#it still sometimes sucks

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

the loneliness and sadness that creeps into you in a way that only growing up queer can cause. your parents can accept you and still make you feel like an outsider. your parents can love you and still reject parts of you. that old-fashioned kind of love where they think trying to mold you, make you tough, is better for you. or that quiet status quo where you just don't talk. and where everyone is accepted, though some are more than others. generations and generations it's just been easier to let it slide. to let it be. not cause a fuss. but then we sit there with a knot in our chests all our lives wondering how it got there

#this is about #all of us strangers #ofc your experience of a piece of media is molded by your own perspective #and i have been thinking a lot about growing up queer and how it still fucking sucked #for me. ten. twenty years ago. fuck it even five years ago #it still sometimes sucks #because i was raised without any queer representation around me #i was trained to be straight and to desire straightness #and anything remotely queer was mocked and bullied and judged #i saw it done by others and done to others so much that it's hardly surprising i did everything i could to Not be that #and the fact that i had to grow up that way #and that i still wouldn't feel at ease bringing a partner to a family event #makes my heart ache so much #i am often on my own and going home doesn't bring me comfort #it's like harry describes #it's just how it went #my parents didn't mean to make it like that #my mom even thinks it's sad #but she doesn't understand how it came to be #and i don't know if i can turn it around #adam's imaginings of how his parents envelop him with love and acceptance in the end #was a dream #but a painful one #a dream where your parents suddenly say all the right things #and for him they only did so bc they're dead and he could imagine whatever he wanted #/and still/ he imagined his mom rejecting his sexuality at first #literally so disgusted she can't drink her tea #oooooofofffffff....... #i need to think some more #my posts

[kvtnisseverdeen]

GET TO KNOW ME MEME: FAVORITE SHOWS ↳ Teen Wolf (2011-2017)

"I'm going to tell you a story, maybe it will sound familiar. There was this kid, 16, alone, and running for his life. He couldn't see them, but he could hear them getting closer. They had guns, crossbows. They were hunting him. It started on the night of the full moon. Something came at him. Something bit him, and it changed his life. It changed everything."

#i often think about how well this show would've done if it was on streaming #it would've had a better budget for sets and cgi #tbh i think the writing sucked sometimes because the writers had a shitty budget and had to reuse sets #and also they had to include those god awful mtv ads lol #but yeah i think about it a lot :( #it was still a very good show for an mtv show in 2011 #miss it so much! #and the movie was horrible that doesnt count okay #derek is ALIVE in my head #teen wolf #mine* #gifs* #gtkm #teenwolfedit #twedit #teenwolfgif

[achillean-knight]

OK I NEED TO STOP UPLOADING, THIS IS THE LAST ONE FOR THE NIGHT, I PROMISE YOU LMFAO

(Nicked the Fronnie image from this post btw)

#This WAS originally gonna be a bite of 87 drawing but I fucked up Jeremy and gave up #Wanted to keep Mangle though because this was a first attempt and the last time I drew them was 2018 #soooooo I'M KEEPING THE GODDAMN SKETCH #Also hi what you need to know about me is sometimes I stay up doodling shit til ungodly hours but I'll leave this here for the night #(it's 10:54 pm) #mangle #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #five nights at freddy's 2 #glamrock freddy #glamrock bonnie #my art #I just slammed Glamrock Fronnie there because they are literally rotting my brain #still trying to figure out how to draw them (I suck ass at romance drawings)

[just-french-me-up]

"I write for fun!"

The fun :

#writing #writing nightmare #fanfiction #fanfic #writer's problems #writer #fanfic writer #fanfiction writing #i had a whole collage planned #turns out I suck at collages #but still the feeling is the same #although today was writing euphoria #sometimes it be like a cross to bear

[zeb-z]

I just think Tallulah gets to be upset about this. “It’s not Wilbur’s fault” “He’s not a bad dad” “He loves his daughter so much” yes! These are all true! And it’s not his fault! But he’s still not there. And Tallulah has gone through so much and still hasn’t seen him, the one time he was around was the one time she wasn’t, and all she has are letters and “I’m thinking of you always” and things that used to be theirs together, but he’s still not there. She’s waited and she’s been patient and she’s loved him all the same, and he’s still not there. Like yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, from the happy milestones to the traumatic events, he’s still not there.

She knows that it’s not his fault, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s absent. That in and of itself just adds to the sorrow, because she knows why he’s gone, and she’s been told time and time again it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, she knows this - it doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting, that it doesn’t hurt, that she doesn’t yearn for her father to be there more than anything in the world, and he’s just not there.

So yes, she gets to be upset, and be caustic, and stomp her feet and write bitter messages, and be angry and vitriolic, because she’s a little girl missing her father, who feels things with her whole heart and soul - and that means she gets to feel the ugly parts of it, too.

#it’s like no wilbur isn’t at fault. especially if we’re talking about cc wilbur. but fuck man of course she’s gonna feel like this #this doesn’t make wilbur a bad person! he’s just a missing one. and Tallulah feels all the misery and bitterness as a daughter left behind #where is her father kissing her injuries and reassuring her? where is her father protecting her? hugging her at the end of the day? #Wil isn’t around to do this and she wants him back and he’s not going to be back. not for a while. and it’s not his fault but it doesn’t #stop it from being upsetting. she’s a little girl #and at least she has phil. her dad. who’s there time and time again. and it doesn’t make him somehow morally better or wtevr. he’s there an #Wil is not. and he’s going to continue to be there as a solid figure in tallulahs life that she needs #idk man like. fuck #lmao relating my own experiences from here below in the tags ✌️ #as someone who’s been in that position? a parent absent for reasons outside of control? yeah it’s sucks. and I love them and they love me #*with a parent I mean I wasn’t the parent lmao #and it will never be the same. and when they were gone and missing things I was furious at them #that resentment grows and then it fades and sometimes bitterness strikes again and it’s how it goes. love is still there #and it’s no one’s fault. it just is. and what is is messy #anyways #mcyt #qsmp #q!tallulah #q!wilbur #z speaks

[heathenoushound]

I had a tome challenge to complete and I’m the type of player who goes feral for getting my challenges done and while crossfaded 🍃 my friend tried to warn me and all I could think of was this sound afterwards 😭

#horror #heathenart #slasher #dead by daylight #michael myers #dbd #DBD Kate #DBD Nancy #stranger things #Nancy wheeler #michael myers halloween #listen sometimes playing cross faded is the most hilarious thing ever bc my ears just were listening that day #I kept getting killers who equipped lightborn and I suck ass with beakers so I was like whyyyyyy #5 matches in a rooooow I was done 😭😭😭 #I had to last minute switch just to sneak a beamer in #I had one match where I didn’t even being a beamer no one did and a killer STILL had lightborn #no hate to the perk but oh my fucking god I swear DBD was messing with me

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm still thinking about how ashamed I was (and am) with being open about my pain because I am so young. It's so hard to feel worthy of having your pain taken seriously when the people around you insist that young bodies are always in pristine, untouched condition and that you must earn your pain through aging. Never is it considered that young people aren't lying or being a hypochondriac for expressing their pain.

Young people can be in life-altering pain. Young people can have debilitating pain. It doesn't matter what age it happens because pain doesn't discriminate. Complaining about pain and doing things to prevent needless pain aren't something you have to "earn" through aging.

If you want young people to be in less or lesser pain, then encourage them to do whatever they can to minimize it. Don't downplay what they're experiencing. Not everything is a lie, not every experience that is different than yours is exaggeration or deceit.

#disability #ableism #ableism tw #this is one of the big reasons i was ashamed of admitting when i am in pain #and it's one of the reasons i was ashamed to address the pain i have #and i'm angry about that actually! nobody should fear being labeled as essentially having munchausen syndrome because... #...'young people NEVER have pain or disabilities and you're a liar!' #i really do want to start addressing my pain because i know it's not normal but holy shit batman it can suck sometimes #i honestly like talking to my dad about this because he also has a lot of pain (moreso than i do now) but he actually TRIES to listen... #putting this in the disability tag but i still don't feel right about labeling my own pain as such... #...but i know so many people with disabling pain who would relate... #...maybe it's internalized ableism on my part or maybe i just want to be respectful of people with worse pain #this is me really just reflecting on m the fact that i haven't ever had an amazing body in a lot of ways (though i am lucky still) #i'm still thinking about having an emergency cane to help me get up when my pain is bad but idk if it's worth the investment #so if anybody reading this has suggestions (esp. for those with back pain)... please hook me up i will platonically love you forever

[melancholy--lion]

If you saw this on the Dropout Discord, no you didn't. But I have to talk about the family dynamics and relationships in this last episode of Fantasy High because I can't stop thinking about it.

Okay but seriously, the conversation with Sklonda and the one with Aelwyn have me feeling all sorts of ways thanks to my weird mix of developmental trauma. They hit SO HARD

I can't stop thinking about how Aelwyn felt like she had to move out not because anyone did anything wrong at Mordrid Manor, but because they were too kind and nice to her. Like there's this incredibly confusing and impossible to articulate combination of despair, confusion, disgust, jealousy, and shame that comes from being in a place that loves and accepts you for you after being in a place that didn't for so long. And how even if you know logically that the place is safe and you are loved, your body just doesn't believe it and you're constantly on edge and overwhelmed. It's painfully relatable as someone with that experience. I've never seen someone else relate or put those feelings into words before but I feel so seen.

Sklonda just caring so deeply about her son and being so worried and also so frustrated with her son's friends is just heartbreaking. And her not liking that they call him Ball is just icing on the cake. Because in reality, it's not a very kind nickname, seeing as it comes from Riz being bullied. And even though Riz has reclaimed it, the scars are still healing for Sklonda and that's deep too. That hit real hard too!

OH and don't even get me started on Fabian being neglected. His mom called FIG AND NOT HIM?! OH MY GOD IT HURTS! The role play this season hurts SO GOOD!!

#all I'm saying is thank god I have therapy tomorrow #very grateful to my friends and also to be in a happier and healthier place now than I ever was with my family in my life #but it's still so hard to truly accept love and I'm so grateful for Adaine and Aelwyn for having a story that I can see myself in #Even though my mom and I are no contact I still think about her sometimes #Like she sucks but she did advocate hard for me when I was being bullied in school and I'm grateful for that #dimension 20 #d20 #d20 fantasy high #Fantasy high junior year #fhjy #d20 fhjy #dimension 20 fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fhjy ep 10 #fhjy 10 #adaine abernant #fabian seacaster #riz gukgak #aelwyn abernant #sklonda gukgak #brian murphy #lou wilson #siobhan thompson

[apparently-artless]

Dungeon Meshi Episode 14 Key Frames

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi #official art #nonedit #sometimes i am tempted to do coloring for key frames instead of manga panels #mainly because i still suck at tracing and the lineart is already there XD

[luck-of-the-drawings]

!!! FLASHING LIGHTS WARNING!!! [IM NOT FUCKIN AROUND!!]

REACHED THE CUSP OF 'THIS MAY NEVER BE ABSOLUTELY FINISHED N IF I DONT SHOW IT NOW, IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.' SO HERE, A PROJECT IVE BEEN ORBITING AROUND UHH SINCE 2021 OR SO.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #cw flashing lights #LOOORRD OF LIGHTNING SAAAAVE ME!!!! #RAAAHHHH I LOVETHIS SONG SO FUCKIN MUCH AND I LOVE GILLION SO FUCKIN MUCH RAAHHHH!! RAAHHHH!!! #BUT YES YES I HAD LIKE A WHOLE OTHER HALF TO THIS SKETCHED OUT BUT IT WONT FINISH COOKIN FOR A MILLION YEAARS!!!! #MAYBE SOMEDAY..... #ANYWAY. this is my first time actually syncing audio to my animations. normally i domnt know howww. #i animated it all in fire alpaca AND THEN i mixed everything in a pirated movie maker. it kinda uh. sucks. but its WHAT I GOT BAYBE!! #i relaly like how i animate swishy hair... i was inspird by eris from sinbad. i can only HOPE i got on that level w the watery flowyness #LIUGHTNING IS HARD TO ANIMATE TOO. I WATCHED ALOTTA VIDEOS ABSORBED MINIMAL TUTORIALS AND UHH I THINK I DID OKAY!! #better than bad!!! but i can still do better. eventually. ugh. FLASHING LIGHTS TOO HUH? U LIKE ANIMATINGB FLASHING LIGHT? #U LIKE MAKING THE BLACK N WHITE FLICKER RLY FAST UNTIL UR EYES BLEED OUT UR SKULL?? YEAAAHH YOU DO!!! #im also vry proud o the title cards i made at the beginning teheheheh. dependign on where riptide goes i MIGHT change it #BUT HEY THEORY TIME? I HOPE ONE OF THE GODDESSES COMES DOWN TO PILOT GILLIONS BODY SO THEY CAN BEAT THE FUCK OUT O THE OTHER GODDESS #WHO IS ALSO IN SOMEONE ELSES MORTAL BODY. GODS COMING DOWN TO WREAK HAVOC OVER PETTY DISAGREEMENTS OOOGH HOW FUN!! #GOOD ON YOU CHAMPION!! YOUR VESSEL HAS BEEN TRAINED TO BE STRONG AND HARDY. PERFECT FOR CHANNELING DIVINE ENERGY. #OHHHH WHAT A PERFECT WEAPON YOU ARE. NOW GO AND IMMANENTIZE A WATERY ESCHATON #PARAGON OF OCEANS WRATH I WANT TO SEE YOU DROWN THE LAND. DESTROY!!! EAT!!! BURN!!! RAAAGHH I NEED GILLION TO GET MORE POWER!!!! #ALSO in other news i uh. actually posted this onto twitter forever ago but forgot to post it here bc i can only post it from pc and BABY!! #IM NOT ON THE COMPUTER OFTEN! NOT ANYMORE!! NOT ANYMOREE!!! IM FREE BAYBE!! i used to be so miserable. sometimes i think abt that. #ANYWAY. pls enjoy. just this much took so long. i love makin the lil guys move.... ouh.... hava good day if u get the chance to.

[arabriddler]

I have a heart that never beats, I have a home but never sleep. I take one man’s house and build another’s. I play games with my many brothers. I am a king among fools. Who am I?

Point D’Amour by @dragonssecretarthoard

#riddlebird #nygmobblepot #Edward nygma #the riddler #oswald cobblepot #the penguin #tw blood #tw gore #bee's art #Fun fact I had so many doubts about Philophobia and sometimes cried about it because I thought it sucked so bad so like it’s still jarring #To me that people loved it so much they’re making stuff for it like a fic! That’s insane /pos thank you so much

[sprucewoodmpreg]

not to get really close to discourse-posting at 10 in the morning but it is a bit crazy to me how stressed out people on here get abt CCs coming onto tumblr and finding the community like. unpalatable or something. instead of treating fandom like a group of people just making shit that they can pass around with each other, it's turned into this weird almost-art gallery kind of situation, where 16-year-olds with bpd and unmedicated people in their 20s are responsible for showing off just how Beautiful and Wonderful our collective creations are 😭 like can we be real. there's a hermitcraft menstruation sub-fandom on here. this shit was never gonna be safe for CCs

#unless one of them is secretly an avid fan of menstruation headcanons. in which case 👍 nice #i just woke up so if this post sucks bad then just take me out back and shoot me #i just giggle sometimes wheni see people freak out abt like. ''FUCK we gotta tag our shit so CCs cant see it. but what if they still do😧'' #they can just. not go on here then. nobody is forcing them to look at any of it 😭 #ok as im typing this im losing interest because i could always log off and go buy myself lunch #but i'll post it anyways in honor of my 2021 self #discourse

[strawberrygiorno]

if there's one piece of advice i want to give to people playing disco elysium for the first time it's to not worry too much about passing all the skill checks. yes, succeeding at them is great. but also, sometimes failing the check gets you the better result. sometimes it doesn't matter much if you pass or fail, things will continue in more or less the same way. sometimes the game will have mercy on you if you fail the same check multiple times and give you a new way out. one of the great things about this game is that failure is often just as rewarding as success, so seriously, don't worry about it.

#disco elysium #brought on by me watching a let's play and getting frustrated that the player is playing very safe #embrace the failure it's part of the experience #sometimes failing a check sucks but even then it'll still give you some neat dialogue at least #u can learn a lot by failing checks #it's usually at LEAST funny #literally like the only check i ever savescum on is the one to get kim to dance #bc i have read all the dialogue that happens if u fail that and i can't call him a slur. i just can't. #but i still think the dialogue after that failure is worth reading

[softerhaze]

idk if it was the venus retrograde or what, but july 2023 was quite literally the worst month i've ever experienced in my life like.....every single day? awful? worse than the last? it's more likely than u think

#u know sometimes you'll experience something bad in the moment and look back later like lol that was fine actually! #not july :) she was actually really bad :) #tmi but if u wanna know why i was gone lol #my partner of 6 years cheated on me in early may. on her birthday. at her party that i planned. with her coworker. and i saw it #on top of just being like. completely devastated? i was just so embarrassed? i hardly told anyone because it made me feel like #just SO worthless. and then i was embarrassed about feeling worthless and it was a whole thing #anyway they started dating in july and it was really tough for me #it was like every day i'd wake up and have to like grieve? and come to terms with reality? and accept that a lot of my future plans #were no longer going to happen - at least with her :/ it's a really tough thing to grapple with #esp since it felt like she wasn't nearly as sad as i was - which unfortunately makes sense but still sucks #ANYWAY im doing a lot better now lol i started telling people in my life and letting them be there for me and it's helped so much #it's still hard sometimes but i know now that i'm gonna be fine eventually #this is so dumb to post on my sims blog but it feels good to get it off my chest so SUE ME I GUESS

[fantasticalleigh]

old concept art for the final chapter of my reylo comic Return, which i will probably never finish. these are from early 2023 and the idea was to have either ben or rey be trapped inside some sort of portal in the WBW and have the other fight to rescue them so they could return to the land of the living, basically. I never got around to drafting the rest of the plot for that last chapter but i wanted ben to really come to terms with his desire to start a new life with rey in which he is the person he always was and not the person he wanted to be, as Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren. i have many other sketches/illustrations in the vault and while it's unlikely the comic will ever be completed i'm still glad i took the plunge and made it bc i learned a lot along the way.

(the ben solo profile drawing with the butterflies in the top right of the last image is a sticker and available through my shop!)

#fantasticalleighs art #been a while since i posted art innit #reylo #reylo art #ben solo #ben solo lives #dyad #rey nobody #rey skywalker #reylo au #fantasticalleigh's art #sometimes i really do forget to let myself just be messy and not care about polishing things so much #which really sucks because yeah these are messy and jagged but i still really like them?

[umblrspectrum]

mspaint is so fun when i've got no fucking idea what im doing

#honestly this was just like #my bf and a friend both use mspaint sometimes/always so i wanted to try it out #im not used to no stabilizer but its working i think #the fucking fill tool SUCKS though #where the FUCK is my ONE PIXEL WIDE GAP #but yea i like mspaint #just add layers and we're all cool #no im not even going to bother trying to shade this #i got so cocky after Those Two Drawings and i've now realizing i still have no fucking idea what im doing #anyways incase you haven't noticed im trying to incorporate a couple more curves into my style #instead of just pure sharp edges #i like it a lot more tbh #murder drones #murder drones n #serial designation n #mspaint #art #i feel like using the “artwork” tag is a bit pretentious of me for what are just sketches so im going to stop using it #if i feel especially bad later then i'll go through the rest of my posts and take it off there too #if i cannot replicate this style in clip then im just fucking moving to mspaint