#anyway that felt good

[caffeinatedopossum]

Not triggering just personal

I really need to vent about being asexual and sex repulsed but I feel like no one will understand and I get how a lot of the things I think will sound but I really just need to for once get these thoughts off my chest without having them being morally appraised because they *aren't* my morals, they're just things I can't change.

And I don't want people to TRY to change it either! Or to try to figure what ~hOrRiBle trAuMas~ could have possibly made me "this way". It's not that I think there's nothing wrong with me, it's just that this thing needs to stay neutral to me if I ever expect to actually understand it. I want people to stop morally appraising and physcoanalyzing my sexuality through the lense of inherent trauma!!

I just want to talk about this without feeling like I need to put a disclaimer before every sentence, explaining why I feel the way that I feel. I don't know ok! I don't know why I feel the way that I feel sometimes. I'm just doing my best and I wish more people would understand that. Maybe you don't get an explanation because this is my identity and doesn't need to be justified. I just want to understand myself.

#anyway that felt good #i hope this helps you guys understand in case i ever post some of the thoughts i was referring to here #i hope this helps you guys understand how big of a deal my asexuality actually is #its not just passively accepted #i have quite literally had to mask my asexuality MORE than my autism #i want to talk more about this but anytime i do at least one person is always there #suggesting im only asexual because of trauma or asking me what the fuck im talking about because i said something about being sex repulsed #or saying 'i used to be asexual too' -_- please just dont say this to me #im trying so hard to be a good person even when my deepest instincts go against some of my morals #i dont know if i can ever change those things either #i dont know whats worse #the idea that i need to be fixed somehow to better fit mine and everyone elses idea of a better and more likeable person #or the thought that this disgust is inherent to who i am and can never be changed #it hurts so much you dont understand #it hurts so much to think that rationally its good to accept people expressing their sexualities in healthy ways #but to be consumed by this contradictory instinct that make me recoil in disgust from even the people i love #it hurts and i just need someone to acknowledge that and that im trying and that it is difficult #and maybe even that its not my fault... though idk if id really go so far as to believe that #i wish i could've chosen to be anyone else sometimes

[apollos-olives]

i want to mention that while yes, the conditions that palestinians live in is horrid, palestine is still a beautiful place.

there are so many stories of people returning from their trip to palestine and all of them saying that they were disgusted and horrified and the living conditions they say the palestinians were in were just awful, and while yes all of that is true, and palestinians do live in ridiculous conditions, i still want to make it clear that palestine is an insanely beautiful place. our mountains are beautiful, our plants are beautiful, our mosques, our churches, our olive trees, our birds. palestine is a beautiful place. it is the birthplace of both christianity and judaism, it is the birthplace of jesus. our temples are astonishing, our food is delicious, our culture is rich, and our diversity is beyond. our dances are beautiful, our clothing, our jewlery, our homes. each and every one of our lives is precious.

go to any palestinian home in the world and you'll see beautiful things. the west wants to get rid of us, to completely decimate every part of our existence, but we will not let them. and we need everyone on our side to help us keep palestine's beauty safe.

#this took me forever to write bc every 3 seconds i was coughing up blood #agh agh agh agh #anyway i had some pictures to go with this post but i felt like it wasn't a good place or smth #palestine #free palestine

[sketchy-tour]

Redrew some of my old daycare attendant doodles as stress relief today

#The original doodles were not posted here I'm p sure and for good reason they are SO BAD #but I wanted to draw something but without need to think too hard so redrawing something old felt good enough #also featuring the whole nickname thing the DCA fandom was always so fond of. Do yall even still do that??? I havent been up to date #ah. The blorbos before wally #anyway #fnaf security breach #fnaf dca #dca fandom #dca fanart #daycare attendant #fnaf daycare attendant #self insert #self insert x canon #my art #sketches #much needed comfort art

[steviesummer]

inspired by and as a direct follow up to this post by @strangersteddierthings:

Eddie is horrified. He remembers the day Steve is referring to, though clearly not as well as Steve does. He calls out as Steve raced up the stairs and hears his door slam.

“Fuck.” He stares blankly at the wall in front of him. He can’t believe things went so bad so quickly. He’s been trying to get to know Steve better, get closer and damn if he didn’t just blow the hole thing. He’d shown up early, told Steve he needed to prepare as an excuse to spend some time with him. Despite everything that happened over spring break, Steve had remained guarded, standoffish no matter what Eddie tried. At least now he knew why. He’d fucked things up before he’d known there was something to fuck up.

He feels even worse about calling him a bully. Sure, Steve had looked the other way and even laughed at some of the mean jokes others had made, but he was far from the worst. That dubious award went to Billy Hargrove, but even without him, there was plenty of people who did far worse than Steve did. Especially because Steve is right. He did hit first, metaphorically at least. He can justify it all he wants as trying to protect himself, but that doesn’t make it right. Steve all but admitted that as he said the same thing. He feels nauseous at the realization that maybe he was just as bad as those he decried. That for all his talk about accepting outcasts and defying convention, he was just as prejudiced. Swallowing hard, he heads back to the dining room and looks at the clock. There is no way he is going to be able to run the campaign today. He’s not going to be able to focus or even play without thinking about how things might have been if he hadn’t driven Steve off all those years ago. He grabs the phone and dials Gareth’s number. “Emerson house, Sheryl speaking.” “Hi Mrs. Emerson, it’s Eddie.” Eddie is proud that he manages to keep his voice even. “Is Gareth there?” “Oh, yes! Let me go get him for you.” “Thanks Mrs. Emerson.” Eddie focuses on breathing while he waits. “Eddie? Hey man, what’s up?” Eddie breathes out. “Hey Gareth. Look, I know its last minute, but we’re gonna have to postpone Hellfire. Something came up.” He could hear Gareth’s frown through the phone. “Postpone? What happened, did Harrington do something?” As if he couldn’t feel worse. “Nah. I’ll explain later, but can you call Jeff and Frank, let them know? I gotta call the freshman, too.” “Alright, but I’m going to hold you to that.” “Fair enough. Talk to you tomorrow.” Eddie promises before hanging up. He weighs his options for how to tell the Party. Eventually, he decides on calling Mike, know that the younger teen won’t push too much. He’s dialing the Wheeler home before he can second guess his decision. “This is Mike.” Eddie feels a rush of gratitude that Mike is the one who answered, rather than Nancy or one of their parents. “Hey Mike, it’s Eddie. Listen, Steve’s not feeling great and having Hellfire here isn’t going to help. Can you call the rest of the Party, let them know we’re gonna move it to another day? I’ll keep an eye on Steve.” Eddie knows Mike is a confused, given how adamant he’s been in the past about not canceling or moving Hellfire, but as he expected, Mike accepts what he says at face value. “Sure. Need us to bring anything?” “Nah, I’ve got it. Pretty sure he just needs some peace and quiet so he can rest. But thanks.” They say their goodbyes and Eddie puts the phone back on the hook.  With that done, he checks that the door is locked and faces the stairs. Now for the hard part. He’s not sure what he’s going to say, if there is anything he can say that will fix this, but he has to try. Even if doesn’t change things between him and Steve, Steve deserves at least that much. Every step feels like it takes effort, chest heavy with guilt, but it only takes him a few moments to get to Steve’s door. It’s closed, which doesn’t surprise him. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts before knocking. Nothing. “Steve?” If it wasn’t for the quiet sound of Steve’s breathing he could hear through the door, Eddie would think he had left. He glad that he at least didn’t drive Steve out of his own home. He rests his forehead on the door. “I’m sorry.” Eddie hopes Steve can hear how much he means it. “You’re right, I fucked up. I made an assumption and took out my anger at other people on you. And that wasn’t fair and it’s not okay. But I want you to know that I’m sorry. Even if it wasn’t you, I shouldn’t have done that.” He lets out a hysterical laugh as he realizes - “And despite that, you still humor the kids when they talk about D&D and agreed to let us play here and didn’t punch me in the face, which makes you a better man than I.” He falls silent, listens as Steve’s breathing slows. He isn’t sure how long he stands there. He wonders how many other people he hurt this way, without even realizing. Knows he wants to do better, be better. He sighs, feeling his shoulders slump. “Anyway, I canceled Hellfire for today. I told everyone something came up, don’t worry about that. I’ll make up some story, make sure they know its not your fault. And uh,  let me know if you want to hang out again or something. I know I’ve been around a lot; didn’t realize that I was making you so uncomfortable, which is probably another thing I should apologize for. Anyway. Yeah. I’ll see you around, okay?” He waits a moment for an answer, but when none comes, he backs away from the door and walks downstairs to gather his stuff. It hurts, but he knows Steve deserves space and to be the one to initiate contact. He has some thinking to do, anyway.

#steddie #my writing #fic #legit read that fic like 6 times in a row and had to write a follow up #have a handful of extra pieces as well #or thoughts anyway #like steve telling eddie about christopher #and eddie helping steve make a character and play in the future #after lots of talking and eventually getting together #his character is a dwarf paladin named after christopher #i haven't written in forever this felt so good #barely proofread so apologies for any mistakes

[cavalierclavier]

tfw you’re breaking out a science experiment with a broken snooze button and you keep sassing one another between the senseless violence

#the mechanisms #the mechs #the mechanisms fanart #once upon a time in space #jonny d'ville #nastya rasputina #briar rose #ouatis #comic #my art #there are supposed to be rose reds in the big room but i forgot :P #i considered adding bloodstains to imply them but it felt too cluttered lol #anyways hell is drawing rooms and guns and jonny's eye marks consistently #i'd say it was good practice though

[cangrellesteponme]

wife

#yeah i'm not dead woo let's celebrate #my art #kuroshitsuji #kuroshitsuji fanart #black butler #black butler fanart #grelle sutcliff #grell sutcliff #anyway i didn't draw SHIT for a good while and when i got back to it i suddenly hated using the flat marker brush??? #it's part of what makes my signature distinctive so i used it for that but yeah i switched brushes #oddly enough i'm not hating the more textured look? it gets very pixelated at times but it's not awful #back to the signature- it felt weirdly nice to sign things again #i haven't in a while #if you're one of the very few people who also follow me on instagram you'll know i don't use it on there #and the only art i've been doing these days has been original work so yeah nothing on tumblr #and thus the words 'brain exhaustion god stan' have not been written by this comically large hand in a hot minute #enough rambling this is just grelle art because i love her and i know y'all love her too so i thought it would be a nice comeback piece

[mjulmjul]

OUT OF TIME

#artists on tumblr #cinema #goncharov #katya #illustration #love how martin scorsese kept clocks in frame to show these characters are all running out of time #digital art #with a hat nod to saul bass #unreality #<— the goncharov movie doesn’t actually exist it’s a bit everyone is doing #anyway I love noir stuff! this was fun lmao #also Marlowe sorry for recycling your caption I discovered too late that English has NO other good idioms for it #was working off the idea of 'the 11th hour' but that felt too on the nose to put as caption too. i take my shitposting seriously

[obsob]

muse :3

✹prints shop!✹

#mine #original #i love doing energetic felt tip drawings. truly what life is about #anywyaay. tummy hurt #also ive had such bad brain fog these past 4 days and been like :( why is it so bad again :( #anyway i actually remembered 2 take my hayfever meds 2day n immediately felt better n was like. ah. #song of the day is gilded lily by cults...HAVENT I GIVEN ENOUGH! GIVEN ENOUGH! #truly a fitz chivalry song.....hes never had a good day in his life #im on th third book i am slwoly making my way thro it good loird

[holopossums]

your honor he's just a widdle guy

with a big mood

#trying out my new tablet pen #it has a different feel #but in a good way i think? #it's more... grippy #anyway drew these without refs which is pretty impressive i think #2nd one was trying to have him express how i felt today #rottmnt #casey jr #casey jones jr #holopossums

[rev-velvet]

In the wise words of our queen:

Lowkey though Im not even mad nor suprised that Team Bear cubs won yall was fightin like Mr.Grizz was 'bout to cut your pay by 80% if you didn't

#rev's ramblings #Also I actually didn't hate Mahi Mahi Tricolor #At least when I was a defender #Though then again if you timed it right getting from your area immediately to the U.Signal wasn't too bad either #Anyway I surprisingly did good this time in each section #Aka I didn't get my ass beat as badly as before and it felt like I was actually contributing to the overall #I think part of that might be the absolute erratic state that using mini splatling puts me in #splatoon 3 #splatoon #splatfest

[cairoscene]

Brian David Gilbert on Sad Boyz

feels fandom relevant.

[ID: A series of screen captures of Brian David Gilbert speaking on a podcast: "The thing that you invest your time in can feel so important to your identity that occasionally you feel, like, you need to close it off from other people in order to keep it safe. And I think that's where a lot of nerd culture, all that gatekeeping stuff, all of the toxicity stems from that thing where it's like, "In high school I didn't have a lot of friends or connect with a lot of people, but I did have this comic book, and now this comic book is super popular, but these people don't like me. That must be because they're not real fans."" End ID]

#feels very appropriate recently #oh you didn't read those comics? or these ones? or any? you're not doing it right #oh you're not including my favorite character? you're not doing it right #your fic/headcanons/meta annoys me? you're not doing it right #like come on these comics are 80 years old #obviously fanon vs canon is a battle that exists in almost every fandom but it's been esp prevalent in this fandom i've noticed #let's be real guys the comics are sometimes really bad and sometimes fanon is really good #anyway i watched this and it felt applicable #so that's my two cents #gatekeeping #fandom #etc

[stealingpotatoes]

hands you all this cal to announce i’ve FINALLY finished fallen order (by which i mean i finally picked it up again after those couple hours i played a few months ago and then finished the whole game in 2 days lol)

#cal kestis #bd 1 #jedi fallen order #jfo #star wars #my doods #anyway HOLY CRAP YOU MEAN STAR WARS WAS ALLOWED TO BE GOOD BEFORE ANDOR (2022-)??????????????? AND I DIDNT KNOW?? #i love cal i loved the story i love how cinematic and amazing it looked good lord #i don't think i've ever played a game which gets such an amazing sense of scale across #like all the great temples or fallen starships were just Wow #like bracca ALONE gobsmacked me. seeing all these things i grew up watching in tcw as wreckage was like Ough Wow and THEY FELT SO HUGE #im just. wow!! #and THAT FINAL MISSION HUH. MOST FEAR INSPIRING VIDEOGAME ENCOUNTER EVER #my only criticisms are the awkward navigation/ level design in some areas and maybe the ending felt a bit lackluster somehow #i say somehow bc i dont get how lol #the reason im making this post past midnight is bc i got off work at 10pm and then immediately had to finish it LOL #anyway big heart emojis im very happy i sat down and actually played it finally #i want jedi survivor now LOL unfortunately it costs money and i have a rule i never buy games in release year lol #tbh i never rlly buy games til they're £20 or less

[airoarts]

Leader and deputy

[Image description: a digital painting of Squirrelstar and Ivypool from Warriors. Squirrelstar is a small dark red cat with green eyes, standing in front of the much taller Ivypool, a gray tabby-and-white cat with blue eyes and many battle scars. The background is dark blue. end ID]

#i havent read a new wc book in years (They are not very good) but have been keeping up with The Happenings recently cause its fun #when was the last time there was a female leader+deputy? leopardstar and mistyfoot??????? #anyway so happy forthem i hope they dont both die immediately #warriors #warrior cats #wc #squirrelstar #squirrelflight #ivypool #art #2023 #I have actually been doodling a ton of cat designs like in classes in the last couple months lol #havent posted them because theyre just Designs and so many people post those all the time but if i get one (1) ask about it i can post them #also just have not felt like posting art recently even though ive been doing it. LOL #worried about squirrelstar cause um. i know cat ages have been generally increasing but she is older than her dad was when he died #if wc wiki ages are to be believed #her husband just retired to be an old man and she took his job #well whatever... i dont even read the books... i dont care... tch #ALSO EDITED CAUSE I REALIZED I PUT HER WHITE PAW ON THE WRONG SIDE #the first few rbs will have the wrong version but whatever. its fine. its fine

[toytulini]

listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.

yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?

maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".

get a better joke

#toy txt post #god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones #let it flop..........pls #internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop #i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having #1 million bajillion disclaimers #virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word #disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word #grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used #to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023 #and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like #im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild #i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good' #like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you #but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches' #'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay #god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil #but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful #and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like #hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine #and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr #and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like #and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay #its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat #? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty? #you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right #stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny #whatever #if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll #i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.

[noxious-fennec]

They shouldn't have been made to do governments, these guys were meant to have slumber parties!!

#dsmp fanart #ctommy #cranboo #calliumduo #my art #this is just a little doodlw i felt like making idc if its not that good yall are getting it anyway #anyway finals are over!!!! im so tired my god #i hope to make more during the break but no promises #anyway hope yall have a swell day xoxo #fennec.art

[deernozone]

HAII

#SRRY FOR THE INACTIVITY BTW #i had art block and just in general didn't felt so good x.x #ANYWAYS #madness combat #madness combat fanart #madness combat deimos #mc deimos #deimos #madcom deimos #madcom #madcom fanart #mc fanart #madness project nexus #fanart