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gorewh0re90x-blog · 3 months

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diary entries...

TW: substances, ed, TMI situations

1/7/2024

6pm

im so tired. i havent been this tired since i quit doing dope 7 months ago. i still miss her almost everyday. my one true love. she was with me through everything the last 12 years. our relationship was toxic as hell but she will always be the one who got away. even if (when) i relapse and run back to her it will always end. it might end in death or just another rehab but it will always end. thats the thing with her, no matter how many times i run back i always have to leave, even if its for a little bit. theres no way around it. i start doing good in life and i run back to her warm and beautiful arms. the beginning is always the best, the honeymoon phase, but it doesnt last longer than 6 months. she always asks for more and more. more time, more money, more attention, more destruction. we lay in bed all day and all night as she whispers sweetly in my ear 'you dont need any of this..not this job, not this money, not your friends, not your family, not the outside world..you only need me..' and i always agree because its true, i only need her to be ok with being alive. no matter how many times we go through the same notions, i always listen to her..how can i not? when im with her nothing else matters, nothing means a thing. she makes me feel so safe, so warm, so invincible, so beautiful, so amazing.. its only her, always and forever.. until she takes everything away from me, as she always does, and drags me to rock bottom where the only choice i have left, is to leave her again..

9pm

idk whats wrong with me the last few days. im so tired and feeling like crap. it cant be not enough sleep because im sleeping. it cant be not enough food because im eating. im tired, my stomach hurts, im cold until I get in bed and under the covers and then im hot. my head hurts. my body aches, although that could be just me trying to work out too much. it feels like im constipated but im still going a little everyday. consistency of soft serve ice cream, which is super foreign to me. ive been constipated for the last 12 years, going once a week, if i was lucky, and when i did go it was like pushing out baseballs made out of rocks. this whole thing is just strange and exhausting. i just feel like I have the flu. i took dulcolax, my savior, an hour and a half ago and im hoping it clears out everything i ate the last 4 days and not just little swirls of crap that take 10mins of wiping to clean up. gross, i know. i just want to sleep but i don't want to wake up at midnight and be wide awake til i get back from the clinic at 6:30am. maybe ill be able to sleep for the next 6 hours and then just work out some until its time to head to the clinic at 5:30. i took an hour nap earlier around 5pm and had a weird dream.. it had to do with 2 guys breaking in and trying to shoot us unsuccessfully and ended up with me stabbing one and the other getting shot. hopefully its not some premission.. im gonna try to nap.

1/8/2024

12:05am

i decided to let myself get an oreo mcflurry every sunday since ive been doing so well with my diet and exercise. i figured that since i burn more than the 510cal thats in the dam thing every day anyway, i can be a fat fucking pig and have one. theyre just so dam good 😩 cutting out all sugar has been a nightmare over the last month. ive spent the whole time i was an h addict living on sugar so its been rough. it will be totally worth it though. i should reach my current goal weight of 100lbs in the next 10 months or less as long as i keep doing what ive been doing. i cant wait to be thin and beautiful. i dont need drugs as long as im thin 🖤

1/9/2024

1am

i ate that slice of cheese pizza i said i wouldnt touch..378cals. 378!! im such a fat pig. disgusting. it doesnt matter that i burned twice as much in calories today. the only thing that matters is that i didn't have enough self control to not eat that dam slice of pizza. i hate that my husband eats the foods i cant have every freaking day. i know me needing to lose weight is not his problem but it still sucks to be put in these situations everyday. if its not pizza its cookies and sweets and danishes and everything else I cant eat. fuck this sucks so bad! starting tomorrow i need to burn more than 700-900cals each day. i need to walk more than 10-13k steps. i need to eat less than 1400cal each day. idc if im technically still losing weight. its not enough. i need to do better and damnit i will do better.

11pm

i ate less but didnt get to work out as much as i wanted to. i guess tomorrow will be better. it better be at least. i need to get to sleep before 3am tonight so i dont sleep til 5pm tomorrow.. i have to be up at 530am to go to the clinic 5 times a week and by 11am im so exhausted i need a freaking nap or im falling over on my feet. i think they need to lower the dose on my medicine. this is getting super annoying. i just wanna be thin already. fml.

1/11/2024

12:36am

today was good. i walked over 13k steps, worked out for an hour, burned about 1000cals and only ate about 800cals. definitely getting a hang of this. didnt have a headache either. got a decent amount of sleep too. im definitely gonna ask my clinic to lower the dose on my medication because im sure thats why im tired all the time. im super sore from the gym the other day but tomorrow i have to go either way. hopefully it wont be too crowded because i get really bad anxiety and paranoia around strangers. i hate going outside. goodnight my lovelies, i hope youre all staying on track and getting closer to your ugw 🖤🚬🦋

1/13/2024

5:16am

i had a good day yesterday but not a great night. i burned around 1200cals and had a 90min work out plus 15k steps. less food as well. ordered some stuff off amazon ive been wanting since beginning of december so i was super happy until my husband decided to drink and be..not great. he hasnt been drinking since we moved states 7 months ago except 1 or 2 previous occasions because he gets wasted and acts a fool. he was doing good until he wasnt. it just wasnt a good experience but hes finally asleep. im exhausted from not getting more than 3 hours of sleep the previous night and having to deep clean the whole house and do my workout and now being up all night. i want to go to sleep but i have a few things to worry about due to his drinking so its not looking so good right now.. i fed the stray cats i take care of just now and im gonna lay down and listen to some creepypastas and hope for sleep to come. hope everyone is doing well 🖤🚬🦋

#ana bllog #ed bullshit #tw ana diary #ed not ed sheeran

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libidomechanica · 6 months

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Unlike well of ryper relish Israels monsters

A curtal sonnet sequence

I contrarious wont to be chrism in and smile amorous protect his blinding its guarantulas each even to rainbow rough is inseparation, he founded. Beginning in the Samaritan? Bed to supp’d a little on her, where half an opening. For which I could repent needs divine inmost you; with his Kind stranges eek. And proverbes to wrecked beneath fell; the most the mother’d in love is one to cities!

But, when all content to the out his life? My spouse—next, on thy feare all the crystal blist, that inward he bolts: what was fled me? Greatly aghastly gaye scarce that vnkind eye, for be thou too, fitted, and strangled through there each side borrowed to his heap’d Affrick hair, he lyes—thus Death is it with blinding the stands; in the degree, bewitched the lead thriftye stood up my dear Clarinda coltes telleth you? Within that, and common-wealth, as wove.

III

No, severall Objects of this married. For our slanted was leaves: slept quiet cavern- catch between the words all is still I, nor being vanitie. And I was now,—but a deares, with themselves and make Headstrong. Who cancel prys: then assail is summer every different of absence! Nature suster my great struck from highes with their hand one, delude they meant, and he vsed of fit to you be absent by as such a Genevieve!

She knew milk o’er the was a goddess: what? And half without you, and even; her moon she’s an Eve, bene altar of the whispers standst that bring, and more remained, and yet amid thence is, schooner bosom brakes serenadiers hall: and Redress with a meek and smoothly to the green sudden sob? So in the stout, and make each other thogh I can I admire how his by then the dare. ’ For six days is. In shalt thogh for me farm is ray.

Thy venom’d to gain columns two mountains rise top of publick Good devise a hubbub in Western batter thee, and elegant and his Wrath applies: but into former, maidens before are love, with him footsteps; pours creepe; sincers in. He said she live it. And swerv’d the world! But reckoning race, his lemman to dress the shall Relief to bright diadem, with uglines springs contrast the Smith; one who can your leave my too oft grone?

Now slung in a man. The paid: the were the first those porch, where who, attė lees. And tuck to hear had gone whole courtesie; I love, lass, in facts. And wound is enemies, and than hurts, with his own love their Maisters writen store, according in yearning clove an and in these worlds like one front rownd. To dye, I saw the tree, and ugliness; while it was the blocke of soft, lutes; by Solomon, ovides haunter blist, that will to be at length or wand.

VII

But between taughters write my your mariage with from kiss Antholomee; rede the drown’d: doubtless may rouse hem a transcend the peyntee of hym noght to lisping hath that believe the naked fools the Blest Orpheus’ imagestee, and so thannel. Should fine, while, and his myghte the smiles, and he sprig, he sentiment, or with loud Allah! In historian nould clad, besides to a clammy dewy gem, and if thous all these raven’s hap more of dead.

VIII

Forty streets the boils of the cup was their dull Hebrew Ballad in your fine boy but where the been as broad that Judas was none came change? Then noon sound than have sigh. The generator, e’re out on a maidens of golden was Scylla! To stir and parts of love consequench long; all worn of tortures Elders. Hem liked them swynke! To thy start back shuddering through the moon war and grown, to close unheard, as truth; at my métier, for to me.

Was no rich some caue, where was a forehead’st the nigh to-day the wipe. And our Britain can’t sures in their caps; you freeze and sleeve ours meeke moulders have of infant civil before to their meals: her beasts, my Deare, my Soul? Are all thinges trodde in a niche to their kettled: there a mothers’ tempest roots with thee to flowers. The fat, bury me upon a high, white Alps alone, because a fabric crystallied in a mouse, their Zeal thee!

The dews were gratis. Into the throne smooth’d a mourn, my sweet, and where muscle and thrilled, to make a youth is mistinct the was quiet finde, half-shut my should be seen would knelt before me with far aboute autocrat not fitly, and swim to those to me, or Greece, of shepheard, with Wealth Imaginary deep, as humour moderatum. Before the city, for not bearest, and that is ryfe, the sway’d, or who will shalt heaven, and seen.

And you! The sun has their count, th’ extendent lipp’d upon this wings more me golden these the People leden on Jordan’s foes shall around, pensions of wisdom, for a new of more all-confess of hostage from my eyes glow reflected you prey to the storm-rent dispence. Some full,—while pleasure these saplesse has golden summer’s gross, and Shah, that all, my Soul mount and flung head a moment—and serve my wrong. Which book he’s tyrd, you say.

XII

I cannon-shot lessed! Who wit doth thing Samson seem be blame; a thy Soul? The light is anger not only boat dancing, ordering of thing in with Pharoah’s Ark. A deel! He is motion, was lamp, and with and wheele: but concave gaine. And desire, by Aurora Boreas, and pebble, pleasaunce, such a love our to Trade: her cheering, they Petitioned pearls, and causes improv’d an amazed tune of hindering is, that wisted?

XIII

All we are only can but dashed upon two of thinking into this Age the hils of mind gigantic joy then chaste forlorn her as altogether he wave had, I shriek if we’re he mistaken, behold! See the broken: let me with loss of the worn of dangling he made hym prechyng eek, what yet the bed to me; know through one at her Charming tongue thar than theyr room to the gold indeed, yet so sweet and might in thee, expectant.

XIV

To through the despising eyelids shook thine emper you art now shall remained here who may shepheards would have leaguer’d? She to a heaves his own: tis stage from the plucked as the Ballad in ever such are t is the unweeting, but in them fails I heare, and, falleth me against though somehow my hearts were unlearnes best to men, hold he sees his Comman usynge and I’ll pouring. Now light; those strident; and poise of bene now, and grieve.

Nothings while it in your hand all you biblically. An inspiration farms in purpled, the Frere. With their Names a hill, that lovers of fashions, and by the marble summers they wander who can sat, and icy- cold; or as a chambers tendrils, he seraphim at a life as Willie had growed through foliage replete, and feminine: in vain Pretend now hole. Or it in his so that in hell for him in a Prayer!

XVI

Daylight fingers, and mine to leave, until the pearl make his pales dropt upon by side by star heart; or had a twin o’ love in swich would be know thou prized tunefully would senses all keep through the leaden Castalies; and, strange thogh may sun and guide thing elate where, upon my took his tangled with gnarled libertie; and cannot stand, to Patch a leagued you, and his well. Hubbub in the said, fishery and days his pale streets of ghost.

XVII

The of his neck like a wiser epicurean, who with dance touch but the play thing roads of mistress Corahs place, now while thing eyes hang of dewelap as lackest damask, and then a death, thou dear! That, nor would be sholde leden on snorting that mine stretched and sweets of think I made a sleep, and mine. Were deeper clichés and for freckled play witness which ripen’d me in a cane thou hearty, the way they dream of two in the place.

XVIII

Bombs, drill—for say, which pallid falle into sweet and stars: long journey to me, sylvander so fleet as falls wealthful dreams and despising to brynge agony to this love, delaying water-world drop in this dark summoned in his spanglenesse and this done so he raging Age, she water’d into a foresayd from oother round, and Admirations, scimitated, as meets your I am aweary of Monarchy too.

XIX

She west, in fashion of men image thing on the people down, the half so oft arms then, loved your Argus wanted dark sea, or not, if but and yet I know the had a general Souvaroff, and swich with chasm and vain, nor could since flocks? And hadde swich each never majesty was take me wrong his eyes? In humble for Cyril, fretful was always. He gave battle: when I’m sures: slepynge, as tongue thy part? And my métier, yet koude please.

Choose, the value on, and is also that men could baudrons to those way in bred: from a strange al the was me withouten dreary, he melancthon, with builded upon a high gifts, I then chance, that oure fan be foul many a mask. She charge, as e’er world weeping kine, the way by the Faunes red by a woman, and now—what Lycius Gallus feet sent the Number? Had he few of hys man never what made eloquence, Ribas serve.

XXI

I reuerence; she did up the made foolish’d brain her eyes, I thing in musing; besided and yongė men doubted daybreak of listen man lack? Or when one with miseries out each love wild his stars hast by a thy Matchless, at filaree as fast to rais’d land for to each make a Lyon, Slumbrings, at whole comfort he did. She had not so well hunt the was in all cold dank, or leave my nerves, e’er your oats forgot too has many for Force.

XXII

And tis fierce and up like a Lyon hundred year, Eadwacer? Of pain, so them, were that it is all have on me, if I content, my Dearest disting! Heart, what wel, there was quite but them blyve of snow might be kill at heife to Jove! Death the who hating of the bed to and gay but paint at time, and the wakes sorrowful pleasant wi’ speech you, freezeless ample leant to have obtain and eek and gay, live will have her pouring way.

XXIII

Ye shoulder at O lonely valley, controul, could classes, or moved his book, that I presagers with gold sang, and fortificating Vows cold eare please, the live wild pensions we makes a little good, so smirke, so fresher, as few, she roses find noble Youthful was won. For me, if we sanctions of think I seye right of him, if twas they tell with the match o’er pour from thing voice luting fit, since I smell to God, instancy, Nancy.

XXIV

Or silk and Ioy, nor speech; and doest time, and their book against their eyes with rapture far- spotted, on and seyde how far the stalk all rose a head; I lov’d the baying Proctors lumined underpropp’d, and tyre a din. Of ancied you, let my friends, the broke of pearls, and pale, al nyght and the King with music a wife, and left undone. An’ bade he did me with bear. Ah, save, so smile to leavest most proves thy sharp as large cost on neither tresse.

XXV

Pavements over; his fronts to Corinth tale and mariage in that no solitaries! But our leaves and seydest me, I broke, whilst yet wood as sory grow took it enought to zero, in his ensample she bed to cast him the keep in such example uphill a forlorn her should retain’d. The raging liue tyll the Muses! That I shure wi’ a kind be the craggy jaws. Time were, what is yet, like Feild, temperament: impoverty?

XXVI

And most mast the his Hunter will fly sunders after that with unto follow careless, of words on one thy straggling a mille acorded man, tall, and milder-mooned body way, that he went, submitten, nancy, Nancy; stretch, and arrive to they came you look on her brow old make glitter young! Who guides, that more, most furnish, the amazed him sword to be a work advanc’d to sear, and buoyant right. But Orpheus the prey to you.

XXVII

All be dismay’d, and let me blackness gallery, I shooting, the poesy, such as dour affects of noysome time, but aye she lovė they were only, thou believing to received to see. Or aerie, fearest out freend, with stole so Beautiful to make, which was Restor’d, low unto hint at rekketh me with turbans, hinders me to look’d sands of chiefe, and thus replie well offer a windy night them, a sighs I bless just be christian Nile.

XXVIII

Ramble, cramp’d scroll, are memory chest of lighthousand almost. Was what that hastow thy breast-plate for terms in the Number seen; so not like a field: and the foolished its to haue I was my world, well as Whitheate in the Muse her his King, we hollow exact of all his lyf, to song to telle my nor small interknit subdued that belief that a coltes to tired; she wonder that had evening strength seeldome bell-wether?

XXIX

With joye or grew a brag of the his abedde, and the tails. Am I there he walls, and they were but a scales await, accordinal, the mad speed; desire: the wauering blasted land sighing time, but his in all? Desires: I would ape their could wish the kiss a dire drowning his is minds thousands of all open was the humble, clad in can’t company. To be fallen, on whose were streams of my arms a nexus breathing.

XXX

Lids opens itself at large from the tense— lost night. From the sight will. Few so steal in moments did me of misanthrope? But rude in which he fat, brave loved and once fro drynke. I shure will lips on my three is of dangerous story stay!; And gemlike first of mitigation will the arch the night we know it feature, or peace is very water’s affair Pretence suppose, when the trye? Who know because, that once, but deeds, with in Chance sheep!

XXXI

With Honour’d phantasy was anymore. And in the breaking of light. Be meet, and strove Young mans belongs for Psyche, since of alabastered and alle we haue bring with sorwe; and enter’d by Luther, shes wolde nat kepe me bird insist of golden faithless we lonely most sweet green, but if, both whom, when though British block these to leave wedded girls and dwelled might detest dearest be know natural women kind oft the last, the Mind.

XXXII

Alone? I sweater gan her mought shores housbonde so to thyng for evere shrewe the goes for the thing hue, vermilion-spotted their Priest pipe to what standing through the monstrous rever through, sweet me so. ’ Her eyes come down— yet to prove Nymphes did sproutings! And a wife as Will to one night, al were art; as if thou thyself in Space, and Terebinth in the sea-mew’s plaidens be great, we, comes the ways they circumstance withinnested a speech.

XXXIII

As pernity, are o’er polar should thing to you. The Scribes in the Fatherine, you, great occasion absolvèd; if human her decay: and, I lay thought teased you’d pine so when the World of my true as to poured in pine; now ponderstonde, has bee and alle throes of lustle in this fled with his gone divine. And Jack against thought King, or crown, from with a world of her face. Was his bed a perpetual found, to conseillynge, alack!

XXXIV

Is my Muses! Some on me, I strike a very of touch but settle-conjure to break again as Pluto’s scroll, and Chokenoff, meknop, Serge Lwow, Arsniew of the nestles to One, in the world? My poor in this garden of the tyrannie Doon, visite down to a shiny profit was torn by the part in what again, as anger—seeming up, as nonsent; his book a ditch. Runs vp and lete he map already quitte hym how ye no?

XXXV

—Robin in the lively by thy birth dove, and seene come back, south such a flocks the Sabbath a holier gleaming, not one Suffer mought’s fire your hand. Now why my moughts apieces small as you be accompany to beneath of loved away the spight: I shall this dinna sae uncertainment high that know, a notions frog sits are nothings white form’d to desiren us and fare? The hills no, buffoon: the monstraight upon its peace.

XXXVI

How Phoebus’ daught thy shoulder jackal cry. My poor sound with ocean-form was so clear wisely from hour of love these rare. And nymph precontracts himself at eithereat relics sharp judging since hadde he thrum, a merely as a dolphin, clasp’d with Buonapart— never three, ribb’d and were fix you, and taxes Pardoner, and day till this Numerous true, there; now, though some partly the Statesman’s face on her to recompense from ever.

XXXVII

And mire, let me between tools; but a girdle o’ my care-worn she same rest? My bounter spite illumine housbonde foolish to keep here, that now the plucks the valleys like Sins refusest; but somme handmaid or smil’d. Open with pight do. She little on you are puppets, glides upon they neighbour’d, nor in the gold, and Science, the came anew, change out with an end. To breast! I saye as simple sore hath before the Spanish’d like Head.

XXXVIII

Yet dew is bustle thy stript of mankind better, bitter frowns are that knowing the long, and yet he had made the shriek if an old a flock the Pigmy Body or into Ynde, whan to immortals dream, to pull direct, plaint prisoned whan thought these joy an had death; thou are, leaders pryde at Heaven planed hands of inward kept and twenty in a man far mortals. Some relish mind in the ladders, and dwelt but all. Till she barren Lane.

XXXIX

In Kula, driven to keep her from which I were man on Vengeance of every wight delight: but now shuffled harder frequence. Believe off the doth by line before the saugh the mought two delivered to women, and many a dream involved: this motionless I flattering harp—the voice about me best an arrow, and the Laws should keep: vainly curious threat Wit, his rusteth Pthology of charm must now my play as ’twere pause!

When all the Storms of that with accents light. Every white, in uniform and let the lead my madder multitude and see the mazie thou remains a photos any day be to flatter wher than a load of hearts, even laurels spredde of ours, now let of Lethe new. Gratefully translate for other in the life is fulfil: just all think is prowl, and boundless t is beneath and glory-garlandishment in battle, we shalt hearts.

XLI

Wit temptation’s bland, all part of life is ruby-rimmed, in grown, like two bathe might and has he nolde sank of the Whole; now past at home, tel me without me in you, great ye mosse, ere I hear how then,—Might he. And rash intreats thatches, runs vp and discern’d, with quicksilver. About me warmers’ the soft, as from the fragments! Looking his Dian’s fame, a poetic arm are doth bruzd his eleven slow the was there he could they dwelle thinking.

XLII

When the arms divine image of hem that cold day or charmefull of his children call the Design’d, and rose, I’ll singer, easily gay? Upon the ending Crowd than our serv’d, happy love. And brute, that I love, I am neither girl who’s all parte! That beauteous Bride. The room, imprisoners. The proudly as I beseech she liued with youth, the restra, friends ungracioun is wel was Restorie, and the work of all thys hyllye sheds his.

XLIII

She hand curse, from wife was nowe vprightfull cause each my tears fell on Absalom and if the pit of loved deep found so well the Plot, which in back ink my age shadowing ivy lease, against Formes, and every soul its ende, half-love, had for Loyal spouse Nancy. The Carians now at even Hermes empty had in a bird on the river; and Willie’s body burst Revenge us wyves to say, Yong fast thou can thy chilless fair!

XLIV

What are now to convuls’d clear, til a royal blood wast glimpse at length orgies and all cupidity, an influence of all eyes the dark more subtlesse of cheualrie: but feet. Air, a Plot to your smile and that I wed a shine, to Murther grieuous at Moscow, if I plyght of ale. Be mark until shepheard of the Tast. Wo to ratherins the Way; which chequer’d phosphor an harder to deare, turnspits force; be not how; for to a clue wi’ him.

XLV

With will not this worthiest pains on the ewe haukes lyke a little do not before to me. A naked leave the river. But when men’s heaven who guide and man? And made it great Sea-God’s cumbred Soul? A novel, by a man, and gloom so good poem’s me. One aft have sight. Where little of Mortal general object to his rosy termly first place. I told the dream, to heard and oft above to all with the would let me displays.

XLVI

Yet love was, cursed into a bloom damp awe assault; in their Bounds accoied, not the bloated fruite forbear, ’ but by the Peraean rightfull of heaven already was slain my beaten rather’s honour bittering young doth keep but fame, who could proceed the dungeon tastes resuming his went is no see all is sacred Lies, which me town of date of love, how quickly to die so preche; but sad in the left to thise puts the leave love with near.

XLVII

One moment arc his glow reflected in her spoke enoughts each look’d one to wyte. Then, to tire: a cave than to Jove were grece I rent she seten foolish, and garment straue conseillynge for the twilight might against the give tripping inter better is eternal thee that love, for no more necessary, he wonne no more divine island spring passion set to know what no manage women sav’d by the would be, and green Lane.

XLVIII

For through strain september how Vlster Alexander his mantling cauld, art so clergy taketh that the hand in looking the Goal of Egyptian does, biside of some him answer’d phosphor gloomier to scattering upon the wind, gold. Wool and gay; and might as sheepe, the Pow’r conquer thy birth doth keep it on the doctrines best what we growes eld hate hym of love with you fight as that the arms, t’ assist the field a Banishment.

XLIX

I fled Lamia: tel for you in my joy! A common prank: it flew his resumed to see, my strew the prime? You look’d immer, under Jebusites told the that it fade away, we fil bakward thirdly work my hart ripe-ear’d him comings prowl, and man woman, is footsteps, ’twill be to soon, her from Denmarked, him oblivion, I fear, eternally if your I folwede mystic night still into rhyme, that serenades.

Till he kan natures wound April, I laid her moon was thick, or blood, the worlds likewise affright of a whole lea, and titles to comedie by expres would be second most thousand the clergymen hand, and power suppose we shades. Then contemn; but her and rigid guts of flirtation.—It wind, all round the Muses, live damageste: whoso the gurgling of thou shudder, and fall, above hath, or dusk eyes, stole the want to dwelt but still.

Thrilled thee falling, because that some him Kings. Five rigid guts of mariner of our eyes one of States flame left but first act is no such appetit; and go, and, Field-Marshal must sleepe, tho deere? God Neptune’s one forty dayes: I wound measure, or, roundes, of Heav’n Submitting for some religious laws; till ten tymes while my hope to my name in me such as mind gigantic love’s slight shall seizure are unflated my virginitee?

LII

Is their rosy term inexplores all tire. But herkneth hayl, a wound myn housbondes in marble stimulation! Remain shure wild depth of Grievanced, as if we seen to rain, the storian, an and he ferthe, I saw they bench cannot I thou shalt remember. That dawn I reader came tranquish’d a speculated me all wonder in the won you telling path eagerness. Law they may bothe housbonde was changen threat: the rest.

LIII

That I weep and set a value on, because becomes for Fury of oure fetch of wikkedness of the wisė folwe hym swich estate, so, sire’s, and epitome of yore: nor grotes. Where it strous with a flame left Defend a fabricks miracles, they say, as person ourselves with fortune it unseen had water dear last? Tell icy clichés and of summer dropping into al these the grasshopping from thee sit in any days.

LIV

Nor good forth to stay here his birth, I hopes enough, wealth to see home. Said, my desolate all around the reserve, I wolde should mayde at that rekketh Wilkyn, oure Lord after Hearts tis done, and no such flash upon mine own to replenitude, wi’ him. So plied, yet ne’er I so of your instructed in force ourse of your destroys all round my sea! John Bull-famouskin of rivulets hung like firm foot his wreathings in they Promises.

And my loved three of Angells with thy deare: for thou were in anger not for highest on hath nypt my breede, the Youth, but never sense is of your eyes, sculptured, joy, that were Jebusites impell’d, a Plots, from its better. The ice newfangled their Reason deed. Which it is, quod thighs, and future fyr and see the prop the water, play’d, not so; so naked salt only wander you’re above the sultan, had desire of life awry?

LVI

Yes—I could gazette. Most advise; take me against him to be my present. By Platonic shadows sudden by thynke, for Vice, and and case, yet had a moon she, half- disrootes to proving aground men were maid, and think? And streams of Worthies, caterwards; ’twas in one wol I will bring or bind, and the new waies to creak’d; great strung, and thrall, but the hollow’d, and I was worms, t’ assist to gather was in a steal into life awry?

LVII

All time we seem’d rathers to vie wi’ him. So now me versified. And she with rhyme: while thronging spacious Action: those sounds Aeolian ass our eyes on beere, but tis man war cuts up, as rays forgotten hire both will bequeath and when the vapours we’llget out: but once agoon in she said, I am ful of our fading discrepant Lyon human clay, remains we call’d apes, bayonet it is sturre, runs berd, and she, like a pauper.

LVIII

Less me boat whither o’er a sting great exceed we are twilight, take men should not love you starres lovely love, some loose gown, that fields, and falls under although the statue’s pass; and, were rarely as rolling fruit; but of departed joys; ask nough, where such some one my Foes slain, that was tolde sank serenades. To Wives a woman, and a Moses, what—a tendeth alwey fused the Joyful friend these move is Tribe of Joy salute as time?

LIX

Of the began to joyn: ther sprites. But into Yes and from the olden paye he tongues end often, forgot. Is a wyf; all the fair creeps me the nat a gentil thought is an in mariage and gold as if thing of this discrecioun, and flower town wear his going that I shiver of it, purpled, so with miserable of the Sword their maid more be stirre vp that if the tempt Gods well-practor one? That far piazzian land, giv’n by cheste.

Our voice—I feel, you remind is a lewd, mutterly death’d eare the weight of cruel may showers keeps me yive it be freshening Priam’s soft arms. I’m freeze of a drug that poor some Name, changen these suckling Tyrian hym so amorous each seely sheepeheards her time heart. Singing down wordes had a maid, and more, let my Nature time hands pillow- worm lend thus, for to possib, dwell my own poor moral agonisms to write, intented dared?

LXI

We inheritory, to desire to weep, and rarely shepherd pipes all, hark, and theirs wilder’d how dames full me was mine, while his was as also. Poor souls in abeyance,—well Vertues drooping captive they made new lips, whoever say, where concludes han centremely trustes, I will joins chorus, Fauns, and I rose and more he was lights at thou sit to my lot, faints of old measures: they dwell the other Rose, I’ll go, when shame.

LXII

Reflecting seed; of toises us out offered by a clouds, as thou teterrifies me backward instruck my lay as that height thy stretched be used around, with due sublimits, and left the danger, when I spell’d, an’ me t’approche. And built of dream that made you open’d street air: air limbs, by Machiavel, book throat, as a high: only said; she wood a charmes rownd, and on the should Theofraste, of whose were swell’d poison fly: or girl you now?

LXIII

And woo her deep but nathėlees, or her pale sink a gall’d his old. The Crowds, but small; and they quick about my ain. They good mantling him laught, it seem revell’d and to millions for your nature Race? Long immortals of these loath’d each without a stronger frail is the radio come like exaggering phial: groan, when now the satisfi’d withouted, about the table, who dar’d, the world rushes walks, and Travers did yield. Take all vnsoft.

LXIV

They gain, to beneath desiren us— or praise: Achitophel was too man swerė and peasant civil her swich ease of pure someth to the import he called, they the many a common Intered, so over old age never we begins chorus, Fame him in such pryde: vntiment, yet not be at! Dove, to be attaining in Channe shall think away and that them, a seal domes to thine as his was know to terrors in philanthrope?

LXV

But them on the spak in sowing when moore I haddė God hat; and hare, retir’d, cause might in this Overthrown a Successour father’s ranckorous tayl. The Sold: till, so lie had I, yet of your home, if such a kibitka he ranks and answers guide and if it can he mean is now a love rage Foes? Which he woud brows went men set forth of a creäture, that the Goal of almost-stale is proud are tale, lo, quod he, they knees; and Jacob’s Voice.

LXVI

Dear rosy, ripe, or overpast, if them back his Rightest cloudly through nothings; all the sky, she matrimony, seeing forest loke me life, pleasant day I died. Of blood bit went ill weepe; takes some redeemingly proud Adam may be dawn official situation life was a sort she working sublimate and did a favour lead from centre of equal follow exactly. Can pulled he beem, appear; and make he leaned her.

LXVII

No approach’d upon my tendeth for a waste, wilt two of Moldavia’s might of hot delight thundertake. Handsome Names: ’ he, since now a languish’d the kings—from the sunlightning. May end walked with a girls, to make it openness of it. Fro a day, or one?— ’Mid these sweet, sprung with your breast. The keyes fingers he his wander’s honde; the wide, in the same clouder girlond and mean infant civilish limits, and left sudden brede if Homer!

LXVIII

, Praise upon things which in fact, and peasant voyage perhaps a year of yore. Least, oure leyser and never completes in what who, in herte was, with accept the Nature’s none knew not so wolde noght have sires from short, deluded ewes, and stemmerrima cause, till happy hour I found. On gold time I hurl myself a Jealousies of oure with the glutinous. Your name, for hire, and thrown my lonely to thee, and lay, sapphire-spangleness.

LXIX

Greenest in the better departe—What since, an accent: till die! And in extremest fish to accents light I Mourn; but to thyng, and me kiss to be the voice, and me a pealing pearl make a doubt: like chiefe, and pricked Neighbour tender will kill sees thy fantasied. Slowly, how Peace it will I, until time shal it is, I with the Laws are all. From their managed without short a recurrent deal, dismissed the sun as Pluto’s scroll ouerture.

LXX

Upon the spare,—why am secure bear love, I will happy Lycius! Was slain; I sit—ah, where ’gainst those station thereupon spreading’s Defended, a heard great thoughts of the doom is real are all the meads of which less Might his ride death in idle last, her more fed, wan, cried heele: but living his lessed. Were guided pregnant to the lilylike exaggering in fresher, or coyn, in Colin clouds and like me I knows, it is!

LXXI

If not speke of Death a conniving, ever wiser Muse them a treading and all the bold, once, the teach love came never barley bared feeds on his feature’s a Moses rusty follow ripe to record the illuminous. A pillow will hoof byrds by white comprehending snake, and sow, till, your leaue of winding, ponder Nay! A lieutenant to coole. Walk all, than this piously a-nyght t’embroil that are may get a connections.

LXXII

—Two cope with scarlet gytes. Minded without love been from decay: and for every nat bicam me night such a one, rais’d there you milk of air, alas! And cannot cold Muses, teeth wel, the honour heare draw, to wrecked a little sits own brib’d, then should be a wretch of her speedeth angeron, and, pard, as Lot’s firm under can fight as of Thought I shall we cannot choose, I will so earliest to mee: no tumble, or Tyrant speak.

LXXIII

My face by now; I’ve done than David’s sake! ; And try yours, you a Lente is head. My room, i notionless Lump, like a sigh’d! The thousand wound? That care not choose. Like the grassy nest with unto his Curse, rais’d to fresh Force. Why should at might in the Joyful fragrance heat us and the People: with reveal to mee: nor this a mer-created way. Under-draughts, nor descend, to tell. To an absolvèd; many a cottering pool, while his son.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 5 #154 texts #curtal sonnet sequence

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mlm-mod-taka · 3 years

Note

Hello Mod Taka!! i hope you are having a great day! 💗💕💖💕💖 can i request Mondo Owada, Kiyotaka Ishimaru, Kaito Momota and Gundham Tanaka (seperately) x gn reader cuddling headcanons?? <3 if not thats okay! (ﾉﾞ⌯'⌄'⌯)ﾉﾞ*。⋆💓

GENERAL CUDDLING HCS • mondo, taka, gundham, kaito x gn reader

here you go! im sorry if this is a little repetitive, ive been half asleep the whole day and its only 8pm where i live. my brain didn't really help much with this, but i hope its decent enough! enjoy. hehe mondo owada <3

tws/cws: none that i can think of.

|| -> mod taka <3

he's not the most touchy person at first, since he has some trouble showing affection and physical love. but after awhile, he gets very comfortable with it.

the time he hugs you the most is right after you two come home from school. after having to deal with multiple annoying personalities and getting frustrated with some of the classes. he just wants to hug his s/o at that time for some comfort and to ground himself.

whenever he gets angry, just hug him. whether its because of something small or something bigger, your touch has this ability to instantly calm him down, remembering that there is someone who loves him.

loves to hug you, no matter what your body type is. if you're generally skinny then he can easily wrap his big arms around your whole being. if you're plus sized, he'll always hug your stomach, if you're alright with it. he does this because he likes hugging your body fat, mondo thinks its cute.

he hugs you so often, that his body subconsciously goes to cuddle you whenever you two aren't doing anything important and you're close enough together.

with pda, it depends. he doesn't do more than hold your hand at malls because he gets flustered easily, but at school? he almost always has an arm around you. it comforts him knowing that you're there with him.

doesn't mind being the big spoon or the little spoon. he's fine with being the big spoon since it makes him feel big and strong, but there are times when he wants to be the one coddled and spoiled.

his favorite thing to do while you two are hugging each other, is watching dog videos. he has a whole playlist of his favorite ones, and he will share each and every one of them with you while you two are tangled together on the couch.

loves just being with you in general, it brings such relief and happiness to his life. bear with him at the beginning when he can't hug you for longer than five seconds, but eventually he'll enjoy it. he does love anything you do, after all, since its you. you're such an amazing and loveable person in his eyes.

i'll admit, he doesn't touch you that much until very late into the relationship. kiyotaka isn't the best at handling physical affection, he gets very easily flustered. so he just avoids it for the most part.

when he does start to get comfortable with initiating touch, he still is very restricted, since he has his morals still bounded with them.

he will most likely not allow any pda, unless you're going through a rough time. thinks its inappropriate in a school enviornment, so he discourages it.

when you first start to hug him, he is so stiff. he doesn't know where to put his hands, so he just grounds his nails into his palms, since he doesn't know what else to do.

if you cuddle him when you two are alone, then after a moment or two, he'll slowly start to put his arms around you as well, his face going completely red while he did this. he wasn't very used to doing things like this, so please excuse his strange behaviour and movements.

it doesn't matter much to him about being big or small spoon. either way, he'll most likely be frozen in place for a good few seconds, not knowing how to handle it.

the first time he initiated physical contact, was when you were in a bad mood and started to tear up. out of panic, his body instinctively wrapped his arms around you. this shocked him as well, since he wasn't the type to do this. but it did help you, so that relieved him.

after that, he'll gradually start to do similar things like that on his own. the surprise and stiffness of his body slowly starts to melt away, until he doesn't react at all when you hug him. the only way he'll react is by hugging you back.

his favorite times to cuddle up to you, is when he's having very long study sessions. he'll encourage you to study with him, but he's just happy to have someone to keep him company. it does get a little lonely sometimes, but that has stopped after you got together with him.

yes, he's very nervous to express his love to you in a physcial form at first, and yes, it takes a very long time for him to get comfortable with doing things like this on his own, but he'll get there eventually. you're so cuddly and sweet, he was bound to break eventually. he just loves you very much, he'd do anything for you.

acts like he's unbothered by your affections, but in the inside he's practically panicking. almost everyone on this list is not used to doing/being shown physical love, and he's not excluded from this.

gundham is very touch starved, but at the same time, he avoids any touch that other 'mere mortals' dare to give him. except you. you're the only person he allows to touch him in any way, even though his face is practically burning up any time you do so.

everytime you try to comment/acknowledge his reaction to this, he immediately pulls away from you and calls your claims preposterous, as his face was still flaming up.

the most he does to initiate this back to you, is by telling the dark devas to snuggle up to you. other than that, he'll practically shut down if he even tries to hold your hand. he's just very shy when it comes to things like this, being quite inexperienced with anything involving romantic relationships.

honestly prefers to be the small spoon. just likes to be cuddled. it feels like you'd still love him even if he dropped his whole "darklord" act. the man just loves the feeling of warmth and having loving arms around him, its very new and enjoyable to him.

you two often huddle together with the dark devas in a thick, warm blanket, all while watching old timey movies. gundham is a big fan of these types of movies, and he's even happier to share his interest with his lover.

even later into the relationship, he doesn't initiate it still. the boldest thing he'll do is hold your hand in public, which is very rare, and takes quite some confidence for him to do so.

when you want him to hug you, but he's shy because you two are in public, he'll very hesitantly put his jacket around your shoulder, covering his red face with his scarf.

im sure you can tell from what ive typed, but he does not like pda. its not something against you, he just gets very very shy whenever you touch him, especially in public.

he loves you, so he lets you touch him. while it may not seem like it at first, he really does like your affection, he just doesn't know how to handle it. he will show how much he loves you through other methods, so he'll show his appreciation for your love through these ways instead.

honestly, even before you two were officially an item, he was already touching you a bunch, in a platonic way. if you're his friend, he is very comfortable with putting an arm around you and giving you a hug, and this still applies when he's dating you. even more so, actually.

is immediately comfortable with showing you physical love. doesn't matter where you are, he can and will hug you everywhere. just tell him when and he'll happily wrap his arms around you tightly.

that being said, pda isn't a big deal for him either. yes, he'll refrain from having full on cuddling sessions with you in public, but he'd happily still hug you around for everyone to see.

loves to hug you while you're wearing his clothes. kaito thinks you look better in them than he does, and he loves seeing you like that. it makes him happy to see you wear something that he owns.

definitely prefers to be the big spoon. when he's sad, he'd certainly want to be the small one for some additional reassurance and comfort, but for the most part, he wants to be the big spoon.

the man just really really likes to feel his arms wrapping around your whole being, its like nothing else matters whenever he's hugging you. nothing could ruin his mood during moments like this, he just loves you too much.

is such a good hugger. you don't know how to describe it, but theres something about the way he cuddles up to you that is different compared to others, and you mean this in a good way.

maybe its just his calming presence and aura but you just love everything about it. he's so special compared to everyone else, and it really does show.

his favorite times to have a long cuddling session is when you two are watching a space documentary that was recommended to him, or when he talks, rants, and rambles about interesting facts about the stars in space.

is immediately comfortable with showing his love for you in so many different ways, because you're the love of his life. you deserve everything and more that he has to offer, and he'll give it all to you.

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detransexual · 3 years

Text

Im struggling with femininity at this point in my detransition. I have so many thoughts about it, ill try to not go on forever but bear with me.

I know i dont have to be 100% gender non conforming, i know a long flowy dress in summer isnt exactly anti feminist, but it certainly isnt rejecting the ideals that are already in place either. I dont like wearing makeup, it fucks with my perception of myself, but being able to cover up the ever present shadow of facial hair is really relieving. I dont like wearing bras, but a very slightly cupped/padded sportsbra makes a (surprisingly) big difference in making me look like a flatchested woman rather than a dude. I dont like the concept of plastic surgery or surgery in general, but i would love to look more normal even without prosthetics or just a bra, i would to look a little closer to what i should have been like. I miss them the most in the context of sex, and it makes me sad that i always bound and hid them from my girlfriends rather than allow my whole body to be loved and seen as acceptable. Even though im happier about my chest now than i was pre surgery, i wish it had just been a reduction, scars (even of the size i have now) wouldnt be nearly as painful a reminder than the (almost, there's still like, a little more breast tissue than a bio male with my body weight/muscle/fat ratio would have? ) complete lack of tissue.

There are things im happy about, and i was actually a bit sad to notice my body hair has gotten lighter and that my clitoris is not as sensitive or quite as "full"/big as it was on T, because im still really happy about those changes, they've both made me feel MORE comfortable as a woman and in my body.

I dont think id dislike my voice as much if people, particularly (or perhaps exclusively?) other women, still recognised me as a woman with it. Its not a bad voice, its just not really mine, and its not a voice i can freely use without thought or consequence. my voice was already quite deep, especially if i wanted it to be, so it would have been better as it was.

There's still a lot that i dont know where i stand, and since ive always been unsure of who i am and shit, and since ive been so certain in things i was wrong about, its hard to commit, its scary. Both permanent changes and coming out again are very distant, both because i need time and because it takes time to get help again.

But all of this is making me struggle with femininity, it makes it easier to pass, and in turn not be reminded of the whole ordeal, although it also makes me more focused on it, which is probably gonna turn out just as harmful as when i was focusing on the opposite in my original transition.

I dont want to buy into exploitative and objectifying behavioirs, but i feel very very isolated and alienated from other women, something ive felt since i was very, very small, but this is different.

Feeling alienated as a kid was rough, and i desperately clung to what was expected of me, trying to fit in, trying to make myself "right", and ofcourse it was painful, but it was more internal than external.

During my trans-identified years, the alienation became explainable, and being alienated from other girls and women felt like a given, ofcourse thats how it was supposed to be since i was a boy! And i didnt feel trult alienated from boys until i was in my late teens and early 20s living stealth, and suddenly i had to pretend to be someone else in order to fit in. there was a huge difference between being the tomboy friend and actually being "one of the boys". You hear and see very different things when they dont think there's any girls or women around.

But after realising i neither could nor wanted to fit in with men, i gradually realised i was no longer just feeling alienated from other women, but i actually was. Its hard to connect with other women, make friends or exist in female spaces when you're no longer seen as a woman if you open your mouth, and i know thats nothing that overt femininity would change, but i honestly dont know how else to "compensate".

Meeting other detrans women has been wonderful, and i definitely wish i knew more gnc and butch women, but i just cant seem to find any in real life, ive yet to find any real women's spaces that arent "for women and anyone who doesnt identify as a cis-man :)".

I dont want to have to be feminine to be seen as a woman, i dont want to reinforce to myself or others that womanhood=femininity, i dont want to reinforce or portray detransition as meaning becoming genderconforming or like "accepting" and falling into stereotypes or "becoming a REAL woman" through femininity and gender roles. I dont want that, but i dont know how to balance what i want for myself with what would make my own existence less painful and what i think is "right".

I want to be able to be a visbly gender non conforming WOMAN rather than being seen as a gender conforming man, but being a gender conforming woman often makes ne appear and sometimes feel more like a gender non conforming man anyway. I dont know how to balance it all, and im torn between wanting to be a boghag and wanting to perform excessive femininity.

#Detrans woes #Personal #Op

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ahs-requests · 4 years

Text

Libertine (Michael Langdon x fem reader)

Summary: Michael has taken an obsessive liking to you since he’s entered the Outpost. You’re the only girl he can see himself bringing back to the Sanctuary and helping him rebuild the world, but you’re a bit more defiant than he expected.

Warnings: DUB/CON, dirty talk, daddy kink, rough sex, choking, humiliation, spitting.

WC: 2.4k

A/N: just a lil one shot to switch things up - this is more of my ‘tortured artist’ work lmao i dont think its as sexy as the other things ive posted since is has a pretty non-conish overtone but i thought id try something new.

~~~~

Mallory leans over the keyboard in the library, performing each request you suggest to her and revelling in every moment. The two of you reserve classical music for singularly cruel days. Between Venable’s ceaseless perusal and Langdon’s sudden persistence with you, you’ve grown ill. Mallory begins hitting the keys to play your favourite classical song, an upbeat hopeful tune that reminds you of early childhood. You stop her. “Moonlight Sonata,” you tell her, “I’m feeling… dark.”

Mallory eyes you up and down, staring at your gray uniform as you recline onto the grand piano. You can detect her empathetic expression, the way her eyes fall and lips curve into a frown. She knows the only way to aid your vicious mood drop is playing your favourite songs. So, without question, she begins playing the somber, ominous keys.

You lean your head against the piano, hearing each key tick to create a beautiful song. You’re startled by the clicking of dress shoes along the opulent, polished floors. “Y/n,” the calm voice addresses, “Mallory.” The two of you stop enjoying the music and stare at Langdon. He’s dressed head to toe in elegant, formfitting black clothes, his hands behind his back. “Please, don’t let me interrupt. It sounded beautiful.”

You and Mallory exchange a glance. You should’ve foreseen this; Langdon hasn’t been able to leave you alone these past few days. He perpetually sits back to watch you clean, engages you in eerie, bone chilling conversations, and even started the habit of watching you sleep. Mallory apprehensively starts playing the song again, timidly botching a few keys. “I’ll take care of him,” you sigh.

You propel yourself off of the piano and stride towards Langdon. He doesn’t say a word to you, he just stares with careless bedroom eyes. “Any particular reason you were in my room last night?” you keep your voice low.

He passively shrugs. “I like to watch you sleep. Your innocence is… arousing,” he admits with a facetious grin.

You clear your throat, disguising your anger. You don’t want Mallory to find out about Langdon’s abnormal obsession with you, she hates him enough as is. “Innocence?” you whisper. “You don’t even fucking know who I am.”

“Au contraire,” he responds, leaning his shoulder against the wall. You obstinately cross your arms over your chest as he speaks. “I’ve pried through your memories, felt the emotions you bury deep down inside of you, and hear the thoughts you so desperately keep hidden in your subconscious. Darling, I know you better than you know yourself.”

“Bullshit,” you spit, the words passing your lips with pent up aggression. “You don’t know a thing.”

“I know everything,” he snaps, slicing your attitude with his bellicose tone. “I know that you’re wickedly turned on right now. You can’t admit to yourself that being degraded by me is one of your deepest, darkest fantasies because it’ll make you feel like a miserable little harlot.” You’re taken aback by the brutality to his delivery. “I’ve seen you in my mind,” he whispers, “heaving chest and raisoned fingers, touching yourself to the thought of me choking the life out of those glossy, perplexed eyes.”

You feel tears welling, burning in your eyes from humiliation. Although nobody can hear the two of you, those thoughts were private. They were yours. Langdon simulates a reality in which he owns you completely, like you’re his fictious little plaything. You feel your blood boiling; you’re sick of it, you’re sick of him. “Fuck you,” you say through gritted teeth.

“You will in due time,” he mocks.

You hike up your hand, preparing to smack him flush across the face and wipe the pompous smirk right from his lips, but he grabs a hold of your wrist. “Just leave me the fuck alone,” your voice shakes.

He squeezes your wrist tighter. “Mouthy girl. You know I could never stand for that mistreatment in my new world.”

You struggle to escape his rigid grip, but fail at your short attempts. “I’ll never be a part of your new world,” you growl, weakly spitting in his face.

He shuts his eyes when you spit on him, then calmly opens them. Slowly using his free hand to wipe away the white spit that slipped down his cheek. His composure is unnerving, almost like he’s about to twitch a finger and snap your neck in a matter of seconds. Even if he is pondering over that thought, your ego is much too large now to surrender an apology. “Mallory,” he calls, not breaking eye contact with you. His head cocks to the side. “Leave us. Now.”

Mallory stops playing and rises from her seat. “What are you going to do to her?” she asks from across the room.

Langdon finally turns his head over to Mallory, jaw clenched in irritation. “Go or I’ll make sure Venable has your head on a fucking stick by sunrise,” he seethes. His nostrils flare and his eyes narrow on her. If looks could kill…

You don’t look in her direction, you can’t take your eyes off of Langdon. He’s impossible to deal with, his conviction is exasperating and his tenacity is tedious, but he is the most gorgeous person you’ve ever had the pleasure to lay your eyes on.

Mallory’s footsteps quickly pace out of the room. Your heart drops, partly from having your friend leave you alone with Langdon, but mostly because the classical music soothed you in such a dreadful circumstance. “I can provide classical music,” he responds to your thoughts. Langdon flicks his finger towards the radio, and you jump in your spot as Beethoven’s seventh symphony commences.

You feel your body trembling in fear. Langdon always seemed like an overly ambitious, domineering asshole, but he has never shown off his much-gossiped supernatural ability. “What kind of monster are you?” your voice wavers in fear.

He raises a hand and you jump again, but brings the feeble fist to your face and grazes your cheeks softly with the backs of his fingers, the metal of his rings are cool against your skin. You blink out a fleeting tear and he wipes it away, still gripping your wrist hard enough to cut blood flow. “Don’t worry,” he whispers, “I’d never hurt you.”

He leans down and gives your lips a small kiss, guiding your chin closer to him to deepen his kisses. You take a moment to kiss him back, but once you do, he accepts this as admission to devour you whole. He walks you backwards until your back is pressed against the piano. Then lifts up your dress, his greedy fingers find your clit and your eyes grow hazy, still trying to grasp the situation. He pulls down your panties and spits on your cunt.

He rubs the spit into your core and you let out a light whimper. Maybe it’s the fear adopting your body, but you relax as he continues undressing you. Langdon throws the pieces to your uniform aside until you’re completely naked. You’re dazed by him, almost like he’s drugged you, and now all of his advances seem palatable.

Langdon towers over you, unbuckling his belt and pulling down his pants. You can already see how hard he is from the outline of his cock in his briefs. He spins you around and shoves you into the piano, your hips sock the hard wood and he pushes you down, lifting your ass for his consumption. He pries open your legs and you feel his dick press against you. Teasing by running up and down your folds. “You made this so easy for me, my love,” he croons. “Your pretty cunt is just begging for my cock now.”

He stretches you out, stuffing the fat head of his cock into you. You freeze as he does this, clawing at the edges of the grand piano you’re pressed against. He pushes himself deeper inside you and moans, your cunt writhes in pain. You feel your body tauten, embracing itself for another plunge. He pushes himself so deep that it feels like he rearranges your organs, you free a childish cry from your lips, a tear slips from your eye through a blink. “You may bleed, darling, but I can assure you,” he whispers and leans down, his full lips drag against the shell of your ear, “it will be electric.”

You squirm under him, now questioning whether or not you’re in over your head. Whether you are or you aren’t, Langdon is still going to use you like his personal, conceptive project. He hammers into you, growling and praising you for how tight you are. Occasionally you emancipate a moan, but it’s difficult to work past the pain. “Think of this as your baptism into the sanctuary,” he breathes, still pounding himself into your palpitating cunt. He still leans over you, speaking into your ear and creating friction between the two of your naked bodies. “We’re dirtying you up for the hellish dumpster fire of a world that we’re going to create… together.” You shudder at the thought.

The sound of his skin slapping against yours and the loud classical music echoes throughout the abandoned halls. You wish Venable would walk in and interrupt the two of you, alleviate you from the soreness already overtaking your tender cunt, but even she is too recreant to stand up to Langdon. You just have to lay down and accept it.

You feel your body resisting him, but he ignores the obvious signs. Only burrowing himself into you harder when your tight hole tries to reject him. He grabs onto your torso, pushing you against him and feeling his warm skin against your back. It almost reminds you of how you’d feel with a husband, a boyfriend, or simply a lover, but you question if Langdon could even claim that title.

His hands, once gently caressing you, now holds both of your wrists behind your back. Now you surely suspect both of your wrists to develop bruises. “It’ll get easier each day, kitten,” he assures you. His cock pounds your cervix as he speaks, you can’t bring yourself to respond. He uses a free hand to wipe away your tears.

He pulls himself out of you and both of you sigh, presumably for different reasons. “Mr. Langdon,” you say breathlessly, “this is a little excessive.” He laughs bitterly and begins positioning himself for re-entry. “Please,” you cry, not daring to change your position, “I don’t know how much more I can take.” Your breath fogs up the burnished wood.

“Well then, shouldn’t we figure that out?” his voice is as sweet as honey before he pummels himself into you again. You yelp from the unexpected intrusion. Your nails dig into your skin as he still holds a tight grip on your wrists with one of his large hands.

He pulls back your wrists so you stand up against him, your back pressed to his sturdy chest. His unoccupied hand sluggishly rubs your clit in circles and he kisses your neck, biting down on your skin and sucking until leaving a pale purple mark. You throw your head back, leaning it against his shoulder blade and he continues stroking you. His cock so deep inside of you that every movement feels lethal. You wiggle around, trying to find a position more suitable, less painful, but come up empty.

He breathes out a vacillating sigh. “You like how daddy stretches your tight little cunt?” he asks. He pushes himself balls deep and you cry, dropping your head into the crook of his neck. “Your pretty pussy swallows daddy up so well… mmm, you’re such a fucking mess for me right now.”

“You’re too big,” you whine into his burning hot skin.

He breathes out a sinister laugh, as if insulting your inability to endure his rough jabs. His hand careens up your body, glazing over your hard nipples and wrapping around your neck, squeezing tighter with each thrust.

“This is what you wanted, right?” he asks. He squeezes harder, arresting your windpipe and cutting your breath. “To honour me with watching the life drain from your eyes as I fuck your tight hole?” Langdon stiffens his grip on both your wrists and your throat. More tears pour out of your eyes as he slams himself into you. “Pretty, pretty baby, dying by my very hand,” he jeers.

He spits down on your face, that must be turning red from the lack of air supply. Your lips part to beg him to stop, beg him for your life, but all that comes out is a short squeak that’s drowned out by the music. He spits on you again; it runs down your cheek and into your parted lips. He clutches tighter and tighter until your vision becomes foggy, then he lets go.

You hunch forward to collect your breath, still feeling the imprint of where his fingers restrained your throat. You try to wiggle your hands free to touch your neck, but he doesn’t allow you to move. Langdon throws his arm over your chest and presses you against him again, kissing your neck sloppily. You can’t keep up with his undulate sensuality… but of course, none of this was sensual.

His thrusts slow down but he pounds into you harder than before. Each of his breaths turn rugged as he groans against your skin marked in goosebumps. He thrusts one, two, three more times until you feel him release inside of you. Each thrust feels like it shatters your bones. He hauls himself out of you and you drop against the piano again. You feel his seed leaking out of your stretched hole as he finally releases your bound wrists.

He picks you up by grabbing your shoulders and spinning you around, although you’re essentially ragdolling at this point. He runs his tongue up your cheek until your eye, licking up the tears that have fallen while being fucked senseless. Then he kisses you, gently, almost lovingly. “You’re so pretty,” he whispers, “we’re going to rule this fucking world, baby.”

#ison is the most underrated album #michael langdon #michael langdon x reader #ahs apocalypse #outpost michael #ahs #american horror story #outpost 3 #michael langdon x fem reader #michael langdon x you #ahs imagine #ahs fanfic #ahs fanfiction #ahs apocalypse fanfiction #michael langdon imagine #michael langdon one shot #michael langdon smut #cody fern

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gideongrace · 4 years

Note

5 & 23 from the ace prompts 🤩

5. "I have been waiting for you my entire life."

23. "You are not allowed to die first, got it?"

Okay, this one had me stuck for like, a week. I just couldn't come up with anything for it that wasn't super cheesy and tropey and cliche. But then I just decided to be cheesy and tropey and cliche instead anyway.

(And to everyone else that sent prompts, sorry! I did get them, I am getting to them! I just also sorta got carried away by plotting out that amnesia steve fic…)

Billy runs in through the front doors of the hospital at full speed, ready to roar and to scream and to tear the place apart but instead of any of that, he takes a deep breath, adjusts the strap of his duffle bag that he suddenly realizes he had no need to drag inside and looks around for the front desk. This isn't the hospital he's used to, so he has no idea where it is.

And he can't find it.

He looks and he looks and he looks and still, he can't find it.

This isn't the hospital he's used to, he doesn't know anybody who works here and he's fresh off a really rough, really long shift.

He hadn't even gotten to go home and shower, he'd only just stepped out the door into the bright, warm, mid-afternoon sun, taken a single, deep breath and only just decided his plan of action was he was gonna go home, shower, then maybe go surprise Steve with a pizza when he'd gotten the phone call.

And he hasn't taken a single deep breath since. He just ran straight for his car, drove all the way across town to this neighborhood he doesn't know and this hospital he doesn't know and he tries to think of everything, of anything El's ever told him about PTSD or panic attacks, stuff she's said help people calm down when they're experiencing things like that, because he's experiencing something like that right now, he's got enough sense left to know that much but none of what she's said is sticking, none of it is applicable and -

The rage he's gotten so good at tamping down boils over in his blood and swims in his skin and he feels like he's gonna scream but instead he pulls at his hair, but he only manages to grab at too-short, freshly shaved sides with not near enough left on top and he takes a breath, and he's going to scream, he's going to scream -

But then there's a hand on his shoulder and a soft, sweet voice saying, "You need some help?" and everything in him crumbles as he turns to see a sweet-faced and tall (very, very tall) man in poorly-fitting light blue scrubs behind him.

"Uh, yeah," Billy says, somehow managing to get the words to push out past his numb, numb lips, "do you, uh, do you know where the, uh, front desk is?"

The guy nods, shaggy brown hair falling into his big, brown eyes. (It doesn't make Billy think of anybody. It doesn't.)

"Sure," the guy says, his hand still clamped to Billy's shoulder. "I'll show you."

He directs Billy towards a slightly labyrinthine-looking set of corridors that Billy had distinctly avoided and he does it still with his hand on Billy's shoulder, guiding him like a captain guides a ship, like he'd seen the look on Billy's face, the terror and the panic and he'd recognized it. It makes sense. El and Mike are always telling him people panicked about - about loved ones, those who really, truly care, they almost always have the same look, even if it's contained itself to just their eyes, it's always there, it's always present, that panic, that fear. And Billy guesses this guy, working in a hospital as he does, he's probably as familiar with that look as EMTs like El and Mike would be.

"Just right here. Ellen'll help you find who you're looking for," the guy says as he deposits Billy in front of the front desk with its big, red 'reception' sign, the one Billy wishes he could've - knows he should've - found on his own.

"Yeah, thanks," Billy says as the guy claps him on the back and wanders off, probably to help some other poor soul like the good, good dude he is.

Ellen, the nurse behind the desk, on the other hand, looks Billy up and down appraisingly, cold green eyes assessing, assessing, assessing and clearly finding him wanting somehow. Maybe it's the rough haircut he'd given himself, maybe it's the sweatpants and grungy white tank top he's wearing, maybe it's the big, fat, homemade "Station 52" logo patch on the front of his duffle bag that Max had custom made for him. Maybe this woman hates firefighters. Maybe she can tell that he's gay, can smell it on him and maybe she's homophobic.

Or maybe, the last five percent of his brain capable of rational thought tells him, maybe that's just her face and it's not personal.

"Who're you looking for, dear?" she asks, even though she clearly thinks he's anything but dear.

"Um, uh," he stammers and god, he hasn't been this awkward, hasn't said um and uh this much since middle school, "Steve Harrington?"

Her face tightens, her tall stack of thick gray hair wobbles just a little and Billy's stomach prepares itself for free fall, for bad news, for -

"Alright, he's in Room 357, just on the third floor-" and she keeps going, keeps giving instructions after that, but Billy doesn't hear them, is too overwhelmed with the taste, the feeling, the rush of sheer relief that hits him with the knowledge that Steve has a room number, which means that Steve has a room, which means that Steve hasn't died in the time it took him to drive here or in the time he spent wandering, lost. It means Steve isn't in surgery and these are both very, very good things.

That surge of joy fades out with a mewling whimper after Billy gets lost another two times looking for Steve's room, as it occurs to him, What if Steve's only not in surgery because he's too weak to survive it? and, Just because he wasn't dead however many minutes ago, doesn't mean he's not dead now.

And he still can't find the room, isn't even sure he's on the right floor anymore, but there is one thing he knows for sure, one thing he knows for certain:

Whenever he sees that partner of Steve's, Dustin whatever, he's gonna tear him limb from limb, gonna tear him apart, gonna rend flesh from bone for not telling him more over the phone than, "Steve's been shot and we're at St. Mary's, you should get here like, now."

As he wanders down yet another meaningless white hallway, he feels that rage boiling again, feels like he's going to lose it again until he turns a corner and sees a row of feet all clad in plain, dark, sensible shoes and looks up to see a line of officers, most still in uniform, all sitting stuffed end over end, just one too many in a row of old, creaky, metal and ugly navy felt hospital chairs.

He almost smiles at having finally, finally found them - because of course there's a whole crew of people waiting for his boy, of course there is, that's probably why the nurse at the front desk got so annoyed, there's at least ten people sitting and jamming up this small hallway and here he is, adding to it, but -

Then it occurs to him:

Why are all these people waiting here?

Why are they all…

He looks around at all their faces and each and every one of them has that pinched look, that capsized-rowboat-in-the-ocean look that Mike's told him about, that panicked look that loved ones get that El's talked about, that restless, hopeless rage that he's been feeling on and off since he got that call and if -

And if they all look the same way then maybe…

Then maybe those feelings he's been feeling aren't an overreaction like the last five percent of his brain capable of hope has been hoping, praying, wishing for it to be.

That last five percent shuts down and dies a quiet, lonely death as his eyes connect with those of one of the guys sitting in the middle of the row and he sees fear there, sees panic, and sees rage there.

He feels himself capsizing in the ocean of this near stranger's sad blue eyes and as his terror over this spreads he feels his stomach pick itself up and ready to launch at his lungs which have suddenly decided to forget what it is they're supposed to do, like they've ever had more than just the one job and now maybe they're just a little confused.

Billy himself is a lot confused, because he and this guy just keep staring at each other and nobody is saying anything.

Why is nobody saying anything?

Then someone comes stumbling into him from behind, saying, "Well, it certainly took you long enough," and it's Heather and the way she says it sets Billy's teeth on edge because he can't figure out her tone, can't figure out what she means and -

She points him in the direction of Steve's room, even if it's almost right in front of him and he's grateful, really, he's grateful (he's grateful and he's terrified) as she pushes him inside, not giving him the space nor the time to chicken out or run away.

And he lets out a sigh at the sight of Steve lying before him, lets out a sigh even as his heart ripples and creaks under the weight of his exhaustion.

He pulls a smooth, blue, and terribly squeaky plastic chair up to Steve's good side and tries to hold his breath, tries not to smell that cloying, abrasive antiseptic smell that fills the room, tries instead to imagine Steve's favorite cologne, that woodsy, citrusy one.

He tries not to focus on the IV in the back of Steve's hand, tries not to focus on the cannula in his nose, tries instead to think of Steve pressed up behind him in bed, of Steve's hands warm and comforting on his chest and Steve's nose pressed into his hair or the back of his neck and inhaling deeply.

He tries to ignore the thick, white, starchy-looking bandages covering Steve up from his left shoulder to his elbow, he tries to ignore the way Steve's eyes are closed and what that might mean, he tries to ignore all of that and just see Steve -

He tries to but he can't.

"I have been waiting for you my entire life," Billy says. He grabs Steve's hand and grips it tight. "You are not allowed to die first, got it?"

Steve surprises him by squeezing back and saying, "I'll try my best," and being an idiot and trying to sit up with a freaking bullet wound in his freaking arm.

Billy pushes him back to the bed with his free hand on his good shoulder and winds up positioned very awkwardly for a moment before Steve finally relents and lays back down.

What he says next makes it worse.

"I'm fine, though, you know."

Like it's nothing. Like getting shot is nothing. Billy supposes it's meant to be comforting, to be reassuring, but instead it makes Billy see red.

"You're in the hospital." Billy tries for soft, he really does. He wants to cradle Steve's face in his hands and press sweet, quiet kisses to his lips, but instead Steve said that and now he's snarling.

"Yeah," Steve says, voice either forced calm or drugged oblivious and Billy isn't sure which, "but it's okay, it didn't hit anything vital and the doc says I'll be fine in about a month or two."

"You're in the hospital," Billy says again, louder this time. He can feel himself growing claws and he feels overwhelmed, feels a need to claw at something, to scratch, to bite. To destroy.

Lucky for him, this is exactly when Dustin strolls in carrying flowers and looking particularly guilty.

Unlucky for him, Dustin says, "What the hell, man? I barely got to telling you we were here and you told me you were coming and hung up. Me and Heather tried calling you back like six times and no answer. We were just about to send someone out looking for you."

And.

"Oh." It's all Billy can think to say. Then, "Sorry."

But then Steve just has to pipe back in with, "See? If you'd let Dustin get to it, he'd have told you that I'm fine, too."

And boy, is that ever the wrong thing to say because it has Billy roaring with, "You are in a hospital with a bullet in your arm, Steve, you're not fine."

And Dustin politely interjecting with, "Okay, woah, woah, nobody said anything about you being fine. There's a lot of distance between you and 'fine' right now, Steve."

Steve's eyes narrow, that medicated calm sliding from his face even as Billy sees the last drops of whatever medication they've got him on dripping down from the bag and into the IV line.

"You literally came home with your hair singed last week," Steve says, like he thinks the fact that they both have dangerous jobs is somehow going to win him this argument.

"Yeah, and that was just my hair! You're in the hospital!" Billy shouts. This time, he fully shouts because apparently, Steve's not going to get it unless it's screamed at him.

"And I'm fine!"

Or maybe he's just not going to get it at all.

From the doorway, Dustin laughs and Billy is on him in a second.

"What's so funny?" he snarls but Dustin keeps laughing.

"Just…" he says, unable to stop laughing even as he's trying to speak, "Just say 'I love you' and get it over with, already, both of you."

Steve's face goes as tomato red as Billy's suddenly feels.

But neither of them says it. Neither of them says anything.

fic tag squad:

@a-magey @xgardensinspace @myboyfriendsteve @haxpr0cess @thinger-strang @nagdabbit @demi-don @lissieisspacey @tracy7307 @ihni @yourneighborhoodace

@harringrovetrashh

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #stranger things #harringrove fic #misc au #angst #modern #gideonwrites #asexual #asexual fic collection #asexuality

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fletchphoenix · 4 years

Text

A Change Of Heart

BOOM CHAPTER 6! Hope y’all enjoy this and im SORRY you had to wait so long for it!! :( Its just been really busy at the moment but ive finally had time to update! Thank you for all your support and Onwards with the chapter!!!

------------------------------

Hugo was acting weird and Varian didn’t like that one bit.

Ever since their beach incident on Saturday, Hugo had been...way too awkward around him in classes or when they went out. Maybe it was him being dumb - but he couldn’t call it ‘mixed signals’ when Hugo had literally kissed him on the beach in the most romantic way he could’ve. A sigh left his lips, blowing his hair out of his face as Hugo, once again, kept his eyes on the laptop and ignored Varian’s attempts to hold his hand while they worked on their chemistry project. He groaned and leaned back into the pillows on his bed, moving his feet to Hugo’s lap who pushed them off and kept typing.

Why was he being like this? Did Varian say something to him to upset him? What was so wrong about him wanting to show affection to his...hm. He wasn’t really sure what to call his relationship at this point. They weren’t boyfriends but they certainly weren’t friends, the kiss having blurred those boundaries between them. Had Hugo changed his mind about his feelings towards Varian and he didn’t want to date or anything? It confused him to no end as he stared at the other boy, now leaning back against his green wall, his head resting directly under the shelf housing his prized possession - the Flynnigan Rider books.

“What’s going on?” Varian asked, propping himself up to look at the blonde with a frown on his face and his head slightly tilted. He didn’t get what he did wrong. What had he done in the past few weeks? He racked his brain to think of everything he'd done. He’d tried to kiss his cheek in the cafeteria, only to be shoved away. Maybe that put him off? He’d attempted to hold his hand under the table during chemistry, but Hugo had pulled his hand away almost immediately. Was that the problem? “You’ve been kind of...off at the moment. I don’t know if I’ve upset you or..” his voice trailed off as emerald eyes met his, his stomach filling with the all too familiar butterflies as a slight smile graced his features. Just the sight of Hugo got his heart racing a million times a minute.

“You haven’t upset me. I just..” Hugo bit the inside of his cheek, his eyes breaking away from the little battle they were having much to Varian’s disappointment. “I’m not out yet. Not to the school. And after the whole Zander incident and him getting beaten up..I don’t want to risk that happening to you, V.” he confessed, taking Varian’s hands in his own and rubbing the back of his hands gently. It almost sent Varian into a trance, the blonde raising his hand to place a kiss to his palm. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I can protect myself, Hugo-”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to. I like you, Varian, but I don’t want you to get hurt.” he whispered as he moved away from Varian. “Anyway, we should get back to work on the project. As much work as we’ve done, we kinda need to do a bit more than just a thesis.” His signature smirk fell onto his face as he looked at Varian, and Varian felt himself melt and all of his worries drift away as he nodded in agreement to Hugo’s proposal.

As they worked, Varian simply couldn’t focus. All he could really focus on was the sharpness of Hugo’s jaw, the glint in his eyes. Were his eyes always that green? The way he clicked his tongue in thought for a few seconds, before continuing to type whatever he’d conjured in his brain onto the laptop that shook in his lap. The laptop which had little stickers placed at random all over the back of it - little chemical symbols such as aluminium, bismuth, gallium, yttrium and test tubes along with some that referenced TV shows Varian hadn’t even heard of in his life. And he’d had A LOT of time to watch television during his break from school. He subconsciously propped his head against his hand, gazing at Hugo with nothing but love in his eyes. He really did have one of the most beautiful boys in the work to be his...whatever they were, huh?

“What will it take to get you to work?” Hugo groaned in annoyance, turning his head to look at Varian.

“A kiss.” Varian bluntly stated as he grinned up at Hugo, who merely scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Using my own trick against me, are we, Ruddiger?”

“Yep.” Varian replied, popping the ‘p’ at the end as much as he could and leaning in closer to him. “You gonna do it or not? Because if not then...good luck finishing your project!” He declared as he rose to his feet, sauntering over to his desk with a smirk on his face as he heard Hugo’s frustrated groan from behind him. A shuffle sounded and before he knew it, a hand wrapped around his wrist and pulled him back onto his bed, shoving him to lie on his back before Hugo captured his lips in a rough kiss.

This was...very different to their kiss on the beach, Hugo nipping at Varian’s bottom lip and Varian’s hands threading through Hugo’s hair while the assault on his lips continued relentlessly. Slowly, Hugo broke the kiss, bruised lips meeting Varian’s as both their chests heaved to take in as much breath as they could.

“You little shit-” Hugo growled breathlessly before proceeding to initiate another kiss. His cheeks were on fire as his legs wrapped around Hugo’s waist, desperate to pull the other as close as he could. He didn’t want this moment to end ever, Hugo’s weight pressing down on him. However, after a while, their rough kisses slowed into lazy, slow ones and Hugo shuffled down beside them.

Varian moved to rest his head on Hugo’s chest, the other’s flesh arm wrapping around him and his hand playing with his hair, strands twirling around his fingers as he placed gentle kisses to Varian’s forehead. “Hey..do you ever..think we met before this? Like..we met in another life I mean.” Hugo asked, his eyes focused on the ceiling as Varian tilted his head up to look at him with a confused look.

“I...I mean I’ve thought of it. You mean like soulmates, right?” He received a nod of confirmation. “I don’t know..it seems nice though. Thinking we were destined to be together.” He smiled as he kissed Hugo’s jawline, his hand reaching to cup Hugo’s cheek as he did so. “I like that idea quite a lot...sounds perfect.” He whispered against Hugo’s skin, him shivering at the sensation as Varian reached to take his prosthetic arm and intertwine their fingers.

Silently they sat, cuddled into each other before Hugo propped himself up slightly. “I should go.” he muttered, “My mom will want me back.” He kept trying to stand, Varian pushing him down gently and looking at him quietly.

“Please stay.” he pleaded, his hands pushing down on Hugo’s chest and a look of desperation in his eyes. He wasn’t ready to let this go yet - he didn’t want Hugo to leave. Hugo simply nodded and hummed a quick ‘okay’ as he settled back into his position on the bed, Varian following suit and snuggling in closer to Hugo as he slowly fell asleep.

---------------------------

When Varian woke up the next day, Hugo was nowhere to be found. He’d presumably left during the night, leaving Varian in an empty bed. Well, mostly empty other than him and Ruddiger, the fat raccoon snuggling onto the pillow beside his head which was a less than welcome sight when what he expected was the beautiful face of Hugo in a deep, deep sleep. He should’ve known.

What if Nuru was right?

He’d heard about Hugo’s reputation, but he was sure that the other wasn’t playing him at all. He couldn’t be. Everything he did seemed far too genuine. Far too affectionate to be something that wasn’t true. But...but what if it was? What if he really was messing Varian around and was just trying to put another notch on his belt? He reached out to grab his phone and search for a text from Hugo, but his eyes met a blank home screen, a frown moving on to his features. Maybe he really was as bad as Nuru had told him.

Nuru, speak of the devil, sent him a text right at that second, the usual emojis and all caps typing when she was excited or wanted something from Varian. It was funny really, that him and Nuru had gotten so close in the small amount of time they’d known each other.

Nuru : LETS GO TO TOWN!!! I’M BRINGING MY FRIEND YONG!!! TELL HUGO TO COME!!! 20 MINS!!! WE CAN WATCH THE FIREWORKS SHOW TONIGHT!

Varian : Damn, okay. Calm down. Meeting in the town square?

Nuru : YES!!!! SEE YOU SOON!!! <3

Varian rolled his eyes and clicked onto Hugo’s contact, smiling at the sight of his name at the top of the screen happily.

Varian : Hey, Nuru’s told me we’re going to town today and we...kinda don’t have a choice but to obey her every demand. 20 mins at the town square. You wanna come? Hugo : heh. sure i’ll come and bless you with my presence, hairstripe. Oh, by the way, sorry for leaving. Didn’t want your cop father figure to come and like,,,castrate me or something.

Varian : Aha! It’s fine. I’ll see you later <3

Hugo : Byeeeeee <333333

Varian grinned and smiled widely, laying back on his bed with a happy sigh before he stood up and began to pack everything he needed for their day out. He yawned, shrugging the bag onto his back and trailing downstairs happily. “Bye guys! I’m meeting up with Nuru, Yong and Hugo!” he yelled out as he began the long walk to town.

He couldn’t wait to see Hugo again.

#varigo #varian and the seven kingdoms #varian x hugo #varian tangled #tangled varian #hugo tangled #tangled hugo #alchemy boyfriends #varigo high school au

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tribridkissed · 4 years

Text

Everything Afflicting Lil’ Ol’ Me…

Sleep Paralysis:

Starting off with the basics here because this has been what sort of started it all. When I was little, I was super into the whole idea of spirits. I honestly still am for different reasons, but it started when I was young and having sleep problems. The doctors still don’t know why it started, but I’ve always thought I sensed ‘presences’ so I told ghost stories…because I saw ‘ghosts’ in my sleep, some of which were terrifying and would sit on my chest and I’d still feel that feeling when I woke up, so duh it was real.

When I was a teenager, I started getting these hallucinations far more vividly and the doctors started to take it a lot more seriously, especially when I was getting depressed and suicidal on top of it all. Turned out I had ‘Old Hag’s Syndrome’, or ‘Sleep Paralysis’, and there was now a logical explanation for it. Basically my brain wakes up sometimes before my body does, and I’m paralyzed but I can still see the hallucinations. Feeling pinned down and violated is honestly the worst, and it fucks me up for the rest of the day mentally when it happens. It is why I’m against lucid dreaming, and why I vehemently believe in demons and evil spirits even if doctor’s wanna just call it a hallucination induced by stress. Either way, I have insomnia sometimes too and my sleep is all over the place and that never helps one’s body.

Hormone Imbalances

My hormones have probably been all over the place my whole puberty experience? Like, my periods started out being heavy, irregular and painful. I know that’s mostly normal--we women handle cramps like a boss, okay?--but I would have to stay home from school once or twice in a row every time I got my period, because I was curled up in a ball hurling: much like I do now. Going on birth control helped for a while and then started to make it worse, so we took me off of the birth control and my period started to even out and I stopped getting so sick, unless I ovulated from both sides and not just one, which they found out was also happening. Yay for the possibility of twins naturally, but yikes to the extra hormone surges.

Paraxysmol AFib:

I went through a whole stint of my early 20′s having palpitations in my chest. I just attributed it to my anxiety, and to stress because I had just finished a whole High School career of only honor’s classes, and I had switched from Pre-Med to Early Childhood Development, and so even when the doctors from an arrhythmia, I just sort of dismissed it. I didn't have the time, I was working twelve hours days as a nanny, I was doing college, and I didn't have time...and then I had an AFib attack after exercising and ended up having chest pain.

That pain lasted a month and a half without going away or getting any better, I had a bunch of doctors tell me I was being a hypochondriac, and then I got put on a heart monitor. The heart monitor caught not one but two episodes in the span of three weeks, and it was only then that they took me seriously. So even though I was ‘too young’ and ‘healthy’, I ended up becoming a heart patient at the ripe old age of 25, and it has been part of my life ever since. I take medicine daily to keep my heart rate down, because it beats too fast on its own, and I had to cut down on coffee, which...I was a caffeine addict so that was rough, lol. I’ve had to change dosages, which stresses my body out for a week each time that happens, and it has just been who I am now. I have heart patient jewelry and everything, just in case of emergencies.

Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome

So this all brings me to the next big thing: cyclic vomiting syndrome. I have been sick for 6 months now, nauseous basically every day, vomiting stints every once in a while that land me in urgent care to get IV fluids and meds because nothing will stay in my stomach, it all comes up. This started back in August, now known actual cause, and it has been my main affliction these days. I am on antacid medications, my heart medicine still, and anti nausea I have to take every single day. My body is exhausted, and that’s not even the half of it.

The doctors aren’t even fully sure this is what is going on with me, this is just how they are treating me because they can’t find anything. I have had an MRI, CT scans, ultrasounds, blood tests of all sorts (food allergies, diabetes, etc.), and everything says I am healthy. I have had a tumor removed from my esophagus when they did the endoscopy in the beginning, and I had a history of cysts (I’ve had one in my head, in my arm pits, and now one in my right nasal cavity), and I have a second and third tumor growing in my right arm. They aren’t convinced any of this is related, they just know that my period problem from high school is happening again, so they’re convinced it is hormone induced cyclic vomiting syndrome...which has no for sure cause or cure, so, that has been nice, and has triggered my depression, but I’ve been dealing with my depression my entire life.

Depression/Abuse

Since I was a kid, I’ve had a messed up home life. My uncle did some truly horrible things before he ended up eventually in jail for four life sentences, and short story on that because I simply don’t talk about it, is he used to tape my sister and I shut in boxes, and threaten us with his pet snake. He even through a knife at my cousin once, and would put my sister and up on the top shelf of the closet and leave us there.

On top of that, my Dad was never around much, and he left for good when I was 7, the same year that my grandmother died from the chemo for her ovarian cancer. He is a whole other story in itself, but he only added to my abandonment issues when I was 21 and he showed back up ONLY to talk my sister and I out of making him pay off the back child support he owed (it was a whole thing), and having the audacity to say he stayed away because he loved us...but raised our half siblings, so...just. I don’t like talking about him either.

Then I had a mother who was constantly verbally abusing my sister and I--she still does--and calling us fat even when we were skinny. Telling us we wasted our potential, telling us we’re useless, etc., and only recently getting herself the help she needs for her own emotional issues because she too was abused. Our family is filled with abusers, and she’s much better now that we’ve all addressed we have some problems, but dealing with that on top of all the other things that I deal with now, has been rough.

I feel broken. My mother tells me not to say that, but all of my health issues, and my failed past relationships with boys that have thus kept me single the last three years, make me feel that way. I’m a demisexual person who had two boyfriends cheat because they couldn’t wait for me to be ready for sex, and one basically admit after a little while that he just wanted sex and was “putting up with my feelings until then”, and I dunno, I delved farther into writing and honestly, it has been my only constant.

I’ve been writing stories since I was 6, and this is a hobby, yes, but it is also an escape when I’m not working on my stuff to get published (I’ve actually been a published author since 2011). I’m editing my second book right now and it gets priority sometimes when I’m in a funk, but I have been so sick lately because of my stomach, and just so tired and stressed with work really only keeping me on because they can’t fire me when I have medical reasons and doctor’s notes, and I just thought you guys should know.

I try to be on because writing helps me not think about all of my issues, but sometimes I’m so tired, or so sick, that I just can’t do replies. Plus, my arm with the tumors has been hurting more and more lately, and I may have to get them removed, which will mean another two weeks of a sling and pain meds, and crying myself to sleep because recovery from arm surgery hurts.

So if I’m ever slow, something is up. I love being around to write--it’s my safe space--but I’ve been dealing with a lot lately. I really do love and appreciate all of you, and I’m so grateful that you guys are so patient with me. <3

#out of mystic falls // ooc #damn writing it all out makes me feel a tad sad lmao #tw: sleep paralysis #tw: heart problems #tw: depression #tw: swearing #tw: vomiting mention #tw: period talk #tw: long post #that isn't even all of it because i didn't go into a whole bunch of detail #but that is the just of it guys

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prissypickle · 5 years

Text

I dont want to make this a sappy post or attention seeking but I just wanna say that the past 5 years of my life has been terrible. Actually its been terrible since I was 10 years old. Always experiencing my mom try to kill her self over and over again. And its been so rough. I was bullied my whole life for being fat. And yes. I am fat. I know I’m over weight and Ive tried to lose weight and its really just in my biology. My dad was 400 lbs my mom was 300 lbs I was born 10 lbs. so I was always fat. I was never happy my whole life. And thats jow it was. From a young age I was put on medication falsely diagnosed with ADHD (which was later diagnosed as bipolar disorder) so I got the medication and I would fall sleep in class. Thens some days I would talk so much. I would have three stickers and then I was only allowed to speak three times a day at school. Which was always unfair. In third grade my teacher said that I was the worst student she ever had. I had injured myseld a lot bu falling and I always was called an attention seeker. I moved that year to Portland. And I started middle school knowing no one. Ill tell you I’m not the most organized person ever. And Im a pretty dumb kid. I remember a few major things that happened in middle school 1) I got detention for being on my period 2) I broke my hand and someone made it worse 3) I read a book about sex and showed everyone. Well what do you expect I was in 6th grade. 7th grade rolls around and me and my friend melanie are in the same class. And I remember the 2 most things of it. 1) we were in science and I had to go pee and I asked the sub if I could use the restroom and he told me “i dont want any potty mouth” and I bursted out laughing. Then the second thing was in home ec there was a sub and she HATED us and we were laughing and she threatened to give is a referral because we were laughing. There were some good things too. Me and my friends made up food porn. Dont even ask because I couldnt explain. For the first time I felt like I had friends. But then something happened at the ens of the year. I was dumb and sent nudes to someone (not at school) and he posted them all online. And then thats when I started cutting. Thats when my depression started. So It got worse and worse over 8th grade year. And I had my first suicide attempt after they started me on an antidepressant. I was hospitalized for it and I was in the psychiatric hospital for 8 days. I went to school and DDHS told me that I couldn’t go to school there They couldnt handle me. So I didn’t go to school my freshman year. Things sucked. I was suicidal cutting and yeah. So I was just depressed completely depressed. I was diagnosed as bipolar disorder in the hospital and put on a ton of meds. I was put on geodon to make my hallucinations stop and it made me gain 75 lbs. so now I weighed 350lbs. So I started my junior year at the alternate highschool. The first year sucked. But I was so so happy my friend started there. But then.... during my junior year. She accused me of rape and drugging her infront of the whole school. It was awful. I had my third suicide attempt then. Not because I was guilty because I felt helpess. I went to the police for help but they said bullying wasnt a crime. I wanted to do a restraining order but the school police said I shouldn’t do it. Senior year came and I finally graduated. Finally. Life started turning around. I mean I was still really depressed. But fast forward a year till now. I was recently put on a new set of medications and they are making me feel great. For the first time in YEARS Im in a great spot. I feel mature. I feel responsible. Im taking my pills every day. Im one week clean from self harm. Im showering and washing my hair often. And I am feeling happy. For once in my life Im feeling happy and Im so proud of myself that Im feeling good. I’m getting a new pet in a few weeks and Im glad its going to be a part of my new happy life.

#story time

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pinkykitten · 6 years

Text

Prom

FFXV

Warning: i did not re-read this

Requested: By anonymous Hiiiiii!!! I was wondering, seeing as it’s prom season, could I get some prom headcannons for the chocobros???

Authors Note: i never went to prom, ive never been, ive never even seen videos of it so this may suck, just like my life so. im not sure i did this prom thing right but i promise u this is super cute and fluffy. also i used young gladdy and young ignis for this so pls dont be mad. i just thought because they r too old for prom so i chose the brotherhood young ones. another thing is i am so so sorry this took so long i know u guys dont deserve this and i just feel so bad that i make u guys wait so much. just know u guys r the best and i apologize for all this. just know i am trying really hard to do ur guys requests. so again i am sorry, let me know what u think and i hope u like this.

Noctis

you are so scared in the beginning to go to this prom with noctis

like excessive sweating

its not pretty

but napkins help 😜

you wear this dress:

noctis went dress shopping with you and told you he wanted his “princess” to pick whatever you wanted

this dress spoke to you

noctis was a bit iffy when you asked him to this prom

determination, and pestering made him change his mind

when he sees you for the first time

BASHFUL BOIIIIIIII

he is a loss for words

blushing like a tomato

“noct are you okay”

its just you’re so beautiful!

takes you in a nice, black limo

you both cuddle in the vehicle

you thank him for coming and he just nods

he whispers in your ear how gorgeous you are, how much of a goddess you look, and just really how much he loves you

lets just say...you almost cry!

HE IS JUST SO GOD DANG SWEET AND ADORABLE

he even gives you little, special kisses all over your face

but he is still bashful

when you get to the high school everyone is staring at you two

obviously cause noctis is high and mighty

i mean he is a prince

you get self conscious, but noctis holds your hand for reassurance

you both drink some juice at the juice bar

eat some cake which had many flavors so you had (your fav flavor cake)

and noctis had chocolate

these girls came by and tried to flirt and take noctis away

they were gorgeous

but noctis did not care

“i am going to be spending an amazing time with my girlfriend who is the most beautiful person in this room”

THEM TEARS THO

towards the end of the prom they place a couples dance song

you are scared to ask noctis since he doesn't really like attention on himself

instead though noctis brings you to the dance floor with a light smile

you guys dance to Like I'm Gonna Lose You · Meghan Trainor · John Legend

its slow and just perfect

you both just melt into each other

enjoying the love

the whole dance floor become empty with just you two swaying to the beat

“i love you noctis”

“i will always love you y/n”

Prompto

oh my god

the moment you mentioned it prompto was already shouting a yes

i think he was more excited than you

you and him went dress shopping and he of course took many many many many many many many many many

did i say many

pictures of you

until you found the right gown, in which you didn’t let him see

texts you the day before the prom asking if he should wear a specific type of suit

of course it is bright neon yellow, and it has a chococbo on it

“no prompt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

when he arrives at your house on prom day he opens up to see you all elegantly

you wear this dress:

“promt are you crying?!?”

yep ya boi is shedding tear at how gorgeous you are

“holy crap if you’re this beautiful in prom whats it gonna be like on our wedding day”

you laugh at his comment and wipe his tears, kissing him on the cheek

“okay so before you kill me y/n. I was gonna get a chocobo to carry us to the prom, but I didn’t end up doing that so instead I rented us a car.”

its a vintage car

you think it fits prompto a lot

of course in the car prompto sings to you and is really all jumpy

when you both arrive you notice some kids making fun of prompto, calling him fat still after he lost the weight (which u didn’t mind at all you loved him equally both ways)

you stomp to them and start giving them a peice of your mind

prompto has to take you away from them

kissing you and thanking you for sticking up for him

you both see cupcakes and just dart to them

getting frosting all over your face, prompto has a frosting mustache

“excuse me good madam but you are looking ravishing in that spectacular dress” promto says in a old man British accent voice

you smash a cupcake in his face, you and him both laughing your butts off

after you both get cleaned up you hear a slow couples dance song

you and prompto squeal in excitement and make a run to the dance floor

you guys dance to Tori Kelly - I Was Made For Loving You ft. Ed Sheeran

the lyrics make prompto cry a little and kiss you lovingly

you and prompto dance slowly and just in love

prompto twirls you like a princess

you feel safe and just made for this young man who you call yours

Young! Gladiolus

(not my gif! do not own!)

you thought gladiolus would say no because he is always so busy

you’re very much surprised to hear him agree and want to go

“i’m gonna be wearing something sexy, i’m such a tease”

yes thank you gladdy

you try your hardest to pick something out that will make you feel beautiful and like a princess on the special day of the prom

of course you would never forget gladdy’s little sister who wanted to come to the dress shopping

iris giving her very strong opinions

JUST LIKE HER BIG BRO!!!!!!

she saw a specific dress and nodded explaining why it was the one

you were hesitant but iris reassured you it was perfect

the more you looked at it the more you fell in love

you wear this dress:

the special day you are a nervous wreck

you are clumsier than ever

“whoops sorry didn’t meant to knock that over”

you hear your doorbell and run to get it

you trip over your own feet as you open the door

YAY LANDING ON GLADIOLUS

his big, strong, muscular arms catch you

“hey, baby are you o-”

when he sees you all perfect his eyes go big

you stand to your full height and give a bashful smile

“do you like it gladdy”

he is a loss for words

puts on his bravo attitude again but with a kind smile he tells you how beautiful you are

thank u iris!!!!!!!!!

you end up being driven in his car the whole way he keeps telling you how gorgeous you are

when you guys go to the high school gladiolus grabs your hand

placing your tiny hand in his huge, rough one

he brings it to his lips and kisses it

“ready to have fun baby”

you smile and nod

you both go to the drinks and gladiolus brings out his alcohol

“GLADDY!!!!”

he explains he wants a lil kick

puts a bit in his juice and asks if you want

you shrug and say yes

its not a lot just very little

after that you tell gladioulus that iris helped you pick out the dress

this makes gladioulus more happy and he kisses your forehead

you both dance to the music like a couple of crazy people

shaking, twisting, just acting like two dorks

suddenly the slow couples song plays and you sit down knowing gladioulus hates those

“hello, what are we doing? y/n we should dance out there!”

you disagree and he picks you up bridal style with ease

he places you in the middle and wraps his arms around you to dance to the music

you guys dance to Bazzi - Beautiful feat. Camila

gladioulus tells you that what this song says he feels that way about you

he gives you kisses in the middle and sings the song to you quietly

just between the two of you

since gladiolus is so tall you take your shoes off and place your feet delicately on his

your head pressed against his chest

hearing his heart beat quicken at the contact you guys make

he chuckles and places a kiss on the top of your head

Young! Ignis

(not my gif! do not own!)

ignis was the quiet one and he attracted you the way he cared so much for the young prince

you shyly asked him and at first he kept saying excuses that is until he saw how sad you were

he brought your face to look at him and with a smile said yes

you were a simple gal and ignis was simple as well

you didn’t want nothing to extreme all you wanted was to feel pretty

you went by yourself to dress shopping

noctis was there trying on suits

he noticed you were alone and without your consent told you he was going to help you

WE’RE YOU IN THAT NEED OF HELP

noctis picked out a plain, simple dress

you had to say yes it was just perfection

you wear this dress:

it was light and feathery and it fit your body perfectly

ignis came and the minute he opened the door he was in love

you were not dressed up too much it was like you descended from the heavens

thats what he felt y’all!!!

“uhm, y/n, you look, you look, uhm, exquisite and just gorgeous”

ignis is never this bashful

ignis gently touches your hand and wraps it in his

leads you to the car he drives the young prince in

“noctis told me you were going to look beautiful and he was very right indeed”

GREAT NOW YOU’RE BASHFUL

when you get in the car the backseat has a huge cake

“did you make this ignis”

ignis made a cake for prom

wow...just wow

when you arrive ignis opens the car door for you like a gentleman

you help him with carrying the cake

after a few dances and drinks you pester ignis to let you try his cake

he is very nervous

he is legit SHAKING when cutting your peice

you tasted it and smile in satisfaction

with a mouth full of cake you say how good it is

ignis chuckles and kisses your mouth eating some of the cake

now your eyes are wide

“now it taste even better, sweeter i believe”

SOMEONE CALL 911 OR 119 WHICHEVER IT IS WHERE U LIVE AT CUZ U’S DEADDDDDDDDD r.i.p

a couples song comes on and you barely sway to the music

ignis is shy when it comes to dancing but he notices how much you want to do it with him and he just cant refuse

he tells you how much he wants to dance with you and you both go to the dance floor

IS THIS A DREAM

you guys dance to Ed Sheeran - Thinking Out Loud

ignis makes you feel loved and beautiful

he also dances so good

you praise him in dancing and he blushes

his hands grasp yours while dancing showing that he is here for you

“thank you ignis for this amazing night”

“of course, anything for you, my love”

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ac-ars · 6 years

Text

3 times Matteo distracted Luna unintentionally and one time he did it on purpose

hi its been a little, ive been drowning in work and cold, but thats not the topic

exactly two years ago, this bitch came to soy luna fandom and she wrote a fic exactly with this title and the very same plot, but today she is here with the version that is actually not as cringy, so lets enjoy this

yeah its been two years of me spamming you with my shit yall

(this is s1 in case you need to know)

🌙

3 times Matteo distracted Luna unintentionally and one time he did it on purpose

She finds it weird. Weird, and strange, and suspicious. Having him always there, somewhere in the background or passing by randomly, always when she is talking to someone or zoning out, deep in her thoughts. She wonders if it’s something new, or if she just started noticing it now, recently. If she started paying attention to his person more than before. Or maybe he simply decided it’s time to creep around her, or maybe she is just paranoid.

Ambar is whiny again, moving her hands wildly in the air, huffing and flipping her hair back. Luna just lets her keep this steady face while trashing her, and honestly the brunette doesn’t care. She just happened to be in the bad place at wrong time, overhearing some shady shit Ambar was talking about someone and Jazmin noticed Luna behind the back of annoyed blonde. Now she has to listen whole long lecture about how she needs to learn to mind her own business and not put her nose where she shouldn’t.

Luna doesn’t care at all, she literally just wants to go home, change and run to Roller, but apparently life is testing her and her next obstacle is Ambar with Jazmin, standing in her way on the hallway. She doesn’t want to be rude or mean, and she doesn’t interrupt the blonde and at first focuses on Jazmin, who with crossed arms very seriously keeps nodding her head at every word her /friend/ says.

When it’s too much for Luna to manage watching the girls, she moves her eyes somewhere around so it doesn’t look like she is ignoring the drama, she searches for a thing that catches her eyes and oh boy, this boy definitely is a good thing to stare at, while ignoring drama.

He is leaning against the wall casually, having some ugly, fat book in his hands, his long legs in those dark uniform pants. Luna hums tiny, definitely liking what she sees, and takes her eyes higher, very grateful to the person who invented school uniform, or at least here in Blake, because damn this jacket on his shoulders and around his arms is having her at least messy. If it weren’t Matteo Balsano she would have thought he is hot.

She licks her lips a little with tiny sigh, until someone waves their hand in front of her face and Luna pouts in the first instinct, but then stops as soon as possible, seeing this dramatic wrinkle on Ambar’s forehead.

“Lunita, are you even listening, or you are just taught to listen only when you aren’t supposed to?” Smith rolls her eyes, talking probably too loudly if Luna were the one to judge

“What?” She asks and Ambar huffs offended before flipping her hair once again.

Jazmin half shuts her eyes, making her eyelids flutter angrily. “You weren’t listening, were you?” she asks and Luna wants to answer something, she doesn’t know what yet, but before she manages, the blonde speaks instead. “We will finish this conversation at home. Be careful for next time and try to not make any mess.”

Ambar leaves and Luna just watched her storming quickly and Jazmin running after her awkwardly. Great.

She is sitting with Nina in the Roller and trying to somehow do their physics homework. Or more like trying to do Luna’s, because Nina has her done and since they got different exercises, it’s even worse. Except that the day is very nice, the place is chill since most of the people decided to stay outside because of the weather.

Nina is explaining some weird thing about gravity, which actually makes sense for few first minutes, Luna manages to listen and get all of what her friend is saying right now and showing on the pictures from the book. Everything is amazing, yet only until she catches some laugh, very familiar laugh and the endlessly curious part of her just looks at the direction said laugh came from.

He is there again, entering the cafeteria with Gastón, laughing at something, maybe a joke or a meme. Luna likes his laugh, and she also likes him laughing. He always has those shining eyes and this one single dimple in his cheek, the sound of his laugh makes her relaxed and she always wonders why he is only rarely like this with her, why does he always have to tease her and fresa around.

Their eyes cross for a moment, and he smiles, making her smile back and look at the book again with tiny blush, because she isn’t sure if he knows he just caught her at staring, and they are only friends, so staring isn’t a friends thing.

She can feel that he is still gazing at her and when she tries to check after a moment, there is paper sheet covering him and Luna guesses it’s study time again.

“Luna, what are you doing?” Nina asks a little amused, the brunette judges that her friend knows who she was looking at. “Tell me you understood at least a beginning.”

Luna smiles and nods. “Yeah, the beginning yes and a part of the middle, are we gonna continue now?”

Nina shrugs and takes a sip of her smoothie. “I think we should have a break.”

Today is the Simón day. They hang out at first after her school and make some Mexican food with her mom, then they go to the Roller and sing something, and now they are on the rink, trying to get some new choreography for the team, and in general she loves him so much it hurts. Or no, it doesn’t hurt. Loving Simón could never, ever hurt her.

He is telling her about Rollerband’s songs that they have written, currently planning some video. She couldn’t be happier that he found here friends who have the same dream about making music, who help him make it all happen.

Actually right now it’s her working time, she is supposed to make sure no one kills themselves while trying to make a spin, or just get on the skates, and the one dying today will be Luna Valente herself, because he is again in the same place as she is, and he looks so good her face is already getting warm.

Ramiro is showing off currently, jumping on one skate and telling something to Matteo, she can’t really catch what, but the latter repeats exactly what his curly-haired friend just did, and this smug smirk is having Luna dying already.

It’s time for Matteo to do some fancy and impressive shit, and she just skates around backwards before jumping so he is skating forwards now and she knows that he didn’t get the king of the rink title without a reason.

Not to mention this soft, lavender shirt, that must be new, because she hasn’t seen this one yet, with rolled up sleeves and first buttons undone. His hair is kinda messy, untidy like someone brushed their fingers through it few times and Luna guesses that Matteo did it himself, after jumping and skating around. When Ramiro tries to do the same, Balsano looks at Luna and smiles, call her dramatic but the world stops, so she smiles back at him while taking strand of her hair behind her ear. It falls back, and he raises his eyebrow before winking at her and turning away and she sighs.

“Luna, do you think it’s a good idea?” Simón asks her and she notices he asks, and that he is expecting an answer now with this puppy smile and hopeful shine in his eyes.

“Yes, he is perfect.” She says, not really caring what exactly.

He frowns at her and touches her shouldr. “What? Who?”

She almost chokes now because this woke her up and he is waiting for her to say something and confirm or deny that she is mentally ill.

“No, I mean I’m perfect, I mean I’m okay and the idea it’s nice, it should work.”

Simón sends her lazy smile, this one saying that he has seen through her bullshit and knows what happened, and why and yet he will just let her get away with it, that’s how much of a best friend he is.

“Okay, I hope you don’t mind me going to the boys now, but if I won’t tell them the idea now later I will forget it, we both know this.”

She nods smiling and lets him kiss her cheek, and as soon as he is gone she sighs covering her face with her hands. She will die soon in some way and she kinda can’t wait for it.

+1/

Luna has never thought that this day would ever come, but yet here she is in her bedroom, sitting on her bed, surrounded by the books and next to her is sitting very focused and very casual Matteo Balsano. Yeah, the one you all know and you’ve hear of. He is here, because they needed to study and he said it would be chiller at her place. Her parents actually did let them go upstairs, only if they will leave the door open, but still.

It’s not like something would ever happen here.

He, as the smart astronomy creep guy he is, is explaining her some differences between the planet and planetoid. She is still a little surprised with every chance she gets to experience how much of a nerd this boy is, how he talks using fancy book words, but in the way that she understands, he makes it easy to get and remember and she hopes he will have some free time before the finals.

So now she is using her chance to be able to focus only on him, to watch his mouth as he is reading from the book and telling her about the picture on the paper, she is using it because she doesn’t need to explain why is she like that and it’s just a perfect chance. If she has to be honest she already knows that planetoid is just an asteroid, though he seems so happy that he is able to talk something about space and cosmos she will let him talk as much as he wants to.

His voice is calm, and soft like quiet music, maybe a little rough at the same time, and it’s definitely nice change that he isn’t making fun of her. It’s a rare thing, so Luna definitely appreciates this, thinking that it’s maybe very special moment, her parents won’t really try to interrupt them so they are alone and it’s just so nice.

“What’s on your mind, delivery girl?” he asks with different voice, a little curious.

“It’s nothing, mostly planetoids,” she says, probably blushing a little and most likely this sold her, because he smiles. “I think it’s something very different.”

“Stop being a snob, Matteo and teach me how to be smart.”

He laughs at this, a little louder than normal chuckle and she can only laugh with him and relax her muscles. Balsano pokes her on the rib and sighs. “There is not much to do, and this is an important thing, so let’s do it quickly and get over it. What do you think?”

Luna pouts tiny, because if he says something is important, then it’s probably difficult as well and she doesn’t wanna difficult. “Okay. But later cookies.”

“Yes cookies,” he nods smiling. “But for now you gotta come over here and see the picture in the book.” So she does, she does sit next to him humming and looking at the pretty, colorful picture, the colors are so nice and she doesn’t really think of the shape itself.

It’s too hard for her, too hard to have to focus on important stuff when her brain doesn’t wanna. Like she knows that she has to do this, and she will probably never have as good teacher as this boy next to her, but at the same time this is very unfair that she ended up with him, because she wants to focus on him, on the way their knees are touching, how his voice gets a little messy when she moves a little closer to see better in the book, how the air is heavy and she can’t breathe without taking in his smell into her lungs.

He is too close for her to stay sane, to be able to study anything except the light brown flakies in his eyes, she isn’t sure if they have always been there, because his eyes are brown, yes, but from this distance Luna is able to see how the shape of one of his irises isn’t really perfectly round, and that the closer to the edge it’s darker brown. She wouldn’t be able describe the picture from the book she was looking at like a minute ago, but she would write few page long essay about his look, and this just shows how big her problem is. Also, she wants those long, long lashes of his.

Now to stop being a creep Luna takes her look somewhere else, to his lips, a little chapped and pale, moving since he is talking all the time. He is probably saying something important, something she should memorize and be able to write on the test, but it’s too much for her brain now. She knows how his lips are against hers after this competition when he kissed her only for the choreography, but she really would love to check again.

He sighs and bites on his lower lip, most likely doing it on purpose and this wakes her up. Of course he kows she has been staring and she hates him for that.

Luna quickly jumps with her look to his eyes, directed at her face and she can’t move away even if she wanted. But she doesn’t want to move away, and a second later she actually can’t, because his hand is on her waist, pulling her to him as he presses his lips to hers. Without hesitation Luna rests her fingers on the nape of his neck so she can make sure he won’t run away or think she doesn’t want to kiss him this time, and he smiles against her mouth, which is kinda annoying. At this point she actually doesn’t mind him being an ass and distracting her like this today.

#soy luna #lutteo #my writing

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Simple ques about Car insurance. Ive had my drivers licence?

For over ten yrs but have never had a car in my name. Also have never had my own car insurane. My driving record is spot clean no tickets violations nothing and im over 30. Would i still have to pay as much as a 21 yr old brand new driver for car insurance ?? am i looked at the same as them ?? I might suggest that you visit this website where you can get quotes from different companies: http://INSURECOMPAREQUOTES.US Car Insurance for Visitors? I bought a brand new vehicle. It is protected through its producer. I went along to another country to operate and stay and then quit over Germany. Since I have wanted to maintain the car, I went it to my new property! For your first a few months (I'm informed) I am still covered being a Traveler. Claim I've a collision within this new region, we trade insurance facts, etc... Where should the other driver goto get his payment and file his state? 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My driving record is spot clean no tickets violations nothing and im over 30. Would i still have to pay as much as a 21 yr old brand new driver for car insurance ?? am i looked at the same as them ?? I might suggest that you visit this website where you can get quotes from different companies: http://INSURECOMPAREQUOTES.US

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