#ive been feeling so fucking anxious today

[fikefries]

wisdom; matt sturniolo

summary: you had to get your wisdom teeth out, but with your extreme phobia of needles, it wasnt going to be easy. luckily your boyfriend matt and his brothers stick by your side the entire time.

warnings: needles, mentions of rapid breathing, dentists, anaesthesia

the day had come. the day you had been dreading for weeks.

you had to get your wisdom teeth out.

normally, you werent such a wuss, you handled pain and hospitals well.

but needles.

you couldnt stand the sight of needles. their pricky ends and shiny surface making you feel lightheaded at the sight of them.

thats what make you so nervous for today, the part where they had to stab your arm with a huge ass needle to get the IV in.

you were on the way to the dentists office, your boyfriend matt sitting in the drivers seat, your best friend chris in the passenger seat, while you and your bff nick sat together in the back.

all three of them knew of your phobia of needles, so they were trying their best to calm you down before you got there.

"no chris you dont understand, how can i 'chill out' knowing a huge fucking metal pointy thing is going to be stabbed directly into my goddamn bloodflow, have you seen the length of those fuckin needles?" i say to chris frustratedly as he tried to explain to me that it was no big deal.

chris sighed in defeat as he gave up on trying to reason with you.

my nerves were increasing by the second as we got closer and closer to the dentists office.

matt noticed your anxious state and pulled over at the last stop sign before you reached the dentists office. he turned around leaned back to face you, cupping your cheek with his hand, softly caressing your face in an attempt to comfort you and calm you down.

"listen baby, i know you're nervous- i know that alright? but you need to stay calm for me. ill be there with you the entire time okay? theres no need to worry or be scared, nothings going to happen to you. you have us by your side."

you felt nick rub a soothing hand over your back as chris added

"yeah y/n, dont worry if the needle hurts you ill beat it up" making punching motions with his fist.

you couldnt help but giggle at chris's attempt to lighten the mood.

"alright baby you ready to go in?" matt asked softly holding your hand tightly.

"ready" you sighed, knowing there was no getting out of this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the lights in the dentists office were blindingly bright white, forcing you to squint your eyes while you walked in. as you entered, you noticed all the dentist equipment sitting on the spotless metal counters, wires of different colours spread out all over the floor, connected to the dental bed.

the dentist was explaining the procedure to you, matt, nick and chris. but his words became more and more muffled in your brain as you look around the room. finally laying eyes on the needles.

matt sensed your change in demeanour as he noticed your breathing became increasingly rapid. he came up behind you, softly hugging your waist and moving you to the spot he was originally, blocking your eyes from the view of the needles. then wrapping an arm around you and tracing soft patterns on your shoulder while glancing at your face every few seconds to make sure you're not panicking, as you both continued to listen to the dentists explanation.

after the briefing about the procedure, it was time for it to actually happen. matt helped you up onto the dental bed, placing his hand on the back of your head to make sure you dont hit it as you lay back.

chris stood to the right of the bed, rubbing soothing circles on your shoulder

"you're gonna kill it y/n" he said supportingly

"yeah unless it kills me" you snorted, joking, making the boys giggle before returning to comforting you with small rubs and words of support whilst the dentist set up his equipment.

chris and nick left the room for a bit, wanting to give both you and the dentist space, as they knew it wouldnt be easy for you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it was time. time for the part you were dreading most. you stared at the long silver blade as the dentist filled it with the medicine that needed to be injected into you through the IV, matt standing beside the bed.

"hey- hey y/n, dont look at that, look at me okay." he said as he slowly moved your head towards him, trying to distract you from the needle.

"just look at me okay, youre doing so good baby im so proud of you."

you stared into matts big blue eyes as he gave you soft affirmations, how did you get so lucky?

matt saw the doctor getting ready to insert the needle into your skin, so he pulled your hoodie down to cover your eyes, and cradled your face into his tshirt, running his fingers through your hair, trying to distract you from what was about to come.

"you're doing so good for me baby, the worst parts almost over"

when you felt the cold metal pierce your skin, you leaned further into matt, trying not to embarrass yourself by whimpering or making any embarrassing sounds. as the needle was being pushed deeper in, you squeezed your eyes shut tightly.

"matttt" you groaned, on the verge of tears, muffled by his tshirt.

"i know baby, i know- youre almost done, you did amazing." he reassured you, holding your head into his shirt and smoothing down your hair while he watched you squirm in his embrace, his heart breaking at the sight.

once the IV was fully in, matt slowly loosened his grip on you, pulling you out of his embrace as you leaned back onto the bed, just then you heard the door open revealing chris and nick walking back in.

"you did it y/n!" chris exclaimed, placing a hand on your head

"we're so proud of you" nick added, patting his hand on your leg as reassurance

"that fuckin sucked" you slurred, the anaesthesia kicking in.

"ooh y/n's getting drowsy now, thats the anaesthesia kicking in" nick said

"how do you feel baby" matt asked rubbing your shoulder

"all i can feel is this fucking dumb bitchass needle in my goddamn arm" you replied, words slurring, making the boys break out into laughter at your choice of wording.

"well now the worsts part over baby, you faced your fear so well."

"hmmmm" you hummed in reply, feeling too drowsy to think

through your blurred vision you looked up at the 3 boys

"you guys look the same" you said

"matt.i love you so fuckin much" you added immediately without giving them time to reply

"and chris and nick i love you guys too"

the boys giggled at your sudden affection

"we love you too y/n" nick giggled

'you're so pretty matty" you admired, reaching your hand out to matt's face, making chris and nick giggle.

"you're the prettiest girl in the world baby, and i love you so much, but right now you gotta keep your hands down okay? if you keep your hands still we can get out of here faster and go get ice cream okay" matt retorted

"can we play ayesha erotica on the way home?" you asked innocently, looking up at matt with pleading eyes.

"yes y/n we can play ayesha erotica"

"i wanna go the fuck home" you said, before falling into a deep sleep due to the anaesthesia.

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outside the room

y/n was undergoing the procedure of getting her teeth taken out now, which means the boys had to leave the room.

"matt you do you feel" chris asked, throwing a shoulder around his brother, recording him on his iphone.

"im so proud of her, i know she was scared and i know she'd beeen feeling pain so its a relief that she was able to pull through and face her fears. i knew she could do it shes my girl." matt said to the phone

"thats adorable" nick giggled, before the doctor called them to come back in.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you were now fully awake, 4 teeth less than before, with gauze in your mouth and a frown on your face

"hi baby, you such an amazing job. im so fucking proud of you right now." matt said as he placed a soft kiss on your forehead, unable to wipe the smile off his face as he admired how cute you looked, mouth swollen, and filled with gauze that made your cheeks puffy, and an adorable frown on your forehead.

"youre crazy y/n, you made that look so easy" nick said rubbing your head.

"can we go home now please" you said grumpily, anaesthesia still now worn off.

"i want this fucking shit out of my body" you said referring to the IV in your arm, as you tried to yank it out.

"WOAH NO- NO Y/N YOU CANT PULL IT OUT" matt exclaimed worriedly.

"baby you need that in you, it helps you not feel the pain in your mouth."

"matt whats this" you asked sticking your tongue out

"thats your tongue baby"

"i cant feel it, or my lips, where are my lips?"

"theyre right here" matt replied as he gently pressed a finger to your lips, giving you the perfect oppurtunity to place a soft kiss on the pad of his finger, making him giggle,

"i want chipotle" you stated bluntly

"no- no chipotle, she cant have any hard foods that may get stuck in her mouth for atleast two weeks, stick to ice creams, soups and mashed potatoes." the dentist told matt, knowing you wouldnt be able to remember this information.

"heard that baby? ice cream and mashed potatoes- doesnt that sound great?"

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you got to leave the dentist in a wheelchair, which was pretty great.

once you got home, matt ordered you chicken noodle soup and fed it to you while you guys watched spongebob, then he cleaned and replaced your gauze, then helped you get changed and into bed, holding you tightly as you both drifted off into sleep.

you could not have asked for a better boyfriend than matthew sturniolo, you really hit the jackpot.

#matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x you #sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #christopher owen sturniolo #nate doe #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets x reader #sturniolo triplets smut

[tapesfrom1980]

first meet premiere , walker scobell x fem! actress reader

ps: for the dress, think greta lee’s oscars after party ‘24. this was so half assed i’m so sorry

“oh my god y/n!”

y/n grinned as she threw open the hotel room door to reveal her bestfriend, mckenna.

“look at you! you could walk on a runaway right now and no one would think you’re out of place.” mckenna gushed as she hugged her bestfriend.

“me? i feel like i should be bowing down at you just by being able to look at you!” y/n laughed as she pulled away from the hug.

it was the premiere night for ghostbusters: frozen empire. mckenna had invited a couple of her friends, including y/n. y/n knew she was extremely proud of the movie and wanted her loved ones there with her.

“i am so excited. i really hope you love the movie as much as i do.”

“i already know it’s gonna be amazing. thank you for inviting me.” y/n smiled warmly at the blonde girl.

“AND you’re gonna meet walker, aryan, charlie, leah, and dior. they’ve been so busy with the press but now you’ll be able to meet them! especially walker.” mckenna winked knowingly as she sat down on the hotel room bed.

y/n rolled her eyes playfully and sat down next to her. “i will actually hurt you if you try anything today mckenna.” mckenna feigned hurt and gasped dramatically.

“what ever are you talking about my dearest y/n? i would never do anything like that.” y/n bumped her shoulder jokingly.

“i’m excited to meet them though.” mckenna raised her eyebrows suggestively. “all of them mckenna.” y/n waved her off.

“besides, tonight is going to be all about you. i’m not focusing on some guy instead of my best friend.” y/n laid her head on the blonde girl’s shoulder.

“i know, but it would make me really happy if you guys finally talked.” mckenna laid her head on top of y/n’s. “i know you better than anyone y/n and i know you’re gonna have a good time with walker.”

y/n groaned dramatically but smiled.

“alright, alright. let’s get going.” y/n stood up and held out her hand for mckenna to grab.

“we are going to have. so. much. fun.”

-

“aryan! oh my gosh!” mckenna rushed to engulf a tall brown boy in a hug. y/n smiled fondly as she watched them. she realized the rest of the group was behind him and pursed her lips.

fuck.

“guys! this is the girl ive been telling you about, my bestfriend, y/n l/n!” mckenna pulled away from aryan and pulled y/n next to her.

“hi guys.” y/n smiled and waved shyly to the group, suddenly feeling very anxious.

“you look beautiful y/n! i love your dress!” leah went to give y/n a hug, dior following.

“thank you! i love your makeup!” y/n grinned, suddenly feeling a surge of confidence.

“dior your hair looks stunning. i’m so jealous.” y/n complimented, genuinely amazed by the girl.

“me?? look at you!” dior beamed.

“this is charlie, that’s aryan as you already know,” mckenna grinned. “and that’s walker.” y/n looked up at the 3 boys in front of her.

she had already met aryan and loved him, but she had yet to meet charlie and walker.

“it’s so good to see you again aryan.” y/n wrapped her arms around aryans neck and squeezed him.

“you look amazing as always, y/n.” aryan smiled back at the girl as they pulled away. y/n thanked him and turned to charlie.

“it’s so nice to meet you charlie, hi!!” y/n beamed, feeling a rush of adrenaline upon meeting the group.

“it’s really lovely meeting you y/n, i can’t believe mckennas been hiding you for this long.” charlie joked as mckenna rolled her eyes.

“i’ve been telling you for ages how great she is.” she huffed as y/n laughed.

“and this is walker.” mckenna smirked knowingly. y/n took a deep breath and turned to the boy behind her. he had been awfully quiet the entire time and in a trance. it wasn’t until aryan shoved his shoulder slightly that he came to.

“you look beautiful y/n.” walker breathed out. he admired the dress she was wearing. it was a white silky custom Loewe dress with the back exposed. her hair was in a wavy sleek middle part, tucked behind her ears on both sides with golden clips.

y/n felt her face warm, but smiled nonetheless. “thank you. you look really nice too.” she ignored her heart pounding inside her chest and wrapped her arms around walker, who was slightly towering over her.

y/n’s face was hot, and she refused to glance at mckenna as she knew what she would be doing.

“sooo, are you guys ready?”

-

“if i take one more step i think my legs will actually snap off.”

the 4 girls threw themselves on the bed. leah’s face was smushed into the comforter, 100% leaving traces of her makeup on it. dior groaned and covered herself with as much of the blanket as she could. y/n and mckenna held each other dramatically like they haven’t slept in 10 years.

soon after the premiere, they had attended the after party that lasted for almost 4 hours.

“my head is killing me.” y/n grumbled against mckennas neck. the guys were in the same mood, not bothering to take their suit jackets off. y/n couldn’t see them but she figured they too, were slumped.

y/n decided to get up after a couple of minutes, refusing to sleep with her makeup on. the girls were long gone in sleep and y/n was careful to not wake them.

she looked down at mckenna, realizing one of her lashes was now stuck on the blondes shoulder. y/n snickered quietly to herself, taking off her heels before getting up.

“you look just as gorgeous you know, one lash and all.” y/n jumped as she turned around, realizing walker was still awake.

they had talked more at the after party but the obvious mutual attraction between the 2 made y/n shy away from him.

“you’re funny.” y/n playfully rolled her eyes, smiling at him tiredly. he flashed her the same smile back but continued.

“i’m serious.”

“you’re really sweet walker.” they held eye contact for a couple of seconds before y/n finally looked away.

she realized mckenna was right, she didn’t wanna keep hiding away.

“do you wanna go for a walk?”

“yes.” without skipping a beat, walker got up.

“okay.” she pursed her lips to hide her excitement. remembering how cold it was outside, she let her eyes scanned the room as she tried to remember where her jacket was.

“shit, i left my jacket in my room.” y/n covered her face with her hands in frustration. so much for a walk alone with him.

“are you trying to get out of this walk with me? because it’s not going to work.” walker joked with a raised brow. he walked over to y/n and took off his suit jacket and placed it around her instead. he stood inches away from her, fixing it to make sure she’d be nice and warm.

y/n tried to avoid eye contact, heart racing as he delicately put it on her. she swore she was going to pass out.

“won’t you get cold?” y/n looked up at him, trying to hide her giddiness. walker shook his head with a small smile.

“don’t worry about it. i’d rather walk in the cold then miss this opportunity. especially with you.”

“i’m gonna punch you.” y/n grinned at the curly haired boy, taking his hand and quickly exiting the room together. after closing the door shut, she realized she didn’t take a keycard to be able to come back with. or her phone.

as if walker was reading her mind, he laughed out loud. “don’t worry, we’ll just knock till the door falls off and one of them wakes up.” y/n laughed but nodded.

“come on!” she gripped tighter onto his hand and started running down the hotel hallway. the pair tried to contain their laughs as they knew if they got caught they’d be sent back to their rooms.

“where are we going?” walker asked between breaths.

“i don’t know!” y/n beamed back at him.

they ran until they found a door that brought them outside. y/n sighed in content as the cold air hit her. she hesitantly let go of walkers hand and she swore she saw him about to hold it again.

“the breeze feels so nice.” y/n closed her eyes happily and stood still for a second. when she opened them again, she looked back at walker who was gazing at her with a smile.

“what?” she smiled back at him, suddenly feeling shy underneath his gaze.

“would you ever wanna like…i don’t know..hang out? go out?” walker blurted out at last. y/n grinned and took a step closer.

“is the walker scobell asking me out?” she gasped playfully. she swears she saw his face get red.

“yes. i am.” he admitted genuinely.

“i’d love to.”

y/n.l/n: late night shenanigans 😴 @walker.scobell

walker.scobell: I wonder who this handsome mysterious young lad is

y/n.l/n: 😬😬i wouldn’t say all that..

mckennagraceful: I KNEW IT.

y/n.l/n: LEAVEEE

aryansimhadri: WHEN WAS THIS??? HELLO??

leahsavajeffries: You and me both Aryan

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #walker scobell #walker scobell x reader #walker scobell x y/n

[onychespherein]

shattering glass crack crack crack

Albedo stared at the shattered glass and the small pool of liquid of unidentifiable color. Something inside his stomach twisted.

He messed up. His master told him to bring her the vial of that thing ─ that he couldn't remember for his life what was supposed to do ─ that she had been working on for the last months, that she had only one vial of, that was nearly entirely made of extremely rare and expensive ingredients, and he messed it up.

It wasn't even a hard thing to do. He was just supposed to bring it to her, it was easy, laughably so. Take a vial, hold it, give it to her. He did more difficult things, like, like learning the Art of Khemia, reviving branches and creating butterflies and more, investigating the ley lines and─ and there was that thesis, too, and all the new languages, and, and─

And he still messed it up.

There was something twisting inside his stomach; a lump at the back of his throat making it hard to swallow and harder to breathe. The lack of oxygen could cause dizziness but he didn't even need to breathe, so why did he begin to feel lightheaded? Was he sick? He felt like he might throw up, and his hands were shaking violently like tree branches in the middle of a hurricane. He wasn't supposed to be able to get sick. Did he somehow mess that up like the vial, too?

The vial. Oh gods above, the vial.

He was going to die. His master was going to see just how much of an useless and bumbling idiot he was, and then she'd create another one that would be smarter and useful and would never fail something as simple as bringing a vial to her. Albedo was a failure.

He was a failure, a stupid useless thing that couldn't manage to hold a fu─ a freaking vial. He wasn't supposed to swear. He almost messed that up too, and he was supposed to be his master's greatest achievement? A joke, that's what he is. And it's completely his own fault, too. If only he could act like he was supposed to, do what he was supposed to, be exactly what he was supposed to be.

But he couldn't do even that, no! Wasn't that pathetic? Wasn't he pathetic?

A weird constant ringing overcame his senses and Albedo felt as if he was choking on air. He shouldn't be able to choke, either. It was so loud. Too loud. Much, much too loud he felt like his head was splitting open, where did the sound come from anyway?

"Albedo? What on earth are you doing?"

He really can't do anything right, can he?

#genshin impact albedo #mentioned rhinedottir #mild anxiety attack i think #self depreciating thoughts #might be a bit ooc #ive been feeling so fucking anxious today #i am projecting #i ruined a perfectly good homunculus is what i did #look at him #he's got anxiety #short fics

[leecherish]

whatever, can everyone go and be all niceys to me please

#cw alcohol #sad bc had to leave friend's bday party early due to Getting So Drunk #so now im hungover n feeling all sad and volatile and also tummy hurts and am anxious about skipping todays lectures #also i got upset bc a person ive never met (but is friends with the afforementioned friend and is in their discord) was mean to me #but apparently he wasnt even mean im just insecure and way too sensitive and misinterpret the tone bc of an emoji. #i fucking hate my life!!!! why did i have to drink that much!!!! #im 25 this isnt fun anymore!!! #i could have stayed and watched lord of the rings with them but nooo i had to leave #and to top it all off. Other Problems that are Bothering me and am going to therapy about #could it been the reason ive lost control to begin with? Maybe! No Idea! #shit sucks man. it rly does #tbd

[sad-leon]

Forgor to clock out but already took melatonin so even if I wanted to make that 30-45 minute round trip, I couldnt ;-;

I know its not a big deal, but the anxiety doesnt know that

This why I liked swiping my badge, much harder to forget to clock out (though also much easier to forget to clock in)

#try not to forget again #:( #rambles #vent #rant #i need to get this out cuz if i dont my weekend will be shitty and i dont want it to be #wait.. maybe i can email the hr person #tbough i dont think shes in today #fuck #i really hate this #i know im gonna get the speech from whoever i talk to but it doesnt matter because I cant help it #my brain just doesnt function how it should #especially not when its my friday and ive been exhausted all fucking week #tired and angry and frustrated #imm try to sleep now and hope i feel better when i wake up #the amxiety will hopefully chill #so tired and anxious i cant type anymore #gonna stop before it devolved into anger

[izzy-b-hands]

At what point do i stop bothering to differentiate between the panic and anxiety attacks when they just. meld into each other and seemingly feed off each other

#text post #i have been fighting my brain since i woke up bc like. I dont actually feel anxious?? abt work or anything else but #my brain has the WE ARE NOT SAFE DO NOT REST DO NOT BREATHE WRONG OR SO HELP YOU GOD neon sign flashing constantly today #All ive succeeded (lol) in doing is most of the dishes (couple need to soak) a failed filming and now #i would like a couple hours of Minecraft before work #but i am uncertain the brain will allow for it lmao #had to come back upstairs to my room after dishes bc brain just. freaking out. too open. too many windows. #anyway. apologies if im not as available as i intended to be today #good thing is thus far i don't work the upcoming week/weekend so i can catch up then #try and finish some drafts and talk to friends more and everything #im babbling in the tags willing myself to stop sweating and snap out of what i think is actually an anxiety attack but #no idea on what the trigger was since all i did was wake the fuck up #back to music to help and maybe Minecraft until work #thank u all for ur continued patience with me ❤️

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be #like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now #maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy #im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when #im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck #but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak #thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just #wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive #been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work #my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes #and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over #the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and #talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place. #could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it #so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree #inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im #glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of #couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot #unrelated #its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment #and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i #dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it

[jayswing101]

.

#warning for tag rant / sad feels incoming #in august i started going to a local youth group finally #ive been following them online and wanting to participate for over 3 years but was just too anxious until this summer #and going to the gatherings every friday night was so so good and i made a bunch of friends there that i absolutely adore #but today i found out that my work and the youth group have a negative history with each other #the founder of the group asked to talk to me bc she saw on my works website that i work there #and basically the old director of the organization i work for did some real sketchy stuff and hurt people in my youth group #since 2020 they've been keeping their distance from my work and they kinda feel betrayed that i work there and didn't tell them #and i get why she feels like that but it hasn't ever come up before #no one's asked where i work #and i didn't know about what happened between my work and the group so it wasn't like i was deliberately hiding things either #but now. fuck. idk what to do #bc i know i don't work at the same org as the one that hurt them in 2020 #the old director was immediately suspended as soon as his actions were uncovered and there was a whole investigation #everyone who took part in those sketchy things the director did was also fired - even board of directors members that were involved #they published a report about it and theres still a 3rd party lawyer monitoring current anonymous reports from community for accountability #also even if the org was still the same as back then i can't just leave my job #my minimum monthly loan payments are 500$ a month and i can barely pay that as is #and i truly believe in what my work is doing and how we're helping youth and community #i do believe we're doing good work #but i also believe the youth group founder when she says she was deeply hurt by past actions and that she doesn't trust our org #and I've never felt more at home than spending time with the other youth on Fridays #so like. it's a whole mess and it's so complicated and idk wtf to do #like. even if i did quit work - would i even still be welcome at group? #if i am still welcome how many other youth would i make uncomfortable? #if i don't quit work but i stop going to the youth group - how many friends will i lose bc they feel betrayed i picked my job over them?? #will i even be able to like. continue supporting the group from the background by donating beadwork or visiting the store? #i thought things were finally going well - i had a community for the first time and a job i liked and was making decent progress on my loan #but of course that was too good to last #if it had to end - i just wish I'd never had that taste of happiness and stability at all

[noxtivagus]

ultima

#tag later #help ive been so tired recently but ffxiv ultimate raiding brought back my energy #GOT THE BLOOD PUMPING AHAHA #the adrenaline bro #first pull of the day we reached annihilation just now #BCS OF ME ! i was the only one left alive for that part #fuck my brain went empty so i died but #help i'm so flustered #i did predation and the tank tb good tho B) #playing OT for this gets me anxious but #lowkey in a good way #i handle the stress well #+ i'm good at this game yk #feels good 😎 #we skipped ifrit dashes just now in our pull omg #pulls today going well #ffxiv revived my energy 🥹 #so i'll answer asks later and chat w my irls again later c:

[coridallasmultipass]

.

#hfffffff okay i spent fucking hours rambling in that ao3 comment lmao i wanted to apologize for that but #i dont wanna give the author a reason to reply or guilt them into reading the whole thing lol #i hate having anxiety #bc it means sometimes i cant be like 'haha that was hot' without feeling like im not doin my job as a reader #but then when i start writing a longer comment i gotta give reasons why i liked something #and before u know it im typing my whole lifes story and thats a book no one wants to read. least of all in the comments on their 50k fic #i took out so many paragraphs and revised it no less than 20 times but probably more i wasnt counting #i dont think ive ever put a comment that long but it required backstory to explain something and also how i was surprised at #...being sold in the first chapter when i was already predisposed to not wanna read the fic in the first place #god its fucking 130am ive been typing for hours #sleep has not occurred to me bc ive been in 'middle of a task' mode since like 8pm #anxiety really is a motherfucker lmao ughhhhhhh #fuckin verbose as hell lmao hate that abt myself no one wants to read my essays lol #shouldve spent at least 3 of those hours workin on my fics but alas i have time blindess and only saw 2 time jumps #anyway gonna hope my sleeping pills kick in fast #lol its probably pain. the reason why im so on edge for the past few days and especially today since i couldnt really relax #i hate being so anxious all the time but what can i do lol nothing has helped me long term #oh here we fucking go lmao im writing another essay in the tags yeah i gotta hit the pen or something to chill or the pills aint gonna help #delete later / / #i swear i dont mean to but i blink and ive written an essay it happens without doing it consciously

[ajxrn]

in theory . i should not be feeling guilty over eating my first meal of the day.

#rant #ESPECIALLY because I was actually so so fucking hungry and this will be my only meal today . I decided. #Ive been craving cheese and crackers so bad but I’m worried about asking mom to buy it #idk food is iffy lately and moms being really strict about it . #Its making me really anxious and shit like I feel like everything is being monitored and now FOOD is being monitored ??

[blitzgamev]

Happy four hundred and ninety-two months in limbo ghostbur :D

#big old forty-one years now for the ghost #its gonna be the final one i count wether merge is real or not #fun fact: thisll be going out at the time he died :d #i queued this 3 hours before the time #and with fun fact i mean im so fucking sad #i am shaking to my core about it ending todat #this is it. the final ghstbur count. #he (and i) made it to 41 years or 492 days or 16 ish months or a year and a quarter #its actually a third i just cant math in the sheer AAAAA im feeling rn #also a happy two yeard to pog2020 winner of my heart o7 #you will not believe how emotional i am about finally seeing the (good Prayge) ending of the blockman ive thought about nonstop for 2 years #i teared up at the second tag thats how bad it is #i will be sobbing whatever happens but i hope for future me and everyone else its Good (and Long) #i am so anxious right now feels like its nov 16th again in a good way but also i wanna Pace and not have it be today #it has been wonderful and a pleasure and all that good sappy stuff #goodbye to the live version of my lil lad the beloved cwilb #blitz the counter is out o7 #<- it feels so cringy to say all of this but i am in my feels and free #dsmp #shut up blitz

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#focus who? i dont kno her #its so bad. i csnt focus at all. and ive got way too much to do. take me back to last week where i spent hours reading papers #annoying. also possibly lack of sleep cstching up with me #do u ever get very little sleep and not miss it at all? yea bitch all the time. then i get depressed and its sleepy time #and by sleepy time i mean i get like 8hrs of sleep lol #maybe ill just do nothing and completely fuck over my sunday lol #maybe i should go run up thr mountain rn before im stuck in a car for 2 hrs #bc im getting spikes of being insane. unfortunately i have no emotional object permanence so when i feel crazy its like #ive always felt like this ans its terrible forever. and then immediately afterward im like lol wot? nah im fine. ive always been fine #shout out to mood swings ✌️ like bro im trying to get materials together so i can teach a class. can u shut the fuck up? and focus? #well see how i do today with a ton of socializing. itll b fine. im normal i can b normal #or i can b endearing quirky. or whatever i usually i am. i dont think i have conversations like a normal person but i cant tell bc im not #there for conversations im not in. whatever everyone else has conversations in a way thats boring. i just wanna grill ppl til i understand #how they work. and then feel like im gonna die if im in a group conversation 🙃 let me study thr ppl around me #bc im very normal. god. i promise irl im not that weird. ppl think im nice and cool and successful #ok maybe not cool. but i think i can get away with being interesting. i got at least a lil charisma. im only a bit horribly awkward ;-] #but i try to own it. wtf was i saying. jesus. i cant with my brain rn. i shoulf have gone for a run this morning #being social just makes me anxious so im babbling i guess. but itll b fun. and itll b pretty im sure #maybe ill try to draw my ocs while im not paying attention. ive neglected them for so long 😭 #unrelated

[mountttmase]

A Mountain To Climb - Chapter Twelve

Note - I can’t believe this is the final chapter 😭 I’m gonna do a soppy thank you post tomorrow but thank you for coming on this journey with me. I’ve loved this so so much and please let me know what you think 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount x Reader

Word count - 3.2k

Warnings - series will contain fluff, smut & angst

Masterlist

Four Months Later

‘Jesus Christ, I’m gonna need you to get that thing off right now’ Mason laughed from the doorway and you turned to see Mason looking at you with wide lust filled eyes and his tongue practically hanging from his mouth.

Tonight was Chelsea’s end of season dinner and Mason had invited you along as his date about two and a half months prior, claiming all the other guys are taking their girlfriends and you watched his face turn a healthy shade of pink as he realised what he’d referred to you as. You knew you were together but you hadn’t had that chat yet so the fact he’s referred to you as his girlfriend made him feel a little awkward.

‘Shit, sorry. That kind of slipped out. I’ve been referring to you as my girlfriend to people cause I didn’t know how else to say it I mean-‘

‘Mase it’s okay’ you laughed resting your hands on his shoulders and running you thumbs up and down his neck gently as if to comfort him. ‘Ive been referring to you as my boyfriend’ you told him sheepishly, your own face flushing as he smiled down at you.

‘Oh, well I guess solves that then’ he laughed before placing a loving kiss on your lips.

Two and a half months later, you were stood in his room in front of his mirror so you could look over yourself. The floor length black satin dressed hugged your every curve and you were happy with how you looked in it. You’d gone shopping with Sophia to find something and she was adamant that this one was one for you.

Mason on the other hand seemed infatuated with you, slowly making his way over as he licked his lips seductively. you knew he wanted you, he always did at the most inappropriate times but you were going to hold you ground today and make him wait.

‘You like?’ You winked and you brushed your hands down your body. You knew he did and you felt pretty confident in it yourself but the look in Masons eyes boosted you.

‘I don’t think there’s a word in the English language that could let you know how I feel about this. About you’ he told you as he gripped your waist. You couldn’t deny you felt the same as you looked over him in his suit. It fit him like a glove and and you couldn’t wait to peel it off of him later but Mason seemed to not want to wait. ‘I’m serious though, baby. There’s no way I’m gonna be able to go a whole night without fucking you first so just help me out here’ he laughed, reaching for the zip of your dress but you moved too quickly for him and his hands fell away from you.

‘Mason, we have to leave soon’

‘In 20 minutes yes. I made sure I was ready early cause I knew this would happen. Gives me time to be late like normal’ he told you, and you laughed at the fact he had it all figured out in his head. You were sticking to your guns though as you didn’t want to go out a sweaty mess as you’d spent so long getting ready.

‘Nuh uh lover boy. You’re gonna have to wait till later’ you laughed as he followed you out of the room like a sad puppy.

‘Lover boy, eh? I quite like that’ he winked as he checked his phone. ‘Come on love, the Uber won’t be here for ages, just let me make you feel good’

‘Sorry Mase, I’m putting my foot down, you’re being a very naughty boy’ you joked, prodding your finger into his arm as he passed you in the kitchen.

‘That may be, but you better make sure you’re a good girl for me when we get back’ he whispered, opening the fridge to pull out a bottle of champagne and your body tingled at his words.

After a quick glass, you jumped into the Uber and made your way out. The dinner was being held at cobham, and as you made your way into the huge room full a tables and you felt anxious instantly. Mason must of felt you stiffen as he was reading over the seating chart and he pulled you ever so slightly closer to him before leading you through the room.

‘Don’t worry gorgeous, we’re sat on the same table as Kai and Sophia. Pretty sure Ben is on our table too he told you and you instantly relaxed knowing that you would be with people you knew and when you arrived at the table you realised Sophia was patting the seat next to her for you.

‘I’m so happy to see you’ she squealed, pulling you into a hug and you both sat and chatted for a while, drooling over each others outfits before Mason tapped you on the shoulder.

‘Two seconds, love. I just wanna introduce you to someone’ he smiled and you walked a couple of steps with him before you were looking in the eyes of a tall Spanish man with curly hair. ‘This is Kepa, Kepa this is my girlfriend y/n’

‘Hola Señorita’ he smiled, taking you hand and kissing the back of it gently. ‘Mason tells me I’m your favourite’ he teased and rather than be shy and you decided to play Mason at his own game.

‘That’s right, I even asked for your shirt but he said I wasn’t allowed’ you pouted and Kepa looked to Mason with a disapproving stare.

‘Mason, how could you? Don’t worry, I’ll let you have mine from the first game of next season’ he winked at you and you felt Masons hands sneak around your waist as he was clearly growing jealous.

‘Thank you, Kepa. See Mason, look how nice Kepa is’ you told him in a fake sickly sweet voice, causing him to roll his eyes at the pair of you.

‘Yeah yeah, whatever. Come on, we better go sit’ he laughed and you all said goodbye before making your way back to your seat.

Masons hand didn’t leave your thigh for the whole night and even when he looked to be struggling to eat he still wanted to be touching you. You thought it was sweet but you felt sorry for him so you squeezed his hand to get his attention.

‘Come on, Mase. I’m not gonna disappear if you stop touching me’ you joked and as soon as he moved his hand away from your leg, you went to make a run for it. He grabbed a hold of your waist to pull you in even closer to him, both laughing your heads off at your little joke whilst everyone around you looked on with confusion.

‘What the hell is wrong with you two’ Kai asked with a laugh before Sophia lightly tapped him on the chest.

‘Leave them alone, Kai. They’re in love, it’s sweet’

Both of your heads snapped around to look at each other, eyes wide to try and gauge the other’s reaction to Sophia’s statement. You hadn’t mentioned those words to each other yet and the petrified look on his face made your heart thud in your chest. You smiled at him widely, leaning up to kiss him on the nose in hopes it would settle his nerves. You wanted to let him know it was okay and whatever his feelings for you they were reciprocated and even though the thought terrified you, you knew you’d have to be the first one to say it as he’d been holding back as to not make you uncomfortable. When you pulled away, he was staring down at you with warm eyes before placing a quick heavy kiss on your lips and bumping his nose against yours as you pulled away.

When dinner was over, Sophia took you to meet some of the other girlfriends and you didn’t realise how much time had passed until Mason came up behind you and kissed you on the cheek.

‘Sorry ladies, do you mind if I steal this one’ he asked and they all smiled at him, a few aww sounds being chucked around as he kissed your temple before placing his lips to your ear.

‘Come dance with me?’ he whispered and you nodded shyly before following him to the crowded dance floor. The music was slow, and he held you tightly at your waist as your circled your arms around his shoulders. ‘I’ve missed you’ he whispered against your lips before kissing you slowly and you smiled as he pulled you even closer.

‘I haven’t been gone that long’ you giggled as he carried on showering your face with gentle kisses making your tummy flutter.

‘Long enough’ he grunted as his hands started to wonder over your back. Sophia was right, you were in love with him and you could feel the words bubbling up from your chest as he smiled down at you, wanting to tell him first so that he knew it was okay.

Your placed your lips next to his ear, taking a deep breath before whispering ‘I love you’ shakily, in hopes he could hear.

By his reaction he definitely did, spinning you around once before dipping you back and kissing you through your giggles. He slowly bought the pair of you back up, eyes glossy and a look of relief on his face as he smiled down at you before taking your face in between his hands.

‘I love you, too. So so much’ he laughed before kissing you gently, feeling like the only two people in the room. ‘I think it’s safe to say we’ve reached the summit now’

‘Does that mean it’s all down hill from here?’ You joked as he placed his arms back around your waist.

‘Nuh uh. No way. We’re mountaineers now, baby. You and me are living up here in the clouds from now on.’ he smiled and you laughed at his words, tears forming in your eyes and they quickly spilled from the corners which made Mason frown but your smile still remained which settled him a bit. ‘What’s the matter, love?’ He breathed and you shook your head lightly to let him know you were fine.

‘Nothing at all. These are happy tears’ you told him before he kissed them away gently, resting his forehead on yours as you both slowly swayed from side to side. ‘You remember when you told me that us meeting was fate?’ You asked him and he nodded down at you with his lip trapped between his teeth. ‘I think you might of been right’ you laughed and he burred his face in your neck, placing small kisses against any section skin he could access.

A few hours later and you were making your way out, legs tired from your new shoes that Mason had gifted you just for tonight and he must of been able to tell by the way you were dragging on his arm and the small whimper that escaped your lips as you caught sight of the 20 or so steps that lead down to the waiting car.

‘Everything alright, sweetheart?’ He whispered in your ear and you looked up at him with a pout. Without another word he scooped you up and carried you bridal style down the stairs with everyone laughing and cheering behind you. ‘Such a princess’ he winked and you laughed before kissing his cheek and then the side of his nose to let him know you were thankful for him.

Once home, you kicked your shoes off immediately before he lead you upstairs and you already knew what was in store for you.

‘You gonna be good for me now?’ He whispered in your ear, guiding you into his bedroom from behind as you felt his hard length pressing up against your back. ‘You looked unbelievable tonight. Prettiest girl in the room by a mile but I can’t wait to get this off of you’ he teased as he began to unzip you but you suddenly remembered what you had on underneath.

‘Mase wait, I’ve got my big granny knickers on to hold me in. Just look away’ you laughed and he was about to protest but didn’t want to wait any longer so he turned away as you shimmied the dress from your body and laid it on the back of a chair. Mason did as you asked and was looking away from you as he undressed himself down to his boxers, making sure to hang everything back up before he flopped back down on the bed with his hands over his eyes.

‘You ready yet?’

‘I’m ready’ you breathed, quickly removing your black lace bra as he sat up on his elbows, eyes scanning your naked body with a smile before he nodded his head to make you come over.

‘Good, now come sit on my face’

‘What?’ You laughed, taking his hand as he tried to get you to hover over his face.

‘You heard, take a seat baby’ he winked and you just shrugged before straddling his face, hands resting on his chest as you got a good look at the tent forming in his boxers.

He started slowly, licking up and down your folds gently so he could get a taste of you and ease you into things carefully. One of your favourite parts about Mason was his tongue and you knew he knew this. It never took long to have you whimpering his name as you rocked over his face and the hands he had wrapped around your thighs kept you steady as he circled your clit.

The only thing you could see was his bulge threatening to break out of his boxers so you slowly leant forward, to release him and he groaned into you as he realised what you were doing. His abs contracted under your lips as you kissed your way down to him, making sure to pay special attention to the mole on his tummy just like you always did before finally freeing him and your mouth watered at the sight of him.

You didn’t want to take him too far in as you knew you still had your makeup on and if your eyes started watering you’d have black streaks all down your face so you sucked on his tip as he bucked up into you but you could tell it was about to be messy. You came off of him with a pop before taking him in your hand, pumping him gently as he continued to burry his face into you. It was getting harder to concentrate on both and soon enough his hands moved to you hips so he could move you up.

‘Lay down for me sweetheart’ he spoke against your thigh and you shuffled over until you were on your back. His face taking up position back at your core and he was quick to pump his fingers in and out of you at a steady pace as he sucked on your clit. The feeling was overwhelming and you could feel him pressing on your hip with his free hand to stop you bucking up into the air.

‘Fuck, Mason. That feels so fucking good’ you whimpered and you felt him growl into you, the vibrations heightening your pleasure and it wasn’t long before you were cuming all over his tongue. You felt him lick away at you gently, cleaning you up before he looked up at you, kissing his way up your body before taking one of your nipples into his mouth. You started squirming underneath him and he knew exactly what you wanted but he was trying to make you beg for it as he switched over to your other nipple. ‘Mason, please. Please fuck me’ you whined and you felt him smile into your chest, happy he was getting his own way.

‘Shhhh’ he breathed, kissing you softly as he thrusted himself inside you in one push. You arched your back off the bed as you sucked in a deep breath, almost winded by the force of his hips but he didn’t offer you any respite, pounding into you straight away. ‘You can take it baby’ he reassured you, threading his fingers through yours as he held the at the sides of your face.

‘Maseee’ you moaned and he pounded into you, hitting the spot you needed repeatedly, just like he always did. ‘Mason please’

‘Good girl, that’s it. Always so fucking good for me aren’t you?’

‘Mhmmm’

‘You know you are, don’t you? So polite in front of everyone else but they don’t know how well you take me’ He spoke into your ear and you wrapped your legs around his waist to keep him there, pressing them into his back as he bucked into you faster. ‘Come on baby, cum for me’ he whispered and it was all you needed to push you over the edge. When he let out a string of curse words you knew he was done too, falling on-top of you gently whilst you both got your breath back.

You both stayed where you were for a few moments as he placed tiny gentle kisses to you neck before pulling out of you and helping to stand before you made a dash to the loo. Once you’d sorted yourself out you came back to find him in his boxers on top of the sheets with his face in his phone.

You quickly pulled on a top of his and some clean underwear before joining him and he pulled you into his chest almost immediately.

‘Am I allowed to post this?’ He asked, showing you a picture of the pair of you on his phone that Sophia had taken tonight and your heart was thumping at his suggestion. ‘I know we’ve never posted each other before but I’m pretty sure people know I’ve got a girlfriend and I wanna show you off a bit’ he shrugged and you laughed into his neck.

It was true, you hadn’t ever posted pictures of each other before, yet you both liked to leave silly comments under each others posts sometimes so you were aware so people knew about you but it was all unconfirmed.

‘I suppose people will find out one way or another. Might as well make it obvious’ you winked and he laughed before hitting post and putting his phone down so he could deal with the chaos tomorrow.

‘I love you, y/n’ he breathed kissing your head as you settled down next to him.

‘I love you, too’ you giggled, pulling the duvet over the pair of you. ‘Thank you for climbing the mountain with me’

Tagged: @alwaysclassyeagle @ricsaigaslec @cinderellawithashoe @vip-access @majx00 @chelseagirl98 @mountpulisic @chaotic-taco-collector-blog

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