#it was just. so beautiful. so sincere. so important for a character who just started to learn how to care about people

[kaltacore]

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

#sorry. i cannot shut up about this. this scene stuck with me the moment i saw it and i just couldn't get it out of my head #i mean. i liked essek well enough. i just got attached to other characters more. but then 'it's not fair' happened and it sealed the deal #it was just. so beautiful. so sincere. so important for a character who just started to learn how to care about people #his reaction wasn't intentional. it didn't change anything. but it showed how humane he had become. how deeply he cared #mighty nein are no joke pal #they're gonna make you feel all these unknown emotions like sympathy and love and affection even when they're incredibly painful #essek experiencing closeness and attachment in all their forms. as something beautiful and something aching. is so important to me #they saved him because they had good hearts! and these good hearts sparked so much joy around them! #but if a good heart grants you an ability to experience joy so profoundly. it makes everything else feel like that #you get it. i hope you get it. anyway e140 did so much psychic damage on me i probably will never recover #in a good way mostly <3 but yeah. yeah. it makes me feel a little insane #the mighty nein #essek thelyss #critical role

[whateversawesome]

SxF Chapter 91: Perspective, History, Empathy

Let me start by saying that I didn't think this chapter would make me so emotional. Was it the same for you?

A small side character like Millie, who we saw only as one of Yor's annoying co-workers, turned out to have a very sad backstory and gave us a glimpse of how things are for young people in Ostania.

This chapter talks a lot about people understanding and misunderstanding each other. Millie was just talking about her own experience and feelings, she was explaining why it was so difficult for her to help during an event like this, and that lady felt personally attacked because she saw things from her own point of view and her sufferings.

In no way the story discards any of those ladies' sufferings; what they went through during the war was very difficult, I'm sure. Nevertheless, comparing their sufferings and demanding Millie to act the same way just because they were able to do it, it's not right.

They both had different experiences because their circumstances were different, so they face life in their own way. That's exactly Yor's point.

Here, Yor demonstrates her best quality (and one of the many reasons why her husband fell in love with her): Emotional strength.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; Yor is a very emotionally intelligent character. The way she stood up for Millie displayed all her emotional strength. She called out that woman in such a smart way!! She wasn't rude but her words were true and very wise.

One of the most important things Yor mentions is that we cannot bear the same load because we're different. And I couldn't agree more👏

Also, if we take it as a metaphor, Yor is such a strong person because she carried a very heavy load: as a child and an orphan, she had to take care of her brother. Because of this, a naturally kind person like her had to learn to murder in order to survive.

It was a beautiful chapter. On top of everything, we learned a few important things:

1.Yor did lose her parents during the war and because of the war.

2.Donovan Desmond did NOT start the war. But plenty of young people like Millie don't know that, so it's possible that since he was Prime Minister during most of the war, he gets blamed for starting it.

3.Donovan Desmond is hated by many. That's probably the reason why he's no longer in office. And it also wouldn't be surprising that the majority of people in Ostania who voted against him want to move on from the war.

3.Melinda still wears her wedding ring and, even though she's separated from her husband, she still counts him as an important person for her. I guess, you can hate a person's actions and opinions, hate what they have become, but care about them at the same time...their marriage is complicated.

4.Not only Yor and Twilight fear the SSS because of their jobs. The general population do too because they know rich and powerful people can make them disappear regardless whether they are spies or not. That means arrests and disappearences of innocent people are common.

5.There was a repression during war time. This means the state controls and restricts certain rights of its citizens. When war happens, the state may determine it's necessary to protect their country and citizens. Chances are that policing of others started then and Ostanians got used to living like that.

And now some questions:

Was Melinda being sincere? In my opinion yes (for the most part). Melinda is no longer campaigning for her husband. In fact, she's going there incognito. Since her husband is no longer the Prime Minister and they don't have any elections to win, she doesn't have to support this types of events. If you think about it, once a politician retires from the public eye, their spouse generally goes back to their normal life.

Something that caught my attention was that it was mentioned Melinda has a lot of enemies; probably because her husband has a lot of enemies too. If that's the case, it would be easier for Melinda to move abroad, where she could have a care-free life, yet, she has chosen to stay in Ostania. Why?

Melinda is still a very mysterious character. We don't know her plans or intentions. We don't know why she separated from her husband. My only guess is that she's suffered a great deal and that's why she's able to empathize with Millie, even though their experiences are different.

What do you think?

Bonus (to end on a light note):

This is the Sxf when we see Yor 😄

#spy x family #twiyor #Spy x family manga #Sxf #Spy x family #yor forger #loid forger #anya forger #loidyor #loid x yor #agent twilight #Spy x family meta #spy x family analysis

[the-lazy-cat-bakes-souffles]

I can’t stop thinking about the way that when Robin hears Nancy’s name in Season 3 she rolls her eyes and calls her a priss, but then not five minutes later she runs into Nancy in the flesh who’s apparently in the thick of the insane situation Robin has become unwittingly wrapped up in. Her makeup is smudged and her hair is messy and she’s terse with Robin and all Robin can do is utter a flustered reply while giving her this look:

And then shortly afterwards Robin watches as Nancy plants herself in front of a station wagon full of kids and shoots at an oncoming speeding car with a pistol, fully ready to sacrifice herself to protect them. That night at the Star Court Mall changes everything Robin thought about this dainty, pretty, prissy girl who turns out to be a certified badass with nerves of steel. 

After this, Robin is smitten. She volunteers to go with Nancy the moment an opportunity presents itself. When they’re waiting in the library, she assumes that Nancy has some genius trick up her sleeve because since Star Court she’s built up an idea of who she is in her mind: brilliant and brave and tenacious. Robin is so desperate for Nancy to like her that she loses all pretense of sardonic aloofness that we see around other characters and the words start spilling out, exactly as she described when venting to Steve about how she behaves around girls she’s crushing on. 

Robin is self-conscious and apologetic about how she comes across to Nancy, she repeatedly tries to diffuse the underlying tension between them in any way that she can, and is particularly keen to emphasise the platonic nature of her friendship with Steve. Despite barely knowing Nancy, she starts using the nickname “Nance” right away. There’s a sincere and earnest effort to win Nancy’s approval and affection; Robin needs it more than she even realises.

And the thing is, it works. Nancy starts off cool and irritable and exasperated (which, one should point out, may be in no small part because she’d been up all night looking for her friend who she just found brutally murdered - cut her some slack folks!), but after those two hours with Robin in the library, she realises that she’s remarkably bright and creatively minded and complements her own logical way of thinking so well. You can see the journey she undergoes in that short period of time written on her face: bemusement and impatience soon give way to respect and the dawning realisation that she’s met her intellectual match, someone with the same insatiable curiosity and a whole new way of seeing the world to show her. 

Nancy has so many emotional walls built up from years of repression and trauma, especially surrounding having and losing friends (not to mention, potentially, her own repressed queerness), but Robin despite her insecurities over her lack of filter and tendency to ramble and her other personal quirks manages to steal in past those defences. After that first encounter together, Nancy wants Robin by her side at all times. Even though she knows Steve, Dustin, Lucas and Max so much better, she picks Robin to come with her to Pennhurst, she asks Robin to explore the Creel House with her, she has Robin ride shotgun with her in her car. They stick together as a pair at every turn. 

This is so, so important: Nancy grows to like and care about Robin because of her being totally and utterly herself. The Robin whose mouth moves faster than her brain, the Robin who is relentlessly inquisitive and goofy and clumsy, the Robin who is at her most overtly neurodivergent around her. And Robin is slowly but surely finding confidence in herself and courage through that relationship, she’s taking risks she never would have before, and learning that her perceived flaws are actually strengths. When talking to Warden Hatch at Pennhurst with Nancy, it’s her runaway way with words that saves them and leaves Nancy incredibly impressed. The unmasked, unfiltered, beautiful gay disaster Robin Buckley is the person Nancy comes to admire and develops a deep fondness for. 

It’s been said many times before, but Robin and Nancy complete each other. As we’ve just established, Nancy quickly becomes a source of reassurance, inspiration and affirmation for Robin. And Robin is someone who can keep up with Nancy’s laser-focused fixations and faced-paced thinking, who can challenge her to consider things she never would have otherwise. She also encourages Nancy to be more honest with herself and makes her feel at ease at a time when she’s more lost than ever. Robin is always carefully reading Nancy and respects her opinions and feelings; she’s the friend and confidant Nancy has been missing in her life all this time since losing Barb.

When they’re talking in the woods, it’s not what Robin says about Steve or Jonathan that Nancy latches onto. What truly takes her aback is the realisation that Robin considers them to be friends, and both quietly, bashfully blush and smile to themselves at that confirmation. However adrift Nancy might be from her complex feelings over Jonathan and Steve or her unhealed emotional scars, she’s found an anchor in someone. However insecure Robin might feel about herself, she’s found a girl who she doesn’t have to pretend with.

And then we come to perhaps the most revealing scene of the season so far: when Eddie, Steve, Nancy and Robin are on the boat over Lover’s Lake. The parallels to Tammy Thompson are evident as Robin stares at Nancy who can’t pull her eyes away from Steve, and the way in which the camera focuses on the two characters in the frame imparts so much more than Robin simply being happy for the rekindled feelings of her friends. Her longing expression breaking into a soft smile and the bowing of her head feels like the sad acceptance of something she believes to be unattainable for her. 

Nancy demonstrates her trademark reckless abandon to protect the people she loves when she dives in to rescue Steve without hesitation after he’s pulled under, but Robin’s reaction is gut-wrenching as she cries out Nancy’s name and reaches for her. And then Robin, who beneath her snarky facade is far more scared than she likes to let on, pushes down those fears and without wasting a second moves to go after her with a sense of resigned determination. The framing of this scene, the dialogue and Maya Hawke’s performance make it clear that Robin is willingly following Nancy Wheeler into hell. As Eddie says, that’s as sure a sign of true love as these cynical eyes have ever seen. 

Regardless of whether the romantic subtext is intentional or this relationship is supposed to remain strictly platonic, Nancy and Robin’s blossoming friendship is a very special one. Having swiftly dismantled their presumptions about one another, they’ve found true synergy, inspiring and pushing each other to be the best versions of themselves. In spite, or rather because of their differences, the two are slowly but surely forging a profound bond that is already one of the most charming and memorable on the show to date, and with any luck, we’ll get some meaningful and moving payoffs to their arcs together in Vol 2. Perhaps, through each other, Nancy and Robin will finally find the closure, catharsis and connection they’ve been yearning for. 

Thanks so much to @meanlesbianrobin for providing the accompanying screenshots! 

#stranger things #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #ronance #meta #stranger things spoilers #stranger things 4 spoilers #long post #mine

[justanisabelakinnie]

Okay so I know I haven’t been posting in like forever about Isabela Madrigal or Encanto despite this blog originally being meant as an Isabela appreciation blog, my interest in Encanto has kinda died down for the time being due to no new stuff being made and me hyoerfixating in other things to my own detriment(so if you’re wondering why I haven’t updated my fics in a while, this is why), and I’m sincerely so sorry about that…but also a thought has been with me for a while and I have to say it now especially because it’s exactly on topic for a blog such as this and it’s something near and dear to me that makes me so happy.

The headcanon that Isabela is a lesbian makes me so proud and grateful to be a lesbian. In fact, it’s actually what originally helped me realize I was a lesbian myself. And I’m not saying this in a “thirsty” way mind you(although she is also my cartoon crush), but seeing so much of myself in her and seeing her as a lesbian and knowing that so many people in the Encanto fandom, lesbian or not, also see her in the same way, was a huge comfort to me. I didn’t have any idea of the true reason it meant so much to me to see a character like Isabela—portrayed as the most graceful flower, unambiguously and unapologetically feminine in her own way even after her transformation, as the most beautiful and also darkest-skinned of the Madrigals, and who has my same sassy but sweethearted personality and wears my favorite color—being viewed as a lesbian, but it was. And it’s a headcanon that I’ve always held near and dear to my heart ever since I first heard it.

And it was that headcanon that lead me to start educating myself about things like lesbophobia, compulsory heterosexuality, femme erasure, labels like butch/femme, and other things related to lesbians, as my respect for the lesbian community only grew and grew. And eventually I came to the epiphany that I was also a lesbian! Crazy, right? Well, if you’ve known me long enough then it’s not crazy at all lol. So, in conclusion, whenever I think of the headcanon that Isabela is a lesbian, especially a femme lesbian, it always makes me think of my own journey accepting my femme lesbian identity and how important and beautiful it is to me. Even if it’s just a headcanon, it makes me so happy to project that identity onto a character so similar to myself. It’s cute to imagine that I have something in common with my favorite character of all time even if it’s only in my head. It helps me feel seen and validated. So thank you, Isabela Madrigal! And to all of the other people out there who also hold and support this headcanon, thank you as well!

Anyway, that’s it, so have this cute little Isabela gif to top the whole thing off!

(obligatory disclaimer that this is only about my own personal experience and feelings towards the “Isabela is a lesbian” headcanon, it is NOT meant to be taken as gospel, nor to erase the inherently cultural message that the movie sends about generational trauma in Colombian families, it’s literally just me gushing, I KNOW very well that Isabela being a lesbian is NOT CANON by any means so please don’t try and come onto this post to derail and accuse me of being racist or only having the headcanon because she didn’t want to marry Mariano, which I don’t. if you do, then you will surely be blocked. this is my own personal anecdote and is to be taken as such, don’t read anything into this that isn’t there, thank you. 😉 ik that discourse is deader than ground beef now but i just wanted to say it just in case anyone gets any smart ideas.)

#isabela madrigal #isabela my beloved #isabela is best girl #encanto #lesbian #encanto headcanons #encanto queer headcanons #isabela madrigal is a lesbian #gifs #encanto gifs #isabela gifs #my post

[tobi-smp]

something that needles me about how people frame the c!crimeboys ending isn’t necessarily Just the idea that tommy learned a lesson from it somehow, but the idea that he Specifically learned how to stop being clingy or learned how to let go.

because regardless of how the ending was executed or what you think of it as a whole, that’s Not the lesson that tommy actually needed to learn. and more than that, it’s an uncomfortable take in its own right Because of tommy’s history as a character.

the point of tommy’s insecurity is that he Wasn’t Always Like This. he was Clingy sure, but in the way that someone with Friends is. he Became an insecure person through repeated abuse and tragedy.

through pogtopia, through exile, through the green festival, through doomsday, through his imprisonment, through his death, through the fall out after, through the loss of ghostbur, through dream’s escape.

over and over and over again he’s Stripped of his access to people, to friends, to his home, to his things. and often times made to feel like it’s His fault, through intentional abuse, through other hurt people lashing out, and through his own mind digging into that conditioning.

and that’s had a Clear and Obvious affect on him. he has self esteem issues a mile high and is desperately afraid of being alone and of losing what he has Because It’s In Reaction To Being Made To Feel That Way. in the same way that people who face starvation experience Food Insecurity (which is Also relevant to tommy’s experiences with exile for that matter).

here’s the important thing: logically, tommy still views people as autonomous. even if his feelings Were irrational (and sometimes they are) he’s continuously made an effort to try to stop himself from hurting the people important to him.

when he wanted to reconnect with techno he sent him an invitation in the mail to come see Him, and he never went to prod him after techno chose to ignore it.

when he was jealous of ranboo post-revival he asked tubbo if ranboo made him Happy, and when tubbo said yes that’s all tommy needed to hear. he was Afraid of being forgotten and replaced, of being left behind, but his problem Wasn’t being unwilling to give people space or let his friends live lives independent from him.

the Complicated situation is, of course, with wilbur. because their relationship is a beautiful mess.

but again: tommy doesn’t overstep or choose to pull wilbur to him against his own wishes.

Wilbur expresses a need to keep tommy close and tommy listens. Wilbur gives him the okay to rely on him, tells him that they need to stick together. Family, Blood he calls it.

and the thing about that is that he very sincerely means it, but he’s also terrified by it. because opening himself up to tommy also means risking being rejected by him. and he can’t handle the idea of tommy looking at him and not liking what he sees.

so he ghosts him. keeps him at arms length while still wanting to keep him Near. refusing to let him in but not wanting to let Go either.

and tommy Wants to keep a hold of him, but he doesn’t Force wilbur to do anything either. for all that people call their relationship co-dependent tommy rarely ever saw him, with months of time in between visits at the end.

and at some point in all of this wilbur decided he wanted to leave. he started trying to “wrap up” his relationships with the people on the server because he was going and didn’t know if or when he was coming back, and all the while tommy was still waiting for him to come to him.

what tommy needed to learn Wasn’t how to let go, Wasn’t how to give the people he loves space, Wasn’t how to stop being clingy. what he needed to learn was how to feel Safe and Secure in his relationships, how to Exist without being afraid that the rug was going to suddenly be pulled out from under him. which he can’t do if that isn’t True.

wilbur isn’t a villain in this situation, there Isn’t a villain in this situation. they’re two hurt and traumatized people desperately trying to make sense of the life they’ve been given and how to live in it. but if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times: this is not going to make tommy’s insecurity better, it’s going to make it worse.

because wilbur finally gave him a space where he felt like he could open up. he was the First person that tommy had ever been able to talk about exile in real terms to. and wilbur Cared, he cared So Much, and that’s more than tommy had ever had before.

and instead of returning the gesture he ghosted tommy for months until he left. and it was Chance that tommy caught him as he was leaving, tommy had to Pull the information out of him because wilbur originally Refused to say it.

if things had gone differently then tommy would’ve woken up one day and realized that wilbur was just gone for good. and it wouldn’t have been the day after, because wilbur had Already been ghosting him for months at a time.

people Should try to heal from anxiety and insecurity, but Sometimes anxiety and insecurity are rational reactions to someone’s circumstances. and the only way to reasonably Change it is to change those circumstances.

he doesn’t need to “learn” to just not be afraid anymore by having the thing he’s afraid of happening Happen Again, he needs Long Term Stability to Show him that things are okay.

#long post #tommyinnit #c!wilbur critical #not Really but well #just in case

[robotlesbianjavert]

10 fav things about spinner + 10 fav things about shigaraki

this is like asking me to describe my favourite things about the gentle warmth of the sun on my skin on a cloudless day at a beautiful lake that is good and fun to swim in. how can i put words to how perfect something like that is.

TOP TEN THINGS ABOUT SPINNER.

gay little hench fella. most important character trait always.

the bravado and bluster he gets introduced with being a cover for his deep-seated insecurities and internal struggles...

...his claims of high-minded idealism and lofty goals when his true wants are so simple (HOMOSEXUAL LOVE) (and to matter in some way i guess.) (mostly love. though.)

i know he is an annoying backseat gamer. i have said this before but it's so charming to me.

how surprisingly well his character development elevates the Themes & Motifs around how important human connections are for the ostracized. and he doesn't have to be annoying about it.

the charming little touches of characterization. him shrieking GRAND THEFT AUTO as a battle cry in 160, when he has to move his headband tail out of his eyes when trying to deliver a speech to toga. they make him feel so that much more real.

he's so poetic. he should be a writer. that warped, crumbling horizon...i'd never seen anything prettier GOD i know he was writing angsty poetry.

as someone who usually prefers secondary/side character to the mains, he is like. such a great example of a side character done right. he's like commentary on the nature of being a side character (monoma is another example of this in the manga), of the interplay between dehumanization/discrimination (Shoji Arc DNI) and crime, of connection with others and how they inspire us pushing us, etc etc etc. lots of the fun themes.

he is so sincere. so crazy sincere, once you have his love, he is so sincere. and so determined. he has the soul of the troubled outsider type of shonen hero who has to become stronger through the strength of his bonds. but also the energy of that shonen hero's love interest. all trapped in the body of a secondary character. he is so amazing.

when his face is drawn so small and cute and squishy like you can eat it :3

TOP TEN THINGS ABOUT SHIGARAKI

the reason i read bnha in the first place was because i stumbled upon the leaks of chapter 222 with the tortured flashes of shigaraki's past when i was discourse diving for fun. and then looking at that chapter in full, the way that shigaraki delivered what he remembered of his backstory, the Insane Tragedy of it all. well how could i not love him.

when he wants to murder highschool students. who wouldn't!

i love his physicality, the way his body language is portrayed - like he's generally pretty loose and slumped (especially early on), but he's also very purposeful? it's something that i think horikoshi generally excels with in art, but shigaraki just takes the cake.

for that matter his whole character design is perfection. early on with all the hands was such a unique and creepy look that tied in beautifully to his backstory and also Themes & Motifs. and even when he loses most of the hands, his face is so <3 with all the eyebags and scratches and wrinkles. he's also the character whose appearance has changed the most, in a way that goes hand in hand with his character development.

when he gets pissed off when he first starts trying to recruit people so he goes to the mall. to angst publicly. he wore a hoodie <3

he's a character that's really easy to reduce down to his victimhood and trauma - and lots of people sure do that! - and his victimhood and trauma are essential parts of his character, but even with the dumbass possession arc shigaraki never loses sight of who he is and what he wants, even beyond AFO's influence. it's also really easy to make him Just a villain, a straightforward villain who cares for nothing and no one. but he does care about things, he cares about the league! he does it all.

much like spinner and in fact more than spinner, he has The Most shonen hero energy despite being thee villain. and he's so cool about it. he even gets a love interest.

petty misanthropic bitch but as soon as you know you're place he's chill. this is how shigaraki/resdestro is real.

chapter 379. everything about it but also how he called nagant a flip-flopping screw up. i'm ignoring how he said the same about my friend gentle criminal.

his smile :)

i feel like both these lists do not do enough to really encapsulate why i love them. but one must try.

#bnha bloggin

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Flying Too Close To the Moon (a Baizhu character analysis)

Over a year ago now, in February of 2023, Genshin Impact's twitter account posted about a certain green-haired doctor from Liyue with a snake, announcing that he was at long last going to become playable. *narrator voice* Little did I know at that point just how much my life was going to be ruined changed by this man, something I never could have fathomed in all my time of playing before.

Today, by the time of Baizhu's birthday, almost a year since his release, he has never left my team and is one of my ultimate comfort characters... and at the same time, paradoxically, fills me with such intense feelings of dread, if I ever think just a little too hard about him for a little too long.

This is my experience with him.

From the beginning, I wasn't one of the people who had been anxiously awaiting for Baizhu's release. I'd always been curious about him, and thought he was beautiful (but lol who in this game isn't?), but there was practically nothing to know, and he appeared so little, so not being an existing fan, I didn't think much about him compared to other more prominent characters. With that first drip marketing, however, I was suddenly instantly intrigued:

"Regrettably, Baizhu cannot save all his patients — himself, for example. Herbalist Gui has mentioned that Baizhu's physical condition is extremely poor, and he often has to go back to his residence to rest after seeing patients. Even so, his smile never falters while in front of people. When Gui asked him about this, he replied, "If the doctor looks sick himself, how can his patients face their illnesses with confidence?" Day after day, Baizhu heals his patients. His ever-present smile hides the numerous bitter medicines he takes and the pain he suffers alone."

What's this, Baizhu is a doctor who is also sick himself? He has a chronic illness?? Finally I have a disabled character in a video game I can play as and relate to??? Not to mention the DELICIOUS angst potential the (absolutely devastating) last sentence held. Unfortunately, because my lazy ass rarely ever talks to npcs outside of quests, I was completely unaware of this very important little fact about Baizhu, learned via Herbalist Gui that had been in the game since literally 1.0, but to say that I was excited upon finally learning it now was an understatement. This changed everything, turning a character I had previously only had a passing interest in into someone I felt like I might be able to connect with, and a character I could truly call my own. Previously, my favorite Genshin character was Zhongli — he was my very first limited 5* and I started the game pretty much because I was interested in him lol — but just from this short summary alone, I had a strong feeling that Baizhu had the potential to surpass him, and become my new favorite.

My initial impressions from everything we knew about Baizhu pre-release (for how little that was) were that he was a kind, selfless doctor who didn't want others to see his weakness, but in secret was striving for immortality in order to save his own life from his severe illness. Qiqi seemed to be someone he observes to further his research in gaining said immortality, but his love and care for her still feels sincere, although he can never properly convey this in words because, to me at least, he's keeping himself at a distance from her and others so as to not hurt them too much if he passed away. Baizhu tearing out Qiqi's journal entry about him being a good person so that she doesn't dwell on and remember such things about him seemed to support this, as well.

Upon release, we also had Dainsleif's lines about Baizhu in his collected miscellany video, which made me emotional as well: Dain, someone who is cursed with and suffers daily from immortality that he never asked for, respects Baizhu's desire for immortality himself, because for him it would be freedom from the pain and suffering he already experiences, seemingly. Most people want immortality for selfish reasons, but for Baizhu, I thought, it's out of a desire to save his very life, and in turn save more people as a doctor in the future. It's human, understandable, and the mark of an incredibly caring and altruistic person, and Baizhu wanting to heal himself is something to be sympathized with, especially if you can relate to his pain.

This part in particular from his demo was so powerful to me: the defiance of his fate, of his death, and the display of his continued strength of will and resolve, and even skill in battle, no matter how physically weak he may be. Though he still has his doubts and his guilt, here he says "I will not die, I will beat the odds, and no one can decide my fate for me, nor can they shake my resolve."

All of this only made me love him more and more. I was hoping we would get to see his insecurities and fears about his condition and his possible fate, and that he would learn to allow himself to be cared for by those who loved him — to realize at least a little bit more that he will never be a burden on others, because the guilt over such things is all too real for someone with a disability or chronic illness. His non-spoiler voice lines were so comforting and hopeful, and I wanted his story to be hopeful as well, without going as far as to magically cure him like what unfortunately happened with Collei.

That was what I wanted. More or less, that was what I expected, especially with the copious other examples of the "overworked character learns they need to take a break and feel supported by the traveler" storyline in Genshin insert the waifu baizhu (waifzhu?) jokes here.

And then, I played Baizhu's story quest.

.....No image in the world can fully sum up exactly how I felt after that, but, well, I think Paimon here is the closest I can get.

I still remember it like it was yesterday. I remember standing there, at the bottom of the steps leading up to the pharmacy where the end of the quest left me, not knowing how to feel. Feeling completely numb. Feeling like I'd just gotten punched in the gut a million times over. Feeling sick. Call me overdramatic, too overly attached to fiction, whatever, but no words can possibly convey just how much the revelations about Baizhu in his quest fucked me up. I did not feel good for quite a few days after playing it, as it haunted me, as I turned it over and over again in my mind. Not just the information given itself, but how it was given; the entire tone of it all. At some point I was finally able to make myself cry, and it was only then that I felt at least marginally better. But I'd be lying if I said that I've ever truly and fully processed and let sunk in everything to do with Baizhu, even a year later.... and I doubt that I ever will.

Don't get me wrong: Baizhu's story quest is without a doubt one of the best story quests in the game so far, and that's not at all bias speaking. It's short, to the point, uses npcs effectively and in a way that helps develop the main character instead of taking all the spotlight over them, and it leaves setup for more story in the future. For a Baizhu fan, it's the best quality one could ask for. It's the most we've ever learned about him, the most screentime he's ever had, and it emotionally and tenderly shows exactly what kind of person he is, and why he is the way he is, and does the things he does.

It's also absolutely horrific, and to this day I'm still not entirely certain exactly what message the writers wanted the player to take away from it by the end.

The quest introduces us to a boy and his father, Ayu and Jialiang, the latter of whom Baizhu wishes to treat, partly as a personal favor to his late master and to said master's other past disciple, the mother of the family, Jiangli. Through Baizhu's handling of their case, and talking to Hu Tao, we learn that Baizhu is not only obsessed with attaining immortality, but that he supposedly uses less-than-reputable methods to heal patients, methods that he keeps tightly under wraps. This, along with all the strange research he does that seemingly has nothing to do with the medical field, has given him a suspicious reputation — the game subtly lampshading the fandom seeing him as nothing more than a sketchy snake doctor ever since the beginning — but no one has ever been able to dig deep enough to find any proof that he has any ulterior motives, not even Yelan; thus, the ultimate consensus is that he truly must be nothing more than a kind and benevolent doctor who has his patients' best interests at heart, no matter what else he's doing in the background. Upon Baizhu treating Jialiang for the first time, however, we’re directly confronted with this secret, dubious healing method he uses, and what exactly it means for Baizhu, as with all the masters that came before him.

To say my stomach dropped here would be an understatement, because I knew exactly what this meant. And sure enough, not a few minutes later in the quest, we get the dreaded truth:

Baizhu’s poor physical condition is not from natural causes; rather, he is as weak as he is because he’s made himself that way. Changsheng is a former adeptus he made a contract with, that allows the host to transfer some of their own life force from themselves to someone else, using Changsheng as the conduit. The contract is meant to strengthen the body of the host and extend their lifespan, however these advantages effects are outweighed by Baizhu, and all his predecessors before him, repeatedly giving away their life force to heal others, causing them to become frail and inevitably die young. The contract has always been used in this way, and all of its prior users all met the same untimely end; Baizhu is at no less risk of that.... which is why he wants to become immortal, so he can continue to heal people with the forbidden arte without fear of death.

This would already be a Lot as it is. Trading away one's life force to save another isn't exactly a brand new trope, but the idea of a doctor doing it over and over again to save lives when all else fails, even to the detriment of their own body.... It's the ultimate act of selflessness, of kindness, of sacrifice. It's touching. It's laudable. It's devastating, to a degree one can't even imagine.

Because Baizhu doesn't just stop there, as we find out at the end of the quest.

How do you expect me to read this—

and additionally this—

and also this...

...and not have it occupy my mind 24/7, sending me in a downward never-ending spiral of existential horror, for all of eternity?? just like Baizhu himself—

While it's heavily implied that all the contract users prior to Baizhu only ("only") used it one-way, to give their own life force to others, Baizhu has taken it a step further, and also been using Changsheng to transfer his patients' diseases and illnesses onto himself. This likely is a more effective way of "curing" some of them entirely, instead of simply delaying their symptoms' worsening with more life force, although he cannot take on the worst of them/terminal illnesses of course. But he has taken on so, so many, so many diseases and so many symptoms, all compounding and blending together to the point that Jiangli, another doctor just as skilled as Baizhu, cannot even distinguish them all or recognize some of them, that he might as well be terminal. Not only does Baizhu do this for the sake of his patients, but he's also using his body as a human petri dish, testing different diseases and poisons on himself to see how they interact with each other, both to create more effective medicines and understand the mechanisms of the human body better, and to perhaps find the secret to immortality.

This reveal at the end of the quest is presented as an awe-inspiring, poignant twist, that's meant to make you see Baizhu in a brand-new light. The animated cutscene is tear-jerking, bittersweet, yet beautiful, as we finally come to understand the full scope of just who Doctor Baizhu is, just how truly pure and selfless he is, and just how much he has sacrificed, and plans to sacrifice forevermore. Many people who weren't fans of Baizhu or were neutral on him had their minds completely changed upon this bombshell being dropped, it rightfully clearing away any and all misunderstandings about him somehow being a bad person, and fostering newfound respect for him. That's the best word to use for how the game portrays all this: respectable. Baizhu's situation is tragic, but his actions are nevertheless shown and seen as beautiful, and admirable. His self-sacrifice is to be praised, and honored, because he is doing it for the good of so many others, because his heart is just that big, and that caring. It's bittersweet, but Baizhu is determined, and we should respect his resolve.

But should we really?

Yelan would disagree, I believe. Which is ironic, considering that in her own story quest, Baizhu transfers poison into himself from Uncle Tian with her there, and she is none the wiser.

Just... really stop and think about the implications of what Baizhu is doing to himself, and the life he lives. Try to imagine it, how it would feel, to be inundated with that many diseases and toxins, to the point that all of your internal organs are diseased; to the point that you have every symptom imaginable, sometimes all at once. Now, take that, and imagine living that kind of hell with it progressively worsening, for all of eternity, as Baizhu wants to do.

You can't fathom it. To say that it's beyond human comprehension is an understatement. And yet, that is Baizhu's reality, every single day, and if he has his way, for the rest of time.

This is not okay.

What truly frightens me about Baizhu, is how.... empty he feels. He is kind, gentle, nurturing, and a bit flamboyant and mischievous at times, but he has essentially no personality traits or life outside of "being a doctor". All of his voicelines involve him giving health advice, or looking after us or others, or discussing the troubles he encounters in the medical field, or his hobbies, which involve... making medicine. While there's nothing wrong per se with a doctor truly enjoying their job — it's what makes Baizhu such a good caretaker, after all — their life and personality never revolves entirely around that. People have their own lives outside of their professions, that don't involve said professions, even the most enthusiastic and genuine of workers. But Baizhu..... doesn't have anything else. For Baizhu, being a doctor is all that he is.

Nothing is more subtly chilling than this joke Changsheng makes (that gets reinforced by Paimon later), where she calls Baizhu her "mannequin" — and especially the way that Baizhu doesn't comment on it at all, merely continuing to look like a guilty child getting scolded for being reckless. Because a mannequin is an eerily accurate description of Baizhu: he is not a person of his own, but merely a vessel for her power. "Baizhu" does not exist outside of his role as a healer; he has no other life, no other aspirations, no other joys and things to care about, nothing. Even though he's a pillar in Liyue Harbor that is beloved by the community, especially by the children, he's also in a sense practically a ghost: he is never seen outside of taking care of people in some way, because he never lets anyone see him at his sickest, and he has no sense of self outside of that role as a doctor. He is distanced from everyone, almost as though he was already immortal.... he could die at any time, frighteningly easily, and to him, no one would notice or care. As depressing as it is, even Qiqi, a literal zombie, is more alive and has a much more fulfilling life at this point than Baizhu does.

Many of Baizhu's voicelines are dripping with casual self-deprecation, and others with extreme hypocrisy, where he will express frustration and disappointment at others not being diligent in taking care of themselves, completely oblivious to his own extreme levels of self-harm and self-sacrifice. Of course, as mentioned earlier, feelings of inadequacy and being a burden are tragically not unusual for someone with significant health problems, but it goes far, far beyond this for Baizhu, before he was ever ill — all the way back to his childhood. Baizhu's hometown was struck by a plague when he was young, from which he was seemingly one of the only survivors, and his obsession with wanting to save each and every life he comes across that needs saving, no matter the cost to himself, is likely born from the trauma and extreme survivor's guilt that the event instilled in him. It was during this plague that he encountered his former master, and in training under and being influenced by him, he adopted these harmful mentalities (through no fault of his or his master, to be clear), without ever being given any other way to cope with his pain, other than to do everything in his power to never let anyone else die ever again.

Again, Yanfei sums it up best.

The true tragedy of Baizhu is that, although he wholeheartedly agrees with his late master's sentiment, and truly believes that he himself is headed down a different path from his predecessors, at the end of the day, he is no different from them, nor is his chosen path any different from theirs. As he states, those with the most altruistic and purest of hearts are the ones seduced by the contract, and he, too, has fallen victim to Changsheng's siren song: the allure of reaching beyond human means to prevent death. He believes he has found the solution to the conundrum of saving both the world at large and the one doing the saving, but he's merely fallen into the trap just like all the others: even if he doesn't die, he is still sacrificing himself, cursing himself to a fate unimaginably worse than death itself. After all, as he says, the contract can't erase pain from the world entirely, but merely transfer it from one place to another, and Baizhu is living proof of that. If his master could see what he's doing, he most definitely would be heartbroken at the "answer" Baizhu has found, because a life isn't saved if it's merely surviving, and not living.

All of this began from Baizhu, selfless and benevolent as he is, wishing to save a snake. Changsheng is a dear friend, a being so closely intertwined with his very soul, and his closest connection to his late master, and yet she is also the very thing that's killing him, and will inevitably be his doom, in whichever way that comes. Baizhu being who he is means he will never abandon her, and Changsheng will never leave him as well, her worry over the fate of her host overwhelmed by her fear of death and her desire to live on, which is how the contract has persisted for six generations. It is a toxic bond, and yet their care for each other is too great, both parties accepting the misery that awaits them. Changsheng knows that any of the cycles could be her last, but cannot help but seek out new ones in order to continue living — and Baizhu intends to make that "last" be a reality, by living forever, to make sure that Changsheng will also never die, but also that no one else can take on the contract after him. He wants his cake and to eat it too, wishing to save anyone and everyone — and he fully believes that he can. He believes that he is headed towards the light of the moon, escaping the flames of the sun.

But the moon is still ever-so-far away regardless. Perhaps even impossible to reach, if Teyvat's sky truly is fake. No matter where he aims, even if he isn't burned, Baizhu is destined to fall eventually, if he keeps going the way he is. Many people have tried to warn him, to convince him that immortality isn't what he deserves, to convince him of how much he's loved... but Baizhu is too stubborn; too, ironically, selfish in his selflessness. He insists he has everything under control, that he won't let himself die... but how can anyone believe that, when all the signs suggest that he's already on death's door? And even if he does get his wish, and be granted immortality, will he truly be content like he thinks he will, endlessly suffering with only Changsheng by his side?

I don't think the writers ever intended to glorify Baizhu's actions, or at least, I don't think it occurred to them that it could be read in that way. I do still mean it when I say he is one of the best-written characters in the game, because there is so much care given to him in his story quest and to his lore, even if, frustratingly and tragically, Hoyoverse as a whole doesn't seem to care about him at all. He's so fun to play as, and in isolation, it makes me very happy to have a canonically disabled playable character. But I'm also so, so haunted by him, and I think more people would be as well, if the game didn't gloss over the incredibly bleak reality of Baizhu and his symptoms due to the overall lighthearted tone of Genshin. I desperately need to see where they're going to take his arc, if they intend to at all, because there is so much potential for it, and right now it's very much up in the air. I don't want him to die, as I fear he's close to, but I need him to heal, and finally learn that he's done enough, and that he can finally, finally, stop. Stop torturing himself, and finally accept for himself all the love he's given others for so long now, and live. I want Baizhu to live more than anything, and not the way he is now, nor as a cursed immortal. I want him to live, and thrive, and truly, unapologetically, be himself (whoever that "Baizhu" is), and be happy.

He already has someone worth living for, right here, aside from Changsheng. He has a daughter, a family, who love him, not to mention an entire city, and and I dearly wish he could realize that. I wish he could know how comforting he is to me and so many others, and how important he is to us, not because of what he can do, but because of his beautiful heart. 💔

Happy Birthday, Baizhu. Thank you for being such an incredible healer on my team, and I hope we'll see you in Chenyu Vale one day :')💚

#genshin impact #baizhu #meta #posting this so late at night but I WANTED TO MAKE IT FOR BAIZHU'S BIRTHDAY #FML FOR BEING SO LATE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #this man ruins me 👍 please everyone cry over him and have an existential crisis over him like i do daily #he is Not Okay #and i need him to be #hoyoverse when will you do him justice like he deserves!!!! when is his comeback!!! aughhh!!!!!!!!

[thewayuarent]

When things start to fail

SandRay edition

Yes, me again talking about SandRay as I’m their personal therapist good for me I guess. Disclaimer: I do not judge nor Sand or Ray, the most important thing to remember is that all of characters are young stupid insecure boys so everything happening makes a lot of sense. Also let’s remember that it is not about good/bad or right/wrong, it’s about complexity people and their relationships have.

So, this week they’ve reached an interesting point, haven’t they? The point when their mostly surprisingly good communications stars to fall apart. And it was inevitable. Nick and especially Boston don’t minding their own business certainly accelerated the process, but at some point it was going to happen anyway. Because the ultimate question “who are we to each other” been hanging over their heads for some time now and do my boys tried their best to avoid it. But let’s start from so-so good things.

SandRay day together. Ray goes for it like it’s an adventure, not someones real life experience. And of course he is - Ray lives in a different world and Sand’s hardships are not something he’s familiar with. @lurkingshan made a great post about how Ray constantly sees Sand as someone beneath him at well of course he is. And I love what @neuroticbookworm says here that Ray does it unintentionally - that’s just not something he ever experienced in his life. Ray is shamelessly rich and he was like this all his life. I would very surprised if he behaved differently.

That’s interesting tho - I think Ray sincerely enjoys every experience he has with Sand. And in some way he sees Sand as embodiment of freedom. For Ray a lot of it is about wind in a face, and listening new music, and laughing, and drinking, and kissing, and flirting and almost jerking off but no and not thinking about his real problems. For Sand it’s his life. It’s tough and exhausting, but still worth living.

Sand’s 24 hours. I truly appreciate Sand’s approach to life. He tells us that he has 24 hours in a day to work, sleep, being alone and - what I love about him - to dream. And I’m not saying that his life isn’t hard, it absolutely is. But despite that he still has some little things to enjoy. He dreams big. He makes beautiful breakfasts and knows places where to find good music. He has fun in a secondhand store. He finds his happiness in discovering new bands. He allows himself to get drunk and get high.

And I don’t think he never does any of it before Ray. But Ray is important, because Ray is someone he can share all this things with. And while Ray constantly being a bit jerk about that he is really into everything Sand gives to him (subtext here was unintentional but yes, sex is obviously a part of it too). And maybe Ray’s presence allows Sand to let himself go with a flow a bit more. Maybe Ray also symbolizes freedom for Sand.

And I believe that freedom is something both of them desperately need - Ray from his painful past, Sand from his exhausting present. And it all would be so good, it was mostly good for a lot of time, but. Hints were all there since the beginning.

Communication falling apart. So we see them generally enjoying each other. We see them being open and honest with each other. The whole scene where they discuss parents is about trust and vulnerability and it deserves its own post.

Very good-friends-behavior happening here. But also kind of not. And not only because them being ready to fuck each other on a constant basis. Which was hilarious by the way - three attempts to get nasty and all being ruined (1. Thank you Nick; 2. Sand being not so into public sex I guess I don’t believe him for a second he’s clearly into it but whatever; 3. Thank you Nick again and now you bring the whole drama with you good job). But all this cute boyfriends stuff happens left and right? Hugging and smiling on a ride?

Being so into each other that random girl said bye bless you?

Fucking serenade?

Like, guys, you’re not even trying. And they don’t talk about it at all. The last attempt to clarify their relationship was in episode 3 with Sand asking what kind of friends doesn’t stop kissing each other. And than they just. Moved on and never questioned it again?

They are the only couple (of the main three) in the show who doesn’t discuss their status. Even Nick and Boston do it! They are suck at it but it’s at least something. And it’s like Sand and Ray played a bit too much in going with a flow thing.

Sand tells this to his mom

And he seems really upset when Ray says that are friends

And again when Ray says not boyfriend fuck off Nick

And I get it, it really sucks. He is totally in love and his heart breaks a little bit twice in a row.

But it’s Sand who said that

And that

And that one like couple hours ago

So I feel for Sand and I am really sorry for him - my boy fell fast and hard but it’s not like Ray has any idea what Sand wants from him. Oh, wait, he has. Kind of. And he actually tries to make amends and clear the situation. Kind of.

It’s Sand this time who closes up, loosing to his fears and insecurities - and I would guess his last relationship has something to do with this. And of course Ray doesn’t push him into that conversation after one failed attempt. Because he is totally scared of ruining things. And it is so much easier to continue to pretend, for both of them, isn’t it?

It’s also smart thing to not having that conversation before they sober up but will they talk? I doubt it. Also is Ray ever sober, he has a serious problem, my poor boy. Him finishing two glasses of liquor in a row after fight was painful to watch. But I digress.

And the thing is - it isn’t even that tragic. Yes, Ray has feelings for Mew - he tries to move on, he doesn’t expect anything, but feelings (especially so long-lasted) doesn’t go away in a moment. And Ray has a right to falling for Sand while still falling out of Mew. Shit like this happens a lot in real life. It doesn’t mean Sand isn’t special to him only because someone else is.

And I kind of think that they would work it out somewhat fine. Not great, but fine. But here it is, our Boston card. Yes, I blame Boston, that’s my conclusion.

Conclusion. Judging by what we saw in trailer I’m gonna predict that this episode was a start for both Sand and Ray being miscommunication mess. Because both of them are falling for each other. And both are very scared of it.

This is not going to be easy. They will pretend they don’t care for each other and most importantly - that they have no expectations towards each other. They clearly have. We see it with Sand and the moment Sand decides fuck it I’m done we will see it with Ray.

This shit needs a lot of hard work. Will they be able to go for that? Do they even need it? I don’t know. Let’s hope that they will. Or at least that they won’t ruin each other totally over failed relationship.

#I am not totally delusional but I’m also a simp what can I say #I so hope they will figure it out tbh #they are mess but they are my mess and I love them #really Ray’s drinking problem scares me way more than all that feeling stuff #only friends #only friends meta #only friends the series #ofts #sandray #firstkhao #firstkhaotung #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat

[teabooksandsweets]

Hi! I’ve started reading Brideshead Revisited—mostly because you seem to really like it and recommend it a lot! I like to annotate books and take notes; are there any themes you particularly like about it and recommend looking out for?

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....!!!

THE FLAME IS LIT IN THE CHAPEL

My dear friend, the flame is lit in the chapel!

Themes I like. Themes I – like? Everything. Perhaps nothing. Perhaps both. (Do I seem to like it? It is my favourite book in the world. I am not sure if I can say that I like it, but boy! does it belong to me. I wonder if it likes me – as far as a book could like a person. If it does, then in a David Eliot sort of way [by the way, if you have trouble with the ending of this book or see it as a sad ending, I recommend to you the novel The Bird in the Tree], inflicting pain as a good surgeon does.

A few notes in the beginning: it's an incredibly beautiful novel. In every way. And not only the first part, as some would like to claim, reducing it to a "dark-light academia fluffy gay-ish romance with strawberrries" and suchlike. All three parts, and the Prologue and Epilogue, are beautiful, important, and (though in some ways different) interconnected. If you want to watch an adaptation, go for the 1981 series, which is brilliant. Avoid the 2008 film, which is horrid.

Themes that stick out to me in particular – that simply happen to (come to mind to) me:

The flame is lit in the chapel (and Brideshead still standing) (and all that in the Age of Hooper)

Every single thing Cordelia says. Pay good attention to everything Cordelia says, especially later on!

The inexorable call of the Church, the inevietable pursuit of and by and through God

Love and all that is Good of it (and all the pain it can bring)

Choosing the Right thing against all odds, against all desires, against all expectations

Finding, having, and in some ways losing (yet somehow never truly losing) a home, as an outsider who is perhaps even more at home than everyone else, and coming back, physically, and spiritually, even when it is lost, when times have changed, when that place – and that sort of place – does not exist anymore, because its essence will never leave you (Sic transit gloria mundi)

Being a Catholic in the Diaspora – Being an imperfect Catholic in the Diaspora! (oh how much more perfect and pious and pure Catholics are expected to be in non-Catholic environments!) – Belonging to a deeply paradoxial culture, and truly belonging to the paradox more than to any plain and simple conventionality

More universal than that: being different at the same time as being not different at all, being different in the sense that the same life is experienced with a different sort of light; belonging (and not) and then elsewhere (and not that either)

~beautiful ideas~

The ultimate Paradox that Charles found what will truly be his way through those who appear more wayward than anyone else (and perhaps just because of that!)

SEBASTIAN [contra mundum]

Vocations, what Cordelia says about Vocations!

Friendship, loyalty, and when it's just that that goes wrong

SEBASTIAN

(Do not underestimate Julia. And do not judge Lady Marchmain too quickly)

The war, "the Age of Hooper", and the Time That Was

"homeless, childless, middle-aged, loveless"

EVERYTHING

I teared up writing this, but I also know that this list is incomplete and unbalanced, because I am not currently concentrating properly on the matter. I will come back to this if something else occurs to me, if you don't mind. In any case, it is a sublime book – and there is so much to it! I sincerely recommend to pay good attention, to all sorts of little bits! And to be open, to each and every one character, and part and chapter.

Oh, and let's not forget Aloysius! Not a theme but a Very Important Character.

And I would still also like to say that, though the setting of this book might appear distant and antiquated to a reader (I have read enough reviews to know that this is a common opinion) that everything this book is about is still (and, in a way again, these last few years) very, very relevant. (I do not think that contemporary relevance is a necessecity for an old book, but nevertheless it does simply happen to be so with this one.)

Oh, I do so love this book. (And I am so incredibly glad that my posts about it made you all the more interested!)

#brideshead revisited #literature #personal

[thatgirl4815]

I think one of the things I like so much about Ray’s apology scene to “Sand” at the end is it’s in my opinion the most genuine apology we’ve heard from him not only to “Sand” but in general thinking of all his apologies in the show. But he’s come back to Sand so many times saying he’s sorry when he does a shitty thing and it’s not that I don’t believe him or think he’s genuine in his other apologies but you can just tell this apology is not only for his blow up at the apartment but for every single other time he’s wronged Sand as well. It’s all the regret and acknowledgment of how horrible he’s been to Sand in the past and how Sand stayed by him through it all and is the most loving person he knows and it’s just so beautiful. It’s accountability and sincerity we haven’t seen from Ray before let alone with Sand. You can just feel how deeply he regrets the way he’s treated him and you can hear it in the way he said that first “I’m sorry” when his tears immediately started. Anyone who tries to say Ray does not care about Sand after this episode is just out of their minds. That man loves him so much.

It’s just so unfortunate that it wasn’t to the real Sand he was talking to. It was an important scene for Ray as a character and being able to open up to someone else of course but Sand really needs to hear it. I know we as an audience know how he feels for Sand and how wonderful that those words were and that scene was but I really hope the writers don’t think it would be too repetitive for him to repeat them to Sand or something. It doesn’t even have to be those exact words I just hope Sand gets to hear something similar and the writers thought about that.

That first “I’m sorry” holds so much weight, because like you said, it so clearly references all of Ray’s behavior towards Sand, not just their last fight. Anytime I think about his dialogue in that scene, I start to get teary-eyed, because it just so perfectly captures that admiration and affection Ray has for Sand. Coupled with the layers of sorrow and pain, the end of Ep10 truly is a masterpiece. It is, in my opinion, one of the most telling moments of Ray’s entire arc. I keep using the word catharsis, and I think that really defines it.

I’ve been thinking how beautifully this scene pairs with the scene outside the bar in Ep1. Ray says “I’m sorry” followed by “thank you” there as well, but the scope of what he’s referencing is entirely different. In these ten episodes, Ray has grown attached to Sand and wronged him multiple times; like when he says sorry, when he says thank you, it’s so weighted. It’s not “thank you for saving my life,” it’s “thank you for being there to save me.” Time and time again, Sand is there for Ray, and Ray admitting just how much he appreciates Sand is such a big moment for him.

I also hope the writers give us an emotional apology scene next episode. I’m confident they’ll have to have a heartfelt talk to start off seeing as they’re still fresh off the apartment fight. I’m just not sure what to expect as far as the extent of that conversation. Judging by just how emotional Ray was when talking to imaginary Sand, I’m hopeful their real meeting will be satisfying.

#only friends the series #only friends #ofts #sandray #raysand #raysan #sanray #sand X ray #ray x sand #ask #only friends ask #only friends episode 10 #only friends meta #only friends analysis

[all-seeing-ifer]

Audio Drama Recs for Buffyverse Fans

Hey there, dear listeners! Are you a Buffy fan who’s been listening to Slayers and it’s got you interested in learning more about this whole audio drama malarkey? Are you a Buffy fan who’s not been listening to Slayers but are always interested in recommendations for new media to check out? Are you maybe even a Buffy fan who’s already listened to some audio dramas but want some ideas for others to check out? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then this is the list for you!

The world of audio drama is a weird and wonderful place where niche independent art can flourish. If you look close enough, there’s something there for everyone! It’s my hope that the release of Slayers can help bring this wonderful medium to more people’s attention, so I’ve compiled a list of a bunch of different audio dramas that I think will appeal to Buffy fans, whether that’s because they have a similar genre, similar tone, similar characters, or something else entirely. 

No matter what it is you like about Buffy, I can almost guarantee there’s an audio drama out there where you can also find those same qualities. And the best part? All of the following audio dramas are absolutely free. An important part of the culture that’s emerged around indie audio dramas is that these shows are pretty much always free to listen to - funded instead by ads and patreon support. So you can just hop on to spotify, apple podcasts, pocket casts, or your other platform of choice, and get some beautiful narratives written by (and I do sincerely believe this) some of the most talented and visionary creative voices of the past couple decades beamed directly into your ears for the low low price of nothing at all. You literally have nothing to lose except time!

So without further ado, on to the recommendations:

Wolf 359 

Listen if you like: Episodic/monster-of-the-week storytelling with an overarching plot, a tone that mixes comedy and drama, pastiches of popular genres (with heart), anti-authoritarian themes, stories about bands of deeply flawed misfits with interpersonal issues

Plot summary: Life's not easy for Doug Eiffel, the communications officer for the U.S.S. Hephaestus Research Station, currently on Day 448 of its orbit around red dwarf star Wolf 359. The Hephaestus is an odd place, and life in extremely isolated, zero gravity conditions has a way of doing funny things to people's minds. Even the simplest of tasks can turn into a gargantuan struggle, and the most ordinary-seeming things have a way of turning into anything but that.

Status: Finished

Episode count: 61 + minisodes and specials

Average episode length: 20-40 minutes

Why you should listen: I’m gonna say something that may be mildly controversial and say that Wolf 359 comes closer to capturing the Buffyverse’s tone and spirit than just about any other piece of media. A child of that mostly unfortunate period of time when every nerd creator on the planet wanted to imitate Joss Whedon’s style and it really does show (not least in the multiple direct references to Buffy the show makes). But while basically every other product of this writing style (including Whedon’s own later work) fell flat on its face into insincerity, Wolf, in a truly cosmically unlikely moment of lightning actually striking twice, just fucking nails it. It’s at once an ironic pastiche of science fiction serials from the golden age of radio while also being a serious and dramatic science fiction serial in its own right, and strikes the perfect balance between the two. While it starts out as more of a workplace comedy set in space, as the show goes on and the characters learn more about the company that sent them on their mission, the tone becomes increasingly serious and dramatic, without ever feeling like too much tonal whiplash. When it’s funny, it’s really funny, and when it’s serious and emotional, it hits depths of devastation few other shows can. While it may be science fiction and not fantasy, it shares the Buffyverse’s anti-authoritarian themes, as well as those shows’ large casts of flawed characters whose problems come just as much from interpersonal drama as from the speculative fiction elements of the story. If you ask me, it’s one of the greatest stories the 2010s ever gave us. But don’t just take my word for it, go check it out for yourself! Go meet Doug Eiffel, Renee Minkowski, Dr Alexander Hilbert, Hera, and a bunch more characters I can’t talk about without getting into spoilers. You can thank me later.

Ars Paradoxica

Listen if you like: A tone that mixes comedy and drama, anti-authoritarian themes, female-led shows, stories about bands of deeply flawed misfits with interpersonal issues

Plot summary: When an experiment in a time much like our own goes horribly awry, Dr. Sally Grissom finds herself stranded in the past and entrenched in the activities of a clandestine branch of the US government. Grissom and her team quickly learn that there's no safety net when toying with the fundamental logic of the universe.

Status: Finished

Episode count: 36 + specials

Average episode length: 20-40 minutes

Why you should listen: Ok, let’s say Wolf 359 appeals to you, but you’d prefer your semi-ironic semi-serious speculative fiction dramedy show with anti-authoritarian themes to have a female lead. I mean I’d still recommend listening to Wolf because while Eiffel may be the protagonist you still get to meet Renee Minkowski and Hera and [OTHER CHARACTERS REDACTED], but you could also try out Ars Paradoxica! Another child of the Whedon-influenced era that produced Wolf 359 with a similarly Whedon-influenced tone, I think Ars is a lot messier, tone-wise, but it’s worth working through that. While it starts off quite goofy and irreverent, as the show goes on it really matures and grows into itself and becomes something very special. It becomes the rare time travel story that actually engages in a meaningful way with the political dimension of the time period its characters’ travel to. It’s about the paranoia of the final days of WWII and beginning of the Cold War, it’s about the bigotries that shaped mid-20th-century society, it’s about war and scientific ethics and the desire for progress and what we’re willing to sacrifice for that progress. But despite its often dark themes, it’s also not as heavy as I’m making it sound, with all of its lofty ideas and high concept science fiction being anchored by a cast of highly flawed yet endearing characters, including the inimitable Dr Sally Grissom herself. Compared to other 2010s audio dramas, it’s fallen into obscurity into recent years, and I think it’s about time we bring it back into the light!

The Silt Verses 

Listen if you like: Horror/fantasy, episodic/monster of the week storytelling with an overarching plot, anti-authoritarian themes, female-led shows

Plot summary: Carpenter and Faulkner, two worshippers of an outlawed god, travel up the length of their deity’s great black river, searching for holy revelations. As their pilgrimage lengthens and the river’s mysteries deepen, the two acolytes find themselves under threat from a police manhunt, but also come into conflict with the weirder gods that have flourished in these forgotten rural territories.

Status: Ongoing (on its final season)

Episode count: 33+

Average episode length: 40-60 minutes

Why you should listen: It’s my favourite audio drama, hands down. More than that, it’s one of my favourite pieces of art, ever. Do you have even a passing interest in horror as a genre? If you’re a Buffyverse fan, then I assume the answer is ‘yes’. In which case, you should listen to TSV. Of all the horror podcasts I’ve listened to, I think TSV is far and away the most genuinely terrifying (I’d definitely recommend checking out the content warnings before listening) as well as having the most unique, well-thought-out, and generally interesting horror concepts and worldbuilding. It also plays with classic horror tropes in a way that feels vaguely reminiscent of BtVS at times, but its tone and atmosphere and writing style is all entirely its own. Despite this far darker tone and approach to horror, it also shares many of the Buffyverse’s themes. It’s a story about broken systems: living in them, dying in them, striking back against them, trying to fix them, burning them to the ground, all explored through a horror/fantasy lens. If you like how the Buffyverse explores its anti-authoritarian themes, you will probably also enjoy TSV’s approach. If you love the various complex fucked up little guys that make up the casts of the Buffyverse shows, then you’ll probably also love the various complex fucked up little guys that make up the cast of TSV, especially Sister Carpenter, the female lead of the show as well as one of the few characters in existence whose greatness rivals Buffy herself in my mind. And if you love the Buffyverse’s outlandish and often formally-inventive monster-of-the-week style episodes, then TSV’s own experimentations and propensity for bizarre fantasy concepts will likely also appeal to you. Really there’s very little else I can say without you experiencing the show for yourself. Do you like good things? Do you like things that are good? Go listen to TSV. Again, you can thank me later.

The Magnus Archives

Listen if you like: Horror/fantasy, episodic/monster of the week storytelling with an overarching plot, anti-authoritarian themes, stories about bands of deeply flawed misfits with interpersonal issues, fighting the apocalypse

Plot summary: A weekly horror fiction podcast examining what lurks in the archives of the Magnus Institute, an organisation dedicated to researching the esoteric and the weird. Join Jonathan Sims as he explores the archive, but be warned, as he looks into its depths something starts to look back… 

Status: Finished

Episode count: 200

Average episode length: 30 minutes

Why you should listen: One of the more well-known audio drama podcasts, and definitely the most well-known of the recent audio dramas! A lot darker, more depressing, and heavier on the horror than the Buffyverse shows, but there’s still a lot that Buffyverse fans will enjoy, from the anti-authoritarian themes to the multiple apocalypses the characters face. While TMA starts off as an anthology series, with each episode being a self-contained horror story, as the show goes on recurring characters start to appear and an overarching storyline begins to emerge. The later seasons of the show really display a similar ethos to the Buffyverse shows when it comes to taking their characters to very dark places, and the way that the show plays with horror tropes will likely also appeal to Buffy fans! Prepare yourself for some truly creepy storytelling and truly heartbreaking emotional moments and give it a listen.

Janus Descending 

Listen if you like: Horror, female-led shows

Status: Finished (sequel series ongoing)

Episode count: 13

Average episode length: 15-20 minutes

Plot summary: This limited series, science fiction/horror audio drama podcast follows the arrival of two xenoarcheologists on a small world orbiting a binary star. But what starts off as an expedition to survey the planet and the remains of a lost alien civilization, turns into a monstrous game of cat and mouse, as the two scientists are left to face the creatures that killed the planet in the first place.

Why you should listen: While it’s probably the least similar to the Buffyverse shows of any of my recommendations, I think Janus is still worth looking into simply because it’s a really great “starter podcast” for those who’ve never got into audio dramas before. It’s a limited series of just 13 episodes, each episode is only around 15-20 minutes long, and it uses the audio format in a really unique and interesting way. While it does now have a sequel series called Descendants, the original show works very well as a standalone narrative. The horror and tension and tragedy of the story is really well done, and despite how relatively short it is you still get to feel very close to the two protagonists. Another really underappreciated show that deserves more love.

Old Gods of Appalachia 

Listen if you like: Horror/fantasy, female-led shows, anti-authoritarian themes

Plot summary: A horror-anthology podcast set in the shadows of an Alternate Appalachia, a place where digging too deep into the mines was just the first mistake.

Status: Ongoing

Episode count: 54+ (not including specials)

Average episode length: 30-40 minutes

Why you should listen: Another dark and gorgeously atmospheric horror podcast (you may be starting to sense a theme here), this one based around an alternate history version of Appalachia where eldritch gods and monsters inhabit the mountains and hills. Much like TMA, Old Gods is primarily an anthology series, consisting of a wide variety of different horror stories set in the same world. These stories range from one-off episodes to season-long arcs, and cover a broad spectrum of horror sub-genres. While I do find it a little hard at times to follow all the different connections between the different stories and arcs, I think it’s still absolutely worth listening to for its tone, storytelling, social commentary (plenty of “fuck capitalism” stories here), and well-written and complex female characters. Definitely a must-listen for all the horror/fantasy fans out there (and I know for a fact that’s a lot of you).

Hi Nay 

Listen if you like: Horror/fantasy, female-led shows, stories about bands of deeply flawed misfits with interpersonal issues, episodic/monster of the week storytelling with an overarching plot

Status: Ongoing

Episode count: 32+

Average episode length: 30-60 minutes (not including specials and minisodes)

Plot summary: A supernatural horror fictional podcast about Filipina immigrant Mari Datuin, whose babaylan (shaman) family background accidentally gets her involved in stopping dangerous supernatural events in Toronto. 

Why you should listen: A very fun urban fantasy monster-of-the-week style show that pulls from both classic horror tropes and Filipino folklore. While I haven’t listened to much of this one yet, it’s a really engaging and often emotional listen with a very fun framing device that uses the audio medium in a clever way!

Of course, this is only a small fraction of the wealth of audio drama podcasts out there. I'm only one guy and I can't listen to all of them! If any of you have any recommendations for other audio dramas you think Buffy fans will enjoy, feel free to add them on! And if you're interested and have any questions feel free to send me a message - I always love talkin' audio dramas!

#buffyverse #slayers a buffyverse story #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #podcasts #ifer rambles #ok WHEW i'm done with this thing #this is it this is my contribution to events #i perhaps get a bit sappy in this post but i do genuinely hope that slayers is able to get ppl more interested in this medium #even if it's just a few people!! that would still be such a win!!! #i love audio drama very much and i want other people to love it too #long post

[vikkirosko]

I thought this time of changing the characters, cause my close friend wanted to have a request too. 🤭

South park-(The same tall, outgoing, popular and going to sport activities male reader) Kyle, Stan, Damien, Phillip "Pip"

Pets! I know there are things that not everyone wants or can take care of, but I do think they can take care of a puppy or a cat at least. It would be a normal weekend with a hanging out the usual, you know? The male reader shows a lot of affection and makes them feel loved (I hope they won't suffocate from it all 😳) after a while he just gets up and gives them a beautiful box, it Is quiet and still, and he says to open it for them with a sweet smile and when they do, they found an adorable puppy or kitty which gets really attached to them quickly.

Headcanons Pet

💙 Stan Marsh x male!Reader 🐶

Stan loved animals. After his dog died, he didn't have pets, and you knew about it. You knew how much he missed his dog, so you decided to please your boyfriend by giving him a surprise that you hoped he would like

You and Stan spent time together at your house. You were especially affectionate and caring towards him, but Stan didn't mind. He liked it when you hugged him, kissed him and said kind words to him. Your parents weren't at home, so you didn't have to worry about them coming into the room and embarrassing you with their comments, but Stan didn't even realize that you had your own plan for your time together

Stan was surprised when you said you had a surprise for him. You left the room quickly, obviously in a hurry, and there was a smile on your lips. Stan began to feel excited. He wasn't sure what exactly you were up to. Usually your surprises were that you arranged dates for you in some unusual and romantic places, but when you returned, he saw a box in your hands. You handed this box to him, with a sweet smile and a request to open it. Stan felt a catch, but when he opened the box, he saw that there was a puppy there, who immediately began to happily wag his tail and yap

Stan couldn't hold back the joyful laughter and tears that appeared in the corners of his eyes. He took the puppy in his arms. It was hard for him to believe that it wasn't a dream, but when the puppy started licking his face, he realized that it was reality. You looked at happy Stan with a sincere smile, rejoicing at his happiness. You were hoping that this puppy would be able to give your boyfriend a lot of happy memories. You understood that this puppy could not replace Sparky for him, but it could also become important to Stan

💚 Kyle Broflovski x male!Reader ✡️

Kyle's parents rarely thought about getting a pet. Even Kyle himself didn't think about getting a pet that often. That's why when you invited him to visit you, he assumed that you would just, as always, spend time together. Because of your studies and sports competitions, you didn't have many opportunities to be together, so he agreed, rejoicing that you could relax together

At first everything was as usual. You chatted about everything in the world, you hugged him a lot, kissed him, said tender words to him. Kyle was smiling at you, pressing his back against your chest. You were more affectionate than usual, but when you told Kyle that you had a surprise for him, he was surprised. He was even more surprised when you returned to the room with a box in your hands and a sweet smile on your lips

When he opened the box, he froze in shock. There was a kitten in the box that immediately curiously tried to get out of the box into Kyle's arms. You watched his reaction with a soft smile on your lips. Kyle was surprised and only when he took the kitten in his arms he smiled. It was unusual for him, but he felt a warmth in his chest, looking at this little animal, which was so trustfully clinging to his hands

Kyle didn't know how he would explain to his parents about where he got this kitten from, but he was ready to try to convince them to let him leave the kitten at home. He saw how glad you were that he liked your surprise and he couldn't just give up the kitten, especially considering how the animal trusted him

👿 Damien Thorn x male!Reader 🔥

Damien didn't have a lot of opportunities to have a pet in Hell and you knew about it. He often told you about his life in Hell with his father and several times he even invited you to visit. You've been to his house more often than you have, so when you invited him to visit, Damien was inspired. He was worried, not knowing exactly what to expect, not even guessing what exactly you decided to arrange

You spent time together at your house. You watched movies together, chatted about everything in the world, you hugged him, said kind words to him and kissed him. Damien loved this quiet time with you. When you told him you had a surprise for him, Damien was excited and surprised. He watched carefully as you left the room and then returned to the room with a box in his hands and a sweet smile on his lips

He looked from the box to you and back several times, after which he decided to open the box. He froze when he saw a kitten in the box. The little black kitten looked at him with its yellow eyes and tried to get out of the box pretty quickly. Damien took the kitten in his arms and the animal quickly began to purr. He looked at the kitten with surprise and delight in his eyes

He couldn't believe that you gave him an animal. He couldn't say a word, and you looked at him with a sincere smile. You were glad that your gift caused such a reaction. You knew that Damien didn't have many opportunities to communicate with anyone in Hell, so you hoped that a little friend would help him not feel so lonely when he was in Hell

🇬🇧 Pip Pirrup x male!Reader 🎀

Every time you and Pip found an animal during a walk, your boyfriend tried to give the stray animal a little care. You knew how kind and caring he was, so when you decided to surprise him, you realized that the idea that came to your mind was perfect

You invited Pip to your house as you often did. He liked to spend time there, because you could do anything and no one would look at you disapprovingly. On this day, you were especially gentle, hugged him a lot, kissed him and said affectionate words. He smiled at you, held your hand and snuggled up to your side. But when you went into another room and came back with a box in his hands, he didn't know what to expect

When he opened the box, he couldn't believe his eyes. There was a real puppy in the box. The puppy immediately began happily wagging his tail, yapping and trying to get out of the box. Pip took the puppy in his arms and the animal happily began to lick his face. Pip was laughing and you couldn't help but smile when you saw your boyfriend happy. You've been thinking for a long time about how to make him not feel lonely when you weren't around. You often went to sports competitions and now Pip would not be alone when you had to go to another city

Pip was genuinely happy. The puppy you gave him even reminded him a little of you. You were just as affectionate and clingy. Pip knew that now, even when you are not around, he will not be so lonely, as if a part of you will always be with him

#south park #south park x reader #south park headcanons #Stan Marsh #Stan Marsh x Reader #Kyle Broflovski #Kyle Broflovski x Reader #Damien Thorn #Damien Thorn x Reader #Pip Pirrup #Pip Pirrup x Reader

[cosmo-watches-movies]

Heartlands (2002)

Summary: A Road Movie about kind hearted Colin (Michael Sheen), who has his world turned upside down when his wife Sandra (Jane Robbins) runs away with a policeman. He sets out on his moped and starts the journey through the country to bring her back home.

No spoilers watch the movie This movie feels like a warm hug, a cozy blanket and hot cocoa on a crisp autumn day. It’s a delight. I’ll do things a bit different this time, I won’t go in too deep because I want as many people as possible to just experience this film. Because that is what it is, a experience. It has some very beautiful shots, great humor and very charming characters. And it takes it’s time when it needs to. One might say it’s a bit artsy but I like it for just that.

Okay maybe some spoilers there are a few things I’d like to talk about

Colin is THE Cinnamonroll, he doesn’t deserve any of Sandras bs, but it does provide the incentive for the journey of his life so it’s fine in the end.

I love how when Sandra tells Colins friends, that she will leave him for the Police Captain (JIm Carter), they are just as irritated as I am while watching. The worst part is, that the Captain proceeds to throw Colin off the Darts Team (they are set to compete in a turnament the following weekend) and with that he robs our poor guy of the two things he loves the most at the same time. WTF I’m mad, what an asshole do you have to be? And Sandra just tags along? What did Colin ever do to you? Poor man is sitting in his shop balling his eyes out, they just robbed him of everything that was important to him.

A good friend of Colin convinces him to follow the darts team to Blackpool to win Sandra back, and although at this point I would personally think "fuck her actually", he didn’t even have the chance to talk to her about this, so fair enough. What else should he do now, sit in his store and mope? This is the better option.

Enter beautiful shots of the english country and small towns coupled with folk music, I’ve never felt this comfy in my life. I can’t even imagine how this movie hits if you actually grew up in the UK.

This movie is beautiful

Colin's first overnight stop is at some kind of cottage Inn in the middle of nowhere. There he meets a lovely couple, who are the first people so far who treat him nicely. Or rather like a normal human being. Up to this point I noticed two things: First: Colin is framed by the movie like he is still a bit of a child inside. He’s not immature I think, but a bit naive, very quiet and a bit socially inept, like he hasn’t quite arrived in the real world yet. Second: Other characters in the film notice this and some tend to treat him a bit lesser because of that. Doesn’t hit close to home at all, noooo… Buuut our boy Colin doesn’t really care about that, he just does his thing and is his most sincere self, even if he’s still on the way to finding out who he really is and what he wants from his life. I love that for him.

Anyway the guy (from that couple) gives Colin a haircut and a new shirt so now he looks like a whole different person. (This visibly kicks his character developement journey off and I love that visual language, plus the haircut really suits him, dude did a really good job)

Cue a shot of Colin being sad, listening to a folk band playing in the Inn and my heart is melting this is movie is so precious.

I don't want to spoil what happens in one of the following scenes, my thoughts are confirmed, Colin is a kid and I love him for that.

Colin, I’d like you to please stop doing and saying things that make me go: “Ha, I do that!” Thank you very much.

I won’t go into much more detail from this point on I will just say he eventually gets to Blackpool, talks to Sandra and makes the best decision of his life. He really learned a lot about himself in those few days. The ending fills my heart with butterflies everytime.

A pure, lovely, gentle and genuine performance by Michael. I don’t know how, but his acting in this feels like a hug from a very good friend. It’s so warm and sincere. Of all the films and shows I’ve written about until now, this one is by far my favourite. This is the kind of movie you turn to when you're having a hard time and want to work through it.

If you can, watch it in autumn. With a nice cuddly blanket, a person you love and a nice tea or hot cocoa. But however you do it, if there is one film from my blog you should watch, it's this one!

PS: If you should ever have the chance to meet Michael Sheen in person, please tell him a random guy called Cosmo on the internet loved this movie very much and would like to thank him for this extraordinary genuine and heartfelt performance. This film will stay with me for a long time <3

#His hair is actually part of the plot how genius is that! #I want to make a road trip through the english country now #Heartlands #Filmography #michael sheen #I know there is a queer reading of this movie if you're willing to interpret it that way. Like Storytelling wise #Stuff like doing everything society expects from you (partner- house -stable job) but still not being very happy in your life #Very subtle tho #Setting out to find yourself in a litteral journey meeting lots of different people who teach you things about life away from the norm. #Finding who you really are and what you really want #What I mean is that this film tells a stroy that parallels queer narratives very closely #Idk other people might be better at exploring that topic that's just a thought I had after watching this three times

[uummi]

Written for @dicktimweek 2023

Day 5: First Crush/Love | Dick learns Tim is his soulmate after Damian Gains Robin | BAMF Tim Drake

Words Count: 1649

Title: Black Dahlia

Pairing: Dick Grayson/Tim Drake

Warnings: Implied Character Death| Implied Reverse Robins AU| Implied Joker Junior AU

Dick was a naturally gifted master of performance

Perhaps the fact that he opened his eyes in a show where the led lamps illuminating the interior of the tent gave the feeling of the soft shadow of the moon and the noise of applause served as a lullaby was one of the reasons why he had this habit

Even when he was a baby bird that was too small to carry his parents in the sky with his own wings, he invited people to the show of their lives with his bright smile on his face, enjoyed the smell of excitement spreading around with pleasure

But every art had an inspiration, like that his father and mother had painted their canvas, before they met which was a blank piece of white brick, using the colors of the rainbow they had collected while floating

Dick, on the other hand, has his own in the blue eyes of an older boy he met by chance one day

A boy with a huge camera that looks big on tiny but obviously very painful calloused hands and a small but strong shining smile like a star

Timothy Drake...

It all started on a summer day when he turned 5 and it was going to be determined whether he would start accompanying his parents to their shows

That's why it wasn't a strange situation when everyone was running around with celebration supplies from a month ago, or talking about the childhood of the acrobat who made the sun jealous with their excited tones to each other

For Dick, on the other hand everything was a mess because he still hadn't figured out how to do his family's special move

Even if he felt his muscles crying with pain every day, he worked late into the night and even sometimes gave up sleeping and continued his training, nothing he did was working

He could see that his parents were looking at him with sadness so he was starting to get scared now

What if he fails and his parents start denying Dick's existence? What was he going to do then, he didn't have another family

He didn't want to be alone...

As a result, although he knew that everyone was waiting for him, he decamped through the caravans and started running towards the wooded area next to where the circus decided to stay

He had no strength left to endure this expectation any longer...

He also did not believe that anyone would try to find him, which is perhaps why the thin fingers touching his shoulder caused him to scream

Ice blue eyes that would melt with warmth nevertheless complement the body dressed in red clothes and looked at it with such sincerity that Dick believed for a moment that he was an extremely important person

'Why are you crying, are you hurt?'

He touched his hand to the point where his eyelids were, and when he felt the wetness, he made a surprised sound towards the air because he was not even aware that the tears had regained their freedom

The boy began to speak as if he had never removed the question he was asking from his thin lips while Dick was trying to wipe the wetness off his face, and the other was trying to ignore them after a caress with the hand he placed on his knee

Also Dick was having new thoughts about the beauty of the being in front of him every passing second

The more Timmy talked, I told you to call me Tim why are you already trying to find a nickname when I have one, Dick was starting to calm down a little more. Two of them even started bouncing stones in the lake opposite where they were sitting

At the end of about an hour, the younger boy began to explain what the situation that was bothering him was

In fact, he was just waiting for a conversation consisting of sentences indicating how upset they were or that such a thing would definitely not happen

It happened to everyone else like this

So the response he received in return was the last thing he expected

'Do you want me to teach you?'

In response to his incredulous looks, the teenager with straight black hair said that he really had a great teacher and that he was trying to learn all the movements that attracted his interest after his training with him

And even before his sentence was finished, he presented a perfect work of art

A special show for only certain people, like a bird flying at night

He was so lucky...

Timmy gave him tips to perfect the movement for a while, and Dick felt that after a long time he was really ready to fly

Dick wanted to give something on top of that, but what could it be?

For a few seconds, his eye was caught on the camera, which Tim did not let go of for a long time. With the idea that came to his mind, he tried to find a suitable angle by taking the machine left by the tree in his hand

When he got the position he wanted, he quickly sat Tim down and settled into his lap

'Smile Timmy!'

The young boy complied with the request and also joined their cheeks and planted a small kiss on Dick's one at a moment when he was sure that the machine had caught

After both sides got their photos in their hands, the sounds of footsteps began to approach before Dick had a chance to say anything else

'Timothy, if you're done, let's go now. Don't keep father waiting any longer'

After the sound heard from a grown man, Dick, who saw that the young boy had provided his head and slowly began to advance his body, shouted in alarm

He didn't want it to end, he didn't want to leave Timmy's side!

'Watch me before you go!'

Tim's eyebrows rose into the air with a pleasant curl, and although Dick knew even from this that his cheeks were starting to blush, he did not disturb his determined posture

Upon these words, he became possessed of that image that did not come out of his dreams. The normally air-stitched hair scattered by the summer breeze closed the ice-blue eyes for a moment, the hand that did not hold the camera threw a few tufts behind the ear, and an angelic smile that pinched the sides of his face decorated the pink lips

Ah... He didn't want him go because he had fallen in love

He forgot about the fingers touching the top of his head, the arm dragging him towards the tent or the other boy he saw just for a second who called Timmy, and he wasn't fully himself until he reached his parents' side or even presented the Grayson family's special move

If Tim is able to do the Quadruple Somersault, wouldn't that make him a Grayson?

He was awakened from his thoughts by the kiss that his mother placed on his cheeks and greeted them gently in response to the sounds of applause

'My little Robin... We always knew you would make us proud'

He could look into his mother's smiling eyes and feel that he was starting to laugh through his aching cheeks, or he could relive how full of confidence his father's peaceful embrace was

Turning his head, he turned to Tim, who was standing at the end of the tent door. The young boy was waiting like being the most beautiful being he had ever seen, and he was kind of sending his congratulations by raising his thumb to him

And then he was gone before Dick could talk to him again

So Dick squeezed the photo he put in his pocket with all his might

The one which Tim kissed him...

Would he ever see him again, he wonder

This question continued to haunt his brain until the death show of his family. Every year, he would examine the people inside the tent before going on stage and would give Tim his art along with every beautiful feeling from his heart

Now the top of his canvas was covered with blood, a storm had broken in the sky he was flying

He closed his eyes and tried to eliminate the pain, but he just didn't know what to do

And then Dick felt startled by the hand placed on his shoulder as he cried, knowing that his parents' broken wings would never heal again and that their bodies, captured by wild animals, would be buried in the ground

Nevertheless, he raised his head, ignoring the drops floating from the tears that filled the blues

Opposite him was a young man whose hair reached to his shoulders. Although the hood was tightly covered, the green wires decorating the ends could be noticed

But the really noticeable part was perhaps the scars that turned the sides of his mouth into a horror movie scene. It's like someone put a knife through the tip of his lip and went to the last point he could go

As if this situation would prevent Dick from recognizing him...

'Timmy?'

The blue-green eyes opened in surprise and the decayed hands buried in his hair paused for a few seconds

Then the head area moved towards the shoulder with a slight curve. As if he didn't know what he was talking about

Dick remembered a news story he had read in one of the newspapers called the Joker attack in Gotham and what happened as a result, and realized that the stones had fallen into place

So while he was even more upset that everyone he loved had to suffer, he cried once again for all of the childhood he had lost

He was cursed...

#dicktim #batcest #dicktimweek #dicktimweek2023

[westcoastcreative]

Daddy’s Home

My EXPLICIT (that’s E-rated) love letter to who Manny Mayans is in my head if they had expanded upon the character in the show. You could definitely replace the wife I wrote for him in with yourself so I guess this is both Manny Mayans x ofc and Manny Mayans x you? 😘

It’s about 1,200 words. Please enjoy.

Among all the things she’d always wanted to be, wife and mother were certainties.

She might have tried to convince herself that those things weren’t as important to her as they were while in other situations with other men, but Manny had only ever asked that she be herself — open and honestly. After much turmoil and pain trying to make pieces fit that just didn’t with others, the deep exhale into unconditional love that came with Manny’s appearance in her life felt like coming home.

He allowed her to be all the things she was and dreamt of being without compromise. A spouse and a parent included — no coaxing or explanation needed. He’d always wanted to be those things, too.

Due to the nature of other things he was, Manny couldn’t always be home with her and Bella. That was perfectly okay, though. One of the other things she happened to be was highly independent.

When Manny was there — at the secluded home they’d purchased together with breathtaking views of sunrise and sunset over the Sonoran Desert — he was present and attentive in yet another way she’d never experienced with any man before him.

Following his most recent return from the road, Bella insisted that the three of them spend two full weekends together doing all the things and going all the places they loved. She was a daddy’s girl through and through, but by the third weekend she was ready to agree to a single night with her grandparents while Mom and Dad enjoyed an evening to themselves. Manny and his wife got a fire going in the backyard and caught up on all that had transpired in their separate but shared adult worlds while they were apart, gazing at the stars and sipping their favorite special occasion wine as they sat close.

Leaning in to nose behind her ear and sniff her hair, Manny placed a soft kiss on his wife’s neck. She felt his breath there when he murmured, “God, I miss this so much when I’m gone.”

Her closed lips turned up in a small smile as she finished a sip of wine, lashes lowering with the contented, flattered giddiness that his deep voice and relaxed confidence still elicited since the first time she’d ever heard it, all those years ago. Her hand moved to gently squeeze his thigh. Manny reached up to nudge her face in his direction, his big brown eyes a mix of sincere, captivated and hungry, like the first time they’d ever met hers.

“I miss your cooking, your voice, the way you keep our space so beautiful…” he smiled observantly in the direction of a throw pillow next to him — one she’d added to their outdoor sofa while he was away, striped with oranges and pinks that perfectly mirrored the colors of the desert sunsets the sky cast before their modern white farmhouse every evening at dusk. Manny was the only man she’d ever been with who noticed those things, too.

He abandoned talk of the pillow to grab for her waist, guiding her to sit up and straddle him. He swept the hair back from her eyes so he could look directly into them again. “…the way you make sure Bella and I have the best fuckin’ life.”

She smiled a little more noticeably then, trying her best not to tear up at the perfect dream of a partner for her that was Manny.

“I miss you so much when I’m gone, baby,” Manny whispered, not breaking eye contact.

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, her small French-manicured hands grasping his shoulders.

“I miss you, too…” she batted her eyes open and replied. With a playful smirk she bit her lip, gazing down at him sweetly and added, “… Daddy.”

Manny growled and jerked his hips up ever so slightly at her use of the name — one she’d offered up on her own when they first started getting intimate and he happily accepted.

“Yeah? You missed Daddy?” Manny bit his tongue between his teeth as he reached back to wrap his fist around her hair and yank her head back just an inch so his eyes could see all of her pretty orbs closer up.

“You miss this, too?” his other hand dipped into the crotch of her thin, ribbed lounge pants, pressing the flats of index and middle fingers against her bare slit.

His eyes stayed on hers.

Again she fought the welling of tears, these of a different kind than when he was telling her how much he missed her voice and cooking. Manny could read her need precisely.

“Now that we’re alone you gonna let me hear how much you missed it?” he quickly, deftly pushed two fingers into her already pulsing warm wetness.

His wife let out a loud sob but tried to stifle the second and third of its kind down, despite the fact that their closest neighbors were football fields away.

Manny pressed the heel of his hand down against her clit as he continued to finger fuck her with the full length of his long, perfectly thick fingers.

“Daddy,” she cried out and he pulled her hair harder, moving his mouth to bite at her lower lip.

“That’s it, you gon’ let ‘em know, ‘Daddy’s home,’ for me, okay baby?” his voice got gravely with the dotingly delivered command.

He was teasing her, knowing she was very reserved and well-mannered in her life outside their bedroom. Not a fan of heavy PDA. Classy, if not a little uptight. He also knew that — realistically — no one could hear them. Manny loosened her up while honoring her boundaries.

His wife’s eyes flared with turned-on annoyance at what he was asking her to do. She ground her pelvis and the back of his hand connected to it down against his hard cock and smirked.

Manny tsked as he pushed his hips up slightly to create more friction.

“Ah, ah, ah, none of that until I hear you tell ‘em I’m home, honey. Let ‘em know how well you’re being taken care of,” his hand released her hair to slide down and grab her asscheek, adding just a little more pressure as he dragged her pelvis against his length.

“Daddy,” she wailed out louder like a child who wasn’t going to get her way but was still trying to hold out. Her mouth fell open and Manny leaned his in again to greet it, this time wrapping his lips around her tongue in a gentle suck.

He guided her ass and hips down at just the angle he knew was going to send her over the edge and moved his mouth to bite down on her neck as it hit her.

“Daddy’s home!” she screamed into the starry darkness around them, coming and then shaking with smaller orgasms for a minute or two while Manny helped her let her body down with less intense thrusts of his fingers.

“That’s right, mama. Daddy’s home.” Manny growled into her neck as he removed his hand from inside her pants to grab her other asscheek and carry her inside for the evening.

#manny mayans #Mayans #mayans mc #Mayans manny #manny x wife!ofc #manny Mayans x reader #manny Mayans x wife!ofc #manny x you #manny Montana #manny montana imagine #manny montana smut #manny mayans smut

[c-is-for-circinate]

Post-ep c3e25

It's so great getting back to the Bells Hells! (This is not a knock on any of the wonderful things we've seen over the past month, but oh man I'd forgotten how much I missed these losers.)

Thoughts:

--Fearne's parents! Oh shit!!!

--No really, oh shit, because this is Fearne's quest. This is Fearne's quest and she's getting it answered in episode fucking 25 and that is absolutely impossible unless it's about to go south for her in a complicated fashion. (God, how much does 'my grandma told me that they had to leave because they were doing Something Very Important' sound like a little girl very seriously and sincerely explaining about the farm upstate that her parents told her about where the old dogs live? How much does it sound like a line? How much does it sound like Ashley knows or at least suspects it's a line, and Fearne has no idea?)

--(What I'm saying is, did Fearne's parents fuck off because fae have no sense of time and they specifically had no sense of commitment, and they're delighted to hear that Fearne exists now that they're hearing from her but they'd otherwise sort of forgotten about her for a hundred years while grandmama told fairy stories? Because that feels like the next step.)

--Side thought: obviously D&D characters so rarely have living parents, but between Fearne and Imogen we've got a trend of missing parents who left for unknown reasons that may or may not have been good at the time and then stayed mysteriously gone. It doesn't seem like anyone else falls into that category in the party so far? But it's a cool parallel that I'll be keeping an eye on as we find out more about the Calloways OR Imogen's mom.

--Ok yep time to have feelings about Imogen and Laudna and their beautiful mess, let's gooooo

--It's such a perfect storm of conflicting personal issues, is the thing, and it's not even JUST Imogen and Laudna, it's both of them spiraling out through who did they actually pick to talk to and how are they writing their own narrative about this disagreement in ways that keep folding back on themselves, right, because

--The actual reality of the situation is that Laudna felt a protective and inquisitive urge which seemed natural and normal to her, chose to give into it without further interrogating where that impulse came from, and then experienced a loss of bodily autonomy which led to something very important to Imogen getting broken. Since I have less than no desire for fandom's umpteenth round of Who's In The Wrong (and fuck Bowlgate), I'm much less interested in making declarations about how the argument Should Be Framed, and rather more interested in looking at how it is framed, and what that means for the characters involved. Because right now, both Imogen and Laudna are framing it as Laudna's fault, and nobody around them is actually questioning that, and that is not the only way this could have gone. And that's interesting.

--For Laudna, it makes perfect sense. She feels responsible, because Delilah Briarwood is an abuser who makes her bad shit somebody else's fault and Delilah Briarwood's been living in Laudna's head for decades. She feels responsible because Imogen is upset with her, and Imogen is the one person in Laudna's life, up until very recently, who believed anything good about her ever. Laudna is a people-pleaser, and we're starting to see some of the complicated ways that interacts with her whole everything, because it's not just that she's cheerfully oblivious to how people are afraid of her. It's that, with a few people -- with Imogen especially! -- on her side, she is cheerful enough by nature and by self-preserving design that she doesn't worry about the rest of the world. But that means that so much of her self-worth rests on Imogen's shoulders, and now that that relationship's been challenged, Laudna takes all of that blame onto herself.

--And it makes so much sense for Imogen, too, who's going through a whole slew of things that are and aren't about Laudna at all. She's cracking under ten kinds of pressure, and she was doing so well before this incident. Tonight we saw her not just mad at Laudna, but defensive as well as jealous. She said herself that she's not ready yet to admit that maybe it's good that the rock broke. She's also not ready to admit that maybe holding Laudna fully responsible for everything Delilah Briarwood does through her is a little unfair, or to deal with the thought that Laudna also suffered a violation and a loss in that moment. Which, good on Imogen for knowing what she isn't ready to deal with! Imogen has so much shit going on right now! Sleeplessness and tension and stress and also that damn rock all pushed her together towards cruelty, which because she's a decent person added layers of guilt, which added to the stress, which just keeps pushing and compiling. She wrecked the competing mercenaries in the museum and loved her horse and was full of compassion for a massive desert octopus. She'd rather talk to a massive desert octopus or cross half a city and buy a ring by herself without the rest of her party because she can't always handle being at the center of their mess. She is still having horrifying nightmares of her own death! She still doesn't know what's wrong with her! Being Imogen presumably really sucks right now, in that depressive episode way where she's protectively self-isolating and doesn't necessarily have the energy at hand to be fair about other points of view and other people's pain, because she's too swamped with her own. So yeah, defensively blaming it on Laudna, even as she admits that maybe losing the rock wasn't all bad, even as she stews in jealousy because she wants Laudna back so desperately -- of course it makes sense.

--But! Orym and Ashton and FCG! Their reactions are really meaningful too, and like all good reactions, say way more about the characters having them than about the situation at hand!

--FCG is Being Helpful, but tonight I think I really put my finger on something essential to him, which is that FCG does not understand the concept of an unreliable narrator. He is immediately 100% on board with helping and supporting Laudna. He also doesn't for one second question Laudna's assertion that she fucked up, that she's entirely at fault. In the words of some recent 4-Sided Dive or another, it's the undergrad freshmen psych major response; he takes Laudna entirely at her word, because he doesn't really understand the idea that somebody could absolutely be sure they're telling the truth about themself and their own experiences, and still be wrong. He doesn't have the context to ask the questions about, 'hey, why might Laudna be predisposed to take on more guilt and responsibility for things than is entirely her share?' He's aware enough to know that whatever is going on, it's going to have to be Laudna and Imogen who handle it, but he wants to fix things, and Laudna has offered him something to fix: she fucked up, she broke things, and now she wants to apologize.

--Orym is actively being a good friend here, which is great. He notices that Imogen and Laudna are off, and he asks Imogen about it. He notably doesn't try to fix things, but willingly listens, and encourages Imogen to let it out as she needs to. He assigns no blame, on either side, while making it clear that he's there to support Imogen as her friend. The fact that he doesn't take the opportunity to go, "hey, maybe Laudna didn't actually do what you think she did!" is the completely reasonable and correct choice. Orym isn't here to Fix This Relationship, he's here to support Imogen who is, again, having a godawful time of things right now and currently doesn't even have Laudna's support in it all. He's not taking sides in an argument, but he is firmly situating himself in Imogen's corner, as a person she can rely on, when she feels she has far too few of those in the world.

(--And there's something to it, the dynamic where your own mental health issues are such a mess that, when something goes wrong with your oldest/closest friend, you turn to a new friend instead because that relationship is too new to have all that impossible weight, because you haven't fucked that one up yet, because it's still shiny and not full of flaws yet, and maybe you'll do better this time, maybe you'll get luckier. It's a complicated sort of emotional moment, and very real, and that's without even glancing at the oblique tangle of romantic undertones that may or may not exist.)

--And Ashton! Ashton who's checking in partially because, for all he scoffed at it, he's honestly been working really hard at the whole I Guess I'm Sort Of A Leader Now thing, if only because he's the crew's local guide while they're in Basuras. There's a weird interpersonal thing! He should check in! And then of course Laudna collapses into sobs, which is very much not what he was expecting and oh boy now he's in way over his head whoops. Ashton also doesn't really question the way Laudna's presenting the situation, aside from the incredibly pertinent, "Does she know it was an accident?", and what's interesting is he does it for almost the opposite reasons as FCG. FCG doesn't ask because he assumes Laudna's relaying things accurately and he thinks he can help fix it. Ashton doesn't ask because he's real clear on, oh boy, Laudna is not particularly coherent on anything right now, she is probably not thinking at all straight, and I 100% cannot fix this so I do not even want to touch it. Laudna is, Ashton will maintain, a grown-ass adult, albeit a somewhat dead one. If she's claiming responsibility for a fuckup, he's not going to argue with her about it. He's not her therapist. He pushes back against some of her wilder self-flagellating plans, and tries to nudge towards a more situation-appropriate apology that actually addresses what she did wrong -- and maybe there's some subtle hinting in there about, hey, Laudna, pay attention to the reality of what you actually did wrong. He lets himself be used as a handkerchief for goo. In a lot of ways, he's doing the same thing Orym did, being a support post and a listening ear for a friend who needs one, without trying to pry or fix; it's just a somewhat wetter job from this side. Honestly, I think watching the Laudna-Ashton interaction was my favorite conversation of all three, because Ashton is so clearly still walking the line where he tells himself that, no, of course he doesn't love these people, are you an idiot? They're his coworkers and maybe, sigh, friends or something, he guesses. But meanwhile he's letting a zombie lady ooze black tears all over his shirt and telling her it's fine and not even getting annoyed about things, and being nice about it all, because what, is he going to be mean? THAT'S not very punk. But Ashton doesn't push too hard against the 'it's all Laudna's fault' narrative because that's not who he is either. It doesn't seem at all like a useful argument to have, and also they've got to deal with an armed military fort and a missing quokka and seriously he was just trying to make thirty seconds of conversation how did he end up in this mess.

--It's going to be SO INTERESTING to see where it all goes, and I love the impact Dusk is adding to the story! I love that Laudna is so bereft over Imogen that she hasn't even noticed them outside of group shenanigans, while Dusk is completely into her and Imogen is fuming. I love the way the party split worked out for the stakeout. I love the fact that they're clearly both hurting badly and want to have each other's support again so clearly. They both have regrets. I appreciate that.

--Nothing big on the shenanigans portion of tonight, although it was extensive and glorious (oh my GOD the Taste of Tal'dorei afternoon lunch theater). I missed these kids and their wacky antics during the grimdark pain of EXU Calamity. I'm so glad to be back.

And lastly:

--Every time somebody mentions Imahara Joe, the tinker and mechanic, my heart cracks absolutely in half, because you will never convince me this NPC we haven't met yet isn't named after Grant Imahara and that's beautiful and also I thought I was done being sad about that two years ago but nope, guess I've still got some sad left.

#cr spoilers #critical roll #c3e25 #post-ep