#its not just passively accepted

[caffeinatedopossum]

Not triggering just personal

I really need to vent about being asexual and sex repulsed but I feel like no one will understand and I get how a lot of the things I think will sound but I really just need to for once get these thoughts off my chest without having them being morally appraised because they *aren't* my morals, they're just things I can't change.

And I don't want people to TRY to change it either! Or to try to figure what ~hOrRiBle trAuMas~ could have possibly made me "this way". It's not that I think there's nothing wrong with me, it's just that this thing needs to stay neutral to me if I ever expect to actually understand it. I want people to stop morally appraising and physcoanalyzing my sexuality through the lense of inherent trauma!!

I just want to talk about this without feeling like I need to put a disclaimer before every sentence, explaining why I feel the way that I feel. I don't know ok! I don't know why I feel the way that I feel sometimes. I'm just doing my best and I wish more people would understand that. Maybe you don't get an explanation because this is my identity and doesn't need to be justified. I just want to understand myself.

#anyway that felt good #i hope this helps you guys understand in case i ever post some of the thoughts i was referring to here #i hope this helps you guys understand how big of a deal my asexuality actually is #its not just passively accepted #i have quite literally had to mask my asexuality MORE than my autism #i want to talk more about this but anytime i do at least one person is always there #suggesting im only asexual because of trauma or asking me what the fuck im talking about because i said something about being sex repulsed #or saying 'i used to be asexual too' -_- please just dont say this to me #im trying so hard to be a good person even when my deepest instincts go against some of my morals #i dont know if i can ever change those things either #i dont know whats worse #the idea that i need to be fixed somehow to better fit mine and everyone elses idea of a better and more likeable person #or the thought that this disgust is inherent to who i am and can never be changed #it hurts so much you dont understand #it hurts so much to think that rationally its good to accept people expressing their sexualities in healthy ways #but to be consumed by this contradictory instinct that make me recoil in disgust from even the people i love #it hurts and i just need someone to acknowledge that and that im trying and that it is difficult #and maybe even that its not my fault... though idk if id really go so far as to believe that #i wish i could've chosen to be anyone else sometimes

[mortysmith]

while we're on the subject of "morty-prime teamup" what if there was another two crows situation

#rick and morty #prosh/p dni #morty smith #rick sanchez #this is based on the scene at the end of the 2 crows ep #but ummm i think rick would be much more irritable? #like morty very passively just accepted the situation but i feel like rick would start to double down and kind of revert back to his more- #'iconic' personality of just you know. being awful #like obviously he understands morty is justified and i think on some level even agrees with him #but guys. He is so codependent and So shitty. like he cannot express these feelings properly #and like. Improving as a person isnt a linear process Like i appreciate rick making an effort to be better #but just... Getting Better right away is not how it works really #like idk. if rick starts feeling desperate i dont think its unrealistic to imagine he unconsciously starts behaving 'in his comfrot zone' #he starts throwing insults and telling morty hes stupid. generally trying to kick down his sense of self esteem #BECAUSE HE GENUINELY IS SCARED OF BEING ALONE #or like. Not having control over being alone you know

[pigeonwit]

we the people seriously need to consider a pirates of the caribbean javetherine au

#davey as a blacksmith whos been pining for heiress katherine for years #but has always resigned himself to his status and passively accepts it just cant be #and then pirate jack comes swinging into his life and makes him realize he can be more than just a life spent in the background #katherine as an heiress who knows she could be so much more but everyone keeps telling her no #and she doesnt believe it! she doesnt! she CAN be more! ... but god its exhausting to be the only one believing in herself. #and then in the wake of a pirate attack shes helped by the blacksmiths apprentice who always seemed to just hide himself in the background #and he refuses to let her feel even slightly guilty about what happened. #and then in comes this ABSURD pirate who sees her fire and shows her to throw a punch. tie a knot. wield a sword. #he listens to what she says. he takes her advice and she takes his. #and she finally feels like she has people who believe in her. who SEE her. #and jack as a pirate whos always been deternined to be alone. to live as his image and not himself. #its easier that way. to just say 'pirates life' and move on before someone can leave you. better to hide than be pushed aside. #and now here are these two annoyingly insistent city kids who keep acting like jacks worth keeping #and it's everything. but he knows it cant last. it cant. (he really wants it to last) #i mean really what are pirates if not sea cowboys #newsies #davey jacobs #david jacobs #katherine plumber #katherine pulitzer #jack kelly #javetherine #fic thoughts

[homophyte]

it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?

#myposts #this is long and honestly probably Nothing #i dont even really have a way of proving its the same group of people saying both things except fro anecdotally seeing it #and even thats not proof either is a real social force with like power. i could be entirely wrong on every count here #but i do think theres something to the idea that like #as ive seen said #yknow 'ace discourse never ended you all just accepted ace people didnt deserve support and then moved on w those views internalized' #i think thats more broadly true for like. all those discourses i mentioned. and for the transmisogyny i alluded to #but honestly i dont even want to name the specific phenomenon im talking abt there bc those people. scare me. #but yknow ill say it ive felt way more pressure lately to not call myself pan than i did at the height of pan discourse #before it became cringe to care about it and instead of actively shitting on pan ppl we moved on to passively doing it #ive largely started just. calling myself bi to avoid the arguement. which i predicted i would have to do years ago #and now look at me doing it! not really a fluke that its happening now. i think #which isnt to say were moving 'backwards' per se but that these ideas are not now and never have been really challenged #so weve just internalized their logics--reactionary logics--and its having an interesting effect now that we need a progressive community #for our safety. #now we cant say anything about it because to bring it up is jeopardizing everything weve built and the people were keeping safe! #cause we dont count as people deserving of safety were disruptors who only belong when we dont make noise. idk. or thats how i feel #again i dont really know if this is true at all im more just...thinking through it i think #basically like what im seeing--i think--comes from simultaneously that need to be unmarketable in the face of hostility #coming into conflict with a decade of momentum to make queers solely marketable. and i think thats producing some interesting--but sucky #--discourses in the current moment #last disclaimer that i might and am likely totally wrong! okay lauren out. post send *nervous sweating*

[straightfromthetorturedpoetsdept]

it does NOT surprise me that there are SO MANY tabloid movies coming out being labelled as "documentaries" filled with "friend of a friend of a friend" claims or like heavily, heavily, heavily biased with a clear narrative the filmmaker wanted to push from the beginning that tells only one possible explanation of the truth.

usually if a documentary is trying really, really, really, really hard to make you think a certain way, it's a propaganda piece. you shouldn't have to force feed your audience the "right" opinion to take away from the film evidence. you should present the full story as accurately as possible with real historical evidence to back up the storyline and the audience will walk away with the right idea.

documentaries should not have an overly persuasive tone to them because you should be able to follow the facts to get to the right answer yourself. if you find yourself walking away from a documentary feeling nothing but "wow this proves exactly what i suspected to be true why arent more people angry about niche radicalizing viewpoint that most people find to be inaccurate" you should recognize that as the first step to being indoctrinated into extremist behaviors and thoughts.

#if someone starts telling me about how much they love watching documentaries and its all super emotional hit pieces on bad celebrities #im like BIG yikes and i stay clear from them emotionally like no fucking thank you #i am a snob about documentaries sorry and i have no idea if im right in my thinking i just think this is how it should be imo #yall should walk away from a documentary understanding how someone can come to the wrong conclusion about something #because the documentary should always present the opposing view point in as sympathetic light as possible #steel man the argument then use facts to demolize it #if a documentary about a controversial or political issue #documentaries that lie manipulate rely on emotional support rather thana factual support are bad imo #because it often radicalizes people to the wrong side once they find the steal man argument against ur position #there is a reason people believe certain things #for example my terfs are lying about the original definition of woman argument post #in it i accept the possibility that woman could be defined this way only if u insist on denying factual history #i explicitly state woman was a white female child because it forces well meaning terfs to investigate the truth of my claim #and it forces them to confront the fact that their argument against trans women can be applied to people they think are in fact real women #you have to be willing to engage with repulsive ideas to show why they're factually incorrect. #im not saying the tone has to be completely passive but you have to be FACTUAL with your documentaries. #i am genuinely of the opinion that the facts will convince anyone because all people just want to be right at the end of the day.

[llycaons]

Lan Zhan's been very busy. The Lan enterprise is opening another branch, but they ran into some rather disastrous difficulties and fixing it takes all of Lan Zhan's time. Wei Ying understands. He gives his boyfriend the needed space. But it has led to weeks and weeks of Wei Ying having dinner all by himself. Watching movies on the sofa, snuggled in the blanket instead of Lan Zhan's arms. Even the sex, which now happens rarely, is quick and more to satisfy each other's physical urges than the emotional need for closeness.

'enterprises' is he a fucking businessman. is lwj neglecting wwx to work on business shit. omg. ngl this entire setup feels like the author is making wwx out to be a neglected stay at home wife whose emotionally distant husband works all the time. doing the dishes, making dinner, associated only with domesticity, crying silently in the kitchen while packing up another meal his busy bf refused to join him for. this is unfortunately a pretty common theme for bad wx works

Done with the dishes, he heads to the bedroom, takes a quick shower and slips into his pyjama bottoms. He brushes his teeth and looks up into the mirror. His face seems pale in the harsh lights of the bathroom, silver eyes reddened.

SILVER EYES. I wonder if I could fill out a bingo board with wx fic cliches with this one

#okay silver eyes is not a cliche it's a pretty popular and not refuted hc. but I think it's very silly #this is wild bc all lwj wants to do is hang out with wwx and eat food with him and play music with/for him and tenderly care for him #and also he likes teaching and saving people too. but if you remove his love for wwx and don't shore up his principles #or make it clear how important this thing is that he's focusing on instead of wwx. then its just not him #he did in the past put his principles over wwx but this isn't what's happening here this is a fucking business deal #and wwx wouldn't just passively accept this either methinks. after four years? he's going to get heard #ficblogging

[kylejsugarman]

music is subjective and universal and everyone can interpret it how they want blah blah blah but listen a lot of john darnielle’s music comes from his experiences with his abusive stepfather, especially “the sunset tree”, which is basically a dissection of his childhood as a child of abuse and the repercussions it had on the rest of his life, and the adoption of “this year” as like a general anthem for persisting is fine but it is specifically about abuse and being a child of abuse and enduring even though you are stuck in an environment that wants you to quit and give in. whatever whatever gatekeeping but its hard to contend with media specifically about child abuse being neutered so it can be more Relatable or whatever

#syd squeaks #contending with being physically abused is its own very specific experience and john does a really great job of exploring it rawly #stripping away his experiences and the intention of his music is hard for me to just passively accept because it played a huge role in #coping with my abuse and being a child of abuse #tmg #the mountain goats

[todayisafridaynight]

Throwing in fun (not fun) facts to contribute esp bc I was tagged in the essay: (Sorry in advance this is literally my career and special interest AND I just got back from a training conference about this SO obv I am going to talk too much. Disclosure: These statistics are from peer-reviewed sources AND the National Children's Alliance. The NCA IS an American association, though, so take this all with a grain of salt bc we're applying it to someone whose bg is not American lmao. This is an essay for funsies. CW: discussion of and stats about CSA, Child Abuse) Relevant to the Jo stuff is also that victims of one/any kind of abuse are statistically much more likely to subsequently face overlapping abuse, so knowing he comes from a home where abuse and potential neglect was actively occurring sets Jo-boy up for some sad statistics. I am looking for my notes on the stats for that but it's something stupid high, I wanna say over 30 or 40%.

Additionally, 47%~ of CSA victims are revictimized. Abysmal statistic but mostly just an interesting note if this IS the case/if we choose to interpret Jo this way bc of the other things mentioned in Masu's ask, specifically if we're viewing his unhealthy and ultimately traumatic relationship with Ikumi as a potential example of that revictimization (similarly, coming from a like background, it may have been revictimizing for Ikumi if she had ever experienced something like CSA, as well. It's one of those cases where they both got hurt even if neither of them were at fault for "playing house" as Jo calls it).

Seconding/Adding on to Masu's thoughts about Jo's behavior being as self-destructive as it is because of the compounded trauma of his life, victims of adolescent abuse "engage in health-risk behaviors such as substance use, physical fighting, and risky sexual activity," in far higher numbers than non-victims. We know for facts that adolescent Jo checks at least 2 of those 3 boxes, and that he still puts himself in unnecessary danger as a full grown adult (the Heian Tower fight, and Hoshino's Office fight): An interesting and well-written cycle of trauma and abuse on RGGs part, tbh, but also so narratively telling about how he saw/sees/continues to see himself as more an object than a person. (Love your notes on that btw, it rings very true. I could write an essay on that alone tbh.)

Another weird little thing I notice from both a Doyalist AND Watsonian perspective: Jo's disclosure of his father's abuse would classify as what we call an "accidental disclosure" in the field even though it's clearly intentional that he shares it with Ichi - it's offhanded and markedly unimportant in the story he's telling. He says it passively in a literary sense, as well: "The only thing waiting for me at home was my father's fists." Like homie, that's the most roundabout way you could have said "My dad beat me." Interestingly, up to 50% of [specifically CSA] victims do not state outright that abuse occurs, but disclose it accidentally/offhandedly; and in general, accidental disclosure is more common among people who have also delayed disclosure. Up to 66% of admissions from victims of child abuse come delayed if they come at all.

I think it's a very in-character remark of him to make, but statistically, it lines up with other victims of abuse as a whole. I think it's also just cool that from the Doyalist perspective, writing his lines in this way was intentional. It's part of the whole "Everything Jo says sounds like it could mean more than one thing" thing. He speaks poetically - it's intentional not just for the character but for the writer.

Okay, I'm done for now I'm sorry I just wanted to throw some added stuff into the convo bc I love applying my everyday usage of adolescent-focused trauma care and pysch shit to blorbos and seeing what sticks. Anyway, I also have a shit ton of thoughts on Masumi Arakawa as an abuse survivor but THATS another essay I won't dig into now. If I am still in your good graces after this long ass spiel I will consider it not only amazing but perhaps even cool as hell.

[ continuity of this ask ]

#long post #cw csa #its related im keeping it LMAO #snap chats #love the implication that you'd be 'out of my good graces' for sending this LMAO NO YOURE FINE WHY WOULD I BE MAD #i wouldve chewed out masu at this point if that were the case i enjoy readin these #the thing is we just have to accept im very stupid and wont have a lot of commentary. just quiet note taking #and i very much do appreciate posts like these cause its a nice reminder for things im aware of but have become very passive to #like jo's passive exposure of his traumas is something im aware of and because of that i dont focus on it as much as i should #so thank you- to you and masu for writing as extensively as you do #again im just very dumb so i wont have anything else to add on that hasnt been already said #or it wont be anything i can just sit and write in a couple of minutes its something thatd prob take a while to write as in-depth as i want #which is why i feel bad for responding. Not At All with these types of asks LMAO CAUSE EVIDENTLY a lot of effort is done by you guys #and i appreciate it a lot so thank you again for writing in #arakawa as an abuse survivor is something i think of a lot and remembering his abuse as a child shines light on his actions and mentality #so i mean if you wanna share your thoughts on that go ahead ! just know. i prob will Also not have a lot to add on to it LMAO #LIKE THE BEST WAY I CAN INTERPRET MY LINGUISTIC INEPTITUDE IS JUST ME LISTENING my sister tells me i listen really well #and i do enjoy listening. because again im not smart enough to think of things on my own or i dont think its worth sharing some things #so always happy to read whatever you want to share

[girlhorse]

fr id be so sad if i had to cut enzos hair down but if i cant get my shit together soon that might be what has to happen until im in a better/more stable position. part of it is that it keeps getting Longer and so i have to groom more frequently and for longer sessions. this is also the most harrowing time in a havanese dogs life (around 9-18 months) when theyre 1) dealing with adolescence and 2) have a chance of having a very difficult coat change (blowing puppy coat and developing the undercoat, which in non-shedding breeds can cause some messy, easily matted hair!)

as a result enzo has been losing a lot of confidence on the grooming table and is less tolerant of it. He's not getting pissy or biting at all, just wiggly and low key stressed, which sucks bc he needs to be up there for me to deal with his crazy teen hair =_= The crazy hair is making him even Worse because sometimes theres a bit of a mat i need to get out (at this point i have been clipping them out to avoid causing him discomfort)

it's also spring, which means theres a ton of burrs and seeds everywhere, and the grass is growing tall. so every time we go outside he gets so many little things in his hair. it's a nightmare sometimes LMAO

#gab gabs #literally got a little reel mower so i can at least cut down the grass in my yard #i hate grass but i have a landlord #pray for me #we are working on some cooperative care techniques and handling exercises #but no one ever talks about how youre supposed to keep up with hair maintenance consistently when training isnt finished but your dog has #urgent and ever present grooming needs #this is probably why so many havanese breeders and showdog people use a more balanced and non R+ approach #no ones out here punishing their dogs its more like #they do NOT go cooperative care route #they use very light force #its not cruel but it can be hard for some dogs and owners (me) to adjust to #but i do think cooperative care is pssible im just not a great trainer #also fwiw all the breeders i know do praise and treat their dogs and will not push a dog that is having a major panic attack. they just #set expectations for the dog to hold still and be mostly passive and not interfere with the groom #and usually dogs are rewarded after! #also most of them consistently groom from puppyhood onward which means theyre more likely to be accepting of the process as they age #my dog has always been a little uncomfortable with it but he was getting better #just a bit of a teenage regression #SORRY FOR RANT LMAO

[mochapanda]

i think if i dont get a new job soon i am going to kill myself

#like im making absolute dirt shit money i cant save up even w/ over time and ive been fucking my health into the ground #to the point where im on MEDS for STRESS to cure my fucking STOMACH PROBLEMS #like. i cant digest food bc of STRESS. that is fucking insane i make minimum wage #i just need a normal 9 to 5 with weekends off how does every other adult manage that do those even exist anymore #where are all these $20/hr jobs old people complain about i dont see them #like i cant go back to school bc its awful and people are awful but work is so much worse #the assistant manager came into my twitch chat to talk about work how did i even get in that situation. #why would anyone think thats acceptable or okay #why does a 40 y/o man think im his best friend kill me kill me right now i am in hell #every day is just so fucking uncomfortable and disgusting my customers are disgusting and creepy #i am a fucking 20 year old get the fuck away from me #why cant i just be like a bank teller or smth and make enough money to move out of this god forsaken state in like a year #i dont even have my own life i have so much stuff and never do anything with it bc im always working or tired from working #i dont think bank tellers have to deal with crackheads screaming at them and calling the police bc they cant login to google #or not having a work schedule for a month bc the district manager just cannot be bothered #i think its a great job for normal people that arent constantly too high off their ass to hold a conversation #definitely wont have the same problems i do now itd be new problems #like passive aggressive 30 y/o women drama #be a nice change of pace

[munamania]

anyway. i am going to be SO incredibly livid and angry and throwing an absolute tantrum on thursday if i dont get good feedback on my script.

#and by good i mean anything actually helpful not just 'omg wow this is amazing' tho ofc that's acceptable too #like a month back now u. might remember that the day i was supposed to get feedback on my outline i literally ended up #holding back tears in class bc it was so. just. pointless and rude and genuinely not helpful #and last week everyone was soooo boring about the scripts that were due like no one was giving helpful critiques or anything #it was all just sooo insufferable u people are not being constructive about like actually helping someone develop their story or whatever #ur just being stupid. and by that i mean it. like they didnt even try to just understand the humor or worldbuilding of this one kid's scrip #t it pissed me off. #and i actually had fun with my script finally it's a first draft so u know it's gonna have its weak spots but eye had fun hanging out #w my girls <3 so. if people could attempt to be helpful this time around that'd be awesome. #like last time a few people made snide comments like 'um about this - well i can't even remember this one's name' hey girl. you could #probably look at the very contained outline i wrote that's right in front of your face instead of saying annoying shit like that to the #writer's face! #the vibes have just been off. that class was so fun for a while and lately it's been such a bitch fest. #they were so mean about mine and my friend's i think people r jealous that that's our bestie prof's class but like. he doesnt treat us any #kind of way you know. and he's supportive of everyone like u dont have to make this weird #sorryyyyy for complaining about what i THINK is wrong with everyone but like! idek how to deal with their passive aggressive shit anymore #they're mean to each other too sometimes #just gonna go crazy with it on thursday #abby talks

[yourbleedingh3art]

Actually the hide apps from your homepage iphone update was seriously insidious You can hide it but it doesn’t mean it’s not there, unable to be deleted, selling ur data to the us military so u have no choice but to participate in the us arms race

#Like the health app #so u track my steps and put that into ur health data and I’m not able to opt out or delete this app off my phone #and it wasn’t originally #on my phone never purchased my device for rhis purpose #but for me to continue using it I just passively accepted the updates necessary for the tech and its like #no this shit is insidious #that selling captcha data thing about the drones #I’m just sick of the illusion of technology rn #I say this ON MY IPhone on my tumblr #So many parts of us really are pacified by defending the curse #im working on rectifying that #blog post #as in technology is the devil eventually I’m living in a swampy marsh without a phone period and I’m gonna have a hand in the creation of #everything I’m consuming #if im confusing it I feel ethically responsible to contribute to its creation #if I have the means to go so #and as I go forth acquiring these means #on my personal journey #all my trials #the long chain #I will Love In abundance and practice gratitude for the meantime for the abundance that has constantly been in my life #I was born love incarnate #I was a newborn baby #I experienced perfect innocence without ego #what I was born I still am #I am love

[butcharyastark]

finally got to the max and mrs. guthrie scenes in my rewatch and oh.... wait... i think drowning the cat might mean smth different than max acquiescing finally to the violence of colonial rule and abuse...

#see i thought its obviously abt max's worldview & the necessary evil of accepting standard violence to prevent worse unpredictable violence #i.e. appealing to the hand that feeds to stop it from beating. working w the colonial government as inevitable to stop harsher punishments. #but like. i said once before i think its also important to remember max is very good at telling ppl what they want to hear and its clear #that mrs guthrie wants to hear that max 1. can be ruthless #2. is capable of stopping the cycle in nassau (the cucle of the cat) aka not asking mrs guthrie to finance a worthless investment #and 3. relates to mrs guthrie specifically and she is a woman that casually wields her privilege #she wants max to do all those things and this time around watching i noticed the implications max regrets what happened in nassau #and considers her efforts to appeal to the higher power failed #and like. the way this convo is had w mrs guthries question 'which are you in this cycle?' and max's answer directly situated around where #the dude asks max where her slave laborers r in her accounts and max says she refuses to have any #and it feels rlly pointed #max says drown the cat but we know she HASNT. she passively accepts certain things w her power but doesnt actively step on ppl to get there. #she couldve casually used slave labor in nassau to get more money in her power but refuses unlike jack. #she couldve turned idelle and featherstone over easily when asked to gain her own safety but refused #she couldve killed or turned over silver so easily but said herself she couldnt live with it if she did #im not sure i buy she comes down this hard on the issue of drowning the cat even jaded after the raid & eleanors death & annes neardeath #i think she mightve been just telling mrs guthrie what she wanted to hear. that max was willing LIKE HER to use whatever privilege she had #access to to squash those beneath in favor of 'smart' ambition. #mrs guthrie is an aged eleanor. a rich white woman in the new world who bought her power by acquiescing to the few oppressions laid on her #by becoming the role of silent wife and mother to appeal to her husbands control and violence. and using the leverage she had left #being rich & white to control everything else. its what eleanor did securing her status becoming the colonial governors wife & helping him #w his violence. its what mrs guthrie asks max to do to prove to her that max is right for the investment she wants #and she refuses #idk thoughts full head many im turning max over in my mind in the salad spinner. i need to think more on it #black sails #my post

[scuopsie]

I don't condone online harassment but if u say delulu shit on the internet ppl are GOING TO call you delulu....

You fucked around. And you found out.

#im not being like... wait what was it called? like talking abt someone without mentioning their name in a passive aggressive way #fuck... anyway u know what i mean #im not doing that #this is abt someone on tiktok whom i do not know and just seen a few of their content here and there #and i just saw them posting a video crying while essentially saying: i did nothing wrong so dont be mean to me if u dont like my content #and i THINK i know what its abt bc i saw one of their vidd on my fyp a couple of days ago and i rolled my eyes so HARD #and later i saw it on twt with qrt calling them (and the stitch) delulu #which it was. delulu. #i didnt go into the other qrts or the comment but i dont think anyone was saying anything that bad abt them #like it wasnt something to send someone death threats abt (not thay ANYTHINY is but u know. it was a dumb thing) #so ppl were just calling them delulu #like. being delulu is fine. scientifically proven to make ur life better #so just accept it and be delulu proudly kdjdkdjdj #and dont come crying abt it #thats embarrassing #ksjfidjd #niki screaming into the void #in case it wasnt clear this is abt kpop #i didnt give detail but if anyone is curious i will kdjdkdkd

[literallylivingfortuesday]

For a person who really wants for their most notable traits to be kindness and compassion,, i really am a judgey quickly irritated spiteilled person. Like just a 30 second interaction can occupy my resentment for a hour and a half dog walk

#personal #my mum has this kinda boyfriend #its my towns pride fest this weekend #and he had said something not dissimilar to #'we're not really allowed opinions anymore in case theyre wrong “ #it just pissed me off a bit #but like in a hypocritical way I guess #because I also base my thoughts and actions on #what the person im talking w thinks and feels #but that just felt like the kind passive acceptance #that would Not be there if the overton window hadn't shifted #(and seeming as the right wing are tugging it back #it might not stay)

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

/

#well well well. been a while since i last made a / post #anyway im spiraling #im chill on the outside but oh boy #everything is going to shit #im not gonna get into a master #maybe even the field of translation isnt for me... #but ive been wanting to be a translator for so long #i admitted it to myself to various degrees #but tbh its been in my head since i was like 17 #lit as i type this i just remembered that my tumblr bio in like 2015 used to say that i aspired to be a translator #and i just. i cant give up on that dream #but i wont be accepted in any master #and the industry sucks so much idk if i could make it in it anyway... #i want to cry and also die #the thing is. when i tried to kms‚ while it was a combination of factors‚ the main reason was i thought i had no future #bc i didnt think id get my high school diploma and so id get nowhere in life #and rn. exact same feeling #and passive suicidal ideation has been reawakened by stress lately #I DONT LIKE ANY OF THIS #but seriously #if i cant get into any master. what the FUCK am i gonna do #i cant make it man #i want to be a translator but i cant get into a master #even if i managed to finish a master the freelance life would be horrible on me lbr #i just wanted to get out of my parents house and translate stuff man. but ill kms instead ig #personal #tw suicide