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#i love fat men. they just also. historically. dont like me
corvidcall · 2 years
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i saw a good post abt how fatphobia comes up in fat peoples sex/dating lives (which I'll probably reblog later, when i have time to add stuff to the tags) but hooooooh boy it did dredge up some stuff for me!!! and now im upset!!!!
#anime life#ive been fat my whole life and it's!!! its been rough!!!!!!#its been traumatic!!!!!#and the fact that it really feels like no one has ever truly desired me and nobody ever will is. ugh.#i wish it werent part of it bc it feels soooo pathetic#and when ive asked ppl for advice about it what ive gotten in response has been almost insulting#thin ppl spending a lot of time telling me how bad they feel for me. how sad hearing about my personal life made them.#a lot of 'have you tried dating a fat fetishist?'#which like. 1. no they dont want me either 2. theres a good chunk of ppl who fetishize fat bodies but still hate fat people#and 3. idk do other marginalized people get that advice?? that actually they should try dating chasers??#i feel like i havent seen it#or i get told i should try dating fat men. like i wouldnt if given the chance????#i love fat men. they just also. historically. dont like me#ive known a lot of fat men who view dating a fat woman (or whatever i am) as disgusting and demeaning!!! at best its 'settling'!!!#god. one bit of advice i got was i should try dating nerdy guys. incredible#once again: they don't want me either!!!!! im TOO nerdy to the point it's off-putting!!!!#YES im a nerd. NO i dont watch mcu stuff. or dcu. or lotr. or star wars. or got. i dont like any of the big things#my main fandom was and always will be a 12 year old free browser game#im wildly unrelatable and i hate most really big tentpole nerd properties. except dnd that ones ok. but ive also written ttrpgs so like.#idk i think im disqualified from being the nerdy gf* people would actually want lol#anyway. its not a big deal i guess#just the kind of advice that makes you feel even more hopeless.#when i think abt it i cant help but laugh..bc i mean. what else can i do lol
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magnoliamyrrh · 10 months
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Paul is a fucked up manchild who berates his mom the second he gets supernatural powers and sees himself as better than everyone. That’s only if you can get past herbert’s awful writing where his villains gotta be fat and gay and he repeats these facts every single time they switch povs as if the audience has somehow forgotten (seriously, highlight every time herbert mentions the villain is fat. It’s so common it’s just boring stale writing). Paul in dune is the worst kinda self insert fanfic. Dune is such a shitty book girl how do you enjoy it
ohh he definetely is a man child; i feel bad for him in like the first half of the first book mainly bc hes a teenager, hes 15, like, a teenager teenager not an almost adult 17-18. he may come from a powerful family but hes just thrust into very messed up circumstances, more or less tortured to prove hes human, has to grapple with being some sort of raised-to-be-exceptional genetic experiment and being used in some weird intergalactic lie and war, and incredible amount of historical pressure and other things. like, at 15, hes more kid than adult dealing w this. but also, while being 15, he is smart, and charming to others, and he quickly rises to great infleunce and is good at manipulation. and yea the moment he gets some more power he turns it even against his own mother, against himself, and against others and the longer they go on the more insufferbale he becomes; what ground of expeptionalism in him existed gets raised tenfold -hes an inherently flaued character by all means who even when he tries he fucked up badly many times. i mean like hell, among all the shit he ends up doing, even just that thing that he himself didnt have the power to put shit in order, so he ends up forcing it on his son, like how he was shoved into a bunch of things when he was younger
and yes lol i am well aware of the villan thing. i do get that in this context the "fat" thing and even the gay pedo thing is moreso an allegory for greed and the keeping of and hoarding of precious things (im Not saying fat ppl are like this mind u, im not saying its good either, but in many cultures fat has or is indeed revered as a sign of wealth; and this is used to contrast to those who dont have, and i reckon this is where it comes from in the story). but yes, i do think thats uhh i hate this word problamatic. the fat thing, the gay thing, the pedo thing. definetely part of an ongoing issue of attaching several of those characteristics to villans, and also of making villans generally ugly, thus associsting the two together. like yup, its definitely not good
idk tho, i think. dune was written in the 1960s by a white dude. like, it doesnt suprise me that that stuff is in there. ive read plenty of things that have parts of them that are problamatic or outdated or offensive and it just,, is what it is. like idk i can enjoy something while also being aware and critical of the parts of it that are fucked up - i think if i wasnt able to, i wouldnt be able to like,,,, explore a lot of the literature that exists out there, especially older literature, no matter from where its from in the world or if its written by men or women. most of it or most authors at least have written some weird shit or held some weird shit. idk just a stupid parallel off the top of my head i love the 1001 nights stories - i grew up with them - but theyre filled to the brim with weird shit and problamatic things and sexism and racism and slavery and whatever else, like absolutely filled - to an extend they reflect the times. i still, however, enjoy reading them tho
i also dont know how much paul is a self insert - maybe. ive never read the dude as sympathetic or a sympathetic anti-hero much. i did find the idea that out of this all-female order theyd have the idea that a male would be the one w the greatest power and some sort of prophesied force of power weird, sooo idk maybe. but idk, if its a self insert i rlyyy dont think its supoosed to be a flattering one much. the dude just gets worse and worse as the books progress, and he ends up after fucking up so much and being too weak to fix it, exiled, alone, spending his last yesrs wondering in loneliness and deep regret. so, i dont think its shown that his superiority complex or anything else brought him something good; it just lead to tragedy
mostly i like the series for the intricacy of its plot and the way its introduced, the messages it tries to send even if it at times fails or does so badly. like yea, its not perfect, but it is trying to ssy something about foreign meddeling and co-opting of religions and cultures and desperste situstions, or colonialism and capitalism, of exploitation, greed, power, etc. and also in very large part its lore, its scifi elements, its weird out there mysticism, and all the parts of it that are very, very weird. i am fascinsted by the world that this dude created. im a really big fan of magical realism and to an extent the books are like this - because they start more normal and over time become more and more mystical and fantastical and weird and less grounded as more concepts, creatures, and affects of the spice are introduced. i also do like that the main character isnt an actual hero. all this talk of prophecy and whatever, but its all bad, and it goes so fucking bad. its to an extent a subversion of classical fantasy tropes, combined with space scifi.... and yes. there are times when the writing isnt great, or when its outdated, or when it hammers things again and again (like the villan thing). i also think in many places the writing is intriguing, careful, and calls for attention and contemplation of what is happening
and idk apart from something like 1001 nights..... to an extend, i feel abt dune as i feel about game of thrones. i rly love those books. yes theyre writing by an old white man. yes there are parts of them (less than the show id say) which are problamatic and outdated and i could go on a whole list about that. but, i still enjoy them. i think the world grrm martin created is insanely insanelyyy complex, beautiful, fascinating, the lore is some of the deepest and most intriguing ive ever seen, and the character writing - the sheer complexity of the characters, the willingness to show how fucked up humans are and how often things are so stupidly complicated, the way he can get us to love even insufferable characters, the way there are no perfect good heros, the broader anti-war and even climate change message, the harsh and grounded realism of much of the series,,, the way theyre also kinda like magic realism, bc over the books magic keeps coming back more and more, the world becomes more full of mystic and mystery and prophecies which arent 100% true, the way the books are largely a subversion of fantasy tropes. like, yea. theyve got issues, grrm martins writings got issues. but i think theyre brilliant in many ways at the same time 🤷‍♀️
so i guess. yea. im definitely not saying the books dont have issues or theyre perfect or theyre the peak of literature. but im still able to enjoy parts of them
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i-did · 3 years
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hi mlm here. so i want to write andreil smut but im a virgin so i have no idea what exactly sex is like. but i do not want to write it for the.... straight women gaze. what are some things that are accurate to write about. this is prolly super nsfw but i dont know who to ask.
Okay so this response took me literally months, and I'm sorry about that. I honestly was so excited when I got this question. I don't know why I put off responding?? But here I go: 
CW for discussion of NSFW, STD’s, and a lil homophobia
I bet a lot of people who write smut are virgins tbh, that's not to insult anyone or anything, but like writing is a non physical way to explore sex and fantasies by yourself, so you’re definitely not alone lol.
So you're MLM and want to write smut, (and others who want to get my opinions on writing non-fetishistic smut).
Porn is porn and can have unrealistic circumstances to fulfill said fantasy, such as anything from people messing around in locker rooms to tentacles.
To get a general sense of what is common in MLM sexuality, (rather than the typical feminine gaze that is seen in smut) looking at gay porn and gay porn categories is good insight. 
Bear culture, muscle culture, leather culture, etc. 
These are obviously still porn and unrealistic, however being attracted to sweat, jockstraps, and muscles is very common outside of porn. 
Bear culture is a body-positive movement that started because of the gay community's fat-phobia, age-phobia, and overall shittyness about body hair. 
Leather culture is also really big, it started because of the belief that gay men couldn’t be dominant or “masculine”, even in bed. So in America, leather culture was a way a lot of MLM embraced themselves. 
Going to pride, you will see many men wearing those leather harnesses, it doesn't indicate a preference of topping or bottoming necessarily, they're just something mlm wear and has grown quite popular in the culture, I've known some men to say it feels like a security blanket for them. 
And I think it’s very important to understand these cultures or at least be aware of them on a base level if you’re going to write gay porn. 
Also looking at erotic MLM art made by men, there is Tom of Finland, who was very historically significant, and is the most famous erotic gay artist. There is gay literature, one that openly talks about sex quite frankly is the book “We Both Laughed In Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan” which is a series of diary excerpts from a real gay trans man where you follow his life up until he died during the aids epidemic. He talks about sex with partners and discovering himself as well as what being a gay man means to him. He has a real love for sex in a way that is very unashamed and interesting to read about. We know that he wrote the latter half of his diaries with the plan of compiling them and publishing them but he passed away and people in his life carried out this wish for him. He is considered a significant part of gay and transgender history because of this, and his diaries are in LGBT museums. 
Reading gay poetry, looking at gay art, erotic, romantic, grungy, whatever, and you will find and see how they portray things differently than when it’s not portrayed by gay men usually. I mean there is a clear difference between yaoi and bara and that's the audience and authors. Some yaoi are made by MLM, (well technically their called gei comi, or gay comics in Japanese)
“Also known as ‘gei comi’ or ‘men's love,’ bara comics are by men, for men. There is a yaoi equivalent to this, and it is called ‘gachi muchi’-- it is written by women, for women.” – myanimelist.net (lol)
 but more than 90% aren't. I haven't ever heard of a non-MLM bara artist, but I'm sure there's at least one. 
Of course, I've seen things depicting MLM just together pretty realistically that didn't feel like it was written by someone who definitely wasn't MLM, but these scenes tend to be more writing in the general sense of art in the general sense rather than porn, which has a huge gap in characteristics between stuff usually written by MLM vs when it's written by women. (sorry about the binary language here)
I know some people don't like any realism in their porn, but I personally really like small details such as prep being mentioned, foreplay, even acknowledgment of the existence of condoms even if they choose to go without.
Especially as an MLM who lives in America currently, the ever-present acknowledgment and stigmatism of AIDS is around us. We think about it, even when we don't want to. An entire generation of MLM, trans people, and a lot of POC were wiped out. Not necessarily a PWP detail, but including discussion of prep, PrEP (the anti HIV medication) and/or getting tested, even for diseases besides HIV, is a small detail that I think is nice. MLM often have to have a moment when opening up a conversation about sex where HIV is mentioned, our dating apps and hook up apps have sections where you put positive, negative, non-transmissible/undetectable, or prefer not to say. The books take place in 2006 so PrEP didn't exist yet, but also the aids pandemic was happening when they were being born and as young kids, so it wasn't that long ago in society's mind. It's still illegal for many trans people and MLM to donate blood despite that the blood is screened for diseases after donation. 
Also, some realism I like is when a character isn't getting their ass ate first in the morning. Like, for me that's a huge turn-off because I think “holy fuck hygiene.” specifically with anal play I just really think even casually mentioning “washing up” or basic prep, or if you want more accuracy/details mention time between last meals or “x only ate a salad, so he would be fine”. It's like a joke in the gay community to eat chili fries or some shit on a date to indicate that either there will be no anal, or if there is you’re not going to be the one to do it, because you just fuckin ate those fries to say so. 
A cock just going in without prep and no condom is going to A) hurt very bad the body does not do that naturally and can cause injury B) get shit dick.
An also not sexy detail that is common for sex is just laying down a towel so you don’t have to wash sheets. Lube on hands? Wipe off on the towel that you’re on rn. Laying down a towel is pretty normal especially for anal. But this is if you’re going for a much more playing for accuracy sex scene. 
Honestly just writing fingering and prep and stuff like that in my opinion goes a long way and also gives the audience more to read. 
Also, sex is way more than peen in hole. Get creative, frottage, mutual masturbation, docking? Idk like thigh fucking, fucking buttcheeks but not hole, handies, blowies, anal oral, Neil doesn’t have to be the only one who gets his ass ate and things don’t have to follow formulas, in fact, they’re better when they don’t. 
Sex comes in many forms, and like I’ve definitely been with someone and he took off his shirt and I was like what, because he was skinny and clean-shaven and I didn’t expect him to have nearly as much chest hair as he did. I bet honestly Neil has a massive bush, like fuckin, massive. 
Andrew and Neil don’t have to like everything the same amount, Neil could be like “I wanna lick your armpit” and gets really off on it, Andrew is neutral but likes that Neil likes it and agrees even if it does nothing for him physically. Honestly, Neil having a sweat kink imo is pretty fitting lol. 
Try not to categorize the characters into “the bottom” and “the top”, or “the man” and “the woman”
This is something I see a lot and pay attention to how “the bottom” tends to adopt traits that are seen in straight porn that are over-exaggerated. I’m not saying it's inherently wrong to write someone as slim, but we know Neil isn't delicate, but I personally wouldn't categorize him as slim. He's a college-level athlete and is definitely muscular and defined, he has some bulk at least, he isn’t model lean for sure imo. You also often see PWP where the bottom makes a bunch of noise and the top makes none, or the top grunts and the bottom mewls, these are things I personally feel gives the bottom the role of a woman in porn. I don’t think Andreil have rough sex necessarily, but I do think when Neil does make noise, it would be because it was practically punched out of him by the feeling, and would sound more like a gasp than a kitten or whatever. There's nothing wrong with writing them both grunting, both of their voices being lower. Someone bottoming doesn’t suddenly magically not have secondary sex characteristics and stubble and body hair or a deep voice or however, they’re like everywhere else. 
When I read an over-emphasis on Neil’s slim waist and swaying hips and ass I’m like,,, okay someone please mention Andrew looking at Neil’s dick or bulge or shoulders. As an MLM, what do you find hot about men? I like stomachs and arms and shoulders, jawlines, collarbones, asses yes but like in a different way than how I like women’s asses (I’m bi lol) they are smaller and I like them muscled and squared almost. I look at veins on hands and noses and shoulders and backs, I look at a lot and I honestly don't have a type. But yeah so think about what you like, why you like it, what you might want. Or look at what others like, and why and how they want and like it.
what would Neil like, how would he feel about it? And Andrew. I kinda feel like Andrew is low-key masc 4 masc but that's just me lmaoo. Anyways, good luck writing. 
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bensonalick · 3 years
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Tag Game
I got tagged by @nerdygingerandproud, y’all!
1. Relationship status:  Single
2. Lipstick or chapstick: Definitely lipstick. I have one in a light pleasant pink and another in a dark red and that last one especially is one of my favorite things.
3. Three favorite foods:  Hmmmm. Burgers (particularly this burger joint back home in VT is just... fucking incredible, my dudes), strawberries, aaaaand I’m gonna go with the steak that my brother makes, because when I was still at home and he was working at the grocery store and tired all the time, he learned what the cheapest cuts of meat in the store that still tasted good were, so he’d bring home five dollar cuts of meat that he’s so good at cooking, and idk, I’ve been missing it a lot lately
4. Song stuck in your head:  this is a weird pull, but when I went home last weekend my brother and I rewatched the Simpsons episode “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet”, and there’s this bit where Jasper’s singing to the tune of “Theme from a Summer Place” but instead of the lyrics he sings “it’s the theeeeeeme from a suuuuummer plaaaaace, from a summer plaaaace, it’s the theeeeme from a suuuummer plaaaace”, and on and off ever since it has been going in a goddamn loop in my brain
5. Last movie you watched: if documentaries count, an American Masters on Edgar Allen Poe. It was only okay: they were bending over backwards to excuse how Poe was kind of a dick (although he’s not a dick in all the ways we commonly believe him to be, which the documentary was pushing pretty hard, he still married his thirteen year old cousin, so)
6. Top three shows— Classic: I always went more hardcore on classic movies than classic TV shows and my brain is a garbage fire in general, so these will probably be the ones that I remember (some of these I haven’t even seen in ages but remember loving dearly), BUT: Monty Python, most of the early SNL stuff, and The Twilight Zone. I haven’t watched enough Star Trek OTS to call it a favorite, but I’ve seen enough that I like and appreciate it a bunch.  Recent: The Good Place, Brooklyn Nine Nine, and American Experience. Really, any PBS documentary is good with me.
7. Books I’m currently reading:  I haven’t been reading as much as I have been listening to audiobooks, so for audiobooks I’m working on The Radium Girls: The Dark Story of America’s Shining Women by Kate Moore and Five Came Back: A Story of Hollywood and the Second World War by Mark Harris. The physical book I’m trying to finish is Queer City: Gay London from the Romans to the Present Day by Peter Ackroyd. Queer City is very well written, and pretty interesting, but it advertises as being a history including gays, lesbians, transgender folk, and that it is not very good at it. It’s mostly a history of gay men, and also some lesbians, and a very small amount of trans folk. As a gay male history of London, it’s exceptional, but as far being an all encompassing queer history book, it definitely falls way short of the mark.
8. Last thing I googled:  "queer city book”, because I couldn’t remember the full title or author, and it’s on my bookshelf but I do not have the vision necessary to read the author from here and my comforter is very warm.
9. Time: 5:52 pm
10. Dream trip: God, dudes, I want to travel so bad. I think I answered one of these recently talking about how my next trip I wanted to be to NYC, and that is still true, but as far as dream trip, fuck, man. I would love to do a road trip across the US because I’ve always wanted to do a road trip, but for one thing that costs money, and for another a loudmouthed queer woman traveling on her own across the country is... probably not a good thing to be doing at the moment. But I also really wanna go to Britain. I’m really interested in English and Irish history and would love to travel to see historical landmarks (yes, I would be that tourist), I’ve been a Shakespeare nerd since I was about seven or eight and I’ve always wanted to see a production at the Globe, I have friends in Britain I’d love to see (looking at you, @dont-offend-the-bees and @lavellington).
11. Anything you want:  Gosh. Well, okay. I’d like for the world to not be such a fucking nightmare, and if the US weathers Trump, I would really like for liberals and the left to not dust off their hands and go “yay, we fixed it!”, because getting rid of Trump will not mean “we fixed all the problems that led us here”, and we still have a lot of work to do with racism and misogyny and transphobia and homophobia. Getting rid of the asshole at the top of the system does not mean we have fixed the problems inherent in the system.
That, obviously, is the big one. On a smaller scale,  I’d like to be able to set up a both at craft shows, for one thing, I love crochet and I’d love to be able to showcase it to a bunch of people and have a bunch of people buy my stuff (and definitely validate my yarn habit). I would love to get a book published- I have a couple long term book plots churning, but I think an anthology of poetry and short stories would be good for me. I want to lose some weight cause even though I actually really like being fat, I have arthritis, and the less weighing on my joints, the less I’ll be in pain. Kind of foiling that last wish, I really want a plain untoasted bagel with a smoked salmon schmear from the cafe about eight minutes from me.
All right, I’ve definitely fuckin talked enough, let’s get tagging. I’m supposed to tag fifteen people, but I always struggle with hitting the exact number, so I’m gonna do my best and if y’all feel like doing it, go for it.
@dont-offend-the-bees, @klaudiart, @princessparadoxical, @punkpuppydragon, @singlemaltantiseptics, @lavellington, @elijahwoodnot
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gayerluke · 6 years
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thing re: my own gender stuff that got annoyingly long & is of no actual significance to anyone including myself really lol
this is in no way important but i finally found a resolution re: the “am i butch?” issue, which is that im not. it just doesnt fit how i want/need to express myself & my gender. it’s not a culture i’m part of & not one i have claim to, & that’s totally fine. i believe strongly (for myself at least) that it’s not about feelings or just claiming the label bc you want to, it’s a specific & unique culture that not everyone is entitled to be a part of, & there ARE certain elements of style/behavior/etc that are intrinsic & necessary. (that’s just my onion though & you’re free to disagree if you want [but it’s not really something i’ll be swayed on so let’s not actually hash it out lol].) it’s more than wanting to be butch & deciding you are, it’s a role that you need to actively participate in. & you can totally become a part of that culture if you want to/do fulfill that role! but i dont & im not, & im cool with that. it’s also very much a working class culture historically, & im not working class, so it’s never going to be an experience i 100% relate to or even CAN experience.
agender is more where i fit & where i’ve always fit (i just dont mention it a lot bc ultimately it’s super immaterial when it comes to how im actually perceived/classed, & i also do align with women & not at all with men). i have no specific cultural style that i fit into, & tbh that’s important to me. my self expression is very much based on my own personal & individual history with gender, sexuality, femininity, masculinity, etc. & that’s how i like it & want & NEED it to be. it isn’t related to other ppl within butch culture & therefore that’s not my culture. it’s definitely not femme either, & that’s actually been another role i’ve tried to fit myself into in the past. i dont believe in the false & ahistorical dichotomy of having to be one or the other, but it had to do with being read as a lesbian by fellow lesbians etc. also um i have bpd so both of these things have been extremely influenced by the friends & ppl i hang/have hung around with (& also direct peer pressure from femme friends & culture telling me i had to be femme to be acceptable as a fat woman, but that’s another kettle of fish/source of trauma). my bff is butch & i love them so much & they’re so fuckin cool & i want to climb inside their skin & absorb them & also be cool!! but i can admire ppl & styles & cultures without claiming myself as a part of them lol.
so basically i am Kin with butches, but not actually there. also im not changing this url bc i want it to conjure the idea of a butch wookiee for you every time you see it & bring you as much joy & comfort as it does to me to imagine such a beautiful & wondrous thing.
(also for me being agender is more like being an atheist rather than a capital-a evangelical Atheist, in that it more represents ambivalence. i dont consider being called a woman or even being called a cis woman to be misgendering me. i dont want to ever be called a man, & would likely only call myself a non-woman in very very specific circumstances & conversations. the way gender plays into my life materially from a social/class standpoint is intrinsically tied into how i perceive myself, & it’s really important to me to acknowledge the privileges im afforded by that, as well as the oppressions. the only difference is that i feel alienated from ppl who, on a super personal internal level, know that they ARE women. calling myself a woman when i dont feel that tied to it is...... idk not “appropriative” but tbh transmisogynistic honestly? there are women who ARE women 100%, & i dont want to disrespect that identity or experience by claiming that i 100% relate to it, bc i dont. but also it just plain doesnt fit how i experience myself or my gender. im just like....... here, & i was placed here & im like. fine with that? but if i had been placed elsewhere i’d likely be fine with that too. what can i say, im lazygender. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ anyway this is very irrelevant to my actual lived material existence, & for me gender is like 90% a social thing that other people put on me & it determines everything about how im classed & perceived & privileged & what i experience etc. to me that takes precedence over whatever internal gender feelings i have. they’re like..... inseparable for me basically? again i have bpd so conceptualizing & defining myself with 100% certainly is basically impossible.)
WOW i sure wrote a lot about something of zero consequence!!
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