#its the adhd/bpd mix i think | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blood-injections · 8 months

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pssssst

i would like to respectfully ask for venom sibs hcs

Of course of course

Just. My love and my hate for you are infinite. Yeah. Classic case of siblings that have been through hell. They want each other dead but they'd die for eachother, theyd kill themselves before letting the other one die.

Deadly fucking fighters, they're an awesome team, like if youve ever seen, idk, guardians of the galaxy movies, the newest one especially, this is just the first example that popped into my head, but like i remember the fight scenes were choreographed really well and theyre just. A fucking team. And they move around eachother and can fight without talking because they know eachother so well and understand and they move like one being, like they share a mind, all twisting and ducking around eachother and taking out enemies and its all seamless. Kobra and Poison are like that and are fucking deadly, especially with the mix of their abilities, Poison's deadly shot and Kobra's close range process, like theyll be back to back but twisting around eachother and poison shoots down the dracs hiding behind cover or shooting from furthur, while Kobra moves around like a serpent and takes out those who run in to try their luck, just getting cut down by his blade or boot or his power glove, if they manage to get that close. Fights seem to be over in seconds and they've laid waste to many a squad of dracs together.

Neurodivergent as hell. Kobra autism/bpd, Poison adhd

They're both naturally blond but while Kobra likes his blonde hair Poison HATES theirs, so they dye it every color under the sun, expect for..

If its a story where its less diluted by death spells and they love eacother, then they have matching hair streaks, Kobra the same red dye that Poison uses, and Poison just doesn't dye a strand of theirs, since their blonde matches.

Usually Poisons seen as the more dramatic one, but kobras just as bad, they're total bitches, nobody can gossip and shit talk like they can, and Kobra might actually be sassier than Poison is.

Trans in opposite directions and they find it so funny, Poison hates that Kobras taller though, because "You're my Little brother, you should be shorter than me :("

They both have a crippling addiction to chewing bubble gum.

They know everything about each other, like everything, even things unintentionally, like poison will completely fucking make up a fake situation and use it as blackmail against Kobra as a joke but then kobras like HOW DO YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT and poisons like wait you actually DID that???? I made it up?? And its like the most weird absurd thing ever that they just came up with for fun and. This has happened like several times. Where it turns out its real, they just guessed it, probably unconsciously mind read it, because they're like that. I think they do that a lot, like sometimes they have no clue what the other is thinking or going through but sometimes they're fucking mindmelded and can like read everything theyre thinking and communicate with just their eyes and shit and have entire silent conversations.

#the venom siblings #kobra kid #party poison #asks #danger days #ttlotfk #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys

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rotteneldritchhorror · 9 months

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wait we’re allowed to ask about south park? fuck it tell me your south park headcanons fuckboy

well shit this is gonna be a long post because i dont just love the main boys (love is a strong word for some of em) but i also love random obscure characters and even background characters that never speak soooooo....

also! before i start! i mostly headcanon these characters under the idea that theyre like- 19 since i dont have many thoughts other than canon for while theyre the age theyre at in the show itself

Kenny (starting with my favorite who i project the most onto i think): 5'9, pansexual (and romantic), genderfluid girlboything princessgender princessboy genderfuck genderpunk ADHDgender hypererotigender wingedgender transfemme who steals money from their parents to buy estrogen off of like- amazon in bulk and probably sells some to other transfemmes with shitty parents who wont let them transition. for pronouns, is definitely fine with any and all, literally impossible to misgender this creature, but prefers he/she/they/it/xe/ze/angel pronouns. probably started growing his hair out at like 15 and gave up on trying to keep it short and managable, steals makeup from the dollar store for both herself and it's sister, definitely goes punk at some point (all of his pants are crust pants cause they dont get washed /j), and has a shit tonne of patched clothing both for necessity (he still owns his parka even though hes too big for it, probably cut up the sides and sized it up with a bunch of old clothes that dont get used anymore in the family, definitely has stick and poke tattoos (he probably gave a cute lil bow or heart stick and poke tattoo to Karen and angelself a matching one so theyd always have a reminder of each other no matter what) and definitely is the resident bootleg piercer for those who wanted them when they were younger but their parents didnt let them (Craig, stan, probably kyle, definitely tweek) or those who just straight up dont have the money to get professionally pierced. full of many disorders, specifically: autism, ADHD, bipolar, c-ptsd, BPD, combined generalised and focal photosensitive epilepsy, and probably some level of psychosis from all the trauma and drugs

(thats so much and its just one character lol- welcome)

i dont have many hcs about the other 3 main boys?

Kyle: asexual (sex-favourable or indifferent), biromantic, 5'11, transneu agender enby who uses he/they pronouns. has ADHD and his canonical diabetes

Stan: 5'10, bi demiboy and nonbinary man who uses he/they/it pronouns. Puerto Rican/asian/white mixed (i flip flop between east asian or south-east asian, or both- but we vibe). has depression ADHD, BPD and autism, probably got more into grungy/fairy grunge/whimsigoth fashion as he got older, or at least tries to marry goth, grunge and hippie fashion cause he definitely still holds the values associated with those subcultures, probably got suppppeeerrr into politics and protesting at some point, probably steals signs, probably collaborates with Kenny to steal from big stores (just kenny does it to survive and stan does it out of principle)

Cartman: 5'4 and VERY insecure about it, bi and transfemme but like super hyper closeted (i think he probably eventually gets more chill with his own sexuality, but is super super mega bigoted about literally everyone else. him being into men is fine but anyone else is a fag (derogatory). i have hcs for his disorders but i feel like listing them automatically sounds like im demonising them when im not

Butters: 5'5 (and eric fucking HATES her for it), demisexual and pan, nonbinary genderqueer genderfae bungender/traumabungender sanriogender hellokittygender autigender transfemme demigirl who uses she/they/he/bun/soft/lu/🌸/🌈/☀️/🌧/🫧/🪻/🩰/🧼/🎀/🌀 pronouns. has... so many disorders. Autism, c-ptsd, ptsd, night terrors, dissociative amnesia, DPD, delusional disorder, Alice in Wonderland syndrome and a complete blindness in his left eye (for kinda obvious reasons? maybe?). bun changes their name (legally) to Marjorine Leopold Stotch as soon as she turned 18 (without her parents permission), but still uses the nickname Butters because it doesnt feel that gendered to lu. soft sometimes has delusions of being in VR or dead. His parents refuse his diagnoses because it means they did something wrong (which they obviously did lol) so they dont give him medication, Marj mainly gets 🌸s meds from Kenny, Tweek, Tammy Warner (from that one episode where kenny gets a girlfriend whos a 'slut'), and the goth kids (most of them because they have been perscribed the medication, or, in Kenny's case, because they buy/trade perscription drugs). started transitioning without 🌈 parents' knowledge.

Craig: 5'11, gay and demiromantic, outerspacetix voidgender/agender man who uses he/it pronouns. is just- very mixed- its indigenous/south-east asian/peruvian/black/white and is adopted. has ASPD and autism. his 'exception people' (i dont know if thats the official phrase for it, but people with ASPD apparently can have certain people that bring out strong emotions in them- dont take my word for it though, this is second hand info from someone with ASPD i used to watch on tiktok lol) are Tweek, Thomas (from the tourrettes episode) and Stripe (yes, his guinea pig- sh). he's pretty okay at masking emotions when he needs to (mostly to make his boyfriends feel better and in an attempt to sooth their anxieties). he probably starts getting into grunge/punk at some point during his teens- he probably has a patch jacket/battle jacket thats covered in a mix of political and astrology/space related patches. his spin is space, absolutely.

Clyde: 5'8, spanish/east asian bi man (i go back and forth on whether or not to make him cis or trans or like demiboy??? or just a nonbinary man??? idk- just masc), uses he/they/it pronouns and has ADHD and PTSD.

Jimmy: 5'11, Cupiosexual, demiromantic (both bi oriented), is a cis or genderqueer guy and mainly uses he/him but doesnt really care much if you call him anything else, probably has a couple birth marks and cooovveerrsss his crutches in stickers (he probably has a bunch of random stickers related to all kinda shit, 2/3s of which arent even his, he has like- a shit tonne of stickers related to space, and robots, and dark academia, and hearts, and super heros, or whatever the fuck because his friends just give him stickers sometimes)

Tolkien: 6'0, genderfaun enby, omni with a preference for feminine people, has autism and ADHD, uses he/they pronouns, and has a couple scars from canon events (eg; a scar on his forehead from when cartman pelted him with a rock, and a gunshot scar on his shoulder from cartman shooting him)

Tweek: 5'8, nonbinary tweekgender (namegender) demiboy, gaygaygaygaygay, uses he/they/it/tweek/tic pronouns. has ADHD, autism, anxiety disorders and a panic disorder, paranoid personality disorder, C-PTSD, claustrophobia, tourettes and psychosis. he gets triggered by coffee if he hasnt been around coffee for a while (after a while it becomes less triggering and more part of the constant anxiety and paranoia), has psychotic delusions and hallucinations of bugs, the smell of coffee, gangstalking, etc. hes weirdly friends with the goth kids????? tic hangs out with them (as well as Kenny, Craig and butters) a lot, getting to traumadump, rant about anxieties, and just kinda gossip? and it helps it mellow out a bit. (also tweek has a bunch of scars to do with scratching tics, ripping out piercings, etc)

Wendy/Wendyl: 5'9, south east asian, bi, genderfluid/genderfaer, uses she/they/he/fae pronouns and is autistic. her spin is politics and feminism, he has a couple (brightly colored) patch clothes (definitely a pair of patch shorts and a patch skirt). has a couple scars on their knuckles and one on their cheek from fights she's gotten into (both in canon, and during protests or general people fucking with her). fae definitely does kickboxing and probably hosts an underground self defense class for non-men.

i can probably get into more obscure characters now but this is already long enough and im slowly running out of spoons so im kinda done for now

thank you for listening to my autistic ramblings :)

#🌀#south park #south park headcanons #south park hcs #sp fandom #headcanon #trans hc #my headcanons #long post

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transautisticmikewheeler · 1 year

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I would love to hear about your stranger things pjo au!!! Love both stories, all the better to mix them

well, buckle the FUCK up! /lh

❗ Before we begin, i'd like to give some warnings for abuse (csa, physical, emotional), self-harm/suicide, scars, neglect/abandonment, religion (mention of camps), minor character death, mention of kidnapping, eating disorders❗

this has taken TWO DAYS and it's long and not even finished but i'm tired of looking at it so

🎸 First character: michael wheeler. 🎸

love the kid to death. proud kinnie and apologist.

but

he's a fucking menace in this au. a mini percy, if you will.

15, genderfluid, he/they/she, boy kisser.

from hawkins indiana, bullied very badly as a kid for being neurodivergent, abusive father that does not know what a boundary is especially when he's drunk.

(that's projection right there - at its finest)

hypersexual for obvious reasons.

convinces a not-aware-of-the-abuse nancy to run away at 12 and 15. leave without any parting words to anyone.

make it to camp half blood where they are quickly claimed and mike is the first to meet percy, who has become a social worker/therapist alongside an oc of mine, chase williams.

he's given the following diagnoses: adhd, dyslexia, autism, cptsd, bpd with severe dissociation, mdd, and gad with panic attacks .

has been on 2 quests in his 3 years at camp. both, he does not talk about.

will becomes his fp basically on sight (i know- i was there. mike told me himself)

so fucking stupid its a wonder they put him against the ares cabin bc his smart mouth is brutal.

visible self-harm scars and will get so pissed if you ask about any of his scars. will tell you to mind your business.

⭐ AND THAT BRINGS US TO WILL ⭐

15, trans guy, he/him, queer.

aphrodite bitch that loves looking like he lives in a conservative 80s small town horror movie but like,,, the amount of tan and neutral works somehow? with some golden yellow and rusty oranges that make his green eyes shimmer and pop.

big artist and has hecate's blessing and OH MY GOD will with powers???? illusions???? fuckin CHARMSPEAK????? he's in his magician era lmao /lh /j

from cali. bisexual icon joyce brought her boys to camp early so they're prepared. i say she's the sally of stranger things

has the included adhd and dyslexia but with added cptsd, schizophrenia, and autism. that should be interesting.

has been on 6 quests since age 10, some successful, some not.

i want will to have eyeliner. i want to see him with it so bad. and painted nails. usually pink, yellow, or black.

🎵 NOW. EDDIE FUCKING MUNSON 🎵

21, nonbinary man, he/she, queer as hell

willeddie siblings. trans aphrodite kids against the world.

has apollo's blessing. very much a partner in crime to percy, they bond over music taste.

adhd, dyscaulia, bipolar 1, and cptsd

such a chill fucking dude but will ramble for years and years and years if you don't stop him.

very powerful charmspeak and very good at seeing the ties between people. has a celestial bronze dagger essentially named "freak"

sucker for apollo cabin counselor steve harrington

☀️ mr. steven harrington~ ☀️

19, trans man, he/him, bisexual

apollo kid, lover of pop, singer-songwriter.

very laidback, from TN surprisingly. has religious trauma, unsurprisingly, from being in a baptist christian family and being sent to summer camps until he was abandoned at age 16 by his mom and step dad.

adhd, dyslexia, hpd, cptsd, and unspecified dissociative disorder. hypersexual from a few instances of csa as a young child by someone at one of the summer camps he was sent to.

definitely has a knack for swinging blunt objects, of which he has a celestial bronze bat he carries everywhere along with a backup dagger.

thinks kids are fun to work with and teaches archery alongside chiron, which is unexpected but welcomed.

an okay healer. average. knows first aid, cpr, the basics

💜 the badass, nancy wheeler 💜

18, cis female, she/her, lesbian

athena kid through and fucking through. so smart but, like mike, oblivous and super dumb.

spends a lot of time out of the house as a kid until she and mike run away.

works for the camp newspaper, freelance journalist as she attempts college classes.

not the one you want against you in capture the flag.

chooses the gun bc she briefly has "i'm not like other girls" syndrome but finds it actually fits her.

her and annabeth talk all the time. to the point percy complains to mike about it.

robin buckley- love at first sight

📼 ROBIN, MY MAIN GIRL 📼

18, nonbinary woman, she/they/neos, woman kisser

also a big music person but POETRY. she absolutely loves poetry and symbolism and all that shit.

romance and sci-fi nerd.

dresses like a gay drama professor or gives off young richie tozier vibes, no in-between.

can name each bone in your body as she breaks it. loves her independent gf nancy.

adhd, dyslexia, autism, ptsd, and severe auditory processing issues.

indie music seems like her style but scene queen owns her soul and she'd sell it for ashnikko

thought about being a film major

steve's platonic better half as they should be

comes from an emotionally abusive household

📷 jonny boy 📷

19, trans man, he/him, aceflux demigayromantic

dates a clear-sighted mortal (affectionate)

aphrodite's son that may not be "conventionally attractive", but he has a knack for matchmaking and fashion, which he then neglects because he opts for a camp shirt and jeans with tennis shoes.

mild adhd, dyslexia, AUTISM, cptsd, avpd, gad, generalized depression

so many sensory issues and needs, but tries to be independent, which can lead to bouts of anger, frustration, and, sometimes, crying.

was severely bullied in school and he was physically and emotionally abused by his step dad, who his mom was not married to for very long

works with nancy and takes photographs for the paper sometimes.

🌻 el my beloved 🌻

15, nonbinary, they/them, pan ace, poly

as a kid of demeter, el has always been a plant lover. discovered their powers early

bedroom pop lover and blessed by aphrodite.

would rather rely on their powers than a weapon but does have a small dagger on them at all times.

elmike duo my sweets,,,

adhd, dyslexia, autism, cptsd, system (no amnesia, 2 other alters; jane and 11, who is different from el)

by early i mean she was growing plants at a rapid rate by the time she was 5. the wrong person saw it and she was kidnapped and abused severely until she was ten, when she was rescued by local police chief jim hopper, who later adopted her bc her mortal parent had been in an accident not too long after she was taken and did not make it.

🌸 baby girl chrissy 🌸

19, demigirl, she/they, aroace

daughter of demeter, very sweet

very much a basic pastel stereotype but we love her anyway, she's amazing.

has the following: adhd, dyslexia, bullimia, cptsd, gad with panic attacks

her dad's very much a pushover and her stepmom's heavily emotionally and verbally abusive and makes comments about her weight all the time

she only spends a few weeks of the year at home and it's usually only for her dad.

#🌻 to the sky of doubt au 🌻#stranger things #mike wheeler #will byers #byler #eddie munson #stranger things au #pjo au #lgbt #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #el hopper #chrissy cunningham #🔗#answered asks

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bow-wow-wark-wark · 3 years

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Oh yeah? Ramuda doesnt have adhd? pfft bet

Enough jest aside, I was really inspired by this one post that talked about sasara being autistic and samatoki having adhd, so I decided to make my own but with ramuda!!!! I personally headcanon the entire hypmic cast except for like 2 charas as neurodivergent but this seems easier to do, might make another one tho. Sorry if these seem just like statements but it just seems so obvious to me idk how to explain

Anyways so I personally think that he has adhd and bpd

The pictures that I showed above are clear signs that he has adhd. I'd also like to add the fact that he's usually seen eating, also also the thing he does in the manga where every time he moves or stands up theres like a boing sound effect thing next to him bc I personally think he says it himself (verbal stimming)

Ok let's point out some stuff: 1st he definitely has the hyperactive kind or if that's just an act the mixed one.

2nd the fact he tends to be very touchy with people.

3rd the fact that he gets bored easily and is always craving more exciting stimulation.

4. He gets distracted easily.

5. He avoids things he doesnt like a lot, like talking about or to jakurai, eating food he doesn't like, etc.

6. The fact that he doesn't seem to stick to common social norms, and like etiquette and stuff. (All the times jakurai points it out on tdd or when he doesn't close the door when he's measuring that girl on the drama cd) with this as well the fact that he tends to be seen as insensitive sometimes.

Ok next bpd signs: tw // self harm

1st unstable sense of self, ramuda doesn't seem to have the best image of himself most of the time, specifically bc of him being a clone and all that, I would say this plays into him having impulsive and self damaging behavior. If you think about it he does a lot of reckless stuff (also bc of his craving for stimulation) like in the anime where he decides he is going to mind hack jakurai basically on a whim. This whole thing also has another aspect: self harm. Diana pointed out how ramuda is never seen wearing more revealing clothes, I think it would be interesting if its bc he has self harmed before, this could even be to feel "more human" apart from the self punishing behavior.

2nd feelings of emptiness (which also plays into the messy self image as pointed on the picture below) this plays into people feeling as if they are nothing or nobody which he probably feels since he has all the other ramuda clones, so he might feel as if there's no difference and like he doesn't matter

3rd extreme mood changing, this is not as seen as much I guess since he's usually all happy go lucky, but we can point out the scene where he yells at jakurai in the tdd manga, the scene where he tells gentaro to stay out of his business, most of the after scenes when he speaks to ichijuku, etc. Also since its common for people with bpd to engage in punishing behavior after lashing out, this:

This keeps going, but you could say this also goes hand in hand with anger management issues and the fact that he tries to suppress that anger in this scene; suppressing emotions is also a thing with bpd.

4th unstable relationships: for the longest of time ramuda had very messy relationships; his relationship with the chohuku girls, his relationship with jakurai (which could have gone with idolizing it for a little bit to criticizing it when they broke up, which is fairly common) and with the tdd. Also how he has a hard time accepting fling posse's friendship bc he has a hard time connecting with others and has had unsuccessful relationships before.

This relates to fear of abandonment, 1st this pic, 2nd when the tdd talks about fighting chohuku he seems unsure, probably bc this means they would have to disband when they find out he's a clone. Also with the fling posse thing, can't get abandoned if you dont even let people in to begin with, am I right?

Last feeling paranoid when stressed, most people tend to become suspicious of others actions and behaviors. The instance I'm pointing out would be in the manga after he doesnt mind hack jakurai, immediately after this ramuda believes that ichijuku is going to kill him so he says his good byes to fling posse and all that, nonetheless she says she wasnt going to do that, which plays into the feeling paranoid. Also when he yells at jakurai once again, he's expecting him to get angry, which is why he quickly tries to act as if nothing happened but jakurai doesnt.

Ok I think that's it, if you have something else to add, feel free too, I can also (try to) elaborate if something isnt that clear. This comes from someone with both adhd and bpd but if I got something wrong, feel free to tell me. Anyways stay tuned for if i do another one

#hypmic #hypmic headcanons #hypnosis mic #hypmic ramuda #amemura ramuda #ramuda amemura #adhd headcanon #bpd headcanon #ramble post #also to the person i mentioned #hope it doesnt make you uncomfy i can sensor your name if you want #this is something ive wanted to do for a very long while lmao #brrrr this post is so long #call it a mega ramble post if you will #tw self harm #self harm tw #me while writing the sh bit: omg thats so sad i wish it wanst true 😢#dude it isnt is just a headcanon?!?!?!?#felt very real tho.....

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1p2p-heta-imagines · 2 years

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I was wondering what your thoughts are based on my head-canons on 2p America, and we can compare and contrast if you don’t mind.

I always saw him with deep-rooted trauma being Native American, and seeing his tribe being wiped out when Europeans set foot on his land. And 1p America was the “European ideal” of America with the founding fathers and whatnot. 2p America was more in support of minorities, women, etc. 2p America still holds a lot of grudges towards 2p England and his counterpart for taking over his land without him having a say, and fucking over his people.

I also head-canon that 2p America had always struggled socially in contrast to his counterpart. He has a few learning disabilities but is as smart as his 1p. Was in the special classes just because of his learning disabilities and he would always distract other kids to make them laugh to fit in. Probably has ADHD, BPD or something along those lines. Always had anger issues since he was a child. Never liked how school is structured and is more of a hands on person. He’s good at math and engineering, but hates English due to his dyslexia and near sighted-ness. He refuses to wear glasses. He wears contacts later on though.

Despite his loud, bad boy exterior, and his past with gang activity, he’s a very sensitive person. Despite being a hothead he’s very critical of himself and is very anxious and in his head a lot. He constantly compares himself to others and hates himself for a lot of reasons. He takes care of his body and what he eats, because that’s one of the only things he can control. He refuses to go to therapy or take medication since he sees it as “weak” for himself. (Please get this boy help)

Sorry that was a long ask, that’s all I got. Please let me know what you think ^^

(Thank you so much for sending this in!! I love seeing other people’s Headcanons 🖤) (Also, this gets a little long, sorry about that and also apologies if this seems a little rushed, I got excited and wanted to post this right away🖤🖤)

I want to preface this one by saying that I’m VERY white, I’m from the UK so I’m completely open to changing Headcanons if this feels wrong or offensive in any way. In terms of Native America, I always saw each tribe as having their own personification. A lot of tribes vastly differ, and I believe that there’s around 600 of them. I always saw lumping them into together as one entity as erasure, I think each tribe should have its own personification, especially so indigenous fans can highlight or share things about their tribe, same goes for indigenous people from any other country. I’m not against the Headcanon as a whole, but I just didn’t agree with it, personally.

Big big big agree with basically everything in the second paragraph!! Love that it shows learning disabilities ≠ stupid 🖤

2p America having ADHD and BPD is something that I have definitely explored as a possibility in the past, a lot of his behaviours would be explained by both of those. I feel like he would have a mix of BPD subtypes rather than a singular one, and ADHD-C (combined type).

Dyslexia is something I never thought about but I could definitely see it, thank you for introducing me to that Headcanon 🖤

I feel like he barely ended up passing through secondary school/high school, and eventually dropped out of college due to how much harder it is without any kind of structure to anything and how much it made him miss classes or lose focus or struggle, he didn’t have proper accommodations to help him at all and he would never ask for them

I never really considered him having a past with gang activity, mostly because his easy to anger nature would likely make him turn on those people and he would get kicked out or beat very quickly. Gangs are very structured most the time, having someone boss him around or control him would drive him nuts after he dealt with that for so many years from 2p England

I definitely agree he would be extremely self critical, an almost constant voice telling him that he’s not good enough or other people can do what he does better. It would definitely make sense.

HARD AGREE for the therapy and medication part, I feel like he got raised to not show anything that could be considered weakness and him talking about emotions was shut down pretty quickly, so therapy was never a thing that he wanted, though desperately needed. I feel like he self medicated more than anything, convincing himself that it’s fine and he was going to be fine.

#2p #Hetalia #2p Hetalia #2ptalia #2p America #Anon’s Headcanons

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lunaticsandidiots · 2 years

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So glad you liked the stalker Adrian babes! (I didn't like that I mentioned panties bc it felt less gender neutral but anyone can wear panties honestly)

Loved the ASD and ADHD hcs bc Adrian is definitely neurodivergent and so am I (ASD and rawdogging a possible but not confirmed BPD)!!!

He'd definitely love an honest s/o, but I feel like he'd also get super flustered if you were honest about your feelings for him because it means you're not ashamed of him?? Just,,,,, he takes every advantage to brag about U BC he has a partner!!! And they're cool!!! And hot and sexy and badass and--

But hearing you brag about him? Y'all would definitely annoy everyone on task force X just constantly acting like lovesick puppies but also having little to no expression or tone shift bc you're not masking.

AND!! AND!!!!! YALL WOULD FEEL SO SAFE AROUND EACH OTHER you'd feel like you wouldn't have to mask at all.

*sigh* to feel genuinely wanted for your unmasked self.... 😍

Anyway,,,, headcanon that Adrian is the type of neurodivergent to overly use emojis to express how he's feeling but he doesn't realise that 'dancing girl, astronaught, broccoli, jeans, coathanger' isn't necessarily helping.

- 🐌

(P.S I had no idea that's what the emoji looks like for you, on my end it looks like the cute little adventure time snail)

SNAIL HII! omg i forgot emojis look different on different phones thats so funny. this is also the ask that made me realise i do not have a coat hanger emoji, only coats. where am i supposed to put them then??

god idk why but thinking about him getting flustered because hes so taken aback by your honesty and just so not used to people not feeling ashamed of or embarrassed by him (its making myself sad hours apparently) just has me in an absolute tizzy. like its what he deserves.

also the concept of not having to mask or justify why you’re ‘like that’ to each other absolutely destroys me in ways i cannot express with words.

the others would DEFINITELY share looks when either of you spat out something brutally honest or when you guys would say the sweetest, most endearing things to each other in such a matter of fact way, but i think it would be like a 🤨 mixed with a 🥺 kind of look.

also i can totally see the emoji thing, like harcourt gets a text from adrian, and shes just squinting and scoffing at her phone trying to figure out what the fuck ‘💃🏻🧑‍🚀🥦👖🧥’ could possibly mean. and you walk over and look at her screen and immediately you know its ‘oh he’s running late but he’s on his way here from the dry cleaners now, he got his suit cleaned.’

and harcourt’s just lost for words. your explanation only further confused her, so you have to explain,

‘well he thinks the dancing emoji is actually running and the astronaut’s because he’s happy and then the dry cleaners part is self explanatory.’

‘and the broccoli?’

‘oh because broccoli’s green.’

‘what?’

‘like his suit. vigilante suit, green, broccoli.’

#🐌#i wanna know what ur 🐌 emoji looks like now ong #anon #ask #ask z

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draganasimpsforjeff · 3 years

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Hey, how are you? Hope your day/night is going well. Since I saw your post a moment ago do you have any Hcs; it can be sfw or NSFW with any theme like Angst or fluff for the proxies or Masky? Again sorry if this ask isn't the best

No its quite a good ask thank you! (Had to drag my procrastinating ass to do this bc my brain doesn't wanna do work now lmao)

MASKY

• SFW

•this dude would rather dive off a cliff then to admit his feelings are true

• has a hard time seeing the rational side of situations and would rather see the world as black and white as its simple that way

• he is a hunting dog after all to Slender

• one that growls and bites

• so like a dog that was trained to be aggressive and bare his teeth at anything, it would take someone with great care and patience to understand him and make him feel safe around you

• tho this doesn't mean that he won't protect you

• might make snide comments about your naive nature but thats just bc of how he is

• but make him morning coffee and possibly his favorite breakfast and he'll warm up

• he hates being touched on the shoulders but if you give him a massage then good luck getting out of it, itll become a daily thing

•NSFW

• i cannot see him being soft or "vanilla" unless he's in Tim headspace

• so if its Masky, prepare for a lot of sadism

• will definitely take you anywhere even on a mission, middle of a meal, or talking to someone on the phone

• gotta leave his mark. If you don't feel comfortable with showing his marks to anyone and try to wear clothes that hide a lot of them, they're gonna get ripped up

• so its best to just deal with it

• BSDM all the way (like I mentioned before)

• loves to humiliate and will do it in front of anyone

• will not stop until you are a crying, shaking mess, so there's a lot of overstimulation

Hoodie

•SFW

• alright enough with the nice guy shit (tho there may be some fluff...guh)

• just because he's the more level headed out of the other two fuckers, does not mean he will hesitate to fuck someone up (especially those he cares about)

• hes a protector of sorts but he'll choose to whom

• do.not.touch.his.gun

• that's his main source of security and if someone even gets close to it, he will break their fucking arm

• total caffeine addict...really..its bad? See him over there? He's shaking and talking to his coffee

•lmao anyways yeah its bad, if he has no caffeine for the day...he can get worse than Masky and that's saying something

• yes, I'm hc as an addict to sedatives

• tho he doesn't like that his brain takes longer to think about the best options and make it almost impossible get missions done

• but he's calm boi now

NSFW

• not the type to just take his anger out or his other emotions out during sex

• unless you're up for it 👀👀👀

• you're gonna need to see a chiropractor after tho

• hes a smooth flirt and will non stop making jokes until he has you under him

• daddy kink all the way

• financial one too

• he will not care if he only has $1 for himself that week, he'll get money somehow to buy his s/o something they want

• loves to feel his s/o skin against his, so not much into bondage as he wants them close and gripping on him

• definitely into receiving oral (mostly bc hes insecure about his ability to do wonders to his s/o with oral)

• mightusehisgunifyouactlikeabrat

Toby

SFW

• Okay, this boi is emotionally unstable, ik its like a common knowledge that he has ADHD and bipolar but I'm sensing this boi got some borderline personality disorder in the mix too (dw: I have this so I'm not making this up to make him more fucked up)

• so one minute he will go from seeing black and white, to suddenly the whole world in beautiful colors and appreciates everything

• doesn't like to talk about his feelings because he hates his vocal tics getting in the way

• so he picks songs that reflect that

• speaking of music, he really shouldn't but listens to music on missions to ignore Maskys comments and psychs himself up..especially if he got thay heavy bass going on, he's tense and paranoid to where his mind works best for the situation

• some of the music will trigger more of his ADHD side and notices everything

• will go from "I want to eat everything" to "what the fuck is the point of food" (queue E.J coming in)

• boi has deep trauma issues, the voices in his head mostly takes form of his step dad, mom, and his sister. (Mostly step dad tho)

• has difficulty with relationships so one might he can get along with his partners and others in the mansion and then suddenly get pissed off and yeet a chair at someone's head

•do.not.give.him.coffee

• mania mixed with bpd and caffeine...oh god.. you don't know what the fuck is gonna happen so...good luck

NSFW

• like I said, he's emotionally unstable (gawd I hate the way that sounded)

• so, one minute he will be afraid to hurt you and then will not give a single fuck

• why the fuck are you crying? Who gave you the right?

• will try anything unless it comes to bodily fluids or feet...no he will die first (no offense to those who do, this is just our boi)

• call him baby boy and he melts

• MOMMY KINK

• definitely a switch

• can get emotional during sex

• its not his fault tho

• but he can be submissive mode at this point (so have fun)

• loves it when his s/o is being a brat and likes to toy with them

• such a tease

• also has a daddy kink

#creepypasta #creepypasta incorrect quotes #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta x reader

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genshin-obsessed · 3 years

Note

🌸Preference: romance, males

🌸I'm nonbinary, mostly using neopronouns of fae/faer, they/them and at times she/her. My zodiac sign is cancer, but not sure if rising/moon or sun. My MBTI is INFP-T, temperament type is dom. melancholic and second most traits i have from phlegmatic. My alignment is true neutral. I am suffering from ADHD, BPD and severe depression. Very often quiet and closed to social contacts as i have severe trust issues due to what happened to me in the past, a lot of wrecking mood swings that are rather at extreme level than normal, usually goofing around when im alone and stiffens when someone walks on me while im doing stupid things. Its hard for me to get out of my "shell" because im scared of being hurt by people again. Though due to adhd i tend to have burst of energy and better days where i happen to be crackhead and energetic but its not very often as hovering over me is the feeling of either emptiness/sadness or anger and its multiple times worse than with normal person as usually the feelings mix up sometimes. I am quite nocturnal person and my sleep is either too long or too short as i usually enjoy stargazing whenever i see some stars or when moon is fully visible and moonlight gets through window its time where i simply enjoy in silence. I like music and my little hobby is voice acting, i like playing games and ironically i still have my old tamagotchi as this little thing helped me go through nightmares of my past to where i am now. I am cat lover and i like reading books. Sometimes i tend to wonder about nights of cuddling with someone and read books with them while being covered with blanket. I am a tiny bit clingy if i get close to someone and im afraid of abandonment... It's way too hard to actually scare me, unless someone actually hurt me enough to leave a scar either mental or physical or both... Thats all probably its so long jdjfjfbf im so sorry

🌸I look for someone that will get me out of my shell and help me build up confidence around people and someone who would be able to actually accept me with my mental issues and would show understanding and someone that would tease me back if i would happen to be in that kinda playful and teasy/ sarcastic mood yeeh... Sorry again if its too long

Don’t worry! Long ones are good! I have more to work with💖

I match you with Xingqiu!

Although he may not seem like it, around you Xingqiu doesn’t even think about books. He often worries a lot about you and tries to be very observant. He wants to make sure you’re doing well at all times.

Xingqiu has learned how to handle your episodes pretty well. He knows exactly what to say, how to act, and what to do in the event he’s not around when something bad happens. He’s extremely aware of your triggers, taking extreme caution to keep you safe at times.

He loves stargazing with you and, on occasion, will even read to you. He knows how difficult it is to trust people so he never rushed you when it comes to meeting new people. He’s very protective and tries to make sure no one bothers you either.

Xingqiu will only read around you when you want to. You two will often bundle up in blankets and read your favorite books or even new books together. Since you like voice acting, feel free to read aloud while practicing your voices!

Although they may not come often, he does love it when you’re energetic. He can’t keep up (or return the same energy) but he tries! He’s patient, catinng, and loving doing everything he can to keep you smiling and happy!

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #xingqiu matchup #genshin xingqiu x reader #xingqiu x reader #genshin impact matchup

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system-of-a-feather · 3 years

Note

How do you feel about endos? Just curious.

Oookay, Riku will probably never get around to this, and while Riku wants to “get all the aspects” addressed in a “diplomatic” manner because it is a “complex and multifaceted discussion”, but they are over thinking this and will literally never do it so I’ll go with the really rough outline that they started and fill it in with what I know of our system.

Sorry if I sound really inflammatory, I’m not a diplomatic person lel

Also, for comedy sake, I am going to maintain everything Riku kept in this outline and try my best to fill it out. A lot of this I am completely lost on so, there will be moments where I am clearly confused lel

I may get some of our opinions “wrong” because I’m kind of taking a guess from my access of the brain, so I apologize if Riku looks at any asks or reblogs we might get from this and goes WHY DID ADERIS SAY THAT?! I’m trying my best

===

Overall TLDR Opinion: So as a system, we don’t like to be too involved in it publicly. Its a multilayered complex topic with too much nuance for it to be worth advocating for or against, and with how large of a cultural phenomenon it is, it isn’t going to change with us. We don’t think it is likely that DID can be formed without trauma, but we also don’t write it off fully. We strongly however do not like “intentional” systems and find it really offensive and gross. With that being said, we also recognize issues in being too forward about that, so we don’t bother with it much.

More details below the keep reading.

-Aderis (Local Discourse Alter)

Can I follow if…

Yes. We really don’t limit or care who is following us. If you identify as an endogenic, singlet, fictionkin, a roll of toothpaste, we really don’t mind or care. I mean, we’d prefer if transphobes and homophobes and all those gross things weren’t following us because honestly - G r o s s - but also like, whatever.

I guess the only people we don’t want following are people that are actively going to use our posts to hurt others or to fetishize trauma or anything? I don’t think we have much worry for that but yeah nah. If you are endogenic or whatever, you can still follow. Just know that our writing isn’t written for an endogenic crowd.

====

Stages of Understanding DID and Endogenic Spaces

I don’t FUCKING know what Riku meant this. What the FUCK is “stages of understanding DID”? I’ve been sitting here for like... five minutes trying to understand what that meant, but I *think* they were trying to get at the idea of how people come to terms with DID.

If that is the case, then one reasons we don’t want to bash or actively advocate against endogenics is that identifying as an endogenic / endogenic-parallel concepts or finding concepts put out there by endogenics is kind of a stage / easier way to accept the situation since it doesn’t carry to baggage of having to accept that you were abused / mistreated.

It isn’t necessarily the healthiest and there is a large concern of getting misinformation and feeding the denial or learning really bad coping mechanisms through those environments, so we don’t think it is a **good** purpose or environment to be in, but the last thing we’d want is to force people who are still struggling to understand their mental state and come to terms with the past that they *have* to admit that they were really fucked up and hurt by things that had happened in the past.

We have a lot of mixed feelings and don’t have a firm stance on if that role in coming to terms with DID is good or not so we really don’t know there or have firm opinions. Since we don’t have firm opinions, we default to “we don’t want to rush / control / dictate what other people with DID are doing in their path of healing and we don’t want to rush people’s healing journey with DID” so we refrain from involving or telling people one thing or the next.

====

Intentional Systems / Tulpamancy Systems

We think they are really offensive and problematic. We instantaneously unfollow and block systems that claim to be intentional, and we tend to unfollow people who post about intentional systems. That is the part of the endogenic community we have very little patience for.

We do know there are still probably actual DID / OSDD systems out there that use those terms to write off their condition similar to endogenics mentioned above, but the amount of damage these ones do and the just straight up often horrible thoughts and opinions about DID that they have outweighs our opinion on not budding our head where it doesn’t belong.

Don’t fetishize / make our disorder a fun thing.

====

Median Systems

Uhh.... I think Riku was going to mention something about how we found out that some people have multiple people in their head through median systems and came to understand that as ourselves and learned beyond that???

I don’t really know what stands out in specific about Median Systems though. I think there might be an opinion somewhere about BPD and Median systems? But generally we also put this in the same categroy as “stages of understanding DID”. Maybe if Riku comes around they can explain if they even know.

====

Can you have a system without trauma?

Oooookaaay, this is one Riku would be 10000% better at answering because they have a lot of nerd stuff about this about science and psychology and statistics and research and shit. I’m not that savvy in those topics though? So I guess I’ll give you a quick rundown from the gist.

We don’t think that it is likely that you can have a system - a true dissociative system with dissociated parts - without trauma. That though comes with the key word “likely”. We are very much open to the possibility / idea that other methods could form dissociated parts and are actually a bit keen into maybe some day doing research on it. Science and research has backed that DID is formed due to disorganized attachment to caregivers and repeated trauma at a young age, but DID is very under researched, psychology is a soft science, and very little about the conscious, identity, and dissociation is actually firmly known.

Until the exact neurological structure / reasoning / process to how DID forms and how it differs from those that don’t have it, we really hesitate to put it in any box because that’s really not how mental health works. It might be that the majority of cases are due to trauma, but theoretically other disorders can cause pretty dissociation and if said disorders occurred at a young enough age, then theoretically maybe something like that could happen. There is somewhere in this brain a tab on ADHD or something, but I can’t go into that cause I really wouldn’t do it a service.

The really condensed version is we don’t think so with our current understanding and readings, but we don’t think it is 100% certain and there is a very reasonable possibility that there is something out there, a different path way that can cause the DID we know - or a different condition that looks and appears similar to DID but is fundamentally different.

You rarely ever *know* anything in psych, especially with something so abstract of a disorder with little research on it such as DID and how consciousness / states of consciousness work in the brain to really be claiming anything so certainly.

====

Should endogenics be considered DID?

I don’t care?? Honestly, our system is generally of the consensus that until evidence comes to show that it is possible AND the same disorder, then no. And even then, I think the question Riku meant was “should endogenics and DID be related / equated / in the same space” which is a strong no.

Even if endogenics are real and are possible, the amount of which trauma plays into what we currently know as DID is so ridiculous that there is honestly little overlap other than the “same hat” of having multiple parts in a body. So much of DID is much more about “spicy” C-PTSD with the exclusive DLC of thick dissociative barriers. A lot of our experience is centered around navigating trauma and helping parts grow beyond the trauma that seeded their existence and I really don’t know how much of that would be able to be properly understood and shared with someone who has NO trauma? I also feel as though inherently the dynamics between parts would HAVE to be extremely different without trauma because all of the “roles” in our system are fundamentally absed on how we are because of our trauma and how we cope and manage things.

====

Endogenics on Social Media / Practically Speaking?

We leave them alone for the most part. If they aren’t being toxic or spreading misinformation, its really not our deal to care about much - and even then it really isn’t. We have a lot of other things in our life to care about and we really don’t have the time or energy to get worked up, heated, stressed, or anything because we see someone claiming to have parts without trauma.

I say let people be people and do things as people do so long as they aren’t harming anyone. We disagree and are technically “sysmeds” or whatever, but like, its not that huge of a thing.

Anyways, that’s all.

#alter: aderis #syscourse #discourse #endogenic tw #ask #asks #opinion

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gonzogodzilla · 3 years

Text

I'm just really questioning my bipolar diagnosis now. My new shrink said it didn't seem like I had manic episodes because I don't get the grandiose feelings. And I really don't. When I think back to that summer in Montreal where I was super impulsive and self destructive- I was horribly depressed.

Mixed episode? I don't know. But I can't think of a time I've ever really had those grandiose feelings. My self esteem is never good. Every now and then I get a surge of confidence, but its still not anything big. It's more "no I'm totally going to be fine, and I can accomplish what I want because I'm a bad ass" and it lasts like, a day. It's like "no I can totally handle things, it'll all be okay and things are not hopeless" not "I am obviously the best person!!!"

I've been browsing a bpd subreddit and it all seems far more dramatic than I get. I get real sad. I get a little paranoid people will leave me. I get quickly frustrated. But none of it feels as frantic or extreme as what I've been reading? I let my feelings quietly fester inside me. The only feelings that I cant squash down are sadness. It's big and deep and consumes me.

Maybe I just have mdd and adhd. Suuuper depressed with terrible emotional regulation skills. I do fit a lot of adhd traits, but a lot of them cross over to bipolar and bpd.

Do I tell my new shrink all of these theories or just keep going and let him do his thang?

#personal #bipolar #bpd #adhd

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madeintimeland · 4 years

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On one hand I do want to make another about page because I think its important for people to know things about who's following them . On the other hand it feels like Tacky to describe myself. Like hahaha you're trans gay psychotic bpd autistic adhd and mixed?? What else is there about you Mr. Token slash looking for attention <3

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lovestruckbpd · 4 years

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i think my fp might have aspd ??

hes already been diagnosed w/ bipolar and adhd, but after reading up on aspd it was kinda filling in the gaps if that makes sense? like i can see his low empathy, violent urges, irritability, impulsivity, and chronic boredom for sure

hes low empathy while im high empathy (most of the time) and i can tell he struggles with comforting me and knowing when to, and ive explained my bpd before and he acknowledges he understands but cannot feel the same and i feel not being able to read my emotions is why he accidentally hurts me often, ofc mixed w/ my sensitivity to literally everything and my bpd in general turning everything into a breakdown

it makes me sad knowing he doesnt seem to feel sad for me when comforting me, but if he has aspd it would make sense why he reacts how he does. he does his best to care for me and comfort me usually but there are days hes in a very irritated mood and cannot comfort me softly which makes me feel so much worse. he also gets bored easily while we just cuddle one on one which makes me feel unwanted and unloved, as i need that personal attention ,,

i figured it was his adhd but aspd would make some sense too. i love him with all my heart, he loves me and ive been his only emotional close relationship, ive literally seen his true self more than his parents have

im thinking about talking to him about aspd and possibility of having it but also idk if its my place to say such things. i can see some of the symptoms in him if anything, but more than anything else i want to help us grow. i love him and i worry our mental illnesses will always be hurting our relationship :(

#sorry for how long this is #just some thoughts ive been resting on?#mine.txt #n

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flightysquip · 4 years

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hi, what are some signs i should look for if i think i'm bipolar?

thank you for the ask! so first thing i want to say, i am NOT a medical or psychiatric professional, but i know sometimes it helps just to have a sort of baseline

so first off, if you think something is wrong, you should see a doctor. full stop. the thing with bipolar specifically is you really shouldn’t self-medicate. it’s tempting--god it’s tempting as hell--but while i’m all for self diagnosis, the thing is self-dx isn’t going to be enough to get the resources you’ll very likely need. there’s a lot that you can do to help yourself, yes, but that’s more supplemental coping mechanisms than treatment on its own. please, see a professional. i understand that insurance can make this difficult, and anxiety, and i know it’s not as simple as just ‘see a doctor’--i KNOW it’s hard. but it really is best if you do see one. i’m not an expert by any means, but if you’re having trouble figuring out who to see or what sorts of financial options you have, or if you just need someone to help you make a phone call, or anything, i will do what i can to help you find these resources.

i also highly recommend, if you’re able to, taking someone with you for this initial appointment/assessment. outside observations can really help pinpoint symptoms you don’t even realize you exhibit. the relative objectivity can absolutely be good for your mental health. also, having someone on your side in a situation that can feel frightening and unfamiliar can be important enough. it’s important to find someone who can be a good advocate and support without actively speaking over you, though. outside observations are important, yes, but you need to be able to communicate too.

now with that out of the way, as far as some signs to look out for...i mean, obviously mood swings are going to be the big one. it was called manic-depression for a reason, right? the real important thing to keep in mind is the extremes--extreme highs (i’m talking euphoria) and extreme lows. everyone has mood swings, yeah. everyone has various emotions. not everyone goes from the pure nirvana of feeling like an omnipotent god among mortals to the crushing devastation of not even being worthy of suicide or leaving a pretty corpse. (also, hey, important sidenote, mentally healthy people don’t want to kill themselves anyway, so even if you’re not bipolar, wanting to kill yourself, even in an idle sort of way, is reason enough to seek out professional help)

but that all sounds pretty subjective, right? it’s hard to judge whether something is ‘how people usually feel’ or ‘am i unbalanced in some way’. especially if you’re afab, it’s super easy for people to dismiss your feelings as “hormonal” or “pms”. hey, for the record? even if it is "just pms”, if you’re distressed enough by your emotions to want to kill yourself? no fucking normal and not okay. you deserve better. also frankly, just because something is “hormones” doesn’t invalidate the pain or suffering of it, so screw their sexist bullshit anyway.

the big things i can think of with bipolar off the top of my head though, if i had to bullet point it, would be:

extremes in moods

risk taking behaviors (gambling, hypersexuality, picking fights with strangers, theft, drug use--so i’m not talking about “likes to ride rollercoasters a lot” as a risk taking behavior, i mean things with very real world consequences)

moderation? what’s that? (everything is an extreme of an extreme, black and white absolutes. indulgence and lack of impulse control)

delusions of grandeur (you think you’re the most important person in the room, you have a sense of being ‘the main character’ in the narrative of life, you literally think you’re a good, you’re the most talented/most intelligent/the only qualified person on any subject whatsoever)

disrupted sleep patterns (too much/too little sleep)

disrupted eating patterns (too much/too little eating)

aggressive/agitated mood at little to no provocation

inconsistent/illogical mixed mood patterns (suicidal fixations in the midst of an otherwise pleasant mood, fits of anger during sadness, etc etc)

precarious moods (specifically being in a very good mood/emotional state, only for something very minor to completely knock you down again)

memory issues and issues with the perception/passage of time (suddenly realizing it’s midnight when it seemed like it was just 9 am a moment ago)

making big bold lifechanging plans on a whim (suddenly deciding to move across the country, changing career with little research or thought into it before)

financial irresponsibility (reckless shopping sprees, buying things on a whim continuously on unnecessary things, opening multiple credit cards and maxing them out)

a lot of these are specifically mania-focused, i’ll admit, because i feel like culturally, there’s more education on things to look for in depression. there’s also a good deal of overlap between symptoms with bp compared to other disorders. that is to say, just because some of these things ring true to you, doesn’t mean you’re necessarily bipolar (off the top of my head, other things that have similar symptoms are bpd and adhd, but that’s not an exhaustive list, of course).

and i also cannot stress enough to listen to those around you. the thing about delusions is, when you’re in the midst of them, you probably don’t realize you’re being delusional. it’s sorta be design. the thing about being angry is, when you’re in the midst of your rage, self-righteous fury can feel really toxically good, or at least justified (and it certainly feels better than depression and numbness). the thing about euphoria is you really don’t have much of an interest in ‘baseline stability’. the thing is, the delusions go away, the rage fades into shame, and euphoria is not sustainable. a trusted loved one expressing concern can feel like an attack, but it can actually be a gift to have some clarity when everything is so stormy and off.

that being said, you never mentioned a loved one saying you may exhibit symptoms, so that’s just a tangent. my advice really is: if you think you’re bipolar after seeing others with the disorder or reading about symptoms or listening to your gut, please see a doctor. whether you get confirmation or not, there’s no shame in seeking help. i know a lot of people say that these disorders are a moral failing, that they mean you’re predisposed to bad behaviors or toxic mindsets, but that’s just uneducated fear-mongering. i don’t advocate for treatment because i think you’re broken or wrong if you’re untreated. i advocate for treatment because you deserve to have a healthy, happy, stable life. you deserve better for yourself.

i hope this helped answer your question. thank you again for the ask!

#more mental health talk and stuff #i hope this made some sense #like everything i post it's fine to rb

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aliwept · 5 years

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WARNING : MASSIVE TOKOYAMI HC DUMP AHEAD ! part one of ..... many sldkfjds i gotta transfer a lot from old blogs

triggers: body talk, religions mentions, mentions of binding, self hatred and transitioning.

BELIEFS / MOTIVATION:

tokoyami looks at becoming a hero the “wrong” way — or rather, in a way that cripples his success.he doesn’t want to become a hero in and of itself, but to help as many people as he can.

this is usually a good thing, but it is motivated by his extreme guilt and self doubt rather than pure desire, believing that that is the only way to pay for his “sins.” (i.e., the destruction or potential destruction his quirk as/could cause(d).)

he holds himself up to an extremely high standard, (it is impossible to have a totally “pure” motivation,) one of being perfect and disciplined in every way, but he consistently fails to reach that (as any human being would), making it so that he falls deeper into a circle of self-doubt and pity.

he also tends to idealize his friends for their faults, and when those difficult traits show up he gets extremely bothered, then angry at himself for his idealization, then angry for bothering them, & it escalates until he’s simply angry at himself for being what he believes to be a burden.

this is an extremely deeply rooted process, one that even daily actions contribute to, & while the source isn’t completely his parents, it is certainly reinforced by his mother’s abuse & his guilt relating to his father’s death.

PHYSICAL:

he’s not particularly muscled — well, compared to his more muscular classmates. most of his muscle is in his legs & stomach. he does not have a particular training regimen, typically unmotivated unless prompted.

unlike the majority of his classmates, because a lot of his fighting is done with dark shadow moving him (so that it’s harder to predict movements, as well as going from a large range), the majority of the time he’s not challenged physically.

against close attacks, both attacking which he uses his sword for (seen in his dorm room), when allowed. he inherited that sword from his father after his death. he also feels fatigue easily, not so much due to muscles but because of his exhaustion that is his “normal” state, given that dark shadow is nocturnal. (this & his low work ethic. he works a lot harder when training with friends.)

he doesn’t feel the need to bind more than not, given his skinny physique, with his hips being only a little bit wider than the average cis man’s.most of his scars are on his arms, self inflicted from his talons cutting into his skin. parts of his skin are covered in a gel like skin, clear to see the feathers that poke out from them, going much like arm hair down his sides. these are mostly around his shoulders.

most of the feather is underneath skin (though the skin & the feather both have no nerves), visible with the skin being mostly clear (no muscles adding color, only the natural dark pigment) with the rest of the feaher poking out at a low angle to his arm.

HABITS:

he has a diary that he writes in religiously. it’s kept in a hat box under his bed when he returns to the dorm, along with a collection he’s had since he had been able to write.

at times, in nostalgia, he’ll read through his earlier books. he also tends to doodle his classmates in them ! he’s an incredibly private person — especially because his mother ignored his privacy, refusing to let him keep secrets of any kind in ‘fear that he was hiding something’ — but also enjoys putting his thoughts into words.

PAST:

tokoyami was bullied due to his appearance / personality. for someone who was already uncomfortable with his body (not knowing what being trans was at that point) this became the root of deep insecurity regarding his appearance, whether it was as simple as hesitation.

he is autistic !! he stims a lot with his hands, though usually it’s in his hoodie / under his cloak, because he’s very self conscious about it. he also has adhd: inattentive type, bpd, depression & anxiety!

fantasy verse: he’s a witch & i will fight you on this fact. my boy loves the occult. he’s also. in generally he tends to be superstitious, & more than that enjoys different rituals! it probably won’t show up in my rp cause i honestly don’t know much about that type of thing but ! he absolutely adores things like that, not necessarily because he fully believes them but because they’re interesting & he believes that they probably stem if only in part from fact.

now im gonna add some notes here. while he is obviously pretty strong, he has problems with control, considering that not only does he have to react, he has to communicate those thoughts with dark shadow. speed / offense / defense obviously are enhanced w dark shadow, as well as his own abilities (he would still be able to hold his own if he couldn’t use his quirk).

as well, a lot of his stats are basically his stats + dark shadow, which obv makes them higher than they otherwise would be. he also has really high stamina and working out for a long time doesn’t really. make him tired, nor dark shadow, because dark shadow doesn’t get tired & he’s not the one doing a lot of the actual physical stuff. he’s not good w weapons tho in general. note that these are basically during the daytime w/o a huge light source so things change when it’s darker/lighter.

parents: tokoyami’s mother had the ability to call spirits of the dead to her and talk to them, & his father’s was to house things, as in objects, so he cld like. store things inside of his body. it’s real wild.

a quirk that combined with another in tokoyami’s lineage, so one of his ancestors had the ability to shapeshift, specifically with birds & banged w someone who has a quirk similar to aizawa’s, where it basically ‘stills’ the action of .someone’s quirk, if that makes sense? so down the line people wld inherit a birds’ features, but it would switch. in his dad’s case, he got a raptors ‘arms’ & eyes.

i am here to inform you that not only is he really short, he’s also chubby! espcially as a child. while he now has muscle! :tm: ive made earlier posts about how he doesn’t have a good. regimen & shit so. yeah. just like deku, while he may be muscled, (though he’s less muscled than. most of his classmates) he still is v chubby on other parts of his body.

also ! he’s trans & he has. a large bust, which he does not bind most of the time due to fear of asphyxiation. being demiboy, he is bothered at it at times, but dislikes tight clothes as a whole (like binders). this is because he is easily overstimulated by excessive contact with his body, causing sensory overload.the exception is his neck, which his choker is a source of comfort. (though, warning, there are scars underneath that the large choker hides!)

tokoyami. will say/do something & then become embarrassed by it, after the act has already been done. he’ll fuckin melt on the spot.

tokoyami is absolutely someone to leave ppl on read. or respond w several paragraphs w ‘K.’ like. that’s just how it is. he’s lowkey an asshole in that way but he just. he has to think a lot before having a response but he gets distracted & just leaves it.

he has dark fucking brown skin !!!!! people who draw tokoyami w light skin cause he’s a ‘pale goth uwu !!!!’ are weak & will be weeded out by natural selection.

people he trains with most are ,,, mostly kirishima, kaminari, aoyama and momo when they’re available

he’s mix of japanese, native american, and indian!

self knowledge questions: neediness, independence, shyness.

NEEDINESS: being affirmed & nurtured by others is a central requirement for you to feel safe. this means you can be slow to warm up to other people, which is difficult because what you most need from them is their warmth. yet you know how to be vulnerable: to let down your defenses and accept that you need another person. this lack of pretense is a valuable trait, and ultimately more endearing than the macho efforts others make to deny their childlike sides.

INDEPENDENCE: you don’t set out to be different for its own sake; you are more easily guided by what interests & moves you. you are more concerned about what is right for you than about the pressure to fit in. you know the value of selective irresponsibility, of forgetting occasionally about being ‘good’.

SHYNESS: part of you is gripped by the fear that you’ll launch into something and completely mess it up. the upside of this is wise caution: people are indeed often too rash, whereas you know, by instinct, that holding back can save you. probably, you feel shame and self-disgust a bit too much. but when you do feel in your element, you act with a wisdom and sensitivity never found in people with thicker skins.

there’s an au where he’s tamaki’s half brother tamakis hmu

more ramblings cause i lov him so anw. i figure that like. if he had to have a motivator it would be an outside force but basically he’s riding on the fact that he has more physical ability because he doesn’t perform very well in studies. ( bird brain …… )

getting 14th place out of the class on midterms, he’s aware that he’s not motivated & as well as his migraines & other mental illnesses ( adhd, executive dysfunction, etc. ) this means that he doesn’t really reach his ��full potential.”

he’s aware of this, though, which causes him to train physically. physically training also allows him to ( a ) feel proud of himself, something that he struggles with ( b ) help him generally, esp with dysphoria ( c ) get his mind off of other things / points of stress.

i still don’t think he’s like. as buff as shouji for example, though part of that is that he’s naturally lean ! & he has trouble motivating himself sometimes but when he stays up late ( due to dark shadow ) it basically wrecks his sleeping patterns, so this gives him something beneficial to do while also exhausting himself, which he hopes will help him fall asleep.

like i know that i said that . . he was skinny / not v muscled ( when compared to his buffer classmates, rather ) but i guess i’ve been proven wrong because it took both Buff McFuck mina and hagakure 2 push him out of the way ( not tht it took that long but that was w them straining / time skips )

so @ this point i Just Don’t Know. he got 9 in the practical which means he’s obv like ?? p good but that was the entrance exam. ( he got 10 rescue my baby !!!! im so proud of him ) & then w aizawa’s exams he started off at 5 & im tryna find the other thing what it ended up as but @ this point i’m just , pretty divided cause i’m not seeing much reason for him to learn to train w/o proper training ( & we kno that he’s not someone who was trained specially like todoroki / momo tho tht doesnt mean it’s not possible & at this point im just ) ya. he’s gotta be able but from what we know he’s not v motivated ? ausdjkfdsfjk we’ll see ig.

tokoyami is a mix of shinto (where his hero epithet comes from), taoist (due to the values), & hindu (again, values). i think for now it’s going to be some mix of that, though i’m going to do some research on shinto values since i don’t know much about it !!!!!

generally, he’s pretty superstitious, just because he knows many myths are based on facts, & the idea of ‘it doesn’t hurt to watch out for them.’ he prefers to avoid possible things that would make him have bad luck.

#dont rb or i manifest in your house n kill you /

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