#it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos' #and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES) #sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-; #the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

[neptuneiris]

could you pretend to be in love? (06/10)

The Connection

pairing: modern!aemond × fem!reader (fake dating)

summary: an unexpected person from the past shows up and there is a family dinner to attend, resulting in disastrous thoughts and difficult decisions.

word count: 8.9k

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the chapter is finally here!

sorry it took me so long, if you didn't see my last post go do it and you'll know why👀 but we can put it behind us now and I'm excited to tell you that the next chapter will finally give us that next level we've been waiting for so long!

I really hope it won't take me that long but for now, let's enjoy this new chapter and as always, I'll be very anxious to read your comments🥰

enjoy!

The day of the dinner is slowly approaching.

And you still don't feel completely sure about it. However, despite your doubts and worries, you haven't backed out.

Mostly you think about what you're going to tell Aemond's mother by way of ruining things out of nervousness. Of course he should have already given her information about the relationship, but you're worried that she'll ask you questions and you won't know how to answer.

But that's not the reason she wants to get to know you… is it?

You think she probably just wants to know more about you, your likings, your non likings, your aspirations in life, your dreams, your family and things related to that.

Right?

You just hope so.

You've never done this before, meeting a guy's parents, ever. And you just get more nervous and feel more pressure knowing that Aegon and Helaena will be there too.

As well as you also feel guilty about the fact that they all think that you and Aemond are for real and you're just going to go there and convince them and assure them that you and Aemond are crazy about each other… when it's not true.

Now it's Thursday, tomorrow is dinner and Aemond doesn't seem at all concerned about it, when your thoughts are being completely tormented with it.

Still, you listen attentively to his words as you put away some books in your locker and he's standing next to you, leaning against the lockers, with the Romeo and Juliet book in his hands.

"Why did you make me read this shit? It's too hard to read and I don't like it," he says longingly.

You look away from your books to him and place a small amused smile on your lips at the sight of his face.

"It's like poetry and I don't like poetry, I don't understand it," he says frustrated, "I don't understand any of the weird rhyming they say."

"Well, Shakespeare has a unique way of expressing himself."

"Yeah, but what does he mean by 'My lips, two humble blazons, are ready to seal with a kiss softly'?" he recites reading the phrase with his brows furrowed and you let out a small laugh.

"Shakespeare loved beauty in words, even if it meant complicating things a bit."

"Yeah but why can't he just kiss her and be done with it without saying these weird words that give me cringe?"

"Come on," you give him an incredulous look, "It's romantic. The whole book is romantic with a tragic ending."

"This is definitely not romantic," he says incredulously and shaking his head, "It's weird, boring and makes me want to puke."

You look at him with a pout.

"You're not romantic at all."

"Excuse me?"

He immediately comes to defend himself, staring at you incredulously and completely indignant.

"I can be extremely romantic, thank you very much."

You raise your hands in a gesture of surrender, with a small smile as you see the spark of amusement in his gaze.

"You of all people should know that, you've witnessed it and you're the reason I do it mostly," he adds.

"But that's not… you know," you give him an expectant, knowing look.

"It's still romantic."

"No, it's not," you say with a laugh.

At your playful response, still busy at your locker, you don't notice and Aemond suddenly approaches. He takes your chin with one of his hands gently but firmly enough, causing you to look up at him, catching you off guard.

"What did you just say, my love?" he asks with a mischievous smile and amusement in his gaze, appearing serious and warning.

He brings his face closer to yours with a demanding gaze and your heart begins to pound as you let yourself be carried away by his proximity.

It is clear that he is going to kiss you, what does this mean if not kiss you? So you watch him expectantly and with your face lifted towards him, really looking forward to the sweet contact, your lips inches from his.

But first Aemond looks around briefly, wanting to make sure that some students in the hallway are watching you. When then, you see that he is overlooking a specific spot in the hallway.

You see how there is a slight glint in his eye and then he no longer moves.

You frown slightly, waiting. And before you can say or do anything, Aemond suddenly pulls away.

Confusion overtakes you and he clears his throat by averting his gaze, then smiles softly at you as if he wasn't about to kiss you seconds ago.

"Then I'll be more romantic next time," he says, taking his distance from you, as if trying to minimize the tense moment you've just shared.

Was he going to kiss you or not?

You can't just tell him to kiss you either, that he was going to, since this isn't real but… the change in his behavior confuses you, you don't quite understand what just happened and you don't know what to say.

"I have to go to the field now," he tells you, averting his gaze for a moment before looking at you again, "I'll see you in class, okay?"

"Hum… yeah, yeah, okay," you nod, still confused.

He gives you one last smile and before leaving, he gives your shoulder a light squeeze with his hand, another gesture that catches you off guard. Without a kiss on your forehead or cheek, as he usually does, he walks away.

You stand in the hallway, watching him go, with a mix of emotions you can't help but feel confused, uncertain and... disappointed.

Questions swirl around in your mind, but you don't have any answers. So shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you close your locker door and head to your next class.

Eventually you continue to run into him and he acts normal, as usual. He sits next to you in class, does the teacher's requested activities with you, and walks with you through the halls to the next class.

And everything is…normal, in a way.

Although he's still being kind and attentive, he's not being as affectionate as usual.

You can see how he's distracted, deep in thought from time to time, something is on his mind, something that you have no idea what it is but that keeps you alert, confused and makes you feel completely different from previous days.

You sense that the dynamic between you today has changed somehow, leaving you feeling bewildered.

And you don't know why.

Although it's not until break time that you find yourself sitting at a table alone, still feeling this awkwardness, when Alysanne comes in and drops the big bombshell on you that makes all the sense in the world.

"Why are you here eating so casually when I just saw your boyfriend catching up with his other ex-girlfriend?"

You raise your gaze to her almost instantly, with a mixture of surprise and confusion, a knot forming in your stomach as the weight of her words settle on your shoulders.

"What?"

"Yeah, Floris Baratheon," she says, then looks at you slightly confused, "How did you not know this?"

"What?" you repeat, not understanding.

"Floris Baratheon," she repeats to you slowly and clearly, "Dark hair, not as tall and certainly not as bitchy as Alys but still she falls into the category of girls who are superficial and think they are better than other girls," she explains to you.

Confusion lingers in your gaze, for despite the explanation, you still don't remember anything about a girl named Floris Baratheon at school.

"You really don't know who she is? Aemond didn't tell you about her?" asks Alysanne incredulously and your face answers her questions, "She transferred schools for a semester and just returned this morning. She and Aemond weren't actually dating but they had a thing when he and Alys broke up for like the twelfth time."

Your mind whirls as you process the information.

Honestly you had no idea about Floris' existence back in your invisibility days at school. Therefore, you also had no idea that she and Aemond had ever had any kind of relationship.

However… there is something you have an idea of at the moment.

This is why Aemond acted weird with you this morning, because of her. He must have seen her in the hallway and his demeanor changed completely.

"I-I didn't know that," you admit in a soft, low voice, trying to hide the uneasiness that is starting to creep up on you.

"Well, it's weird that Aemond didn't tell you anything, especially since I saw the two of them so comfortable and happy talking," she lets you know, "And I'm not telling you this with any malice or to make you feel bad, it's just that I think you should know, even though I thought you already knew."

You bite the inside of your cheek, feeling a surge of emotions wash over you that you can't quite explain, nor can you avoid.

You're not sure what to think or how to react to this, but one thing is for sure; things between you and Aemond are likely to get complicated.

But what can you really do?

You and he aren't really dating. What's the point of asking him about it when it's really none of your business? Besides if he didn't talk to you about it before, when he saw her, it must be for this very reason.

You have no right here, even if you feel this.

"Do you want to get out of here?" asks you Alysanne later, noticing your face and probably everything that is invading your mind.

And soon enough, she takes you to the rooftop of the school, outdoors, where you just sit and watch the sky and listen to her while she smokes a cigarette, talking to you about Cregan being around her lately.

But as much as you want to give her your full attention and corroborate what she is telling you, you can't.

The rest of the classes are without Aemond, since you don't share them with him, and when the school day ends, still not knowing exactly whether to wait for him to drive you home or not, you head for the exit of the building, deep in thought.

"Hey."

You feel a hand grab your shoulder and when you turn your head without stopping moving forward, you find Aemond standing next to you.

"Hi," you reply softly, turning your gaze back to the front.

And he at your side gives you an attentive, curious and slightly confused look.

"Are you okay? I didn't see you at break," he says softly, "I also texted you and you didn't respond."

"Oh," your mind goes blank for a moment, "I was with Alysanne on the roof. She was talking to me about some things."

"Hmm," he nods, still watching you between a mixture of attentive and curious.

Then the two of you say nothing more, with the silence loud between the two of you and that tension emanating from your body, when you speak again.

"Are you going to drive me home today?" you decide to ask him, watching him, with that hesitation in your tone of voice and look.

And he frowns, watching you blankly.

"I always drive you."

You are about to speak but a third voice does it for you, stopping your steps and also Aemond's.

"Aem!"

The two turn their heads and there she is, Floris Baratheon.

Black hair, brown eyes, slender and absolutely beautiful features. She approaches with a smile, showing off her perfect, aligned teeth.

Everything about her screams money, as well as elegance, from her perfectly coiffed hair to her impeccable designer clothes and accessories.

And the moment she catches both your attention and Aemond's, you notice how he beside you tenses slightly.

"Hey," she gives him a charming smile and her full attention, placing herself in front of him, "The guys are going to get something to eat, I was just told. Do you want to join us? We can take off in your car and catch up some more."

"Hum…" he is silent for a moment, shooting you a nervous glance, scratching the back of his neck.

And throwing you another glance, this finally catches Floris' attention and she notices your presence as well.

"Oh… hi," she smiles softly at you.

Despite your nerves and how uncomfortable you're starting to feel, you force yourself to smile as kindly and genuinely as possible.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry, I don't think I know you," she tells you in an exaggeratedly kind tone of voice.

And this too finally gets Aemond to react.

"Yeah, right, that's my fault," he says trying to act nonchalant and completely relaxed, "Floris, this is Y/N, m-my girlfriend."

You watch as she parts her lips and her surprise is evident as she looks at Aemond and then turns her attention back to you.

"I-I didn't find the moment to tell you."

You instantly observe Aemond, with a look that even you can't explain and he suddenly can't control his nervous gestures anymore, giving a wary glance to you and then to Floris.

"Oh."

She turns her gaze back to you and though she tries to hide her surprise, the strength of her smile seems a bit forced as she holds out her hand to you.

"I'm Floris, nice to meet you."

And within everything you're feeling right now, like awkwardness and feeling out of place, you still shake your hand with hers.

"Nice to meet you."

Tension is in the air and Aemond looks hesitant for a moment. And you continue to feel like an intruder between them, getting in between the interaction of two people sharing a history you don't fully know about.

When Aemond speaks again.

"Floris is my…

He tries to tell you, but his words are left floating in the air.

Suddenly you see how he struggles and searches his mind for a way to introduce you to the girl he had a thing with in the past, only according to him, you don't know that, when certainly Alysanne already took care of it.

And just like you, you too feel Floris' anticipation, waiting for him to introduce her.

"An old friend," he finally says.

Floris arches an eyebrow slightly at Aemond's introduction, her lips curving into a smile that seems to contain more than just politeness.

"Yes, that," she punctuates, with a knowing look that to you does not go unnoticed, "Well, I just wanted to know if you were free for this afternoon. Although if you want you can bring your girlfriend with us," she proposes.

Aemond takes a moment to respond, averting his gaze as he scratches the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.

And that's when you decide to speak.

"You can go with them," you tell him and that immediately gets his attention and hers, "I can just take the bus or something and I'll see you later," you say to start walking away from both of them.

His attention and slight surprise is most visible on his face, but before you can move too far away, he grabs your hand and advances towards you.

"What? No" he immediately inquires, "No, I'll take you home."

The determination in his tone of voice and in his gaze makes you feel a little more comforted, but still, you can't shake this uneasiness in you about Floris' presence.

And that's when Aemond turns to her again without letting go of your hand.

"Sorry Floris, another time," he tells her in his firmer, slightly strained voice.

And she nods with a sympathetic look, though you can't help but sense there's something else behind her expression.

"Of course, I understand, it'll be for next time then," she says, before turning to you, "It was nice meeting you, Y/N."

And finally she is the first to walk away.

You exchange a look you can't quite describe with Aemond and feel the awkwardness and seriousness linger between the two of you, even as the two of you leave the building and make your way to his car.

And once in the passenger seat and with Aemond driving through the city streets, you find yourself fiddling with your fingers in your lap, still feeling the awkwardness in the air.

You don't understand exactly what's got you right now but you can't even see Aemond out of the corner of your eye, so you keep your gaze focused straight ahead and on the side where the window is.

"Are you okay?"

You suddenly hear his voice speak softly to you, feeling his gaze on you from time to time and you squirm a little in your seat before you speak, swallowing hard.

"Yeah, all good," you say, trying to sound convincing.

He exhales deeply, noticing your distance again.

"I'm sorry if the Floris thing made you uncomfortable. S-she…" he sighs, "She's truly a childhood friend. We had something in the past but it was very brief and it's no longer relevant."

And although there is nothing wrong with his words, you still can't help but feel a slight knot in your stomach. And you act completely unconcerned.

"I understand," you say simply, in a soft voice and still without looking at him.

But this is not convincing to Aemond, who licks his lips and can't help but worry about the situation.

"I mean it."

"Aemond," you call him softly, finally looking at him, "I understand, I really do," you assure him, "I also meant it when I said you should go eat with her and your friends. You seemed very uncomfortable and there was no problem from me."

He nods slowly, but still looks a little uneasy.

"I just didn't expect I was going to see her again."

And you don't know if that's worse.

"Are you ready?"

Oh God, are you?

"I don't know," you answer honestly, nervously, looking at your outfit.

For this occasion you chose a pair of pants, ankle boots and a white tank top with a black jacket over it. You don't look overdressed but decent for the occasion, along with your makeup and hairstyle.

"Hey, easy," he says softly, placing both hands on your shoulders, "It's going to be okay. Besides we won't be alone, Aegon and Hel will be with us."

"Yeah but that's not what I'm worried about," you clarify, playing with your fingers, "What if I ruin everything?" you ask watching him fearfully, "What if everyone realizes that we're not really dating because of me?"

"I'll take care of that, don't worry," he assures you, with his soft gaze, "You just have to corroborate everything I say and stick to the main story. Other than that, my mother will just ask you questions about you to get to know you better."

"Are you sure?" you ask, not entirely convinced.

"Very," he affirms you, conveying calmness and assurance in his voice.

"You've done this before?" you can't help but ask, still with some hesitation, "I mean…" you lick your lips, nervous, "You've brought a girl before to dinner with your family?"

He is silent for a moment, as if considering how to answer, as the implication is clear because that's not the real question, you know that too.

Rather it is: have you ever brought Alys to dinner with your family before?

"Yes," he finally admits in a murmur, sincerely, "Yes, I have."

You stare at him silently, without the two of you saying anything else, only to look away and nod, again trying to look unconcerned, trying to calm your nerves further.

"My mother never liked her," he says later, again attracting your attention, "You know, Alys."

Again, you say nothing for a few moments, just lick your lips and nod.

"I understand."

Aemond lets out a heavy breath and takes a step towards you, lowering one of his hands to take one of yours, gently rubbing his thumb against the back of yours, this also immediately catching your attention, as you see him looking at you for a moment thoughtfully.

"Are you ready now?" he asks you softly, raising his gaze to you, "We can stay here a while longer if you want."

"No," you reply immediately, "No, I don't want to make everyone wait for us," you release a long breath, calming your nerves, "I'm ready now."

He places a small comforting smile on his lips.

"You'll do fine, trust me," he assures you then moves closer to you and leaves a soft kiss on your forehead, just like at school.

His action definitely catches you off guard and you look at him slightly surprised, but Aemond doesn't give it that much importance, as if it was already a natural and routine thing between both of you, like a gesture of encouragement, to then take you by the hand together with him to the entrance of his house.

His house is nice and big, with a beautiful garden, so when you open the door, you see a huge and cozy living room with the dining room visible in the background, where you can make out Aegon's figure and his short silver hair.

Aemond closes the door behind you and you briefly look around, seeing the decorations of the elegant house, such as mirrors, flowers vases and also family photos.

Mostly, you see pictures of young children, which you recognize as Helaena, Aemond, Aegon and his other brother, Daeron.

There are also photos of what you assume is their mother and also a man, who you assume is the father, with Aemond and his siblings as children. But it strikes you that none of the four are smiling, just the mom a little.

There are more current pictures, only of Aemond, Helaena and Aegon smiling next to their mother, with no trace of their father and Daeron.

"He's my younger brother," he takes a single photo of a boy, standing next to you and handing it to you, "Daeron."

And just as you imagined, he's a boy of about fifteen with striking blue eyes and short silver hair, smiling at the camera with a bright face and looking in the background like he's standing in a lake at Honeyholt.

"Helaena was right," you say with a small smile, still inspecting the photo, "He really is the handsomest of the three of you."

"That's not true," he tells you immediately, taking the photo out of your hands and putting it back in its place with a quick, automatic gesture, making you laugh.

"What's up, bro?"

You both hear Aegon's voice and turn around, with the silver-haired man already walking towards you with a bottle of beer in his hand and a huge grin on his face.

"Are you drinking already?" Aemond inquires, "Mom's going to kill you."

"Oh, you know how persuasive I can be," he tells him without wiping off his smile, "Besides, I've already set the table," he points to the dining room, "It's dinner, bro."

"Careful," he warns you but he deliberately ignores him, heading in your direction.

"Y/N!" he exclaims your name smiling, coming over to embrace you, "Welcome to our home."

"Hi Aegon," you smile back at him.

He envelops you in a hug and you reciprocate cordially, instantly the strong smell of beer reaching your nostrils.

"Want one?" he points to the beer in his hand as he pulls away from you.

"I don't think so," Aemond answers him, again intertwining his hand with yours, "Where's mom?"

"In the kitchen with Hel" he points out, "Tell them to hurry, I'm starving," he says in a tone of voice that catches your attention.

But Aemond pulls you forward, starting to leave him behind, with a serious and disapproving look at his brother's attitude.

"It's the beer," he explains to you quietly, "I hate it when he drinks at home. I just hope it doesn't get unbearable later."

"Why?" you ask him, curious.

He shakes his head.

"Aegon is… complicated."

He doesn't say anything else and neither do you, mostly because he leads you toward the kitchen, but curiosity still lingers on that subject.

He gives your hand a gentle squeeze in a supportive gesture that comforts you as you both cross the threshold into the kitchen, where instantly the smell of delicious freshly baked food hits your nostrils.

And the first thing you notice is a silver hair along with a darker one, who you assume must be Aemond's mother.

And immediately your nerves again explode and you feel your heart pounding hard in your chest.

"Hey, Y/N!"

A friendly voice says to you, being Helaena, who is wiping her hands with a clean dish towel and wearing a beautiful blue dress, instantly heading towards you with open arms.

"Hi Hel," you smile back happily, hugging her enthusiastically.

"Oh I'm so happy you're in our home," she says excitedly and warmly without letting go of you, "We've prepared turkey, I hope you like it," she says as she pulls away from you.

"Oh I'm sure it will," you nod at her with a sincere smile, feeling welcomed by the warmth of her welcome.

"Mom."

Aemond's voice momentarily pulls you out of your conversation with Helaena and you turn your head to meet the gaze of Alicent, Aemond's mother.

Instantly you try to control your nerves and keep your composure, remembering his comforting words.

And when Alicent's gaze meets yours, a warm smile forms on his lips, which makes you feel less nervous and conveys a sense of calm. Although the nervousness lingers, you feel a little more secure with his kindness.

Aemond places a comforting hand on your shoulder and steps forward to introduce you.

"This is my girlfriend, Y/N," he points to you with his small smile, "And Y/N, this is my mom, Alicent."

She is a very beautiful woman.

It's the first thing that comes to your mind, noting the dimples in her cheeks and that warm look she has, not being intimidating at all and being rather kind.

Besides the dark green dress she wears is completely beautiful, as well as her accessories. Everything about her radiates elegance and poise.

"A pleasure to finally meet you, my dear," she says, turning to you, "Gosh, I was so excited to meet you. It's so nice of you to come."

And without expecting it, just like Helaena, she too greets you with a hug, taking you completely off guard, causing you to let out a nervous little laugh as you hug her back.

"The pleasure is mine, Mrs. Hightower," you say softly, feeling slightly overwhelmed by her kindness and warmth.

"Please call me Alicent," she says as she pulls away from you.

Before all this you asked Aemond what to call her, just for the heck of it and to feel less nervous and he told you 'Hightower', the last name of her father.

So you assume that Aemond's father is not someone who gets mentioned much around here. In the family photos he is present in only one picture. And Aemond doesn't talk about him either.

And he watches with a small smile at the interaction between you and his mother, feeling relieved that things are going well so far.

"Please go and take your seats. Dinner will be served soon," she says to Aemond and you.

"Do you need help?" he asks her.

"I'm already doing it myself," Hel says, "Don't worry, little brother."

"Can you help me with your brother, please," Alicent tells him, with a look of slight concern.

"Of course," he assures her in a gentle tone.

Soon the two of you return to the dining room, the two of you take a seat together with Aegon and Aemond tries to tell him not to overdo it with his drinks, that you are here to enjoy a nice dinner with his family.

But he just makes nonchalant gestures and tells him that everything is fine, to continue drinking, looking at the screen of his phone, waiting for dinner.

Then you don't know how much time passes exactly but Alicent returns very soon along with Helaena with the food, placing the dishes in the center of the table, indicating that all this will start soon.

Aemond places his hand on top of yours underneath the table, giving you every supportive gesture possible, reassuring you at every turn that he can that all will be fine.

Every brush of his fingers against yours conveys reassurance and comfort.

You feel a slight relief as you feel his touch, reminding you that you are not alone at this moment and his presence gives you strength to face any nervousness that may arise during dinner.

And with the food finally served, the silverware begins to clink against the plate glass as everyone begins to enjoy the delicious dinner.

Aemond, like the supposed boyfriend in love with you, is totally attentive to you, asking if you're served this or that, wanting to make sure you're well received and comfortable to make this more bearable.

And you thank him all the way, feeling his mother's gaze on both of you from time to time, without wiping away her warm smile.

"Did you like the food, dears?" she asks generally.

"Oh yes," Helaena says with a look of total complicity, delighting in the food.

"It's delicious, Mom," Aemond tells her later.

"Totally," you corraborate politely, nodding in her direction.

Alicent smiles in satisfaction and then turns her attention to Aegon, who hasn't said anything since everyone started eating.

"How about you, son?" she asks him softly.

"It's fine," he says curtly, taking a huge swig from his bottle of beer.

This definitely gets your attention but Alicent as well as Aemond and Helaena decide not to give it enough attention, as if they're already used to it and don't want to ruin the moment by his behavior.

But you do notice the disapproval in each of their looks, especially the disappointment in Alicent. Though she almost instantly turns her attention away from Aegon to Aemond and you.

"So, how long have you two been dating exactly?" she asks curiously and without losing the kindness in her gaze and tone.

"A month," Aemond replies without hesitation at your side, resting one of his arms on the back of your chair.

And Alicent shakes his head with a small smile on his lips.

"And I still can't believe he kept you hidden from me, Y/N."

You smile in his direction, trying not to let your nerves give you away, as Aemond again interjects, with a soft look.

"We didn't want to rush things."

"I told him not to take too long to tell you," Helaena says as well, pointing at Aemond as she watches her mother.

"But he didn't tell me anything, Aegon did," Alicent says in amusement.

"Oh come on, I was going to tell you anyway," Aemond tries to justify himself.

"Oh you were going to?" Hel questions him.

"You want to turn her against me."

"I'm just telling the truth, little brother."

This causes Alicent to laugh softly and his gaze meets yours, where you laugh softly too, as the fight between Aemond and Hel continues. But this causes you to begin to feel comfortable and more at ease with the whole situation.

The only thing at the table that is completely serious is Aegon, who continues to concentrate on his drink and the food in front of him.

His reserved attitude contrasts with the energy you have with Aemond, his mother and sister, but they don't really give him much attention and everyone continues to enjoy the delicious food and create topics of conversation.

"So…" Alicent begins to speak, watching you with her warm gaze, "What are your college plans, sweetie?"

Oh my God.

Okay, it's happening.

You think as you slowly start to panic, but quickly get yourself under control, settling back in your seat.

"You're all graduating soon," she points to her kids with a small smile.

And you're about to speak but someone else does first.

"Which wouldn't be the case if Aegon hadn't repeated year… twice," Hel says condescendingly, pouring herself more food in a casual gesture.

"Helaena," Alicent reprimands her in a soft tone.

"Don't start with me."

Aegon's voice finally makes itself heard in a long time, speaking in a cold, curt tone, not even observing his sister, focused on his food.

"Just saying," Helaena says also with a pout in his direction.

"Then speak for yourself. You're a year behind too."

"Ugh," she sighs, "You talk like you don't know what happened."

"That's enough," Alicent says calmly, watching you both with a look of silent warning.

The atmosphere tenses slightly and all is silent for a moment, as you notice how Aemond next to you only runs a hand over his chin and you only hear the clink of silverware clattering against glass plates.

Alicent then turns his gaze to you and there you decide to speak, hoping to restore comfort to the atmosphere.

"Well, actually, I've applied to Oldtown University," you say with a soft smile, controlling your nerves, "I'm planning on getting into law school."

Surprise flashes across Alicent's face, as you briefly feel Aemond watching you beside you.

"Oh, wow," she nods slowly, her expression one of amazement, "What a coincidence, that's the same college Aemond wants to go to."

Aemond nods with a small smile, completely keeping up appearances.

"Yes," he confirms, "In fact it's perfect for us to go to the same place after graduation."

And just to show more affection with you, he places his hand and yours intertwined on top of the table, watching you with that 'love' he seeks to convey in these moments in front of his mother.

And Alicent watches you both with her soft smile, but is still intrigued by you.

"And why that choice? Law is something you always wanted to study?" she asks you, with genuine interest in her voice.

You try not to focus too much on the way Aemond's thumb begins to gently caress the skin on the back of your hand, which at the same time also reassures you.

And you nod in Alicent's direction.

"Yes, it's something I've always been interested in. It's a very heavy degree with very dense material, but it's very interesting and it's long been what I've decided for myself."

Alicent nods in your direction, listening to you intently and looking completely interested.

"And I guess at Oldtown it's a great opportunity to want to study law."

"Oh yes," you say eagerly, "Oldtown has one of the best faculties with very capable professors and all the material you need. It's certainly a great opportunity."

"But I also think that getting to study at such an in-demand university with few places in that major can be difficult," she tells you corroborating in conversation.

"Yeah, that's the bad thing, but…" you shrug, "I'm hopeful."

You watch subtly beside you, focusing for a moment on Aemond, speaking with that complicit tone, as of course he doesn't forget that the reason you're here doing this is precisely because of Oldtown.

He knows that all too well too.

"And your parents are supportive of your decision to study law?"

Slight surprise passes across your face, definitely not expecting that question, but you quickly manage to soften your face, though you still remain silent for a moment.

You try to hide any trace of bewilderment as you search for a suitable answer. And it is Alicent's same warm gaze that encourages you to respond.

"Uh… yes, my father is just as excited as I am about this possible opportunity," you reply with a small smile, being honest, "He has always supported me in all my decisions."

You respond without saying anything else and with sincerity, not mentioning anything about your mother.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that," he nods at you and smiles warmly, "And what about your mother, dear?" she asks with genuine curiosity.

Inevitably your whole body tenses at that moment. And an uncomfortable feeling settles in the pit of your stomach as you think again about how to respond.

You honestly didn't expect the conversation to get to this point, about how even after talking only about your father, you're still being asked about your mother.

And for a moment, you don't know what to say or what to do, but you finally decide to react after everything falls into an awkward silence and they begin to look at you slightly confused by your lack of response.

Until you decide to be honest.

"Well, I-I…" you bite your lips, "I don't actually live with her," you admit in a soft voice, avoiding eye contact for a moment, "And I haven't seen her since I was six."

Slight concern crosses Alicent's face, instantly watching you in regret.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetie," she says sincerely, embarrassed to have caused you discomfort, "I had no idea. I apologize."

You're about to tell her it's okay, that it's no problem because she didn't know, that it's no big deal, but you don't even get a chance to speak when sudden laughter is heard throughout the dining room.

The tension in the air dissipates in that instant as everyone turns to the source of the laughter, Aegon.

He is visibly drunk, but still conscious enough to know what is going on around him and that is what is alarming.

Alicent, Helaena and Aegon's faces fill with bewilderment and disapproval, except for yours, as you watch Aegon in confusion, not quite understanding what is going on.

"Aegon," Alicent calls to him now truly annoyed, watching him seriously and reproachfully.

But Aegon barely manages to contain his laughter as he apologizes between laughs.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it," he mutters, his tone full of amusement and insolence.

Then Aemond at your side watches him completely serious, his jaw clenched and his gaze dark, holding back his fury at his reaction after you shared a very intimate and sensitive piece of information to you.

And Aegon laughs at it because of his own stupidity? Of course he's not going to allow that.

"What's so funny?" he inquires, expectant and about to explode.

Aegon straightens in his chair, a smirk on his face.

"Oh, nothing," he replies mockingly, "I just think she and you are perfect for each other. Apparently, we're not the only ones who have parental issues, are we?"

He asks watching his mother and sister, which makes Alicent feel even more tense, watching you worried and apologetic about the little show her eldest son is putting on.

"That's enough," she reprimands him firmly.

But Aegon seems determined to move on and turns to you again with a gesture of camaraderie, ignoring his mother's words and his brother's attitude.

"Don't worry, Y/N," he tells you with a crooked smile, "You can talk about it here and no one will judge you. All of us would understand, wouldn't we? We who wouldn't know about the subject of fucking neglectful parents with their kids."

Aemond's gaze becomes even more intense and his jaw tighter, watching his brother as if he could throw daggers at him with his eye.

"Shut the fuck up," he orders him, controlling himself as much as he can at that moment.

"Aemond," Alicent calls out to him worriedly.

"Or what?" Aegon challenges him, "She better know what she's getting herself into once and for all. With our fucking family traumatized by her own father who never cared about us."

"I said shut the fuck up," Aemond demands of him rising from his chair, causing everyone at the table to become alarmed.

Alicent rises at about the same time he does, and Helaena rises next, alert and worried, while you and Aegon continue to sit, he still unconcerned and you… because you don't even know how to feel about it.

The tension is too much, this is all unexpected and it's all happening too fast. And as if things couldn't get any worse, Aegon continues to talk and drink more.

"I'm just saying you two are the perfect match," he continues, his tone increasingly amused, "She doesn't have a mom and you don't have a dad, bro. Awesome, isn't it?"

Then it all happens too fast.

Aemond advances towards Aegon with a furious determination on his face that puts everyone at the table on alert, reaches towards him and grabs him hard by the collar of his shirt, forcing him to get up.

"Aemond!"

Alicent and Helaena immediately intervene, rushing towards them to stop them, but Aegon doesn't even have time to react before he finds himself on his feet, with Aemond holding him tightly.

"Stop it, Aemond!" exclaims Alicent, his tone full of authority and concern.

You finally rise from your seat as well, alert and worried, not knowing exactly what to do or what to say, feeling your pulse racing.

Then Aegon reacts as well, his face transforming into one of rage, placing his hands on top of his brother's.

"Get your fucking hands off me," he manages to say with difficulty.

"I told you to shut the fuck up or didn't I?"

"Oh and now you're going to hit me? Huh?" he asks, punching him in the chest with his hands, "You're going to hit me? And for what? For telling the truth?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you huh!? You fucking cunt," Aemond hits him back in the chest.

"Let go of me, you fucking asshole!"

"That's enough!" Alicent intervenes again, her voice firm and full of authority, "Aemond, let go right now!" she orders, furious, implying that she won't repeat it a fourth time.

The tension in the room seems to increase with each passing moment, as you hold your breath, watching Aemond worriedly, as does Helaena.

Aemond hesitates for a moment, glaring at his brother with determination, until he finally releases him with a tug, pulling away from him still watching him in warning and utter annoyance.

Aegon straightens, rubbing his neck as he glares at his brother resentfully.

"I don't need this shit. Enjoy your fucking dinner," he says grumpily, grabbing his bottle of beer and heading for the stairs, not giving anyone a glance.

At least your pulse starts to calm down when you see how it's finally all over, but you still watch Aemond worriedly.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," Alicent turns to you sorrowfully, averting your gaze to her, "What a shame."

"No, no, don't worry…

You start to say in a soft tone when Aemond's serious but definitely kinder voice makes itself heard in your direction.

"I'll wait outside."

The three of you watch him silently and watch as with nonchalant gestures he takes his car keys from his front pocket and with his face still contained in fury, heads out of the house.

With a lump in your throat, you turn to Alicent and Helaena, feeling the weight of tension still hanging in the air even so.

"Thank you so much for dinner. It was nice to meet you," you say to Alicent, trying to sound as calm, gentle and kind as possible.

Alicent smiles sadly back at you, still with her saddened and troubled face.

"It was lovely to meet you and have you come, honey," she tells you sincerely, "Still I'm so sorry. It wasn't my plan for dinner to end like this."

"I totally understand, don't worry," you say with a small smile, "We can always do it again."

You say and immediately regret it, but manage to soften your face in time.

This was supposed to be the only time you would do this, but you feel you owe it to her, to Alicent, as she prepared a delicious dinner with great care. She seemed so excited and happy about everything, especially about you coming that it is such a shame that this happened.

More than anything else that's why you say so.

"Of course," she nods to you, kindly and cordially.

You bid her goodbye with a gentle hug, then embrace Helaena as well, conveying your silent support through the simple gesture.

"If you need to talk, we can do it at school," she murmurs in your ear before releasing you.

"Sure," you promise, returning the hug gratefully.

You take one last look at both of them and head out of the house. And once outside, you feel a shiver run down your spine as you face the cool night air.

And there you see him, in the middle of the night silence and at the edge of the street, leaning against his car, smoking a cigarette with an almost absent gesture, looking thoughtful but also still a little upset about what happened.

You watch as he lets the smoke go between his parted lips and you, letting out a long breath, head towards him.

When he looks back at you, you too just watch him silently and he wordlessly opens the driver's door with a soft squeak and gets in the car, so you follow after him, feeling the weight of silence between you.

You too slide into the passenger seat and close the door, where soon the two of you find yourselves moving through the quiet streets of the city, the music on the radio playing at a low volume in the background.

And that's the only sound between you, the music, and even then it's a little uncomfortable.

You bite the inside of your cheek, struggling to find the right words as the tension lingers, but you don't even know what to say. What are you supposed to say when that happened?

But finally it's Aemond who breaks the silence.

"I hope you enjoyed the show," he murmurs, not taking his eye off the road.

You are momentarily speechless, not knowing what to say at that, not even finding the right words in your mind. Then you let out a low sigh, understanding how he must be feeling.

You mean… you went to meet his mother, it was a family dinner, everything was going well and to suddenly have it all end like that with very personal confessions that you had no idea about… it must be completely frustrating for him that you witnessed that.

"Are you okay?" you ask him in a low, soft tone, watching him intently, concerned and understanding.

He lets out a long breath, pursing his lips as he considers your answer, saying nothing for a moment. But when he finally does, he says it in a voice laden with weariness, regret and seriousness.

"I'm not even upset that Aegon said all that… he… he's right," he says resentfully, "I'm upset that you had to witness it."

The weight of his words falls on you, sensing Aemond's seriousness and frustration in his words. You watch his serious and weary face, the fury he is still holding back.

And for a moment, you look like you're not going to say anything, but after biting your lips, you finally speak.

"You don't have to worry about me," you tell him in a soft voice, "After all, he was right about what he said about my mother too," you add, seeking to offer some comfort, "I don't even remember her, you know? And honestly… it doesn't affect me nor do I care."

If your words caused anything in him, he doesn't show it, as he continues with his eye focused on the road.

But inside, he can't help but feel a little surprised and amazed at your ability to accept those circumstances with such calm and determination compared to him.

And finally he nods, understanding the truth of your words.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs, his voice barely a whisper.

You watch him with a soft and… slightly thoughtful gaze, feeling the tension between the two of you finally begin to fade, resulting in a warm and pleasant atmosphere for the two of you, as usual.

And unexpectedly for him, you take his free hand gently and intertwine your fingers with his, offering a small gesture of support amidst still the frustration he is feeling.

"I don't," you confess softly.

You don't say anything else and neither does he, hoping you can put this behind you. And all along the way, he keeps gently stroking the back of your hand with his thumb.

You wait anxiously, moving your foot repeatedly up and down, glancing from time to time at your surroundings and also at the screen of your phone, wanting to keep the time very much in mind.

The gentle morning breeze caresses your face, with the sun painting golden hues in the morning sky and listening in the background to the birds singing, but also all the movement of the soccer team training early at this hour from the field.

Everything seems to be calm, except for your racing heartbeat, where you avoid biting your nails and simply bite your lips in a nervous gesture, as well as the inside of your cheek.

Then you finally see Aemond approaching with his backpack on his shoulder and his face soft.

"Hey," he says softly, taking a seat in front of you, taking off his backpack and watching you carefully, "What's up? Is everything okay?"

Out of nerves, your whole body tenses and you avoid stuttering as you speak, stirring in your seat.

"Yeah, yeah, just…" you lower your gaze, playing with your fingers, "I just want to talk to you about something."

Aemond nods, giving you his full attention.

"Well? What is it?" he asks you warmly, not wanting to put pressure on you as he notices all the tension that is invading you at the moment.

But he honestly starts to worry seeing you that way.

And you swallow hard, with your gaze lowered, feeling the need to just let it out and nothing more, having that urge so you don't keep torturing yourself with your destructive thoughts.

"I was thinking that… maybe…" you let out a sigh, "Maybe we should stop this," you mutter, your voice barely a whisper.

And Aemond only watches you more intently, beginning to look alert, furrowing his brows in confusion.

"Stop what?"

You bite the inside of your cheek hard, completely flustered.

"Our fake relationship," you reply cautiously, watching him intently and with some concern.

"What?" he immediately queries you, "I-I don't-I don't understand."

"I think we've both accomplished what we wanted to… oh well, almost everything," you tell him knowingly, "But we've already put on a good show in front of the whole school, Alys is upset enough, and the cheating thing is behind us. We should stop."

You explain but in the middle of all your explanation, Aemond only frowns more, listening to you completely attentive, watching you surprised and incredulous.

"And the trip to Dragonstone?" he inquires you, with a serious and alert look, "That trip is key, it would be great for both of us to go together, as a couple."

You try to remain calm, but your heart is pounding and your nerves are getting the better of you.

"Yes, I know, but… do we really need to keep pretending?" you ask, "You've already saved your reputation, remember?"

Aemond shakes his head firmly, his jaw tense with mounting frustration.

"It's still not enough," he tells you seriously, "At least wait until after the trip."

"Aemond, I don't see why we should wait until then," you mutter, unsure, "We can finish everything now."

Aemond's expression hardens, his jaw tense with frustration as he tries to understand you.

"Y/N, the trip is in the contract," he tells you firmly, "And we agreed to finish everything until graduation."

You exhale, feeling the overwhelming weight of the situation that you didn't expect was going to get this bad the moment you decided to do this.

"I know, but I don't see the point of this anymore."

He becomes more confused, shaking his head, looking at you confused and now completely frustrated.

"What-what's wrong?" he asks you in a soft but urgent voice, attentive, "Did something happen?" he asks you concerned and interested, "Did something happen that I still don't know about?"

Oh God.

Fear grips you as you struggle to keep your composure and not let your nerves get the better of you.

"Or is this because of the dinner thing? And because of Alys' pranks?" he asks you worriedly, "If it's that, tell me. I-I'll find a way to fix it. You won't have to go to dinner at my house again and I'm sure I can talk to Alys."

"No, no… I-I…" you sigh, "It's not that-

He shrugs, looking at you confused and frustrated.

"Then what is it?"

Your heart pounds as you struggle to keep your composure in front of him.

Your words get stuck in your throat, enduring Aemond's still serious, worried and frustrated look on you, waiting for an explanation. But the feeling of panic grows in your chest and you resign yourself completely.

"Nothing, forget it," you say in a whisper, lowering your gaze.

You stand up and gather your things, slinging your backpack over your shoulder, just as Aemond sighs and looks more frustrated.

"Y/N," he calls your name in a tired gesture.

But you don't heed him, just focus on getting away from him,

"Y/N, please stop," he says to you in a soft but urgent voice.

But you don't stop, you can't.

How could you do it and how could you tell him that the real reason you decided to bring this up to your fake boyfriend is because maybe you are actually falling in love with him and the feeling is getting more and more intense, and you can't help it?

You just can't.

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[butchhamlet]

are there any shakespeare retellings you recommend? i really enjoy retellings but it's also difficult to find ones that like. actually understand the source material... i've read your novella duodecimal and really liked it btw! excellent take on twelfth night :-)

THANK YOU SO MUCH WAH... yes, i can recommend some retellings! i keep intending to make a big post with my recs, actually, but there are so many out there that i haven't read yet... so for now here's an incomplete list:

a thousand acres by jane smiley: the first one that came to my mind seeing this ask. it's a retelling of lear set on an american farmstead, and the adaptation is done beautifully and smoothly--it's just distinct enough from OG Lear that you can judge it as a book on its own but also as a lear retelling. and it's sooooo good. it starts a little slow, but the character work is so excellent and it almost made me cry (i will note that there's a pretty hefty cw on this one but... saying what it is is technically spoilers? but feel free to send another ask or message if you want to know up-front)

the last true poets of the sea by julia drake: books that made me have to turn my camera off in zoom class so i could bawl properly. books written for me specifically. this is a loose YA retelling of twelfth night (looser than some of the other retellings on this list) and it's like. perfect. the teenage dialogue actually sounds like teenagers. every emotional beat clubbed me over the head. the love triangle is present--and done really well; it's not present for drama but because sometimes being a teenager is confusing--but more than that this is a book about the relationship between violet and her sibling, and about mental health, and god it makes me CRAZY. also girls kiss in this one

rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead by tom stoppard: i mean. i think most people into shakespeare know r&gad. but in case you haven't read it yet, it's an absurdist play from the point of view of rosencrantz and guildenstern and it's absolutely fucking brilliant. not sure what else to say about this; you've really just gotta read it

teenage dick by mike lew: another play, this one on the modern side--a retelling of richard iii set in a high school, focusing explicitly on disability issues. kind of more a reimagining than a retelling, honestly, but i really like the exploration of r3's themes and also it's fucking hysterical. although i will say there's a kind of jarring tonal shift in this one near the end, so don't go to it for something 100% comedic

american moor by keith hamilton cobb: okay this isn't exactly a retelling but if you've ever read othello you have to read it. you just have to. please god if you've ever read a shakespeare PLEASE. it's a monologue from the perspective of a black man trying out for the role of othello, half-resigned to being pigeonholed into playing that specific role in a very specific way as directed by a white director, but also half-chafing against that resignation, and also exploring the complexities of loving shakespeare as a black man, and it's soooooo so good

exit, pursued by a bear by e.k. johnston: this one is kind of cheating because it's not really a retelling, in that it has next to nothing to do with the winter's tale except that there is a hermione character and a leontes character and a paulina character. i still think it's a very very well-done YA book, though, and one of the only ones i've read that deals head-on with abortion

foul is fair by hannah capin: okay, i will admit i read this one some years ago when i was more into YA, so i'm not sure i would still go crazy over it now, but the plot of this book is that the modern lady macbeth character gets assaulted by a guy at a party and decides to kill everyone who let that happen. and then she does. and idk i read it in two days it felt like being on crack

the wednesday wars by gary schmidt: this one is DEFINITELY cheating, because this isn't a retelling of anything. but if you like shakespeare and you're open to reading historical fiction about a kid in the 60s using shakespeare as a lens through which to understand the chaos of his life (from the vietnam war to his school crush)... it's so good. it made me nearly sob. beautiful book

i'm also a fan of ryan north's shakespeare choose-your-own-adventure books, but those aren't exactly retellings and also the humor will probably not work for everyone. but i like em <3

and finally, i would be remiss not to shout out the fact that @suits-of-woe wrote an INCREDIBLE retelling of the two gentlemen of verona that, like, redeemed the fact that that play exists. if you've read that play and you thought, "wow, i wish this were explicitly homoerotic, or not a rape apologia, or good in any way," you will LOVE macy's book. unfortunately it isn't fucking published yet but WITH YOUR HELP--

#max.txt #feel free to send me recs for shakespeare retellings at any time btw! #i've been collecting a list #i just haven't gotten around to most of the books on it yet #asks

[absolutebl]

Hi ABL!

I was wondering if you had any posts about the use of sound effects in BL - the slide whistle for checking people out/boners simply gets me every time.

Perhaps it’s because I’ve watched so much American produced media and tuning out the same concept / soundscape since I’m so used to it.

I’m also always surprised that with this love of sound effects, there hasn’t been the classic echoing noise that’s heard across oceans when they open lube!

Anyway I love your blog! It’s been an incredible resource in appreciating BL in all its glory :)

Hi!

Why All those Sound Effects in BL RomComs?

I don't have a specific post. I mention it in some of my guidance and warning posts about Thai and Taiwanese stuff in particular, in general I am not wild about it... but I have grown accustomed to it. It can certainly be off putting to new watchers.

One of the worst offenders was Lovely Writer. I think I docked a whole point off that show because the sound was SO intrusive and jarring within the context of the drama.

These days the more comedy and the more pulp, the more likely and frequent the sound effects. Also Thailand, Taiwan, Vietnam, and Japan are the biggest offenders.

It's simply a comedic tradition. I think of it as similar to panto or commedia dell'arte. It's certainly true that a lot of ancient Greek and Roman plays likely had sound effects, as indeed would have Shakespeare. No to mention Kabuki theater. In fact, it's like throughout the history of stagecraft, sound effects were more common than not.

However, it's not particularly common or popular in American modern cinema out of Hollywood because it's associated with children's performances and clownishness. Like the voice overs, cartoon sound effects now are seen as somewhat clumsy and childish, not to say old fashioned.

There is an element of mistrusting the actors not to convey the correct emotion. Like the actors need audio help to do their jobs properly. But also like the audience can't be trusted to understand and so we feel "talked down to" by the sound effect. At least I do.

Yes I am aware this is a personal hang up.

Instead I think it's meant more as a communal nudge, like "we all together are responding in a certain way to this." Isn't it funny?

I also wonder if it's the influence of anime et al. (I'm really not an anime person partly because of the soundscapes. But then I don't like cartoons. Or Disney. Just not into kid's stuff. Never have been. Even when I was a kid.)

Here's someone else's perspective on Thailand's use of sound effects.

And Japan's.

I would say I'm accustomed to it now, but I still don't ever enjoy it. In fact, I often appreciate the "gritty" drama BLs like The Eighth Sense or I Told Sunset About You or Eternal Yesterday BECAUSE at least high angst means no sound effects.

Also less likely to sing.

All hail dark BL's good side? The silver lining.

For the record and to show my "history of BL creds" I'm gonna give a shout out to the SINGLE best use of a sound effect in a BL-adjacent piece of media....

THE BEST BL SOUND EFFECT EVER AWARD!

drum roll please

THE POP SOUND

Made by Pree pulling out of Ram's ykw just just after railing him.

Series: What The Duck

(can't remember if it's season 1 or 2, and I will never rewatch that cray cray)

Country: Thailand

I am aware I am being crass but this moment was honestly, truly, hilarious. It's a very sexy scene and then that sound. So funny.

I expect a comment from those few of you who remember this moment.

(source)

#asked and answered #sound effects in bl #why such terrible sound effects in thai bl #sound effects in japanese bl #sound effects in taiwanese bl #lesst in korean bl these days #cartoon noises in BL #thai bl #what the duck #lovely writer

[sansaorgana]

Hii !! I Love your modern au so much

I was thinking if u can write sth about reader and aegon modern when thet like hooking up of course bc aegon is not boyfriend material and reader doesnt want to get involved but aegon is slut for her and he falls in love and prove her that he can be good boyfriend and stops looking at girls and stuff :(((

hi, babes! a little disclaimer here: in general I don't feel very comfy writing one night stands and fwb dynamics etc., I prefer steady relationships. but Aegon is just screaming fuck buddy, doesn't he? 🤣

• he would tell you jokingly once after you had sex that he would want to be your boyfriend

• you laughed and it hurt him. of course he knows why you don't believe him but it still hurt

• he would ask Helaena and Alicent what do girls like and want. Helaena wouldn't be much helpful and Alicent would start talking from the middle aged woman's point of view, so that wouldn't be much helpful either

• so Aegon tries on his own to become a better person for you

• it starts with cleaning his room. he is even willing to throw away some things like playboy magazines and porno mangas he has been hoarding for years

• speaking of porn, he stops watching it. of course he's addicted so it's not easy but every time he feels like watching porn, he chooses to work out instead (of course he has a punching bag inside his room)

• he deletes all his tinder-like apps and blocks all the girls he is and was actively sexting with

• he tries to drink less and to smoke weed less. once again – it's an addiction and it's not easy to overcome but he wants to be more sober. with that, maybe he would even ask his mother for help so he'd start attending some therapy.

• HE ASKS AEMOND WHAT BOOKS SHOULD HE READ TO BECOME MORE EDUCATED. BELIEVE ME, YOU'D LIKE TO SEE AEMOND'S FACE

• you catch him one day laying on his bed and reading some classic book like Shakespeare or Edgar Allan Poe or Ernest Hemingway and you're like... shocked

• he blushes and he admits he doesn't understand much and that he sucks and that he's stupid... you know, he'd vent

• you'd sit next to him and take the book gently from his hands. you'd ask why is he reading that and he'd admit he wants to be more educated, which you find adorable

• you go through the book with him, reading it out loud and analyzing together page by page and chapter by chapter, googling together all the meanings and metaphors. it becomes a new fun activity for you both – reading classic books

• with time he starts to get really into that and he keeps coming to Aemond to recommend more titles. he even starts to find the new ones by himself

• and one day, during that reading session – your private book club for two as Alicent likes to call it as she brings you snacks to Aegon's bedroom – you look into his eyes and fix his hair before leaning in to kiss him softly and sweetly

• Aegon is surprised but very pleased. "it's all for you, you know that?", he shyly asks

• "I know," you say

• on that day you don't have sex. you make love for the first time being together and nothing is the same ever since. you're his girl 🤍

#sansaorgana: Answered #lovely anons #Aegon Targaryen x Reader #modernhotdau

[literaticat]

Lately, there has been a lot of scrubbing of anything offensive from publishers (Roald Dahl and Agatha Christie). In MG, this seems to be extending to things like kids calling each other "idiot" (which... some kids actually do). Or more negative traits in young characters generally being wiped away. Are publishers actually looking for completely bland characters who never do or say anything wrong? Jerks and racists exist in the real world. Are we supposed to pretend they don't in fiction?

I think your question is based on a faulty premise. Editing old works to remove blatantly racist/insulting terms is one topic -- what publishers are looking for in terms of new works is a different topic.

You can agree or disagree with editing / getting rid of slurs in Agatha Christie and Roald Dahl works. Goodness knows this topic is nothing new, it has been in the ether for literally decades, as many blatantly anti-Semitic terms were removed already from Christie's work, and even a title was changed back in the 70s. As far as Dahl goes, the original Oompa Loompas were a tribe of Black "African pygmies" and only changed to orange humanoid creatures in the books when the movie came out. (And don't get the Victorians started on Shakespeare!) -- So like, editing classic works for a new generation is a thing, it has always happened, it's not new or because of "wokeism" or whatever, and you can hate it if you want! Luckily there are literally MILLIONS of the racist editions in print and you can read them to your heart's content.

As far as what publishers are looking for NOW, in MODERN works -- yeah, I think they'd prefer if the main protagonist character in a book for children was not using blatant slurs for people, sure. Does that mean that all these characters are "completely bland" and "never do or say anything wrong"? Uh... no? Is name-calling the only thing adding spice to your books and keeping them from being bland? I hope not!

Hopefully, like in life, if a character who is supposed to be the "good guy" is being deliberately offensive, they are also getting called out for being a jerk. And if a character is being inadvertently offensive, they do figure out that they were wrong.

If a character is meant to be a "bad guy", of course, they might be total jerks -- but also, the reader and the characters KNOW that what they are doing/saying is wrong, and it makes sense that they would be doing wrong things, because they are VILLAINS.

(And I still think in a MG book -- or maybe MOST books -- things like slurs should be kept to a minimum so when/if they DO occur, they are rightly shocking -- if you have a character who is a racist, for example -- it's facile to just make them say slurs all day. Rather, it's the every-day little micro-aggressions, the meanness, the two-facedness, the gaslighting and pretending to be a "victim" when the opposite is true, the sweet smile while they make life just that little bit harder for the main character, the deliberate rigging of the system to give them a leg up, the gloating, the dismissal of the main character's feelings, ALL those bits of cruelty that add up and let the reader know this is a bad person not to be trusted -- actual slurs would be deployed sparingly if at all).

So. Is your example, "idiot", a "bad word"? Probably! I'd discourage my own kids from calling people idiots, and I wouldn't be delighted if somebody was calling MY kid an idiot -- and some parents will get mad if kids in a book are calling each other idiots, too, particularly if they are supposed to be the "good guys" and there's no moment of clarity where they realize maybe they let their temper get the better of them and that's not a great thing to say.

Does that mean you can't use it, if it is the right word? No -- but be aware that some people might get annoyed at you. Just like a lot of parents don't like that Junie B Jones calls things "stupid" all the time. Doesn't stop her from being published and popular, though!

My mom always says that using 'bad language' is the mark of an uneducated person, because smart people can think of more creative ways to say things. (I curse like a sailor, so whatever to you, MOM, but still). I do think THIS bit of that maxim is true: You, a writer, are smart. Maybe, if you know a certain term is likely to be offensive enough to make people not want to read further in the book, you can just go ahead and use that big brain of yours to come up with some more creative insults.

[saltybenchday]

TAG GAME: EIGHT TEN (cuz I can’t count) SHOWS TO GET TO KNOW ME

Thanks for the tag @lordjohnwgrey!

Not sure if I have 8 whole shows, but let's see!

(this got long sry)

Favorites I will rewatch for eternity:

Outlander - I hate it here but I can't leave. Have rewatched an embarrassing number of times. Lord John deserves the whole entire world and I WILL fight anyone about this... 0/10 someone help me

Black Sails - Honest to goodness one of the best shows ever made. The writing is incredible, the acting is flawless, the camera work and staging are beyond clever. This show will ruin you for other shows...10/10 WATCH BLACK SAILS (should be tattooed on my forehead)

Bridgerton - Listen. It's got to be one of the most aesthetically pleasing shows ever. It's so pretty. The music, costumes and people are all just✨ pretty ✨...7/10 for the show, 10/10 for Kate Sharma

Comedies I love:

The Good Place - Comfort show, funny and well done, always happy to rewatch

Letterkenny - If you watch it, you know why it's amazing. If you don't you should. This show is modern-day Shakespeare and I'm not joking

Community - Listen, did it age well? No. Is it good past the first couple of seasons? Ok also, kind of no. But Troy and Abed 🤍

Random shows that somehow altered my brain chemistry:

Interview With a Vampire- I mean it's just *good*, like all around so well done. Literally no notes.

Our Flag Means Death - Look, do I feel a bit bitter at it being 'the gay pirate show' when Black Sails exists? Sure. But it's funny and goofy and wacky, and sometimes that's what you need.

Killing Eve - No, I haven't watched the last season because I know how it ends and I refuse. But damn it is some of the best acting I've ever seen, Jodie Comer is a goddess.

The Last of Us- Ok, this one is a bit of a surprise because I don't usually do scary. But holy hell I've cried TWICE. I never cry at shows, literally ever. Its message is really about love, and it is some of the best direction I've seen in a TV show

Ooops I wrote an essay 😬 No tags but if you like it say I tagged you and I'll hype you up 😘

#tag game #get to know me or at least my questionable taste in TV shows #Yes I did rate Outlander 0 out of 10 even though I spend hours of my life writing fic about it. Don't @ me. #Thanks kayjay this was fun

[bisexualshakespeare]

Tag game! Reveal the significance/meaning of your url! I was tagged by @soullistrations

This is the first url that has really stuck I've had it for a verrrry long time. I used to switch urls with every website! It's been a while and I don't remember exactly what the tipping point was but I'm pretty sure it was me basically coming out???

So I think my url before this was bisexualNeverRomantic based on this fic someone wrote after tumblr had started circulating the split sexual/romantic model of queer identity. I thought it was a fun line and even though I wasn't ready to say *I* was bisexual, I wanted to see how it would feel to have it as something people saw when they talked to me and lo and behold a lot of people just assumed I was bi and out and that made me feel things

so in my questioning days I was in college with a minor in theater and someone on tumblr or twitter or something was talking about how sexuality was different in pre-modern times and basically all historical people were bi so I just googled "shakespeare bisexual?" and watched all the videos and read all the articles and all the speculation of like 'yeah he probably coulda been' and it was like really nice?? to be like this historical figure who I study in school and admire as a writer might be this thing i also might be??? and so the url was kinda me claiming it! shakespeare was bi and so am I!

anyway tell me your url meaning if you want! idk who to tag? @captainragtag what's up with that? lol

#tag game

[continuity-error24]

DDLC'S ''The Lady Who Knows Everything'' Analyzed

[this is an extract from an upcoming remake of this video]

Out of all of Monika's poems, this is the longest - and the most narrative-driven. Whereas Save me leaned more into pure feelings, this is a much more anecdotal poem, although still very much a metaphorical freeform piece in keeping with Monika's signature style. I'm not even sure how to count the stanzas to be honest!

The first stanza begins by describing the titular character - large vowel sounds such as 'old', 'tale', 'tells', 'Earth', 'every' and 'all' build up a sense of scale, not in terms of literal size but in time and importance. The capitalization of the second line - a repetition of the title - and the use of past tense in 'has found' and 'ever sought' at the end especially contribute to this sense of time. The selection of words 'answer', 'meaning' and 'purpose' with 'all' repeated thrice to give the reader an absolute depiction of The Lady - there are no exceptions or limits to her knowledge. Every line of the first stanza adds to the idea that The Lady is a godlike entity, a goddess perhaps.

This is immediatly juxtaposed with the next line - the unusual spacing slows down the pace from the relativly fast beginning, changing the tone from one of surity and certainty, as if read from a book, to thoughtfulness and introspection, as if said aloud. Monika uses a 'feather' as a metaphor for herself, an extremely lightweight object that symbolises how powerless she feels in comparison to The Lady, and this meekness or timidity of herself that she percieves is cemented by the next line, utilising words such as 'lost', 'adrift' and 'victim'.

The next stanza reveals what was already implicit in the tone of the first page - Monika adores The Lady, worshipping her to the point of seeking her out. She isn't jealous, she truly looks up to the Lady, and this atmosphere is embedded into the text with repetition of sounds like 'day' and 'search', the phrase 'when all', and 'legend' or 'legends'. There is a mystical element to it, given the premise and meaning of the story in the poem, but also in the somewhat rhythmic structure of the stanza.

The most impactful part of this stanza is of course at the end - the last line's metaphor of a 'last dim star glimmering in the twilit sky' is not only a brilliant way of conveying Monika's view of The Lady, her constant beacon of hope no matter what, but almost every single word employs emotive magery that enhances the reading of the poem overall.

The next stanza brings up up to the conclusions of the narrative - Monika falls, the word 'fall' is repeated four times, the pace sped up and slowed down by the irregular sentence lengths, before returning to the metaphor of the feather - except its no longer a metaphor, but a simile, as Monika says 'gentle as a feather'. This means that the next line, 'A dry quill' is literal - a 'quill' is essentially a pen made with a feather, its what folks like Shakespeare used hundred of years ago before modern pens were invented. Monika is referencing that fact that she is writing this poem - again, getting meta - and 'expressionless' is either referring to her actual feelings (or lack thereof) in this moment, or her view that her poetry lacks expression, and doesn't communicate ideas very well.

Monika is consistently shown to have confidence issues in DDLC, but it could also be that she doesn't care about 'falling' since - aside from the Lady - she has no hope or belief in anything, not even her own life.

But - the stanza literally begins with this word, signifying a twist - Monika describes The Lady catching her, indicated by the return of the descriptor 'beautiful'. She catches Monika 'between thumb and forefinger', as if the Lady is giant, or Monika is tiny. I know its confusing to think whether or not this is a metaphor, but the whole story of 'The Lady Who Knows Everything' is an extended metaphor so don't worry about it.

The fact that 'there is no end' to the Lady's 'gaze' makes me wonder if this is somehow the same thing as the Hole in Wall…once again, The Lady's infinite wisdom is implicitly referenced.

In any case, the Lady certainly lives up to the image of her that was built at the start of the poem - she reads Monika's mind. The choice of the word 'hollow' to describe her voice is interesting, as it evokes the sound of elderly, perhaps tired voice, but also connotes that idea that Monika's faith is hollow and false, as the following lines reveal. The Lady takes three of the lines from the beginning, and changes the wording to mean the opposite of what was established, saying that despite finding 'every' answer, they all amount to 'nothing' - what Monika seeks is 'impossible'.

The sad, hopeless tone continues in the lyrical rhythm with the repetition of 'legend' again, but this time with the reveal that The Lady does not consider herself Monika's 'legend' - that legend is impossible, it doesn't exist.

And then the Lady 'blows' Monika 'back afloat' with her breath, and Monika picks up a 'gust of wind' - its a fairly sudden and tragic ending, that leaves Monika worse than before.

I'm honestly not entirely sure what the meaning of this poem was, but there's an implication that the 'wind' blowing Monika 'the feather' the whole time was actually the Lady's breath - it'd explain why it suddenly stopped one day, and why the Lady was conviniently there to catch Monika - she could've in control the whole time, and picked her moment to reveal to Monika that her faith was hollow. But what does The Lady represent? This was Monika's third poem, given to us towards the end of Act 1, what does it have to do with her story?

Does The Lady represent DDLC itself, and the end of Monika's journey of discovering the limits of the game world? Is this just a made up story to be an internal dialogue? Why is it a Lady, why not a man? I'm not too certain of anything other than the fact that this is Monika's lowest, most depressed state in the game. This is a way of explaining how utterly devoid of hope she feels by the time we reach Act 2, and perhaps an indication of why her mind became so twisted…

[vilfy]

aheehee. answer all the prompts on the meme u reblogged

Aha. This will be going below, for all our sakes.

Why were you named the way you were? Is there a special meaning behind your name (or middle name if applicable)?

My mother was a scholar on Shakespeare's work, so my siblings and I all shared namesakes in the form of plays.

When I decided to go into medicine, my father suggested I honor my grandfather by taking on his name as part of my disguise. I liked being Simon better than Ophelia. So, Simon I stayed.

When is your birthday? What is your ideal birthday?

The 19th of September, 1875. I'm not sure what would constitute "ideal" though... party weather, maybe.

What is your sexuality/orientation? How did you discover them?

The funniest thing about pretending to be a man for medical school is that sometimes you find you're happier as a man than you ever were as a girl. And you still prefer gentleman callers.

What's usually on your shopping list?

Oh, household essentials. Oil for the lamps, fresh candles, blood bags from the plasma centers around town.

Sometimes, if I'm feeling especially lively, I'll even buy groceries.

What are some general hygiene things you do? How do you normally do your hair? What kind of products do you use?

What I use isn't legal to produce anymore. But I learned to tend my curls- what loose ones there are- from my sisters. I've been told I'm a priss about baths, though. I always take too long.

What is in your pockets/bag/etc. right now?

A cigarette book, a bottle cap from my first night out after my hibernation, and... a single penny. Nothing too exciting, I'm afraid. I don't keep much on me when I leave the house.

What is it like where you live? How does it compare to where you grew up if it differs?

It's quiet here, mountainous in a very different way from home. Just as isolated and misty- far less rain but much more latent humidity. The states are interesting that way.

Do you have a favorite food? What's your favorite breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert?

O-

Do you have any other family members? Parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, etc.?

If I have any little great nieces or nephews, I don't know of them. I could check in on the old estate... I'm afraid to find out if it's even still occupied. Or standing.

How do you feel about makeup? Are you any good at putting it on? Do you wear it often?

Ahaha. I had to adapt to the changing fashions- once the deathly pallor of consumption was out of style, I had to keep up with the times to look less like a corpse. Not much of a problem these days, it seems.

Would you say you are an introvert, or an extrovert?

I've been described as a "tipsy stray" before for how friendly I can be. I suppose you'd call me an extrovert. Gun to my head, I might agree.

If someone were to invite you to a party, would you enjoy it?What would you do during?

Of course I would! And what else is there to do at parties but mingle and partake. Not many mortal-made substances can stagger me, despite my stature. I don't tend to metabolize things much. It's won me several contests, actually.

What scares you the most? And if it really happened... how would you deal with it?

I'm beyond that point, I'd say. All my life, my greatest fear was death. And then I died! I'd say I've been dealing with that admirably well thus far.

My second greatest fear was ships sinking, so you can imagine my mood when I found myself cancelling my visit home after the sinking of the Titanic.

Have you ever raised a weapon towards someone? Was it in self-defense, or was it purposefully? What happened afterwards?

On a hunting trip with my uncle, I put a round in his backside and told my father I thought he was a wild pig, the way he was speaking to us.

I didn't get to go on any more hunting trips.

Do you honestly believe that you are funny? Tell us your best joke!

I find my humor tends to run dry by modern standards.

To quote Beau, "drier than a Popeye's biscuit."

Not that I get the joke, but it was terribly funny to him.

Tell us about something that's happened recently.

Goodness. I've awoken from a coma to find the world around me about 98 years and a handful of wars different, and I still managed to catch someone's fancy as a floundering fish out of water. That's all of my recent news.

If you were to describe yourself in a few words, what would those words be?

I never did like these ice-breaker questions in university.

Do you have any pets? If so, what are their names? What are they like personality-wise? Can we see them?

I used to. There were hunting dogs of my father's, though the particular breeds escape me... and Gertie, our darling nanny. She tolerated a bonnet better than I ever did.

What is something you care desperately about? Something that you just couldn't live without?

I try not to throw myself into such exaggerations, but I really do think I would be lost without my books. There's so little to do in the daytime.

Have you ever broken a bone? Have you ever had surgery?

I've never broken a bone or had surgery, but I was quite a sickly thing for a time. My mother always called me her impossible one. It's funny, I think, that I was the child everyone expected to die before I could walk- now I may live forever if I can help it.

How often do you cry? Do you happy cry, or do you mostly cry in sadness?

Frankly, it's embarrassing how often my eyes mist over. It's one of the precious few things my body recalls how to do, and it does so often, with only slight provocations.

Have you ever lost someone close to you? Who was it? How did you cope with it?

My entire family is dead, and I am all but a hermit.

You're welcome to guess.

What is your favorite holiday? What makes it your favorite? Is there something in particular that you enjoy most about it?

I do miss Juliet's eggnog on Christmas...

But Halloween was always my favorite.

Do you have any crushes at the moment? If so, do you think you will ever tell them? Has anyone ever had a crush on you?

Crushes? Are we in primary school? No, I don't believe I fancy anyone at the moment. Nobody who would fancy me, anyway.

Are there any certain scents, sounds, or textures that you like? What about ones that you dislike?

Vanilla, rose, jasmine, silk, goose down blankets, and the sound of the tea kettle in the kitchen as heard from the parlor are some of my favorite sensory delights.

Would you ever consider starting a family? How do you feel about getting married, having kids, and potentially settling down?

I can't have children, and I can't see myself forcing someone into eternal life for my sake, nor am I a strong enough man to build a family and outlive them all again.

No.

... Not at the moment, anyway.

What are a few things (or one thing) you want to do before you die? Why?

...

Moving on.

Are you happy in your own skin? If you could change something about yourself, would you, and what would it be?

I would like to be able to age again. I think I've earned a few wrinkles.

Oh, thank goodness, that was the last of them. I've been writing so long I think my spine has a new natural curvature.

#anonymous #;;ask games #[[IT'S LONG. MY WRIST HURT. DONE

[neverinadream]

If I Could Call You Half Mine

Summary: They knew it was wrong, to be swept up in each other's arms, sneaking around, when both of them had caring and loving partners at home

Song Inspiration: Chord Overstreet - Love You To Death & Walking on Cars - Speeding Cars

What is love?

Since the concept of love is an ontological event, what we categorise as love today is different to what would've been defined as love a century ago. Empedocles states love is a cosmic, consistent principle; the Classical scholars say that Love is a God and is the most ancient of Gods; St. Augustine divides love into what is good/proper and what is bad/false, depending on the object of our desire, for we become what we love.

Some of the greatest love stories are written onto a page, published for the masses to read. Jane Austin arguably created the blueprint for the modern day cliché when she gave us the headstrong and independent Elizabeth and the snobby and aristocratic Darcy. Charlotte Brontë gave us the well-wishing governess and the mysterious, brooding rich guy. William Shakespeare gave us the tale of young love, doomed by fate. And, of course, who could forget about Nicholas Sparks and the creation of Allie and Noah.

Y/n thought she knew what love was. She thought she had found it in eyes of Daniel, her partner, but as she laid in the arms of another, staring up at the ceiling as they both tried to catch their breath, maybe she had thought wrong.

Once a week, and sometimes even more, y/n would find herself inviting Mason both into her heart and into her bed. She knew it was wrong, to be swept up in the arms of another when both had loving and caring partners. Daniel was charismatic, loyal and way out of y/n's league, he deserved someone who didn't cheat and harbour feelings for another. And Georgia, Mason's girlfriend, was sweeter than sugar, whose heart would shatter into a million pieces if she knew where he was right now.

But this had become a game that they liked to play and neither one was going to stop now.

"I cancelled my date to come here tonight," Mason confesses to her, continuing to stare up at the ceiling.

Y/n raised her head to look at him, ignoring her heart as it pumped ten times faster at the thought of Mason choosing her over Georgia. "Why?" It was a simple enough question.

He just shrugs his shoulders, deflating her beating heart, "I don't know."

She places her head back against his chest, drawing nonsensical patterns on his skin. Usually, they would just lay in silence, comforted by the other's presence as they basked in the afterglow, but Mason had changed that with his sudden admission. It didn't mean anything, right? Y/n had sought out pleasure and comfort in Mason whenever Daniel had to postpone a date night because a meeting was running late, or he was just too swamped with work to have the energy to commit to a romantic, candlelit dinner. But she had never cancelled a date night herself just so she could go to bed with him. Not like Mason had done tonight.

She rolls off of him, showing her bare back to him as she sits on the edge of her bed. The clock reads 01:56 and she knew in a few hours he would be going back to her.

"What are you doing?" Mason asks eyebrows raised as he watches her turn the bedside lamp on. He props himself up onto his elbows as she searches the room for something to wear. "Y/n?" Mason calls out, running his fingers through his dishevelled hair as he sits himself up. To him, her silence was a little worrying. "Talk to me."

"I need something to drink," she can only say to him.

He looks to her bedside table, a glass of water already there. "You have a drink right there," he mumbles, pointing it out to her.

Y/n looks back at the glass in question, the same glass she had left there this morning. "That's from this morning," she tells him, collecting it as she proceeds to leave her bedroom.

Mason slumps back against the mattress, sinking into the soft sheets, as his hands come up to wipe the sweat from his forehead. "I shouldn't have said anything," he whispers to himself, before dragging himself out of her bed.

He got dressed in his boxers, feet hitting the cold wooden floor of her apartment as he leaves her bedroom. Finding her in her kitchenette, leaning against the counter, he stands near her sofa and waits for her to speak first.

"You can't cancel dates with Georgia and then come seeking pleasure in my bed," Y/n says, pulling the ends of his jumper down until her hands are covered in the thick black material, "she'll only get the wrong idea and think that she's done something wrong, which, if we're being honest, Georgia is as innocent as they come and couldn't harm a fly, let alone do something wrong to you."

He felt like a schoolboy being told off by his teacher, a rush of pink flushing his cheeks. "Okay," he nods, holding onto the back of her sofa.

"And you can't talk about her just after we've had sex," she continues, finding herself setting boundaries for the first time in months, "because if this is to continue, I want to be able to have sex with you without feeling guilty straight away."

Mason pushes away from the sofa, taking slow, tired steps towards her, nodding his head in agreement as y/n continues to ramble.

"And no more of you just turning up unexpected," she adds, backing up against the counter as he stops in front of her, "because sometimes its easier to lie to my roommate about why you're suddenly in the apartment, but sooner or later they're going to catch on-"

Mason silences her with a kiss, his hand wrapped softly under her chin, tilting her up to meet him halfway. It was no different to the first kiss they shared, hidden away in the back of a nightclub after he had grown tired of hearing her talk about Daniel. He had done it because he was jealous, even though his own girlfriend was only at the bar, getting her and y/n another drink.

"No more cancelling dates, no more talk of our respected partners and no more turning up unexpectedly," Mason listed off, showing her that he had acknowledged the boundaries she had set. His eyes flicker between her eyes and her lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss them again. "Did I forget anything?" He asks, his breath fanning against her cheeks. She shakes her head, squeaking as he pulls her in for another kiss.

So this was y/n's kind of love, love that was kept behind bedroom doors and tucked neatly between bed sheets. A love that was shared in secret. One that would eventually spill out into heartbreak for all parties involved, but for now, she was content with calling Mason only half hers.

I think this could be better, but here's my first fic for Mason.

Enjoy!

Part Two

#mason mount #mason mount imagine #mason mount blurb #mason mount one shot #mason mount x reader #chelsea fc

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hi! I love everything that you write and heh I am a fan! 😄 tbh this is my first time requesting something on Tumblr! If you don't mind and if I am not being a bother...can you write about how the guys would react If MC suddenly starts making meme references? I don't know how I got the idea but I am REALLY curious. And love you! :D

Hiya! Tyvm for the kind words, and apologies that this took a while! I hope you have the chance to enjoy it regardless ❤️❤️❤️ Love you too, sweet pea! I promise to get to the next request you’ve sent ASAP~

Aight but this would be hilarious because the range of the reactions is just ungodly. I will be putting this under a cut after Napoleon so I don’t clog up everyone’s dash, but all the suitors are included below otherwise! 

Comte is the one that recognizes a few, but didn’t really stay in modern times long enough to be as well-versed as a Gen Z kid might. Regardless he finds the wittiness and absolute chaotic fuckery to be delightful, and will 100% support the harmless nonsense. It never fails to get a laugh out of him

Mozart that first day be like: “Buzz off MC I hate you” MC, because she likes swinging bats at wasps’ nests: “Well that’s not very cash money of you” Mozart: ?????????? Comte, giggling in the bg like the secret fae he is This one’s just because I’m petty, but after the events of Comte rt I just imagine them encountering Vlad again and MC’s just “I lived bitch.” while Comte is flipping him off behind her lkjahgkjhdsg

Comte @ Leo when he finds the latter under his desk: Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.  MC: wheezing from the hallway as she’s about to give him his letters

MC: So how was your day, honey? Comte: Good, good--briefly had to go beastmode upon the punk that pilfered my lint roller MC, biting her lip to keep from laughing: So does Leo still have his kneecaps? Comte: for now.

Comte, @ literally anyone upsetting the MC: I won’t hesitate, bitch

Comte: Be careful with my emotional baggage, it’s designer

MC: What if I was evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds Comte: My arms are strong, I would catch and hug you

Leo and Dazai are the ones that don’t have a single reference point but are filled with so much dumbass chaos energy that they just. Understand immediately???? Nobody knows how or why, but they just catch on so fast--adapt the language in a matter of weeks. Never underestimate the power of combined boredom, depression, and humor

I swear to god I just see MC taking them their Blanc/Rouge and being like “here you go sir, one enslaved moisture” and they just go fucking hog wild from day one. MC starts impersonating Theo when he leaves the room around Dazai, like fake deep voice “you all only hate me because you do not like me and I am mean to you. grow up.” Or like the MC meets a baby on her travels with Leo around town and she holds them and says v seriously and sagely “So you are Baby? I have heard tales of your exploits.” and Leo about loses his shit right there. They both think MC is the funniest person alive--they’ve never been more eager to throw a ring at someone in their entire life.

Also a bonus for my beloved Dazai:  MC, facing even the slightest inconvenience (like dropping her fork) in the most dramtic voice possible: Life is not daijoubu. Dazai: wheezing

MC, after watching Theo turn down a woman at the bar in the meanest way possible: bro quit letting the darkness consume you u r scaring the hoes Dazai, literally rolling around on the ground, half-drunk and dying:

MC, walking alongside Dazai and stopping to stare at her reflection in the River Seine. Dazai’s expecting some sad or twisted shit, since people often feel comfortable talking about those things around him, but instead she just: “Oh, it’s you. The source of all my problems.” And he about falls into the river from shock HAHAHA

At this point don’t be surprised if his next book is about an absolute madlad woman similar to MC

Napoleon finds it to be a delightful quirk more than anything? He doesn’t really understand it, but he finds it funny when they change their voice for effect or speak in exaggerated tones. If it’s just comprehensible enough for an outsider to understand--or Sebas gives him context--chances are it’ll send him into a laughing fit

For this one I just imagine MC singing that Ratatouille meme song obnoxiously bad while cooking, and Napoleon and Comte are just so wildly amused by it bc it makes zero sense and it’s only vaguely French at this point

MC @ Napoleon while they’re cooking brunch: Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?

MC, conflicted because she’s tired and wanted to sleep in but also got to see Napo’s cute sleeping face for a few hours: For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5AM on the day I can sleep in. Sebas: Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise MC: early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch Napoleon: laughing in agreement

Isaac is the type to be bewildered and concerned at first (especially when he hears the more nihilistic ones hoOOOoooOO BOY) but eventually begins to understand it’s some bizarre attempt at humor (that hurts Zack baby). While some part of him laments that it reminds him of Dazai and he’s secretly jealous of how she and Dazai bond over it, he will sometimes join in the chaos when the mood strikes him and he’s feeling mischievous

Isaac: How are you feeling? MC: Oh, I’m not Isaac: seconds from dialing 911 Isaac: Are you okay? MC: Oh yeah dw I just suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes you look like you’re an angry serial killer Isaac: say sike rn

Isaac, tutoring MC and correcting something:  MC, muttering while redoing it: The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math. Isaac: unable to help a laugh

One time MC was avoiding Isaac for fear of hurting his feelings and he just confronts her like: Isaac: back by unpopular demand, me! What’s wrong, MC pls MC was so hecking proud of him

Isaac, telling MC about a recent discovery he learned at uni from another professor: bones typically heal stronger after they’ve been broken--so long as they’re set properly, of course MC, looking him dead in the eyes: So what you’re saying is that I should break every bone in my body until I become superhumanly powerful? Isaac: please do not, no

Mozart and Jeanne are just. Totally lost. Why are you talking like that??? Why are you making “crab hands”???? They don’t understand. Maybe never will. They reach a point where they just kind of laugh and shake their heads, endeared by the oddity after they’re used to it and have determined it isn’t a threat/insult. 

MC: It’s a cold and it’s a brooooken, Waluigi. Waaaaluigiiiii...waaaahluigi..... Mozart: surprised, then starts snickering and playing along on the piano

Arthur, asking MC very personal questions out loud because he is an idiot sometimes: Soooo MC, are you a top or a bottom? MC: I’m a threat. (If he asks a second time, the response will be “Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy.”) Jeanne, fighting a smile:

MC, about to punch an asshole: Your free trial of being alive has ended Jeanne, seconds from laughing for the first time in 100 years:

Also, because I genuinely can’t help myself. You know that knight meme like “Parry this you fucking casual.” I cannot stress enough that it is literally the personification of Jeanne’s entire character. I’m not even joking.

Arthur and Shakespeare are utterly fascinated by the rapid evolution of wordplay and the sheer hilarity. They will ask all about these so-called “memes” and ask for examples of them if MC can show them (either somehow accessing her phone or drawing them). MC draws Arthur the knife cat meme and he about a s c e n d s at the hilarity of it all, points and yells THEO IS HOLDING THE KNIFE. He is correct. They will be delighted and follow along eagerly, and--god forbid--will make their own based on late 19th century struggles.

Is this where Shakespeare got the idea for “What, you egg? stabs him” and “You are a saucy boy.”? I’m too scared to ask. Don’t even get me started on “The Fool jingled miserably across the floor.” That one is just too on the nose...

I can’t even imagine what would happen to Shakespeare if MC like translated vines and memes into Ye Olde English around him. Imagine she’s at one of those noble balls and hears rumors of these two guys living together and they’re so obviously gay and he says “And those gents w’re roommates.” And in the most false surprised tone ever MC just replies “oh mine own god, those gents w’re roommates.” Imagine having a wife that’s just as hilarious as you are and hits you with all the force of a bag of wet mice every time you speak in retaliation, he’s going into palpitations.

Every time Arthur does smth stupid MC just: “I Pretend I Do Not See It.”

Vincent is tickled pink by MC’s penchant for finding joy and/or amusement in nearly everything they do, and he smiles gently when he sees them muttering and laughing to themselves. He wants to be able to join them in what they love, but he has a harder time following along and understanding the darker humor sometimes. Mostly gets confused??? Please give him the easier ones to mimic and laugh when he tries--or just include him in your jokes MC. He’s babie your honor...

But he also. Will not. Stand any kind of self-deprecation or borderline verbal self-harm. He’s usually very easygoing and calm, but for whatever reason that stuff makes him go deathly quiet and upset.

MC, after something goes horribly wrong, hugging Vincent: Oh Vince, we really in it now Vincent: giggling a little despite his worries, relaxing

MC: Theo stop simping for Vincent that’s my job

MC, when Theo leaves the room and she gets Vincent all to herself: The evil is defeated.

MC: And this is where I would put my will to live...if I h a d one! Vincent: ;-; MC: oh shit, oh fuck, I was only kidding Vincent wait (MC was subsequently lectured and loved on for many hours)

Theo is conflicted because on the one hand, he loves to see you smiling and having fun. On the other, you’re clowning as hard as Dazai and Arthur and he can only handle so many monkeys in his circus. Most of the time he will roll his eyes and be the straight man of this comedy, but you might find him cracking a smile--or accidentally letting a chuckle slip past his lips now and again.

MC, after meeting Theo: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing rocks at people.

Theo, those first days: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me? MC: I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.

Theo: Every time I ask MC to explain “vibe check” to me she hits me with some kind of improvised weapon

MC, after the “incident” (you know the one): This year, I lost my dear lover Theo Theo, in the distance: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD! MC: ;-; sometimes I can still hear his voice...

Sebastian is last because oh boy. OH BOYYYYY I LOVE HIM. Okay so the way I see this happening with Sebastian is just. So wild. Because at first he’s t r y i n g so hard to be the proper butler man. He does not meme. But then he starts to drift closer to what Niles from The Nanny was, where he’ll quip and joke in private or when the situation is just beyond the amount of absurdity he can handle without making a snarky comment. Everyone in the house can’t fathom how Sebas and MC got so close so fast, but there are points where they’re just “Are they even speaking English anymore???” It’s 11 times funnier than normal because Sebas almost never smiles or laughs when memeing, the deadpan quality of his playing along sends MC every time

Has ABSOLUTELY said “HEY. PANINI HEAD. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???” jokingly when MC made a mistake in the kitchen. They laugh about it for y e a r s

MC: I can’t date someone who keeps a lamb as a pet, that’s so weird Sebas, brushing Lotte in front of MC: MC: MC: Okay, I will make an exception because she looks very polite

MC and Sebas, fully aware of the fame some of the men will reach in modern times: We will watch your career with great interest.  (I s2g that’s like half of Sebas’ rt right there I’m crying)

Sebas rt with Lotte be like that 500 dollar Mareep meme: “sometimes a family can be just a boy, his gf, and their 500 dollar two foot tall Lotte”

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp meme #ikevamp headcanons #ikevamp hcs #ikevamp napoleon #ikevamp mozart #ikevamp leo #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp vincent #ikevamp isaac #ikevamp theo #ikevamp jean #ikevamp jeanne #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp shakespeare #ikevamp comte #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp sebastian #can you tell I had way too much fun with this aksjhfkhsj #i am a degenerate memer I saw this ask and straight up went It's My T i m e. #though i hope this was a fun response for you love! i did my very best <333 #tyty for the ask~ #rambles #not incorrect quotes #mild profanity

[atopfourthwall]

Ive only recently gotten into classic Star Trek so I don't think I can properly answer but what is it specifically about Discovery and recent Star Trek that classic Trek fans hate?

Putting this behind a cut because... it's a lot.

Well, first of all a big rejection of it is just on an aesthetic level. Up until the 2009 movie (which was considered a reboot, even with time travel elements), Star Trek tried to treat the original series and how it was portrayed as pretty sacrosanct. Sure, they might occasionally make jokes about goofier aspects of it and discard some of the stupider stuff (like how in the final episode, penned by Gene Roddenberry himself, that women weren't allowed to Captain starships), but how TOS looked? That's how the 23rd century looked. Buttons and multi-colored outfits and boxy computers and smooth, undetailed ships WAS what was appropriate for the time. When Scotty came back in TNG, they had him on the holodeck and it was the TOS bridge. When DS9 traveled back in time to that era for an episode? They went onto the Enterprise and visited it. When in an Enterprise 2-parter we had a TOS-era ship? It looked like a TOS ship. They even did a 2-parter on Enterprise to explain why Klingons had smooth foreheads when later (and earlier) they didn't. Star Trek up until then cared about maintaining that continuity of appearance. But Discovery is set in the TOS era... but nothing looks like TOS. Even when we got the Enterprise and those uniforms and we saw inside the ship, it was an upgraded form. The only logic I've seen people try to argue about WHY it doesn't look like it actually did was "Well, audiences won't accept something as cheap as TOS being futuristic." Well, then you've got a few responses there: -Don't set in TOS era, then. -That's horseshit, because audiences from the 90s through the 2000s accepted it just fine. Even a piece of dialogue from DS9 explained it perfectly: "I LOVE 23rd century design." It LOOKS cheap, but it was just the aesthetics of the period. And the Enterprise 2-parter it still looked good in HD. Hell, arguably it looked BETTER in HD because they knew how to light it and create mood and its own unique flavor. -It's even more horseshit because people are STILL going back and watching it even today, as indicated by you saying you've started watching it, so clearly it's not that much of a barrier. But what's even more egregious is the TECHNOLOGY. You might be able to accept updated aesthetics if at least matches what was present during the period... and it doesn't. Holographic displays and communication (holodeck technology AT ALL, frankly - it's possible it was there, but TNG seemed pretty adamant that the holodecks were fairly new, very impressive technology), weapons not looking or acting like they traditionally did, Enterprise and Discovery having R2D2-style repair droids that certainly did not exist in TOS, the wrong sound effects being frequently employed, replicator technology for good-looking food instead of food dispensers that gave out marshmallows and cubes, and honestly the tech level shown in Discovery looks just as advanced - if not MORE advanced than seen on TNG 100 years later. And this is a minor thing, but despite the attempt to make the future LOOK futuristic, from a cultural perspective, the future looks... way too damn similar to now. The excessive swearing (it was said in particular in Star Trek 4 that while they certainly did cuss, it was less common and they sure as hell weren't dropping F-bombs), a party on Discovery that looked like a rave (when previously it seemed like the most popular music and culture of the 23rd/24th century was considered fairly high-brow entertainment [classical music, Shakespeare, great works of literature and plays, etc.] - and while you could certainly argue that that snootiness and love of that stuff is a problem with Star Trek and a sign of how sterile and homogenized it is, THAT is the future they presented and a character in Voyager loving some of the goofier parts of 20th century culture like jukeboxes and old sci-fi serials was considered unusual), and just the general way people talk betrays the idea that the writers aren't thinking about how society changes in the future. It's just the modern day, but with cooler technology. But hey, let's set aside the general aesthetics - some people aren't going to mind that and find

ways to handwave away a lot of stuff (even Discovery season 2 TRIED to handwave away stuff like the holographic communications, but did a piss-poor job of it). This brings us to the problem of the WRITING. And the problem with the writing is a big Michael Burnham-shaped indentation. To be clear, I don't mind Michael as a character or her actress - there are interesting aspects to her, centering a Star Trek show around the science officer is a neat idea (though that means you should probably NAME IT AFTER HER and not around the ship, because it suggests this is a standard ensemble group and not JUST her)... but the actual execution is that it feels like the entire universe bends over backwards for HER. She has a unique relationship with a beloved longtime character that is retconned in. She has unique relationships with several important characters to the point where the fate of billions of people hinges on her and the decisions she makes. She is presented as almost always correct about everything, and those that oppose her are often wrong, naïve, or active enemies. Now, this is less of an issue in the third season - but that has its own unique problems - but in the first season, the resolution of two major storylines (mirror universe and the Klingon war) revolves around her and her relationship to the Terran Emperor and Lorca. In season 2, her mother trying to help or save her is the basis of the ENTIRE friggin' plot with time travel and the like, with special knowledge and history having to do with her and everyone ready to abandon their lives for her so she won't be alone when she has to go to the future when arguably they barely know her (the timeline of the show is debatable). Season 3 has a few different problems with her - the first is that she keeps being involved in things that don't concern her (why is she going down to Trill?) and she keeps violating orders. Now, her violating orders is a problem throughout the entirety of Discovery - in fact, it's kind of the instigating factor OF the series. And arguably, other Star Trek characters are guilty of that and they face no consequences, just as she faces none... and yet it's the brazenness with which it happens, and in those other series it's arguable because the series tries to avoid excessive continuity changes for its episodic nature, so the status quo MUST return to normal... but Discovery is pivoted as one of MAJOR continuity, so her lack of consequences (and indeed eventual PROMOTION) is baffling to the point of frustration. Now again, let me be clear here - she is not a bad character in and of herself. Honestly what it shows is that being the science officer on a starship is not where her talents lie. She should be in a position where she has a lot more freedom to act and not in a major command structure... but being in that command structure, what we see in season 3 is that she lacks the discipline, emotional maturity, responsibility, leadership qualities, and general other traits necessary to be a Captain. Only once during season 3 did she display such a quality - putting the safety of the Federation above a friend and colleague... but other times she will happily disobey orders and put herself and others in harm's way, creating potential new problems. Now, again, Star Trek is rife with characters doing that... but usually not the Captains. And, in fact, when this happened once on DS9 with one officer disobeying orders and putting their own personal feelings above the greater responsibility, it was made VERY clear that the incident would mean that they would never be able to command a starship because of the unofficial reprimand. What's even more frustrating about her is that the character is ALWAYS shoved to the forefront so much to the point where we just get sick of her. SHE is the one giving log entries (usually pretty piss-poor ones, at that - very flowery and nonsensical and kind of dumb) and not the Captain. SHE is the one given so much focus and how the plot of the episode affects her. Barely anyone else gets any focus episodes - I STILL can't

remember the names of some of the secondary characters because they're so rarely said, and a PTSD-related plotline in season 3 for one of the secondary characters basically gets resolved OFF-SCREEN. Michael would be fine if we actually had a chance to miss her... but we never do. Arguably one of the best episodes of the show is in season 2, when it focuses on Saru and his people because Michael DOES take a back seat. It's his story and his development and problems relating to him and his people. And even if, again, we forgave the idea of so much focus on her even in plots that aren't about her... she never seems to really change that much. She'll TALK about how she's changed, but I see no real difference in the way she acts (MAYBE season 1 to 2, where in season 1 she was stiffer and more Vulcan-like, but that's it). But hey, let's assume that's not a problem for you - you really, REALLY like Michael and are fine with so much focus on her. Simply put, the writing of the rest of the show... is just kind of dumb. The ship is powered by magic mushrooms that let it teleport everywhere because the universe has super fungus capillaries throughout it that nobody can see and also it's magic and can resurrect the dead. The time travel plot of season 2 doesn't make any sense when you sit down and diagram it. Well-established Trek lore is just kind of sprinkled in, but now in ways that doesn't match what it was before or at least in ways that completely recolor how it's supposed to work, because it needs to serve THIS plot. Everyone remembering a murdererous monster fondly after she leaves because "Hey, she was coooool." The explanation for the big mystery in season 3 is just fricking stupid and one of the two big reasons why I've finally given up on Discovery, because it's just so absurd, doesn't match how anything works, and just feels like the writers giving the middle finger to the audience because they care more about "YOU MUST FEEEEEEL THINGS!" instead of it making sense. And indeed, there is certainly a balance to be made of plot vs. emotion-driven storytelling - some stories are dumb, but are forgivable because the character writing and emotion are so strong that they override how goofy the plot is... but sometimes a plot is just so dumb it overrides anything I'm SUPPOSED to feel. And it would help if I already liked the show, already gave it some benefit of the doubt... but I don't and it hasn't done enough to impress me. A little thing that's a problem with ALL of current modern Trek shows is that whole sprinkling lore thing - I don't think a single episode goes by in ANY current modern Trek series that doesn't have a random reference to classic Trek lore. A name, a line of dialogue, etc. It comes across like the creators don't trust you to enjoy it on its own merits, but want you to like it because "Hey, remember thing? We know about thing! Like us because we mentioned thing!" But hey, I recognize that these are things that other people may not have any problem with or just disagree in general. But for me and my family, these are the big ones that keep us from enjoying it. Hell, my brother and dad still watch it for hatewatching purposes, but I was done after season 3. I gave it plenty of chances to impress me, and while each season MARGINALLY got better as it went along, I'm tired of waiting to actually like it and to stop feeling like it thinks I'm a fucking idiot. If other people still like it, great - it clearly appeals to them in a way that it doesn't appeal to me and they are free to enjoy it. Other people probably have their own issues, but this long, rambly bit is the major stuff for me.

[isahorcrux]

4, 5, 37, 38 for thé asks 😘

(4) How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them? I'd guess probably somewhere between 3-5 currently. I've been going to a lot of concerts recently, which means I hear a song and immediately connect it to Jily and start writing a fic in my head. Two nights ago I saw Phoebe Bridgers, so naturally my mind is off on a canon compliant fic based off her album Punisher, with the last chapter obviously being I Know the End (what can I say, I love writing angst).

(5) Share one of your strengths.

Definitely dialogue, which is why I think some with arrows is so much fun to write, seeing as it's pretty much written dialogue the whole way through. I majored in creative writing with a focus on screenwriting, so I've definitely spent most of my writing training focusing on the dialogue. Plus, when I was younger I did a lot of theatre, which I think lends itself to thinking about dialogue as well.

(37) Talk about your current wips.

How much time do we have. Obviously, my main focus right now is finishing up some with arrows, some with traps. I honestly can't believe what it's grown into, but truly all these characters have a mind of their own. I work on movies and tv shows, so it's been really funny to infuse real life into the world of jily - there are definitely characters based on people I've worked with/or know (marlene and will being two of the big ones, which is why marlene personality wise isn't really fanon compliant).

Then my next love champagne problems, which came about because I spent too much time listening to evermore. I've still got one more chapter I'm working on that's about half written - here's a little snippet:

“She would have made such a lovely bride,” mused Sirius, expression unreadable.

“Shame she’s fucked in the head,” slurred Peter.

Remus slapped Peter upside the head.

“Don’t say shit like that Wormtail, Lily’s our mate.”

“More so than James?”

“Well you don’t see us running up to comfort her, do you?”

And then hope is a dangerous thing, which came about because I wanted more fics from Ginny's POV from her 6th year. Now I sort of understand, it's dark. And writing this fic, at least for me, is definitely hard to do the further we get into Hogwarts. I do really want to finish it, and I'm proud of my writing in it, but it's slow going, just due to subject matter, and also, because I realized how much I so prefer writing James/Lily. You just have so much less canon constraints, which has definitely tripped me up in the past on this fic (I know, I know, it doesn't have to be canon, but...)

(38) Talk about a review that made your day.

Okay, so literally the fact that anyone bothers to review, literally makes my day, but the first review that comes to mind came in last week, maybe from glitterishy (I don't know if you're on tumblr or not). I'm a huge shakespeare fan (read, I took every shakespeare class at my university you could) and I've written quite a few modern shakespeare adaptations and the hardest thing to do is to justify shakespearean actions within a modern context to make it feel grounded, so the fact that glitterishy took the time to tell me that everything was grounded and the shakespeare aspects made me feel like, oh, I'm actually pulling this off.

#ask isahorcrux #asks #fanfiction

[etlunainmorte]

The Sick Rose ( V X Reader )

~ A request by a lovely friend from Twitter about a Modern College AU V helping a dear underclassman reader with her assignment. I hope you like it.

***

There. He saw her sitting on her own again on that old bench next to that tree.

And this time, she's reading something. Seemed like an old book.

She never noticed or suspected anything. Or maybe he was just too careful not to be noticed. But, whatever the case was, V would always see her sitting there, alone, and minding her own business. And she would never notice anything else while she's preoccupied in that tiny, private bubble of hers.

Normally, V would be minding his own business, as well. Either going to his next class alone while streaming Paganini or Debussy on his phone for his ears only, or listening to his best friends, Nero and Nico, talk about their favorite games and movies on their way back to their dorms. V has always been preoccupied with something else to notice anything.

Until this freshman, that is.

It began just a little over a week ago. And it was during one of those rare occasions where some seniors would get the opportunity to observe the junior literary classes. Or sometimes, take over as "assistant professors" for these underclassmen for a while.

During that time, the poor professor had to go to the clinic due to a very unsavory reason he opted not to disclose, and kindly asked V to take over for the meantime. He was teaching the comedic works of William Shakespeare.

While most of the students were clearly bored out of their own wits ( some were extremely interested for reasons V chose not to overthink about ), he noticed one person who looked genuinely interested in the topic.

That girl from the last row.

V noticed how she listened to every explanation and every word he said. Every so often, he would see her nod as she took some notes. And one time even, she tried to raise a hand to ask him something but, she somehow withdrew at the last moment. V honestly wondered why, because he would've gladly answered any questions she would ask.

The next day, V noticed her sitting on that bench with her headphones on while doodling something on her tablet. He tried to get her attention but, he chose not to since he didn't want to bother her, or anything. And the day after that, on that very same spot he saw her writing something on a journal, still with her headphones on. Either way, ever since that impromptu Shakespeare lecture, V found himself somehow a bit drawn to her and her sunny, and yet curious vibes. He would be lying if he told himself that was not the case.

It all began just a little over a week ago, and she didn't even notice him looking at her, not even once.

However this time, V noticed there was something off about her. Like something changed in that light - hearted disposition of hers that always drew him in. He tried to pinpoint what exactly, and after a short while, he noticed her intense facial expression as she poured all of her focus on that old book she most probably borrowed from the library. There was something a bit tense in the way she flipped those pages, the little trembling of those fingers as they moved, and the way she curled her lips as they slightly opened and closed when she read.

And most importantly, it looked like she needed some help. An urgent one.

Excusing himself from his two best friends, he composed himself and went towards her. Brushing an almost invisible crumb off his crisp white shirt, he cleared his throat and thanked the Gods above that he somehow remembered her name.

"Miss (L/N)?" He awkwardly began. Then, seeing that she didn't hear him, he spoke once more. "Miss (L/N)?"

Oh, the way her eyes widened when she finally noticed! The way that mouth of hers dropped and the way she almost lost her composure the moment their eyes met.

It's as if the girl didn't really expect that he would casually approach her like this.

And honestly? It kind of made V's heart jump. But only a little bit. He really wanted to help her, so he tried his very best not to get swept off by his own emotions and focused on the problem ahead.

"Mr. Sparda!" She stuttered, scrambling on her feet. "I d - didn't expect you to - "

"Please, no need to worry." V reassured her as calmly as he could. The girl remembered his name as well, and his traitorous heart did more than just jump this time around.

Relax, V. Relax. He thought. You're here to help an underclassman.

"You seem to be,... ahh,... having a little difficulty on that,... book of yours." V went on, in a voice he hoped was calm enough. "Would you indulge this fool and let him help you with whatever you need?"

There. He said it. Did he sound too strange? Was he too forward? Did he sound creepy? She did look like a meteor has just crash landed in front of her.

But, whatever the case was, there's no turning back now.

"Umm," She began as she handed V the old book.

And by Jove! V almost flipped when he realized what it was! It was none other than Blake, himself! His favorite poet!

"I quite don't understand William Blake." The girl went on. "His words are simple and yet, when I try to explain them, or make sense of them, ahh,... I don't know! The words just avoid me." She collapsed on the bench and sighed as she massaged her temples. The works of Blake seemed to give her such headaches.

Sitting right next to her, he asked, "What do you find difficult about Blake's work?"

"You see, about this rose thing." She said, leaning slightly closer to him as she pointed at some words on the book on his hands.

Her hair smelled nice,...

No, V! Focus!

"I don't know if it's talking about an actual plant, or something that is actually sick,... "

"Love."

"I'm sorry?"

"Oh! I mean,... " And for a moment there, V felt his sweat run cold the moment he uttered that word.

And the girl? She seemed to tense when she heard the very word.

Like he somehow hit a deep chord within her.

"The Sick Rose is about love."

"Love?" She repeated. "You mean, a sick kind of love?"

"Well, yes." V said with a knowing smile on his face. "You know the saying love is blind? Most of the times, love prevents you from seeing the whole truth. Thus, the invisible worm."

"And the crimson joy?" There. Those glistening eyes of hers as she hang onto his every word,...

"The crimson joy means deep, dark love. The kind of love that destroys the purity and innocence of the rose."

"I,... see,... " The girl uttered, more to herself than to V.

Seeing that she's still not somehow convinced, he explained further. "You know when you love someone too much to the point of blindness, it destroys not only the person but yourself, as well. The true meaning of your feelings would be replaced with that of obsession, of selfishness. Of destruction and corruption. Of wanting this person only to yourself and no one else's. You keep this person enclosed deeply inside your own affections until the purity and innocence of their own feelings towards you die. And sometimes, this sickness grows too large, it affects other people as well. And that is the death of true love, as we know it."

The girl pondered for a while, thinking about everything V has just told her. Then, after a while, she shook her head as she grinned and chuckled to herself. And V found this quite amusing.

"Yeah, like," She said in a low voice, like a penitent confessing her sins before a priest. "You're loving someone too much, you fail to notice how destructive it has become to them and to yourself. The invisible worm. I get it now." She faced V once more, and with a bright smile, she said, "I guess I don't want to write an analysis on The Sick Rose, after all!"

This made V's eyes wide with both shock and surprise. "Oh, that's,... I see! Well, you - "

"But, thank you so much for your help, Mr. Sparda. It truly feels like you've taken a peek inside my deepest and darkest secrets."

"Pardon - ?"

"Can you help me choose a different Blake poem, instead? Something that feels lighter and brighter?" And just like that, after having a small glimpse of her own precious thoughts, V felt that she closed her doors on his face once more. Of course, there was something more about this girl, something that made him see a different color about her. Something,... intense for a change, that clashed with that sunny vibe she often showed to most people. And to him.

And it made her even more interesting to V.

This mysterious girl,...

... he has to know more about her.

"What about The Cradle Song?" V offered as he gestured towards her headphones that he saw peeking from her school bag. "We can listen to the actual song instead of me explaining it."

The girl smiled and she nodded, accepting the offer. "Sounds good to me."

It was safe to say that V and the girl has established some sort of solid connection between the two of them after listening to that song. Afterwards, she even recommended him one of her favorites, a song called Honesty by someone who wears pink and sweats a lot. At least in V's understanding of that particular band's name. Nevertheless, V enjoyed that one, and more other songs she recommended whenever they get the chance to see each other, whether to study, read books, or to just hang out.

As friends? Maybe yes. Maybe not. Who could say?

All V knew was that he was glad he approached her that day when she needed help with that Blake poem analysis. And those conflicting feelings she chose not to reveal at first.

***

#vitale #dmc5 #devil may cry 5 #devil may oneshot #v x reader #v x you

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

one: Hi Em. It has recently come to light in social media that Myers-Briggs was racist and wrote racist books, so people started saying we shouldn't use MBTI anymore. While I know it's mostly based on Jungian theory, it still has a bit of her theory into it and I wanted to know your opinion on that matter? I stand by the Black Lives Matter movement and it makes me uncomfortable to keep talking about something made by an antiblack person and I also don't want people I care about to think

two: I support racist people and cancel me/stop talking to me/pick up a fight, but MBTI and Jungian theory have helped me a lot and they make me happy, I genuinely enjoy reading about it and having it in my life. I feel like I'm in a moral compass that will inevitably make me feel bad in some way.

------------------------------

So I’ll talk about my thoughts below re: my personal opinion about this sort of situation. That said ultimately this is your choice and I cannot make it for you. I am going to use the term “you” a lot in like, a general sense, but this is just how I’m talking about it. You yourself can choose whatever you want.

So: I did have to look this up, and the most reliable article I could find was from several years ago on New York Magazine’s the Cut, indicating that Isabel Briggs Myers in particular had written a novel in the 30s that had a very racist plot with overtones of eugenics. She also indicated that a person advocating for equality (circa the 1950s) indicated an undeveloped type.

As for my personal opinions: Briggs Myers was pretty obviously racist, and while arguments of “it was normal for the time” are never great anyway (normal doesn’t mean correct), the timing indicates this was particularly conservative/reactionary. Eugenics was a very popular idea earlier in the 20th century, but was falling out of favor and heavily targeted by progressive activist organizations by the 40s and 50s. That’s not going to be the argument here; it’s racist and you can’t paint it as not racist.

As for how I personally choose to engage with such things:

If you stop engaging with all literature, theories, or ideas created by people who were racist (or bigoted in other ways, or problematic for whatever definition you use for problematic) - or even ‘more racist than usual at the time’ - you will be left with very little to engage with. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be critical. You should. But it does not mean you need to cancel or throw everything out. This personal opinion is heavily influenced by me being Jewish; if I tried to stop reading anything by someone who had engaged in antisemitism, I would pretty much have to throw out anything from before like, 1950, unless it was written by someone who was either Jewish, whose other works were lost such that we know nothing about their opinions, or who was from a place that had little or no Jewish presence.

The concept of canceling really only makes sense for me for people who are ongoing creators. It makes no sense to, for example, cancel Shakespeare, despite The Merchant of Venice being quite antisemitic. He’s dead and we’re not going to change his mind. Nor do I think we should ban access to The Merchant of Venice (I have a general hard line against censorship on the grounds that it will be used against antiracist works as well - and indeed often is). I think a theater group choosing to put on The Merchant of Venice does need to think about how they will present it and what context they will use. But I don’t think they need to attempt to strike it from their repertoire.

The same goes for works by antisemitic and racist creators that are not themselves explicitly bigoted (eg: Roald Dahl was very antisemitic, but I don’t think Matilda, for example, was itself a book with antisemitic themes).

The point where canceling does make sense to me is for a living creator who is still being racist (or bigoted), with the intent being to limit their access and show them that this behavior will result in negative consequences. Ideally people should be anti-racist (or respect women, or accept LGBT people) out of a sense of compassion, but when that fails, shutting them up because they fear losing their movie career is at least better for the world as a whole.

I would note again, in my opinion, that if you already have supported them in the past/own things they created, you do not need to throw those things out. Don’t burn your Harry Potter books because of JKR’s transphobia, but don’t spend money on Harry Potter merchandise.

Now, when it comes to specific theories, it does get a little more complicated because I am sure some motivation for MBTI was coming from a place of eugenicism. I also think nearly all personality and intelligence tests were. The SAT was originally created to prove the superiority of the so-called Nordic Races. We live in a racist society, and the categorization and ranking systems of said society will, unfortunately, often reflect that.

I believe the way to use such tests in the modern day is first, to remove the idea that a certain type is better than others (you can have personal preferences; you don’t have to like all people. This is more the idea that no type is inherently more intelligent or kind or whatever, since MBTI is about cognitive processing and the expression of intelligence or kindness) This includes ideas about which types might be more or less racist. Second, I try to include cultural context in typing people, as a lot of theories about the intelligence of different ethnicities being in some way inferior come from a gross misunderstanding of culture (eg: a more competitive academic environment is seen as a negative thing in some cultures and students will consciously not engage, and this has been incorrectly seen as them being unintelligent, rather than a cultural divide). And finally, I have never given money to the MBTI foundation and don’t intend to nor do I think anyone needs to.

None of this erases the racism Myers and Briggs had, but it does mean that your own use of cognitive theory as they interpreted it is not perpetuating ideas of anyone being inherently superior. I take the things I find beneficial (understanding yourself and others) and leave behind anything else.

#mbti #rosespotions