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heliza24 · 11 months

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The Radical Act of Quitting (and Wilhelm)

This is a little more personal than my Young Royals metas normally are. It’s really one-half personal essay, one-half show analysis. It’s something of a spiritual successor to my post about radical acceptance and Simon’s arc in season 2. And it’s also about the reasons why I want Wilhelm to renounce the crown by the end of season 3. (I am stating that early, because I know many people disagree. Feel free to engage but please do so with kindness; a lot of this is quite vulnerable for me.)

I’m disabled. Specifically, I have a chronic condition that began in my early twenties, and slowly got worse and worse until I was finally diagnosed at 28. I’m 31 now, and I’ve had to grieve the person I once was many times over. I used to be a dancer, I used to be an adventurous eater, I used to love to travel. My chronic pain and restrictive medical diet have taken those things away from me, piece by piece. But the thing I mainly want to talk about right now is quitting my job. At the time of my diagnosis, I had worked at my job full time for three years. For a few years after my diagnosis, I tried to remain at my job part-time, because I loved it. I worked in the music industry, and I had the best team of coworkers. I had a great work/life balance, I was never stressed about work. I looked forward to each day in the office. When I went to events and had to introduce myself during an ice-breaker, I would usually include a fact about my job. I found a lot of my identity there. All of my work directly supported musicians, which was something I was very proud of.

So I tried very, very hard to hang on to my job. My company gave out these ridiculously heavy plaques for employees who had been at the company for 5 years, and I was determined to get one. But it was really hard. I could no longer type sitting up for more than a few minutes, so I did every day from my lap desk in bed. (This is still where I write all of my fic and meta!) I struggled to talk to customers on the phone while I was in pain. The office was closed because of the pandemic, but I would have had to work from home regardless because I couldn’t handle the commute. Every day was a slog. And my pain and fatigue weren’t getting better. In fact they were continuing to get worse as time went on. Finally, my five-year work anniversary arrived. I made it, but I felt like a runner barely stumbling over the finish line. It was the end of 2021. I talked with my friends and my therapist and my disability benefits lawyer. “I don’t think I can keep working,” I would say. And then I would cry, because the thought of letting go of this last part of my identity, when my illness had already taken so much, was so horrible.

After several months of deliberating and grieving, I quit. My boss begged me to reconsider (God bless him, honestly). Was there anything he could do to better accommodate my needs? Could I work a different schedule to let me sleep more? Could I work freelance on specific projects they really needed me on? I wanted to say yes so badly. But I knew. The longer I held on, the more I fought, the worse my health would become. And the worse my health would become, the more I would struggle with work. The joy I had felt during my first three years in that office had already drained away. I was fighting just to get through each day, and I didn’t want to fight anymore.

I recognize that having the resources and disability benefits to even consider quitting is a huge privilege. There are a lot of disabled and chronically ill folks who struggle through work at great detriment to their health because they can’t afford not to keep working. So I recognize how lucky I was to be able to quit. I am so grateful for that option, even as I mourn all the things I have lost.

In my meta about Simon, I talked about radical acceptance and how it has been my guiding light as a disabled person. Embracing radical acceptance means that I have done my best to accept what I can and cannot do, and what I can and cannot control, without judgment. I accepted that I needed to walk away from my job. But how was I supposed to define myself without it?

Capitalism defines most peoples’ self-identity, whether they realize it or not. We identify with our jobs, or with the “grind” culture, or with the moral goodness associated with working hard. But here I was, without a job. And I had my whole adult life ahead of me. I had to find a way to make a new identity outside of work.

Around this time, I started to gravitate towards stories where characters are faced with similar decisions, even if I didn’t realize it yet. And let me tell you, there aren’t many of them.

@bluedalahorse and I talk about this a lot. In our ultra-franchised world, the point of stories, even those that are supposedly about rebellions, is often to return characters to the status quo, so that the next movie/comic/episode can pick back up where the last one left off. And when there is a significant change in the status quo, it is usually because the characters worked, and pushed, and struggled to achieve that change. It’s very rare to see a story about someone who walked away from something that was harming them. It’s rarer still to find something that deals with the aftermath, as characters work to re-establish themselves.

I’ve found a lot of comfort in true stories of people leaving cults and high demand religions, and of queer people forced to leave their conservative families behind. In all of these cases, people are consciously abandoning a predominant belief system that is harming them, and have to start over as they craft their new sense of identity. (I am also queer, which adds an additional level of connection). Often people in these situations come to rely on their found family, a thing I have also found to be true in my own life.

I quit my job in between seasons 1 and 2 of Young Royals, and I don’t think I realized how many themes connected my experience to Wilhelm’s until I was watching season 2. Wilhelm is the protagonist of Young Royals, and his central dramatic question has always been: will he fulfill his duty as a royal? Or will he quit, and discover who he is beyond the system he was raised in? Simon is a huge part of this decision, obviously, but the question has never been strictly about Simon.

While I have no personal experience with the monarchy, I do know what it’s like to consider walking away from a role that you assumed you would fill for the rest of your life. I know what it’s like to think about quitting your job.

There’s so much pressure on Wilhelm to assume the role of perfect Crown Prince. He’s told constantly—by Kristina, by Jan-Olof, by the court-- that he can’t let his family or his country down by deviating from this role in any way.

This is a pretty common experience for people who are trying to quit something. They are told that they will let down those around them if they leave. People who are leaving high demand religions are told that they will not be able to enter heaven. Queer people in conservative families are told they can’t come out because “it would break [elderly relative]’s heart and kill them.” When I quit my job, I thought a lot about how I’d be letting down my coworkers and everyone who knew me as a hyper-competent career-driven person.(This included some of my doctors by the way, who expressed their disappointment in my failure to adhere to their idea of a “worthy” disabled person, i.e. someone who soldiered through the pain and continued to work. Some withdrew care because of this and honestly I will never forgive them). And maybe I was letting people down, and maybe ex-Mormons really will spend the afterlife in outer darkness, and maybe all the grandmas of queer people will be so upset that they kick the bucket when their grandkids come out. But ultimately, if your happiness or safety or well being depends on leaving, it doesn’t really matter. You have to do it anyway. You have to abandon the things that you can no longer carry. You have to discover who you are on the other side of religion, of the closet, of capitalism.

I think about this every time people in the fandom talk about how Wilhelm leaving the line of succession will create a constitutional crisis, or impact all of Sweden negatively. I am personally pretty anti-monarchist, but I honestly can’t even tell you if I think that Wilhelm removing himself from the line of succession would bring about the end of the Swedish monarchy or not. Honestly, I don’t really care. I care about Wilhelm. I want him to seek happiness, to search for the future that must live on the other side of this oppressive system he finds himself in. A constitutional crisis? That’s Kristina’s problem, that’s Jan-Olof’s problem, that’s the government’s problem. Radical acceptance means focusing on the things you can control, and Wilhelm can only control his own happiness.

When this issue gets debated, I often see people argue that Wilhelm is too young to make the decision to give up the throne. But the reality is that we ask teenagers to make decisions about their futures all the time. @bluedalahorse wrote a great piece of meta about that here. I love what she said so much I’m going to quote it directly:

Nonetheless, we ask teenagers of Sara and Wilhelm’s ages to think about decisions that affect their future all the time. We ask them to consider what career they’ll pursue or what university to attend. Teenagers who grow up in various denominations of Christianity consider whether they’re going to go through with Confirmation or sometimes Baptism. Other religions (ones where I can’t speak from as much personal experience) have various other rites of passage around this age, and various cultures have coming of age rituals. For some teens, they do these things willingly and with their whole heart, whereas for others, they do it to please their parents or families or for the social norms of it all.

And if Wilhelm is too young to decide to give up the throne, how can he be old enough to decide to keep it? Surely the decision to take on the governance of a country, even in a symbolic way, requires as much, if not more, maturity than the decision to pursue a less high-powered career elsewhere.

When people in the fandom claim that Wilhelm is too young to make this decision, I hear Kristina telling Wilhelm to wait until he’s 18 to come out, because only then will he be responsible enough to deal with the consequences. That’s a delaying tactic, and nothing more. People who don’t want you to leave will ask you to delay your decision over and over again, because they think that if they can kick the can down the road just a little farther, they’ll never have to lose you.

I also see people argue that Wilhelm isn’t qualified to make a decision because he doesn’t know enough about the “real world” to know what he is choosing. To be honest I don’t think most teenagers know much about the “real world”. I definitely didn’t. But we ask them to make decisions that will affect their futures anyway. And here’s another way to look at this: Wilhelm has plenty of places he can look to for examples of how “ordinary” people live. He can find out what it’s like to be from a noble but non-royal family from the students at Hillerska. He can talk to Simon and Linda about what their lives are like. He can read the millions of books, or watch the thousands of movies and TV shows that feature non-royal protagonists and were created by non-royal artists. But only Wilhelm knows what it is like to be Crown Prince. No one else has had that experience. So I would argue that actually, Wilhelm is the only one qualified to make this call.

Ultimately, the agency and mental capacity of people who are quitting is often doubted, usually by the people who have the most to gain by keeping them in place.

So many people have so much invested in maintaining the status quo. And as soon as you invest in a system, someone daring to leave puts your world view into question. Why are you dealing with so many oppressive rules if someone else can just leave? We see this a lot with high demand religions and cults; if someone threatens to break free, the members often join ranks and work together to pressure them to stay. What has your sacrifice as a woman in a patriarchal religion meant, for example, if another woman can decide to simply walk away? Does Kristina’s grim life of duty and sacrifice matter, if Wilhelm can just opt out and seek happiness instead?

Then of course, there are all the benefits that an oppressive system confers on its most privileged members. Those benefits are in danger of disappearing if enough people quit, so high ranking people will work to keep others in line. Think about all the people who benefit from the monarchy: all the staff who work for the royal family, all the nobles who get their reputation by proximity to the monarch, and everyone in Sweden who in general benefits from the image that a long-standing institution of white, straight, conservative power projects.

And those aren’t people Wilhelm needs to be responsible for (or should be concerned with placating, to be honest). If the monarchy fails because Wilhelm leaves, it’s because there’s always been a fault in the system. Those relying on this outdated system have signed their own fate.

No one knows fully what life will be like after they quit. That’s the radical acceptance part of quitting. You have to make a blind leap, and discover a whole new world once you land. Wilhelm is no more sheltered than anyone before they take this leap. Everyone who quits—a religion, a cult, a job—has to go through this process of rediscovery. You have to learn by doing. People do that successfully all the time, and I believe that Wilhelm can too.

When I was talking about this meta with @bluedalahorse, we talked a lot about Plato’s allegory of the cave. That story goes something like this:

Several prisoners have been kept inside a cave their entire life. They are chained to the spot, and cannot move. They are facing the back wall of the cave. Behind them is a fire, and in between them and the fire, their captors walk back and forth, casting shadows on the wall. Because the prisoners have been kept in the cave their entire life and have only ever seen shadows, they think the shadows are real. They think the only thing that exists in the world is shadows. Until one day, one of the prisoners is set free. He goes outside for the first time, where he is blinded by the sun and overwhelmed by stimulus. But he discovers the real world. He now knows that the shadows he was used to are pale imitations of the real things. He’s so excited that he goes back to tell his fellow prisoners what he has learned. But the prisoners get angry at him for challenging their world view. They don’t believe him, no matter what he says.

There are a lot of ways you can interpret this story. Some people think that Plato is talking about the role of philosophers in society. Some people use it to explain a philosophical concept he writes about elsewhere called “forms”. But I think one thing is clear. Plato didn’t write the allegory of the cave (and it didn’t stick around in human imagination for thousands of years) because he thought you should stay in the cave. Leaving the cave is hard. You will be met with resistance. But discovering the real world, when you were only seeing shadows before, is worth it.

I want Wilhelm to leave to be happy, to see the real world instead of shadows. But I also believe it’s what the story demands. It’s the only answer that makes asking the dramatic question—should Wilhelm conform or rebel?—worthwhile to me.

To be king, but to be the first gay king, would be such an unsatisfactory ending for me. It reminds me of how hard I tried to keep my job—by working from bed, by reducing my hours. My boss could do the best he could to be accommodating, but ultimately working was harming me. You can’t adapt the monarchy enough to make it a non-damaging space for Wilhelm, because there will always be people pressuring him to conform to its straight, stoic ideals. Those ideals have been around for hundreds of years, and to put all of the burden of reforming them on Wilhelm is unfair and unrealistic. If he does stay, I see him struggling to change a system that is not designed for him. Even if he does make small victories for representation or inclusion in that context, it will come at an enormous emotional cost. I just don’t think it’s worth it. Not when there’s a whole world where Wilhelm could be doing good, important work– in whatever arena he chooses– that won’t also come along with inherent emotional trauma.

Believe me, there’s a whole world to be discovered after you walk away from something that’s damaging you. You grieve, yes, but you also grow. Since quitting I’ve been able to love my friends harder, to treat myself better, to give back to the disabled community. I think if you talk to most people who have committed a similar act of radical quitting they’ll say the same thing. I want this future for Wilhelm, but I also want this kind of story to exist for all of us. I want there to be a story that represents those of us who have had to make these kinds of decisions. I want there to be a story that can encourage people who are currently wrestling with their desire to leave and the pressure to stay. And I want there to be a story that shows the hope, the bravery, and the self-belief that is required to walk away and seek a brighter future.

#young royals #prince wilhelm #wilhelm young royals #my meta #my crip media reviews #this turned out to be very long thank you if you read it all

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starseneyes · 1 year

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Chenford - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 13

Daddy Cop AKA "Friends Don't Let Friends Murder Board… Alone"

After watching 5x13, I really didn't think I could write the Meta until I had 5x14 for additional context. But after taking a step back and re-evaluating my hangups, I found a way. I do hope you enjoy it!

SPOILER ALERT: If you're looking for a nice, safe, spoiler-free zone... I'm sorry, this ain't it. I will spoil the entirety of the episode and perhaps the entire series to date. It's a LOT of fun, though, if you're up for it!

Ready to see what awaits our delightful duo now that Chenford Coitus has been achieved? Let's dive in!

Nobody Puts Timmy In A Corner

Lucy is sitting at the back of Roll Call so she can keep an eye on Tim. He doesn't even have to turn around for her to feel the misery coming off of him, even through the walls.

Tim hates this. But it's what he has to do for love, right?

My Chair is Moving

Like, this was so personal, and yet so sweet. She totally turned his chair toward her, and he was happy to go along because—let's be real—she's the best part of his day.

Seeing Tim without his set up for his camera on his chest is strange. I know it hasn't been there all along series-wise, but it really stood out to me watching this scene. No need for them to monitor what he's doing with the public because he no longer see the public. He sees... part of a window.

It's been one week based on Canon, so we know he's already bored out of his mind... no matter what he tells his girlfriend. (I will never get over getting to call Lucy Chen that! She's Tim Bradford's girlfriend)

"I thought we said we wound never lie to each other."

There are a million conversations happening between these two that we never see. We have fan fiction where we can speculate on it, but at first blush I really appreciated this glimpse into their shared code.

Now, they spend the entire episode going against said code (which I'll get into at the end of this Meta), but I do like that we have insight into what happens when the camera's not rolling between Tim and Lucy.

"That was a lie." "You're miserable."

She knows her man. I mean, anyone paying attention can tell that Tim's having a horrible time working at a desk. Now, he's got productivity up and whatnot, but he's miserable.

We saw him make the sacrifice play in 5x12, but now seeing him living it is akin to us hearing about the Monster that was his father and then meeting the man, ourselves. It's about as bad as imagined, in both cases, but there's something about seeing it that makes it more "real".

Desk work for Tim Bradford is bleak. But, he'll do whatever it takes to be with the woman he loves.

"No. It's not that bad. Nice people. Low stress. Wait, wait that reminds me... next week." "Thank you." "You're welcome. Be safe out there. I'll see you at the end of shift."

I'm reminded of 4x01 when Lucy asked Tim to be careful over the phone. "I always am," he said. This time, it's Tim who's staying in place and Lucy who's on the move.

And the face she gave him when he gave her the thumbs up? Like, "don't give me the bad baseball thumbs up!" She gives him an aghast look, but he follows up quickly enough to reference the end of shift—his happy place.

The same schedule means they can see each other every day, yes, but during the day it's bloody torture for Tim. There was a song in my youth about living for the weekends. Right now, Tim is living for end-of-shift. (originally I typoed to "end-of-shirt" and that kinda works, too, if ya know what I mean)

When she walks away, he exhales, thinking his charade worked. Hell, no, Tim, my boy. Your girl knows when you're hurting. ("I rode long enough with you to know when you are being you and when you're upset")

Lucy is in the best relationship of her life. No way she's going to stand still while he's struggling. This is the ultimate give-and-take. Tim steps back for Lucy, Lucy steps up for Tim.

"I'm just trying to find a way to keep him from losing his mind." "Is there no other position he can move into?" "No. Everything's at a standstill."

Stripping away the "do they know" question (which I cover in the summary at the end of this Meta), I'm going to just talk about Nyla and Lucy watching out for Tim.

Lucy intervening on Tim's behalf is not surprising. She stood up for him against the Sergeant who wasn't taking the fender-bender case seriously. She recorded multiple books-on-tape for him so he could study for the Sergeant's exam. Heck, she helped renovate his home while he was dating Discount Barbie.

So, Lucy stepping up for Tim would never be what raised red flags on their relationship status change. Yes, I expected someone to comment on Tim being "punished" or something if they weren't aware of the relationship, but since they didn't, we work with what we've got.

And what we've got is everyone aware that Tim's in a job he hates and wants out of.

"Alright, well, then you're going to have to shake things up… create an opening... It means you've gotta get creative. Find a weak link and start a 5-player trade." "Say more."

"Say more" cracks me up. It's so smooth and welcoming.

Girlfriend is finally seeing an angle for her "find Tim a new job" plan. It reminds me of her telling him, once, that he's the king of coming at problems from a sideways angle. Looks like the student really has become the master!

"Metro would be a good fit for Tim... I mean, Hicks might be up for a transfer, a bit more family time... if he left Metro, Tim could take his spot."

The one part I skipped over here is the part that I think would be an interesting test for Tim and Lucy—can they navigate the brutal hours?

I tried to look up the LA Metro to get a little more intel (yes, I'm that Meta writer), but information's sparse online in terms of actual timelines for the teams and shifts. There's likely good reason for it ("Hey, coppers! When will you be off the streets so we can pilfer some golden duckets?"), but I had to check. It's the journalist in me.

It's not like we've never seen Metro before on this show. I was watching an episode the other day where they radio'd to call in Metro and we saw a bunch of folks we didn't know in tactical vests show up. They'll find ways to tie Tim in, I'm sure, but I'll be curious to see if/how it affects Tim and Lucy's relationship.

"What could go wrong?" "A lot for both you and Tim. If Sergeants feel like they're being manipulated, they will never trust you again. And they talk. So the next time you need a favor, and you will, the answer will be no. Forever. So, tread lightly."

Will there be any consequences for all this? I've seen the speculation, but I think all this warning did was encourage Lucy to be crafty. See Exhibit A below.

"Uh, listen, my roommate is an excellent babysitter and she's always looking for work if you ever need someone."

Never underestimate the power of childcare. Especially for parents of multiples. I only had twins, and I can still imagine the chaos of that poor man's house and life. It's a gift, yes, but I wouldn't wish twins on my worst enemy.

Every time I see a character on a show having multiples, I wonder who in the Writer's Room hated them, because it's a tough, tough road. I love my boys forever and ever. But it's a unique challenge raising multiples.

And Hicks is intrigued. Because finding people to watch multiples can be a nightmare, too. Trust me. I've been there and tried all the sites before I finally gave up on Brick-and-Mortar and started working for myself.

The Gang's All Here

This was my second favorite scene of the entire episode. I love the Found Family trope. I love that there is this core of people who have decided to not only work together, but to do life together.

I don't have that through any of my brick-and-mortar jobs (mostly back-stabbers and high drama, there), but I do have it from University. 20 years with the best friends in the world. So, I see these scenes and I see my own Found Family reflected there.

As each group files in (and someone over on Twitter noted quite brilliantly how each door opening coincides with a different method of announcement—knocking, ringing, walking right in), it's adding the layers to the scene. It's not convoluted or complicated or cachophonic. It's harmonious.

You can see how all these very different people work together, compliment one another, and fit together into a jigsaw puzzle of friendship.

And to know that Tim's friends band together to come to his aid means so much. But I hate that he doesn't know.

I understand the subterfuge of doing something great for someone you love—orchestrating a great something. My husband did it for me through a four-hour scavenger hunt marriage proposal that took me through several cities before arriving in the theater where we met. He had production meetings for that proposal.

So, I'm not frustrated at the fact that Lucy did this without taking credit for it. I've done things in secret for my loveyby and him for me.

However, I wish Tim knew how much he was loved. I don't think he fully comprehends that yet, and since this wasn't used as an opportunity to demonstrate that to him, I'm hoping that'll come down the line.

Look, when you grow up thinking you're unlovable, it's powerful when your friends come through for you.

My husband and I had to get a new fridge a few months back. Old one died. But we couldn't afford to go through a box store, so we went Outlet and had to transport it ourselves. One friend fractured a finger. Four others worked together to dismantle and reassemble it to get it into the house. It took 2 hours. They had come over for Matthew's birthday party and instead we moved a fridge.

And not one person complained. We all laughed. We took hilarious photos. We had an amazing time. Because, finally, we have people in our lives who love us without condition.

Tim has that, too, but I sometimes think he doesn't fully understand it. I do wish he knew how much they love him and how they all came together to help him as an act of love.

And if he doesn't find out about this, I do hope there's still a time down the line when Tim Bradford will fully realize how much his Found Family loves him.

"Oh, you look surprised. Wait, weren't you on the group text?"

I'm DYING. DYING that they have a group chat and somehow Nolan still missed it. I know he said that he unplugs when he gets home (which is a great thing to do, but I don't know if he'll continue to move up the ranks without being more easy-to-reach). But it really made me cackle.

And I have to say that the choice to put the post-its on the windows so they could shoot through was really genius. My favorite logistical decision of the episode. Credit to the writer, director, set designer, or whoever said, "This is the way".

But Tim's reaction to Nolan throwing up his arm to block his way cracked me up. Like, Eric Winter's physicality as Tim never fails to amuse and amaze.

And Lucy's "where the hell do I put these things!?" face had me rolling. Melissa O'Neil has had a lot of room for humor these past few episodes, and it's fun to see her show off her chops.

"Is that Lucy's car?"

Yes, Tim. And Wesley's, James'. It's a party! But, of course, the only one he cares about belongs to his love.

And how on-brand is it for Tim that he doesn't care about the air conditioning ("air conditioning makes you soft") but he was all about getting to watch the game? I cackled.

Tim clocks Lucy across the room and Angela clocks their interaction, casting knowing glances towards Bailey and Nyla. Hermana, never change. That choice was all Alyssa Diaz and I love it.

"You okay?" "Yeah. Couldn't be better."

It's not a lie! But, she certainly has a lot on her mind, and as soon as he walks into the room, Tim's forgotten the game. He's focused solely on her.

Smitty and Lucy

This is a tiny detail I spotted as Lucy walks into the room, but it made me laugh. The sign on the door has been switched to "occupied" but the door is wide open. Did Smitty set it to occupied but forget to close the door? Did someone else switch the sign to warn of Smitty? The possibilities are hilarious!

And Lucy Chen loves Tim Bradford so much that she's willing to make a blind deal with Smitty, of all people. And does Smitty know about Lucy and Tim? Is he writing fanfiction of the two of them at his desk instead of working?

"Nothing weird." "Nothing weird. I promise."

Because with Smitty, you have to clarify. Still, she's braver than I am to make this deal with zero idea what he'll demand in return for this favor.

"Deal."

Taking your husband's words? I stan a couple who are so in love they pick up on one another's phrasing. I can think of two recent examples of Tim ending a conversation with "Deal" from my re-viewings. With Genny at their family house, and with Lucy when she told him to ask her out, again, after she dumped Dead-Weight-Chris.

So, Lucy's subconsciously picking up on Tim's words, and that cracks me up.

My husband picks up on my phrasing, but it's more obvious because I make up things. Like when our twins were tiny and complaining about random things, I'd call them "Complainababy" and if they were congested they were "Conjestababy". Yes, I understand normal people don't do that. I embrace who I am.

And watch how she flexes her hands as soon as she leaves the room to rid herself of the awful feeling of making a deal with the Smitty. Sorry, Lucy, but there won't be enough hand sanitizer in the world to save you from what he has planned for you.

"Hey." "Hey." "I just heard Lauren Fuji is retiring." "Really? That's surprising."

I have thoughts about this that are at the bottom of the episode notes, so skip there if you want my honest thoughts on this right away. Or you can keep reading the Meta and we'll get to that later.

"Don't you get it? It means there's an opening in Metro. Well, at least there was."

This is the first information to Lucy that's new, and she cocks her head at it. Because it is completely plausible that someone else swooped in and took the position she tried so hard to hand-carve for Tim. And that would suck, but it can totally happen.

And I love the way Tim (via Eric Winter) is punctuating his words, here. Tim is pumped up and excited, and it's so beautiful to see. He has been through so much heartache throughout the run of this show. We've seen Tim Bradford at his lowest.

But now we get to see him on the way up in a big way.

"Lieutenant Pine just called me 15 minutes ago, and I'm going over."

Timothy Bradford, you are gushing with excitement as you talk to your woman. I love how he leans forward toward her, like a kid with a secret that they can't help but share on the playground.

"That's great! Congratulations."

Lucy gives him a chest tap because she is truly excited for her man. I'm a tapper, myself, with my husband. So I think it's cute we share that, me and my fictional bestie.

But, she's also looking around the station to see if anyone noticed.

"Thanks. Grey gave me rock star review." "Well, he should. You're amazing."

Lucy's heart eyes and Tim's smile are sending me. He is smiling with all his teeth and every beautiful laugh line is alight with pure joy.

I'm also strangely excited to learn that Eric Winter's nose wrinkles like mine when he smiles big, sometimes, and that's so oddly comforting. My Eldest's nose does the same thing.

And how telling is it that we've had 5 years of watching Tim Bradford before I knew this little fact about his smile because we have never seen him smile like this before?

"I'm excited." *giggle* "I'm excited!"

There is something so sweet about excitement being such a foreign emotion to Tim that he has to verbalize it. Like it's bubbling out of him at a rate he can't control because he isn't accustomed to joy.

The last time he was happy, he was working the beat and was married to Isabelle. But, I argue, this is joy, not happiness bred of happenstance. Tim Bradford is bubbling with joy.

Professionally, his greatest fear has been advancing to the point that he's trapped at a desk. Tim likes to be on the streets, in the middle of the action, making things happen. Sitting might be great for Smitty, but not for Tim.

He took that hit for the love of Lucy. Now, everything in this episode implies that this was a waystation situation, where Tim was waiting for an opening to make a move. Grey tells him to "hang in there" and Nyla seems completely aware that they're waiting for something to open up to move him over.

His main goal in taking this desk job was to keep Lucy at Mid-Wilshire. The icing on the cake was that they got to see each other every day and didn't have to deal with syncing shifts.

Lucy knew before Tim took the job that he'd be positively miserable. The staging literally has him in a corner with his back to Roll Call, his back to the action, his back to what he loves.

Now, he's moving up to Metro, and it's definitely movement forward in his career, gets him back out on the streets, and keeps his relationship with Lucy from crossing any lines that might warrant an IA investigation.

The Tim Bradford we met in the Pilot was a man whose life was on pause. He was in a holding pattern with his job, with his wife, with his sense of self. Lucy entered his life, and it's like someone pressed "Play", again.

And it wasn't even romantic, at the beginning. Lucy is just this ball of light that stepped into his world. At first, it was blinding to him and he bit back at her as much as she snapped at him. But as she refined her glow, he softened his gaze, and they somehow met in the middle when the time was right.

Tim Bradford today is a man who has faced his trauma with his father head-on. Is there still healing to do? Hell, yeah. But he's on his way, now, instead of repressing and avoiding. He's working on his relationship with his little sister.

He's trying to be a complete human being—not only running from the image of his father, but embracing all the best parts of himself and owning them as his own unique identity.

Tim Bradford is closer to himself than he's been in a long time. Peeling back the layers of anguish, trauma, heartache, and abuse... it's taken time. And Lucy's been there for so much of it. For her to be the love of his life? Only fate (and the writers) could weave the tapestry so aptly.

Tim is excited. He has something to look forward to every day in his job. He has something to look forward to every night with the woman he loves. He's no longer looking back. For the first time in his life, Tim can truly look forward with excitement.

And Lucy's giggle!? I love her giggle. I doubt she's ever seen Tim this giddy and it made her giggle. And, yes, we know that she made that happen.

And, let me tell you, it's fun when you can make something happen for the person that you love. Puts a special warmth in your chest the bubbles out, sometimes.

"Let's go to dinner tonight and celebrate."

The cadence here reminds me of Tim telling Angela to proudly show off her baby belly while wedding dress shopping. It's a type of abandon we've heard in Tim's voice only when directed at other people and never at himself.

Tim wants to celebrate this amazing achievement. He wants to celebrate something amazing that happened to him. Before, he wasn't that jazzed about his award, except for how it could help with his forward momentum. Jackson built a shelf for his (with Nolan's help), and Tim probably has his in the back of his closet.

But Tim was excited about making Sergeant (remember his pride hanging up his new uniform before he opened his locker to see the booties?) and he's proud of this. But, it's amplified because Tim Bradford's life is finally coming together.

Career. Love. Found Family (even if he doesn't yet realize it). Sibling Relationship. Finances (he and Genny made bank on that house sale in the LA Real Estate Market). Tim's life is coming up Roses.

"Do you need any help?"

I have seen a few people disappointed that Tim didn't show up to help her at the end, but he asked her if she needed him and she said she had to do it alone.

He's not going to go against her wishes because he has learned to trust her and her judgment. He knows that if she truly needs him, she will ask. Lucy's far past not asking Tim for what she needs.

He talked out Emmett with her once he understood that's what she needed. He gave her a hug after Jackson's death.

"But tomorrow it is a date. We are gonna celebrate you. Congratulations. They're really lucky to have you." "Thank you."

Tim can't help himself. He reaches for her left hand with his right. He wants to touch her. He wants to be closer to her. Because he has never been this happy.

Lucy giggles as he briefly holds her hand before she separates herself. But, I swear, that man looked like he wanted to kiss her right then and there.

"Good Job!"

She taps his arm, again, as he goes. And, wow, I can't remember seeing Tim smile this much with teeth ever. He's beaming as he watches her go, his eyes trailing after her until the last second he can no longer see her.

He nods to himself. "Yup. That's the woman I'm going to marry." Not right this moment, obviously, because we're all enjoying the ride and there's no rush. But, someday. And he knows it.

I've seen folks worried about his face falling, but I think we're simply unaccustomed to seeing Tim's face resolve to neutral after a big smile. Something about his face threw me back to 5x02, so I went back and looked. And, yup, tears in his eyes, here, too. Tears of joy.

Tim Bradford is joyful, my friends. So full of joy that it's overflowing. And after all the heartache, heartbreak, and pure hell of his life... it makes it all the sweeter.

This man would do anything for her. She would do anything for him. In one another they've found their equal—that one person who meets them where they are in intensity and devotion.

One flame does not overwhelm the other, but they help each other's glow brighter and stronger. When one is dimming, the other provides the light.

This give-and-take is the culmination of years of long nights, early mornings, complex conversations, deep dives, flare ups, cool downs, in-jokes, and trust building. It's fictional, sure, but we're getting to see true love in real-time, and I am so thankful for this ride.

"I'll admit, I've been lax about cleaning it." "How lax?" "Either Clinton or Bush was the president." "Which Bush!?"

I laughed so hard at this line. It cracked me up so bad I didn't even hear the next lines. Of course, I went back and figured it out, but I love Smitty. In small doses, he really does add a bit of levity to the show.

Also, Lucy in a hazmat suit!? The things she does for love.

Because, even though we didn't see Tim and Lucy in a post-coital cuddle-fest, or a shirtless trek through Lucy's kitchen, or even a kiss between these two this week... we're getting to see sacrificial love. Not the kind that gives too much, but the kind that gives-and-takes.

Tim and Lucy are in love (even if they haven't uttered the words, yet). They're demonstrating it through how they treat one another, and it's such a beautiful reminder that relationships are so much more than sex and attraction.

It's about growing together, supporting one another, calling each other on your crap, and finding ways through the hardships of life together.

This is a place where The Rookie really excels. They show couples who work through life together, who love each other even when there is no cozy morning-after because they overslept, or the alarm went off too early, or a dog or kid needs something.

Love is complex and layered, and I love that we're not seeing Tim and Lucy in pound town every week. Like, sure, they're going there, but to see a healthy relationship? That is what both Tim and Lucy have lacked until now.

Tim and Lucy finally have a love that matches their souls. I'm grateful for every morsel of it that we get to see on screen. But just knowing that Tim and Lucy are this unbelievably happy and they're together? That's enough for me.

I used to watch Janeway and Chakotay touch once every 10 episodes and call it a victory. Mulder and Scully danced around each other forever and I was able to cope. So, the scenes we get of Chenford feel like four course meals, and I'm thankful to eat them again, and again, and again. The meals... I mean.

So, what were Rachel's hangups on this one? Lies, Clarity, and Metro. For separate reasons, I got a little stuck on these three.

Lies

I have a big problem with lies, as some readers know. When Lucy and Tim mentioned they promised not to lie to one another and then spent the entire episode lying, it got under my skin.

Now, I'm all for Loving Spousal Surprises. I've given them (my husband's 30th Nerf Battle Surprise Birthday) and received them (4-hr scavenger hunt Engagement).

But hearing the promise at the beginning followed by a whole episode of lying triggered my trauma.

I started writing the Meta and it was too colored by my own experiences. So, I stepped back, deleted everything I wrote, and started fresh with just the bones.

Sometimes, we have to be careful our past prejudices don't ruin our present experiences. At least, that's something I've learned.

Clarity

The ambiguity as to whether the team is in-the-know, oblivious, or pretending-to-be-oblivious regarding Chenford was frustrating. It made it really hard to write because I felt like the cues from the scenes shifted throughout the episode going in multiple directions.

I am not a person who minds that we didn't get a Morning After (plenty of time to see Domestic Chenford), or that we didn't get the DOD Tattoo (it's hers, not theirs), and I wouldn't even mind if we missed seeing everyone find out/announce they know.

From the first scene with Nyla, I thought they were obviously open about their dating. But, then at Nolan's, Angela was giving "knowing" eyes and Tim kept his distance. Then it was over to the final Chenford scene where Lucy and Tim both look guarded about who might be watching.

My take? I figured everyone knew but Chenford thought they didn't. But, that's a far bigger guess than most of my guesses, so I felt uncomfortable writing it. I like to draw from what I see, not try to draw over it. I'm a hapless fan sharing uneducated interpretations, not the writer of the scenes.

So, I tried to avoid talking about it with this Meta since I don't feel like I can yet speak with certainty on the matter.

Metro

"If you ever do consider Metro, give me a call."

If it was this easy, why did Lucy have to go through a thousand hoops? Sure, it was great practice for the inevitable Wedding Place Setting game down the line, but why was this line here if it wasn't an option for Tim?

And why didn't Nolan say anything during the brainstorming session? I know we like to talk about him being clueless, at times, but he's far from idiotic. It might've been pertinent information, or an "in" to help expedite Tim's ascension.

I struggled with the directionality of the scene. Watching it the first time, I was convinced it would feed into the quest to find Tim a new position. If it wasn't there for Tim, was it to show that Nolan isn't where he's supposed to be? Are we setting up for Nolan to pop over with Tim at some point?

And, again, why didn't anyone think to give her a call about Tim, an officer who is far more seasoned and qualified for the position? No shade thrown at Nolan, but that's objectively true, and I couldn't fathom why this scene was structured the way it was if it wasn't going to help Tim. Maybe it's planting the seed for another episode down the line...

EDIT: The amazing @wordgirl40 pointed out in the comments that all the moving pieces on the board were Sergeants, and that hadn't stuck with me when watching the scene. I still think Nolan could have put in a phone call to help with things, but even that tiny clarification makes it easier to follow. Thank you!

Enough of my hangups. Thanks for bearing with me.

I want to draw out one line that I thought was really interesting, considering the "Found Family" angle of the episode.

Grey told Celina, "You have a new family of brothers and sisters. Remember that."

It's true. Big Brother/TO Tim was the one to realize what was bothering Celina and call her out. And how soft was he with her once he assessed the whole situation (no, he's not single, Carla. Ay, dios mio!)?

Big Brother/TO Nolan ran into the building to retrieve Celina. They had her back professionally and personally.

And the team had Tim and Lucy's backs. Like, this really is a beautiful little Found Family.

When Lucy and Tim do get married, if her parents don't show up, Grey can walk her down the aisle. Tamara will be her Maid of Honor and Tim's Best Woman will be Angela, of course. They'll be surrounded by people who love them without criteria or constraints.

Found Family is often stronger than bio family, I've found. And for Tim and Lucy—two people for whom "family" is a bit broken—their Found Family will always be there for them. For Tim. For Lucy. For Chenford. And for the family they'll build together.

Because love is a gift best given freely and with abandon. That is what this ensemble of characters have. At the end of the day, they will never lack in love.

As always, thanks for reading and bearing with me on the delay on this one. It was the most challenging, thus far. But I'm still loving every second of this Chenford ride.

#Chenford #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #Melissa O'Neil #Eric Winter #The Rookie #Meta #Lucy x Tim #Tim x Lucy

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shinybearnerd · 1 year

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“At Dead of Night”

Hi everyone!

This is a little ff for the BBC Sherlock fandom.

It's set a little bit before the events of the third season. So !SPOILER WARNING! if you had not seen it yet.

Honestly, I don't know what it is. I'm tired and I wanted to exorcise my old obsession with this (wonderful) series by writing something.

It was supposed to be longer, with the reader that finds out that Sherlock is alive and that Mycroft lied to them. Let me know if you're interested in that. I'll do a part 2 if that's the case.

Anyway, I hope you like it. Let me know what you think down below!

(no use of y/n - the reader has they/them pronounce)

-Engish is not my first language. So I'm sorry if there are any mistakes-

Pair: Mycroft x reader, a few remainders of Sherlock x reader

Words: 1,5k

Genre: Fluff , a little bit of Angst

Story: Reader and Mycroft finally have some precious time alone. During this, Reader remembers and thinks about the last three years and his relationship with the Holmes brothers. About that, lately, they have the feeling that the oldest might hide something...

Dining with Mycroft is... strange. Beautiful but strange.

No. Strange is not the right word.

Upsetting, perhaps?

Disarming?

Yes. Disarming is the right word.

You were so used to the half dinners that every so often you and Sherlock indulged between one case and another that remaining seated from ordering to withdrawing the last dish destabilized you in a good way. Even if you can't help but think that with Sherlock you would have had more fun. Not that Mycroft was boring. No, it was quite the opposite.

The charm and elegance of that man had always been something that had fascinated and impressed you. It's a characteristic that could also be seen in the younger of the Holmes brothers but stood out in the movements of the older one. Like right now: he had raised his arm slightly, getting the attention of a waiter who immediately ran towards your table. Then he asked if it might be possible to have another bottle of who knows what fine wine he was craving at that moment. And all you can do is smile at him and restrain the urge you had at that moment to jump on him and make love once again. It mattered little to you if everyone saw you.

Mycroft loved to spoil you.

You came to understand it quite soon. When you pointed out that there was no need and that all that attention could embarrass you, he replied that if you wanted the world, he would have brought it to you on a tray of gold.

That statement turned you on more than you care to admit.

Next month will be the third year since you saw him die. Sometimes that horrible, heartbreaking image would come back to visit you during your nightmares. Since you've been dating Mycroft tho, things started to change.

Having someone take care of you, and granting any kind of wish was incredibly pleasant.

Not that Sherlock didn't care about what you needed. He had his way of dealing with this kind of thing. And, even late at times, your needs were met.

He was a lovable and, more than his pride would admit, forgetful idiot. Your lovable and forgetful idiot.

He has been your rock in difficult times. He was your confidant. A person you could talk to. Over time he too has opened up to your presence and you have discovered a side of Mycroft that you would not even have imagined before.

Then things started to change. And perhaps for the best.

Between one evening together and another, a kiss escaped. Then a date. And after even more time, a night of love at the man's house. The first time after Sherlock's death.

You felt awful. Disgusting.

You hated yourself because you felt like you cheated on Sherlock by sleeping with his brother. With his enemy.

In all this, however, Mycroft was always understanding. He didn't push you into doing anything. He always listened and asked if you were comfortable doing anything.

He was able to make you feel alive and loved once again. Which you didn't think was possible. Spending time with him was magical and incredibly peaceful. Maybe more than you wanted, but you need calm and serenity in your life. So everything was perfect.

Except for one thing. You had the sensation that he was hiding something from you.

As the waiter walked away from your table, Mycroft noticed your gaze on him. He smiled too, taking your hands and leaving a kiss on your skin.

<<Are you enjoying yourself, my dear?>>

That nickname always managed to make you blush like a teenager.

<<Very.>>

His smile widened. <<I'm happy.>>

He had a strange look in his eyes. Like someone who has a cross to bear.

It's not the first time you've noticed such a look. In these three years, you have noticed it several times. Particularly when he thought you were not watching him.

<<Hard day at work?>> You ask him.

He looks down at your hands and strokes them with his thumb. <<No more than others.>>

<<Something wrong? I see you a little tense, love.>>

<<I'm fine. Don't worry.>>

<<Is there anything I can do to help you?>> You ask with a hint of maliciousness in your voice.

You give up, even if momentarily.

Mycroft could be stubborn if he wanted to and you're sure if you insisted you wouldn't get anything out of it. Might as well wait for the moment when he wants to talk.

But you know that something was up.

Mycroft's smile went from adoring to mischievous in fractions of seconds. He was about to say something when he was interrupted by two waiters. One who served you dessert and another who opened the requested bottle and poured it.

<<What are we toasting to?>> You ask, taking your glass.

<<To the beautiful person in front of me.>>

You blush hard while smiling. <<Stop it! You know it bothers me!>>

He chuckles and clinks both glasses together. <<To you, my love.>>

<<You know what? I don't want to do anything more for you. Keep your secrets.>>

He looked at you with a beaten puppy gaze as he lowered his wine glass and opened his jacket to reach for his cell phone in the inside pocket. You see him getting white as a ghost as soon as his eyes rest on the name that appears on the screen.

Mycroft opens his mouth to tell you that your beauty was meant to be celebrated every second, when he is interrupted by his cell phone ringing.

You were annoyed that someone was interrupting you, but you know very well that Mycroft can't help it.

<<I'm sorry, my dear.>>

He gets up, kisses you and walks towards the exit.

You can see him through one of the vertical windows on either side of the hall. He's tense. Very tense.

He walks slowly up and down the street. He is listening to someone, trying to assess the situation. Suddenly his head snaps up. You can't see his face because of the distance, but you know that it's no good and that Mycroft must leave as soon as possible.

You thank the waiter by leaving a generous tip and get up, walking towards the lobby.

You call the waiter with a wave of your hand, asking for the bill and if it were possible to pack the two desserts to take them away.

In a few minutes, he fixed everything.

<<Are you going away, miss?>>

<<I'm afraid so.>>

<<Okay. Wait here while I get your coats, please.>>

As the woman walks away, you can get a better look at your boyfriend.

His back is straight and tense. The expression is always cold and detached but the movement of his lips makes you understand that he is furious.

You are very concerned about this situation. You’ve never seen him so upset.

The receptionist's voice wakes you from your thoughts.

She moves behind you and helps you put on your coat.

<<Thank you.>>

<<You’re welcome, miss. Here. This is your husband's.>> She smiles as she hands you Mycroft's coat.

<<He’s- ...Thank you. Good evening.>>

Husband...

You’ve never thought about that

As the woman opens the door to let you out you find yourself looking at your left ring finger. Smiling at the idea.

How can't you? Mycroft was perfect.

As soon as you finish the sentence, Mycroft feels weird. He doesn't know what that depends on. He just can't help but smile.

<<Yes, I'll be right there.>>

Your boyfriend has just ended the call when he notices your presence.

<> You tell him as you hand him both the jacket and the box containing the desserts. <<And these are both yours. From how tense I see you, I know you deserve them all.>>

<>

You both are surprised and stare blanc at each other.

It's the first time either of them has said the l-word.

A taxi appeared, parking in front of you. You share another kiss before the eldest Holmes opens the door for you, and then closes it behind you.

You smile at him. Hug him to you and kiss him. <>

He melts under your touch.

<>

<> You reply mischievously.

Mycroft chuckles. <<That's not what I meant ... Or at least in part.

<>

<>

<<I'll make it up to you.>>

<> You stated as you caress his face. <<Can we talk later?>>

<<Of course. Call me when you arrive.>>

<<The same goes for you too, Mister.>>

You think for a long time about that "I'll make it up to you". He had an odd tone. As if he was hiding something.

He smiles at you, kisses you one more time and gives directions to the taxi driver.

As soon as the taxi starts you realize that his car has arrived, but Mycroft doesn't get on it. He waits for you to leave, waving at you from a distance. You blow him a kiss and sit up composed.

You suppress a yawn in your throat and blame it all on tiredness and your overthinking. Mycroft has always told you everything. Sure he would not hide something from you... right?

#mycroft #mycroft holmes #mycroft holmes x reader #mycroft holmes x you #mycroft holmes fluff #mycroft holmes angst #bbc sherlock #sherlock #sherlock holmes #sherlock holmes x reader #sherlock holmes x you #bbc sherlock imagine #bbc sherlock fanfiction #bbc sherlock x reader #bbc sherlock x you #bbc sherlock fic #fanfiction #ff

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rudikawhy · 8 months

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Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season Two

While watching season two, I took some notes of my thoughts. I only started on S02 E09 so before that there isn't too much.

Sorry, this is going to be mostly Fitzsimmons but you can't really blame me, because it's THEM

But first, two last things for season one "I couldn't live if you didn’t" "Well, I feel the same way. There has to be another way." "You're taking it" "Why would you make me do this? You're my best friend in the world!" "Yeah, you're more than that, Jemma" seems to now live in my head

Also the desperation and intensity in Jemma's voice, while Fitz's is so calm and kinda trembling, but both are absolutely heartbreaking in their own ways

But now to season two:

Fitz having trouble with words is both absolutely adorable and heartbreaking

Bobbi reminded me at first of the person (?) from Asgard who helped them get Lorelei

I am curious why Hunter says that his ex-wife was so horrible because so far, I love Bobbi

I just can't shut up about Fitz. But no-one I know in real life would know what the hell I'm talking about, so I just think about him and write about him

(S02 E03) When Jemma wakes up by the sound of her alarm and the song started playing, I thought "Hold on, I know that song", and yes, I love "God help the Girl"

Also it's kinda ironic because it says "God help the Girl, she needs all the help she can get" just as she steps into the lift which brings her to her work at Hydra

(S02 E04) Hunter: "Guys, drop everything!" Fitz: "No, this is worth a fortune. I'm not gonna drop it."

(S02 E07) "Would anyone like to leave before we get started" I would have raised my hand too

(S02 E09) Mack: "A Storm's coming" - Fitz: "No, weather's fine, actually. There's not a cloud in the sky. I checked."

[Jemma knocks on table] "That's not wood, is it?"

Why is literally any conversation Fitzsimmons have killing me? The "I can work for you, I just can't work with you"? I beg your pardon? How am I supposed to accept that?

"Come home, Jemma" (S02 E11) HQ's their home :D

Fitz's hands trembling :(

(S02 E12) This moment when you recognize the face of the woman that came from the ocean but can't recall WHO it is (Lady Sif)

Fitz seems so left out when Jemma tells him about them changing the ICER

Why is Jemma saying "Sir, the boys were right" so funny to me?

Nooo, Coulson said "Fitz and Simmons", they're no longer one and the same

I mean I agree that it wasn't right that Fitz lied to the rest of the team about Skye but please, can Fitzsimmons just be at least friends and work together

(S02 E14) Jemma: "Oh, Fitz!"; Fitz: "Well, don't 'Oh, Fitz' me!" - I kinda waited for him to say that

I am so confused by this whole "real S.H.I.E.L.D."

"No, it's not that. You're afraid 'cause of what happened to me and Skye, how we both changed. But you know what the scariest change is, Jemma? It's you." You know what? At this point maybe I don't want them to talk at all anymore, if every time they do, I just sit there and think "Why are you doing this to each other?"😭

(S02 E15) "I told you, Leo,[...]" Okay, Jemma, this doesn't feel right, calling him by his first name, I regret asking in the first place

I am REALLY confused by the real S.H.I.E.L.D.

I'm glad that even Fitz puts the USB in the wrong way at first

Did Fitzsimmons finally make up when sitting on the ground by the table when "real S.H.I.E.L.D" attacked?

(S02 E16) Don't do this to me, Jemma, don't say you want Fitz off the plane!

Don't leave Jemma alone, Fitz!

Okay, I've changed my mind. Apparently there was a plan behind Fitz leaving that I didn't catch. ("Nice work, Jemma")

Also: Proscuitto + Mozzarella, Be Safe! Love, Jemma 🥲 - The world's most dangerous sandwich is back

I know it's actually a bit late but I have honestly no idea what S.O. means (I suppose it doesn't mean Significant Other) (Rewatching parts of season one reminded me - Supervising Officer)

I really want to like Bobbi (and I still do) but I am afraid I won't much longer

(S02 E17) I kinda like Lincoln

Skye telling the story about not being anywhere longer than two years despite being 25 (or actually 26) actually brought me to tears

Okay, THAT I didn't expect. That this was Skye's mother

"The Girl. I couldn't save her" I didn't know May could make me cry

I thought that when Fitz was in that public bathroom with Coulson's cube (I forgot the name) that Ward was outside knocking and I already saw Fitz getting captured

(S02 E18) That was quite a run, Fitz, I would have been fallen down at least five times (not to mention my lack of stamina), three times alone on the stairs (I know that others have run more and under different circumstances but still)

I feel for Fitz, rocking his leg, I totally understand

Don't you dare, Ward, talking to Fitz!!

Grateful for Coulson's and Hunter's quick reaction

(S02 E19) Was it worth it, Ward? Betraying S.H.I.E.L.D. for leaving Hydra again like half a season later?

I'm glad Fitzsimmons finally talk to each other again like normal people

"Mistakes were made..." - "By you" "...and people got hurt..." - "By you"

No, I'm not okay. "Be careful, Jemma"😭

"So, how does this work? You just click your heals together and whisper, "There's no place like home"?" Is this a S.H.I.E.L.D. director thing? Quoting The Wizard of Oz?

One moment I really like Skye's mother and ten seconds later I can't stand her

(S02 E21) this whole show is confusing me. Who's on whose side?

Now Gordon too!?

Leave Bobbi alone!!!!

I'm not sure if I like Lincoln anymore

(S02 E22) Nooo, Bobbi!

That's what you've got, Ward! Now your girlfriend's dead

"There's nothing to discuss, Jemma" - "Maybe there is"😢😢 I can't with them

"Science, biatch" I actually squeak-laughed

"We're not bad, we're misled" Aaaaand I like Lincoln again

I need someone asking me out the way Fitz did, asap

I mean I knew what was about to happen to Jemma (I saw a GIF somewhere) but fuck, with sound and context it hurts SO MUCH MORE

Okay, that was it with season two. I know I need to step down a little bit with how many episodes I watch daily (because season two has only been six days), but no matter how much I know that, I just can't stop. But enough with this talk.

It was fun doing this, I think I'll do it again with season three.

#agents of shield #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#season two #phil coulson #melinda may #skye #daisy johnson #grant ward #leo fitz #jemma simmons #fitzsimmons #lance hunter #bobbi morse #i just realized that I didn't write anything about Trip's death #don't know why not

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tintagel-or-cockleshells · 7 months

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20 Qs for ficcers

I have been tagged by a smorgasbord of wonderful people - @celaestis1, @cha-melodius, @kiwiana-writes and @welcometololaland. One of them even sent me flowers (thanks @clottedcreamfudge, you are a constant delight).

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

101,280 - not too shabby, I like that it's a round number.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Red, White & Royal Blue, The Thrilling Adventure Hour, Tamora Pierce, *cough* Angels Unlimited...

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Just Like a Dealer (which I am HESITANT about including because, once again, I only wrote the first paragraph)

Henry Fox: All-American Hero

Red, White and Royal Ballet

Alien Magic

Stringbean

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

No! I very rarely respond to comments. Right now, it's because I don't have time, but it's also because every comment will be 'aaaah thank you <3' and that feels like artificially inflating my comment count sometimes. Having said that, if people have questions, I tend to answer them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It was gonna be Ghosted before @clottedcreamfudge talked me out of it. Maybe When a Dancer Dies, because the 'happy ending' is massively open to interpretation.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Either Henry Fox: All-American Hero or Red, White and Royal Ballet. I mean, I'm writing for a novel with a strong romantic element - it's unusual NOT to write happy endings.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't yet, but hey! I probably will! And when that happens I will specifically write them into my next fics and make them suffer horrible fates!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have written explicit stuff before, but not yet for RWRB. However, @dumbpeachjuice left a comment on All-American Hero that has me considering an expansion/missing scene in that world.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

The only crossover I have is Alien Magic, which is two worlds by the same author, Tamora Pierce, and me crossing over characters from one into the universe of the other, but they're aware that the other world exists, it's just on the other side of the globe from them.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, I don't know about it! Doubtful, though.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I did receive my first comment in Spanish yesterday which made me very happy.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

YES and I have also co-written a book with my BFF.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Fun fact: my fiance and I almost had 'fictional couples' as the theme for our wedding tables but abandoned it because two bridesmaids (u know who u are) would have wanted to sit at different tables.

Top three: Frank and Sadie Doyle, Mel Beeby and Brice de Winter (thoroughly not canon) and, of course, Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor and Alex Claremont-Diaz.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Henry as a contestant on a pottery show, Alex as the kiln assistant who became a much bigger part in season 2 and has a lot to say.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Punctuality. Does that count? Errr, okay, I can write a banger of a sentence now and then and I'm good at description.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Em-dashes, and trying to be funny. The funniness comes in when I'm not trying too hard.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It's difficult and I haven't done it yet! I'm learning Swedish (445 days in a row so far) and what gets me is sentence structure. Sometimes it's structured like English, sometimes it's structured like Early Modern English, sometimes the structure is specifically foreign and I fuck it up. However, I really liked what Junot Diaz did in Oscar Wao, which is not italicising words in other languages because that's not how the character thinks.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The very very very first fanfic published somewhere was LoTR. It was about the Entwives and it was dull.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Ghosted. Or Cold Cases, Lost Causes. Sometimes you want to chew on some PLOT, and Ghosted deals with death, and Cold Cases deals with the ethics of podcasts covering true crime. I can't wait to release the last 3 chapters because I'm proud of how I've ended it!

Tagging -- ah shit, it seems that everyone has been tagged. Okay, if you want to do this, do it and say I tagged you. I love you all!

#i am gonna lie down now #THANK YOU FOR TAGS #josefin

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on-till-morning · 9 months

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The Final 15 Min: You’re a dark horse Mr Fell

Or: Azirawhy?

I’ve spent the better part of this weekend in bed with my cat, drinking cocoa, rewatching scenes from GO and reading and writing thousands of words of s2 meta, so first of all, thank you again Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaimon and this incredible fandom - you’re all geniuses and as a result I am literally living the dream. Secondly, after writing and rewriting my own extremely long meta a dozen times I’ve decided instead to link to the other metas that have essentially already said everything I wanted to say and condense my comments beneath them. I’ve also added my theories for season 3 based on my analysis of s2. However, despite my best intentions and having just using the word ‘condensed’ this turned out to be pretty long anyway, so you can find all this and more under the jump below.

My favorite possible explanations for the ending:

1) Aziraphale is lying to protect Crowley

I first found this theory here and here

And then it’s brilliantly explained with great attention to detail here. This piece includes SO many details that I had missed from the convo, referencing back to scenes from s1 as well as 2. Hats off and round of applause to this author. Just, wow.

I love this theory so much and a part of me wants it desperately to be canon - it explains away all of Azirphale’s foot-in-mouth shortcomings and cringey to downright horrifying wtf moments from the final scene, but after watching the final scenes 26495362893 times I’m landing more on the side that:

2) Az is being expertly manipulated by Metatron, and these shortcomings are all of his character flaws coming up and out in one horrible regurgitatation.

Extremely detailed and thorough multi piece meta going into exactly how Metatron is manipulating him and why it works here.

Briefer but also clear and thorough single post essay here.

3) Or some combination of the two.

Again, having watched this countless times I just do not buy that every single think Az says in the final scene is part of a master plan to deliberately break up with Crowley, but I do think

He’s as scared as he’s relieved/excited

And I don’t know if he’s actually relieved/excited but he’s definitely confused, surprised and increasingly panicked when Crowley insults him, turns down the offer and leaves, which is part of why I don’t think it’s entirely option #1

He is trying to stop the love confession or at least delay it for another time when Metatron is not standing right outside the door (hold that thought!)

And finally there are some lines that just don’t make sense, even from the angel who we’ve heard spout all kinds of nonsense about how “I am good and you are, unfortunately, evil.” Yes, I might buy that he might still think heaven is ultimately good and “the side of light” that’s just been run very poorly by “bad angels” who aren’t as good as Aziraphale at knowing what god really wants in the situation (as he tells himself in the Job episode). But “I’ll run it and you can be my second in command.”???? A blank stare at “if heaven ends life on earth it’ll be just as dead as if he’ll ended it”??? However, this brings me too…

The character arc we didn’t see

I love this post about expectations as a fandom and what we’re actually shown versus what we as ravenous shippers want and expect to see and couldn’t agree more.

What were we actually shown about Aziraphale and where he’s at with his repression and denial? Right in episode 1 Jim says “You know what it’s like when you don’t know anything at all and yet you’re totally certain that everything would be better if you were near one particular person?” and Aziraphale panics, jumps upright and begins backing away frantically while saying “NO. I have no idea what that feels like. What makes you say that?”

We haven’t seen Aziraphale have his come to Jesus moment yet (pun intended) in season 2. While we get to see Crowley hit over the head with the ‘holy shit this is romantic love’ anvil, Aziraphale has a different realization coming and we’ve already been told what it will be.

It’s not “they look at each other and realize they were made for each other.”

It’s “they realize they had misunderstood each other.”

I think in many ways Aziraphale is already unconsciously acting like they are a couple, possibly more so than Crowley, but we don’t see him acknowledge his feelings out loud. We see his evolution through the 3 mini episodes to go from everything is black and white to life and Crowley and even himself are made up of shades of gray, but apparently that wasn’t enough to finally seal the deal for his ultimate “realize they had misunderstood each other” moment, otherwise the season wouldn’t have ended the way it did. Despite how far he’s come he hasn’t fully yet come to terms with his deeply rooted belief that demons=bad or mostly bad and angels=good or at least better than demons. I think that those beliefs showed their face in the worst possible way during that final argument, and that’s part of why Crowley was such a hard no to the whole situation. It’s not just a no to going back to heaven as an angel, it’s also ‘I can’t believe you still think that way about me.’

I don’t, however, think Metatron knew things would go that deep. I don’t think he knows either of them very well at all, but he knows Crowley would never go back to being an angel and he felt confident enough to manipulate Aziraphale (once on his own) into proposing just that and then he pushed them together before Aziraphale could process anything and stood back and let the explosion happen.

There are a couple very well written posts already out there about how the problem is not so much miscommunication as it is fundamentally not agreeing, how deep down Aziraphale doesn’t like that Crowley is a demon and still thinks of him as the angel he was, and how Crowley twisted the knife in Aziraphale’s insecurities that I think all add up to spell out this story really well. To this I’ll add, I think they both condescend and in ways look down on each other. While still being very much in love. I want to keep this short so I’ll try to stick to one example: in the Job episode Crowley said “you’re an angel, you can’t be tempted” while obviously tempting him (“you’re an angel, I don’t think you can do the wrong thing”) which is gentle but also mocking, because Crowley is literally tempting him in that moment. Then there’s times when he’s less gentle (“how could someone so clever be so stupid?”). From Aziraphale we have endless examples of his “holier than thou” attitude. Yes I think some of it is part of their coded-spy-talk but when you say and behave a certain way for years let alone eons even if some part of you knows you’re joking it becomes real.

To sum up - in season 2 we got our realization that they were made for each other from Crowley for sure and maybe from Aziraphale - I mean, those were a LOT of heart eyes in the bookshop before Metatron arrived and the whole grabbing his arm thing when B talks about finding something better than choosing sides. But the realizing they’ve misunderstood each other is what we’ve been set up for in season 3 and I think the misunderstanding is on both sides.

Final thoughts:

The coffee or death metaphor as literal - YES. Both in the first time we see it where Michael is threatening death and Metatron arrives to offer coffee, and secondly when Aziraphale asks “where would I get my coffee” (I.e. not die) and Metatron answers by not answering and saying instead (summarized) “we know you’ve partnered with Crowley, come to heaven and he can be an angel again and you can work together - that’s where you’ll get your “coffee” (as opposed to the (false) other option which is death).

I don’t feel like enough’s been said about the final scene with Metatron in the elevator. His whole body sighs as if in relief and he gives Aziraphale A Look.

This whole body sigh sigh says to me “thank fuck I finally got this gd angel in the gd elevator” and the final look over at him seems to have a taste of “what trouble is this idiot going to cause me next?”

Oh Metatron, you have no idea 😈. Because Aziraphale is definitely planning something, from the second he heard the phrase “second coming.” We already know he would stop Armageddon alone if he has too.

Because it’s all about protecting for Aziraphale. Did anyone else think it was odd that Aziraphale, who was soooo keen and literally bouncing up and down with joy at having The Mystery of Jim/Gabriel to solve, suddenly switched to dropping the mystery entirely and it never comes up again? Then on one of my many rewatches I realized Aziraphale was 100% in detective mode until Shax casually mentions that Crowley is risking destruction for him, which is the first Aziraphale has heard of Crowley being in trouble. Michael Sheen gives us the eyebrow raise of infamy and seems pretty cool, calm and collected about it but Aziraphale then lies to Crowley about anything strange happening and goes on to then frantically plan the greatest shopkeepers and trade association monthly meeting of all time and never questions Gabriel about who else he was at the bar with and never mentions The New Clue again. He drops solving the mystery entirely and throws himself into the ball. Because he wants to dance with Crowley?!?!! 😍🥹🥰 Maybe. But if Nina and Maggie get together then heavens suspicions are allayed, and Aziraphale has just learned that Crowey’s entire existence is in danger. He can’t protect him from hell but he can try to get Maggie and Nina together and protect him from heaven. That doesn’t happen but what happens instead? THE Voice of god herself, the top of the bureaucracy, shows up and offers Aziraphale the very protection for Crowley that he just tried to Jane Austin into existence?! Regardless of whether he fully believed Metatron, partially believed, or is 100% playing him for a sucker, he believes going along with Metatron will protect Crowley as well as “make a difference.” Which one is the main goal and which the happy side effect? Is there a difference? Does Aziraphale have any conscious awareness over what he’s doing? I have no explanation for the bitter “I forgive you” and have not yet read a theory that resonates.

#I cannot write a short post about these two #but why would I want to?#when the subject matter is so rich #thanks again #neil gaimon #good omens fandom #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens meta #good omens theories #good omens season 3 #good omens s3 predictions #Metatron is the worst #ineffable fandom #ineffable husbands #arizacrow #aziraphale #Crowley

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hunterarden · 2 months

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Another comment from The Witcher fandom which I’ve seen here that I dislike is people snarking about how the show abandoned Geralt’s autistic representation. Some said in season two and others said season three? I get the person posting may be autistic, but FYI even autistic people, certainly those over a hundred years old, contain multitudes lol. People can not talk for a long time and be perfectly capable of talking depending on the situation—even articulately. It doesn’t mean all non speaking people are that way at all, obviously.

We see Geralt not talk to too many over the years (though we only see snippets of his life, not every waking second). He’s not a big fan of large crowds or Jaskier and those who don’t stop talking. He speaks to Yennefer and a few others fairly “normally” (in contrast to people who say he only speaks like regular normal dude in season 2 / 3). He and Ciri don’t talk much, but being around her so often, he talks (to a human) more than usual. (He of course has talked to his horses plenty.) Even if he still grunts.

In season three he continues to be somewhat taciturn, though obviously speaks more to Yen and Ciri, in spite of trying to ignore Yen. (Thus… still speaking less than usual.) He still has no interest in large groups, bluntly dismissing everyone he encounters at the ball. He does give a few speeches—but he’s been capable of that for a while, it’s just they were usually a bit more acerbic.

Anyway, just not a fan of seeing almost non stop narrow mindedness from The Witcher fandom, which again stuns me since I thought the show at least was about alterity. And difference. As opposed to “if you don’t fit my stereotypes exactly, you deserve to have bad things happen and are objectively a horrible writer.” Which I’ve repeatedly seen posed as legit criticism.

So yeah there’s my take on autistic Geralt and how not all autistic people are identical or static. I know dunking on the show might feel necessary or good, because it seems like mocking it is almost a requirement when mentioning The Witcher (yes the Netflix version). But you really don’t have to, especially if what you’re saying isn’t true or makes no sense. You can write that down in a diary, never publish it, or say it to your friends, instead of publishing it for the world to see and for white supremacists to like and reblog. (Last part is for real lol.)

#Twn #The Witcher #the Witcher Netflix #Geralt #Netflix #autism #autistic #speaking #Talking #I know my bitterness is unattractive but it is what it is lol #the point isn’t supposed to be my bitterness but just to let people know that diversity exists #particularly to let the Witcher fandom which has an extraordinary sense of group think #More so than any fandom I’ve been in willikers #Or not even fans but viewers or people who are aware of it and express how they feel and create content about it #they are often incredibly closed minded and anti diversity INCLUDING to my surprise ‘leftists’ on tumblr #obv in a different way and not nearly as perniciously as the alt right ‘fans’ who flood the media with their takes #but they also take the word of a lot of these alt right bozos WAY more than I expected

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ineffable-snowman · 6 months

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Fic Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @dark--whisperings!

How many works do you have on ao3?

fifteen

2. What's your Ao3 word count?

400,883 (holy shit)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

right now switching between Star Wars and Good Omens

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Maybe Someday - 841 kudos, most of them thanks to @plumbum-art's wonderful comic Date Night, which "resurrected" this little fic of mine.

and then my four MCU (sambucky) fics:

Trouble Man - 841 kudos, too!

Pet Psychopath - 712 kudos

Partners, Accidentally - 561 kudos

Co-Workers with Benefits - 509 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes. Because if I write a comment, I like to hear from the author. It doesn't have to be much but it just makes me happy to hear that my comment made the author happy. And I think interaction is important to keep a fandom "alive" (even if often I don't know what to say but I try).

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't write angsty endings. But I'm a little worried that people won't agree with me that Match Made on Earth has a happy ending.

7. What's the fic your write with the happiest ending?

As I said, they all have happy endings, but the ending of Four Chord Songs and Sentimental Lyrics is particularly sappy. I was wondering if that love song in the last chapter was *too much*, but then I thought: nope, it's Anakin, *too much* is his personality trait.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

This year I got two very rude anon comments on one of my Obikin fics accusing me of horrible things. The accusations felt pretty generic and did not fit to that particular story at all, but they still left me a little shaken. Fortunately, the people in the Obikin discord were really kind about it and helped to cheer me up.

Back on FFNET I received the occasional "ew, they're not gay, why would you write that?" Also there were some people who were angry at the way I wrote Obi-Wan, saying things like "how can you say he's your favourite character and then characterise him as weak/flawed/incompetent... and make so many bad things happen to him?"

BUT, all in all, fandom has been a positive experience and the many good interactions far outweigh the odd rude comment.

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

Does one awkward sex scene per multi chapter fic count? (No.)

10. Do you write cross-overs?

No.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so, not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, a long time ago on FFNET when I still wrote Harry Potter fic.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yes.

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

I feel like Obikin is the "correct" answer because I always come back to them.

15. What's your WIP you like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Step into Christmas with me. So far, I've managed to add two chapters every season. If I continue at that pace, I might finish it in two more years...

16. What are your writing strength?

Beginnings and endings.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The long middle parts that always become too long and repetitive.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Okay, I have Opinions on this!

I don't like it and don't see the merits of it. It often just feels like the author wants to show off their language skills. But as a reader it takes me out of a story. I don't want to check footnotes or use google translate in the middle of reading.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Just for myself: Harry Potter. Posting online: Star Wars.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Servants of the Force is definitely not my best writing but it's still my favourite fic anyway because I've never put so much effort into a fic before and I'm proud that I finished it.

---

I'm not sure who has already done it. tagging (no pressure!): @underacalicosky, @demonghost, @somethingsteff, @ineffableobikin, @fulcrum843, @howlbrooklyn, @kingdomvel

#fic tag game #my writing #obikin #ineffable husbands #sambucky

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buckysred · 2 years

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Clueless

Steve Harrington x F!Reader

Summary: Takes place during season 3 after Steve, Robin, and yourself are drugged and interrogated by the Russians, you and Steve have a moment alone in the Starcourt Malls bathroom.

WARNINGS: talk of getting sick, mentions of being drugged, cursing, reader is very clueless, stuttery!steve makes some appearances, horrible writing and editing

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: I hope someone enjoys this. I had this idea and wrote this down really quick. Maybe a part 2? idk. Im not really happy with the ending but i didn’t want them kissing considering… well you’ll see😭

~~~~~~~~

You never imagined your life to turn out this way. You never imagined that you’d be tortured by Russians with Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley by your side. Never could you have even attempted to conjure even the slightest of ideas about being drugged by said Russians. Then later, because of those drugs, be getting sick in a mall toilet.

Steve groaned from the stall next to you. “Do you think we puked it all up?”

You pulled back from hugging the bottom of the toilet. “Dear God, I hope so.”

“I’ve had many, and I mean many, hangovers in my life, but never has one felt like this.”

You groaned in agreement. “I think I may have thrown up a lung or two.”

A breathy laugh echoed from Steve’s stall to yours. “Where do you think Robin ran off to?”

“I dunno. We should definitely go look for her soon though considering we just got sick at the exact same time, she’s probably there or headed in that same direction.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m gonna need a minute though. There’s no way I’m standing or walking after that.”

You slumped further into the side of your cubicle. “Agreed.”

A few moments passed before you broke the silence. “I’m honestly not sure what I’m more shocked by: that actual Russians have infiltrated Hawkins or by the fact you and I just got sick in a mall restroom together.” Despite your stomach’s unease, a small smile pulled across your face.

“Hey! You and I have been….better recently.”

You rolled your eyes at Steve even though he couldn’t see you. “Yeah, better as in you and I don’t scream at each other every day anymore.”

Steve dead panned. “That’s what I call progress, Y/l/n”

You hummed at him in response.

A few more stilted moments passed were all that was breaking the air was each inhale and exhale you both let out. It was oddly comforting being here with Steve. A sickly sweet feeling crawled through you. A feeling you denied yourself of actually acknowledging aloud.

You heard Steve start fidgeting against the stall wall. The cheap plastic letting out slight creaks as he moved.

You knew Steve better than most because of how much time you’ve (been forced to) endured with him. The pitch silence was bothering him, the fidgeting a clear sign of it.

“You O.D. over there, Harrington?”

The squeaking noise paused. “No. I think I’m good, actually. You?”

“Oh yes, I’m golden.”

You didn’t need to see Steve to know he was shaking his head at you. You could imagine that one front piece of hair that always fell across his forehead bobbing away as his head moved. “Ya know every time we talk you never gimme a straight answer.”

Your eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “What do you mean, “straight answer”?”

“Your sarcasm. That’s like all I ever hear come from that mouth of yours.”

“Think about my mouth that much, huh?”

“See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about.”

It was your turn to start fidgeting. Your voice took on a defensive tone, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Steves’s response was almost immediate. His panic palpably warming through his chest and spilling out his lips. “It’s- shit. It’s not a bad thing. I like that. I mean I like how you speak. or- wait, I like how your brain works. No, No, that’s not what I’m trying to say either. I mean I do like how your brain works but-”

Steve’s rambling made a goofy grin slice across your lips. You swiftly intervened in his monologue. “I get it, Harrington. I understand what you’re trying to say.”

Steves’s breath whooshed out of him in immediate relief. But you weren’t finished.

“If you like me that much, you can just say it. It’s okay. I know I’m great.”

It was so easy falling into this rhythm. You teasing him, him teasing you. It was purely Y/n and Steve. You loved every second of it. And because of the familiarity, you thought you knew that his response would be a quick scoff with a “you wish” attached to the end of it but what you got was more silence.

You didn’t let it last more than a few breaths. “Now I really am worried. Should I call time of death?”

A sharp intake of breath from the stall next to yours, then some odd low-voice mumbling. Then Steves’s shifting starts up again. “I- ya know, there’s been some advice I’ve been meaning to ask you for.”

Your nose scrunched at his blatant change of subject. “Um, alright. What advice do you need exactly?”

“There’s- there’s this girl. And she’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met before. She’s fucking hilarious. I swear, I’ve never laughed more than when I’m with her. And I- I like her laugh. I know I’m a fun typa guy but when I can make her laugh…. I actually feel funny.”

Steve paused for a moment. “Wait- not like funny feeling like feeling. More like she makes me more confident in what I say.”

“I understood what you meant, Steve.”

“Oh. Okay, then good. Well, I wanna ask her to go out with me. Ya know this fantastic girl I like. But how do you think I should go about doing that?”

Your stomach twisted as you spoke. “You’re right about this girl. She does sound fantastic, but I’m not sure I’m the right person to be asking about this. I’m not exactly Miss. Love Doctor or anything.”

You waited for Steve’s response, but none came. What did come was his hands reaching underneath the stall and pulling so he could slide under his stall into yours.

You cocked an eyebrow at him. “You know these floors are like filled with germs and you just slid your whole body across it.”

Steve didn’t rise to the bait. His voice was suddenly strong as he continued on the previous topic. “I can’t get advice from someone else. I need it from you.”

“That’s ridiculous. You can get it from someone else. In fact, I know Dustin would be more than happy to-”

You were interrupted by Steve’s hands reaching out and cupping both your shoulders. His thumbs started making small circles there. And suddenly, like his hands were the secret solution to your tense stature (when did you get so tense without your knowledge?), you relaxed under his touch.

Steve had to shift forward in order to reach you, so now he’s much closer to you than before. Your heart picked up pace instantly. Shit, must be the damn drugs.

“No, clueless, I really need that advice from you.”

You swallowed hard. God, you couldn’t think straight. How the hell were his hands so warm? It was a lot easier putting on your bravado with these stalls separating him from you. Your normally confident demeanor was faltering by the second.

“Well- if I had to take a crack at it I’d say to just- um ask her to go do something. Something you both like to do.”

Steve’s hands, which were still resting on top of your shoulders, gently slid up to your neck. His thumbs swiping over your pulse points. “You think so? What do you think I should ask her to go do?”

Your eyes were locked on his, but his eyes were concentrated on his thumbs, on your neck. “I- I dunno. I’m not her or you.”

Steve’s eyes now snapped up, zeroing in on you. “Sweetheart…”

Your eyes were desperately searching his for confirmation. Jesus, you were clueless, not plain dumb. There was no way in hell you were going to risk making a fool out of yourself by suggesting something possibly so off base. This was you and Steve’s relationship you were talking about. You enjoyed seeing each other wound up. So maybe that’s what the touching was? Maybe it was his way of trying to get the best answer out of you. For this girl’s benefit. Even your worst doubts had trouble believing that lie.

Steve’s eyes seemed to find what they were looking for in yours. “Cmon, you gotta cut me some slack here. If you’re gonna make me work this hard, I better be getting a kiss at the end of all this.”

Okay, now you were for sure.

Confidence slowly crawled back into you, you brought your hand up to the back of Steve’s neck letting your fingers card through the hair there. “Ya know, I actually don’t hate your hair?” A teasing smile made its way back onto your face.

His eyes winded in false surprise. “No?”

You shook your head, the movement causing yours and Steve’s noses to brush. “Nuh-uh. Not even a little bit.”

Steve inched his face that much closer. “I really wanna kiss you.”

You parroted, “I really want you to kiss me.”

Steve’s mouth was just millimeters from yours, you could feel his warmth buzzing into you.

It was at this moment Dustin chose to fly into the bathroom, slamming the door into the tile wall.

Steve jumped back away from you in surprise.

Dustin’s eyes were wide as they shot between Steve and yourself. “Okay, what the hell?!”

You slinked your eyes away from Dustin to latch onto Steves. That was all it took for both of you to double over with laughter.

In the middle of both of your hysteria, Erica stumbled into the bathroom with a still drugged Robin.

Robins’s slurred words broke the laughter between the two of you, “Wait- what’d I miss?”

Two beats passed then more erupted laughter from you and Steve. Robins giggling joined the chorus close after.

Dustin just sighed, shaking his head irritably. He looked over to Erica with slipping patience. “You’re never going to believe what I almost just witnessed.”

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington one shot #steve harrington fluff #stranger things one shot #stranger things x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #buckysred #stranger things

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allwaswell16 · 11 months

Note

hello lovely, hope you’re doing well! I was just wondering if you’d know (bc you nearly always know the answers to these questions) of any new ish tomlinshaw?? i feel like I’m starved of them, and am currently rereading all the old fics i can find! By new I mean like 2019 on, or even if you know of anyone writing tomlinshaw atm!! thank you thank you

Hi! So first of all, yes writers are still writing Tomlinshaw! Definitely not as many as there used to be, but it's still a pairing that gets written! Here are all the ones I've read and enjoyed since 2019! Happy reading!

—Recent Tomlinshaw Fics—

You and Me (Got a Whole Lot of History) by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

Nick loves the crush and fever of being right in the thick of things, but just the thought of Louis looking down and spotting him makes him feel a little queasy.

It hadn’t been a proper thing. It wasn’t a relationship.

here with me by haveufoundwhaturlookingfor / @sup3rbloom

Louis has been secretly dating Nick, and things were going so smoothly, but then Nick finds out that he's pregnant and they have no choice but to tell everyone about their relationship.

Particular by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

Nick is very particular about the upkeep of his hallway's Brazilian hardwood floor. He is very particular about the cleaning of his kitchen's fine Wedgewood china.

He is less particular in his bedroom.

You know I love you, babe by @lululawrence

Nick sighed happily to himself. Yet another wonderful decision by Past Nick was stocking the fridge with the cheesecake. He honestly had no recollection of purchasing it, but it was the best thing he’d eaten all day. There was something so perfectly satisfying about a piece of cheesecake.

He should wax poetic to Louis about it. Tell him how he didn’t miss him at all because the cheesecake was all he would ever need.

Or the one where Nick fucks up and scrambles to make it right. Too bad that just makes things worse.

Food Fight by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

It’s Louis’ famed cooking skills against Nick’s more cultured palate.

Fight.

Little Saint Nick by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

Nick meets a stranger in a bar and is told this Christmas season, he needs to 'learn to be nice'.

Costumes Must Be Sexy, Slutty and/or Stupid by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

It's a bit of a blast from the past to get an invite to Nick Grimshaw's fancy dress housewarming.

Shape of You by @reminiscingintherain

Ed goes onto BBC Breakfast to promote Divide. Nick flirts. Louis isn't impressed.

the next bit was spanners to my plan by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

The first time was an accident. The second time was an accident too.

Or: Louis and Nick end up shagging on the sly, everyone sends far too many emojis and far too few words, and eventually they're going to have to sort themselves out.

Use You As A Focal Point by Jiksa / @jiksax

“What am I, the fucking twink whisperer? You’ve been nothing but horrible to me. Last time I tried to kiss you, you lobbed a Chelsea boot at my head.”

Louis shows up at Nick's front door on the wrong side of midnight, asking for... things. Part 2 of I Found 'verse

if you should try to kiss her by @disgruntledkittenface

It’s kind of their thing now. They make relentless snarky comments to and about each other and exchange meaningful eye contact every time they think no one is looking. At least, that’s what Louis thinks they’re doing, like their own extended lesbian mating ritual. It seems obvious to her that they’re inevitable in some kind of cosmic, grand design type of way; they’re eventually going to end up together and fix up an old house and Nick will build a chicken coop for the backyard (or hire someone to build it, probably) and then they’ll live happily ever after, bickering the whole time.

If only she could be sure that’s what Nick thinks they’re doing.

Harry's annual Christmas party gives Louis her chance to be brave and tell Nick how she feels.

I'mma Give You A Promotion by @lululawrence

Nick: We should move in together

Louis stared at the phone, blinking in confusion. Maybe he really had already fallen asleep. There was no way in hell that Nick would be asking him to move in with him in their actual reality.

Louis swiped open his phone and was still staring at the text when Nick’s face took over his screen.

"What are you on about with moving in together?”

“Well, we can either not see each other at all during the stay at home order, or we can move in together,” Nick explained.

“And you figured we should just move in together?” Louis asked, shocked.

Or the one where Louis and Nick have had a bit of a thing, but it was never meant to be permanent. They hadn't even defined it. Then COVID happened and changed everything.

A Fist Full of Glitter by @reminiscingintherain

Nick G: Fancy going to the BRITs tonight? Got a ticket with your name on.Louis: Is there any universe in which I’d say no to this? I think not.Nick G: I’ll pick you up at 6:30pm. Suit’s being messengered over now.Louis: You spoil me. <3 xx

Or: Louis' a Sugar Baby, Nick's his proper and formal Sugar Daddy. What could possibly happen to make that change?

The Colors Are Different by orphan_account

“I didn't know you'd be here Grim!” Harry says happily. Nick looks equally peeved as he catches sight of Louis right there, wearing the exact same shirt as he is. Louis really should’ve gone over to Ed – he could’ve spared both of them this traumatic experience.

‘Didn’t know you would be here either.’

It’s clear Nick mostly means Louis.

It’s not like there’s some sort of rule about the host of Capital’s morning show and the host of Radio 1’s breakfast show not being at the same events, but – they kind of pretend there is anyways.

or the one where Nick and Louis are opposites in every way, except maybe they aren't after all.

With Your Hand In Mine by @lululawrence

Louis reached out and latched his hand onto Nick’s arm. “What was that?”

“One of the previous inmates that mysteriously died here, I’d imagine,” Nick whispered into Louis’ ear.

Louis shivered, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of Nick being so close or the fact he was growing more and more concerned that he was going to pee his pants during this.

Okay, it was the latter if the shot of anxiety currently running through him was any indication, but he did have goosebumps from Nick’s breath grazing Louis’ neck as well.

Or the one where Louis hates haunted houses, Nick likes them, and Louis likes Nick. Things end better than Louis expects.

Swerve the Handshake by @lululawrence

There's a pandemic afoot and social distancing is being recommended for everyone, but what is to be done to still greet people with respect whilst avoiding the handshake?

Scott and Chris have ideas, and Grimmy becomes attached to a particular suggestion.

Brighter This Time by Jiksa / @jiksax

Louis’s a little lost, a little heartbroken, and maybe a little… something else. Nick’s just a shit bartender.

burning our pretty little hearts by icarusinflight

Nick's twenty-nine, and still not the least bit ready for it, when he finds his soulmate.

Can't Forget You by @writcraft

Nick wakes up in hospital and discovers he's lost several years of memories, including getting together—and breaking up—with Louis Tomlinson, the owner of the local café that Nick's being trying to pull for ages.

As he tries to work out what went wrong, Nick falls in love with Louis all over again.

To Fall Down At Your Door by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships

Nick has failed to pay attention in any of the meetings leading up to him filming a documentary in the Scottish Highlands, mostly because he's just been dumped and he's in the middle of some very important wallowing. This does not entirely explain what Louis Tomlinson is doing there filming in the Highlands with him, and it absolutely does not explain why the world's press seems to think that they've just got married without telling anyone.

He's fairly certain none of this is actually his fault, but it doesn't change the fact that everything has suddenly got a little bit weird.

You're a Nightmare, I'm a Disaster by @lululawrence

As Nick scanned the shelves, his eyes caught on a bright blue binding. Snooki, it read, A Shore Thing.

“Oh my God,” Nick mumbled, trying not to laugh as he picked it up. He’d watched bits and pieces of Jersey Shore way back in the day.

Without bothering to look any further around the store, he headed up to the counter where Blue eyes was watching him. Nick cleared his throat nervously and set the book on the counter and the man immediately flashed him a look of disdain.

“Seriously? Out of everything we have available, you chose the book we special ordered for a customer?”

“Well, it can’t be that bad if someone specifically requested it, right?” Nick said, trying to keep a teasing tone.

“Why do you think we still have it if it was a special order?” the man asked with a scoff. “They returned it after reading something like three pages.”

Nick frowned at the book. “Well that doesn’t seem very fair.”

Or the one where Nick is a writer, Louis works in a bookshop, and things don't exactly start off on the right foot, but they might just end on it.

You are the feeling of drugs, pulling the chain of my love by WeAreTheLuckyOnes

Louis gets bored with all the questions by the next week and tells everyone, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off, in a Facebook post he subsequently deletes the next day. Instead, he chooses to ignore all his friends.

And text Nick.

Kind of Tough to Tell a Scruff (Stand and Deliver) by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships

There must be one good thing about your new place.

Nick considers for a while. There's a fit bloke lives down my hall, he types finally.

In which Nick moves north and Louis lives next door.

A Reckless Hallelujah by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships

You're too short to be a dancer, they'd said. Competition's really tough. You should have applied when you were 11. You can't commute to the Royal Ballet School from Doncaster, they'd said. Why would you even try?

The Million Reasons Why by @reminiscingintherain

When closeted Manchester United striker Louis Tomlinson visits his secret boyfriend Nick Grimshaw on the Radio 1 Drivetime Show to promote his charity work, how long can secrets remain secret?

Taking The Plunge by @writcraft

The one with lots of diving metaphors.

Or: Nick and Louis agree to be boyfriends. Eventually.

Leo season by @disgruntledkittenface

“Didn’t catch your name earlier?” he asks, tilting his head to go along with his lilting voice.

“Nnrg,” Nick replies smoothly, failing to meet Louis’ hand with his own as he realizes just how garbled his smooth reply actually was. He overcorrects and vaguely slaps Louis’ hand before managing to wring it in his own, much to Louis’ apparent amusement.

Carefree. Confident. Over the top. Nick may be a bit of a disaster, but no one can deny the mood for Leo season suits him.

Like Honey to the Bee by @lululawrence

Nick didn’t even remember knocking, but suddenly the door he also didn’t realise he was leaning on opened and he started falling inside Louis and Harry’s flat.

“Fuck,” Nick blurted as he tried to right himself. He was caught by Louis, which was great because he was exactly who he wanted to see and he didn’t really fancy dropping a massive jar of honey on his doorstep.

“Nicholas?” Louis asked.

Nick couldn’t help it. Hearing Louis call him by his full name made him shiver. He usually hated it, but there was something magical about Louis Tomlinson that made the usual negative association suddenly become an incredibly positive one.

“I brought you honey,” Nick blurted as he handed Louis the jar.

“I can see that,” Louis said, sounding confused. “Thanks?”

“Of course! It’s what friends do, yeah?”

Or the one where Nick has been trying to find a way to get past the banter stage with Louis for ages, and honey might be just what he needs to finally do so.

That's My Thing by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright

“Suppose I did it on purpose.”

And Louis’ eyebrow jumps again, just for a moment.

“Did you now?” His eyes flash, an underlying playfulness belying the anger painted across his, fuck, absolutely sharp as knives cheekbones. “Wanted a bit of trouble, maybe?”

All Nick can do is nod, tightly and rapidly. His tongue darts out to wet his lips, eager for Louis to demand he put them to work.

Nick comes home to find Louis inexplicably primed for a fight...or perhaps something a bit more interesting.

You Don't Care About Me (One More Night) by @lululawrence

“Nick. You’re into guys. What should I do?”

Nick snorted. “You think just ‘cause I’m gay, I know what you should do?”

Louis blinked at him and Nick admired his eyelashes against his will. “Well. Kind of, yeah.”

“That is not how this works,” Nick said. “Besides, it’s not like you can just go and suck someone’s dick to be sure you like it the way I did. You’re too famous to try it my way.”

Louis’ expression changed to one of awe. “That’s how you figured it out? You sucked some random’s dick?”

Nick shrugged. “Yeah. Basically. I mean, I knew for pretty damn sure before that, mind you, but that did solidify the matter for me.”

“I need to suck a dick,” Louis said, turning to look at the wall of Nick’s room.

“You could suck mine, if it would help,” Nick offered before he could stop himself.

Or the one where Louis pines for Harry and Nick helps ease his way into figuring himself out through a friends with benefits sort of arrangement. Things quickly turn complicated.

pas de deux by @turnyourankle

Nick has been teasing Louis for a long time.

walk, walk fashion baby by @disgruntledkittenface

He couldn’t give a fuck about impressing these people, he’s only there to play the supportive boyfriend. But as he searches high and low for said boyfriend, one thought keeps gnawing at him, the sinking suspicion that Nick had dressed him up not so that Louis would feel more comfortable at the event, but so that Nick would feel more comfortable with Louis at the event.

Maybe this assignment is starting to fuck with his head.

Louis loves his supportive boyfriend, his passionate and interesting band of friends and coworkers, and his pair of quirky and dedicated dogs. What he doesn’t love is his job as co-editor of the Lifestyle section at a popular site aimed at millennials. But he was getting by until a new assignment landed in his lap: Let Your Boyfriend Dress You For A Week. His best mate Harry assured him it’d be a laugh, a bit of fun, but Louis was sure that Nick would dress him like an utter knob and his mates would take the piss all week.

He didn’t expect to actually learn something about himself.

regular touch by icarusinflight

Shoes for sale Paid £110 Looking for £80 Will sell for £50 and a good story

or Nick makes an impulse shoe purchase, and gets more than she’d bargained for when she puts them up for sale.

London Rain by @writcraft

Anonymous online encounters seem like a good way for Louis to explore his growing interest in men. Having phone sex with Nick Grimshaw was not part of the plan.

#ficrec #ask #forthetherapyy #tomlinshaw

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