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all-purpose-dish-soap · 3 days

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out of pure curiosity, how the hell does soap use mer reader as a sex toy👺

and I love reading about the mer au pls give us more

rants are fine, we accept them wholeheartedly🫶

right, purely out of curiosity ;) consider this a follow-up to Soap chasing you down and indulging his baser instincts with you.

Soap is fascinated with your hands. the strange little suction pads on your palms. the way you groom his scales, the way they feel on his skin. how do they work?

he begins to develop a healthy curiosity about how they might feel elsewhere.

Soap asks you not at all casually how thoroughly you clean the other mer. or yourself—do you skim over the more sensitive parts of your own anatomy? he's eager to know. his filthy mind cycles through image after image of teaching you how shark mer like to be touched.

or, fuck, of you showing him what makes you feel good.

you notice as you groom him how he pays such close attention. the muscles in his lower stomach twitch when you brush your hands over the front of his tail.

seeing him that way rouses your curiosity, too. maybe he's right. maybe you do need to clean him more thoroughly.

⬇ nsfw, monster dicks, merman sex under the cut ⬇

you run your hands up and down his members (two, remember), disguising your perverse interest as innocent dedication to your craft. you're just doing your job, right? you’re certainly not getting anything out of this. not at all. no thoughts in your sweet head.

still. you’re not as smart as you think you are if you believe this ends any other way than him fucking you like a fleshlight.

it takes so little effort for him to wrap his hands around your hips and maneuver you where he wants you. he brushes his thumbs over the sensitive notch at the front of your tail, the subtle slit becoming more flushed the more arousal floods your body. his eyes zero in.

handling you like the sex toy you are, he pulls you closer and nudges himself in. you squeak, feeling the stretch--but you're not worried about taking all of him. you were built to service big mer. of course you can take it <3

you're happy to let him use you and he’s starving to finally take what he wants. he moves you up and down on one of his cocks. the other rubs over that sensitive region, scraping the outside of your pussy until you’re speaking in tongues.

you’re dizzy, not only caught up in the physical sensation, but also the oxytocin-laced high of how much pleasure you’re giving him. how much he wants this from you.

he watches where your bodies connect--the way you grip him--and then the way your eyes droop with drunken pleasure.

you're so rapturously happy with how much he likes this. how valuable you are right now--it's intoxicating. and the way he praises you--not with words, but implicitly, with the way he groans and his hands tighten, the way he squeezes you bruisingly hard and spills his spend into your body.

you're fulfilling your purpose this way.

...

more mer au /more Soap / masterlist tag

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stereax · 15 hours

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CapFriendly Alternative Sites MegaPost

(Last update: 06/09 - added FAQs drive, HockeyDB, CapSpace.)

As we are all likely aware by now, the Washington Capitals have decided to ruin everyone's lives by purchasing and sunsetting CapFriendly. We expect the site to go dark on or around July 5, 2024.

While the hockey community has experienced a similar loss before, with the death of Matthew Wuest and the subsequent loss of CapGeek, this is a markedly different situation that sets a troubling precedent - namely, that freely usable, public NHL data is now available to the highest bidder, who can then revoke access to the data at a minute's notice. Two things can coexist: we can be happy for the makers of CapFriendly that they are being compensated well for their services while also scorning the Washington Capitals organization for choosing to turn off CapFriendly entirely.

Under the cut, please find a list of free CapFriendly alternatives and other websites that contain NHL data. (In some cases, they are mostly free - however, most/all important information for lay analysis is available for free.) This list is dynamic and taking suggestions, so please feel free to send me any websites you find at @stereax and check the original post for updates!

PART 1: SALARY CAP TRACKERS

PuckPedia: The New CapFriendly

PuckPedia is the closest replacement to CapFriendly currently available. It contains salary cap information for all teams and players, draft pick information, several calculators including a buyout calculator and a pick value calculator, agent information, and more. They also run PuckDoku! The biggest strike against PuckPedia is its lack of simulators (Armchair GM, mock draft, or trade simulators); however, in the wake of the CapFriendly news, PuckPedia shared that an Armchair GM simulator is under active development.

Spotrac: Another Salary Cap Checker

An alternative to PuckPedia for salary cap information. However, it lacks much of the information and functionality of PuckPedia.

CapSpace: Young Gun

Referred to me by @reavenedges-lies. A "baby site" that has some of the basics of salary cap info, plus a buyout calculator, qualifying offer calculator, and trade proposal maker. The trade proposal maker is prone to error and seems to only be useful for graphics. It can be a useful site for some, but it would not be my first choice.

PART 2: ADVANCED STATS

NaturalStatTrick: The Holy Grail of Stats

NaturalStatTrick, or NatStat for short, is a site that contains just about any stat you can think of for any team or player. It has a learning curve but is generally understood to be the most reliable stat tracker available for free. You can even view stats for individual games on it!

MoneyPuck: DTWoMeter and More

You know it from the Deserve-to-Win-o-Meter or its playoff odds rings, but MoneyPuck has a lot of useful data as well if you do a little browsing. Generally, I've heard that MoneyPuck is less accurate than NatStat, but is easier to use, especially on mobile.

HockeyViz: "If I Ever Sell, I Failed"

Home of the Simple Hockey Charts, HockeyViz has a visual for just about every stat out there. You've almost certainly seen some of them before. Most of them are completely free to the public! They're super useful for visualizing stats as more than "just numbers", allowing you to see exactly WHERE things are happening on the ice.

PART 3: SPECIALIZED SITES

NHL Armchair GM: Building Rosters

This site allows you to Armchair GM a roster. Notably, it has a steeper learning curve than CapFriendly and does not have a forum or other way to easily save and publicize your Armchair GM moves. However, it can be useful to make Armchair GMs and have visuals for them.

NHL Entry Draft: With the First Overall Pick...

This site contains a ton of draft resources, from a mock draft simulator to scouting reports. Definitely a useful site for those who are interested in the entry draft. I've seen a couple of mock draft sites, but this one seems to have by far the easiest and arguably most expansive way to use it.

NHL Injury Viz: Rulers of LTIR

Here, you can explore the relationship between the injuries of players, their cap hits, and how teams did without them. Very useful when you're arguing that a certain player going down doomed the team.

PART 4: MORE TYPES OF DATA

HockeyReference: The Good Old Days

Hockey Reference is best used for surface level data about older players. It has some trivia sections as well, for if you ever wanted to know all players wearing certain jersey numbers, sharing a certain birthday, or hailing from Alaska.

EliteProspects: Every League Imaginable

Want to know the roster of a third-tier league in Quebec? EliteProspects has you covered. Literally every league on the face of the Earth, currently existing and not, EliteProspects has info on. Any player you can possibly name, EliteProspects has their stats from atom hockey all the way to the end of their career.

HockeyDB: Another Spot for Stats

HockeyDB, referred to me by @reavenedges-lies, is another solid site for looking up basic hockey stats. Also has a ton of leagues, similar to EliteProspects. Has a hockey card feature as well that shows you cards featuring the player you've looked up, which is neat!

PART 5: FORUMS

HFBoards: Hockey Forums

Probably the most well-known hockey forum out there. If you want to talk puck on a more forum-like site, similar to CapFriendly's forums, this is the one for you.

PART 6: CAPFRIENDLY ARCHIVES

SergeiFyodorov's CapFriendly FAQ Drive

Curated by @sergeifyodorov. Originally posted here and sent to me by @fellowshipofthegay. Archives of the CapFriendly FAQs!

Got a site that's not listed here? Let me know at @stereax and I'll add it! Remember: While CapFriendly may be going away, hockey analysis is here to stay!

#sterechats :)#stereanalysis #stereducation #capfriendly #puckpedia

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themuppetarchives · 1 day

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id like to make a statement from an anonymous member of many communities.

archivist, id suggest you keep your... heh, eye, on as many of the blogs as you can. people are not who they seem. people have many faces, many names, many identities.

I am people.

games aside, or rather, games started, I will tell you that I, whom you may call faceless one, have infiltrated this community from every angle imaginable. over time, I have slithered into the backbone of this world you call a home.

watch out, archivist... for my masks are varied and spread far.

I watch all.

-the faceless.

So it begins...

I knew that it would be a matter of time before I was approached in such a manner. It has happened before. To Watch as I do is to uncover all secrets, to reveal the darkness underneath, to stir the creatures that lurk there. Yet even these monsters are not immune to the compulsion to reveal, and so they come as the others do, descending into the archives to give their statements.

The Faceless One, is it? How interesting...many masks from which so many eyes watch as I do...

This is certainly a development, but hardly one that comes as a surprise. While it has not been one the primary threads I have been chasing, the proposition that there is an entity that has bled its way into the multiple facets of this twisting fractal of an investigation is one I am incredibly willing to accept.

You have presented me with an interesting game, Faceless One. I've got my Eye 👁️ on you.

#supplemental #subject:archivist #subject:Faceless One #the muppet archives #the muppet joker #the brotherhood #the croaker #discovery tags

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writingquestionsanswered · 2 days

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What is the best way to recommit to a manuscript? I have a long history of almost finishing novels. They have full plots and characters and development and then I just can’t write the last two chapters — even if I have outlined what happens.

Is it normal to be scared of writing endings?

Scared to Finish Novel

I wouldn't say it's "normal," per se, but I also wouldn't say it's "abnormal." It happens, certainly. The key is to figure out why it's happening, especially when you have the endings planned.

Here are some of the main reasons people lose steam with their WIP:

-- reluctance to leave the characters/world behind -- fear of editing, sharing, querying, publishing, starting new project -- fear that quality is bad -- fear of rejection -- fear of plagiarism

Here are some prior posts that will walk you through some common reasons and help you work through them. ♥

5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes! Feeling Unmotivated with WIP Guide: How to Rekindle Your Motivation to Write Getting Excited About Your Story Again Getting Unstuck: Motivation Beyond Mood Boards & Playlists Building Confidence in Your Writing Comparing Self to Others, Insecure About Writing Overcoming Embarrassment Over Own Writing Stopped by Fear of Editing Finding the Courage to Share for the First Time Afraid of Ideas Being Stolen or Copied Once Shared Afraid of Openly Sharing Writing

I hope that helps! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

#wqaadvice

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tobiasdrake · 3 days

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Can you elaborate on the broly cheelai leemo dynamic? I could see what they were going for but thought it seemed a little underdeveloped

It's definitely underdeveloped but for what we get in the film, it works for me.

On their own, what makes Cheelai and Lemo interesting is that we rarely get to see rank-and-file Planet Trade forces. We've gotten to know Saiyans and their mutant elites, but ordinary Frieza Force troops are rarely in focus.

So far as the writing goes, Lemo is basically a purse for Cheelai; He goes where she goes. She's the one that drives the plot of DBS: Broly. An irreverent car thief who stole a cop car and then got ID'd by the police. She didn't really join the Frieza Force; She's using Frieza as a shield.

This woman gives zero fucks.

She's right, too. As Jaco: The Galactic Patrolman clearly established, there's a limit to how much Galactic Patrol can interfere with Frieza's operations. Capitalism is far more powerful than law enforcement.

In any case, this makes Cheelai an interesting figure in the whole conflict. She's not so much with Frieza as she is a wild card in the mix. She's scrappy; She goes where she will, does what she wants, and problem-solves her way out of the trouble she lands herself in through whatever means are available, even if they're unconventional. That's a good setup for a protagonist.

And make no mistake: Cheelai, Lemo, and Broly are the protagonists of this film. In much the same way that Infinity War is more Thanos's film than anyone else's, this is their movie, without a doubt.

For his part, Lemo's an old-timer with the organization. One thing I really like that this movie does is acknowledge that an organization like the Planet Trade requires the existence of staff beyond the direct military. We even see it with the Saiyans, as this same film introduces us to the Saiyan mechanic Beets.

Like Goku's chef of a mom Gine, Beets exists to demonstrate the existence of Saiyan infrastructure. Saiyans may be the most powerful race in the universe but even a warrior race needs bread-making Saiyans and mechanic Saiyans and stuff.

The same is true of Lemo. By his own admission, he's been with the Frieza Force for a long time but he is not a soldier. And, y'know, neither is Cheelai; She's a car thief in hiding.

Leemo's main job is to be Cheelai's sounding board, and to Me Too Me Too every choice she makes with Broly. This serves the purpose of keeping Broly and Cheelai's dynamic from seeming romantic. They're certainly shippable, of course, but the film never crosses that line of making them a canon ship.

This is good because actively trying to thrust Broly into a romantic relationship with the first non-parent person he ever met would seem unbelievably predatory and kill the sweet vibe of their dynamic. Cheelai is not here to be a Love Interest, so the film uses Leemo as a chaperone to keep their scenes from coming across like she is.

They're out here scouting the universe for recruits to join the Frieza Force but having difficulty finding people who can meet the standard requirements for enlisting in the main army. Until they go to pick up Paragus's distress signal and stumble upon the jackpot of their lives.

Once we get the Dragon Ball Minus portion of the film out of the way, so much of the first act is just setting up and developing the chemistry between Broly and Cheelai.

This is the first conversation Broly has ever had with someone who wasn't his abusive father in his entire life.

When they introduce Broly to Frieza and we get an explanation of his tendencies, the animation on Broly is so good.

Paragus explains that he cut off Broly's tail because Broly would lose his mind whenever he became the Oozaru, and lets slip that Broly still sometimes loses his mind and becomes wild and unstable. When Frieza naturally takes issue with such a person being on his ship, Paragus quickly clarifies that he has Broly under control.

As he removes the controller to Broly's shock collar from his pouch, we get to see Broly's eyes go wide with fear, and then he starts grasping at the collar and pulling at it in panic. Pure Pavlovian terror just at the sight of the remote.

With the scene calling attention then to Cheelai and Lemo, horrified by what they're both seeing and hearing.

"It is not a strong current," Paragus assures Frieza while Broly is having a full-blown panic attack behind him.

Lemo and Cheelai collect a very generous payment for finding Broly. We have no idea how galactic currency works but they both react like "OH MY GOD SO MUCH CASH" so we can assume this is a lot of, uh, cosmic cigar cases or whatever.

Admittedly, the "Lady asked you to leave her alone" cliche where the likable male protagonist beats up an asshole harassing the likable female protagonist at the bar is pretty old and tired at this point. But I will note two things I like about this scene:

1 - That Broly isn't the one who escalates. He's not the one who started this fight. Lemo tries to intervene first, attempting de-escalation by offering to buy the thug a drink. It's only after the thug gets violent and decks Lemo that Broly then steps in.

2 - And also, the main point of development that Cheelai, Lemo, and Broly have isn't "Broly stepped up to defend Cheelai". This is just a mechanism for bridging the gap between the important stuff. That is, Cheelai seeing how controlling Paragus is....

And Cheelai getting to see for herself what the "mild current" of Broly's collar looks like in action.

God, if the visuals of Broly writhing around in pure agony don't make you feel for the guy, the sound of him screaming bloody murder for like fifteen seconds straight sure will.

Paragus declares that he had to do it because Broly would have killed that guy if he hadn't. Cheelai retorts by calling Paragus's parenting into question which. Like. Yeah.

We tend to just kinda take Paragus's word for it that Broly's a raging uncontrollable beast purely by nature and it has nothing to do with his failings as a dad. "That's just how the boy is, nothing to be done about it, gotta torture my kid," says the father who tortures his kid while also weaponizing him for personal gain. Why are we trusting him?

The thing this movie did for Broly that makes it so fascinating is that it asks those kinds of questions. It dares to ask, "What if the abusive father's interpretation of his child is actually full of shit?" It reinvents Broly as a character by condemning Paragus, but doesn't have to condemn Paragus any more than the original Z film already did. All it really does is take away the meta-narrative's vindication of his abuse.

The domineering Paragus barks at Cheelai to stay the hell away from his boy. He doesn't even notice Cop Carjacker Cheelai solving this problem herself.

Fun fact: In this moment, Cheelai kills Paragus.

It's a bit of a walk from here to Paragus's death, when Frieza hysterically murders him in order to motivate Broly to become a Super Saiyan.

But this only occurs because the fight between Broly, Goku, and Vegeta has continued to escalate beyond the point when Paragus would have stopped it. His fate is sealed when he reaches for the remote to stop Broly's fight and finds it missing.

The highlight of their relationship-building is, of course, Broly telling the story of Ba's ear after Leemo introduces him to water for the first time. The heartbreaking tale of the first and only friend he had before these two.

Broly wears Ba's severed ear so that he'll always remember what it felt like when he had a friend. Oh my god. Are you shitting me with this. That is the most heartbreaking thing. How dare you make me want to wrap Broly the Legendary Super Saiyan up in blankets and give him hugs and chocolates.

Broly doesn't even like fighting; His dad forces him to train. Which sure makes it really fucking interesting when Paragus turns around and goes, "I have to use a shock collar because my violent and uncontrollable child is violent and uncontrollable!"

Then, as the fight goes on, we keep checking back in with Cheelai and Leemo to get Cheelai's assessment of what's happening. Cheelai sets the tone for how we should be feeling about Broly's fight with Goku and Vegeta.

I love how, when she says Paragus raised Broly to be "the kind of warrior that he wants him to be," the shot isn't of Broly looking fierce or menacing, or beating down Goku or Vegeta. It's the shock collar. This is the visual expression of what Paragus wanted Broly to be.

And that, in turn, is the tone of Broly's fight with Goku and Vegeta. This isn't awesome, it's tragic. They don't even know. They legit have no idea who this guy is. Frieza showed up with a super cool warrior and went "FIGHT THIS STRONG GUY" and so they're doing that.

They have no idea who he is.

And they're probably going to kill him in this fight.

All of this context is what makes the finale of this movie work so hard. Because this is Cheelai, Leemo, and Broly's movie. Cheelai by this point has been firmly established as an irreverent thief who does whatever she feels like. She has no loyalties to anyone but herself and whoever she cares about, she makes dangerous choices, she's young and impulsive, and she's emotionally invested in the wellbeing of this abused boy who deserves better.

Consequently, the triumphant climax of this film isn't when Gogeta defeats Broly, but when Cheelai fucking robs Frieza to save Broly.

This is the emotional climax of the film, offset against the tragic action climax where Gogeta is utterly destroying our boy in a predictable but heartbreaking fashion. The magic of this movie is that by the end of it, it has you rooting against Goku and Vegeta, and utterly distraught when they pull ahead and find the answer in the third act.

This character relationship is underdeveloped. It could have used a lot more fleshing out, and honestly I would never say no to more of these characters.

But for what we got, I love it. Cheelai and Broly are the best characters that DBS ever came up with, and Leemo's cool too.

#dragon ball #dragon ball super #cheelai #broly

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allthingswhumpyandangsty · 7 hours

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Do you have any extra prompts/perspective for shutdown trauma responses? So far I have a few related to freeze but I know they’re different in their own ways (I have some unrelated to freeze too, I just rather ask a professional in case there’s more)

disclaimer that while I have written about the topic in my own fics before, I only consider myself a fanfic writer who’s done some research, not a professional, and these are supposed to be prompts for writers to use and tweak however they see fits for their fanfics / original works for entertainment purposes. please don’t treat these following prompts as a 100% accurate psychological information that can be applied in real life situations without doing your own research and consulting with a licensed professional.

trigger warnings: PTSD, depression, implied suicide, eating disorder

whumpee not being able to feel the pain that should have been haunting them, be it physical or mental. and that is not a good thing, because they’re not processing what happened, and they can’t heal as long as they cannot process or acknowledge what happened to them.

numb, however, is all whumpee can feel. and the numbness is so much worse and more dangerous than pain.

depression, prolonged stress, anxiety and procrastination are also possibilities. if whumpee only feels numb all the time, there’re chances of them developing other mental disorders that may cause them to believe that their entire life is now without any purpose.

whumpee feeling hopeless and wanting to give up all the time. any personal interest they had prior to the traumatic incident is now gone.

loss of appetite. an eating disorder where food tastes like ashes, and panic sends them into having an episode whenever caretaker tries making them eat — because it feels like someone was forcing ashes down their throat and they could not breathe. their body would not accept the food, and their gag reflex made them feel like throwing up. it is as much physical as it is psychological.

confusion and/or hallucinations may occur — whumpee struggling to distinguish between what’s real and what’s in their head. denial may trick their mind into believing that the tragedy that’s happened to them didn’t actually happen, and denying is certainly not the read toward recovery.

whumpee stopped talking altogether. doesn’t matter if they’re safe with caretaker now. they would not talk to anybody about anything at all, not just what happened. (they physically could, but they’re so traumatized that speaking is too much for them.)

the needs to hide from everything and everyone all the time are there. doesn’t matter if it’s caretaker, whumpee simply does not wish to be seen.

they keep mostly silent and mostly to themself, in the sense that they avoid everybody and spend most of their time locked in their room where no one can see them.

they may be too afraid to make any decisions for themself, no matter how small the decision is.

appearing disengaged in any social interaction and limiting the way they express any emotion at all; in other cases where they’re not numb, they may be scared or upset in some situations, but their brain tells them to keep their guard up by not letting others see how they actually feel. whumpee believe they’re shielding and protecting themself this way, and they will always need to “play safe”, since it’s best not to let anyone know how they feel, even if it’s caretaker.

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monstersinthecosmos · 14 hours

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Hi, completely agree with what you said here but it makes me very sad to think about it. As someone who imprinted on Armand at 12, Marius/Armand was my first ship in VC but I find it hard to ship them post Venice era, even though Blood Communion seems to suggest some positive developments in their relationship (Marius standing behind Armand during his argument with Benedict supporting Armand being his own person iirc?). Idk I want them to work their shit out but it’s still hard to imagine them putting their differences aside sans an apocalyptic scenario like in QotD.

And sometimes idk if Marius loves Armand enough to work on it. I know that the corner of tumblr that loves Marius (And I certainly understand the appeal of a complicated and polarizing character like him. Kudos to Anne for creating Marius!) likes to push the idea that the turning of Benji and Sybelle was mostly out of love (and to a varying extent depending on the person’s pov, due to Marius’ mental health issues) but how much was that love and how much was it ‘my pet needs to have pets so that he stays alive for ME’. Not saying these 2 motivations are mutually exclusive but I’m genuinely curious about your views.

I’m rambling but guess what I’m trying to say is, how much do you think Marius’ love for Armand is unselfish, whether in Venice, at the end of TVA or after Blood Communion?

Asdghjakl yeah I have really similar feelings about them as a ship! Like the Venice era is my favorite time period in the VC but modern/present-day Marius/Armand doesn’t really hit the same way for me because it’s just such a motherfuckin mess lol.

What I do want to say, though, is that we’re kind of dancing around a topic here that involves the inhumanity and inherent monstrosity of Marius, and while I tend to think “THEY’RE VAMPIRES” is a lazy approach to analysis, there’s a deeper version of it that’s relevant here.

What I mean is that Marius can love Armand truthfully, sincerely, unselfishly and STILL cause harm, and still love him imperfectly, and still cause problems. I think when we really wanna start dissecting Marius/Armand as a ship, and the Venice era as a whole, and whatever trauma it left on Armand vs Marius’s motivations/intentions/character morals, it’s important to remember that Marius was not human.

I think a lot about like, when we say that Armand is a “pet”, or that Denis, Daniel, Benji, and Sybelle are Armand’s pets, there’s sort of a connotation or shorthand to TLDR that it’s their cute little human. But I think about like, for example!, my fucking cats! Like, when I think about ACTUAL pets IRL, um, I would fuckin die for my cats? They’re my lil babies? I love them so fully and with my entire fucking soul but they’re dumb little animals that live in my house and I take care of them and I don’t think they have a single thought in their fucking skulls.

So when you think about like, a 1500 year old immortal night creature adopting a little human, he can love Armand with his ENTIRE being, and I believe he really really did, and it’s still “aww the cute lil human that I feed”. And Marius is unique amongst the vampires for how hard he tries to stay connected to the human world, and it’s still never enough, he’s still never quite there, so I have always believed he had the right intentions even if he fumbled it or did things that could cause harm. It’s not like, he’s a ~MONSTER~ in a scary way, but literally, he’s so removed from humanity that he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing.

(Don’t let me get into a side essay here but it reminds me so much of like, imperfect boomer parenting, like looking at different generations’ parenting styles and realizing how much harm they caused, but most people aren’t intending to harm their children and just don’t know any better. Every generation will likely experience a form of this as we learn and grow and try to be better, but I find this really interesting for Marius specifically because of the age of the author!)

He was fifteen hundred years old when he met Armand. I think in a lot of ways he acted with good intentions that wound up causing a lot of harm. But it does a disservice to the story and to him as a character to only look at the outcome, without considering the universe he’s operating in.

And idk like, where is the line between selfish and selfless love? Like, Marius is clearly a fucking mess at the beginning of TVA and didn’t take the news of Armand’s suicide very well. Is it selfish to do something drastic because he’s worried that Armand is still suicidal? Where does one end and the other begin? Especially with immortals like, is your own death a gift? Is it an act of kindness to save someone’s life instead of allowing them to check out? Idk idk! Grief is fucking messy, it can be both, but I don’t think it’s fair to characterize it as purely for himself. He even immediately fucks off to Norway in shame afterwards. I think I prefer to think he just wanted Armand to be happy and safe. By the end of the book they're still struggling to communicate with each other about religion, and in some ways I think Marius doesn't think Armand truly wanted to die, vs seeing a religious fit for what it is. So I'm not sure he sees Armand's suicide attempt as sincere, either, and maybe doesn't feel the need to respect his wish for death.

I think a lot about the conversation Marius has with Armand after he turns Benji & Sybelle and realizes how bad he fucked up.

"You loved them selflessly," he whispered. "For all their strange faults, and wild evil, they were not compromised for you. You loved them perhaps more respectfully than I... than I ever loved you." He seemed so amazed. I could only nod. I wasn't so sure he was right. My need for them had never been tested, but I didn't want to tell him so.

Even at 500 years old, Marius still doesn’t entirely understand Armand as a complete person. He doesn’t completely understand Armand’s needs, or the person he wants to be, or what his human companions were to him. I think it even starts when Armand is still alive, how Marius treats him like a silly little pet, like, Armand’s piety is a cute little quirk that Marius humors without ever truly respecting. It doesn’t occur to him that Benji & Sybelle aren’t just pets. And I think Marius being stuck in his trauma means he’s just perpetually trying to believe in himself and control everything around him, while Armand stuck in trauma means he’s constantly trying on different roles and figuring out who he is.

(But FUCK ME, christ, “I wasn't so sure he was right. My need for them had never been tested, but I didn't want to tell him so.” this really fucks me up so bad, we have to keep talking about this another time because like, these two can NOT communicate with each other! They are useless with the barrier between them maybe they need to drink from each other more often and iron this out.)

Someone can do their best, and mean well, and still cause harm. Humans do this, too. I’m sure we’ve all been there. And Marius is a great example of vampires being stuck in the trauma of their turning—it doesn’t matter how wise he tries to be, he always comes back to the same trauma, over and over. Even the way he treats Armand in Venice is a direct result of Marius trying to fix his own trauma. And like, would therapy even work on a vampire, or are their brains stuck forever where they were? How much of their “changing” is just learning behavior, and learning to mask?

Because I think Marius 100% could do that for Armand. He loves Armand. Armand is his child. He was the first fledgling Marius ever made of his own will, after 1500 years! But I think canon left us off in a place where neither of them are quite there yet. Marius is in decent shape at the end of the series, I think—it feels like he’s made some huge strides in accepting himself and his nature, so I think there’s some potential! Armand also has to learn how to use his fuckin words a little bit better, which he’s never been good at, but I think the way he goes off on Lestat after keeping that inside for 200 years is a really great sign!

I go back and forth about “does therapy even work on vampires” all the time, like, do they have neuroplasticity, are they capable of change, have we uncovered something in the PL Trilogy that could be a key to them functioning better and learning to change. I don’t really have an answer because canon doesn’t, it’s just a fun thing to think about, but it’s the best way that I can reconcile Marius’s intentions vs his actions, and how he somehow continues to make the same mistakes and never learns!

Basically, I think it’s not helpful to ask if Marius loves him enough. He does! But loving someone doesn’t mean we magically know how to behave, and the qualities in Marius that cause him to behave selfishly are so deeply tied to his trauma, his control issues, his use of ego as a defense mechanism. And even in real life we can have boundaries and hold people accountable when they hurt us, even if it’s because of mental illness. We can have empathy and still have boundaries, and we can be hurt and still know when something wasn't personal. That feels kinda IRL and serious to frame vampire meta but like, Marius can love people and still fuck up, because he can’t help it, and I don’t think it’s a fair reading of the text to insist he’s a diabolical abuser because it just doesn’t really match his characterization otherwise.

I hope he gets better!

#trauma hole theory #marius de romanus #marius/armand #armand #the vampire armand #tva quotes #vc quotes #vampire chronicles #deep ass thoughts about vampires

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tzigone · 2 days

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Bruce's general path in headcanon reboot

Any long running character has gone through multiple personalities and relationship dynamics. Some I like, some I don't. But for my headcanon reboot, I'm mapping out a general path for Bruce. Pick bits and pieces out of canon and put them into something that works for me.

So, two big point that are so different in the early days and the later days are Bruce's wealth level and Bruce's emotional health.

So, for this story, we start with Bruce as rich, but not a billionaire and as an emotionally healthy superhero. These will both change as the story progresses.

Okay, I'm starting with Bruce becoming Batman as a 24 year old. He's studied and trained (and no one ever thought he was dead) and he's ready to get started on improving Gotham. His Uncle Philip Kane and Great Uncle Silas Wayne and some second cousins live in Gotham, while his Aunt Agatha is an out-of-town relative. Silas is the one running Wayne Enterprises at the time (though maybe not still doing the day-to-day) and owns 50% of Wayne Enterprises. Agatha (Thomas's sister) owns 25% and Bruce 25%. Agatha and Bruce have little to nothing to do with the business.

The Bruce we know then is social and generally pretty happy. Also a determined crimefighter. Superman's already on the scene and others heroes follow. Bruce does, like in the golden age, think of this as a phase in his life and something he'll retire from once he's accomplished his goals.

Gotham is certainly a city with crime and corruption, but it's not a cursed-from-birth-can-never-get-better kind of place. But well, while not nearly all the cops are on the take, there's enough of them that he can't leave that poor orphaned acrobat unprotected. He becomes Dick's guardian, and he trains the boy and lets him do the things he wished he could have done when his own parents were killed.

We'll see the early villains introduced now. While I'm spreading the golden age villains out a bit more than the compressed time of comics allowed for, the Joker and Catwoman still come at about the same time.

Things continue along that line for a while. Dick begins taking cases alone (Star-Spangled-Comics-like). Dick's in the phase of life where he's developing his own way of doing things, but he always defers to Bruce when they work together. They still have a healthy dynamic and Bruce is proud of him and seeing that he can trust Dick to handle things on his own.

Bruce joins the JL. He's worked with some of them before and he and Clark are friends. They are a good team dynamic and mutual respect, though that's to say no one ever irritates another.

I haven't really worked out Talia. I'd like to use the dislike Dick had of her, but originally that was when he was a college student, but if we look at Damian's age, Dick'd be younger when Bruce and Talia met, and I'm not sure how I'm going to work that out because the dynamic doesn't work the same with a 14 year old Dick and grown Talia.

He and Selina have had their banter in the past, but she was a criminal and he a hero and nothing every really happened. She goes straight and he thinks they'll not be seeing each other again.

Then Silas dies. His own children were, like Thomas and Agatha, never interested in running the business. Bruce feels like he needs to step in and get involved in the company and show some oversight, since no one else is. He's deliberately exposing Dick to the business side of things, hoping Dick will want to take over after college and he'll be able to devote his full time to heroing again.

We'll see Dick (16) join the OG Teen Titans and Barbara become a hero around this time. As with the original story, Dick's more welcoming of Barbara as a hero than Bruce is. This is when we first start to see his desire to be in control of everything, though it's much toned down back in this day and he accepts her quickly enough. He does not train her - she was already and adult and already trained. She works with the two of them sometimes, but mostly alone.

Bruce is getting more and more involved with the company, but beginning to resent the pull it has on his time. Actually, as the 10th anniversary of him donning the cowl approaches, he's starting to feel dissatisfied with his life. He thought he'd have accomplished his goals and be retired and married by now. But there's so much left to do. It seems to him that Gotham has barely improved at all. That's completely false, but he didn't set any actual benchmarks back when he started and now he feels like he's not meeting them. He'll hire Lucius and sort of start off-loading a bit of his Wayne Enterprises load on to him (and getting more eager for the idea of Dick taking over after graduation - Dick's leaving for Hudson). He will date Silver, but that'll fall apart.

Dick becomes much more independent at University. He gets used to doing things his own way. And he starts working with Barbara some. And now it's not just the TT, but his partner he expects to treat him as a equal. He's capable of the schoolwork, but doesn't prioritize it. He and Bruce are both leaning into putting more time in the hero biz right now, and less into other things. And he decides to leave University and spend his time on heroism. This is problematic for Bruce for two reasons. First Dick was supposed to take up the slack so he could do that. But more than that, it really bothers him that Dick doesn't finish college. He considers that a baseline accomplishment for his kid. He's not living up to his potential, etc. Dick knows how much of sacrifice this could be for others and feels fortunate he has a trust fund that enables him to do this and he resents Bruce trying to control his decisions like he's still a kid and that Bruce is doing partially so that Bruce can spend his time doing what Dick wants to do with his time. Since Dick isn't going to be taking over the company, Bruce hands the day-to-day over Lucius, though he maintains overall oversight.

So, this is the beginning of some of their issues that will become more significant over time. Also, Bruce is getting more determined, more driven, more focused, more demanding and more controlling in general. As I said, he feels like he's gotta step it up to save Gotham. We'll seem him start to pull away from his JL buddies, too. He starts to see them as insufficiently focused. And while he's always been confident in his own decision-making, he's getting more into the mindset that his way is the only way.

Dick joins the NTT, and he and Bruce have quite a strained dynamic at the time. Selina become a vigilante and she and Bruce interact more, but it doesn't go anywhere. Though they continue to interact and lust and care.

Then Bruce meets Jason. He does love him and value him, but he's much harder on him than he was on Dick at that age. He doesn't give him leeway to do anything but obey when in costume. Out of costume, he's a pretty good dad. But he's spending less time out of costume than he used to.

Jason's death really messed him up even more. He's pulls away even more from the relationships he had, he doesn't want to form new ones. He's angry and taking it out crooks sometimes. He's barely ever out of the costume. His relationship with Dick continues to get rockier.

After Tim becomes Robin Bruce very deliberately doesn't cast himself as a father (of course, Tim has one). Tim would open up with an emotional discussion with Dick or Alfred long before he would with Bruce. But Tim and Bruce have a good working relationship. Tim looks up to Bruce as almost infallible at first (which isn't really healthy) and he obeys completely, which is something Bruce values.

For a while, Tim is a good bridge for Dick and Bruce. But eventually, after working on his own for a while, and working with others, Tim starts to have his own ideas to believe Bruce is wrong sometimes (see the late 90s and early 2000s when Bruce was awful, though he won't be nearly so bad here) and Bruce isolates himself more. Grandmother Kane dies and he inherits a fortune from her.

Then Damian comes along, and Jason is back and Bruce is terrible at relating to both of them and handles all of it poorly and then is lost in time (or similar).

This experience and the alone-ness and forced time away from being Batman give him too much time to think about his own thoughts, think about his own life and his successes and mistakes and what he wants.

But unlike canon, he decides what he wants is to prioritize the people and relationships in his life more. When he gets back, he starts off working on what's important (but still totally dons the cowl and saves the day, too). He works very hard to build a relationship with Damian (and Dick has made tremendous progress with him) and to repair his relationship with Jason (and Tim had done quite well with him) and to do better about treating Dick, Steph, Barbara, Cass, Clark, and so many others better than he did. And treating the adults like equals instead of thinking he should be the boss of them. And he decides to finally take real shot with Selina instead of back-burnering or being too afraid/pessimistic to try. It does work out. In time, they'll be married and he'll have a good dynamic with family and his old friends will be his friends again.

He'll eventually inherit Aunt Agatha's portion of WE (and a fortune from Uncle Philip) and he'll eventually retire the cape and cowl when he knows he's too old to keep doing the job effectively. But he will know he did good, and he will have faith in the younger generations that they have to and will continue to do so.

#Bruce Wayne #Dick Grayson #Jason Todd #Selina Kyle #Clark Kent #Batman #Robin #Nightwing #Catwoman

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bad-traffic-smp-ideas · 3 months

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according to oli's new video, player-possessed mobs can still breed...

obviously, I had to tell you, the ghost mod expert, about this new and VERY interesting development!

I've heard......

#see. look. listen #i'm starting to think i'm being punished for my sins /hj #i've been joking since afterlife that oli should have more children #and now he WON'T STOP #and he's coming for things that i LOVE (ghost mod)#i'm. i. i'm-#it's. certainly an interesting development #thank you for telling me anon. gonna go cry now /j #not a bad idea #ask #admin #sos smp #theorionsound

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immeasurable-depths · 7 months

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I’m having some feelings about Fearne. Fearne who doesn’t usually worry about consequences, who always wants to do the most chaotic, the most fun option without a second thought. Who in making that choice and going along with Ashton’s secret switching plan, had a front row seat to exactly how dire and catastrophic those consequences can be. And having to immediately deal with them, to be the one to literally hold Ashton together while they break and combust in front of her, to witness first hand someone she deeply cares about getting torn apart because of a choice she helped make. And how it seemed neither of them had fully considered just how wrong it could go - how making the fun, chaotic choice doesn’t always end well.

And then thinking about what would have happened if Fearne hadn’t been the one to help him - if she’d been outside Allura’s force field, if she hadn’t been close enough to cast Aura of Life, Ashton didn’t have a chance. Being both the cause and last desperate hope of salvaging the disaster - thinking about destiny, and being the granddaughter of The Fatestitcher…

What gets me most is this was one of the most honest and vulnerable we’ve seen Fearne (except at certain points with Orym, perhaps) - opening up to Ashton with her doubts about taking the shard herself, bringing up the ‘sister’ comment to find out what it meant. Earlier in the day, we saw this and then saw her run away after expressing that she thinks Ashton is hot - this was a new timidness, a vulnerability we so rarely see with Fearne. And then later, right before they do it, she’s once again open and honest for the first time, expressing her concerns, reconsidering that maybe this isn’t a good idea, that they should stop and think - a forethought we so rarely see with Fearne, she is met with a confusing kiss (the only one you get - what the fuck is up with that, Ashton?!), let’s herself go with it anyway, and it almost immediately blows up in her face.

I just really need them to have a serious chat afterwards. About trust, and vulnerability, and being allowed to change your mind if something doesn’t feel right. Because I think Fearne, sweet, loving, carefree Fearne, is going to feel responsible in some way, and she got a brief glimpse into how awful it could have been. I think this guilt thing that she has only recently discovered is going to eat away and consume her if she doesn’t get the chance to be mad, to be upset, to feel guilt and regret and come out the other side with the support of her friends.

Basically I really want there to be consequences from this. I hope Ashton sees what a horrible situation he put Fearne in (not that it was entirely their fault, but they definitely played a big part in persuading her and then didn’t listen to her concerns) and reckons with that, lets her be mad or angry or whatever that feeling is rather than being arrogant because it worked (entirely thanks to her).

Wow this ended up long! Also please note I say this as someone that didn’t like the choice Ashton made or how he went about it, but I am so here for the giant shift in relationships and group dynamic that should come from it. I just need them to talk about it properly and not just gloss over the trauma it caused Fearne and the rest of the group.

#critical role #critical role spoilers #fearne calloway #cr campaign three #c3e77 #ashley johnson #fearne x ashton #ashton greymoore #taliesin jaffe #callowmoore #also please note I’m not mad at taliesin #I did not like the choice he made but it’s his character and his game #and it’s certainly going to make for some interesting character development #I just need them all to talk jfc

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