#it's upsetting. i thought we were better than this

[whispersoftheton]

hiiii!! can i ask for a fic where reader (aka viscountess) is helping benedict with a lady he's falling in love with, but they're basically scheming and secretive and Anthony gets suspicious and a little jealous/upset? thanks!!!!!

Hello nonny! I've been going back and forth on posting this mostly because I don't feel like it's very good but I hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: jealous!Anthony

Word Count: 1.1K

The day had dawned, and it seemed you had blinked the night away after a previously tedious day. Your duties as Viscountess had significantly grown since Lady Bridgerton had started to hand over most of the reigns of the house. With some spare time on your hands, you spent most of your day in the main hall amongst everyone as you poured yourself some tea before returning to your reading. With a hint of mystery in his eyes, Benedict strolled into the room and stood beside you, making himself busy with the book you had just put down on the tray.

"Viscountess now, is it?" He teased in a hushed tone to not alert the siblings of his untimely arrival. Benedict always had a way of easily slipping in and out of sight, with his mama distracted with his other sibling's endeavors.

"It would appear so." You offered him a warm smile while pouring some tea for yourself. "To what do I owe the pleasure, Benedict?" Although most may not understand your relationship with your new brother-in-law, this is how it has always been since your courtship with Anthony. How you managed to keep up flawlessly in between constant banter with his siblings was just one of the things Anthony loved most about you. And Benedict was no exception.

"It seems I find myself in need of your assistance." The unusual hesitance in his voice piqued your interest. Benedict was never one to shy away from a challenge, let alone hold his tongue. "There is a lady who I would like to…pursue."

"As in courting? The Benedict Bridgerton interested in seriously courting someone? Why I'd never thought I'd see the day." Your words dripped with sarcasm, but as you turned toward Benedict, it was clear this was no joke, making you reconsider your teasing, at least for now. "I apologize; I did not realize this was a serious matter." His eyes still trained on the tea before you. "If it is my assistance you require with the matter, I will help you."

"Really?" He leaned back, head up with a cocked brow.

"You are my brother now. And if this lady is as suitable of a match as you are implying, I will do everything in my power to assure your courtship to her."

"You care about me?" His teasing returned, making you resist the urge to roll your eyes toward him, but a smile crept up nonetheless.

"Of course, I care. We are family. Now, let's get to it before I regret this entire thing."

Anthony paced around his office, unable to focus on a single task all day. His desk was littered with papers needing attention, but all he could focus on was how odd you'd been acting as of late. Your presence was scarce around the house, although your duties were always tended to. Anthony missed having you as close by as he was accustomed to since your marriage. Of course, he caught glimpses of you throughout the day, but you always seemed to be scurrying off somewhere. He couldn't help but notice Benedict lingering nearby at every event he'd been to in the last couple of weeks, engaging you in conversation whenever he stepped away, even for a moment. Anthony knew he had no reason to be envious; you were his wife, and you loved each other dearly. But that didn't stop him from suppressing a surge of jealousy at the thought of you and Benedict spending so much time together. Impossible thoughts swirled through his mind, straying him further and further away from any rational thinking until his feet carried him faster than he could stop himself as he called the carriage.

The day was as warm as it was humid; the lush field was decorated with tents showcasing various vendors as the ton gathered. You had spent the better part of your time in the last couple of weeks preparing Benedict as much as possible, covering everything from appropriate topics of conversation to enticing the young woman to yearn for more interactions with him. It had been a challenging task. For every ounce of natural charm Benedict possessed, his soon-to-be lady seemed to be immune to it at every turn. Every challenge she presented seemed to draw Benedict closer. It was daunting, to say the least, but today would be the day. The garden party was the event of the social season, and you knew for a fact that she would make an appearance today. Benedict came up beside you, eyes set on her almost immediately. You glanced toward him, watching intently as his face softened, a smile deepening with every second he laid his eyes on her. Your heart warmed; whatever Benedict felt for this lady, you understood it was exactly what he had been searching for.

"Are you ready?" He snapped out of it and nodded toward you. "Go on then." Benedict readied himself, taking comfort in the fact that you would be nearby. But as soon as he stepped forward, he felt a hand grip his shoulder and move him back toward you.

"My dear brother," Anthony kept his tone hushed so as not to alarm any of the ton members standing nearby. "I will make haste so we may continue with the day's festivities. Care to clarify as to why you are spending so much of your time with my wife?" You and Benedict shared a look, holding back a laugh.

"I'd prefer not to; I'm rather entertained at the moment." Benedict crossed his arms before him, aiming his shit-eating grin at Anthony.

"Truly, Anthony, you could not make any more of a fool of yourself than you already are." You huffed as you turned toward your husband. "May I speak to you in private?" Anthony hesitated before he took your hand and walked you to an isolated part of the lake away from the chaos.

"If you must know, I was asked to help your brother pursue someone. I have been guiding him on proper conversation topics and ways to impress the young lady he has shown interest in. That is all. And if you are indeed insinuating there would be absolutely anything inappropriate happening between your brother and I then you truly do not know me at all."

"That is not what I thought-I-You were only spending so much time with Benedict, and I allowed my temper to best me; I only missed your company." His apologetic look had you softening under his gaze. "I apologize."

"Next time, simply ask before you allow your mind to run rampant with impossible thoughts, hm?" He nodded before taking your hand and bringing it to his lips. Anthony lead you back toward the gathering to find Benedict wholly entranced in a rather enticing conversation with his lady.

"It seems like you did well, my love," Anthony whispered toward you, tapping your hand, which was now holding onto his arm. "Looks like my brother might find his match after all."

Mini Tag List: @bugnug @queenofmean14 @fiction-is-life @thethreeeyed-raven @ssprayberrythings @fatbottomedvirgo @fictional-hooman @sky0401 (let me know if you would like to added by leaving a comment here or dm me if you’d like to be added/removed)

I DO NOT HAVE WATTPAD. I do not consent to having my work reposted, translated, or published to any third party site or app. if anyone sees my work anywhere that is not ao3/tumblr or under any other username that is not whispersoftheton, it has been reposted without my permission

#bridgerton #anthony bridgerton #bridgerton netflix #anthony bridgerton imagine #anthony bridgerton x reader #anthony bridgerton fluff #anthony bridgerton smut #anthony bridgerton fanfiction #anthony bridgerton x y/n #anthony bridgerton x you #bridgerton season 3 #bridgerton season 2

[worldwithinworld]

Since we all have the time of Haymitch's games on our minds, I thought now would be a good time to bring up again my longstanding theory that Katniss's mother was disowned by her parents but not primarily (or even at all) because she married someone from the Seam. I think it's because she and Katniss's father were involved in rebellious activities.

Here are my clues:

She was Maysilee's friend. She got her canary after she died, inheriting the symbol of a warning in the form of a songbird.

Haymitch's victory frightened Show. If the Capitol's control was strong at the time, Haymitch's forcefield trick would have been just good tv. The fact that Snow came down so hard on Snow suggests there were threats of rebellion before Haymitch even went into the arena.

When Gale is whipped, Haymitch says they used to take people who got whipped to Katniss's mother. Specifically, he says, "She's the one we took them to," which seems to imply it was just her, not her whole family.

After treating Gale, she briefly speaks to Haymitch about "before." They understand each other so easily with just a few words despite us seeing hardly any interaction between them before. It feels like they have more of a shared history than what Katniss knows.

Speaking of what Katniss knows, she considers this interaction and wonders what they are talking about but decides she's too upset to ask right then. She never thinks about asking again, but the whole thing suggests that there is a lot more to the story of D12 in Haymitch and her parents' youth.

Katniss remembers her mom getting angry at her dad for teaching her "The Hanging Tree." Little Katniss had cried because her mom yelling was so out of the norm. Katniss assumes that her mom didn't like her little girl learning such a dark song, but we know better. Her dad sang a rebels' song, and her mom got scared of him teaching it to her daughter.

I think both of Katniss's parents were involved in rebellion to some degree when they were young. The Capitol came down hard on Haymitch and his whole district to snuff it out. It scared Katniss's maternal grandparents who maybe told her to cut ties with her Seam boy or else, or maybe they just cut her off for her own deeds irrespective of her romantic interest.

#hunger games #sunrise on the reaping #catching fire #mockingjay #Mrs. everdeen #katniss #haymitch #mr. everdeen #maysilee donner #opinion and analysis

[simplydannie]

Previous “We Were Family!”

A request written for @veneerandvelvet!! Sorry it took awhile! I hope you like it!! I’m honestly nervous posting this 😣

TRIGGER WARNING ‼️ MENTION OF ALCOHOL ABUSE

Vivian couldn’t believe Cressida wouldn’t what she did to her children, Velvet and Veneer… but Cressida is cunning. Luring her sister’s husband Vaughn into a trap and down a spiraling path he once journeyed. Now regret sits on his mind.

It had been one month since the incident with Cressida. Since they found her beating away at their son. The twins mother, Vivian, had yet to speak about the incident. How could her own sister do such a thing? How could she lay hands on him in such a way? Vivian was angry at her self, how could she not see that Veneer had been hurting, that he been afraid to say anything?

She sat on her chair staring out the window as thought after thought ran through her mind. A small knock on the door brought her back to reality.

“Yes?” She answered.

Her husband walked in. She saw the concerned look on his face, he had been worried about her, he tried to talk to her but she just didn’t want to hear any of it, at least not yet.

“Viv, you’ve been cooped up in here all day.” Hector said.

“Just a few more minutes.”

“The twins are starting to worry. They know you’re upset. Vennie thinks you’re mad at him.”

“What? No! Oh no I’m not! Where is he?”

“He and Vels are playing outside. Viv, please go out with them. Take them somewhere just the three of you. I know you don’t want to talk about what happened, I know it hurts you because it hurts me too. I’m ready to talk about it Viv, ready when you are.” He said. Vivian was silent a moment, thinking of what her husband said.

“She’s my sister Vaughn, how could she do that? I would’ve never laid a hand on her children that way. My niece and nephew…. Never. Why? And especially on someone like Veneer. Veneer! Vaughn he wouldn’t harm a fly why would she hurt him. Has she hurt Velvet to and she hasn’t told me? Oh my god I’m a terrible mother!” She buried her hands in her face and began to cry. Her husband walked over, holding her tight.

“No Viv, you’re not. You just trusted someone you thought you could because she was family. You’re not a horrible mother. We make mistakes and are oblivious to things as parents… but I know you love those two as much as I do.” He held Vivian, allowing her to drain the tears she had been holding. They don’t know how much time passed as they held each other there in the room…

“Mommy?” A small voice caused Vivian to look up. The twins peeked through the opening of the door, a sadden look in their eyes as they saw their mother cry. Vivian quickly wiped her face, attempting to compose herself.

“Hi sweetie.”

“Why are you crying?” Velvet asked as her brother followed her.

“Just…” Vivian sighed, why lie about feelings? “Sometimes moms need to cry when we feel something strong.”

“What were you feeling?” Asked Veneer.

“Sad. Very sad. But dad helped me feel better.” She placed a hand on his cheek… how she get so lucky?

“Ew! Please don’t kiss.” Velvet gagged.

“Come on now Vels, be nice.” Her dad smiled.

“Well Dad gave me a great idea. How about we go down the store and get some junk food to bring home?”

“Oh!!” Veneer said excitedly.

“Yes!!! I want those cake poppers!”

“Tiff Toffs!!! Chocolate Tiff Toffs!” Veneer squealed.

“Then let’s go. Vennie, your tubing? Why is it off?” She scolded.

“Oh.” Veneer ran off with Velvet at his heels. Once the kids were out of view, she turned and leaned over to her husband, placing a passionate kiss on his lips.

“Thank you. I’ll bring you back something. Then I’ll have a little extra treat for you once the kids are asleep.”

“In that case, let’s just put them to sleep now?”

“Very funny Vaughn.”

Vaughn stayed back cleaning up the house when they left. Vivian had called to let him know the kids wanted to go get ice cream instead, so they would be out longer than they thought. He took his time cleaning their home when he received a phone call. Picking it up, he automatically answered thinking it was his wife.

“Hey babe, are the kids behaving?”

“Hello Vaughn.”

He knew the tone of voice, his heart grew hard and cold.

“How dare you call here Cressida.” He said.

“Hear me out Vaughn. I need some help.”

“Your sister isn’t home. I doubt she’ll want to talk to you after what happened.” He said.

“It’s not my sister I need help from. I need yours. It’s a surprise… a little apology for her.”

Vaughn sighed, “Why don’t you just call back when she’s here.”

“I really need your help. It’s for her. I want to fix my relationship with her.. I want to fix everything.” She said, practically begging. Vaughn was silent. He didn’t want to help her at all…. He was FAR from wanting to help her… but it was for Vivian. He wanted his wife to be happy, he didn’t want her beating herself over what happened…Perhaps Vaughn could talk sense into his sister-in-law, something that could rekindle the relationship between all of them again…

He sighed, “I’ll be right over.”

Hours passed. It was late in the night when the twins came home with their mother. They laughed and giggled running into the living room.

“Look at all my chocolate I got!” Veneer exclaimed as he sat in the couch.

“Don’t you dare take off your tubing, mister!” His mother warned. She went into the house calling out for her husband.

“Vaughn. Vaughn, babe, we’re home.” She called out. She looked around in the living then the kitchen. “Vaughn.” She went up the stairs and into their bedroom…. There she found him, sitting on the bed, his face buried in his hands…. He was crying.

“Vaughn! Babe, what happened? Hey look at me.” She pulled his face to look at hers. “What happened?”

He pulled her close, burying his face into her chest.

“Vaughn. What’s wrong! You’re worrying me. Tell me what’s wrong please.” She begged.

“I love you. You know that right.” He pulled her down to kiss her.

“Of course I do… are you alright?” She asked him.

“Just kiss me, Viv, please.”

“The kids are still awake.”

“Close the door, they’re occupied. I just really need you now.” He leaned his head on her chest again, “Please Viv.”

That night, the kids had gone off to bed, Vaughn lay there with his wife, holding her close. She was sound asleep. Regret hit him hard, guilt. He hated himself… he hated himself for what happened…. He should have never gone over to Cressidas…. He should have never helped her… nothing would have happened. He would never have this feeling of disgust. How could he betray Vivian in such a way, how could he do this the person he loved most?

Tears began falling down his face as he hugged her. He shouldn’t have trusted Cressida, he shouldn’t have drank with her…

“A toast to fixing family relations.” She had said. And he believed her. One sip of alcohol lead to another… the craving for it had returned….the addiction. Cressida had known this, she had known about his weakness. Vivian had told her out of pure trust. After a while, after a few drinks, Cressida began to look like Vivian, he swore it was her, the alcohol polluted his mind, his vision, he mixed reality with fantasy.

“Viv? I thought you were with the kids?” He had said. But it wasn’t Vivian, he swore he thought it was her, the effects of the alcohol made it look like her. So he pulled her in to kiss her… before he knew it, both their clothes were off….it wasn’t until after, that the effects of the alcohol wore off that he realized… it was Cressida, an evil smirk on her face.

“Oh my god…” Vivian had torn him away from that addiction, from that poison… all for him to come back to it for one night and betray his wife.

He kissed the back of her head as she slept. He loved her, he truly loved her… how could he do this to her? How could he tell her the truth? Would she forgive him when she found out? He buried his face into her hair… she smelled good… she always smelled good.

“I love you so much, Viv. I’m sorry.” He cried himself to sleep.

#trolls 3 #trolls band together #velvet and veneer #veneer #velvet #trolls veneer #velvet and veneer trolls #velvet trolls #trolls #veneer trolls #trolls velvet #trolls au #trolls 3 velvet and veneer #trolls 3 veneer #trolls 3 velvet #trolls 3 band together #trolls fanfic #velvet and veneer fanfiction #fanfics #fanfic #fanfiction #trolls fandom #trolls oc #mount rageon oc #my ocs

[alittlebitofloveliness]

Tim and Sylvia Friendship Headcanons

-They both met at Buck’s when they were ten years old, Tim having just started dealing and Sylvia flirting with the old drunks at the bar so she could pickpocket them. Tim noticed how much money she was getting and tried to shake her down for it but when he flipped open his switch she just laughed at him and pulled out one of her own. They’ve been best friends ever since, even though it took ages for Tim to admit it

-Sylvia is the only person who can call him ‘Timmy’ without getting slugged and it’s mostly because she wore him down.

-Sylvia is a con artist extraordinaire and Tim’s a gang leader and somehow they know everything and nothing about each other at the same time

-Almost everyone in Tulsa thinks they’re an item/have hooked up at least once but their relationship has only ever been 100% platonic. Even if Tim wasn’t gay and Sylvia was capable of love they both just couldn’t ever look at each other that way

-Tim thought HE had a good poker face but his is nothing compared to Sylvia’s. The only thoughts or feelings people can read from Sylvia are the ones she wants them to 

-They both have a radar for when Curly and/or Angela are about to get into trouble even though Sylvia is better at dealing with problems AFTER they arise whereas Tim is all about stopping them from happening in the first place

-Sylvia will occasionally disappear for a few days or a week and Tim never asks where she’s gone, but once she was gone for nearly two months and when she showed back up (twenty pounds lighter and with a newly stitched stab wound) he almost cried- he didn’t, but he did hug her and she actually let him

-Sylvia has been locked up almost as many times as Tim has, and they have a joking competition where they keep track. Whoever has the most tally marks each new years owes the other a pack of cigarettes. Tim had the title for three years in a row before Sylvia beat him and he was genuinely kind of upset about it (mostly because she kept making smart remarks about him becoming a ‘model citizen’ and he has a reputation to keep)

-Curly got the idea to play chicken with Ponyboy from Sylvia because he overheard her make an offhand comment about she and her cousins used to do it

-Sylvia originally went on a date with Dallas Winston because she knew it would piss of Tim, and then kept going out with him because of curiosity (y’know that meme that’s like ‘i wanna study you in a lab but also share fries with you’- that’s how Sylvia views Dally)

-Tim also warned Dally he had no idea what he was getting into when he asked Sylvia out but he obviously didn’t listen 

-we all know Dally & Sylvia we’re a toxic ass couple, and I think a huge contributing factor is that Sylvia played dumb but she was actually way smarter than Dally ever gave her credit for so every time he thought he had her figured out, she’d do something or say something that would shake up how he saw her and it made him feel stupid (which we all know he hated) but also made him more desperate to figure her out 

-Sylvia thinks the Curtis brothers are strange and avoids them as much as possible because they’re genuinely upstanding guys and she’s not used to people who aren’t just out for themselves

-Sylvia lives in six inch stilettos and they make her the same height as Tim (Sylvia is already tall for a girl) and it annoys him to no end

-Sylvia and Steve absolutely loathe each other but because they’re both friends with Angela they try to be civil when she’s around. Tim finds Sylvia’s ire at the guy endlessly funny

-Sylvia was the first person to find out about Tim being gay. He was terrified but she just rolled her eyes and told him to hide his magazines better 

-Tim is the only person who knows anything about Sylvia’s parents that isn’t rumour based speculation, and he will take those secrets to his grave

-Sylvia was originally HORRIFIED when she realised Tim had a thing for Darry Curtis because she does NOT trust that guy he is too nice to not be hiding some dark secret. It’s the only time Tim didn’t at least take her advice into consideration (and Sylvia was eventually forced to grudgingly admit she was wrong about this one)

-Sylvia is a better marksman than Tim, but Tim is more patient than Sylvia, so when they go hunting Tim bags more animals, but when they’re target shooting Sylvia always has a better score

#the outsiders #tim shepard #sylvia the outsiders #dallas winston #darry curtis #angela shepard #steve randle #curly shepard #ponyboy curtis

[rocksibblingsau]

"Death is tragic, but sometimes living can be so much worse."

So..... same anon that send the rant ask that this come from and I just have to say how good this is. Like unbelievably so and everything from your response as well, I cant say this enough I love your writing and how you interpret trolls and their world

Honestly, you're so right that they likely had that "hes in a better place now" (pun not intended), it fits so well with what we know about pop trolls mentality and life-style. The same trolls that erased and forgotten everyone that was lost during the escape, including the heir, would also accept a little brother as dead and go on without checking so they can better ignore the grief of losing him. Thinking about it, thats a way better and in-character reason why Floyd never came back

People say that he was out partying or he forgor or whatever, but the thought that some 3-5 years later he stopped to think and realized "oh... hes probably dead by now", and now having to choose between confirming the "reality" that his brother died waiting for him or just moving forward, be happy and never think about things that upset you (that just pop trolls second nature at this point)

There is a part of me that still wants to write Brozone facing that grief either by having to save Floyd without him or reuniting some other way, now with the added against of "everybody including you forgot your brother ever existed, isn't that fun!". Thinking about it, I may even write that Branch died in the woods or something instead of the bergens. He didn't die because they left him in the tree, he died because they never came back for him. And the same mentality that "helped" them "grief" (read: ignore) his supposed dead is the same mentality that caused the pop village to ignore and ostracize him (that being what actually killed him). Tragic, gut-punching, hope they surfer and cry about it :)

But for my actual headcanon of the brothers mentally during those 20 years, I can only imagine your view of the situation is just that good and accurate. Thank you for entertaining my thoughts and sorry for the rambles lol

Thank you! I love overanalyzing things, and Trolls is a very fun subject to work with!

It's very in line with Pop mentality to just accept that and move on. Bruce especially lives on Vacay Island where "every day is a vacay". I could see a bit of that mentality existing there. Maybe not the 'sugar coat everything in glitter' degree but 'why worry?' type of ignore your problems.

Branch dying on his own rather than in the tree I think is a way more terrifying reality. Hundreds of Pop Trolls were eaten, and that's seen as the Bergens fault. Branch getting injured and having no one to check in on him so he passes is on the village. It's been mentioned in Rock Sibblings but the fact is, that was a reality Branch faced. Poppy likely would've come by EVENTUALLY but she was younger than him.

In Rock Sibblings the truth is if not for Poppy deciding to follow after him, no one would have ever known what happened to Branch. In Techno Branch and Classical Branch, no one actually does until 15ish years later.

With his brothers, it's sad to say that with an alive Branch, there's very little that could have them initially realizing that Branch is hurt. I mean look at him in Trolls Band Together. He's not fully grey but he's very drastically darker than they all are despite initially all having the same skin tone. Yet none of them react or mention it. They're fine to ignore the situation at hand.

Never apologize for rambles. That's what we do here.

#sibblings qna #sibblings au #trolls branch #brozone

[chthonickore]

I'm so ashamed of my country today. I feel fucking sick.

#seph talks #Dublin #if you're around Dublin and youre a poc or queer. whatever. stay safe please #genuinely distraught at how many racists are calling to kill every foreign person they see #it's upsetting. i thought we were better than this

[electoons]

she was the silliest billy 🥹

#dogs #pets #animals #rip babygirl i love you so so so so much you were better than all of us #jojo #we had to remove all her front teeth not long after we got her bc they were rotted so i have a ton of pics of her sticking her tongue out #she had a sense of humor too btw she was so playful #she was abused in the past so it took her about a full year to trust us but once she did she was so so so loyal and loving #goddd i wanna die i cant believe im like. looking at pictures from two weeks ago where she was running and playful #and in the past week she just. gave up. she just stopped eating and stopped being able to even stand on her own #i had to hold her while she used the bathroom cause she kept losing her balance :( #sorry if this is too gross and upsetting i just. feel like i need to reach out. to anyone #like she was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease with no real chance of recovery several months ago so i should have like #prepared myself. but idk i guess i just had blinders on lol. the vet said his dog lived with it for 4 years before dying #idk. i guess i just thought she could survive longer #pet death #mia.txt #mia.jpg

[curiosity-killed]

this is not meant as a philosophical thing but it always catches me by surprise and feels a little funny when ppl make statements about What Makes Us Human/What Separates Us From Animals because like 99% of what humans do, at least some other animals also do or can do, and also like, why do u want to be separate so bad? do u not take comfort in knowing that ravens and elephants mourn their loved ones, too? that dogs and monkeys can learn to paint? that cats will seek you out for comfort when they’re scared? do u really want to live in a world where we’re alone at the ~top of the pyramid~? seems lonely. seems like shit

#whales (apparently) can adopt orphaned young of other species! #cats and dogs will protect kids/babies!! #other animals are sad and upset when separated from their friends!! #like! #idk!! i just don't get it #maybe this is the child!curio who thought animals were better than people coming out #but like #isn't it a comfort to know that the world is full of so many familiar echoes? #that we walk the same paths shared by animals from wildly divergent lines of evolution? #that like plants we too turn toward the sun???? #personal #the world is not a pyramid it is a spiral of networks and we are one vibration among a whole goddamn symphony

[chiritori]

it would be pretty cool if my brain could be normal for 1 (one) second

#i am so tired of being sad & upset over this but it just won’t stop #like i just want to understand why they’re doing this! what did i do wrong? i thought we were friends! #every time they watch my instagram story while continuing to ignore my text it’s like the wound reopens #like hello? why are u watching my story if ur ignoring me? do they not realize how hurtful that is? #do they not realize how hurtful all of this is? #i really thought they were a good person but if they’re the type to ghost their friends for no good reason clearly i thought wrong #and part of me is like. still in denial about it #like i feel like there has to be a better explanation than ‘i don’t like you and i want you to leave me alone’ #or ‘i don’t give a shit about you and your feelings’ #like there has to be another explanation! there has to be! #i really need to bring this up to my friend who i met them through cause she’s the only one who can maybe provide me w some clarity here #cause the lack of closure is actually driving me mental. it’s like there’s been a raincloud over my head for the past 6 days #vent

[parallelunivrses]

okay a bit of a story-time/rant here but i've spent the last few weeks prepping some raised garden beds for summer gardening. yard work is messy, so i normally wear one of the million free shirts that i got from my college and department in undergrad. i graduated with an aerospace engineering degree, so these shirts all say something along the lines of '"[university name] college of engineering" or "[university name] department of aerospace engineering and mechanics." and i was adding soil to my raised beds today when a neighbor walking with his wife walked by and stopped to ask what i was doing, what i am planning to plant, etc. etc. my garden beds are in the front yard so this has happened a lot. but then he asked me, "so are you actually an engineer or are you just wearing the shirt?"

and i just. what???? the only reason i can think that someone would ask that is because they don't think women and female-presenting folks can be engineers. i explained that i graduated a few years ago (my shirt literally said "class of 20XX") with an aerospace degree. and he was just like, "oh okay. i am a biomedical engineer." and then they walked off.

and i'm just. so tired of sexism in engineering!! this is part of the reason that i struggled in grad school (my program was less than 5% women. in several of my classes there were more people named "josh" than there were women) and it's a big reason why i don't like engineering workplaces. i WANT to stick around in this space and try to make it better for future generations of engineers, but it feels like i am constantly having to justify my space in engineering. i'm currently working in education, and i never feel like i have to justify my space there. when i worked at a science museum i never felt like i needed to justify my worth. interactions like this are a part of why i am having a career change.

in a lot of ways, it doesn't feel like things have changed in the thirty years from when my mom got her electrical engineering degree and now. people may not be outright telling me that i can't do engineering in the way they told my mom, but if your first instinct when you see a female-presenting person wearing a college of engineering shirt is "hm i don't think that person actually was an engineering student," it reinforces the idea that woman cannot go into engineering.

#haven't proofread this so sorry if it makes no sense i am just upset #like. in the graduating class below me in my department there were more people named ben than there were women #my graduating undergrad class was around 100 people and we had 11 women #my grad advisor was a tenured professor and i was the first woman to join his lab EVER #i hate it!!! #girls are so discouraged from engineering and it sucks!! #it makes me so mad!! #and people talk about women in STEM like it's this done deal. like it was a problem in the past but it's better now #but the percentage of women in engineering degrees when my mom was in school in the 90s and when i was in school has not really changed #personal #i have a lot more feelings and thoughts about this but i am gonna journal it all i think

[adore-gregor]

:)

#but i am feeling better overall about it all since yesterday #i should have read it sooner but as i told you i got an a in that class #and the professor also gave me feedback it was so nice 🤧 #i love my uni professors they're really great ☺️ #it just reminded that i am good at some things and maybe i will hopefully achieve a good job with my studies one day... #he gave me feedback on a text i had to write on the course and also more general #he wrote he apreciated my interest & participation in class &that he loves seing nothing more than in his students than that as a professor #:)) #i also got 10/10 points #and he agreed with a lot of my observation and thought it was interesting to read #but also while i do love football i am thinking of quitting it #altough i don't like to be a person that runs away from difficulties #but honestly i don't feel very welcomed in the team either and they are just so different we have little in common #they are not mean to me but i don't really feel part of it either and there is this one girl who is overly competitive #and she moans at you if you make a mistake in training like in training! #i mean i'm not overly upset about if sometimes some words fall in a match it can happen in the pressure but in training?? #like she also probably thinks she's so good but if she were she wouldn't be at our team now would she 😂 #like calm down #and she's a defender but if she had to defend me in a 1v1 i bet she'd lose actually because she could never keep up with my speed 😅 #i mean she's not horrible otherwise but and not that i'm that great besides my speed and sometimes i have my moments where i dribble well #but i'm not the one acting like this #and she's also the type of person who has inked in her bio on social media which i find funny sry 😂 #if anyone who reads this has this too pls don't be offended #but you know it just makes me think why? how is having a tattoo one of the most interesting things about you 😂 #it's not a personality trait? nothing else of interest in your life that's sad 😅 #doesn't need to be true for everybody but if you disagree tell me why like i don't see it lol #and i'm also worried i won't play like i'm not putting in so much time to then sit on the bench #i'd even try goalkeeper tbh if that means i'd be appreciated for it if i were good at it #it's not that i think i'm so good that i need to play just that i have limited time with uni and tennis already... #it's a lot already i would at least like to get something out of it

[476b]

.

#ooouuuugghhhhhhh ive spend the last hour making myself sad :( #whyd i have to go catch feelings for someone who Could Not Give A Shit lol #its a blessing that im moving or i would probably just slowly kill myself for the next year #watching him Very Obviously like someone more than me lol #worst part is everyone knows im just some sadsack sidepiece #and like we were never 'together' so idk wtf im upset about!!! #i could go out and do just as much as he does!!! #but i guess i just wish it had been different and that i had gotten closer w everyone else before i had to leave :( #because now i really feel like i could have been spending way more time w everyone if i had stopped waiting for him to invite me to things #he never invited me to shit anyways!! i was ALWAYS the one to ask 'hey are you free sometime' #EVERY SINGLE TIME #killing him with hammers in my mind #i deserve so much better and i KNOW that but hes hot and smart and has such cool friends #and i just really wanted to be part of that group so badly #and i dont have any relationship expirience i dont know how all of this is supposed to Work i just #i dont know i guess i thought it would be different #anyways im seeing him again tomorrow for what might be the last time #and i wont tell him any of the things i should bc ill see his stupid beautiful face and forget everything i wanted to say #you know this mother fucker wont even help me move? more than an entire year together and he flat out says no to helping me #and i know for a Fact he'll never come visit me #and ill probably drive my stupid little ass down two+ hours just to see him #you know hes got at least two guys willing to drive hours just for him #i need to meet this other guy so we can unionize #cus i guarenteeeee hes probably treating this guy not much better than me #and i say probably the last time bc now itll be reliant on him actually making a fucking effort to see me lol #or itll just be at shows and stuff #not like itll make a big difference cus we onky saw each other once or twice a month ANYWAYS #actually makes me so angry why did i spend so much mental energy on this guy #ILL FIND SOMEONE IN ALBANY WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKES ME JUST YOU GUYS WAIT #btw if i know you irl... ignore this... its shameful...

[maschotch]

You mentioning the fact that they're profilers is so real bc like it honest to god ASTOUNDS me how badly they all read hotch like he so so so so clearly cares for every member of the Bau WAAYYY more than he cares for him self and he's literally never shown otherwise??? Like even the whole drill boss stuff or whatever tf he said he's never aggressive with the group if they mess up he's always understanding but fair and most is pretty much the first one to comfort them (if the script allows) UNLESS he's going through some shit IE the whole divorce plot and foyet AND IT BAFFLES ME HOW EVERYONE FUCKING MISSES IT CONSIDERING ITS THEIR J O B

they’re all kinda bad at profiling each other but istg they have to TRY to understand hotch so poorly… i’m trying to think of a moment where he yells at them when they’re not directly putting themselves in danger or in the immediate aftermath of him getting attacked in his fucking home, but i cant think of anything?? he doesnt like being harsh with them and he learns the hard way with the elle situation that it doesnt get them anywhere. the only time he was unduly upset w someone was with emily in the beginning and that’s only bc he thought she was either a nepotism hire (which she kinda was) or a plant for strauss (which she kinda was)

he’s “strict” but like?? is he?? he does half their paperwork for them and they dont even know it. instead of doing things by the book and getting reid fired, he turned the other way and let him work through his drug problem. maybe he says “no” sometimes, but he usually relents anyway—like when jj has a feeling ab a case or when he calls the fucking vatican for emily. if he was a drill sergeant, would he let garcia keep a bunch of clutter on her desk and dress in bright clothing?? he doesnt coddle them or anything bc that’s not really his personality, but he’s gentle w them and even praises them when he knows they need it. he doesnt always step in and help when he should (i think that honestly has more to do w him being self conscious than anything—he doesnt want a drill sergeant/bully to make things worse), but he keeps a close eye on each of their wellbeing and will quietly urge one of the others to help out if someone’s in a tough spot

sure he doesn’t smile a whole lot and he’s known for his perpetually neutral face, but at the same time it’s not very hard to tell how he’s feeling. he’s effective at his job, he’s good at playing the tough guy, but tbh he let’s things get to him easily. he takes their criticism to heart and does his best to be better. he HATES seeing any of them hurt: ever notice how after what happened with elle he never uses his own agents as bait like that again? he either uses himself (like the fight club episode) or one of the team volunteers and he relents (like emily in the omegaverse swingers episode). they misread his social awkwardness as being cold when really i think he’s just mildly uncomfortable being the center of attention in an unprofessional setting.

it’s wild to me how frequently they misjudge him. i think he kinda knows and almost encourages it?? while still considering their judgements genuine?? morgan is a great example: of all his subordinates, morgan has worked with him the longest, since before he was in charge of the team. so you’d think morgan would have the best insight. but morgan has a complicated relationship w authority figures and tends to be automatically defensive out of habit. essentially, he’s been projecting on hotch since day one and has been blinded by the convoluted series of lenses he sees hotch through: as a constantly rotating mixture of buford, stilinski, and his father. it’s prevented him for actually seeing hotch for who he is, and hotch seems to make no real effort to correct any of those presumptions. but hotch still takes it personally when morgan criticizes him (prob bc it feeds his own negative view of his self worth and uses it as justification for whatever self loathing bullshit he’s on)

basically, hotch knows everyone has skewed perceptions of him and is fine letting their delusions continue uninterrupted—encourages it, even. he’s more comfortable receiving scathing remarks, even if they’re inaccurate, bc it allows him to continue his own delusion ab his place in the world. if they hate him (or if he thinks they hate him), it gives him a reason to hate himself. which is why i think he kinda likes that they’re bad at profiling him. it’s a way to receive that negative attention without actually being vulnerable. it’s a very very passive manipulation—more like he’s allowing them to manipulate themselves—that feeds his self loathing. i think he does it on purpose, so i cant necessarily fault the others for so drastically misunderstanding hotch. especially since they do get better at it over the seasons: they’re able to see through his defense mechanisms a little more, even if they still cant see him clearly

#this is getting kinda long lol and this is technically unrelated so i’ll just say it in the tags: #i think they start getting better at reading him after season 6? #to an extent i think they’re a little aware that they arent seeing hotch clearly #he’s cultivated an odd sense of.. moral superiority? almost? he’s an upstanding guy.. almost otherworldly in his principles #so i think when he BREAKS those principles—lying about emily—purposefully irrevocably unregretably undeniably #their image of him shatters a bit #he’s more.. human #humans make mistakes. humans have weaknesses #even after foyet he was pretty fucking stoic all thing considered. but it’s easy to brush off as a single moment #but the whole thing with emily? #he CHOSE to lie to them. every day. for months #and the fact that they’re suddenly able to be justifably upset with him… making him the target of righteous anger… #idk. it just. it breaks their trust but it also breaks their delusions #he’s not better than them. he’s not at some unattainable moral high ground #he’s just… a guy trying his best. and sometimes his best isnt good enough #he makes a decision thats so out of left field for them that theyre forced to reconsider how they view him #and maybe they realize he’s more comfortable lying than they thought #N E WAY #what were we talking about? lol #asks #aaron hotchner

[desperatepleasures]

thinking of finally looking into what getting an adhd diagnosis would entail. but I'm scared about it. and also angry about it so. lots to process there

#like i honestly think my untreated adhd was something that put a strain on my last relationship #tho like. even if I'd gotten my shit together it would not have undone all the damage we did to each other over the years #and like it still fucking sucked the way he took my forgetfulness personally #and he acknowledged that was from his own trauma and stuff. but it still hurt. well i was hurting him too #we were always doomed huh lmao #like in hindsight of course i pulled away from him. bc he was just constantly upset at me #and like i fucking sucked as a partner if I'm honest. but also there was no way for me to succeed!!! #like i deserved so much better than someone who constantly resented me and gave me absolutely zero physical affection of any kind #it's fucked up that i didn't see the breakup coming lol #like i really am that oblivious. i thought it was just gonna get better. i thought i was gonna marry him literally up until the breakup #and you know what. he said i deserved better and he was fuckin right #i was really out there sunk cost fallacy-ing for the last ??? years huh #to delete later maybe

[siriuslynephilim]

bestie is coming home on 1st im having thoughts

#obviously i missed her and would love to see her but seeing her brings so many complicated feelings and i hate it #i realised somewhere in the middle of a metro surrounded by a crowd that my bestfriend loves her boyfriend more than she loves me #i saw them flirt and hug and ive known her since we were 11 okay i had never seen her be so happy and calm and peaceful and CONTENT #and it made me feel yuck disgusting gross that i could never give her anything like this in years of our friendship so ofc she loves him #more than me #i used to be annoyed at her telling me about him what he did down to evey detail but there's one i can remember really well #how she was upset with him and he got angry too very angry so she thought he was breaking up with her and she started sobbing so #uncontrollably on the phone itself because she couldn't lose him and so he at like 11 pm?? he left his pg and showed up at her house told #her to come down just to give her a hug and then they went to have ice cream to make her feel better #and i just. #obviously she loves him more ivy you don't even talk to her unless she talks to you you talk once in like 2 months #she has made me realise so many things about love 😭 #i think i get it love means showing up being there when the person you love needs you no matter what #like i get it's not always possible real life problems but #like he did have real life problems going out so late getting an auto not even being sure if she would come down cause she has very strict #parents #he was willing to put in all that effort just cause she was sad and that's why she loves him more than me it makes sense #but this is why i feel so scared im not even 2% of the person he is i always feel she is going to realise im an asshole and leave me #but we talk so less it wouldn't even affect me realistically #but then i would have lost all my childhood friends everyone who knew me when i was happy better than present atleast #i would have lost all friends period since i don't have any irl friends 😭 #this is why i feel conflicted 😭😭😭

[luvxiem]

i had such an awful day today but luca is so cute on stream rn lol

#man. u ever get really disappointed with how ur friend acts. #like she's my best friend and how she acted and treated me today doesn't change the fact that i love and care about her #but i know she's better than this yet she does it anyways and that's what hurts the most #ik it's her depression and stress making her act out like this but i didn't deserve that #man #i thought abt texting her bf and asking him if she's actually communicating with him #but at the end of the day it's not my fault she refuses to act like an adult #she just reverted back to her hs habits and it's so frustrating. like it's been years. i thought we were past this. we SHOULD be past this #all i really wanted was an apology for her shutting me out today and making me stress bc i thought i did something wrong #instead of actually communicating and just telling me she's upset #i walked on eggshells all day today bc i didn't want to set her off #sigh #anyways #enough me dumping in public #luca's 3d streams are always so interesting i like seeing his body language and how he carries himself #he's talking abt his jobs when he was a teen lol #so cute. kithes him #he's so boyfriend today #i wanna sit on his lap and play with his hands while he tells stories abt when he was younger #sol.txt