thispabulum-blog

[thispabulum-blog]

Welcome Back, Kotter

Been a while, eh?

I'm pretty much settled in at my new job and I just had my first first date in a long time, so let's chat.

Cuddlebug and I are still doing well! We've done a lot of work on problem-solving and conflict resolution, and I'm getting used to being in a relationship where people communicate and things can change whenever they're not working optimally. Witchcraft, I say! I don't want to go into a whole post of "Look how cute my boyfriend is", but I definitely could.

Item 9 is good. He went silent for a while, but it turns out there was some Big Family Drama going on in his world, so he's been busy sorting all that out. He's supposed to be coming over tomorrow to hang out with me and Cuddlebug, and we're very much looking forward to that.

(Cuddlebug and I recently finished watching Yuri on Ice, so that's what we've got for gifs today)

Aquaman has disappeared. The last time we spoke, over the summer, he was going through what was probably a mental health crisis. Unsurprisingly, tbh, what with his level of burnout. I don't know if he just spiraled, or if he went back to his abusive ex, or what the situation is. I hope he's doing okay.

Baymax reappeared this past spring, and then disappeared almost as quickly. Supposedly him and his ex broke up, he's now poly and pansexual, he fooled around with my boyfriend, told us he loved us, and then within weeks I was blocked on everything and his fiancee is being passive-aggressive on social media. Oh well. Good luck with the marriage, bro.

Dr. Strangelove...I might have to go into all of that some other time. He exists, but things are increasingly weird.

Anyway, I said something about a date?

As I've spoken about before, I don't super like Hinge, as far as dating apps go. I feel like the focus on "prompts" and only being able to have a few on your profile really limits what kind of insights you get about a person, and it doesn't seem to have calibrated at all to what I'm interested in. They say the best way to get it to know what you want is to swipe, so I do that a lot when I'm bored.

That being said, I did see a guy pop up recently that made me do a double-take, so I started chatting with him. His name is gonna be Ladybird for our purposes.

Let's get real, though. After this whole situation last summer, I've been really reluctant to get back into dating with any kind of enthusiasm. I already have a lot of social anxiety and all, but that absolutely set me back.

Cuddlebug and I had that date with Chex Mix last year, which, while not a disaster, was not a great experience. And then I had two dates some other time with a really cute person, and then they just kinda flaked on me. But both of those situations were more looking for someone who could hang with us as a couple - partly because I think I was still apprehensive, and partly because I feel bad when Cuddlebug doesn't get any male attention.

The problem is that I'm not only attracted to submissive bisexual guys that I could take in a fight. And ever since Space Kitten moved away, I haven't spent any time with someone physically imposing.

So this one is just for me.

Ladybird's profile started with a song lyric and invited you to finish it. I wasn't familiar, but he was cute and I needed an opener so I cheated and Googled it. The lyrics were nice and sounded like something I would be into, so I listened to it and uhhh...it's some genre of metal. I could not understand a single word they said, even though I was looking at the lyrics at the time. I guess we won't be listening to music together, then.

He's only a year younger than me, does the same kind of work that I used to do, has two really cute little dogs, and his own apartment. He doesn't have or want kids, doesn't smoke. He loves Taco Bell as much as I do, and offered to make me French toast with jam and Nutella. He also looks a bit like Adam Driver (but don't tell Cuddlebug that; it's a sore spot). He talked about looking for someone to hang out with and watch movies, eat food, fool around...all of my favorite things!

His sense of humor is kind of dry and aggressive, but he makes it a point to clarify that he's joking whenever he says something that might be taken the wrong way.

Alright well that just makes him sound like Schrodinger's Douchebag, so let's see if I can find an example...

Okay so I checked and it's mostly dirty stuff, so I'll paraphrase:

Me: "I might be interested in that, but it would take some working up to."

Ladybird: "Oh really? I expect [very intense and specific thing]."

Ladybird: "All jokes aside, I do care a lot about you and what you're feeling. Ignoring boundaries is fucked up, in my opinion."

We were doing a lot of messaging back and forth, and last weekend we even talked on the phone for a bit (which I never do, just because I hate talking on the phone so much), so we decided to do a low-key first date at an all-night pancake place after I got off work one day this past week (since I get out of work late).

Y'all, having a boyfriend makes dating new guys SO MUCH easier!

Cuddlebug picked me up from work, drove me to the restaurant, got a table for himself and ate dinner, and then sat in the car watching youtube on his phone until I was ready to go. Truly the best boyfriend. He also gave me a pocket knife.

When we got outside we even did some kissing, which was very nice! I haven't kissed a Tall Guy in a while; the dynamics of it are so weird.

The date went really well! We were both very tired - I had just gotten out of work, and it was likely past his normal bedtime, so we spent most of the time comparing notes on shitty job stuff and dealing with customers and terrible managers. He did a lot of bad accents, spoke a little Spanish at me, and didn't do anything that made me uncomfortable. It was a little awkward at times but nothing terrible. Honestly the most awkward thing was that three different servers came by our table to talk to me about how much they liked my hair. I told him "This is what it's like going out with me; you'll have to get used to it." He paid for dinner, which I wasn't counting on.

Side note: I had also started messaging a different guy around the same time, and I got them a little confused, so I showed up expecting Ladybird to be 5'9" and he is in fact 6'2". I went to put my arms around his shoulders in a Cute Girl Hug move, but it was significantly higher than I thought it would be and it made it a little weird. For me, at least (being 5'3"). He seemed fine about it.

He tastes super familiar but I couldn't place it. He had things going on this weekend, so we're planning on me going over to his house next Saturday. I'm excited!

I'll talk to you guys next weekend, or maybe sooner if I have more than 5 minutes of free time during the week.

#Spotify #polyam life #polyamory #polyamorous #poly relationship #relationships #online dating #dating

[thispabulum-blog]

Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

Why Are Men? Wednesday

I saw this wonderful video recently and I wanted to share it with you.

They're definitely out there.

[thispabulum-blog]

Old Business

What's the Tea? Tuesday

I had promised to tell you about how the date with Chex Mix went.

Background: He and I matched over the summer on OkCupid. He was super cute, roughly my age, seemed like fun. He messaged me first, asking what role I'd like him to play in our relationship. I'm not necessarily looking for someone to date both Cuddlebug and myself, but I won't say no to it. Our taste in guys doesn't overlap much, but we both thought he was super cute.

Chex Mix and I chatted occasionally over the next few months. He'd been very badly injured in an accident the previous year, and was still on a year-long stay in a rehab hospital when we started talking, so he was bored a lot of the time, stir-crazy, and ready to get out.

The issue that I had with him was that his messages, more often than not, were Very Adult.

It was difficult to carry on a PG conversation with him - though when we did, it was nice: books, gardening, cooking. I sympathized, because he'd been stuck in the hospital and unable to socialize for a long time. That's a lot of pent up energy.

And it wasn't just Very Adult, it was Highly Kinky stuff that was beyond anything I've ever been interested in, so it was all a bit much. These were not flirty, suggestive messages; they were explicit, hardcore content.

I put off meeting up with him in person because I wasn't entirely confident being around him - especially after what happened with Gingerbread.

The compromise came when Chex Mix started taking more of an interest in Cuddlebug, and he had a lot of ideas that sounded very cute and hot, and I like the idea of delivering cute boys to him. I figured it'd be easy enough to have a date with the three of us, and then I'd have an escape route if things weren't going well.

So we set a date. The plan was to go over to Chex Mix's house, play some board games, maybe watch something. Just get comfortable with each other and find out if there was any chemistry.

Cuddlebug and I got dressed up, made the confusing drive out to the super bougie neighborhood where Chex Mix lives with his grandma, and waited uncomfortably on the front porch in the dark for 10 - 15 minutes because we weren't 100% sure if we had the right house and Chex Mix wasn't answering his phone.

When we finally got inside, I was surprised to see that he was in a wheelchair. I knew he had mobility issues because of the accident, but he hadn't mentioned the chair (not that it's a problem, I just thought he would have brought it up at some point in several months of talking). We spent some time loving on his super cute dog, which is always a good buffer for allowing people to get comfortable with each other.

He was obviously nervous and trying very hard, which was sweet. He asked if we wanted something to drink, and we accepted, so he made us a protein smoothie. It was actually really good, though an odd choice. Then he laid out a bunch of food he'd made, chili con queso and open-face sandwiches. It was all really delicious; I've never gotten so spoiled on a date.

He had a bunch of board games laid out so that we had options to choose from, and I picked one that seemed fun and not too complicated.

This is where things started to get...less good.

Cuddlebug and I were trying to be fun and interesting. I asked if I could put on some music (I hate silence), and used the Bluetooth speaker I had brought with me for that purpose. We had gotten through a couple of songs when Chex Mix shouted out to his Google speaker to play something from one of his playlists, and the music started playing over mine. I made some passive-aggressive comment like "Oh okay, I guess we're done listening to my music" that Cuddlebug heard but Chex Mix either didn't hear or just ignored. (His Google speaker only played one song and then it was back to silence, so eventually I put my music back on without comment and he didn't seem to notice that either).

The board game wasn't bad (it would have been fun with more people, I think) but he kept holding it up - we'd be waiting on him to take an action or use his turn, but he'd be talking or petting the dog (I'm talking 5 - 10 minutes at a time). It was kind of annoying, and people not paying attention during board games is a pet peeve of mine. Not to mention, the only things he talked about were other board games and his injuries. It was like he just couldn't move past it.

Eventually I decided it would be best to redirect before I got too frustrated to continue being nice, and suggested that we go watch something in his room. I figured maybe he'd be more comfortable if he could lay down and didn't need to actively participate in doing something.

And with that we progressed to the cuddly part of the date, which is usually my favorite.

For the record, Cuddlebug and I are excellent at affection. We're goddamn world-class cuddlers - soft, cute, flirty little marshmallows.

But Chex Mix was having none of it. He just kept talking about board games and his injuries, stretching his bad arm. Cuddlebug was being very sweet, using his femme voice, and giving him every opportunity to make a move or let something happen, but it just...wasn't.

Admittedly, I got a little impatient. Cuddlebug gave up, and we switched places so that I was in the middle. I was a little more bold with Chex Mix, and he seemed to be enjoying kissing me, but was not receptive to Cuddlebug. Whenever I tried something, he gave me "I just need some space, I need time, I want to know you" until I admitted defeat. We left shortly thereafter, very confused, and complained the whole way home.

Cuddlebug wrote him off immediately; told me he wasn't willing to hang out with him again until/unless he loosened up. I wanted to take a slightly more diplomatic approach. The next day I sent Chex Mix a message, apologizing if we were too pushy or forward. He responded that there was no problem, he'd had a nice time with us.

And then I haven't heard from him since.

Clearly, he just wasn't ready. And I sympathize with that, I really do. It was such a conflicting set of emotions, because I know what it's like to have your hormones get ahead of what you're actually willing to do, but it also felt like I'd been misled. "Sexually catfished" is the term I used. It was the Fyre Fest of dates.

What did we learn?

This is one of the reasons why I don't like to talk sex with people before we spend time together. People often say a lot of stuff when there's distance, when there's a screen to hide behind. But then in person (or even with the possibility of meeting up), it's more vulnerable, and people feel like they can't/won't live up. It has happened to me many times - and I've been on both sides! In my experience, it's best to keep it in your pants until you've at least looked each other in the eye and had a conversation.

#polyam life #polyamory #online dating #okcupid #dating #long

[thispabulum-blog]

Time to Take Stock

Thoughtful Thursday

Let's talk about how different it is living with my flirty little beau Cuddlebug as opposed to my previous roommate Dr. Strangelove. A very Goofus and Gallant-flavored post.

I have my own bedroom!

Dr. Strangelove would stay up late and usually wake me up when he came to bed, and then again in the morning with his 5 or 6 full-volume alarms that he'd leave going for minutes at a time because he didn't want to wake up for work.

Cuddlebug sleeps in his own bed (I frequently kick him out of mine), and I usually sleep in my room, where I can't hear his alarms when they go off.

I feel more comfortable, and more respected.

Even when Dr. Strangelove was in the living room playing video games with his headphones on, he had strong feelings about what I was watching on the tv in the bedroom. Usually that it was too loud, or annoying, or stupid, or disturbing. He'd make me turn it down or turn it off.

Cuddlebug can't hear my tv from across the house over his headphones, and even if he comes into my room while I'm watching something, he doesn't complain about it. I don't think he particularly loves Law & Order: SVU and he's pretty neutral on RuPaul's Drag Race, but he doesn't mind any of it. Even when I'm watching my favorite YouTubers that Dr. Strangelove couldn't stand.

It's this weird thing where I didn't realize how much guilt and shame I was feeling about totally normal actions. I'd keep an eye on the clock to time when I thought he'd be getting home from work, and I'd put something else on the tv so I didn't have to deal with his criticisms when he walked in the door. Sometimes I'd even "cover my tracks" by picking a movie to put on and fast-forwarding a while so it wasn't obvious that I'd just started it.

Dr. Strangelove had this weird hang-up where he said he couldn't go to bed if I was still awake, so I always had to go to sleep first or he'd complain. Sometimes I had to go to bed even when I wasn't ready. The rationalization I got from him about why he couldn't go to bed if I was still awake was that he needed some time to himself at night while I was asleep. As if me being in the other room watching tv or playing on my Switch was somehow keeping him from being able to be comfortable, or that he couldn't relax with me around. That's such a slap in the face for someone that you're in a committed relationship with, to tell them basically that you can't be completely comfortable with them conscious in the same house.

Cuddlebug isn't bothered if I stay up late. He usually wants to cuddle for a bit before he goes to bed and maybe have me read to him, and a lot of times I'll stay there until he falls asleep, but then I can go do whatever.

One of the things that I've always said about Cuddlebug is that it never seemed like he was trying to impress me. Like I never got the feeling that he was on his best behavior, or showing me only the good parts of himself. It has always just been him wanting to include me in his life, and being maximally himself every minute.

One of those hard-to-define things with Dr. Strangelove is that there was this unspoken expectation that whenever he was home and awake, I was supposed to be in the living room - and therefore available to him, even though all he was doing was playing PlayStation (usually with headphones on). If I went to spend time alone in the bedroom, unless I was going to bed, he would think/assume something was wrong or I was mad at him. If I was in the office outside of business hours (which is where all my art stuff was), it was like I was hiding or running away, and he'd send me passive-aggressive texts to see how long I was planning on being in there. It was such a short leash to be on.

It was just as important to Cuddlebug as it was to me that we had separate bedrooms, so that we each had our own space. He spends a lot of time in my room, I'm welcome in his room whenever, and I'm sure once we have furniture in the living room we'll feel comfortable hanging out in there, too.

This one has nothing to do with Cuddlebug, but I have lightbulbs that I control through my phone, so I'm able to change the colors and adjust the brightness depending on my mood and activity. It's been phenomenal. Dr. Strangelove always wanted them, but wouldn't buy anything but the Philips Hue bulbs and he wanted a whole home automation system, and we could never afford it. I spent $20 on an off-brand set on Amazon and they work just fine.

Personal Responsibility

When I was working, I'd have to keep one ear open while I was on the phone to make sure I heard Dr. Strangelove getting ready for work in the morning - a process which involved at least one trip outside to smoke, and 30 - 45 minutes in the bathroom - otherwise I'd have to start calling his phone over and over until he woke up. More than once, I had to duck out of my office between calls to physically go and wake him up. He was chronically late to work and was always in trouble for it.

It only takes Cuddlebug 5 minutes or so to get ready for work. Clothes on, comb some water through the hair, grab the keys, and yeet.

It's something I still feel a twinge of occasionally, but most of the time it's a huge relief to not feel like I have to have that level of responsibility for someone else. I know if I'm not here, or I'm asleep, or I'm busy, he's perfectly capable of getting himself up and getting to work.

Dr. Strangelove had a lot of expectations, and he had no problem telling me. A lot of times his first words to me in the morning would be a complaint about something I had or hadn't done. It was my fault he was out of his breakfast bars, or he didn't have his energy drinks, or I let him sleep in too late, or I needed to turn off whatever I was watching on the tv.

I don't have to constantly ask Cuddlebug to do things. He knows that taking out the trash is his chore, and he's an adult and does it without me asking him to, reminding him to, nagging him to. He cleans his bathroom unprompted.

With Cuddlebug, I don't have to feel beholden to him.

The other day he was getting ready for bed and he said to me "I have three jobs for tomorrow: -" and I assumed he was going to tell me three things that he wanted me to do the next day while he was at work, and I braced myself. Instead, he listed off three things that he was planning on doing.

Togetherness

When Dr. Strangelove would come home from work, he just wanted to smoke and get high and be by himself. When he woke up on his off days, he'd smoke and eat his breakfast and then want to play with his LEGO and watch tv (which I was required to be present for, though we would sit separately) for a couple of hours, and then he'd take over the tv to play video games. If I was too energetic or excited talking to him, he'd complain and tell me to calm down and leave him alone. It would be a few hours before I was able to interact with him normally, and I always felt like I was walking on eggshells to not interrupt his sacred routine.

When Cuddlebug comes home from work, he wants to cuddle and eat and then take a nap. It's important to him to get that time with me. When he wakes up on a day off, he immediately wants to cuddle, and then play around on our phones for a while, and then maybe watch something while eating breakfast.

Words can't describe how loved and valued and beautiful I feel every minute of every day. It's such a contrast from the way that I was always uncomfortable when Dr. Strangelove would show any kind of affection, because I was worried that it meant he was going to try to initiate sex. I'm comfortable with my body now, no matter what I'm wearing, and I never feel like I have to hide myself from him or be careful about my actions so I'm not leading him on.

Dr. Strangelove was bad with plans. If I suggested we go out and do something, most of the time he'd just be uninterested. Sometimes he'd say he'd think about it, and then he'd never bring it up again. On the rare occasion that he'd actually agree to do something, more often than not it wouldn't actually happen - he'd oversleep, or forget that he had something else planned, or wake up that day and change his mind. When someone refuses to put any effort into spending time with you, and anything you do together is simply by default, you can feel so taken for granted. It was that, more than almost anything, that made me realize we were only still together because we were too lazy to make the effort to do anything else.

Cuddlebug makes me a priority. He sets aside time for us to spend together, whether it's a day or an evening or just an hour or two. He'll say "I'm gonna play this game until X, and then I'm yours for the rest of the night". Or he'll get excited about planning a date night for the two of us.

This is another one of those things that makes me feel valued. I've talked a lot (maybe not here, I guess) about how one of my favorite things about polyamory and about having separate bedrooms, etc. is that it's so liberating that we get to choose each other repeatedly. I get to make the choice to spend time with him because I like him, and not just because he happens to be around. I get to go out with other cute boys and have fun, and still come home to him because he's my favorite.

Food

Dr. Strangelove would complain if I pulled out something frozen for dinner. Once I learned how to make a dish from scratch, he would complain if I ever did an easier version. No canned chili, no Manwich, no frozen Salisbury steaks, no rotisserie chickens. I wasn't allowed to make anything vegetarian because then he didn't feel like he was getting enough to eat. He would complain or refuse to eat if I tried to make a dish without enough sides/fixins - if I made tacos, we had to have cheese and sour cream and salsa, etc. I couldn't make too many lazy foods, but I also couldn't spend too much on groceries. And of course, famously he never cooked a goddamn thing; it was completely.

Cuddlebug is content with whatever cheap meals I can pull together, especially while we're saving up right now. He'll eat grilled cheese sandwiches, chili dogs, burgers, and pancakes every week with a smile. Frequently he will tell me for how happy he is that I an always put together such nice meals for us. If he doesn't get enough to eat, he'll make himself a bowl of cereal or something later. He does his cute Pasta Boy things in his giant pasta pot, stirring together his carbonara or his aglio e olio, grating his cheese, settling for Barilla until he can find somewhere around here that sells La Molisana.

It's so much more fun and more rewarding to cook for someone who genuinely appreciates it. And I never say no to pasta.

In 8 years with Dr. Strangelove I never got that experience of relaxing and having someone set down a plate of hot, homemade food in front of me, and I was so resentful of him getting that all the time.

A few weeks ago, I got to teach Cuddlebug how to make grilled cheese sandwiches. I teased him heavily, but I gave directions and he did it all by himself, and they turned out really well! I also really enjoy it when we can collaborate and cook a meal together.

Even if he only cooks once or twice a week, it's such a huge weight off my shoulders, and it's so nice to feel provided for.

Dr. Strangelove hated driving, hated having to leave the house. If I didn't want to make dinner, we'd eat out, but only ever delivery. We couldn't go pick something up, and we couldn't go out to a restaurant. It would end up costing twice as much with markups and delivery fees and tip. And most annoyingly to me, it would take three times as long. We'd have to agree on what to eat, place our order (which took at least one trip outside to smoke), wait for it to be delivered, and half the time coordinate with the delivery person when they couldn't find our apartment. Not to mention the frequency of them screwing up our orders, or it just being cold/soggy/gross from the transit time, and it was always up to me to contact customer service and request a refund.

Cuddlebug likes to go out to a restaurant once or twice a week, and he's not opposed to a cheeky fast food run. He's quick to pick out what he wants, loves a coupon, and in the entire time that we've been together I've never seen him get food delivered; he says he'd rather put that money toward more food.

Because I don't drive, I don't get out of the house much. Going out to restaurants is sometimes the only chance I'll get in a week to get dressed up and go do something. And it's nice when the occasional trip to Burger King costs $25 instead of $45.

Dr. Strangelove wouldn't eat leftovers, or anything for dinner that wasn't a Full Mealtm.

If Cuddlebug isn't super hungry for dinner he'll throw together a meal with whatever he can find - leftovers, cereal, popcorn, a banana. On more than one occasion I've seen him put a leftover waffle in the refrigerator uncovered and eat it more than a day later.

I have this tendency as well. Sometimes I'm feeling lazy and I just want to have some ramen or a can of soup or a bagged salad for dinner instead of having to do a whole thing.

Socializing

Dr. Strangelove wasn't great at keeping up with his friends. In the entire time that we were together, he only ever had one friend come over to our house. I don't think he communicated with any of his other friends regularly. He'd maybe remember to text them Happy birthday or something, but there wasn't anyone that he kept up with on a daily basis. The other side of this coin is that he didn't like me having my friends over, either. I couldn't have anyone else in the house because it would make him uncomfortable and he didn't feel like he could be himself. He didn't want anyone over on days that he worked, because he was tired from work and just wanted to relax. But he also didn't want anyone over on his days off, because that was His Time. I could never have my friends over for dinner, or to play games, or watch movies, or anything, because he took it as an invasion of his personal space.

Cuddlebug won't shut the fuck up to or about his friends. His Discord is constantly buzzing with group chats and one-on-one conversations with all his closest people. He invites everyone over to our apartment frequently, or out to eat with us, or to go to the movies. We intend to have a weekly Game Night/Poker Night once things are set up, and my friends are just as welcome as his. He loves being social and having people around. He gets excited on my behalf when I tell him that I have plans with people.

It's a huge weight off my shoulders to not have to be solely responsible for all of someone's social and emotional needs. If I don't feel well, I know he's still able to interact with other people. He has friends who will call him out on his bullshit when he needs it. And when my friends want to come over to hang out, or if they come to visit, I have no hesitation about letting them! It's such a nice feeling.

If there's anything that's clear about Dr. Strangelove, it's that he was super insecure. He didn't want me dating anyone else, hated the idea of me being around anyone I'd been romantically involved with, complained about how he didn't like my friends or me spending time with them, and made it impossible for me to see my family. In toxic relationships, this generally happens because they don't want you to be around anyone who might be able to either A) treat you better, or 2) point out that you're not being treated well.

Cuddlebug and I have a relationship based on openness, trust, and communication. He understands that me spending time with other people and dating other people doesn't mean that I love him any less, or that I'm going to leave him. When something comes up that either of us is uncomfortable with, we're able to discuss it in a mature way and work through it.

I feel so much more authentically myself when I'm not afraid of bringing up any issues, and when I can interact with other people in whatever way makes sense and I'm not worried about someone's reaction.

My point is, I got a major upgrade.

See you next week!

#Spotify #dating #polyam life #polyamory #healthy relationships #unhealthy relationships #long

[thispabulum-blog]

A Low, Low Bar

Why Are Men? Wednesday

I haven't been super active on any of the dating sites in the last few months, since things haven't really been stable enough for me to be going out on dates, but I've seen some shit, you guys.

Tinder is kind of a nothing space, so I've mostly been looking around on Hinge and OkCupid lately.

This is the problem I have with Hinge. There's no opportunity to write a profile, so you really can't get a feel for someone. This is not one thing that I need to know about this guy, and no one in their right mind who knew anything about me would think we were a good match.

Not that OkCupid is without fault...

This is the kind of couple I try hard not to be.

Everything about this is message and profile is weird and off-putting, and I promise you their pictures weren't much better. She looked like a meth head. Anyone who says "we are a sane, normal couple working regular job", you can bet your boots they're none of those things.

This one is not bad, and it's obviously a joke, but it's not my sense of humor and I couldn't bring myself to match with the guy. Anyone is welcome to wake me up at 3am to share bbq ribs with me, though.

This is a good example of how over-complimenting can be off-putting. Like, what am I supposed to say to that? There's no way I can live up to that. And sitting at home in my pj's with no makeup on, eating peanut butter off a spoon, I feel like a catfish.

The math's not mathing for me between "poly married guy" and "discreet and private fwb".

I decided I didn't want to be together for the rest of our lives, so I didn't respond. I really think there should be separate dating apps for people who wanna jump straight to "be together for the rest of our lives".

Step 1: Start by saying you're laid-back and open-minded.

Step 2: Proceed to list ways in which you're neither.

Step 3: Profit?

Oh no. Ohhhhhh no.

That's enough for today.

#men are trash #online dating #okcupid #tinder #hinge

[thispabulum-blog]

Oh, Hello!

What's the Tea? Tuesday

Alright, it's been a while since we've talked.

Basically, my living situation was a little lot hectic and I needed some time to get things settled.

Things are...more or less settled! The intervening time was not that interesting on the dating front, because I was more focused on all the chaos, but we'll run through where we're at.

Cuddlebug and I are doing great! As he was getting ready to move out of his house in August, he asked how I'd feel about moving into an apartment with him, and I was surprised to find I was happy and excited about the idea. So we're doing that now! Expect some posts about the cohabiting process.

Space Kitten has moved away, to be closer to their primary partner and her husband. We still talk, though I miss them dearly.

Aquaman has gotten back together with his ex. I'm not happy about it, he's not happy about it, I'm not even sure his ex is happy about it. But a condition of that happening is that he's not allowed to talk to other girls anymore, so...

Item 9 is wonderful! We've had a few 3-person dates with Cuddlebug that have been chill and fun and cuddly, and he was nice enough to offer to help us move (he did not end up doing that, but we don't hold it against him). Recently he came over on Friday after work, and we just cuddled and watched Star Trek and ate pizza. An excellent way to spend an evening, in any case.

Cuddlebug and I had our first date with someone new, Chex Mix, a month or two ago, and I'll talk about that next week because it's its own story. It wasn't bad, per se, but it was...weird.

Dr. Strangelove and I are continuing the friend thing. He took me out to dinner for my birthday and got me a present, and we've gotten together a couple times to pass the dog back and forth.

I still talk to Deep Dish sporadically, we just haven't worked out a time to get together. He's cute, but busy being a single dad with two very young kids, so that's fine.

I started talking to someone very recently...gimme just a sec to come up with a nickname for him...Obi Wan.

But we'll get to that in a bit.

So anyway.

What's happened with Cuddlebug since August?

He's still the cutest, sweetest, dumbest boy in all the land.

Uhhh...We finished Better Call Saul (excellent!), have watched two animes (Kaiji: Ultimate Survivor and Castlevania), have gotten through the two extant seasons of The Witcher, and got halfway into the second season of What We Do in the Shadows before he got bored with it. We've watched more movies than I can count. He's seen several seasons of Frasier that I was watching on the tv while he played video games at our old place.

We've eaten a million burgers, thousands of crackers, half a ton of popcorn, many sandwiches, a bunch of pizza, and not nearly enough pasta.

He's started playing Magic the Gathering in a semi-serious way, and is hoping to do more with it this year. I have vowed to be Cute Cheerleader Girlfriend for him in whatever capacity I can.

We had both of our birthdays and also Christmas, which were very sweet despite being not as big as we'd hoped because of money and stuff.

We went to visit Mama Bug for Thanksgiving. It was a nice time, and I like her more all the time. She and I conspired to buy Cuddlebug new clothes, I got to cook for her, and I made a truly excellent tres leches cake that was raved over by all.

And something interesting happened.

I've often been surprised and impressed by how Cuddlebug handles my anxiety. For someone who doesn't seem to have ever been afflicted with it, he does such an incredibly great job. He's calm, reassuring, and always asks what's needed of him. He tells me not to worry about things, because "worrying isn't a Pretty Girl job" (easier said than done, but I appreciate the sentiment). He doesn't take it personally when I'm irritable, he doesn't match my energy or escalate, he doesn't mind giving me space, and he doesn't let me apologize for getting overwhelmed, because "I can't help the way my brain is".

But then we were at Mama Bug's, and as it turns out she's got the Anxiety BrainTM, for sure. She's asking him question after question about our living situation and jobs and everything, and he's trying to reassure her that he's handling it. It was like Ohhhhh, now I get it; he's been doing this for a long time.

And it made me think about how with the Anxiety BrainTM, it's like whenever there's a problem or a decision, it branches out like a big dead tree in all sorts of directions at once, trying to think about and play out all the different possibilities and consequences - which is stressful and exhausting. But his brain is more like...a rat in a maze. He goes in one direction until he hits a wall, and then he turns around and finds a different way. It's a very different way of existing, but it seems to work for him.

Couldn't be me.

The whole way driving home from Thanksgiving (4+ hours), we talked. Good car-talking, the kind I love. Mostly about the future and things we want to do, long-term goals and stuff.

I told him about some of my plans and how it was always weird with Dr. Strangelove because whenever I'd fantasize about my future, I could never figure out what to do with him in it. It was this confusing situation where he had taken me out of the fun poly-dating space I was in, and I thought Okay, I guess I can settle down and do the domestic thing, but then he also didn't want to get married and have kids, so it left us/me in this uncomfortable limbo. Like, I'm giving up this lifestyle that I enjoy, but what am I getting in return?

And looking forward, there wasn't really a place for him. There were plenty of things in my imagined future that involved being with other men, or just doing things/going places that he'd never have gone along with.

But with Cuddlebug, he's down for pretty much anything. He's genuinely happy seeing me happy, and I can't imagine him ever standing in the way of something I wanted without a really good reason. In talking about the things I want to do with my life, he was so sweet and supportive and excited for me, and impressed with how much thought and research I've put into everything. He offered his help in different ways, and reassured me that he was totally comfortable with me taking risks to do the things I'm passionate about.

What a cute boy.

After Thanksgiving, we lived in a hotel for a few weeks, which was quite the adventure. Then we moved into an apartment! Slowly, gradually, things are coming together.

It's been a month since we moved in here, and I really enjoy it. I'll talk some more about that on Thursday.

Please don't make me move again anytime soon. I'm so tired of carrying shit.

Back to our new friend Obi Wan! I met him on Hinge, surprisingly enough.

He's a cute guy, (enby, he/him/they/them) younger than me, poly & married. We had a good conversation about how he and his spouse tried poly a few years ago and had some trouble with it, so they worked on themselves and their relationship and went back to it when they were ready.

I felt some really good chemistry with him right off the bat - lots of long messages, easy conversation, no unwanted sexual advances. We made a date to hit up the arcade on Sunday.

He texted me a few times about worrying what he was going to wear, which is pretty cute. Cuddlebug was nice enough to drive me and get me all hyped up.

It was a pretty short date, by my standards - about 3 hours. We played some games together and a few near each other.

I beat a small child at a fighting game so hard that he rage quit, which is possibly one of the highlights of my adult life.

We were able to have some good conversation, even with the music and all the noise. He called me cute, called me stunning, told me he liked my hair and my dress and my nails. Mistook me for being 4 years younger than him (when in fact I'm 5 years older). Beat me at Primal Rage and Skee Ball and Star Wars pinball, and pretty much everything we played except Dungeons & Dragons: Shadow Over Mystara.

He's competitive, loves to argue about religion and politics, is passionate about LGBT issues, drives a cool car, makes dad jokes, speaks three languages, and looks super cute in fishnet stockings. Cuddlebug is very intrigued.

After a while we went and sat outside on the patio to drink some water (and he could vape), and we were able to have good talks then, too. Found out we both own Chewbacca onesies, which is always great.

He had to wake up early for work Monday, so I let him drive me home, and he said hi to Cuddlebug at the door. We've talked about hanging out this week, just him coming over to play board games and maybe cuddle and watch something. That is potentially happening on Thursday. I'll let you know how it goes.

That's all for now! Tomorrow we can look at some of the more entertaining garbage I've seen on dating apps since August.

#dating #okcupid #hinge #polyam life #polyamory #relationships #Spotify #long

[thispabulum-blog]

What Would Jesus Do?

Why Are Men? Wednesday

A blank profile is definitely one of the worst things to come across, but sometimes you come across people who should say less.

Here's a few people who seem...exhausting.

I wasn't super interested at the beginning, but the end...no thanks.

Though I guess at least you put that out there up front. I wouldn't want to find it out 3 dates in or anything.

I wonder why it is that these can be qualities that I like in a person, but something about it being spelled out like that makes me cringe.

Again, I'm cynical. "I like laughing and being happy" is not really a personality trait.

You lost me at "your", and baffled me at "my daily life includes home ownership".

There's definitely a word for people like this, and for the life of me I can't think of it. And I don't think I want to start searching.

Not a single part of this is appealing. None.

People are the worst.

#tinder #dating #okcupid #poly #online dating #dating app #men are trash #relationships #Spotify

[thispabulum-blog]

A Wink's as Good as a Nod

What's the Tea? Tuesday

When we last left our heroes, Cuddlebug and I were having a nice, busy day.

Tuesday doesn't seem to exist.

Wednesday night we attempted to watch John Wick 2, but the definitely legal website we were using wasn't cooperating. We made a nice fast food run to grab some Wendy's (my God, Wendy really knows how to do lemonade, y'know?).

Few things make this boy as happy as watching a movie - or, more specifically, someone agreeing to watch a movie with him. If only I could get him to watch bad movies.

Thursday Cuddlebug woke me up by eating cereal at his desk, which I've asked him not to do while I'm sleeping (he apologized). I was supposed to have a cute date with Deep Dish, but he had to cancel because one of his kids was sick and he needed to take them to the doctor. And then Cuddlebug quit his job.

It was an eventful morning. Since he didn't have to go to work, we spent a few hours in bed.

For dinner we actually cooked together, which is somehow a thing we hadn't done up to that point. It worked really well, except that I burned my hand being a little careless throwing salmon into a pan and also by not realizing that salmon fucks up my stomach something awful.

We started the most recent season of Better Call Saul. We have not finished it, so no spoilers.

Later I got to finally have Cuddlebug watch (500) Days of Summer, having previously established that he doesn't really understand the concept of Manic Pixie Dream Girls. His thoughts:

It was a very well-made movie. I liked pretty much everything. I hated the characters.

Yeah, he gets it.

For the record, Dr. Strangelove did not.

Friday I had a migraine, and nothing would touch it. I spent most of the day time-traveling to collect art in Animal Crossing, one of my favorite meta-gaming pastimes.

My head hurt so badly that I didn't want to watch Better Call Saul, but I told Cuddlebug I'd be willing to watch a movie if it was something I'd seen. So he pulled out his list and we landed on Arrival.

CB: I think this might be my favorite extraterrestrial movie.

Me: Yeah? What's your second favorite?

CB: I'm not sure, they're mostly shit. The Thing?

After the movie I was feeling hungry, and I ended up picking out a can of biscuits that I guess had been in the fridge for quite some time, because they goddamn EXPLODED out of the can as soon as I started to open it - so much so that three of the biscuits were mangled and I had to squish them back into shape. If I'd recorded that it would have been hilarious.

Saturday I had what I refer to as a "migraine hangover", where the localized area of intense pain seemed to have dissipated and was now a low-level sensitivity spread out over my entire head, threatening to flare up. It didn't hurt, exactly, but it felt really...raw. Idk. Migraines are weird.

Cuddlebug was nice enough to only bitch a little about dropping me off at his favorite Chinese restaurant to have lunch with Dr. Strangelove - I think mostly because it compelled him to run his errands and he didn't want to yet.

Lunch went okay. The food was great - except I thought I ordered beef with broccoli and she definitely bought me a plate of broccoli, and I didn't feel like being assertive enough to correct her. I fucking love broccoli, though. Conversation was okay and he didn't ask any of his usual weird/difficult questions. I didn't feel great, so we didn't hang out terribly long.

Back at the Cuddlebug house I got a short lecture about recycling after putting a can in the garbage, which included the stupidest possible explanation of what is recyclable: "Anything magnetic, anything flammable, anything that holds liquids efficiently" so nobody listen to my boyfriend when he talks about anything, please.

That evening, I connected some dots that I really should have been smart enough to put together sooner, and realized that one of my biggest migraine triggers is mold (especially food mold), and Cuddlebug hasn't really cleaned out his fridge since his roommates moved out.

He tried to get me to come into the kitchen while he was making dinner, and I explained this to him. He was instantly horrified, and kicked me out of the kitchen so he could start throwing things out. He's a good kid.

Also. He was getting ready to make some pasta with chicken for dinner, and he was like "Oh no, the chicken isn't thawed all the way. Do you want me to use bacon instead?" (and I did NOT because I know how long that bacon has been in the fridge and how poorly it's stored) so I made him let me feel the chicken and I told him "Nah, it's mostly thawed. Actually it'll be a lot easier to cut up if it's still a little frozen, and since you're sautéing the pieces they'll cook just fine." And of course he piped up "Wow, you were right!" once he'd done it. I like it when I can teach him a thing, and he integrates that into his life.

But it's a good tip in general. Chicken can be particularly difficult to cut (especially if your knives aren't super sharp) because it moves around so much, but if it's a bit frozen it's usually stiff enough to stay still. I've done the same with beef, and also cheese.

My head felt so much better after dinner! So much so that we went on an ice cream run, where we purchased our own half-gallons of the two most different ice cream flavors - Double Vanilla for the boy, Denali Extreme Moose Tracks for me.

Sunday morning I got a very cute text from Item 9 which was just a picture of a (beautiful) pancake he made. Success! I knew he could do it.

Cuddlebug offered to take me to lunch before he drove me home, and we ended up at my favorite Indian buffet. It was delicious, and I got him to try some new things that he hadn't had before.

There was this table of 5 college-age guys two tables over from us. They weren't being super loud, but we could hear their entire conversation. And for some reason, they kept talking about rats. Like "oh we found this rat in our apartment" "at least it was just one rat" "it's never just one rat" "my girlfriend was freaking out because she hates rats", which is...not great lunch conversation. And every time I thought they had moved on, they'd bring it up again. Finally I was like "Hey guys! Could you please stop talking about rats?" And they did! And they weren't dicks about it.

I hate confrontation, so I'm glad this one worked out.

Monday was a nothing day. I watched The Masked Singer, applied for jobs, played Animal Crossing, prayed for summer to be over - and with the forecast this week, that one might actually be happening.

#dating #okcupid #poly #online dating #dating app #tinder #relationships #Spotify

[thispabulum-blog]

A Window to the Past pt. 2

Thoughtful Thursday

Today is another dip into the well of my Drafts folder, pulling up a post I had started working on in 2013 I think. I like the idea so much that I'll even include an updated version of this particular game afterward.

2013 Pabulum wrote:

(Inspired by Parsifal, today I bring you this look into the female experience.)

You're a straight guy on OkCupid, and you see a picture of a cute girl. Score! You look at her pictures, read through her profile (optional), maybe skim a few match questions (optional), and attempt to write a message that you're sure will get a response. But what happens after that? Once you hit that dreaded SEND button and your carefully-planned words go streaming across the interwebs to her computer or mobile device? Let's go on a little journey of the imagination.

The scene opens on your lovely protagonist, who is absently tooling around the internet, more than likely bored. "Hmm. I haven't checked OkCupid in a couple of days. I wonder how that's going..."

A few clicks, and there's that welcoming blue page, with it's insistent little pink numbers along the side. 5 new messages. "Well damn," she thinks, "I guess I should see what they say."

Message #1

Hey how r u?

Seriously?

Message #2

I know I have been sitting on your profile for a while, I was trying to think of something witty but I am blank. I want to meet you but have no idea what to say to make that happen! I read your answers and I would love to see if you are at all interested. I know you are young but you are beautiful and smart and we don't pick what attracts us! I can think better when I am face to face and able to look in a persons eyes. I'm rambling but just know that you aren't going to find anyone on this site that is a better man or person than me and I want you! I lost my leg on Oct 5th so you need to know that. I do have pics but have to send them.

I'm puzzled as to why he would think that this type of message is effective. It is almost desperately hopeful, yet somehow still self-deprecating.

He is 53 years old, lives in the next state, and is a 75% match. He has no pictures (a Cardinal sin of online dating), and his profile sections are all one sentence each. Under the Six things I could never live without section, he lists "a woman's warm body". The age range of girls that he is looking for extends 28 years below - but only 7 above - his own.

Message #3

Good evening beautiful!

Oh good. It's that guy who messages me in a strangely familiar way 3 or 4 times a month, in spite of the fact that I've never communicated with him except perhaps to politely turn him down. I decide to take a look at his profile, to see if maybe I can get a clue as to why he persists.

He's 15 years older than me, only a 65% match (23% enemy, which is the part that concerns me). His profile pictures all involve him fishing, golfing, shooting, or at least wearing athletic apparel - all chosen to make him look more youthful and active.

His profile itself is rambling and sometimes incoherent with its lack of punctuation and formatting. The first line has him claiming that he's "not your typical guy", which is my second least-favorite thing to hear. He lists off a lot of sports that he enjoys, and uses the phrase "on like Donkey Kong".  He misspells the names of several actors and bands that he claims to enjoy, and finds a way to mention golf in every single section of his profile.

He has answered no more than 50 questions, so it is nearly impossible to tell if the Match Percentage is even accurate. The age range of girls that he's looking for extends 11 years below - but only 5 years above - his own. He claims to be looking for "active fun adventures", but every single one of the eight similar users that OkCupid recommends to me as I'm viewing his profile is listed as more adventurous.

I close his profile, knowing he'll send another message next week.

Message #4

Hi :) My names Jacob. You're really gorgeous. I'd love to talk and get to know each other. Sorry for not having a photo up, I'm just not up for putting my personal life out there for all to see. I'll gladly send you a photo or two if you would like. Let me hear from you.

Scoff. It bothers me when people don't have pictures, and moreso when they say it's because they're not comfortable putting it out there.

2022 Pabulum writes:

We'll do some matches.

Profile #1

25 years old. Lists his astrological signs first (Leo, Taurus, Aries), then his MTBI type (INTJ-T). Calls himself spiritual.

I can't.

Profile #2

26. In an ENM relationship with "a cool guy". His profile is short, but presents him as laid-back and open to new things. He has a picture of himself wearing a bow tie.

Dammit, okay. Swipe Right.

No match (yet).

Profile #3

39. "Fun easy going guy with a great sense of humor. Up for adventure and excitement!"

This is literally all his profile says. 1 car selfie, and 3 selfies at interesting places. Supposedly 83% match but he's only answered 16 match questions so that doesn't mean much. The ones he has answered indicate he's only looking for hookups, no interest in an emotional connection, and describes himself as a "Centrist".

Pass.

Profile #4:

36. Under self-summary, he's written "take a fukn walk 🖕" so uh. Don't mind if I do.

Profile #5:

29. Describes himself as "laid-back". His pictures are almost all identical and they don't look very recent. Lots of match questions but a really narrow profile.

Meh.

What are messages up to?

Message #1

"Hi! Welcome back to singledom, I'll be your tour guide."

31, dirty hippie vibes. For the question "How long do you want your next relationship to last?" He's answered "The rest of my life". Also that he thinks video games/computer games are "childish" but enjoys watching sports on television. Lists Mondrian's Composition #2 with Red, Blue, and Yellow as his favorite work of art -

an automatic disqualification.

#dating apps suck #dating #okcupid #poly #dating app #online dating #tinder #men are trash #Spotify

[thispabulum-blog]

A Quick Word From Our Sponsor: Bitching

Thoughtful Thursday

This is just a thing that bothers me that I wanna complain about for a minute.

I was talking to this guy a bit recently - he doesn't need a name because it's not going anywhere and it's more an example of a larger issue - on Hinge, and he seemed interesting from his profile so I entertained it longer than I probably should have.

He was doing this thing that I really hate, where 80% of the conversation was about my poly setup and logistics, rules, who would be involved with what, etc. And like, I get it. Poly can be a little weird and confusing if it's not something you're familiar with. The thing is, though: It doesn't matter unless we're interested in each other.

It's like if someone said "Hey, do you want to watch a movie?" and you said "Is it out in theaters? What streaming services is it available on? Can we watch it in the bedroom or would we have to watch it in the living room?" but you still don't know what the movie is about, or who's in it, or anything. Sure, those things are important logistical questions, but it might be better to figure out if it's a movie you actually want to watch in the first place.

He wanted to know if my boyfriend would be there if we hung out. I said no, we date separately. He later asked if my boyfriend is fine with me seeing other men, because "I don't want any drama". I explained that yes, we're poly, we both see other people. He said

"Oh, okay. Just making sure. Last time I messed with a poly woman she made me be a bull to cuck her husband. After a few times he flipped out and caused drama. Just making sure."

Which like...doesn't necessarily sound like a poly relationship to me, or at least not a healthy one. But I said no, I'm not looking for anything like that.

He assured me "I don't mind if he watches later on" and I was like...you're not really his type and I wasn't asking for that, but okay. (His response was "I'm not bi lol")

He asked "also if we get to that stage is he ok with me coming over ?" at which point I tried to explain that my boyfriend and I don't live together, so if I were going to have anyone over it would probably be to my house. He said "That works. I'm assuming y'all don't allow sleepovers?" which confused me, so he went on "Like I'm not allowed to have you for the night?" and I told him that he seems to have a weirdly rigid concept of rules and is making a lot of assumptions.

He said "Haha I've been a bull before and I feel like there's some unspoken rules lol" and I told him, again, that I'm not looking for a bull. At that point I was very done with this dude, the whole conversation was exhausting.

He also asked me "When's the last time you played outside your relationship?" and I tried to explain that it's not outside my relationship, it's just other relationships.

I do not feel like this guy has a healthy view or experience of polyamory, and it's not worth it for me to get involved with someone like him.

Like I said before, it's not just him. I've had too many conversations with people that go this way, where a person that I don't know anything about wants to play 20 Questions to figure out the romantic and sexual politics of my situation, before we've established any connection with each other.

Idk. If you just have questions about poly life, fire away and I'll answer you from my perspective, since everyone's experience is different. But if you're actually trying to date me or whatever, maybe try focusing on me?

I'm not desperate for attention right now, but I can always try to find room in my life for the right person, if it seems like there's something good there that I want to explore. This is not that.

#dating app #dating #okcupid #poly #online dating #tinder #men are trash #relationships #Spotify

[thispabulum-blog]

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Why Are Men? Wednesday

It's a good question, really. Today I wanna share some snippets of stuff I'm seeing on Hinge, since I haven't talked about that much.

One of the ~ u N i q U e ~ things about Hinge is that you don't write out a profile. You can only choose from their selection of prompts for a text section or a photo. On the one hand, it's nice to break away from just copy-and-paste generic info about someone. On the other hand, because you're limited on how much you can fill out, it leads to a lot of incomplete information about people. Pretend you have to decide whether or not you want to go out with these people, based just on this one question.

You like quoting popular movies and tv shows? How fascinating. Tells me a lot about you as a person.

Does anyone actually do this? Please tell me.

Alright, this one was pretty funny.

For the record, this prompt was in between two different pictures of him smoking weed. Maybe he's just paranoid?

Why would you cook bookshelves? (jk)

I don't like either of those things.

What this tells me about you is you want to get drunk. And that's kinda enough for me to not want to match with you.

Wowza. Yeah, no thanks. I can't imagine dating a Sports Guy.

Finally, some sense. (jk) (unless...?)

#dating #dating app #online dating #men are trash #relationships #hinge #Spotify

[thispabulum-blog]

The Potential to Flee

What's the Tea? Tuesday

Tuesday is a blur. Did I exist on Tuesday? Who's to say. Cuddlebug and I had talked about him coming over and spending the night on Thursday, but then he found out he had to work on Friday, so the plan was to come get me once he was done with work.

And yet.

Wednesday I was at home being productive, when a cute and whiny Cuddlebug messaged me to let me know that he was done with work for the day and asked if he could come pick me up because he missed me. I think living alone is hard on him, and his best friends have COVID. I have a hard time saying no to him, unfortunately, so I told him to give me a minute to pack and then he could come get me.

At his house, he made us some pasta and we watched Better Call Saul - we're in the last season before the current one, and it's really good. It'll be difficult once we catch up.

Thursday he woke up early to go to work, and had a long and busy day, so he came home ready to crash. He took a nap, ate leftover pasta, and watched more BCS. A comfortable existence.

On Friday he got up early to go to work again, and I made myself some pancakes and eggs and bacon for lunch, which I ate while watching The Masked Singer until he got home.

I had promised the boy burgers, so we geared up for a Kroger run. I wanted to make him my favorite recipe from the Bob's Burgers Cookbook, the "A Good Manchego is Hard to Find Burger" (because it is both of our favorite cheese), and I told him if he'd shell out for the cheese ($17.99/lb ffs) I'd be happy to cook them. I even bought him some ice cream.

While we were shopping, he decided that he didn't want to eat burgers without his favorite Dublin Cream Soda, so he looked at/called a few stores until he found one that had it, and we made a 15-minute drive across town to buy all of it that they had in stock (it was only 5 bottles, unfortunately).

Once we got home he went to play vidya while I cooked, which took a while - shallots don't caramelize quickly. Of the burgers, he said "definitely one of the best things you've cooked for me. Very up there with the best burgers I've had anywhere" and this boy eats a lot of burgers. We watched more Saul until time for bed.

Saturday morning I woke up to (not because of) Clickety Clackety Boyfriend playing his spreadsheet simulator 6 feet away from my head.

Once I started getting hungry I asked if he wanted to eat cinnamon rolls and watch Better Call Saul, which he enthusiastically agreed to. So we got through an episode or two and then he went back to spam-calling landscapers to try to get his lawn and trees done, while I took a shower and started getting ready for my date with Item 9!

We had very vague plans: hang out and spend the night. So he came and picked me up at Cuddlebug's house.

When in doubt in social situations, start explaining the plot of a film. It's my go-to tactic for passing time or warming up to someone.

My understanding, from a combination of flawed memory and reading through my old blogs and messages, is that in 2013 Item 9 and myself went out on 2 or 3 in-person dates, had a few Skype calls where we'd stare at each other's cute faces and watch movies together, then kinda drifted apart over the holidays (both working in retail), and before we knew it we were both in monogamous relationships elsewhere. I couldn't recall if there was anything of substance there, as I mostly just remembered us being kinda smitten with each other - not that there's anything wrong with that. Frequency-wise, I tell Cuddlebug he's cute more often than I say anything else to him. But I don't think I could tell you anything about his actual personality or interests at that time. And I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but about a year or so after our last date, he messaged me on Facebook. I saw from his profile that he was engaged, and so I felt weird about him reaching out. I was pretty harsh with him, telling him that we hadn't been very close and didn't have much in common, so I was happy for him but wasn't really interested in talking.

When I started talking to Item 9 again this time around, it was largely out of novelty, curiosity, and coincidence. Hey, isn't it funny that we went out before and now we're both single again at the same time. It was nice to have a guy I could pretty much guarantee wasn't a catfish or a complete nutjob or asshole. But again, I wasn't sure what chemistry there might be in person.

Anyway. We drove back to his place, where he showed me around. It's almost eerie how similar his bedroom is to Cuddlebug's - just a bed with two flat pillows, and a desk (his has a tv and an Xbox instead of a computer). Though he's recently divorced so he gets a bit of a pass on that.

We hung out for a bit, made out for a bit, and talked about what we wanted to do. He had suggested maybe an arcade, or dinner and a movie, or thrift shopping, or a fourth option I don't remember (I think it might have been staying in and playing video games). I wasn't sure what movies were even out in theaters, so we checked some showtimes and landed on Vengeance, which I'd heard vague things about. We watched a trailer and I was totally sold (it helped that there wasn't anything else that I wanted to see at all, except Thor). So he bought us tickets and then we hung out for a while longer until we decided we should get dinner before the movie.

He ended up taking me to this Thai place he really likes, and it was...okay. My Pad See Ew noodles were way overcooked to the point of being kinda gummy and gross, and I unpleasantly cronched down on a bit of eggshell at one point. But the flavors were on point and the server was really nice. I feel a little bad that it's his favorite place, and I hope I can take him for some better Thai food at some point.

After he paid we boxed up our leftovers and drove back to his place to deposit them in the fridge for later. Then we found nice cuddly ways to occupy our time until we needed to leave for the movie.

On the way to the theater, I dropped my phone down the side of the passenger seat, and figured I'd wait until I got out to try and grab it. Then as I was opening the door to get out of the car, the handle cut my finger (and I subsequently forgot about the phone)! It was bleeding and he was super apologetic about it, but I told him not to worry, we'd ask for a band-aid when we got to the theater, since any place of business is gonna have to have a first-aid kit for employees anyway. Nbd. They did, and the girl was super nice and helpful about it.

Once my finger was bandaged, we waited in the concession line where he spent an obscene amount of money ($12, I think?) on a whiskey & Cherry Coke slushy for himself and a Monster for me.

Why do I continue to caffeinate when I know better?

I sat through all the same trailers as when I went to see The Black Phone with Meeko Neko (Smile, Barbaric, Don't Worry Darling), which made me a little worried that this movie was somehow going to be spooky.

We made out a lot less during this movie than when we went to see Jaws together the first time we dated. A nonzero amount, but definitely less.

The movie was SO GOOD!! I highly recommend it. I was sad that I didn't have my phone until I got back to the car, because I needed to immediately tell several people to please go see it. In general I say don't watch trailers, because they spoil too much.

We went back to his apartment and played a video game that for the life of me I can't remember the name of (Spacelines from the Far Out, I'm told). Then his controller died, so I ate my leftover Thai food and we cuddled and watched a few episodes of Adventure Time and then a few YT videos about the first 4 Hellraiser movies.

Dates + Hellraiser = 100% success

I had a hard time sleeping because of caffeine and being in a new place and general excitement. He's really so great! He makes me feel both cute and hot, which is my favorite combination. He's a tiny bit older and a tiny bit taller than me. It seems that 8 years, 1 marriage, 3 kids, and 1 divorce later, he's become really compatible with me.

He put on Frasier and passed out after 2 episodes, and I stayed up playing on my phone for a while. I had stupidly neglected to bring my phone charger (because Cuddlebug was using it when I left), and he's an iPhone guy, so I just ran down my battery until the next morning.

I got about 5 hours sleep, and waited a good hour after I got up before I woke him up as well. We had good cuddles and then ran to Starbucks and Albertsons to get stuff to make breakfast. I got to meet his brother (whom he lives with) and then I taught him how to make pancakes, which he was excited for because he knew the kids would love it.

Trick #1: Use ice water for mixing your batter

Trick #2: Mix until just combined; don't worry about getting rid of lumps

Trick #3: Let stand 5 - 10 minutes before using

Easy peasy. They all came out perfectly. We also made some bacon in the oven (425 for 15 minutes) and scrambled eggs. We ate that and watched some more Kill Count videos, and then he gave me a nice massage and I got ready to go.

Side note that's apropos of nothing except chronologically: While I was making pancakes I got a notification on my phone - let me just say I hate this entire tangent already because it's so dumb and I hate that it's occupying my mind at all - from Instagram saying that Baymax had liked my most recent Instagram post (a picture of myself and Cuddlebug). I was like huh, that's weird. We still have not spoken (which isn't entirely true because I did send him a quick Happy Birthday message on his birthday a couple months back but he certainly didn't respond), and when his online presence dropped off kinda sharply after we stopped talking, I figured he'd just blocked me on everything. At first I was a little confused, and then decided I was overthinking it and he'd probably just liked it without thinking about it while scrolling or whatever. But he has also liked two Instagram posts I've made since then.

I did a small amount of ill-advised digging, and it seems like A) he's still with his fiancee, but B) he may or may not have been living in his car recently. She also posted a TikTok that may or may not have been passive-aggressively aimed at me? And some vague drama posts of her crying and saying stuff like "you left me when I needed you" and "only real love can hurt like this" so yeahhh that sounds like some super healthy stuff. Don't date 20-year-olds.

Anyway. Back to my Adult Date.

Item 9 drove me back to Cuddlebug's house, where the two dudes got to say hi to each other and shake hands, and then Item 9 had to go run errands and such - Dad Life.

We had interrupted Cuddlebug in the middle of playing 40k, so he went back to that while I hung out and then took a shower before our very own date night, where he was super excited to treat me to burgers at a place we hadn't been to.

A friend of his had recommended two restaurants as potential replacements for his former favorite burger place (which declined in quality and increased in price after a change in management). He picked one and we made the drive over.

When we got there, it turned out to be a very douchey mostly-bar, with lots of dartboards and pool tables and not any actual tables that I could see. We walked in and he turned to me like "I say fuck this place, how about you?" so we immediately walked back out. As I said when we got back into the car, "The vibes were not immaculate".

We drove to place #2 with high hopes, and stood next to the empty hostess stand for about 5 minutes until a bartender walked over to us with menus and said the kitchen was closing for dinner in 20 minutes. We didn't want to be those people, so we left as well. That one we'll try again another time, it looked okay.

Then came the fun game of sitting in the car in the parking lot, already hungry, trying to find a place to eat (not too expensive, that we hadn't been to together before, and open after 9pm on a Sunday). I suggested a 24-hour breakfast place I love about 20 minutes away, which I'd been wanting to take him to.

I'm happy to report that it was a much more successful endeavor! I did a build-your-own scramble, which was biscuits topped with white gravy, scrambled eggs, hash browns, cheese, sausage, and mushrooms. I let him try some of mine and he agreed that I made the better choice and he's definitely getting that next time.

Very full and pretty sleepy, we drove home and watched the first episode of Venture Bros (my suggested replacement now that we've finished Rick and Morty) before going to sleep.

I had a very cute wake-up on Monday morning. I was very slightly awake, and I heard a small noise from the other side of the bed, so I peeked over my pillow to see if Cuddlebug was up yet. He was facing me but looking at his phone, and when I looked at him he made eye contact with me and his face lit up in this big smile.

What a cute boy.

We cuddled and did our own stuff for a while, then went out for sushi lunch, where he peer-pressured me into ordering more sushi than I could eat while attempting to explain the concept and lore of Eve Online - sometimes I like to give strangers/servers the impression that we're on a really bad first date by making a guy ramble about super nerdy shit. Fun hobby of mine.

After lunch we went back home briefly, and then headed back out for errands. First was the game store to sell some games and buy some games. Then to Wal-Mart for all the necessary household purchases: trash bags and Cheerios. Then an adult store for adult items. Then home, where we both crashed for a couple hours.

Post-nap, Cuddlebug needed to do some assessments for job application stuff. There was a 30-question Excel quiz that stated he could use any source for help, so he used me. Then more Eve, some BCS and ice cream, and another episode of Venture Bros before sleep.

A good week.

#online dating #dating #okcupid #poly #relationships #Spotify

[thispabulum-blog]

Life in Opposite Land

Why Are Men? Wednesday

What would good matches look like if I were a completely different person?

Gotta love those antagonistic openers. I wonder how many followers he has...

I literally don't like any of these things. And he's 21??? What a prodigious douchebag.

So many problems with this.

[thispabulum-blog]

I'm Running Out of Ways to Say I'm Boring

What's the Tea? Tuesday

What did I do this week? Fuck all. Have some memes.

Wednesday Cuddlebug brought me home, because I was feeling really mentally gross and just wanted to be at home in my own bed, where I watched the classic film Speed and ate Chef Boyardee ravioli from a can because it was better than not eating and easier than getting up to heat it. Yay depression.

Thursday I did some painting, and that helped a bit. Gotta do more art. Meeko Neko came home with food; I got pansexual kisses and a homophobic sandwich. This roommate stuff is pretty alright.

Friday I spilled an entire container of water on my floor, and was suddenly very glad I have hardwood floors. Then I took a weird nap in the evening and had a nightmare that I gave birth to a baby and Dr. Strangelove's mom was raising it - a horrible fate, and then I stayed up until 7am watching an entire season of The Masked Singer (season 4, if you're curious. I've got some catching up to do). Meeko Neko joined for cuddles at some point.

Saturday I did some organizing of my art supplies, and then put up wallpaper over my art desk and hung up some art. It's a very cute part of my room now, and will make a good background for job interviews/meetings/assorted video calls.

I discovered that one problem with getting into erotic painting is that now I don't know where to hang a lot of things. If you're a friend of mine, you might be getting an erotic art gift at some point. Have fun figuring out where to put it.

I talked to Cuddlebug at some point about how I wasn't sure about having dates over at my new place yet because things aren't totally sorted, and he offered to let me have boys over at his place. A cute boyfriend, for sure. I don't know if it entirely solves my problems, but I might have to try it at some point.

Sunday I emptied a spare Ramen seasoning packet into a bag of popcorn, and I feel I may be onto something. Aside from a sodium overload.

Swipe Right did a Twitch stream from his backyard pool, so I got to watch him and his very cute cousin get drunk on Truly and do crab dances for like 5 hours.

I also started watching Loki, and got through the first two episodes. I may have to re-watch the second one because my attention drifted, but it's a good time.

I was getting ready for bed and there was a big gross waterbug on my blanket, and I made Meeko Neko come kill it for me. Living with boys comes in handy.

Monday I started talking to a guy from Hinge who seemed kinda okay if a bit gung-ho, but then I asked him to send pictures of himself and he sent me 6 pictures in the exact same pose, in the exact same location, with the exact same facial expression. Only the clothes were different. And idk, that level of boring just doesn't appeal to me, so I'm never talking to him again.

But I also started talking to a different guy from Hinge who's gonna be called Deep Dish, which seems like a perfectly fine name. He's 25, has two kids, and has no experience with polyamory. Oh boy. I don't think he's a Sad Boy, but he is short, so we're gonna give him a shot. The vibes are good and we may try to get together sometime soon.

Chex Mix is frequently in touch, but I still need him to cool off a bit before I want to hang out with him.

Eclipse might come by sometime this week. I want to play Nightmare Before Christmas Monopoly with him and watch something spooky.

Cuddlebug is planning to come pick me up Thursday or Friday, and I'm supposed to have a date with Item 9 on Saturday. We'll see how that goes.

#Spotify

[thispabulum-blog]

It's Not What You Say, It's What I Hear

Thoughtful Thursday

Today's post is about music, so instead of pictures we're just gonna get some links to the songs that I have listed in my OkCupid profile under "Five songs I'd put on a playlist to send to a crush" (there's ten of them).

I'd like to see if I can articulate one of my personal pet peeves (and if you know me well you'll likely have heard me complain about this before). I am aware that this is incredibly petty and makes me seem kinda bitchy, but I stand by it because when you get down to it, I'm a petty bitch.

There's this thing I've seen a lot online in people's dating profiles and such, where when they're trying to explain their musical tastes, they will say either

"I like all types of music, except rap,"

OR

"I like all types of music, except rap and country,"

and either of these statements piss me off to no end. It is one of my most prevalent Hard No red flags. If I decide to talk to someone who states something like this, you can bet it's one of the first things I bring up, so that I can try to get them to explain it in more detail.

But Why?

Basically my reasoning is that it's narrow-minded, and also often classist/racist. Also that I tend to take things literally. I'll try to expand on that.

For the record, I don't really like rap, but I do like country (older country, not modern pop-country or stadium-country).

Issue 1: It's narrow-minded.

In the conversations that I've had with people who say things like this, this statement falls apart under even slight scrutiny. If you ask them more specifically what genres of music they like, it's usually just things like pop, indie, rock, lo-fi, electronic, alternative, maybe emo. Which is fine, but is not "all types of music".

1.A. The Inclusive: If they do branch out into any other slightly more niche genres, like maybe reggae or metal or swing, quite often their definition of "liking" a genre of music is that they're familiar with one or two (usually very famous) songs/artists within that genre, and have made no attempts to explore any further.

This makes me feel a little bit gatekeep-y, but I'd just rather someone be honest about their level of interest in a thing. One of the hallmarks of pretension, in my opinion, is misrepresenting your level of knowledge/expertise/involvement in a subject based on limited experience.

In case you're curious, this is the note I made in 2016 about Ways to Avoid Seeming Pretentious:

Don't put down other people's interests, especially if you don't know your audience.

Be honest about the level (and source) of your knowledge on a topic.

Don't assume that your listener is dumb or doesn't know what you're talking about.

1.B. The Exclusive: Any amount of prying will determine that they're not talking about bluegrass, mariachi, acid jazz, gypsy punk, or baroque, folk, or parody. And when I've asked people about things like that, they get really dismissive, like of course not. Of course I don't listen to those garbage genres. And it's this kind of dismissal that rubs me the wrong way, because what it says to me is that they don't consider those genres to be music - both in the literal sense that if they were tasked with listing musical genres they would not come to mind, and in the sense that when presented with them, they claim they don't qualify.

This plays into my biggest pet peeve, which is people operating under the assumption that there's only one right way to do things, that their feelings or opinions represent the vast majority of opinions, or that their way of doing things is the One Right Way.

It's the shrugging off that gets me. Again, I don't give a fuck what kind of music you listen to, as long as you're not a dick about other types.

Issue #2: It's classist/racist.

This is the one where people often start hating on me. Don't get me wrong - it doesn't bother me if people don't like rap or country! You can like whatever music you want, and it doesn't make you racist or classist.

But the attitude behind this statement is that rap and/or country music are somehow less than, and the assumption that of course you'll agree with that statement - or at least not take any issue with it.

Rap and country have historically been low-hanging fruit; easy targets for the ridicule of "haha that's not real music" in the same way that bagpipes and accordions are as instruments. How many jokes have you heard along the lines of "Every rap song talks about bitches and hoes" or "Every country song is about trucks and some guy's woman left him and his dog"? Don't even get me started on jazz, which falls under the same category but doesn't get brought up as much, because of 1.B.

Now, how many of the same types of jokes have you heard about K-pop? Or ska? Or indie folk? I'm willing to bet it's not many.

My feeling is that this is because these genres are associated with marginalized groups - rap with PoC and country with poor whites - and that making a specific point of mentioning not liking one or both serves as a kind of dogwhistle to denote something like "don't worry, I'm white and affluent", or "I'm not trashy".

Is this always the case? Obviously not. Just as every person who dislikes rap or country isn't always racist/classist, everyone who says this isn't always racist/classist. But it's enough to make me reconsider people.

Another point, which is an extension of this idea:

Let people enjoy things, for fuck's sake.

This is more or less pointed commentary at Dr. Strangelove, but it applies to a lot of other people. He loves The Beatles, absolutely. I...don't. I don't think they're terrible, and I will concede that they were very innovative in trying new and different things with music. But I don't think all of their music is lyrically or musically genius (they had plenty of songs that were just "baby I love you", like every other pop band). more than anything, they seem like they were really pretentious and full of themselves. One of my favorite ways to annoy him was when he would play a Beatles song (either a recording or on a musical instrument) I'd say something like "huh, what song was that? I've never heard it before" because it was so unfathomable to him that I wouldn't have an encyclopedic knowledge of their catalog.

I've mentioned before how much of a snob Dr. Strangelove was about music, and how much he directed that at me, whenever I would listen to something he didn't like. He couldn't just not like it and tolerate it quietly, he was compelled to make me turn it off or change it, or complain about how terrible it was. Not that he didn't like it, but that it was objectively bad.

And I hate that shit.

You're allowed to like whatever music you want, but so is everyone else. Just because you don't enjoy something doesn't mean that it's bad or that people are stupid for liking it.

Cuddlebug listens to nothing but EDM (which I have only once asked him to turn off - Camellia is too discordant and makes me anxious).

Meeko Neko listens to K-pop and also metal (and a ton of other niche genres that I can't identify or discern), most of which don't really do it for me.

Aquaman listens to some good stuff, but also a lot of Frank Zappa, which I find incomprehensible.

Item 9 has been telling me about concerts he's going to lately of these emo/alt bands I've never heard of or gotten into.

You don't have to like the same things, but don't shame someone over liking something just because you don't enjoy it.

I don't know if I have a huge point here, but maybe the next time you're tasked with explaining what kind of music you listen to, just talk about what you DO like, instead of what you DON'T.

#Spotify

[thispabulum-blog]

I Don't Need This

Why Are Men? Wednesday

I'm probably more picky and petty than I used to be on dating sites. I imagine it's partly because I'm older and wiser, but there's a lot of it that's like...going to the grocery store when you're hungry vs. going after you've eaten.

I'm not just reaching out for whatever brightly-colored junk looks appealing at first glance. I'm keeping an eye out for something of quality, something worthwhile, something satisfying.

And I'm telling ya'; this ain't it.

Cool. This definitely tells me everything I want to know about you as a person.

For the record, this is the "Gordon Ramsay of sex" guy, he just hasn't given up hope, I guess.

I state in all of my profiles that I think hookups are boring. Sometimes it's the only thing people comment on.

Neat.

This guy wants me to smoke pot and do coke with him, right? I just... How do I make it more clear on my profile that that's not me?

This one is nitpicky, for sure, and I try not to judge someone based entirely on one match question - partly because these questions are terrible, and also because a lot of times people answer a lot of them when they first create their account and then never look at them or update them, so they can represent some outdated or just not-well-thought-out ideas.

But it's emblematic to me of a very shitty neckbeard outlook to say that your confidence is higher than average, but to mark that as an unacceptable response from a potential match. Try explaining that without sounding like a creep. "I'm confident, but I don't want to go out with a woman who's confident." Hmm.

Potheads are just so exhausting.

I'm just glad I finally got to use this line.

I shouldn't have even responded to the first message, but my morbid curiosity got the best of me.

I stand by this. Go get yourself a Tradwife and leave me out of it. I'm not here to reinforce your gender stereotypes.

Yay!

#Spotify

[thispabulum-blog]

Running on Empty

This week was a pretty slow one, but what happened?

Tuesday Meeko Neko tried to fix my computer speakers, and the conclusion we came to was that I need a new computer. So we'll put that on the back burner for now.

Wednesday I started talking to a guy, we'll call him Booyah. He's 26, married (his wife is bonkers adorable), plays a lot of tabletop games and stuff. We've been working on setting up a date when schedules allow, but it seems like we're both pretty open to friendship or whatever else.

Thursday night Meeko Neko tried to fix my sink, to no avail. Aquaman came over to my new place for the first time. He was sleepy, as usual, but brought me McDonald's, and we watched Futurama and cuddled for a while. He's way overworked lately and I hate that there's nothing I can do except be cute and cuddly when requested.

Friday my precious Cuddlebug came and picked me up. He's been working really hard lately at this new job, so once we got to his house we plopped down on the bed and next thing I knew, it was 4 hours later.

Good nappers, both of us.

A quick Kroger run, then I made myself some ramen and we picked up where we left off with Better Call Saul.

Saturday I slept in late, and then I made us pancakes, eggs, and bacon, which we watched while we finished Rick & Morty, I believe? The plan for the day was to have two other couples come over for a movie marathon - he even did the dishes. The first couple bailed on movies but still wanted to do dinner, and the second couple didn't show up until after 6. So we opted to do dinner first.

Cuddlebug finally got to take me to this Chinese place he's been dying for me to try - they're closed on Mondays, and I swear it's like his two little brain cells are saying "I know there's something about this place and Mondays..." so he only ever suggests we go there on Mondays.

Relatedly, when I asked him what all he wanted to do over the weekend -

CB: I was thinking about going to that bakery Saturday or Sunday. ... Except maybe they're closed Sunday.

Me: Baby! You had a thought!

And they are closed on Sunday; we did not go to the bakery.

On the way to dinner, we were trying to decide what movies we wanted to watch, and he was lobbying hard for the Dark Knight trilogy, because apparently they're some of his favorite movies. I said yes, and I looked over at him in the backseat a bit later to see him bouncing his legs up and down and going "nana-nana-nana-nana Batman!" under his breath.

Jesus, he's so cute.

"Have you seen the movies?"

EXCUSE ME, child. The Dark Knight came out when I was in high school; nothing was a bigger deal. I went to the midnight showing at the mall with a guy I was unfortunately sleeping with, we waited in line for 5 hours, one of my contacts fell out, I threw up when I got home. It was amazing.

Dinner was really good. Cuddlebug's friends had a fun time getting him all riled up, which is not super difficult to do, but is much easier when he's excited.

Once we got home we started Batman Begins, and about an hour into it I went to change into pajamas and I thought "Oh, I'll just lie down on the bed for a minute. If I keep the door open I can still hear the movie," and Cuddlebug woke me up about an hour and a half later. I apologized, and he told me not to worry, to go back to sleep. Apparently the other couple had left to run an errand and hadn't come back yet, so he wanted to play some video games in the meantime. We did end up finishing the movie a while later.

Sunday we watched some more Better Call Saul (I swear that show is SO GOOD at cliffhangers) and then we watched The Dark Knight. Then Space Kitten came by and we hung out for a bit, then went to eat a very lot of sushi. We got to see the sushi waiter robot, which is the highlight of any trip, and agreed that this place needs more eel rolls.

Monday Cuddlebug woke up early to go to work, and I hung around the house being bored.

Now, to preface this, I had previously had this conversation with him

Me: I want to either make one of the burgers from my Bob's Burgers cookbook, or do like a Cajun shrimp and sausage thing. For you this weekend.

CB: Ooooo I'd love some burgers:333

Me: Cool

But when I went to Kroger they didn't have the cheese I needed for the burgers, so I just got the stuff for the Cajun thing - it was a sheet pan bake with shrimp, sausage, corn on the cob, and red potatoes. And I didn't say anything about it.

So when he told me he was on his way home, I told him I was going to start dinner. And when he came in, I let him know it was ready. So he opens the top oven and looks at the pan, then closes it, and opens the bottom oven (yes, they have two ovens; I'm jealous). I said "What are you looking for?" and he said "The other dinner."

And I know sometimes I pout to be cute, but my face seriously dropped. He was immediately apologetic! I guess what happened was that he saw the corn and potatoes but not the sausage and shrimp, so he thought it was a side dish for the burgers I was going to make? In any case, he ate plenty of it, and there was a good amount for leftovers the next day.

Tuesday morning Cuddlebug woke up super early to go to work, and came home after I had started watching Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness in the living room, so he just kinda collapsed on the couch with his head on my lap, looking beat.

Me: Do you want to take a nap?

CB: No.

Me: Are you sure?

CB: Yes.

10 minutes later, he's snoring on me, and stayed that way until the movie was over.

He spent most of the evening playing 40k online with a friend, and I think I just hung out in the living room playing Animal Crossing and watching YouTube. Party people, y'know?

#Spotify