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hei-ch0u · 3 years

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Oh boy. Here goes... Shingeki no Kyojin Final chapter (139) thoughts and analysis ✰

Well, where do I even begin to accumulate my thoughts on the final chapter of Shingeki no Kyojin? Even after some time to reflect and read the chapter many times, over and over - I’m still going to struggle to form this analysis. But, alas I shall try my best despite this.

I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and understand my own views of the final chapter. Proceed with caution - ⚠️ spoilers ahead ⚠️

This chapter and ending overall has left me with a love/hate relationship with the overall tale in full. I’d even go as far as saying it has tainted my view slightly of the entire series in one way or another and I will never look at it the same way I did - as much as I wish I could. My reasoning for the love/hate relationship I have will come, but, I want to start off by saying that despite it’s ending I will always appreciate this story and Isayama for his work, even if I myself don’t approve of his steering towards the ending.

It is just like I said in my theory, the thing we all need to recognise with this story is that the characters we love and have cherished, were never going to get exactly what they desired and if anything this chapter is a clear indication of that fact. It has been a story that was paved for a bitter, somewhat ‘bittersweet’ ending (yes, I hoped it wouldn’t be in the form of ‘that’, but it was). It is just as Mikasa said - “The world is cruel and merciless, but it is also beautiful”. This tale became the typical embodiment of humanity and how ruthless it can be.

Again, like I said in my theory, it was heavily foreshadowed that Eren was playing devil’s advocate and might have to sacrifice his freedom in this life to save the ones who meant the most to him. We heard hints in OST’s such as My War, Red Swan, Vogel Im Kafig, among others…

“Angel playing disguise with Devil’s face”

“I’ll cry for you in a dream”

“All of my kingdom, for your return, I’d let it burn!”

“Spread your wings, which are dreaded in blood”

“And eternity as you, fly to heaven”

“Like a fallen angel”

“Looking down from above I feel awful”

“Every living being dies someday, whether we are ready to die or not”

“Is that the angel who flew down from the twilight sky?”

“Is that the devil who crawled out from the crevice?”

“Tears, anger, compassion, cruelty, peace, chaos, faith, betrayal.”

It was foreshadowed, all of those things in the last example is humanity in a nutshell. The use of birds to symbolise the dead was shown on multiple occasions. Hell, even in the Levi ova, his friends are shown as 2 birds above him as he continues forward. It didn’t shock me that Eren’s soul was represented or “reincarnated” in the form of a bird - simply because birds are the most free creatures on our planet, they can fly over land, sea and maintain the air around them. Realistically, we should’ve analysed the birds presence more (it was even implied in the opening trailer for season 4. Falco awoke to a bird flying above him, we saw the bird present many times in even past seasons and don’t get me started on how many times it was present in the manga). Our Angel was Eren. He was a fallen angel - a slave to the story and what it means to be human, to feel deeply and make sacrifices. He was never a monster, just a pawn in a wicked game.

For a split moment of initial shock, I let the “judging a book by its cover” ideal kick in. After calming down and having access to proper translations, again I can’t say I love this ending or hate it - it has the bittersweet notion that was intended, but it was also lukewarm. It is not perfect by any means, there are some plot holes and loose ends that could have been tied up by extension. However, Isayama maybe intended for it to remain open for interpretation. Something of which, I’ll reveal what I personally took from the ending.

One thing I am surely certain of, is that I can hold my hands above my head and say this chapter 100% embodied my love for my favourite character - Eren Jaeger. He had such a tragic outcome, he did it all for his friends and loved ones. He was never free, not in life and partially not in death. He was a broken child, in a broken world with a broken fate of shouldering mass amounts of responsibility with no idea of how to change or control the past, present and future. To witness your best friend talking of all the things he was going to see, yet knowing you wouldn’t be there to see it yourself. To know the girl who was there for him forever and always, could never be his to cherish. He had no freedom to do so. To live the life he wanted to, he would have died anyway. If he had ran off with Mikasa, he would have damned his friends. The life he wanted was not feasible, therefore he chose to sacrifice his desires so his friends could live long lives, unlike the one he was damned to. He was a character who was torn along all sides of the coin. Torn between his desires, his duty and his self - all while experiencing memories from all angles. He was not a monster or a psychopath and I won’t let others spit on his name due to their lack of analysis and empathy. He is human. He is allowed to feel. He isn’t pathetic for wanting to live, for wanting to be with his friends or the girl he loves. He is 19. Can you really say you wouldn’t feel the same? It is natural to be frustrated at your life being ripped from under your feet at such a young age. He was damned if he did, damned if he didn’t. Look at his face in paths when he talks with Armin, he is devastated and he had no solution.

However, I do believe he will be reunited with his friends once more. After all, the scouts were reunited in death, so why shouldn’t he? His friends will not live in vain, his sacrifice will mean something. They will live their life to the fullest and find peace in life and then in death - they have Eren to thank for that. Another misconception I want to pick out of the fandom is that they did not condone genocide, they did not thank Eren for ridding the population of 80%. Armin states it as an “error”. What they did do, was acknowledge Eren’s sacrifice for them to live and that they understood it’s not what he wanted himself, but that due to unseen forces. - did he really have a choice? It is not by any means perfect, but it gives them freedom to live out with the walls - was this not Eren’s dream? To be free, not confined within the walls by Titans. He did exterminate all titans, that is one goal Eren Jaeger accomplished. We don’t know the full extent of the power of the attack titan or the founding titan, this is one of the open plot holes. Eren himself explains this, he himself has no clue and his head is a mess - is it any shock that his head is a mess? People would go crazy over less. He was a pawn in a story with no happy ending. At least not for him.

Even in the bird reincarnation theory, I hope he is happy and free. Free to roam the skies, perch upon the tallest mountains, titter along the grass banks of the world and watch over his comrades, his friends, the ones he loves deeply… The tragic protagonist I will always remember. (Especially as one who was done so dirty by his author)

There was so many routes this manga could have taken, fan theories proved this and I do think the ending could have been executed better. We were not getting a happy ending, it is not happy by all means. Those characters left have to live in the aftermath, aware of their friends sacrifice and all he had to put himself through for them to live the lives they themselves desired. My favourite quote will always be:

“Don’t pity the dead. Pity the living”

Mikasa lost her family in more ways than one, she has to live a life where she didn’t get the one person she desired more than anything, but I believe she will move on and Eren will be by her side the entire time until they are reunited in death. Levi is the same, he lost everyone and whoever his love may have been - Erwin, Hanji, Petra (who knows). Either way, he didn’t have those loved ones around in the end. But, he no longer has to fight for survival and can spend the remainder of his time resting until the day in the future he can be reunited with his comrades, friends and even kick Eren a big one, ruffle his hair, tell him its okay and tell him all the things he wanted to tell him like he said. Armin lost his best friend, he held the burden above his head that he himself killed Eren and not Mikasa. However, he has an abundance of friends, he has Annie and he can travel the world like he desired - like Mikasa, he will have Eren by his side for the remainder of his time.

Jean can meet the woman of his dreams and have the children like he desired, knowing that even in their silly quarrels - Eren was loyal to him always. Connie can have his mother back, his family and move on. Reiner can live, not die like he once desired and live on knowing of Eren’s sacrifice, that he wasn’t a monster himself. He is free from the curse, as is Annie, Pieck and Falco. The warriors have their families back. Gabi and Falco can be together unlike their comparisons, sad, but fitting. They are in Paradis, a place we never expected them to be in the end, advocating for change alongside Onyakapon looking after their elder, Levi, alongside them. On Eren’s death anniversary, it is implied they all return to his grave to be together, none of them are alone like we initially thought. Mikasa is not alone in Paradis since it is implied that Levi, Onyankapon, Gabi, Falco, Historia even… still live amidst the walls - I think it would be wasteful to assume such a strong character secludes herself after the love of her life’s death. She does not have to love another man, she can choose to live her life for herself, a long one alongside her friends. This manga has never necessarily needed to have love stories, they are implied, but not needed. For life itself is the embodiment of their freedom.

This above is the rosy way of looking at it and it’s what I personally will take from it. I overall think it is terrible writing and use of dialogue - there’s no denying it. I myself as a writer and artist would have done it differently. Isayama has created a manga with a tragic story that reveals the raw, tainted feeling of what it’s like to be human. We all want things, we all have desires…but we don’t always get them, no matter how hard we try, some will slip from our grasps. That is life, no matter the universe. Yes. But, I do think in ways Isayama did taint and obliterate Eren as a character. This I am disappointed in. It is a typical author ideal of damning his protagonist and the sad thing about being a stories protagonist - you risk being ruined due to being written so complex initially that the author loses sight of how to conclude your arc respectfully. I believe from what we have been shown, he would not have accepted his death that easily and would fight for another way. Although, I cannot blame him as I myself would have felt defeated, suicidal and depressed at learning everything he did after his contact with Historia at such a young age. Remember, how you are brought up in an already cruel world is key - he didn’t stand a chance. But alas, I still feel he would’ve fought. This Eren is not the Eren we saw the majority of the manga, but then again he did change and I feel so sorry that the Titan power had that effect on him.

This is the character development true Eren stans are enraged with. TATAKAE! Fight the attack titan, fight the founding titan, fight against your cruel fate - don’t succumb to defeat. There is always another way. I don’t accept this version of Eren, due to the development we saw built by Isayama of his character, I can’t. It leaves so many gaps among other plot reveals. I don’t see what was accomplished. Eren’s being, his life, was a ploy to keep the other characters we care about alive, but at what cost ? If I was Eren’s friend, I would go forward like he wanted me to, but I could never forget the burden he bared and what he had to go through and what he did to achieve that outcome for me. I would forever be sad. I would be living in a world much like this one, lacking in peace and serenity and above all is that not what we all desire in one way or another? He did not necessarily know the Dina titan would go for his mother, but he had to direct it away from Bertholdt since in the timeline it was not his time to die. Always remember the theory of time, one thing changed, drastically changes the outcome. He did not want civilians or people within Paradis to die, it became collateral damage and no one would be able to fight for some time because of the 80% notion. He gave them time to live, time to change things to the best of their abilities and experience all they possibly could. They became the ‘heroes’, but again, at what cost?

Now, to the plot holes and answers I feel needed to be present for the story to knit together in a better way. This will be less “paragraph” based and more pointed, since…well these things were not explained. Majority of potential foreshadowing was swept under the rug like it meant nothing to bring about the lukewarm feeling I was talking about.

The alien like hallucigenia, what exactly was its purpose? It’s reason for being? It disappeared and ceased to exist. No mention of how it came to be. Even Ymir just vanished. Everything ceased to exist and Eren himself couldn’t understand Ymir’s reasoning other than being able to witness love. This seemed to be cop out on Isayama’s part.

Historia’s pregnancy was heavily implied and emphasised on within the manga, making readers think it meant something (when a creator zones in on these things, its usually for further plot reveal) Her character development was destroyed and she deserved better. She sidelined herself and stayed away till the final moment where it is implied she and Armin will become the negotiators of a new world, all while housing tyrants (Jaegerists). Again a further implication of Shonen manga and its poor interpretation of women.

The conclusion to Ymir and Eren’s particular character arcs was shocking and this can’t be dismissed. We needed both their sides of things to explain more. It lacked real conclusion and didn’t match up to past events or character development. This chapter should have purely been an Eren POV with the ending moments of how the scouts moved on. Of course this couldn’t have been done in 1 chapter, hence the recognition that this manga needed ‘more’ and it wasn’t enough to tie it all together. Another flaw in Isayama’s writing and continuity.

The Ackermans? Don’t get me started. My theory again will entail my rage about this one. Did the Ackerman power cease to exist like the titan curse? What is their origin story? To imply the Ackerman blood concept in all its parallels and foreshadowing to not even have the 2 remaining characters from said bloodline talk about their shared experience in thorough detail is such an abysmal hole in plot. Especially with it being heavily emphasised throughout the entire manga.

I barely saw any signs of Eren being in love with Mikasa? If this was the case, then it should have been shown in the manga and emphasised like isayama did with many other things that eventually had no meaning. I always viewed their relationship as very toxic to both sides and needed amending. So for Eren to suddenly turn round and say he doesn’t want her to be with another man....I find this a very bad continuation and completely disregards how Eren has been the past 138 chapters. Why was it so hard for him to say these things even before he made contact with historia and unravelled it all? Was it the power of the attack titan preventing him?.... (below)

The attack titan and founding titan, explain how it works. Why does Eren himself not fully understand yet he embodies them? Why could he not have flipped the switch? Why could he not ask for help? Explanation is needed.

All the time loop links diminished to nothing other than Eren’s past, present and future…yet its implied in many characters even in their childhoods mentions of things they could not be aware of. How can it merely be coincidence?

I wholeheartedly believe that this was not the initial ending of Shingeki no Kyojin, specifically because I and a few others I’ve seen noticed the shift in the story around 10 or so chapters ago. It seemed to be going in the route of a few particular fan theories and then suddenly (quite drastically I’ll add) shifted into this ending. I can only theorise that Isayama changed his original ending along the way to please editors and readers in different ways. In interviews past, he has completely contradicted things he has said about the manga and its ending with what he has produced in the final chapter. When you look at it from a marketing point of view as a selling point, if Isayama had killed certain characters like “Levi” for example or left the ending dark as it possibly could have been (something I wouldn’t have put past yams to do) it would be bad from a marketing point given the likes of Levi is the targeted favourite of the series (even with being a side character) and editors would heavily warn him of this.

People are saying that it’s Isayama’s story and editors won’t have influence - you’d be heavily surprised how much the editing team can have influence, especially when a story of this magnitude becomes so popular. I do think in ways, Isayama gave up. As an artist even myself, its very abundantly clear when a fellow creative loses drive and how the concept of something becoming popular can influence you to become bored and look for a way out. Hence, the clear signs of the story coming out as rushed, its all there, the loss of continuity, the holes in plot and even though Isayama’s art can be inconsistently coherent - some parts of the past few chapters weren’t at the full potential we saw previously. We watched him get better to suddenly somehow revert? That to me seems like a creator who had just had enough and maybe in the end chose to veer off his original plan.

Alas! As I said, I will always love Shingeki no Kyojin despite its ending and loose ties, it holds a place in my heart and has been a favourite of mine since my school days. Being an adult now In her 20’s and experiencing the many troubles of what its like to be human and a creative can sympathise with the struggles and stress Isayama would have been under all these years as his manga gradually became the phenomenon it is now. As it is our favourite characters time to rest and move on, it is his also. Although the story is not where I and many others hoped it would go, I still thank him massively for giving me characters like Eren Jaeger, Levi Ackerman, Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert… the list goes on. Thank you for embodying why Eren was my first and last favourite character. Goodbye Shingeki no Kyojin.

#snk 139 #aot 139 #I've put a read more so proceed with caution #eren jaeger #eren yeager #mikasa ackerman #levi ackerman #armin arlert #if i tag all of them itll go on and on #snk final chapter #snk #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #aot #snk manga #snk analysis #snk theory

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harostar · 3 years

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How do you think of how AoT handles Anti Semitism, X Men fallacy aside. I've heard of how the reason the Eldians are so Hated was a result of reprehensible things there ancestors had done, and there religon with Ymir was sort of based on a Lie.

That would seem problematic at first glance, But I did want to learn more from someone who actually knew the series. Especially as I do know the situation in real life has complexities regarding Cycles of hate

You know, I had kind of set this Ask aside and been unsure about answering it. But I think I will give it a poke, as best as I can as someone that is one-degrees of separation from Jewish folks. So obvious disclaimer that I am approaching things from an outsider’s perspective.

The series stumbled heavily in choosing to so closely use allegories related to Nazi Germany and the Jewish people. I think a large percentage of the problem is because the Holocaust has become short-hand in public consciousness for Genocide and atrocities. Those images are scorched into the world-wide mind, and unfortunately touching on it as an allegory or using it as the basis for fictional discrimination is a very, very, very messy and difficult thing. ESPECIALLY when the creator(s) involved are not Jewish, and don’t understand the deeper aspects of Antisemitism that have been weaved into Western culture for centuries.

Isayama borrowed from European history, used a historical atrocity to create a comparison in his work. He.......made many mistakes in doing so, because it’s a messy thing to do even when you ARE familiar with how much that hatred is woven into a lot of European imagery, stories, and beliefs. A Japanese audience is probably not going to pick up on those elements, the way a Western reader might for better or worse.

I think that decision has muddled and tainted a lot of discussion around the series. Some people outright call it “Nazi Propaganda” and refuse to associate with people that read the series. I would argue that we are the audience have a lot of digest and discussion in terms of how the “Eldian Allegory” plays in comparison to the other themes of the work.

Because the series would have worked MUCH BETTER had he not made the decision to base his fictional ethnic group on a real one. It was a mistake that casts doubt on a work that focuses so much on themes so opposed to a “Nazi” or “Fascist” ideology.

The atrocities of the Eldian Empire simply being exaggerations and demonizing, not matching a simple history of neighboring groups/nations fighting each other for resources and land. The idea of Ymir as a Goddess or a witch that made a deal with the Devil both being false versions of what was simply....a girl. An ordinary girl that stumbled across something Otherworldly, and gained a power that was exploited.

The history of the series is simply about one group gaining an advantage over their neighbors. The Titans served as numerous metaphors throughout the series:

Dehumanization, especially in times of war

Gunpowder

Chemical weapons

Nuclear weapons

The largest theme that emerges particularly in the final arcs of the story are explicitly Anti-War, Anti-Imperialism, Anti-Militarism, and Pro-Humanitarian.

Hatred and Bigotry are learned, they are things that people actively have to teach their children. The most powerful counter to Hatred is simply meeting other people. Our shared humanity proves that we are more similar than we are different.

(This is beautifully illustrated in a flashback, in which the Survey Corps are infiltrating Marley. They end up meeting a group of foreign refugees, who welcome them into their camp for helping a child. Though the two groups do not speak the same language, they are able to understand each other enough to share in a communal meal and then party the night away. Even when we come from vastly different cultures and don’t speak the same language, we can find common ground. There is a simple joy in how people are people are people, no matter what differences we might have.)

In terms of the problematic elements, I would argue that Isayama did not intend anything Antisemitism about his work. In particular, he frames the allegorical Eldians as sympathetic with most of the cast coming from this group. The story centers on their plight and spends the most time in humanizing them. Ignorance rather than Malice. It taints the work, but also clashes with the major themes of the story.

Indeed, our common humanity is such an important theme. Hatred and Revenge are empty, only leading to further tragedy. Eren represents those emotions and urges taken to the extreme, and that is ultimately why he becomes the Final Villain of the series. Because he allows hatred to consume him, and loses hope in the world. He can only see “Us vs Them”, and cannot see a path forward that does not involve Genocide. It’s a tragedy that warns us about letting anger consume us, and the dangers of surrendering ourselves to Violence being unavoidable. Eren can see the Future, and therefore he is trapped with the belief that there are no other paths forward. That he must follow in the footsteps of his future self, no matter what.

It’s an ugly, tragic turn that transforms the series protagonist into a Monster. Into a world-ending monster that his loved ones must now deal with, because they have learned the lessons he did not.

The thing that separates the heroes in this story is Hope, but also a willingness to recognize the futility of revenge and hatred. As the final arcs progress, they are increasingly confronted with the option to look away from atrocities or to take revenge on people. Increasingly, they choose to take a different path.

The story of Sasha and Gabi is central in this particular theme. Sasha kills soldiers that Gabi knew, and attacked her home. But she cannot bring herself to shoot a child, even one that is clearly an enemy. Gabi is a child indoctrinated into Nationalistic, bigoted views. She kills Sasha as an enemy, but then finds her world turned on its head when she accidentally meets Sasha’s family. She’s forced to confront the reality that there are no Monsters and Devils, just ordinary people just like her that have suffered tragedies because of war.

When given the opportunity for revenge, Sasha’s father refuses. He gives the “Forest” speech, comparing his daughter’s decision to become a soldier in war to letting her go alone into the forest. He accepts her decision and the tragic outcome, but also HIS responsibility as an adult to not pass burdens of Hatred and Revenge on to the next generation. He will not punish Gabi for being a child caught up in war.

And this becomes an important moment for Gabi and for everyone else. She is not FORGIVEN for her crime, but these people make the conscious choice to spare her. Mikasa shields her from harm, Jean regrets hurting her in anger, they all make the choice to treat Gabi as a CHILD and not a soldier. To recognize their responsibility in doing better than the adults responsible for them. They were Child Soldiers, but they make the choice that the next generation SHOULD NOT be soldiers.

The series deals heavily in Trauma, especially the ways that War destroys people. The physical, mental, and emotional cost to people are heavily on display throughout the series. The cast have suffered emotional and mental injuries that will never heal, and they struggle with wanting a better world for the next generation.

Children are another big theme. We have the cast start out as children, becoming Child Soldiers, and eventually reaching Adulthood. As they become the adults, we have a new generation introduced in Gabi, Falco, Udo, Sofia, and Kaya. The series gets a little heavy-handed with how Children are the Future, and people have a responsibility to not burden them. To not force their sins upon the children, to not teach them hatred or revenge, to not use them as tools.

Zeke’s storyline contrasts with Eren’s in that each brother has reached a different conclusion about the central problem.

Zeke wants to snuff out their own future, preventing more Eldians from being born. Their lives are suffering, so the kindest thing that can be done is to kill them or prevent them from being born. Life is meaningless, because living means suffering.

Eren takes his hatred to its most extreme, deciding that to protect his “In Group” (the Island of Paradis) that he will destroy everything else. He has taken Dehumanization and Us vs Them mentality to its greatest extreme. He sees no future where people can do better. He refuses to even let them try. He has no hope, he sees only ugliness in the world.

In contrast, we have what has become the alliance. The surviving members of the Survey Corps, the surviving members of the Warriors, and an assortment of people from other nations. A motley group of people of different backgrounds, races and political alliances that are all brought together by a singular belief that the world is worth saving. That it shouldn’t be a Zero Sum game.

That the world is very cruel, but also very beautiful.

Hatred, cruelty, selfishness, greed, militarism, nationalism, imperialism, racism, and bigotry have led the world towards possible destruction. The Rumbling as a metaphor for Nuclear War, humanity destroying itself because it cannot look for a path besides violence.

The pure Destructive urge that is Eren, contrasted against the other two parts of that Golden Trio.

Mikasa, the girl that was saved by a single act of kindness. The strongest of all, but also so very kind. A girl that has seen the ugliness of the world, but also the goodness in it.

Armin, the boy with a dream. The intellectual that once asked if it was necessary to abandon your humanity to win, but has realized that our shared humanity is more important. The one filled with hope, even in the darkest moments.

And of course into this, we have Falco Grice. The boy that embodies the central themes of the story: a child soldier that has seen the worst of humanity, and has decided the best way to fight is by being Kind.

#aot #snk #discourse #antisemitism mention

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cagestark · 4 years

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@starknakedsluts asked for female!tony with stucky, Toni’s sharp tongue at the post-mission press conference turning them on. Part 2 next weekend bb to fulfill the rest of your desires ;)

Toni handles the press conferences. The justification was that she has years of experience handling the press, which is years more than any of the others have. Watching her rip into ignorant reporters and generally make a game of the entire conference was justification to have...anyone else handle the press conferences. Experience regardless. But Bucky could hardly deny that with his blood already up after missions, watching her slit the room’s throats with her silver tongue made him harder than he should be.

“—the next question. You—yes. Were there any casualties? Take a look at the team, WCBS, they are covered from head to toe in pearlescent blood and viscera. This isn’t a fashion statement. Yes, there were many casualties of the violent-alien variety, and if you mean were any innocent parties caught in the crossfire, full disclosure, I did destroy a balcony flower box containing some unsightly impatiens. I don’t intend to pay for it either, not when snapdragons are in season. Yes you may quote me. Next? Jesus Chr—who let 93.9 in here?”

It goes on and on, the other teammates’ shoulders sagging with fatigue at having to stand on parade while the public seeks their dues. But this is just another part of the amended Accords, helping the Avengers cultivate transparency and accountability. The only person who isn’t showing any sign of slowing is Toni herself. This is just another field of battle for her, the podium another suit she wields with efficacy. When Bucky glances over, he sees that Steve’s eyes are just as dark as his own. Exhaustion, maybe.

Except Bucky knows better.

After the press conference ends, Bucky follows Steve’s brisk pace back to their room where they shed their clothes and shower the last of the viscera off of themselves. They’re both hard, cocks eyeing each other accusingly. Steve groans in his throat when Bucky lets a warm, soapy hand fall to curl around his shaft and begin stroking the other man leisurely.

“She loves it up there, letting those reporters have it,” Bucky rasps. “It’s like flying to her, y’ can see it in her eyes. Not flying—foreplay. I bet if we’d unzipped her undersuit and put our palms between her legs, she’d ‘a been soaked.”

Steve’s eyes glitter. “Do you think?”

“Only one way to find out, isn’t there?”

They have dried and dressed and gone up to the penthouse floor before Toni steps foot from her shower. Wet, her dark hair is long enough to brush her shoulders. Her skin is tanned against the white of her robe, and she brings with her the fresh, clean scent of berries. Why they’re there must register on their faces, in the hungry set of their shoulders because her mouth widens into a slow smirk and she lets the robe part in a natural motion, revealing a glimpse of her modest chest.

“Can I help you, gentlemen?” she asks. “I didn’t know you were making house calls. I would have dressed up for you.”

“Don’t bother,” Steve suggests.

“It’s your home,” says Bucky. “Undress more, if you like.”

Toni grins. They’ve played like this before, and she must know that the likelihood of them visiting her rises exponentially after battles. Bucky wouldn’t put it past her to have entire files on their statistics and probabilities. She’s an overthinker. A preparer. It’s even more obvious when she turns from them and lets the robe drop, wet hair left to drip down her naked back and be caught by the upper edge of her underwear—the only fucking scrap of fabric she’s wearing.

They move together, as much a team here as they are in the field. Matching each other step for silent step, Bucky takes both of Toni’s tiny wrists and draws them back and together, holds them in a single unyielding grip while Steve circles around her to give her a long look up and down. Placing his metal palm just below her shoulder blades, her burning skin flinches away from the cold, thrusting her bare chest out for Steve’s perusal.

He hums, thoughtful.

Toni stands, silent, chest heaving.

“What?” Steve asks. “Nothing to say? You had a lot to say earlier this evening. You have to know what it does to us, watching you rip those reporters to shreds. We were so hard in the shower because of you that we debated rubbing one out before we even came up here.”

“Did you?” Toni breathes.

Steve lets his head cock in a universal expression of condescension: what do you think?

Taking one of her bound wrists, Bucky brings it down and uses it to cup his erection. Her fingers tighten around the shaft as best as they can through the barrier of his jeans, and the friction feels so fucking good that Bucky lets out a groan that has her shaking. He pulls her hand away even as she whines in protest. Good things come to those who wait.

“I think you should put that mouth to use tonight,” Steve says to her. He has a way about him, a quiet authority that can border on the sweetest cruelty. When Toni nods, Steve smiles in an indulgent way that has the petite woman between them absolutely trembling. He puts his first two fingers against her lush, dangerous mouth. “That’s sweet, but it wasn’t a question. Open up.”

From behind them, Bucky can’t see Steve’s fingers disappear into her mouth, but he hears it well enough: the wet gags as he presses deep, the whining breaths she gives. Her whole body jerks, so he tightens his grip on her wrists and pulls her back flush to him, reaching around to take a pebbled nipple between his fingers. After a few moments of her struggle, Steve removes his fingers and wipes the wetness down her sternum, right between the valley of her breasts.

“It was Bucky’s idea to come here tonight, so I think he should have you first. Buck?”

Toni’s expression is dazed as they arrange her on the king bed, spread out lengthwise with her head off of the edge, straightening the passage between her mouth and her throat. She is the perfect doll for them, soft and malleable and suggestible and everything she does is with the gentlest joy: joy to serve them. Her face is faintly flushed from resting upside down, wet hair pulled down by gravity, but she opens her mouth without question at the sight of Bucky’s cock. The sight has his own hand trembling where it reaches down to rest on her throat.

“Hand up, sweet thing,” he murmurs to her. “And keep it up where I can see it.”

The bed depresses as Steve crawls on between her legs, coaxing her hips to lift so he can slide the last scrap of clothing off of her. She’s incredible, spread out before them: tanned and naked with breasts that barely fill his palms and stretch marks like lightning on her hips and a patch of trimmed, dark hair just above her cunt. Steve slides a thumb up her slit (the both of them delighting in the way her legs jerk, the hand not held in the air scrabbling against the bedsheets) and holds it up for Bucky to see the way it shines.

“That from us or from the press conference?” Bucky teases.

The sound Toni makes in response isn’t sensical. She’s down too far to converse, to play into their teasing. Now she can only be afflicted with it, stroked higher by it. Bucky rubs a soothing thumb along her throat, where the head of his cock will soon be buried. The other hand reaches out to draw her raised palm closer where he can brush his lips against it. “Don’t worry Toni, you just focus on being good for us, ‘n that means keeping your hand up unless you want me to stop. Understand?”

Her fingertips wiggle, tickling at his nose, an affirmative.

Taking his leaking cock into his hand, he guides it towards the open heat of her mouth. “Well then,” he says. “Let’s see who else this mouth can take apart tonight.”

#stuckony #female!tony #d/s undertones #cagewrites

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justanotherlifeff · 3 years

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff. THERE IS SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER

Hanji's POV

Who knew that I would live to see the day when Levi would be staring at a girl with his mouth open? The wedding went more smoothly than expected. I have no clue about why Commander Pixis decided to walk (Y/N) down the aisle but I was sure that I would ask (Y/N) about it as soon as the wedding was over.

"When I met you for the first time, the look I saw in your eyes interested me. Back then, I wondered who you were, what might have happened to you because that day I saw my own reflection on you. After that, you kept proving to me that you were strong, stronger than any woman I had ever seen. When I finally knew who you were, I understood why you resembled me so much and the reason you are so strong. I never gave relationships any attention because I wasn't fond of being with someone who couldn't keep up with me or being with someone who could but might die on the process.

You were the only person that I knew had a huge chance of not dying and keeping up with me with the same time. I know how much you went through, yet, you kept your head up and moved on with life and I admire you for that. I wouldn't choose to be with anyone else other than you because I feel that we are two sides of the same coin. (Y/N), I want to be the person who will protect you from any harm coming to your way. I want to be the one who could make you feel the happiness that you deserve. I don't want you to feel any pain alone because I want to be there to share the pain with you, shield you from it if I could. I vow to keep all these promises till my last breath." Levi read from the piece of paper on his hand.

I had to admit that he worked hard for this one because something that emotional coming from him sounds unsettling.

"Ever since I was born, I never found a reason to live. This world was always a dark place for me. There was this one time when I thought that everything will fall into place but those dreams were shattered, making me fall into an endless abyss of desolation. That was until that day, when you gave me the cleaning duties of your quarters. I found someone who understood me. I believed that all of this world's cruelty were placed upon me but after talking to you, I realized that there were other damaged people to, as damaged as I am.

If I were to tell the truth, the first time I felt the need to be with you was when you comforted me while I was vulnerable, drunk and filthy instead of leaving me alone. I didn't intend to speak my heart out to you that day but the way you handled it, it made me realise that I looked at you in a way much more than just my captain. As you advised me, I don't regret any decisions that I have made on the way because all of it has lead to this day, the day when I can truly say that I am happy. Levi, I vow that I will fight anything on my way to keep it this way. I vow that nothing will come between us because for the first time, I found a reason to live." (Y/N) read from her page, with her smile growing.

I felt happy for (Y/N), as I remember, the first time I saw her, she had this never ending frown on her face. My first thought on that day was, "how did we end up with a female version of Levi?". I chuckled at the memory as I saw (Y/N) turn beet red as the priest told Levi to kiss the bride. Levi being himself, kissed (Y/N) with the usual frown on his face. Well, seems like this day was getting weirder and weirder as I saw Levi gape at (Y/N), I saw (Y/N) blush, and I saw both of them kiss public. God knows what I'll do when I start seeing little Levis running around...

No one's POV

After the wedding was over, people rushed to congratulate the newly wed couple. Levi handled the attention with his usual polite and serious demeanour but (Y/N), though she was both polite and serious too, was slightly flustered by the sudden bombardment of attention. As she struggled with all the guests, particularly all the jealous new cadets who were trying to make small talk with her, or more accurately, make her feel more tense than she already was, Hanji came to the rescue and scared them off by bringing up her titan experiments.

"That always works." Hanji chuckled before looking at (Y/N)'s pale face and asking, "Are you okay (Y/N)?". " I need to puke... Morning sickness... Help..." (Y/N) muttered, barely controlling herself from puking all over Hanji. "Oh dear... Let's get out of here." Hanji muttered as she made her way among the guests and helped (Y/N) get into the headquarters.

"Are you feeling better?" Hanji asked (Y/N) when she was done puking in the sink. "Yeah... I'll have to sit for a while.. Standing isn't helping... " (Y/N) muttered as an answer. To that, Hanji started walking with (Y/N) towards her office. It would be (Y/N)'s last time using that room in her office since she would be moving in to the house Levi bought.

"Why did Pixis walk down the aisle with you?" Hanji asked (Y/N) while walking beside her, her eyes glinting with curiosity. (Y/N) didn't answer to it right away. "It's probably best if you don't know." she answered after a moment of silence. "(Y/N), you could share anything with me you know. Have I ever judged you?" Hanji asked with a softened expression, putting a hand on (Y/N)'s shoulder. (Y/N) sighed at that and after a few more moments, said, "Promise me that you won't be too surprised and that you would forget that I ever told this to you.". " Well, if it involves humanity or Levi, I don't know if I can keep that promise because I'm a commander now and I have some responsibilities and Levi is my only other friend beside you." Hanji answered.

"Relax Hanji, it involves none. The truth is, Commander Pixis is my biological father. It's a rather long story that I don't want to repeat." (Y/N) answered with a sigh. To that Hanji smiled and replied, "okay, I didn't see that coming. Does Levi know?". " Yeah he does. He is the only other person besides you, myself and Commander Pixis to know about that, not counting my biological mother who is non existent to me at this point." (Y/N) answered as they reached her room. "Alright, I'll have to go inform Levi that you're resting and not feeling well and I have to deal with the guests too. I'll send Mikasa to give you company." Hanji answered as she went towards (Y/N)'s door.

However, she stopped at the door, looked back and said, "Hey, it's okay to have a weird backstory. Most of us around here have something like that. I mean, look at me, I love titans. I'm the last person who would judge you for something like that.". " Yeah I know. Thanks Hanji. For everything." (Y/N) answered with a smile. Hanji gave her a cheerful "you're welcome" before getting out of the room.

Levi POV

It was a shitty experience really. Not the part where I got married to (Y/N), that was amazing, but the part where I had to talk to those snobby women, trying to make it seem like (Y/N) isn't the best person I could possibly be with, or the jealous men who seemed to have a thing for (Y/N) but didn't deserve to be anywhere near her, or the older officials, trying to make it seem that I am an asshole who got a girl pregnant before wedlock or that (Y/N) is not a good person because she let that happen.

I, of course, made sure they knew that something was wrong with their pea sized brains, in the most polite way possible. I would kill Hanji for inviting these good for nothing worthless pieces of shits to my wedding. It was time for lunch and I was sitting beside (Y/N) on the lunch table. I had to admit that Sasha and Jean from my squad did a good job cooking. I asked her if she was okay after she arrived and she brushed it off. Judging by her face though, I knew she didn't have any appetite for food. All she had been eating daily were potatoes. If my kid turns out to be a complete maniac like Sasha, I'll probably go broke only by buying food.

Thankfully, Hanji made Sasha steam some potatoes for (Y/N) and (Y/N) was able to eat that without barfing on any of the people on the table. I wouldn't mind if she barfed on those shitty guests though. When lunch was over, the sun was almost setting. The guests from other military branches went away while the cadets and other members of the scout regiment stayed in the dining hall. Mine and (Y/N)'s squad, as they were held responsible for keeping the whole arrangement in place, went off to clean the tables and get the buffet tables out of the dining hall for some reason. I was sitting with (Y/N), talking about the annoying guests. "...and then I told this girl that (Y/N) is the most beautiful person I've met but thanks for your congratulations. You should've seen her face. It looked like it was leaking shit." I told (Y/N) before noticing that she was shivering slightly.

"Are you cold?" I asked her, eyeing the very revealing dress. "Yeah... This dress doesn't cover my back..." she answered, her teeth slightly clattering. To that, I took my coat off and put it on her shoulder. She immediately wrapped it around her like a shawl. "Feeling better?" I asked her before she gave me a slight smile and answered, "Yes". We talk for a while before my squad got their chores done and took her away to sit with them while I got stuck with Hanji.

A few hours later

The wedding was over but it seemed like Hanji brought alcohol for the whole scout regiment. Apparantly they will be celebrating at night. "You do know that they will have training tomorrow right?" I told her. "Come on Levi! Let them have some fun. Besides, you just got married! Take a day off and show (Y/N) some good time, you know what I mean" Hanji winked at me as I gave her a look of disgust. "I don't think the comma..." I trailed off. "I don't think the commander would allow it" was something I always used to get out of whatever shitty idea Hanji got in her messed up head but seems like I couldn't do that anymore because Hanji is the commander now.

"Well, I as commander, give you a day off." Hanji told me in a smug voice. "Fine. By the way, who will be training these brats?" I asked Hanji, giving a nasty look towards the recruits in the dining hall where everyone was chatting. I already disliked most of them because of their views on my wedding. I understand that they had a thing for me or (Y/N), I faced people like that before but the ship already had sailed for me and I didn't see the point of them trying anymore. It just seemed like a pain. (Y/N) was sitting with my squad, chatting with them, specially the gloomy brat, Mikasa. I had no clue how (Y/N) was friends with that girl as it seemed like all she knew was to glare at me or hate on me whereas (Y/N) usually did quiet the opposite.

"You'll be training them. You're the best soldier around here and if they are trained by you for that many months, I’m sure they will get better fighting skills than most new veterans." Hanji explained. "Okay. I'll do it" I told her with a stoic expression. "The party for the night will begin soon. I expect you not to back out from the wedding dance." Hanji told me with a smile as she looked away. That shitty glasses must be kidding. "Is this some shitty joke of yours?" I asked her, with a monotone voice. "Nope. It's not. I want this to be memorable. After all, it's all going good for you right? Give us some entertainment out of it, Levi" Hanji told me before shouting out, "Attention cadets!". All the cadets stood up and saluted towards her as she was the commander. "At ease soldiers. I was proposing, don't you all want the famous grumpy couple among us dance together?" Hanji shouted with enthusiasm.

The cadets shouted a loud yes, my squad being the loudest. "That's right! Let's make them dance!" Hanji shouted. "Hanji... I'll kill you in sleep." I warned her. "Dance! Dance! Dance!" Hanji started a chant and the whole regiment joined. I looked at (Y/N) and her face was beet red. "Tch." I made a sound of annoyance before I walked towards (Y/N). "He's really doing it..." I heard the cadets muttering in shock. Of course, they wouldn't expect me to dance. I wasn't planning to either but, well, if the commander says so, I decided to let loose a bit. I knew how to dance, as I've attended more than enough charity events and other military events with Hanji, representing the survey corps and Hanji always pushed me into dancing. I had no idea if (Y/N) knew how to dance.

"Oi Albert! Get the violin out and play something!" Hanji shouted at a meek boy among the cadets who ran to the corner of the dining hall, where a violin that I didn't previously notice laid. As I reached (Y/N), she stood up. I was still in my grey shirt and (Y/N) was still in her wedding dress. (Y/N) still had my coat on her shoulder. "Do you know how to dance?" I asked her so that she won't embarrass herself. "Uncle Erwin taught me." she told me meekly. Of course he did. After all, (Y/N) did spend a lot of time with him. The boy started playing a cheerful but slow melody on his violin as I took (Y/N)'s hand in mine. Hanji motioned us to go to the open area where the buffet tables usually stand. Now I knew why they moved the tables. Shitty glasses had it planned all along. I took (Y/N) there, put a hand on her waist and took one of her hands. She laid her other hand on my shoulder and we danced.

"Erwin did a good job teaching you how to dance." I commented as I twirled her by her hand. Her steps were flawless. "Thanks. It didn't go to well with singing though." (Y/N) muttered, with her usual frown on her face. I had my stoic expression on too as none of us had any intention to dance and were sort of forced into it thanks to that shitty glasses. As the music was over, Hanji walked over to us and said, "You two looked like there were sticks up your asses.". " I'd love to make you experience that you know." (Y/N) muttered, stealing my words.

"Hey, I probably won't want that. After all, it didn't sound too comfortable 'that day'" Hanji mentioned with a wink. She was talking about the day she walked on us. "Would you mind if I kill her someday?" I asked (Y/N) with a stoic expression. "I don't know who she is." (Y/N) answered with a monotone voice. "Oi! I'm supposed to be the two your friend!" Hanji whined before (Y/N) flicked her forehead and told her, "Thanks for planning the wedding. It was amazing.". To that, Hanji gave (Y/N) a tight hug, almost squeezing all the air out of her and saying, "See Levi? She's better than you.". "Whatever you say shitty glasses." I answered as (Y/N) choked out "I can't breathe!".

We had dinner after a while and (Y/N) had potatoes once again. She made me promise that I would have to buy her meat after her first trimester. It was time to go home. Our new home. Thinking about it made me feel like someone punched me in the gut but somehow the feeling was good. After dinner, we rode on the carriage that Hanji booked for us and went towards our home.

No one's POV

Guitar strumming from so ist es immer (the theme from the no regrets spinoff) begins

Levi turned the key to the door of their home but stopped before opening the door. This was it. This was a new beginning for him. He felt (Y/N)'s hand on his shoulder, trying to give him the courage to start this life with her. With that he opened the door and stepped in the house with her.

Die Stühle liegen sehr eng

The chairs lie so close

Both of them looked around the small cosy living room. This was the life both of them always wanted and their dreams were coming true.

Wir reden die ganze Nacht lang

We talk all night long

Levi and (Y/N) looked at each other, both knowing that they reached their goal towards happiness. With that, Levi kissed (Y/N) on her lips.

Dieser niedrige Raum ist nicht schlecht

This lower room isn't bad

Back at the headquarters, Eren watched all his comrades and friends drink and have fun.

Wir können uns gut verstehen

We understand eachother so well

Eren was reminded of the memories of his father. This was only the beginning of the big storm ahead, he thought.

So ist es immer, unser Licht ist nur das

Just like it always is, this is just our light

Eren was called to join the others by Connie. A small smile formed on his face.

Trinken und singen wir, begrüßen morgen

We drink and we sing, we welcome tomorrow

Eren remembers the time when the old Levi squad was alive, when (Y/N) was a newbie and everyone drank and had fun. He knew he would lose many of these dear comrades too as he joined them, ready for the storm ahead.

So ist es immer, unter'm riesigen Himmel

Just like it always is, under the enormous sky

(Y/N) and Levi were in their bedroom, still kissing. Everything finally fell into place for them.

Leben wir zusammen, die Nacht ist lang

We live together, the night is long

(Y/N) breaks the kiss, looking at Levi with bright eyes and a smile

Da die Sterne nicht leuchten

The stars don't shine

Levi saw (Y/N) looking at him as if he is the most precious thing to her. He understood the feeling because he felt the same.

Kann der Mond auf diese Stadt nicht scheinen

You can't see the moon in this city.

(Y/N)'s smile got bigger as her hand reached for Levi's cheek.

Schauten wir das Licht selbst an

We looked at the light itself

"Levi..." (Y/N) said softly. Levi looked into her eyes, waiting for her to finish.

Singen wir unter dem Sternenmeer

Singing under the starry sea

"...I love you" (Y/N) finished. Levi's eyes widened as he never heard these three words from (Y/N), or anyone except years ago, from his mother. "I love you too" Levi answered after a moment as he got himself together.

Chairs so close and room so small

Levi pulled (Y/N) closer to him before he pushed her on the bed

You and I talk all the night long

Their clothes laid discarded on the ground

Meagre this space but serves us so well

Levi entered her, for the first time, making love instead of just lustful sex.

We comrades have stories to tell

As they both had an orgasm, Levi buried his face on the crook of her neck, hiding the tears of happiness in his eyes. (Y/N) however didn't try hiding it as she wore a smile on her face as a few drops of tears escaped her eyes.

And it's always like that in the evening time

(Y/N) and Levi sat at the dining table for a cup of tea before bed.

We drink and we sing when our fighting is done

As (Y/N) sipped from her cup, she heard the sound of thunder and she got up from her chair to look out of the window at the sudden downpour.

And it's always so we live under the burnt clouds

Levi saw (Y/N) go for the door to the backyard. He followed her to see what she was about to do

Ease our burden, long is the night

(Y/N) stepped out of the house and held her hand forward, out of the space under the roof and let the drops of rain fall on her hand.

Just as no stars can be seen

(Y/N) suddenly stepped out from the shelter of the roof, spreaded her hands like the wings of a bird and let herself get drenched in the rain. She never enjoyed the rain before.

We all starve for a moonbeam on our town

Levi looked at her from the door with surprise as he didn't expect her to do something like this.

We must all gather as one

(Y/N) turned at him and held a hand out at him, asking him to join her.

Sing with hope and the fear will be gone

After giving it a thought, Levi held (Y/N)'s hand.

Die Stühle liegen sehr eng

The chairs lie so close

(Y/N) was surprised too as she didn't think Levi would agree to this.

You and I talk all the night long

Slowly, Levi stepped out in the rain too. He didn't enjoy rain ever either, specially after Isabelle and Farlan...

Dieser niedrige Raum ist nicht schlecht

This lower room isn't bad

(Y/N) suddenly had a sneaky smirk on her face as she pulled harshly on Levi's hand making him fall on the mud

We comrades have stories to tell

Levi was shocked and angry because of the sudden action as he hated dirt but (Y/N)'s giggle threw all the anger away from his mind.

So ist es immer, denn immer im Ertrag

Just like it always is, always profiting

An evil glint formed on Levi's eyes before he pulled (Y/N) onto him, getting mud all over her as well.

We drink and we sing when our fighting is done

When (Y/N) was over the shock of falling, she busted out laughing, throwing more mud on Levi's face.

So ist es immer, we live under the burnt clouds

Just like it always is, we live under the burnt clouds

Levi does the same, a big smile forming on his face before he began to laugh as well

Ease our burden, long is the night

They both threw mud at eachother like children, as if they never lost their childhood to circumstances.

Da die Sterne nicht leuchten

The stars don't shine

They both sat on the muddy ground, drenched in the rain under the cloudy sky. Levi didn't know that a dark sky could seem this beautiful

We all starve for a moonbeam on our town

He realized that what made it all beautiful wasn't the environment, it was the woman beside him.

Schauten wir das Licht selbst an

We looked at the light itself

Levi and (Y/N) looked at eachother before (Y/N) pulled him into a timid kiss

Sing with hope and the fear will be gone

As the kiss ended, Levi ran his hands in (Y/N)'s dirty hair and said, "Oi brat, let's get cleaned up."

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi smut #levi aot #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi x reader #levi attack on titan #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #captain levi #levi ackerman

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cupidmarwani-archive · 4 years

Text

Mercy (God!AU)

Summary: Three of the Gods visit the hospital ahead of time. - All characters are using their “true” God names in this fic.

WC: ~ 1634

Eyes shut. Hands flat. All six of them. Pressed to the Earth, because all though it is not hers, it belongs to the people and she can feel them better when she physically connects herself to that which gives them life. Yoni built this for them, right after Agape made her, and like this, Sapphiana can almost sense the love poured into each molecule. She doesn’t spend enough time on the Earth. Too much of her years she gives to looking after the heavens, and to the humans which have moved on, so that she’s nearly abandoned the living with the exception of the baby. She misses her baby.

She pours her apology into the soil and feels the weight of it pressing back against her palms. Gravity holds it, sure, but things are attracted to their makers, and the Earth recognizes her as one, even if she does not mother it as Yoni has. Her children are primarily the clouds, slowly drifting above, as though they’re afraid to leave her side.

“You’re calling to them.”

Orexis has joined her now, whipping around her and tugging at her curls. She doesn’t know if he has no form or chooses to ignore it, but she can’t see him. Only hear his drawling voice slither across her cheek and feel the plants shift with his windy drag. There’s no telling how long he has merely watched, waiting for the chance to make his accursed appearance.

“I’m apologizing to them.”

He laughs in one ear, sighs in the other. “You’re allowed to grieve, you know. You loved him, we all knew it. What Agape did to you wasn’t fair.”

“That doesn’t mean I can abandon them.”

In a whip of cold air across her cheek, she hears his feet thud on the ground behind her. He’s chosen to take his human form again, his lips perpetually softer than flower petals against her temple. She’s learned to ignore how touchy he gets when he’s able; it doesn’t mean anything other than an effect of the longing he feels to exist in a way the rest of them do. Even Yoni’s dirt can be watered, Dapsilis’ foamy waves stirred. Another cruelty of Agape’s, to make the God of Soul and leave him unable to feel without changing himself.

“All I’m saying is that you should have been able to keep him. You’re a good mother, sweetheart, and if you wanna have him back-”

“Stop.”

He falls silent, but his hands stroke her wings, grooming them for her because as powerful as she may be, she can never reach to do it herself. As he straightens each feather, audibly breathing slow and calm, she keeps reaching out to the people and realizes she’s been searching. Even in her attempts to make up for her absence, she’s being selfish and worrying about a single human who Agape promised would be fine in the home of two loving parents, true believers who were looking to adopt and would never bring pain to her baby.

“We’re checking out that hospital soon, aren’t we?” Orexis asks. He’s working on the feathers close to her shoulder blades now. “There’s a lot of believers in the area, and it’s a good place to be able to individually help people. I thought you were excited.”

It’s hard to find a response because she is excited, but she’s also dreading having to put on a facade of complacency. The humans will need to see her as useful and helpful and kind, and Agape will be upset to see her still moping. All she wants to do is sit here until she feels like she’s one with her people again.

“Come on now, don’t make me go get reinforcements. We should be going, you know time moves faster for them.”

He comes back around to her front and helps her to her feet, but instead of backing away, he cups her cheek and watches her with such a profound pain in his eyes that shows exactly how close he is to understanding. He has no family in the sense that Sapphiana did, but he’s lost himself. It had been awful to watch, but was for the best. There’s no sense dwelling on his past. Not when she’s drowning in her own.

“Ana.”

She pulls away from him and takes a deep breath, allowing herself to settle into a human form as well. Pieces of her vanish, and she gets shorter until she’s left barely peeking over the height of Orexis’ shoulders. It makes her feel a little vulnerable. All soft flesh and fragile bones, capable of being damaged. She’s not as safe like this. Not that humans could kill her, even in this state, but they could very well hurt her if they so choose.

“Where are the others?”

He hums and doesn’t answer her, bumps against her as though to remind her he’s still right there. She can feel in a deep part of herself that Yoni is nearby, nursing an orchard like the primitive record of a Garden of Eden. There had been one, so long ago, but it was destroyed by the humans, and so they blamed a single God they wrote as alone. If there was only one of them, it would be Agape, but he is incomplete. Yoni’s new paradise is long untouched by human hands, and grows the sweetest fruits, the most aromatic flowers, the loveliest insects. Sapphiana can feel at home there, on the rare occasion she goes in. Her baby had loved it as much as he loved Yoni, a constant presence helping her to raise the child.

She follows the humming string of light, invisible to her own eyes but blinding to Agape and Orexis, its melody calling her to love until she’s able to see the loose tendrils of tawny hair flowing in the summery breeze, life to mirror the seedlings Yoni tends in the freshly-turned earth.

“It’s time?” she asks. Her voice reminds Sapphiana of motherhood and shared blankets.

Orexis smiles. “For us three, anyway. And Sana, if she’d like.”

“She’s busy with the worms again.”

It’s sad, but poetic, the way Sana is life, but may as well be gone from existence. Sapphiana finds herself forgetting about her too often, too, the way Yoni did when the world began to turn against the empire and she discovered what it felt like to lay with humans not just the other Gods. She herself has recovered alright, and still indulges in the occasional pleasure. But Sana has never managed, and instead devoted much- some say too much- of her times to the worms. Yoni’s true form is full of them, along with the beetles and the apples and the mulch. Like Orexis, she spends little time in it.

Orexis reaches for her hand and takes it. He doesn’t hold her hand like he holds Sapphiana’s, his grip a little loose as though he’s waiting for her to take flight. Whether it’s a matter of their personalities or his, she doesn’t know.

They travel quickly, a blink to them but who knows how long to the humans, and find themselves outside the hospital. Agape isn’t with them, so time moves. Orexis is the only one dressed “normally,” in jeans and a sweatshirt, until he waves a hand to fix them. Yoni’s practicle, flowy garb is replaced with a dress in a sweet yellow, and Sapphiana’s gown disappears in favor of a tee shirt and leggings. She doesn’t like the feel of the fabric, but does not complain.

“I wanna show you something.”

Orexis tightens his grip on her and drags her into the hospital, where the first human she lays eyes on nearly makes her scream. He’s older, now. He has more freckles, and his hair is short, and there’s a shadow along his jaw. But that doesn’t matter. Her baby. She covers her mouth and reminds herself to breathe, because this fragile human body needs it, but all she can think about is that he made it.

“Breathe, Ana,” Orexis whispers. “You need to breathe.

She glances to her other side, and Yoni is just as shocked and overwhelmed. They weren’t the same, in terms of how invested they were, but she knows Yoni loved the child too, with so much of herself that she was similarly crushed for quite some time. Her baby, standing there in a white coat, a doctor seeking to help people with a questioning smile on his face when he catches her eye across the room. Of course he doesn’t recognize her. He was so young.

Time freezes around them. The world stilled. Orexis pulls them both closer, and shuts his eyes like it will protect them. Agape is angry. Sapphiana doesn’t hear what he says, not intended for her, but it makes Orexis flinch and his human ears bleed. She reaches for him, as if to comfort, but he pushes her away and shakes her head. He’s gone, the wind again in an instant, and Yoni brushes some of Sapphiana’s hair out of her face.

“He’s okay,” she says.

Sapphiana doesn’t know if she’s referring to her baby, Orexis, or both. Nonetheless, she nods, and the two of them make their leave, knowing that the memories of every human who saw them will be erased for their transgressions. She wonders, briefly, if Agape is angry enough to never let her see him again. Or worse, to steal the life the humans gave him, and leave her to take care of a young soul brought to heaven with no memory of his true mother.

When she falls back into her true form, safe and secure again, she wonders if she will ever be strong enough to make Agape pay for all that he’s done.

#god!au #chicago med #april sexton #crockett marcel #sarah reese

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coloursflyaway · 5 years

Text

Won’t Want For Love

Pairing: Aziraphale/Crowley

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4.058

Tags: Porn with feelings, public handjobs, praise kink, dirty talk

I asked @chip-whitley to give me something to write, and of course she chose Aziraphale jerking Crowley off in a restaurant.

Read on AO3

Perhaps he is being cruel, Aziraphale contemplates as he drags his fingertips over the inseam of Crowley’s ridiculously tight jeans. He is self-aware enough to know that cruelty is well within the range of his emotions, and the way the demon next to him draws in a breath, head whipping around to look at him with raised eyebrows, his eyes undoubtedly wide behind those sunglasses, indicates that at least Crowley thinks that he indeed being a little bit sadistic. However, it had been Crowley who had started this, had been cruel in the first place, sauntering into the little French restaurant they had agreed on meeting in with a smirk that told Aziraphale he was in trouble long before Crowley even said a word.

“I’ve a little surprise for you afterwards”, the demon had drawled, leaning close enough that his lips brushed against the shell of Aziraphale’s ear. “A pink one, approximately the length of my ring finger, and almost as deep inside of me as I wish you were right now.” It had taken Aziraphale a few seconds to make sense of it, some of them most definitely because Crowley was wearing a new cologne, but when he had finally understood the meaning behind the demon’s words, it had taken all the angelic control he had over his blood vessels to keep himself from blushing. A plug.

He hadn’t known what to say, and Crowley had chuckled, sat down next to him and delighted in the state of confused arousal he had thrown Aziraphale into, ordering a glass of wine with a smile and a wink at the waitress. Crowley had most likely never expected to get an answer to his little confession, just a particularly hard fucking after dinner, but Aziraphale had never really known how to let the other have the last word. Which led them here, with Aziraphale’s hand on Crowley’s thigh, slowly inching up, his fingertips brushing across the sensitive inside, and blood still pounding in the angel’s ears. This is the only answer Crowley will get, he decides, and it will be one he won’t ever forget.

“You should get some of the quiche, darling”, he tells Crowley pleasantly, once he has regained his voice, his hand close to that magical spot where thigh meets hip. His fingers press harder into the demon’s flesh, knowing that he left bruises there last night, large blooms of red and purple painted across the pale skin of Crowley’s inner thigh. He is rewarded with a hiss, with Crowley’s tongue darting out to lick his lips. “It’s quite marvellous, very buttery, with just the right amount of flakiness to the crust. And I think it would pair fabulously with your Cabernet Sauvignon.” “I don’t actually – “, Crowley starts, but Aziraphale just waves his hand dismissively, uses the same motion to gesture to the waitress, who comes over to their table at once. “Nonsense, love, I cannot let you starve”, he tells his demon, rubs circles into the bruised flesh. Then to the waitress, “A slice of your quiche, please, and I think a salad to go along with it? But hold the tomatoes, my husband here isn’t very fond of them. And we’ll have the strawberry parfait for dessert, I think. With extra cream.”

Crowley, he is absolutely aware of it, is staring at him, but Aziraphale doesn’t give him the satisfaction of looking back right away, first flashes the waitress a genial smile, watches her leave. When he finally does turn his head, Crowley’s mouth is hanging open, his eyebrows curved high above his glasses. “Husband?”, he repeats Aziraphale’s words back at him, and again, it’s difficult for the angel to keep the flush from his cheeks. “Well, yes. Do you not like it?” “No, no, I – I do. Definitely. I do.”

There is a hint of red dusted across Crowley’s face, tinting the tips of his ears and the apples of his cheeks, and it’s only after Crowley has given his answer that Aziraphale realises he has been holding his breath. They never before put a label on what they are to each other, yet this one seems to fit them perfectly. “That’s settled then. Perfect. Husband.” He gives Crowley a smile, one that might be a bit more beaming than intended and gets one in return that seems to illuminate the whole of the demon’s face, seems to overtake his entire body. “Yeah. Great. Husband.”

There is a moment of silence, in which the bustle of the restaurant around them seems to fade away, but then Crowley shifts ever so slightly, causing Aziraphale’s knuckles to brush against his cock, half-hard in the confines of his jeans, and the lust hits him so suddenly it almost feels like it never went away. Because there is still a plug inside of Crowley, just waiting for Aziraphale to pull it out and replace it with his cock, and because he needs Crowley to feel just what it is he does to him.

Again, Aziraphale tightens his fingers, makes them dig into Crowley’s thighs, and the demon’s mouth goes slack, the flush on his cheeks intensifying. “Angel…”, he mutters so softly Aziraphale almost doesn’t hear him. “Is this some sort of… punishment?” Aziraphale doesn’t answer right away, gives himself a moment to consider it, then slides his hand even further upwards, until he can cup Crowley’s crotch, squeezing slightly. “Yes, I think it is”, he declares brightly, dragging his thumb slowly across Crowley’s cock, putting just enough pressure into the touch to make the demon’s fingers clench around the edge of the table. “You have done everything to earn it after all.” Crowley just groans in response.

Aziraphale pulls his hand away, but just for a moment before he returns it, fingers following the path of Crowley’s zipper, teasingly flitting across the fabric. He can feel the demon grow harder at his touches, and although it is not the first time, might not even be the thousandth, it’s still an exhilarating feeling. Ideally, he’d like to watch Crowley’s cock swell up for him, see proof for what his ministrations do to the other, but there’s no way to do so, not when they are still so very much in public, his hand just so hidden under the table. “Be a dear and spread your legs for me”, he instead asks Crowley softly; it only takes a moment for the demon to comply and give Aziraphale more room to torture him. “That’s beautiful, thank you”, he praises, and feels Crowley’s cock twitch under his fingers. He traces the outlines of it through the demon’s jeans in response, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the head. “Now, tell me how does that thing inside you feel? Does it keep you open enough that I’ll be able to just slide into you when we get back to the shop? Or will I have to stretch you open around my fingers anyway?”

Crowley’s mouth has fallen open at the words, his breath coming in huffs, and Aziraphale delights in it, a little supernova born every time the demon reacts to him like this. In all his time on Earth, he hasn’t found a single thing more satisfying than pleasing Crowley, making him smile, laugh, come. And by now he has found out just the right ways to do all of it, the praise that Crowley craves and yet can’t ask for, the hidden spots of his body he likes to have touched, the best way to drive him insane without doing very much at all. So, he rubs his thumb across the head of Crowley’s cock once more, listens to him inhale sharply, because the friction of the coarse fabric of his jeans must be just close to too much against his sensitive skin. “Well?”

“It’s – it’s large enough for that”, Crowley finally answers, after a few more seconds, and his voice is beautifully rough, the sound of it going straight to Aziraphale’s own cock. “I picked it thinking about that, about you just – taking me after we get home, against the wall, or the door or bending me over a chair…” “And you would like that? Better than me taking you to bed, making love to you properly?”, Aziraphale asks, and cups his hand over Crowley’s cock again, squeezing it. It earns him a half muffled moan, Crowley’s hips jerking up into his touch before the demon can compose himself once more. “Do you want me to be a little bit rough with you? Is that why you told me about the plug, so I’d be desperate for you later?” Again, Aziraphale squeezes, starts to massage the demon’s cock through the fabric of his jeans properly, and Crowley nods, biting at his lips to stifle a moan. Aziraphale can’t suppress a smile, bright and kind. “Oh, darling, you know that I cannot deny you anything.”

It’s both the truth and anything but that – there have been whole days, weeks even, that they spent in bed together and in which Aziraphale taunted and teased and denied Crowley his release until the demon was reduced to tears, to sobbed out pleas, and yet the very act of denial was to indulge Crowley, who, as Aziraphale was blessed enough to learn, wants nothing more than to be taken apart.

“As soon as we get back to the shop, I shall shove you against the nearest wall”, he tells Crowley pleasantly, forcing his voice not to give away how much he likes the thought of pressing himself against Crowley’s back, slotting their bodies together in the way they were always meant to. “I will have you naked, and I will make you spread your legs, just like now. But I will ask you to make sounds for me, all those you can’t let out now, because you know I love your voice so very much. Especially when it moans my name.” Crowley is fully hard by now, his fingers so tight around the edge of the table that his knuckles are stark white against the pink of the rest of his skin, his whole body tensed up as to prevent himself from giving away what is happening under the table. Still, Aziraphale can hear the sounds the demon would be making in his mind, the tiny gasps and soft sobs and that alone is enough to make his cock harden further.

“Say my name, love”, he tells Crowley, leans in to press a small kiss to the corner of the demon’s mouth, just a tiny show of affection, but enough to make Crowley whimper. “Aziraphale, please”, he gasps out finally, his voice beautifully strained, and Aziraphale wishes he could kiss him properly, lick into his mouth until Crowley was the only thing he could remember ever tasting. But not here, not now. “Yes, my darling?”, he asks instead, feigning innocence while he rubs circles across the shaft of Crowley’s cock with his knuckles. Even through the fabric, he can feel the heat of Crowley’s skin, the pulsing of his flesh as Aziraphale teases, and Crowley takes, just takes it, so beautifully. “Please, just touch me.”

He could be merciful, but it’s just then that the waitress is returning with their food, and Crowley is just a little too good at pulling himself together. Aziraphale will have none of it. “Why, that is what I am doing, is it not?”, he asks back, squeezes the other’s cock hard, making Crowley jump a little in his seat, knees knocking against the table. “If you want something, you should ask me for it. Quickly, too, otherwise I might be too occupied by this delicious coq au vin to give it to you.” The waitress, who is busy arranging the plate in front of Aziraphale shoots them a confused look, while Crowley looks horrified; Aziraphale gives him a little nod just to assure him that he has understood his instructions correctly.

The flush on Crowley’s cheeks deepens to the loveliest shade of red, but he leans in towards Aziraphale anyway, so far that maybe, just maybe, the waitress won’t hear him, even as she is putting his own plate in front of him. “Please, angel, I need you to touch my cock.” Of course, Aziraphale could be pedantic, force Crowley to be even more explicit, but he decides against it, partly for the demon’s sake, and partly his own. There is hardly anything he wants more than to get his hands on Crowley’s skin, feel it hot and smooth against his fingers, watch the other fall apart.

So, he waits until the waitress has left their table, giving them one more suspicious look, before he undoes the button of Crowley’s jeans, then pulls the zipper down. Even an action so small draws a sigh of relief from the demon’s lips. With his other hand, Aziraphale picks up his fork, stabs a piece of carrot, pretending for everyone who might be watching to have nothing on his mind but his meal. “Well, darling, won’t you eat?”, he asks Crowley, when he makes no attempt to do the same. It’s only when the demon takes his own fork into trembling fingers that Aziraphale eases his hand into Crowley’s jeans, enjoying the smoothness of Crowley’s skin against his.

A sharp hiss rewards him when Aziraphale wraps his fingers around Crowley’s cock, freeing it from its confines; when he looks over at the demon, Crowley looks as if he is about to scream. His cheeks are flushed, his fingers so tight around the fork and the edge of the table, Aziraphale is surprised he hasn’t broken either of them yet, and suddenly it’s not enough anymore. “Take off your glasses, love”, he tells Crowley and slowly strokes down his cock; he knows that the demon’s eyes must flutter shut behind those dark lenses, and he needs to see. “Angel, there’s people around, they’ll see too.”

Crowley’s voice is broken, bruised, the hint of a hiss hiding behind them like there always is when he is trying his best not to lose control. And he’s right, there are people who will see, but Aziraphale can’t remember ever caring about anything less. Again, he gives Crowley’s cock a stroke, twisting his wrist just so when he reaches the head, and this time the smallest of sounds escapes the demon’s lips. It’s soft and hoarse and Aziraphale knows he’ll keep it stored away in his memory forever. His demon, almost coming apart because of a few touches, a few words, because of him. “I know, darling”, he tells Crowley, spears a small bite of chicken on his fork while he sets a rhythm with his hand, slow, torturous strokes that will do nothing but keep Crowley wanting. “I said, take off your glasses.”

It takes a moment, maybe two, then Crowley sets down his fork, so he can remove his glasses, his hand trembling as he does so. Behind them, the pretence of human irises has been abandoned in favour of concentrating on not moaning out loud, so his eyes would be all gold, the way Aziraphale likes them best, if his pupils weren’t blown so wide with lust, with desire. There is nothing Aziraphale can do to stop the groan from falling off his lips; Crowley’s cock twitches in his hand in response.

“You are so very precious to me”, he tells Crowley, watches those honey-sweet eyes flutter shut for a moment, before Crowley forces them open once again. “And I think, of all the angels our Lord has created, She must love me most, because She gave you to me. I will never stop thanking Her for it, because you are the greatest gift anyone could ever have received.” He gives the demon a loving smile, even while he tightens his grip around Crowley’s cock, starts stroking him just a little bit faster, flicking his thumb across the slit with every upstroke. His other hand brings a bite of the coq au vin to his lips, yet even if he knows it’s delightful, he hardly tastes it.

Crowley does the same, as if he’d been prompted, and it’s a most devious pleasure to see him struggle to keep calm, not just thrust up into the loose circle of Aziraphale’s fingers. “I know I brought you here because I enjoy the food so much, but truth be told, darling, the only thing I want to taste right now is you. The salt of your skin, your breath on my lips, the bitter taste of your seed, I want it all. And once we get home, and I have pushed you against the wall, I will have my fill of you. I will fuck you just the way you want me to, and then I will take you to bed and do it all over again, but this time, the way I want to have you.”

No matter how much self-control the demon has, this time a moan escapes him, not loud enough to be heard at the other tables over the bustle of the restaurant, but just enough to echo in Aziraphale’s chest, fuel the lust burning inside of him. Crowley’s cock is hot in his hand, and when he strokes his thumb across the slit of it the next time, it comes away slick with precome. Again, Aziraphale tightens his grip just a little, feels Crowley’s whole body jerk beneath him at the next stroke. “I’ll put my mouth on every inch of your skin”, Aziraphale continues, lets his eyes drift from Crowley’s shaking, blushing form for a moment so he can scan the rest of the sitting room; no one seems to have noticed what is going on yet, which is mostly a relief and only a little bit disappointing. “Until I can’t remember any taste but yours, until you don’t know anymore if you want to beg for more or for me to stop. I will make you come on my tongue, my fingers, my cock, because you deserve nothing but the most sublime pleasure in the whole universe, and you’ve blessed me with the chance of giving it to you.”

He takes another bite of his food, once more hardly tasting it; Crowley has stopped even trying, has bent the fork in half beneath his elegant, clenched fingers. “Angel, please, anything, just – “, he breathes out, past the point of forming proper sentences, and this time, Aziraphale shows mercy, picks up the rhythm of his strokes until Crowley can’t keep his eyes open any longer, losing himself in the feeling. He’s beautiful and Aziraphale’s cock twitches in his pants with the need to claim him, to feel him tremble beneath him, clutch to Aziraphale’s shoulders like he’s the only thing keeping the demon from falling apart. “Anything for you, my heart”, he tells him and means every word of it. “This isn’t enough for you yet, is it? Let me make it better, let me take care of you.”

It takes but a thought and then suddenly, Crowley’s hips stutter as they try to decide if to thrust up into Aziraphale’s hand, still stroking him with singular intent, or grind down against the plug buried deep inside of him, which has just grown to twice its original size. He’s stunningly beautiful, every muscle tensed, like the strings of a guitar only Aziraphale is allowed to play, his eyes clamped shut and his teeth digging deep into his bottom lip to keep Crowley from screaming as Aziraphale pushes him over the edge.

His cock twitches in Aziraphale’s hand, spurting ropes of come, coating the angel’s fingers as he tries to catch them. Still, his eyes never once leave Crowley’s dear face, his lips being bitten bloody as he comes for everyone to see, hips stuttering, fingers breaking the fork in two with a snap as Aziraphale milks every last bit of pleasure from him, not stopping until the soft whimpers coming from Crowley are from overstimulation and nothing else.

A few moments pass until Crowley’s eyes flutter open once more, the pupils still blown wide, but his gaze softer now. He’s looking at Aziraphale like has never seen him before, speechless, breathless, and the angel just smiles at him, leans in to press the shortest of kisses to his lips. Crowley tastes like blood, but only for a moment, before the angelic touch heals his broken skin. “You really are something else, angel”, Crowley breathes out, and his voice is still in tatters, hoarse and utterly beautiful. Aziraphale laughs softly in response, then, slowly, with one last stroke that makes Crowley shudder, lets go of the demon’s cock. “I could say the same thing about you.”

They just look at each other for a moment, wrapped up in a bubble of nothing but happiness, nothing but love, but then Aziraphale looks away, catches the gazes of a young couple, who clearly have been watching them. A second passes in which he feels himself blush, but then there is something else, something that burns inside of him, possessive and proud and white-hot. He raises his hand from Crowley’s lap, not even trying to cover up the fact that his fingers are sticky with semen and looks back at the demon.

His cock twitches in his pants, the lust washing over him almost overwhelming as he taps one of his fingertips against Crowley’s healed lips. “We are being watched. Be a dear and clean my fingers off for me.” At least three things happen at once: Crowley’s lips fall open in shock, just perfect for Aziraphale to slip his finger into his mouth, a blush blooms across the demon’s face, so deep and perfectly lovely that Aziraphale can’t help but smile at him, and there’s a twin gasp of shock coming from the table of the young couple. Aziraphale relishes in all of them, but none of them as much as Crowley’s tongue slowly swirling around his fingers, cleaning off his own come from Aziraphale’s skin, even as his cheeks burn bright scarlet.

“You’re so perfect for me, darling”, Aziraphale says softly, presses down a little on Crowley’s tongue, feeds him more of his fingers as the demon’s lips part wider. Even without looking down, he knows that Crowley’s cock must be struggling to get hard again. “Just for me. I want all of them to know that you’re all mine, just like I’m all yours.” This time, he feels the moan in his fingertips even before he hears it.

Part of him wants to let Crowley continue to suck on his fingers, feel that clever tongue lave around the digits, but the larger part knows that they shouldn’t cause even more of a commotion if they ever want to come here again. So, Aziraphale pulls his fingers from Crowley’s mouth, leaving his lips swollen and wet, leaves himself desperately hard in his pants. But it will be sweeter for the wait, he just knows it, as he wipes the saliva off his fingers with a napkin, picks up his fork once more. “Do eat up, husband”, he tells Crowley, enjoying the feeling of the title rolling off his tongue just a little more than he should. “We still have dessert to get through before I can take you home and make good on all I promised you.”

There is a half-muttered curse coming from Crowley, then the scent of miracles in the air as the demon wishes himself back into a presentable state, his pants clean and the fork whole once more, but he does as he is told anyway. Underneath the table, Aziraphale feels a foot nudge his own, just a little sign of affection; he gives it right back by putting his hand on Crowley’s arm, squeezing softly. “You’ll be the death of me, and you won’t even need holy water for it”, Crowley tells him, but there is a smile in his voice, on his lips. He looks the way he has always looked, utterly in love, and Aziraphale feels his heart swell inside his chest, full of warmth, affection, devotion. “I know”, Aziraphale answers, then adds, “I love you, too.”

If he winks at the young couple when he turns back to his food and finds them still watching across the restaurant, it’s something Crowley never has to know.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #good omens fanfiction

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autunno101 · 5 years

Text

Takoda

Writing-prompt-s: A villain kidnaps the hero’s sidekick, only to realize the hero has been badly mistreating them, and decides to take the sidekick under their wing.

He looked a little pale, but that could be just the light. However, his thinness and obvious fragility under the baggy clothes - looked more like hand-me-downs - could not be so easily explained away. He had only just arrived...

"Where'd he get the black eye?" Of course, his men were not expected to be gentle with the sidekick, but the condition was alarming.

"We grabbed him from the back of the station, nursing it with an ice pack." At the villain's nod, he continued, "didn't really struggle too much. I don't think we even bruised him..." The man cleared his throat. "Those other bruises weren't from us."

Other?!

The villain opened the door, no longer interested in only peeking through the tiny window. His sudden and intimidating appearance had the young man cowering in his corner.

Yellow bruises lined his arms, several looking suspiciously like handprints and none of them fresh enough to be the cause of his men. Face-to-face, he could see sickly bones protruding from sunken flesh.

The sidekick shook under the villain's presence.

In an attempt to calm him, he waved his security out of the room and they waited just outside the still open door. Near, but out of view.

Krisztian Simon, known under the name Hydra - Agent Hydra when employed under Sidero. Recently, the media had taken a liking to the name 'Guta'. A Hungarian demon. His number of victims had increased greatly in the past six months, though that may be due to the sudden and huge losses he sustained, and most landed underground. The name became suitable.

If Takoda recalled correctly, Sidero had been his first official victim after breaking off as a solo villain. Killing her after a supposedly large fight over the direction they should take.

Both had been powerful water manipulators. Sidero preferring to kill her victims by drowning and Hydra - or Guta - physically sucking the water from their bodies. Either gruesome to watch.

Now a highly wanted, international criminal responsible for stealing and selling military weapons and plans to either terrorists, villain organizations, or warring countries.

"Forgive me for not knowing your name, at least, how to pronounce it, Takoda." He squatted down to be eye level. "You're a healer... sidekick to Lady Vienna."

Her real name was Bernita Mora.

Bernita had been a real-life superman, towering over the average man with the strength to easily lift a semi-truck and fly at a max of Mach 3. The world loved her and from her heroic acts, ranging from her home in Costa Rica to Japan she loved the world.

"It's Pejihuta Witshasha." Krisztian could barely hear him.

"An easier name would have been better. The press simply call you 'The Healer'. Though, I haven't seen you since your... what? Third live appearance? You were a lot heavier then too..." He intended to poke his stomach in jest, but Takoda flinched away from him. "What does it mean? You're little sidekick name."

"Healer." Again, Krisztian strained to hear.

"Alright..." Seemed stupid to him. "Do you know who I am?"

"Hydra..."

"The press like 'Guta' nowadays." He stood and carefully helped the young healer to his feet. "You can heal yourself, can't you?" Only a trembling nod in response. "Why haven't you?"

The change came suddenly. And a bit violently.

Takoda squirmed out of his hold, scratching even to break free of Krisztian's light hold. He dashed back into his corner, his trembling increased and he hid his gaunt face in the crook of his elbows.

The subordinates outside the door shrugged at their boss's questioning brow.

"Takoda." Sternly, he pulled the kid to his feet and lead him out the door with a bit more force than before. "Let's talk."

After a shower, some ointment for the bruises he refused to heal - there was something to that and Krisztian planned to figure it out - and dinner, Lady Vienna wasn't so kind after all. At least, not to the criticism magnet her sidekick turned out to be.

Takoda, Krisztian admitted, wasn't fat. Not like how the media relentlessly teased. A little chunky with no real strength or stamina, but otherwise a healthy kid. Someone who sought to help those in need. Lady Vienna, of course, found his abilities useful. Bullets could still hurt her after all.

The press were quick to point out the adorableness of their obvious different builds. Their view changed rapidly to poking fun and degrading.

A fan of his native heritage, Takoda sought to make his family proud with his choice of name. Unfortunately, while Lady Vienna had no issues with one being proud of one's heritage, the media disagreed, finding more ammo to use in their taunts. Criticism was one thing the superhero would not stand for, especially when she felt heat because of her certain young man by her side.

If the press didn't appreciate his lack of build or the "excessive" pride in being Sioux, then neither did Lady Vienna.

"You know, Guta is a demon in Hungarian myth." They had been silent for a bit after dinner and Krisztian sought to end the silence. Takoda had been much too afraid to engage in small talk. "Your translate more accurately to a Sioux healer, correct? Medicine man?"

His men had been diligent in their search during dinner including finding Lady Vienna's excuses for her sidekick's public absences after fights.

Too weak at the moment.

Because you were starving him.

Badly injured.

Because you beat him every time the media sneered at you.

Shy.

More like afraid.

Unavailable...

Takoda had only been 17 when first meeting Lady Vienna. Standing proudly at 5'5" and used to be over 175 lbs.

Now, at 19 years old, he stood around 100 lbs.

"Yeah..." His hesitancy to answer made Krisztian cringe.

"I prefer Guta because it sort of reflects my own heritage. And my reputation." The confession sparked curiosity in Takoda.

"Really?" The villain nodded, laughing at the excitement.

"Yes, really. Much better than Hydra." Venom laced his tone at the former name. "Stupid Sidero. Always so arrogant," he grumbled but didn't elaborate.

Takoda had nothing to say to that.

"Tell me, Sioux Healer," once more, the 19-year-old perked up, "do you think she will come for you?"

Half a world away, the sunset lit the sky a somber orange, chased by indigo. Twinkling lights off a city in the valley shone so brightly, it blocked the stars, despite the stronghold's superior altitude in the mountain's side.

"Yes."

"But, not because she has to."

"No."

For such a scared child, Krisztian noted that Takoda had not once stuttered. Mumbled. Whispered. Never stuttered.

"You could always stay here. Though, I'm sure you haven't seen you're family in a long time... Would you work for me?" He expected a flat out no.

"I don't want to hurt anyone." He was happy with the answer he received, even if not a definite yes.

"You don't have to." Guta stood, beckoning the younger man to follow. "I hope you understand I will you use you as evidence to display her cruelty. To ruin her."

"I guessed..."

He continued, unfazed, "good. There are always other heroes and non-heroes alike that oppose me and my operations." Hopefully, a small reassurance. "After a few photographs, I'll send you home, okay?"

Takoda nodded glumly.

Once home, Takoda took his time recovering, staying removed from the public as Lady Vienna came under fire. Many still supported her, but with Takoda "missing" and his family not speaking out per his wishes, the debate remained one of the biggest unsolved superhero issues.

About a month later, Takoda found a package, addressed to him, sitting on his porch. He hadn't heard a knock or the doorbell ring.

A neat note sat on top of a pile of clothes and other items.

Takoda,

I hope you've gained some much-needed weight since we last met. From what I understand, Lady Vienna and others believe you are still under my care. My accusations have only angered her, but I'm dealing with the blowback pretty well.

I know you had a goal of helping people. Take this card and use it as you wish. I'm sure you'll go where you feel as you needed. Your culture is important to you, but perhaps a different name would suit you and be better for the public's sake. Perhaps a role model's name?

-K. Simon

P.S.: If you know Captain Thunder, he sends his regards, as well as his young sidekick, Boo. I did tell them I sent you home and they haven't publically announced it - I don't think they were the only ones suspicious.

Takoda inspected the black card, surprised it was real. He had never had one before. Perhaps before meeting Lady Vienna, he had thought about it, with the prospects of a new job.

It had his full name in silver on the front.

"Woah..."

The clothes were nice too. Cotton t-shirts, jeans, formal button-ups, and slacks. A few silk ties. A brand new Rolex watch with dusted gold and diamonds. Several pairs of sneakers and loafers.

Krisztian had no reservation about spending money apparently. But, when you're a villain with supposedly a billion corporation you had money to spend.

The young healer hadn't met Captain Thunder, a loud, but pretty cool Canadian hero that manipulated sound waves. Boo was a ten year old from Chad with the ability to turn invisible. Her powers extended beyond just herself and she could turn objects she touched invisible as well. Often, she liked to spook the reporters, much to the Captain's amusement.

Perhaps he would meet them one day.

Re-reading the note, Takoda suddenly had an idea and raced to his bookshelf where he had kept a lot of books relating to the Lakota, his mother's people. In particular, he had several relating to the Black Elk, a medicine man, and participant in the Wounded Knee Massacre.

While his mother had disagreed with several of the books, written mainly by non-natives, he found some quotes comforting.

It wasn't easy growing up with his abilities, especially when he was younger. He never lived on a reservation, though he knew relatives that did, and his father, a non-native, graduate engineer from Chicago, didn't agree with his maternal family's interpretation of his abilities or the sudden pressure laid on his shoulders.

When he was seven, his parents moved away to Iowa, which was equally easier and difficult. His biracial status didn't mix well with his black relatives, but they at least were kept from knowing about his powers.

One quote in particular was "...I cured with the power that came through me."

Takoda had questioned whether Black Elk had actually said it as his mother's doubts and criticisms of the book echoed through him time and time again. But, he had decided a while ago that it didn't matter. In context, out of context, real or fake; it brought him comfort.

Krisztian was right. "The Healer" was what he did, but not who he particularly was. "Pejihuta Witshasha" was too difficult for the press - as much as that insulted him.

Guta described Krisztian based on reputation, but not necessarily ability...

Lady Vienna chose her name as more of a nickname.

Captain Thunder... well, Takoda had no idea where he got the name from and Boo got hers because that's what she always said scaring reporters.

Takoda wanted to reach those in need, but such a task would take him all over the globe. Many cultures had their own view on healing and with it, he wanted to adapt to it.

Why be one if he could be many?

Early in this process, he decided to stick to the shadows. Avoiding heroes and villains alike for his own safety. As such, black or navy would need to become a part of his attire.

Guta was surprised, pleasantly so, at how quickly the "Black Bear" and "Black Stag" appeared throughout North America over the span of two months only to disappear.

The media speculated if the appearances were individuals or the same person while others claimed it to be the work of some type of cryptid. However, the collective terms "Black Healer" and "Black Healer Society" were often used.

Shortly afterward, the "Black Hummingbird" began to spread its wings over South America. It took a while and after heavy debate that remained mainly unresolved, the public believed the figure to be some kind of bird. The hummingbird becoming more likely due to the images of a unique long beak that extended from the face and colorful reflectors of a sort that made use of the moonlight and city lights to produce a beautiful metallic look.

Guta quickly checked the card he had given the healer, noting only a few charges here and there. Mainly flights and bus rides back and forth across the countries. Still, Takoda must have been using a lot of his personal money.

It took a bit, especially since Takoda moved quickly and almost at random. Useful for hiding from those seeking him out. Nonetheless, Krisztian found him.

A small Haitian village. Dressed in dark, casual clothes with a cloak. No animal symbolism.

"No animal this time?" The healer jumped at the familiar voice.

"Gu-... uh, I mean Mr. Krisztian..." As awkward as ever, Takoda glanced around them. Of course, the famous Guta wouldn't travel without some degree of protection hence the number of armed men surrounding them.

"I see you haven't finalized your outfit yet or was that what you were going for?" Krisztian nudged Takoda along to the jeep not far from the small alley.

"I... uh... wanted to use animal symbolism, but the internet hadn't been very cooperative with me." The older man hummed thoughtfully.

"One symbol should be enough."

Takoda shook his head but didn't elaborate until they reached a resort. Apparently, the villain preferred to stay in luxury.

"I wanted it to be significant to them..." He continued to follow the villain, uncomfortable with his shabby appearance contrasting against the upper-class finesse.

"The bear represents healing, the stag... I don't quite-"

"It varies but I was aiming for longevity and gentleness."

"Alright, and the hummingbird was optimism, yes?" Krisztian gestured to a secluded booth from the other guests.

"Basically... why am I here?" While the security gave them space, the atmosphere remained heavy and intimidating.

"To catch up, of course." Krisztian tapped the menu before sliding it his way. "Wine and food all on me."

"I don't drink..."

"Soda, water, whatever you'd like." He waved his hand in the air, unconcerned. "I expected a bit more weight on you."

Takoda had removed his cloak, revealing the still oversized clothes he wore underneath.

"Oh... uh..."

Krisztian shook his head in disapproval.

"The card was for you to use to your heart's content. Including feeding yourself and putting a roof over your head during your travels." With that, Krisztian waved over a waiter and they placed their orders.

After spending the night, Takoda was booked a flight home. He needed more time to think.

The mysterious healer or healers disappeared as quickly as they appeared. Months rolled by without an appearance.

Then, as winter rolled through, photos surfaced from Ethiopia. A hunched black shadow wandered almost empty streets with horns upon its head.

Press, blog sites, and cryptid believers were quick to tear the photos apart. The assumed horns were really antlers. Bear claws covered the hands. An assumed stag head covered the face. It took a while, but another managed to find more photos of it traveling along the African east coast. Most notable were the ones under the full moon where the light reflected a familiar, colorful pattern across the arms to the back.

A mash of the three healers before.

Because of the animal symbolism and the communities most believed theories, the public took the liberty of calling the healer "Shaman". Many referred to the healer as a cryptid rather than a man and most notable suspected it to be capable of shapeshifting between four forms.

In a public announcement by several heroes including Captain Thunder, Guta had reassured them he would not lay a hand against the Sioux Healer - as was a concern considering the healer's sudden travels into the villain's prominent domain. A domain that traveled from Somalia, up the coast, across the Arabian Peninsula and into Jammu and Kashmir.

His statement seemed to confirm the theory of the healer's native origin and spun new debates.

However, as if to keep people on their toes, the healer would vanish only to reappear as a bear, stag, or hummingbird or as the entangled embodiment. Its work remained seemingly random to the public and continued to be uncaught by the press or heroes.

Lady Vienna expressed great public interest in meeting the Shaman. Despite her attempts, Takoda managed to stay out of her grasp and eventually feeling unsafe, he abandoned everything. Abandoned his outfit. His personal items. The credit card from Krisztian. His mission down the east coast of Africa.

She came much to close and in a moment of panic, he disappeared into the Kenyan savannahs. Thankfully, commotions began to appear globally, including South Africa, and she was forced to stop her pursuit.

Hiding away, he accepted the kindness of strangers when offered and stayed off every beaten path. He continued south.

Takoda crossed the path of many heroes, local and foreign as they aimed to take down several terrorizing organizations. He kept his distance.

Starving, he entered a city despite the war zone it had become. Perhaps there would be food and clothes abandoned for him to have. His had been torn from the travel, the ambushes, and predators.

Here, his powers were limited to an almost unfair level. His exhaustion and hunger only hindered him further. Still, he tried to comfort those dying by easing their pain, unable to extend their lives.

A little girl laid under some rubble and all he could do was close her eyes.

"You shouldn't be here, Sioux Healer." He froze at the unfamiliar voice.

A large man stood behind him, bloodied from the fighting. From his black combat boots to the jockey straps and cut to fit shirt, he bled a fighter. Not local however by his white skin and dirty blonde-ish hair.

Takoda's eyes widened at the trademark hat that hid his cropped hair. One that had a logo of a maple leaf overlapped by a military jet surrounded by a blue circle.

The Canadian hero, Captain Thunder.

"Takoda, Lady Vienna is here. You need to go." With a hand signal, Boo appeared by his side in a fine, colorful, and decorative dress with a matching head-ware that hid most of her hair. Takoda assumed traditional clothing for her people. "Boo will help you out of the city."

The Captain took off without much of a word, heading to the thickest fights in the city.

"He doesn't want me to join anyway." Boo sounded a bit dejected, but took Takoda's hand and led him away.

"He cares for you."

"Like Lady Vienna should have for you?" Her bluntness hit him hard. "Sorry." Apparently, she noticed.

Wishing to change the subject, he asked, "how many languages do you speak?" It was well known her first appearance with the hero had been to help translate for him.

"Including dialects... seven fluently." It had been debated before, but the numbers were impressive. And she only counted what she was fluent in.

"That's impressive."

"Thank you. My parents are big advocates for education in Chad. I spend more time with them and doing school work than with Captain Thunder." That also bummed her out. Before Takoda could ask, she answered, "I only get to hang around for reporters and small crimes. Me being here was an accident."

"Things like this can be dangerous."

"I know..." With that, Boo quickly hushed him and they ducked out of view as people passed by.

She kept them invisible as they moved past fights, survivors, and emergency personnel.

At the very edge of the city limits, Krisztian waited. Angry at Takoda's starved appearance.

"I believe I told you to gain weight, not lose it." Krisztian grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him to the guarded helicopter.

Takoda limply let him shove him inside and deflated as he offered a kind hand to Boo.

Takoda folded him into himself, keeping silent as they headed to a small, private airport. On the plane, Boo sat beside him as Krisztian talked with others outside.

Alone, she patted his hand, "if it helps, Captain gets depressed too. I think its because the ratio of people he saves is small compared to how many he couldn't."

The thought was depressing. Captain Thunder had such a loud, joyous, and respectful persona that made it hard to believe. But it made sense.

"Thanks, Boo." Takoda smiled her way, grateful, but that wasn't the problem.

"Krisztian, for a villain, is exceptionally caring. Captain was surprised too." Boo didn't elaborate as said villain returned.

Boo left first, her parents already awaiting her return. Krisztian remained on the plane, hidden away lest they know who dropped her off. Afterward, they headed for the stronghold in the east.

Takoda did his best to avoid the villain, staying closed off and curt in his answers. When they landed and Krisztian went to guide the kid by the shoulder down the ramp, he noticed him flinch. Takoda nearly tripped over his own feet to get away.

"Takoda..." His words were soft and his touch gentle as he helped the healer regain his balance. "I'm not going to hit you. Come on. You need a full meal, not just snacks." Even though Takoda had received fresh clothes, Krisztian removed his jacket and wrapped it around his shoulders.

Inside, Takoda feasted on everything they gave him. His father would have been upset at his behavior, to say the least. He had always been big on manners.

Krisztian watched, disgusted, but never uttered a sound of protest. Let the kid eat.

Takoda, finally feeling full in months, became over consciously aware of his surroundings and took a napkin to wipe his hands and mouth.

"Sorry..."

"Don't be. More?" He began to wave over a servant, but Takoda stopped him.

"No, I'm... I'm good." Taking a gulp of water, he cleared his throat. "Can I ask you something?"

Krisztian quirked a brow at that, "sure."

"When did you and Captain Thunder become friends?"

Krisztian laughed, "oh no. We're not. The only thing we have in common is you."

That came as a surprise.

"Me?"

"I think I told you before that he had suspected something going on. I did end up telling him and he, thankfully, kept that to himself."

A servant interrupted them, bringing Takoda a decent slice of chocolate cake.

Krisztian encouraged him to eat, pouring a glass of wine for himself. He came to sit next to Takoda, sipping his 1990 Grand Cru.

They intermittently had small chit chat. Both put thoughts of heroes and villains aside. Here, they were merely friends. Passing the time until they grew tired and while Takoda would remain under 24/7 watch, Krisztian had work the next morning.

Takoda remained at the stronghold, trying hard not to think about what Krisztian's job entailed. A villain's job.. is well, he supposed a villain's job.

Krisztian returned a couple of weeks later, bandages covering his torso and hands. While he had Takoda informed of his return, he did not summon him to his side. He had always healed naturally. No need to put the kid to work.

However, Takoda ventured to the upper floors on his own. He ignored the caution servants threw his way.

The Guta does not wish to be disturbed.

This is not wise. Return to your chambers.

Please, sir, return downstairs.

He moved around them, not even registering their words. Nudging open the doors, he stepped inside the bedroom.

Krisztian had his bedside lamp on and the windows open with a view of a dark sky over a dry desert. He held a small, leather worn book in his hands.

"Takoda?" He set the book aside.

The healer came, pulling up a chair, and sat beside him.

"You should have called me. I can heal you." Setting to work, he first unwrapped the man's hands. It had always been easier to heal if he could see the wound.

"I'm a villain. An international criminal. A terrorist to some." Krisztian watched on. Amused at the scene before him. Impressed as the light green glow faded and rather than bloody and torn fingers, they were sore and barely scarred.

"You helped me. You fund me..." His words felt like a half-ass excuse.

"I make people into raisins."

"I've managed to heal over two thousand people and that number is going to continue to grow. This past year is really the only time I've been practicing my powers. Dealing with different people, different wounds. I'm growing stronger." As if proving his point, Takoda healed Krisztian's torso - easily in worse condition than his hands - with ease.

Takoda continued, "I couldn't have done that as quickly before. I'd have barely started and already would be sweating. Broken bones took at least 15 minutes without any breaks and I usually would need a long break afterward." He looked Guta in the eyes, seeing a friend rather than a demon. "I've grown a lot. I'm healing faster. Leaving fewer scars each time. Actually able to help with healing diseases and illnesses rather than just the symptoms."

Krisztian nodded, chuckling at the enthusiasm.

"Alright. I helped you out a little."

Takoda wasn't quite finished.

"Besides, I've never known you to be that cruel, not even to Sidero and the media seemed to make it out like you guys loathed each other." He raised a questioning brow at that, so Takoda continued, "Gamez, from a couple of years back, sold out one of your operations and you suffered some pretty severe causalities. However, Hana's betrayal happened a few months later. She sold out your smuggling operation in Taiwan, but you never turned her into... a... uh, a raisin."

Krisztian remained silent. Partially in awe of the kid's observance which reminded him a bit of Boo. Mainly to hide his laughter at Takoda's hesitancy to use the word 'raisin'.

Krisztian settled for scoffing.

"You're a bit too observant, aren't you?" Takoda stiffened as if he had been slapped. "It's impressive. Don't get me wrong." Thankfully, he relaxed at the villain's praise. "But that doesn't make me good."

"No, but..." Krisztian watched, heart heavy and light, as Takoda balled his hands into fists. Frustrated. He wasn't prepared to back down as he finally shot back, "it's better than no reason at all or just for fun. You have reasons and motives that may be... exaggerated or unethical-"

"I suppose." Krisztian surrendered the fight. The last thing he wanted was to work Takoda up.

He patted the empty space next to him on the bed, moving pillows out of the way. Takoda put the chair back before taking the invitation. Krisztian picked his book back up, secretly flexing his fingers in delight. The pain was gone.

"Heard of the book called 'Embers'?" At the shake of his friend's head, Krisztian nodded, already figuring that was the case. "You might like it..."

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I tried really hard with this and it was only meant to be like a couple of pages long, not ten. Anyway, I’m sorry if I messed up.

#heros #villains #sidekicks #i'm sorry #i tried #prompt based #abuse #healing #writing prompt #fiction #writing #takoda #Krisztian

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owl-eyed-woman · 7 years

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Attack on Titan Season 2 Episode 36 Analysis Part 5: An Ode to the Ensemble

AOT has always been a type of ensemble show, incorporating dozens of characters, several competing factions and so many weird sounding names that you can’t possibly remember all of them. This large and varied cast is crucial for creating a sprawling, complex world filled with countless people who, alongside our main characters, are struggling with the same, trying circumstances. At least, that’s the intended effect.

The downside of having such a large cast, however, is that you actually need to develop them or they might start to seem like extraneous titan fodder. AOT has definitely fallen into this trap before.

To be fair, fixing this issue is not as simple as just developing every single character into multi-dimensional human beings; this would just bog the story down with superfluous detail. Still, far too often, interactions with this expansive side cast have used them as cameos not characters, relying on weird quirks to differentiate rather than authentic characterisation.

Thankfully, this season has clearly recognised this shortcoming and started to shine a light on thus far overlooked and underutilised characters. We’ve moved away from Eren, Armin and Mikasa and have instead focused on the secondary characters in the cadet corps. With this shift, AOT has truly begun to excel as an ensemble piece.

In the context of this season-wide reframing and refocusing, however, this episode is actually a bit of an outlier as it re-centres a lot of the action around Mikasa and Armin. But fear not, the side-characters have their time in the spotlight!

Obviously, a lot has happened in this season which, may I remind you, has spanned less than two days. There’s a lot to process and with barely a second to rest, everyone is undoubtedly struggling physically, mentally and emotionally. With this in mind, this episode grants our precious side characters a chance to finally address the most shocking twist of the season: Reiner and Bertholdt’s betrayal.

AOT has spent several episodes examining (and re-examining and then re-examining again) the various nuances of Eren’s emotional fallout from this betrayal, but the questions still remains: what about the other cadets? They, like Eren, trusted Bertholdt and Reiner unconditionally, counting them as comrade and companion through thick and thin. It only follows that their emotional fallout is just as cutting and devastating as Eren’s.

So as Sasha, Jean, Connie, Armin and Mikasa converge atop Reiner, surrounding the encased Bertholdt, it becomes a type of twisted family reunion, where past resentments and remembrances are dredged up and brought out into the open. How is everyone holding up?

Well, unsurprisingly, they’re confused and hurt! Who’da thunk? Each of them express this pain differently, coping in their own flawed ways. Sasha is simply in a state of disbelief. Connie, my sweet, dense boy, almost seems in a state of denial that they could have lied to them for so long whilst Jean’s snarky rejoinders hide his obvious distress.

There’s a lot these characters need to express openly in order to truly start healing and moving on from this betrayal, more than can be said in this brief conversation. Jean’s words cut to the heart of the matter as he vehemently tells them that they can’t just, literally and figuratively, run away from them and the three years of friendship they shared. It’s a desperate and raw attempt to appeal to Bertholdt and Reiner’s humanity that they now fear was only a façade.

They all desperately want to understand why this has happened and find some type of explanation for their betrayal after they’ve trusted them for so long but there is no satisfactory answer. In the end, while this brief conversation does allow for some emotional catharsis, it ultimately remains one-sided, unsatisfying and futile. Reiner and Bertholdt remain unmoved.

In the scheme of this episode, this is only one brief exchange, but it still shows us the genuine effort AOT has made this season to add depth and complexity to initially flat and simple characters. But after all this welcome effort, one character still remains obscured: Bertholdt. I’ve often joked that I only know two things about Bertholdt: 1. He is quiet and 2. He is tall. But honestly, there’s a lot of truth in this ridiculous, reductive statement. Who is Bertholdt? What motivates him? Why did he commit such horrific acts as the Colossal Titan?

Despite Eren and Mikasa’s virulent insistence to the contrary, AOT has been hinting heavily that Bertholdt and Reiner are more than just two irredeemable monsters who hate all of humanity; there’s another side to their betrayal.

We know that Reiner has struggled with his crimes, splitting his personality in twain just to cope with the guilt, but Bertholdt’s position has remained mysterious throughout this entire affair. Not even his friends’ desperate pleas are able to elicit any reaction or explanation from Bertholdt.

Interestingly, it’s Mikasa’s brutally pragmatic dismissal that gets a response out of the consistently aloof Bertholdt. Unlike the other cadets, Mikasa never seemed particularly close to Bertholdt or Reiner, and now, after what they’ve done, she couldn’t give two fucks about either of them. She doesn’t care about any purported humanity or moral nuance. In fact, she actively rejects its existence and rejects its relevance. They are her enemy now and that’s all she needs to know.

It’s this blunt dismissal that challenges Bertholdt to prove his humanity, to prove that they aren’t just monsters to be vanquished. As tears stream down his face, Bertholdt finally reaches his breaking point and reveals all. It is at once heartbreaking, humanising and horrifying.

He has no delusions about what they did, no declarations of moral righteousness, no smarmy excuses; just a soul-crushing awareness of the evil, disgusting crimes that they have committed. Like Reiner, Bertholdt has been consumed by guilt and self-hatred because of their atrocious actions; he’s just better at hiding it. He knows they deserve to die for what they’ve done.

It’s honestly a relief to have explicit confirmation that they didn’t want to kill all those people. I know AOT is a story about literal monsters, but I guess I don’t want to believe that someone could happily murder so many innocents unless they were literally inhuman. Then again, maybe that’s naïve; AOT’s central government forced its citizens into a suicide mission in order to cull the population. Such atrocities are the order of the day for human society as a whole. But I digress.

Significantly, Bertholdt also admits that he sincerely cared about his comrades during his time as a soldier in the 104th cadet corps, even if it was just a reprieve from this guilt. Their years undercover weren’t just part of the job, but rather, a brief refuge from the reality of their deeds. In the end, Reiner and Bertholdt were so good at playing make-believe soldiers because they desperately wanted to believe they were just innocent soldiers, if only for a while.

It’s a potent reminder that though Eren may dismiss them as monsters, even the most despicable people are still human beings. It’s easy to completely write off people after they do evil things or betray us but if we can’t acknowledge the humanity in our enemies, we’ll never truly comprehend our own innate potential for both cruelty and kindness. We’re all complicated, we all contain multitudes and if AOT has taught us anything, we’re all capable of terrible things.

With that said, there’s only so much sympathy we can extend towards those actively trying to eradicate countless human lives. Yes, this distraught assertion of humanity and admission of guilt is genuinely moving, but Bertholdt and Reiner still made the choice to commit these crimes and stain their hands with innocent blood. I’ve been hard on Mikasa in my past analysis, but her to-the-point demand for Eren’s return is ultimately the correct response to the situation; any sympathy is pointless if they are still trying to destroy humanity.

This episode didn’t have to give so much runtime to these minor characters; it could have simply coasted on its action and gore and twists and turns. But still, in this single, tiny scene, AOT manages to do so much and is so much stronger for its inclusion. I truly appreciate this show’s continued effort to imbue its characters with complexity and humanity. This is why I’ve spent 5 whole posts analysing, or, if we’re being honest, rambling on about this single episode.

If you’re interested, I’ve linked to my other articles below expanding on other parts of this episode.

Links: Part 1: Why I Love this Show Part 2: Ymir and Christa Part 3: Mikasa, Co-dependency and Morality Part 4: Armin and Sacrifice

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