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jellycrusher · 6 months

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Fangirl pt. 6

INITIALLY POSTED ON MY FORMER PAGE: bts-teaspoonff

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Slow Burn, Idol A/U

Pairing: BTS OT7 x backupdancer!reader

Rating: PG

Summary: Y/N, being a huge fangirl, finally got her chance to work alongside her favorite idol group as a backup dancer. She gets to know each member personally and realizes that her feelings may be more than fangirl-idol attraction.

Word Count: 8.1K

Warnings: slight angst, minor character death, implied PTSD, panic attack

Taglist: @nochujeonjk @i-like-puppy-mg @miyochan@satotakeru14 @boba-tea1206 @blimpintime @kodzuskook @fangirl125reader @xicanacorpse

PARTS: masterlist... 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

You’re back at your apartment, staring blankly at the ceiling as you lay down on the floor of your living room trying to contemplate what just happened today. It was supposed to be a free day for you but so far, everything is so crazy. You shrill as you curl yourself into ball, rolling to the side, as you recall all the events that had happened today.

From Hoseok attending your class then driving you back to BigHit, to standing in that recording booth listening to their voices as they mutter your name. What in the world did you do in your past life to receive all this happiness?

You pull your bag from the table above you to the floor where you’re laying down. You stare at the brand new purple phone inside your bag. Jiyong handed it out to you when you asked for a copy of the message. You did refuse it at first but when Jiyong mentioned Namjoon specifically told him that there’s absolutely no way he’ll let you refuse their gift. You raise the phone towards the ceiling as you flip it to closely examine the phone. You let your fingers brush on the small and subtle BTS logo on its backside.

“What did I do to be this lucky?” You unlocked the phone for the first time and almost dropped the phone on your face, taken aback at the silly wallpaper that appeared out of the blue. It looks like Taehyung took the selfie, with him and Jin in the front while Hoseok, Jimin and Jungkook, in the middle row, were all adorably trying to push forward as if fighting for a bigger space in the selfie. RM and Yoongi were behind the other boys being so casual about it. You chuckle so loud looking at Yoongi in the selfie. It must have taken a lot of persuasion from the boys for him to join.

You browse your phone to find the recorded message. After a few minutes, you finally found it saved as a widget on your menu screen. You click to play it on loudspeaker and pressed the phone on your chest as you anticipate to hear them once more.

[All 00:01]

Hello y/n, we are BTS!

[Taehyung 00:04]

Surprise! On behalf of our favorite sound engineer, Jiyong, we give you this one of a kind voice message from us, your favorite group in the world.

[Jin 00:14]

He told me he’s terrified of you when you’re angry…… What?…. Jiyong is telling the boys that I’m lying. Don’t believe what he says. Jiyong has a sister complex, guys.

[RM 00:25]

Hyung, don’t bully Jiyong unless you also want to give him an apology message

[Jin 00:31]

I’m just joking. Jiyong adores you. I can attest to that because he won’t stop bragging you to us even before you have worked here. I almost feel like I’m your close friend with how much he talks about you

[Yoongi 00:43]

As expected, this message is now getting chaotic. Should we get to our main point?

[Jimin 00:49]

Right! We actually suggested if Jiyong could instead give you a signed album but he admitted that you already have ALL our albums. Most of them being signed albums so I guess there’s no point in giving you an extra copy?

[Jungkook 01:05]

So Taehyung, being a genius, asked us if we could record this message and sing a few parts of our songs just for you.

[J-hope 01:10]

For our number one fan, we’ll sing for you right here. Every time you hear this, imagine that we’re singing in front of you.

[RM 01:17]

Enjoy our little gift! And can you please assure Jiyong that you’re not angry with him? He really looks like a terrified and sad little puppy

[Jin 01:29]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA look at Jiyong

A few more seconds, they started singing Butterfly. How many times have you played this song on repeat? You can’t even remember anymore. Listening to them sing it ‘live’ to you through this recorded message still gives off the same raw emotional performance compared from the studio version.

Jiyong must have suggested them to sing Butterfly. You may have mentioned him once before that this song was significant to you but no one really knows the reason for it. At first, Jiyong thought that it’s just simply your favorite song from BTS but soon after, he realized that maybe you thought of your parents based on the message of the song.

You didn’t try to explain anything to him even when he opened the topic of your parents. You just let him think that the reason why this song is significant for you is because, as stated in the song’s message, it expresses your fear of losing someone represented by a butterfly.

It’s actually much deeper than that. You actually thought of yourself whenever you hear this song. Yes, both you and Jiyong lost your parents. However, you also lost a part of yourself after the accident. It took you years to recover yourself back from the trauma.

It was late at night when your parents were driving, along with you as a passenger, back to the house. They argued for just a few seconds as you observe them quietly from the back seat, then an upcoming skidding truck blinded all of you with its glaring front lights. When you opened your eyes, you were already upside down hanging by the seatbelt. Smell of gas was eerily present as you see the front of the car totaled along with your parents, making you the only survivor. Silence in that dark tunnel was terrifying.

Jiyong wasn’t in the car when it happened. Fortunately, he was staying back at home with your grandparents because he was sick that night.

Both you and Jiyong quickly became the talk of the village. There has never been a horrific accident in the history of your town. A drunk driver collided with the car that your family had been in, killing everyone but you. High School Orphans and only your grandparents now to take care of you and your twin brother. You had to show a brave front for your brother. You may be twins but you acted the big sister role most of the time and had to constantly comfort Jiyong through the pain of losing your parents.

However, the guilt of surviving alone and the horrifying image of your parents constantly fights your sanity. You had to be strong for Jiyong but as a young girl at that time, you did crave for a figure to not just comfort you but also help you get up.

When you heard Butterfly years after the accident, you understood it very well. In the lyrics, there’s also a hint of trying to save someone before they do something they regret or something they won’t come back from. When you listen to the song, it felt like there’s two of you. The you who is trying very hard to hold on is singing the lyrics to the you who is on the verge of letting go.

The lyrics can be interpreted as losing someone you love. It can be an ex-partner, friend, or loved one. For you, it was yourself. Losing yourself. That’s what you were afraid of and fought really hard to not make that happen.

That’s the main reason you became their fan. The complexity of their lyrics always seems to pull the unspoken words from you.

· ───────── ·⑦· ───────── ·

“Here’s an orange juice from me!” Taehyung props down the cold drink in front of Jiyong and sits down on a chair beside him, eyes still glued on Jiyong like a puppy.

“How about Pad Thai from your favorite Thai place?” Jimin joined them as he offers it and sits on the other side opposite to Taehyung.

“I’m sure he’ll choose mine. Hamburg steak with cheese and additional sauce.” Jungkook stood behind Jiyong, towering him as he leans in and puts down the food in front of Jiyong.

“I’m telling you guys I can’t give it to you. She’ll kill me for sure this time.” Jiyong whined as he kick his legs from frustration. He wants to accept the food bribery but he knows that if he give what the three adorable troublemakers are asking from him, an apology message from BTS won’t save him again from you.

“You used our song for her cover. I guess we have a right to listen to it or even have a copy of it.” Taehyung pouts followed by adamant nods from Jimin and Jungkook.

When you were with Jiyong in the small recording studio, the three of them were actually just outside the door along with Hoseok trying to eavesdrop waiting for a reaction from you. They were actually surprised when Jiyong suggested that you try to sing to their song just to let off steam. Jungkook and Taehyung can’t seem to stop snickering when they heard you two siblings teasing each other through the intercom because you insisted Jiyong not to hit the record button when you start singing.

When Jiyong asked you what songs you would like to sing, you declared to sing short covers to Promise, Still With You and Snow Flower, granting gasps from the three song owners sneaking outside. Taehyung actually choked a bit from his own saliva, not expecting you to sing his song.

The four of them were all listening in as you were singing in the booth the whole time. Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung were absorbed especially when it was their song that you’re singing. J-hope was also amazed and surprised. Not only you were one heck of a dancer but an amazing singer as well. Your talents could bring other idols that they know to shame.

After you were done and left the recording studio, they all rushed inside to ask Jiyong if he did record it all. To their surprise, Jiyong recorded it all but of course, he did it without you knowing. Since then, the boys have been asking and bribing Jiyong to send them a copy of the music file.

“I helped you by suggesting the personal recorded message. Can I have a copy of her cover please?” Taehyung pleaded with his doe eyes. Jiyong, now closely surrounded by the maknae line, contemplates whether the risk of being chopped to pieces by you is worth it.

· ───────── ·⑦· ───────── ·

Inside the practice room, every other dancer is busy dancing their butts off. You lean back on your hands spread behind you as you quietly observe your other fellow dancers practicing in front of the mirror. With the purple phone in your other hand, you gripped it tightly as you let your breathing slowly normalize just after finishing your solo dance practice. Sounds of stomping and shoe skidding on the floor echoed in the practice room as everyone pushed through the hectic schedule for the day.

Tomorrow is the team’s MT or three day team-building event that’s got everyone in a tight schedule for today to, at least, finish any preparations that could be done and present the couple dance routines in front of BTS along with the choreographers.

BTS and the main choreographers later entered the practice room and soon the dance routine presentation started. You’re last to present along with your dance partner, Taeyang, the couple dance routine you’ve finished. When it was finally your turn, Taeyang quickly stood and offered to help you up off the floor. You have danced in front of the boys and the choreographers countless of times but why does it still feel like you’re dancing to be evaluated and be listed off the team.

The other boys quickly took notice of your newfound closeness with your dance partner and they weren’t entirely comfortable seeing you smile so sweetly at him. Hoseok were glaring at Taeyang’s hand as they landed snugly on your hips to turn you into place. The three younger members were sneaking stares like a hawk.

They all knew that one of them is gonna dance with you to this song eventually but seeing you be this touchy and close to another man ignited something in them. Unsure whether it was jealousy but they convinced themselves that it might just be the feeling of protectiveness since Jiyong had told them again and again to keep an eye out for you.

Yoongi’s full attention today was not really on any dancers nor the dance routines. He knew the inevitable obvious choice, which is to give anyone from the dance line the solo dance spot. The only dance routines he gave his attention to, not caring entirely though, was the dance routine for a member with three or two dancers. He glanced at his other members and sees Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook and Hoseok sitting up straight and anticipating you to start dancing with your male partner.

The second the music started, the four members on the dance line were entirely absorbed on watching ahead. Without needing words, Yoongi knew that the four of them are hungrily vying for the solo dance part. What he didn’t know was that the four of them were only thinking of the opportunity to finally have a chance to share the stage with you. The way your male partner danced to the music along with you, to the tunes of Without Me by Halsey, had them hungry for the coveted spot.

Taeyang, your dance partner, carefully lands his hands on your hips and it travels down to your leg as you lean into him with your head back. Catching everyone’s eye at the intimate and almost sultry dance step, especially Yoongi. A few sneaky gulps occurred amongst them. You were completely engrossed in the music with movements completely fluid and expressions purely enchanting everyone.

You were naïve to the scorching gazes and unfamiliar desire from the 7 members. Yoongi along with Jin and RM were now determined to insert themselves in the competition amongst the group for the solo dance part. All of them quickly exchanged looks the moment you finished dancing and the music stopped. No words were spoken but all of them understood that each of them definitely wanted the opportunity to share the stage with you more than the coveted chance to dance solo.

You held your water bottle tightly while you quench your thirst. You eye out to the side as the main choreographers were busy talking to each other and to some of the dancers. Taehyung, Hoseok, Jimin and Jungkook were also busy talking to their managers at the other side of the room.

“I see that you’re putting our gift to good use.” You almost choke on your water at the sudden voice behind you.

“Namjoon? Don’t scare me like that” You cough. Finishing his cup of water, he slowly walked to your side. You quickly notice Yoongi’s head popping out from Namjoon’s side. “Hello to you two.” Namjoon cheekily grins and Yoongi smiled with his lips closed.

“He said you’re putting our gift to good use.” Yoongi slightly leans forward, whispering. You glanced at him and quickly looked at the purple phone you’re tightly holding in your other hand beside you.

Quickly after realizing that the two of them were eyeing your phone, you stammer while you took a step closer. “You really didn’t have to give me this. I tried to refuse it but Jiyong told me that you insisted that I accept it. Also, your other gift was unexpected but thank you. I appreciate it.” You smile nervously at the two of them, hiding the fact that you don’t just appreciate the recorded message but it meant the world to you. Obviously, you won’t admit that.

“We did thought of giving you a portable drive for the message but I remembered that I did ruin your phone so I suggested that to them. For that I’m sorry.” Namjoon rubs the back of his head.

Yoongi tries to join in the conversation, placing his hand on Namjoon’s shoulder. “Have you tried exploring your phone? Checked the apps that we have pre-downloaded for you?” Your eyes widen at Yoongi’s sudden questions, followed by a shake of your head. “We did. You might want to check it out.”

Both of them stare at you as you give them a dazed look. The hand beside you that has your phone slowly creeps its way up but the sudden presence of a hand halting your hand surprised you.

“Um… Maybe check it later when you’re alone.” Yoongi faces the other way, hand still around your wrist. He thought that maybe by looking away, you won’t notice the faint tinge of pink on his cheeks as he recall what surprise he left for you in your phone.

He slowly released your hand, aware of the sudden contact with you and the presence of a crowd in the room. Your eyes still glued to him, you did notice his effort to hide his bashfulness. You try to hold in your giggle at how Yoongi suddenly looked so adorable and it made you much more curious to check your phone. You remind yourself to definitely check what’s up with your new phone the moment the practice session is done.

By the time you realized your work for today is done, you search for the boys in the room but discovered that they might have left the room ahead of the choreographers and some staff. Most of the dancers were also eager to call it a day. Must be because of the Team MT tomorrow.

As the youngest of the new female dance team, you have always offered to be the last to stay and clean up the practice room. It comes as a shock to you that your dance partner Taeyang offered to stay behind to help you tidy up the room. While you may have gotten a lot closer with him, interactions with him outside of dance practice is still a bit awkward.

You sneak in a glance from the other side of the room as he busies himself with turning off all the electronic equipments while you tidy up the corner from the other side of the practice room. To distract yourself from being antsy at the awkwardness between you, you take out your phone from pocket to try and check the apps that Yoongi mentioned.

“Our dance a while ago was amazing.” Your voice got caught up in your throat when you suddenly heard his voice. He was still bending down, not looking at you, reaching for something behind the sound system. Almost instantly, you stood straight up at his compliment to hide the fact that you were glancing at him. Finally facing you, he says “Your moves were amazing. You really do transform when it’s time to perform just as the others say.”

“Thank you. I’m still lacking but I hope I did good as your partner.” you say as you put your phone back in your pocket.

Something about his gaze as he walks up to you made you avoid eye contact, bashful from the compliment. He slowly closes the distance between the two of you and you were so sure he was going to stop in front of you. You find yourself sighing when he just walked past you, to the water dispenser behind you.

“And thank you for staying and helping me clean up today.” You weren’t sure why you were so suddenly aware at how awkward this is turning out. Taeyang have complimented you before during practices but somehow, the change of timbre in his voice slightly made you nervous and hyperaware of the fact that you’re alone with him.

“Anytime, y/n.” You turn to him when you saw a smile slightly obstructed by the rim of the paper cup as he drink up a cup of water. “Too bad I’m just a stand-in for that solo dance.”

You barely caught what your dance partner had just said so you thought to try and ask him to repeat then a sudden sound of the door opening startling both you and Taeyang, your phone almost slipping from your hands. Your breath catches and you smile so wide it could almost reach your ears as you recognize the figure slowly coming up to you. Despite not having really spent a lot of time with Jin, his presence is a huge relief to break the sense of awkwardness filling your chest. You find your shoulders relax as you see him greet you with a smile.

Jin was also confused when he saw that you were alone with Taeyang in the room. He hides his discomfort at the sight but seeing how your face lit up when he came into the room, he let the thought pass and kept his face neutral despite wanting to grin at how adorable you looked when you smiled at him.

“Jiyong asked me to get you.” Jin says, still glancing at Taeyang drinking his cup of water behind you.

“He could’ve just texted me. That lazy guy.” You hiss and then turned to Taeyang to bid goodbye.

“See you tomorrow then?” Taeyang pats your head and turns to his bag. You excused yourself from Jin to run and get your bag from the far end of the room. By the time you walked back beside Jin, Taeyang have already left the room.

“I didn’t know you and Taeyang were that close already.” Jin queries. He wants to press on further especially after seeing Taeyang comfortably touched your head but he doesn’t want you to think that he’s nosy. You and Jin were still acquaintances but with his closeness with Jiyong, you almost feel like a younger sister to him.

“Can’t help it if we’re always practicing that solo dance routine almost everyday.” You explain. “But we haven’t really spent much time outside practice time. He’s just looking out for me since he’s kind of my dance mentor too.”

I don’t think it’s just that, he thinks to himself. He saw the way Taeyang looked at you today. He knew all the male dancers well and Jin never saw that kind of gaze from Taeyang directed at anyone. Not that he has any problems with Taeyang probably having feelings for you, he just repeats to himself that he’s looking out for you.

“So what does my lazy brother need from me to have asked you personally to come and get me?” You question him as you usher him out of the room while you turn off the lights and close the door.

“Oh that. He didn’t actually.” You look at him, confused with brows furrowed. “I was the one who actually needed to get you and come with me. I only used Jiyong’s name because Taeyang was there.”

“Come with you? To where?” Both you and Jin walked side by side along the hallway.

“We’re having a game night at our dorm and the boys wanted to invite you.” Jin informs you, still looking ahead. He wasn’t aware that you stopped walking when you heard what he just said.

“Wait, what, Me? Why me?” Jin heard your voice slightly go up and this made him turn quickly to his side, startling him to not see you beside him and rather, frozen a few feet behind him.

“We invited Jiyong as well but he’ll be late. He said he’s caught up with work.” Jin beams at you warmly as he tries to calm you down.

“Yeah but why me? I mean isn’t it too sudden for me to just barge in at your dorm?” You counter.

Surely, this is a big jump from the warm gesture from the voice message and new phone. You’re happy that they have thought of you to come on their game night but isn’t their dorm their personal private space?

“Jiyong has been a very good friend to us, almost like family and we all wanted to make an effort to get to know you as well. We usually invite him to the dorm whenever we can and I think he would be happy if you’ll be there too.” For a moment, Jin thought it would be a good idea to just use Jiyong’s name as an excuse to invite you because he knew that you would be uncomfortable if it was just them inviting you. In reality, his other members have already suggested to invite you even before he got the chance to suggest it to them.

“I want to get to know all of you more as well. I’m just shocked that you all think the same way. Excuse me but I won’t deny anymore that I’ve been a huge fan for a long time. I’m sure you know that well by now.” You gripped the strap of your bag tightly and your nervous state didn’t go unnoticed by Jin. Your heart is racing a hundred beats a second at just hearing him invite you to their dorm.

“I’m just glad that Jiyong’s twin sister is our fan and not an anti. It would’ve been hard for us to befriend you if that was the case.” He chuckles. Your heart is full at Jin’s effort to lighten up the mood. “Come on. I’m going to buy food for the troublemakers at home. Yoongi will be cooking for us tonight but Taehyung and Jungkook texted me to get extras.” He pats your shoulder

A little extra time to get to know them wouldn’t hurt. It could actually help you a lot with the solo dance routine. You wouldn’t want to perform badly just because you’re not comfortable and awkward with your partner. Thinking back when you first danced to the song with Taeyang, it just looked so wrong and you couldn’t convey the dance properly. It’s a blessing in disguise to get to be close to them this way but you wouldn’t refuse such a scrumptious offer.

You were grateful for Jin’s effort to lift up your mood during the drive back to their dorm. Sometimes, you would tightly grip the seatbelt in front of your chest and fall quiet. He would suddenly pull out ridiculous puns that would bring out the most un-ladylike laugh from you. To distract yourself, you insisted to be the one to get off the car and pick up the order from a restaurant.

Your breathing gets ragged and eyes unfocused the longer the drive went and the closer you get to the dorm. You think you might be sick with the way your stomach flips at the thought of 6 other people waiting for you.

You froze behind Jin as he ring the doorbell. There’s still a chance for me to run, you thought but was interrupted when you hear unintelligible chatter from at least 2 people on the other side of the door.

The door flew wide open and you were greeted by Taehyung and Jungkook. The two of them holding the doorknob with Taehyung slightly pinned beneath by Jungkook who seems to have jumped on his back. “You’re finally here!” Taehyung flashes his boxy grin at you.

Your eyes wandered behind the two of them as Namjoon’s head popped up from the end of the short hallway visible from the doorway. He raised his hand to wave to you and you waved back.

“Don’t crowd the lady and help me carry these to the kitchen.” Jin instructs them and instantly, Taehyung and Jungkook untangled themselves from each other and rushed to get the bags from Jin’s hands. You could almost hear Namjoon at the edge of the hallway teasingly smacking and scolding the two of them from overwhelming you when you arrived.

Jin was caught by surprise when you try to hold in your chortle, shoulders shaking at the sight of those two being scolded. He stood against the door allowing you to go in ahead of him and when he saw you hesitate a bit, he hums and say with a grin “Don’t worry, those kids won’t bite.”

You walked ahead further down the hallway, nervously treading every step. Finally, you get a clearer view of the inside of their dorm. Directly on your right, a huge glass chandelier adorns the ceiling complimenting the black and white interior of the spacious kitchen. A long wooden dining table in the middle. Across from the kitchen, an L-figure brown couch facing the huge flat screen occupies the living room. It feels weird seeing it upclose and personal after seeing glimpses of their dorm from online videos and their V-lives.

Sound of plastic bags rustling coming from the kitchen caught your attention. Taehyung and Jungkook were rushing to take out all the contents from the bag, drooling at the sight of the takeout you and Jin ordered. Yoongi was busy chopping up something with his back facing away from everyone. You take in the scrumptious smell filling up the room and almost instantly, your stomach grumbled.

Jin walked past you to mingle with the two boys. You see the back of Namjoon’s head as he sits quietly on the couch with a book in his hand. Unable to stay put, you hover towards the kitchen. Observing everyone as you make your way closer to Yoongi.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” You ask as you examine the boiling pot on the stove while Yoongi continues to chop up what seems to be ingredients for a stew. The quiet and busy member seems so docile-looking compared to the cool and stoic Yoongi you always encounter at work. Sometimes, it even confuses you with how he’s hot and cold towards you.

“You’re our guest. It wouldn’t really look nice if we let you work for your food.” He continues to chop, head only slightly turning to your direction, eyeing you out from the corner of his eye.

You roll up your sleeves, ignoring Yoongi. “I’ll help you out. It’s the least I can do for the free invitation and besides, my cooking skill is highly commendable.” You carefully snatch the knife away from his hands. Yoongi, unable to stop you, stepped aside and glanced at Jin. Both of them chuckling at your persistence.

“I’ll take up on that offer but if our dinner turns out bad, I’m blaming you.” Yoongi teases.

“I have magic hands. I doubt it’ll go bad. It might even turn out a lot better now that I’m helping you.” You counter, chopping the vegetables at a much quicker pace than Yoongi.

Jin stares warmly at the two of you comically bantering while seated on the dining table. He had thought of reminding his younger members to do their best to make you comfortable but it surprises him to see you fitting in almost instantly. He smiles as you comfortably interact with Taehyung and Jungkook as they make their way to sneak in between you and Yoongi.

Come dinner time, Yoongi excused himself from the kitchen to get something from his room, leaving you alone. Might as well help him to plate and serve the food so you wandered around the kitchen, checking the cabinets for plates.

You don’t hear the footsteps entering the kitchen while you search the bottom cabinet. The member could only hear the sound of the plates clunking against each other and not aware of the person obstructed by the huge black kitchen counter.

“Hyung, it smells good.” You hear a groggy voice behind the other side of the kitchen counter while you take out a plate. You stood up and sees an equally surprised Jimin. You could tell that he just woke up from a nap, judging by his bedhead. “Y/n? Why are you in the kitchen? Aren’t you our guest?” He rubbed his eyes and quickly searched for the missing presence of Yoongi.

You were about to explain yourself but was interrupted by Yoongi, returning from his room as he answers for you. “More like she snatched my tools and insisted on helping me. She won’t budge.” He huffs as he takes his place back in the kitchen, helping you plate the food.

Jimin, still sleepy, quietly offered his help. Taking away the filled-up plates from your hands. Yoongi asked him to call the other members for dinner. One after another, the members take up their space in the long table. Jin noticed you standing timidly at the side not knowing where to sit as everyone continues to sit down. He calls your attention and pulls out an empty chair beside him. You automatically walk up beside him and sat down, observing everyone.

It didn’t take long before the dinner got a bit rowdy. It wasn’t difficult to warm up to them, the feeling of comfort almost feels so natural. Everyone was obviously famished from the practice a while ago so the food was almost devoured instantly just as dinner started.

The younger boys complimented the dinner non-stop and insisted that you regularly visit their Game Nights in exchange for your impressive culinary skill. Jungkook complained that whenever Jiyong would help in the kitchen, he could destroy whatever Yoongi would make. Yoongi attests to that but quickly protests and teased them for not appreciating his work in the kitchen.

Jimin and Hoseok insisted that they clean up the table, escorting you to the couch. You see Jungkook setting up his PS4 on the tv across you. Namjoon stepped over the couch from behind you taking his place on your left and Jin sits down beside you on your right.

“I guess we won’t keep you too late. You still have to pack for the MT tomorrow.” Jin turns to you, still observing you if you’re having a good time with them.

“I’m sure you love the idea that you get to go back to your hometown even if it’s for work.” Namjoon reaches for a pillow beside him, hugging it.

“Wait. Hometown?” your fingers froze just as you were fiddling with your phone.

“Me and Jimin hyung were so excited when we heard that this year’s MT is in Busan. If I remember correctly, Jiyong hyung told us that his hometown is Busan, right?” Jungkook cheekily stood up with a cord in his hand. You could see the obvious grin plastered on his face as he searched for Jimin’s figure in the kitchen.

You bite your lip as you nervously try your best to recall. Did you just forget about the MT entirely? You were sure that they announced the location for the MT earlier this morning. Maybe you were too nervous and occupied with the thought of having to present the dance routine in front of everyone that you completely forgot about the MT being in Busan.

You sigh and rubbed your temples. Why would you even forget such an important detail like that? Just thinking about going back to Busan felt like an impending headache. There’s no way you could back out from the MT now. It’ll also look bad if you don’t join the dance team, it might send a message that you’re unsociable.

Unaware that you turned pale and started heaving hard, the three men in the living room with you were now starkly aware of your sudden change of expression at the mention of the MT.

“Noona, is there something wrong?” Jungkook asks with a worried voice, discarding the cord in his hands and swiftly knelt down in front of you. He tries to get a good look at you while you stare down at your knees, shoulders hunched forward.

Your ears started ringing and you squeeze your fists as your chest started getting heavier each breathe you take. Namjoon slowly sat up straight as he sees Jin and Jungkook trying to call your attention. It was when Jin wrapped his hands around one of your clenched fists that you realize how close Jungkook is crouching in front of you, head bent to the side as he worriedly observes your face. Jin’s warm hands enveloping your small, cold and shivering hands. Namjoon frozen in his seat not knowing what to do to help you.

“Um, can I excuse myself to the restroom please?” Your hands were starting to get clammy as you forced to compose yourself. You wish they could tell you the way to the restroom a lot faster as each passing second, it’s getting difficult to stay composed in front of them. Jin was the first to stand up from the couch and escorted you to the restroom, leaving Namjoon and Jungkook frozen in their seats.

You quietly close the door of the restroom, making sure not to let Jin worry more. Once you were sure you heard his footsteps get away from the room you were in, you could barely hold yourself up before your legs buckle and you let yourself fall to the floor. Your weight propped against the door as you try to suck the chilled air into your lungs. Sharp successive breaths took over you, slowly making you feel pins and needles at the tips of your fingers.

The panic creeps up on you in bouts. Your fingers claw at your legs as you hug them tighter. Memories that you worked so hard to forget starts to resurface and replays in your mind, leaving you suffocated.

For a moment, you picture yourself staying in the restroom for the rest of the night. You suddenly felt so alone in a space filled with 7 other people. Even the thought of standing up and getting back out takes up a lot of energy from your body.

Your excitement for tomorrow now completely gone and replaced by dread of going back to your hometown. It’s been years and you’re not even sure if you can even handle going back there. It was only two years ago when you recovered from being haunted in your dreams by the memories of the accident. You don’t want to lose your progress since it took a lot of effort by yourself to get back up.

It took only for you to hear boisterous laughter coming from the living room and somebody knocking on the door to remind you that you have no choice but to go back out. You reach for the edge of the sink to help yourself up. Like a newborn deer, you can’t really sustain your weight as your knees started shaking when you were standing properly. You take in one last deep breath before opening the door.

You crack your eyes open, body heaving with effort to get enough oxygen in your lungs but you’re met with the soulful brown eyes of Yoongi, narrowed in concern. He doesn’t question you further as you step aside to give way for him to use the restroom. It took three steps out the restroom before your knees decided to give out. Yoongi rushed to catch you before you fell to the floor.

You squeeze his arms around you that were holding you up before facing him. “You tell absolutely no one… I don’t want anyone to worry…” Breathing still ragged, you huff out every word to the best of your ability as you realize that you can’t hide your panic attack from Yoongi. You must look so bad to see Yoongi study your face with utmost care. “Yoongi please?… I’ll be fine. Don’t mind me… Just until my panic attack subsides.” He softly shush you as he sees your great effort to speak.

Yoongi sighs before calmly looking back at the empty hallway and to the living room where everyone’s pretty much occupied. His eyes wandered back to your shivering hands and shaking knees. You’re in no shape to walk back to the living room much less stand on your own. Yoongi slowly wraps his hand on your back and behind your knees before lifting you off the floor.

The scent coming from Yoongi’s body calms you as he cradles you in his arms. Your head felt like lead, finding its way on the crook of its neck. Before you even realize, you find yourself clinging to him as you fist your hands in his shirt. His skin is slowly getting hot against yours, and his breathing seems to have increased if you were only able to notice. His heartbeat against your ears was almost like a lullaby that greatly helped to calm you down.

“You’re alright.” He coos as he starts to hear you sniffle. He quietly walked towards his bedroom, with you in his arms, to give you a place private enough away from the eyes of the other members. He slowly puts you down on his couch and when you were finally seated comfortably, he rushed to reach for a blanket at the edge of the bed.

Your back felt damp, sweating all over and your fingers definitely feels asleep but clarity of your situation began creeping back. “Yo-Yoongi” You stammer as you realize that he chose to hide you in his bedroom.

“Shh, don’t force yourself to speak. Take it easy. I’m here.” He fixed the blanket around you before crouching down to completely see your face. “Just keep breathing and it’ll go away. I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks so trust me when I say I’ll just be here until you say so. You’ll be fine.”

You trust him as you find yourself focusing on your breathing. Once you find it easy to move your limbs with ease accompanied by a yawn, you know that the worst has passed. If it wasn’t for Yoongi, the situation could’ve escalated and would have made everyone unnecessarily worry about you.

“Thank you.” You manage to speak out. “I feel silly that you caught me looking like that. Sorry.”

Yoongi quietly hums, letting you speak further if you intend to while he reach for a glass of water on top of his side table beside the couch. He offers it and you take it with your hand still slightly shaking. He lets you drink first before he spoke up. “I overheard your conversation with the boys in the living room just before you went to the restroom. I was worried but I don’t know if you want anyone to check up on you. You were taking a lot longer than I expected so I knocked.”

You prop your head in your hands, elbows leaning on your knees. “This is the first time someone has seen me like this. It just took me by surprise when Jungkook mentioned Busan. Next thing I know, all I could think about is to run out the door.”

“I won’t force you to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable. If you want to go home, I could just tell the boys to…” Your hand swiftly sprung out to land on Yoongi’s wrist.

“I’m fine. Jungkook seems so happy when he showed me the games we’ll be playing. I’ll just take a moment then I’ll be back out.” You assure Yoongi with a heavy breath. He wanted to assure you that they’ll understand if you want to excuse yourself for the night but he kept quiet, trusting you that you’ll be fine.

Not a second after, the doorbell rang to alert everyone in the dorm. Yoongi stood up from in front of you, eyes still glued on you as he saw you recognize the person on the front door just from the distinct way the doorbell was rung. “Don’t you dare tell my brother about this” You attempt to stand up, worried that Yoongi might tell Jiyong about your situation.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep this a secret between us. Just promise me that you’re fine before I leave you.” He assures you with his soft smile and gentle eyes as he opened the door and walking out.

“I’m fine Yoongi. Thank you. I’ll just take a minute to fix myself up before I go back out.”

“Take your time. I’ll try to come up with an excuse to keep them from looking for you. I’m sure Jungkook, Jin and Namjoon must be getting concerned by now.” He turns back to you before slowly closing the door.

You find yourself collapsing against the couch, your breathing slowly going back to normal. You heaved and leaned forward to try and stand up once again. When you knew you were fully capable of making a few steps without stumbling or any of your knees giving out, you walked straight to a full size mirror beside the door to fix yourself up. You pity yourself for having been seen by Yoongi like this; your eyes and nose were bright red and a couple of hair strands stuck to your forehead due to the profuse sweat.

To avoid anyone seeing you coming out of Yoongi’s bedroom in an effort to find you, you quickly and quietly walked out from the comfort of his room when you were sure you were devoid of signs that you were in utter distress just minutes ago.

Jungkook was about to run to find you but stopped when he saw you emerging back in the living room. Completely different from how you looked a while ago, he stares in confusion as you gleefully greet Jiyong who was now also present in the living room. Namjoon shares the same confusion as Jungkook. Yoongi was sitting down beside them and he saw the youngest member’s eyes following you as he tries to study your now seemingly normal expression.

Taehyung runs up to you behind the couch where you and your brother stand, pulling your wrist to ask you to play one-on-one against him. You don’t refuse and you take up space beside him, seated on the carpet. Just before the game starts, you turn to look at Yoongi and found him gazing at you. You mouthed Thank youto him and he nods before you got back to play with Taehyung.

Jin, Namjoon and Jungkook were wary when the topic about the MT came up again, you even catch Jungkook kicking Jimin’s feet to stop him from talking. When it was Jungkook’s turn to play again, you notice his eyes anxiously wander back to you from time to time. He must have been blaming himself for making you sad.

Like Jiyong knew what you needed to cheer up the youngest, he offered everyone ramyun as a late-night snack. Jungkook perked up at your brother’s offer while still glued to the screen and what looks like he’s winning against Taehyung. You quietly walked away from the living room to join your brother in the kitchen.

For a while, Jiyong kept quiet as you both hover around the kitchen. Normally, he would shower you with affection, tease you and bug you but you silently wonder why he’s not doing any of those. Your suspicion is confirmed when he starts to rub his hand behind your back as you discard the noodles from each packet. Your gaze dipped to him as stood there silently while emptying the contents of the soup packet unto the boiling pot.

“Noona, can I have that spicy ramen over there?” Jungkook asks, timidly walking over towards the both of you. You notice that he was standing slightly far from you, shoulders hunched and head down. His doe eyes still glistening as he subtly avoids meeting your eyes.

Although you feel bad for him, the corner of your mouth quirked up at him looking so adorable despite him towering over you. He seems to be so intimidating at work especially when he’s so focused but if you could just ball him up right now in your hands, you would.

You beckon him to come closer with your finger. When he was about an arms-length away from you, he opens his mouth to blurt out something. Before he even let out a sound, you pat his head, stopping him from talking any further.

“Thank you for worrying about me.” His eyes gleamed. “I’ll make you a whole bowl of ramyun of your choice. How does that sound?”

Jungkook jumps up and down in glee and he squeezed between you and Jiyong to reach for a packet of ramen. “Hyung, I like her better than you.” He sticks his tongue out then quickly dashes out of the kitchen before Jiyong could even counter.

You chortle. “You heard him. Apparently, they also request my presence every Game Night for my exquisite Culinary Expertise.”

“Well, I won’t argue about your cooking. Sooner or later, they’ll be bribing you for something. Those troublemakers.” Jiyong crinkles his nose, reminiscing all the times he spent with the boys where they’ll prank and tease him.

Yoongi sits back comfortably on the couch when he hears you regain your bright energy as you laugh and mingle with your brother in the kitchen.

Next: pt. 7

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