#job search hell 2021

[twopoppies]

Hi, Gina. Can I please rant in your asks? I might be a complete idiot, but the more i look on the timeline (literal timeline, not a social media one) the more i come to one conclusion.

So Syco dies in 2020. Louis greets us with «decided to part ways» tweet, but the parting ways is useless, company is already dead. All the rights go to (presumably) Sony. Sony doesn’t give a fuck about Louis. He’s not profitable. I mean in our little community he’s the center of the world, but in the real world not so much.

But what they do care about is Harry. Harry is their golden goose for now and for many more years to come. The more Louis flaunts with huge «H» on his chest and changes the Spotify canvas to Harry’s tattoos, the more people might believe that Larry Stylinson rumours (gasp!) might be true.

The company that holds the rights can prohibit all recording and publishing activity altogether. We’ve seen it with JoJo. We’ve seen it with Kesha. We’ve seen it with Raye. And probably with hundreds more, that we know nothing about (like what happened to Alexis Jordan?). So Louis is given a simple choice: he shuts down all the rumours by himself or Walls will be his last album.

So that’s when OATV production and the Big Freddy Push begins.

We all screaming that everything he did in the last two years doesn’t make sense. But it’s because it simply doesn’t. We’ve been watching this guy for the ten years prior. And there’s no fucking way in hell i’m gonna believe that one nice Wednesday morning in the beginning of 2021 Louis Tomlinson woke up, yawned and said: «Well, why don’t I start mentioning my fake son everywhere, because that’s the kind a person i am now.»

If he’s doing it, he’s either gaining something big from it, or at least not losing something big from it. And what is bigger than the simple opportunity to make music?

And if the question is why his promo so shit and what audience he’s targeting, then the answer is - he’s not promoting his music, he’s promoting the fact that Harry Styles is not, in fact, gay.

I hope it does make sense. And also I love you, Gina. Thank you for being the voice of reason in this fandom. (And sorry for my English, I did my best 😖)

Hi darling. Your English is absolutely fine. No apologies needed!

As for your thoughts… I do think there’s some plausibility in your theories. Although, Louis isn’t the main reason people think H is queer. He’s doing a pretty good job of making people question it, all on his own. TBH, most of his new fans probably have never heard of Louis unless they already are wondering about Harry’s sexuality go search through Google and stumble on Larry. And even then they would have to already be open to it to really fall down the rabbit hole to get past all the denials and beards and the idea that larries are crazy.

I’m not saying Sony wouldn’t go to those lengths, but it seems like blowing out a candle when there’s a brush fire around the corner.

Anyway, I don’t think Louis would have been allowed to part ways with Syco/Sony without them getting something out of it. God knows what deal he made, but I’m sure Sony is more ruthless than we can imagine.

#Louis’ career #babygate #louis’ image #music industry #record contracts

[full-tiltboogiearc]

went a lil' crazy with my half-realized mood boards today and came up with two OCs (technically three but idk if harley quinn!chaeyoung will be a thing bc writing in fandoms is intimidating but)

on your left you'll see a josh hutcherson oc with drive 2011 and hotline miami and nobody 2021 vibes. a mercenary of sorts with a code name who travels across the country doing different jobs, never staying in one place in his crappy delorean-esque car. this gig has run in his family for two generations, starting with his grandpa, then his dad, both retired veterans in a special, confidential department of the us military. they all share the same name, and it’s known in that contract-work life that they’re all related, but they’re untraceable. and the big difference with his generation is he’s not as good at keeping cool, actually he’s quite the hothead and is notorious for killing people when he doesn’t have to (his dad and grandpa mainly relied on stealth and disarming, not killing). maybe he’s pissed off the wrong guy and has people coming after him, idk! i’m thinking for fun this’ll be set in the 80s!

tw: mental abuse mention // on your right you’ll see my feral reject cerberus-esque demon dog girl. she was once hades’ right hand girl, kinda like joker and harley quinn, except the thing is instead of the three headed cerberus dog she was one of three other girls who were basically vying for the asshole’s attention. she is the runt of the litter basically. she decided one day she was fed up being a guard dog for somebody who didn’t appreciate her, so she left the depths of hell and embarked (ha get it, bark) on a journey to earth in search of a new “owner.” long story short she’s a stray attack dog. and she doesn’t hide it much either. you might see her rummaging through garbage in the alley or gnawing on the severed arm of somebody she saw being a dick to someone else (she kinda has PTSD from hades and just wants all people to be free of their abusers, tbh) and decided to maul, kill, and eat.

they’re both unhinged. who wants them

#out of cheetos #chaos! #i don’t even have names picked out

[hel-phoenyx]

2013. The first time his mother allowed him to wear a smoking. He isn't sure, still is searching for himself, but he knows he prefers he/him to she/her and that his name is not his name anymore.

Seeing that validated made him happy. Seeing his aunts kiss like everything was normal made him happy.

Only cloud in front of the sun was seeing his cousin cry. Why is he unhappy ? This is a happy day.

2014. He changed names, his mother accepted him but his father ? Not so much. It doesn't matter. None of them are really stopping him. He's thinking about taking hormones, but changes his mind every two mornings.

At the very least being called by his new name feels good.

2015. He was just going back home when that guy grabbed him. A punch went through his nose, followed by another, and slurs that he never heard in his lifetime.

Worst is that this voice was strangely familiar.

He got confirmation when he went hiding at his aunt. She was going through a rough patch, her wife's cheating finally revealed and the divorce getting messy, but she still took him in. That's where she confirmed him it was her wife's brother.

He was thirteen and already exposed to transphobia, his cousins silently staring at his wounds from the other side of the room.

He knows what it feels like to be hated. To discover the worst in people. But he is spiteful, he is resilient, and he survived another night.

The following day, he tells his parents he wants hormones. The same day, his aunt is single for good.

2017. He hardly sees his cousins anymore, lost in the divorce and so many other rough patches they went through. Puberty blockers did their job, and he is now on T, with the permission of his parents. His therapist helps him go through that puberty easier that he would with his assigned one.

He has friends, and his heart beats faster when he sees that man in the school grounds. Said man is a proud gay, taking under his wing the baby transgender he was. Looks are exchanged in-between classes, and he gifts him some drawings. The others are made of his face, more beautiful that he ever drew faces.

One day, a group of bullies took his notebook from his hands and saw the drawings he was hiding. They ripped them all, calling him a fag and a tranny, words that are now so familiar to him.

He drew them as he saw them. Ugly, exxagerated villains. Spite is still powering him.

When he's 18, he will have his top surgery. It's already planned. Nothing else has importance.

2019. When his cousin disappeared at the beginning of the year, he never thought he would find him on TV, in the most horrible telenovela there was. But he coudn't stop watching. Even after the end. The most awful end he ever sees.

He remembers the twisted smile, the cries, the shouts. He puts them on paper.

This would be his last act as a free man before long.

2020. He got out of hell only to get back in another one. Unable to get back to his home, to get his long-awaited top surgery, he stayed behind to survive. Alone.

He never was alone before. Even in hell.

He is still spiteful. His drawings get more and more depicting of an horrifying reality. He still survives.

His estranged half-brother asks him if he wants to come live with him in Norway. Norway is not the paradise it was anymore. It was taken over by devils. he can see the devils. He still goes, because he is tired of being alone.

He gets his top surgery on his brother's allowance. His sister-in-law hates that. He feels like he doesn't belong.

He still gets the letter.

The same letter his cousin got two years ago.

2021. He had no choice but to go to that school. Hope's Peak. Nobody really pays attention to him, a survivor among the survivors, and that suits him. His promotion is already considerably down. Apparently, this year's killing game almost exclusively captured new people.

He doesn't care. At least he's alive.

A statement that gets more and more weak.

2022. That new guy is suspiciously interested in him. It's not rare to see him in his vision field just watching over him with his piercing turquoise eyes. His own are always down.

Once he tried to call him. Something simple, a "why are you watching me" kind of call. The guy dissapeared instantly after realising he got spotted.

This is annoying. So he tries to get intel. A vampire hunter, says the other survivors of the 2022 promotion. He had difficulties learning english and speaks in Latin or Romanian most of the time, but it's not what made him the hardest to be integrated.

People think he's a cult survivor. Still is part of it, apparently, and tracks down vampires even here at Hope's Peak. People believe he found one.

He has the same turquoise eyes as a man from his past.

2023. He started talking to the weird guy, discovered he was not that weird after all, just lost. That he could relate. Both of them are survivors of something. This conversations started to make him believe the world was not that rotten after all.

Until he saw in the 2023 promotion his youngest cousin and the relative of the people who ruined his life. And realised he stopped being spiteful a long time ago.

Still, he could be at least for him. Him, who gets flustered around him for reasons he attributes to his supposed vampiric nature. He knows very well what he is, but can't believe people would love him, as his broken self and the sword of Damocles hung above his head.

At the very least this world is worth something. If there is still people ready to approach him.

2024. He is so tired.

The cute guy went in with a prosthetic arm.

He didn't get why he acted horrified at the sight.

That world took away something from him and he can't even realise it.

This world is so rotten.

2025. He didn't wake up at Hope's Peak.

He knows why. He knows what that means.

Ten years of murderous games and a cousin taking the first role do that to people.

He looks around him. There is shouts, complaints, screams and the tired face of a man that lost everything and is ready to retaliate.

Every one around him is rotten to the core. Everyone around him will die with him. He has no hope for a happy ending.

But next to all of these people he hates, there's him.

He doesn't know what he's doing here. He doesn't know what are his chances of survival. But he knows one thing.

If there is to be one survivor of the 2025 killing game, it would be Virgil Vânător.

Whatever he has to do.

#hel is talking #la peste moderne #hel ocs #lpm #hel stories #hel writing #perros de guerras #pdg #not my ocs #present for thal #I wanted to write something about the skrunkies uwu owo

[liz-allyn]

how can I get my fics to get attention like yours do? working your ass off and then getting 20 notes sucks. and I’m trying to become a better writer and honestly crave the validation like you get from your followers. hopefully you’ll see this! Obsessed with S&V

Hi my fellow 🖋️!

Thank you so much for your comment, and thank you for thinking so highly of me!

answers for fic writers after the cut

So honestly? I don't know how to get followers. This blog has been running since 2021, and I only started writing fic < 1 year ago. I've become so much more well known (ha) in the TASM fandom because I've hung out here a long time. I don't have a secret to engagement or understand how tumblr 'works' that well (ie the algorithm that social media sites use to decide what to put in front of you). There are still people I freakin' worship on this site who don't interact with my fics at all, haha. AND flip side, some of the best writers I've ever seen are on here and their fics have less than 100 notes. I have learned that persistently I'll look over into other peoples' yards and be like "fuck. how did they get 4K followers?" or like "wow, she just posted this yesterday and it has over 1k notes."

as for working your ass off and getting 20 notes—CAN CONFIRM: that sucks. some fics I wrote for fun. some fics I wrote for the creative challenge. but pretty much on all of them I've left a little piece of me, of my soul and the lessons i've learned in my meandering partial journey. blood on the keyboard. and those fics? the really great ones (or ones just as good as sugar and vice)? they still don't have many notes.

But I will acknowledge that my following dramatically increased when I started posting S&V. I think I had ~900 and that blew up to 1.5k. There are a few factors in this:

Always post fics with fic art (with gifs! if possible) - This is the number one thing that draws me to read fic. I like art that looks cool. I also have been playing around with Canva Pro for 3-4 years (it's my fav) and I'm animation-adjacent as a day job, so pushing myself to think about graphic design has been really good for me. I find it fun to come up with a whole aesthetic for your story, whether it's a mood board or a color scheme (I usually have 'branding' on the brain). If you don't want to play with fic art, at least find an appropriate gif. Use the actor's face. I also think the gif search on Tumblr sucks balls but it's really worth it to have the right gif.

Pay attention to the hashtags of other popular fics in your fandom - when I started paying attention to notes, this was the best advice. I was using all kinds of tags that made sense to me, but weren't effective. In the web version of Tumblr, I can search for a tag and see how many followers it has. It's significant if #peter parker x reader has way more followers than #tasm!peter x reader. Also trends come and go, tumblr has their hotboy of the month and it rotates. there have been months were TASM Peter was non-existent in the last year, and months where we're getting *fed*. Pro tip with tags: I have a separate Google Doc with a list of hashtags that I copy and paste to save time. After a while, you should try reblogging with different hashtags

Use a spelling or grammar checker - I'm not a grammar fac*st but if I open a fic and everything is misspelled, almost no punctuation is used, and I have to work really hard to understand your story, then it's not going to go far. (With respect to writers who post work in English, and it's their second language). I never pay much attention to the occasional misspelling or grammar mistake, but when it looks like you sent your fic via text message or tinder chat, I just can't. I personally use Grammarly, but I also hate it and think it's buggy and overpriced. If anyone else has a better option that works with Google Docs, let me know!

Never write your fics in Tumblr's post editor. That has nothing to do with engagement but that shit is buggy as hell.

Avoid putting too much text up front before the fic. I put author's notes at the end. I try to keep summaries short. I try to focus on what someone absolutely needs to know to understand this fic, and I *mostly* try to avoid apologizing to the reader ahead of time for what they're about to read, for it being too long, for it being weird, bleh bleh bleh

If you're writing a series, make people reblog to be tagged. I've seen lots of people do taglists and then they give up because it's a pain to manage (and it is), plus you have a bunch of people that go "add me to the taglist!" or "next part, when?" and they didn't even reblog what you've already written. I think that's been one of the really big factors behind S&V's success

Make navigation as easy as possible - this is web design 101 (which I flunked repeatedly), but a masterlist is good to have. If you're in a series, a link back to the previous chapter + next chapter is good to have, I've also recently started putting a link back to the masterlist. people that know more things about stuff than me told me that you want to make things as simple as possible for viewers to get from one page to another. (that's why youtube links are shit on tumblr, even videos are meh, but GIFs work so well and attract so much attention). this is a visual site, so big images or headings or links with color help to draw the eye's attention.

Write what you want to write. Because you really need to gain enjoyment from writing, and it should never feel like you're a content factory. Do this 9 out of 10 times. The 10th time, write what people want to read. My first mob fic was These Violet Delights which I thought was so smart, and I was so proud of, and I planned this whole series out for. But also I tag things accurately, and some people (even my moots) are uncomfortable reading about those topics. Then when I started S&V I was extremely self-critical because I didn't want to write something filled with tropes and cliches. And then I sort of got off my soapbox and let S&V be its own thing, full of tropes and cliches, because they're popular for a reason, and they're fun to read, and it's okay to have candy for dinner every once in a while. And I've been able to pivot my plans and create something I'm pretty proud of.

It does help to stay consistent in the fandom you're writing for. Either by writing or reblogging other writers. Just don't make yourself feel like you're a slave to Tumblr and you must stay active at all times f o r e n g a g e m e n t. Everyone should take breaks when they need to.

Don't listen to my advice because no one knows how to hack tumblr. There are some posts that have sooooo many notes and I'm like 'why?' Meanwhile, my heart's been ripped open in LED pixels on screen and sometimes it passes by.

I hope that this was useful! And if not, I'm sorry for the long post. I look forward to reading your fic (whoever you are), and feel free to tag me when you write your next thing!

💜

#on writing #writing advice #fanfiction #fanfic advice #peter parker fanfiction #tasm fanfiction #writing #writers on tumblr

[biomorganism]

Barber Westchester (2021):

Directed By: Jonni Philips Letterboxd

Where to watch: Free on youtube (includes interconnected series)

This movie contains: cartoon depictions of abuse, fantastical mental health crises, religious trauma and turmoil. This review does not detail these depictions in any meaningful way.

I waited quite a while to watch this movie

After stumbling across one of the smear tests for Barber, posted sometime in 2020 by Jonni on Twitter, I fell in love with her style, and especially the weird little creature known as Barber Westchester. I attribute a lot of my present affection for movies to my experience with Barber, so I really owe it to this movie in one way or another.

In a tragic twist of fate, however, I didn’t know about Secrets and Lies in a Town of Sinners: Season 1 (2020) until I gathered a couple friends to watch the movie, almost doubling the length of our blind watchparty. Secrets and Lies is a 10 episode prequel series of nearly 50 minutes and provides a glance at the various interconnected lives of Des Almado, a key setting for both stories. Barber isn’t incomprehensible without it, but it isn’t what it should be, as they’re both part of a larger cohesive work. Season 2 is actually coming out as I write this!

You should watch it for the full story!

Barber Westchester is a story about finding footing in a world that isn’t easily made for your feet. Themes of loneliness, inner turmoil, and kindness shine through in particular as Barber’s NASA internship takes an unexpected nosedive. With a smaller and uneven cast of characters, the focus of conflict between Barber vs themself and Barber vs The World feels like two equal battles that are in their own way, battling one another.

The animation and art direction for the movie is stunning, A lot of work being accredited to Jonni Philips herself, but not without help of several Guest Animators, responsible for the several scenes of unique animation styles, reserved mostly for character vignettes. Everything is colorful, bouncy, defined a little twitchy, but most importantly: Alive. Barber is a joy to watch in motion, and unlike anything you’ll come across without a dedicated search.

The sound and music of the movie is every part bouncy, colorful, and defined as the animation. The soundtrack by Dylan Kanner is one that compliments the action  with quirky fun ambient beats, or more sombre synths in slower moments, with full musical pieces opening, closing, and occasionally throughout the movie. I find myself coming back to a few tracks just to listen every now and then, especially For You (Barber Westchester version) and Look Around (at the World Around You).

While recorded in slightly varying levels of audio quality, the cast gives their all and every character has a personality that shines through in their writing and delivery. Chris Kim (also a guest animator!) provides the voice for the Barber and does a hell of a job doing it. Barber wouldn’t be what it is without them.

It’s good in like every way, sure, but who is this for?

Barber Westchester, ultimately, will shine the brightest for fans of Indie films, queer art, weird and experimental stuff, stories that play with the concept of reality, and stories that like to focus on one soul’s connection with everything else. It isn’t easily approachable for any old Joe off the street, but if you think you might be interested, absolutely give Secrets and Lies in a Town of Sinners a viewing. If you like one, you’ll like the other.

Barber Westchester: Parrots outta 10

#Barber Westchester #movie #movie review #indie film #film #film review #Secrets and Lies in a Town of Sinners #animation #animated film #indie animation

[pupuseriazag]

Tw: venting (mentions of death trauma, family problems, etc)

I think I am going through another episode like years ago, I have tried my best to keep myself stable and silence the dangerous and panic inducing thoughts but I dont know how much more I will be able to endure.

For those that dont know, I have major anxiety and phobia to death. In 2021 I had to be taken to a psychologist because I broke down in my moms arms, not being able to stop the constant storm of my brain making me panic about how one day Im not going to be here,that I could die any moment and I dont have a guarantee of whats going to happen after that... Its hell, its horrible I love living so much and I know I should already have processed the thoughts... But I cant man. I cant and its horrible to live like this.

I was medicated with anxiety pills (my mom was afraid I could get addicted to antidepression pills until months later another doctor actually prescribed them to me) and ever since I "became better" I've been feeling guilty to ask her to buy me more because I dont want to worry her more.

Before turning 18 I NEVER visioned myself getting to live 24. I cried the early morning I turned 18 because I just didnt knew what to do. I still dont know what to do.

Im at 24 and Im getting let down more and more by life. Situation at home is still shitty and I just... Dont see a way for us to leave here.

Its been 5 fucking years since we began searching for a home to move away from my dad (to clarify: my dad is not physically nor verbally abusive. But he is a cheater, a selfish person and emotionally manipulative jobless liar.) and we cant... We just cant. Everywhere expects you to be paying 400$ a month for a one room apartment or 90k for a home thats falling apart, we cannot afford to move to another departament because of my university and her job. Traffic from other cities like San Marcos, San Martin and even Mejicanos is just too fucking much. Its already too much where we live.

Even if I had a job, we couldnt be able to move somewhere better, we have been stuck here for 5 years, two fucking years taken from covid and 3 to try to stabilize ourselves after that (plus his medical bills after he got kidney stones riiiight after leaving his job, very fucking convenient)

We cant even move to my grandma's or my mom's sister's house. They live on the other side of the country and they have always been very vocal about being against my mom and siding with my dad. And even tho we have the support of some of my dad's sisters... We just cant move to their home.

Everyday I wake up here is like being stuck in a time loop. Every day is the fucking same and I just find a way to distract myself before being yanked back to reality, same with my mom. And you know the worst? I also have to be my moms therapist.

Im tired man, all of this is driving me crazy and the hopelessness I feel when I realize my position is just... Overwhelmingly sad. I hate this life, I hate the life I was given and I hate being brought to a broken family, I hate that my life could have been better if ONLY my dad was not a piece of shit cheating on my mom and putting HIS family side before us, I hate that things could have been so... So much different if only he was a good person. Im not strong enough to continue pretending its not affecting my mental health, no wonder the intrusive thoughts increased these months... These past days.

I feel miserable, I feel worthless, I feel like everything is not worth it. I have insomnia until like 4 am and I panic when I cant find anything I can listen to so I can get some sleep. I havent been able to draw because I dont feel its worth it... I have only been able to distract myself playing and going to uni.

And even putting my family problems aside, I still cant find joy or hope. National news and seeing how this country its being turned into the gringos/politicians playhouse, how even if my life was "better" Im still in danger for being a queer afab person. How people still have blind faith in a fascist regime and money runs lower and lower for the working class meanwhile they proudly announce the inauguration of gentrified beaches and zones of San Salvador, displacing markets and historial establishments to put a fucking starbucks and other multinationals to be more gringo friendly while zones like Apopa and Soyapango are heavily militarized and the police can just say you are linked to the gangs to abuse you.

On top of that coming to terms that I may not end up working in anything art related and having to accept thar if I ever get a job Ill have to rot in an office, seeing how even tho I want to stay away from the norm I feel forced to join it... And that also means having to ""accept my prewritten gender role"".

Everyday that passes feels as if life will force me to live as a straight cis woman or otherwise I will just have to accept being alone the rest of my life.

I know Im being too negative right now, Im letting out how I've been feeling because lately its just been... Too much. Last night I even had a small disagreement with my mom because Im just not in the mood for being her therapist during this we're dealing. I know my dad is an asshole and I know hes using the few money he has to pamper his other woman instead of helping with the bills, I already know he tries to lie to us and acts as the victim. Its tiring to go through the same conversation about him everyday.

So yeah, back to my life... I just wish for some peace you know? I wish for a house where I can actually see the sky from my window and not worrying about at least my family problems. Srry for the sudden emotional explosion

#zagreus rambling #venting #Ill try to see if I can get another prescription of the anxiety meds soon #maybe with those things could get more bearable #I cried writing this so... yeah

[honeysuckleharringtons]

"How To Give Love" ~ S. Harrington

Summary: When Steve claims he doesn't know how to give love, Y/N shows him all the right ways to do just that.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x GN!Reader

Word Count: 889

Content Warning: MINORS DNI JUST IN CASE (somewhat 18+ content), making out, explicit language, Steve being insecure (is that a warning? lol), Steve likes to hold hands during sex but what's new, lmk if i missed anything!

Genre: a mix of everything tbh. Angst, Fluff, Spicy, Hurt/Comfort, it's all in there

Extra Notes: i hate the summary too, i'm sorry y'all 😭

Based On the Prompt: "Touch and Go" - touch-starved (from 2021 Whumptober prompts)

Features the One-Liner: "But I—I still don't understand why you'd want me." - "Then I'll make sure to explain every reason why you have my heart."

Originally Written: 10/05/2022

Beta Read By: @dungeons-are-too-cold

honeysuckleharringtons masterlist can be found here!

honeysuckleharringtons whumptober masterlist can be found here!

I wasn't sure at what point an innocent night of watching The Breakfast Club had become a not so innocent make-out session with Steve Harrington… but I wasn't complaining either.

His lips met mine once again after his short break for air, his hands settled tightly on my hips.

I took in a breath through my nose, inhaling the mixed scent of microwave popcorn and Steve's cologne. Normally, the two might've conflicted, but seeing as all my senses were on their way into overdrive, the scent just added to my state of intoxication.

My hands traveled lightly down his chest, stopping once they'd reached the button of his jeans.

"Y/N," he mumbled softly against my mouth as I fiddled with the fastening.

"Hmm?" I hummed, finally accomplishing my mission.

"Y/N," he repeated, sounding much more stern than he had before.

My hands moved upward to his belly as I leaned back, taking in the look of concern in his eyes. "What is it?" I asked softly.

He hesitated to answer, his eyes fluttering away from mine as he considered his words. "I don't…"

I situated myself away from him, pulling him up to be at eye level with me. "What's wrong, Steve?"

His breathing was heavy as he licked his lips, still searching for an answer. After probably fifteen seconds of silence, he replied, "Are you sure you want to? I mean, with me?"

My heart felt physically heavy as I answered, "Do you not want to?"

This wasn't the first time this had happened, him stopping things abruptly I mean. It happened once when I visited him on his lunch break. It happened once when he'd dropped me off after a shift at my own job.

In fact, it seemed as though any time we'd get remotely near progression in our relationship, he'd find some reason to back off.

He shook his head lightly. "No, it's not that. I just…" his voice trailed off again.

My hand moved to his hair, softly tugging at the disheveled strands near his ear. "Please tell me."

His eyes darted away once more as he swallowed hard. Finally, he answered, "I don't deserve it."

"Steve, what do you mean? Of course you deserve it."

"No, I don't," he rebutted. "I don't know how to give love. Why should I deserve to receive it?"

My lips locked with his for a lengthy, tender kiss—an attempt to prove the exact opposite of his statement.

He broke away, that serious expression from before returning to his face. "I'm serious. I mean, I don't even know when the right time to hold your hand is. I'm never the one to kiss you first. Hell, I can't even remember the last fucking time I wrapped my arm around your shoulders because I am so afraid of screwing things up."

"Steve," I started, taking his hands in mine. I could tell he almost flinched at the contact. "You don't even have to ask. If we're not holding hands, chances are my fingers are feeling lonely. If we're not kissing, chances are my lips are dry in a way only you could fix. If your arm isn't around my shoulders, chances are I need a quick fix to warm me up, a quick fix only your embrace can provide."

His expression softened, though he continued to look down at our hands, nearly shivering when I rubbed his knuckles with my thumbs.

"I know that's a strange and very long way to put things," I continued, "but you are the first person who has ever made me feel this loved. And it hurts me to think that you don't believe you deserve to give or receive love."

I let go of one of his hands, moving my now free hand to rest on his cheek. His freshly-shaved skin was soft against my fingertips as I ran my thumb over his cheek. "If it's OK with you, I'd really like to give you the love you seem to think you don't deserve."

He simply nodded in response, his lips moving to meet mine once again. My hands moved back to his chest, lightly pushing him back into our previous position. My hips settled gently on top of his, causing him to whimper at the sudden friction.

My fingers played gingerly with the bottom of his shirt. "May I?"

"Please," he managed before smashing his lips into mine once more.

I slowly rid him of his top, taking in the sight of his exposed body as I tossed the fabric onto his living room floor.

The darkness of the night soon faded into the rays of the six o'clock sunrise, the beams of sunlight sparkling across our bare skin through the sheer curtains. Thank God for Steve's lack of neighbors.

Not once that whole night did his hands part from mine. Every time he'd inch closer to his pleasure, his fingers would curl that much tighter around mine.

Even hours later as I lay on top of him, my ear rested lightly on his chest as I listened to his heartbeat, his hands were clasped tightly around my own.

"You know," he whispered, "I still don't really understand why you'd want me."

"Well," I murmured back, looking up at him through heavy eyelids, "I guess I'll just have to explain every single reason why you have my heart."

-> Taglist: @dungeons-are-too-cold @ducky-is-dead-inside

#imagine #imagines #one shot #one shots #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington one shot #steve harrington one shots #steve harrington whump #steve harrington smut #stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things x y/n #stranger things imagine #stranger things imagines #stranger things one shot #stranger things one shots #stranger things whump #stranger things smut #fanfic #fanfiction #smut #whump #whumpblr #whumptober #whumptober2022 #honeysuckleharringtons

[why-so-serious-lucifer]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: (G)I-DLE

I was planning, when I first started Tumblr, to be a lurker, but then I began an office job and needed something to listen to to keep myself occupied. And then, I started going through entire K-pop groups’ repertoires, album by album, and jotting down my thoughts. And then, I stumbled into K-pop tumblr and decided, you know what, there’s at least four people on this hell site who would read in depth rants about these discographies and at least five who wouldn’t read it and then get mad because it’s kind of our job as K-pop fans. My lukewarm takes should be taken with an entire silo of salt and the knowledge that this is completely for fun and occupying my very bored, very neurodivergent brain. With that being said, enjoy!

So, I decided to start with (G)I-DLE because one of my mutuals (@thestrangeworld) suggested it due to their decently small discography. Let me lay out my credentials: I’ve been a casual fan since around 2020 and a Neverland since a little after “I Burn” came out. I even used HWAA as the inspiration for an art piece I had due. So none of my criticism I say is an attack on them; I’m being harsher than usual because this is a review after all.

(G)I-DLE is unique for a K-pop girl group, both by being mainly self-produced and by not having a consistent genre. Over the years they’ve dipped their toes into tropical Moombahton (DUMDi DUMDi), trap (Oh My God), traditional Chinese balladry (HWAA), tango (Señorita), and hip-hop (Uh-Oh), just to name a few. They’ve sung in Korean, Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, and English, with member Minnie even doing some covers of their songs in her native Thai. The members themselves represent four countries and usually do translations themselves, which means that their different versions are often true to the original. The members are Soyeon, Minnie, Miyeon, Yuqi, and Shuhua, with Soojin, their sixth, having been kicked out after false accusations of bullying in 2021.

I started from the beginning, with HANN, “I Am” (Latata), and “I Made” (Señorita), which I classified as kind of like the same era. Just starting out, not completely self-produced yet, and while the songs are good, they don’t quite have a (G)I-DLE feel to them. Like, I feel like besides HANN, other groups could have recorded those songs and while it wouldn’t have been the same, it wouldn’t have felt “wrong” to me, which definitely isn’t the case with their later work at all.

(Time for a confession: I never got the hype around Latata. Maybe it’s that it was overplayed or overhyped but it just never clicked with me the way songs like Lion, Oh My God, or HWAA did.) Something else I noticed from these eras is that the title tracks far outshine the rest of the albums, which aren’t bad or anything, but again, don’t have that much of an identity to them. From “I Am”, I liked Hear Me, and especially Miyeon’s high part. From “I Made”, Put It Straight is a definite stand-out, and the Nightmare Version stage elevates it even more.

This gets us to the next stage in (G)I-DLE’s discography: the post-Queendom era. This starts the mostly darker turn in their music, with “I Trust” (Oh My God & Lion), “I Burn” (HWAA), and Last Dance, barring DUMDi DUMDi and Uh-Oh, which are both welcome breaks, but I confess I think that they and Last Dance get a bit overshadowed by the rest of the songs from this part. As in, I’m not going to search for them but I’m also not going to start a tantrum when they come up on shuffle.

“I Trust” has probably the best title tracks (the double header of Lion and Oh My God is a killer), but the rest of the album is a little forgettable. It’s the only one where I don’t have a hidden gem. Many of these earlier albums tracks and also later title tracks have some really great parts (the outro in Queencard or the pre-chorus in Luv U, for example), but the rest of the song doesn’t live up to them. Lion, however, defies this completely, and is one of the best songs in their entire discography: it’s fierce, unapologetic, and loud, and also damn catchy. It’s rare that K-pop girl groups get to be justifiably angry and this song pulls it off so well! Hats off.

All of that is completely untrue for the next part. “I Burn” is where, in my opinion, everything truly takes off; it’s evocative, consistent, beautiful, and on top of that, tells an empowering and relatable story of getting over a toxic relationship. The album’s six songs are inspired by Chinese and Korean ballads, based on member Yuqi’s own Chinese ancestry. The title track, HWAA, uses the imagery of ice, flowers, and fire, to great and dramatic effect. HANN: Alone In Winter and Where Is Love are total standouts too.

This is (G)I-DLE at their best, and it’s no coincidence that around then is when members Yuqi and Minnie started writing, composing, and scoring songs too, rounding out the albums with cohesive but still different enough songs. Did I write this entire review just for an excuse to rhapsodize about “I Burn”? Possibly.

Anyway, now we reach the third and final (for now) part of the review: after their hiatus and Soojin, and as they became truly internationally recognized, enough to have their songs in the Rolling Stone 100 Top K-pop Song list that came out earlier this year. “I Never Die” (Tomboy), “I Love” (Nxde), and “I Feel” (Queencard & Allergy).

Okay, let’s level with ourselves here: Tomboy is not a good song. Is it catchy? Yes. Is it entertaining? Yes. Is it imprinted on my brain so much that I know every word and sing along whenever I hear it? Absolutely. But it’s not a good song, guys, I’m sorry. (If I’m dead tomorrow, we know who to blame). Look, I do like it, but it doesn’t make sense. I get the point and I appreciate the impact it had on the industry but the writing is…not it. I think that if Soyeon had written the rap in Korean and someone else had read over the other English in the song, it wouldn’t be that bad, but as it stands, it’s a bit hard to take seriously.

This same issue repeats in Nxde and Queencard, where the underlying ideas and themes are really good, and I genuinely do respect what they were trying to do, and if the songs had gone through just a bit more workshopping, I think they would have achieved what they set out to do. Allergy is a perfect example. It’s catchy, it makes a great point, and it doesn’t take itself too seriously. All in all, it’s something that I hope (G)I-DLE does again.

I also really like all three of the accompanying EPs/LPs, especially “I Feel.” I think that, as (G)I-DLE gained more creative control and began writing every song themselves, the b-sides got much stronger in meaning and the EPs began to feel more cohesive in sound and message. As the titles have gotten flashier, their b-sides have been able to become pared down and vulnerable in a really lovely way. For a group with a name that translates to child (“aideul”), they have a lot to say about growing up, in songs like Escape, Polaroid, Change, and especially Peter Pan, the last of which may be my favorite b-side and truly gets to the heart of who they are as a group.

They’re in the middle of preparing for an English debut right now, and the title track “I Do” came out last month. Again, since it was written by someone else, it isn’t very them, but it is a really good song (with a great music video!)

As I’ve gone through this, I’ve also noticed the development of their voices, and how they became so easily distinguishable from each other, forming a really nice harmony. Soyeon’s is harsh and sharp, and her raps are cutting in a great way. Minnie’s has a touch of electro and leans into ethereal sometimes. Yuqi’s deep soulfulness is reminiscent of Adele (who she’s actually covered!). And Shuhua’s sometimes soft, sometimes powerful mezzo floats in the middle, rounding them out.

All in all, this discography deep dive has really made me enjoy (G)I-DLE’s work, and I’ve begun to appreciate a lot of b-sides I never gave the time of day before. Overall, I’m very glad I did this! Obviously, no one has to agree with this, but my Top 5 would be Lion, HWAA, Peter Pan, HANN: Alone In Winter, and Put It Straight.

From me, (G)I-DLE gets an 8.5: pretty solid, with a couple dips, and definitely some highlights. See you next time, for a boy group’s discography!

#gidle #k pop #kpop gg #miyeon #minnie #soyeon #soojin #shuhua #Yuqi #discography #review

[yourdailykitsch]

Taylor Kitsch Is Wild and Free

For two decades, he’s chugged along in the Hollywood game by flat out refusing to play it. He was busy searching for something else.

Some highlights from Taylor’s interview with Esquire:

“When Kitsch booked Friday Night Lights, he didn’t know where Austin was on a map. He moved for production and loved it. Built himself a big house. But Austin kept changing, and so did Kitsch. It was getting crowded, mainly with people who like a crowd. At this point in his life, “I don’t go out,” he says. Soon, “there weren’t many like-minded people for me.”

He’d spent a few Christmases in Yellowstone, chasing wolves, camera in tow. And during the pandemic, he and a buddy found themselves more than once riding their motorcycles through Big Sky. It felt like home. In 2021, he sold the “stupid house that I didn’t need” in Austin and headed north.

“I live quite simply,” he says of his current setup. Four blocks from downtown in a house that sounds like it’s mainly decorated by oversized prints of his own wildlife photography, a passion he picked up prepping for The Bang Bang Club, in which he played photojournalist Kevin Carter. There’s a patio that, when the weather allows, makes for a pretty sick spot to watch hockey. A few friends nearby. What about a girlfriend? A sheepish “maybe” is all he’ll allow. “

“Painkiller, based in part on Patrick Radden Keefe’s New Yorker article “The Family That Built an Empire of Pain,” will see Kitsch play Glen Kryger, a good and regular guy who loses much to an Oxy addiction. Kitsch’s attachment to the show is more personal than anything else on his résumé. Someone in his life struggled with addiction mightily, for years—opioids and amphetamines. He looked after the person. Went to "hell and back seventeen times" with them.”

“Kitsch’s never done hard drugs. Alcohol, sure. But he hadn’t even touched weed until the set of 2012’s Savages, which he filmed at the age of thirty. It takes only two fingers to count how many times he’s touched it since. To play Glen Kryger in Painkiller, he sent the producers pages of notes and brought on an advisor. Before filming, he gained a bunch of weight—a process he did not enjoy. Still, it’s the “most fulfilling job I’ve ever done,” he says.”

#taylor kitsch #esquire

[themovieblogonline]

Netflix’s Skull Island Anime Adds To Kong's MonsterVerse Mythos In A Cool New Way

Netflix’s latest animated series Skull Island is a continuation of the Kong dynasty with a brand new approach. The anime-styled new show is an incredible new story that finally does justice to the human characters within the Kong storyline. Instead of them just as set-dressing in a movie about monster fights. Something the live-action movies have constantly attempted and failed. But as I’ll point out in this Skull Island anime review, the humans are actually the main focus and heart of this new show. Spoiler-Free Skull Island Anime Review The Skull Island anime is the first official other media content, as in not a direct sequel to the live-action movies, that is firmly rooted in within the MonsterVerse. Seemingly canon, the series is taking place after the events of the live-action Kong: Skull Island from 2017 with Tom Hiddleston and Brie Larson. The events of the movie are seemingly referenced throughout the show as easter eggs. But time around, a new group of modern-day characters are shipwrecked on Skull Island, trying to find their way off. Along the way, they discover new threats, friends and larger agendas at play as they find out the true depths of this monster-filled island. Throughout the journey, they meet new monsters, try to survive and witness the Island’s larger-than-life protector, King Kong himself. Skull Island Anime Is Engaging As Hell! Netflix’s new Skull Island anime comes from the awesome animation studio, Powerhouse Animation. The same studio is responsible for amazing Netflix hits like Castlevania, Seis Manos, Blood of Zeus and Kevin Smith’s Masters Of The Universe: Revelation. And similar to all those projects, Skull Island is just as visually stunning, and brutal in its action sequences and monster-fights. Skull Island also does something the live-action movies have thus far, failed to do; make us give a crap about the human characters. The story starts with Charlie (Nicolas Cantu) arguing with his sea captain father, Cap (Benjamin Bratt) about not wanting to spend any more of his free time on ships at sea searching for new creatures, but rather going to college instead. We also meet his friend Mike (Darren Barnet) whose father is just as obsessed with discovering new sea life as Charlie’s. But when Charlie rescues a girl named Annie (Mae Whitman) from the sea, everything changes. How The Human Characters Are The Main Focus Of Skull Island After the shipwreck, Mike and Charlie quickly discover they are on the titular Skull Island, the same one from the live-action movie that is home to various monsters and creatures. Not to mention, King Kong himself. The two, out of their depth young men team up with Annie, who seems to live on the Island too, and her bear-lion animal friend named, Dog. Together they try to find Charlie’s father and a way off the island. Cap, by the way, is with a covert team of mercenaries and scientists who are also on the island, to capture Annie, for reasons unknown. With all these subplots working independently, they collide into a much bigger story full of adventure, intrigue and awesome monster fights. And the story of these characters, relationships and dynamics are actually as interesting, if not more so, than the cool monster weirdness. Skull Island Connects To The Live-Action MonsterVerse On top of being a typical Powerhouse Animation series that is full of amazing visuals, an amazingly well-written story and great character dynamics, it’s also full of easter eggs to the live-action universe. There is mention of the Hollow Earth theory which is what the Godzilla vs. Kong in 2021 movie focused on. My review of the Skull Island anime wouldn’t be complete without mentioning how these references are just casually littered throughout the series, clearly setting up a larger plot or connection. The voice cast is excellent, and the series really does a great job of creating new characters and a new plot to move the Kong mythos forward. Betty Gilpin as Irene, the head of the mercenaries is really intriguing and her involvement is a larger mystery that I can’t wait to see pay off. The iconic Phil LaMaar is also in this as Irene’s general or confidant, or maybe even more. It’s interesting to see what the Skull Island anime will do to the future of the MonsterVerse, especially given Godzilla vs. Kong 2 is in development as well. We’ll have to wait and see how well the anime does on Netflix to find that out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzVEn9C0Ndw Skull Island is now streaming on Netflix. What did you think of the Skull Island anime? Did you catch all the MonsterVerse connections? Let me know in the comments below or on Twitter at @theshahshahid. Read the full article

[coochiequeens]

Another violent man now being referred to as a woman by most media.

By Reduxx Team. October 17, 2023

A trans-identified male in Canada is facing charges of murder after the slaughter and mutilation of a man that left a crime scene so grisly neighbors called it “the house from hell.”

Gabriella Sears, born Dereck Donald Sears, has been in custody since his arrest in 2021. Sears was charged with second degree murder and interference with human remains in the death of Darren Middleton, 49, whose body was found at a home on Sycamore Road in Kelowna, British Columbia.

According to Crown prosecutors, Middleton’s corpse was “beaten and mutilated,” with his penis and testicles being partially or fully removed. Middleton’s partially clothed body was found lying next to a bathtub with the water running, and four weapons were found at the scene, including a retractable utility knife and a baseball bat.

Middleton had died of blunt force trauma to the head, but had stab wounds and defensive injuries. Many of his wounds were inflicted post-mortem. Many of the details surrounding the killing had remained unreleased since 2021 and are being heard for the first time during court testimony which began on Monday, October 16.

Sears and Middleton were known to each other, with the victim’s common-law wife, Brenda Adams, revealing to the court that Sears had been employed to do odd-jobs for Middleton on occasion. Just days before the murder, Sears, who was seen with a full beard in his booking photo, reportedly stated he had begun to identify as a woman named “Gabby.”

Gabriella Sears. Photo Credit: RCMP

Middleton’s partner was the first to discover his mutilated body in a bath tub at Sears’ residence. Middleton had not returned home from work by 9 pm on the evening of June 16, 2021. After several phone calls and attempts to locate him, Adams then decided to visit Sears’ house. She arrived at 1 am and followed the sound of running water to the bathroom, where she found Middleton slain.

Adams noted that the gash in his throat was so deep she could “see right inside.” She also stated that he was not wearing his own clothes, but had been dressed in someone else’s clothing.

She testified that she saw her partner’s penis, cut in half, lying on his abdomen, that a blade could be seen near his crotch, and that she knew right away that he was deceased.

The woman ran from the house, screaming, and called her daughter in shock. As she fled, she told the court that she saw Sears in the middle of the road, dancing with his eyes closed and his arms in the air, as though he was listening to music. Police were alerted and arrived to the scene shortly after.

In 2021, Sears was charged under his given name of Dereck. Local news reports indicate that he adopted the name “Gabriella” after his arrest.

According to submissions made by Crown prosecutor David Grabavac in September, Sears had confessed to the brutal murder, accusing Middleton of sexually assaulting him and claiming the murder was in retaliation to the assault.

However, two separate confessions made by Sears have recently been ruled inadmissible after Sears’ lawyer argued that these incriminating statements were “spontaneous submissions” made before he had legal representation.

The defense also asserted that a strip search and swabbing conducted upon Sears following his arrest was traumatic and insensitive in light of his claim that he had been sexually abused by the victim.

Coverage of the crime has changed dramatically over the years, with initial reports referring to Sears as male and more recent articles describing him as a “woman” and using feminine pronouns for him.

The trial is expected to continue this week, with police and the victim’s common-law wife taking the stand once again.

#Canada #The house from hell #Gabriella Sears is Dereck Donald Sears #british columbia #kelowna #NotOurCrimes #Media not reporting the sex of violent offenders

[sillybillycanadian]

TW: depression, sui ideation, the big sad, etc etc

I hate schoolwork. It’s petty, it’s silly, it’s beneath me, but I am so fed up with it. I am 20 years old and I haven’t graduated high school. There are so many good messages on here about not needing to meet any artificial timetable. That we can do things in our own time. But holy crap guys I’ve been stagnating for so long. I’ve been fighting an uphill battle with this part of high school for three years now.

I started homeschooling halfway through Grade 10. I have self-guided courses that I can do on my own time which still earn me credits to go towards my high school diploma. When I started, I was working at a pace that (if maintained) would have let me graduate a year early. I was masking ADHD, anxiety, and depression so all of that slowly leaked out. I was procrastinating, oversleeping some days then under-sleeping others. I developed an unhealthy habit of eating when I felt bored and like I needed a distraction. Some life things happened like my mom getting cancer (she’s alive and well, but her neutral state of “healthy” will never be the same) and my dad kicking out the three of us (mom, brother, and me) for a while because my dad and brother had a fight.

Those nights were the closest I got to killing myself. We had nothing but the clothes on our backs and some cash we were able to use for a hotel. He did this to his immunocompromised wife during the height of the pandemic. He didn’t care. Even when we were let back in the house (because we threatened to involve the police) he didn’t speak to us for days. I was hardly eating. A family friend talked to all of us over Zoom and referred to my dad’s doings as a “hiccup”. I want to be a forgiving person. I like to think that everyone deserves a second chance. But I can’t say honestly that I’ve forgiven my father. I don’t think I’ve even forgiven the family friend for calling it a “hiccup”. He probably didn’t even know the whole situation, but it stung so bad. And I hugged my father that day. As if it was fine. As if he doesn’t still scare me and I lose the air in my lungs when he stands behind me.

Ever since then my life has been derailed. In the summer of 2020 I started treatment for depression and anxiety. The summer I should have graduated. Some time in 2021 I was diagnosed with ADHD twice because the first person to do it never kept proper records and then left the hospital she was working at. So it was as if my diagnosis never happened. So 6 months after the first time, the second diagnosis finally happened. I’m on medication for it now. I thought it was helping, but I’ve been so useless again for months now and with no changes in meds to explain it. I also might have undiagnosed autism, which really stings because I was neglected when I was younger and the excuse was that my brother needed the attention since he’s autistic. Anyway. I don’t have the energy to shower regularly. I hate needing to make food for myself. I literally have two courses left then I’m done high school for good. 5 basic-ass assignments then it’s over. But instead I watch YouTube and try to make stupid music on my laptop to get a tiny hit of dopamine. I search “help” and sort by latest on Tumblr to see if there is anyone I can comfort or cheer up. Is it actually altruism? Or am I just so starved for attention and validation and companionship that I try to please anyone I can? Do I try to help others because I may as well since I’m the only person I can’t come through for?

With all of this, I have friends who are pressuring me to move out very very quickly. They know how much living at home is making me hurt and ache so I know they’re coming from a good place. But I can hardly take care of my own health and hygiene, how they hell do they expect I can take care of a home and hold a job?

That’s why I don’t just hate schoolwork. I definitely do, but that’s not all of it. I hate schoolwork because it’s a testament to just how stuck I am in life. In this one place. Writing a few sentences to an essay each day if I’m lucky. I hate it. I just hate it so much.

One of those friends. We like each other. So so much. We want a future together. Her and I. But she is one of the ones trying to rush me. I know we both want me to be in a good place before starting a relationship. But she also doesn’t want to be in limbo forever while I work out my issues. So it’s like an ultimatum. At this rate I need to move out in the next month or two or I’m gonna lose her for good, it seems. That’s as far as one of our mutual friends of the group knows. So now I have another point of pressure to get my act together before things crash and burn even more. But it had the opposite effect because I feel lost and stuck and like I can’t do anything.

This is just to vent. Cause idk what else to do than rant and maybe just maybe I’ll stop being a piece of trash. God. I hate myself so much rn. I’m such a stupid worthless prick. Dammit.

#just ranting #personal rant #tw depressing thoughts #tw sui ideation #haha now I’m the one screaming out for help cause I feel lost and like nothing is worth anything now ahaha

[sevdrag]

dreamwidth update: GYWO 2022 and How I Fucked Up

no, this is not the post about job search depression. not yet.

I participate in Get Your Words Out every year as something that motivates me to make words, much like NaNoWriMo -- it isn't necessarily about "winning" either, but it's about having a reason to track words, which then becomes having a reason to write. In 2020 or 2021, I forget which, I managed to write somewhere near 350,000 words. What a fuckin' banger. A lot of it was Old Vines, and some of it was work words, and all of it was fun as hell.

The thing I noticed at the end of the year, however, was that my writing was just inconsistent -- I was carrying myself towards that goal with days where I wrote 5000, 7000 words in one day, and then not writing for the next 4 days in a row. So if I could get my ASS to the COMPUTER to do the THING, i usually could get a significant number of words done. So let's focus on that, sez my brain, and we'll be a super-writer.

2022 Sev said well, hey, there's a habit pledge for GYWO, so: I took it, with the rather extreme idea of writing 240 days out of the year. that's like 4-5 days a week. But hey! It isn't wordcount! Although I still fucking decided I was going to try to write 300,000 words. just 300K. Not 350K. lol. I'm stupid.

Then at the beginning of 2022 I lost my content writing job - more like, they hired someone full-time and let all the contractors go without warning, yes, I'm still mad - and therefore lost one of the major impetus for me actually sitting down at the computer to write. Plus, I'd been counting work words as part of the yearly target -- which I think is fuckin fair when you write for a living, yeah?, so.

And then as I realized other work had also dried up and I was going to have to start major job hunting - and then the experience of that job hunting - there was a depression zone where I absolutely dried up on words. Like, nearly completely. Most of my WIPs just kind of hung in space, and I had to start an entirely new Good Omens fic (forth the fifth) to have anything going on, and THEN it was only a super-hyperfixation on Detroit: Become Human that really pulled me out of the wordslump and back into writing things. Getting back to the WIPs has been challenging.

And with my new job, there aren't wordcounts I can tally towards anything -- I'm writing and editing at the same time, and sometimes working on things like how the fuck do we cite this and a surprising amount of meetings, and the moral of this story is that I'm unlikely to make either my formal or informal GYWO target this year -- which again, I don't do it for the win, but boy howdy did I misjudge this year.

And what have I learnt about my writing process this year? Since that was the entire point of trying a new target and a new approach? Well, fuck, I'm not sure I've learnt anything, except that it's more fun to write when people are directly cheering you on, which isn't anything new. As of today I've written about 150K, and 135 days out of the year. I am 69 days behind where I should be and there are like. Idk. 70 days left in the year? So obviously I'm not gonna make it lol.

Anyway this has been a long ramble about things that are only important in my head, with no real conclusion. Clearly I am a professional! And I need to get back to actual work!

Stay tuned for NaNoWriMo, where I try to get my 3 FTH fics out in a month while still updating at least 3 WIPs! oh my god, why am i like this? I'm so stupid?

Talk to me about your 2022 writing (or creating in general, if you're a creator but not a writer!). How did you do. How dumb am I. It is a mystery!

comments Comment? https://ift.tt/X8wGCPg

#crossposted #dreamwidth

[phoenixiancrystallist]

I posted 53,811 times in 2022

That's 11,910 more posts than 2021!

350 posts created (1%)

53,461 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@prismatic-bell

@hearts-guided-key

@lunarlegend

@thatrandombystander

@neato-burrito-scream-dorito

I tagged 5,180 of my posts in 2022

#my husband is so beautiful ugaiz 😍 - 358 posts

#bobbi's being weird again - 348 posts

#art - 342 posts

#the great artscapade of 2022 - 309 posts

#my art - 298 posts

#precious chocobean - 158 posts

#heralds of the queue - 118 posts

#friend oc - 106 posts

#untitled gunpla comic - 90 posts

#khdr spoilers - 88 posts

Longest Tag: 141 characters

#he's taking his li'l paw and putting it on my hands or my arm and then meowing and staring at me like 🥺 because i'm not actively petting him

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Day 185 and it's a super important day, y'all! It's @lunarlegend's birthday!!! Happy birthday, Luna, I drew you a Stella, hope you like it!!! :D

14 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

#4

Jim "Treasure Planet" Hawkins is trans and you can't change my mind. My evidence? His theme song. The whole damn thing. But most specifically the lines "I want to tell you who I am. Can you help me be a man? They can't break me, as long as I know who I am" and "they can't tell me who to be, 'cause I'm not what they see."

18 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

#3

Hey y'all, can you do me a favor and check out my bestie's Etsy shop? She just got laid off from her job and she could use the financial help, especially with holidays coming up.

She's got a lot of cute designs, like this shirt here and this cool mug that I'm gonna get for myself when I get paid and a purple pillow and y'all know how I feel about purple (it's the best color, you should get the pillow). There's more, even a paraffin wax candle if you want one of those! She's got a couple Halloween designs for you Halloween lovers out there, too!

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25 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

#2

I keep thinking of how cruel of an insult "also-ran" is to Lea. To anyone else it's meaningless drivel—hell, I kind of lol wtf'd at it at first—but to Lea? Axel? Who's whole thing is "got it memorized" and wanting to live on in people's memories forever? To be called so worthless and forgettable that the only thing you can say about him is "yeah he was there, too, I guess"? Fuck, that must have hit like a blow to the gut.

And it was a deliberate choice on Xemnas's part, because he knows Axel's whole thing. He knows Axel's primary motivation is to matter and be remembered. But who remembers the also-rans?

It erases everything Lea has accomplished and relegates him to a true nobody—not a Nobody, but a nobody, nobody special, nobody worth mentioning, nobody worth caring about—all in two syllables specifically chosen to punch him in the gut.

On the surface, it seems like a weird translation choice. Something anachronistic, or maybe even a mistranslation, but I don't think it is. I think the translators picked the exact right insult—one that would be a hard miss to anyone else, but undermines everything that Lea is. And the more I think about it, the more it makes me hate Xemnas for that deliberate cruelty (and applaud the translation team for selling it).

Idk man I'm just having weird Lea/Axel feels today

31 notes - Posted May 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just realized something, and I kind of feel dumb for only now realizing it, but if you only play the numbered Kingdom Hearts games and Dream Drop Distance, you're experiencing the story how Sora experiences it. You know just as much about what's going on as he does.

The side games are only necessary if you want to fully understand the whole entire story, but if you only care about Sora and what Sora's doing and how the story affects Sora? No need to play Roxas or Xion's part of the story, or Terra, Ven, or Aqua's part of the story, or the Age of Fairy Tales, or even Data-Sora and pre-CoM memory-wipe Sora's stories. Sure, Coded and CoM and Days help, but Sora doesn't know what happened in them. He wasn't there. He didn't directly experience Coded and Days, and he's forgotten CoM (though the memory links reside in his heart). But the side games—again, except Dream Drop—were either about other characters, or were written so you don't have to play them to understand everything Sora does. Maybe there was a scene or two (baby Sora and Riku meeting Aqua) that is relevant, but he was also, what, four? Who remembers random strangers saying weird things to you when you're four? It happens all the time, adults are nuts and you don't have a whole lot of life experience so everything is weird to you anyway.

Or maybe I've been cooking on an empty stomach for an hour and it's starting to get to me. Idk. I expect I'll feel the same after I eat, though.

92 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Bobbi's being weird again

[chibivesicle]

Hi, I just read about postponing your meta-writing activities. I hope you've recovered from your covid-infection, and that work has been less stressful to you. I wish you the best and I'm looking forward to read your thoughts on GK again some day :)

Hello,

Thanks for the kind message! I finally finished reading the manga (I ended up letting a bunch of the chapters pile up so I could just read them all). I'm looking to post a reaction to the end of the manga, sometime this month between all the regular life things.

After starting to search for a new job in 2019 (god that hurts my brain to type it out), I finally found a new job and got an awesome offer and all that stuff. But now, it means packing up my home and cat and moving ~1,000 miles in a north and east direction in about a month or so.

The pandemic pretty much killed the job market in 2020 and I had to continue with my current job, which was very stressful from spring 2020-spring 2021. And then fall 2021 reaallllyyyy damn well destroyed me for a whole host of reasons - I had to put in for promotion for my job that I technically didn't want to be promoted for - everyone was excited to be in person for about a week and then collapsed - I got freakkin' strep and it sucked horribly - I got to spend American Thanksgiving recovering from strep on crazy antibiotics which made traveling lovely (I'm still bummed out I didn't have to poop in DFW airport b/c Texas). I had a brief and lovely visit at Christmas to see friends I hadn't seen in years - but then got Covid on the way back and that sucked so bad. The last time I'd been that sick was in fall 2010. Which was likely H1N1 in retrospect.

I swear, I can write a guide about how to look for a new job remotely and the soul sucking levels of shit you have to wade through. Wow, I sound so lovely, but it is true - I worked my full time job and remotely networked in two different locations and applied to jobs. It was - a lot. Writing my GK meta had been a way to deal with my frustration around my current role and at first helped with my eventual decision to leave my current position. The longer the search went on, in the pandemic (which is still totally a pandemic) the less I could motivate myself to write the meta. Like many people, in mid-2021 I looked for a therapist, got wait listed and finally found someone, who has been great. This should be no shock to my readers as I wrote a very personal meta a long time ago with my relationship with my own mental health and what I know is a life long struggle with depression. One of the suggestions of this excellent therapist was to cut back on the busy work that was overtaxing my burnt out brain with my day job. This included:

1.) pausing my watching of the drama Nirvana in Fire, because that is a great drama for detail nerds like myself. You have no idea how much I loved trying to predict things with limited information and I was doing a damn good job of it. I haven't forgotten you NiF, I'll watch you when I'm in my new location.

2.) forcing myself to write GK meta when it was a slog. Now, that I've finished the manga, I will continue to note that the overall, depth and quality dropped after the Karafuto arc. Does this make me think the entire manga was terrible? No, it is still a very very solid manga and I still love certain aspects of it. But it did not deliver a satisfying ending for me. However, other than being the same age as the GK readers in Japan, I do not have anything else in common with them.

3.) encouraging me to do other sorts of activities that were more relaxing or to watch/read things that were still good but not going to turn my brain into full on 'must examine every little detail mode' which is actually bloody hell for me to not just do automatically.

I am so thankful that I was lucky enough to find a professional at the time I needed it. Yet at the same time, I'm really disappointed at how mental health care is soooo hard to get for many people. We are going to be unpacking the layers of collective PTSD we all have from the impact of the pandemic - for years - maybe even the rest of our lives.

An unusual result of the manga and reading about Ogata did result in me adopting my cat when I did. I can thank Noda for that idea, I love my cat and he was adopted long before the pandemic lock downs, but it was nice to have him around. Unlike most cats, he loved lock down and got to see me all day every day. He was more upset I returned to work in the summer of 2020 than one would have expected but all in all he's a lovely cat.

Anyhoo, I'll likely write out a few metas here and there before putting a bow on it and calling it good. The manga may have ended on a let down, but I found a great community in the fandom and can't thank Noda enough for that. United by a love and interest in Ogata.

#ask #golden kamuy #gk meta #golden kamuy meta #why mental health is important

[recentlyheardcom]

An international student from Vietnam thought she'd applied to study in Miami, Florida.But when she got her acceptance letter, she realized she'd applied to Miami University in Ohio.Some people criticized her for not doing enough research, but she said it'd worked out for the best.When Valerie Do, 19, applied to study at Miami University in 2021, she was excited by the prospect of spending her days lounging on beaches in the sun in Florida, surrounded by palm trees like she'd seen in the movies.As an international student living in Vietnam, she couldn't visit the university before applying. So when the university sent her an acceptance letter welcoming her to Ohio, Do felt confused.At first, she wondered whether Ohio might be a district or a county in Florida. But after a quick Google search, her beach fantasy was shattered when she realized she wouldn't be going to the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida, as she'd initially thought. She'd be going to Miami University in Oxford, Ohio.Miami University in Ohio was founded in 1809 and named after the Great Miami River in southwestern Ohio. The name of the city of Miami, Florida, is derived from the Native Tequesta name "Mayaimi," believed to mean "big water" or "sweet water," according to Encyclopedia Britannica."I realized there are no beaches; it's just a cornfield in the middle of nowhere in the Midwest of America," Do told Insider.After spending some time researching, Do said she realized Miami University had a good business school. She decided to accept the offer, and she moved from Vietnam to Ohio.In her job as a campus tour guide at her university, Do often told students the story behind how she'd ended up there. People found the story funny, so when she heard the trending TikTok sound "I'm Already There" by Lonestar — a song about being somewhere in spirit even though you can't be physically present — she decided to use it to make fun of herself for the mistake.In the video posted on October 4, Do is sitting in front of her laptop as she mimes along to the song and gestures dramatically. In the text overlaying the video, she wrote: "When someone says 'go to hell' but I am studying abroad at Miami University of Ohio. I thought it was Miami Florida and did not realize. There are no beaches here it's just corn field and in the middle of nowhere." The video went viral and has more than 1.5 million views as people commented that they found the video funny or wrote "love and honor," which is Miami University's tagline, as an ode to the school.One viewer asked her if she'd Googled the school, and Do responded in a follow-up video. She said she hadn't researched the university until she'd been accepted but that she'd decided to accept the offer because of the financial aid she was offered, the scholarship they gave her, the safety of the area, and the business program."Especially for international students, the most important part is obviously the money. They gave me a lot of money, and my parents can afford the tuition. So I ended up in Ohio," she told viewers. Do said that she didn't expect her video to blow up as much as it did and that the reaction from viewers had been interesting. "A lot of people make fun of me and tell me, 'Oh, it's your fault, it's on you," she said.But she told Insider the criticism didn't bother her because she was happy she ended up in Ohio instead of Florida. She said she and her friends had visited Miami, Florida, during spring break of her freshman year and that despite the nice beaches and the great city life, she didn't feel as safe as she does in Ohio."We literally had to switch our Airbnb to another one because we thought that there was some person trying to break in in the middle of the night," she said.Do said the video was just a "silly, funny TikTok" that she'd made to make people laugh. "I really love my school, and I have a good time here," she said. "It was a great mistake to make."Correction: October 13, 2023 — An earlier version of this story misstated the year Valerie Do applied to Miami University.

It was 2021, not 2019.Read the original article on Insider