- with staff, or my own constituent students That tell me, maybe I’m too militant for liberation and should focus on Going to the raising of the flag at University House instead.

Queers look to total liberation, that is tied up in the liberation of everyone else too So we will demonstrate: against racism, to end the thinly veiled neo-colonialist war- For any cause that drives humanity towards a utopia, no matter how useless Such an endeavour feels. To be Queer is to actively oppose harmful structures.

No, this does still not make Allies Queer. Show me their action extending past A GSA meeting, into the streets for us and others, or to their homes- their bedrooms. Point to how they Queer their movement through the world.

Could a Heterosexual person be Queer? Queer 2 replies, ‘maybe if they are Trans.’ While I do agree, being Transgender is as much a way into Queerness as being Attracted to multiple genders, the implied definition for Queer (as told by Queer 3) Is simply non-normative gender and orientation, nothing more and nothing less.

We are a politics against purity, but did you see the same logic of LGBTQUIAP+ (and endless formations even less useful than that) Shining through? This is not who we are meant to be, damn it!

Let’s Queer the pitch and challenge these outdated lines of gatekeeping. What of the Ethically non-monogamous? What of those who practice kink and have Non-normative sex? What makes their variety of relationships not Queer? What even is Queer? It has dead bodies in itself, but birth and celebration too.

And I know that the cisgender heterosexuals in those communities Are still prone to shouting abuse or laughing at us or denying us access: I am adamant. Those ones Queer nothing. But some still do.

Consider the limited parental rights of those categories, or the working opportunities. Sexual violence is laughed at when other pain is consensual. There are powers at play When a BDSM scene creates a culture of consent stronger than its vanilla counterparts And when non-monogamy undermines the premises of an efficient nuclear family.

At my first social, I am told to use a fake name, and call the one I am under protection of ‘Amy’. The name stumbles across my lips but it is for our protection, no one can know she Studies … No one can know I’d teach if I could one day.

Is anything solidly Queer? Queer is a verb, I am Queer because of how I choose to Act in my life. I am Queer when my sex(uality)/ relationships/ gender undermine That which is the norm. When I struggle in solidarity and revolt against the logic of this world. Gay 1, or Lesbian 4 are not Queer because they uphold this Straight hegemony.

Queer is anti-capitalist, so join me on the streets in the march to Grenfell, Or smash your way to the top of Millbank Or mask up for when Mark Duggan…

The Queer cannot beg to be ‘like everyone else’, with a normal family and marriage, Or ask to join the army and kill some brown (queer) people for their country. We are a set of demands alight in a Molotov Cocktail- and if our flame makes the sparkliest rainbow, Then so be it. Queer is a potential found across gender and orientations, embrace it.

In a room full of the closest friends, she admits that maybe she too is a bit Queer, a bit genderqueer, that these norms do not fit her either, but she is afraid To come out- to family yes, but to the community of letters who should judge her not enough.

I am not a subcategory of anything or anyone, not even the Gay and Lesbian group. Queer means so much more than a simple identity, it is a statement of intent, A set of demands and constant striving to have made oneself who we needed as children.

We are the eternal collective of Dykes, Fags, Trannies- and above all else- filthy Queers. And we are here, we will eternally fuck this shit up in the name of glorious revolution-

My beautiful body that pleasingly straddles binary gender and sex is its own small Revolution. It is yet more beautiful when the binaries dissolve under the weight of A gender pluralism that recognises gender’s present importance but eventual death.

To kill gender and sexuality and leave only pleasure and people is our aim, for now we fight-

February 2018

#queer theory #poetry #queer riot #anti capitalism

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bymcr · 5 years

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why do you think ace people arent lgbt if youre ace yourself? im curious not tryign to create any discourse. im just curious to why you would want to gatekeep yourself

im a wlw who feels most comfortable identifying as nb, too. i dont talk about it as often but i am ace as well. i do not believe that cishet ace people are lgbt bc they are not lesbians, gay, bi, or trans. i do not believe that you can be systemically oppressed for being ace. youre not going to be denied a job or housing bc youre ace. youre not gonna face violence on the street bc youre ace. youre not going to lose any human rights for being ace. people who are lgbt do face these.

there is not a lot of awareness around asexuality and it can create harmful conversations out of ignorance. there might be the pre conceived notion that ace people are “broken” bc their sex drive operates differently. it can be upsetting to hear ignorant statements - even horrifyingly ignorant statements on how to “correct” it (even though this same rhetoric is often used against lbgt people). it can be hard to find understanding and acceptance in relationships, platonic and romantic alike. i do believe that there should be a community where ace people can discuss their struggles and have support - i do not believe that the lgbt community is necessarily the place for this

while the ace community has been tied with the lgbt community historically, and i do believe that the lgbt community can be a great ally for ace people, i believe that it should be a “partnership” not intertwined. (not sure if that makes sense) im bad with putting it into words but i often see cishet ace people throwing slurs, making lgbt places unsafe to show affection, shaming lgbt for showing sexual attraction - telling them its “gross” or “dirty” (i remember seeing a string of posts about how gay people deserved aids bc they shouldnt have had sex and this was such a clear and violent example of this to me), and undermining the struggles and violence that lgbt people face. all of a sudden, a space meant specifically for lesbians, gay people, bi people, and people who are trans are no longer safe for them.

its so true that tumblr can be a very toxic place for ace people (which is why i may not talk about it often) but i believe it only became that way bc cishet ace people demanded their voice was equally heard when discussing lgbt issues. i think the focus should not be on “were gay too! let us in!” and should be on creating a new community where ace/aro/demi people can discuss and find support specifically for their own concerns and challenges.

#wdl #this is fucking long #ace discourse #im done posting #i got like five messages last night #Anonymous

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queer-merm · 6 years

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About

Hello and welcome to the Queer Merm Blog™️!

It is run by Mod Ary (they/them, it/its), Mod H (they/them) and Mod Boulder (they/them)! (ETA August, 2020: Mod T/Mod C has left due to not having enough enough time to dedicate to Tumblr)

Trans people, intersex people, and non-binary peeps are loved and welcomed, and so are any queer, bi, pan, m-spec ace, aro, and questioning peeps

This blog might, and will, get 18+. There might be kinky shit. With this in mind, we would rather not have children following, but if you do, please blacklist tags such as “NSFW”, “kink”, and “sex”. We ain’t your parents, we just want to make this blog safe for everyone.

Please note we use “queer” a lot, as hinted by the url

This is not meant to be a discourse blog, but there are people we prefer not wish to associate with.

General opinions and such under cut

please do not follow/interact if you are:

(Tldr at the end, apologies for lenght)

-Racist, xenophobic, intolerant of religious people, antisemitic

-Queerphobic / Homophobic / biphobic/ transphobic / aphobic, etc. Gatekeepers and “exclus” aren’t welcomed either

-ableist/ misogynistic/ fatphobic/ exorsexist/ anti-mogai or just an unpleasant or bigoted person.

-Included in the former, but just to be clear, truscum/transmeds/terfs/swerfs/alt-right/Nazis and Nazi allies are not welcome

-if you call queer a slur, you are not welcome. We understand your history with the word might be different than ours, but we do not tolerate having our identities called a slur.

-anti-choice/ “pro-life”

-Someone who thinks pronouns=gender, and that lesbian and bi/pan/sapphic non-binary/women people cannot use he/him or they/them (or any pronoun). Same for nblm/mlm using she/her or they/them.

-someone who thinks bi/pan/poly/queer women can’t use butch/femme/dyke, or mocks people who use “futch”

-someone who is against the use of queer (especially if you have no problem with dyke or the f word), or attacks the queer community

-someone who, in the same vein, polices other people’s identity. (You can’t identify as xyz!!!1!). You don’t have to understand, only respect. People have their reason to identify as whatever they want, and it’s their business, not yours. Sexuality and gender are complicated and whatever label someone decides is best for them in good faith is best, period. So anyway this blog respects bi/pan/m-spec lesbians, aligned aroace people, polyam people, Pan, omni, ply people, and any queer identity. (Here is a collection of posts about bi lesbian specifically because that seems to be the current hot controversy of the day)

-again, bears repeating, we do not want gatekeepers of any kind and exclusionists to follow us. Don’t police how other’s identify. None of ur business. Shoo.

-we do not want pedophiles/zoophiles/necrophiles following us. Can’t believe this needs to be said.

-this blog is kink positive, we will tag everything NSFW, but if that bothers you, it’s best not to interact.

-We do not want to be involved in discourse other than LGBTQ+ discourse. do NOT message us about fiction discourse, system discourse, etc. This blog is a safe space for queer/LGBTQIAPN+ People, and aside from the discourse about respecting their identity, we do not want to be involved in other discourse. Please respect this. Don’t bring up syscourse, fiction discourse, etc, we don’t wanna be involve

-please just don’t ever bring up L*ly Orch*rd.

TLDR; DNI if prejudiced against minorities (racist and anti-black/ mysoginistic / trans/nbphobic / homo/bi/lesbo/a/queerphobic / antisemitic / alt-right, Radfem/transmed, etc), or if you police people’s label and/or if you gatekeep the LGBTQIAPN2+ community

-That’s all We can come up with right now. More might be added later. We block very liberally, though again, if those do not apply, feel free to message if you feel we made a genuine mistake

#about #byf #byi #mod ary #mod c #mod h

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fiddleabout · 3 years

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nothing wrong with reclaiming slurs but some ppl aren’t comfortable with hearing them!! esp those who have experienced trauma surrounding their usage + aren’t comfortable hearing/reading them

Jesus, I don't even know where to start with this. The idea that it's a slur, the inherent transphobia and gatekeeping, or the idea that people get to police how others speak to their own identities.

So let's start here:

The idea that it's a slur:

Every word we-- and by we I mean everyone who isn't cishet: lesbian and gay and bi and pan and demi and intersex and ace and aro and trans and literally all of us-- have ever used to describe ourselves has been used against us by the cishet community. Full stop. Nothing is excepted from this, because slurs are, by nature, a word turned into a weapon as a way to hurt someone. Saying queer is a slur is like saying a vase is a weapon: I can break a vase over someone's head and do a shitload of damage, but it's me making it a weapon, not the vase itself. The same goes for words.

I've never in my three-plus decades on this godforsaken planet had someone try to call me queer as an insult, but even if they had, it's the intent behind it that makes it an insult, not the word itself. Someone calling me gay as an insult-- or homo, or lesbian, or queer if it had ever happened-- is not an insult because of the word gay, it's an insult because they want to hurt me for being gay. Lesbian and gay and bisexual aren't slurs, any more than ginger is a slur for redheads, or leftie is a slur for lefthanded people-- and, coincidentally, all of those are words people have used to insult me. It's not the word that makes them an insult or a slur, it's the need to hurt.

The inherent transphobia and gatekeeping of the idea that it's a slur:

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you aren't a horrible transphobe, because presumably if you were you uhhh would not have stuck around on this blog long enough to say anything. So here's a thing to keep in mind when you're thinking about things: "queer is a slur" is a terf dogwhistle. It's used as a way to identify like-minded transphobes who would rather spend their time making up delusional bullshit about the nonexistent risk to feminism that trans women pose than actually dealing with, you know, the actual issues that feminism are meant to address. It's intended to segment the population into the "right" people and everyone else as a way to gatekeep the community of "women", because queer is inherently inclusive, which means it includes everyone-- trans women included-- so if you use the word queer as a positive descriptor or identifier then you aren't compatible with the terf movement.

Flip that around and you can see very clearly that "queer is a slur" is just a shorthand for "I align myself with the transphobes that make up the terf movement."

Maybe you didn't know that! Now you do. Behave accordingly.

The idea that people get to police how others speak to their own identifies:

I'm in full support of creating safe spaces for people. I'm not in any way going to sit by and let anyone say that a safe space must inherently exclude certain identities (and before someone tries to get clever: prejudice isn’t an identity, it’s a character flaw. Being a Republican isn’t an identity, it’s willful stupidity at best. This does not apply to ideology, it applies to identity). Especially when we're talking about the queer community. The queer community is by it's very nature one of support and trust and inclusion, that, as has been said by people smarter than me:

Queer says no, you cannot insult me by lumping me in with the most marginalized and scandalous among us. I am unabashedly for their quality of life and not just my own. (x)

Queer is for everyone and it is a community, it is an identity, and no one gets to tell anyone within that community that their identity is a slur. Do you even realize how dehumanizing it is to say that someone? "Well, I think your identity is a dirty word, so I need you to trigger tag it." It is cruel and exclusionary and by it's very nature states that you-- or anyone who makes this argument-- get to determine who is allowed in the community and whose identity is valid. Spoiler alert: you don't.

And before someone crawls up my ass about safe spaces let me make something very clear: your right to protect yourself-- from triggers, from remnants of prior trauma, from things that make you uncomfortable-- immediately stops being defense when you start using it to police how other people speak about themselves and the community we're all ostensibly a part of. Your right to defend yourself stops the minute it becomes offense instead of defense, and making the argument that people can't speak to their own identity without it being tagged as a slur is inherently offense.

So let's recap here:

Queer is not a fucking slur

The argument that queer is a slur is either (a) predicated on a fundamental misunderstanding of how language itself works and is or isn't weaponized, or (b) an intentional dogwhistle designed to align yourself with transphobes

Saying that queer is a slur inherently indicates that (a) you find that identity lesser and additionally the people with that identity as lesser and (b) you view your standard of mental comfort as more important than the actual identity of other people

If you think queer is a slur then get the hell away from my blog. I'm a queer woman. I have a whole family of queer friends who I love dearly, and we're all part of the queer community, the community that told all of us that we were welcome and it wasn't ashamed of any of us. No one gets to take that away from us or tell us that we need to change our identity or our community, for the comfort of others, to inherently align it with the implications of the very people who have tried to insult us by using slurs.

The fact that those tags were on a post where I talked about a character and specifically said the words "she may not be the gayest person on the show but she's definitely the queerest" after waxing poetic about queerness and how heavily queer coded-- not gay coded, not lesbian coded, but queer coded-- that character is is just insult to injury and, frankly, bullshit and I will not apologize for my anger about it

#this completely derailed my whole fucking work day #i'm behind now #thanks :|#anyways #queer is not a fucking slur #and if you think it is i'm glad to tell you al lthe ways that you're wrong #but honestly i'm tired and i'd rather you just fuck off and get very fucking far away from me and mine forever #Anonymous #queer as in fuck you #queer as in i love you

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breeeliss · 6 years

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miss-labelled replied to your post “quick queer rant”

Oppression Olympics aside, wasn't the community made SOLELY for sga and trans folks? Like, the A was always for ally as a way of letting in closeted lgbt folks, and the community was built for homophobia and transphobia, no? Times they can change, but isn't it important to keep resources for gay bi and trans people safe for those people to use only?

alright, let me shut this down piece by piece. starting with this bullshit about A “always standing for ally.”

that is completely false. you’re not speaking truth. what you’re doing is taking a side on a debate that has been plaguing our community for a while now about whether the A stands for “ally” or “asexual/aromantic,” and you best believe that this “debate” is really a smokescreen for an even more worrying issue which is that we’re repeating history and starting to gatekeep our community yet again, this time with the ace/aro community.

including allies within the queer community is fucking bullshit, the primary reason being that allies do not experience any type of oppression. allies are, by definition, allies because they have privilege over those they are performing allyship towards. and for that matter, allyship isn’t an identity. it is an action. insisting upon making allyship an identity reinforces the idea that allyship is something you are and not something you do (which is why you have so many self proclaimed allies who don’t fucking do shit for us but that’s another issue).

allies also shouldn’t center themselves. allyship isn’t about giving yourself a letter in our acronym it’s about being the feet and not the voice of a movement and using your privilege to elevate oppressed voices and experiences. again, by definition, you are meant to be taking the backseat to all of these conversations. not placing yourself front and center.

the biggest reason this whole “A stands for ‘ally’” shit started is because people 1) believe that asexual/aromantic people aren’t queer (and i swear to fucking god, if someone clocks me for using the “””””q slur”””””” i’m gonna scream) and 2) that asexual/aromantic people are “stealing resources” from everyone else.

i don’t know if you know this but the LGBT community didn’t always used to be the LGBT community. it was not SOLELY for sga and trans folk. for a while, gay and lesbian folks weren’t sure if trans people should be included because they thought their community should only include sexual orientations and not gender orientations. before that, there was debate over including bi people. before that, gay men weren’t sure if they wanted to be lumped in with lesbian women. seeing a pattern? me too. it’s almost like our acronym is always expanding. funny how that works...

asexual and aromantic individuals (and anyone who is on that ace/aro/grey/demi spectrum) is queer. done and done. they march in Pride parades all over the country with us. organizations like Stonewall Youth and GLSEN not only celebrate asexuality but emphasize the need to give asexual individuals resources and support. being afraid that these asexual/aromantic folks are going to be stealing resources from you is honestly just complete bullshit. ace/aro folks are not nefariously sneaking into Stonewall Youth and taking housing accommodations away from people who really need it. this always reminds me of those straight people who worry about sexual assault when it comes to creating gender neutral bathrooms for TGNC folks: you’re trying to apply ridiculous and outlandish logic to justify your intolerance, and i see right through it.

so in closing: i’m debunking your entire reply as nonsense. A stands for asexual/aromantic/agender and encompasses everyone on the grey/demi spectrum as well. ace/aro/demi/grey folks are queer. they belong in our community. i don’t want to hear any different. for anyone who disagrees, the unfollow button can be located on the upper right hand corner of your screen.

#asexuality #asexual #aromantic #lgbtq #queer #lgbt #reply #miss-labelled

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jedimasteramell · 7 years

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Its pride month and Ace/Aro people have every right to be here and to celebrate. Im really tired of this gatekeeping folks. And honestly all of you anti ace/aro people (aside from the fact youre assuming gender) sound a lot like terfs.

You have no idea what its like to be an ace/aro person, to live in a world that emphasizes sex and passionate romance. All those feelings of inadequacy, ostracization, like something is wrong with you that you’ve been made to feel because youre gay, or bi, or what have you, ace/aro people have felt too, for only vaguely different reasons. Every identity that isnt cis, heterosexual, AND heteromantic has been made to feel like less than a person for not being the norm, and been subject to everything from slurs, mental abuse and corrective rape. Im going to say it again for those of you in the back. EVERY IDENTITY THAT ISNT CIS, HETEROSEXUAL, AND HETEROMANTIC HAS BEEN MADE TO FEEL LIKE LESS THAN A PERSON FOR NOT BEING THE NORM.

Y'all act like every single ace/aro person is some scary cis-het here to kill your vibe by invading your space, but thats the assumption that we all share the same whole space and that theres no where else you can go.

Imagine being LGBT+/Queer/MOGAI however you identify is a community. Thats what we call it, a community. So imagine its just that, you go to Anytown, Anywhere, Earth, and theres a street for just LGBT+ community. Now imagine theres a park in the middle of your community where everyone can hang out, walk their dog, have yard sales. But everyone has their own house. Do you just enter your neighbors houses unannounced? Probablly not. You ask permission get invited. So imagine on this street theres a house for gay people, and one for bisexuals, and one for nb folks, one for asexuals, and so on and so forth. Sure, maybe ace/aro folks DONT belong in the house meant for pansexuals, but thats just like maybe cis-gay men, dont belong hanging in the house with lesbian trans-women. Everyone is still part of the community, they all live there, they just dont go in each others houses without invitation.

When I say ace/aro people are LGBT+, thats it, theyre part of that community. That means they get their own house and can be invited over for bbqs or talked to as they walk their iguana down the street. That doesn’t mean they get a free pass into everyones home, everyones safe space. Its up to them to be respectful of those spaces like any decent neighbor would be. And you to do the same in turn.

All these identities are overlapping, especially when you bring gender and romantic attraction into the mix. Someone who’s ace, might also be panromantic. Someone who’s aro, might also be trans. You have no idea the life they’ve lived, wether these people have suffered trauma or gone through intense self scrutiny to recognize who they are. You know what you sound like when you say ace/aro people are hets in disguise? Those people who think transwomen are men who want to rape women in public restrooms.

Its 2017. Its almost been 50 years since Stonewall. In a world intent on pitting us against each other and tearing us down an reminding us that the powers that be think of us less than dirt, I dont know why so many of y'all are intent on forcing people away.

So happy pride month. All ace and aro people are welcome here, and should celebrate the courage and effort it takes to stand up and say you are not what other people have tried to force you to be. I love you and I respect you, and y'all are invited over to my place for the cookout.

#ace discourse #aro discourse #pride month #rape mention*

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