#it's 6:30 and i've been working on this since noon

[stingyslegslookweird]

A week or so ago, I made a post about Yukari's letter from episode 42 of Kamen Rider Agito, asking if anyone had turned the stylized English it was written in into a font. From what I could find, no one had.

So I did.

Say hello to Limitless Evolution, my first (and so far only) custom font, based off what's more or less the catalyst for the entire plot of the 2001 tokusatsu, Kamen Rider Agito. It's available in both OTF and SVG formats, and I've included the .txt save file for the website I used to make it, in case you want to mess around with that.

left: the screencap from my original post. right: the first paragraph of the letter, typed up in wordpad using the Limitless Evolution font.

And if you're wondering, here's what it says in readable English:

"In the beginning was Theos. Theos divided the light from the darkness, the day from the night, the firmament from the earth, and the land from the sea. Thus the world was finished."

A list of changes I had to make, for those curious:

The letter never uses the letters J, Q, X, and Z, so I had to come up with my own designs for them.

There are no parentheses, mainly because by the time I got to those characters, I couldn't think of any way to make them look good and consistent with the rest of the font.

Idk where else I can mention this but I realized partway through making this that, because all of the characters use straight lines, the Unknown (or whatever entity is responsible for this "language") likely used to write on wax or stone, since straight lines are much easier to legibly write with on those surfaces. Of course, this means there are absolutely no curves anywhere in this font (at least in the custom characters).

You might notice a few re-uses of specific characters here and there in other characters. Had I not done that, I 100% would've gotten burnt out halfway thru and never finished this.

The numerals are obviously not Arabic. I took inspiration from the weird "gang signs" the Unknown do before they commit murder and made the signs for numbers look like fingers on hands. I imagine their counting system works exactly like Arabic/base-10 counting, just with different symbols.

I replaced the tilde with a "does not equal" sign. The tilde sometimes signifies "is approximately equal to", and I figured the Unknown probably wouldn't vibe with that kinda thing.

I was gonna make the @ sign the Agito symbol but I forgor. 💀

The dollar sign ($) is also custom. It's the symbol for G with a line thru it. The Unknown strike me as a culture that would use Gold, plus it looks kinda like a crystal, which they might also perhaps use.

The ampersand (&) and plus (+) use the same symbol. I figured they mean basically the same thing, so why not, y'know? Also I couldn't come up with a good design for it.

I literally just realized as I'm writing this that the lowercase M is only slightly smaller than the capital M, and the lowercase and capital Ns are the same size. My bad. When/If I make an updated version of this, I'll be sure to fix that.

I used the comma in like six different characters. It's not laziness, it's resourcefulness.

Lastly, the greater than (>) and less than (<) symbols are meant to represent people bowing/praying, since I figured the Unknown would probably see it as whichever number was more "powerful". Kinda like the alligator thing but with fighting instead of eating.

So yeah. If you want, you can download the font by clicking its name earlier in this post, or here if you'd prefer:

Lemme know if there's any improvements or adjustments I should make in the next version that may or may not come out some time in the near or distant future. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk. Hope you enjoy regardless!

Update: In case you missed it, I released an updated version of the font that adds parentheses, brackets, some diacritics, and other fun things. It, along with the original version are both downloadable from the Google Drive link above (hopefully). I’m still planning on updating it again in the future, so if you have any suggestions or issues you’d like to see fixed in the future, lemme know and I’ll see what I can do.

#kamen rider #kamen rider agito #kr agito #masked rider agito #agito #agito spoilers #font #fonts #custom font #custom fonts #thing i made #sorry if the inconsistent sizes of the letters bothers you #the thing i used to make the font was easy-ish to use in every aspect OTHER than that #and for some odd reason the thing they give you to test the font before downloading it just didn't work for me #but anyway imma go relax #it's 6:30 and i've been working on this since noon #i am so tired

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

ZMAN CHEIRUSEINU aka "I'M the terrible communicator!?!?!?!!"

Dear Future Husband,

I hope nobody ever quizzes me on this blog because there are so many things that I've started and stopped writing that never got posted that I literally never remember what I've actually put here...

Not that that's really fully relevant to what I was thinking about writing now, but I currently have two unfinished posts in my drafts folder (amidst 25 others that will probably never get posted) that are just a recap of this year so far.

Because I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare.

Explaining what's going on right now is kind of problematic because I haven't provided the lengthy backstory yet (which is one of the drafts I have yet to finish...)

Suffice to say, MotherLivelyHeart is being a nightmare to me again.

I think I've shared before that MLH and I share a vehicle? If not... yeah, we share a car. I'll have to look through my posts to see if I've explained that situation before, because that's one more thing to check off the "my life absolutely f*ing sucks" list.

Usually this isn't the worst thing in the world because we operate on different schedules and there isn't much crossover when it comes to who needs the car when, and when there is I usually drop her off somewhere, do what I need to do, and pick her up after.

For the record, I HATE when she offers the opposite because I have a history of being abandoned in places waiting for her to pick me up and it gives me such severe anxiety.

So last week on Sunday I asked MLH what her plans were for the next day. I asked this because I overheard a phone call she received on Friday from the dentist's office about an appointment she had on Monday at noon that she hadn't told me anything about and I knew if I was going to ever find out she was going to take the car, I would have to be the one to ask her. So I asked. And wouldn't you believe it, she had a dentist appointment on Monday at noon! Shocker.

Now, I'd been out of work since the beginning of January (again, details will hopefully be in another post) so I had a lot to take care of at work last Monday and I told her that.

We agreed she would have the car for her appointment and I would take the car to work when she got home.

Come Monday afternoon, suddenly everything has changed.

You see, her boss called in sick and she had the day off because she has a specific job that requires her to work alongside her boss and if he doesn't work, she doesn't work.

So she had the day off. Joy.

Of course, did she tell this to me directly? No.

Did she message me this information? No.

I'm just supposed to approach her and ask, "hey, did your boss call in sick and give you the day off?" I guess.

So she went to her appointment and ran some errands and called me while she was still out. Apparently some specific water bottles she can only get in like two places were available at one store about 20 minutes away from our house and she placed a pickup order so she could get them before they were sold out. The order had to be picked up between like 2:30-3:30pm and she called me at around 1:30.

Great.

She picked a pickup time that was directly during the time I was supposed to be at work.

Which she knew.

Because I told her this literally the day before.

So I told her fine. She should do the pickup order and when she got back I would take the car to work.

"Well, I also wanted to go swimming."

*Deep breath* Ok, what time is swimming?

"From 2-9pm."

At this point I didn't know how long I'd be at work because one of the things I had to take care of could be like 4-6 hours and I didn't know if there would be enough time when I was done to get home and let her get to the pool with enough time to swim before they closed.

"Ok, well why don't you go swimming, do the pickup order, and then I'll take the car to work?"

"Well, I want to come home and eat something first."

Ok. So now, what was supposed to be my time to take the car is going to be "stolen" by her coming home (15 minutes), eating something (15 minutes), going to swim (40 minutes), getting the pickup order (30 minutes), and coming back home (20 minutes).

This is TWO HOURS off of my time.

WHICH I HAD TOLD HER I NEEDED LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE.

So she came home, ate something, and changed into her bathing suit. She left around 2pm for the pool.

I assumed at this point I'd hear from her around 3:30pm that she was around the corner.

But 3:30 came and went.

4:00pm came and went.

4:30pm came and went.

5:00pm came and BigSis messaged that she would be done at work in an hour and could either of us give her a ride home?

MOTHERF@*$%^#$ER

So it's been three hours without an update from MLH, but then she responds "I should be on my way back from the pickup order then."

EXCUSE ME!?!?!?!

She left for the pool at 2pm. THREE HOURS have gone by and she hasn't even gotten the pickup order that was supposed to be picked up between 2:30-3:30pm!?!?!?!!?!?

But she tells me that I'M a terrible communicator.

I was supposed to get the car by 1:30pm latest. It was now after 5pm and I STILL hadn't gotten to work yet.

As much as I hate when she offers to drop me off at work so she can take care of things that will take a few hours, SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME THAT. She made it seem like I would have the car all afternoon to take care of what I needed to at work. And when her plans shifted, she made it seem like I'd have the car by 3:30pm latest.

And let me remind you THAT I TOLD HER THE DAY BEFORE WHAT MY SCHEDULE WAS SO THAT THIS S*** WOULDN'T HAPPEN.

But I'M the terrible communicator.

At that point I was so frickin annoyed already. MLH messaged me "should I get her or just come home" and I was so peeved I said "just get her because if you come home and I take the car I'm not picking her up."

She didn't respond to that message.

Great.

No thumbs up. No "ok." Just nothing.

Then at 6:12pm I get a message from her "car's downstairs in front."

So no message from BigSis that MLH had picked her up and they were heading home. No "we're around the corner." No nothing except over an hour later "take it."

BUT I'M THE TERRIBLE COMMUNICATOR!?

At that point it was too late for me to do some of the things I needed to take care of for work because, again, I was supposed to have been there FIVE HOURS EARLIER. And a friend messaged and asked if I could go with her to Costco, so I said to hell with it and I went to Costco with her.

While I was at Costco I messaged both MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis about what I was getting so we were all on the same page. Included in that message was eggs because, well, I was getting eggs.

I got home at like 10pm and MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis were already asleep. I made a couple of mini salami kugels with some spinach that oddly floated to the top, waited for them to cool, tried 1/4 of one before sticking them in the fridge.

Next morning I open the fridge and there's a new carton of 1.5 dozen eggs. Because apparently MLH went to the supermarket early in the morning and got eggs because "we were out."

DESPITE ME LITERALLY MESSAGING THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT I WAS BUYING EGGS AT COSTCO.

Oh, but it gets better. Because the salami kugel I had tasted the night before was missing.

BigSis was working from home so I asked her about it and she said she had no clue.

So I asked MotherLivelyHeart about it, thinking maybe it slipped out of the fridge, smashed, and she threw it out.

But no.

Guess who ate it.

Yep, the woman who has been suffering from gout and avoiding meat for the better part of a year.

The woman who saw it in the fridge and said to herself "oh, that's one of the broccoli kugels LivelyHeart made for herself for Shabbos that she said wasn't good. I guess I'll eat that for breakfast without asking her if she really doesn't want it because although she's on a weird diet right now, there's no way she's made a meal plan for herself that includes this food item she made for herself."

Because, did she message me to ask if she could have it?

Nope.

Did she knock on my door to ask if she could have it?

Nope.

Halfway through eating it she realized it was salami.

And she still finished the whole thing.

And still at NO POINT did she message me AT ALL to even tell me that she ate it.

I had to find out by inquiring OF HER.

BUT. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR!?!?!?!

I shouldn't be mad.

It's just food, after all, right?

Except that it's not.

It's a frickin pattern of carelessness and disregard for me as a person.

And I'm so frickin sick of it.

I'm so damn tired.

It wouldn't have killed her to ask.

It wouldn't have killed her to apologize.

And what I haven't really explained here (because again, that's in a draft post) is that I've been on an elimination diet since January 1st which has cut most things from my available food selections.

But is she on an elimination diet?

Nope.

So we have a HOUSEFUL, a PANTRYFUL, and a FRIDGEFUL of food she can eat.

And she chooses the ONE thing I made FOR ME.

Which she KNEW I made for ME.

Instead of the MYRIAD OF THINGS that she can eat that I can't.

Which means that she's not only taken a meal from me, but now I'm at a food deficit from the fridge while she lives in abundance.

BUT. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR.

So let's leap forward to today.

Today was Shabbos mevorchim. Pesach is in two weeks.

And MotherLivelyHeart decided we are going to change over the kitchen two weeks ahead this year.

So she scheduled her cleaning lady to come tomorrow (Sunday) to help clean the kitchen so it can be turned over.

Did she take into account that this would be motzei Shabbos and that we'd have to make Shabbos and that would involve dirty dishes and use of the stove/oven and pots and pans?

Yeah, no.

Did she take into account that the way she wants to clean the oven requires the oven to be self-cleaned before and after which takes a good several hours and creates so much smoke that we'd have to keep the windows open and also it's like 40F right now and she also wanted to go to sleep early because the cleaning lady is coming at like 8am?

Yeah, no.

BigSis went over the oven cleaning thing with her and she exclaimed "are you kidding me?! Then why am I having the cleaning lady come tomorrow?!"

BECAUSE YOU SCHEDULED HER WITHOUT CONSULTING US.

BECAUSE THERE WAS NO COMMUNICATION.

DO YOU SEE A FRICKIN THEME HERE!?!?!!?

Oh, but there's more. Because there's always more.

Thursday was another nightmare day for various reasons. One of which was that I ran errands with MotherLivelyHeart.

She scheduled an appointment for smackdab in the middle of the time I told her I'd be working.

YES. AGAIN.

And she wanted to drop me off at work and pick me up when I was done.

Well absofrickinlutelynot, thankyouverymuch.

I was supposed to work until 6pm.

I had told customers I would be available until 6pm.

Her appointment was scheduled for 6pm.

So of course "I need the car at 5:30pm."

She wanted to drive me to work earlier so that she could take the car at 5:30pm to her appointment that wouldn't be done until 7pm and then come get me an hour and a half after I was done working.

But I was supposed to trust that she wouldn't run errands or dilly dally around and that she'd actually get me at 7:30pm, which we know is never the case.

So I told her no, I'd be taking the car to work. But I would notify the customers I'd only be there until 5:30pm, at which point I'd get her and drive her to her appointment. Then while she was in her appointment I could do the Shabbos shopping, since it seemed pointless to have to wait for her to come home again before I could go out and shop.

For various reasons, we had three stores we needed to go to, one of which was about 20 minutes in the opposite direction of where her appointment was. I figured I could go there first, then on my way back to get her I could run by the other two stores, get her and then we'd go straight home.

But no.

Because it was raining and people apparently don't know how to drive in the rain. So despite me taking the highway, which should have cut like 10 minutes out of the ride each way, it took me about 30 minutes to get to that first store, which I was in for maybe 10 minutes, and as I was checking out MLH messaged "my appointment is almost over, where are you at?"

So all I had time for was turning around and going straight to get her.

Which, fine, whatever.

One of the stores we went to literally just for chicken.

And it was chicken for her because she wanted a specific type of breaded chicken for Shabbos.

So I figured I'd run into the store and grab it while she stayed in the car.

But no.

Because while I was unbuckling, she was unbuckling. Because she decided to come in.

So she went to look at side salads and I went to the chicken section where I waited but she never showed up.

Then I get a message from her.

"Where are you?"

Excuse me???? WHERE ARE YOU, WOMAN???

I told her I was at the chicken section waiting for her and she said "I already checked out. I'm going back to the car."

WE LITERALLY WENT TO THIS STORE TO BUY HER CHICKEN.

SHE CAME IN WITH ME.

PRESUMABLY TO BUY HER CHICKEN.

But she's checked out already!? WITH WHAT!?

Oh. Apparently something to eat. Because she's hangry.

Which she, OF COURSE, DID NOT TELL ME.

Fine. Whatever.

So I bought her frickin chicken.

And then on the way home she got mad at me about three driving-related things that were out of my control (like the car started making a weird noise that might be the muffler, and there was a huge pothole I couldn't avoid, and I was coming to a stop at an intersection when some lady rounded the corner quickly and we barely missed colliding...) which resulted in her yelling at me that she hates the way I'm driving.

So, yeah, that was a fun ride home.

*EYEROLL*

Anyway, on the way to her appointment she said "we never worked out a Shabbos menu."

I told her the same thing I've told her almost every week over the last three months: I'm eating differently from you guys, so you just tell me what you want and I'll grab it from the store, because I already have set aside what I'm going to eat.

And she tells me "my boss has off tomorrow, so I can cook."

Which is perfectly fine in my eyes because I'm still recovering from an injury (again, that's one of the drafted posts...) and I also had a horrendous cold for the previous two weeks so I'm still trying to get back to baseline. Any pressure off me is appreciated.

We basically worked out that for shabbos we'd do a big soup for Friday night (which I would make), then she wanted chicken (obvs) and I had bought green beans at Costco I told her she could have, and then Shabbos lunch would be fish and salady stuff.

Well, Friday rolls around.

The day already sucked because I tried adding some vegetables back into my diet during the week that are apparently problematic for my digestion. Fun.

But then MotherLivelyHeart decides to stick to her arbitrary Pesach cleaning schedule which says to clean the milchig dishes she's had piling up all week. So of course she decides to do this at like noon and doesn't finish the job and there are still milchig dishes in the sink at 3pm when I need to go in and make the soup.

Add onto that, one of my "chores" is the pareve dishes, some of which have been piling up too and also need to be done, which she feels the need to remind me of, despite her milchig dishes still filling the sink.

So I go in around 3pm and just start cooking, using the small bit of counter space that's available to me.

She decides that's the perfect time to finish the milchig dishes.

FINE. WHATEVER.

She gets them out of the way and reminds me YET AGAIN about the pareve dishes.

FINEWHATEVER.

So around 4pm I'm back in the kitchen, doing the pareve dishes, of which I only got about half done because it was causing pain and I still had to cook.

So I pivoted and did the soup.

But nothing else had been cooked yet.

So I made the green beans.

And I had to separate the soups so I could add things to theirs that I can't eat.

At this point I'm still annoyed from her the day before, my insides are so unhappy with the newly tested foods, I'm in pain from the injury, and I'm trying to cook for Shabbos.

Around 6pm I asked BigSis if she could help with the chicken. She was like "I STILL HAVE TO SHOWER!!!" As though she didn't have all day for that and somehow me needing help is my fault. She said "if you had asked me like three hours ago I could have done it."

Except that three hours ago, the milchig dishes were still filling up the sink, so.... what exactly do you expect from me!?

Sometime a little earlier when MotherLivelyHeart had been in the kitchen it was clear I wasn't doing so well and she asked what was wrong and I described the pain and she was like "I'm sorry" and then disappeared.

So then she gets a "20 minutes to candle lighting" alarm on her phone, and she's been trying to light early in zchus of the hostages and chayalim, so she calls out "20 minutes to licht benchen." Which I responded to but she didn't hear, obviously, because she yelled again "LivelyHeart, did you hear me!?"

To which I responded an annoyed "YES!!" and she was like "you don't have to talk to me that way! I clearly didn't hear you. And BigSis and I can make Shabbos on our own, you know."

Which, MYGODWOMAN. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO.

My responsibility based on our conversation was the soup.

ZE HU.

SHE was supposed to do the chicken and the green beans and whatever else they wanted.

So now she's annoyed at me because I'm annoyed at her for not doing the thing she was supposed to do, but I'M the one in the wrong.

FINE. Whatever.

In the end I didn't do the chicken.

I literally didn't have the strength for it, let alone the energy.

Not that it was really missed at the meal, but she was a bit annoyed and gave me that same "BigSis and I can cook for Shabbos on our own, you know." To which I responded "You said you were going to cook." I literally don't even remember what her response was.

Well, fast forward through Shabbos to tonight because I asked her if she wanted the chicken for melava malka or if we should stick it in the freezer for a week since it's KFP.

She wanted it for melava malka.

Which, fine, whatever.

I told her if she could bread it, I would cook it.

She got gloves, she got bowls, she got the chicken, and she got eggs.

She did not get the other ingredients she needed for the breading. Or a plate to put it on. Or a fork.

She sat down at the table and then asked me to get the other ingredients.

Which, fine. Whatever.

I got an interesting piece of mail that I'll discuss in another post when I know more what's going on with it, but it basically called my attention to research something. So I was on my computer off to the side while she was breading the chicken.

The next thing I know, she's frying the chicken.

I went into the kitchen and asked her why she was frying it when I told her I would do it for her since cooking usually exhausts her, and she got all frustrated and exasperated at me and said something like "I DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT TO WAIT FOR YOU."

And I was like, "what are you talking about!? I was waiting for you to finish breading it! you didn't tell me you were done!"

Which just pissed her off more.

BECAUSE. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR.

But this is the time of year we celebrate freedom, right?

This is the time of year we thank Hashem for rescuing us from a horrible situation.

Well, where's mine?

We're supposed to celebrate every year as though WE ALL left Mitzrayim.

As though we were ALL saved.

But I am not saved.

I have never been saved.

The stupidity I've just described above is just a piece of the insane patterning of my entire life.

I have no escape from this nonsense.

And I'm just so done with all of it.

I want it all to be over.

I want it all to go away.

Where's my freedom?

Where's my salvation?

I really have to finish those other two drafts, because this isn't even the clearest picture of what I've been dealing with since 2024 started. It's barely April and I just want this secular year to be over.

There are a couple of people who have suggested guys to me over the last several months and, although they're not really what I'm looking for, right now I just don't have the emotional energy for a new relationship. I'm just so burned out from this one that I deal with every frickin day of my stupid life, which of course I can't even tell these people.

So... dear future husband, I hope you can hang in there, because I don't know when I'll be ready for you.

But maybe by then I'll be a good communicator.

-LivelyHeart

And now for the story after the story:

So, after that disaster of a drive back from the store on Thursday night, we got home around 8:30pm and although she got something small to eat from that second supermarket I knew that MotherLivelyHeart hadn't eaten anything since lunch so when I made dinner for myself I made a second bowl for her. I brought it to her and she said "oh... you didn't have to do that." Not a lot of enthusiasm there.

She didn't eat it for about a half an hour, by which time it was probably cold, and the next thing I knew, she was in bed going to sleep without another word about how it was.

Now, I don't demand praise or feedback for anything I cook, but she usually makes a comment about whatever I make, so I found it odd that she was silent on the matter.

On Friday I went to ask her about something else and while I was talking to her I asked how her dinner was the night before and she said something along the lines of, "it was... interesting. ground chicken just doesn't cook well, it's not your fault. you prepared it well, it's just not that good. ground turkey is better."

No "thank you," no "it was sweet of you to think of me," no "I appreciate the effort especially considering that you're working through the pain right now."

Just meh.

I love when I'm appreciated.

#jumblr #frumblr #shidduch #frum #jewish dating #orthodox #shadchanim #shidduchim #jewish #shadchan #shidduch dating #dating #jewishdating #i am the shidduch crisis

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam! If you're comfortable, I would definitely be interested in hearing about your upcoming experience with Adderall as an adult taking it for the first time. I'm 30 and will be inquiring about an ADHD diagnosis later this month, but Adderall scares me a little (probably unfounded, I've just never taken any kind of psych med or non-allergy daily med, and if I forget my allergy meds I just get a nasty headache and nothing more) and everyone I asked about their experience is under 25 and has been taking it for many years. I'm really interested to see how you feel while taking it, if you're willing to share 💙

I've had quite a few requests like this so I'm definitely going to keep talking about it when there's anything to talk about, under the Sam Has ADHD tag. :)

FWIW, this is my first experience with a drug like this, which affects brain chemistry -- the only other comparable experience I’ve had is weed, and I’ve never been an especially heavy user of that either. Never took antidepressants, mood stabilizers, sedatives, anything like that, so I’m in much the same position you are, although I have taken daily medication for other health issues before. 

10mg of Adderall, which is a pretty low dose, clearly had an effect, which is good; the recommendation was twice daily, five or six hours apart depending on how I feel, on an empty stomach, so I took it at 5am before breakfast and again at noon before lunch. I had...a real weird evening, because while I wasn't doing a ton more than usual I did end up somehow staying up until around 10pm, which for me is very late, without really noticing. So today I thought I'd try just a single dose that would see me through the majority of the workday, and took 10mg at 6:30am after having eaten breakfast at 4am.

It kicked in yesterday right at the half-hour mark after taking, but this morning after half an hour I thought perhaps not taking it on a totally empty stomach had fucked with my ability to absorb the dose.

But then around 7:15 I cleaned out my front hall closet.

That wasn't something I'd been planning on and did give me a very "opening sequence of The Salton Sea" moment (the movie opens, after a brief history of meth, in a party house where among other things two women on speed are frantically organizing a sock drawer). Still, it did need doing, and now there's space to install some boxes to keep my winter sweaters. Which means my reward this evening is a trip to Container Store. And also a puzzle I get to do which I found while cleaning out the closet.

I am clearly going to have to learn to aim my new ability to focus, since unless I make a deliberate decision I just appear to pick Something To Do and do it, but that's a calibration issue and I’m pretty sure I can master it as long as I remember it exists.

The sensation is a little odd because after about an hour I can definitely tell my brain is working differently. It's kind of like being high, there's that same sense of calm, but my thoughts feel clear instead of clouded the way THC affects them. And things just get easier, like I'll think "Oh, I need to throw out that empty shampoo bottle" and instead of pretending I'll remember to do it after the shower, I just reach into the shower and pick it up and throw it out. I have done so many dishes in the last 24 hours, you guys. And right on the dot, at five and a half hours after taking it, I could feel my brain whirr to a stop. 

Anyway it is rather validating to be reacting to a drug in the way I'm meant to, because I did get the distinct impression from the evaluation clinic that they felt my ADHD was too mild to require treatment. I don't actually feel high, or manic, or even really very different. I just do more stuff. Like someone tightened two or three screws in my brain and the gears no longer misalign as often. At least for five hours or so. :D

#sam has adhd

[mentally-illenial]

My girl pup always wakes me up at 3:30am thinking she can trick me into giving her an early breakfast lol.

Since she's small I usually just wrap an arm around her and pin her next to me until we both fall back to sleep until actual breakfast, at 5.

But last night was super fitful for me, stressing about the cake order and the crazy storms going on. Yesterday I spent all day in the cafe, prepping it for the entire weekend so that the crew doesn't even need to think about it, all they have to do is show up and heat up hotel pans. The current kitchen lead is on vacation in England this week, and she usually does everything for them, so they aren't used to being self starting or self sufficient. We ran out of a bunch of dumb stuff yesterday that we shouldn't have been out of, and I have to pop by the store on the way in today to grab it on my own dime. I'll be reimbursed of course, but it's still annoying. They really struggle with inventory in general.

But anyway, they were meant to come in early and help me prep before service, but I'm a one woman machine lol, and most of it was done when they got there at noon. They were shocked, I guess they aren't used to seeing someone who is familiar with kitchen work buckle down and get shit done. I had to leave the kitchen for about an hour and a half to help retail with a huge field trip too. The girls spent about 4 hours putting together snack boxes 😩. They're lucky I'm around, honestly. Nothing would get done.

But it meant that I didn't get to start the cake order until about 4:30pm. I was supposed to leave work at 5, but I needed to get at least SOME progress made on it, so I left around 6:30. I got the cakes baked and the frostings made and colored. This morning I'm assembling and decorating. I tested the recipe earlier this week, and the cake I'm using stays soft and moist for days without any added hydration, so it should be perfectly fine until Saturday at the party, especially with the honey syrup I made. I just hope I can pull it off in an appealing way and that the guest is happy.

My boss legit thought that I only needed four hours today, zero advanced prep, to create the entire order start to finish. We're not a bakery, we're barely a snack shack. I'm bringing in my own tools and ingredients (not to mention experience) on the regular just to meet expectations. She posted some of my practice work that I shared with her on the company Facebook. I'm glad she's excited about it, and I'm proud that she likes my work, but she has no idea the amount of time and effort that has gone into this 'little experiment '. I'm going to have to sit her down in front of a PowerPoint presentation or something to explain to her the real cost, resource needs, and time constraints of an order like this lol. I've been expected to be full-time retail while putting cafe work on the back burner, but then she lets the kitchen lead leave in the middle of our busiest season, leaving me in charge with very little previous experience (running this particular kitchen) while we're back logged on orders and pickups, and while I have an extra custom order on hand? Yikes. There's only one me and only 24 hours in each day. And I demand time for puppy cuddles, damnit.

Well time to roll in to another stressed and sleep deprived day 💅

#personal fitblr #bee farm #2023 me

[flexistentialism]

195.5

The plan is to lose 21 lb. from Feb 1 to May 1, that's 90 days, so 0.23/day, 1.63/week. Obviously straight lining losing over a pound-and-a-half per week for nearly 8 weeks is asking a lot, but a few 2+ lb. loss weeks toward the beginning could make this a reality.

Diet

Going to focus on the 2 principles that work best for me, No ABC and 16/8.

16/8 = intermittent fasting, eat daily in 8 hour window, don't eat for 16. Typically, I've done noon to 8p. But since I wake up at 5a these days, I'm going to shoot for 11:30a-7:30p.

I'll still consider this successful if I have about one exception per week to this 8 hours. Mostly likely eating my first meal closer to "brunch time" at 10:30 or 11a, mainly due to youth soccer schedule on the occasional weekend. Or dinner pushing past 7:30p, again mostly likely due to soccer on the occasional hectic weeknight.

No ABC = no alcohol, bread or carbs.

I'd love to say I won't have another drink until I get below 175, but I don't know if I want to commit to that. But I've been drinking a lot less on account of 1) my wife stopping drinking for about a year-and-a-half now plus 2) my recently paused half marathon training. I haven't had a drink for 10 days now, only 2 in the last 2 weeks, only 10 in the last 30 days.

Maybe I'll allow an exception for my birthday or a handful of other occasions I can't think of at the moment. But really, if I'm trying to lose weight, I'd like to avoid drinking for these next 90 days.

Admittedly, the A and B are redundant to the C, but I heard “No ABC” years ago and it had a nice ring to it, so I keep saying it. As far as other acceptable exceptions to bread and carbs, I'd say 1) family dinners every so often where I want to be a supportive husband and father and not the guy who's eating salad greens and missing the community feeling of taco night, 2) busy youth soccer weekends where sandwiches at the fields are the best bet, or 3) dessert with my wife because that's what she loves and her birthday is during the 90 days.

So if I can keep the total exception count to 13 or once per week, that'd be great, 15-20 I could live with. Anything much more than 20, we’ll then that’d just be the norm not an exception, right? And that wouldn’t bode well for losing 21 lb.

Exercise

For now, running.

Let's keep my 100 mile per month streak going, admittedly tougher in Feb, the shortest month, the leap day not even helping this year since Thursday is my off day, and the 1st and 29th being Thursdays, so I will only get my 20 runs, 5 per week, to get to 100.

Run Mon/Tue/Wed/Fri/Sat, "long" run on Sat, but keep that to 6 mi as I don't want to get into strategizing about long run fueling during this weight loss plan. Though on Mar 2 I'll run a 10k race (6.2 mi) because that was the day of my half marathon I already paid for, I could skip it, but I was able to convert to the 10k.

Thursday is my true off day, don't freak out about activity.

For Sunday, let's make the Feb focus to just get to 10k steps, for March let's add a true 60 min cross train workout, a simple hike counts, and commit to trying something more for Apr.

If I'm 175 on May 1, feeling primed to train for another half marathon and/or expand my exercise beyond running, great, these 90 days will have been a massive success.

#health #weight loss #diet #exercise #running #alcohol

[starcasticallyyours]

Jan 4, 2023 - a lovely day!!

I just had a really good day today that I want to make sure I remember so I'm making an honest to god blog, a straight up rambling diary entry. Just like I used to on LiveJournal, wow.

I do not expect anyone to read this. I just want to remember my lovely day. It was filled with nostalgia, good food, history, productivity, genuine exercise(?!), photos, and of course, BTS.

I've been on holiday since December 30th because I have a benevolent boss (perks of working at a small company) who lets our annual leave spill over a tiny bit since it's still "Christmas" break. I was socially engaged the nights of Dec29/Jan1 as well as the afternoon of Dec30, plus I was furiously writing updates for the DnD ficlet collection since it was Tae's birthday and trying to finish up Ch1 of the Regency sequel, Pirate fic, whenever I was at home during this time so it did not feel restful at all. It was only on Jan2 where I could pull a Kim Seokjin and completely sequester myself at home and veg out -- woke up at noon and played Stardew Valley for like, 6 hours. Jan3 required me to be a functional adult again so I cleaned the flat and tried to hash out the pirate fic before realising it was going to take wayyyy more work, so I've earmarked Marryat and Forester books to check out from HK Central when I go to CWB on Saturday. (Apparently Jimin has a massive Dior ad on the Sogo screen, so I will also be going there after my haircut. Whoo!!) Which brings us to January 4th! A Thursday. Historically, Thursdays have been good to me and this was no exception. I woke up later than I intended, around 10 AM, and then the sheer pleasure of being in a comfortable bed without needing to be anywhere stretched my lie-in to 10:30. After the basics of room tidying and washing up, I had leftover pasta for breakfast and played In the Seom while waiting out the 30min I'm supposed to have between eating and taking my Chinese meds. Then it was washing up, getting dressed, packing up the devices after charging them all morning to give myself a little day trip to...

Kowloon City! My childhood 'hood. And now that I've moved back across the harbour, pressing play on The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Young Forever while walking out the door meant that by the time I got out in Sung Wong Toi station, my earbuds were appropriately blaring Ma City. (Okay, I did repeat Run because that's my favourite title track.) I made a beeline for Islam Food because I haven't had delicious halal Xinjiang cuisine in forever except I was an unfortunate bee with poor scent receptors since I forgot where it was and ended up looping around Nga Tsin Wai for a while... we were on Converse High by the time I found the resto, that's how long it took. At almost 2 PM was nearly full but not proper crowded, and mostly with older people which is par the course for Kowloon City. As a single I got a tiny table in the corner immediately and ordered a classic beef patty + bok choy and tofu soup. If I were with a larger group, I would have also gotten mutton xiaolongbao, scallion pancakes, and a curry so I will have to drag some people here again soon. Food was prompt and only $65 so I was done eating in 20 minutes tops.

Thanks to climate change, it was a balmy sunny afternoon so I stuffed my jacket into my backpack and headed on over to KCP. It's changed a LOT since I was a teenager -- no Park'n Shop in the basement selling eel and chicken rice boxes for $20 anymore, sigh. But I did get a Coco Milk Tea (half sweet, less ice) for $22 which is a VERY good price nowadays, you can't get anything in Central under $27 minimum ($30 on average) for example and it doesn't even taste as good?? But armed with my delicious tea, I was ready to go out the other way into Carpenter Park, which looks literally the same as when I was a kid. I spent a solid decade running around this park. There isn't a bouncy dinosaur anymore so I know it's not exactly the same, but the bicycle paths are the same, the rock garden where Sam filmed his lightsabre battles is the same... and Kowloon Walled City of course is the same.

...from when I was a child, not when it was THE Walled City. (Once, when everywhere at school was occupied, our drama class rehearsed our play in the Zodiac garden much to the tai-tais' collective chagrins.) Full disclosure that I actually came here in mid-December as well to gather inspo and info for my piece for the Ma City zine which is set in 80s KWC, so this time I didn't go look at the exhibits and just went straight to the chess garden since that's the only spot with tables. I set up my laptop and finished the piece to the soundtrack of construction, which I find very appropriate considering the topic. We don't get planes howling overhead anymore, so this will have to do.

Last time, I had to meet friends islandside for dinner so I actually walked up closer to Wong Tai Sin to take the bus but this time, it was only 4:15 and the day was just for me, for me! So after taking some pics in the bonsai garden in honour of Namjoon, I walked back to Junction Road and that was when I started taking pics for nostalgia -- down the street towards Ho Man Tin for the hundreds of times we ran for the bus stop, then up towards Munsang where my old school campus used to be. No, I didn't go to Munsang, I am very clearly an Intl school kid and we were across from them. The buildings are connected to Bethel Seminary which is Grade II protected so still there. I started walking up Junction Road towards Lok Fu when I saw the Stone Houses and stopped by.

These buildings weren't open when I was a kid; I remember passing them but hardly taking notice. Essentially, they are remnants of the oldest tenement buildings in the area, now refurbished as a cafe and museum. The server in the cafe immediately offered me a menu most kindly, but since it was 4:30 and I was already full on tea I politely declined. Checked out the museum though which is small and all in Chinese, no English, but I think the photos and maps would still be worth it for a non-reader. The whole thing strongly reminded me of the Mei Ho House museum and cafe too, even with their menu which is very Hong Kong cha chaan teng-esque. AND they have wi-fi!! So I'm totally planning on coming back for another writing session.

Since it was barely evening, I decided to hike Checkerboard Hill. Back when Kai Tak was still operating, the only way pilots could land planes was to come from the west, over Tsing Yi and Mei Foo Sun Chuen and barely across Kowloon City. With all the urban area underneath, there couldn't be proper signals so what they did was paint an enormous red-and-white checkerboard on the west and south sides of this hill to let the pilots know it was time to make that sharp 47 degree turn into the harbour airstrip. I distinctly recall being a preteen standing in the middle of the asphalt football (soccer to all y'all Yanks) pitch in Kowloon Tsai Park squinting up and thinking, "Why is it painted like that?" Later as a young adult, I found out. Now in my early 30s, I was going to actually go there.

Now ever since my former regular dance studio became a Covid cluster in 2020 and I also joined a choir whose rehearsals took its place on Monday evenings, I am far less fit than I could be. This was evident when I started up this hill -- which was NOT HARD at all, I am just pathetically out of shape. It took less than 15 minutes to reach the summit garden, where I did another confused bumblebee loop looking for the checkerboard and instead found: the electricity station, the weather station, some diligently preserved water tunnels from the 1940s-60s, and an irate woman screaming and swearing at a couple who accidentally took their dogs into the no-pets zone of the park. With the dulcet notes of "diu! bak po!" echoing behind me, I snapped some lovely views of Lion Rock then surreptitiously googled how to get to the checkerboard, discovering that indeed I was supposed to clamber over the stile and carefully tread the VERY narrow ditch outside of the fence (with a super steep slope studded with trees not a foot to the right) to get there.

So I did and the view was beautiful!! I was lucky to reach it at the twilight hour with an orange sun tinging everything as it moseyed on down to the horizon. Facing south you could see all of Kowloon City, all the way to Kwun Tong and Kowloon Bay on the left and Yau Tsim Mong on the right! Directly in front was even the IFC across the harbour. Directly below, Kowloon Tsai Park and those very sports fields from my youth. Somebody named Zach was playing tennis because his partner kept yelling encouragement, but I felt if I cheered "Yeah Zach, you can do it!" back down at them it would be creepy. So instead I took a lot of photos here, including some selfies on the middle layer smack centre of the checkerboard in which it was clear that I truly need a haircut which will happen under Jimin's watchful gaze in CWB come Saturday.

Finally, I climbed down the stairs and was sorely tempted to jump a gate to get into Kowloon Tsai because I know that park like the back of my foot (like, not SUPER well since it's been a long time but I would not get lost; I've run cross country around this park so many times) but in the end was a Good Honest Civilian and went back the way I came. I was feeling incredibly nostalgic at this point, so back on Junction Road I popped in my earbuds and replaced BTS with the Used for that extra mid-2000s angst. Spotify understood the brief and fed me Taking Back Sunday and Yellowcard while I followed the usual path through Morse Park, the way my almost-first-boyfriend Darren taught me in middle school. His favourite band was Jimmy Eat World, so it was perfect. With the memories of Preston's dad teaching me to play baseball on the artificial turf and when Grace came with me to Jusco so we could buy Neopets tamagotchis, I descended into the MTR and took the train home.

(At my stop, I got groceries including sushi for dinner, which I ate while watching Beyond the Star then after a break, took a massage in the chair while playing Stardew because my body is already paying the price for my impromptu hike today. Then I wrote this down before I could forget everything.)

It was a wonderful day, truly. I did everything I wanted to do and a little more, and I know what I want to do again when I inevitably come back. Hong Kong is changing because everything changes, but being in Kowloon City felt like nestling into a warm divot in the blankets. Like Joon said, you couldn't pay me millions to want to be from anywhere else. Like Hobi said, the heat will get to you but it's charged with the passion of its people. I'll be riding and dying in ma city until there's no other choice, which I know is sooner rather than later but for now, it's still Ma City.

#starcastic sighs #in happiness because she had a nice day. #Kowloon City #Kowloon Walled City #Checkerboard Hill #Hong Kong

[thewrittenart]

Monday, Nov. 6 2023

Woke up around 6:40AM feeling a bit tired. But it was already somewhat bright outside, so I felt like I should get up to let Charlie, my cat, outside in order to maximize his "outside time," especially with the recent time change (Fall back, so the sun sets an hour earlier around 4:30PM).

I get up but wasn't feeling energetic at all. So I mosey on, and I don't even know what I actually do. I do remember putting on a YouTube video (Alfie Deyes's latest vlog upload -- I love watching or having in the background daily vlogs!); his sponsor was BetterHelp. This prompted me to check out how much it costs. (I've known of BetterHelp prior but have never tried it -- heck, I've never been to therapy, but I have been thinking about going since some time in the beginning of this year.) With Alfie's link, it was ~$60/week, which is a bit tight for me right now financially. But they had a link after I filled out the questionnaire that said something like "I can't afford this right now." So I clicked it, and it asked me more questions about my situation. After I was awarded financial aid! That was so amazing! It lowered the price to ~$50/week, which is not so much of a difference but the fact that I got aid and that that is even a thing they offer just made me get on board. It's like I already feel like they really care about you. (I do some dog-walking for pocket money, so I just told myself that what I earn from that, for now, will go first to paying for therapy, at least for a couple months. I want to try it out until the end of the year.) I got really excited after signing up and even got matched within a few hours! I haven't set up an appointment though... I have trouble committing to a time constraint for some reason. It kind of makes me anxious. Maybe I can talk to my therapist about it haha!

Anyways, around noon, I was still feeling tired, so I lied down and napped. (Charlie joined me too!) Woke up after 20-30 minutes feeling somewhat energized. (My psychology teacher said 20 minutes is the magic number for naps.) I felt better after that.

Around 3PM, I realized that, since the sun sets around 4PM, my cat will have to be inside at that time for the rest of the night. Then I thought: wow, 4PM is still pretty early for working in the evenings. So I decided to go into the office to work! I figured work until 8 or 9PM -- that's 3-4 hours of work! And I work really well in my office, better than at home... Hate to admit it. I do really like working there; it's just that Charlie is so happy outside. I need to be home to let him in and out. And I only let him go outside during the daylight hours, given the weather is appropriate. So, I guess on the bright side, bad weather days have an advantage that: I don't have an excuse to not go into the office [especially since it's becoming winter]. So yeah, I did enjoy going into the office. I felt very proud of myself for being able to work 4-5 hours, and I didn't really feel like I was dragging myself through the mud to be productive, which has been happening a lot (part of the reason I signed up for therapy). And when I got home, I did not feel any obligation to work or even think about work. I just started my bedtime routine. I like going to bed after a good work session [and doing some me-time in the morning after waking up]... I might actually prefer it.

I slept so well that night: no wake-ups at all, felt well-rested and not groggy when I woke up, woke up around 6:30AM before my alarm. It felt so natural. Honestly, it felt like the best wake-up I've ever had -- at least, the best one I've had in a long time!

I think I'm going to try and employ a day rating scale: great > good > okay > meh > bad.

[Today] This was a great day.

Note to self: Tag journal posts with the year, the month, journal, and day rating.

#2023 #november #journal #great day #youtube #alfie deyes #betterhelp #therapy #Charlie #T

[alright-gay-two]

I've become such a morning person because of work and I'm on vacation in San Francisco staying with my aunt and cousin and mom. And the thing is I want to check out bakeries. And they're like okay! Let's do it! And then all day yesterday we're on this tour bus that they wanted to do even though for like the first 10 minutes I really thought that she got scammed. Anyway by like 3pm I'm like. Okay so. No bakeries today then and they're like oh no we'll still go!! We'll just do the pier and then China town and then go to the bakeries! :-) and I'm like ??? The bus stops running at 6. By like noon the bakeries I wanted to see are probably sold out of the shit I want to try. Yall weren't ready to leave the house until like 11:30 . Today I was told we'll see the bakeries today! Because surprise we ran out of time yesterday after the pier. By the time we made it to a stop for China town it was 5:30pm . Like I said. Lol . My cousin is like shocked at 3 like are you sure you don't want to go anymore because that was the whole point! And I'm like yeah it sure was bud but unfortunately none of you were ready to leave the house and then you guys wanted to do other shit and now we don't have time. Like this is how time works? And she's like we'll still have time to do the bakeries today if you want! And I'm thinking to myself the fuck we will but I tell her well they'll be closing soon or sold out. Because they will. And they were. Shock

Anyway. It's now 11:30 am and no one is ready to go and I can't go by myself because everyone is like oh well I'll go with you! I want to go!!! And it's like then fucking put clothes on and let's go?? I've been up since 5am??? I'm so annoyed

[probablygayattorneys]

Blog update

For the past year or so, this blog has posted twice a day. Once at a random time between 6:30-7:30 AM MST and once at a random time between 11:30 AM-12:30 PM MST.

Starting tomorrow, this blog will post once a day at noon MST exactly.

I am going to explain why below but before I do, I'm going to TW for really, really serious mental health issues so... just stop reading if you're not up for that.

I am not well.

It is probably obvious from how absolutely off the wall some of my posts have been that my brain doesn't work like most people but I don't think anyone understands the full extent of just how broken my brain is.

Even my doctors don't agree. Give me a mental disorder, I've probably been diagnosed with it at least once. Autism. Depression. Bipolar. ADHD. BPD. CRSD. GAD. I've got the whole fucking can of alphabet soup in my bowl, but nobody really knows.

What we do know is that during June, at the same time my dad got diagnosed with cancer (don't worry, I didn't even know stage 0 cancer was a thing but apparently they caught it so early they just did a tiny little surgery and now they think he's completely cancer free) my depression hit hard. Legitimately, so bad that I was officially declared disabled by it to keep me on my parents' insurance since I turned 26 in August.

The only song that I can even think of that comes close to trying to describe how I feel is the song Autoclave, by The Mountain Goats. Embedded below if you'd like to listen.

We've done everything. I have a therapist I see weekly. I did a sleep study. I have a psychopharmacologist who has prescribed me enough medications that I could probably not just tranquilize an elephant but also cure the tiger's depression, stabilize the lion's mood, and hook up the ringmaster with some real good shit. We spent 5000 dollars to try an experimental ketamine treatment that insurance didn't cover at all. I've done ECT. I got desperate enough that I tried to turn to religion, I went to a Catholic church just because it was the only denomination open at 3 PM on a Tuesday and I sat in that pew and I prayed for an hour that God would send me someone, just that someone would sit down and say "you seem troubled, child" and nobody fucking came. Then one night I prayed so hard I literally cried, begging God to send me something, some kind of sign, literally anything, to keep going, and the next day my cat knocked over one of my decks of tarot cards and every single card fell face down except the death one. So. There's that. That's only one thing left that I haven't tried, and that's where they're going to take my blood and then sequence my DNA and try and figure out what medication my body would react best to, and I hope that it works because I've been struggling with suicidal ideation since I was 6 and... even if I am a phoenix, I'm getting real fucking tired of rising from the ashes. Everything we've tried is just a fucking cul-de-sac of misery. I have fallen into this rut and I can't get unstuck and this is the worst I've ever felt in my entire life, I'm upset and angry at everything from my grandpa, for dying before I was before so I never got any memories of him, to my cat for not letting me eat in peace, but none moreso than at myself for feeling this way when it is absolutely no one's fault that any of this is happening. The only peace I know is when I'm in a heavily medicated sleep and I can dream all night of freedom but then I wake up but I never wake up free. If you cannot relate to this, then I sure hope you pick a deity and thank them for your luck.

So, what does any of that have to do with the format of this blog changing?

Well, it's simple. I'm not funny anymore. There were times I had 200+ posts in my queue. Right now I have less than 80.

Sometimes, I still have some spark of inspiration (though most of the time it's really more my brother just made another stupid video edit) but the fact of the matter is that I'm just... I'm not producing anything worth a damn thing at the rate things have been posting. This is the only thing I can try to do to make it last a little bit longer while I hope for a miracle because every second of every day I am in pain, it hurts just being awake, like, I am in an agony that most of you probably can't even fathom.

And, well, if it gets to eighty days from now, and there's no more posts, and no more updates... Well, you'll know what happened. I hope you also know that I'm sorry that I couldn't step out of the shadow of my great catastrophe, but I also hope you know that I really, really did try my goddamn hardest.

#housekeeping #tw mental health #Youtube

[live-on-the-boat]

We've been away for a week now. And I am truly having the time of my life. All the fears I had before the trip have been proven wrong; I have not been sea sick and I am not freaking out because I am stuck on a boat. In fact I feel free. I really enjoy the work and I am handling the physical and shift part of it.

I've been up since midnight, for the 2nd day in a row. It's now just after 2 pm and I'm heading to bed. The last few days have been busy, and getting into the AM-shift routine.

We keep deploying drifters. But instead of letting them float for 12+ hours, we pick them up sooner, redeploy them and pick them up again. In between chasing drifters we measure the turbulence with an instrument that we literally yo-yo (that is the scientific term) off the ship into the depths of the ocean. It is a pretty boring job, as we just have to sit there and watch it; stop it when it's close to the ocean floor and wheel it back in. But I have introduced my shift buddies to Qwixx! Which is a little game that needs little enough attention to do when the instrument is getting wheeled back to the surface.

The last 24 hours we have worked on a different location near one of the canyons of the Cook Strait. Which is a 3 hour sailing from the location where we have been in the past week. We started sailing there yesterday just before sunrise and as the sun came up, we were able to spot more and more wildlife. First the birds; 100's of Albatrosses and other large sea birds and then came the 100's dolphins, common dolphins and the smaller Dusky dolphins, that were playing all around us, swimming in the waves created by the Tangaroa and further out they were jumping out of the water. It was a spectacular sight! The seals also showed up, they were mainly chilin' around the boat, floating in the sunshine and annoying the birds that were also drifting in the water.

I start to get to know the crew a bit better and they know where to find me when there's great stuff to see and take photos of! We even learned one of the deck crew how to play Qwixx in the early hours of the morning.

It still feels a bit weird, the AM-shifts. My alarm is set for 23:22. I don't think I have ever set an alarm for that time before. We have some simple breakfast before we start work and the real breakfast is served at 6:30 - eggs, bacon and sometimes even hashbrowns if we're lucky! Normally I can't handle such a rich brekkie in the morning, but it's kindoff lunch for us and most times we've opened our first package of chippies before that time. Actual lunch is served at 11:30, which is the main mean of the day as most people are awake at that time. The PM-shift takes over at noon. And the little bit of the afternoon that's left is spend by processing and plotting some data, relaxing (playing Qwixx, now that I got some people hooked onto that) and an early bedtime.

Today was a wonderful day, the ocean was super calm, almost flat! We were back closer to shore at our usual location. The sun was out, there was not much wind and we just relaxed out on the deck in the sunshine, overlooking the sounds of the South Island. I often realise at such moments how lucky we are that we get to work in these amazing places.

[thispabulum-blog]

I Know That You're Timid

What's the Tea? Tuesday

Life is dumb right now and I'm having to focus more on responsible stuff instead of dating, so this is going to be another fairly short one. Also the guy across the street woke me up at 8:30 am using a chainsaw on his trees, so I'm not in the best mood.

How was last week?

Sunday was a good day. Cuddlebug went to work all day, and while he was gone I turned his bed into a small painting studio so I could funnel some of my stress into being creative. Lots of cartoon characters, weird memes, and I'm also working my way up to painting people which is very intimidating.

Once he was home for the evening we watched more Squid Game - including the most difficult episode with the marbles.

My emotions!

It's such a good show.

Monday morning I woke up from weird nightmares, and did more painting. We finished Squid Games. I swear we're not the most boring people ever, except sometimes we are and that's fine, too.

Later I was feeling productive so I took nice pictures of the stuff he's selling on eBay. Helpful Girlfriend. Anybody want to buy some old Atari games?

We spent the afternoon cuddling and trying to pick a movie to watch, and because I was put on the spot I suddenly forgot both the titles and plots of every good movie I've ever seen. I failed at summarizing movies so badly that he asked me to show him trailers instead. We somehow landed on Blue Velvet, because I'm always down for watching weird shit. So after a quick Burger King run we started watching it, and...man, I just don't know. What can you say about David Lynch?

*credits roll*

Cuddlebug: *points at screen* That was a movie.

Me: That sounds right.

Cuddlebug: And we watched it.

Me: Yup.

Cuddlebug: I give that a "Movie" out of 5.

Though I was having trouble staying awake throughout the movie - I'm starting to think big pasta dinners are fucking with my blood sugar - my couch sleepiness did not translate to bed sleepiness (as is so often the case), so I stayed up too late.

Tuesday morning I woke up to Cuddlebug on the phone making a doctor's appointment. Which...hot. Definitely playing into my Responsible Adult kink. But also fuck it was loud.

He teased me about being grumpy, which I feel is a natural reaction to being woken up by someone shouting 6 feet away from you. But it was almost noon, so we won't hold that against him.

Then he went out to run errands and came back with baked goods. Cookies, red velvet whoopie pies, cream puffs, flan. He specifically brought me a slice of Italian Creme cake because he's a smart man and he knows the way to my heart.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Dr. Strangelove texted me to ask if I'd seen the new Doctor Strange movie. We've been texting infrequently and mostly superficially. I'm keeping the lines of communication open because we still have logistical things to coordinate for a while, and as Cuddlebug said a while back, it's always good to have less enemies.

While he was starting dinner, Cuddlebug and I started Baccano! (an anime that he pitched to me as "There are a bunch of people on a train. Some of them are immortal and some aren't"). We watched the first four episodes, and I'm gonna be honest, I still really don't understand what's happening. But it's entertaining, for sure, and I'm fine sticking with it. It's only 16 episodes, anyway, and he assured me it'll make more sense at some point. Do I believe him? Mostly.

Wednesday we did a good amount of couch cuddling and watching Rick and Morty while eating the rest of the baked goods. Then he made me a sandwich and took me home.

Since then I've really just been applying for jobs, watching old episodes of John Oliver, writing, and painting.

I've definitely got some fun things to look at tomorrow...

#Spotify #okcupid #dating #poly #dating app #online dating #tinder #relationships

[whumpmatsus]

1C for Totty? Baby brother doesn't get babied enough!!

Ultimate Whump Writing Meme! / ACCEPTING!

1. Acute infectious diseases

C: Tonsillitis

funny story, I actually had something half-started with this concept from a while ago, before I even made that whump meme... and I've been itching to finish it lately, so I slapped some paint on it to make it fit the request, wrote the rest of it up, and WHAM-BAM THANK YOU MA'AM this one was done fast!!

Totty really doesn't get babied enough, he needs to be babied more! he's the youngest, after all <3

also inspiring Oso and Kara's suggestion of taking a doll in with him... when I had my gallbladder out in high school, I brought my Gaara plushie with me lol. they let me take him in and have him with me on the bed and he was still right there when I woke up. so I dunno if any hospital would do that, but the one I went to let me take my lil plushie dude into the operating room with me! (to be fair, they probably removed him after I went under anesthesia and put him back once they were done operating, but XD)

-

Sometimes Totty leaves for work early in the morning, when the manager at Sutabaa schedules him for an opening shift.

That means he has to be at work by 6 A.M., forcing him to get up around 5 to ensure he grabs something to eat and cleans up and in general prepares for the day. His alarm typically wakes his brothers up a little, not all the way but enough that he finds himself quietly shushing them and telling them to go back to sleep, he’s just leaving for work and he’ll be back in the afternoon.

Today Osomatsu doesn’t remember Totty even doing that much, and today, the absence of his youngest brother next to him makes it difficult to fall back asleep. So he gets up at the ungodly hour of 7 A.M., bleary-eyed and unable to rest further, to go downstairs to the living room. At least that way he won’t disturb any of the others, and he can always nap later once he’s sufficiently tired again.

For now he busies himself with grabbing some cookies and a magazine and settling in at the table. He can entertain himself until the rest of his brothers get up, can’t he? It’s still a bit dark out, and Dad’s gone to work. Mom isn’t up yet, though… he doesn’t remember being awake all by himself in the house since he was a little kid.

… Even then, he wasn’t usually all by himself. There was almost always someone else with him. He almost wishes he woke up alongside Totty and his youngest brother didn’t have to go to work so they could enjoy the morning peace together.

Still, it’s quiet and that never lasts in this house, so he starts reading. This is a manga he’s already read before, so he knows what’s happening, and it’s predictable; that’s not a bad thing, though. It means he doesn’t need to put in a lot of brainpower to read it.

He’s nearly done with his plate of cookies and almost halfway through the manga when the front door suddenly opens.

Totty seems just as surprised to see his big brother as Osomatsu is to see his little brother. A quick glance toward the clock reveals that it’s only just after 7:30, so Totty shouldn’t be home yet.

That said… a look at Totty tells him a lot more than the time. The youngest looks like shit. His cheeks and nose are red, the kind of pinkish red that’s basically a signal to everyone else that someone isn’t doing so well. There are lines under his eyes, and there’s a paper face mask in his hand.

All in all, Osomatsu can kind of guess what’s going on, and he feels a little guilty for not noticing something was wrong. “Hey, Totty… I thought you worked till noon today?”

“Ugh…” Totty sniffles thickly, walking over to where Osomatsu is sitting. Once there, he just sort of slumps himself down on the floor. His voice is congested and hoarse, sounding like it hurts to speak. “They sent me home. I’m sick. Sacchi told me I should go to the doctor since this is like the sixth time I’ve had a sore throat in the last couple years… but…” His fist tightens around the mask as if it’s his only lifeline right now. “… I don’t wanna go alone. I hate the doctor.”

Osomatsu shuffles closer and carefully runs a hand through Totty’s hair. “Well, fuck, I could take you.”

Totty turns his eyes up a bit. Though they’ve got their usual sparkle, there’s a marked exhaustion shining in them as well. “R-really?”

“Yeah, really, you’re my baby brother! Of course I’ll take you. I don’t have anything exciting going on today, anyway.” His hand continues to make long, slow strokes through Totty’s locks. “You’re not feeling good, huh? Does your throat hurt?”

Totty laughs softly, but it lacks any real mirth. “Gee, how’d you know?” He closes his eyes, pressing his head in against his older brother’s hand. “Mmm… yeah, it’s pretty bad. If I try to talk any louder than this, I start coughing and it feels like a bee sting in my throat. And I think have a fever… I’m all achy… God, I just wanna go to bed…”

Osomatsu gives a few more pets to his baby brother’s head, then tries to pull him up into a more… vertical position. “Here, let’s get you bundled up and we’ll head over to the doctor’s office. Think you can handle a train ride?”

“Mhm… as long as you’re there.” For the most part, he lets Osomatsu move him around, feeling too tired to move himself. “Can I sleep on the way?”

“Yeah, sure! We’ll sit together and you can lean your head on my shoulder.” This time Osomatsu is determined not to miss anything. He wasn’t paying attention this morning, but that won’t happen again. He doesn’t want Totty having to be in pain speaking for himself, so he needs to make sure to note down everything that’s going on. He reaches over to touch his fingers against Totty’s neck, frowning. “Hey, this looks kinda swollen, Totty, does it―”

The instant reaction is a yelp, or as much of one as the youngest can manage. There are tears in poor Totty’s eyes immediately, and as much as he wants to move away, his current malaise prevents him from doing so. “O-ow, Osomatsu-nii-chan!!”

Osomatsu winces in sympathy. “Ah, shit, I’m sorry. Well, there’s my answer… that hurts, huh?”

“Y… yeah… k-kinda like you just poked a sunburn…”

“Yikes, fuck. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. C’mon, let’s get this taken care of.” He gently tugs Totty to his feet, and somehow manages to get him into his coat with a scarf wrapped around his neck. Loosely, just to make sure it doesn’t get bumped again. “Hey, this could be your new look.”

Totty lets out a raspy giggle. “I dunno… sick chic? I don’t think it’ll catch on. I’m sure I’m making it work, though.”

Osomatsu shakes his head. “Pretty sure you can make anything work, you priss. Let me grab my wallet and leave a note for the others, okay? Just in case they wake up while we’re gone, I don’t want anybody to worry.”

“Okay… I’ll just lean on the wall for a sec and try not to fall asleep.”

He grins before giving a kiss to Totty’s cheek and hurrying upstairs. It’s not a great idea to leave the house without some money, and he doesn’t want Mom or their brothers to panic if they wake up to find the youngest and the eldest nowhere to be seen.

He also doesn’t want to disturb them, though, so he tiptoes into their bedroom to get his wallet from the table, and scrawls a quick note before heading back downstairs.

Mom + little bros―

Totty got sent home because he’s sick. Another sore throat. I’m taking him to the doctor, so don’t worry if we’re not back when you guys get up. See you soon!

Love, Osomatsu

-

“Th-this isn’t fair, nii-chan! How come I have to do this? Why couldn’t they just give me a pill??”

“I dunno, but this is what they recommended, Totty… like you said yourself, this is, what, the sixth sore throat you’ve had in two years? And you admitted to the doctor that it hurts to swallow and you’re having trouble breathing this time.”

“Y-yeah, well… I thought she’d just say I should use my inhaler and take some painkillers… maybe give me a prescription for an antibiotic.”

“She might still have to do that; she put that swabby thing in your throat and said she’ll call with the results tomorrow.”

“And that thing sucked! It made me cough so hard my eyes watered…”

“Yeah, I remember, I was there. I almost thought you were gonna throw up. I hate to say it, little bro, but you’re in rough shape here.”

“I know… but… but surgery?!”

“Doesn’t your throat still hurt?” Osomatsu finally sighs as he helps Totty up the stairs now that they’re back home. “You should rest your voice so this shit doesn’t get worse. The doc said your throat was really red and irritated. Do you think bitching your little heart out is gonna make it feel any better?”

As usual, everyone is huddled up in the spare room, trying to get warm under the kotatsu, when the two of them open the door. “Hey, there you guys are!” Choromatsu pipes up from his spot, where he’s reading a book. “We got your note, but it’s almost one in the afternoon now… did you guys spend like five hours at the urgent care center??”

“Not exactly,” Osomatsu replies as he guides Totty over to the couch and carefully helps him settle in. “We spent like an hour at urgent care, then they sent us to the hospital to talk to a surgeon.”

“A SURGEON?!” Choromatsu’s book is immediately abandoned in favor of zooming over to grab at Osomatsu’s collar. “What do you mean, a surgeon?! How sick is he?!”

Karamatsu has drifted over toward the sofa and set a hand on Totty’s forehead as if to confirm that, yes, things are really that bad. “Well, our dear youngest has a fever, at any rate.”

“Ow! Get off me, Fappyski!” Osomatsu smacks the third eldest’s hands away and straightens his shirt out. “Fuck, he’s not dying or anything.”

“If only,” Totty moans, nuzzling into Karamatsu’s embrace. “I’ve got… um… a-ah, shit. Do you have the discharge paper, Osomatsu-nii-chan?”

“Yeah, it’s in my pocket.” He takes it out and unfolds it, handing it over to Choromatsu. He memorized most of it already anyway, having pored over it on the train ride home. “They’re still doing that test to determine if they need to put him on antibiotics, but long story short, seeing as this is over five times he’s had a sore throat in the last two years, he needs to have his tonsils out.”

Thankfully, Choromatsu’s initial panic flattens into anxiety as he takes the paper to read. “A-ah, okay… well… that’s not so bad… I-I mean, it’s a minor surgery.”

Totty starts to wail and presses himself into Karamatsu’s chest. Even doing that, his voice is barely a whisper. “Noooo, they’re gonna cut me open and take out part of my insides! Don’t let them do it, Karamatsu-nii-chan! Don’t let them!”

“I won’t, sweet little Totty! I won’t let them!” To his credit, Karamatsu commits to it, snuggling the baby of the family even closer like he can protect Totty from the surgery. It looks to be mostly for comedic effect to diffuse tension for everyone else… though nobody can be sure with Karamatsu.

“You have to do it, you dumbass,” Ichimatsu snorts, lying down with his legs still under the kotatsu. “That shit’s infected, so you need it cut out. If you don’t get it taken care of, you’re just gonna keep getting sore throats.”

Osomatsu settles down on the couch next to Karamatsu and Totty, patting the youngest on the head. “Not even just that. He told the doctor he was having trouble breathing and swallowing this time, and that when he does swallow, it hurts like a motherfucker. You’re not getting out of this, Totty.”

Totty briefly peeks out of his Kara-cocoon. “You’re all being mean. Peer pressure. I’m gonna tell Mom.”

Jyushimatsu laughs and launches himself over to the couch. He hits the bottom of it with his head, but it doesn’t appear to have shaken him much, because he’s sitting with his legs crossed and his back pin-straight in a second. “Whaddaya think Mom’s gonna do, Totty?? You’re her baby! If you tell her you don’t wanna get the surgery, she’ll probably grab a steak knife and do it herself!”

“… Oh, my God.” Totty whimpers. “Oh, my God, you’re right.” Tears well up in his eyes, and this time they’re genuine as he leans back in against Karamatsu. “B-but I don’t want surgery! I-I’m scared… they’re not gonna let anybody else into the room… they’re gonna stick some sleepy liquid into my hand and… and everything’s gonna get dark… and I won’t have you guys or Mom or Dad there…”

The three eldest share a concerned look between them, and Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu do the same with each other. After a moment of Totty crying, Osomatsu scoots over to make room for Choromatsu to sit down.

“I-it’s okay, Totty. Um…” He slides his hand up past Karamatsu’s arm so he can rub his baby brother’s back. “Hey, hey, it’s… it’s okay that you’re scared, you know? You remember when I had to have surgery to take my appendix out? You remember how freaked out I was when you guys showed up, and how Osomatsu had to talk for me because I was crying so hard? That’s normal.”

Osomatsu somehow manages to put his arm around all three of them. “And he still did it anyway! He was really brave, ‘cause he knew it needed to be done. And you remember how it was before? Even when they take you to surgery, we get to hug you and kiss you and slobber all over you before you go in. I bet you could even take a stuffed animal or something in with you if that’d make you feel better.”

“I wish I could t-take one of you guys,” Totty mumbles. “Just shrink you down and bring you with me.”

Karamatsu hums. “When did they schedule the surgery? I could sew up a doll that looks like one of us!”

Choromatsu glances down at the paper again. “Ah, looks like two weeks. At least you have a lot of time to prepare, Totty! You can cry a lot and be super anxious in the next couple days, then you’ll have got it all out by the time you actually go to get it done.”

“There’s really no way around it, Totty.” Ichimatsu stretches his arms so he can flick Totty’s ankle. “You don’t wanna keep getting sick, right? A lot of throat infections can probably seriously fuck up your throat, and you’ve been getting a lot. Aren’t you tired of that?”

Jyushimatsu waves his arms in the air. “Plus, we’ll get to take you home afterwards, and you’ll get lots of ice pops and ice cream and we’ll get to baby you!!”

“Yeahhhh,” Osomatsu grins. “We know you like that even though you say you don’t. Now we’ll have the perfect excuse.”

“Exactly,” Choromatsu adds in, leaning to kiss Totty’s head. “You can do it, Totty. Even if we can’t be in the room with you while it happens, we’ll be right there in the hospital waiting for you. This really is the best thing for your health. Like Ichimatsu said, repeated sore throats like this could really hurt your voice.”

“Not to mention,” Karamatsu muses, “you could post about this on your blog. I can see it now… you’ll get so many comments… so much sympathy…”

“So many people wanting to nurse you back to health and kiss your stupid face!!” is Osomatsu’s contribution.

… Well. When they all put it like that, Totty supposes that there’s no getting out of this. After all, he’s sick (pun not intended) of constantly getting sore throats in the past couple years, and if this is the only way to make it stop, he can’t really act like a coward. He already got the surgery scheduled.

Plus if his brothers are all pushing at him like this, it’s almost definitely because they think it’s the right call. Even though it’s fucking surgery.

“You guys… promise you’ll be there when I wake up?” he rasps, leaning into Karamatsu’s shoulder. “That’s… that’s all I really care about.”

Of course, he didn’t really need to worry. As soon as he says that, he’s sort of engulfed in a hug of big brothers, with everyone surrounding him and stroking his hair and kissing his face.

Yeah. They’ll all be there.

#Osomatsu san #whump #Benimatsu #Totty #Osomatsu #Allmatsu #illness #tonsillitis #caretaking #WHAT GOOD BOYS THEY'RE SO SILLY #KARA SAYING HE WON'T LET THEM EVEN THO HE KNOWS IT NEEDS DONE IS KILLING ME #Totty being babied is fucking EVERYTHING ok

[iamnotawomanimagod]

ramblin'

I woke up at like 6:30 this morning because my stomach hurt and I've been very restless since then so I haven't gone back to sleep

but the clock keeps startling me because I've gotten SO much done and it's only noon

it's so weird to get things done in the morning and then there's just so much......day left in the day.

I could do more and part of me wants to push myself to, but my left wrist has been in quite a bit of pain recently and I think I'm overstressing it, just by putting weight on it and lifting more things

have a feeling I'll be taking a nap at some point this afternoon lol

I guess I don't have to feel guilty about playing video games now. but I didn't slow down on them because I felt guilty - I'm bored with them

kind of replaying the new(est) Tomb Raider series but after I beat the first one, the second one really hasn't grabbed me

Idk I just feel so restless lately. and that usually leads to depression, but I'm stable enough on my meds that I don't have those really really horrible downswings anymore

so I keep funneling it into other things, but. my body isn't used to me doing this much, lol

I need to really do my world building for my DnD campaign. maybe I should work on that.

woof. I feel that afternoon crash coming though.

#rambling about my life

[hopelessheadache]

－𝟑𝟎𝟎 𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓

⤷ Hey there! First off, thank you all so much for 300! I honestly couldn't believe it at first, but it's real! I'm super thankful for all the kind words and support that you've given me since I started this lil' old blog <3

⤷ Now, for the event!

⤷ It's rather simple! From the prompts listed below, you can choose a character and a genre! (spicy or sweet)

⤷ also please specify the readers gender please! this is open to everyone! not just fem readers !!

⤷ Ex: Kirishima + 23 + sweet + gn reader

⤷ there's gonna be 30 prompts for both genres so you have plenty to choose from ;]

⤷ once you submit your prompt (in the asks) I'll then right a short lil imagine/drabble for you!

⤷ the even will be tagged with #hh300event

⤷ prompt lists below ⤷

－ 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓

⤷ 1. "I wanna kiss you so bad right now."

⤷ 2. "I'd do anything for you"

⤷ 3. "Can I come over?"

⤷ 4. "How could I forget?"

⤷ 5. "I may have burnt our dinner..."

⤷ 6. "I missed you."

⤷ 7. "But I'm cold! And you're just so warm.."

⤷ 8. "Are you wearing my shirt?"

⤷ 9. "There's a difference.. I'm your idiot."

⤷ 10. "Five more minutes, please.."

⤷ 11. "It was never them! It was always you.."

⤷ 12. "It's fine! It's only a little rain.."

⤷ 13. "I lov- "Gppe seeing you smile."

⤷ 14. "You're so cute when you're sleepy."

⤷ 15. "You're stressed.. let me help."

⤷ 16. "Ice cream first.. work later."

⤷ 17. "But I'm bored."

⤷ 18. "You're distracting me.." - "Good, so pay attention to me instead."

⤷ 19. "I've never felt this way about someone before.."

⤷ 20. "I have to lean down just to kiss you."

⤷ 21. "I may or may not have made your favorite cookies.."

⤷ 22. "Actually, all our friends have been betting on we we'd get together."

⤷ 23. "It's just you and I.. it was just a dream you're okay.."

⤷ 24. "A black eye means nothing.. especially now that you're safe.."

⤷ 25. "Nope, you're sick. You're gonna stay in bed and I'll take care of you."

⤷ 26. "I haven't been gone that long! I just made you breakfast.."

⤷ 27. "Take my affection or I'll beat you with it."

⤷ 28. "You can't sleep? I'll be over in 10."

⤷ 29. "Why'd you wake up so early..?" - "Babe, it's already noon."

⤷ 30. "I'm so lucky to have someone as perfect as you."

－ 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐘

⤷ 1. "Don't stop."

⤷ 2. "Were you just masturbating?"

⤷ 3. "Are you turning me on purposely or are you just that oblivious?"

⤷ 4. "You look so good... all tied up like this."

⤷ 5. "Baby, please.."

⤷ 6. "We're in public.."

⤷ 7. "But I'm supposed to be making you feel good.."

⤷ 8. "You gotta keep quiet, well, unless you want them to hear you.."

⤷ 9. "I want you so bad.."

⤷ 10. Like what you see?

⤷ 11. "Sorry, they can't talk right now, they're busy choking on my cock.."

⤷ 12. "I know you can be louder than that."

⤷ 13. "Don't worry about me.. it's all about you tonight."

⤷ 14. "I could make you feel better than that silly toy.."

⤷ 15. "Are you wearing my shirt?"

⤷ 16. "You're staring.."

⤷ 17. "Here, let me warm you up.."

⤷ 18. "I missed this.."

⤷ 19. "I hate you." - "Really? Because this.. down here says otherwise.."

⤷ 20. "I love it when you do that.."

⤷ 21. "I'll show you what a real fucking is."

⤷ 22. "I wouldn't spend so much time on your hair if i were you.. because soon enough I'll mess it up by tugging it.."

⤷ 23. "You've been eye fucking me all night."

⤷ 24. "You look so good like this.."

⤷ 25. "Fuck, I love the noises you make.."

⤷ 26. "Were you dreaming about me again?"

⤷ 27. "I'm gonna wreck you.."

⤷ 28. "You like it when I'm in control.. don't you?"

⤷ 29. "You might as well call off work now, because when I'm done with you? You won't be able to walk properly for the next week.."

⤷ 30. "If you insist on using that mouth of yours... why don't we put it to good use, hm?"

#hh300event #300 follower event #thank you all so so so much #mha eijirou #mha smut #midoriya izuku smut #bnha masterlist #midoriya smut #mha kirishima #my hero academia smut #mha imagines #masterlist #mha bakugou fluff #mha bakugo smut #bakugou smut #bakugou x reader smut

[lesdienne]

dear mx lesdienne. how do you get up so early? like how did you stop the going to sleep late cycle? sincerely, someone who stays up until 4/5am and wakes up at around noon most days

Well it was mostly because I had to. I've worked first shift since at least mid 2019 (when I graduated college) for 2 days a week, and I need to be at work for 6am when I work those days. I also live at home and I need to help out with certain chores at 8am, so I have had to be a slightly early riser no matter how late I was up the night before. But the real breakthrough for me was this past fall. I had a ton on my plate with work, my masters degree, and an internship, so I had to get early- 6am most days (except for when I worked first), to get it all done. Once my workload lessened I realized I felt better when I woke up earlier, like I accomplished more and had more time (and more sunlight). So after the semester ended, most work obligations were off my plate, and my internship was over, I decided to keep getting up early. I don't always get up when my first alarm goes off at 6:30, but usually I am up by 7-7:30.

In terms of my suggestions for changing ur sleep patterns-

1. reframe how you think of ur time- maybe this isn't you, but I stayed up late bc I felt like I needed to get in just a little more "me time"-watching videos, reading, or whatever. Now, I do that in the morning, because I don't technically need to be up when I chose to be up, so I have a little time to myself. I like to wake up early and scroll tumblr, read, or do a hobby. I also like to get up at 5am for my 6am work, even though my commute is short, because it gives me time to eat breakfast. I could get up later, but if I get up earlier I can take some time before work to do a little fun stuff like tumblr and food.

2. Try to do it gradually. It's hard to change ur sleep habits. While I've been out of waking up at 2pm for years at this point, I have only been waking up this early for about 6 months.

2b. You might not be able to change- and thats ok. I know there is a pressure in society to be a morning person for capitalism reasons, and that's bullshit.

3. Try finding something that helps you sleep. I love asmr, and a good video can put me to sleep wayyyyy before bedtime. I have also tried melatonin, which works but has me waking up in the middle of the night thirsty af, so I don't use it really. Some people have a better time getting to sleep if they do some exercise during the day. I don't need to do anymore than I naturally do, but I do know people who say they sleep better when they exercise a little during the day.

4. Invest in a sweet baby angel pet who associates you getting up with you feeding them and will start bugging you after the alarm goes off. And then don't get back into bed after you feed them! (This one is mostly a joke)

Best of luck to you!

#some of it also came with maturity and the fact that I love to be early. I had to get up early to be early to my internship you see lol #personal #answered

[paula-of-christ]

What is a typical day like for you?

So right now being out of work my days are all kind of messed up but here is a general outline

Wake up around 7/8 am, some days I hang out with my niece if she is over at my house. Let my dogs out, let them eat. Go to Mass at noon. Come home and eat breakfast/lunch. Do some chores. Brother comes home between 4 and 6 pm. I'll usually go to Adoration after he comes home and I'll have dinner after that.

Lately I've been trying to have a tighter schedule so I'm getting up at 4-5 am. Usually if I'm working I like to work out at this time and then eat breakfast but since I am not working, I am going to Mass at noon which means I fast. This causes me not to work out for obvious health reasons (not eating pre/post work out is bad). So I wake up, maybe do a prayer but usually just try and keep God on the mind at all times. I have been cleaning/reorganizing my room the past few days in preparation for my trip (I am writing this before my visit to the convent). During this time I listen to an audio book. I take breaks to do/fold laundry and read my current book with is Interior Castle by St. Theresa. I go to Mass at noon, on Thursdays they pray a rosary after Mass for the right to life and pursuit of happiness in the country. I come home and do other chores, work more on reorganizing. I don't go to Adoration every day when I'm not working because I am going to Mass and usually pray for about 20-30 minutes before and a bit afterwards. I always try and do a Rosary and an hour of the Divine Office regardless. Since I am waking up early I like to be in bed by 8 or 9.

Sundays I go to Mass at 730, and starting the 12th I'll be going to breakfast by myself afterwards then coming back to the Church to be a "hall monitor" for Sunday School. Sundays are usually lazy days, but I do enjoy adoration on Sunday afternoons.

#Personal #Ask me again in a few months when I have my full-time job again lol