#is it adhd or do I maybe have ocd?

[lolli-says-stuff]

I need a new phone but I don’t want a new phone but I need a new phone but I don’t want one so I‘m stuck in this loop with my really broken and shitty and old iPhone6 or maybe 7 I’m not sure and I want to want a new one but all I really want is my ficking iPhone 4 back

#phones #iPhone #is it adhd or do I maybe have ocd? #or am I just fucking crazy #mental illness #probably #or maybe just autism. #still not sure #but also I was diagnosed with adhd so I’m not sure why someone would miss autism #because if you manage to diagnose adhd in 6yo me then you’re abled to diagnose autism #right? #but also I broke down crying because we got a new washingmashine #wich is way better than our old one but I still cried #like screaming crying throwing up kind of crying #and I’m not sure if that’s just my adhd #i always assumed it was until someone else with afhf said „ihm honey noä and now I’m not sure

[ecstasydemon]

having a crisis right now thinking about the repetitive compulsive habits i did as a kid and various other things and im wondering if i have some kind of ocd. like . the evidence adds up but what if it doesnt

#aaruughhh it's hard enough dealing with the adhd #i dont wanna be quick to self-diagnose cause ocd can be really disruptive to people's lives and i feel like any ocd symptoms i couldve had #and maybe still have dont affect me that much. but still #likeee the stuff abt needing things to be symmetrical is so real and i had weird habits about touching corners and stuff #but i dont do that now so now what

[pollenallergie]

do people with adhd have special interests? do we do that? cause i’ve been in my free willy shark week marine biology era for a solid decade now and like shit has not changed.

#ik i say i have audhd. and my therapist and i definitely think i do. #but my psychiatrist won’t diagnose me bc i am a woman and apparently this is still the 90s ig #so idk lately i’ve been having an identity crisis and being like… do i even have it??? if i can’t get a diagnosis?? #like yeah this specific psychiatrist won’t diagnose me but i’ve been to other psychiatrists in the past?? #so like if i had it wouldn’t they have caught it?? #and like yeah my cousin has it but who knows he could’ve gotten that from his dad’s side of the family not his mom’s (my aunts) #idk big crisis over here #it’s also been like months since i last saw my therapist which is just not good… #but yeah idk if i have autism? and now i feel like shit for essentially diagnosing myself as being audhd based on like nothing #so now i’m just trying to see if all this shit that i thought was maybe autism is actually just my adhd or ocd #or just like a fun non-disordered quirk #also i am very embarrassed about the way i talked about autism on here when i thought i had it now that i’m not sure #like it feels very rude and offensive in retrospect #so i’m very very genuinely sorry for that #that just was not okay for me to do #i promise to be better going forward and i’m very sorry #pol’s diary <3

[peapod20001]

I’m the type that can and will cry if think too hard <3

#random post #me tag ∠( ᐛ 」 ) |/ #I’m not an overly emotional person in the stereotypical way. but I do get in my feels when thinking about life and the experience of living #I’m like. constantly explaining things to myself cus there’s never really a time or place to talk about it #also my method of explaining things is very not coherent sometimes. so it takes me a bit to really get my point across in a comprehensible #way. I’m a big thinker. I have many thoughts and ideas a views. a daily thing of mine is noticing problems #and then fixing them in my head with thought out explanations and motives and outcomes #it’s like I’m talking to someone else. much like how I format my text posts. that’s how my inner monologue is #me talking to myself is actually me talking to someone else. someone that isn’t real #anyways it’s a daily occurrence. every day of my life is spent with thoughts similar to those breaking down a movie #lots of thoughts from adhd. compulsive thoughts from ocd. overwhelming thoughts from autism. distressing thoughts from bpd #ya. this isn’t a vent I just need to like. see the thoughts in writing so I can do smth else. like eat this muffin ive been staring at for #over an hour now <3 mmmbfbg yea muffins are hard to eat now cus I had some with mold and food mold especially is a big nono for me #spend like. five minutes examining the damn thing before I even consider taking a bite. I’m very hungry an thirsty </3 #when your mouth is so dry you can taste your own mouth 👍 I’m experiencing #nothing in particular. just experiencing. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I like having an experience and living #drank my tea and I had like. hallucinations of like an alcohol prep pad. I’ve been using those in my ear cus. tmi. had a pimple that’s #causing problems so mom suggested that. it burned! which means it worked so word. I’ve noticed lately that both me AND my family have been #using ‘word’ a lot. dad says we’ve been saying it but no we haven’t. if we had I’d have BEEN saying it. maybe we’ve used it before for a bit #but now it’s back. idk. I’ve said it in class on more than one occasion lmao I don’t look like the type to say smth like that but whatever #it’s like when I used to say bro after every sentence like 10 years ago lol. we’re a family of parrots we repeat eachother a lot #I started saying I love you out of no where and they started doing it too. we whistle at eachother from across the house. sing ear worms #together. quote funny things at every opportunity and drive the joke into the ground. everyone in this house is a different kind of mentally #I’ll and it’s the most beautiful clash of personalities because we’re all so annoying and we love eachother so much and also our #communication is shit because some ppl have hearing loss and another is a short fused child and some are quick to interrupt and some dont #get a word in and some just can’t explain and some can’t understand. we get there eventually at some point. we don’t get the full grasp of #how much we love eachother yet. but we’re gettin there. anyways this went into several different directions but they’re all good ones #I think. if you read all this good on you! this is my brain 24/7/365 haha ok love you

[e77y]

I SCHEDULED A PSYCHIATRIST APPOINTMENT 🧘‍♀️🌈✨🌱💫🌊

#JOY TO THE WORLD #I am still very scared. and I had to talk to a call center guy which sucked #but yayyyyy #it’s so soon too! like a week from now #hope it goes well #I wrote that I just wanted to talk about ADHD meds buuuut that’s only bc my therapist from high school thought I had ADHD #and she was the one who recommended this place. and my mom is also very convinced that we BOTH have it #which like. idk if that’s true 😭 I honestly do NOT think I have ADHD #I really just want to talk about OCD bc I think an actual diagnosis would make me feel less insane. also maybe meds. might help lol #or whatever else they can diangose me with idc just tell me what the problem is PLEASE 🙏 #anyway. I’m gonna go get fried rice from the mall food court and then go fill out all this paperwork #ellyposting

[thethingything]

so we use these little packs of disposable travel toothbrushes that we can keep next to our bed and don't have to rinse after using them or anything because between executive dysfunction, sensory issues, and fatigue, this is basically the only way we can keep up with brushing our teeth regularly.

anyway, I realised we'd almost ran out and went to buy more and they suddenly aren't available anywhere. we'd get a pack of 24 for relatively cheap and now all I can seem to find are packs of 1 or 2 "travel toothbrushes" that are basically just normal toothbrushes for the same price as a pack of the ones we normally get. the brand that made them has nothing about them on its website besides a pack of 2 toothbrushes listed under the same name that aren't the same product.

so anyway now I need to figure out an alternative for the sake of actually being able to manage our dental hygiene because the one thing that was letting us do that somewhat adequately isn't available anymore

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #we've found a couple of places selling them but they're places that don't ship to the UK #and it would be way too expensive to use a proxy service for them #also we do have a normal toothbrush but we pretty much never use it because having to get up and stand at the sink is hell #and sometimes isn't an option at all certain symptoms flare up too badly #and that whole ''keep a cup of water next to your bed to rinse it in'' thing doesn't work well with our contamination OCD #also on a related note I'm trying to buy energy drinks (the things we're reliant on for managing our ADHD at this point) #and the delivery options are like... we can get them on the 11th-13th for £4.99 or on the 8th for £22.99 which feels ridiculous #but we only have 8 left so I guess I'm going with the cheaper option and I'm just gonna have to not have caffiene for maybe a few days #and hope we don't completely lose track of everything given how bad our ADHD has been even with caffeine lately #the bad ADHD is the reason I didn't get round to ordering more of them earlier in the first place. ugh #I hate trying to work around so many different medical issues that all make it so fucking hard to do basic shit

[running-in-the-dark]

and it just occurred to me that when we move, I might try to find a new therapist. there might be one/a few right in the town we're moving to (I haven't checked), but we'll be really close to a city then. so I could get there regularly (maybe. it's very scary but maybe I can manage it). so. I should probably do that? maybe find someone who'll like.... do more than just accept that I've got social anxiety (because that's what I said when I first saw my previous therapist) and help me figure out the real problem.

#like I mean I. probably have autism or adhd yeah sure. like that's just. I'm just assuming that for now. #but. the thing that really affects me more than anything at this point #is the stupid fucking rules I have to follow because my brain makes them up and I don't have a choice #and the. well everything else that's probably all related to that. #but i don't wanna go there and be like hi I think i might have ocd #because I've been so ashamed of all of this stuff for 20+ years that the thought of talking about it with a person I have to look at and wh #will ask questions about it and then possibly say nope your brain's just really fucked up. #that thought is. so horrifying idk I don't think I could do that #but I struggle with it so much every day that. idk maybe I need to do it anyway? I didn't think I could talk about the social anxiety stuff #either and I did that for years in the end. and it helped a bit. #but idk maybe it's just. pointless? I don't know how to be any other way. I've never not lived like this? I don't remember ever not having #to follow these rules and feeling like I'm disgusting for having bad thoughts and having stupid routines that I have to follow because if I #don't a Bad Thing will happen. but that part got better so maybe it's not that serious anyway and I've just been imagining all of it #because my brain is bad and all of that. #maybe it's fine that I can't touch dirty things and that if I don't tell my husband to drive safe I have to think about him crashing the ca #and it being my fault all day and almost breaking several door handles because I have to check three times if the door is really locked and #it's never enough so it's usually 3x3 times or more. and just. #just. everything I like has to be good and pure and perfect and if it's not and I can't stop myself from liking it anyway I feel disgusting #and guilty and like I'm personally responsible for every bad thing in the world because I just can't be right. #and if I could the bad things would stop #I don't think. that's how people are supposed to think? right? I feel like if everyone spent most of their time thinking about this and #doing everything to make sure they follow these rules then. idk nothing would ever get done? it's just so hard? #but no it's probably just that I'm so bad at handling it and everything is always hard for everyone and no one complains because they're #better at being human. #idk man all I know is this is fucking exhausting and I can't do this for. however many years I'll be alive for. it's been long enough #I'm tired of it #and maybe I shouldn't be on here. maybe it's time to step away again for a while. so much of this messes with my head. I can't handle the #guilt I feel from every stupid post that I saw. oh that's something people argue about? great that's been added to the list of things that #have to feel bad about now. #doesn't matter how much I disagree on a rational level. I don't get to decide. if I know it exists it will bother me. and I can't do it

[weirdlizard26]

i guess the thing abt the diagnosis for me is that. nothing has ever been severe for me. its just kinda. annoying and vaguely concerning. people with the real disorder are out there suffering and im just. mildly bothered. but im still diagnosed nonetheless? sounds fake

#wl26 #and its not just abt ocd. well it kinda is bc thats the only diagnosis ive got #but like with all the other suspected disorders too #like the other day i told mom that i brought up with the therapist that i struggle with studying and preparing for classes #and then a few days later she was napping while i studied #and she said hey maybe its not a disorder problem. maybe its just because ur always getting distracted to text somebody #and i didnt wanna admit it to her so i took evasive action but like fuck! maybe so! #n she said maybe if you just closed all ur apps for an hour and focused on studying maybe then u would get it right #n im like fuck! maybe ! #but i dont want to is the thing KFJDNGDFGD #guy who is so painfully lonely every second of his existence. tbh #i dont want to have to NOT talk to my friends. i dont want to #so its like. do i actually have adhd or am i just a stubborn childish loser who deliberately refuses to put effort into ANYTHING #bleh

[gibbearish]

jehtkenktnejtjr

#me: mentions sensory issues #psychiatrist: have you considered autism #me: yes #psychiatrist: well we cant diagnose that here so ill have to refer you #personally i dont think you have it but it could be mild yknow it is a spectrum #maam i got annoyed abt how nonspecific the questions were multiple times and looked you in the eye maybe 2 minutes total #but on the bright side we do now have diagnoses for adhd ptsd depression and anxiety! yeehaw #gonna go pick up my orescription later today if rite aid will actually answer their stupid phone isbfksbfkdn #also i mentioned possibly having ocd and she asked one (1) of the diagnostic questions and then was like #hm no i think thats just adhd i dont think you have ocd and ive been doing this a while so:) #and its like great well on the list of therapist references you sent me you included betterhelp so idk how much #i trust ur judgement tee bee haych

[landofgay]

*screaming at the top of my lungs in a chill sexy way*

#alright FINE maybe im autistic #i took this quiz very seriously and didnt let myself exaggerate my symptoms and i still ended up with this so #i mean. it does explain a lot. like a Lot. #but also UGH not ANOTHER THING #giggling at the idea of my one friend with ocd and autism who just point blank said to me 'you dont have ocd or autism' like #cool so u are a doctor? a mental health professional of some kind? no? ok then fuck off LMAO #anyways I definitely definitely have ocd. and i almost certainly have some kind of asd! #idk if ill ever get diagnosed for anything tho #like anxiety depression are mostly diagnosed.... the adhd is kindaaaa diagnosed but not professionally i guess #how does a person even go about getting professional diagnosis. what does that involve. do u get a lil diploma at the end that says #'i am mentally ill' #and u can frame it and show it to people as proof #like how does it work #im not trying to get meds or therapy or anything i just. want some things diagnosed

[bi-panic-at-the-disco]

wait a second is feeling guilty over not saying goodnight to your family before you go to bed because you feel like bad things will happen to them not a normal feeling/thought?

#disco speaks! #cause like I’ve felt like this ever since i was little and have had to get over it when #i inevitably forget to say goodnight to them and so then I get worried/feel guilty about what if they don’t make it to tomorrow because of #me not saying goodnight to them #okay hmm maybe I do have obsessive and compulsive tendencies uhhh hmmm might ask my doctor about some of these soon #cause like uhhh the more I think about it the more examples of compulsions and obsessive thoughts occur #although from what I have briefly read adhd and ocd are uncommonly to occur together #due to how they affect the brain but there can be misdiagnosises and stuff with how similar their effects can be #so I’m not completely sure cause maybe I don’t have ocd although usually to get rid of a compulsion to do something #like when I close a door wrong or type something in a way that feels bad I have to force myself to move on or forcibly to recreate a memory #when I did the thing/action correctly and then tell myself that is what happened in the present #idk idk #the compulsions and obsessive thoughts only get worse when I’m stressed and I can usually just forget them entirely when I am not focused #which is a lot cause I have been out of my adhd meds until just the other day

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Sunday accountability post since apparently I'm not the only one who thought to do laundry today and am rapidly approaching the point of not being able to get done everything I wanted to today without having to ask for wifey's help 🫠🫠🫠

On Sunday and Monday I will:

Remove everything from the closet

Wash the closet walls, floors, and baseboards

Empty out Doom Bin 1, wash it, and put it aside temporarily

Organize all items from Doom Bin 1

Break down doggie den and put away in closet

Empty out Doom Bin 2, wash it, and put it aside temporarily with 1 and move them under window

Organize all items from Doom Bin 2

Put all washing in hampers

Put large dog toys in Doom Bins 1 and 2 and station one in each section of house

Put small dog toys in Blue bin and station by my side of the bed

Put cat toys in small green bin and station by Kitty Heaven

Clean and clear TV stand

Rearrange bedroom furniture

Sweep and wash bedroom floors

Wash a round of dishes

Organize Pile of Doom in front of Kitty Credenza

Wash a round of dishes

Organize spices

Wash a round of dishes

Clear counters

Wash counters

Wash a round of dishes

Wash exteriors of aplliances

Wash a round of dishes

Wash the walls and baseboards

Wash all dish washing gear

Wash the inside of the fridge

Wash the inside of the microwave

Organize the counter

Sweep and wash the floors

#hello obsession my old friend #i see that ocd/adhd is once again A BAD FUCKING TIME FOR ALL INVOLVED #realisticially rather than making this an accountability post I should take this opportunity to do some compulsion busting #but it's an inspection and I'm only partly up to date on rent so I will not #god i'm tired just looking at this list #on the other hand the bathroom cleaned up gorgeously in 30min so like #maybe this won't be so bad #gonna go update my today accountability post and see what I have left

[ionlytalktodogs]

I don’t really get why able-bodied people see a post that’s really obviously about physical disability and feel the need to make it about neurodivergence or LGBTQ rights or something. Like okay great you, as an able-boded person, can relate to me. Do you…want a prize? You know…it is okay for things to not be about you. It’s okay if you see a post about physical disability and you don’t say “yeah well… I’m not physically disabled and this applies to me too!!!” You don’t need to say that. I know you probably don’t mean it this way, but it comes across as talking over physically disabled people and I just don’t really appreciate it.

Especially when it comes to autism. I’m autistic. I don’t need to be educated about autism. Chances are, if a post of mine can apply to autistic people, I already know that. I’ve just chosen to highlight physical disability. And that’s okay. Maybe sometimes certain posts just…aren’t for you.

I’m trying to find a way to say this without being rude because I understand the desire to relate to others. But I also feel like talking over physically disabled people, as an able-bodied person, is…annoying at best. I just think if you have to say “well actually this applies to (something else) too” maybe just…don’t say that. It’s okay if a post is about a specific thing. You could just…make your own post. Idk.

#time to get hunted for sport I guess #I’m just tired of making posts specifically about being physically disabled and getting a million people saying #UMMMM actually I’m neurodivergent and I experience this too #I KNOW. I’M NEURODIVERGENT. I KNOW. #but I chose to highlight physical disability in this post for a REASON. #it just comes across as talking over me #I make plenty of posts about being autistic and neurodivergency in general #other people do too #maybe just…stick to those posts?? or make your own?? rather than talking over others about their experiences?? #idk #whatever #I despise being talked down to about neurodivergence as if I #a lowly physically disabled person #could NEVER understand the ~trials and tribulations~ of being neurodivergent #when I’m literally autistic and I have adhd and dyslexia and several other conditions that are sometimes considered neurodivergent #idk is Tourette’s considered neurodivergent? I think so? ocd and schizophrenia are sometimes? idk I don’t really care I’m just going off on #a tangent now

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#uuuuugh... i spend all day writing a stupid report that i dont Even kno if im wrting right #idk if im alloud to use figures idk what the deadline is. just: hey can u write abt this data? fucking sure i guess #and im not even done yet. but tonight i have to finish deconstructing and rebuilding my statement of purpose and working on my application #which is also gonna suck. but my mum says im a good writing. and then 2 sec later she was like well ur a good bullshitter. and im like lmao #thanks i guess. i think she means im good at justifying things #but its gonna b a long night. i dont actually have to finish these things tonight. its literally just my brain like: do it now or else >:-( #my boss: hope youve recharched after the sampling! me: fucking ???? was i supposed to? i just fell face first into writing instead #and i got invited to carve pumpkins tomorrow. i wasnt gonna bc ive got 3 phd interviews to prep for next week and i gotta read like a #million papers. but then today one of the other ppl texted me like: hey r u going? it would b cool if u did! i can drive u #and im like 😭 i have a friend?! so i told myself if i finish my application bullshit i can go. but again its gonna b a long night #i dont have a pumpkin tho. and i dont wanna get one. or deal with a rotting pumpking later #maybe ill just b a freak and bring a lump of clay. sculpt something as they carve. that would b a weird fucking move but like i also dont #really care. id rather play with clay than carve a pumpkin tbh #ugh. will i ever find the time to draw? maybe not. maybe ill just lay here and cry bleh #im glad that my friend reached out to me tho. that was super sweet. ive literally only hung out with her once sampling but we immediately #overshared bc it was one of those like connecting to another person probably on the spectrum things. all the interesting ppl i talk to prob #have adhd lmao. they have like exacly the opposite problems i do so i think their brians r so interesting. i mean my probs r the same but #diff. idk how to describe it. im too rigid and compulsive but also big executive function probs. im stuck somewhere between ocd and autism #lmao. or ocpd. probably definitely ocpd. hhhhhhhhh gotta love it #im just a compulsive lil goldfish swimming around and around in circles #brain wont even let me go home for Thanksgiving. annoying #and infantilizing bc i cant drive or do normal things for myself. sigh... #unrelated

[feral-teeth]

Sharing a spotify playlist is like: let me share with you the deepest parts of my mind, let me try and share only a portion of as much of my entire personality as I can in this short playlist. Even a 5 hour playlist is never enough to share with you how much I love you. it’s feeling like you can never give away that piece of yourself, or your entire self so heres a small piece of myself, the only way i can put into words is through song lyrics. Do you still like me? Do you like my music taste? It represents me btw. Me and my entirety. Do you still love me? I hope i can show how much i love you through this short playlist. I hope you can finally understand me, or at least a part of me. Do you still love me? Because I love you. Please dont hate me. I love you. Heres my perfectly curated Spotify playlist to show you how much I love you. I love you, btw, i hope you know that through this specific list of songs in the perfect order with the perfect lyrics that fit you and our love and us perfectly. Please never leave my side. I love you. Heres my music playlist to show you.

#this but when i share my playlists in my fics #im so serious playlists are so so important to me #especially when they are connected to a fic #like please please please please please please please #listen to my playlist while reading my fics im serious #fic thoughts #feral-teeth thoughts #writing #spilled ink #hot take for myself #but i feel like when the therapist sorta diagnosed me but didnt with bpd tendencies #she may have been right about that one #huh #especially with the lines do you still love me? do you still hate me? #or maybe thats just me and how strongly i feel things #it might also just be the autism and adhd and ocd and anxiety tho so #me

[fairwinds-safetravels]

.

#haha love how ocd is based around feelings of powerlessness and lack of control #i honestly have improved so much overall that i almost forget i have it until i either forget meds or something real shit happens #most of my really bad compulsive behaviors are gone other than maybe 3 #but the one that keeps rearing up is compulsive cleaning #and i dont mean like #gotta clean room hehe #its like. the world flashes because i get triggered by something either germ or emotional and i have to clean nonstop until The Thing #is gone #usually piles of stuff or like actual nasty #even if it belongs to someone else i have to clean it or else I just cant feel better #which is bad bc boundaries #like i generally can step back and be normal about it but when in an episode i cannot #big sigh #home is the worst bc family is v messy #i do not care about the clutter but dishes dont get cleaned for days and days and sit in stagnated water #and my mom doesnt believe in paper towels or scrubby sponges so i have to use wet rag and then leave it dirty to dry and reuse it :( #no value judgement bc i got that executive dysfunction from somewhere but damn #makes it hard to enjoy food #adhd and ocd combo is so bad bc youre both the cause of stress and your solution #lowkey feels like the manic depressive cycle where its struggle bus then massive surge to fix it and then struggle bus from burnout again #sigh