#james is literally the only person in this trio who hasn’t killed anyone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deexchanel · 3 years

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TFATWS

Word Count: 2,923

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x BlackFem!Reader

Warning: Swearing, arguing.

Summary: Y/N rides along with Sam, Zemo and Bucky to Madripoor.

A/N: I know this episode is over used but I write this and I just wanted to give you guys something after been absent for so long. My birthday is next week and I’m excited. Enjoy this one-shot.

They followed Zemo to his personal jet. An older man stood at the end of the stairs waiting on their arrival.

"So all this time you've been rich?" Sam asked looking at the jet. Y/N walked between him and Bucky behind Zemo. She hasn't really been talking to Bucky because of their argument.

It was basically about how he disappeared on her. He left without warning. The only reason the previous couple is around each other now because Y/N was there when Sam gave up the shield and decided to stay by his side through the journey. That’s how she ended up here on a plane with someone that broke her heart.

The reason why Bucky left because he’s scared to love. He’s scared that’s she was going to leave him because of his past since it was too much for her. So Bucky left and still hasn’t told her the reason why he did.

"I'm a Baron, Sam. My family was royalty until your friends destroyed my country." Zemo replied then spoke to the older gentleman in Russian. After the men greet each other the trio followed Zemo into the jet.

Bucky placed a hand on Y/N’s lower back to help her up the stairs, but she pushed his hand off. She had every right to be mad at him. Y/N really loves Bucky but he can't just leave her whenever he gets the chance.

Y/N sat in the chair in front of Zemo with Sam beside him and Bucky beside her. She nervously looked out the window, Y/N isn’t a big fan of heights.

"The fridge is out. But I will see if there is some good food in the galley." The man said to Zemo who replied in Sokovian. My nerves were getting really bad, She starts to fumble with her fingers.

"Y/N you okay?" Sam’s voice laced with concern. She turns to see them staring at her like a worried parent. Y/N gave them a small smile trying to ease their worries.

"I'm fine."

"Just checking Y/N. Why don't you tell us about where we are going Zemo?" Sam asked looking at Zemo for answers.

Zemo opened a book, "I'm sorry, I was just fascinated by this. I don't know what to call it but this part seems to be important." He pulled a little book that was inside the bigger book holding it up.

"Who is Nakajima?"

Bucky swiftly gets up wrapping his gloved hand around his neck. Y/N’s eyes widened from seeing how worked up he got up from that. All the nervousness about flying left her body.

"What the hell James??"

"If you touch that again, I'll kill you." Bucky seethed then unwrapped his hand from around Zemo's neck sitting back down. Y/N rolled her eyes at how dramatic he was. Deep down she wished it was her he was putting into place but no one needs to know that. (Our little secret.)

"I understand that list of names. People you've wronged as the Winter Soldier." Zemo said obviously not phased by what just happened.

"Don't push it," Bucky warned glancing at him then towards Sam.

"I've seen that book. It was Steve's when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book. Did you hear it? What'd you think?" Sam amused but Bucky kept a straight face.

"I like '40s music, so..."

" '40s music? You definitely need to put me on some good music then." Y/N said engaging in their conversation. She thought it was kinda cute that he held on to the book Steve had. Bucky gave her a small smile.

"Whenever I get the chance, I will. Just for you."

Y/N bit her lip to keep from smiling to keep up the ‘I’m mad at him' act. But it wasn’t working.

"You didn't like it?" Sam asked shocked.

"I liked it." Bucky said giving him the face of 'duh I liked it.'

"It is a masterpiece, James. Complete. Comprehensive. It captures the African-American experience." Zemo said in the most formal way possible. Y/N gave a humorous smile nodding her head.

"That was one of the best ways to explain it."

"He's out of line, but he's right. It's great. Everybody loves Marvin Gaye" Sam agreed as if Bucky didn't agree. Y/N laughed at what he was doing.

"Sam, why are you still going on about it? James literally agreed."

"I like Marvin Gaye." Bucky continues looking at him.

"Steve adored Marvin Gaye," Sam said bringing up another memory of Steve.

"I have to go to the bathroom. Excuse me." Y/N held up the finger going to the mini bathroom. She struggled so damn hard in that small ass bathroom trying not to fall on her ass. Y/N soon came out to hear them talking about Madripoor.

"What's up with Madripoor? You talk about it like it's Skull Island." Sam questioned looking between the two who used to be villains.

"It's an island nation in the Indonesian archipelago. It was a private sanctuary back in the 1800s." Bucky starts while Zemo finished telling them the information.

"It's kept its lawless ways. But we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves. James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone."

Y/N glanced at Bucky who tensed up at those words. I knew it was going to be hard on him. Sitting back down in her seat, She moved the hair that was in her face.

"So who do I go as?"

"Miss Sapphire, one of the richest lady there. She models for every company you can think of." Zemo said showing Y/N a picture of a woman who looked exactly like her.

"Ooo I think I'm going to like this," Y/N smirked looking at the outfit that she was going to have to put on. She knew Bucky wasn't going to like it but oh well, its part of the job.

——————

Y/N was beside Sam as they walked down this empty bridge. She kept sneaking glances at Bucky because he looked so good with his new arm. Y/N didn’t know she staring too long when his eyes linked with hers. She quickly looked away, face turning really hot.

"We have to fix this. I'm the only one who looks like a pimp." Sam complained touching his suit. Y/N rolled her eyes, her feet were starting to hurt from walking for so long.

"Only an American would assume a fashion-forward black man looks like a pimp," Zemo said. Y/N’s walk began to turn into limping which made her fall behind a little.

A little "Ow." came from her mouth, grabbing Bucky's attention. He slowed down walking beside Y/N.

"You okay?"

"I'm good."

"No, you're not. You just said 'Ow'. What's wrong?"

"None of your business James. I'm okay."

"So you’re calling me James now? And I know your feet are hurting Y/N. Let me help."

Y/N decided to be stubborn even though she wanted to get off her feet so badly. "It's always been, James. I'm able to handle myself, I can take the pain."

Bucky rolled his eyes, in a matter of seconds, Y/N was in his arms bridal style. Not in the mood to argue, Y/N looked everywhere but him.

"And it's Bucky to you. It's always and forever going to be that to you."

"Before you left, it was Bucky. Now it's James. You know what, I can walk myself." She moved but his grip tightened not wanting her to get out of his arms.

"No, I'm going to continue to carry you," Bucky said but Y/N didn't respond which made it quiet between them. She fought the urge to look at him since she was mad.

"I saw you looking at me and my arm."

She looked up at him fulfilling her urge and they made eye contact. Y/N quickly looked away nervously "Um, no I wasn't."

Bucky let out a laugh, "You indeed was."

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Guys! for the love of God, shut up!"Sam scolded from in front of them.

"He started it!" Y/N replied back like a little kid. Bucky laughed a little then sigh.

"Y/N, you've barely said a word to me today. Did I do something?"

She scoffs getting irritated from that dumb-ass question. "DiD I dO sOmEtHiNg?? Huh? Bucky stop talking to me before I say something I might regret."

"What? Y/N I just asked a question." Bucky said in defense. She huff rolling her eyes, 'a dumb ass question at that'

"No matter what happens, we have to stay in character. Our lives depend on it. There's no margin for error." Zemo explained as the car came into view on the bridge. Bucky placed her down on her feet when they neared it, opening the door for Y/N who climbed in the middle seat.

——————

"Here we are."

Walking into the bar they could feel the intense stares. Bucky glared at anyone that looked in her direction. Y/N had to fight off any instinct to grab his hand. It wasn’t the appropriate time to do it.

You could hear the whispers of the crowd looking at them. "Is that the Winter Soldier?". Zemo guided them directly to the bar. A tall dark skin man walked over to the trio so they could order.

"Hello, lady and gentlemen. Wasn't expecting to see you, Sapphire and Smiling Tiger."

"His plans changed." Zemo nodded towards Sam. "We have business to do with Selby."

The bartender looked at Sam,"The usual? Anything for you Ms. Sapphire?"

Sam nodded his head while Y/N replied, "No, Thank you." The bartender turned around grabbing a dead snake out of a glass jar. She covered up her mouth to keep from gagging. Y/N turn to Bucky shaking her head no.

"Ah, Smiling Tiger, your favorite." I heard Zemo say from behind Y/N. She would’ve laughed but Y/N wanted to puke at the moment. She knew Sam had drunk it when Bucky looked the other way to keep from I guess laughing.

Y/N moved to the side of Bucky when a man walked up to Zemo from behind. "I got word from on high. You ain't welcome here."

"I have no business with the Power Broker, but if he insists, he can either come and talk to me." Zemo then pointed towards Bucky.

"New haircut?" The man asked but Bucky just stared.

"Or bring Selby for a chat." Zemo continued his deal. The man walked away not even giving an answer.

"A Power Broker? Really?" Bucky finally spoke up.

"Every kingdom needs its king. Let's just pray we stay under his radar." Zemo explained.

"Do you know him?" Sam whispered not wanting to give himself away.

"Only by reputation," Zemo replied. "In Madripoor he is judge, jury, and executioner."

Y/N leaned against the bar with my back facing the crowd. She felt a hand being placed on her lower back. The other hand moved Y/N’s hair from the side to show her neck.

"Sapphire, baby, we didn't get to finish from last night. Let's get out of here."

Y/N prepared to punch him but stopped herself when she heard Zemo say "Зимний Солдат, Атака" ( Winter Soldier, Attack.)

Y/N turn around to see it was a different man this time. He had a smirk on his face, as his index finger touched her bottom lip slowly then used the rest of his fingers running down her exposed chest.

Y/N had never felt so disgusted in her life. His fingers stopped on her boob when Bucky's metal hand swiftly grabbed it, crushing his hand.

You could tell that Bucky was so angry for him even getting close to Y/N. The man grunts out in pain as both of them walked away from her while Bucky still clutched on his hand.

The pair shared a quick look. The way he eased back into his Winter Soldier character bothered her a bit. Maybe he had it like a switch?

Y/N winced not really wanting to see none of the combat taking place so she turned around with her back facing the crowd.

She didn’t want him to feel he can protect her all the time. Y/N didn’t want to seem so dependent on him especially if he isn’t going to always be in the picture. When Y/N needed him, he wasn't there. Getting out of her thoughts when Bucky slammed the man that touched Y/N on top of the bar holding on to his neck, eyes never leaving his face.

Everyone around them starts to take their gun off safety. Y/N’s heart starts to pound as she looked around. Zemo placed a hand on Bucky's arms whispering.

"Stay in character or the whole bar turn on us."

Zemo says something else in Russian which makes Bucky let go of the man. "Selby will see you now." The bartender announced.

"Thank you," Zemo said then walked off.

"You good?" Sam asked Bucky concerned. He looked at me but Y/N quickly glanced at them then followed behind Zemo not uttering a word.

—————————-

Turns out Y/N wasn’t the one she wants to talk to since she was just some famous model. She had to stand in the hallway and wait on them. Y/N was so uncomfortable, especially with what she had on.

Y/N heard a gunshot which makes her kick in the door. Both Bucky and Sam aimed the gun at her then lowered it.

"What the hell happened in here?!" Y/N asked seeing the bodies on the floor.

"We'll explain later, let's go," Bucky said grabbing her hand and they all walked out of the building. They walked through the streets hearing surrounding people phones going off

"This is not good," Zemo said looking around at the people who looked on their phones. They near the end of the street when bullets aimed at us. Bucky pulled Y/N to him as they ran in one direction.

"I can't run in these heels!" Sam yelled while he ran.

"You better learn today!" Y/N yelled back holding on to Bucky's hand since it was in the heat of the moment, not wanting to let go.

——————

Sharon help killed off the bounty hunters they had on us. At the moment Y/N was in the bathroom getting ready for the party she was having. Finished with getting dressed, she walked out of the bathroom running into a hard chest.

"Oops sorry!"

"It's an okay doll."

Y/N gave him a small smile then began to walk to the room where everyone else was until Bucky grabbed her hand.

"Why didn’t answer my question from earlier? What did I do?"

"You know what you did Bucky. Is there I need to say?"

"I think I know what I did? I don’t know Y/N. Just talk to me. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

"To answer your dumb-ass question, you did do something wrong. You act like everything's okay between us when it's not! Bucky, you left me. Like disappeared on me without explaining why!"

"I knew telling you that I was leaving would crush you. I didn't want you to be hurt over the fact that I left." Bucky rubbed his hand over his mouth.

"Leaving you was the best way to protect you. I'm feared by many but that still doesn't mean you aren't going to be a target to hurt me."

"Best way to protect me?! You leaving hurt me way more than what you think it did. You're worried about protection but not focusing on my feels. You said you love me but you left like it wasn't nothing." I groan flustrated raising my voice. He couldn’t look at Y/N and it raised her suspicion.

“You’re lying Bucky? What is it? What is the truth.”

“Y/N... Please.”

“Bucky tell me!”

"I was scared Y/N! Scared that you were already planning to leave because of my past. I know I shouldn’t have left when you needed me but I didn’t know what to do. You deserve better than me Y/N.” Bucky confessed as his head dropped. I placed my hand under his chin so he could look me in the eyes.

“Bucky I could’ve told me. You leaving hurt me more than what you think it did. I love you and that means that I’ll understand anything you’re going through. I don’t deserve better, and I don’t want better. I want you Bucky. You’re not alone in this baby I swear.”

Bucky pulled Y/N to his chest, as she wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’m so sorry baby. I love you too Y/N so much.” He kissed Y/N’s forehead.

“Oh and I wanted to kill him so badly but I knew you weren't going to like that so I stopped."

"You know me so well."

Bucky apologized again, “I’ve missed you so much. I can’t wait to make up.�� He began to kiss on her neck making Y/N tilt her head to the side so he could have more access.

"Hm, I'll accept it if you dance on the dance floor with me."

"No! God no. I'll do anything but that. You know I don't like dancing." Bucky pulled back groaning but she gave him the puppy eyes.

"Please? Or I'm going to stay mad at you."

Bucky rubbed his hand over his face, "Fine."

Y/N smiled jumping in his arms and they rested under her butt to keep her held up.

"Yayyy!! This is going to be fun."

"I’m only doing this for you baby.”

“That’s the best part.”

———————-

This took a long ass time to edit but I hope you guys like it. Like I said earlier I know this episode is overused but I had written this when tfatws was still airing so yeah.

I’m posting something since I haven’t posted in so long.

If this one-shot doesn’t make sense let me know cause it’s almost 3 am while I’m trying to edit and add stuff to this and I’m so sleepy 😂

Thank you for reading!

Stay slutty my friendsss 💕

#marvel #bucky barnes fluff #captain america #bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky imagine #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky x poc!reader #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes x black!reader #bucky oneshot #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x you

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masterthespianduchovny · 3 years

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The Poor Development of the Marauder's Era

I've recently been listening to Binge Mode and, even now, I honestly believe the Marauder's era is some of Rowling’s worst writing of the series. When I say Marauder's Era, I'm simply referring to characters and events pre Harry.

The Marauder's era isn't poorly developed because I didn't like what happened. It's poorly developed because of how Rowling handled the characters, the events she put them in, and the reaction to said events.

As a kid, I respected Lily and thought she could do no wrong. As an adult, I find her decisions questionable. For transparency purposes, I read these books in real time and was a similar age as the characters. So, I don't want to hear anything about me being "unfair." Of all of the Mauraders era kids back then, I was the most generous to Lily. It's only when I reflected more about her role in the series that I realized how lackluster she is as a character and as a friend.

Rowling relies on Lily being seen as the moral compass to signify who and what is right or wrong during this era. The problem with this is that Rowling undermines Lily in the process. Minus being flat out called Mudblood by Snape, she has no proof that Snape has done anything her friends accused him of doing, but she unequivocally views it as the truth. Despite Lily listening to Snape, it's not really in good faith because she already has her mind made up about Snape's guilt.

Now, this is important to note because since Lily hasn't seen any of Snape's alleged bad behavior for herself, why would she definitively accuse him of these things? Lily claims she was in denial about this when she ended their friendship, but it's quite obvious she does believe Snape is guilty.

What makes Lily's beliefs and choosing to side with others over Snape is that none of the Marauders have ever mentioned ONE instant of Snape doing or saying some fucked up shit. As a reminder: THEY HATED HIM. They never mentioned anything about him bullying others, calling muggles mud blood, or any other troubling behavior. It was merely because he existed. They couldn't even tie him to being a Death Eater.

Also, let's consider the fact that kids like Snape have rumors made up about them all of the time. ALL OF THE TIME. Not even Snape's own bullies could attest to Snape doing the things Lily's friends claimed Snape did, yet Lily believed their words?

And, maybe I'm being nitpicky, but the fact that Lily says "my friends" in reference to defending Snape has always rubbed me the wrong way. Snape IS her friend too. Her best friend, in fact. Why wouldn't she have said, "my OTHER friends." My Gryffindor mates or whatever? IMO, that implies that Snape is just some weirdo she talks to and not the person she's known the longest.

HOW ROWLING COULD'VE FIXED THIS:

Have Lily overhear Snape calling one of his peers Mudblood. Have the Marauders be incensed that Snape called someone a mud blood. Have them call out Lily when she tries to intervene on them confronting (confronting NOT bullying) Snape. Hell, even have Snape fucking bully someone.

Because as far as canon goes, Snape was a bystander as death eater wannabes bullied people and presumably did nothing about it. We don't see any of his alleged wrongdoings and the people who hate him can't even recall that this happened.

There shouldn't be an ambiguity or readers relying on the word and opinion of Lily to guide their opinion.

Some may say, "she's only a kid." To this I say, "You're right." Lily was a teen and teens don't always know how to handle complex situations, I will give her the benefit of the doubt. However, this means we shouldn't hold her as the moral standard.

Lily essentially says that the difference between the Marauder's bullying people and the death eater wannabes doing it is dark magic. I'm sorry, but that's weak sauce. Dark magic is such a vague and broad thing depending on what you're talking about, so nah...Also, is there something not dark about James choking Snape with soap? I mean, that could've traumatized Snape to the extent of him being triggered by soap. Isn't that dark?

HOW ROWLING COULD'VE FIXED THAT.

Jut have Lily acknowledge that behaviors by the Marauders and death eater wannabes are both bad, but for different reasons. Problem solved. She can even emphasize that she takes so much issue with Dark Magic due to why it's being used and what it ties into.

We hear how great Lily is and that everyone loves her, yet Harry meets literally NOT ONE FRIEND of Lily's. He meets James' friends and a former teacher of hers. We don't see Lily hanging out with anyone else. We hear examples of Lily feeling sad for people, but no references to her actually helping people or supporting others somehow.

HOW ROWLING COULD'VE FIXED THAT.

Maybe instead of Lily talking about the bad thing Avery and Mulciber did, she could've intervened, even if it was too late, and "saved" Mary. Hell, we could've had Lily hex James rather than just threatening it. I'm sorry, after literally reading the many ways the Golden Trio are there for each other even before big shit started to happen, Lily threatening to hex someone who is actively bullying her friend doesn't cut it.

And give her her own friends for Harry to meet.

Lily is said to be smart and empathic, but how she deals with Snape and his issues don't exactly support this.

HOW ROWLING COULD'VE FIXED IT.

Have Lily genuinely listen to Snape's grievances about the night he was saved. Don't have her be so dismissive about the Lupin thing. Maybe have Snape set up by the Marauders and the big reveal is a flop.

I know Rowling wanted to tackle people having shady pasts and how they can change, but 1. Either she needed to commit to it being a rivalry or 2. She needed to appropriately deal with the bullshit the Marauder's did. Snape is justifiably angry and distrusting of the Marauders due to one almost killing him as a joke and the other publicly humiliating him. This doesn't even account for YEARS of bullying, which remus admitted happened.

We cannot say that bullying is wrong, and then excuse the bullies because they were on the right side of a war.

HOW ROWLING COULD'VE FIXED THIS.

She should've had Remus flat out acknowledge they were wrong for what they did and that there was no excusing it. Then, have Sirius and Remus privately talk about this where Sirius admits it too. OR, despite loving them and his dad, Harry realizes how flawed they were and that their reasoning is simply to protect their dad not necessarily because James grew up. OR Rowling could've not written James and Sirius behaving as psychopaths AS WELL AS show instances of Snape starting shit with them.

SHOW US Snape deliberately starting shit with the Marauders and James trying to apologize. Show us James' growth outside of that. Don't tell us that James is secretly hexing Snape behind Lily's back because it has her looking like a dumb ass.

Also, all of this James stuff is important because Lily ending up with James is such a bad fucking look. IMO, it makes her disgust at his behavior seem performative. It says that she didn't really care about him bullying others, but rather, the perception of her being with someone who bullied others. And, no, having Lily smile as Snape was actively being bullied, and then poverty shaming him isn't a good look.

"BUT, BUT SNAPE CALLED HER A RACIST SLUR!!!"

It doesn't matter how much you want to give your friend the benefit of the doubt, if you believe he's calling others racist slurs, you need to confront it. And, if you believe it to be true, you need to end it. You don't wait until he calls you the slur to say, "hey, maybe he really is this racist person people claim he is."

HOW ROWLING COULD'VE FIXED THIS.

After James saved Snape's life, this is where he could've matured and his big head lessened. He still hexes others, but leaves Snape alone because he realized that they went to far with him even before Sirius' "prank." Instead of James being the antagonizer, it should've been Sirius. Once again, James breaks this up and he and Sirius gets into a small argument. Snape is let down as Lily runs up and Snape says his mud blood remark.

Snape then tries to hex Sirius and James steps in once Snape refuses to stop. It gets out of hand and Snape accidentally harms Lily.

I won't lie, I'm a HUGE Snape fan. However, because of how Rowling handled this era, there are many ambiguous things, situations that don't make any sense, not enough development of characters, etc which undermines the story she tried to tell.

Yes, I do love the series, except I don't like any of the Marauders or Lily. I don't hate Lily, but she grates. Remus really was a coward and irresponsible as hell. Sirius was childish as fuck and, no, him being in prison doesn't excuse or justify all of his behavior. James saved his peer's life, and then publicly humiliated and sexually assaulted him. He didn't stop bullying, he just stopped how he did it.

This doesn't mean I believe that Snape was faultless, but I believe this era was so poorly told that by default, I believe and sympathize with Snape.

Although I believe Rowling wanted readers to do this, I don't think she planned for some readers such as myself to hold the positions we do. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Snape as is, but I do believe Rowling didn't intend for me to hold the views I do about Lily and the Marauders.

I don't understand her laziness during this era, especially since it's so key in Snape, Lily, and James' stories.

Lastly, she could've developed James and Lily better.

I know she only has so much time, space, pages blah blah blah. However, the best writers find a way to make it work with what they have.

#harry potter #Harry Potter series #Severus snape #lily potter #James potter #remus lupin

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isahorcrux · 3 years

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20 questions Writer’s Edition

Thank you @blitheringmcgonagall for the tag ! <3 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

44,637

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Just Harry Potter (Golden Trio Era & Marauders Era)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? (I guess I’m just ranking all my fics since I only have five currently lol)

love it if we made it (78)

And it all came crashing back. Harry, Ron, and Hermione returning to Hogwarts. The Order coming to fight. Spells being shot back and forth. Hogwarts crumbling from within, but also fighting back. Voldemort and his army of death swarming the castle. Fred. Remus. Tonks. Harry, dead. Harry, not dead. Bellatrix. And then Voldemort and Harry, facing each other in the Great Hall, where Ginny had eaten every meal during the school year with her friends. Voldemort falling. They’d won. The war was over.

glad he’s gone (71)

Of all the things Lavender could have been crying over, Ginny had not expected this. Granted, she knew Ron wanted to end things with Lavender just as much as she’d wanted to end things with Dean. But, she supposed she was a bit preoccupied with her own public break-up to notice Ron’s first romance imploding a mere few feet away. She briefly wondered if Lavender was just as oblivious to her relationship ending as Ginny was to her’s.

hope is a dangerous thing (for a woman like me to have) (63)

As soon as they found Dumbledore’s body, some unconscious part of Ginny knew that their relationship would have to end. She knew Harry, who’d lost so many people, couldn’t bear to put her in danger. She understood his reasoning, in fact, if she were in the same position, she might even do the same. But, it wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t she go with them and help take down Voldemort. She after all, was the closest link to Tom after Harry, having spent a year entwined with his teenage self.

The story of Ginny Weasley's 6th Year at Hogwarts.

spontaneous & romantic (38)

“Well, when I hear things at my window, my first thought isn’t often, ‘oh, how sweet my boyfriend is throwing pebbles at my window,’” I said giggling.

Rose/Scorpius

champagne problems (21)

Summoning the courage of thousands of Gryffindors before him, James sank to his right knee and pulled the unassuming black velvet box from his pocket. The room around them faded into warm shapes and colours. James didn’t know if Sirius had paused the music or if he’d gone temporarily deaf. It was only the two of them, James thrusting his mum’s ring out towards Lily and Lily looking at James with a bemused sort of grin.

After several long moments, or maybe a half an hour, or possibly several days, Lily spoke.

“James, let’s - we should talk.”

It was supposed to be perfect.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do sometimes ! Truly it depends on if you’ve caught me in a responsive mood or not. I’m usually more likely to respond if there’s a question or the comment is particularly long, versus a one or two word comment.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh without a doubt champagne problems .

This fic came about because I listed to evermore on repeat in my car for months and months and then a story that first started as a james potter II story morphed into a jily story and here we are. I’ve outlined most of it, so excited to update this one fairly regularly (I think).

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think probably love it if we made it just because the war is over ginny and harry get together, all that fun stuff. but, if you’re a scorose person, spontaneous & romantic is also very happy. I also wrote that one back in high school, so tread lightly lol.

8. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I’ve never written a crossover, I don’t think...I’ve got a few fics that have been lost to the internet from high school, but I don’t think any of them were crossovers either. I’m firmly in the HP fanfiction camp. I guess you could argue I also do Shakespeare fanfiction...but I feel like since that’s in the public domain it doesn’t count lol.

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don’t think so ? I don’t think I’m a popular enough writer to get enough eyeballs to get hate. I noticed on champagne problems, that one person really thought Lily was unlikable, but I think at this point we are supposed to hate her a bit and she does need to grow as a person. But, I think that’s the closest ?

10. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Currently, no. Do I need to for the folklorevermore project? Yes. So it’s coming, and I’m terrified to write it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No thankfully !

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but very open to it if anyone so chooses to translate :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but again, very open to it. I studied screenwriting and fiction in college and one of my favorite things about screenwriting is the collaborative writing process, so my inbox is open :)

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oof, making me choose children - currently, probably Jily.

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I will finish hope is a dangerous thing if it kills me, I swear!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Err... dialogue maybe? I also feel like I have a really good grasp of who my versions of James and Lily are. And also a good cannon sense of Harry and Ginny because growing up literally all I did was read Harry Potter.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The ability to finish things / update in a timely manner lol. I’m sorry! Know I hate myself more than you hate me for my slow updates !

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think i’d be comfortable writing French or Italian in a fic (haven’t had the moment to yet, but maybe!) but any other language I haven’t studied I probably would be a bit timid to try, just because I wouldn’t want to mistranslate anything.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter (Next Gen) - I know wild right? There’s a bunch of Next Gen fics of mine out there under a different name.

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I’m actually really proud of champagne problems and where it’s going (this is my plug for people to go read it lol)

Oh god, I hate tagging people it’s so nerve wracking, because I never want to bother people, but tagging those whose fics I literally just read/who hasn’t been tagged (at least I don’t think?) and also anyone else who wants to do this! @dizzy--bird @sunshine-marauders @thequibblah

#isahorcrux #get to know the author #tagging #tags

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quinnhayden · 5 years

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How would Bucky have handled the years alone any differently than Quinn in No Remedy For Memory, had she died instead? Do you see him going to Hazard to meet her family at all?

Does Bucky meet Quinn’s family? Does James Buchanan Barnes meet his soulmate’s family? Of course he meets her family. It’s literally the very first thing he does when he comes back to the States after the war. Okay, like, the second thing, after he visits his own family. I’d like to think after he knocks on the front door, he sweats bullets, same as he’d doif Quinn and Steve were alive and with him. Claire Hayden would answer and would probably burst into tears immediately before she throws her arms around him. Bucky maybe feels a little like a monster because he probably should’ve waited when everyone’s grief isn’t that fresh. Benny storms in from the kitchen, ready to kick the ass of whoever’s making his wife cry that way, but then he sees Bucky at the door and understands. He’s suddenly a little teary-eyed himself.

Claire and Benny sit down with Bucky and pretty much demand he tell them all about himself. Buckyalso makes sure to talk about Steve, show them a picture of Steve he cut out of a newspaper because that’s as close Steve will ever come to meeting them. (Claire and Benny already have a box that’s full of cut out news stories that mentioned their Quinn and her Steve and Bucky.) Eventually, Claire orders that Bucky stays for supper and it reminds him so much of Quinn that Bucky’s too blown over to do anything but nod—not like he’d say no, anyway. Benny says they can have a fish fry and pretty much drags Bucky down to the river to help him fish.

I think Benny would finally allow himself to grieve a little in front of Bucky. He’d probably admithe doesn’t want to fish anymore because it was always his and Quinn’s thing and now that she’s gone, it only hurts. He’d tell Bucky all the embarrassing stories from Quinn’s childhood she’d hate for Bucky and Steve to hear about if she wasactually alive. Benny would probably ask Bucky to tell him some stories about Quinn in the war and he would be so, so proud. Then, Bucky would tell him that he’ll head back overseas soon to clean up the last bits of Hydra. He’ll get revenge for Quinn, he promises. That there is the best news the Hayden family has gotten in a while.

One last thing that Bucky would do in Kentucky before he goes back overseas is visit one JosephineDuPont in Louisville. Bucky has a serious case of survivor’s guilt. He knows that if Quinn hadn’t taken that blow, it would’ve been him that fell off thetrain instead. No one, not even Peggy, blames him. Josephine and Bucky are a lot alike, though, and he’s under the impression that if anyone will blame him,it’d be Josie. I think that Josie would try, when she hears news that Quinn died in combat, but she blames herself for Quinn’s death as much as Bucky, in a roundabout way. She tells him as much. Josie thinks she’s the one who pushed Quinn to enlist in a war that killed her. They bond and they become reallyclose friends over the years.

Josie’s the first person Bucky calls when he notices that Quinn’s name is dark. It happens thesame as it does with Quinn—he heads to the mountains that she supposedly dies,tries to save her, and Hydra stages an explosion to make it look like she died. A problem Hydra has in this world is that they don’t know about Quinn’s name on Josie. She hasn’t published her book at this point. Same as what’s currently happening in canon, maybe they can push it off on one person being defective, but it’s really fishy when two different people have a dark soul mark. But Bucky and Josie have to let it rest because Quinn’s mark eventually fades.

Then, in 1960, rumors reach America about the Soviet’s monster—Fenrir. Bucky, now officiallybranded a super soldier, is sent to face Fenrir. When they meet, Fenrir’s face is covered by a mask, blonde hair chopped but still messy and coincidentallycovering where a certain someone’s scar is on her temple. He doesn’t recognize her immediately. And in regards to the serum, Bucky is the strongest in thetrio, but Quinn is the fastest. Fenrir is brutal and has much better training than Bucky. She almost kills him, she beats him so bad, and she can take theshot, but she doesn’t. Instead, she reaches out to put her thumb in the middle of his dimple and whispers, “Волк не боится своей луны.” (A wolf is not afraid of her moon.) Before he blacks out, she takes off her mask and he sees her. It’s Quinn.

This time, Bucky and Josephine don’t let it go. Both their marks are dark and then fade, same aswhat happened before. Hydra’s on the inside, though. Bucky keeps Josie’s name out of it, thankfully, so Hydra doesn’t target her. They can’t target Bucky, but they can keep Quinn away from him. They can make him look obsessive andcrazy. No one thinks that, necessarily, but they give him the same looks that people gave Quinn when she was hurt anytime Bucky’s name went dark in canon.They tell him he should give up, he should move on, Fenrir isn’t active anymore, etc.

Wow. I really let this idea get away from me.

#bucky survives!au #sorry for the late response btw #tumblr doesn't notify me about asks for this blog for some reason #but god I love this idea #taylor answers magical people

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travellers-survivor-old-west · 4 years

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Episode 1 - “It's not my fault our team chose the same song as the other team” - Cas

Let the games begin..............................

we out here. i'm on the cute yellow tribe. the only person on my tribe rn is Nicole and I already like her. i hope there's an idol hidden under joe del campo's cowboy hat

* A couple seconds later*

FKDSAHKDJFS LMAOOOO MY GIRLFRIEND ASHLEY ON THE OTHER TRIBE AND SHE LOOKIN LIKE A KARDASHIAN IN HER VID

Very excited for this to start! Tribe seems nice so far get a good vibe from eve and Ashley for sure. Just gotta feel everyone out a lil more and see how this first challenge goes

OKAY sooo I'll keep this first one brief. My tribe is pretty cool. I love Jared, I'm a little bit worried though because 1) he knows I'm a snake and will be scared of me and 2) he'll prob be able to know I'm friends with Ashley, but otherwise, he's my number 1 on this tribe and my favorite person in the cast other than ash. Like I'm so blessed to be with him and I don't think he'd turn on me yet since we'll be loyal. This Nicole girl seeemd cool in her vid then never messaged me back. Dylan seems nice but I think he might have been in bermuda or somethin LOL i've def played with him before and have no clue from what.... Sammy is cool, know him from before. And then uhhh that weird kid who had a three second vid, I hope he's out first. Ashley is on the red tribe I think? I LOVE HER she's literally my best ORG friend and she hasn't played in forever. Hope we get to a swap or merge without her doing something dumb first akhfdj. Patrick seems familiar I know he's old school and won HOS so that's cool. Eve seems cool never played with her but is that the same eve that does the challenge minis bc if so she knows im gonna pop off. Keaton good. Isaac good lol although I'm scared he'll come after me bc one time in his confessionals for a game we were in (i think indonesia?) eh talked about how big of a threat I was oops. maybe ashley will get him out for me LOL. and that austin guy seems cute, second game only awww. Black tribe has chloe YAYAYAY love her and excited to play with her. I think I'm on okay terms with Nick again, at least I really hope so lol bc bbclue was a mess but we kind of made up in ihos.... Vi/Cas I don't rlly know. payton seems like rhone but with a little more hair and less elderly wisdom. aidan's vid was weird but glad he got to the point I'm looking forward to this :) but I hope my tribe gets more active soon.

Okay so- Howdy! This is your cowboy speaking. I am going to go over my general strategy for the game and what I have done so far. I want to play a very physically/socially-centered meathead kind of game- a James Clement if you will. I want to try and win every challenge that I participate in and if we lose, I want to have 1 alliance with the strongest players that I will be 100% unwaveringly loyal to. Pretty basic stuff. So my alliance is with Owen and Sammy, which oddly enough- the last 2 Big Brother games I played, they were the people who got me out, respectively. Owen/Dana/Quill in BOTS and Sammy in Legacy3. So it's a risky group but this is the strategy that I outlined for myself so I'm gonna stick to it. They will be my F3 and I will literally ride with them until the wheels fall off. Until the hooves fall off, in western speak. I have no clue if they will be loyal to the end or try to target me on some point, but I have to try to keep them from eating the apple, because I'm not going to flip as my one-dimensional gameplan will not allow that! I confirmed with both of them that this is a trio they are good with, and the Pika-Dudes were born. I think it would be pretty rewarding for me if I could actually get them to stick together and make it to the end. But they could have other alliances on this tribe and vote me out this round for all I know, but so far my perspective is that they seem loyal Lastly, I suggested that we do the song "Before He Cheats" for the challenge, and that's the first time a tribe has ever taken my suggestion for the song, so I'm happy with that. I'll check back in if we lose the comp :)

okay so first confessional...honestly I am super excited to play with some of the people in this game. But I am just gonna talk about the challenge right now, umm so it's a music video which means.....hosts hate me...because I am always the one having to edit:,( okay so everyone got their videos to me finally except Nicole sent one vertically after I clearly said "@all plz film horizontally" so I just said bippity boppity bye. She seems sweet though and I don't want her to go anywhere soon. Anyways, Jared approached me with the idea of an alliance with me, him, and Owen which I'm totally fine with but I don't think I want to work with Jared like long game because idk if I can trust him to be like loyal to me. He is one of my fav people I just know it's a game. However I think if we go to tribal I probably would vote either Nicole or Xander. Not much confess right now except I am on a tribe with casper and his friends bc everyone forgot how to talk. alright that's it for nowwww.

#FuckMichael

What the fuck is Terlingua on someone better pray for my dude Aidan

VL: Oops

Omg yay!!!! We are safe for first tribal which I love. I'm starting to form pretty good bonds with issac,eve,and ashley so hopefully I can get it to where we all link up together for some kind of alliance.

Well so far it seems that Aidan, Chloe, Nick and I are in same mind set of voting off Payton. We shall see if it actually goes through. It’s really sad Bc the judges are all biased so now we have to vote someone out. Editing isn’t easy at all DX. I’m so sorry Payton if you’re do get voted out. You should move to the us to survive a bit longer ;-;

So my back’s been killing me all day. I thought it was from sleeping funny but clearly its from carrying this damn tribe.

This weekend was so flipping busy. I'm trying to get caught up at work before vacation and Matthew is here. I don't feel like I've gotten to bond with my tribe much. I'm glad to see Dylan A. We've not really gotten to play together much because he always gets voted out early in games we play but I don't think he will come for me and he's a bigger target than I. I like my tribe a lot. Jared is really funny and Sammy kicked butt in the challenge. I've talked to Owen a tad. I'm glad we didn't lose because I deserved to go home. I didn't get back from Erica's bday thing until 4 and then it wouldn't let me use the song I bought some it is copyrighted so I only had 30 sec then I couldn't get it to film horizontal. I'm a big ol mess. Yeeeeeeehaaaaaaw! 😂

Whew okay so I don't know anyone on my tribe (kinda) which is good but also a bit scary since its just 6 of us. Overall, I feel like everyone's a bit quiet and not too talkative. That being said, they might be talking a bunch in PMs. Right now, I am trying to stay under the radar and just be friendly with everyone. I really like Austin, Eve and Patrick right now. Keaton and Isaac are nice too but I dont really talk to them as much. If we would have lost this first immunity challenge I would have definitely wanted to vote for one of them. No official alliances yet but its still early so I think its okay. THANK FUCKING GOD WE WON. Okay well, we got 2nd but thats a win in my eyes. I just really hope I make it to jury and I will be happy so not being first boot is GREAT. Im trying to get this damn idol but I cant catch a fucking break and my ass keeps getting zapped... I dont think anyone has gotten the idol yet so I hope i get lucky and somehow get to it first. Here is how I see everyone as of right now: Austin: Probably my fave right now and hoping I can get into a f2 with him. He's funny and sweet and I feel like we get along and its pretty easy to talk to him. Eve: Eve is iconic! Want to work with her but I feel like she is really social so she might be a threat later on. Pat: Same as Eve, even though I just met him, I actually have known about him before since he is friends with some of my friends. I know he does good in games so he is someone I would like to see leave a bit sooner since I think he will be hard to get rid of later. But hes amazing and his video for the music video was ICONIC. I can see him and I becoming friends for sure. Keaton: Not much to say, I do know keaton from playing a game with him in the past but he was voted out first I think and then I hosted him in HOS but i wasnt super active in that one :) Anyway, I feel like we dont have much to talk about so I need to make more of an effort with him. I really wouldnt care to see him go tbh but who knows, this can definitely change if we start talking more. Isaac: omg okay so night one I go into everyones PMs to say hi and i notice that I already had messages with him which I found super weird because I didnt know who he was but I guess we kind of got into it like 3 years ago??? I told him I didnt remember this but i do. He was basically an asshole to me for no fucking reason. But this was 3 years ago so i really dont care so I hope he doesnt try to target me over it. He seems nice I guess but I havnt really talked to him much. In his defense he has been sick apparently but if we would have gone into this first TC I would have wanted to see him voted out first for sure.

Confessional 1: So right off the bat I talk a lot to everyone but Payton but my main issue is he’s probably not going so I’m gonna need to vote out someone I genuinely like right away. I think I’m decently connected and unless these guys are pulling off the best blindside ever I think I might possibly be semi safe??? Who knows though there’s a lot left of game to play this round so let’s let’s see who the votes will land on. I’m kinda trying to indirectly get my way but it’s like just not working out lol.

Its been a fun couple of days, im talking to my tribe and just feeling them out. Im very happy I don't have a history with any of them so I can just relax and start a clean state. Im a big fan of Jared and Sammy, but honestly nicole can go. She annoys me more than Jess's love of alcohol. I'm hoping to just chill and slide my way to merge where from there actually make moves and make my way to final 5 where we all know im gonna be voted out.

Idk what the fuck is going on lmao. I think I’m getting voted out because I haven’t talked to anyone but I’m trying to push the vote in cas instead but it might be too late because I just started talking to everyone cause I’ve been working too much.

https://youtu.be/bMY6mumIAQ0

Am I disappointed with my tribe? No. Am I disappointed with the outcome? Yes. I'm not a fan of these subjective challenges because the criteria literally changes everytime and all the judges (who are usually unqualified, uneducated and underemployed) seem to like to harp in on the most random shit like- I can't. And the fact that I, someone who never edited a fucking video before, had to do that shit just shows how useless my tribe is overall. Either useless or lazy but either way... I'm predicting a Matsing performance from this tribe. Why the fuck did I get placed here? So far people are fine but I don't /love/ anyone. Maybe I could put in more effort but like Chloe/Nick/Vi all seem fine and fun but like nobody I'm too connected with yet. I'm sure it'll come. Chloe and I seem to have the most similar personality but something tells me she's like connected idk. I don't see her going far with me. I see Nick/Vi being loyal though. Payton and Cas are like fine I guess but afaik they're the ones on the chopping block because of minimal socialization. I will be voting for Cas but honestly I don't care who goes home as long as it isn't me. I just want a tribe that isn't awful.

I like my tribe ok I guess. They’re all a girl or a gay except Keaton so that’s a plus. Despite my lack of participation in the first challenge due to my meningitis I’ve been assured that I should be safe on this tribe and I’ve been offered an alliance so we’ll see where that goes. I’m looking forward to beat sent home by Jared’s homophobic ass though. It’ll be fun

Dont sue me I'm dumb Okay this tribe is an interesting bunch, Ashley is great but scary, eve knows wtf is up, Pat and I are playing a game together rn, Issac... And Austin knows about me! Luckily we are safe but I think I can traverse this group without TOO much issue.

https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-confess-1/s-HFs1s https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-2/s-nVSd2 https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-3/s-65KCP https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-4/s-kLYio https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-6/s-r6uNi

So like, love my tribe so far, I think Issac, myself Ashley and Austin are going to become a possible / close alliance, I also LOVE LOVE LOVE pat! What a fucking legend. Rly wanna try to work w him!! Idk dont wanna lose bc that means someone has to go :(

youtube

#yeehaw

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justastormie · 7 years

Text

@thiswaycomessomethingwicked Did someone say STAR WARS BOOK RECS? 8D!!!

WELCOME TO THUNDERDOME.

I hate to admit, there aren’t any Tarkin-centric books I really like. Tarkin is OK but I feel like it misses the mark in capturing his old school menace. The voices are all great but the empire comes off much more as a…military rationalist colonial power than I’d prefer. Which isn’t a bad read of the empire, just not the one I prefer. (My favorite is more the unstable, late medici-eqsue power struggle with a little sci-fi magic for flavor.) Also the plot is…Meh.

Tbf most SW plots are Meh.

Now there’s one series I recommended without reservation, it hasn’t got the Grand Moff but it has some other great baddies. The Mandalorian Armor series by K.W. Jeter. It’s AMAZING. Watch two trashcan human beings follow around my favorite mandalorian trashcan. You have Dengar; the burnt cinnamon roll, should not have to put up with this shit even if he gets himself into most of it. Neela; looks like will kill you and will definitely kill you. It’s her story that drives the narrative and it’s gr9. This one time dancing girl will FUCK YOUR SHIT UP. Other dodgy bounty hunters for days. Prince Xizor brings you Wow, I’m Rooting For This Scumbag. This series really captures the sprawling nature of the SW universe and serves as a great entry point. Did i mention awesome aliens? And a solid fucking plot? Some of the best written action scenes in any book ever. It’s only three books which is nice.

Even nicer, like a crack dealer I always have an extra copy of book one sitting around to give to people. Literally anyone can hit me up and I will ship it to you, no joke. It’s not only the best SW series it’s just great sci-fi. And a great series for anybody who likes scum and villainy type characters.

Newer books I recommend:

The Weapon of a Jedi by Jason Fry, technically kids book but it’s good Luke Content. Fun, breezy read with a cool story.

Before the Awakening by Greg Rucka also a kids book, but also a great read. Fun, easy read with lots of good character stuff. As always I trust Greg Rucka with all the things and he does not disappoint.

Battlefront: Twilight Company by Alexander Freed. NOT a kid’s book. If you liked the Rogue One cast of rebels you’ll love these assholes. Similar themes to Rogue One in general.

Republic Commando series by Karen Traviss. (this is technically in the “Legacy” category now, but they were written pretty recently) I only have two major complaints with this series. One of them is not Traviss’ fault because they wouldn’t give her Boba Fett and the other one is it needed more women. I started out with what i didn’t like so I could look remotely objective. I love this series. This series is fucking LIFE. Traviss did her military research and it SHOWS. It will clear your skin, renew your crops and save your soul. It will rip your heart out, stomp on it and laugh. The series also operates on the Pterry principle that you can read the first book if you want to for completion’s sake, but if you wanna start with a Great Book you can jump right to #2. Personally I love the first one, but I know a lot of people found it a little slow. Fair warning; Traviss and Lucasfilm got into a fight before she could finish the series. It ends at a stopping point but you will be screaming in frustration. (i am literally getting a tattoo from this series my dudes, it’s quality AF)

Older books I recommend:

Tales from the....Mos Eisley’s Cantina/Bounty Hunters/Empire/New Republic by a whole bunch of people. Each book is a collection of short stories. Some of them are terrible, but some of them are really great and worth the time. They also show up in used bookstores all the time.

Truce at Bakura by Kathy Tyers. Immediate post-script to ROTJ, just some good star warsy shit.

The “Thrawn Triology” actually titled Heir to the Empire series. I’m pretty sure I get kicked out of fandom if i don’t recc this. It’s Thrawn. He’s cool. There are lots of other cool people. I’m not crazy about how he writes the trio but his OCs make up for it in spades.

The Adventures of Lando Calrissian by L. Neil Smith. Now this depends on your tastes. This is a collection of three smaller books, and i love ‘em because they are full on Space Fantasy Ridiculousness. It’s Noir In Space. A dirtier Flash Gordon. Lando at his scoundrel best.

books to avoid like the plague:

Legacy of the Force series. Just oh god run. RUN. HEED THE WARNINGS OF THOSE WHO FELL BEFORE YOU. Fails so hard at everything. They took a good idea and fucked it right up. If you absolutely feel like you have to dive into this morass of bullshit, just read the Traviss books. They are marginally less painful. Marginally.

The Courtship of Princess Leia by Dave Wolverton. Literally the worst. Renown for being both a literary and sexist piece of trash.

Darth Plagueis by James Luceno. Listen. I know it sounds cool. I know you’ll crack it open and go ‘huh this writing’s alright. how back can it be’. You’ll make it a few chapters. You’ll be underwhelmed but hey, why not finish it. Just don’t. Put it down. Walk outside. Enjoy your life. Don’t maroon yourself in this tepid bullshit. For such a badass subject this is SO. GODDAMN. BORING. I know you want a history of the Sith my friend, but this is not the book for it.

Sadly there just aren’t that many good SW books. There are a lot more quality comics, but I’m not sure if you’re into that.

#mun rambles #so so much #mun has a lot of star wars feelings #they say in a darth vader tshirt

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tonystarktogo · 7 years

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Here it is, my entry from the @winterironholidayexchange for Ehiel. This fic was supposed to be around 3k. Naturally I ended up writing another 7k in the last three days before the deadline *facepalm* I really hope you like it because, not to pressure anyone, but I might break down crying if you don’t. (Kidding. Well, mostly.) And don’t forget to check out the other works in the exchange!

Turning into a mindless killing machine isn’t what one might call a conventional reaction to a panic attack. It’s a good thing for Bucky then that Tony has never cared much for conventions anyways.

You can also read this on AO3.

The first time Tony Stark meets Bucky Barnes he is decidedly unimpressed.

Granted, Tony isn’t as caught up on the Hydra business as he’d like to be. But what little he’s read up on is more than the general public will ever know and the amount of time he’s spent revisiting security footage is bordering on obsessive.

Nevertheless Tony is intimately aware of the fact that this isn’t his fight, if only because he hasn’t been asked to join. It’s disheartening, just a bit, that Steve hasn’t thought to call him but contrary to popular opinion Tony is capable of minding his own business—or leaving the stalking up to JARVIS and playing obvious for as long as he dares to remain on the sidelines.

The mess is over and done with before it gets that far, the expected explosions and proprietary damage included, and Steve, Sam and Barnes drop off the grind before Tony has finished reaching for the phone. He considers searching for them half a dozen times, but the world is still standing—and in need of someone ensuring it stays that way—and Pepper only lets him flunk every third board meeting unless the apocalypse is involved, so.

A few weeks of radio silence later Natasha drops by. She lets him know everyone is alive and accounted for, does pointedly not apologise for exposing all of Hydra’s dirty secrets to the Internet without a single word of warning and disappears before Tony has a chance to needle her for the good answers.

Knowing when he is being told to back off without saying so, Tony decides to take the wait and see approach most people don’t believe him capable of. JARVIS keeps an eye out for unusual activities, impractical arrest orders especially, but except for a small incident in Turkey the lonesome trio does a good job of covering its tracks. Meanwhile Tony’s life goes on as it always does, weekly villain encounters and all.

Until Steve calls him three months later, asking for a place to stay and stumbling over every word in his shoddy attempt to explain the presence of a recently recovered friend. As though there is any way Tony—or anyone else for that matter—could have missed a god damn exploding helicarrier. As though Tony hasn’t gone beyond what humanity is supposed to be capable of to retrieve all accessible information on the Winter Soldier project and erase as many references to it as possible.

Honestly, Tony would be insulted by Steve’s obviousness if it wasn’t so damn endearing.

It takes seventeen hours and thirty six minutes after that phone call for Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson and the officially still dead James Barnes to arrive at his Tower. And suddenly, for the first time ever—because comic books absolutely don’t count—Tony comes face to face with Bucky Barnes, Captain America’s most infamous side-kick.

Tony isn’t sure what exactly he expects when he finally lays eyes on the man but what he doesn’t expect is how, for lack of a better word, underwhelming the entire experience is.

Tony didn’t realise that he has already built an image of Barnes in his mind. Based on stories Howard used to tell on the occasional good day, memories Peggy shared with him while they were still there to be told, an off-handed comment Steve makes sometimes, most likely without noticing. At least Tony didn’t realise until he gets confronted with the real deal. One that doesn’t measure up to any of his expectations.

For one thing, Barnes is quiet. And it’s more than just the soundless movements you would expect from a feared assassin. It’s in the man’s very presence. Barnes’ posture is all hunched shoulders and bowed back, eyes fixated on the ground when they aren’t restlessly taking notes of his surrounding. He is- vacant. To a frankly unsettling degree. It makes Tony question whether there is anything left to save of the person Barnes used to be.

Because what Tony meets during that first encounter isn’t Steve’s best friend or Captain America’s most trusted companion, isn’t even the infamous Winter Soldier. It’s a shell wearing a familiar face, nothing more, and Tony can’t help wondering how Steve can stand looking into those lifeless eyes and not see anything look back at him.

Clearing his throat Tony nods into the man’s direction in acknowledgement. “Barnes,” he says and if his voice comes out a little more gruff than it should have nobody comments on it.

Blue eyes fixate themselves on him, empty of recognition but sharper than glass shards all the same. In that single moment Tony sees a cold-blooded killer appraising his next victim, sees an abandoned boy crying out desperately, sees a sniper taking aim, sees a fighter trapped in a war he can neither win nor loose.

“Stark,” Barnes rasps, void of any emotion, and after a long moment of uncomfortable silence Tony decides that’s all he is going to get.

“You two know where your rooms are,” Tony tells Sam and Steve, continues talking because that’s what he does best. “Barnes, there’s an empty floor right below Steve’s if you’ve seen enough of those two after the last few weeks, otherwise I’m sure Steve here is willing to share. Who knows, maybe you even get to sleep in the top bunk! Get yourselves situated, if you need anything tell JARVIS. And Wilson, if there’s a single bowl of Ben&Jerry’s missing when I get back, we’ll have words.”

Barnes doesn’t smile once during his tirade—Tony isn’t sure why he expects him too—and he makes his escape before he can think more deeply about it.

All in all meeting Barnes’ isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to Tony but it’s hardly under the top ten either. If anything it could be describe as rather anticlimactic.

In hindsight, Tony should have taken that as a warning.

The next time Tony sees Barnes is almost three weeks later. It’s impressive really, how successful the man avoids him. Even more so because Tony still isn’t sure if it’s him personally Barnes stays away from or just people in general.

To be fair, Tony has been out of town for most of the time, since apparently Stark Industries can’t run itself despite Pepper’s best efforts. There’s also the fact that JARVIS has labeled Barnes the biggest threat towards his creator within the Tower and has so far done an admirable job of preventing any accidental run-in’s between the two of them. Tony has had a few conversations with Sam and has slipped right back into his usual banter with Steve, but neither of them have made any comments in regards to Barnes. Which, Tony suspects, is a statement in itself.

All in all seeking out a mentally unstable, former Hydra assassin who doesn’t want to be found sounds like a stupid idea. Meaning that eventually Tony would have undoubtedly done so, but before he has the chance to do something drastic, Tony ends up stumbling upon his most elusive house guest on accident.

It’s somewhere between midnight and afternoon, as far as his internal clock can tell, and Tony is long past the point of knowing whether he suffers from a lack of coffee or a caffeine overdoes. Staggering his way to the kitchen—or his bedroom, knowing JARIVS’ secret identity as a badass mother hen—Tony enters the open living room area right when the AI’s urgent voice penetrates his foggy mind.

“Sir, I believe the elevator to your right to be-“ It never fails to impress Tony how well JARVIS manages to convey his rising worry, without ever dropping the posh tone he initially added to the program as a joke and the AI had taken an immediate liking to.

Had he been a little more aware Tony might have caught the implied warning before he literally stumbles over a shivering ball of miserable super soldier. As it is he doesn’t. In fact Tony doesn’t even realise what the unexpected obstacle in his way is until it lashes out, an arm—thankfully not the metal one, striking with lightening speed, causing him to loose his balance and topple over like a particularly ungraceful baby deer.

During the long seconds it takes Tony’s sleep-deprived mind to catch up with his body’s uncoordinated fall, all he does is lie on the ground, blinking. It will only be later that Tony will look back on this moment and realise how incredibly lucky he has been. Barnes on a mission is a challenge to begin with, had he truly attempted to kill him Tony would have been in no position to fight him off.

Thankfully by the time adrenaline finally does its job and kicks Tony’s mind back into business Barnes hasn’t moved from his position of sitting huddled together on the floor, slowly rocking back and forth.

Tony opens his mouth, though whether to pointlessly scold JARVIS or say something off-topic and very unhelpful to Barnes he doesn’t know, when Steve comes rushing around the corner, panicked expression and Sam hot on his heels.

“Tony!” Steve calls out and promptly winces when the sudden noise causes Barnes to curl into himself even more with a whimper. “I’m so sorry,” he continues, rushed but markedly softer than before, “today was a good day, I didn’t expect-“

“A full-blown panic attack in my living room?” Tony goes for dry sarcasm but the words come out more as mumbled mess.

Not that it matters. Tony has already lost the majority of Steve’s attention at that point. The man is too busy crouching in front of his friend, talking in soothing tones. Thankfully Steve doesn’t make any move to reach out and touch Barnes. Even with his limited understanding of Barnes’ mental health, Tony is sure it would be a very bad idea.

In Tony’s opinion—not that anyone has asked for it, mind you—it doesn’t sound like a good idea to crowd the almost hyperventilating man either. But Sam Wilson has previous experience with veterans suffering from PTSD and Steve is the guy’s closest friend and confidant. Or was, but semantics. More importantly, the two have spent the last two months in close quarters with Barnes and treat this like a common occurrence, so Tony figures they know what they’re doing.

Turns out they don’t know what they’re doing.

It happens too fast for Tony to see what exactly goes wrong. All he knows is that one moment Barnes is a ball of spiralling panic and the next he lets out what is either an inhumane sounding snarl or a very angrily spoken Russian curse. Then Barnes is on his feet, the movement almost too fast for human eyes and Tony freezes. He has always seen the Winter Soldier as more of a dramatic villain name chosen by Hydra and less like a separate identity but the current situation makes him reevaluate that assessment.

Because the man now positioning himself in front of Steve may wear Barnes’s face but he looks nothing like him. He’s standing tall and proud for one thing, his stance prominently displaying his metal arm—and dear lord, what Tony wouldn’t give to get a closer look at that beauty—instead of curling around it like he wants to hide it from the world. His entire posture conveys calm confidence instead of the usual worn-down guilt and his eyes are cold and emotionless as they assess their surroundings.

This, Tony knows with complete certainty, isn’t Bucky or Barnes, this is the weapon Hydra spent decades shaping and perfecting. This is the Winter Soldier. And even as a part of Tony recoils in disgust at the mere thought of the horrors Barnes must have suffered, there is another part that can’t help but applaud the fine job they have done.

Then Barnes moves, the suddenness of the motion catching Tony by surprise, and Steve lunges and it all goes downhill from there.

It is a small mercy that Tony doesn’t keep anything irreplaceable on this particular floor.

“It’s an instinctive response to highly stressful, emotionally taxing situations,” Sam explains once they have finally manoeuvred Barnes into the hulk containment room, much to Steve’s displeasure. “Slipping back into Hydra’s programming serves as a means to protect himself, emotionally and physically.”

“He doesn’t always attack,” Steve hurries to pacify. “Mostly he just stays in a corner and watches until he’s calmed down again but sometimes something startles him and that’s when he lashes out.”

“I need to sleep,” Tony says and that is the end of the discussion.

When Tony wakes up some twenty odd hours later, he isn’t sure what to expect. For Steve to guilty avoid eye contact for a few days probably and for Sam to not steal any of his bagels because neither of them has seen it fit to inform him of the highly efficient killing machine Barnes occasionally turns into.

Tony may or may not be a bit pissed about that.

Barnes on the other hand he expects to keep his distance even more than usual, if that is at all possible. Clearly the man is weighed down by his guilt, which, well. Tony certainly knows how that feels. He also knows how enticing the prospect to run away from it all is—and how well that usually works. You can’t blame a man for trying though.

What Tony doesn’t expect is for Barnes to approach him.

They are in the kitchen, which makes sense because now that Tony thinks about it Barnes doesn’t have access to his workshop. Barnes is definitely completely Barnes too, down to the lowered eyes, unhappy curve of his lips and hanging shoulders. He’s eluding such an aura of misery that makes Tony sort of want to grab a hold of his arms and shake him until he stops.

“Uhm. Stark.” It sounds like a question. Barnes clears his throat, fingers nervously playing with the hem of his shirt and Tony bites his bottom lip to keep quiet because this is physically painful to witness.

“I- I wanted to,” Barnes clearly struggles though Tony is unsure whether it’s because he struggles to remember how to use his words or because he simply doesn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry,” the man finally manages, voice raw and eyes wide and vulnerable.

It’s a look that feels like a punch in the gut, leaves Tony gasping for breath and close to speechless but he forces himself to answer anyways.

“It’s not a problem, Buckaroo,” Tony chirps, notes Barnes’ forehead crinkle in confusion at the nickname, “Pepper’s been wanting to remodel that floor for months anyway, says the colour pattern was off, which, ridiculous, right? You’ve seen the room, why would it look better in pastel and mint green?”

Barnes tilts his head and musters up the faintest of all shrugs but it quickly becomes apparent that he has used up his daily quota of spoken words for now. Tony doesn’t mind, fills the silence with his usual babbling as they both wait for the coffee maker to pour what essentially amounts to Tony’s life elixir into a cup.

When he finally turns around again Tony is alone, no sign of Barnes’ presence or where he might have gone. He could ask JARVIS of course but Tony doesn’t see the point.

“Keep an eye on him, buddy,” he mutters.

Tony swears the AI sighs in exasperation.

“Always, Sir.”

Perhaps there is more left of the original Bucky than Tony has initially expected after all.

When doors to the elevator open it takes Tony all but two seconds to take the entire situation in. Barnes is, once again, curled up in a corner, violently shaking his head while Steve is trying to talk him down, voice infused with as much calmness as possible. Sam is nowhere in sight. Considering the time he is probably out on a run.

“How long, J?” Tony asks reflexively, even as he slowly approaches the duo. The answered “Approximately seventeen minutes, Sir,” makes him suppress a sigh.

This is really not what he had in mind when he finally managed to escape Pepper’s sharp eyes. Tony isn’t a particularly empathetic person on a good day and today definitely hasn’t been one of those. Still, the last time he left this job to Steve he had to pay a couple of thousand dollars for proprietary damage. Although he can technically afford it, Tony prefers to keep his home intact for as long as possible. There are enough villains blowing it up when they feel like it already, he doesn’t need his own team to do it too.

“Alright then.”

Tony takes another few steps towards Barnes and pointedly sits down on the floor, trying very hard not to think about the disadvantages of this position, should his plan fail and the Winter Soldier lash out again. It won’t be pretty, that much he knows for sure, but Tony has never been good at following his common sense.

Tony is an inventor at heart, making leaps and taking chances is in his nature. It’s the only way to keep moving forward. That’s all he is doing right now, or so Tony tries to tell his pounding heart, and really, when has fear ever kept him from doing what needs to be done?

“Barnes!” Tony calls out, tone firm but free of any aggression. Unsurprisingly Barnes tenses anyways, eyes snapping towards the potential threat with lethal sharpness, but that’s to be expected. As long as he isn’t outright attacking, Tony is going to count it as a victory.

Steve doesn’t seem to share his assessment.

“Tony!”, he hisses, in equal parts confused and annoyed. “What do you think you’re-“

“Shut up, Cap,” Tony commands pleasantly, unwilling to risk alienating Barnes in his current state. He doesn’t have a death wish, thank you very much. Tony promptly proceeds to ignore the spluttering Captain America, who’s thankfully stumbled a couple of steps back and is no longer in Barnes’ direct line of sight. Instead Tony focuses on Barnes, forces himself to hold the man’s scarily intense gaze.

“Barnes,” he calls out again, as commanding as he dares, and Tony has never believed in all that windows of the soul bullshit but right now he swears he can see the ongoing fight in Barnes’ eyes, can read the desperation in the icy shade of blue. Or maybe Tony is hallucinating. He really should have eaten that sandwich JARVIS keeps nagging him about. “Tell me five things you see.”

“Five- Tony, what-“

“I said shut up, Rogers. Barnes!” Tony repeats beseechingly, voice hardening in spite of himself. “Tell me five things you see.”

Barnes blinks, brows furrowing. “I- you,” he forces the word out as though it causes him physical pain, breath heavy and chest heaving.

Tony nods in encouragement, holding up four fingers with his left hand and watching as Barnes’ gaze fixates itself on the digits for a moment before he visibly forces himself to glance around the room.

“Door,” Barnes continues slowly. The intonation sounds off, as though he only half remembers how to say the letters out loud. It makes Tony wonder if it’s easier for Barnes to recall his Russian vocabulary in his current state instead of the English one or if that would make the panic worse.

“Wall,” is Barnes’ next word. Tony’s only holding up two fingers now and it looks like they are on the right track after all. But then Barnes’ gaze flickers towards Steve and what little calm the distraction has managed to impair on him is swallowed up in a wave of pure fear.

Tony sees the exact moment it happens, the way the panic-stricken face slackens and wide eyes narrow in calculation, as easy as a switch that has been flipped. He’s scrambling backwards before he knows it, well-aware that he isn’t going to make it out of the room alive if the Winter Soldier so desires and frantically hoping he doesn’t, because Jesus Christ Pepper is going to be pissed if he leaves her alone with his mess of a company.

Thankfully Steve tackles the Winter Soldier to the ground before they get the chance to find out what assassins do when left unsupervised with fragile, human billionaires. Not so thankfully the Winter Soldier doesn’t take the attack lying down. Tony is getting sick real fast of renovating his living quarters because the modified members of the team lack the necessary control over their superior strength in a fight.

It’s time to take a more active approach to the Barnes Situation, Tony decides and watches with a wince as Barnes’ slams Steve’s head into—or through, it’s hard to tell from his current vantage point—the TV.

“JARVIS, initiate the Big Brother Protocol.”

A week of uncomfortably close observation of all the comings and goings and interactions in his Tower has taught Tony the following facts:

One, Steve is one hell of an amazing friend. The dedication the guy shows is honestly ridiculous and Tony wouldn’t have believed it could be found in real life if he hadn’t watched the evidence on tape. Multiple times.

Two, Barnes is all kinds of fucked in the head. Which isn’t surprising, never mind that it would be hypocritical of Tony of all people to demand sanity of his guests. Still. Tony has been informed about the seventy years of brainwashing part in the man’s CV but there is a difference between knowing it and seeing it.

Three, Steve is completely, utterly hopeless when it comes to dealing with Barnes’ panic attacks.

It is based on these three conclusions that Tony plans his next move.

“Sir,” JARVIS interrupts Tony’s recalculation of the maximum amount of storage he can put into his newest Starkphone mini, “Mr. Barnes is showing symptoms of high emotional distress identical to his usual behaviour patterns in the first stages of a panic attack.”

“Excellent!” Tony claps his hand because it’s been three weeks and he’s started to worry that Steve will never leave his BFF’s side long enough for the man to have an attack without Cap there to make it worse. Then he promptly winces, realising exactly how terrible that sounds. In Tony’s defence though, neither Barnes’ mental state nor Steve’s ability to calm the guy down have have shown any signs of improving.

“Have you notified Cap?”

“As per your request, I have refrained from doing so.” There is no mistaking the disapproval in the AI’s voice, though it has most likely less to do with locking Steve out and more with the rest of Tony’s plan.

“Right,” Tony is already at the door of the workshop and heading towards the elevator, far too used to ignoring JARVIS’ possibly very legitimate concern. “Let’s do this.”

“Sir, are you sure this is wise?”

“Probably not,” Tony admits with a shrug, “But when have I ever let that stop me? Now get me to our snow princess, J.”

There is one moment, right when he steps out of the elevator, where Tony honestly considers abandoning the plan and hiding in his workshop until Steve comes back. Barnes isn’t his problem after all.

Then Tony meets startled blue eyes from across the room and remembers that self-preservation has never been his strong suit for a reason. And really, what is life without a couple of near death experiences?

“You look like shit,” are the first words out of Tony’s mouth and something akin to a smirk withers away on Barnes’ lips before it has the chance to blossom into a full expression.

If anything the words are an understatement. Physically speaking Barnes is taller and broader than Tony but the way he’s currently sinking into himself makes him look brittle, like a harsh slap on the shoulder might break something worse than bones. Barnes’ lips are bitten raw to the point where Tony can make out smeared blood on rapidly healing skin. He is pale, to the point where his skin looks almost grey and his eyes are hazy and restless and so hunted.

Against his better knowledge Tony takes a step towards the curled up man. The motion causes Barnes’ head to snap around, body forced out of the vulnerable position so quickly Tony is sure he must have pulled a muscle or two, and suddenly prey is the last thing the man in front of him radiates. Tony freezes in his place, hands lifted reflexively. Barnes doesn’t attack though, for all that his eyes are void of humanity, and the faint tremor in his hands assures Tony that he hasn’t lost the man completely yet.

“Barnes,” Tony says, a statement and a question in one.

Barnes snarls, a terrible, biting sound and that’s it, Tony knows it, he’s done for. Only Barnes doesn’t close in on him, doesn’t attack. His hands are clenched so tightly by his side, they seem to vibrate with tension though.

“Leave,” Barnes forces the word out between gritted teeth, his focus on Tony slipping for a moment before it returns with the single-mindedness of a hunter narrowing in on its target.

Barnes still fighting the programming, the command is proof enough of that, but from the gasping breaths and sweat gathering on his forehead it’s easy to tell Barnes isn’t going to win this one.

Tony has no intention of letting it get that far.

“Tell me the first five things you can see,” he commands gently. It’s a tone he’s been practicing with a first aid instructor after the last time, supposed to be effective when dealing with people in shock. There’s no reason the same doesn’t apply for brainwashed, enhanced soldiers from the forties, or so Tony hopes.

Barnes’ eyes are flickering again, trying to take in everything at once as his body sags a little, looses some of the unnatural straightness to curl into itself again.

“You’re alright,” Tony continues, tries to keep his voice even and firm the way he has been taught. “You know what to do, you’ve done it before. Look around and tell me the first five things you see.”

For a long moment Barnes doesn’t respond. Doesn’t show any sign of having heard Tony in the first place. Then, Barnes tilts his head sideways, opens his mouth and speaks. It’s a single word, or at least Tony assumes it is, an unrecognisable, garbled mess of a sound.

It’s hard to tell if it’s some sort of wordless yell or Barnes’ attempt at doing as he’s told. But before Tony has the chance to make up his mind, Barnes’ intent gaze finally breaks away from him and this time, when Barnes says “Lamp,” it’s almost the actual, English word.

Tony could hug the man if it wasn’t for the high probability of getting his neck snapped.

“Window,” continues Barnes, the pronunciation audibly harsher compared to how he usually talks. It makes Tony wonder what he considers his native language nowadays. English? Russian? German? Whatever else Hydra’s come up with over the years?

The last two words, “Table,” and “Apple,” come a bit faster. It doesn’t escape Tony’s notice though that Barnes’ eyes flicker back to him in between every word, checking. Whether for signs of displeasure or threatening movements Tony doesn’t know.

“Good,” he says immediately, unwilling to allow Barnes to get lost further in his own head than he already is. “You’re doing great. Now tell me four things you can hear.”

“Voice,” is the immediate response. It catches Tony off-guard for a second, unsure whether Barnes means him or whether there are other voices he should be worrying about. Another question to file away for later.

“Bru-Breath,” comes next, the word catching on Barnes’ tongue before he manages to wrestle it into submission.

He manages the next two words with little trouble and Tony feels the first tendrils of relief rising from the bottom of his stomach. Panic is a complicated thing, Tony knows that better than most people. There are lots of coping mechanisms people have come up with over the years, some more effective than others.

Counting things in an effort to anchor yourself to reality is one of Tony’s favourites. People are different though, and he knows there are others who don’t deal well with an assigned task they don’t see themselves capable of completing. He has once met a guy who has driven himself even deeper into the panic because of the pressure of the countdown. In comparison Barnes appears to do fine, all things considered.

“Tell me three things you can touch,” Tony says, unable to keep his rising confidence from seeping into his tone.

There’s a moment between “Wood,” and “Wool,” where it’s touch and go. Barnes’ visibly looses his focus again, breath picking up until it turns into wheezing pants instead.

Tony clings to the calm confidence he’s started to build up but keeps his encouragement to a simple “Focus onto the cloth in your hand,”, worried that too much noise may do more harm than good.

Barnes hands clench and unclench again, perhaps a habit, perhaps an subconscious desire to reach for his weapons. He rips his sweatshirt beyond saving but manages a choked, “Carpet,” which is a decent trade as far as Tony is concerned.

Two things Barnes can smell end up being “Sweat,” and “Coffee beans.” Both are a fair assessment and Tony doesn’t succeed at hiding the proud smile that occupies his lips without permission at the fact that Barnes is starting to use longer words.

He leads Barnes through a small detour of “six red things in this room,” and “four blue ones,” just to be on the safe side. Only when the tension in Barnes’ shoulders abates, his body reflexively uncurling again and one of his answers ends up being “that fuckin’ lamp Sam never switches off,” does Tony deem it time to end the exercise with one last “Alright, now tell me one thing you can taste.”

Barnes winces at that one, a shadow flashing across the pale face that lets Tony know without doubt he’s made a mistake. The other man remains calm though, the white-knuckled fists by his side the only physical sign of his distress.

“Blood,” is all he says, blue eyes clear but filled with an anguish that is far too human, and Tony knows better than to ask if he means his own.

For a long moment after, the only sound to be heard in the room are their combined breaths. Tony is still standing right in front of the elevator, Barnes now more leant than curled against the wall he’s chosen to hide behind. The silence wraps itself around them like a heavy blanket, warm but stifling in a way that makes Tony’s skin itch.

Surprisingly it’s Barnes who breaks the quiet first.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he mutters, brows furrowing when Tony limits his response to a single question, accompanied by a pointed glance.

“Because you were doing just fine on your own?” The words are dripping with the kind of honeyed mockery Tony should know better than to direct at an enhanced assassin. They come as easy as breathing all the same.

“I could have killed you!” And there it is, a rare glimpse at the rage, the fury that has nothing to do with the savage survival instinct of the Winter Soldier. An emotion purely Barnes that is usually buried too deep under guilt and self-hatred for Barnes to recognise it as such.

“So could Pepper on a war path, those damn aliens or my own liver,” Tony snorts. “Get off your horse, snowflake, you’re not that special.”

“You’re the most infuriating man I’ve ever met!” Barnes growls. Honest to god growls.

“But you haven’t killed me yet,” Tony replies without thought and resolutely suppresses a wince when his words catch up with him. Maybe this is cruel but Tony has never been one to shy away from the truth just because it makes for an ugly picture. “I’ll take what I can get.”

Barnes stays out of sight the next day, but freshly brewed cups of coffee and a variety of Tony’s favourite snacks make it a habit to appear out of nowhere in the most convenient places.

It’s not a thank you exactly. As far as Tony is concerned, it’s better.

For all that Barnes is scarily talented at evading Tony, it takes less than three days for them to stumble into each other again.

It’s a coincidence, but considering Barnes is moments away from turning into a blood-thirsty nightmare and Steve is nowhere to be seen, it’s probably a good one. Tony certainly doesn’t hesitate kneeling down, just shy out of the man’s reach, to make himself useful once more.

It’s not as easy as the last time, if dealing with Barnes stuck between blind panic and ferocious aggression can be called easy at all. Barnes keeps rocking himself back and forth, muttering indiscernible words in Russian. He’s half-gone but still hitting the wall at random intervals, yelling out numbers and single words as though they will somehow give him the strength to endure the maelstrom of blackened feelings swirling behind frightened, blue eyes.

Truth is, Barnes is rapidly losing it. He knows it. Tony knows it. JARVIS probably knows it as well. Barnes keeps fighting though, not giving up an inch for free, and that, right there, is something Tony respects. Too bad it doesn’t change that he needs to get out of here right now, before he shares the fate of his last four TVs.

Despite that Tony hesitates. Because Tony doesn’t like the thought of giving up any more than Barnes does and it’s that reckless determination that drives him to impulsively answer Barnes’ mumbling with the only command he can think of which Barnes might actually recognise.

All of Barnes.

“Cтоп!” Tony calls out sharply and hopes, wills himself to believe this will work. And Barnes freezes, caught off-guard for the first time.

It still takes a lot of counting, Barnes breaking a table and punching three holes into the wall before they’re done, but by the end of it Tony is alive and Barnes is sane again. Or as close to sane as he ever is these days.

Just like the last time Barnes doesn’t thank Tony but neither does he lash out. Instead he closes his eyes and runs a shaky hand through his tangled hair, the picture of hopeless exhaustion.

“I didn’t know you speak Russian, Stark,” Barnes mutters eventually, voice pitched two degrees softer than when Tony has to talks him down. It’s the first time Barnes has used his name, so Tony decides to cut him some slack.

“That’s because I don’t, Barnes.”

Barnes blinks at him, lips twitching like they want to form a smile or a question but have forgotten how. In the end he doesn’t ask and Tony is content to simply sit on the ground and enjoy the feeling of his still beating heart. Besides it’s not even a lie. Four words—Stop and three much less polite ones—hardly make up a language.

Tony suspects it might be time to change that though.

It becomes a regular thing. Tony has JARVIS monitor Barnes for signs of distress, this time with the man’s knowledge and implied permission, and when possible does his best to help Barnes calm down. Sometimes he comes too late. Sometimes it works better than others. Sometimes Steve is there and Tony’s living room turns into a battlefield.

The problem with regular things is, you get used to them. Sure, Tony knows the danger every time he approaches Barnes but it’s less distinctive, becomes a familiar awareness instead. And with every time he watches Barnes slowly wrestle his escalating emotions back under control, Tony learns more.

He learns when Barnes needs verbal guidance and when it’s best to back off and hope for the best. He learns how to tell when Barnes is safe to touch and when he needs to add another round of questions just to be sure. Learns that Barnes appreciates cutting jokes and dark humour once the edge has been taken off. Learns that speaking Russian is fine as well, as long as Barnes has a clear sight of Tony when he does it.

And so maybe Tony doesn’t just get used to dealing with Barnes’ panic attacks. He also gets used to dealing with Barnes. Spending time with him. Being comfortable in his presence.

Things grow from there.

When he has the time to spare, Tony hangs around for a time, even after Barnes is back to himself again. To keep an eye on him, in the beginning at least. And maybe to get some dirt on the Capsicle too.

The point is, they talk. Not always. Certainly not a lot. Sometimes all Barnes does is stare at a wall, eyes so dead Tony wonders if he’s really doing the man a favour by keeping his murderous side at bay. But on other days, Barnes lets things slip. Or asks a question. Or listens.

It starts with a “What’s a LOL?” here and a “I don’t like people touching the arm,” there. Barnes isn’t a good talker by any means, but Tony knows how to fill unwelcome silences and keep up meaningless chatter when the situation calls for it. He rants about stakeholders, board members and politicians, and complains about Steve’s tendency to clean up after him even though Tony is an adult perfectly capable of looking after himself.

“Or hiring your own cleaning stuff,” Barnes interrupts his rant, with less scorn and more humour than one might expect. Tony can’t help but beam at the other man at that, because Barnes has just made his first joke in Tony’s presence and that’s progress. Admittedly, they’ll have to work on the smiling part, but baby steps.

“It still counts!” Tony cries indignantly instead, gratified when Barnes’ smile becomes a shade more genuine.

The inevitable happens eventually.

Of course it does. Counting shit, as Barnes likes to call it, can be a surprisingly effective distraction technique. Especially considering how simple it really is. It is not a miracle cure however and can only do so much to combat a decade-old drill response.

“Sir!” JARVIS calls out, a pointless warning for all that it is part of the emergency protocols.

One moment Barnes watches Tony working on his suit and the next his features blank out. Like a switch that has been flipped the man changes, eager curiosity turning into cool calculation.

The workshop goes into lockdown before Tony has fully processed what's happening. It’s part of the security protocols he has personally installed—because they have all agreed that the only thing worse than Barnes on a killing spree is him not being contained in the Tower whilst on it.

On the bright side, Tony is confident Barnes won’t be able to escape the workshop. With his more recent designs added, it takes far more than enhanced strength to break down his doors. Of course Tony has never planned to be locked in with the man, should he loose control like this.

Which has apparently been an oversight on his part.

Alarms must be ringing all over the Tower by now, but here, behind the thick, sound-proofed walls, the only sound to be heard are the comforting beeps of Tony's machines and whirrs of metal. Help won’t come, won’t even be let through. This time there won’t be a Cap to fight the Winter Soldier until Barnes comes back to himself.

Careful not to make any sudden movements, Tony slowly puts the hammer down onto the table. Then, against all instincts, he turns his back on the suit to faces Barnes instead. He hasn’t spent the last weeks coaching this man on how to handle his panic attacks to fight him to death now, dammit.

There must be something wrong with him to feel this anger instead of fear, Tony considers absently, then dismisses the irrelevant thought. Focusing on the Winter Soldier, who has by some miracle not yet moved, instead chooses to appraise Tony from a distance, seems far more important.

And honestly, Tony has forgotten how striking the differences between this guy and the Barnes he has come to know are. It’s in the way he stands, broad shoulders drawn back and spine straightened with steel. A posture built on pride and confidence, two things Barnes decidedly lacks. It’s in the tilt of his head, lowered but not bowed. A fortress not built so overwhelm as much as to endure whatever enemy it may face. And then here is the sharpness to the Soldier’s eyes that makes them appear lighter, almost colourless, in the brightly lit workshop, and all the more lethal for it.

Then the Winter Soldier speaks, gruff and throaty but still recognisable as Barnes' voice on its most fundamental level.

“Вы не укладчик.”

You are no handler.

It could be anything, from accusation to compliment. The Winter Soldier’s countenance is free of any cues and it’s this, the complete lack of aggression, that makes Tony answer honestly. He's suddenly very glad to have invested some time into improving his Russian.

“Верный,” Tony agrees. He wonders how much of Barnes’ knowledge the Soldier has access to. How much of it he is capable of understanding.

The Soldier’s gaze dances across the room almost lazily, but Tony doesn’t doubt that he’s memorising every little detail. The Soldier still hasn’t attacked though. Instead an eerily calm aura has settled around the man, a thin layer of pretence trying to cover the rumbling beast within, and just as reassuring. Tony has a hard time deciding whether or not he should worry about that.

“You create,” the Soldier comments, gaze sweeping over the half-dismantled armour. The words aren't phrased as a question and it's this certainty that steals a derisive laugh from Tony’s throat before he remembers himself.

“I don’t create,” Tony sneers, unprepared for how easily this man, who is and isn’t Barnes, gets under his skin, brings memories of missiles and drones and ashes alive, along with every emotion attached to them. “I burn.”

For a long moment the Winter Soldier stares at Tony, as if to measure his sincerity.

Then, he smiles.

It’s biting and feral and blood-thirsty, and in all likelihood the single most terrifying thing Tony has ever witnessed. It’s also the first time he has seen Barnes’ face smile at all and it’s beautiful.

“Good,” the Soldier states. He sounds like he means it.

Tony spends the next hours pondering those words, cursing all his life choices up to this point and eventually continuing his work whilst pretending he doesn’t share the room with a trigger-happy assassin. Glacial, blue eyes watch him silently.

After The Incident, as Tony likes to refer to his encounter with Winter Soldier, Barnes goes back to avoiding him again. Which, whatever. It’s not like Tony misses hanging out with the man or anything. They have barely spent any time together outside of their little pseudo therapy chats, it would be pathetic of him to consider Barnes a friend because of it.

Not that Tony doesn’t see Barnes because the other man stops by every once in a while. In a manner of speaking.

It seems that the Winter Soldier has decided stalking Tony is a rewarding way to spend his free time and he makes it a point to drop by whenever possible. And if Tony just happens to be in a highly secured room beyond the Soldier’s reach or someone stands in his way? Well. He makes his displeasure known. Loudly.

As it turns out, one is never too old for a temper tantrum.

The funny thing is, when he gets his way the Soldier doesn’t actually do anything. He just stays in the corner of the workshop that has unofficially been declared as his and watches Tony tirelessly, sometimes for hours to no end. When Tony leaves the ‘shop, the Soldier follows in his shadow, observes movies and dinners from the sidelines. He doesn't participate, doesn't interact with anyone, just stays in Tony's shadow like it's the most comfortable place to be.

The first time the Soldier dropped by he almost gave Tony a heart attack, the engineer having been caught up too far in his own head to notice JARVIS’ warnings, but by now he has gotten used to the constant presence looming at his back. More than is probably wise.

What is much harder to get used to is the way the Soldier becomes Barnes again, a change too subtle to pick up on until it has already been completed. Sometimes Tony is too distracted to notice and Barnes simply disappears in the background with remarkable similarity to his other self. On days like today though, Tony has the questionable pleasure of watching the process first hand. It starts with the slumping posture and drawn together eyebrows, the unhappy turn of the corners of Barnes’ mouth as he takes in his surroundings.

At least there is no more panic and shock over where he is. Barnes has probably gotten used to this as much as Tony has. But the way Barnes immediately turns on his heels is still a bitter pill to swallow. It’s stupid, but Tony is tired of seeing the other man walk away from him.

“Barnes,” he calls out, gratified when Barnes pauses, shoulders tense, one hand already stretched out towards the door handle. Barnes doesn’t turn around but when Tony forcefully clears his throat in the silence stretching between them, he finds himself thankful for not having to face the man.

“You’re welcome here,” Tony ends up saying, voice a fraction too raw to hit the casual note he has been aiming for. “All of you is.”

Tony doubts Barnes believes him but it needs to be said. There are a lot of things that need to be said and they have to start somewhere.

“’S not wearing off,” Barnes says out of the blue, breaking the comfortable quiet they’ve fallen into.

It’s been a less intense panic attack, as far as Tony can judge. Barnes had calmed down almost all on his own, by the time Tony joined him, but that hasn’t stopped Tony from slipping back into the familiar role of the coach without a thought to their recent difficulties.

Now that Barnes is sitting on the ground, back against the wall and palms pressed flatly against the ground, focusing on him is no longer appropriate and Tony, who never lacks the words to talk about nothing, finds himself floundering.

“What do you mean?” he asks in a low voice, wary of breaking the unspoken truce.

“The freak-outs,” Barnes shrugs, the motion so slight it’s barely there. “The programming.”

Here he sighs, the action carrying a resignation that stems from somewhere deep within his very soul and leaves Tony feeling strangely like the air has been sucked out of his lungs. Turning his head sideways and allowing it to rest against his shoulder, Barnes’ fixates his vacant stare on a blank spot on the wall to Tony’s left and just- sags.

“Him.”

Tony doesn’t need to ask whom Barnes is talking about. He wants to though, because then at least he would have something to say instead of scrambling for words that refuse to come. When exactly has anyone seen it fit to turn him into a psychologist for traumatised ex-prisoners of war?

“It might help if you’d stop running away from everything,” ends up being what he says and Tony doesn’t need to see Barnes’s face to know that this is not how you comfort people. It’s too late to take the words back now though, so Tony plunges on like he always does. “You’ve got Capsicle and Sam watching your back. You’ve got SI’s doctors and the best brainwashing experts money can find at your service any time you want.”

“Stop!” Barnes hisses but Tony refuses to listen now that he has gotten into the swing of it, glares right back instead.

“No, I won’t!” he snaps, frustration, helplessness and the arctic but still too warm eyes of the man everything boils down to pushing the words he’s been biting back since Steve has first dragged Barnes through his door months ago finally forward. “Those panic attacks you’ve been experiencing for months, they aren’t just magically gonna disappear. Maybe they never will but sitting around, worrying over the next one won’t do shit! You need to deal with it. Find your triggers, learn to work around them, figure out loopholes, sources of comfort, whatever it takes. But stop your fucking pity party and do something!”

By the end of his rant, Tony is left breathless by the force of his own emotions. His simmering anger though has nothing on Barnes, who jumps to his feet in one fluid motion, whirls around and slams his fists against the wall so hard Tony thinks he can hear the bones break.

“I can’t!” Barnes screams. Then, quieter, a wounded sound fuelled by an entangled mess of agony and fury, “I can’t.”

The defeated aura clinging to Barnes like a heavy cloak that drags his head deeper under water is unbearable.

“Nobody expects you to be fine,” Tony states eventually, unable to cling to his own anger in the face of such unconditional capitulation, yet equally unable to accept it. “You have been the longest prisoner of war ever recorded. You have been tortured, experimented on, brainwashed and frozen alive. You have been used and abused for decades. That would change anyone and the fact that it’s changed you is no mark against you, do you understand that? Because you know what, Barnes?”

Tony’s body moves almost against his own will, and it’s the first time Tony is glad for his comparatively unimpressive height. It allows him to duck under Barnes’ arms and force frosty eyes to meet his own.

“You survived. You went through an unspeakable hell and you made it out alive.” The words hold the unshakeable conviction of someone who has been there, someone who has been remade not in ice but fire, but remade all the same. “You were strong enough to make it through everything Hydra threw at you. That’s how I know you’re strong enough to pick up the pieces now that you’re free.”

“Barnes,” Tony grabs a hold of the man’s broad shoulders and is at the same time surprised and unsurprised when Barnes doesn’t pull away from his touch, “You don’t need us. You don’t need me. You don’t need Steve or Sam or a world-class psychiatrist. But we’re here and we’re willing to help if you want us to.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’ve got a real reputation for seeking help, Stark,” Barnes scoffs.

He hasn’t pushed Tony away yet though, and that is something.

“I didn’t say you have to get help, I said it’s there if you want it,” Tony corrects, refusing to rise to the bait. “You’ve been running from everything since you got away from Hydra and I don’t blame you for that. No one would. But this can’t be all you’re doing for the rest of your life. You’re not with Hydra anymore, Barnes! There are no handlers, there are no orders, and if I’ve got anything to say about it there never will be. You’re free. You have options now, and you need to learn how to use them.”

Barnes averts his eyes but not before Tony notices the bright shine in them. He doesn’t comment on the way Barnes’ hands cling to his forearms strong enough to leave bruises either.

“I-“ Barnes voice trails off then and his grip tightens just a little, forcing Tony to press his lips shut to keep the pained hiss from escaping.

“I remember Bucky,” Barnes chokes out eventually and there is a kind of desperation etched into his expression that belies the oh so simple words. “But I don’t remember being him.” The confession is hesitant, soft almost, but there is no mistaking the shame, the hopelessness in Barnes’ eyes.

Tony swallows, his throat suddenly too dry and his eyes too wet, as though his body fluids have forgotten where they belong. He gets it then, the way Barnes’ shies away from Steve’s attempts to reconcile, the way he avoids anything referring to his life pre-Hydra.

Still.

“You don’t really need to remember him though, do you?” Tony’s question appears to startle Barnes but Tony doesn’t let that deter him. “I mean, who really remembers exactly what kind of person they were five years ago, never mind sixty. It’s who you are now that matters, who you’ll be tomorrow that you should focus on.”

Because when it comes down to it, Tony has and always will be a futurist.

“And how do you suggest I go on a fucking self-discovery trip that with the damn programming stuck in my head?” Barnes demands, anger at ready once again.

“Woah, calm down!” Tony raises his hands. “I know you hate the Soldier but have you ever considered that maybe he isn’t as Hydra as you think he is?”

Silence.

This is why I don’t usually play Dr. Phil, Tony thinks in resignation. He decidedly did not mean to say that particular thought out loud. It’s just a theory, a suspicion that has been growing ever since that first time Tony has faced the Winter Soldier and come out of it without a scratch.

Barnes stumbles backwards as if he’s been slapped, eyes wide and filled with horror. “What-“

“Alright, stop!” Tony interrupts hurriedly before Barnes can work himself into a full-blown rage. “That came out wrong. It’s just, we’ve all worked under the assumption that the Soldier is the programming. Hydra’s ultimate creation, if you will. But we’ve never found any files confirming that assumption and I don’t know about you but if my evil organisation invented a way to slip a second persona I can shape however I want into someone else’s mind, I definitely would have kept the data,” Tony rambles.

“What are you trying to say?” Going from the dread in Barnes’ voice he already knows.

Tony licks his lips, feeling suddenly nervous under Barnes’ intense stare, so eerily similar to the Winter Soldier’s behaviour. Of course if what Tony suspects is true that doesn’t come as a surprise.

“I think we should consider the possibility that the Hydra didn’t create the Soldier at all. You did.”

This time, when the Soldier surfaces, he is anything but docile.

Tony wakes up with a headache bad enough to justify the private hospital room he finds himself in. His thoughts are scattered and foggy, which is why it takes him almost two minutes to come up with a viable reason for the Disappointed Frown Steve is gracing him with from where he sits in the visitor chair.

Right. Barnes. The Soldier. Shit.

“I’m guessing you aren’t here to congratulate me for my continued survival, are you?” Tony jokes with a bleak grin, dimmed by pain and sadness.

“Tony.”

The exasperated disappointment a single word can convey is amazing.

“I take it Snow White pulled a disappearing act again.”

“Tony.”

“Thought so.”

Tony closes his eyes and tries to blend out the world around him to the best of his abilities. Sadly Steve is much too stubborn to give up that easily.

“JARVIS gave me a quick run down but he wouldn’t let us watch the footage. Tony, what did you say to Bucky?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” A smile that holds nothing but teeth hushes over Tony’s face. “Something he didn’t like to hear.”

Tony stares at the package on the table with something approaching deep resentment.

The package appears entirely unmoved.

It’s been delivered two hours ago, close to thirty-two hours after Barnes has knocked Tony out and dropped of the map, and Tony fights the urge to burn the damn thing like his pride demands. Because he knows exactly what he will find should he open it. Stress balls. Twenty-one, to be exact. In an assortment of different colours and materials, just to be save.

They are just an idea, like so many others. Like his damn theory. But it hasn’t escaped Tony’s notice that Barnes’ fingers continue to twitch every once in a while, like he needs to get a hold of something that is no longer there.

So. Stress balls.

It’s a silly idea, stupid really. Not that it matters anymore with Barnes gone, no thanks to Tony.

He kicks the package into a free corner of his workshop and tries to concentrate on the newest report from R&D instead.

It’s a little after two in the morning when Tony stumbles through his abandoned living area. Steve is hunting down a cold trail somewhere in Iowa and Sam has a weirdly regular sleeping schedule for a superhero, so it’s quiet.

Whatever. It’s not like Tony is in the mood for company.

He takes a sip from his glass of very expensive scotch instead, closes his eyes and allows the slight burn in the back of his throat to take off the edge of the stress the last few days have brought him.

“You can join me, you know,” Tony says without bothering to open his eyes. Then, as an afterthought, “You really need to stop running off like this. Breaks Cap’s heart every time.”

There is no response, no sound to be heard at all, but when he finally does look, Tony isn’t surprised to find Barnes sitting on the love seat across the table like he has never left in the first place.

A couple of minutes pass in companionable silence as Tony savours his drink and Barnes watches him with an unreadable expression. It’s only after Tony sets down the glass for the final time that he finally speaks.

“I’m sorry.”

Barnes blinks, clearly not having expected that but Tony isn’t finished yet.

“I don’t regret what I said but I should have handled it better, not just thrown all that baggage at you and especially not out of anger.” Tony holds Barnes’ gaze, wants him to realise how serious he is. Because he has had lots of time in the last week to replay their conversation and whatever the right way to broach a topic like that is, the way he did it wasn’t it. And Tony should have known that.

“I have a tendency to do things like this, push too far too fast.” And isn’t that the truth? “But it wasn’t fair of me to just load all this crap I’ve kept bottling up onto you.”

When Barnes just looks increasingly like a deer caught in the headlights, helpless in the face of an apology of all things, Tony decides to hand the poor guy an easy out. Before they repeat the abrupt end of their last talk, because Tony really, really doesn’t want to explain to Captain America how he lost his best friend again.

“Of course you knocked me out afterwards, so I figure we’re pretty much even now.”

That at least gets him something approaching a smile. It’s a tiny, flickering thing, gone mere seconds later, but it’s real.

For a moment Tony considers continuing their last conversation. The thought of having someone to share Bruce’s and his theories of the supersoldier serum with, of his ideas regarding the Soldier’s existence and all their implications, is certainly enticing. On a less logical level though Tony is well aware that Barnes may not be the best person to discuss these things with. Not yet at least.

Maybe some day.

“So,” Tony drawls, “You’re here to stay?”

It comes out a lot more like a question than he intends but when Barnes gives a short nod, Tony doesn’t find it in himself to care.

“Great!” he scrambles to his feet with more energy than Tony has felt in a while. “Follow me, I’ve got something for you.”

Tony does his best to hide it but when Barnes falls into step beside him, an uncomfortably tight knot in his chest finally eases.

That night Tony falls asleep with a gentle smile on his face as a shadow with glacial eyes watches over him.

The sad thing is that, for all his genius, Tony doesn’t notice the developing pattern that follows Barnes’ return at all. Oh, he notices the small things, the incidents and shared moments, but he’s too close to the situation, too involved, to take a step back and look at the entire picture. Or perhaps he is simply too obvious.

Steve and Sam aren’t.

For Steve’s heightened senses it’s hard not to pick up on the way Bucky keeps counting under his breath sometimes or begins to tap a rhythm on a nearby surface at random times. There is no apparent reason for those actions as far as Steve can tell, except that they somehow help Bucky calm down—and never fail to make Tony smile when he notices them.

It’s Sam who first notices that Tony has stopped calling Bucky ‘Barnes’ and instead seems to prefer a variety of nicknames ranging from snowflake, Snow White and Jimmy The Second all the way to sugar cake and rainbow-flavoured muffin heart. Ridiculous nicknames is something Tony is known for though, which is why Sam doesn’t think much of it.

The same can’t be said for the first time Bucky calls Tony sunshine.

In fact, once he processes it, Sam promptly chokes on Natasha’s favourite tea whilst Steve stares at his old friend like he has just revealed a magical cure to every sickness imaginable. Natasha raises a single eyebrow at them and asks what exactly they thought the term cолнышко the Winter Soldier prefers when referring to Tony means.

Sam wisely doesn’t point out that pet names have been the furthest thing on his mind where the Winter Soldier is concerned.

It is around that time that the touching starts. A light hand on Bucky’s arm to keep him calm and centred where Tony used to keep his physical distance. An excited half-hug after a scientific breakthrough and less than three hours sleep the previous night. It’s not overt exactly and Steve wouldn’t have thought all that much of it, if not for the fact that it doesn’t seem to make a difference whether it is Bucky or the Soldier who is in control. Not a difference for Tony at least, who reaches out to either one without hesitation. It is around that time that Steve starts researching a topic SHIELD’s modern day introduction has only briefly covered: the LGBT+ community. Clint, Sam and Natasha meanwhile continue placing their bets.

It’s the falling asleep that really stands out to Sam. Because Tony seems to put a lot of effort into always being as loud and energised as possible, and so of course everyone notices when their resident genius falls asleep at the dinner table or during movie night. That doesn’t mean it’s a common occurrence. But when it happens Tony always and without fail falls asleep on Bucky. Or curled around him. Or by his side.

And Bucky, Sam can’t help but grin, makes it his personal mission to ensure nobody disturbs Tony’s sleep. Clint has tried to play a prank on Tony one time and never again, and even Natasha makes it a point to stay out of their way.

When Bucky eventually joins them on missions, there is an unspoken rule not to mention how their enemies have a way of dying mysteriously and very violently when they come too close to Iron Man or the Winter Soldier. Not to forget the flirting over the comm lines, which, coming from Tony Stark and Bucky Barnes, is exactly as subtle as you would expect.

There are days where Sam wants to shake the two most stubborn, obvious men he has ever met—and that is saying something, considering he is friends with Steve Rogers—but then. Then he watches the Soldier squeeze a small stress ball in his hand with a focused expression that wouldn’t be out of place on a battle field. Observes Tony’s brilliant smile as he talks about improving the durability of the material. Sees Bucky whisper a quiet “Cпите мой пучик,” into the dozing engineer’s hair. And Sam can’t bring himself to say anything at all.

They’ll figure it out, he thinks with a surge of exasperated affection. Eventually.

It’s done. *lets out deep, relieved sigh* I hope you guys enjoyed it!

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