#jane john doe tournament

[jane-john-doe-tournament]

Jane Doe (Ride the Cyclone) Propaganda:

Great singing, also she’s literally wearing a doll‘s head bc she lost hers

do they have their soul or is it rotting somewhere with their head?

BALLAD OF JANE DOE IS SO SAD AND SHE IS GREAT AND I ONLY WATCH RTC ONCE BUT SHES NY FAVE OK

cool asf

She forgets her name after her death and has no story told in the production

She's so sweet and deserves the world. Her song (The Ballad of Jane Doe) is great.

the song goes so hard just listen to her song guys please

she literally died and her head was cut off so nobody could tell who she was PLEASE let her take one (1) W

BECAUSE SHE IS AMAZING. First she already won the tournament in the musical to regain life, as she won them over with her sad wet cat energy because she did not have a head and feared that she lost her soul. Second, she died on a roller coaster and lost her head, but stole her doll's head and thats very gender. Third, throughout the musical she is used as a vessel for religious allegory, she is an angel, she is jesus, she is a demon, she is forsaken but she is purity itself. Fourthly, she is is given the identity of Savannah with the greenest eyes after the other characters who died with her hold her a birthday party, and I think thats sweet because its probably some kind of meaning I cant see but auughfhfhh shes so cool

i mean her name isn't TECHNICALLY jane doe but we refer to her as such. she's so silly!! autism powers! i don't have a lot of propaganda tbh. i would've just been surprised had she NOT been submitted

She lost her head literally when the rollercoaster derailed. She wasn't able to be identified apart from the school uniform she was wearing.

Her name is forgotten, and so is everything about her. So she’s called Jane Doe. She’s very sweet and very creepy, but she doesn’t mean it

and im asking WHYYYYY LORRRRRDDD

I LOVE HER! she died in a roller coaster accident and was decapitated, her body not being found. in the show, her head is actually just her doll’s head. the coroners couldn’t identify her, so she was dubbed a jane doe. in the game to be alive again, she ends up being voted, her name being revealed to be penny lamb. anyways she’s a little creepy and also quite silly and she does her funny little waddle like a porcelain doll (or corpse).

She deserves it! She lost her head she shouldn't lose this too.

Not convinced you didn’t start this tournament just for her tbh

They have a great song and a true air of mystery to them. They also have arguably the best song in the musical, The Ballad of Jane Doe! I would definitely recommend listening to it >:)

—She LOST her HEAD and had it replaced with a PORCELAIN DOLL —In all seriousness her story is really poignant. No one could identify her body so she arrives in the afterlife not knowing her identity and she spends the show vacillating between depressed and angry at her situation, leading to… —“The Ballad of Jane Doe”, specifically Emily Rohm’s version, might be the most haunting solo in musical theatre history.

John Doe (Malevolent) Propaganda:

Spooky gay eldritch disaster (am I doing this right?)

Could have chosen any name for himself and picked John because a kind person called him that :)

fractured piece of an eldritch god that shares a body with a private eye after being fractured. chooses the name John Doe after said private eye goes into a coma

Because he’s an eldritch god who wants to feel human and who overcame a lot of obstacles and dangers!!! He sincerely cares about the main character!!! And he chose a name himself! Isn’t he cute??? He lost his body, he almost lost his memory, he fought for his right to exist, he loves animals, he loves his friend Arthur and I love him!

Being an ass, friendship, spooky supernatural stuff, he’s got it all

My man heard the name John Doe, realized he didn’t actually have a name, and just. Took it for himself.

I LOVE HIM. MY SON. HE’S TRYING TO CHANGE AND BE BETTER AND :(((( He’s a fragment of the soul of the King in Yellow (god of trickery and suffering iirc??) that gets trapped in a book in our realm while the rest of the King stayed in his own separate realm. When a human named Arthur Lester opens the book they get linked and John gains control of Arthur’s eyes & kills his partner (oops!). They proceed to go on a quest to find a way of separating them because neither likes the situation, and at first John (or The Entity, which is what he’s called at first) just wants to trick and use Arthur, and control his entire body (through the first season he also gets a hand & a foot) even though he doesn’t remember being The King In Yellow at the time, but Arthur makes him change and become more human. His turning point is when Arthur is shot and falls into a coma for a month. They get treated at a hospital and while John waits for Arthur to wake up so they can carry on, the body itself still gets taken care of. The time John spends alone, contemplating on humanity & everything he’s seeing and learning from Arthur, as well as the way a certain nurse speaks to him every day (specifically, she greets him good morning and good night, despite the body being unresponsive, John still hears because he is an entity linked to the body) and calls him John (they didn’t have ID on when they were found so they were classified as John Doe), changes his outlook and plans for good, and he asks Arthur to call him John; from this point on he admits he cares for Arthur, looks for his wellbeing too, and in general attempts to be a better person and to live for himself. The rest of the podcast (ongoing!!) explores Arthur & John’s relationship, struggle to survive, adventures in the eldritch… All while tackling each of their issues with themselves and each other and watching them both grow. John in specific learns to be the person he wants to be, how sometimes you’ll take a step forward and two backwards; he can be cruel and manipulative sometimes but he still tries. Personally I love his journey, it’s very realistic and you can see he is trying his best, and how he wants to be better than he was as the King In Yellow, and how much Arthur has changed him and how much he cares about him because of that; and how he’s slowly growing into being his own person :) if it ends badly ill cry so hard but!!! he’s John Doe because that’s the name he was being addressed as, and he’s made it his, and being John means he’s no longer the King and that he wants to be different, and John can fail or make mistakes but it’s part of who he is now, and that’s what matters. I am So Normal About Him

JOHN DOE (Malevolent) SWEEP

OH MY GOD JOHN DOE MY BELOVED 💛💛 (watch me just not clarify that would be so funny ahah) John doe (Malevolent) 💛💛💛 my silly He's so funny he makes Arthur bump his head into a dock because he didn't say duck in time and then laughs at him 💛💛

#jane john doe tournament #jane doe #jane doe rtc #jane doe ride the cyclone #rtc #ride the cyclone #john doe #john doe malevolent #malevolent #round 4

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

TOURNAMENT PARTICIPANTS

Greetings, everyone, our contestants have been finalized, and I want to provide a certain opportunity before the preliminaries begin. Namely, to provide additional propaganda for competitors in need of it. So, I have created a form to collect this new propaganda, and a list of both preliminary and non-preliminary participants under the cut. An asterisk next to a name indicates they have fewer than three pieces of propaganda, which is the amount that will be included in each poll. This form will be open for the duration of the tournament. You can make as many submissions you want for any character.

NOTE: The order of participants does not reflect the bracket matchups. Preliminary matchups will be announced next week, and the complete bracket will be announced after the preliminary round is finished.

UPDATE: Additional characters have been added in bold because I failed to fill out the bracket by counting incorrectly. One has been added to the preliminary round, and the others are regular competitors.

PRELIMINARY PARTICIPANTS

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER/ANGEL

Cordelia Chase

Illyria*

Kendra Young*

Winifred "Fred" Burkle

DC COMICS

Alex DeWitt - AUTOMATIC ENTRY

Barbara Gordon

Cassandra Cain

Katma Tui*

Koriand’r aka Starfire*

Pantha*

Stephanie Brown

Talia al Ghul

Tara Markov*

JOJO'S BIZARRE ADVENTURE

Dragona Joestar (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: The JOJOLands)*

Holy Kujo (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders)*

Lisa Lisa (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Battle Tendency )

Lucy Steel (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Steel Ball Run)

KAMEN RIDER

Is (Kamen Rider 01)*

Kanon Fukami (Kamen Rider Ghost)*

Poppy Pipopapo (Kamen Rider Ex-Aid)*

Saki Momose (Kamen Rider Ex-Aid)*

MARVEL COMICS

Elektra Natchios (Marvel Comics)*

Elektra Natchios (NMCU)*

MY HERO ACADEMIA

Ochako Uraraka - AUTOMATIC ENTRY

Magne (My Hero Academia)*

Momo Yaoyorozu

Nemuri Kayama*

Toru Hagakure*

STAR TREK

Deanna Troi (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

Jadzia Dax (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)*

Kes (Star Trek: Voyager)*

Seven of Nine (Star Trek: Voyager)

Tasha Yar (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

T'Pol (Star Trek: Enterprise)*

SUPERNATURAL

Bela Talbot

Charlie Bradbury

Eileen Leahy*

Mary Winchester*

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA

Tetra (The Legend of Zelda: Windwaker)*

Zelda (The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom)*

WARRIOR CATS

Bumble*

Leafpool

Spottedleaf

Squirrelflight

YU-GI-OH!

Aki Izayoi/Akiza Izinski (Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's)*

Aoi Zaizen/Skye Zaizen (Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS)*

Kotori Mizuki (Yu-Gi-Oh! ZEXAL)*

Mai Valentine (Yu-Gi-Oh!)

NON-PRELIMINARY PARTICIPANTS

Abbie Mills (Sleepy Hollow)*

Ada Vessalius (Pandora Hearts)*

Agent Texas (Red vs Blue)*

Alex DeWitt (DC Comics)

Allura (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Alys Brangwin (Phantasy Star IV)*

Amber Volakis (House MD)*

Amy Amanda Allen (The A-Team (TV))*

Amy Pond (Doctor Who)*

Amy Rose (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Ann Takamaki (Persona 5)

April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012))

Arcee (Transformers)

Asuna (Sword Art Online)*

Athena Cykes (Ace Attorney)

Azula (Avatar the Last Airbender)

Britta Perry (Community)*

Brunhilda aka Mym (Dragalia Lost)*

Carmelita Montoya Fox (Sly Cooper )*

Casca (Berserk)

Celica (Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia)

Chi-Chi (Dragon Ball)*

Chloe Bourgeois (Miraculous Ladybug)

Chloe von Einzbern (Fate/kaleid liner PRISMA ILLYA)*

Clarke Griffin (The 100)*

Daenerys Targaryen (Game of Thrones)*

Dahlia Hawthorne (Ace Attorney)

Elya Musayeva (Топи/The Swamps (2021))*

Eve (Paradise Lost)*

Flora Reinhold (Professor Layton)

Gamora (Marvel Cinematic Universe)*

Grelle Sutcliff (Black Butler)*

Gwen (BBC Merlin)*

Gwen Stacy (Marvel Comics)*

Hélène Kuragina (War and Peace)

Hinata Hyuuga (Naruto)*

Irene Adler (BBC Sherlock)*

Iris Sagan (AI: the Somnium Files)*

Jade (Dragon Quest 11)*

Jade Harley (Homestuck)

Jane Crocker (Homestuck)

Jennifer Lopez (John Dies At The End)*

Jiang Yanli (Mo Dao Zu Shi)

Julia (Hellraiser)*

Julia Wicker (The Magicians)*

Juvia Lockser (Fairy Tail)*

Kaede Akamatsu (Danganronpa V3)

Kairi (Kingdom Hearts)

Kallen Kouzuki (Code Geass)

Kamala Khan (Marvel Comics)*

Katara (Avatar the Last Airbender)

Katherina Minola (The Taming of the Shrew)*

Katherine Pierce (The Vampire Diaires)*

Konan (Naruto)*

Laurel Lance (Arrow (CW)*

Leia Organa (Star Wars)*

Lisa Cuddy (House MD)

Lucy Heartfilia (Fairy Tail)

Madison Paige (Heavy Rain)*

Malty S Melromarc (Rising of the Shield Hero)*

Margaret Houlihan (MASH (Movie 1970) )*

Marinette Dupain-Cheng (Miraculous Ladybug)

Marwa (What We Do In The Shadows (TV series))*

Megaera (Hades)*

Mikaela Banes (Transformers)*

Mikan Tsumiki (Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair)

Mikoko Sakazaki (Kaiji)*

Mikuru Asahina (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)*

Mildred "Millie" Knolastname (Helluva Boss)

Milla Maxwell (Tales of Xillia)*

Misa Amane (Death Note)

Misaki Unasaka (Buddy Daddies)*

Nami (One Piece)*

Naomi Misora (Death Note)

Natasha Romanoff (Marvel Cinematic Universe)

Natasha Rostova (War and Peace)

Nemu Kurotsuchi (Bleach)*

Nezuko Kamado (Demon Slayer)*

Nya Smith (Lego Ninjago)

Ochette (Octopath Traveler 2)*

Ophelia (Hamlet)*

Ophiuchus Shaina (Saint Seiya)*

Orihime Inoue (Bleach)

Padmé Amidala (Star Wars)

Pussy Galore (Goldeneye)*

Pyrrha Nikos (RWBY)

Quiet (Metal Gear Solid: The Phantom Pain)*

Ran Mouri (Detective Conan)*

Rey (Star Wars)

River Tam (Firefly)*

Sakura Haruno (Naruto)

Sansa Stark (Game of Thrones)*

Skye (Lost in Blue)*

Sonia Hedgehog (Sonic Underground)*

South Dakota (Red vs Blue)*

Stephanie “Steph” Nocanonlastname (EverymanHYBRID)

Susan Pevensie (Chronicles of Narnia)*

Sweet-P (The Caligula Effect)*

Sylvanas Windrunner (Warcraft)*

Sylvia (Two Gentlemen of Verona)*

Teresa (Maze Runner series)*

Throné Anguis (Octopath Traveler 2)*

Yan Hui (Back From the Brink)*

#not polls #announcements #participants

[paladin-of-nerd-fandom65]

As Everyone can remember, I had once written a fanfic called ‘Broken Wings’ in which Jake Grayson, acting Boy Wonder of Bludhaven, stumbled upon a rather tragic, heartbreaking and horrifying sort of case; A whole bunch of street orphans and urchins, generally ranging in age between 8 to 12 years old, being forced into gladiatorial like combat by one Victor Zsasz, the winner each daily life or death tournament getting the unfortunate ‘honors’ of then facing against him directly.

Well for some notes about that fic

1) I am indeed adapting the general story of Jake discovering this horrific case via finding some of the bodies of the child victims under the care of ex-super criminal Humpty Dumpty, tracking down the source of their deaths to a dilapidated mining shaft where Zsasz has set up shop and facing the madman himself with some….bloody and horrible results that does nonetheless free the surviving kids; all of that goes into what I dub Earth - 4080, the Starburst Duo Earth, in this case Chris Kent, Mar’i Grayson and Jon Kent are the ones that come along with Skybird!Jake in this investigation, bearing witness to his fateful duel with Zsasz. More importantly though….

2) Say after the events of this story and its sequel companion piece ‘Because The World Is Round….’, while its expected the bodies of the child victims would then be cremated or buried (probably moreso the former given the bulk of them have no prior identification, being no named John and Jane Does, not even birth certificates) after their time in the Bludhaven General morgue without anyone to claim them, instead the Court of Owls, the shadowy cabal of elites from across the globe who claim Bludhaven as their main base, claim the bodies instead, granting them a whole new slew of future Talons via resurrecting these poor souls with electrum and their many methods of mind control over them

If you have thoughts or any comments about this idea, please let me know via reply and/or especially Reblog. I am willing to hear about it ;-)

#court of owls #talon #jake grayson #mari grayson #chris kent #jonathan samuel kent #starburst duo #victor zsasz #sfw #cw

[merlincersei]

Merlin BBC UK TV Show - Opinion Piece Part 5 - John Williams' Influence On Season 1 Soundtrack

You can listen to the soundtrack on Youtube. Refer link below:

Rob Lane's score for the BBC's Merlin Season 1 is an impressive soundtrack, especially when you consider that it's for a TV miniseries made prior to Game Of Thrones in 2008.

Prior to Game Of Thrones, music has always been seen as one of the least important aspect of TV shows instead as a complimentary component to the plot and Merlin does so masterfully.

Rob Lane is a pretty accomplished composer known for composing scores for period TV dramas such as The Hound of the Baskervilles (2002) Elizabeth I (2005), Jane Eyre (2006) , Tess of the D'Urbervilles (2008) and many others.

And while John Williams is a name most would not associate with the Merlin TV show, his influence is palpable.

"The Tournament Begins"

This has a very familiar march incorporated into it. It sounds very similar to the last minute of John Williams' "The Chess Game" track from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

"Meeting Arthur" / "Lady Helen Possessed"

Rob Lane borrows a note for note sequence - from John William's "Parade of the Ewoks" from Star Wars Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

"The Magic Shield"

This music gives a nod and a wink to Raider's of the Lost Ark's track "In the Idol's Temple"

"Defeating the Afnac"

This is reminiscent of parts of Close Encounters of the Third Kind Suite.

It seems the creators were a huge fan of John Williams' music. I believe they specifically requested Rob Lane to step in and compose something in a similar vein for the series.

And before people start accusing Rob Lane of plagiarism, it should be noted that John Williams himself was no stranger to being inspired by other people's work.

Gustav Holst's The Planets suite was obviously the main inspiration for John Willliams' score for the original Star Wars movie.

Maybe there are parallels to be drawn between this and Merlin - in that Rob Lane is Merlin to John Williams' Kilgharrah. ROFLMAO

Rob Lane's genius lies in the fact he understood the assignment and the references to create something original, incredibly complex and beautifully orchestrated,

A soundtrack that will stand the test of time.

#arthur pendragon #bradley james #merlin bbc #merthur #soundtrack #music #lgbtqia shows #colin morgan #merlincersei #Youtube #merlin meta #signal boost

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character Bonus Brackets!

Round 1 had 3,803 votes over 7 polls, with over half of those votes coming from the Garfield vs Dyre poll. As these brackets weren't quite full, the heaviest hitters were saved for Round 2 (except for Garfield because I did not anticipate that he'd be so popular).

In the Divine Monsters/Monstrous Divines/Desiccated Husks of Once Great Beings/Uniquely Powerful People Who Cannot Be Mistaken For Human Bracket, we are judging based on pure sexiness, like with the main tournament.

For the Heaviest Eye-Motifed Narrator/Best Eye-Themed Protagonist Bracket, we are judging 39.7% based on eyes, 31.7% based on sexiness, and 28.7% based on narration. But mostly we are looking at the combination of those three aspects. These numbers come from your vote.

Other Ongoing Polls:

Audio Dramas vs Actual Plays, ends Saturday December 9th.

Bonus Poll #3: Fuck, Marry, Kill Skeleton Edition, ends Wednesday, December 13th.

Asexuality and Voting in Tumblr Sexypolls, ends Wednesday, December 13th.

Round 1 Masterpost

Round 2:

Monster Bracket:

John Doe/The Entity (Malevolent) vs The Angel of Death (Death by Dying)

The Chimeric Cadent (Friends at the Table: PALISADE) vs The Divine Motion (Friends at the Table: PARTIZAN)

Huntokar (Welcome to Night Vale) vs Jane Prentiss (The Magnus Archives)

The Cairn Maiden (The Silt Verses) vs Garfield the Deals Warlock (The Adventure Zone: Balance)

Eye Bracket

Cecil Gershwin Palmer (Welcome to Night Vale) vs The Host (Beef and Dairy Network Podcast)

Arthur Lester (Malevolent) vs John Doe/The Entity (Malevolent)

Jonathan Sims/The Archivist (The Magnus Archives) vs Mari Datuin (Hi Nay)

Nikignik (Hello From The Hallowoods) vs Es (Friends at the Table: Sangfielle)

#Eye Bracket #Monster Bracket #Tumblr Bracket #Tumblr Tournaments #Tumblr Polls #podcasts #monsterfucking #Monster Bracket Round 2 #Eye Bracket Round 2

[transcodedcharacterstournament]

Sorry it so long, but the list is finally done

Here are our pair ups

I included almost every character so the tournament is going to be long

Left side

Jesus vs Hamlet

Dean vs Sam

Rose Tyler vs The Doctor

Mob vs teruki hanazawa

Emily Prentiss vs Penelope Garcia

Anakin Skywalker vs Obi-Wan Kenobi

Aziraphale vs Crowley

Jessie vs james

toph vs Sokka

julian bashir vs James T Kirk

Jadzia Dax vs Ezri Dax

Spock vs Odo

Luke skywalker vs Leia skywalker

Hunter vs Luz

Alador blight vs The collector

Raine vs Lilith Clawthorne

Dipper vs Mable

Sonic vs Shadow

Marco diaz vs Pidge

Katsuki Bakugo vs Ejirou Kirishima

Kagamine Len vs miku

bot lightbulb

Test tube vs Apple

Tree vs black hole

saw vs Golf ball

Dr. teeh vs Animal

Floyd pepper vs janice

Zoot vs lips

Fjord Stone vs Yussa Errenis

Zukko vs Azula

Veth Brenatto (Nott the Brave) vs Pyrrha dve

silver vs blaze

Howl vs Aizawa

Walter White vs Jesse pinkman

Noelle vs Ralsei

Perfuma vs Bow

Jim Lake Jr vs Steve Palchuk

Hiccup vs Danny Phantom

Fox Mulder vs Dana Scully

Harley Quinn vs the riddler

Neo vs Trinity

Deanna Troi vs Brunt

Worf vs Saavik

Dr Habit vs Kamal Bora

Scout vs Ms. Pauling

Right Hand Man vs Henry Stickmin

Reginald Copperbottom vs Ellie Rose

Kurapika vs Alluka Zoldyck

Kite vs Daisukenojo "Beat" Bito

Link vs Zelda

Miles Edgeworth vs Franziska von Karma

Rolan Deep vs Chip

Jay Ferin vs William Wisp

Ashe Winters vs Kian stone

Gillion Tidestrider vs Edyn Tidestrider

donnie vs leonardo

Madeline Hatter vs Darling Charming

Kokichi Ouma vs Shuichi saihara

Aiko Umesawa vs Hajime Hinata

Komatu Naegi vs chihiro fujisaki

Randy Radman vs Jaques Kensignton

Shiki Misaki vs Yoshiya "Joshua" Kiryu

Eddie Munson vs Jonathan Byers

Nancy Wheeler vs Max Mayfield

peter parker vs Cecil Palmer

BOYD vs Lena Sabrewing

Yuuki Mishima vs Naoto Shirogane

Futaba Sakura vs Akira Kurusu

Ricky Potts vsJane Doe

Koichi Hirose vs Narciso Anasui

Adeleine vs Meta Knight

Ferdinand von Aegir vs Lorenz Gloucester

Gomez Addams vs Morticia addams

Sir Crocodile vs Yamato

yellow caballero vs Gold

Akari vs Silver

Right side

Penny vs Champion Cynthia

Captain3 vs Agent 8

Apollo Justice vs maya fey

bill s preston esquire vs ted theodore logan

Kermit the Frog vs Gonzo

Jack Kline vs Castiel

Kazuhira Miller vs Revolver Ocelot

Mizuki Akiyama vs Mafuyu Asahina

Scaramouche vs Venti

Alucard vs Juste Belmont

Rika vs Wallac

Bede vs Celestia Ludenberg

Omega vs Pavel Chekov

Amy rose vs Tails

Gerard (Gerry) Keay vs Jonathan Sims

Jane Prentiss vs Martin blackwood

Aether vs Lumine

Diluc Ragnvindr vs Fischl

Sasha waybright vs Marcy wu

Lars vs finn

Jim Hawkins vs Mulan

onoda sakamichi vs shinkai yuuto

Vivian vs Birdo

Bridget vs Poison

Jack Spicer vs Enid

Taliyah vs Jinx

Yoshiko "Yohane" Tsushima vs Rina Tennoji

Marceline vs Wendy Corduroy

Optimus Prime vs Rodimus prime

The Master vs john sheppard

haruhi fujioka vs Haku

Jason Todd vs tim drake

billy batson vs Cleo Cazo/Ratcatcher 2

Maxwell Klinger vs George Costanza

Gyro Gearloose vs ron stampler

Daniel LaRusso vs Miguel Diaz

Xion vs Lauriam 

Alice Yabusame vs Marina

Anna vs Rin Hoshizora

David Jacobs vs Ambrose

Lestat vs Quentin Coldwater

Orel Puppington vs Chucky

Reze vs Isabella Yamamoto

Mrs. Frizzle vs Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Ellen Ripley vs Orla McCool

Peril vs Baldwin

Sidney Prescott vs Envy Adams

akiyama mizuki  vs Flower

Oswald Cobblepot vs Margo Hanson

Charlie Kelly vs Newton Geiszler

Remy vs Meowth

knock out vs Lavernius Tucker

Raiden vs lappland

Party Poison vs Nico di Angelo

Hera vs P03

Leo Demonheart vs Suzuki Iruma

Doug Ramsey vs Marty McFly

Lake vs Jenny

Will Graham vs Herbert West

Anne Boonchuy vs Carmen Sandiego

Paul Atreides vs Yoon Jong-woo

Ritsu sohma vs Ruby Rose

Ruffnut  vs Momoe Sawaki

Xie Lian vs Raikou Shimizu

Chai vs Hisirdoux Casperan

henry morris vs Dave Strider

Jeremie Belpois vs Lloyd Garmadon

Gandalf vs Dolores Abernathy

Arthur Kingsmen vs Mako

Kurama vs Vash the Stampede

Shiver vs Luigi

Kim Kitsuragi vs tristian

Rouge vs Zoe

Shinji Ikari vs Dororo

#tumblr polls #transgender

[platonic-pals-punchout]

WELCOME TO PLATONIC PALS PUNCHOUT!

If Saturday cartoons taught us anything it’s that The Power Of Friendship is the ultimate weapon that can defeat any obstacle! But can it defeat…other friendships!? 

This tournament pits Dynamic Duo vs Dynamic Duo to see who has the Ultimate Friendship. They will do this by punching other pairs in the face winning polls!

We are currently running Round 1, Part 2. If you don't see your guys, don't worry: Part 3 is coming next, or check out the image for Part 1! Round 1 Part 2 is over! Congrats to the winners! Round 1 Part 0 will come after a break - I'll be out of town for a while, but I'll set it up as soon as I get home!

Tied polls will perform the "befriend your enemy" trope and team up! They need to be within 1% of each other to qualify as a tie.

[Part 1 matchups image] [Part 2 matchups image]

Links to polls:

Annie & Garcello vs Mollymauk Tealeaf & Yasha Nydoorin

Chad Cola & Deuu Dino vs Doug Eiffel & Hera

Roronoa Zoro & Sanji vs Link & Sidon

Lady Mary Crawley & Tom Branson vs Denji & Power

Rei Suwa & Kazuki Kurusu vs Mango & Brash

Ikki Igarashi & Vice vs The Doctor & Donna Noble

Thomas & Percy vs Bakugou Katsuki & Kirishima Eijirou

Marinette Dupain Cheng & Alya Césaire vs Ash & Pikachu

Keefe Sencen & Fitz Vacker vs John Doe & Arthur Lester

JD & Turk vs Rui Kamishiro & Mizuki Akiyama

Batman & Robin vs Juno Steel & Rita

Zephyr Hernandez & the MC (“Eli Russel”) vs Joe Tazuna & Sara Chidouin

Demoman (Tavish Finnegan) & Soldier (Jane Doe) vs Optimus Prime & Ratchet

Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt & Argonaut Keene vs Kazuma Kiryu & Goro Majima

Chris Redfield & Jill Valentine vs Alex Rider & Tom Harris

Megamind & Minion vs Kirby & King Dedede

Good luck to everyone!

👉Absolutely DO NOT comment things like “These characters are totally dating!” This is an aro-safe space & insisting that 2 characters someone sees as platonic are ~actually dating~ is cruel. If you genuinely believe someone cheated & submitted an unqualified duo, DM or send me an ask. (Also: characters who date after a long friendships are allowed if emphasis is on the friendship)

(Note: I will NOT be going out of my way to organize every single piece of propaganda, bc that is WAY too much work. However, I will reblog all propaganda that comes to my attention, & I will answer all propaganda asks.)

Shameless self-plug: if you like my me, please check out my [YouTube channel] where I do art & science education, or my [Warriors/art tumblr]. You can also donate to [my ko-fi] to help me afford my meds & food. Thank you!!

#polls masterlist #platonic pals punchout #tournament #tumblr tournament #character tournament #bracket #team tournament #fandom poll #aromantic

[worstqueerbaittournament]

Our tournament conestants

Akira Kurusu and Goro Akechi from Persona 5 Royal

Alix from Miraculous Ladybug

Allison and Patti from Kevin Can F**k himself

Anna and Marnie from When Marnie was There

baron draxum and master splinter   rise of the tmnt 2018

Batman and Joker/ Bruce and John Doe from Batman Telltale

Beca and Chloe from Pitch Perfect

Beca from Pitch Perfect

Betty and Veronica from Riverdale

Blitzen and Hearthstone from Magnus Chase

Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr (aka Professor X and Magneto) from anything X-Men

Cory and Naveed from Ackley Bridge

Dani Ramos and Grace from Terminator Dark Fate

Darling Charming and Apple White from Ever After High

Dean Winchester

Destiel

Drs House & Wilson from House MD

emma woods/emily dyer from identity v

Faberry from glee!(Rachel Berry + Quinn Fabray)

Fuffy, faith and buffy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Finn and Poe from Star Wars

Firestar and Greystripe from Warriors

foot clan lieutenant and brute  rise of the tmnt 2018  

Ginji Amano & Ban Midou from GetBackers

goro majima and kazuma kiryu -   Yakuza/Ryu Ga Gotoku

Grif and Simmons from Red vs. Blue

H.G. Wells and Myka Bering from Warehouse 13

Hikaru Sulu from Star Trek Beyond

Jade and Bella from Rainbow High

Jade and Tori (Victorious)

Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles from Rizzoli&Isles TV series

Janis from Mean Girls

Jess/Jules from Bend It Like Beckham

Juleka and Rose from Miraculous Ladybug

Kaoru Nishimi and Sentarou Kawabuchi from Kids on the Slope (Sakamichi no Apollon)

kanji/naoto from persona 4

keith and lance from voltron

Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk from Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint

klavier and apollo from ace attorney

L and Light from Death Note

Legoshi and Louis from Beastars

leo and adam from tatort saarbrücken

lightcannon, Jinx and Lux from league of legends

Loki from The Loki show

marc and nathaniel from miraculous

Masumi Itachi from blue flag

Matsuoka rin and haru from Free!

Max from Miraculous Ladybug

Mel and Naomi from Vermonia

merthur (merlin and Arthur from the BBC show merlin

Milo and Bisco from Sabikui Bisco

Mobius and Loki from the Loki show

narumitsu - Ace Attorney

Naruto and Sasuke

Newt and Hermann from Pacific Rim

Nina and Lily from the movie Black Swan

Peggy Carter & Angie Martinelli from Agent Carter

Ravenpaw and Barely from warrior cats

Raya & Namaari from Raya and the Last Dragon

rei and nagisa   from Free!

Sam and Bucky from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Sherlock and John Watson from BBC Sherlock

Sherlock and Moriarty from BBC Sherlock

Shiro and Adam from voltron

sophie and agatha from The School of Good and Evil

Spirk (Spock and Kirk) from Star Trek  the reboot movies

Sterek  (Stiles and Derek from Teen Wolf)

Steve and Bucky from Captain America

Steve McGarrett and Danny Williams from Hawaii 5-0 (the 2010 version)

stiles stilinski from teen wolf

Supercorp! Lena and Kara from Supergirl!

Superman and Batman from the DCEU

SwanQueen (Regina Mills/Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time)

Sylvie from Loki

Thiel and Boerne from Tatort Münster

Thomas & Newt from the maze runner

troy barnes and abed nadir from community

wednesday and enid from wednesday

yu/yosuke from persona 4

Zari and Charlie from Legends of Tomorrow

Zoro and sanji - one piece

IT CURRENTLY LOOK SLIKE PRELIMINARIES ARE WINNING THE CURRENT POLL. This would mean that there will be randomised polls of two or three ships battling it out for one of the 32 spots on our tournament

[hollow-eyes-tournament]

all of the characters that will be in the tournament!

if you didnt find a character you wanted to be in the tournament in the list, feel free to contact me by direct message, and i can make space for them in the tournament (if they fit the criteria) its no burden! (and ill edit the list to include that character!)

here are all the characters that are in the tournament currently, under the cut, sorted in alphabetical order, so you can easily check if your fave got in :D

(also, characters with the article "the" wont be placed in the "T" section, but instead the section that the word after "the" first letter of is (for example "the Leader" would be placed in L instead of T)

they will be randomly placed in the bracket, and then round 1 will begin july 19th, 10:00 UTC time!

-NUMBERS & SPECIAL CHARACTERS

2D from the band Gorillaz

-A

the Artificer from the game Rainworld

-B

Baby Luigi from the Mario series

Baby Mario from the Mario series

Baymax from the film Big Hero 6

Billy from the show The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy

Bowser Jr. from the Mario series

Broly (Super Saiyan) from the anime series Dragon Ball Z

-C

Captain Underpants from the comic/show Captain Underpants

Coco from the game Animal Crossing

-D

Deemo from the game Deemo

Doctor Manhattan from Watchmen

-E

Eyeless Jack the Creepypasta

-F

Funko Pops (every single one)

-G

Galacta Knight from the series Kirby

Gingerbread Man from the film Shrek

the Gourmand from the game Rainworld

Grian the Minecraft Character/Youtuber

Grim from the show the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy

-H

Hello Kitty from the company Sanrio

Hershel Layton from the game Professor Hershel Layton

the Hunter from the game Rainworld

-I

-J

Jane Doe from the musical Ride the Cyclone

John Egbert from the webcomic Homestuck

Jolie from the webcomic Cursed Princess Club

-K

King Boo from the Mario series

the Knight from the game Hollow Knight

Koro Sensei from the anime Assassination Classroom

-L

Lys from the D&D show/podcast The Unexpectables

-M

Magolor from the series Kirby

Meta Knight from the series Kirby

the Monk from the game Rainworld

-N

Nanika from the anima/manga series Hunter X Hunter

Ness from the videogame series Earthbound

-O

-P

Papyrus from the game Undertale

Pazuzu from the band Gorillaz

-Q

-R

Robin from the show Teen Titans

Russel from the band Gorillaz

-S

Sackboy from the game Little Big Planet

Shadow Kirby from the series Kirby

the Spearmaster from the game Rainworld

Spiderman (the suit in general)

Staph from the webcomic Awful Hospital: Seriously the Worst Ever

Sunny from the game Omori

the Survivor from the game Rainworld

-T

tbh creature

Toad from the Mario series

Toadette from the Mario series

Tom from the show Edssworld

-U

-V

V1 from the game Ultrakill

Velma from the series Scooby Doo

-W

-X

-Y

Yu Suffiad from the show Critical Role

-Z

Zero from the film Nightmare Before Christmas

--------------------

(feel free to tell me if i messed up with any sorting/naming!)

#tournament #hollow eyes tournament

[selamat-linting]

parts 2 of my previous homestuck post, now on to the things i find silly!

-yaoi tournament will live free forever in my head. so as the horse cock. this is the worst thing hussie has ever done. i legit did not know it was an actual horse cock like i think it was just a giant blue dildo 😭😭😭😭

-the dancestors are really lame people like oh my god. beforus kids are giant dorks i cant believe their alternia counterparts are so badass like, take aranea and mindfang. just look at the contrast. first one is a nerd who would pay people for attention and the other is a girlboss who doesnt give a shit.

-one thing i do like from kankri is that he gave us plenty if funny karkat suffers joke. i love how this loser makes karkat do the walter white face lmaoooo he just cant get a break is he?

-and penis ouija!!! god why is he like that? everytime karkat is on screen i feel secondhand embarrassment like. i cant believe i shared classpects with this guy. why are you biting dave's cape are you in kindergarten? worst of all i think i've done something similarly embarrassing in school. thats it im changing my classpect im a knight of light from now on fuck off.

-still, thats not as horrible as rose's fuckup with her date. oh my god somebody gives her a chill pill she is going to lick herself bald like a stressed kitten. which is really funny because she and kanaya seems so... not nervous when talking to each other. you'd think their date would be a normal casual discussion between two awesome self assured girls. No its not. theyre both have gotten good at looking like theyre not close to exploding. but we all know none of them are Hinged.

-And oh, tavris they are doing you both dirty. like, its an improvement that vriska actually says something positive to him and that tavros did speak up against her at some points. but the narrative doesnt really want them to grow as a person. i think hussie has gotten too attached to vriska the unapologetic thief of light to the point that its reflecting badly on her and other's character development. okay fine i did say i wont take it seriously, but im a writer too. ofc i will notice the issues.

- this might be an unpopular opinion but i like the elevatorstuck music. gamzee is like, getting close to be my scrunkly like i know he does atrocities but he is really funny when doing it.

-the lands for the alpha kids are really fascinating. its less lively than the beta kids but im glad i actually get to experience the puzzles they have to solve on quests and its relations with the players' classpect. i want to see jane fulfilling her planets wish to be green and fertile. she gets too much shit talk from caliborn so i want to see her get a win yknow? and she's so goofy like her beta counterpart i want to see her happy and silly like egbert too.

-speaking of egbert, im kinda worried for him. can you believe it? he doesnt like con air anymore. i've been in his phase of starting to lose all joy in things i used to like and feeling lonely even with people around me and its not pretty. i know he went through a lot. i hope the experience with the dream bubble would make him happier even if just for a bit

-and another beta kids i want to be sad about: davesprite! he's so alone. all of his friends from the timeline is gone, he's not the main dave anymore and john keeps treating him like a replacement. its like he's relegated to a nobody who happens to have a recognizable face. poor guy.

-and to be sad again, i know i made fun of karkat a lot, but i have the biggest parental instinct for him. aside from terezi. he's the biggest crier out of the group. he's shouty and annoying but thats very much the kind of annoying shit that children do yknow? at first i dont like him because of his attitude to jade, but slowly i did warm up to him. he never really hated anybody and most of his tantrums are generally harmless to other people. in fact, he blames himself a lot about things that are out of his control. he's the one with the least body count from the rest of the trolls and he literally had to grew up hunted and unwanted by society. i want to give him a hug, i truly do.

-okay back to fanboying. roxy!!!! shit. man i adore that she has an aura that makes any surveillance camera blackout nearby. yes, girl, BECOME UNGOVERNABLE.

-and i cant believe im saying this, but i miss sollux. at first i was just joking about finding him interesting because he has my star sign and is good at coding but yeah. i do miss the guy. where is he really?

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #homestuck liveread

[noorlakes]

idk if you’ve seen, but John Doe is in one of those tumblr blog tournaments/polls for the best John/Jane Doe (and is winning his round!)

https://www.tumblr.com/jane-john-doe-tournament/740559324061057024/who-is-the-best-janejohn-doe-jane-doe-the

WOAHHH I hadn’t seen that! Thanks for sending it to me!

looking at my square man go 💥💥

#Ty to the person who submitted both the ask and John Doe into it

[jane-john-doe-tournament]

Jane Doe (Ride the Cyclone) Propaganda:

Great singing, also she’s literally wearing a doll‘s head bc she lost hers

do they have their soul or is it rotting somewhere with their head?

BALLAD OF JANE DOE IS SO SAD AND SHE IS GREAT AND I ONLY WATCH RTC ONCE BUT SHES NY FAVE OK

cool asf

She forgets her name after her death and has no story told in the production

She's so sweet and deserves the world. Her song (The Ballad of Jane Doe) is great.

the song goes so hard just listen to her song guys please

she literally died and her head was cut off so nobody could tell who she was PLEASE let her take one (1) W

BECAUSE SHE IS AMAZING. First she already won the tournament in the musical to regain life, as she won them over with her sad wet cat energy because she did not have a head and feared that she lost her soul. Second, she died on a roller coaster and lost her head, but stole her doll's head and thats very gender. Third, throughout the musical she is used as a vessel for religious allegory, she is an angel, she is jesus, she is a demon, she is forsaken but she is purity itself. Fourthly, she is is given the identity of Savannah with the greenest eyes after the other characters who died with her hold her a birthday party, and I think thats sweet because its probably some kind of meaning I cant see but auughfhfhh shes so cool

i mean her name isn't TECHNICALLY jane doe but we refer to her as such. she's so silly!! autism powers! i don't have a lot of propaganda tbh. i would've just been surprised had she NOT been submitted

She lost her head literally when the rollercoaster derailed. She wasn't able to be identified apart from the school uniform she was wearing.

Her name is forgotten, and so is everything about her. So she’s called Jane Doe. She’s very sweet and very creepy, but she doesn’t mean it

and im asking WHYYYYY LORRRRRDDD

I LOVE HER! she died in a roller coaster accident and was decapitated, her body not being found. in the show, her head is actually just her doll’s head. the coroners couldn’t identify her, so she was dubbed a jane doe. in the game to be alive again, she ends up being voted, her name being revealed to be penny lamb. anyways she’s a little creepy and also quite silly and she does her funny little waddle like a porcelain doll (or corpse).

She deserves it! She lost her head she shouldn't lose this too.

Not convinced you didn’t start this tournament just for her tbh

They have a great song and a true air of mystery to them. They also have arguably the best song in the musical, The Ballad of Jane Doe! I would definitely recommend listening to it >:)

—She LOST her HEAD and had it replaced with a PORCELAIN DOLL —In all seriousness her story is really poignant. No one could identify her body so she arrives in the afterlife not knowing her identity and she spends the show vacillating between depressed and angry at her situation, leading to… —“The Ballad of Jane Doe”, specifically Emily Rohm’s version, might be the most haunting solo in musical theatre history.

The Anatomy Students (The Magnus Archives) Propaganda:

So technically there a 7 of them each with a different localization but one of them is legitimately John Doe

Also they are responsible for bone apple teeth

They are very fun

This submission is for the class of students in Episode 34: Anatomy Class, who are named Erika Mustermann, Jan Novak, Piotr and Pavel Petrov, John Doe, Fulan al-Fulani and Juan Pérez, which are all "John/Jane Doe" names. They are so creepy and so cool.

[about John/Jane Doe in particular]

Very good normal anatomy student doing his best to learn

This is a horror that went to anatomy class with a group of different variations of john doe esque names to learn about human body functions and scare a teacher for a full semester. was called john doe in the statement but later shows up as jane doe. trans rights?

#jane john doe tournament #jane doe #rtc #ride the cyclone #jane doe ride the cyclone #tma #the magnus archives #anatomy students the magnus archives #round 3

[newagesispage]

                                                                   NOVEMBER  2022

THE RIB PAGE

Annie Lenox got a tattoo!!!

*****

AHS NYC YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****

Joel McHale will executive produce and star in Animal Control for Fox.

*****

OMG!!! Dr. Who regenerated into David Tennant, the 10th and now 14th Dr.  The 60th anniversary will run him for 3 episodes and then Ncuti Gatwa will take over.  

*****

Look for Out of the Woods starring Gene Heinrich on Amazon!!!!!!!!!

*****

Days alert: Jennifer is off the canvas for the moment, off to rehab?? We needed the break! **So glad that the Johnson boys are back. ** Oh, C’mon let’s not put Xander and Gwen in a work situation. We have enough with Eric and Nicole! ** More of the Shin’s!!** James Lastovic who used to play Joey was missing in Hawaii but turned out he and his girlfriend were just lost on a hike.

*****

Ryan Reynolds and Colin Hanks are making a Doc about John Candy.

*****

U.S. math scores are down.

*****

Xi Jin Ping seems to have led out the old leader and then took out all video of the incident from tv and social media in China.

*****

The Astros and Phillies will play in the World series.

*****

Bono has a new book: Surrender. Shouldn’t that be a Cheap Trick book??

*****

Were the Oath Keepers in touch with Secret Service on that fateful Jan. 6 day??** Scary Clown 45 attacked Elaine Chao, his former secretary of transportation in print calling her Coco Chow.** Wouldn’t it be great if Dominion wins their lawsuits?? Perhaps they will end up owning Fox news.

*****

Way to fuck up this nice student loan debt forgiveness by changing the rules. What? Now some of that relief is blocked.

*****

Till looks like a triumph of a movie, I can’t wait!

*****

Who are these fucking fish tournament cheaters? Yikes!!

*****

The fourth Hideyo Noguchi Africa prize was given to The Carter Center Guinea Worm Eradication Program.

*****

Did anybody see Colbert interviewing Maggie Haberman? He seemed intimidated and cut her off at the end for some of his animation.  What?

*****

Liz Truss is out as UK Prime Minister and Rishi Sunak is in! He is 42, Indian and Hindu and rich.

*****

Mama Cass, Kelly Clarkson, Norman Reedus, Del Norte and Los Huracanes got stars on the Hollywood walk of fame.

*****

Frasier will get a sequel on Paramount +

*****

Abortion decisions belong to Republican gentleman. -Don Bolduc

*****

There is talk of banning gas stoves??!!

*****

Kevin Nealon has a new book of his artwork!!

*****

Documentary Now is back!!!!

*****

Just Stop Oil protesters threw tomato soup on Van Gogh’s Sunflowers. Others threw mashed potatoes on Monet’s Water Lillies. There has to be a better idea. Why does the janitor have to clean up your messes?? What the fuck did they do??

*****

Why are the gossip rags putting so much stock in one nanny who worked for Sudeikis and Wilde??

*****

Can we see some Emmy love for Making Black America. What a fab and informative show.

*****

Sexual harassment news: Anna Faris has accused the late Ivan Reitman of inappropriate touching in 2006.

*****

As uninterested as I am in the new Love Boat, it does seem like the right time. We are the Love Boat generation.

*****

What a story! Julia Roberts birth was paid for by Coretta and Martin Luther King Jr.

*****

The 251 Club in Vermont sounds like a wonderful idea. Every state should celebrate every town.

*****

Corporate profit is huge right now. Why do prices keep going up??

*****

So, according to Scary Clown 45, George H.W. Bush took his WH documents to a bowling alley and a Chinese restaurant. Interesting.

*****

We are taking the first steps to decriminalizing weed at a Fed level. There will be about 6500 pot pardons. ** A recent Fox news alert: Left midterm agenda: more pot, porn, abortions and Jan. 6 hearings. ** Another recent Fox graphic: Hail Mary Jane with a blissful pic of Biden. Priceless!!

*****

Crazy really seems to be working for people lately. And all this talk of civil war and how to start it sounds like regurgitated Manson prophecies.  Everything old is new again. ** Mr. Pelosi was attacked in his home. Every time a zealot does this, it detaches the politicians from us a little more. They need more security that we or their campaigns may have to pay for and isolates them more from us.  

*****

Will Herschell Walker overcome this abortion scandal, his lack of parenting and the fake badge he pulled out at his debate??

*****

Hooray for Richard Linklater and his fabulous ads against Gov. Greg Abbott in Texas.

*****

The police force was suspended in Uvalde.

*****

Ethan Crumbley pleaded guilty to the Michigan Oxford school shooting. His parents have been charged with involuntary manslaughter for not seeing to his mental health and letting him have access to the gun. We need more of that.

*****

Mischa Barton and Seamus Dever will star in Invitation to a Murder.

*****

The Feds broke up a South Carolina dog fighting ring.

*****

Racer Kurt Busch is retiring.

*****

Everybody is talking about the Brenasance, the triumph of Brendan Fraser!!

*****

Let’s go even further with the Pot pardons. Not that many people have been busted on Federal land. All races and colors do drugs but 4 times as many black and brown people are arrested for it. Prison drug convictions went up 600% after the big war on drugs began.

*****

The Indonesian soccer tragedy was so senseless. 42 thousand tickets sold to a 38 thousand capacity stadium. As losing fans stormed the field, police threw tear gas and 125 people were killed.

*****

R.I.P. Nikki Finke, the Nigerian flood victims, Ukraine war victims, Indonesian soccer victims, South St. Louis school shooting victims, Judy Tenuta, Jed Duvall, Seara Burton, Helgard Muller,  Lucy Simon, Joanna Simon, Rosie Dietrich, Angela Lansbury, Pat Carroll, Robbie Coltrane, victims of the South Korea Halloween crush, Leslie Jordan, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ashton Carter, DH Peligro and Loretta Lynn.

[oneweekoneband]

a hugely inexpert, absolutely correct examination of The Planets and their role in taylor swift turning out to be such a freak

Astrology is real. Astrology is made-up nonsense. Made-up nonsense is real. One person’s chosen organizing principle for living is no more or less stupid than anyone elses. All of this is true or maybe it isn’t. Don’t roll your eyes too hard, but Joan Didion wasn’t lying—we do tell ourselves stories in order to live. It’s about all we do. I don’t understand the stars and planets because I don’t believe it’s my business what happens up there, plus I’m a little dumb, but I, like any blubbering narcissist, enjoy being told something about myself, and what is a horoscope but an opaque little love note designed to be interpreted by the reader in whatever way suits them best. There are astrologers who write beautiful, empathetic horoscopes that are a balm whether you believe them or not, and in this way astrology has a cultural value which makes any dubious scientific purity irrelevant. I don’t understand the stars and planets, but I have friends that do, and I like hearing whatever they sort out. Certainly, I’m not immune to believing in spurious little rituals; I was raised Catholic. Thinking that your star sign is responsible for certain aspects of your personality is no more impractical than keeping a Saint Christopher medal in your car to protect you from danger while traveling. These days I do both. Astrology is possibly real or possibly is not and maybe it matters what “real” means or else it might not, yeah, but the philosophical questions recede in the face of one fact upon which we can all agree: Taylor Swift has a profoundly upsetting birth chart.

Right off the bat, just from an aesthetic standpoint, this image (above) is not inviting. I don’t like to see it. When I wrote about Taylor Swift on this site in 2013 I didn’t know my moon or rising signs. This knowledge was not yet mandatory for trying to date girls and/or understanding jokes online. I was, at that time, far from even the semi-astrologically-literate state I am in now, yet even then if you’d have shown me this image, I know I’d shudder. It doesn’t take a scholar of any kind to see this and feel a chill down your spine, the itch of cold, spectral fingers closing around your wrist. Look at it again. The painful bisection by those angry blue lines. If you found this painted on a cave wall you’d turn and run back towards the fresh air of the opening, blinking back tears, certain some undead beast was following in your wake. This is a birth chart that says I am capable of writing songs like “All Too Well” but sometimes what I like better is to name a cat after the worst David Fincher movie and do a anti-homophobia music video that actually is so bad it felt somehow like it itself was homophobia. This is a birth chart that says I am going to release my new album, Red (2012), with a promo wherein Papa John’s will bring you a copy of it along with your pizza. This is a birth chart that says yeah, I used to do a fake twang as a teenager, and then I dropped the fake twang, but I can bring it back with no notice sometimes so all the girls (mentally ill adult women who have a Pavlovian response to anything that kinda sounds like “Hey Stephen”) go wild.

Taylor Swift is a Sagittarius. That’s the one with the arrow. It’s one of the good signs, theoretically, because it’s one that I have a lot of in my own chart, and because it’s in November and December, which are months where you can wear all your coats. Some other Sagittarians include Brad Pitt, Britney Spears, Janelle Monae, 8th US President Martin Van Buren, Jane Fonda, my friend C., who, in fact, happens to share all three major placements, sun, moon, and rising, with Ms. Swift, but I still don’t think she’s murdered anyone, and, of course, Jake “Twin fire signs / Four Blue Eyes” Gyllenhaal. So we have basically a lot of hot people and one guy who died of asthma, but who did manage to get the highest ranking job in the country first, though the country was a lot smaller then, and didn’t even have McDonalds yet to serve to teams that win college football tournaments. All in all, seems okay. Her moon is in Cancer. I think this connotes something about the watery depths of her emotional self, and it’s the only astrological placement which gets a shout out in the Joni Mitchell song “Little Green”. Her rising sign is Scorpio which is, like... Well, Scorpio to me is Halloween and Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl. Medically speaking, I think that influence is how the stylings for the reputation era turned out so very Hot Topic. My moon is in Scorpio so this is a self-own as much as anything else.

Now look at this. What does it mean? Impossible to say, but that will not stop me from concluding that whatever it does mean is definitely bad. It will not stop me from extrapolating that probably a “multiple planet opposition” is the kind of thing that makes a person go to Stonewall during Pride for a surprise appearance but perform “Shake It Off” instead of any of the actual really good and sexy songs. But then, I bet it probably also factored into her developing into the kind of creative mind who would write something as weird and funny and vital as “And I’ve been meaning to tell you / I think your house is haunted / your dad is always mad and that must be why,” so possibly bad is good and good is bad and the various astrological signs just signify the different ways we relate to death. I don’t know. I’m scared.

In the documentary Folkore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions, released on Disney+ last month to accompany the record, because this daughter of three generations of bank presidents is nothing if not a money-maker, Taylor wears a terrifying outfit that I started to like rather than recoil from by about halfway through, and while wearing it espouses a belief that we are all monsters, which I happen to figure is correct. In Madame Clairevoyant’s Guide to the Stars, essential book on astrology and, importantly, the vagaries of the human heart, the incomparable Claire Comstock-Gay writes, “For Sagittarius, the desire is shifting and undefined. This is a drive, above all else, to see, to learn, to experience, to continually seek knowledge. It’s a drive to live a life that never asks or requires that you cede your freedom and never requires you to stop searching.” Certainly, this is the kind of internal compass which would lead to making the unusual, dramatic, and frankly very cool decision to entirely re-record your first six albums when ownership of the original masters has fallen into the hands of a little creep named “””Scooter””” who refuses to relinquish this morally, if not actually legally, false claim. For years I have speculated that actual murder of a human would not be outside of Taylor Swift’s capabilities. This is a statement made with neither praise or criticism attached. It’s a clinical observation from a sterling mind. What I feel with equal conviction, but admit more grudgingly, is that, if it happened, she’d have a perfectly logical reason. (Note: Taylor, if you’re reading this, I am not the type who’d rat anyway. It’s fine. Please don’t sue me.) I’m positive the astrological facts support my findings on this, and if I’m wrong, fortunately I will never find out. Anyway, the next full moon is in 22 days. I always want to look at it and then I forget. There’s a lot going on in space, and while I do feel that any cosmic forces which would put me and Taylor Swift on Earth at the same time are sort of inherently malevolent, I guess it’s been pretty fun, too.

#taylor swift #folklore

[yourdeepestfathoms]

We All Still Die (part two)

(Read Anne as Courtney!Anne)

Part 1

And, once again: Everything in this fic is to be seen as fictional. I doubt any of this actually happened historically. This is just me having fun and trying to entertain people. If this bothers you, then don’t read the story.

TW: Blood, abuse, PAINFUL ANNE ANGST

———————

She cried the entire time she was running to the castle. People glanced at her as she passed by or nearly barreled into them, curious or annoyed or even both.

She burst into the throne room, out of breath and weeping. She staggered forward, past the guards who had jumped to attention and were now pointing their spears at her warily, and toward the king and queen. Her knees buckled halfway there and she fell to the floor, openly sobbing.

“Joan?” Anne said in shock. “What’s going on?” At her side, Henry nodded slowly, although he didn’t look concerned at all, rather intrigued and almost amused.

“M-my brother-” Joan tried to say, but her words came out strangled and watery. She had to stop to get air because her lungs were burning more intensely. “M-my-”

Anne slid from her throne and slowly approached Joan, Maggie trailing behind her. She crouched in front of the trembling girl.

“Joan, it’s alright.” She said gently. “You’re having some sort of anxiety attack. But it’s going to be okay, I promise. Right now, I need you to breathe for me.”

Joan shook her head and wailed, “My brother is missing!!”

Anne frowned. Behind her, Maggie gave Joan a sympathetic look.

“I’m so sorry, Joan.” Anne said.

Joan suddenly grappled onto the queen so fast even Henry twitched a little in surprise. She gripped Anne’s sleeves tightly, not caring about the weapons now trained at her back.

“Release the queen this instant!” One of the guards ordered.

“Y-you have to send a search party!” Joan said, ignoring him. “P-please! H-he has to be found!”

“Joan...” Anne said sadly. “Honey-”

“Please!!” Joan cried. “Please, please, y-you have to look for him! I need him! H-he’s all I have left!”

Anne looked down at the girl clinging to her, then at her husband, and then back at Joan. Then, to the guards, she said, “Send a search party for John Astley at once.”

Joan wailed in relief and then collapsed fully into Anne’s arms. She curled into a tight, shaking ball, weeping uncontrollably. She can feel the queen rub her back comfortingly and Maggie even set a hand on her arm, but everything that’s said after that is a blur as she’s seized by her panic and fades into blackness.

———

A week passed. John doesn’t turn up. The search party stopped looking. Joan doesn’t say anything about her brother.

———

Joan was halfway down the stairs one morning, fetching sand and vinegar to help clean the knight’s armor, when she heard her name being called and turned to see one of the castle couriers at the top of the steps.

“Lady Anne requires you at once.” He said, overdramatically breathless and leaning against the wall. She looked at him with suspicion—most of the court had little respect for her or her family, especially since her brother’s disappearance—but she couldn’t take the risk. She abandoned her errand and headed back toward her lady’s chambers.

At the turn of the corridor, however, she saw a familiar shape blocking the passage ahead—the broad shoulders and sharp, glinting eyes of Princess Mary.

“Where are you off to in such a hurry, street rat? She called out, curling her lips. “Going to steal some more pennies for your wastrel family, or are you trying to run away like your brother did?”

Joan’s blood boiled in her veins, but she just clenched her fists and marched on, not wanting to keep her queen waiting. Mary turned on her heels to leer at her.

“My daddy’s letting me go up north to a tournament—have you ever been able to go farther than the vinegar barrel?”

She wrinkled her nose and grins, anticipating Joan’s response.

But Joan merely strode toward her as if squaring up for a fight, causing Mary to raise her own fists ready; then, at the last moment, she dove to the side and swerved nimbly below her outstretched arms, escaping down the corridor before the swearing youth could recover.

She entered into the throne room, where Maggie and Anne are conversing with a woman Joan had never seen before. She almost looks like her, with golden blonde hair and steel grey eyes, but was a bigger and much prettier than she could ever hope to be. As she walked over, the stranger looked at her skeptically.

“Ah, there you are,” Anne said. Joan noticed the small bump curving beneath her dress- the queen was pregnant again. “Joan, this is Jane Seymour, my newest lady in waiting.”

Joan looked at the woman next to her and dipped her head respectively with a small smile. Jane did the same.

“Huh. Your names are even similar.” Anne said, wrinkling her nose in an amused way. “Jane, Joan is going to be your guide around the castle. She’s one of my best maids in waiting.”

Joan’s heart leapt in her chest when she heard that. The queen thought she was one of her best maids in waiting!! That was the greatest thing she’s heard since John disappeared!

Jane peered over at her, raising a brow. “You’re making a maid in waiting escort me?” She asked. “She’s awfully young.” She turned to Joan. “How old are you? Fourteen? Fifteen?”

“I’m eighteen.” Joan said bashfully.

“I see.” Jane said. “Young face.”

“As I said,” Anne redirected them smoothly, “She’s one of my best.”

“Hm.” Jane tipped her head, but didn't give her opinion again.

“Go on.” Anne waved a hand. Joan bowed to the queen, while Jane merely nodded.

On their way down the main hallway, Joan and Jane pass by the king, and, for a split second, Joan thought she saw Henry and Jane exchange hungry looks.

What was that about?

———

It was a cloudy, misty evening and the back courtyard was a whirlwind of maids in waiting. Joan stopped under the shadow of a tall tree, reading a book she snagged from the castle library as girls swirled around her. Some called greetings to one another, tossed rocks, checked their reflections in puddles. A few settled on the low rock fence or benches to study, while others launched races around the garden. One was trying to convince her friends to try a washed out green, snarled vegetable. Jane was even outside, watching everyone with a curious, deep-in-thought expression.

Regardless of what the maids were doing, however, they all stopped and bowed whenever the queen and her right-hand lady in waiting glided through the pack.

“Hello, dear,” Anne said languidly as she passed by.

“My lady!” Joan looked up quickly, then immediately dipped her head into a bow. “H-hello. Hi, Maggie.”

“Good evening,” Maggie said with a small smile.

“Joan,” Anne tutted, staring disapprovingly down at the book in the teenager’s lap. “What have I told you about reading in the dark?”

“It’s an effective use of my time?” Joan guessed with an innocent grin, and she heard Maggie chuckle lightly.

“It will ruin your eyes.” Anne chided gently. “And then we’ll have a blind maid in waiting, and we don’t want that, do we?”

“But it’s not that dark!” Joan whined. “But...you’re right.” She sighed and surrendered the book to the queen, but she pushed it back to her.

“Keep it, dear.” Anne said. “Just get a candle, alright?”

“Alright.” Joan nodded. Her heart fluttered when Anne smiled at her. “What are you doing out here?”

“Punishing Maggie.” Anne grinned at her friend. “Can you believe she doesn’t want me to throw her a grand birthday celebration?” She said to Joan with exaggerated shock. Joan giggled. Maggie, on the other hand, blushed, and the shade of pink looked a little strange on her usually-stoic and calm face.

“It’s not that big of a deal.” Maggie said dismissively. “I’m getting older. Who cares?”

“I care.” Anne said, reaching down and squeezing one of Maggie’s hands. Acts of affection like this weren't uncommon for the two of them, but they were usually a lot more subtle. It seemed that the queenly rules Anne had to abide by loosened up later in the evening, when prying eyes grew more sleepy and relaxed. “It’s important to me.”

“I don’t trust you with planning any birthday celebration ever since the goat incident.” Maggie struck back.

Joan blinked. “Goat incident?” She echoed.

“I was turning twelve,” Maggie began while Anne giggled into her hand at her side. “And when I was asked about what I wanted, I said a boat. Because I wanted to sail across the ocean.” She swung her head around and narrowed her eyes at Anne, who was barely able to contain her own amusement. “But this one thought I said goat. And so she smuggled me a goat from a neighboring farm. And when I clarified I wanted a boat, she said,” She does an amazing imitation of Anne, “‘Ohh! I was wondering why you wanted to sail across the ocean on a goat!’”

At that, the queen burst into loud howls of laughter. She doubled over, clinging tightly to one of Maggie’s arms, and laughed so hard she snorted, and several people whipped their heads over in shock, as most of them had never seen their mistress like this before. Even Jane was blinking in confusion from where she was standing.

“Oh my,” Anne said breathlessly, wiping her eyes. She stood up straight, still laughing slightly. “That was my greatest achievement.”

“Not becoming queen or giving birth to a living heir?” Maggie said, quirking an eyebrow, and that made Anne dissolve into laughter all over again.

It was such a pleasant experience, Joan had to admit. She couldn’t even begin to fathom how difficult being a queen must be, but it was good to see that they were still capable of being human.

“So, it’s really your birthday?” Joan asked Maggie once Anne had finally settled. “How old will you be?”

Maggie blushed a little. “Tomorrow, yes. And I’ll be twenty-nine.” She paused. “Oh dear. I’m old.”

“Not THAT old.” Joan tried to comfort her and Maggie wrinkled her nose in a happy, appreciative way.

“Maggie’s birthday: the best thing that’s ever happened in the history of the world!” Anne cried.

“You loon.” Maggie giggled. “Don’t let your husband hear that. Or your daughter.”

“Well, they can come talk to me if they have a problem.” Anne stated, then bumped Maggie affectionately.

“I don’t have anything for you.” Joan said to Maggie, her shoulder drooping. “For your birthday. I’m sorry.”

Maggie’s eyes widened and she shook her head. “It’s okay!” She assured Joan. “Annie’s being dramatic. I don’t need anything.”

“You deserve everything,” Anne mused lovingly, kissing Maggie’s knuckles. Her friend blushed madly at the act of affection, while Joan had a weird, nagging feeling inside of her that sighed, “I wish that were me.”

“Well— maybe— what’s your favorite animal?” Joan asked.

Maggie blinked at the girl, then thought for a moment before saying, “Ferrets. I like ferrets.”

Joan nodded and began searching the tree she was sitting under. As she did so, she heard Anne say, “Do you even know what a ferret looks like, Maggie?”

“Yes, you jellyfish.” Maggie said back. “We’ve both seen one. You called it a ‘furry snake’ before.”

Anne tittered. “Well, it is.” She looked back at Joan, who was snapping off a thick branch from the tree. “What are you doing?”

Joan grinned at her. “You’ll see.” She sat back down in the grass, and she’s surprised to see that Anne and Maggie did the same—especially Anne. They both ogled at her as she took a hidden knife out of her boot and began slicing away at the wood.

“Oh my,” Anne said in an awestruck voice. “Look at how fast you can do that.”

“I’ve, umm, practiced a lot.” Joan said with a shrug, trying not to show off even though she desperately wanted to. “I had a lot of time on my hands when I was little.”

“Is nobody going to say anything about the knife-in-the-boot thing?” Maggie commented.

“Hush, my darling.” Anne shushed her. “Or I’ll kiss your hand again.”

Maggie narrowed her eyes at Anne and gave her a playful nudge. She’s nudged back, and that apparently sparks some kind of memory, because she began to tell Joan a story about when they were little and she, Anne, and her older brother, Thomas, played in this huge mud puddle after a storm and pretended to be ancient swamp dragons. Reciting the tale made Anne beam and smile brightly- it was so refreshing to see her so, well, human.

Eventually, the branch in Joan’s hands began to form into more of a distinct shape, like an actual creature was being born right out of the wood. She whittled the tiny ears, smoothed the long, winding body, and dug out little tufts of fur along the head.

“I’ve never made a ferret before,” She said apologetically after setting the carving in Maggie’s hands.

“No, no,” Maggie said, turning the ferret over and feeling the expanse of its wooden body. “I love it. Thank you, Joan. This is wonderful.”

“Th-thank you,” Joan said, blushing shyly. “A-and you’re welcome! I’m glad you like it.”

Anne curiously peered at the little carving. “Could you make me one of those?” She asked Joan. “Not right now, of course. Whenever you get the chance. I want a sheep.”

Joan’s heart leapt, doing gleeful somersaults in her chest. She stammered on her words for a moment, then sputtered out, “Y-yes! Absolutely!”

Anne smiled. “Thank you, Joan.”

A warm feeling bubbled up inside of Joan. It felt amazing to have friends to give her gifts to again.

Friends.

She didn’t know if the queen and noble lady in waiting could possibly ever see her as such, but she saw them in that way. And she loved it.

———

“Henry, dear. Please calm down.”

“How am I supposed to calm down? Another male heir is /dead/.”

“It’s not my fault! I didn’t want my baby to die!”

“It came out of you, did it not?”

“If I remember correctly, you helped in the process of getting me pregnant in the first place.”

Voices. Voices were echoing down the hallway. One was absorbed with worry and deep anger, while the other radiated resentment and hatred. Joan froze.

“It’s going to be okay. We can try again.”

“And have another die?”

“You don’t know if that’ll happen. It didn’t with Elizabeth.”

“She’s a female. I need a male heir.”

“I know, my love. I know.”

Joan set the basket of clothes she was carrying on the floor and crept closer to the source of the voices. They were coming from inside the king’s chambers, slipping through the cracked open door like hissing whispers whisking around a glacier.

“Please stop pacing. It makes me want to hit you.”

“Try anything like that and I’ll have all your teeth pulled out.”

A slight pause.

“Henry. I was just joking.”

“Right. Me too.”

Joan peeked in through the small crack in the door and saw the king and queen standing inside. Henry had his arms crossed over his chest with a hard look in his eyes, while Anne looked gentle, but nervous and angry at the same time.

Something very wrong was going on. Something very wrong was going to happen.

Joan remembered the week before. Anne had gone into labor despite only being three months into her pregnancy. It was a quick, but painful birth, and what came out was a bloody, disfigured, barely-recognizable baby boy.

Henry had been furious. Anne was distraught, but had looked more tired and used to the miscarriages than anything. She requested to be alone with Elizabeth and Maggie for the rest of the day.

Something bad was going to happen. But Joan could stop it.

“Maybe something is wrong.”

“Wrong with what?”

“You.”

“Me?!”

“Catherine was the same way. She had miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage. Maybe you’re just like her. Oh, I should have known...”

“Don’t relate me to her! She is gone, Henry. She’s dead. I am your wife. And you will not speak to me like that.”

A terrible, rumbling growl that would be more befitting of a wild animal came erupting out of Henry’s throat. Anne immediately took a step back, fear flashing in her eyes before she stamped it down to the best of her ability. But fear was consuming Joan from where she watched, and her mind kept screaming, “Danger! Danger!” on loop.

“You are nothing but a witch,” Henry spat. “That’s why our children have died. You did something to them, you temp-”

“Danger! Danger!” Joan’s mind wailed as something seemed to snap inside of the king.

Henry’s beard parted enough to show a black pit of a mouth that was yawning downwards into an elongated, upside-down ‘D’ shape that wobbled and distorted in the dim, flickering candlelight as he clenched ham-sized fists and howled so loud that it could be felt vibrating to the very soul.

“YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU, SLUT!!”

Joan is rushing forward without even really realizing it. Liquid adrenaline poured through every vein, urging her to get caught in the crossfire and help her queen.

But then the entire left side of her face exploded into bright, colorful bursts of pain as a fist that seemed to be the size and solidity of a small boulder came swinging around towards her, and her whole body popped backwards and spiraled down until she was sprawled on the floor.

There was silence, aside from her weak moans of people.

At least they stopped fighting.

“Joan!” Anne spoke first, rushing down to her young maid’s side.

Above her, Henry was peering at his hand curiously. He hadn’t been expecting a maid in waiting to come in and take the hit that was meant for his wife.

“I’m impressed.” Henry rumbled, but Anne didn’t seem to care. She was holding Joan’s head in her hands, looking very frightened. When her fingers brushed a swelling area on her face, the girl shuddered in pain.

“Get the doctor!” Anne cried to her husband, to the guards who must have been nearby, to anyone, and her voice sounded very far away in Joan’s ears.

Joan mumbled something incoherent. Her head hurts so badly, but felt a little better when Anne was touching it. She leaned into the queen’s hands.

“Joan, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be just fine.” Anne said to her. “I promise, honey. You’re going to be okay.”

Joan could only reply with a weak moan. The world was pulling away as the pain shoved itself back in.

“You’ll be okay, Joan, you hear me?” Anne was not shouting. “Don’t you pass out on me! Joan, your queen is giving you an order! JOAN!!”

———

Joan now knew where Mary got her vileness from. Her father has done horrible things, and he’ll do worse someday.

———

“Mama,” Elizabeth babbled, waddling towards Anne with her arms stretched out. Anne chuckled and scooped the three-year-old up.

“Tired of walking already?” Anne asked her. Joan looked up from the piece of wood she was carving away to smile at them. “Oh well. You’ll get the hang of it soon.”

“Mama,” Elizabeth merely repeated, flinging her short arms around her mother’s neck and nuzzling her nose against her collarbone.

“Oi!” Anne yelped. “I’m ticklish, you little imp!”

“Oi!” Elizabeth echoed gleefully, then burst into a fit of giggles.

“Aaaand... Done!” Joan declared loudly. She jumped to her feet, proudly holding up a wooden sheep. “Here you are, my lady.”

Anne adjusted Elizabeth onto her hip so she could hold her with one arm and took the carving with her free hand. She gazed at it in wonder, smiling brightly.

“It’s beautiful, Joan.” She said. “Thank you. I love it!”

Joan couldn’t help the little happy dance she did. Anne laughed at the shuffle of her feet, then set the carving down on her nightstand, tapping its nose gently. “You will stay there, little one.”

And then, in a split second, her grin is gone.

“My la-”

“Shh...” Anne commanded, raising one finger. She crept over to the door and listened for a moment, then darted across the room so fast she nearly dropped Elizabeth. She grabbed Joan by the wrist, shoved her daughter into her arms, then flung open her wardrobe.

“L-Lady Anne?” Joan stammered. She’s never seen the queen look so scared before.

“Joan, listen to me very carefully, alright?” Anne said softly. “Stay in here with Elizabeth. Keep her calm. And stay quiet. Do not come out.”

“Wh-what?” Joan squeaked. She could hear the clanking of metal and scraping of steel blades in the hallway.

“Please, just listen to me.” Anne pleaded, gripping her forearms. She looked down at Elizabeth, who was fussing slightly, and cupped her cheeks. “Hey, hey,” She whispered. “Elizabeth, my sweet little princess, let’s play a game, okay?”

Elizabeth perked up and nodded her head eagerly.

“We’re gonna play hide-and-seek!” Anne said with heavy enthusiasm in her voice. “Mummy is going to go hide while you and Joey will count to...one hundred! That’s a big number, I know, but you’re a big girl!” She tickled Elizabeth’s belly. Joan thought she saw tears glinting in her eyes. “I know you can do it.”

“Okay, mama,” Elizabeth said.

“That’s my girl.” Anne kissed the top of her head. She glanced up at Joan and squeezed her hand, then pushed them into the wardrobe and shut the door.

“Start counting!” Anne called from outside.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10...

Joan braced herself against the back wall and edged upwards a little, but her limbs were tangled in the silk and bejeweled dresses around her and she couldn’t move without rustling the clothes around her. She rested her chin on top of Elizabeth’s head, breathing in the scent of the toddler’s hair oils and the lingering smell of her mother.

What was going on?

Through the small crack between the wardrobe doors, Joan could see Anne wipe her eyes, smooth out her iconic green dress, and sit down at the edge of her bed. She picked up the lamb and began to peer at it as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. A moment later, Henry and a flurry of guards burst inside.

11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20....

Joan jolted a little and felt Elizabeth’s head turn upwards to blink up at her curiously. Through the crack, she can see Anne look up with a mock-startled expression (she knew they were coming, Joan realized) as the guards pointed their spears at her. She tilted her head in confusion.

“Whatever is going on?” She asked.

“Anne Boleyn,” Henry snarled lowly. “You are under arrest.”

21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30....

It felt like the entire world was flipped upside down. Like someone had picked up the castle, turned it over, and shook really hard until all the pieces came falling out. And it felt like the walls were closing in on Joan, suffocating her, trapping her.

“What for?” Anne asked. She doesn’t look shocked at all.

“You know what.” Henry said. “Witchcraft, adultery, conspiracy against the court...” His lips twisted up in a wicked smile. “Incest.”

31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40....

“You lying bastard!” Anne suddenly exploded, leaping to her feet. Up until that charge, her face had been amused at the list of ‘things she had done’, but now she just looked furious. She gripped the wooden sheep so hard it was a wonder that the body didn’t splinter.

“I do not lie.” Henry said coolly. “So, which was it? Your little brother? Or your sister?”

“I have never-!!” Anne had to stop herself to breathe before her nerves took control. Her face was beet red with rage, a terrible contrast to the emerald green dress she was wearing. “I have never done anything with my siblings, you sniveling coward.”

41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50....

The guards shifted anxiously. None of them looked like they believed the incest claim, but they were too afraid to face Henry’s wrath if they stood down. When Anne glanced at them, she seemed to see that and her eyes grew slightly sympathetic. However, they turned right back into smoldering coals when she looked at her husband again.

“Do not spread lies about me, Henry.” She warned scathingly. There was a deep, rumbling noise that curled around her words, making her seem like a cougar that was about to pounce.

“What do you have there?” One of the guards suddenly asked. Was he trying to relieve some tension?

51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60....

“Oh,” Anne’s anger is sniffed out for a moment. She held up the wooden sheep, smiling softly. “It’s a carving. My wonderful little maid, Joan, made it. Do you know her? She’s a sweet girl. Would you like to hold it?”

“No,” Henry answered for the guards. “You’ve enchanted it, haven’t you?”

“Of course not.” Anne rolled her eyes. “Listen to yourself, Henry. You sound mad.” Her slight smirk is then wiped off her mouth as she’s struck across the face.

61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70....

It took everything in Joan to not cry out or yelp or leap out of the wardrobe as she watched Anne fall to the floor.

The queen never fell.

“You do not speak to me like that, woman!” Henry roared. “I am your KING!”

Anne raised her head, her cheek welling up in a horrible shade of purple and red, and said, “You’re no king. You’re a DEVIL!”

71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80....

Henry’s boulder-sized fist smashed into the side of Anne’s face, sending her right back to the floor. He hit her and slapped her and beat her until sweat was running down his reddened face and a small puddle of blood was pooling around Anne’s head. All the while, the guards and the two stowaways in the wardrobe watched in horror.

Joan held Elizabeth closer, tucking her head underneath her chin, and shook all over. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she watched her queen get beaten senselessly.

It was awful. It was so horrible. She wanted to jump out of the wardrobe and save Anne, protect her from the blows she was getting, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t even look away. But when she looked closer, she realized that Anne was clutching her lamb carving tightly in her hand.

81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90....

“Sir! That’s enough!” One of the guards yelled. He looked queasy at the violence set before him, despite being trained to fight and kill.

Henry stepped back, wiping sweat from his brow with one of his blood soaked hands. A smear of his wife’s blood is left on his forehead.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself, witch?” He hissed.

Anne pushed herself up with her arms, took a few strained, heavy breaths, and then staggered up to her feet. She almost immediately fell back down, but managed to steady herself and look up at the king. Her face was swollen, dripping blood, and dyed in several shades of black, blue, and red. But even still, she managed to smirk.

“But of course,” She rasped and then spit some of her blood into Henry’s face.

91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99....

Henry lifted a hand, slowly wiped the blood away, and snarled, “Seize her.”

100.

In an instant, the queen of England is gone in a whirlwind of spears and growling and soft apologies. She leaves the sheep carving behind, drowning in her pool of blood. Somewhere down the hallway, Maggie could be heard screaming.

Joan doesn’t move. Even when silence fell over the hallway, she didn't move. She just remained perfectly still, frozen in horror, unable to breathe, while Elizabeth squirmed restlessly in her arms.

“Mama?” The toddler said softly.

Joan sobbed.

She threw her head back and began to cry even harder. Tears were now rapidly pouring down her cheeks. Her throat was clogged with anguish and panic and trauma- she couldn’t breathe. She was spiraling like she had when John went missing.

“Mama?” Elizabeth said again. She wiggled furiously and managed to get out of Joan’s arms. Before she could be stopped, she tumbled out of the wardrobe and looked around the room.

“E-Elizabeth,” Joan crawled after her. She couldn’t stand. The scene she had witnessed kept replaying behind her eyes over and over and over again, crushing her. “E-Elizabeth, I’m s-so s-s-sorry...!”

But Elizabeth didn’t understand.

“Ready or not, mama!” She cried gleefully, romping obliviously through the pool of her mother’s blood. “Here I come!”

Joan crumpled to her side, curled into a tight ball, and began to wail. Because something deep down inside of her told her that Anne was never going to be found.

#hhhghghh please reblog im desperate and really want this to get around #we all still die #six the musical #six the musical fanfic #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfic #six fanfiction #anne boleyn #elizabeth i of england #jane seymour #king henry viii #maggie on the guitar #joan on the keys #mary i of england #tudor history #tw: abuse #tw: blood #tw: violence

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character Bonus Brackets!

Well that was sure a tournament! No time to breathe though, because I have two bonus brackets lined up and need to go to work in the morning! We got 17 characters from 27 submissions, plus some others that I thought deserved a spot.

In the Divine Monsters/Monstrous Divines/Desiccated Husks of Once Great Beings/Uniquely Powerful People Who Cannot Be Mistaken For Human Bracket, we are judging based on pure sexiness, like with the main tournament.

For the Heaviest Eye-Motifed Narrator/Best Eye-Themed Protagonist Bracket, we are judging 39.7% based on eyes, 31.7% based on sexiness, and 28.7% based on narration. But mostly we are looking at the combination of those three aspects. These numbers come from your vote.

Round 1:

Monster Bracket:

The Angel of Death (Death by Dying) vs The Man in Black (The Unexplored Places: Ruin's Gate)

The Divine Motion (Friends at the Table: PARTIZAN) vs Professor Skippy Bottom (We Will NOT Play DND)

Jane Prentiss (The Magnus Archives) vs The King (Mabel)

Garfield the Deals Warlock (The Adventure Zone: Balance) vs Dyre Ode/Dyre Owed (Friends at the Table: Sangfielle)

Eye Bracket

The Host (Beef and Dairy Network Podcast) vs Ivar (These Flimsy Rituals: Embrace)

John Doe/The Entity (Malevolent) vs Kass (Station Arcadia)

Gertrude Robinson (The Magnus Archives) vs Mari Datuin (Hi Nay)

#Eye Bracket #Monster Bracket #Tumblr Bracket #Tumblr Tournaments #Tumblr Polls #podcasts #monsterfucking #Monster Bracket Round 1 #Eye Bracket Round 1