#haha love how ocd is based around feelings of powerlessness and lack of control

[fairwinds-safetravels]

.

#haha love how ocd is based around feelings of powerlessness and lack of control #i honestly have improved so much overall that i almost forget i have it until i either forget meds or something real shit happens #most of my really bad compulsive behaviors are gone other than maybe 3 #but the one that keeps rearing up is compulsive cleaning #and i dont mean like #gotta clean room hehe #its like. the world flashes because i get triggered by something either germ or emotional and i have to clean nonstop until The Thing #is gone #usually piles of stuff or like actual nasty #even if it belongs to someone else i have to clean it or else I just cant feel better #which is bad bc boundaries #like i generally can step back and be normal about it but when in an episode i cannot #big sigh #home is the worst bc family is v messy #i do not care about the clutter but dishes dont get cleaned for days and days and sit in stagnated water #and my mom doesnt believe in paper towels or scrubby sponges so i have to use wet rag and then leave it dirty to dry and reuse it :( #no value judgement bc i got that executive dysfunction from somewhere but damn #makes it hard to enjoy food #adhd and ocd combo is so bad bc youre both the cause of stress and your solution #lowkey feels like the manic depressive cycle where its struggle bus then massive surge to fix it and then struggle bus from burnout again #sigh